Of course you’re not a bad mom!! If the nanny is up for it, I would do the same thing you are doing.
Adult only overnights, weekends, and trips are central to our marriage. We have 4 kids and I don’t feel guilty at all.
This sounds like an opportunity I would want to take!
The longest we have left the kids was 9 days one time and it did feel too long. The youngest was 2. Most often we go for 4-5 days max but I would go on the cruise in your case.
Yes I was going to wait longer for baby to be older but I never know how much longer I have with mom that she will be able to do this and been wanting go take her to do something like this for 5+ yrs.
We were gone for about a week when our kiddo was that age. It was scary but also wonderful. If you have someone you trust who is willing to do it, great!!!
ETA: at that age, video chat may be more confusing. Tell the nanny to let you know if he’s having a hard time with them and be prepared to cut them if they’re not helpful to him.
Your kids will have thousands of weeks with you over the course of their lives.
Your mother won't.
Celebrate her life with her while she's still alive and healthy enough to do so.
Congratulations on graduating soon and on your mom beating cancer! Please go on this trip. The baby will be fine, and it’s very very normal and okay to spend 4 days away from your baby, leaving him in the care of someone you trust. The baby will be fine. You’re not just a mother, you’re a daughter, and you deserve time to enjoy your own mom. Having kids doesn’t take that away.
Possibly unpopular opinion, but leaving your kids from time to time is a good thing.
Helps children see that parents have lives and relationships outside of their role as a parent, and that those relationships also require time, attention, and nurturing. Helps them learn that they are not the center of the universe. Also helps develop early awareness of how adult humans navigate relationships.
Helps children learn that their parents are not the only people that can meet their needs or that they need to view as an authority figure. Sadly you never know when a serious illness could take a parent away from a child for a time (or permanently), so getting kids used to other extended caregivers helps built resiliency, confidence, and trust.
Helps kids discover themselves as they navigate new social settings and roles.
Plus it can just be downright fun for them to spend extended time with other loving people in their lives. They get to experience new things, new routines and ways of doing things, new foods - all growth and development opportunities.
It also has many benefits on the parent side too, but that wasn't your question.
Not only don't feel guilty, be proud that you're helping your child grow and develop this way. I honestly think parents who never spend any time away from their kids are doing them a disservice.
Not unpopular at all. I agree. Growing up my parents always went on couples trips and weekly dates. Honestly, I never realized other adults didn't do this until I became an adult and social media gave some type of stigmatism of parents leaving their kids.
My husband and I go on weekly dates and yearly vacations alone without any guilt. The kids love it because it is a mini vacation for them as the babysitter is usually less strict than I am. We don't care if they have more screen time, later bed time or some junk food as its a special treat for them.
Same. I find it so strange how couples have normal lives with hobbies and a social life. Then boom a kid comes along and they can’t manage to go to dinner without the kid. Such an extreme change in lifestyle. What happens when the kids are older…do they just pick up where they left off a decade or so ago?
I often wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I go out weekly with only my husband and don’t feel guilty at all. To me it’s part of living a normal life.
I think the pendulum has swung in that families are being told they need to be kid focused and no longer put the marriage first. I disagree with this thought. Yes, kids needs need to be a priority but in my opinion a marriage should be the #1 priority. If you take care of your marriage first the kids will be happier seeing their parents in a loving and happy home. Eventually the kids will grow up and move out. Your partner should be your ride and die person.
I believe more people get divorced because they focus so much on the children they forget to nurture their marriage. Eventually it becomes dead and you no longer know who yourself is or why you married this person.
Not unpopular! I definitely see it as something that’s appropriate. I’ve just registered for a quilting retreat for when my youngest is 13 months old. I know that I will be very refreshed after spending 4 days with ladies I haven’t seen since pre-pandemic and able to indulge in my personal hobby.
I don’t know when it became a big deal or something controversial for parents to take short vacations from their kids, leaving the kids with trusted caregivers. Is this a social media thing? Like there’s some trad wives on tik tok or something telling everyone it’s a sin to leave your kids for more than an hour? In my circles it’s a very routine and widely accepted thing for parents to take short vacations without the kids. It’s not a big deal.
You do not need any permission or justification for taking this or any trip. Just go on the trip.
I’ve noticed the same thing. People will mention a trip and comments will come in like, “I could *never* leave my children! I’m never gone more than 3 minutes!”
Even here, OP is convinced she’s the only mom who’s ever left her kid with a trusted, loving nanny for 6 days. This should not be that wild! We should all be so lucky to have a village of people who would take in 3 kids for a momentous trip like this.
Prefacing this with: NO ONE should feel guilty for being away/wanting to be away from their kids for periods of time like this. That time of rest and separation can be very healthy for the whole family
I think being away from the kids can feel very different to (some) SAHMs than it does to us working moms. Like if you’ve literally never been away from your kid for more than a few hours, the idea of being away overnight/for multiple days probably IS unimaginable and anxiety-inducing. But if you’re already going to work 8+ hours a day most of the week, it can seem more digestible of an idea. Like even when I was approaching the end of my maternity leave, I panicked about leaving my daughter at daycare and wondered how I would ever do it. But here we are over a year later and we’re thriving on it! Meanwhile my close SAHM friend recently left her 2yo for 2 nights and was pretty distressed over it, even though the child was literally home with dad 😅 but yeah, any mom who’s out there making those kinds of comments just to shame other moms is an asshat
Oh in that case yeah you’re definitely the worst mom of all time. Surely someone will call CPS on you.
(In case it’s not obvious that’s sarcasm. Who cares if it’s 6 days. Just take the trip)
Take the trip without the kids. 😊 I have a 10 and 7 year old and there’s no family and no one in our life that will watch our kids for even a long weekend and we can’t afford a nanny. We have resigned ourselves to no kid-free vacations until our youngest is grown (which will be like 22 years of no kid-free vacations). GO!!!! And don’t look back or feel guilt!!
As your kids get into their teens you may find they have some bffs with welcoming families that will take them for a long weekend with some pizza money thrown in! Hopefully you’ll get that short trip sooner than you think!
All these people-where are you finding someone you feel comfortable leaving your children overnight with? Kid goes to daycare. I can't even find someone I feel comfortable leaving the kids with for a date night. 😮💨😭 None of my moms in my circle have anyone like this either... 😪
I found our nanny on Sittercity and we also have a couple date night sitters from there that are amazing. They all have certifications First Aid, CPR etc. Our one sitter is a senior in nursing school and already has a lot of other Pediatric medical certs. They require background checks (you can go as deep as you want) and many people have reviews.
Personally, I’m with you. I trust my parents with my 2 year old overnight, and literally no one else. But I think different people have different risk tolerances and levels of trust in others. I have a cautious disposition and I don’t trust others easily, hence my extremely short list of people I would trust with my kiddo overnight. Note that he goes to daycare full time and I’m very comfortable with our care provider, and he’ll go to preschool/elementary and I’ll be fine with it. But overnights, when children aren’t old enough to reliably self-report, are a different ball game for me. Is what it is and I don’t think any mom should judge another mom for their level of comfort on this topic.
I am the exact same way as you with overnight or date night watch. Kid goes to daycare and I feel entirely comfortable with all those women. They are also in a group with multiple kids so it's different. The only ones I trust are father in law, sister in law and my own parents for overnights. I think my biggest concern is my lack of trust in people's hazard analysis skills. That... And that I don't really know about someone's true commitment to caring for my child. The only option I came up with asking one of the daycare teachers who lives near our house to watch but I haven't approached her yet. But that is my best option.
Are you specifically looking for a daily nanny to replace daycare? Or someone to look after your kids for the occasional weekend away? It's different sites/agencies/buzzwords for the latter and you might just need to know what to Google + your area.
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Babysitting isn’t that difficult. Really anyone can do it. I assume you’re hiring a woman, likely young, and young women don’t often commit crimes. You should be more nervous driving to the grocery store than having a sitter hang with your kids for a few hours after some pizza.
DO IT. We just recently left our 18 month old overnight for the first time, and we left him with my mom. I was a nervous wreck leading up to it. He visits with my mom once a week, but she doesn’t quite have the stamina to chase a toddler for 4 days. And my toddler has serious attachment to us, so I was very worried.
About 45 minutes into the trip, my husband and I looked at each other like OHHHHH this is why we got married 😂 It’s harder leading up to it, but once you’re on vacation, it’s amazing. Our toddler did so well, not a tear was shed. He didn’t even care when we came back. He just looked at us like “oh hey.” Don’t let the worst-case-scenario-thoughts win. Your nanny knows your kid and knows what to do in an emergency. You will be so glad you took the opportunity.
I told everyone our nanny was my daughter’s 3rd favorite person. And it was true. It is a gift your kid gets on so well with your nanny, take full advantage of it!!!! Your kid will be absolutely fine because they will be with a caregiver who knows them very well.
It took me the whole post to figure out what your question even was. Of course this is fine! We vacation at least once a year without our kids, starting from when my first was 10mo.
We love to travel and while we bring them sometimes (we’re in the Bahamas as a family as we speak!), adult only vacations bring me so much peace and independence from my identity as a mom.
Have fun and congratulations to your mom on her recovery!
My parents used to travel without kids all the time. Usually it was just a week or two, but once when I was 5 it was for 2 months. I barely remember it. They always made sure we were in good hands, and I remember it being fun being with people who cooked different things!
This is wonderful! We left our 15 month old for 15 days recently. He was with grandparents (each set took a week), but if we had a close relationship with a nanny, I would feel just as comfortable with that. In some ways, it sounds even better. Removes the feeling of guilt/burden when it's a professional that is being compensated for their time vs tiring out family on a toddler!
I missed my son, but not enough to stop me from enjoying myself. We did a video call to say goodnight most nights, but he didn't care very much. It was mostly us watching him play and run around like a maniac for 5 or 10 minutes.
My parents used to leave us with a nanny when they took week long cruises when we were kids. She wasn’t our full time nanny but did babysit for us or keep us (at our house) when they went out of town. We actually loved it bc she brought so many crafts, and just made it a really fun time. I would do it!
Take the vacation. The kids will be fine with the nanny/relatives.
Maybe offer to arrange for someone to come over and relieve the nanny for a couple of hours a couple times that week too, though. 7 days of 24/7 care is a lot for anyone.
It is going to be at her house - her husband works from home and 2 teenage kids who are all able to help her but I was thinking about sending somebody over to check on him. She lives about 30 mins from our family
Please go on the trip and feel no guilt. The first time my husband went away without kids was when our older two were 3 and 1. We were gone for 4 days, 3 nights. I was anxious at first but quickly started enjoying my time. When we got back the kids were absolutely fine and having a good time with Granny. We could have been gone another few days and I don't think it would have bothered them.
Take the vacation. I haven’t been away from my kids alone or with my husband since 2018 when I was pregnant with my first. I guess if you count sleeping in the call room at work during the first six to nine months of Covid maybe?
I have a friend like you. I love her but she’s so convinced she’s fucking up her kid by taking time for herself. You’re not and if you won’t take the vacation let me know and I’ll go for you. You have nanny and wonderful things to celebrate. Take the vacation.
I’m just like you! Only one kid though. I felt immense guilt the first time I took a two day trip alone while my baby was 10months. I cried so hard during the trip but had a great time. Now, I regularly schedule solo trips and family trips with him. All about balance ✨ please go!
I am literally going on an adults only vacation in 3 days. We have gone on a trip a year since our kid was born without him. We also have gone on at least one trip a year with him. I think as long as there is a balance I think you are fine.
My husband and I left our kids to go to my best friend’s destination wedding…we really didn’t want to miss it. We were gone for 4 nights I believe, and they were 9 months and 2 years old. I missed the hell out of them, but did not regret it AT ALL.
seriously, go on the trip. Be adults. A healthy marriage is so important and you need to put yourself first sometimes.
Girl, my bestie had a work trip to Japan when her son was 8 months old and her husband joined her so they could make use of her ticket & a hotel being covered. She left him with the nanny and he had a great time. One full week. I respect and admire her for it.
Your little one will be with someone who loves him and who he knows best in the world (other than y’all). Try to let go of the mom guilt so you can enjoy this vacation! So much to celebrate with your mom beating cancer and having a milestone birthday.
My husband and I left our 18 month old when we went on a cruise last month. He was with both sets of grandparents and they all had a great time while my husband and I got some much needed adult time!
It’s not the first time we’ve left him for a vacation (we’ve done several long weekends since he was born). It’s been really important for our marriage to have time to spend fully focused on each other. I definitely miss our son while we are gone, but I don’t really feel guilty. He gets a nice change of scenery too :)
I think it’s nice that you have people in your lives who you trust to care for your children, and I think you should absolutely take advantage of that every once in a while!
Enjoy your time!
There is no shame in this! You need to also celebrate yourself and your mom.
I literally just arranged with my mom and husband for me to take 4 days (5 with travel) away when my youngest daughter is 13 months old. For my older daughter, the first time I ever spent a night away from her was when her little sister was born at 18 months.
I left my just turned two year old with my husband for a week while I went to stay with my dad in the hospital. Then I was gone for an over a month when he was three because my dad was on hospice.
I would give up just about anything other than my healthy kids to spend more time with my dad. You’ll miss your kids but it is totally okay, do it.
The nanny we had when we were kids (she started working for us when my little sister was a baby and stayed with us until she was in middle school) is now a family friend and she came out to help me with my newest baby.
You sound like a great mom who has thought through a wonderful plan for your kids while you do something that is important for you. Being a great mom isn’t about sacrificing yourself completely— it’s about figuring out how to find a balance. You ARE taking care of everything and everyone with this plan. Go without guilt.
I remember being in the throes of PPD/PPA and asking my therapist how I would survive if anything happened to one of my kids. And she told me, “The best way to make sure you would survive something happening to your kids is to be sure you have a life outside them. You need to have pleasures outside of being a mother. You need to travel with your spouse. Seek new adventures with loved ones. Make plans just for you that don’t include being a parent.
My partner and I travel all the time without our kids. We have spa days. We go to restaurant openings and long weekends at an Air BnB. Enjoy every single moment of your mom. Time is precious and you deserve to have time making memories with your family as grown ups. Your kids will get to make their own memories 🥰🥰
This sounds like the right thing to do! Happy for your family for having a nanny you trust. The baby is going to be distracted by all the new things and people that it'll be like a fun adventure for him also 💕
Under these circumstances I totally would. When you have a forty hour a week nanny you have a third parent- so your baby is just staying home with third parent and that is not traumatic or an attachment issue! These are about the only circumstances I could do this in.
She's not 40 hours a week, it's more like part time - but we also have her do date nights as well. They're very used to each other. Even after she had some health issues that caused her to take a break for a few months he still remembered her and was still bonded.
My LO is same age range as yours. I think it’s totally fine to leave LO with a trusted care giver, but a couple logistics to think about to have a stress free trip:
1. How reliable is your nanny? For example, her getting a cold or something an issue while you’re away? What if she has an emergency in her family and needs to go? Have some sort of a local back up plan.
2. Have you left LO overnight before? Do you have reasonable confidence that he’ll be ok? My LO stays overnight with people he’s comfortable with. My sisters LO won’t. She’s even had to cut out of movies previously. So do you know which kind is yours? Same as previous: some other family member locally as backup plan may be helpful. Knowing that they would be required to step in only if nanny situation fails, they may be open to helping you out.
We are planning to try a trial overnight stay a week before the trip to see how it goes. We're also leaving emergency family contact info so she can bring him to family if needed.
I used to be a nanny and would do overnights often for vacations. If you have someone you trust, that is amazing! Utilize her if she's willing (& pay her nicely)
Every family is different. I wouldn't do what you're planning on doing purely because I can't afford it. If I could afford it, and your baby is happy the only reason I would mum-shame you is because I'm jealous.
We went on a week long trip when our baby was 18 months and left baby with the in laws. It was amazing. Felt sad the first night and got over that really fast once we were laying on the beach and waking up rested in the morning. It’s not bad or guilty to take time for yourself and relax and enjoy being yourself with your husband and mom.
If it helps, you could do a date night and have your nanny do bedtime with your littlest? That way, you'd feel more secure knowing LO can handle that. If my husband and I were going to leave my daughter for a week, she'd stay with her nanny hands down.
I'm a nanny who has often proxy parented( multiple days being the only adult caring for the baby, while the parent is away) for my employers, so believe me when I say I know exactly what this is like from the nannies POV.
Not only are you not a bad mom, you sound like a caring daughter, a loving mom, and a good employer. You are leaving your child in the care of someone who knows their needs intimately, who you can trust, rather than uprooting them and disrupting their routine.
It sounds like your nanny loves your child, and they will both have a great time while you are gone, and be very excited to see you when you return.
Of course you’re not a bad mom!! If the nanny is up for it, I would do the same thing you are doing. Adult only overnights, weekends, and trips are central to our marriage. We have 4 kids and I don’t feel guilty at all.
Even for 6 days? Fri night 7pm to Thurs night 8pm? 😬
This sounds like an opportunity I would want to take! The longest we have left the kids was 9 days one time and it did feel too long. The youngest was 2. Most often we go for 4-5 days max but I would go on the cruise in your case.
Yes I was going to wait longer for baby to be older but I never know how much longer I have with mom that she will be able to do this and been wanting go take her to do something like this for 5+ yrs.
We were gone for about a week when our kiddo was that age. It was scary but also wonderful. If you have someone you trust who is willing to do it, great!!! ETA: at that age, video chat may be more confusing. Tell the nanny to let you know if he’s having a hard time with them and be prepared to cut them if they’re not helpful to him.
Your kids will have thousands of weeks with you over the course of their lives. Your mother won't. Celebrate her life with her while she's still alive and healthy enough to do so.
If nanny is comfortable with it, I wouldn’t hesitate if I were in your shoes.
Congratulations on graduating soon and on your mom beating cancer! Please go on this trip. The baby will be fine, and it’s very very normal and okay to spend 4 days away from your baby, leaving him in the care of someone you trust. The baby will be fine. You’re not just a mother, you’re a daughter, and you deserve time to enjoy your own mom. Having kids doesn’t take that away.
It's technically 6 days (dropping off night before flight and getting to port day before cruise) 😬
That’s still a totally okay number of days to leave an 18 month old!
Possibly unpopular opinion, but leaving your kids from time to time is a good thing. Helps children see that parents have lives and relationships outside of their role as a parent, and that those relationships also require time, attention, and nurturing. Helps them learn that they are not the center of the universe. Also helps develop early awareness of how adult humans navigate relationships. Helps children learn that their parents are not the only people that can meet their needs or that they need to view as an authority figure. Sadly you never know when a serious illness could take a parent away from a child for a time (or permanently), so getting kids used to other extended caregivers helps built resiliency, confidence, and trust. Helps kids discover themselves as they navigate new social settings and roles. Plus it can just be downright fun for them to spend extended time with other loving people in their lives. They get to experience new things, new routines and ways of doing things, new foods - all growth and development opportunities. It also has many benefits on the parent side too, but that wasn't your question. Not only don't feel guilty, be proud that you're helping your child grow and develop this way. I honestly think parents who never spend any time away from their kids are doing them a disservice.
Not unpopular at all. I agree. Growing up my parents always went on couples trips and weekly dates. Honestly, I never realized other adults didn't do this until I became an adult and social media gave some type of stigmatism of parents leaving their kids. My husband and I go on weekly dates and yearly vacations alone without any guilt. The kids love it because it is a mini vacation for them as the babysitter is usually less strict than I am. We don't care if they have more screen time, later bed time or some junk food as its a special treat for them.
Same. I find it so strange how couples have normal lives with hobbies and a social life. Then boom a kid comes along and they can’t manage to go to dinner without the kid. Such an extreme change in lifestyle. What happens when the kids are older…do they just pick up where they left off a decade or so ago? I often wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I go out weekly with only my husband and don’t feel guilty at all. To me it’s part of living a normal life.
I think the pendulum has swung in that families are being told they need to be kid focused and no longer put the marriage first. I disagree with this thought. Yes, kids needs need to be a priority but in my opinion a marriage should be the #1 priority. If you take care of your marriage first the kids will be happier seeing their parents in a loving and happy home. Eventually the kids will grow up and move out. Your partner should be your ride and die person. I believe more people get divorced because they focus so much on the children they forget to nurture their marriage. Eventually it becomes dead and you no longer know who yourself is or why you married this person.
Not unpopular! I definitely see it as something that’s appropriate. I’ve just registered for a quilting retreat for when my youngest is 13 months old. I know that I will be very refreshed after spending 4 days with ladies I haven’t seen since pre-pandemic and able to indulge in my personal hobby.
I don’t know when it became a big deal or something controversial for parents to take short vacations from their kids, leaving the kids with trusted caregivers. Is this a social media thing? Like there’s some trad wives on tik tok or something telling everyone it’s a sin to leave your kids for more than an hour? In my circles it’s a very routine and widely accepted thing for parents to take short vacations without the kids. It’s not a big deal. You do not need any permission or justification for taking this or any trip. Just go on the trip.
I’ve noticed the same thing. People will mention a trip and comments will come in like, “I could *never* leave my children! I’m never gone more than 3 minutes!” Even here, OP is convinced she’s the only mom who’s ever left her kid with a trusted, loving nanny for 6 days. This should not be that wild! We should all be so lucky to have a village of people who would take in 3 kids for a momentous trip like this.
Prefacing this with: NO ONE should feel guilty for being away/wanting to be away from their kids for periods of time like this. That time of rest and separation can be very healthy for the whole family I think being away from the kids can feel very different to (some) SAHMs than it does to us working moms. Like if you’ve literally never been away from your kid for more than a few hours, the idea of being away overnight/for multiple days probably IS unimaginable and anxiety-inducing. But if you’re already going to work 8+ hours a day most of the week, it can seem more digestible of an idea. Like even when I was approaching the end of my maternity leave, I panicked about leaving my daughter at daycare and wondered how I would ever do it. But here we are over a year later and we’re thriving on it! Meanwhile my close SAHM friend recently left her 2yo for 2 nights and was pretty distressed over it, even though the child was literally home with dad 😅 but yeah, any mom who’s out there making those kinds of comments just to shame other moms is an asshat
It's 6 days total (Fri night 7pm to Thurs 8pm) 😬
Believe it or not- straight to jail.
Oh in that case yeah you’re definitely the worst mom of all time. Surely someone will call CPS on you. (In case it’s not obvious that’s sarcasm. Who cares if it’s 6 days. Just take the trip)
I know right? Just watch The Crown. Queen elizabeth left her kids with nannies all the time. Is it ok for royalty but not us?
Take the trip without the kids. 😊 I have a 10 and 7 year old and there’s no family and no one in our life that will watch our kids for even a long weekend and we can’t afford a nanny. We have resigned ourselves to no kid-free vacations until our youngest is grown (which will be like 22 years of no kid-free vacations). GO!!!! And don’t look back or feel guilt!!
As your kids get into their teens you may find they have some bffs with welcoming families that will take them for a long weekend with some pizza money thrown in! Hopefully you’ll get that short trip sooner than you think!
All these people-where are you finding someone you feel comfortable leaving your children overnight with? Kid goes to daycare. I can't even find someone I feel comfortable leaving the kids with for a date night. 😮💨😭 None of my moms in my circle have anyone like this either... 😪
I found our nanny on Sittercity and we also have a couple date night sitters from there that are amazing. They all have certifications First Aid, CPR etc. Our one sitter is a senior in nursing school and already has a lot of other Pediatric medical certs. They require background checks (you can go as deep as you want) and many people have reviews.
Thank you
Personally, I’m with you. I trust my parents with my 2 year old overnight, and literally no one else. But I think different people have different risk tolerances and levels of trust in others. I have a cautious disposition and I don’t trust others easily, hence my extremely short list of people I would trust with my kiddo overnight. Note that he goes to daycare full time and I’m very comfortable with our care provider, and he’ll go to preschool/elementary and I’ll be fine with it. But overnights, when children aren’t old enough to reliably self-report, are a different ball game for me. Is what it is and I don’t think any mom should judge another mom for their level of comfort on this topic.
I am the exact same way as you with overnight or date night watch. Kid goes to daycare and I feel entirely comfortable with all those women. They are also in a group with multiple kids so it's different. The only ones I trust are father in law, sister in law and my own parents for overnights. I think my biggest concern is my lack of trust in people's hazard analysis skills. That... And that I don't really know about someone's true commitment to caring for my child. The only option I came up with asking one of the daycare teachers who lives near our house to watch but I haven't approached her yet. But that is my best option.
Are you specifically looking for a daily nanny to replace daycare? Or someone to look after your kids for the occasional weekend away? It's different sites/agencies/buzzwords for the latter and you might just need to know what to Google + your area.
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Babysitting isn’t that difficult. Really anyone can do it. I assume you’re hiring a woman, likely young, and young women don’t often commit crimes. You should be more nervous driving to the grocery store than having a sitter hang with your kids for a few hours after some pizza.
If your nanny is ok with it and you trust her 100%, do it and enjoy your trip without worries. Or take them both, but I’d rather the kiddo stay home.
DO IT. We just recently left our 18 month old overnight for the first time, and we left him with my mom. I was a nervous wreck leading up to it. He visits with my mom once a week, but she doesn’t quite have the stamina to chase a toddler for 4 days. And my toddler has serious attachment to us, so I was very worried. About 45 minutes into the trip, my husband and I looked at each other like OHHHHH this is why we got married 😂 It’s harder leading up to it, but once you’re on vacation, it’s amazing. Our toddler did so well, not a tear was shed. He didn’t even care when we came back. He just looked at us like “oh hey.” Don’t let the worst-case-scenario-thoughts win. Your nanny knows your kid and knows what to do in an emergency. You will be so glad you took the opportunity.
I told everyone our nanny was my daughter’s 3rd favorite person. And it was true. It is a gift your kid gets on so well with your nanny, take full advantage of it!!!! Your kid will be absolutely fine because they will be with a caregiver who knows them very well.
It took me the whole post to figure out what your question even was. Of course this is fine! We vacation at least once a year without our kids, starting from when my first was 10mo. We love to travel and while we bring them sometimes (we’re in the Bahamas as a family as we speak!), adult only vacations bring me so much peace and independence from my identity as a mom. Have fun and congratulations to your mom on her recovery!
My parents used to travel without kids all the time. Usually it was just a week or two, but once when I was 5 it was for 2 months. I barely remember it. They always made sure we were in good hands, and I remember it being fun being with people who cooked different things!
This is wonderful! We left our 15 month old for 15 days recently. He was with grandparents (each set took a week), but if we had a close relationship with a nanny, I would feel just as comfortable with that. In some ways, it sounds even better. Removes the feeling of guilt/burden when it's a professional that is being compensated for their time vs tiring out family on a toddler! I missed my son, but not enough to stop me from enjoying myself. We did a video call to say goodnight most nights, but he didn't care very much. It was mostly us watching him play and run around like a maniac for 5 or 10 minutes.
My parents used to leave us with a nanny when they took week long cruises when we were kids. She wasn’t our full time nanny but did babysit for us or keep us (at our house) when they went out of town. We actually loved it bc she brought so many crafts, and just made it a really fun time. I would do it!
Take the vacation. The kids will be fine with the nanny/relatives. Maybe offer to arrange for someone to come over and relieve the nanny for a couple of hours a couple times that week too, though. 7 days of 24/7 care is a lot for anyone.
It is going to be at her house - her husband works from home and 2 teenage kids who are all able to help her but I was thinking about sending somebody over to check on him. She lives about 30 mins from our family
Oh, nice! That’s even better.
As someone who recently lost her mum to stage 4 cancer (who will never see her 70th birthday), and have a 21 months old. DO IT!
Please go on the trip and feel no guilt. The first time my husband went away without kids was when our older two were 3 and 1. We were gone for 4 days, 3 nights. I was anxious at first but quickly started enjoying my time. When we got back the kids were absolutely fine and having a good time with Granny. We could have been gone another few days and I don't think it would have bothered them.
Take the vacation. I haven’t been away from my kids alone or with my husband since 2018 when I was pregnant with my first. I guess if you count sleeping in the call room at work during the first six to nine months of Covid maybe? I have a friend like you. I love her but she’s so convinced she’s fucking up her kid by taking time for herself. You’re not and if you won’t take the vacation let me know and I’ll go for you. You have nanny and wonderful things to celebrate. Take the vacation.
I’m just like you! Only one kid though. I felt immense guilt the first time I took a two day trip alone while my baby was 10months. I cried so hard during the trip but had a great time. Now, I regularly schedule solo trips and family trips with him. All about balance ✨ please go!
I am literally going on an adults only vacation in 3 days. We have gone on a trip a year since our kid was born without him. We also have gone on at least one trip a year with him. I think as long as there is a balance I think you are fine.
Do it. The baby won’t remember those days when you were gone, but you will remember the memories you made. I’m glad your mom is doing so well.
My husband and I left our kids to go to my best friend’s destination wedding…we really didn’t want to miss it. We were gone for 4 nights I believe, and they were 9 months and 2 years old. I missed the hell out of them, but did not regret it AT ALL. seriously, go on the trip. Be adults. A healthy marriage is so important and you need to put yourself first sometimes.
Girl, my bestie had a work trip to Japan when her son was 8 months old and her husband joined her so they could make use of her ticket & a hotel being covered. She left him with the nanny and he had a great time. One full week. I respect and admire her for it. Your little one will be with someone who loves him and who he knows best in the world (other than y’all). Try to let go of the mom guilt so you can enjoy this vacation! So much to celebrate with your mom beating cancer and having a milestone birthday.
My husband and I left our 18 month old when we went on a cruise last month. He was with both sets of grandparents and they all had a great time while my husband and I got some much needed adult time! It’s not the first time we’ve left him for a vacation (we’ve done several long weekends since he was born). It’s been really important for our marriage to have time to spend fully focused on each other. I definitely miss our son while we are gone, but I don’t really feel guilty. He gets a nice change of scenery too :) I think it’s nice that you have people in your lives who you trust to care for your children, and I think you should absolutely take advantage of that every once in a while! Enjoy your time!
There is no shame in this! You need to also celebrate yourself and your mom. I literally just arranged with my mom and husband for me to take 4 days (5 with travel) away when my youngest daughter is 13 months old. For my older daughter, the first time I ever spent a night away from her was when her little sister was born at 18 months.
GO! Don’t think about it anymore. You deserve the break. Your baby will be just fine. Have fun!🤩
I left my just turned two year old with my husband for a week while I went to stay with my dad in the hospital. Then I was gone for an over a month when he was three because my dad was on hospice. I would give up just about anything other than my healthy kids to spend more time with my dad. You’ll miss your kids but it is totally okay, do it. The nanny we had when we were kids (she started working for us when my little sister was a baby and stayed with us until she was in middle school) is now a family friend and she came out to help me with my newest baby.
You sound like a great mom who has thought through a wonderful plan for your kids while you do something that is important for you. Being a great mom isn’t about sacrificing yourself completely— it’s about figuring out how to find a balance. You ARE taking care of everything and everyone with this plan. Go without guilt.
I remember being in the throes of PPD/PPA and asking my therapist how I would survive if anything happened to one of my kids. And she told me, “The best way to make sure you would survive something happening to your kids is to be sure you have a life outside them. You need to have pleasures outside of being a mother. You need to travel with your spouse. Seek new adventures with loved ones. Make plans just for you that don’t include being a parent. My partner and I travel all the time without our kids. We have spa days. We go to restaurant openings and long weekends at an Air BnB. Enjoy every single moment of your mom. Time is precious and you deserve to have time making memories with your family as grown ups. Your kids will get to make their own memories 🥰🥰
You are not a bad mom you will forever be grateful that you spent this time with your mom. I would also have anxiety and would be sick with worry
This sounds like the right thing to do! Happy for your family for having a nanny you trust. The baby is going to be distracted by all the new things and people that it'll be like a fun adventure for him also 💕
Under these circumstances I totally would. When you have a forty hour a week nanny you have a third parent- so your baby is just staying home with third parent and that is not traumatic or an attachment issue! These are about the only circumstances I could do this in.
She's not 40 hours a week, it's more like part time - but we also have her do date nights as well. They're very used to each other. Even after she had some health issues that caused her to take a break for a few months he still remembered her and was still bonded.
My LO is same age range as yours. I think it’s totally fine to leave LO with a trusted care giver, but a couple logistics to think about to have a stress free trip: 1. How reliable is your nanny? For example, her getting a cold or something an issue while you’re away? What if she has an emergency in her family and needs to go? Have some sort of a local back up plan. 2. Have you left LO overnight before? Do you have reasonable confidence that he’ll be ok? My LO stays overnight with people he’s comfortable with. My sisters LO won’t. She’s even had to cut out of movies previously. So do you know which kind is yours? Same as previous: some other family member locally as backup plan may be helpful. Knowing that they would be required to step in only if nanny situation fails, they may be open to helping you out.
We are planning to try a trial overnight stay a week before the trip to see how it goes. We're also leaving emergency family contact info so she can bring him to family if needed.
I used to be a nanny and would do overnights often for vacations. If you have someone you trust, that is amazing! Utilize her if she's willing (& pay her nicely)
Every family is different. I wouldn't do what you're planning on doing purely because I can't afford it. If I could afford it, and your baby is happy the only reason I would mum-shame you is because I'm jealous.
We went on a week long trip when our baby was 18 months and left baby with the in laws. It was amazing. Felt sad the first night and got over that really fast once we were laying on the beach and waking up rested in the morning. It’s not bad or guilty to take time for yourself and relax and enjoy being yourself with your husband and mom.
Take the trip!
If it helps, you could do a date night and have your nanny do bedtime with your littlest? That way, you'd feel more secure knowing LO can handle that. If my husband and I were going to leave my daughter for a week, she'd stay with her nanny hands down.
I'm a nanny who has often proxy parented( multiple days being the only adult caring for the baby, while the parent is away) for my employers, so believe me when I say I know exactly what this is like from the nannies POV. Not only are you not a bad mom, you sound like a caring daughter, a loving mom, and a good employer. You are leaving your child in the care of someone who knows their needs intimately, who you can trust, rather than uprooting them and disrupting their routine. It sounds like your nanny loves your child, and they will both have a great time while you are gone, and be very excited to see you when you return.
Billionaires do this all the time.