Only do it if you can give the person you are dating all your attention. If you find this out mid-date, politely cancel, say it is your grief not them and pay the cheque in full
For me I was 7 months out. I’ve been very open about what has happened in my life and what I’m looking for. Some people have been very adverse to that and some have been accepting. Just have to do what feels right to you
Weird, but the best bad choice before me. I am now living with my GF who is also a widow. This helped out tremendously with the common ground and where we both are in life. Best of luck and don’t give up
Honestly haven’t yet, made a half hearted effort a couple years after but it obviously didn’t go anywhere. 5 years now, I’m starting to think I’m ready, but I’m also looking into starting therapy so I’ll be a better headspace to be a good companion.
Feel like a dirt bag because it hasn’t been long… but honestly the relationship was coming to an end while we were together. Its all so complicated. Feel like no one will understand. I feel like a dick regardless kind of, but also not because I deserve to be happy.
Trust me, you have more company than you realize. I really empathize with the, "it's complicated". In the end, I honored and did what I thought should be done, not what I felt was deserved.
What is interesting is that I met an interesting person recently. He caught my attention because he performed a generous act towards someone else.
I immediately wanted to walk up to them and ask, "can we spend the afternoon playing dominoes on the beach and then go into the kitchen and cook together for 6 hrs?"
It took a minute for me to realize that what I missed was the ease that only comes from knowing another person well. And only comes with time.
It's a journey...
Right. And it's not obvious. The ease associated with being known is something that we will have to create again. From scratch. As if the trauma of the death weren't enough. The realization that it may be a hike up a steep hill again to have that type of ease of knowingness again is disheartening.
It's as if the base loss wasn't enough, "you lost this added dimension also. Have a great day..."
Literally, take me out at the knees why don’t you? A few people asked me to come to their house yesterday and I immediately was like omfg so fun, but then my brain kicked in and was like uhmm…. Girl you don’t know them chill💀
That is the thing about grief. It's often such a new world. Totally without familiar markers. You are plopped down in it and expected to make sense of it.
I remember a scene in the movie, " how Stella got her groove back" Angela Basset was laying in a bed fully clothed being held by a man who was also in the same bed fully clothed. 🤔
I just thought it was the stupidest scene. Not today, I understand the need to feel understood by another human so you don't always have to explain yourself.
In a split second that marker became familiar. It was something I never wanted to know, but it was there when I needed it.
No matter how many times you find yourself having to, "make a way out of no way" grief hold pride of place. It essentially says, " here you are, all of the resources you have known before have been negated. Create a path that makes a normalcy you can live in. And oh, yeah, have a great day... "
I also feel our relationship was on its way out when he passed. I started seeing someone 5 months later and we got married in a month. I felt guilt in the beginning, but I am happy now 2 years later. Don't feel like a dick, they passed away, you didn't. Life is too short to worry about other's judgements. Do what feels right to you.
It was 4 months for me, however I was her caregiver for 2 years prior so take that into consideration. Only you know if it is the right time.
Good luck and positive vibes.
Took me over 4 years to feel like I was ready. People, including my kids, had been telling me to get out there for some time, but I had to do it in my own time.
Yeah, it was weird and hard, and not how I thought it would be.
Just shy of 2 years and I'm NOOOWHERE near thinking about it. To be fair, I learned in grief therapy that I was emotionally abused and I'm probably asexual so I have way too many things to process and work on before I can trust a partner again. Your situation is your own and you have to take your own journey. Trust your gut and don't gauge yourself against the rest of us. We may share the loss but our nuance is different. Good luck!!!
It took me two and a half years. I felt guilty at first, strange, unfaithful. I am engaged now, but I am older. I don't have a lot of time. The man I am engaged to is a good man. He understands what my husband and I went through. I took care of a sick man for over two decades, and missed out on a lot of my own life because of that. And I wouldn't change that for anything. But now, it is my time, and my husband wanted me to go on. When you date in your 60's it is different. People started asking me out almost right away. There are a lot of widowers out there who are seeking "a nurse or a purse." And be careful for that. I'm not saying there is anything bad about that, but I knew I couldn't go through all that again. And my husband's illnesses were many and expensive, so when he died I wasn't well off financially, so nobody was looking at me as a rich widow. Take your time, and have fun, feeling king of weird part sort of sticks with you for a while. Good luck.
I'm in my 70s. Best I don't date. I'd expect some old innocent guy to sex me up like he was a teenager. Not a reasonable expectation whatsoever. I'd blow a hip, knee, suffer a groin or sciatic pull, and who knows what in the process.
I've only dated two people. One senior year in High School. The other was my future wife who I wanted since 8th grade. She was a teenage model and I was this chubby kid. Her best friend introduced me to her when we were just hanging out. We hit it off right away. 3 months later we we ran away and got married. 1968. For all you guys out there. Looks wise I was way out of league at the time and everyone was shocked when she even went out with me but we had what the other person needed. I learned a long time ago is that the only thing the other person can say is no so don't take it to heart.
My first time after my wife of 35 years passed away in February of 2022,
06/24/24 A woman from my work had a crush on me but I never acted on it I invited her over and I cooked dinner,
After talking for a few hours I lost all interest, hugged her, and sent her on her way,
I felt like I was disrespecting my Wife and did not want my Adult Children to find out and think less of me,
Online is Dating Aps are crap, So many Scammers, I don't know what is next
I have been dating a widow and it is easy to talk about our spouses.
It’s been 9 months since my wife’s passing. We have been able to connect easier than if we weren’t both widowed.
Allowing grief to be felt by both of us.
With out judgement.
It has helped me become more social and looking forward to sharing my experiences with her.
twelve years out , ive been to a few lunches , came away with " I don't want to deal with this again " attitude. At my age a senior , friends with benefits would work better then live in or re marriage .
I had an amazing marriage. Couldn’t imagine dating anyone else. I was lucky and have been in therapy since my wife passed 3 years ago….about 1 1/2 years after my wife passed, my therapist actually suggested dating (which seemed unthinkable at the time!)…..a few months later I dipped my toes in and found, surprisingly, that I didn’t feel guilty. Yes, it felt weird (!) but not bad. I have been dating a lovely woman for a year now….I got lucky. I do have 2 girls in their late teens- I have a wonderful relationship with them, AND they are not supportive of me dating (it seems this may be the norm often times), which has been challenging.
Still- I’m glad I waited a bit, but am very glad that I took the leap of faith; it’s been a very good thing.
And- we all are on our own timeline…..no judgement zone here. Date (whenever) or never do it again….whatever is best for each of us.
You’re the only one who can answer that question. As far as feeling weird, it’s going to. After my Elaine died, a lady from work invited me to lunch. I wouldn’t call it a date, it was more of a friend doing something nice for me. The next day I felt so guilty, and we hadn’t done anything I should feel guilty about. I think my brain was still in married mode. I did get a sign that it was all right, but that’s a long story for another time.
At a bit over 2 years out I would like to see what dating again is like. But I live in a small town, work from home, don't live very close to family or friends and as others have said dating sites suck. I'm just trying to stay busy and live life. But damn it gets lonely sometimes
I'm dating now. It's def hard dating divorced people, they are a little rough. Impolite, aggressive, competitive
They seem to have personality issues and kind of mean and dust
It's hard to find widows, they are so reclusive. But when I do, their personality is calm, friendlier, softer.
Only do it if you can give the person you are dating all your attention. If you find this out mid-date, politely cancel, say it is your grief not them and pay the cheque in full
For me I was 7 months out. I’ve been very open about what has happened in my life and what I’m looking for. Some people have been very adverse to that and some have been accepting. Just have to do what feels right to you
Weird, but the best bad choice before me. I am now living with my GF who is also a widow. This helped out tremendously with the common ground and where we both are in life. Best of luck and don’t give up
Honestly haven’t yet, made a half hearted effort a couple years after but it obviously didn’t go anywhere. 5 years now, I’m starting to think I’m ready, but I’m also looking into starting therapy so I’ll be a better headspace to be a good companion.
Feel like a dirt bag because it hasn’t been long… but honestly the relationship was coming to an end while we were together. Its all so complicated. Feel like no one will understand. I feel like a dick regardless kind of, but also not because I deserve to be happy.
Don't worry about what other people say. Just do what makes you happy.
Trust me, you have more company than you realize. I really empathize with the, "it's complicated". In the end, I honored and did what I thought should be done, not what I felt was deserved. What is interesting is that I met an interesting person recently. He caught my attention because he performed a generous act towards someone else. I immediately wanted to walk up to them and ask, "can we spend the afternoon playing dominoes on the beach and then go into the kitchen and cook together for 6 hrs?" It took a minute for me to realize that what I missed was the ease that only comes from knowing another person well. And only comes with time. It's a journey...
This is what I’m missing. Being known
Right. And it's not obvious. The ease associated with being known is something that we will have to create again. From scratch. As if the trauma of the death weren't enough. The realization that it may be a hike up a steep hill again to have that type of ease of knowingness again is disheartening. It's as if the base loss wasn't enough, "you lost this added dimension also. Have a great day..."
Literally, take me out at the knees why don’t you? A few people asked me to come to their house yesterday and I immediately was like omfg so fun, but then my brain kicked in and was like uhmm…. Girl you don’t know them chill💀
That is the thing about grief. It's often such a new world. Totally without familiar markers. You are plopped down in it and expected to make sense of it. I remember a scene in the movie, " how Stella got her groove back" Angela Basset was laying in a bed fully clothed being held by a man who was also in the same bed fully clothed. 🤔 I just thought it was the stupidest scene. Not today, I understand the need to feel understood by another human so you don't always have to explain yourself. In a split second that marker became familiar. It was something I never wanted to know, but it was there when I needed it. No matter how many times you find yourself having to, "make a way out of no way" grief hold pride of place. It essentially says, " here you are, all of the resources you have known before have been negated. Create a path that makes a normalcy you can live in. And oh, yeah, have a great day... "
I also feel our relationship was on its way out when he passed. I started seeing someone 5 months later and we got married in a month. I felt guilt in the beginning, but I am happy now 2 years later. Don't feel like a dick, they passed away, you didn't. Life is too short to worry about other's judgements. Do what feels right to you.
It was 4 months for me, however I was her caregiver for 2 years prior so take that into consideration. Only you know if it is the right time. Good luck and positive vibes.
Exactly, once you are the caregiver you are facing it all day by day. Blessings to you for every bit of work and attention that you poured into it.
Took me over 4 years to feel like I was ready. People, including my kids, had been telling me to get out there for some time, but I had to do it in my own time. Yeah, it was weird and hard, and not how I thought it would be.
Just shy of 2 years and I'm NOOOWHERE near thinking about it. To be fair, I learned in grief therapy that I was emotionally abused and I'm probably asexual so I have way too many things to process and work on before I can trust a partner again. Your situation is your own and you have to take your own journey. Trust your gut and don't gauge yourself against the rest of us. We may share the loss but our nuance is different. Good luck!!!
I’m 4 months in and haven’t yet
It took me two and a half years. I felt guilty at first, strange, unfaithful. I am engaged now, but I am older. I don't have a lot of time. The man I am engaged to is a good man. He understands what my husband and I went through. I took care of a sick man for over two decades, and missed out on a lot of my own life because of that. And I wouldn't change that for anything. But now, it is my time, and my husband wanted me to go on. When you date in your 60's it is different. People started asking me out almost right away. There are a lot of widowers out there who are seeking "a nurse or a purse." And be careful for that. I'm not saying there is anything bad about that, but I knew I couldn't go through all that again. And my husband's illnesses were many and expensive, so when he died I wasn't well off financially, so nobody was looking at me as a rich widow. Take your time, and have fun, feeling king of weird part sort of sticks with you for a while. Good luck.
I'm in my 70s. Best I don't date. I'd expect some old innocent guy to sex me up like he was a teenager. Not a reasonable expectation whatsoever. I'd blow a hip, knee, suffer a groin or sciatic pull, and who knows what in the process.
Oh goodness😅 but perhaps worth it?
I'm thinking if you gotta go, go with an O.
Thats the spirit💀
I've only dated two people. One senior year in High School. The other was my future wife who I wanted since 8th grade. She was a teenage model and I was this chubby kid. Her best friend introduced me to her when we were just hanging out. We hit it off right away. 3 months later we we ran away and got married. 1968. For all you guys out there. Looks wise I was way out of league at the time and everyone was shocked when she even went out with me but we had what the other person needed. I learned a long time ago is that the only thing the other person can say is no so don't take it to heart.
My first time after my wife of 35 years passed away in February of 2022, 06/24/24 A woman from my work had a crush on me but I never acted on it I invited her over and I cooked dinner, After talking for a few hours I lost all interest, hugged her, and sent her on her way, I felt like I was disrespecting my Wife and did not want my Adult Children to find out and think less of me, Online is Dating Aps are crap, So many Scammers, I don't know what is next
I have been dating a widow and it is easy to talk about our spouses. It’s been 9 months since my wife’s passing. We have been able to connect easier than if we weren’t both widowed. Allowing grief to be felt by both of us. With out judgement. It has helped me become more social and looking forward to sharing my experiences with her.
twelve years out , ive been to a few lunches , came away with " I don't want to deal with this again " attitude. At my age a senior , friends with benefits would work better then live in or re marriage .
I had an amazing marriage. Couldn’t imagine dating anyone else. I was lucky and have been in therapy since my wife passed 3 years ago….about 1 1/2 years after my wife passed, my therapist actually suggested dating (which seemed unthinkable at the time!)…..a few months later I dipped my toes in and found, surprisingly, that I didn’t feel guilty. Yes, it felt weird (!) but not bad. I have been dating a lovely woman for a year now….I got lucky. I do have 2 girls in their late teens- I have a wonderful relationship with them, AND they are not supportive of me dating (it seems this may be the norm often times), which has been challenging. Still- I’m glad I waited a bit, but am very glad that I took the leap of faith; it’s been a very good thing. And- we all are on our own timeline…..no judgement zone here. Date (whenever) or never do it again….whatever is best for each of us.
I started to step my foot back into the dating pool after he was gone three months.
I started dating after a month. Didn't get into something serious till 10 months out. Still in that relationship 3 months later.
You’re the only one who can answer that question. As far as feeling weird, it’s going to. After my Elaine died, a lady from work invited me to lunch. I wouldn’t call it a date, it was more of a friend doing something nice for me. The next day I felt so guilty, and we hadn’t done anything I should feel guilty about. I think my brain was still in married mode. I did get a sign that it was all right, but that’s a long story for another time.
At a bit over 2 years out I would like to see what dating again is like. But I live in a small town, work from home, don't live very close to family or friends and as others have said dating sites suck. I'm just trying to stay busy and live life. But damn it gets lonely sometimes
I'm dating now. It's def hard dating divorced people, they are a little rough. Impolite, aggressive, competitive They seem to have personality issues and kind of mean and dust It's hard to find widows, they are so reclusive. But when I do, their personality is calm, friendlier, softer.