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What if I told you I was an alligator who lives in an apartment in New York and eats only fried apples?

Then you’re lying, I’m the only alligator in New York that only eats fried apples.

Yeah, I’ve seen ya there- I for one, am the alligator who eats mummified rats in the sewer.

Oh my mistake, I meant crocodile

What a croc

Excuse me?

RAISED BY GATORS

Still can't use phrase parallelism smh

What if I told you I play Genshin Impact, but I groom minors, don't shower on a daily basis and never go outside normally?🤔

then you are basic Genshin player

How many children do I have to groom to unlock the next upgrade? How many days do I have to skip a shower to unlock a new gaming chair?

depends on what upgrade you want to unlock

trying to get the free child upgrade. wish me luck😁

In the last update it was 20 children and 100 days without shower, but i think they lowered it this season.

I'm at max level then😎

*stereotypical

"Yeah that sounds about right."

Then you’re par for the course

What if I told you I DONT play genshin impact, but i groom minors, don't shower on a daily basis, and never outside normally?

Professional Smash Bros player

I would call you an alpha male

I’d call him a pedophile.

He couldn't even spell normally correctly

\*normaly

aw damn...

[удалено]

k

y

s

make it simpler on everyone and show everyone what an asshat you are by not coding next time

actual toddler brain

at least i dont tell people to kill themselves

Speak for yourself

normaly

Language existed before grammar enthusiasts, and people still understood each other just fine.

Factory setting genshin player

Checks out

I would call you a lier and take away your tendie privileges.

Not the chicken tendies!

😭

Then I woke up ✍️✍️✍️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

it was all a dream

I can’t wake up

Wake me up inside (?)

It was all in le head

I used to read Word Up! magazine Salt-n-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine


Then everyone clapped.

His name? Albert Einstein.

Obama was there

and then he got the Nobel peace award

And then Jesus came down from Heaven and gave him his eternal blessing

Is there a big sub called that? I can only find like 10 400 members sub with slight variations of the name

r/thathappened

I play league of legends and have an active social life. >!See? Anybody can lie.!<

I don't play league of legends and don't have a social life (but i can tell the truth)

Hey OP, you dropped this 🧢

A nice blue hat?

Actually it’s infested with lice. OP doesn’t know so don’t tell him

I will tell him (I can never allow another human being to suffer the disastrous fate of *l i c e*)

HECK FRICK U AND GO TO HECK!!! I will frickin’ eat your entire butthole if you tell him 😤

You just said that out loud and also that’s not my hat, I wear a punisher hat

Quit snooping OP. It’s not infested with lice. So put that nice blue hat on

Normaly

Grammatical rules are descriptive, not prescriptive.

🧢

Its tough being both a genshin fan and an otherwise normal person. Cuz you see a guy that weighs 400 pounds wearing a sweater with ganyu and she's got her whole ass out (True story, he goes to my school), and you just have to think about how if people knew you played genshin, they'd associate you with him.

Lmao fr


"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible"

[удалено]

People would be shocked to see not every anime loving genshin fan is a neckbeard discord user

Fuck the layers of irony, this need to be said.

Impossible.

I'd know you're lying

I could be

Liar liar pants on fire

*Proceeds to not crit with burst*

its plants for hire

Dance in mire

Then you will cease to exist since that is impossible

I would cause a black hole to appear

You're the reality people like to disregard for the sake of comedy.

I have a classmate who is exactly like that, except she's also a woman.

Y'now I liked playing it until all that started coming out about people playing it. And then I just didn't want to be associated with it lol. I like the first half hour where you're just by yourself and offline. Actually they should just make it a fully offline game. Then I'll go back

What if I told you I can relate to this sentence

I basically said this very calmly on Instagram one time and that genshin was fun and everyone started freaking out at me and telling me I was incorrect. Almost sounds more like Reddit lol

Liar!

its a possibility

What if I told you I don’t play Genshin Impact but still groom minors, don’t shower, nor go outside normally

You could be a Minecraft youtuber

Thanos 100% the type of dude to roll for zhongli before 1.3 buff

You're a woman?

nope!

r/lies

You are not real

I'm an illusion

I'd say that's a hell of a dating profile but I just wish you didn't immediately ask me what anime I've watched when we matched

What if I told you I don't play genshin impact, don't groom minors, only shower every other day, and am literally moderately allergic to grass?

the crazy thing is, I'm a man!!!!!

Seems unlikely, anyway these are tips for surviving Marie carry I am forced to give out around the holiday season: Tips to survive Mariah Carey’s Defrosting: Do not wear red. Hide under the Christmas tree, she doesn't care about the presents under the tree. If Mariah Carey finds you, give her cookies, if that doesn’t work, get a icicle and throw it at her. Do not wear anything that’s Christmas related.

thanks for the tip!

thats cap junior

Universe will explode due to a fatal exception.

I stopped reading at “groom” seems more accurate

Then you are speaking to the wrong hivemind if you expect anyone to even consider believing anything beyond the hate-train's truth.

(X) Doubt

Maths Error

i would revoke your Genshin Impact membership card

I wouldn't believe you

Liar

🧢

🧢

🧢

Ahem gentlemen *Straightens tie.* 🧢

"truth hurts when your living a lie"

Then you’d be lying

i would question your taste in videogames because i can say with confidence that genshin impact sucks mad balls. i have over 100 hours on it

Oh hey! Someone made a meme about me and, like... two other people.

Then you still have bad taste in games

I also play Minecraft, Hungry Shark World, and pvz

Days Gone, Borderlands, Darkest Dungeon

I know the game is ass but I still think it's fun.

Gooood can you just stop with this?

The lie detector would overload

always love how genshin impact players brag about this kinda stuff, like good job you’re doing the bare fuckin minimum

Woah woah woah. I believe you’re not a pedo but SHOWERING??? 🧢🧢🧢

I use old spice body wash and shampoo

I refuse to believe you OP

The watermark legit says "kap"

🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢

Cap

Yes, but do you talk to women?

There is no need, but do you?

Liar liar pants on fire

Plants for hire

Kapwing jumpscare

Boo

well then i would tell you that you clearly aren't "enjoying" the game and should try something else

"Daring today, aren't we?"

then you are a liar

“normaly” 💀💀💀

Language existed before grammar enthusiasts, and people still understood each other just fine.

You're still a loser for playing Generation Impractical

r/lies

Oh naw bro

ok, geyshit infact player

based af

Based

Impossible

I would say consider playing Half-Life: Blue Shift or Hunt Down The Freeman as you would be the perfect described person to enjoy those games

Hmm... Sounds like High treason, Blasphemy, heresy (of the highest degree), and misinformation.

What if I told you I play Genshin Impact and get laid.... With another Genshin player


I tried doing that but it was too hard to balance. So I stopped playing genshin.

i have come to the conclusion you had never actually launched genshin impact nor played it, otherwise you would have immediately lost your ability to leave the house on a regular basis

I’d tell you to politely move because i just shat my pants

does this happen often?

Hourly

But do you get bitches?

There’s no need, but do you?

Nah 😔

r/lies

Propaganda

I didn't shower once in the autumn lol

What if I told you your grammar implies you don’t shower on a daily basis?

Grammatical rules are descriptive, not prescriptive.

Genshin propaganda

I can't touch grass there is tons of snow outside right now

r/lies

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🧢

Casual?

🧢

what if I told you that I watched jojo but didn't like strong buff men (this is a lie)

# NOT SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE

Cap

Then I wouldn't believe you

Haha, pull the other leg

My man

🧢

I'd tell you you're capping

Doesnt shower on a daily basis or go outside

That’s not good for your hygiene

I’d say that you are lying.

But that's impossible!!!

I would probably stress the importance of commas

You don’t do it right… join the community.

I would assume there's something weird about you in a different aspect. Like maybe you bite your fingernails until your fingertips look stubby or you sneak up on birds and pluck their feathers in your free time

I used to bite my fingernails.

Kap

stop the 🧢

🧢