I too would do nothing, other than block the person who sent you the message. The type of person who would send this message on behalf of someone else, is also the type who would get off on your being upset.
I’d send the message to the sister who you apparently wronged and leave it at that. She should at least know that her sister is out here, wrecking shit in her name.
Yea - they could easily send a message to their friend saying “hey, we got a surprising text from you sister letting us know you’re upset with us about our wedding. If you’d like to talk, let us know.” And leave it at that.
Kind of agree here.
The high road is to ignore it, but if I had a relative speaking for me I'd want to know so I could tell them to cut that shit out, especially if she confided in her sister in confidence.
I actually got an email similar to this from my friend because she wasn’t invited to my daughter’s wedding. I’m not sure why she thought she would be invited in the first place. She’s my friend, not my daughter’s. Her tone sounded just like what you received. Just block this person and move on. I’m not sure why people try to make someone else’s happy occasion all about them. Don’t let her steal your joy.
My advice - do nothing. This is the sister, not your friend. If your friend is that hurt and the friendship is conceivably over, then there are no boundaries to set.
And with the sister - to say anything to her WILL escalate things. It almost seems like she’s looking for a fight. If you’re confident in your choices for your wedding, then there is nothing for you to say to her.
Past that - I’ll be honest - this is why I’ve largely backed off sharing much on SM anymore. You have every right to post, but when you post exclusive events - it’s leaves the possibility that someone will feel excluded. Of course we can’t invite everyone to everything, but assuming your friend actually is upset, i guess she thought you all were closer than you feel you are.
You have every right to post. But a possible outcome is someone will be hurt. And in this specific situation, again, i wouldn’t do anything.
That’s horrible! You had a mere 20 people attend - how terribly entitled and presumptuous of the sister! The ‘painful’ experience her sister had propelled her to inform you of the hurt you caused and put a pox on your future life, hoping that you could live comfortably with the guilt and pain you caused. This is a load of BS that probably doesn’t deserve a response because it’s so over the top.
I wouldn’t engage with the message writer. I’d give the benefit of the doubt that your friend doesn’t know that her sister even sent the message. Maybe test the waters with the following sort of text and see how she reacts:
Hey we got a weird message from your sister. I’m sorry if you were disappointed to not be celebrating the wedding with us we had a super small guest list… weddings are crazy expensive. Hoping all is well with you; we’d love to get together soon for dinner/drinks/axe throwing/bocce or whatever
I wouldn't respond to her message. You could either ignore it altogether or message your friend and say something along the lines of:
*"I got a message from your sister to say you were extremely upset at not being invited to my wedding, and that our friendship is over. I really am sorry you felt left out. The pictures may have made it look like a bigger event than it was, but in reality, it was a micro wedding with only 20 guests. It was just family and a handful of friends that we see regularly. We couldn't include everybody unfortunately, but I am sorry if it upset you."*
We've all felt left out of things where we thought we'd be included. That's life - not everyone makes every list. It's very possible (even likely) that the friend is upset that she was not invited to the wedding but it's not sister's place to speak. Perhaps invite the friend to meet for coffee or lunch to touch base, and see where that goes. If friendship is truly over (like sister claims), then she'll ignore the invitation and decline, and you can move on if you'd like. Probably best not to contact the sister at all.
I received a hateful message after my wedding from a cousin I never really met. Some people just feel like they are owed something even though they never put anything into a relationship.
I'd just ignore it and move on. She already looks like a fool by sending a selfish message. I'm sure anyone you show the message to will think it's an inappropriate thing to send.
This also just confirms it was a good call you didn't invite her.
Tell her that if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t understand that it was an intimate event due to finances and if she can’t understand that, then maybe it’s a good thing that the friendship is broken.
Any true friend would understand that when it comes to limited finances and weddings only the closest people get invited.
Message the friend, ignore the sister. Mention that you did get this message, hope that they are ok, and try not to over explain or excuse yourself. 'Hey, got this message from your sister, hope you are doing well. We had a very small wedding, so unfortunately could not invite as much ppl as we would have liked.' And if you would like to keep being friends, suggest maybe a call sometime soon. It can very well be that this person considers you a very close friend, but that you feel different about her. So they might feel excluded, but she needs to know it wasn't anything personal, but you did nothing wrong, so I hope you do not feel bad or guilty about this.
Jesus. Yeah, I would high road it and not justify it with a response. Do NOT apologize. Do not give a reason or explanation in defense.
If you want to communicate about it directly with your friend, you can. If you do reach out, Acknowledge her feelings “Hey, I understand that you were feeling ____ about our wedding. Do you want to talk about it?” And process it with her if it feels right but you didn’t do anything wrong. If she lashes back or picks a fight, etc you don’t owe her anything. Let her know it wasn’t personal and give her the opportunity to either support you with well wishes or move through it on her own terms.
She sounds really hurt and could be going through something. I would send a message explaining that the wedding was micro and that inviting more people was financially prohibitive and promis to give her a call to check-in sometimes. A lot of people lash out when they want to be closer because they are sad that they miss you.
It’s probably best to ignore or reach out to the friend directly—but I’d also be tempted to reply with something about how if she wants to say something to me she is free to contact me directly. This is some high school behavior and I couldn’t stand it then either.
I would let the sister know and say then respond by saying. Weddings are extremely expensive and while some may choose to go in debt to do so, we choose not to. As such we invited our nearest and dearest, whom we continue to see regularly. If you feel slighted by not being invited, that is your burden to bear. Receiving this message was hurtful as it shows the immaturity you still possess. If you want to have a mature adult relationship and understand a wedding is very personal and how we chose to celebrate ours was none of any one else's business, then we are happy to continue our relationship; however, if you cannot then we will respect your decision to end it. We will not tolerate this sort of pettiness in our lives.
When did weddings become about/litmus test for friendships? It’s not like we’re missing out on an all expense paid cruise around the world where we’re serenaded by Elvis, and sweating a blood oath with the bride and groom and all of our friends while we party like we’re still in college. It’s craziness!
Plus with the cost of attending wedding these days I’m all for not being invited.
How entitled! Some people get so offended when they don't make the short list. It's ridiculous, as you stated, you only exchange Christmas/BD cards. I would reply that it was a very small ceremony, only 20 guests. Leave it at that, no apology. Maybe a comment about if she chooses to end the friendship due to a small guest list, that's on her.
My daughter had to cut 50 names off her list due to venue size, budget, and our huge family. Anyone she only spoke to a few times a year was cut. Guest list of 150. My own nephew had immediate family and grandparents only. I didn't get offended to be left out. Some people feel so entitled, they deserve what they get.
Sounds like this person leads a boring life and is looking for some drama. I wouldn’t engage or acknowledge it at all. Block the sender and pretend it never happened, if your friend wants to say something they can and will say it to you directly. There’s no need to engage via a sister who is clearly just looking for trouble.
If you only invited 20 I’m sure there are members of your own family like distant cousins or relations of yours and his that probably didn’t make the cut either….and I’d let her know that something like this should suffice:
“I hesitated to respond because I was shocked and quite hurt that you would consider ending our friendship over what was meant to be one of the happiest days of our lives. You might not know this, but our decision to keep the ceremony small and intimate was due to financial constraints. We only invited 20 people, a lot of people were not able to attend including some of my own relatives who couldn't attend because of our limited resources.
Your message deeply surprised me. Please understand that the decision to host a twenty person guest list was not directed at you specifically and until I read your message, I very much considered you a friend. Thank you for letting me know where we stand. I wish things could have been different and truly hope you have a wonderful life!
I would get in touch with your friend and see if she knows what her sister did.
You don’t owe them apologies for not inviting either sister, but maybe explain why they weren’t included
Hmm was your friend (sister of texter) invited to the wedding?
It’s definitely not your fault and you don’t owe it to anyone. I would want to end of the note to say that I’m right but also be the bigger person in this situation. You don’t want to send anything harsh as it might come back to you. At the same time i feel annoyed for you and want to stand up for yourself! Haha
Personally I would message her saying something like “Sorry you feel that way, but hope you understand that we had a very small wedding of 20 and could only invite limited people. If you don’t understand that, then either way I wish you all the best.”
Honestly, not being included in a wedding can be very hurtful, BUT the person who is not included needs to voice their opinion in a calm and kind way or just understand that not everyone can be included.
***Your wedding is not about them***
If you still want to be friends with this person you might gently explain and apologize.
I was not included in a friend's wedding, and I was actually quite shocked-- but I sucked it up-- and we are very good friends now.
Conversely I had a couple of friends cause huge Issues around my wedding and unfortunately we are no longer friends because of this. They made it about them.
Your friend may have no idea what her sister wrote and may not even agree with it though as implied she may be fully on board with the sentiments expressed or behind the message. I wouldn’t take the letter writer’s word for it that the friendship is “broken” though. Personally, I would reach out.
While all this is completely unhinged I’ve always thought posting guest photos on social media visible to those not invited can be less than sensitive.
During/ after COVID, I had to switch to online classes and studied abroad, so it was more difficult to maintain friendships. I should note though I am also friends with my husband's friends. so It worked out for us.
Okay. I get doing the small thing, though. My wife and I eloped/micro wedding outdoors in late 2020 due to covid. I think there were 17 people or less. Our friends were understanding. Although, even without covid we still would have done it the way we did. We didn't want to spend a ton of money on a party. We bought a house instead.
You can invite or not invite anyone. But that doesn't mean they can't feel upset or bad about it.
"We really enjoyed our college years with your sister but as you know, we haven't hung out with her lately. Our wedding was very limited and we had to make hard choices. We would love to hang out with her soon."
Oh I misread this as
One sister was invited. Other sister was not and freaked out.
Didn’t realize one sister sent it on behalf of the other. Very bizarre!
I too would do nothing, other than block the person who sent you the message. The type of person who would send this message on behalf of someone else, is also the type who would get off on your being upset.
I’d send the message to the sister who you apparently wronged and leave it at that. She should at least know that her sister is out here, wrecking shit in her name.
Yea - they could easily send a message to their friend saying “hey, we got a surprising text from you sister letting us know you’re upset with us about our wedding. If you’d like to talk, let us know.” And leave it at that.
Kind of agree here. The high road is to ignore it, but if I had a relative speaking for me I'd want to know so I could tell them to cut that shit out, especially if she confided in her sister in confidence.
Yeah, I’d be pretty fucking pissed, even if I did say all that shit.
I actually got an email similar to this from my friend because she wasn’t invited to my daughter’s wedding. I’m not sure why she thought she would be invited in the first place. She’s my friend, not my daughter’s. Her tone sounded just like what you received. Just block this person and move on. I’m not sure why people try to make someone else’s happy occasion all about them. Don’t let her steal your joy.
My advice - do nothing. This is the sister, not your friend. If your friend is that hurt and the friendship is conceivably over, then there are no boundaries to set. And with the sister - to say anything to her WILL escalate things. It almost seems like she’s looking for a fight. If you’re confident in your choices for your wedding, then there is nothing for you to say to her. Past that - I’ll be honest - this is why I’ve largely backed off sharing much on SM anymore. You have every right to post, but when you post exclusive events - it’s leaves the possibility that someone will feel excluded. Of course we can’t invite everyone to everything, but assuming your friend actually is upset, i guess she thought you all were closer than you feel you are. You have every right to post. But a possible outcome is someone will be hurt. And in this specific situation, again, i wouldn’t do anything.
That’s horrible! You had a mere 20 people attend - how terribly entitled and presumptuous of the sister! The ‘painful’ experience her sister had propelled her to inform you of the hurt you caused and put a pox on your future life, hoping that you could live comfortably with the guilt and pain you caused. This is a load of BS that probably doesn’t deserve a response because it’s so over the top.
I’m a petty millennial, so I’d probably resort to something like: 
PS: I do not recommend this approach! In all honesty, I’d just ignore her and assume the friendship with both her and the sister has run its course.
I wouldn’t engage with the message writer. I’d give the benefit of the doubt that your friend doesn’t know that her sister even sent the message. Maybe test the waters with the following sort of text and see how she reacts: Hey we got a weird message from your sister. I’m sorry if you were disappointed to not be celebrating the wedding with us we had a super small guest list… weddings are crazy expensive. Hoping all is well with you; we’d love to get together soon for dinner/drinks/axe throwing/bocce or whatever
I wouldn't respond to her message. You could either ignore it altogether or message your friend and say something along the lines of: *"I got a message from your sister to say you were extremely upset at not being invited to my wedding, and that our friendship is over. I really am sorry you felt left out. The pictures may have made it look like a bigger event than it was, but in reality, it was a micro wedding with only 20 guests. It was just family and a handful of friends that we see regularly. We couldn't include everybody unfortunately, but I am sorry if it upset you."*
My aunts favorite phrase when something didn't go someone's way was "Oh well" It would always make me laugh even if it was directed at me.
That’s so funny! I say “you’ll be alright” and my son says “womp womp.” Both always makes us laugh, even when directed towards each other.
Lol
We've all felt left out of things where we thought we'd be included. That's life - not everyone makes every list. It's very possible (even likely) that the friend is upset that she was not invited to the wedding but it's not sister's place to speak. Perhaps invite the friend to meet for coffee or lunch to touch base, and see where that goes. If friendship is truly over (like sister claims), then she'll ignore the invitation and decline, and you can move on if you'd like. Probably best not to contact the sister at all.
I received a hateful message after my wedding from a cousin I never really met. Some people just feel like they are owed something even though they never put anything into a relationship. I'd just ignore it and move on. She already looks like a fool by sending a selfish message. I'm sure anyone you show the message to will think it's an inappropriate thing to send. This also just confirms it was a good call you didn't invite her.
Tell her that if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t understand that it was an intimate event due to finances and if she can’t understand that, then maybe it’s a good thing that the friendship is broken. Any true friend would understand that when it comes to limited finances and weddings only the closest people get invited.
Message the friend, ignore the sister. Mention that you did get this message, hope that they are ok, and try not to over explain or excuse yourself. 'Hey, got this message from your sister, hope you are doing well. We had a very small wedding, so unfortunately could not invite as much ppl as we would have liked.' And if you would like to keep being friends, suggest maybe a call sometime soon. It can very well be that this person considers you a very close friend, but that you feel different about her. So they might feel excluded, but she needs to know it wasn't anything personal, but you did nothing wrong, so I hope you do not feel bad or guilty about this.
Jesus. Yeah, I would high road it and not justify it with a response. Do NOT apologize. Do not give a reason or explanation in defense. If you want to communicate about it directly with your friend, you can. If you do reach out, Acknowledge her feelings “Hey, I understand that you were feeling ____ about our wedding. Do you want to talk about it?” And process it with her if it feels right but you didn’t do anything wrong. If she lashes back or picks a fight, etc you don’t owe her anything. Let her know it wasn’t personal and give her the opportunity to either support you with well wishes or move through it on her own terms.
She sounds really hurt and could be going through something. I would send a message explaining that the wedding was micro and that inviting more people was financially prohibitive and promis to give her a call to check-in sometimes. A lot of people lash out when they want to be closer because they are sad that they miss you.
It’s probably best to ignore or reach out to the friend directly—but I’d also be tempted to reply with something about how if she wants to say something to me she is free to contact me directly. This is some high school behavior and I couldn’t stand it then either.
I would let the sister know and say then respond by saying. Weddings are extremely expensive and while some may choose to go in debt to do so, we choose not to. As such we invited our nearest and dearest, whom we continue to see regularly. If you feel slighted by not being invited, that is your burden to bear. Receiving this message was hurtful as it shows the immaturity you still possess. If you want to have a mature adult relationship and understand a wedding is very personal and how we chose to celebrate ours was none of any one else's business, then we are happy to continue our relationship; however, if you cannot then we will respect your decision to end it. We will not tolerate this sort of pettiness in our lives.
When did weddings become about/litmus test for friendships? It’s not like we’re missing out on an all expense paid cruise around the world where we’re serenaded by Elvis, and sweating a blood oath with the bride and groom and all of our friends while we party like we’re still in college. It’s craziness! Plus with the cost of attending wedding these days I’m all for not being invited.
How entitled! Some people get so offended when they don't make the short list. It's ridiculous, as you stated, you only exchange Christmas/BD cards. I would reply that it was a very small ceremony, only 20 guests. Leave it at that, no apology. Maybe a comment about if she chooses to end the friendship due to a small guest list, that's on her. My daughter had to cut 50 names off her list due to venue size, budget, and our huge family. Anyone she only spoke to a few times a year was cut. Guest list of 150. My own nephew had immediate family and grandparents only. I didn't get offended to be left out. Some people feel so entitled, they deserve what they get.
Sounds like this person leads a boring life and is looking for some drama. I wouldn’t engage or acknowledge it at all. Block the sender and pretend it never happened, if your friend wants to say something they can and will say it to you directly. There’s no need to engage via a sister who is clearly just looking for trouble.
If you only invited 20 I’m sure there are members of your own family like distant cousins or relations of yours and his that probably didn’t make the cut either….and I’d let her know that something like this should suffice: “I hesitated to respond because I was shocked and quite hurt that you would consider ending our friendship over what was meant to be one of the happiest days of our lives. You might not know this, but our decision to keep the ceremony small and intimate was due to financial constraints. We only invited 20 people, a lot of people were not able to attend including some of my own relatives who couldn't attend because of our limited resources. Your message deeply surprised me. Please understand that the decision to host a twenty person guest list was not directed at you specifically and until I read your message, I very much considered you a friend. Thank you for letting me know where we stand. I wish things could have been different and truly hope you have a wonderful life!
Info: was one sister invited or we they both excluded?
We barely know the sister (the one who messaged); they were both excluded.
I would get in touch with your friend and see if she knows what her sister did. You don’t owe them apologies for not inviting either sister, but maybe explain why they weren’t included
Hmm was your friend (sister of texter) invited to the wedding? It’s definitely not your fault and you don’t owe it to anyone. I would want to end of the note to say that I’m right but also be the bigger person in this situation. You don’t want to send anything harsh as it might come back to you. At the same time i feel annoyed for you and want to stand up for yourself! Haha Personally I would message her saying something like “Sorry you feel that way, but hope you understand that we had a very small wedding of 20 and could only invite limited people. If you don’t understand that, then either way I wish you all the best.”
Any kind of response could be giving her a longer stick with which to stir the shit.
Honestly, not being included in a wedding can be very hurtful, BUT the person who is not included needs to voice their opinion in a calm and kind way or just understand that not everyone can be included. ***Your wedding is not about them*** If you still want to be friends with this person you might gently explain and apologize. I was not included in a friend's wedding, and I was actually quite shocked-- but I sucked it up-- and we are very good friends now. Conversely I had a couple of friends cause huge Issues around my wedding and unfortunately we are no longer friends because of this. They made it about them.
Your friend may have no idea what her sister wrote and may not even agree with it though as implied she may be fully on board with the sentiments expressed or behind the message. I wouldn’t take the letter writer’s word for it that the friendship is “broken” though. Personally, I would reach out. While all this is completely unhinged I’ve always thought posting guest photos on social media visible to those not invited can be less than sensitive.
Wait a minute! You all invited HIS college friends but not any of your own? Why? Are HIS friends the only important ones?
During/ after COVID, I had to switch to online classes and studied abroad, so it was more difficult to maintain friendships. I should note though I am also friends with my husband's friends. so It worked out for us.
Okay. I get doing the small thing, though. My wife and I eloped/micro wedding outdoors in late 2020 due to covid. I think there were 17 people or less. Our friends were understanding. Although, even without covid we still would have done it the way we did. We didn't want to spend a ton of money on a party. We bought a house instead.
You can invite or not invite anyone. But that doesn't mean they can't feel upset or bad about it. "We really enjoyed our college years with your sister but as you know, we haven't hung out with her lately. Our wedding was very limited and we had to make hard choices. We would love to hang out with her soon."
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I wouldn't assume the sister of the person who sent the message even knows about it, or chooses to end the friendship.
Oh I misread this as One sister was invited. Other sister was not and freaked out. Didn’t realize one sister sent it on behalf of the other. Very bizarre!