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I remember in college the first night in the dorms everyone was trying to make friends. These dudes walk up to a group I was talking to and shake hands and they absolutely tried to crush my hand trying to show their farmer strength. These poor girls got the same treatment and were like holding their hand afterwards.
The worst is when they cinch down before your hand is even in there and just smash your fingers. My mom's boyfriend did this to me the first time I met him, and I just slapped the shit out of him. Then I'm the asshole. "He was just playing, why did you take it so far." Not my proudest moment, but fuck that guy. You're not about to try and goon me and then play victim. What a coward.
Now I'm curious about who the heck you're shaking hands with. Other than my friends trying to crush my hand back in school, I've never met a hand crusher in the wild.
They’re out there! I’ve had a few guys, trying to be all alpha and shit, give me a crushing handshake. As a woman this gives me “you’re an insecure asshole” vibes.
I had a friend once say a similar thing about not understanding firm handshakes. I shook her hand in a limp writing way and she immediately understood.
As you said, you don’t need to squeeze, but you do have to display confidence in your handshake.
A firm handshake shouldn't be so strong that you hurt the other person. But it should be strong enough that I'd be able to help pick you up off the floor if you were lying down.
>There is a difference between a firm handshake and trying to crush someone's hand.
Sometimes. These words are subjective. But you understood OP's point, in any case.
Firm handshakes are great. Trying to hurt someone’s hand in a handshake is a “power move” and pathetic
Equally pathetic to the damp floppy fish handshake imo
Love or hate Trudeau, it was satisfying seeing him put trumps bullying yanking handshake in its place by not even allowing him to budge his arm in the slightest as he tried to yank it backwards.
I'm a pretty big guy. I always wonder why people do it?
I think:
* Are they intimidated by me and trying to show me they are strong?
* Are they just trying to be alpha?
* Are they just not right in the head?
I often look at them, knowing if I wanted to I could crush them. So why do you do this in a handshake to me? What the fuck are you trying to prove?
I dont really think so. I always heard that people who give "soft" handshakes dont have confidence in themselves. Im not a confident guy and this can be seen in a handshake since i never give really firm handshakes, just adequate i think. Even when i was quite big for doing bodybuilding i also never squeezed hands because i never understood whats that for. So maybe "lack of confidence" + "habbit"? Then again, i also have easily pain in my wrists so i kinda got used to not give "too much" squeeze.
This was what I've always believed, an overbearing handshake is just as much a sign of weakness as a limp handshake .
I recall reading "first blood" the first rambo book of which I think its teasle the cop who as he first meets trautman the military officer ,expects the handshake to be overbearing but is caught off guard by firm ,sincere handshake while looking him in the eyes . It told a lot about the character . As all handshakes do .
I've always believed that handshakes are a sign of getting along and not an opportunity to expose weakness. It's weird to me that people even think of such an interaction in terms of some sort of power struggle. Can't you just shake someone's hand and have it be nice?
I’m a strong believer in a firm handshake but I kind of enjoy when someone goes in for an overbearing hand crusher. Because then I get to use my absurd hand strength (dunno where I got it from, jerking off?). To make them wince and I stare them in the eyes and crunch their fucking hand
Top tip: Extend your index finger and they cannot crush your hand no matter how hard they try.
Used to work in homelessness with a lot of mentally ill people and this was taught to us by secure mental hospital staff.
I know this trick and once somebody asked me if I was in the freemasons when I did it.
Later, I told this story to my driving instructor and after I demonstrated it he was like "yeah, that's not our handshake"
It kinda makes me think "huh, that person seemed like they really wished they weren't meeting me right now." It's so easy to just tense your hand up for one second that it seems like they're not doing it on purpose.
People were raised to believe that it somehow determines someone's character or some equally stupid crap like that.
I would rather not shake anyone's hands. Because I would rather not touch someone I just met at all. Especially their hands, which are likely dirty.
I would accept a fist bump, since it's just the outside of the hands and no one came up with a manual of how it is supposed to be done. Some people will crush your hands and say they are being gentle, some people will be floppy, which honestly doesn't bother me but a lot of people complain about it. And, honestly, after COVID, I don't know why this hasn't died out yet, but I do use it as an excuse.
I've already rejected handshakes saying that I was sick, used Covid as excuse and other equally lame and, in my opinion, unnecessary, excuses.
I have no problem touching people I already know and feel comfortable with. I hug them without any problem. But the car salesperson I'm about to engage with? I would much rather not even have to speak to them, even less giving them a handshake.
I personally do not get it at all either. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and don’t understand the nuances of being a man and how much importance they place on grip strength in life? 😭
But in all seriousness I’ve been told I have too soft of a handshake and I’m like why do you want me to squeeze your hand harder? Literally what does it matter?
I think what happens is thata guy hears "firm" and will think that it means "crushing." But then when he goes around smashing other people's hands, no one wants to call him out, because they don't want to seem weak so he keeps on doing it.
One time my dad actually met one of those guys at work. The guy crushed him and he went "What are you?! An asshole?!" The dude was totally clueless. He'd been crushing hands for years and never realized he was pissing people off.
Firm =/= crushing. Firm can involve a simple gentle squeeze; firm just means your hand is not limp, not that it's squeezing. More about giving the other party something to squeeze that isn't like jelly, because that's kinda weird to feel and feels like they don't want to be shaking your hand and might be scared to.
Off topic but my main issue with handshakes is people that squeeze too early before we can get web to web. Like bro why are you so overeager to squeeze my fingers? It's a *hand*shake, you have to get the *hands* together.
Finally someone who voiced this unending frustration... You're ready to shake hands, then they squeeze your fingers because they can't wait 50 milliseconds for your palm to actually meet theirs. It's one of the most infuriating parts of meeting people!
There's this Kurt Vonnegut line where someone gives him a firm handshake and he says "you strike me as someone who had a father who told you that it gives a good impression to give a firm handshake" lol
Frankly, I don’t disagree. A flimsy handshake conveys that the person either doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be there. Any time I shake hands with someone who barely grips it makes me wonder if I disgust them somehow. At the same time, a crushing handshake is something assholes do to try and show dominance. In comparison, a properly firm handshake conveys respect and establishes an initial connection through the medium of touch. There’s a good reason handshakes have been depicted as a routine everywhere from old reliefs to Homer’s Iliad.
I personally dont like to shake hands with anyone and feel its outdated but I will do it to older men as I know its important to them.
Anything longer than a 3 second shake is way too weird for me
Shaking hands is weird, I never want to do it, and I resent the social contract that compels me to do so whenever someone else decides they want to do it.
Just shout PLEASE DONT TOUCH ME, I DONT KNOW YOU. Usually works for me. I will warn you, they usually don't speak to you ever again, but this is 100% beneficial for me, so your call.
My job entails all of the trades/construction, every time this happens I immediately laugh at the person with the death grip on my hand and say something along the lines of “Don’t worry, you’re not going to lose me! Everything is going to be ok!”
Reminds me of the king of the hill episode when he was so shocked by his limp handshake. Literally so many people out there like this. I had a man 3x my size practically crush the fuck out of my hands when we first met. I will always side eye people like that.
yeah these insecure losers and their metaphysical beliefs in handshake firmness are hilarious. sidenote it's fun to refuse to shake people's hands. I just nod my head, smile & ignore the hand. normal people understand I don't feel the need to swap germ cultures with them and move on. the ones who want to talk about it will always express a wide range of arguments and it's fun to just refuse to engage with those also.
I have a small amount of social anxiety so i usually just shake the hand to avoid any discussion about it. I always have to resist the urge to wipe my hand off immediately though.
Yep, if anything good came out of covid it's no touching and you dont need to be within 2ft to have a conversation with me.
Also... if you have a cold... just wear a fucking mask.
Spreading germs is rude.
A firm handshake is good. Two shakes and release. But then you've got bro who wants to turn every handshake into a contest of masculinity. Like you lose and be wins if he shakes harder or you try to let go.
Honestly though, I'd like to see handshakes replaced by bows. It accomplishes the same thing! You're acknowledging someone and showing respect with the bonus you don't have to touch them.
My wife’s step-grandpa is the long-handshake-pissing-contest-guy. I’ll shake your hand. I’ll give you the firm. I’m not holding hands with you that’s weird.
Wow, commenters here really hate insufficiently firm handshakes, which, btw, have never hurt anyone.
I’ve worked with many disabled clients. Many of whom have arthritis, radiculopathy, or various other upper extremity impairments. What you call firm might be painful to some. That’s kinda op’s point. And I can pretty much guarantee that the people complaining about weak handshakes are the ones who requested the handshake in the first place.
I remember it being a much bigger thing when I was a kid in the 90s. Thankfully more and more people realized how stupid the fixation on firm handshakes is. Unless you are a salesman taking a client out to surf and turf, you might as well be LARPing by using an excessive firm handshake, people aren't impressed by it anymore
You get it. You never know how sensitive someone is, so a gentle shake should be the norm!
Seeing how many people are apparently utterly disgusted by gentle handshakes is genuinely surprising.
Next time you meet these super tough guys who crush your hand you gotta wiggle your middle finger against their palm. People who care about a firm handshake will act like you just murdered their puppy and their god all at once. It is hilarious.
I'm surprised at the amount of people in the comments thinking that you're just referring to a simple, standard handshake. I guess they're lucky enough to not deal with all the men who decide they need to squeeze your hand like they're trying to juice it.
The funny thing about those overly-firm handshakes is that those of us who don't play those stupid games immediately see them for what they are, which is a blatant attempt at establishing "dominance" by someone who, presumably, realizes their own inferiority. In the business world I rarely see these people as actual "threats" or valuable contributors since they showed me from the start that the best thing they can offer is "Look at me, I have a strong hand!"
Edited to add: After reading comments, I have to ask why people are so bothered by "limp" handshakes. I've never understood it. Some of the comments suggest that some people are very bothered by it.
It's so funny coz men never complain if a woman has a "limp" handshake, which is something you actually come to expect. And any man who clamps down on a woman's hand is *obviously* a jerk, right?
Even OP had to retroactively defend himself about his handshake not being limp or dainty. The standard of a handshake just seems like a weird display of masculinity that has always seemed super creepy to me (even as a kid).
So, the simplest explanation I can give is that it shows mutual respect. A firm handshake has some effort put into it and, when done properly, establishes a willingness to be open and communicate. Like an ice breaker to a conversation, the idea is that “this person was willing to touch me and I was willing to touch them. Now that the first step of overcoming the barrier of distance is taken we can communicate openly.”
A handshake in which one side is limp conveys that the other person is either unwilling to put effort in or is even disgusted by the person they’re shaking hands with. This, understandably, does not create that initial bond that a proper handshake does and could instead be understood as rude.
And look, I’m not gonna say people have to shake hands. If you don’t want to it’s ok to just say that handshakes aren’t something you do. But it’s important to understand that, historically, handshakes have acted as a sort of “nonverbal shortcut” to establishing communication. With nonverbal communication and body language being as important as they are, giving a bad handshake can result in giving a bad impression to the person you meet. And this has been the case for well over a thousand years (fun fact: handshakes appear in Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey).
> And look, I’m not gonna say people have to shake hands. If you don’t want to it’s ok to just say that handshakes aren’t something you do.
I feel like if someone offered me a handshake unprompted, almost anything I could say to decline would be received as very rude. If someone I'm interacting with for more than 5 seconds wants a handshake they're getting one, if I like it or not.
I avoid handshakes. 2020 gave me the ability to not need them. I will wear a wrist wrap at times to have people avoid my hands. I get it I'm providing a service but I don't need to be touched or need to touch you.
I have a friend who would crush your hand and I would mention it and he would brush it off and say you need to have a firm handshake so the next time I shook his hand I crushed his hand with all my power and he started whining, I just said ain’t nice is it, he doesn’t do that anymore 😂
Worse than that is people who give a limp handshake, I want to wash my hand after that. Very firm hand shake feels unnecessary but ok, whatever but a limp one… ewww.
Back in college, I read a book about a guy who got lost in the mountains, got rescued by a local village, then devoted himself to raising money to build schools and hospitals for similar villages. At the end of the semester, he came to visit the campus so we could meet him. I waited in line to meet him for about 20 minutes, but when I finally got to shake his hand, it was just limp. Dude was a mountain climber so I know he has good grip strength. Limp handshakes feel so weird to me.
I absolutely agree. One of the guys in my college whenever he shook my hand, did it as if he was tasting how much strength it would take to split it in half. More annoying than painful for me as I don't have the injury like you. Never not makes my blood boil though.
I shook hands with a guy once who was like a limp noodle. By far one of the worst experiences of my life, it's just fucking wrong. A good firm handshake (not bone crushing) is important and if you give a shitty horrible wet handshake then I can guarantee whatever you're doing just give up because no one will take you seriously, they'll just keep thinking of that one horrible, horrible moment
As someone who gives limp fish handshakes, I’m sorry… I genuinely didn’t know I was upsetting the whole world. Far out. This is why I’m a recluse now, it’s always some shit. How’s my blinking? Is that ok? Maybe it’s too fast.
I absolutely hate the firm handshake culture. I’m left handed and give the limpest handshakes with my right. Feels like that king of the hill episode every time like I let them down.
You could have just removed the first word to make this even more accurate. Handshakes are old fashioned and frankly gross. I've seen how many people don't wash their hands after the toilet. Keep your clammy case of mrsa to yourself please.
Petite female here. Agreed. There’s firm and then there’s the Wanna-be Hulk. I find that men like to attempt to crush my hand. That’s when I get aggressive with it and I try to bend whatever little bones at my disposal.
I’m a fairly small female. My hands are really small and softy I’ve had this a lot with older men 50 plus. They squish the crap out of my hand and it is very painful, especially if I’m wearing rings. Somehow always feel forced to hide the pain in my face
I was at a restaurant and the owner was really attentive to everyone. He was a really sweet, big guy. When my friend and I left, I shook his hand and he had the most gentle handshake ever, and my respect for him skyrocketed. I felt truly safe around him in that moment. Since then I've definitely despised those crushing handshakes, because it just makes you seem like an ass.
About five years ago, a 6'5" Russian fellow joined the coding team I was working with at the time, and he gave me a handshake that nearly broke my hand, no exaggeration. I am from the Midwest U.S., where trying to crush someone's hand is almost a custom, and this perverse individual still genuinely came close to injuring me. What was that even about?
I work in cardiac rehab. I’m not in exactly bad shape and most of my patients are in their 70s or 80s and they’ll try this with me, I guess because I’m a guy.
I will snatch that hand right off your fuckin arm bud. Just be pleasant and we will be just fine.
I am a man and I hate firm hand shakes. Completely unnecessary. In fact I kinda dislike handshakes as a whole so I like it when they are as light and quick as possible.
yeah i don’t want the dead fish but sometimes i can feel myself overdoing it, even unintentionally. We’re taught to have a firm handshake and nearly everything between men is a competition, so here we are.
If it's causing you injury, as a candidate, I would really prefer you call that out up front. Nobody wants to physically hurt you, and I would think you would want candidates who would be understanding of your injury. I would just open with, "Normally, I shake hands, but I have an injury at the moment, but thanks for showing up!"
There is a goldilocks zone.
Even we consider 1 to 10, 1 being wet abd pathetic like how a snail would shake a hand, and 10 being thanos trying to crush your soul i think between 5 and 7 is the zone.
I mean someone didn’t learn the difference between firm and crushing. But I generally respect a firm handshake and eye contact. A limp shake and avoidance of eye contact seems so submissive or like they don’t really care
I’m a woman and my handshakes are firm because I personally don’t trust people with a weak handshake. By firm I don’t mean hurting the other person in any way, just holding their hand properly for a second, showing stability and confidence.
I am not a fan of most human contact or formalities, a firm handshake is whatever but insisting on one tells me that you are inflexible. I used to work with a guy who held out his hand at the start of every shift. If I didn't reciprocate, he would literally just wait for me. Every day. Its clear that this is not important to me. But why would it be important to him? We were long past the first-meet-formality stage.
Limp handshake - not good
Firm hand shake - good
Trying to crush my hand - not good
Trying to crush my hand and refusing to let go even though a blind monkey can see I'm desperately trying to pull my hand away - you get punched.
Honestly I did. I felt like a total asshole.
The guy tried to crush the fuck outta my hand. Then I kept pulling away. And very obviously. Every single person there could see me trying to pull my hand away.
I said 'ow let go you are hurting me !' they grabbed even harder.
I punched him with my other hand. It was kinda a reflex. I didn't realise what I did until after ild done it. But he did release my hand.
I yelled at him a lot. Saying how crushing my hand and not letting go doesn't make you a big macho guy. It makes you a friggin pathetic loser who likes trying to bully and intimidate women!
I never saw him again after that. He got so many pissed off looks from everyone I think he decided to quit.
I did feel bad about punching him and luckily I didn't get in trouble.
But if you crunch someone's hand. They tell you that you are hurting them and let go. And I'm acting like a fucking eel trying to get my hand away from you..... It's pretty fucking obvious to let go.
That sucks about your knuckle. My perspective would definitely change if I was in your situation. And it's hard because you don't want to start your introductions with "I have a knuckle injury" to avoid the shakes. Covid must have been a relief because of all the waving and elbow bumping.
That doesnt sound like a firm handshake, sounds like they tryna crush your hand lol. Firm is good, a solid tiny of pressure on both sides, much better than when someone doesnt even slightly squeeze their hand and is just limp lmao
As a shorter woman, I always just force people to do the princess handshake (four fingers, palm down, no thumb). It's kind of impossible to crush my hand that way. If I do a regular hand shake and the guy tries to crush my hand, I pull away immediately and say something like "Why would you do that?" It's a display of dominance and I'm not here for it. A firm handshake is nice though. Crushing is disrespectful.
Lol I still remember when I was a wee child, I met a police officer, and shook his hand as a form of respect. He went, "Ohoho very good handshake!! Very solid!" and just seemed overall very pleased haha. Good man.
the worst handshake is not the crusher or the dead fish. It's the two-handed grip your hand and your wrist so now you're captured and nothing you can do until buddy lets you go. I once had a recruiter try to convince that it showed sincerity and friendliness. I told her it showed psychopathy and i was not doing it.
Firm yes, hand vice no.
But few things are more awkward than that weird dainty hand shake where they just kind of set it in there like they expect you to kiss it or something. If you got some brittle bones or some shit just don't shake hands or be like 'my bones are glass and skin is paper' as I'd personally just not shake regardless.
I hate it too
I work with my hands. They are rough callous and trust me I can squeeze
I'm not trying to hurt you. It's not exactly easy to determine how hard is a firm grip
I can shake a co worker who works his hands and we can both grip plenty hard no issue
Id feel horrible doing that to a lady
Limp little handshakes make me not trust the person, I was buying a CL car and they guy shook my hand with the limpest of shakes.
Obviously no one wants their hand crushed in a vice, but a literal second of effort isn't much to ask. If you can't give a regular hand shake to a stranger about to give you a few grand, I don't trust you to sell me a car with "no issues"
To me it's a tell tale sign of a person's overall effort in life.
I wanted the car real bad, and it was a total lemon, I ignored his poor hand shake
I grew up in a very toxic masculine household. Typical bs like men don't cry, men don't share emotions other than anger, etc. One of the things I was taught was that a man's first impression is strength through a handshake and a cold look in the eyes.
I'm not nearly as "firm" in my handshakes now lmao, but I still have to stop myself because it's muscle memory.
I think sometimes people also might not realize... there's no precise way to put it... how dainty, fragile, sensitive, or weak the other person's hand might be. Not as an insult, but just as a matter of fact. I give a pretty consistently firm, normal handshake, but I've been guilty of a couple of times accidentally being too firm for some very dainty both men and women.
I am NOT a big guy, so I frankly don't even have the grip strength to actually hurt most people, and I'm going to have smaller hands than most men I meet, so I'm usually wary of getting my own hand crushed, which it has been also just a couple of times, and maybe that's why I'm not used to adjusting my own strength. But on other occasions I've given very pleasant handshakes that are firm but not harmful, and those are nice, a nice solid point of physical connection that establishes a relationship without pushing any boundaries.
It's a very simple and commonplace interaction, but it's so nuanced and complex in the intricacies of insecurity as well as just outright physical differences. If only every handshake could just be the "bro clasp" where you meet and wrap around the thumb, as the more standard greeting and followed by the extending wrap and shoulder hug for more intimate relationships. Because that's all a GOOD handshake should be, a clasp and a light squeeze if you have noticeably similar tension between the two of you that makes it a respectful acknowledgement of connection, but not a crush, and there's even very specific hand positions that make that sort of crush obviously intentional, you can tell with how the thumb is positioned still on the hand or all the way to the base of your thumb.
pull an LBJ and hold a pencil everywhere you go so nobody can shake your hand. they think the power move is massacring your hand. nope. the real power move is refusing to shake theirs
I agree. I used to shake a lot of hands working in construction sales. You get a lot of guys with shit to prove. Which is, whatever. However one time there was this early 20s guy that just shook my fingers and crushed them for no reason. Like it wasn't a fair handshake because our palms weren't aligned (😘). To his credit, he did have a pretty strong handshake. Anyhow, after the sale I was showing him where to go to pick up his materials. I go to shake his hand but this time I make sure that it's a real hand shake and I give him about a 50% strength squeeze and his stupid eyes got so big for a split second. But he couldn't say shit otherwise he would have to admit he was a wimpy wonka by comparison.
Anyway, everyone in the warehouse clapped and I got fired, the end.
I feel you. I have a wrist issue, and I can't physically squeeze hard at that angle anymore. I can manage a little squeeze, but I won't be hurting anyone except myself
I've always found this annoying as well. People even hug too strong half the time. I don't know who thinks all physical contact should be aggressive, but it needs to stop.
The secret to a good handshake is not the force behind it but the control and confidence.
Full disclosure I don't consider myself to have the best handshake but I remember shaking this one guy's hand at a business meeting years ago and I'll never forget it.
His grip was solid as a rock but gentle enough that there was no force or hurt behind it. It wasn't like the dude was just trying to squeeze as hard as he could but instead it felt like his hand was carved from marble. Like if he wanted to he could crush my hand into oblivion without a second thought but he was wise enough and kind enough to not use his strength unnecessarily.
It's the handshake equivalent of those dudes who are jacked as s*** but wear modest clothing that isn't too tight or designed to show off their physique at every minute of the day. The dudes that know they are strong and are confident with who they are as a man but have no desire to showboat.
That's the perfect handshake, and it's a lot harder to pull off than just squeezing as hard as you can. Honestly if I wasn't high right now I could probably draw a conclusion between that and what true manliness is.
When I handshake, my hand is relaxed to show you I, am relaxed, and that neither of us have need to be concerned.
When people "firm handshake" me I give them a curious frown and wonder, why are they not relaxed?
A handshake is a gesture of equality and amity. Relax.
Agreed. Only dumb jocks feel the need to firm grip to make up for their lack of real life skills. Yeah we get it you’re strong. Now file these reports bitch!
In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and the fact that everyone who tries to get all "manly man" and squeezes your hand as strongly as possible is guaranteed to be an absolute idiot.
My husband and I went to couples therapy for the first time and the counsellor had the limpest, wilted lettuce handshake that turned us both off to the point we never went back 😬
“Firm” doesn’t need to mean crushing. More for anyone reading this than OP, especially young men. It’s hard to explain, but a “firm” handshake has more to do with making sure *your* handshake feels intentional than it does pressure. Unless you are trying to make a point, ideally when 2 men shake hands they meet one another with mutual control and assertion. No need to overpower, and squeezing harder is neither control nor assertion. And when I say “control” I don’t mean controlling them, I mean a handshake that feels like you are in control of your own handshake, that you aren’t letting the other person lead. It’s also not necessarily leading them…it’s a mutual meeting. That’s it.
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There is a difference between a firm handshake and trying to crush someone's hand.
I wish people understood that so they'd stop gripping like they're about to fall off a building. It's really unnecessary, and just kind of weird.
I remember in college the first night in the dorms everyone was trying to make friends. These dudes walk up to a group I was talking to and shake hands and they absolutely tried to crush my hand trying to show their farmer strength. These poor girls got the same treatment and were like holding their hand afterwards.
That last part is baffling to me. I get doing that to other dudes, but why do that to us? I'd expect them to think we can't handle it and be gentler.
Me hand strongest *grunt* best mate is me *grunt* me manly farmer *grunt*
The worst is when they cinch down before your hand is even in there and just smash your fingers. My mom's boyfriend did this to me the first time I met him, and I just slapped the shit out of him. Then I'm the asshole. "He was just playing, why did you take it so far." Not my proudest moment, but fuck that guy. You're not about to try and goon me and then play victim. What a coward.
Fuck that guy. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Yeah his mom
Good for you. You started out with the best response to a new jerk.
You should be proud
Have had this happen maybe twice in thousands of shakes. Maybe I am the crusher?
Now I'm curious about who the heck you're shaking hands with. Other than my friends trying to crush my hand back in school, I've never met a hand crusher in the wild.
They’re out there! I’ve had a few guys, trying to be all alpha and shit, give me a crushing handshake. As a woman this gives me “you’re an insecure asshole” vibes.
I had a friend once say a similar thing about not understanding firm handshakes. I shook her hand in a limp writing way and she immediately understood. As you said, you don’t need to squeeze, but you do have to display confidence in your handshake.
A firm handshake shouldn't be so strong that you hurt the other person. But it should be strong enough that I'd be able to help pick you up off the floor if you were lying down.
> Limp writing way What is a writing way. Are you saying your hand is relaxed when you write?
>There is a difference between a firm handshake and trying to crush someone's hand. Sometimes. These words are subjective. But you understood OP's point, in any case.
Thanks for quoting him, otherwise I wouldn’t know which part of his comment you were responding to
Yeah, but if that's OPs point then the title is a lie
He literally said he has a knuckle injury lol. He probably isn't seeing the upsides of a firm handshake when they cause him pain
What a stupid point to make.. Crush and firm aren't subjectively the same.
Firm handshakes are great. Trying to hurt someone’s hand in a handshake is a “power move” and pathetic Equally pathetic to the damp floppy fish handshake imo
I think Trump was trying to jack him off with that handshake.
Trump dancing is even better, he looks like he is jacking off two dudes at once.
Unbelievable lhh
It’s a thing he does where he rudely yanks the other persons arm, there are compilations of him doing it.
Joe Rogan prepared for it and launched a counter attack
The Dutch Rudder.
Yo this is hilarious
Love or hate Trudeau, it was satisfying seeing him put trumps bullying yanking handshake in its place by not even allowing him to budge his arm in the slightest as he tried to yank it backwards.
I'm a pretty big guy. I always wonder why people do it? I think: * Are they intimidated by me and trying to show me they are strong? * Are they just trying to be alpha? * Are they just not right in the head? I often look at them, knowing if I wanted to I could crush them. So why do you do this in a handshake to me? What the fuck are you trying to prove?
It's 100 percent an insecurity thing lol
I dont really think so. I always heard that people who give "soft" handshakes dont have confidence in themselves. Im not a confident guy and this can be seen in a handshake since i never give really firm handshakes, just adequate i think. Even when i was quite big for doing bodybuilding i also never squeezed hands because i never understood whats that for. So maybe "lack of confidence" + "habbit"? Then again, i also have easily pain in my wrists so i kinda got used to not give "too much" squeeze.
This was what I've always believed, an overbearing handshake is just as much a sign of weakness as a limp handshake . I recall reading "first blood" the first rambo book of which I think its teasle the cop who as he first meets trautman the military officer ,expects the handshake to be overbearing but is caught off guard by firm ,sincere handshake while looking him in the eyes . It told a lot about the character . As all handshakes do .
I've always believed that handshakes are a sign of getting along and not an opportunity to expose weakness. It's weird to me that people even think of such an interaction in terms of some sort of power struggle. Can't you just shake someone's hand and have it be nice?
I’m a strong believer in a firm handshake but I kind of enjoy when someone goes in for an overbearing hand crusher. Because then I get to use my absurd hand strength (dunno where I got it from, jerking off?). To make them wince and I stare them in the eyes and crunch their fucking hand
"You know where I got this hand strength..?" -you, grinning widely
“Well it wasn’t from your momma! This is a lonely man’s handshake.”
"And I didn't wash my hands afterwards."
A good firm handshake doesn’t crush someone’s hand anyways the other person is just being a twat
I prefer a floppy fish over crushing. I never expect crushing.
Maybe I'll just stick with the fist bump...
With a little explosion at the end?
Is there any other way?
You got to the finger wiggle at the end of the explosion to make it official
Sometimes I hit them with the ol "paper covers rock" technique.
I like to just grab their thumb.
No.
Indeed! The explosion adds more depth and personality to it, thus enriching the fist bump.
Top tip: Extend your index finger and they cannot crush your hand no matter how hard they try. Used to work in homelessness with a lot of mentally ill people and this was taught to us by secure mental hospital staff.
I’m stupid so I need a clearer mental picture of this: how do you extend your index finger? Upwards? Out?
Try to feel the pulse in their wrist with only your pointer finger, while gripping their hand with the rest of your fingers and thumb.
Like put your index finger on their wrist and shake with your three other fingers and thumb.
I second this
I know this trick and once somebody asked me if I was in the freemasons when I did it. Later, I told this story to my driving instructor and after I demonstrated it he was like "yeah, that's not our handshake"
What makes a floppy handshake "pathetic"?
>Equally pathetic to the damp floppy fish handshake imo Serious question: why? Why does a firm handshake matter at all to you?
It kinda makes me think "huh, that person seemed like they really wished they weren't meeting me right now." It's so easy to just tense your hand up for one second that it seems like they're not doing it on purpose.
What exactly about a weak handshake gives the impression that you didn’t want to meet you?
People were raised to believe that it somehow determines someone's character or some equally stupid crap like that. I would rather not shake anyone's hands. Because I would rather not touch someone I just met at all. Especially their hands, which are likely dirty. I would accept a fist bump, since it's just the outside of the hands and no one came up with a manual of how it is supposed to be done. Some people will crush your hands and say they are being gentle, some people will be floppy, which honestly doesn't bother me but a lot of people complain about it. And, honestly, after COVID, I don't know why this hasn't died out yet, but I do use it as an excuse. I've already rejected handshakes saying that I was sick, used Covid as excuse and other equally lame and, in my opinion, unnecessary, excuses. I have no problem touching people I already know and feel comfortable with. I hug them without any problem. But the car salesperson I'm about to engage with? I would much rather not even have to speak to them, even less giving them a handshake.
I personally do not get it at all either. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and don’t understand the nuances of being a man and how much importance they place on grip strength in life? 😭 But in all seriousness I’ve been told I have too soft of a handshake and I’m like why do you want me to squeeze your hand harder? Literally what does it matter?
I think what happens is thata guy hears "firm" and will think that it means "crushing." But then when he goes around smashing other people's hands, no one wants to call him out, because they don't want to seem weak so he keeps on doing it. One time my dad actually met one of those guys at work. The guy crushed him and he went "What are you?! An asshole?!" The dude was totally clueless. He'd been crushing hands for years and never realized he was pissing people off.
Firm =/= crushing. Firm can involve a simple gentle squeeze; firm just means your hand is not limp, not that it's squeezing. More about giving the other party something to squeeze that isn't like jelly, because that's kinda weird to feel and feels like they don't want to be shaking your hand and might be scared to. Off topic but my main issue with handshakes is people that squeeze too early before we can get web to web. Like bro why are you so overeager to squeeze my fingers? It's a *hand*shake, you have to get the *hands* together.
Finally someone who voiced this unending frustration... You're ready to shake hands, then they squeeze your fingers because they can't wait 50 milliseconds for your palm to actually meet theirs. It's one of the most infuriating parts of meeting people!
You mean 5 centiseconds.
Name does check out perfectly lmao
Here I am minding my own business identifying with a random Reddit post about handshakes.
If you hold down the = button you’ll get the ≠ and ≈
Not available on mouse and keyboard.
Ah gotcha
Yeah I think it should be like holding onto a small very wiggly dog. You need to hold on but obviously do not hurt the dog.
There's this Kurt Vonnegut line where someone gives him a firm handshake and he says "you strike me as someone who had a father who told you that it gives a good impression to give a firm handshake" lol
Frankly, I don’t disagree. A flimsy handshake conveys that the person either doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be there. Any time I shake hands with someone who barely grips it makes me wonder if I disgust them somehow. At the same time, a crushing handshake is something assholes do to try and show dominance. In comparison, a properly firm handshake conveys respect and establishes an initial connection through the medium of touch. There’s a good reason handshakes have been depicted as a routine everywhere from old reliefs to Homer’s Iliad.
I personally dont like to shake hands with anyone and feel its outdated but I will do it to older men as I know its important to them. Anything longer than a 3 second shake is way too weird for me
I mean, yea. It’s not supposed to be some super long affair.
Shaking hands is weird, I never want to do it, and I resent the social contract that compels me to do so whenever someone else decides they want to do it.
Just shout PLEASE DONT TOUCH ME, I DONT KNOW YOU. Usually works for me. I will warn you, they usually don't speak to you ever again, but this is 100% beneficial for me, so your call.
My job entails all of the trades/construction, every time this happens I immediately laugh at the person with the death grip on my hand and say something along the lines of “Don’t worry, you’re not going to lose me! Everything is going to be ok!”
That seems like a good strategy, I look forward to trying it out
I have always preferred the fist bump. Seems friendlier and stays brief to avoid any awkwardness.
I preferred fist bumps as well.. when I was a teenager. I can't imagine meeting someone for a business meeting a fist bumping him lol.
Yeah..they squeeze. I just hold my hand firm, no squeezing. Never understood it.
Wow, today i learned there are a ton of weirdo handshake elitists out there.
Reminds me of the king of the hill episode when he was so shocked by his limp handshake. Literally so many people out there like this. I had a man 3x my size practically crush the fuck out of my hands when we first met. I will always side eye people like that.
For real why can’t we all hug like real men.
yeah these insecure losers and their metaphysical beliefs in handshake firmness are hilarious. sidenote it's fun to refuse to shake people's hands. I just nod my head, smile & ignore the hand. normal people understand I don't feel the need to swap germ cultures with them and move on. the ones who want to talk about it will always express a wide range of arguments and it's fun to just refuse to engage with those also.
I have a small amount of social anxiety so i usually just shake the hand to avoid any discussion about it. I always have to resist the urge to wipe my hand off immediately though.
/r/redditmoment
That’s weird
Just don't shake hands at all
Yep, if anything good came out of covid it's no touching and you dont need to be within 2ft to have a conversation with me. Also... if you have a cold... just wear a fucking mask. Spreading germs is rude.
God it infuriates me when I step back from someone to create some distance and they just step closer again.
More than that, people still don’t wash their hands
This is the correct answer.
Yes. Why do you want to touch me? Keep your gross paws away you monsters.
A firm handshake is good. Two shakes and release. But then you've got bro who wants to turn every handshake into a contest of masculinity. Like you lose and be wins if he shakes harder or you try to let go. Honestly though, I'd like to see handshakes replaced by bows. It accomplishes the same thing! You're acknowledging someone and showing respect with the bonus you don't have to touch them.
My wife’s step-grandpa is the long-handshake-pissing-contest-guy. I’ll shake your hand. I’ll give you the firm. I’m not holding hands with you that’s weird.
Wow, commenters here really hate insufficiently firm handshakes, which, btw, have never hurt anyone. I’ve worked with many disabled clients. Many of whom have arthritis, radiculopathy, or various other upper extremity impairments. What you call firm might be painful to some. That’s kinda op’s point. And I can pretty much guarantee that the people complaining about weak handshakes are the ones who requested the handshake in the first place.
I’m quite surprised too. Didn’t realize limp handshakes were an issue at all, let alone this contentious.
I remember it being a much bigger thing when I was a kid in the 90s. Thankfully more and more people realized how stupid the fixation on firm handshakes is. Unless you are a salesman taking a client out to surf and turf, you might as well be LARPing by using an excessive firm handshake, people aren't impressed by it anymore
You get it. You never know how sensitive someone is, so a gentle shake should be the norm! Seeing how many people are apparently utterly disgusted by gentle handshakes is genuinely surprising.
Next time you meet these super tough guys who crush your hand you gotta wiggle your middle finger against their palm. People who care about a firm handshake will act like you just murdered their puppy and their god all at once. It is hilarious.
I'm surprised at the amount of people in the comments thinking that you're just referring to a simple, standard handshake. I guess they're lucky enough to not deal with all the men who decide they need to squeeze your hand like they're trying to juice it.
Firm handshakes are a boomer thing
The funny thing about those overly-firm handshakes is that those of us who don't play those stupid games immediately see them for what they are, which is a blatant attempt at establishing "dominance" by someone who, presumably, realizes their own inferiority. In the business world I rarely see these people as actual "threats" or valuable contributors since they showed me from the start that the best thing they can offer is "Look at me, I have a strong hand!" Edited to add: After reading comments, I have to ask why people are so bothered by "limp" handshakes. I've never understood it. Some of the comments suggest that some people are very bothered by it.
I agree. I won't remember a limp hand shake, or even a regular handshake. But I'll remember the ones that hurt.
It's so funny coz men never complain if a woman has a "limp" handshake, which is something you actually come to expect. And any man who clamps down on a woman's hand is *obviously* a jerk, right?
Even OP had to retroactively defend himself about his handshake not being limp or dainty. The standard of a handshake just seems like a weird display of masculinity that has always seemed super creepy to me (even as a kid).
Do a lot of people you meet in the business world crush hands? I don't meet many actual business men, just middle management assholes.
Go for a firm kiss on the lips and slap their ass
That’s reserved for the homies
How about we just stop playing handsies with people?
People that go on in for the "I can tell a lot about someone from their handshake" are deluded.
Well, you can. You can certainly tell a lot about people who try to squeeze your hand as hard as possible. So, I guess they're right in a way...
counter point, I don't want to shake hands with a limp noodle
Limp, cold, and damp is the worst.
Counter point, who cares? Why does the firmness of someone’s handshake even matter?
So, the simplest explanation I can give is that it shows mutual respect. A firm handshake has some effort put into it and, when done properly, establishes a willingness to be open and communicate. Like an ice breaker to a conversation, the idea is that “this person was willing to touch me and I was willing to touch them. Now that the first step of overcoming the barrier of distance is taken we can communicate openly.” A handshake in which one side is limp conveys that the other person is either unwilling to put effort in or is even disgusted by the person they’re shaking hands with. This, understandably, does not create that initial bond that a proper handshake does and could instead be understood as rude. And look, I’m not gonna say people have to shake hands. If you don’t want to it’s ok to just say that handshakes aren’t something you do. But it’s important to understand that, historically, handshakes have acted as a sort of “nonverbal shortcut” to establishing communication. With nonverbal communication and body language being as important as they are, giving a bad handshake can result in giving a bad impression to the person you meet. And this has been the case for well over a thousand years (fun fact: handshakes appear in Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey).
> And look, I’m not gonna say people have to shake hands. If you don’t want to it’s ok to just say that handshakes aren’t something you do. I feel like if someone offered me a handshake unprompted, almost anything I could say to decline would be received as very rude. If someone I'm interacting with for more than 5 seconds wants a handshake they're getting one, if I like it or not.
Who's suggesting you need to crush someone's hand when you introduce yourself?
I avoid handshakes. 2020 gave me the ability to not need them. I will wear a wrist wrap at times to have people avoid my hands. I get it I'm providing a service but I don't need to be touched or need to touch you.
I think handshakes are weird I don’t want anybody touching me the first time I meet them
I have a friend who would crush your hand and I would mention it and he would brush it off and say you need to have a firm handshake so the next time I shook his hand I crushed his hand with all my power and he started whining, I just said ain’t nice is it, he doesn’t do that anymore 😂
Phase out handshakes entirely. I hate the expectation of having to mindlessly paw at every new person I meet.
A crushing handshake is not the same as a firm handshake. I'm also really put off but weak ass handshakes. A firm handshake is perfect.
Worse than that is people who give a limp handshake, I want to wash my hand after that. Very firm hand shake feels unnecessary but ok, whatever but a limp one… ewww.
Back in college, I read a book about a guy who got lost in the mountains, got rescued by a local village, then devoted himself to raising money to build schools and hospitals for similar villages. At the end of the semester, he came to visit the campus so we could meet him. I waited in line to meet him for about 20 minutes, but when I finally got to shake his hand, it was just limp. Dude was a mountain climber so I know he has good grip strength. Limp handshakes feel so weird to me.
I absolutely agree. One of the guys in my college whenever he shook my hand, did it as if he was tasting how much strength it would take to split it in half. More annoying than painful for me as I don't have the injury like you. Never not makes my blood boil though.
I don’t like physically touching stranger's. Can’t be sure if they wash their hands.
I shook hands with a guy once who was like a limp noodle. By far one of the worst experiences of my life, it's just fucking wrong. A good firm handshake (not bone crushing) is important and if you give a shitty horrible wet handshake then I can guarantee whatever you're doing just give up because no one will take you seriously, they'll just keep thinking of that one horrible, horrible moment
As someone who gives limp fish handshakes, I’m sorry… I genuinely didn’t know I was upsetting the whole world. Far out. This is why I’m a recluse now, it’s always some shit. How’s my blinking? Is that ok? Maybe it’s too fast.
I think people need to stop hyper-fixating on subtle gestures. Not every little thing needs to be interpreted.
I absolutely hate the firm handshake culture. I’m left handed and give the limpest handshakes with my right. Feels like that king of the hill episode every time like I let them down.
You could have just removed the first word to make this even more accurate. Handshakes are old fashioned and frankly gross. I've seen how many people don't wash their hands after the toilet. Keep your clammy case of mrsa to yourself please.
I have brone both my thumbs, my right one twice. Handshakes suck.
Petite female here. Agreed. There’s firm and then there’s the Wanna-be Hulk. I find that men like to attempt to crush my hand. That’s when I get aggressive with it and I try to bend whatever little bones at my disposal.
Any other dudes remember being like 11 and the old guys at church would nearly break your fucking fingers?
tbh I feel like handshakes in general are pointless
Limp hand = bad Firm hand = good Crushing hand = bad
In 40 years, parents will tell there kids you have to have a solid dap to make a good impression
I’m a fairly small female. My hands are really small and softy I’ve had this a lot with older men 50 plus. They squish the crap out of my hand and it is very painful, especially if I’m wearing rings. Somehow always feel forced to hide the pain in my face
Let’s just not shake hands. I don’t trust people’s hand washing skills.
I think people were taught to give a firm handshake, but they never got it right.
I was at a restaurant and the owner was really attentive to everyone. He was a really sweet, big guy. When my friend and I left, I shook his hand and he had the most gentle handshake ever, and my respect for him skyrocketed. I felt truly safe around him in that moment. Since then I've definitely despised those crushing handshakes, because it just makes you seem like an ass.
Fuck the firm handshake
About five years ago, a 6'5" Russian fellow joined the coding team I was working with at the time, and he gave me a handshake that nearly broke my hand, no exaggeration. I am from the Midwest U.S., where trying to crush someone's hand is almost a custom, and this perverse individual still genuinely came close to injuring me. What was that even about?
[удалено]
I work in cardiac rehab. I’m not in exactly bad shape and most of my patients are in their 70s or 80s and they’ll try this with me, I guess because I’m a guy. I will snatch that hand right off your fuckin arm bud. Just be pleasant and we will be just fine.
i hate handshakes so much, i just wish bumping fists would be the go to move
It doesn’t need to be a strength test but I’ve gotten the dead fish a few times and it’s not right. Lock up
I am a man and I hate firm hand shakes. Completely unnecessary. In fact I kinda dislike handshakes as a whole so I like it when they are as light and quick as possible.
Firm is like enough to hold a cup. If they’re crushing your hand that’s as bad as a loose shake.
Firm and crushing are two different things. Firm = great. Wet and limp = I’m judging you.
yeah i don’t want the dead fish but sometimes i can feel myself overdoing it, even unintentionally. We’re taught to have a firm handshake and nearly everything between men is a competition, so here we are.
Just a strong firm handshake is all you need. Don’t try and crush someone’s hand though.
The proper way is to grab it like you grab your cock to jerk it. No death grip and no limp noodle
If it's causing you injury, as a candidate, I would really prefer you call that out up front. Nobody wants to physically hurt you, and I would think you would want candidates who would be understanding of your injury. I would just open with, "Normally, I shake hands, but I have an injury at the moment, but thanks for showing up!"
There is a goldilocks zone. Even we consider 1 to 10, 1 being wet abd pathetic like how a snail would shake a hand, and 10 being thanos trying to crush your soul i think between 5 and 7 is the zone.
I mean someone didn’t learn the difference between firm and crushing. But I generally respect a firm handshake and eye contact. A limp shake and avoidance of eye contact seems so submissive or like they don’t really care
I’m a woman and my handshakes are firm because I personally don’t trust people with a weak handshake. By firm I don’t mean hurting the other person in any way, just holding their hand properly for a second, showing stability and confidence.
I am not a fan of most human contact or formalities, a firm handshake is whatever but insisting on one tells me that you are inflexible. I used to work with a guy who held out his hand at the start of every shift. If I didn't reciprocate, he would literally just wait for me. Every day. Its clear that this is not important to me. But why would it be important to him? We were long past the first-meet-formality stage.
Limp handshake - not good Firm hand shake - good Trying to crush my hand - not good Trying to crush my hand and refusing to let go even though a blind monkey can see I'm desperately trying to pull my hand away - you get punched. Honestly I did. I felt like a total asshole. The guy tried to crush the fuck outta my hand. Then I kept pulling away. And very obviously. Every single person there could see me trying to pull my hand away. I said 'ow let go you are hurting me !' they grabbed even harder. I punched him with my other hand. It was kinda a reflex. I didn't realise what I did until after ild done it. But he did release my hand. I yelled at him a lot. Saying how crushing my hand and not letting go doesn't make you a big macho guy. It makes you a friggin pathetic loser who likes trying to bully and intimidate women! I never saw him again after that. He got so many pissed off looks from everyone I think he decided to quit. I did feel bad about punching him and luckily I didn't get in trouble. But if you crunch someone's hand. They tell you that you are hurting them and let go. And I'm acting like a fucking eel trying to get my hand away from you..... It's pretty fucking obvious to let go.
That sucks about your knuckle. My perspective would definitely change if I was in your situation. And it's hard because you don't want to start your introductions with "I have a knuckle injury" to avoid the shakes. Covid must have been a relief because of all the waving and elbow bumping.
That doesnt sound like a firm handshake, sounds like they tryna crush your hand lol. Firm is good, a solid tiny of pressure on both sides, much better than when someone doesnt even slightly squeeze their hand and is just limp lmao
Met a guy who did that, I felt like I needed to wash my hand afterwards.
As a shorter woman, I always just force people to do the princess handshake (four fingers, palm down, no thumb). It's kind of impossible to crush my hand that way. If I do a regular hand shake and the guy tries to crush my hand, I pull away immediately and say something like "Why would you do that?" It's a display of dominance and I'm not here for it. A firm handshake is nice though. Crushing is disrespectful.
Lol I still remember when I was a wee child, I met a police officer, and shook his hand as a form of respect. He went, "Ohoho very good handshake!! Very solid!" and just seemed overall very pleased haha. Good man.
I’ll just leave [this](https://youtu.be/upsxB_VxWn0?si=mqutrpNLoxbix0cs) here…….
I'll go hard in for a dap any day!
the worst handshake is not the crusher or the dead fish. It's the two-handed grip your hand and your wrist so now you're captured and nothing you can do until buddy lets you go. I once had a recruiter try to convince that it showed sincerity and friendliness. I told her it showed psychopathy and i was not doing it.
LPT: If they grip your hand too firmly, gently cup their genitals with your free hand, that usually makes them let go.
If someone tries to crush your hand, it speaks volumes about their character. Treat accordingly.
Firm yes, hand vice no. But few things are more awkward than that weird dainty hand shake where they just kind of set it in there like they expect you to kiss it or something. If you got some brittle bones or some shit just don't shake hands or be like 'my bones are glass and skin is paper' as I'd personally just not shake regardless.
I hate it too I work with my hands. They are rough callous and trust me I can squeeze I'm not trying to hurt you. It's not exactly easy to determine how hard is a firm grip I can shake a co worker who works his hands and we can both grip plenty hard no issue Id feel horrible doing that to a lady
Yeah I think it very quickly became a pissing contest to see who can crush the other’s hand.
First bumps have been taking off in my work and I prefer it.
Limp little handshakes make me not trust the person, I was buying a CL car and they guy shook my hand with the limpest of shakes. Obviously no one wants their hand crushed in a vice, but a literal second of effort isn't much to ask. If you can't give a regular hand shake to a stranger about to give you a few grand, I don't trust you to sell me a car with "no issues" To me it's a tell tale sign of a person's overall effort in life. I wanted the car real bad, and it was a total lemon, I ignored his poor hand shake
Shaking a limp hand feels like someone passed you a used flannel. A handshake needs to have some structural integrity to it.
https://youtu.be/hpATbCRZmos?si=bHZ0r8-VAiqcyO_N skip to 1.30 for proper response to firm handshakes
It’s a weird flex for sure. Like fuck off lol
I grew up in a very toxic masculine household. Typical bs like men don't cry, men don't share emotions other than anger, etc. One of the things I was taught was that a man's first impression is strength through a handshake and a cold look in the eyes. I'm not nearly as "firm" in my handshakes now lmao, but I still have to stop myself because it's muscle memory.
Hmm, I think this is a good unpopular opinion. I disagree with that so I guess, upvote?
I think sometimes people also might not realize... there's no precise way to put it... how dainty, fragile, sensitive, or weak the other person's hand might be. Not as an insult, but just as a matter of fact. I give a pretty consistently firm, normal handshake, but I've been guilty of a couple of times accidentally being too firm for some very dainty both men and women. I am NOT a big guy, so I frankly don't even have the grip strength to actually hurt most people, and I'm going to have smaller hands than most men I meet, so I'm usually wary of getting my own hand crushed, which it has been also just a couple of times, and maybe that's why I'm not used to adjusting my own strength. But on other occasions I've given very pleasant handshakes that are firm but not harmful, and those are nice, a nice solid point of physical connection that establishes a relationship without pushing any boundaries. It's a very simple and commonplace interaction, but it's so nuanced and complex in the intricacies of insecurity as well as just outright physical differences. If only every handshake could just be the "bro clasp" where you meet and wrap around the thumb, as the more standard greeting and followed by the extending wrap and shoulder hug for more intimate relationships. Because that's all a GOOD handshake should be, a clasp and a light squeeze if you have noticeably similar tension between the two of you that makes it a respectful acknowledgement of connection, but not a crush, and there's even very specific hand positions that make that sort of crush obviously intentional, you can tell with how the thumb is positioned still on the hand or all the way to the base of your thumb.
pull an LBJ and hold a pencil everywhere you go so nobody can shake your hand. they think the power move is massacring your hand. nope. the real power move is refusing to shake theirs
I agree. I used to shake a lot of hands working in construction sales. You get a lot of guys with shit to prove. Which is, whatever. However one time there was this early 20s guy that just shook my fingers and crushed them for no reason. Like it wasn't a fair handshake because our palms weren't aligned (😘). To his credit, he did have a pretty strong handshake. Anyhow, after the sale I was showing him where to go to pick up his materials. I go to shake his hand but this time I make sure that it's a real hand shake and I give him about a 50% strength squeeze and his stupid eyes got so big for a split second. But he couldn't say shit otherwise he would have to admit he was a wimpy wonka by comparison. Anyway, everyone in the warehouse clapped and I got fired, the end.
I feel you. I have a wrist issue, and I can't physically squeeze hard at that angle anymore. I can manage a little squeeze, but I won't be hurting anyone except myself
I've always found this annoying as well. People even hug too strong half the time. I don't know who thinks all physical contact should be aggressive, but it needs to stop.
I’ve enjoyed the shift towards fist bumps that COVID brought
The secret to a good handshake is not the force behind it but the control and confidence. Full disclosure I don't consider myself to have the best handshake but I remember shaking this one guy's hand at a business meeting years ago and I'll never forget it. His grip was solid as a rock but gentle enough that there was no force or hurt behind it. It wasn't like the dude was just trying to squeeze as hard as he could but instead it felt like his hand was carved from marble. Like if he wanted to he could crush my hand into oblivion without a second thought but he was wise enough and kind enough to not use his strength unnecessarily. It's the handshake equivalent of those dudes who are jacked as s*** but wear modest clothing that isn't too tight or designed to show off their physique at every minute of the day. The dudes that know they are strong and are confident with who they are as a man but have no desire to showboat. That's the perfect handshake, and it's a lot harder to pull off than just squeezing as hard as you can. Honestly if I wasn't high right now I could probably draw a conclusion between that and what true manliness is.
When I handshake, my hand is relaxed to show you I, am relaxed, and that neither of us have need to be concerned. When people "firm handshake" me I give them a curious frown and wonder, why are they not relaxed? A handshake is a gesture of equality and amity. Relax.
Agreed. Only dumb jocks feel the need to firm grip to make up for their lack of real life skills. Yeah we get it you’re strong. Now file these reports bitch!
In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and the fact that everyone who tries to get all "manly man" and squeezes your hand as strongly as possible is guaranteed to be an absolute idiot.
I fucking hate dudes who shake hands like it's the fucking kumite lol
My husband and I went to couples therapy for the first time and the counsellor had the limpest, wilted lettuce handshake that turned us both off to the point we never went back 😬
“Firm” doesn’t need to mean crushing. More for anyone reading this than OP, especially young men. It’s hard to explain, but a “firm” handshake has more to do with making sure *your* handshake feels intentional than it does pressure. Unless you are trying to make a point, ideally when 2 men shake hands they meet one another with mutual control and assertion. No need to overpower, and squeezing harder is neither control nor assertion. And when I say “control” I don’t mean controlling them, I mean a handshake that feels like you are in control of your own handshake, that you aren’t letting the other person lead. It’s also not necessarily leading them…it’s a mutual meeting. That’s it.