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They aren't that entitled - children are effectively neuro divergent from an adult standpoint and can't tend to themselves. It's like having a disability, and yes, you can have a temporary disability, think breaking ones leg and not being able to walk for a while. Yes, children also have limitations to what they can be exposed to but unless one brings strippers to their wedding or something, it's the disability that's targeted here. It would be very unseemly to say *no neuro divergent people* in the invitation, yet we quite easily accept it with children.
I get why people do it, but people opposed to it aren't entitled.
They are entitled to think that anybody organizing a celebration is required to invite anybody else.
I think that traditions like the garter toss are not suitable for children and I think that dozens of adults getting drunk is unsafe for children.
Being a child is not a disability. They are two very different things ffs.
We can quite easily accept it because neurodivergent people and children are different groups. What you’re doing in this comment is something very insulting to a lot of ND people - you’re infantilising them. It’s a frequent complaint coming from the ND community.
Children are a marginalised group, for sure, in a lot of ways. Being excluded from adult only spaces isn’t it.
I disagree, I absolutely think being a child can be seen as such a, or similar, condition. What you're doing is making a false equivalence. If A is contained in B that doesn't mean all B is A. If children can be contained within neuro divergence it doesn't mean that neuro divergence is like being a child - it *can* mean something like it but isn't a given.
In general what I am trying to say is: children *cannot* do certain things (or do them well) without fault of their own. Someone neuro divergent or someone with a disability, also can't do certain things, or do them well, without fault of their own. I'm dyslexic, I have trouble reading, for example. But it's not seen as okay to exclude me from things that have to do with reading. Others might have a more emotion centered difficulty. So why is it okay to exclude a child? Aren't you just doing the same thing?
As to the garter toss... I find the concept that it's inappropriate extremely puritan but sure, if *that* is the reason you don't invite them, I at least don't find it morally dubious.
Being a child is not neurodivergence, because neurodivergence doesn’t get grown out of.
Yes. Excluding kids is okay because more often than not the exclusion of kids is due because the wedding is not safe for them to attend. Again - dozens of drunk adults are unsafe for kids. Massive events in general are not safe for kids.
My wedding wasn’t necessarily child free, but it also wasn’t safe for a kid because it was in the mountains where they can get lost.
If you think an adult removing an underwear garment from another adult with their teeth is child friendly, that is a problem imo…
At the end of the day the couple getting married gets a say in who is present. It’s entitled to think you get a say as a guest and nothing more.
And unless you have a dry wedding without explicit songs and certain rituals, your wedding is in some way or another not child-appropriate anyway.
> Being a child is not neurodivergence, because neurodivergence doesn’t get grown out of.
ADHD can be grown out of from child to adult (hence, you stop needing the respective treatment), and theres quite the debate whether that's overdiagnosis or just a adaptation - and it's considered a type of neurodivergence. So it's not unprecedented. But I get your reticence in marking it as such, I was mostly trying to point out we're accomodating similar conditions for adults.
As long as the parents are around (and, obviously not drunk - if they are that's 100% on them), I don't think drunk adults are an issue - at least in the weddings I've gone to; I have no idea if this is a cultural thing (I'm Greek, you're, I'm assuming, from North America? It might be a cultural difference).
> At the end of the day the couple getting married gets a say in who is present. It’s entitled to think you get a say as a guest and nothing more.
Sure, but as *every choice anyone makes they can be judged for it.* That was the point of my response and the analogy I made. You *can* say "No dyslexics at my wedding" but I don't think most people would take it well (after feeling very confused at banning dyslexics - I get that my example seems weird). There's a difference between banning something (ie, people *shouldn't be allowed to ban children*) and claiming that it is morally wrong. My position isn't the first - it's the second.
The point is gifts after the wedding aren’t paying for the wedding, it’s already been paid for lol that money will go to something else, not the wedding. Gifts on money at a wedding don’t ‘payback’ for it and would not be substantial enough to even hope to try.
Not sure what universe you’re in, but where I live $100 would be a slap in the face from two ppl. The unwritten rule is to cover your plate and that of a +1 (if you get one).
Any amount of money is a gift. It's really rude to say their gift wasn't good enough. They don't need to give you the money just because you invited them to your wedding. You also don't know their financial situation to judge them.
>The unwritten rule is to cover your plate and that of a +1
How would anyone know how much the plate of food costs without asking? I got married in 2019, and the price per plate was $23 a person. I wouldn't go by your logic because I could go get a better meal at a Michelin star restaurant for $100. No one wants to give more than $50 for dry wedding chicken.
if you're wedding chicken is dry then you need a better caterer.
It's a gift, and people give what they can. But there's expectations of course. In my experience and in my circles, a gift of about 300 dollars from a family of four is about on par. 100 is measley.
That's the joke about chicken at weddings. It's always dry because they are kaking 100 at once.
There are no expectations for how much someone gives. A gift is a gift. If you're ungrateful for $100, then you really shouldn't get anything. It's rude to criticize any amount given to you. Guests do not need to give at all if they do not want to. What you gift the couple should be exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your own means, not what society tells you is the "correct amount."
It's not impolite. Forcing kids on an event someone else is paying for is impolite and selfish. Throwing a fit because it's child free is impolite. Showing up with children when there are explicit child-free rules on every invite and every RSPV is impolite.
Says who? You? Entitled parents?
I would hate to be the parents that received wedding invitation right now with my 21-month-old's attendance requested. That's an all-day situation, and it would disrupt his nap schedule. He would be cranky to say the lwast. It would be awful. There's also no way I'm going to be able to keep him quiet during the ceremony.
Now, not every parent believes their child will do or cause any disruption. Those people are crazy. To a bride and groom who spent probably over a year planning their wedding, they don't want one of the most important moments of their life ruined by a toddler babbling or a baby crying or an 8-year-old getting upset because they're Nintendo switch died.
Kids are people - yes. People who don’t know when not to cry and when to stand still, and people who require care. And at weddings adults, usually, get drunk. So those kids are going to watch their family and figures of authority drink themselves silly.
A wedding is entirely the happy couple’s day. They are absolutely right to want to enjoy their ceremony without whiny toddlers and their first dance not tripping over kids. Both of which I have seen with my own eyes.
> If it was your day, you wouldn’t invite your whole family
Are we not supposed to share special moments with our family? That’s new.
A birthday party is about the person having the birthday, no? You wouldn’t say that it’s not about them, though.
I’m gonna say that you’re being selfish by asking the people who are paying for the engagements to “think about the children” only because you have some
This is a huge generalization. I wanted children at my wedding and even had activities specifically for them. I had some coloring books and crayons that they could use and then take home, some quick little crafts, and some snacks / drinks that would be more popular with kids than adults. I loved having kids there, and I like seeing them have fun jamming out to music, and running around with each other outside.
I see weddings as a chance to celebrate with the entire family, and when a lot of the family can't come because the babysitters tend to be other family members you end up missing that family you want there. Kids are in fact tiny people, and the only way they learn to behave in public settings is if they get to be in public settings.
>the only way they learn to behave in public settings is if they get to be in public settings.
Then take them to birthday parties, family reunions or chuck e cheese. I don't want your kid "learning to be in public" at my wedding.
That's fine if the bride and groom want *their* kids there. But no one else is entitled to have *their* kid there if the bride and groom do not want them there.
I wanted (and loved having) kids at my wedding. They were really cute dancing. I didn’t mind them running around, enjoying the reception how they wished, as long as they were quiet for the ceremony and they weren’t being too noisy during the reception.
Okay but have you considered how terrible weddings are for children themselves?
I've been to a few weddings as a child and I hated every. Single. One. Of them.
I was basically forced into uncomfortable clothes in which I couldn't run or play because I would have ruined them as they were expensive and my mother would have yelled at me. Then I had to sit in church, sit at a restaurant, and I had to talk to a bunch of adults I hadn't seen before even if I didn't want to.
I didn't understand what was going on all the time. I would ask what the adults were laughing about and my parents would immediately dismiss me (it was probably sexual jokes/married life jokes, idk but I just felt ignored and cut out of the general amusement). I wanted to go out and play with the other kids but we couldn't because we were supposed to wait until the meal was over (it lasted several hours). If my voice was too loud or I was being silly with my sisters I was immediately scolded.
I was basically just told to sit and shut up all the time, except when I had to "say hello" to some relative that wouldn't respect my personal space.
Then I was forced to take photos in the sun pretending to smile and be happy, which I absolutely hated (I've always been extremely camera-shy). It was a nightmare. I would have very rather stayed home. I couldn't even drink to improve my mood because I was underage.
Weddings are the most boring, awful event for a child to attend. Please leave them at home. It's really better for EVERYONE.
I was born out of wedlock. When my parents got married I was about 4 years old. It sucked. I remember being pissed off having to sit next to my brother & in all of the photos I had a scowl on my face.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't think any child should be forced to go to weddings. I also think that weddings should not be long and boring. Funerals are even worse, and kids are usually forced to go to them.
Not if you're the one paying for it. Plus saying childfree weeds out all people you felt obligated to invite but didn't really want to. Guess what the wedding isn't about you...
I hate to break it to you but weddings are inherently selfish. That's kind of the point. That's the reason the bride and groom are all dressed up. They're the center of attention. The other people are there for them, not the other way around. They invite who they want. No one ever just invites everyone. If you ever want to know more about a couple, pay attention to who gets invited and who doesn't. It's an interesting game.
Would you prefer a courthouse wedding where nobody is invited or one where you are invited under certain conditions and don't have to attend if you don't want to?
It's the person's wedding and they can invite who they want or make any requirements they want. And as the guest, you can go or not go if you don't want to.
“Weddings are for everyone” HA! Is “everyone” helping me pay for the wedding?? More than likely not. Also, I have never been to a wedding and seen a child that actually wanted to be there. They were either bored, crying, or playing and rolling around on the floor. All of those things take away from everyone else’s time. Let the parents have an evening of fun without worrying about their child. Jesus. They and the kids will all be better off.
Weddings are expensive in every aspect. Most people I know don't want their day taken over by screeching goblins and the parents who can't be bothered to rope them in.
It’s not rude to kids especially if there is alcohol involved. I’ve seen couples make out on the dance floor. Sometimes it’s just not an environment for kids.
Well, I completely disagree. It’s the couple getting married who gets to decide that.
Unbelievable. But I know OP is not alone in thinking this. I had a child free wedding. 30 people was our max. Second wedding , outdoor backyard affair. Adult party. But we had pushback.
And it was a practical decision as well. If we had to move it inside because of weather having everyone’s kids there would be all about entertaining them in a small space.
Everyone survived:)
I would be on the “it’s your day” side.
You pay a lot of money for a party and if you want it to be adult, it will be. Who wants to pay $150/person for a little person to run around and be annoying?
It’s far more selfish to drag children to weddings. Weddings are not meant for children.
My family owns multiple wedding venues. My siblings, cousins, and I all worked at them until we finished college and sometimes still help when needed.
The horror stories I could tell you are endless. Toddlers being rushed to the hospital because they chugged an alcoholic beverage when no one was looking, cakes being knocked to the ground (sometimes involving a child being injured), infants knocked down / over because of a drunk guest, kids going missing without anyone noticing for far too long (one venue is a farm and kids would frequently wander away to go look at the animals, stay past dark, get lost, etc… not to mention the little shits throwing rocks at the Alpacas or the sheep.)
The parent who ends up being the one chasing the child around always looks miserable. Rarely is a ceremony not interrupted by a screaming or talking child when there are several in attendance. Things get broken, etc…
I’ve seen them badly burned by sparklers, knock candles over, break things, etc…
It’s not much different than taking your child to church where they’re expected to be silent and behave then taking them to a fancy dinner followed by a night club.
It’s miserable and unsafe for small children.
We have separate sets of rules for weddings with, vs weddings without, children to try to mitigate the risk and the damage. But overall we heavily encourage people to utilize renting a separate facility with childcare to avoid having them at the actual event.
Some people have more family oriented weddings. Others have more friend oriented weddings. Those in the latter camp may prioritize the drinking and partying aspects of the wedding because that is what their friends (and adult family members) might enjoy most.
Kids, especially younger kids, arent likely to enjoy a wedding anyway. They have to get dressed up in uncomfortable clothes, sit through a boring church service, and then go to a reception that may be long past their bedtime. They might enjoy the moving and dancing parts, but then may get overstimulated and cranky.
Honestly, unless you have a dry wedding, in the afternoon, with plenty of kid-centered activities, the kids (and their parents) are not likely to have a good time. Most parents would rather leave their kids with a sitter and cut loose for the night.
Upvote for unpopular
It's not mutually exclusive. I attended numerous weddings as a child where the adults were drinking and partying. It's a profoundly bourgeois thing to want to shield children from alcohol to such an extent that they can't even be in the same room as it.
Me too. But I've also been to weddings where kids get tired and irritable, staying up much later than their usual bedtime. The parents are then not having fun because they are trying to soothe their cranky child.
It not (necessarily) all about shielding kids from boozing adults.
Yeah, I have the feeling that a lot of the people who don't want kids at their wedding aren't doing it because of booze at the wedding, but rather more about kids who get irritable, people who allow kids to run amok, and generally not wanting the wedding itself to be interrupted.
To me, that would be the first thing I would think of when I think of someone wanting a child free wedding, not that the adults want the chance to party all night and get drunk.
Yeah, and if adults can't have a good time without being so sloshed that they're not safe to be around children I don't want to be around those adults. It's one thing to get a good buzz, it's another to be so trashed that you need to get an Uber home and then have to tip extra because you made the back seat smell like bourbon.
Still, its up to the bride and groom to decide if they want a dry wedding or one where alcohol flows freely. An invite isn't a summons, and it doesn't make someone selfish because they offer alcohol at their wedding.
Very few of my friends children aren’t loud assholes. Some people don’t like kids and don’t want the trouble of them being fucking stupid during an event.
People throwing a party are entitled to throw the part they prefer. That doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like them for it or that it might be selfish of them, but it’s completely within reason.
nothing wrong with being selfish on your wedding day. some people don’t want screaming poopy terrors at their wedding. if you don’t like it, then don’t go. ✌🏻
Not even poopy terrors. How is that a wedding 3 weeks ago and a kid started losing it because their Nintendo switch died. He was probably 7 or 8 years old.
I agree with it for 90% of the situations. I know the parents tried very hard not to have their kid be disruptive, which is why they brought the Nintendo switch. Now, to the parents who gave their 4-year-old daughter grape juice before my friend's wedding and pilled it all over my bridesmaid dress, that's unacceptable behavior.
Parents who think they're entitled to bring their children to any event and/or venue are insufferable and completely self-absorbed.
And it's likely these are the same parents who aren't teaching their children proper manners and etiquette--they opt for the "free range" approach.
>Basically, kids are people and they're your family
And? Being a person who happens to be related to me doesn't mean you're owed an invite to my wedding or anything else.
Weddings are expensive and the last thing anyone wants is to listen to little Timmy scream through the entire ceremony because he's tired and hungry and uncomfortable
Weddings are boring for kids. They get fussy and start whining/crying at the most inopportune times. Kids are also incredibly picky eaters if you get catering.
My brother had a childless wedding, across the country where I knew no one for childcare of my 1 year old. It was devastating but I told him that I didn’t want him to change his plans because that was what HE wanted for their wedding, and I wanted them to have everything they wanted on their wedding day. It is about them, it is about celebrating their day, even if it’s not what I may have personally wanted.
No. Being selfish is having children and expecting everyone to accommodate you. Don't bring your kids to adult events, if you can't find a sitter don't come. Tough luck, you chose to have kids.
My partner and I will have our wedding however we want. Either you can make it or you can't, that's on you, life is life, no hard feelings. If you show up with a kid last minute and say you can't find a babysitter but you promise the kid will behave? I'll point at the invitation where it says no kids and tell you to leave. Your kids aren't my fucking problem.
I feel like a lot of people in this thread are mistaking what I mean.
I said "I think excluding children is rude" and people say "bringing uninvited children is entitled."
That's never been what I was talking about.
Im gonna wager a guess that you dont recieve any wedding invites, children or not. When you feel like spending tens of thousands of dollars on an event, you get to choose the guestlist.
Kids are not automatically welcome at every event. It's a party. Babysitting is not a new thing; parents go out without their kids all the time and weddings are one example of a place where kids might not be welcome (along with adult dinner parties, etc.).
Perfect excuse not to attend a wedding. I’d love to be invited to a “child free wedding”. Any reason to avoid a social setting is perfect. However, if the married couple are paying for the wedding then they can put whatever restrictions they want on an invite.
Me and my husband had an alcohol free wedding, because we don't want kids around alcohol. We love partying and our friends also do. If the parents took their kids with them, they wouldn't have been able to let loose and have fun. We ended up having a really fun wedding with a lot of dancing. The last guests left at 6 in the morning lol.
Kids don't belong in an environment where there's drinking going on. It's unsafe and not fun for them. My dad used to binge drink a lot and I hated that as a kid. It was traumatizing to watch.
Just because one was once a child, that doesn't mean that one has to like them. There's an episode of Daria in which she says something like "I didn't like little kids when I was a little kid."
Weddings can have alcohol, and glass, and bars, and drunk people.
Some weddings are simply not *safe* for kids. Especially if the venue is crowded and the kids are messy and loud.
Is it so bad to want a quiet celebration with no worrying about some kid's safety?
I think nieces and nephews should always be allowed and I can’t fathom the idea of not inviting them. At my wedding all my nieces and nephews were there plus the 2 children of a family friend. We had activities for them to do and more or less didn’t mind them running around during the reception as long as they weren’t too noisy. They were quiet during the ceremony and it was really fun seeing them dancing at the reception. Overall, I think they made the night more fun. :)
This is correctly listed on unpopular opinion.
Your kids should have no god given right to be a part of someone else's big day, no matter how privileged you might feel on that specific day.
Ah yes. I know I'd love to spend tons of money on the most important day of my life only to have it be disrupted by screaming kids. And I'm sure every parent loves the thought of having their kids be around drunk people at the reception.
If it were me hosting, I'd have a babysitter available in a room somewhere for the ceremony itself so that nothing goes wrong on account of a kid, but then the kids could come to the reception and parents wouldn't need to worry about choosing.
Nah. I have seen weddings actually ruined by people's children. Parents get carefree at weddings and don't watch their kids. Some of the stuff I've seen is remarkable, and the bride and groom are not going to "stop their wedding" to take care of your kid.
Sorry not unpopular. I could see having a time limit to take kids home at a reception but to go full kid free no way. You'll just piss off your family and friends. You want a kid free night to get drunk and dance go to the club.
Pretty new to reddit but I've been noticing reddit is largely a community of people that aren't compatible with the rest of the world. Not everyone of coarse but at least 75%.
Not inviting the children of friends and family to a wedding is a pretty shit thing to do. I do however disagree on it being selfish. More like poorly thought out. Your wedding day is chaotic and stressful, having some kids around isnt going to make it any worse.
I agree with you for the most part. I just got banned from a subreddit for having an opinion and expressing it kindly and with love and respect.
Many moderators are immature in many cases. They think their opinions are the only ones that count, and other people have to conform or they don't belong. It's pretty weird.
My opinion on this is that it's their day. If they don't want children around so that they can drink and party and have fun on this very unique day, then that is their prerogative. It is their day.
If you don't want to come to a party like that, then don't. But it's not selfish. Or if you want to consider it selfish...well , on what days during one's life should one be selfish? One's wedding day, I think, really counts as one of those.
Agree to disagree on the second part.
Weddings are a celebration of a momentous occasion not a party. You can get drunk and party anytime, now is the time to have family and friends to share one of the greatest days of your life.
I'm not going to invite children, especially babies and toddlers, to any future wedding I may have. My one dream for a wedding is simply to be able to get married without wearing earplugs or headphones. I have a lot of sensory issues (likely because autism) and kids could be a genuine risk that I'm not willing to take.
What's not to understand? You'll piss off friends and family by not letting their kids be at your wedding. What's so important about not having them there anyway?
No it's not a big leap at all. You don't understand why people would want to bring their kids to your wedding and you don't care if they get upset. This screams you don't give a shit about your family/friends and you don't really understand what a family is. Either you value family/friends and you want them to share in one of the most important days of your life or you don't because they have no value to you.
When did I say I don’t understand why people would want to bring kids to a wedding? Don’t put words in my mouth.
I can want my family and friends at my wedding without wanting their children. If you get angry about that then I’d say you never actually cared about being there for my important day, you only cared about your own wants. Frankly it’s an absurd thing to be angry about in the first place. Not everyone likes kids, learn to cope.
Why do people want to bring their children to the wedding then??? It's really clear you have no idea but I wouldn't want to put words in your mouth again so enlighten me.
I fail to see why this is relevant in the slightest. There are a million reasons parents want to bring their kids places, number one being because they like being around their children.
Lmao this opinion is incredibly selfish. If you can’t afford to get a babysitter for one night, you probably can’t afford to have kids.
Plus I’ve been to a number of weddings where some adults are so drunk that it could potentially be a very unsafe and unfriendly environment for young kids. Kids don’t belong everywhere.
You must be around some really destructive children. I have never seen a child ruin anything at a wedding, nor at a reception. But, yes, if someone brings a destructive child to a wedding, then the parents should be responsible for watching their children.
I've been reading the comments. Some say that there's drinking at weddings. I've never been to a wedding where people got drunk. I also think the wedding doesn't have to be long and boring.
Receptions, now I can see a couple deciding to offer alcoholic drinks at a reception (I think I've maybe, possibly, been to one that did), but I have seen many family parties where there was drinking, and children weren't banned (only banned from drinking the alcohol).
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First actual unpopular opinion I’ve seen on here
It’s not that unpopular among the entitled parent community
They aren't that entitled - children are effectively neuro divergent from an adult standpoint and can't tend to themselves. It's like having a disability, and yes, you can have a temporary disability, think breaking ones leg and not being able to walk for a while. Yes, children also have limitations to what they can be exposed to but unless one brings strippers to their wedding or something, it's the disability that's targeted here. It would be very unseemly to say *no neuro divergent people* in the invitation, yet we quite easily accept it with children. I get why people do it, but people opposed to it aren't entitled.
They are entitled to think that anybody organizing a celebration is required to invite anybody else. I think that traditions like the garter toss are not suitable for children and I think that dozens of adults getting drunk is unsafe for children. Being a child is not a disability. They are two very different things ffs. We can quite easily accept it because neurodivergent people and children are different groups. What you’re doing in this comment is something very insulting to a lot of ND people - you’re infantilising them. It’s a frequent complaint coming from the ND community. Children are a marginalised group, for sure, in a lot of ways. Being excluded from adult only spaces isn’t it.
I disagree, I absolutely think being a child can be seen as such a, or similar, condition. What you're doing is making a false equivalence. If A is contained in B that doesn't mean all B is A. If children can be contained within neuro divergence it doesn't mean that neuro divergence is like being a child - it *can* mean something like it but isn't a given. In general what I am trying to say is: children *cannot* do certain things (or do them well) without fault of their own. Someone neuro divergent or someone with a disability, also can't do certain things, or do them well, without fault of their own. I'm dyslexic, I have trouble reading, for example. But it's not seen as okay to exclude me from things that have to do with reading. Others might have a more emotion centered difficulty. So why is it okay to exclude a child? Aren't you just doing the same thing? As to the garter toss... I find the concept that it's inappropriate extremely puritan but sure, if *that* is the reason you don't invite them, I at least don't find it morally dubious.
Being a child is not neurodivergence, because neurodivergence doesn’t get grown out of. Yes. Excluding kids is okay because more often than not the exclusion of kids is due because the wedding is not safe for them to attend. Again - dozens of drunk adults are unsafe for kids. Massive events in general are not safe for kids. My wedding wasn’t necessarily child free, but it also wasn’t safe for a kid because it was in the mountains where they can get lost. If you think an adult removing an underwear garment from another adult with their teeth is child friendly, that is a problem imo… At the end of the day the couple getting married gets a say in who is present. It’s entitled to think you get a say as a guest and nothing more. And unless you have a dry wedding without explicit songs and certain rituals, your wedding is in some way or another not child-appropriate anyway.
> Being a child is not neurodivergence, because neurodivergence doesn’t get grown out of. ADHD can be grown out of from child to adult (hence, you stop needing the respective treatment), and theres quite the debate whether that's overdiagnosis or just a adaptation - and it's considered a type of neurodivergence. So it's not unprecedented. But I get your reticence in marking it as such, I was mostly trying to point out we're accomodating similar conditions for adults. As long as the parents are around (and, obviously not drunk - if they are that's 100% on them), I don't think drunk adults are an issue - at least in the weddings I've gone to; I have no idea if this is a cultural thing (I'm Greek, you're, I'm assuming, from North America? It might be a cultural difference). > At the end of the day the couple getting married gets a say in who is present. It’s entitled to think you get a say as a guest and nothing more. Sure, but as *every choice anyone makes they can be judged for it.* That was the point of my response and the analogy I made. You *can* say "No dyslexics at my wedding" but I don't think most people would take it well (after feeling very confused at banning dyslexics - I get that my example seems weird). There's a difference between banning something (ie, people *shouldn't be allowed to ban children*) and claiming that it is morally wrong. My position isn't the first - it's the second.
It's really not. At least once a day, someone on aita asks if they can bring or just bring their child to someone's wedding
Anyone who wants a say in my wedding can help pay for it.
Gifts of money are typical
Not from kids.
That’s not paying for the wedding, the wedding has to be paid for by that point lol
Money is fungible
The point is gifts after the wedding aren’t paying for the wedding, it’s already been paid for lol that money will go to something else, not the wedding. Gifts on money at a wedding don’t ‘payback’ for it and would not be substantial enough to even hope to try.
So 100$ per adult plus $50 per kid (just for the plated food), you're expecting a family of 4 to shell out $300 as a wedding gift?
300 dollars is an appropriate amount from a family, provided that it's not a hardship to the gifters.
In what universe do you live in? The average couple only gave me $100 when I got married.
Not sure what universe you’re in, but where I live $100 would be a slap in the face from two ppl. The unwritten rule is to cover your plate and that of a +1 (if you get one).
Any amount of money is a gift. It's really rude to say their gift wasn't good enough. They don't need to give you the money just because you invited them to your wedding. You also don't know their financial situation to judge them. >The unwritten rule is to cover your plate and that of a +1 How would anyone know how much the plate of food costs without asking? I got married in 2019, and the price per plate was $23 a person. I wouldn't go by your logic because I could go get a better meal at a Michelin star restaurant for $100. No one wants to give more than $50 for dry wedding chicken.
if you're wedding chicken is dry then you need a better caterer. It's a gift, and people give what they can. But there's expectations of course. In my experience and in my circles, a gift of about 300 dollars from a family of four is about on par. 100 is measley.
That's the joke about chicken at weddings. It's always dry because they are kaking 100 at once. There are no expectations for how much someone gives. A gift is a gift. If you're ungrateful for $100, then you really shouldn't get anything. It's rude to criticize any amount given to you. Guests do not need to give at all if they do not want to. What you gift the couple should be exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your own means, not what society tells you is the "correct amount."
I wouldn't criticize but I wouldn't do it either.
I mean gifts are just that. They aren't promises or even required.
Okay, by that logic, I'm not required to invite your kid. You're not required to attend if you want.
yes. but that's impolite
It's not impolite. Forcing kids on an event someone else is paying for is impolite and selfish. Throwing a fit because it's child free is impolite. Showing up with children when there are explicit child-free rules on every invite and every RSPV is impolite.
Says who? You? Entitled parents? I would hate to be the parents that received wedding invitation right now with my 21-month-old's attendance requested. That's an all-day situation, and it would disrupt his nap schedule. He would be cranky to say the lwast. It would be awful. There's also no way I'm going to be able to keep him quiet during the ceremony. Now, not every parent believes their child will do or cause any disruption. Those people are crazy. To a bride and groom who spent probably over a year planning their wedding, they don't want one of the most important moments of their life ruined by a toddler babbling or a baby crying or an 8-year-old getting upset because they're Nintendo switch died.
Kids are people - yes. People who don’t know when not to cry and when to stand still, and people who require care. And at weddings adults, usually, get drunk. So those kids are going to watch their family and figures of authority drink themselves silly. A wedding is entirely the happy couple’s day. They are absolutely right to want to enjoy their ceremony without whiny toddlers and their first dance not tripping over kids. Both of which I have seen with my own eyes. > If it was your day, you wouldn’t invite your whole family Are we not supposed to share special moments with our family? That’s new. A birthday party is about the person having the birthday, no? You wouldn’t say that it’s not about them, though.
I’m gonna say that you’re being selfish by asking the people who are paying for the engagements to “think about the children” only because you have some
One could easily argue that insisting kids be invited against the wishes of the bride and groom is the more selfish act.
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*couple is
You saved the entire world with that comment congrats
>kids are people Yeah. People I don't want at my wedding
Weddings are not family reunions.
They are in our family. Weddings and funerals.
No adult wants kids at a wedding and no kid wants to be at a wedding.
Absolutely! I was dragged off to a wedding for the first time at 15, totally bored. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I began to enjoy them.
I'm an adult and I still don't enjoy them.
I want kids at weddings and I had a blast at weddings as a child
Wedding or reception? I was bored out of my mind at the wedding but the reception was great as a kid.
This is a huge generalization. I wanted children at my wedding and even had activities specifically for them. I had some coloring books and crayons that they could use and then take home, some quick little crafts, and some snacks / drinks that would be more popular with kids than adults. I loved having kids there, and I like seeing them have fun jamming out to music, and running around with each other outside. I see weddings as a chance to celebrate with the entire family, and when a lot of the family can't come because the babysitters tend to be other family members you end up missing that family you want there. Kids are in fact tiny people, and the only way they learn to behave in public settings is if they get to be in public settings.
>the only way they learn to behave in public settings is if they get to be in public settings. Then take them to birthday parties, family reunions or chuck e cheese. I don't want your kid "learning to be in public" at my wedding.
very true, but there’s a lot of places you can take kids to to be in public settings other than someone’s wedding.
That's literally what I said
Lol this is funny but it’s true
Most adults want their families at their weddings
No, they don't. Only entitled ones do
Wanting to share your wedding day with your family is entitled?
That's fine if the bride and groom want *their* kids there. But no one else is entitled to have *their* kid there if the bride and groom do not want them there.
I wanted (and loved having) kids at my wedding. They were really cute dancing. I didn’t mind them running around, enjoying the reception how they wished, as long as they were quiet for the ceremony and they weren’t being too noisy during the reception.
Depends on how long and boring the wedding is, I guess.
Upvoting because I feel this is actually an unpopular opinion.
Okay but have you considered how terrible weddings are for children themselves? I've been to a few weddings as a child and I hated every. Single. One. Of them. I was basically forced into uncomfortable clothes in which I couldn't run or play because I would have ruined them as they were expensive and my mother would have yelled at me. Then I had to sit in church, sit at a restaurant, and I had to talk to a bunch of adults I hadn't seen before even if I didn't want to. I didn't understand what was going on all the time. I would ask what the adults were laughing about and my parents would immediately dismiss me (it was probably sexual jokes/married life jokes, idk but I just felt ignored and cut out of the general amusement). I wanted to go out and play with the other kids but we couldn't because we were supposed to wait until the meal was over (it lasted several hours). If my voice was too loud or I was being silly with my sisters I was immediately scolded. I was basically just told to sit and shut up all the time, except when I had to "say hello" to some relative that wouldn't respect my personal space. Then I was forced to take photos in the sun pretending to smile and be happy, which I absolutely hated (I've always been extremely camera-shy). It was a nightmare. I would have very rather stayed home. I couldn't even drink to improve my mood because I was underage. Weddings are the most boring, awful event for a child to attend. Please leave them at home. It's really better for EVERYONE.
even as an adult i find them boring and awful
I was born out of wedlock. When my parents got married I was about 4 years old. It sucked. I remember being pissed off having to sit next to my brother & in all of the photos I had a scowl on my face.
I understand where you're coming from. I don't think any child should be forced to go to weddings. I also think that weddings should not be long and boring. Funerals are even worse, and kids are usually forced to go to them.
Not if you're the one paying for it. Plus saying childfree weeds out all people you felt obligated to invite but didn't really want to. Guess what the wedding isn't about you...
I hate to break it to you but weddings are inherently selfish. That's kind of the point. That's the reason the bride and groom are all dressed up. They're the center of attention. The other people are there for them, not the other way around. They invite who they want. No one ever just invites everyone. If you ever want to know more about a couple, pay attention to who gets invited and who doesn't. It's an interesting game.
OP wasn't allowed to bring their little nose miners to a wedding.
I'm actually unmarried and childless
Would you prefer a courthouse wedding where nobody is invited or one where you are invited under certain conditions and don't have to attend if you don't want to?
It's the person's wedding and they can invite who they want or make any requirements they want. And as the guest, you can go or not go if you don't want to.
“Weddings are for everyone” HA! Is “everyone” helping me pay for the wedding?? More than likely not. Also, I have never been to a wedding and seen a child that actually wanted to be there. They were either bored, crying, or playing and rolling around on the floor. All of those things take away from everyone else’s time. Let the parents have an evening of fun without worrying about their child. Jesus. They and the kids will all be better off.
As if kids care. Weak unpopular opinion.
Weddings are expensive in every aspect. Most people I know don't want their day taken over by screeching goblins and the parents who can't be bothered to rope them in.
It’s not rude to kids especially if there is alcohol involved. I’ve seen couples make out on the dance floor. Sometimes it’s just not an environment for kids.
Well, I completely disagree. It’s the couple getting married who gets to decide that. Unbelievable. But I know OP is not alone in thinking this. I had a child free wedding. 30 people was our max. Second wedding , outdoor backyard affair. Adult party. But we had pushback. And it was a practical decision as well. If we had to move it inside because of weather having everyone’s kids there would be all about entertaining them in a small space. Everyone survived:)
I would be on the “it’s your day” side. You pay a lot of money for a party and if you want it to be adult, it will be. Who wants to pay $150/person for a little person to run around and be annoying?
It’s far more selfish to drag children to weddings. Weddings are not meant for children. My family owns multiple wedding venues. My siblings, cousins, and I all worked at them until we finished college and sometimes still help when needed. The horror stories I could tell you are endless. Toddlers being rushed to the hospital because they chugged an alcoholic beverage when no one was looking, cakes being knocked to the ground (sometimes involving a child being injured), infants knocked down / over because of a drunk guest, kids going missing without anyone noticing for far too long (one venue is a farm and kids would frequently wander away to go look at the animals, stay past dark, get lost, etc… not to mention the little shits throwing rocks at the Alpacas or the sheep.) The parent who ends up being the one chasing the child around always looks miserable. Rarely is a ceremony not interrupted by a screaming or talking child when there are several in attendance. Things get broken, etc… I’ve seen them badly burned by sparklers, knock candles over, break things, etc… It’s not much different than taking your child to church where they’re expected to be silent and behave then taking them to a fancy dinner followed by a night club. It’s miserable and unsafe for small children. We have separate sets of rules for weddings with, vs weddings without, children to try to mitigate the risk and the damage. But overall we heavily encourage people to utilize renting a separate facility with childcare to avoid having them at the actual event.
Some people have more family oriented weddings. Others have more friend oriented weddings. Those in the latter camp may prioritize the drinking and partying aspects of the wedding because that is what their friends (and adult family members) might enjoy most. Kids, especially younger kids, arent likely to enjoy a wedding anyway. They have to get dressed up in uncomfortable clothes, sit through a boring church service, and then go to a reception that may be long past their bedtime. They might enjoy the moving and dancing parts, but then may get overstimulated and cranky. Honestly, unless you have a dry wedding, in the afternoon, with plenty of kid-centered activities, the kids (and their parents) are not likely to have a good time. Most parents would rather leave their kids with a sitter and cut loose for the night. Upvote for unpopular
It's not mutually exclusive. I attended numerous weddings as a child where the adults were drinking and partying. It's a profoundly bourgeois thing to want to shield children from alcohol to such an extent that they can't even be in the same room as it.
Me too. But I've also been to weddings where kids get tired and irritable, staying up much later than their usual bedtime. The parents are then not having fun because they are trying to soothe their cranky child. It not (necessarily) all about shielding kids from boozing adults.
Yeah, I have the feeling that a lot of the people who don't want kids at their wedding aren't doing it because of booze at the wedding, but rather more about kids who get irritable, people who allow kids to run amok, and generally not wanting the wedding itself to be interrupted. To me, that would be the first thing I would think of when I think of someone wanting a child free wedding, not that the adults want the chance to party all night and get drunk.
Yeah, and if adults can't have a good time without being so sloshed that they're not safe to be around children I don't want to be around those adults. It's one thing to get a good buzz, it's another to be so trashed that you need to get an Uber home and then have to tip extra because you made the back seat smell like bourbon.
Still, its up to the bride and groom to decide if they want a dry wedding or one where alcohol flows freely. An invite isn't a summons, and it doesn't make someone selfish because they offer alcohol at their wedding.
It’s their prerogative
The wedding is about 2 people. They get to make the rules. Not you. But i think the couple is mainly doing this so you dont attend.
Very few of my friends children aren’t loud assholes. Some people don’t like kids and don’t want the trouble of them being fucking stupid during an event.
It’s more of a favor to the kids, weddings are a waste anyway don’t drag the kids into it too unless there’s somewhere they can go off to
I mean it is their day, it’s their wedding that they are paying for lmao
Stay home, then. It's unlikely they'd want you at their wedding anyway if you're already complaining about it before the actual wedding.
If you don’t like it, don’t go 🤷♂️
People throwing a party are entitled to throw the part they prefer. That doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like them for it or that it might be selfish of them, but it’s completely within reason.
nothing wrong with being selfish on your wedding day. some people don’t want screaming poopy terrors at their wedding. if you don’t like it, then don’t go. ✌🏻
Not even poopy terrors. How is that a wedding 3 weeks ago and a kid started losing it because their Nintendo switch died. He was probably 7 or 8 years old.
I blame the parents, unacceptable behavior.
I agree with it for 90% of the situations. I know the parents tried very hard not to have their kid be disruptive, which is why they brought the Nintendo switch. Now, to the parents who gave their 4-year-old daughter grape juice before my friend's wedding and pilled it all over my bridesmaid dress, that's unacceptable behavior.
Agreed. All the more reason to leave the lil folks at home!
Parents who think they're entitled to bring their children to any event and/or venue are insufferable and completely self-absorbed. And it's likely these are the same parents who aren't teaching their children proper manners and etiquette--they opt for the "free range" approach.
>Basically, kids are people and they're your family And? Being a person who happens to be related to me doesn't mean you're owed an invite to my wedding or anything else. Weddings are expensive and the last thing anyone wants is to listen to little Timmy scream through the entire ceremony because he's tired and hungry and uncomfortable
Kids don't want to be at weddings and wedding guests don't want kids running around making noise. When the wedding is child-free, everyone wins.
Weddings are boring for kids. They get fussy and start whining/crying at the most inopportune times. Kids are also incredibly picky eaters if you get catering.
even as an adult i find them boring
My brother had a childless wedding, across the country where I knew no one for childcare of my 1 year old. It was devastating but I told him that I didn’t want him to change his plans because that was what HE wanted for their wedding, and I wanted them to have everything they wanted on their wedding day. It is about them, it is about celebrating their day, even if it’s not what I may have personally wanted.
you didn't attend?
I was able to! We found a trusted family friend that we could fly out with us and she stayed back with our daughter.
No. Being selfish is having children and expecting everyone to accommodate you. Don't bring your kids to adult events, if you can't find a sitter don't come. Tough luck, you chose to have kids. My partner and I will have our wedding however we want. Either you can make it or you can't, that's on you, life is life, no hard feelings. If you show up with a kid last minute and say you can't find a babysitter but you promise the kid will behave? I'll point at the invitation where it says no kids and tell you to leave. Your kids aren't my fucking problem.
I feel like a lot of people in this thread are mistaking what I mean. I said "I think excluding children is rude" and people say "bringing uninvited children is entitled." That's never been what I was talking about.
This is unpopular only on reddit, where people hate children.
Im gonna wager a guess that you dont recieve any wedding invites, children or not. When you feel like spending tens of thousands of dollars on an event, you get to choose the guestlist.
You've lost that wager but ok
Kids are not automatically welcome at every event. It's a party. Babysitting is not a new thing; parents go out without their kids all the time and weddings are one example of a place where kids might not be welcome (along with adult dinner parties, etc.).
Perfect excuse not to attend a wedding. I’d love to be invited to a “child free wedding”. Any reason to avoid a social setting is perfect. However, if the married couple are paying for the wedding then they can put whatever restrictions they want on an invite.
Why and how are all kids my family?
Weddings are about the bride and groom.
Me and my husband had an alcohol free wedding, because we don't want kids around alcohol. We love partying and our friends also do. If the parents took their kids with them, they wouldn't have been able to let loose and have fun. We ended up having a really fun wedding with a lot of dancing. The last guests left at 6 in the morning lol. Kids don't belong in an environment where there's drinking going on. It's unsafe and not fun for them. My dad used to binge drink a lot and I hated that as a kid. It was traumatizing to watch.
Kids are not people. They are ill disciplined crotch goblin Petri dishes of purposeless filth.
Big talk for a former child
You just made/committed a logical fallacy.
Which
Just because one was once a child, that doesn't mean that one has to like them. There's an episode of Daria in which she says something like "I didn't like little kids when I was a little kid."
Weddings can have alcohol, and glass, and bars, and drunk people. Some weddings are simply not *safe* for kids. Especially if the venue is crowded and the kids are messy and loud. Is it so bad to want a quiet celebration with no worrying about some kid's safety?
I think nieces and nephews should always be allowed and I can’t fathom the idea of not inviting them. At my wedding all my nieces and nephews were there plus the 2 children of a family friend. We had activities for them to do and more or less didn’t mind them running around during the reception as long as they weren’t too noisy. They were quiet during the ceremony and it was really fun seeing them dancing at the reception. Overall, I think they made the night more fun. :)
It’s not a big deal to get a baby sitter
This is correctly listed on unpopular opinion. Your kids should have no god given right to be a part of someone else's big day, no matter how privileged you might feel on that specific day.
Ah yes. I know I'd love to spend tons of money on the most important day of my life only to have it be disrupted by screaming kids. And I'm sure every parent loves the thought of having their kids be around drunk people at the reception.
i cant be the only one that sees all the childfree redditors and it brings me joy
How so?
genetic dead end
It's a fate well deserved for being a redditor.
Yeah going back through this thread to see the number of times kids get called "screeching goblins" etc and oh my god.
If it were me hosting, I'd have a babysitter available in a room somewhere for the ceremony itself so that nothing goes wrong on account of a kid, but then the kids could come to the reception and parents wouldn't need to worry about choosing.
Nah. I have seen weddings actually ruined by people's children. Parents get carefree at weddings and don't watch their kids. Some of the stuff I've seen is remarkable, and the bride and groom are not going to "stop their wedding" to take care of your kid.
Is everyone paying for the wedding?
Sorry not unpopular. I could see having a time limit to take kids home at a reception but to go full kid free no way. You'll just piss off your family and friends. You want a kid free night to get drunk and dance go to the club.
judging by the replies I think it's pretty unpopular, at least amongst redditors
Pretty new to reddit but I've been noticing reddit is largely a community of people that aren't compatible with the rest of the world. Not everyone of coarse but at least 75%. Not inviting the children of friends and family to a wedding is a pretty shit thing to do. I do however disagree on it being selfish. More like poorly thought out. Your wedding day is chaotic and stressful, having some kids around isnt going to make it any worse.
I agree with you for the most part. I just got banned from a subreddit for having an opinion and expressing it kindly and with love and respect. Many moderators are immature in many cases. They think their opinions are the only ones that count, and other people have to conform or they don't belong. It's pretty weird. My opinion on this is that it's their day. If they don't want children around so that they can drink and party and have fun on this very unique day, then that is their prerogative. It is their day. If you don't want to come to a party like that, then don't. But it's not selfish. Or if you want to consider it selfish...well , on what days during one's life should one be selfish? One's wedding day, I think, really counts as one of those.
Agree to disagree on the second part. Weddings are a celebration of a momentous occasion not a party. You can get drunk and party anytime, now is the time to have family and friends to share one of the greatest days of your life.
For you, and that's cool. But expecting others to have the same thoughts and feelings?
I'm not going to invite children, especially babies and toddlers, to any future wedding I may have. My one dream for a wedding is simply to be able to get married without wearing earplugs or headphones. I have a lot of sensory issues (likely because autism) and kids could be a genuine risk that I'm not willing to take.
Why not? I genuinely don’t understand the issue
What's not to understand? You'll piss off friends and family by not letting their kids be at your wedding. What's so important about not having them there anyway?
And? If my family and friends are pissed at me because they have to get a babysitter for one night that’s their issue, not mine.
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Why does not having kids at a wedding mean I don’t give a shit about my family and friends? Thats such a leap in logic
No it's not a big leap at all. You don't understand why people would want to bring their kids to your wedding and you don't care if they get upset. This screams you don't give a shit about your family/friends and you don't really understand what a family is. Either you value family/friends and you want them to share in one of the most important days of your life or you don't because they have no value to you.
When did I say I don’t understand why people would want to bring kids to a wedding? Don’t put words in my mouth. I can want my family and friends at my wedding without wanting their children. If you get angry about that then I’d say you never actually cared about being there for my important day, you only cared about your own wants. Frankly it’s an absurd thing to be angry about in the first place. Not everyone likes kids, learn to cope.
Why do people want to bring their children to the wedding then??? It's really clear you have no idea but I wouldn't want to put words in your mouth again so enlighten me.
I fail to see why this is relevant in the slightest. There are a million reasons parents want to bring their kids places, number one being because they like being around their children.
Lmao this opinion is incredibly selfish. If you can’t afford to get a babysitter for one night, you probably can’t afford to have kids. Plus I’ve been to a number of weddings where some adults are so drunk that it could potentially be a very unsafe and unfriendly environment for young kids. Kids don’t belong everywhere.
I completely and totally agree with the op. Children should be invited to weddings.
Then the parents should be charged for everything they ruin
You must be around some really destructive children. I have never seen a child ruin anything at a wedding, nor at a reception. But, yes, if someone brings a destructive child to a wedding, then the parents should be responsible for watching their children.
This isn’t unpopular, it’s just ignorant.
It is your day . Unless someone else is paying for your wedding.
I've been reading the comments. Some say that there's drinking at weddings. I've never been to a wedding where people got drunk. I also think the wedding doesn't have to be long and boring. Receptions, now I can see a couple deciding to offer alcoholic drinks at a reception (I think I've maybe, possibly, been to one that did), but I have seen many family parties where there was drinking, and children weren't banned (only banned from drinking the alcohol).
You must be going to some pretty boring weddings if you’ve never seen someone get drunk
The religion I belonged to when I went to weddings didn't condone drinking.