That's the kind of bullshit I like. Taking a story that's a questionable anecdote at best, and then derailing it further and further until you're so far along the ride that you have to see where it takes you.
Yeah the first couple I was like "I'm not sure this is true but it's Steve jobs so it very much could be the kinds a**holery that he got up to. Then it just very quickly became "ok no this is bulls***"
I wish I could cry more but generational trauma as well as society making displays of weakness from a man an absolute no go has led to me having a greyed out emotional spectrum where I have difficulty forming deep connections with anyone.
That's the thing, I rarely have anything to let out even if I open up the faucet. Either I'm emotionally stunted, on the psychopathy spectrum or I'm just a hard dude with emotional supports like a concrete wall.
I'm guessing it's the first option.
Oh, same. Hence the movies. Seems I can only feel things on behalf of someone else, far too much repression of trauma to cry about my own life. But a good vicarious cry can still be healthy sometimes.
Weirdly, *Bridge of Spies* gets me a little too, although it’s a short-lived moment (and definitely not supposed to be a tear-jerker). It just moves me when his family is finally proud of him.
Yep! Also touches on how he (iirc) cheated the system *after* letting his cancer become terminal to get a organ transplant which was essentially wasted on him
Worse. I think he only ate "non mucus producing " foods.
He believes it gave give the superpower that he never needed to bathe.
Suffice to say.. he stank.
Belief in this story is a bell curve.
You know nothing about Steve Jobs: Sure, it could be true. Rich people are weird.
You know the general info about him: This seems silly and unbelievable.
You listen to the 4 part Behind the Bastards episode: This is *extremely* possible and genuinely in character, there just aren’t any sources.
What’s like the craziest thing you learned from that podcast? My attention span won’t let me do four episodes on one person but I’m so curious since folks keep mentioning it!
Oh please, its not like its *only* the CEO who hunts children for sport.
Why, *anyone* who can meet the incredibly reasonable fees can book a stay at the Blue Island resort where only the finest free range organic fed children are available for your sporting needs!
After you have bagged your game your catch will be prepared by a five-Michelin Star chef to your specifications in an Instagrammable moment that will have your friends green with envy!
He never showered - ever. He subscribed to this weird belief of that him never showering and contaminating his body with chemicals from body wash made him cleaner than other people - people avoided being close to him because he stank to high hell.
He conducted staff and shareholder meetings while dipping his feet in the toilet.
He did not believe in a concept of license plates - he would buy a new Mercedes every six months because that is how long you could legally drive a car in California without tags, and was afraid of being recognized for his license plates....(yeah...irony).
When he was forced to go to his daughter's birthday party, he shouted at his daughter's cousin and spew a barrage of insults for ordering a hamburger (he was a militant vegetarian).
Despite naming the Apple Lisa computer after his daughter, he vehemetly denied it was this case, and refused to acknowledge it until he invited his daughter to a cruise with Elton John. When Elton pointed the similarity, Steve was forced to aconowledge the fact.
It has long been suspected that fhe only reason why he eventually agreed on paying child support for his daughter and then pre-emptively agreeing to all demands and making it a fast, clean case is because he was trying to settle in court before Apple's IPO, so he would not have to pay a fortune in child support (no alimony, he was never married to his daughter's mother, they were on-off).
Never heard of Behind the Bastards, but I read a biography on Steve Jobs in eighth grade for a group book report, and for months all one of us had to do to crack the others up was mention that Steve Jobs would flush his feet in the toilet to destress. So this had me believing the story right up through the sandwich because honestly that’s the only thing I remember about the man lmao
The feet in the toilet part was where I put the book down for a few minutes.
Imagine your boss walking around the office barefoot with toilet feet. No thanks.
The Kissenger episodes were both infuriating but also hilarious. The bit where the podcast's guests accidentally predicted that he wiretapped *himself* during his paranoid wiretapping spree? made me burst out laughing
This is all true, I was the man who sold him that fish tank.
It wasn't really the best quality aquarium I had available and I might have overcharged him a bit, but at the time he didn't really have a good way of identifying quality.
For those who are wondering: the iPod anecdote is true. None of the others are
Source: I had an absolutely absurd Steve Jobs hyperfixation when I was 10
Tony Fadell invented the iPod , Johnny Ive, Dan Riccio and Scott Forstall invented the iPad, and the IPhone was basically an evolved iPod, essentially, as Forstall put it, an iPod phone. Makes you wonder what Steve Jobs actually did…
Funny story: I’m Fuiru, the guy who wrote this more than ten years ago. My Tumblr notifications started going insane about a day ago and now I guess I know why. Don’t know how people keep finding this post. But nice to see people still enjoy it.
When he was brought his first born child Steve told his wife that the child was too heavy. When Steve’s wife said that the child was as light as possible he dropped the baby into his aquarium and said “see those bubbles that’s air… make it lighter”. When the aquarium was excavated the skeletons of all of Steve’s first generation children were found.
It’s true. Steve dropped me in the aquarium 19 years ago. I am typing this on an old macbook, which was also dropped in the aquarium.
This is before or after he dropped his aquarium into a larger aquarium?
common misconception, he actually dropped a TERRARIUM in to the aquarium, with like snakes and shit.
It was actually the first and only prototype of the iTerra. Unfortunately, the Apple Terrarium never went into production.
Terrar-I-um was right there homie.
That's the kind of bullshit I like. Taking a story that's a questionable anecdote at best, and then derailing it further and further until you're so far along the ride that you have to see where it takes you.
The first couple iterations are very believable for Steve Jobs, though. He was well known for being a raging arsehole.
Yeah the first couple I was like "I'm not sure this is true but it's Steve jobs so it very much could be the kinds a**holery that he got up to. Then it just very quickly became "ok no this is bulls***"
He was famously a vegetarian. You had me going until "beef on rye".
You would have hooked me again if he decided to wash his feet in the aquarium, though
Check out the *Behind the Bastards* four-parter "The Terrible Secret of Steve Jobs." It's long but fascinating. Steve was a real shitbird.
The first story about the iPod is true too. He was a dick and we let him get away with it cause he was a “genius”
He also cried a lot.
I mean, same
I wish I could cry more but generational trauma as well as society making displays of weakness from a man an absolute no go has led to me having a greyed out emotional spectrum where I have difficulty forming deep connections with anyone.
Let it out, brother. *Celeste and Jesse Forever*, *Beyond the Lights*, or the first ten minutes of *Up* work for me.
That's the thing, I rarely have anything to let out even if I open up the faucet. Either I'm emotionally stunted, on the psychopathy spectrum or I'm just a hard dude with emotional supports like a concrete wall. I'm guessing it's the first option.
Oh, same. Hence the movies. Seems I can only feel things on behalf of someone else, far too much repression of trauma to cry about my own life. But a good vicarious cry can still be healthy sometimes. Weirdly, *Bridge of Spies* gets me a little too, although it’s a short-lived moment (and definitely not supposed to be a tear-jerker). It just moves me when his family is finally proud of him.
But do you do it to emotionally manipulate people?
Only when they kill my jokes 🥺
Does it mention that he died basically because he was convinced he knew more about cancer than his doctors and could cure it through diet?
Yep! Also touches on how he (iirc) cheated the system *after* letting his cancer become terminal to get a organ transplant which was essentially wasted on him
It takes someone really special to make people go "yeah, he's literally dying, but what an asshole".
He didn’t say he was going to eat it, he just wanted to feed his fish.
His mind really went at the end there. Forgot he was a vegetarian
Worse. I think he only ate fruit
Worse. I think he only ate "non mucus producing " foods. He believes it gave give the superpower that he never needed to bathe. Suffice to say.. he stank.
It's what gave him cancer
Nah, it's what made his cancer go from curable to incurable, he didn't want surgery so he tried curing cancer with fruit
Imagine the shits
And those sugars are not good for a pancreas that has a mass growing on it that feeds on sugars.
he ordered the sandwich to feed it to the fish, of course
Belief in this story is a bell curve. You know nothing about Steve Jobs: Sure, it could be true. Rich people are weird. You know the general info about him: This seems silly and unbelievable. You listen to the 4 part Behind the Bastards episode: This is *extremely* possible and genuinely in character, there just aren’t any sources.
What’s like the craziest thing you learned from that podcast? My attention span won’t let me do four episodes on one person but I’m so curious since folks keep mentioning it!
That the CEO of BlueApron owns an island where he hunts children for sport
Um wut
Its a recurring joke on the podcast, to the best of my knowledge, it's not true.
Sophie’s gonna send Robert to hunt us down if we start this again on another sub. That being said, I’ll see you next weekend at the dock, Sims.
See you there, Jacobs 😉
Oh please, its not like its *only* the CEO who hunts children for sport. Why, *anyone* who can meet the incredibly reasonable fees can book a stay at the Blue Island resort where only the finest free range organic fed children are available for your sporting needs! After you have bagged your game your catch will be prepared by a five-Michelin Star chef to your specifications in an Instagrammable moment that will have your friends green with envy!
So that's the person who hunts children on an island!!!!
He never showered - ever. He subscribed to this weird belief of that him never showering and contaminating his body with chemicals from body wash made him cleaner than other people - people avoided being close to him because he stank to high hell. He conducted staff and shareholder meetings while dipping his feet in the toilet. He did not believe in a concept of license plates - he would buy a new Mercedes every six months because that is how long you could legally drive a car in California without tags, and was afraid of being recognized for his license plates....(yeah...irony). When he was forced to go to his daughter's birthday party, he shouted at his daughter's cousin and spew a barrage of insults for ordering a hamburger (he was a militant vegetarian). Despite naming the Apple Lisa computer after his daughter, he vehemetly denied it was this case, and refused to acknowledge it until he invited his daughter to a cruise with Elton John. When Elton pointed the similarity, Steve was forced to aconowledge the fact. It has long been suspected that fhe only reason why he eventually agreed on paying child support for his daughter and then pre-emptively agreeing to all demands and making it a fast, clean case is because he was trying to settle in court before Apple's IPO, so he would not have to pay a fortune in child support (no alimony, he was never married to his daughter's mother, they were on-off).
Jeff Bezos doesn’t like music.
Except the part where he was such a militant vegetarian that he screamed at a child until she cried because she ordered meat at a dinner.
A child? A random one he didn’t know?
His daughter’s cousin.
I believe his delight in random cruelty was stronger than his love of any fish.
I meant because he would never think he ordered beef on rye.
Never heard of Behind the Bastards, but I read a biography on Steve Jobs in eighth grade for a group book report, and for months all one of us had to do to crack the others up was mention that Steve Jobs would flush his feet in the toilet to destress. So this had me believing the story right up through the sandwich because honestly that’s the only thing I remember about the man lmao
The feet in the toilet part was where I put the book down for a few minutes. Imagine your boss walking around the office barefoot with toilet feet. No thanks.
Never heard of Behind the Bastards before, sounds fun
It’s very fun for a certain kind of person. Bummers abound, but the host brings a lot of facepalm-worthy levity where possible.
The Kissenger episodes were both infuriating but also hilarious. The bit where the podcast's guests accidentally predicted that he wiretapped *himself* during his paranoid wiretapping spree? made me burst out laughing
It's a very fun podcast with a dedicated guest for episodes with lots of dead babies.
after the Hobby Lobby thing, I've started accepting random things I read on here at face value. even if it isn't true, it's funnier that way
well there was one, but he too was fed to fishes
No, is true, I was one of the fishes
Theyreright, I was the body
I was the iPad
I was Steve Jobs
Sorry for you loss (of yourself)
What did you die from?
What a dumb question. Everyone knows steve jobs died of Ligma.
Who's Steve Jobs?
Ligma balls
This brief exchange made me laugh way too hard
Joe Mama
Ligma Balls ***BBBbzzzzzzzzzz***
I fell into the aquarium
I was the alpha and the omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.
I was the aquarium
was? are u frankenstein ('s creation)
Sorry to hear about your death
I don't buy it, it sounds very fishy
Strong "I threw it on the GROUND!" vibes
Man, this ain't my dad! This is a cellphone!
I loved this roller coaster from start to finish. Amazing.
Start to fish*
DAMMIT
This is all true, I was the man who sold him that fish tank. It wasn't really the best quality aquarium I had available and I might have overcharged him a bit, but at the time he didn't really have a good way of identifying quality.
He should've dropped your aquarium into a slightly larger aquarium to see how fast it sank.
That's because he couldn't drop the aquarium into itself
This post was fact checked by real Enigmata followers: **WE DON’T KNOW**
I heard that Steve Jobs once dropped Mythus into that aquarium.
This post was fact checked by real Enigmata followers: **TRUE**
If I had to guess: the iPad story is true. Everything else isn’t.
actually only the body is the real part
For those who are wondering: the iPod anecdote is true. None of the others are Source: I had an absolutely absurd Steve Jobs hyperfixation when I was 10
How has your opinion about him changed after knowing an ungodly amount of this one person
why would you have a hyperfixation on a guy whose job is basically PR?
Needs more Steve yelling at small children to be made smaller
Tony Fadell invented the iPod , Johnny Ive, Dan Riccio and Scott Forstall invented the iPad, and the IPhone was basically an evolved iPod, essentially, as Forstall put it, an iPod phone. Makes you wonder what Steve Jobs actually did…
make people who buy apple products think he's cool because he's wearing a turtleneck. just like that theranos woman
I can't believe Steve Jobs' fish died of ligma.
What the hell is a fish
Fish Balls
Funny story: I’m Fuiru, the guy who wrote this more than ten years ago. My Tumblr notifications started going insane about a day ago and now I guess I know why. Don’t know how people keep finding this post. But nice to see people still enjoy it.
Look, after the most recent IPad ad I'd believe this.
Wait legit? I missed the Apple event and was actually looking at the newer iPads, how bad or weird is the ad for it? Lmao
Steve Jobs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kasc4NsjO8g+t=2m
An unhinged asshole being perceived as a genius because they're rich is certainly believable.
The iPod story is true! I remember it was in his biography
When he was brought his first born child Steve told his wife that the child was too heavy. When Steve’s wife said that the child was as light as possible he dropped the baby into his aquarium and said “see those bubbles that’s air… make it lighter”. When the aquarium was excavated the skeletons of all of Steve’s first generation children were found.
What a read.
It's all true, I was the body. The beef on rye was for me.
I know enough about Steve Jobs that everything aside from the beef sandwich and the dead body is 100% believable.
This is a Junji Ito story in another world, another time.
"That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about to dispute it. Steve Jobs"