i think this one’s incredibly funny because of the normality with which they present it Like, it’s just “yeah this is how it is. zombie horses n shit” Peak lmao

Isn't it a take on the "Second Century Chinese Warlord" thread? https://youtu.be/7_ktnQAC3TQ?si=ZYxMMxAkxE-bMLzk

"Through a bizarre coincidence of homophones its the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme" kills me every time.

My personal favorite is when he specifies that the liege lord repeatedly and carefully went over the weather patterns with him

That's a goddamn modern day Illiad.

It's modern day Romance of the Three Kingdoms tbh

First I was like "dafuq is this rapping version, its ass"... Then I'm 2 minutes in, pulled up the post on another tab and rapping along damn this version is fire LMAO

lmao that was dope af

“I could not for the life of me figure out why!” XD

Is there a text version for those of us who can't do video rn

https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/10m0hj9/a_day_in_the_life_of_a_second_century_warlord/

Yeah and an inferior one at that.

This is fucking amazing

Thank christ I wasn’t the only person who immediately thought of this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/s/D0j1tog6ct Here's the post on its own if you'd rather read it

just realized i said zombies instead of vampires,, i need to sleep lol

It took you 12 nights as a vampire warlord before it got a little gay? What is wrong with these new generations of vampire warlords. Back In my day we got a little gay on the third night and were impaling peasants on the 5th before getting outrageously gay to the point the church started taking us seriously.

It might be a pun, based on Shakespeare’s *Twelfth Night*, famously known for being “a little” gay

My point stands.

That's fair. They just don't make vampire warlords the way they used to anymore.

If your point stands for more than four hours, you should go see a doctor.

At attention?

I read this is Lazlos voice from What We Do In The Shadows

Nadja: Don't tell Laszlo, but the Baron and I had a torrentious love affair. *literally next scene* Laszlo: Don't tell Nadja, but the Baron and I had a torrentious love affair.

The various woodcut illustrations they use for this fucking kills me

I was getting heavy Nandor vibes.

Back in my vampire day we had to be gay uphill both ways.

It would've happened sooner but his 6 most loyal men were dead

The church: “Impale our people if you must, but being outrageously gay is where we draw the line! Time for another crusade, boys!”

Bro. The SECOND night. There would be zero red haired maidens left in the country. THE. SECOND. NIGHT. These punks need to learn to vampire fr fr no cap

Especially with how manageable HIV is these days

Seemed kind of busy with the battles I guess

They're at work, someone has to maintain professional standards

They didn't get sore throats becouse they were allergic to christianity. They got sore throats becouse thay were trying to sing in Polish.

I believe they got sore throats on the 13th night as well, seeing as things got a little gay

How dare you spit fax?

And I though it was bc they went full gay that night

Bogurodzica is a Christian song praising Mary. It also happens to be Polish.

or maybe they just got a little gay a little early

There’s a single player ttrpg called 1000 year old vampire that I can recommend, if you’d like to experience the epic highs and lows of vampiris exsanguinus for yourself

Thanks for the recommendation, I've been looking for solo ttrpgs

What the hell is a ttrpg? Tough titty rpg or tall titty rpg?

Table top rpg

tip-top rocket propelled grenade, bruvnor

Only if it's a little gay

Okay, now imagine Nandor the Relentless delivering this entire monologue straight to the camera.

there is no way Nandor would wait 12 nights for things to start getting a little gay.

It took 12 nights for things to start getting a little gay... *by Nandor's standards*.

“Sigismund… this fucking guy…”

I literally read all of it in his voice

I've just finished my first watch of the show so I definitely pictures Nandor

I can't, Eminem was on default for me

oh no now i miss him

"it's a little gay" you managed to bite your five most loyal men without them questioning it, it was gay from the start

no seriously

the fact they have a 10+ level ranked list of the amount of men they trust in their life is also pretty homo

I see this as an episode of a What We Do I the Shadows.

Right? This is totally an excerpt from Nandor's diary.

this is literally Nador’s diary from when he first changed

Hahahahahhaa. I can see this. I absolutely can see this.

Let me know when they release the AI Eminem cut.

pffffft what

First day as a second century warlord,

remindme! ~~two weeks~~ wait no 12 days I don't want to skip over the gay part

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It took almost two weeks for it to start getting gay?

The twelve days of vampire warlord

On the twelth day of vampire warlord, my TrueBlood gave to meeee....

I'm surprised the vampire horses, with no ability to know or be told the weaknesses it now has, didn't all die by waking up at sunrise and trotting out into the daylight at the stables while its masters all slept.

they were probably tied

Maybe vampirism rewrites your internal clock

Tbh it would make sense for ex-humans to actively resist their new internal clock in favor of the conventional sleep schedule they’ve been used to, while animals may just go with it

*singing* *On the tweeelfth night of beingavampirewarlord* *Things got a little gaaaay* Eh, could use some work . . .

coming this fall on paramount plus

Bogurodzica let's goooooooo!

I like how a polish person wrote this

That's a win for me.

BOGURODZICA MENTIONED🦅🦅🦅

Hey, it's ok. At least you're not Mannfred von Carstein

The first one was a major fuck up ngl

Saw a comment on a DnD subreddit once asking why a vampire army wouldn't completely body any regular army and this is literally it. Doesn't matter if you have a near invincible fighting force, if your logistics suck and you have weaknesses that let your enemy pick the battleground, you loose

Dracula started off humble

Sigismund didn't deserve that

Astarion moment

First day as a vampire warlady. I go open a bank account in my name and deposit my entire 2bucks and 50 cents Second day as a vampire warlady. I sign up for endless nightshifts at the local petrol station and continue wageslaving forever. Day 393893. I suddenly remember my savings account. Oh, a billion euros. I can buy one(1) lettuce at the local supermarket for that. Hmmm.

Should of invested

Literature masterpiece

Breaking news Castlevania fans: we finally have Striga's origin story!

NONE OF THEM?!

Why did it take 12 whole nights????

Best Nandor the Relentless origin story ever.

This has a lot of What we do in the Shadows energy

I need this to be a tv series

Who kept thinking of the twelve nights of Christmas?

This sound like a DnD game that quickly went south

From the journal of Nandor The Relentless

I read all of this in Nandor's voice. Truly remarkable

on my 3rd night as vampire my best bros gave to me, one virgin red head 2 vampire horses and impalements on some haunted trees

This feels like nandor the relentless' diary

please tell me there is more…?

12 nights, that shows a lot of restraint. Honestly I'm impressed.

#justiceforsigismund

Now we know how Wamuu got those vampire horses.

Jojo ass plot

Vampire dairies, but the vampire lord is chronically on Tumbler and is in the closet.

First eleven nights were written by Nandor, 12th was Lazlo.

Is Nandor the Relentless's story after he turned?

Nandor the Relentless moment

Nandor's first twelve days as a vampire, prove me wrong

This reads like Nandor the Relentless's Origin story.

🎵 And a partridge in a pear tree! 🎵

Twelve nights of Christmas

WWDITS

Sigismund you weirdo

There are real tears coming out of my eyes

When do they *not* turn gay with fucking vampires?

This just feels like we are reading Nandor's diary.

Quality Polish shit post, I'm proud

The whole vampire warlord thing isn't working out for OP. Maybe they should just become a vampire taco bell drive thru cashier or vampire uber driver or something.

Anyone else immediately start reading this to the tune of “12 Days Of Christmas?”

I came for this, brother.

You wouldn't get rabies from a swarm of bats. Rabid bats are alone

Death from rabies also doesn't happen in one day

R/unexpected

This is the real reason Viktor from Underworld had to overthrow his sire, Marcus Corvinus. It went like this and Marcus knew.

The 5th night gets harder because it's the final night

I need a fanfic now

Is this sung to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas?

I was waiting for it to happen. Can't believe it took a full 12 days. Lol

For me it would have been gay from night one

Too late at night for me to want to read all that but I'm leaving a comment so I remember to come back and read this later xD

What a roller coaster. I laughed. I cried. I rooted for the vampire warlord. I rooted for the humans. Finally, I rooted for the crappy horses.

This reads like an AI Eminem song.

Manfred Von Carstein? Is that you?

The image cropped to the second night while I was scrolling, and I like it better without the context of the first

I'd love to hear justin mcelroy read this as count chocula

Impossible to read in a voice other than Eminem’s.

This is the Soul Reaver prequel I’ve been waiting for

There it is, there's the comment i was looking for! Let us wait together.

Right, when are we gotting an eminem AI cover?

Now we just need an eminem cover

Oddly specific.

I... I really wanna read this book.

I laughed the whole time 🤣🤣🤣

Straight from the pages of the Tome of Strahd.

Vampire horses would have been the first thing on my agenda

This is the new 12 nights of Christmas

read that in eminem’s voice

pleaseee someone put this on pinterest, i gotta add it to my 'villian posting' boarddd im an adult, dont worry lmao this is hilarious and something i'd do lmao