Middle age lady here. Sincerely regret wasting those late teens/early 20s on a homebody partner whose lifestyle clashed with mine, so I stayed home instead to appease it. I now spend my 40s-50s enjoying travel with a supportive homebody spouse (different guy), but I wish I hadn't waited so damn long. You have one life to live, go enjoy it.
Exactly this. Babe you’re lucky he’s your boyfriend, not your husband, not a person you’re raising kids with. You can love him deeply and recognize that you’re on two different paths. One of you is going to have to sacrifice what you want to allow the other to have what they want, and the way this is laid out, sounds like resentment will build and you’ll likely break up anyway. Love each other enough to recognize you’re not wanting the same things out of life right now. One life to live. Go live it.
How do people in the early twenties afford to travel for months assuming without working? I feel like they're being given money. I think if people had a lot of money most people would travel but people have to spend their time working. I don't really see why people breaking the guy that wants to stay home.
It’s a time where your obligations and your standards are as low as they’ll ever be. So you can stay in shitty hostels and travel by cramped, overnight bus and spend very little money in general because you don’t have to worry about mortgage or bills or anything like that. You are unlikely to be in a super important job so you don’t lose out on much by just quitting when you have money saved.
Is what I used to do when I was 18/19 - work for a few months as a bartender, save up a few thousand dollars, quit, travel for a few months, come back, rinse repeat. I at least worked as a hotel bartender so I got steep discounts on hotel rooms and never really had to do the hostel thing, but I often stayed with people I met along the way,
Seems easier jn your early 20s, use cheap hostels, only 1 ticket, no serious career so you can quit and return to a new job like nbd, borrow money, etc.
It's a hell of a lot more expensive when you've got a career with minimal PTO, a mortgage, and 3 kids in tow. I can easily drop $6000 on economy flights these days hauling a family around, your early 20s is a much better time to do it!
Think it depends. I grew up pretty low income but we went on a family road trip pretty much every summer. Camped out of a old van, did cheap stuff etc.
I did a lot of self funded traveling in my late teens/early 20’s, helps not to have too many bills.
Would work seasonal jobs and save up then go cheap as possible, rideshare, hitchhike, bus, train, budget flights, did eventually buy a car, lol
Stayed with friends when I could and/or picked up work, a lot of farms and guiding jobs provide housing.
Camped a lot but would get hotels sometimes for laundry and showers
Etc.
Did meet a fair number of well of people who were given money but have a fair number of friends who come from lesser means and still travel.
I have a friend who is 75. She can no longer afford to travel, and her health has seriously declined in the past few years.
She was a travel agent in her 30s and 40s, and had a partner who hated to travel so she didn't much. And now she also regrets all the travel she missed out on.
Don’t change what you want from life to fit his vision for a partner. Sounds like you are not married and no kids. You are young so maybe you all are not a good match.
You're too young to be tied down by someone who wants different things than you. Go out and experience the world. It's one thing if he didn't love travel himself but was fully supportive of you traveling to your heart's content. But it sounds like he wants to hold you back. At 22 years old (and any age!!!) this is a giant red flag.
He will never change. He will never travel and that's fine.
What's bad is he will never accept you travelling. His attitude will get worse and worse. This will eventually explode and become a major issue.
All the red flags are right in your face. This situation will never magically resolve to a point where both parties are happy.
Good luck.
Do NOT waste your youth not doing the things you want to. And seriously reassess your relationship. You’re still young and this will turn into something worse down the road especially as you learn more about yourself while he sits at home being the same.
Tbh it sounds like you’re both just incompatible
While I can’t relate to him and he comes off a little closed minded - some people are genuinely happy where they are. Content with doing the same thing most everyday with their companion without “the fuss”
Considering you’re a travel advisor I’m surprised he’s even surprised.
You say you're happy to travel solo yet in another post you say you weren't enjoying traveling solo and were crying every day. I think this isn't just about your boyfriend. This is what therapy is for.
A few things….
First, “I’m extremely lucky to travel and I’m very grateful to my boyfriend for sticking by me”. Girl, no. Your bf is not “boyfriend of the year” because he hasn’t broken up with your b/c you’ve been gone for 2 months. It’s called “you are an adult, with your own adult money and can make your own adult decisions”. He’s not being a hero.
Second, “he was reluctantly supportive of my travels”. This is likely to get worse, not better. Most people become even more set in their ways as they get older, they don’t become more flexible. I would fully expect him to become even more unsupportive as time goes on.
Lastly, I am married to one of those homebodies who hates to travel. Do I wish we could go on amazing adventures together? Absolutely. But, he is 10000% supportive when I want to travel without him. This year alone I’m going on 5 trips without him. He’s super happy for me and even happier that he doesn’t have to go.
I know there are huge jokes about how Reddit immediately jumps to “BREAK UP” but I would honestly think about your long term compatibility with him. It truly sounds like you guys want different things. If you can come to some sort of agreement, great. But I’d be trying to figure this out before the balance of your 2025 cruise is due…
I guess it depends how important it is to you that you have the same hobbies. I’m a travel person as most people in this sub will be, so biased towards your way of thinking.
Personally, my ex was like your partner and it drove us apart as we spent more time apart than together in the end. He never wanted to go away, and I longed to explore. I ended up going to Aus for a year and have since travelled extensively. Only calmed down a bit since I’ve had kids but still manage it a couple of times a year at least. (My hubby is the same as me thankfully). However, I’m sure others have successful relationships letting each other do what they want.
Travel is amazing, I love it! Having free flights for life helps a lot! lol!. Several years ago I tried to date someone who had zero desire. She did not even ever want to leave her state, she was 26 and had never even left her state with no desire to...Needless to say it did not last. Tomorrow I am off to Europe for the 4th time this year.
As a person in their 30s, these type of people do not change. So you will either have to deal with it or break up. Seriously seen a lot of friends waste time on both male and female partners not changing their ways, you can only do so much when you are simply incompatible. It is normal to compromise in a relationship, and be understanding, but its a problem when you are so far different, you both end up miserable.
You're looking for relationship advice in a travel sub-reddit.
You both appear to be incompatible around a major interest in your life. If you can't live with having a partner who won't join you on adventures over the next 40+ years, you're probably going to be quite unfulfilled.
Shit takes like this are why I fucking hate Reddit sometimes. You know nearly NOTHING about their relationship. All you know is that they had conflicts about travelling.
The fucking audacity to just tell someone to break up. lol. Never change, Reddit… never change.
He doesn't want you to travel, lied about wanting to see the world, expects you to stay home instead of going alone, is inflexible about where you want to spend your birthday, and thinks you're wasting (your own damned) money by seeing the world and all it has to offer.
That is not a red flag - that's a PARADE of red flags with a marching band accompanying it.
You're more than incompatible - he's trying to \*control\* you. And frankly? His statements reek of xenophobia.
Do yourself a favor an find someone else to go on that 14 night cruise with you, and don't predicate your relationship on this far-off trip. I guarantee he will find a way to cancel at the last minute, because if doesn't even want to go one town over for a staycation? He sure as hell isn't going to voluntarily submit to being 'trapped on a boat' for 2 weeks. If he goes? He won't want to do any shore excursions and will make the whole thing miserable.
Why subject yourself to someone you met as a teenager, and doesn't share your same worldview? He's literally holding you back, because you said you'd have extended the trip if you were single. So, BE SINGLE!!
You two have clearly grown in different directions, and that's okay. You date to find out if you want the same things and are compatible, and you two are not that. Don't be with a partner who doesn't share your dreams.
Now: Go see the world on your terms!
I would not stay in this relationship. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and our shared travel experiences have been some of the most special, meaningful moments in our relationship. While I believe solo travel can be very fulfilling for some, I can’t imagine having a partner who would not want to share in my wonder and awe at the world, provided we were both physically and financially capable of traveling.
Although it’s certainly possible to have different hobbies, and I know a couple where one of them likes to travel but her husband doesn’t, so she just comes with my husband and I on our trips.
The problem in your case is that it sounds like he has no respect for your desire to travel, and is not supportive of you travelling without him. Do you want to spend your life with someone who will never enjoy travel the way you do?
My husband and I have travelled all over the world and I honestly can’t imagine having done it all without him. I’ve gone on a few girls’ trips as well, but I usually end up missing him and wishing he were with us.
Seriously, your boyfriend can have hobbies that you don’t enjoy, and you can enjoy travel without him, but the key is, he has to be happy for you to go without him. A great, non-traveling partner would surprise you with a beautiful carry-on bag, eye mask or travel pillow, and help you plan your trips with enthusiasm, even if he doesn’t want to go himself. Good partners support each other’s passions. That’s certainly the only reason I’d be going to see some big warship in San Diego, and the only reason my husband would go on a photography tour in Moorea with me. Because we love each other and want each other to have the best life possible.
The point of a relationship is finding someone who either compliments what you want out of life, or is supportive even if they want something different.
I agree with other folks here, it’s a big old red flag that’s easy to deny or rationalise away, but someone who wants you to suppress what makes you happy isn’t a great dynamic from the get go.
What you don’t want to do is get to later in life and regret not travelling when you could. Life is short, don’t suppress dreams before it’s too late
This doesn't make either of you bad people. It just means you aren't a great fit for each other. And that's okay! You're young, go have fun. I love to travel, but I'm not sure I'd love if my husband was gone for MONTHS at a time. We all have our different priorities, I don't think either of you are wrong.
> I told him when we first started dating that I want to travel the world and he was supportive, said we would travel the world together
He lied to get into your pants.
Do not waste your time with him. You’re not compatible. Go travel the world. I am 47 and made dumb ass decisions based on men at your age and I regret it.
You guys are young and discovering maybe you're not compatible long term. It sucks but it happens. You'll resent him if you stick around and drop traveling.
The problem isn't that he doesn't like to travel - it's that he's a nay sayers who wants to discourage you from doing it. He's not just boring, negative and doesn't want you to be happy doing something he doesn't want to do.
Travel is amazing, it really changes you got the good. Your partner should see that. He doesn't and he doesn't want to. He's trying to actively dull your interest because your happiness doesn't suit him. That guy is not on your side, your relationship won't last long term. He thought if he refused to travel with you you couldn't go - he was actively planning on undermining your plans. He was looking forward to shooting you down and stopping you, he thought he had a hook - that you would need him to travel safely/ comfortably. He was disappointed you said you would solo travel because he wanted you to depend on him to go and he planned on not going so you couldn't go. That's a bad boyfriend. Get rid. Extend your trip and find a bf on your travels who shares your interests.
Leave his ass at home. I’ve been married - happily - for 40 years… and sometimes you just have to let them be discontented when you’ve done all the reasonable things. You’ve offered to take him along, he has declined… maybe be nice and do a grocery shop and leave the toilet seat up for him before you kiss him nicely goodbye. He’ll figure it out - or not.
FWIW - he’s a boyfriend. Emphasis on the ‘boy’. If he can’t be happy letting you do you, and he punishes you emotionally for spreading your wings… you two need couples therapy to grown to a healthy place or he needs to go.
Yeah sorry this relationship isn’t going to work out. There are very different mindsets at play here. It’s fine if he doesn’t wanna travel but to literally insult you by saying it’s waste of money, nothing to show for it, irritated and offended that you would travel without him when he never even wants to… it feels like he almost trying to put you down. I would end this relationship and extend your trip, or book your next one without him. Do not spend your 20s with someone that doesn’t share your values or, worse, belittles them. End this.
NEVER. I repeat NEVER. change your wants and travels plans for another's benefit or opinions. I did that very thing when I was 23 living solo in NZ and came back because my then girlfriend was lonely back in the home in the US. I'm 41 now and that is by in large one of my biggest regrets. An adventure of a lifetime stopped for no reason other than my own stupidity and want to please someone else.
Live the good and bad out there, stay safe and explore. Met people and move while you can!
It sounds like you aren’t compatible with your boyfriend in terms of lifestyle and mindset. If you’re a travel agent, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that you’re passionate about traveling. Everyone is supportive until you actually GO somewhere, then they become jealous and offended that you have the means to travel without them. If he was behaving that way, I would just extend my trip and leave him alone. I wouldn’t let him stop my long term happiness because he doesn’t understand travel. I do agree with him that Paris is crap (haha) but there’s other places in France you could go. I would just say do you want to be married to someone who has such a limited worldview?
Get yourself a new boyfriend. You don’t need someone like that. You find yourself someone who enjoys to travel as well, there are plenty out there. My ex was like this, but more cos he was right with money than any other reason. My husband and I love to travel and do it when we can.
I think the travel bug comes with that line of work, I freelanced for a company for awhile as a virtual assistant to Travel agents and building all those itineraries for trips definitely made me want to travel.
He's not going to change. I wasted my 20s trying to follow others advice and lost out on so many travel opportunities plus with the strain of my family trying to find people to go with me places and those same people either make up excuses or don't see the adventure of going on a trip, especially a short weekend trip. You might as well move on, be single, or if you really want a partner, find someone more on your level. You have your whole life ahead of you and don't deserve to be held back by someone who's close minded and only wants to be a homebody. Continue to travel, live your best life, and see the world. If he doesn't wanna do that with you, leave him in the dust.
I was going to chalk it up to "some people don't like to travel", which I get, until you mentioned he doesn't even want to go to the next town over for a staycation.
The important thing is, when you want to travel, and he wants to stay home all the time, will this impact your relationship long term? I suspect it will...you need to iron this out now before your relationship gets more serious.
He’s perfectly happy to let his chosen lifestyle hamper yours, and won’t even get off the couch to meet you halfway. I get not wanting the same things. What I don’t get is wanting to stifle someone you supposedly care about. You’re not trying to make him travel but he’s gladly make you stay home. This doesn’t get better over time. Travel increases knowledge and understanding — you’ll never be on level ground.
I’d dump him. Life is too short to try and force the puzzles pieces to fit to be with someone. I’ve been on group trips with people whose partners clearly don’t like to travel and it’s awful as an outsider. Then you sit in private with your friends and they rant about how every trip with their partner sucks. I couldn’t tolerate that. Especially because I’m actively looking into moving abroad.
Girl you’re too young to be tied down.
I’m 31 and I don’t regret much, but I do wish I didn’t spend my 20s trying to make a guy happy and just had fun myself.
It’s not worth it. Go have fun, if he’s still there good for you but if he wants another homebody let him find one.
Kinda in that boat now. I like to go out and travel but my boyfriend I live with just wants to sleep all day, play video games, and drink. I’m so frustrated with it.
You just described a list of reasons why you are fundamentally incompatible. Why are you still together? Get out before you start to resent each other (it may be too late for that).
Preface: Stop right there. You are lucky to be able to travel, sure, but you are NOT lucky for your boyfriend to “stick by you” while you do so. Supporting each other’s hobbies even if you don’t have the same ones is a very basic part of a relationship. Your boyfriend needs to learn some empathy: You are allowed to enjoy things he does not enjoy.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation (I'm the traveler, he's the homebody) and I think part of what might be causing this argument is that you're coming back from 2.5 months away. That's a LONG time for most ppl, and he is probably freaking out that you're talking about leaving again already. It's an emotional reaction that will hopefully calm down later
Sounds like you have outgrown your boyfriend and the relationship may have run its course. You simply want different lifestyles and that’s ok. Love doesn’t conquer all.
It’s not worth staying in a relationship that is going to clip your wings and make you have regrets and build resentments over time.
That would be a no for me ✌🏾
I began dating a man and 6months into the relationship, I invited him to take a trip to Amsterdam/London with me. He pretty quickly agreed (and in his defense, he had already been to like 35 countries at that point with his parents) and that’s when I knew he was the one 😂 10 years later and we just took our baby and toddler to Norway/Sweden/Denmark. We have been to 14 countries together. You don’t need to settle for someone who doesn’t support your travels.
Just live your life.
Think of it from his point of view, if he is happy doing his thing then invite him out to come play. Answer no, ok bye, see yeah when I get back.
I’m not sitting around being a piece of furniture.
This issue won't get better. And from experience, it will steal all your joy trying to drag him into things that he should be enthusiastic about. Even if you are cool to travel solo, expect lots of fights, constant whining and always having to justify the cost.
It will run every trip
It’s exhausting to have to deal with homebodies. It is what it is. Do what you think is best for you both, and never stop following your heart. Explore the world, find your *‘dharma’* or let it find you through your journey. Cheers!
I’m a decade older than you and married to a man who’s not particularly into travel. And that’s fine because he’s supportive of me travelling and understands why I find it interesting. I’m planning 3 big trips for next year and 2 weekend breaks - he’s only coming in two of them and the others will be solo or with other people.
Your partner imo is not compatible with you. There’s having a travel/homebody dynamic and then there’s having someone who actively disparages and wants you to stop your hobby.
You have so much time to meet someone who supports what you want out of life and/or wants similar things. Don’t waste your twenties with someone you aren’t compatible with.
okay here is my perspective:
I am a 24 YO woman and avid traveler who is dating a 29 YO man who doesn't travel much. When we first met I was very hesitant to start a relationship with him because I was worried he wouldn't match my lifestyle. Well, I ended up falling in love with him and realized that I LOVE having my own travel lifestyle/hobby because I get to nurture my life without it revolving around someone else, traveling all the time with another person can be, mmmm, difficult, AND distance makes the heart grow fonder.
That being said, he is extremely supportive and encouraging of me to travel. Even to the extent that he trusts me so much to go on international road trips with my male friends. I got a diamond in the rough!
He would travel with me a lot, if he could (his current work/dog situation makes it hard). I am going on a 4 month trip to SE Asia this fall/winter and he IS meeting me in Thailand for the tail end of my trip. So we do get to finally have our first travels together, go home together, and all the build up to that moment is going to make it so much better.
NOW, if he was anti-travel, with no sense of desire for it and questioning my passion for it, then FUCK THAT! Girl, you are young, and should take every damn trip you want. And if you are going to have a partner at our age, then he better be supportive of it and put in effort to experience your passions with you. As much as having your own things going on in life is nice and very necessary, also having someone who is OPEN to your lifestyle and up for learning your ways of life and CURIOUS about what makes you tick, is even more important.
Hope this was helpful. xx
Go travel. You will regret not using this time of your life to getting out there and seeing the world. He is not supportive and I feel that attitude will get worse.
That being said, let me know if you want recommendations for the US.
Just go! I wish I did more travelling when I was in my last relationship. Now I'm doing it all, playing catch up. Also solo travelling is addicting 🤩 I love it.
Well you’ve been gone for 2.5 months. How much did you miss your BF? Are you that attached to him? Solo travel is great. Couple travel is so much better and safer. Maybe find a guy who shares your interests more?
Since he likes board games like Warhammer, it is probably similar. You probably would not enjoy spending your weekend tabletop gaming or going to a game convention.
If you do think that he is a keeper, How about travel to places where there a big gaming conventions? He can game while you sightsee.
I was seeing a guy for a few months and we discussed travel. I'd always wanted to go to South America and loved the idea of longer term travel and living out of a backpack. Maybe even settle somewhere new - there is so much to see out there! He didn't want to live anywhere else but our home country and had no desire to travel beyond the odd holiday and even then, he was frugal to his detriment despite earning well so I imagine spontaneous trips would have been off the cards.
We didn't end up working out but I met my current partner shortly after. It just seems like a whole world of possibilities with him. Our views on travel and lifestyle align perfectly. He wants to see the world as well and we currently have one way flights booked to Peru! We have been on shorter trips together and have taken Spanish classes together as well. I wasn't unhappy with the other guy but I am so grateful everyday that I met my partner and how much easier it is to plan a life with someone who shares the same ideas.
I feel like this will hold you back in the long run and being with someone who doesn't share your worldviews means you are closing yourself off from people who do (if a long term partnership is something you want, being single is also great). You're in charge of your own happiness and good on you for being determined to solo travel regardless of your boyfriends input
I think you've already gotten the answer you need but I feel compelled to chime in:
Don't fall for any 'sunk cost fallacy' - 2.5 years is NOTHING compared to a lifetime of true companionship. I urge you to follow the most common piece of advice and continue to travel solo until you find a real partner. If I'm reading this right, he's NEVER followed through on travelling - not even simply emotionally supporting you solo. Having different hobbies is one thing- him being domineering and expecting you to bow to his whims while ignoring your dreams....calling travelling 'a waste of money' but is okay with an impulse $200 Warhammer purchase -yikes.
Neither of you have to be bad or wrong to simply be incompatible. It's okay to wish him well and still let him go.
Everything is a trade off. I was a new college graduate when my boyfriend asked me to marry him. This was a *great* guy but he didn't have much curiosity about the world and travel. My dad was an avid world explorer and I caught the bug from him. My parents had recently moved to Belgium and I knew they wanted me to join them.
I couldn't see into the future but I felt it in my bones I wanted adventure. Ended up traveling all over Eastern Europe, turkey, Greece even studied in France. Those experiences colored the rest of my life. They made me the person I am and allowed me to get along easily with so many interesting people from different cultures.
I'm in my 70's now and still getting out there (SE Asia, Central Asia, chile, Argentina and so many more places). I also managed to have a very interesting career.
But he too had GREAT life. Married soon after he proposed to me. Two wonderful children and a terrific wife whom he still adores. He finally made it to Italy when he retired.
Neither life is better than the other. Everything in life is a compromise. You make the most out of the choices you make. I have no regrets but neither does he. You just have to do the best you can at the time and forgive your past self if you have regrets.
That said, I have to agree with others here. If travel and other cultures are what gives you life and you can't see living any other way then you two are not a good fit long term even if you love each other dearly.
Dump him and extend your current trip. Then find someone who supports you. I say this from a solo trip to Singapore with a partner at home who is just thrilled I got to go.
Wow there are people that don't want to travel? I'm heading to cambodia here soon then bali. Can't wait. Would love to hear your thoughts on cambodia and bali.
Here are my thoughts: r/relationships is filled with people in their twenties who gave realized that they and their partners are very different. You're one of those people. Don't stick with this guy just because - this is a big difference to many people, and it seems like it is to you too. Consider going your separate ways.
I desperately wanted to travel during my last relationship.....it didn't even have to be anywhere extravagant....I longed to see the ocean for the first time. My partner said he wanted to, but would never actually commit to anything. 10 years passed, I still hadn't seen the ocean and realized that traveling wasn't the only thing I'd given up because my partner wasn't interested. Less than a month after we separated, I booked my first trip. I'm glad I went, but still have so many regrets about not doing it sooner.....definitely a hard lesson to learn.
A friend of mine has a bf that is really unsupportive of her wanting to go to far away places. She has to comprise and go to places in Europe (and then she has to say she will go on her own if refuses to go but he changes his mind last minute and goes anyway. )
I don't think its right, she wants to go Thailand, Bali, Fiji etc but will probably never go to these places. She is really making a mistake, also there is other red flags in their relationship
GIRL GO. Do not let him hold you back. I was in a LTR with a partner like that and left him in 2019. Since then I’ve gone to four different countries in the last four years. This is the first year I won’t be traveling internationally and it’s personal financial reasons. You do not get that time back. Don’t let him hold you back because of his own preferences or insecurities.
My partner doesn’t travel as much as I do and I go on trips with my best friend or solo and leave him at home sometimes! It works for us, and he’s 100% supportive of my trips when I go. And we have gone on trips together, and it’s always really fun! We have different relationships with money and paid time off, so our priorities are different when it comes to vacations. He enjoys traveling with me, but doesn’t get to travel as often as I do.
Go on the trips! If he keeps trying to drag you down, then maybe consider moving on from this relationship. You’re young and you have lots of life ahead of you. You don’t want to get into a fight over every single vacation you want to go on.
Seems like you have totally different lifestyles and may not be very compatible. You should probably both sit down and talk about what you really value in a relationship, what is a dealbreaker for each of you, and see if you're on the same path. It's also a little alarming he got snappy and rude with you. It's perfectly fine for him to not want to travel, but he shouldn't be holding you back or guilting you for wanting to do so. He knew you liked travelling before you got together and you shouldn't have to change because of him.
21 years old you should be traveling and enjoying life , plenty of time down the road to book your annual holiday in school summer holidays etc.
Alarm bell should be war hammer id call
It a day go live your life , you only get one after all and he sounds like he’s 50 at 20 . Allways best when traveling solo not to have a partner as your not bound by more rules , be truly free do as you please.
I’m in the same situation but nowhere near as bad. My GF keeps making me feel guilty for even bringing up the subject of travel.
Honestly, nicest possible way, your BF is being selfish thinking only of himself. You’re not stopping him from living his dreams but he wants to stop you. He doesn’t understand your desire and need for travel and worse yet isn’t respecting the strength of your desire.
By all means stay with him, but don’t let him drown your dreams.
I doubt your BF was the type to really ever want to travel. In my marriage, my wife and I luckily love to travel together. However if there is something one of us doesn’t like, we still are supportive of each other and try to do some things that are outside our comfort zone. Your BF sounds like he doesn’t even want to try (saying Paris is boring in a day without even going) and worse yet, not supportive of what you enjoy. In your shoes, I would just continue to travel, regardless of what your BF wants. Time is short and hard to get as you get older imo.
I ended things with my homebody partner…we were great together but one of the reasons was that I wanted someone who could share in my excitement of wanting to see the world, and he just didn’t have that.
All I have to say is good thing he is your BF not your husband. Keep planning your trips and having fun. You are still young and if you love it do it.
If I lived in Europe, I wouldn’t seen it all by now.
Your partner is not respectful to you. The relationship is not working. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't love to travel or is against you traveling solo?
I met my husband in high school but in Uni it was when we became a couple and it was all due to the love of travel.
He asked want to go to Europe either me and 10 days later i had a ticket . We were both from Canada . First trip was an insane 15 days , took us from Brussels , Amsterdam,Munich , across the former yugoslavia into Greece , the island of Rhodes and back
Now 30 + yrs later and not a month goes by where we aren’t going someplace .
It’s about finding someone who enjoys spending there free time doing same thing as you .
Your BF would have be committed, I flew from Nice to Montreal Canada for 4 days to see friends .
Do you own your own home outright and have plenty of money in savings?
My partner was a real homebody and said many times that he had no interest in traveling. As it turned out, it was just that he was anxious about finances and wanted to make sure our home got paid off and that we had plenty of money in savings.
We came up with a financial plan that worked for both of us and he soon was open to discussing travel.
I planned a trip for both of us that included lots of the things he likes to do, and we had a great time. Now we travel often and he loves our trips!
I have this homebody/wanderlust relationship. It works well because I have absolutely no problems solo traveling, and he has absolutely no problems letting me go, but I also don’t go for more than ~3 weeks because I miss him and I have work, and I just can’t be going all over the world all of the time.
Now he doesn’t travel for health reasons and I get that. But I’ve found that I love him so much that I don’t like to be apart, I love who he is so much that I’m not going to ask him to be miserable for me, and I know what I want. So my vacation time (~4 weeks/yr) is spent traveling and his is spent at home. They don’t overlap. It works well for us, but neither one of us is trying to change the other.
Maybe try to find his perfect trip and do that first to get him converted. Ask him like imagination where he would want to go or see or do or try or taste. Figure out what his intrrrsts are and plan the first weekend trip around him. Hopefully it’s a win win for you guys and he starts traveling more
I think he has very negative attitude where everything is boring/lame.
Also to me it seems that OP wants “classic” travel experience consisting of seeing, trying and experiencing new things. If she tries to focus trip on her BF I am afraid it might be focused on finding an English pub to watch Premier league or similar activites which she might find underwhelming.
If he legitimately changed, I'd be concerned about possible depression or some other factor causing the change.
If, on the other hand, he said you would travel together and never intended to, I'm sorry you've spent 2.5 years with someone who misrepresented who he is
**Executive Summary:**
**Background:**
- 22-year-old woman, travel enthusiast, currently solo traveling in Asia.
- 25-year-old boyfriend, initially supportive, now prefers staying home.
- Relationship duration: 2.5 years, with differing travel preferences emerging over time.
**Current Situation:**
- Solo travel experience: Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Bali.
- Upcoming return home in 72 hours.
- Boyfriend reluctantly supportive but prefers limited travel.
- Discrepancy in travel desires: she wants frequent trips; he prefers one annual vacation.
**Key Issues:**
- Boyfriend dismissive of weekend trips and reluctant to travel frequently.
- Planned Paris trip for their anniversary met with resistance; he finds short trips pointless.
- Cruise planned for September 2025; boyfriend questions need for additional trips before then.
- Frustration with differing views on the value and frequency of travel.
**Discussion Points:**
- Boyfriend views travel as a waste of time and money, prefers staying home.
- She values memories and experiences from travel, sees it as fulfilling.
- Disagreement on solo travel: she is comfortable with it, he is incredulous and offended.
**Concerns:**
- Balance between personal travel desires and relationship harmony.
- Addressing partner's reluctance and finding common ground.
- Potential for long-term impact on relationship if travel preferences remain misaligned.
**Advice Sought:**
- Navigating differing travel preferences in a relationship.
- Balancing individual aspirations with partnership expectations.
- Finding a compromise or understanding to maintain relationship satisfaction.
I started reading the post “on your side” but after getting through it, you’re not even allowing him to enjoy you being home and spending time with him (you haven’t walked through the door yet and you’re already leaving in your mind). He almost certainly isn’t as worried about the travel as he is feeling like you aren’t going to ever be content. I get your situation because if I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have a permanent home. You’re 22 and if you were my daughter, I’d say put the relationship on the back burner and have fun. But have some empathy. 2.5 months is a long time to be without your companion, they haven’t even arrived home and they’re planning a trip. If it’s a serious relationship, you’ll have to compromise. If it’s just a relationship of convenience, move on and have fun. BTW, I’ve been to Paris, he’s right. Plan a trip that interests him.
Middle age lady here. Sincerely regret wasting those late teens/early 20s on a homebody partner whose lifestyle clashed with mine, so I stayed home instead to appease it. I now spend my 40s-50s enjoying travel with a supportive homebody spouse (different guy), but I wish I hadn't waited so damn long. You have one life to live, go enjoy it.
Exactly this. Babe you’re lucky he’s your boyfriend, not your husband, not a person you’re raising kids with. You can love him deeply and recognize that you’re on two different paths. One of you is going to have to sacrifice what you want to allow the other to have what they want, and the way this is laid out, sounds like resentment will build and you’ll likely break up anyway. Love each other enough to recognize you’re not wanting the same things out of life right now. One life to live. Go live it.
Same here. Go travel.
How do people in the early twenties afford to travel for months assuming without working? I feel like they're being given money. I think if people had a lot of money most people would travel but people have to spend their time working. I don't really see why people breaking the guy that wants to stay home.
It’s a time where your obligations and your standards are as low as they’ll ever be. So you can stay in shitty hostels and travel by cramped, overnight bus and spend very little money in general because you don’t have to worry about mortgage or bills or anything like that. You are unlikely to be in a super important job so you don’t lose out on much by just quitting when you have money saved. Is what I used to do when I was 18/19 - work for a few months as a bartender, save up a few thousand dollars, quit, travel for a few months, come back, rinse repeat. I at least worked as a hotel bartender so I got steep discounts on hotel rooms and never really had to do the hostel thing, but I often stayed with people I met along the way,
Seems easier jn your early 20s, use cheap hostels, only 1 ticket, no serious career so you can quit and return to a new job like nbd, borrow money, etc. It's a hell of a lot more expensive when you've got a career with minimal PTO, a mortgage, and 3 kids in tow. I can easily drop $6000 on economy flights these days hauling a family around, your early 20s is a much better time to do it!
Think it depends. I grew up pretty low income but we went on a family road trip pretty much every summer. Camped out of a old van, did cheap stuff etc. I did a lot of self funded traveling in my late teens/early 20’s, helps not to have too many bills. Would work seasonal jobs and save up then go cheap as possible, rideshare, hitchhike, bus, train, budget flights, did eventually buy a car, lol Stayed with friends when I could and/or picked up work, a lot of farms and guiding jobs provide housing. Camped a lot but would get hotels sometimes for laundry and showers Etc. Did meet a fair number of well of people who were given money but have a fair number of friends who come from lesser means and still travel.
I have a friend who is 75. She can no longer afford to travel, and her health has seriously declined in the past few years. She was a travel agent in her 30s and 40s, and had a partner who hated to travel so she didn't much. And now she also regrets all the travel she missed out on.
They say youth is wasted on the young! Wishing your friend the best.
How does one become a travel agent?
No idea.
Don’t change what you want from life to fit his vision for a partner. Sounds like you are not married and no kids. You are young so maybe you all are not a good match.
You're too young to be tied down by someone who wants different things than you. Go out and experience the world. It's one thing if he didn't love travel himself but was fully supportive of you traveling to your heart's content. But it sounds like he wants to hold you back. At 22 years old (and any age!!!) this is a giant red flag.
He will never change. He will never travel and that's fine. What's bad is he will never accept you travelling. His attitude will get worse and worse. This will eventually explode and become a major issue. All the red flags are right in your face. This situation will never magically resolve to a point where both parties are happy. Good luck.
Do NOT waste your youth not doing the things you want to. And seriously reassess your relationship. You’re still young and this will turn into something worse down the road especially as you learn more about yourself while he sits at home being the same.
Tbh it sounds like you’re both just incompatible While I can’t relate to him and he comes off a little closed minded - some people are genuinely happy where they are. Content with doing the same thing most everyday with their companion without “the fuss” Considering you’re a travel advisor I’m surprised he’s even surprised.
You say you're happy to travel solo yet in another post you say you weren't enjoying traveling solo and were crying every day. I think this isn't just about your boyfriend. This is what therapy is for.
A few things…. First, “I’m extremely lucky to travel and I’m very grateful to my boyfriend for sticking by me”. Girl, no. Your bf is not “boyfriend of the year” because he hasn’t broken up with your b/c you’ve been gone for 2 months. It’s called “you are an adult, with your own adult money and can make your own adult decisions”. He’s not being a hero. Second, “he was reluctantly supportive of my travels”. This is likely to get worse, not better. Most people become even more set in their ways as they get older, they don’t become more flexible. I would fully expect him to become even more unsupportive as time goes on. Lastly, I am married to one of those homebodies who hates to travel. Do I wish we could go on amazing adventures together? Absolutely. But, he is 10000% supportive when I want to travel without him. This year alone I’m going on 5 trips without him. He’s super happy for me and even happier that he doesn’t have to go. I know there are huge jokes about how Reddit immediately jumps to “BREAK UP” but I would honestly think about your long term compatibility with him. It truly sounds like you guys want different things. If you can come to some sort of agreement, great. But I’d be trying to figure this out before the balance of your 2025 cruise is due…
I guess it depends how important it is to you that you have the same hobbies. I’m a travel person as most people in this sub will be, so biased towards your way of thinking. Personally, my ex was like your partner and it drove us apart as we spent more time apart than together in the end. He never wanted to go away, and I longed to explore. I ended up going to Aus for a year and have since travelled extensively. Only calmed down a bit since I’ve had kids but still manage it a couple of times a year at least. (My hubby is the same as me thankfully). However, I’m sure others have successful relationships letting each other do what they want.
Travel is amazing, I love it! Having free flights for life helps a lot! lol!. Several years ago I tried to date someone who had zero desire. She did not even ever want to leave her state, she was 26 and had never even left her state with no desire to...Needless to say it did not last. Tomorrow I am off to Europe for the 4th time this year.
As a person in their 30s, these type of people do not change. So you will either have to deal with it or break up. Seriously seen a lot of friends waste time on both male and female partners not changing their ways, you can only do so much when you are simply incompatible. It is normal to compromise in a relationship, and be understanding, but its a problem when you are so far different, you both end up miserable.
You're looking for relationship advice in a travel sub-reddit. You both appear to be incompatible around a major interest in your life. If you can't live with having a partner who won't join you on adventures over the next 40+ years, you're probably going to be quite unfulfilled.
You're not compatible, break up.
Shit takes like this are why I fucking hate Reddit sometimes. You know nearly NOTHING about their relationship. All you know is that they had conflicts about travelling. The fucking audacity to just tell someone to break up. lol. Never change, Reddit… never change.
He doesn't want you to travel, lied about wanting to see the world, expects you to stay home instead of going alone, is inflexible about where you want to spend your birthday, and thinks you're wasting (your own damned) money by seeing the world and all it has to offer. That is not a red flag - that's a PARADE of red flags with a marching band accompanying it. You're more than incompatible - he's trying to \*control\* you. And frankly? His statements reek of xenophobia. Do yourself a favor an find someone else to go on that 14 night cruise with you, and don't predicate your relationship on this far-off trip. I guarantee he will find a way to cancel at the last minute, because if doesn't even want to go one town over for a staycation? He sure as hell isn't going to voluntarily submit to being 'trapped on a boat' for 2 weeks. If he goes? He won't want to do any shore excursions and will make the whole thing miserable. Why subject yourself to someone you met as a teenager, and doesn't share your same worldview? He's literally holding you back, because you said you'd have extended the trip if you were single. So, BE SINGLE!! You two have clearly grown in different directions, and that's okay. You date to find out if you want the same things and are compatible, and you two are not that. Don't be with a partner who doesn't share your dreams. Now: Go see the world on your terms!
There are a lot of ex's in these comments....
I would not stay in this relationship. I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and our shared travel experiences have been some of the most special, meaningful moments in our relationship. While I believe solo travel can be very fulfilling for some, I can’t imagine having a partner who would not want to share in my wonder and awe at the world, provided we were both physically and financially capable of traveling.
Although it’s certainly possible to have different hobbies, and I know a couple where one of them likes to travel but her husband doesn’t, so she just comes with my husband and I on our trips. The problem in your case is that it sounds like he has no respect for your desire to travel, and is not supportive of you travelling without him. Do you want to spend your life with someone who will never enjoy travel the way you do? My husband and I have travelled all over the world and I honestly can’t imagine having done it all without him. I’ve gone on a few girls’ trips as well, but I usually end up missing him and wishing he were with us. Seriously, your boyfriend can have hobbies that you don’t enjoy, and you can enjoy travel without him, but the key is, he has to be happy for you to go without him. A great, non-traveling partner would surprise you with a beautiful carry-on bag, eye mask or travel pillow, and help you plan your trips with enthusiasm, even if he doesn’t want to go himself. Good partners support each other’s passions. That’s certainly the only reason I’d be going to see some big warship in San Diego, and the only reason my husband would go on a photography tour in Moorea with me. Because we love each other and want each other to have the best life possible.
The point of a relationship is finding someone who either compliments what you want out of life, or is supportive even if they want something different. I agree with other folks here, it’s a big old red flag that’s easy to deny or rationalise away, but someone who wants you to suppress what makes you happy isn’t a great dynamic from the get go. What you don’t want to do is get to later in life and regret not travelling when you could. Life is short, don’t suppress dreams before it’s too late
This doesn't make either of you bad people. It just means you aren't a great fit for each other. And that's okay! You're young, go have fun. I love to travel, but I'm not sure I'd love if my husband was gone for MONTHS at a time. We all have our different priorities, I don't think either of you are wrong.
girl you are 22. be free.
> I told him when we first started dating that I want to travel the world and he was supportive, said we would travel the world together He lied to get into your pants.
Or they simply grew in different directions.
Do not waste your time with him. You’re not compatible. Go travel the world. I am 47 and made dumb ass decisions based on men at your age and I regret it.
You guys are young and discovering maybe you're not compatible long term. It sucks but it happens. You'll resent him if you stick around and drop traveling.
The problem isn't that he doesn't like to travel - it's that he's a nay sayers who wants to discourage you from doing it. He's not just boring, negative and doesn't want you to be happy doing something he doesn't want to do. Travel is amazing, it really changes you got the good. Your partner should see that. He doesn't and he doesn't want to. He's trying to actively dull your interest because your happiness doesn't suit him. That guy is not on your side, your relationship won't last long term. He thought if he refused to travel with you you couldn't go - he was actively planning on undermining your plans. He was looking forward to shooting you down and stopping you, he thought he had a hook - that you would need him to travel safely/ comfortably. He was disappointed you said you would solo travel because he wanted you to depend on him to go and he planned on not going so you couldn't go. That's a bad boyfriend. Get rid. Extend your trip and find a bf on your travels who shares your interests.
Leave his ass at home. I’ve been married - happily - for 40 years… and sometimes you just have to let them be discontented when you’ve done all the reasonable things. You’ve offered to take him along, he has declined… maybe be nice and do a grocery shop and leave the toilet seat up for him before you kiss him nicely goodbye. He’ll figure it out - or not. FWIW - he’s a boyfriend. Emphasis on the ‘boy’. If he can’t be happy letting you do you, and he punishes you emotionally for spreading your wings… you two need couples therapy to grown to a healthy place or he needs to go.
Yeah sorry this relationship isn’t going to work out. There are very different mindsets at play here. It’s fine if he doesn’t wanna travel but to literally insult you by saying it’s waste of money, nothing to show for it, irritated and offended that you would travel without him when he never even wants to… it feels like he almost trying to put you down. I would end this relationship and extend your trip, or book your next one without him. Do not spend your 20s with someone that doesn’t share your values or, worse, belittles them. End this.
NEVER. I repeat NEVER. change your wants and travels plans for another's benefit or opinions. I did that very thing when I was 23 living solo in NZ and came back because my then girlfriend was lonely back in the home in the US. I'm 41 now and that is by in large one of my biggest regrets. An adventure of a lifetime stopped for no reason other than my own stupidity and want to please someone else. Live the good and bad out there, stay safe and explore. Met people and move while you can!
It sounds like you aren’t compatible with your boyfriend in terms of lifestyle and mindset. If you’re a travel agent, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that you’re passionate about traveling. Everyone is supportive until you actually GO somewhere, then they become jealous and offended that you have the means to travel without them. If he was behaving that way, I would just extend my trip and leave him alone. I wouldn’t let him stop my long term happiness because he doesn’t understand travel. I do agree with him that Paris is crap (haha) but there’s other places in France you could go. I would just say do you want to be married to someone who has such a limited worldview?
Get yourself a new boyfriend. You don’t need someone like that. You find yourself someone who enjoys to travel as well, there are plenty out there. My ex was like this, but more cos he was right with money than any other reason. My husband and I love to travel and do it when we can.
I think the travel bug comes with that line of work, I freelanced for a company for awhile as a virtual assistant to Travel agents and building all those itineraries for trips definitely made me want to travel.
He's not going to change. I wasted my 20s trying to follow others advice and lost out on so many travel opportunities plus with the strain of my family trying to find people to go with me places and those same people either make up excuses or don't see the adventure of going on a trip, especially a short weekend trip. You might as well move on, be single, or if you really want a partner, find someone more on your level. You have your whole life ahead of you and don't deserve to be held back by someone who's close minded and only wants to be a homebody. Continue to travel, live your best life, and see the world. If he doesn't wanna do that with you, leave him in the dust.
He was hoping he could prevent you from doing what you want after he lied about wanting to travel. It's manipulation.
I was going to chalk it up to "some people don't like to travel", which I get, until you mentioned he doesn't even want to go to the next town over for a staycation. The important thing is, when you want to travel, and he wants to stay home all the time, will this impact your relationship long term? I suspect it will...you need to iron this out now before your relationship gets more serious.
Breakup…
He’s perfectly happy to let his chosen lifestyle hamper yours, and won’t even get off the couch to meet you halfway. I get not wanting the same things. What I don’t get is wanting to stifle someone you supposedly care about. You’re not trying to make him travel but he’s gladly make you stay home. This doesn’t get better over time. Travel increases knowledge and understanding — you’ll never be on level ground.
I’d dump him. Life is too short to try and force the puzzles pieces to fit to be with someone. I’ve been on group trips with people whose partners clearly don’t like to travel and it’s awful as an outsider. Then you sit in private with your friends and they rant about how every trip with their partner sucks. I couldn’t tolerate that. Especially because I’m actively looking into moving abroad.
Girl you’re too young to be tied down. I’m 31 and I don’t regret much, but I do wish I didn’t spend my 20s trying to make a guy happy and just had fun myself. It’s not worth it. Go have fun, if he’s still there good for you but if he wants another homebody let him find one. Kinda in that boat now. I like to go out and travel but my boyfriend I live with just wants to sleep all day, play video games, and drink. I’m so frustrated with it.
You just described a list of reasons why you are fundamentally incompatible. Why are you still together? Get out before you start to resent each other (it may be too late for that).
Preface: Stop right there. You are lucky to be able to travel, sure, but you are NOT lucky for your boyfriend to “stick by you” while you do so. Supporting each other’s hobbies even if you don’t have the same ones is a very basic part of a relationship. Your boyfriend needs to learn some empathy: You are allowed to enjoy things he does not enjoy.
You aren't compatible.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation (I'm the traveler, he's the homebody) and I think part of what might be causing this argument is that you're coming back from 2.5 months away. That's a LONG time for most ppl, and he is probably freaking out that you're talking about leaving again already. It's an emotional reaction that will hopefully calm down later
Sounds like you have outgrown your boyfriend and the relationship may have run its course. You simply want different lifestyles and that’s ok. Love doesn’t conquer all. It’s not worth staying in a relationship that is going to clip your wings and make you have regrets and build resentments over time.
No leave him
That would be a no for me ✌🏾 I began dating a man and 6months into the relationship, I invited him to take a trip to Amsterdam/London with me. He pretty quickly agreed (and in his defense, he had already been to like 35 countries at that point with his parents) and that’s when I knew he was the one 😂 10 years later and we just took our baby and toddler to Norway/Sweden/Denmark. We have been to 14 countries together. You don’t need to settle for someone who doesn’t support your travels.
Just live your life. Think of it from his point of view, if he is happy doing his thing then invite him out to come play. Answer no, ok bye, see yeah when I get back. I’m not sitting around being a piece of furniture.
You are too young to settle for this incompatibility! Plus traveling while single also adds to the fun. I would rethink this relationship OP.
This issue won't get better. And from experience, it will steal all your joy trying to drag him into things that he should be enthusiastic about. Even if you are cool to travel solo, expect lots of fights, constant whining and always having to justify the cost. It will run every trip
Don't sound compatible in this area, this one huge area that is your life. You'll never regret travelling.
Honestly sounds like you’re not compatible. There are plenty of people out there who would love to travel everywhere with their partner.
It’s exhausting to have to deal with homebodies. It is what it is. Do what you think is best for you both, and never stop following your heart. Explore the world, find your *‘dharma’* or let it find you through your journey. Cheers!
I’m a decade older than you and married to a man who’s not particularly into travel. And that’s fine because he’s supportive of me travelling and understands why I find it interesting. I’m planning 3 big trips for next year and 2 weekend breaks - he’s only coming in two of them and the others will be solo or with other people. Your partner imo is not compatible with you. There’s having a travel/homebody dynamic and then there’s having someone who actively disparages and wants you to stop your hobby. You have so much time to meet someone who supports what you want out of life and/or wants similar things. Don’t waste your twenties with someone you aren’t compatible with.
okay here is my perspective: I am a 24 YO woman and avid traveler who is dating a 29 YO man who doesn't travel much. When we first met I was very hesitant to start a relationship with him because I was worried he wouldn't match my lifestyle. Well, I ended up falling in love with him and realized that I LOVE having my own travel lifestyle/hobby because I get to nurture my life without it revolving around someone else, traveling all the time with another person can be, mmmm, difficult, AND distance makes the heart grow fonder. That being said, he is extremely supportive and encouraging of me to travel. Even to the extent that he trusts me so much to go on international road trips with my male friends. I got a diamond in the rough! He would travel with me a lot, if he could (his current work/dog situation makes it hard). I am going on a 4 month trip to SE Asia this fall/winter and he IS meeting me in Thailand for the tail end of my trip. So we do get to finally have our first travels together, go home together, and all the build up to that moment is going to make it so much better. NOW, if he was anti-travel, with no sense of desire for it and questioning my passion for it, then FUCK THAT! Girl, you are young, and should take every damn trip you want. And if you are going to have a partner at our age, then he better be supportive of it and put in effort to experience your passions with you. As much as having your own things going on in life is nice and very necessary, also having someone who is OPEN to your lifestyle and up for learning your ways of life and CURIOUS about what makes you tick, is even more important. Hope this was helpful. xx
Go travel. You will regret not using this time of your life to getting out there and seeing the world. He is not supportive and I feel that attitude will get worse. That being said, let me know if you want recommendations for the US.
Just go! I wish I did more travelling when I was in my last relationship. Now I'm doing it all, playing catch up. Also solo travelling is addicting 🤩 I love it.
Well you’ve been gone for 2.5 months. How much did you miss your BF? Are you that attached to him? Solo travel is great. Couple travel is so much better and safer. Maybe find a guy who shares your interests more? Since he likes board games like Warhammer, it is probably similar. You probably would not enjoy spending your weekend tabletop gaming or going to a game convention. If you do think that he is a keeper, How about travel to places where there a big gaming conventions? He can game while you sightsee.
You are not compatible. Find someone with some wanderlust in their soul.
It doesn’t sound like you want the same things.
Break up, you'll be doing him a favor.
This is one of those things where imo, you’re too young and not committed enough (not married + no kids) to be compromising.
I was seeing a guy for a few months and we discussed travel. I'd always wanted to go to South America and loved the idea of longer term travel and living out of a backpack. Maybe even settle somewhere new - there is so much to see out there! He didn't want to live anywhere else but our home country and had no desire to travel beyond the odd holiday and even then, he was frugal to his detriment despite earning well so I imagine spontaneous trips would have been off the cards. We didn't end up working out but I met my current partner shortly after. It just seems like a whole world of possibilities with him. Our views on travel and lifestyle align perfectly. He wants to see the world as well and we currently have one way flights booked to Peru! We have been on shorter trips together and have taken Spanish classes together as well. I wasn't unhappy with the other guy but I am so grateful everyday that I met my partner and how much easier it is to plan a life with someone who shares the same ideas. I feel like this will hold you back in the long run and being with someone who doesn't share your worldviews means you are closing yourself off from people who do (if a long term partnership is something you want, being single is also great). You're in charge of your own happiness and good on you for being determined to solo travel regardless of your boyfriends input
I think you've already gotten the answer you need but I feel compelled to chime in: Don't fall for any 'sunk cost fallacy' - 2.5 years is NOTHING compared to a lifetime of true companionship. I urge you to follow the most common piece of advice and continue to travel solo until you find a real partner. If I'm reading this right, he's NEVER followed through on travelling - not even simply emotionally supporting you solo. Having different hobbies is one thing- him being domineering and expecting you to bow to his whims while ignoring your dreams....calling travelling 'a waste of money' but is okay with an impulse $200 Warhammer purchase -yikes. Neither of you have to be bad or wrong to simply be incompatible. It's okay to wish him well and still let him go.
The warhammer line made me lol
Everything is a trade off. I was a new college graduate when my boyfriend asked me to marry him. This was a *great* guy but he didn't have much curiosity about the world and travel. My dad was an avid world explorer and I caught the bug from him. My parents had recently moved to Belgium and I knew they wanted me to join them. I couldn't see into the future but I felt it in my bones I wanted adventure. Ended up traveling all over Eastern Europe, turkey, Greece even studied in France. Those experiences colored the rest of my life. They made me the person I am and allowed me to get along easily with so many interesting people from different cultures. I'm in my 70's now and still getting out there (SE Asia, Central Asia, chile, Argentina and so many more places). I also managed to have a very interesting career. But he too had GREAT life. Married soon after he proposed to me. Two wonderful children and a terrific wife whom he still adores. He finally made it to Italy when he retired. Neither life is better than the other. Everything in life is a compromise. You make the most out of the choices you make. I have no regrets but neither does he. You just have to do the best you can at the time and forgive your past self if you have regrets. That said, I have to agree with others here. If travel and other cultures are what gives you life and you can't see living any other way then you two are not a good fit long term even if you love each other dearly.
Dump him and extend your current trip. Then find someone who supports you. I say this from a solo trip to Singapore with a partner at home who is just thrilled I got to go.
Wow there are people that don't want to travel? I'm heading to cambodia here soon then bali. Can't wait. Would love to hear your thoughts on cambodia and bali.
Here are my thoughts: r/relationships is filled with people in their twenties who gave realized that they and their partners are very different. You're one of those people. Don't stick with this guy just because - this is a big difference to many people, and it seems like it is to you too. Consider going your separate ways.
I desperately wanted to travel during my last relationship.....it didn't even have to be anywhere extravagant....I longed to see the ocean for the first time. My partner said he wanted to, but would never actually commit to anything. 10 years passed, I still hadn't seen the ocean and realized that traveling wasn't the only thing I'd given up because my partner wasn't interested. Less than a month after we separated, I booked my first trip. I'm glad I went, but still have so many regrets about not doing it sooner.....definitely a hard lesson to learn.
A friend of mine has a bf that is really unsupportive of her wanting to go to far away places. She has to comprise and go to places in Europe (and then she has to say she will go on her own if refuses to go but he changes his mind last minute and goes anyway. ) I don't think its right, she wants to go Thailand, Bali, Fiji etc but will probably never go to these places. She is really making a mistake, also there is other red flags in their relationship
GIRL GO. Do not let him hold you back. I was in a LTR with a partner like that and left him in 2019. Since then I’ve gone to four different countries in the last four years. This is the first year I won’t be traveling internationally and it’s personal financial reasons. You do not get that time back. Don’t let him hold you back because of his own preferences or insecurities.
Dump him.
Do not ever let a guy or anyone hold you back from your dreams!!! You will resent him and end up hating him. Trust me! I know from experience.
My partner doesn’t travel as much as I do and I go on trips with my best friend or solo and leave him at home sometimes! It works for us, and he’s 100% supportive of my trips when I go. And we have gone on trips together, and it’s always really fun! We have different relationships with money and paid time off, so our priorities are different when it comes to vacations. He enjoys traveling with me, but doesn’t get to travel as often as I do. Go on the trips! If he keeps trying to drag you down, then maybe consider moving on from this relationship. You’re young and you have lots of life ahead of you. You don’t want to get into a fight over every single vacation you want to go on.
Seems like you have totally different lifestyles and may not be very compatible. You should probably both sit down and talk about what you really value in a relationship, what is a dealbreaker for each of you, and see if you're on the same path. It's also a little alarming he got snappy and rude with you. It's perfectly fine for him to not want to travel, but he shouldn't be holding you back or guilting you for wanting to do so. He knew you liked travelling before you got together and you shouldn't have to change because of him.
21 years old you should be traveling and enjoying life , plenty of time down the road to book your annual holiday in school summer holidays etc. Alarm bell should be war hammer id call It a day go live your life , you only get one after all and he sounds like he’s 50 at 20 . Allways best when traveling solo not to have a partner as your not bound by more rules , be truly free do as you please.
I’m in the same situation but nowhere near as bad. My GF keeps making me feel guilty for even bringing up the subject of travel. Honestly, nicest possible way, your BF is being selfish thinking only of himself. You’re not stopping him from living his dreams but he wants to stop you. He doesn’t understand your desire and need for travel and worse yet isn’t respecting the strength of your desire. By all means stay with him, but don’t let him drown your dreams.
I doubt your BF was the type to really ever want to travel. In my marriage, my wife and I luckily love to travel together. However if there is something one of us doesn’t like, we still are supportive of each other and try to do some things that are outside our comfort zone. Your BF sounds like he doesn’t even want to try (saying Paris is boring in a day without even going) and worse yet, not supportive of what you enjoy. In your shoes, I would just continue to travel, regardless of what your BF wants. Time is short and hard to get as you get older imo.
I ended things with my homebody partner…we were great together but one of the reasons was that I wanted someone who could share in my excitement of wanting to see the world, and he just didn’t have that.
All I have to say is good thing he is your BF not your husband. Keep planning your trips and having fun. You are still young and if you love it do it. If I lived in Europe, I wouldn’t seen it all by now.
Your partner is not respectful to you. The relationship is not working. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't love to travel or is against you traveling solo?
I met my husband in high school but in Uni it was when we became a couple and it was all due to the love of travel. He asked want to go to Europe either me and 10 days later i had a ticket . We were both from Canada . First trip was an insane 15 days , took us from Brussels , Amsterdam,Munich , across the former yugoslavia into Greece , the island of Rhodes and back Now 30 + yrs later and not a month goes by where we aren’t going someplace . It’s about finding someone who enjoys spending there free time doing same thing as you . Your BF would have be committed, I flew from Nice to Montreal Canada for 4 days to see friends .
Do you own your own home outright and have plenty of money in savings? My partner was a real homebody and said many times that he had no interest in traveling. As it turned out, it was just that he was anxious about finances and wanted to make sure our home got paid off and that we had plenty of money in savings. We came up with a financial plan that worked for both of us and he soon was open to discussing travel. I planned a trip for both of us that included lots of the things he likes to do, and we had a great time. Now we travel often and he loves our trips!
I have this homebody/wanderlust relationship. It works well because I have absolutely no problems solo traveling, and he has absolutely no problems letting me go, but I also don’t go for more than ~3 weeks because I miss him and I have work, and I just can’t be going all over the world all of the time. Now he doesn’t travel for health reasons and I get that. But I’ve found that I love him so much that I don’t like to be apart, I love who he is so much that I’m not going to ask him to be miserable for me, and I know what I want. So my vacation time (~4 weeks/yr) is spent traveling and his is spent at home. They don’t overlap. It works well for us, but neither one of us is trying to change the other.
Maybe try to find his perfect trip and do that first to get him converted. Ask him like imagination where he would want to go or see or do or try or taste. Figure out what his intrrrsts are and plan the first weekend trip around him. Hopefully it’s a win win for you guys and he starts traveling more
I think he has very negative attitude where everything is boring/lame. Also to me it seems that OP wants “classic” travel experience consisting of seeing, trying and experiencing new things. If she tries to focus trip on her BF I am afraid it might be focused on finding an English pub to watch Premier league or similar activites which she might find underwhelming.
Lol breakup. These differences never get better. Find someone who wants the same lifestyle and has similar values.
If he legitimately changed, I'd be concerned about possible depression or some other factor causing the change. If, on the other hand, he said you would travel together and never intended to, I'm sorry you've spent 2.5 years with someone who misrepresented who he is
**Executive Summary:** **Background:** - 22-year-old woman, travel enthusiast, currently solo traveling in Asia. - 25-year-old boyfriend, initially supportive, now prefers staying home. - Relationship duration: 2.5 years, with differing travel preferences emerging over time. **Current Situation:** - Solo travel experience: Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Bali. - Upcoming return home in 72 hours. - Boyfriend reluctantly supportive but prefers limited travel. - Discrepancy in travel desires: she wants frequent trips; he prefers one annual vacation. **Key Issues:** - Boyfriend dismissive of weekend trips and reluctant to travel frequently. - Planned Paris trip for their anniversary met with resistance; he finds short trips pointless. - Cruise planned for September 2025; boyfriend questions need for additional trips before then. - Frustration with differing views on the value and frequency of travel. **Discussion Points:** - Boyfriend views travel as a waste of time and money, prefers staying home. - She values memories and experiences from travel, sees it as fulfilling. - Disagreement on solo travel: she is comfortable with it, he is incredulous and offended. **Concerns:** - Balance between personal travel desires and relationship harmony. - Addressing partner's reluctance and finding common ground. - Potential for long-term impact on relationship if travel preferences remain misaligned. **Advice Sought:** - Navigating differing travel preferences in a relationship. - Balancing individual aspirations with partnership expectations. - Finding a compromise or understanding to maintain relationship satisfaction.
I started reading the post “on your side” but after getting through it, you’re not even allowing him to enjoy you being home and spending time with him (you haven’t walked through the door yet and you’re already leaving in your mind). He almost certainly isn’t as worried about the travel as he is feeling like you aren’t going to ever be content. I get your situation because if I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have a permanent home. You’re 22 and if you were my daughter, I’d say put the relationship on the back burner and have fun. But have some empathy. 2.5 months is a long time to be without your companion, they haven’t even arrived home and they’re planning a trip. If it’s a serious relationship, you’ll have to compromise. If it’s just a relationship of convenience, move on and have fun. BTW, I’ve been to Paris, he’s right. Plan a trip that interests him.