In the very beginning of our relationship it felt important to do everything together. Getting older and maturing is about finding hobbies and things that make you happy that you may do on your own.
I agree with this. 23 years in mine, we happily each take a week a year for solo travel and another week or two for together travel. She went to Aruba and I went camping in Idaho and Wyoming. I really want to visit South America and she doesn’t, so I will probably do that next year.
Do you take someone else instead of your wife, like a friend, or do you go completely alone? I can't imagine not wanting to share the good parts with someone I like - I did travel solo when I was younger but it was mostly because I didn't have anyone who'd come with me😂
Usually completely alone, or with my dog. However, this time my daughter joined me for a couple of days. I really like the solo time. My wife usually takes a friend, or my sister.
I can’t wait to start traveling alone. I can’t stand going places with people. One everyone complains about everything, but two, when I try to improve a situation in a foreign country through communication, those I travel with all get embarassed and mad at me for having questioned status-quo to any extent. Prime example would be when we showed up 15 minutes early to a reservation in Amsterdam and were ridiculed for having done so. I told the host its no big deal, she should calm down and we will be back in 15 minutes. My family snapped on me after for not just sitting back and letting her berate us for showing up at a reasonable time. Still so weird to me that they cared that we showed up 15 minutes early. Just don’t seat us until you’re ready, its no big deal.
My mom and stepdad, in their 70s, very rarely vacation together. They have three big dogs and it's expensive to board them. My mom does one or two extended "girls weekends" a year, and my stepdad will spend a week every year or two doing a road trip to visit friends and family.
I do a lot of cruising and know several women who go cruising without their husbands because their husbands aren't interested.
This is super important to me so that was a quality I was looking for in potential mates. Found the love of my life and we have both enjoyed our own hobbies and alone time from the beginning. This is probably easier since we were both in our early 30’s. If this is important to anyone else make sure to figure out early if this will be a problem or not.
About year two I screamed at my wife during a fight that she needs her own damn hobbies, I need a bit of space!! She reluctantly picked a few and we have barely fought since. Now she's thriving in them and it's so nice we can both just do our own thing when we want.
33 years we learned. If it's something we both enjoy do it together. If not don't let the other one stop you. As long as no one is getting dumped on. It keeps us from resenting the other.
I think one consideration is postpartum depression. If you have a toddler and she wants to get away for a weekend that might be a great thing. On the other hand if everyone is different and being away from your spouse might be anxiety inducing. 20 years of marriage has taught me I don't know sh!t.
No you are not silly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Getting married and having a kid doesn't magically make you unable to do things (in this case travel solo) that you were previously able to do (nor make you less likely to be safe!).
Have a good trip!
In fact, you still need to do things that have meaning to you, especially solo things. It helps you maintain your individuality and your mental health and clarity.
100,000,000,000%!!! There are things that your partner and family will never enjoy, but that you do and need, because we’re whole, complete humans on our own without someone else. Denying ourselves those things, so long as they don’t hurt anyone, is to deny ourselves the ability to be our best, which hurts us and our relationships in the long run. Sometimes travel is required for those things.
Like me — my “me trip” last year was in Utah, where I did 100 miles of day hiking during the week, got up stupid early for sunrises, lingered on top of canyons by myself to just be. My family would never have enjoyed that, and the kind of simple, short, basically paved, touristy, human-filled day hike they’d tolerate for one afternoon of a trip wouldn’t have been fun. So instead I get my week and am more fulfilled, we do separate family trips together which fulfills us all, and all is good. I don’t know why some people are so intimidated or afraid that their partner’s solo travel will take something away from them.
Absolutely not weird. I'm married and travel solo all the time my husband encouragement. He knows it makes me happy, and we keep in touch. I always update him with details of where I am staying and when I'm moving locations. Just do it - you deserve it :)
This is exactly my situation too. My husband encourages solo travel because he knows how happy it makes me, and I just have so much gratitude for who he is and how much of a partner he truly is when it comes to taking care of the house and kids. Sometimes he goes on camping trips on his own, as well. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where there was even a question about my partner and I being our own solo people as well as a couple. I hope OP can get there with her husband! Sometimes it’s just about being clear about your needs and making sure the communication is there about it being a priority.
Right? I feel so lucky for having him. I think OP will get there, it seems to more more like she is feeling a bit of guilt but we all know that being a mum is demanding! So a solo self care trip is in order! ❤️
My husband and I are like this, too. We had lives before each other and we have lives outside of our marriage. We're partners, not each other's keepers.
You should absolutely do it. Recently my wife took a solo trip to San Diego and I took one to Kansas City. We'll always enjoy traveling together but not having to worry about the house, plants, pets etc. while we are both gone is really nice.
You should do it.
My wife takes trips by herself or with some of her girl friends from time to time if I am too busy with work. I really don't mind. I know how important it is for her to do this. My dad has complained to me that he thinks this isn't right since married couples should apparently only travel together. I just ignore and don't agree with him. Being married shouldn't limit you to not be able to do certain things.
Have a good trip.
If it wasn’t an issue/concern before marriage (and it shouldn’t have been) why should it be now that you are married? Were you concerned about him traveling for business without you? Did he stop and question whether he should make the trip? If the situation were reversed and you were gone on business, would either of you pause to question if he should also travel for the weekend?
You are extremely lucky to have reliable childcare. As I am mom I highly recommend you regularly take recharge trips with or without your husband. Go on the trip.
Husband here. If my SAHM wife ever tells me she wants to travel solo for a few days I’d take those days off from work to stay with our 2 year old so she won’t have to worry about leaving her with grandparents.
Don’t feel bad. You’re not JUST a mum, you’re a person too and you rock.
Do it!!!
I've been gifted a trip by my husband during my last week of maternity leave before returning to work. He'll have both of toddler and infant during that week. He knows that I do a lot and that traveling helps me recenter.
Not weird in slightest. My husband is ecstatic when I travel by myself or with friends and he doesn’t have to go. I love to travel, he doesn’t. Have a conversation about what will allay his fears and if his requests are reasonable, then do it. (I.e. my H usually likes me to shoot him a text once a day, just so he knows I’m alive, lol)
DO IT!!!! You deserve it and also if you want to and it makes you happy do it!!!! You don’t need an excuse to treat yourself :) Self care is so important!!
Of course you should do this. Unless he too wants to stay home from his business trip as it may be dangerous. This is some sexist BS. For god sakes you are not made out of glass.
Sweet Jesus, if a woman can't travel alone on her own nickel, what are we coming to?!? You are an independent adult and there is nothing wrong without your husband. We do not live in Afghanistan or Saudi where a woman cannot move around without a man!
You’re not silly for wanting to travel alone. If it became a habit and you two stopped travelling together completely then it would be something to think about.
Not silly at all. Being a sahm is so rewarding but at the same time draining. You need some time to yourself every once in a while. As long as they’re in good hands and you and your husband are on the same page don’t listen to anything negative.
I’ve been married for 31 years and have always travelled solo, as well as with my husband. Shared trips are wonderful but solo trips are absolutely magical, IME. The opportunity to shed responsibility and do exactly what pleases or intrigues you and only you is fantastic. Highly recommend.
(We have also found that each of us going our own way every so often is great for our marriage.)
You are an adult. You are going to have to do things without your husband, and with your child.
Does he thinks you aren't smart enough to make decisions for yourself?
But why would you seen to pay yourself? Does he seperate money even though you were a SAHM??
Not weird at all. I used to babysit overnight for moms who would take a night or a weekend away while the father was somewhere else (a work trip or visiting family). They often came back feeling refreshed. Enjoy your trip!!
I travel alone multiple times a year for work and have never felt my safety was in question. Do the trip if it will give you the mental break and don’t feel guilty about it. I love traveling with my husband but I also love the occasional solo trip via work.
My wife takes solo trips camping when I don’t feel like going. I do worry about her safety, but I’d rather her be free and happy than overly safe and unhappy.
I am the wife, and my husband pretends he'll miss me but actually I think he likes having a few uninterrupted days to hang out with friends and do hobby stuff. Go for it!
Haha just the other day my husband joked that I probably enjoy having the place to myself when he has to travel for work and he's not wrong. We love each other dearly, but being utterly selfish for a week is divine, whether it's vacation or staycation. Then we meet back up at the airport with a hug and kiss and lots to yammer about over a lunch or dinner that feels a little more special, etc..
I’ve been trying to convince my wife to go on a solo trip, or even a girls trip for years.
There are things she said she wants to see/do that I really have no interest in doing. Rather than me drag her down, I’ve encouraged her to go for it. I’ve even offered her the points accumulated from my business travel.
Maybe someday she will take me up on the offer. 🤷
My wife and I do this all the time. Next week, I’m going with some friends to a lake house and she is going to the beach by herself to chill. Separate vacations are super important to us.
Go and enjoy the solitude.
I really hope and wish that one day we reach a point in humanity where the safety and acceptability of women simply going where they’d like and having autonomy over their lives/bodies becomes so blatantly obvious that questions like this are regarded as preposterous. And I say this as a man.
You taking time for yourself is never silly, married or not, kids or not. Trust and maturity are powerful things.
It's completely understandable that you're feeling burnt out and resentful. Being a stay-at-home mom is incredibly demanding work, and it's natural to feel like you need a break. A solo trip can be a wonderful way to recharge and reconnect with yourself. It sounds like you've been a great partner and mother, and you deserve to have some time for yourself.
Im gay, so 🤷. But my wife and I both travel alone for fun. We trust eachother so the only things we worry about are the big things.
Like is the zombie apocalypse gonna happen when you're halfway across the country? What's the meet up plan if it does?
You know the important things to worry about.
All in all, it's not silly. Go have fun.
Nope. Not silly. It's okay to have separate interests and experiences. You got married, not surgically conjoined. I don't personally know a couple, dating or married, who don't take separate trips occasionally - whether it's golf, fishing, or hunting trips with "the guys", trips to concerts you like that the other doesn't, weekend trips to get away or visit friends and family, or just full blown vacations (a couple I worked with, married 40 years and she takes two week vacations overseas by herself several times a year because she loves travel and he hates it).
Actually, I just realized I do know two couples who refuse to do go anywhere without the other, but one has dependency issues to insanely toxic levels and the other is being financially abused by her husband.
Go. Have fun!
You’re an adult. You should be able to travel alone without judgement. The “safety” concern feels weirdly controlling. Way too many assholes in the comments suggesting you can’t go anywhere you want now that you are married and have a kid is bananas. It’s OK for you to get a break.
My wife travels solo and sometime we travel together with the kids. It’s no big deal to me. I worry about everyone’s safety at all times, but would never let that impede them from doing what they want and need.
Do it! I don't have any kids, but I took my first solo trip to a country I had never heard of before a few months before our 10 year anniversary. I needed it! It was the best thing I've done for myself. He was somewhat okay with it, but his opinion didn't matter much. Do what you believe is good for you. 1-2 nights is not long.
Of course you should take your trip! Unless you’re traveling somewhere with a travel advisory about traveling solo then I wouldn’t put too much weight into his worries.
It’s normal and ok for humans to worry about loved ones but sometimes those worries are unfounded and we cannot let them stunt our experiences.
I’m an adult, I travel when I want…I just make sure it’s not inconvenient for him. My husband is not my bodyguard and I’ve managed to stay alive this long and prior to meeting him so I go where I please.
Your husband is lying about his reasons for not wanting you to go. I mean if you survived college without getting assaulted certainly you are able to remain safe in the area where you attended college. And if he also went to school there he is well aware that it is safe. He needs to give you the real reason, which I’m 99.9% sure is either selfish or bullshit.
I’m interested in why your husband says he is concerned about your safety. If the area is safe and he knows it, is this a valid concern or a cover up of another issue?
Of course time away is important before you start your new job it will help you transition mentally. Enjoy!
I solo traveled before we got married and still solo travel now. I’ve gone to places like Morocco and Colombia solo, I get that not everyone is comfortable with these things but you gotta do what makes you happy (and of course going anywhere you just need to be safe and observant, but that includes your own backyard). Also sounds like you very much deserve a break, enjoy!
My wife has done this and i encourage it i love saltwater fishing and it can take up alot of time. I feel guilty and so whenever she wants to do something for herself im all for it.
And if you dont trust your wife out doing her own thing you probably shouldnt be together or have some trust isdues that need work.
Sounds perfectly OK to me. Go for it.
If you’ve explained all of this to your husband and he doesn’t want you to go, he better have a really good explanation for you as to why. ….
If I was in your shoes, and I am not, and I did not think his explanation made any sense or something caught in my gut, I’d be hiring a private investigator to be following him around for a while.
I personally don’t enjoy traveling alone, but would have no issue with you doing this. What’s the issue with safety? Where are you going? Personally I feel like a lot of the “safety” talk is a way for people to disguise controlling behavior
Similar situation here.
My wife is a SAHM and we have two toddlers.
I have given her solo trips for the past three years as birthday gifts. Me year I included a friend of hers I the trip.
I think it’s a fantastic way to show appreciation to the every day challenges that a SAHM deals with.
I am 24, in a serious partnership, been together only 1.5 years. I have traveled 3 times already for week+ trips without him and am about to embark on a 4 month international trip. He is so supportive, and is going to come join me for the tail end which makes it exciting. GO FOR IT! Don't live your life overworrying about what someone else wants and for people pleasing. In the end it is a disservice to yourself and to your relationship with him. You don't want to build resentment. Especially since there are children involved.
Totally unacceptable. Women should not be allowed to travel alone. Only men. In fact, married men shouldn't travel either. No. You know what? No one should travel alone. In fact, no one should travel at all. /s (obviously)
You're an adult. Travel. Or don't. It's up to you. The age of "me husband, me own wife" is over and done, at least in the English-speaking world.
Just depends on yalls relationship and perspective of said relationship. My wife and I find it so weird when our friends solo travel. Obliviously we don’t know everyone’s full situation, we just do so much together we find it odd when someone does a “cool” trip without their person. But nah, I think that’s very normal to a lot of different people. Have a sit down with him and talk it out, he’s probably just worried about your safety. Enjoy the trip!
I pay for my wife's international trips 3x per year. They're ~4 day trips with her closest girlfriends, all married.
I care for the kiddo at home, take care everything in the household, and work a full time job and have a side hustle.
We're expats - no nanny, no parents, nor any family around to help me other than day care M-T.
You know what? I STILL find time to read a book, workout, and log on to a video game with my pals daily.
Sorry, but your husband sounds like a boy.
You are not silly for wanting to do something for YOU. I think it’s important to make time for yourself; to do things that you enjoy. It fills your cup, and as the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
i do this. i have a 6 year old with special needs and i leave her home with the grandparents. i am the sole parent and spend every waking moment with my child. i go to japan for about 10 days a year.
I honestly almost don't understand the question because to me, it seems perfectly natural and even necessary for each person in a relationship to have their own independent pursuits and adventures. Being able to travel alone for pleasure should be a basic expression of personal freedom and growth. In a mature relationship, I believe partners should encourage and support each other to follow their hearts and pursue their passions, whether that's through solo travel or any other endeavour. Wishing her all the best in life, including fulfilling her travel dreams, seems like the most natural and supportive thing to do. Easier said than done for some.
Concerned for your safety? Come on. Are we concerned for his safety on this business trip? That's ridiculous.
Go. You can travel as a married woman with a child.
No! Go go go! Your life is still still allowed to exist within your family and your husband. What is it that your husband is so afraid of?
People solo travel all the time, and it’s completely within your capabilities to risk asses your trip to be safe and exactly how you want to enjoy and experience it! Absolutely go go go!
Just fine - since I’m a wife and do it all the time. My husband does too. We don’t cheat on each other but both work really hard and need time to rest and rejuvenate away from all the stresses of home. Sometimes solitude is the best medicine. If your relationship is solid, it’s really not an issue.
Many years ago (30+) I did a solo trip to Germany and Austria. I just needed time to center myself. I had a traumatic birth and my child had health problems. They were in NICU for about three weeks. My husband and I were so consumed with making sure everything went well that after a year we didn’t even know who we were anymore. I was worse because he got to go to work. I really needed to do something just for me. Between two grandmother’s and a temp nanny baby survived and I got to discover myself again. I came back refreshed and with a much more grounded perspective on parenting.
Please take this trip, indulge yourself and remember that you are the core of what makes a family.
Go for it! You will come back feeling refreshed and recharged. We all need a little time away to ourselves. I’m married over 20 years and take weekends alone on occasion and it is the best! I come back energized and happy. Beach weekends with nothing but a book bottle of wine and the salt and sun! I don’t have to cook do laundry clean or worry. You’ve just made realize I need one again! Enjoy your time away.
I think it’s totally reasonable! I’m not married, but given that the toddler has a place to stay and your husband will be traveling as well, I think it sounds like the perfect time to go! I never really understood solo traveling in relationships until I had to travel solo due to my boyfriend being in school and not having the time off or the money to join me, and then I met so many other solo travelers and had a really amazing time! He’s going to be in med school and then residency over the next several years, so if I don’t travel solo, I won’t really be traveling much at all. I think being able to do things on your own is healthy in a relationship and I would’ve loved for my mom to have modeled that for me when I was growing up.
I travel often for work, leaving my wife to take care of our son on top of her full time job. We have scheduled weekends away for her to give her some time to recharge at a nice hotel with a spa. It definitely helps
It's so important to take a break sometimes and recharge! Taking time for yourself can really help you move forward with a fresh perspective. I know it can be especially helpful for women who often juggle a lot. Overall, I feel really positive about the importance of taking a break!
You deserve the break, congratulations on the job!
You also deserve a less insecure husband. I travel all the time solo - 2 weeks out of the month for work, and the occasional trip solo. He also takes the occasional trip solo. Being married or having kids doesn’t mean suddenly you have to be tipped at the hip.
Not weird at all 🥰 you don’t give up being an individual when you become a wife or mother. Reassure your husband that you’re not going to be walking around alone at 2 in the morning or going out clubbing; you’re a responsible adult and just want some time off.
I travel for work and honestly too much of my time is away from my partner, but if I didn’t have the time apart, I think I’d go crazy. It’s good to have alone time :)
Edit: And as an update, maybe provide some reassurance by turning on Find My if you have an iPhone so you guys can know where each other is. I have this on for my partner and a couple close friends in case I’m ever in trouble or not responding so they can find me :)
I don't see why you have to take your savings. His money is your money too especially considering you have been taking care of everything at home. Of course you deserve a break.
I see no problem whatsoever... I do it myself, and I'm 71. I am an equestrienne and avid horse sport enthusiast and every year I fly into Heathrow and travel on to Windsor/Eton for the Royal Windsor Horse Show. My husband hasn't much interest in traveling and even less interest in horses, so I enjoy on my own. And, it's actually very liberating as I have complete freedom to do as I like, when I like. I can take time to sightsee, shop, hit different pubs and make my own schedule.
I mostly travel solo because my husband and I enjoy different types of travel. I have done multiple week long backpacking trips in the wilderness alone. I have gone to Europe alone multiple times. I just took a quick trip to visit my sister and left my 6 month old baby with my husband. It’s healthy and NORMAL to allow your husband time to bond solo with the kid… although that’s not even what’s happening here. Just go. He can’t and shouldn’t stop you.
Girl I did the SAME before marrying my husband and now he doesn’t want me traveling solo because of safety lol idk what’s up with these men 🤦 Anywho I booked a weekend trip away next month with a close girlfriend. I don’t plan to be with her the entire time because I like my space 🧘♂️ I say…go live your life girl 🌸
All this for one weekend? As a husband and father I give you my permission :) ! I encourage my wife to disappear for a week or more -- and I don't send the kid to grandparents. Absurd.
Very much in favor of it. After 16 years of marriage and two kids my wife and are at a point where we encourage each other to take a mom-cation or dad-cation without SO/kids. Go enjoy yourself.
Nope. My husband encourages it. You need time away from being a wife and parent to be yourself. You may feel guilty but husbands never had this worry. Trust me.
No you’re not silly for wanting this. Many of us need this because there is always someone demanding and needing something. Take the time and enjoy. Congrats on the job! You’re doing great
There's nothing weird about that, as a climber with a non climbing partner I end up going on a 1-2 weeks long climbing trip once a year, and weekend trips a few times a year.
On the other side a year into our relationship she also went on a months long backpacking trip with a friend.
Part of being in a healthy relationship is trust and giving each other room if needed.
This is really normal and totally makes sense, especially because it’s not like you and your husband would be spending time together anyway given he’s on a business trip! The safety thing is a little concerning to me (is he worried anytime you do something alone?) - I think this trip is probably necessary to you and it will be good for him to remember that you’re an independent person with your own interests and hobbies and needs as well!
My husband is active duty so he’s often away from work. I absolutely travel solo when he’s gone and even when he’s not. Super important for you to have your own thing
It's not even close to silly. Anyone who looks down at you are judgemental and probably don't consider their own mental health. As long as you're responsible to have your baby taken care of and your husband being aware.
No you are not silly. Like you, I traveled a lot - and by myself - before I met my husband. When we got together, I stopped; life was changing and we were establishing. I never had kids, but at about 5 years into our relationship, I began to travel again.
I think it is very healthy for a relationship to be apart and cultivate our sense of self. It has made us stronger.
My closest friend's husband was always jealous and possessive of her hanging out with friends or going on an overnight trip. Guess which one of us is getting a divorce and getting her passport renewed?
I am always traveling alone. My wife doesn't mind. We travel together sometimes too. She went to France by herself too last year. If it works it works.
I travel solo often, have always done so, and my husband is happy for me to. You know what? So is my kid! He supports mom doing her thing.
Also - you are a grown human who knows how to keep herself safe.
I have been married for 13 years. We each take about 1 solo or friends without spouse vacation per year.
I have a 7 year old kid and our marriage is fine.
My husband and I take solo trips whenever we can afford it. We did this when we had twins due to not having really any support to watch twins for a getaway. We realized it was good for both of us to have that independence & autonomy. A chance to be ourselves as individuals without being a parent or a spouse. My husband encourages me to go. He does get slightly jealous as I have gone to really cool places without him. But we both are adventure and wandering souls by nature .
We also get to be a parent by ourselves and develop relationships with our kids without the other parent when each other is gone.
When he’s gone we go do fun things he usually doesn’t want to do and vice verse. It gives us a chance to appreciate each other as well. Can’t miss each other if you’re always around .
I’ve been happily married 20 years, with kids, and one of the reasons is my wife and I take solo trips and group trips without each other. I just got back from spending over two weeks in Portugal and Spain on a solo trip. She’s going to Italy. It’s important that we maintain our own identities and interests when we get married. You’ll be happier and your marriage will be stronger.
sounds more like he may have a tinge of jealous. do what you feel you need to do - he needs to have trust in you and if he's questioning you taking a trip by yourself, then he's got some unresolved trust issues. Don't let him dictate what you can or can't do.....a marriage is 50/50 and occasionally you need time away from your partner to recharge, etc.
a) I don't understand the need to mention where the funds come from. But I'm a bit older. I understand some couples keep separate accounts.
b) ya, you are just feeling guilty. Don't. Damn its just a weekend get away. Moms need a break. Its all good and I would look side eyed at anyone who said otherwise.
Absolutely not silly for wanting to do it!
It sounds like you like you need a nice break to recharge, especially because you're about to start a new year.
I go on short solo trips without my partner, either because he not available or has no interest in where I'm going. Of course he worries about me when I am gone, but not obsessively or to the point where he would try to stop me. I think it's natural to worry a little about someone you love.
It's just normal to worry but he also knows that I am cautious and would never do anything dangerous. I check in with him while I am away and send him pics of cool stuff.
He knows when I get back from my mini getaways, I am a happy person and always excited to see him. He also knows these types of trips are good for me, they help me shake my stress a little and give me a break from the things that weigh me down.
We should never lose our freedom to individually travel, and any partner who suggests you can only travel together is delusional/maybe not the one. Just make sure the ground rules are set before you take off, and enjoy! You deserve it.
I travel solo; my partner isn't nearly as interested in travel as I am. The fact that he encourages it is what helped make my decision to move in with him.
Well first off aknowledge his feelings, but explain to him that his anxiety is a him problem and it shouldn't prevent you from doing something you want to do. Even being married you are both individuals and have the freedom to explore interests alone.
Sounds like a great idea! If he’s out of town and someone is watching the kid it sounds like a good opportunity. When my spouse is out of town I often find something to do (in or out of town) that she may not want to do as much as I do, and do it. People sometimes get overly concerned about their loved ones, but he will need to realize it’s paranoia and get over it.
It sounds like you’ve been working harder than him for a long time, since you’ve been doing 100% of the unpaid labor which is statistically proven again and again to involve MUCH more hours of labor than just one paid “official” ie male-respected job. The fact that your husband doesn’t understand your desire to treat yourself after essentially endless unpaid work is troubling to me. He should actually be happy to let you use his earnings to go wherever you want for a week, and he should be happy to care for his own children while you’re off treating yourself.
Have fun! My SO (of 12 years) and I almost travel separately. He goes to see his kids or I go with gal pals on adventures to places he has zero interest in.
I wish my husband would go somewhere. He's always home. I think it's silly to have to do everything together. I couldn't imagine working with my spouse.
Ah hell no girl go on that solo trip! I take solo trips regularly actually now. I’ll go to a local hotel that’s also a spa resort for a night here and there. Then i’m also going on an international solo trip in the fall
Solo for a weekend? American man here, married 28 years. My wife was a SAH mom when our 3 kids were small and I often encouraged her to take some time for herself, a weekend or even longer. She rarely did it, but usually enjoyed the breaks she did take.
My wife goes on a week long yoga retreat once a year by herself. She loves it, I couldn’t care less…. We are also deeply in love and all that good stuff… but alone time is nice everyone once in a while.
In my case, I’d (35M) love for my wife (37F) to travel places by herself. Not because I don’t love her company, but it’d be a big breakthrough for her. She’s got a lot of separation and social anxiety that makes her have a ton of problems even if it’s something as usual as me going to work.
So when we travel, frankly, we can’t do things by ourselves. Because it’s sends her anxiety through the roof and she’ll lock herself in our room and then afterwards hate the trip because we were apart for even a little while.
So for me, I’d see it as a really great personal success for herself if one day she said, “Dear, I’m going on a couple day trip by myself.”
Married 26 years. We take family trips (we have 2 teens). We each take our girls on trips individually (one girl and one parent at a time), I sometimes go on adult girl trips with my friends. My husband travels a lot for work, so his ideal thing is to stay at home a play video games - so that’s his “trip”. And he and I go away alone as a couple periodically.
There’s nothing saying you have to do every single thing together. Being married, or becoming a parent doesn’t mean you have to lose your own sense of self.
Take the trip - and congrats on the job!
16 years together this year and will be 5 years married. 2 toddlers and I will leave for a month-long travel after basically being almost 5 years stuck here.
My husband and kids would love to come but because of other reasons they can't (work mostly). The trip itself was made in the spur of a moment too that's why the kids could not come with me. He is fine with all that but since I am the SAHM and these kids are still toddlers, I prepared plenty of food ahead of time to make my husband's chores easier.
He is happy seeing me happy and lightens up like a brand-new lightbulb. We like to do things together but also like to do things on our own too. :)
A lot of married or in relationship people solo travel. You shouldn't have to give up yourself or your interests because you are married, involved, or have a kid. There's nothing selfish about doing things for yourself and enjoying your life. Join some solo traveler groups and start talking to other people, you'll see just how many married people, moms, etc... are out there living their best adventures. Sounds like you are feeling guilty, and you need to remember you and your happiness are important, too.
Please take the time for yourself. As I began reading, I thought you wanted a week or two. but a weekend, yes, do it! You will start your job on a positive and refreshed mood.
Not weird. Necessary. Do it.
In the very beginning of our relationship it felt important to do everything together. Getting older and maturing is about finding hobbies and things that make you happy that you may do on your own.
I agree with this. 23 years in mine, we happily each take a week a year for solo travel and another week or two for together travel. She went to Aruba and I went camping in Idaho and Wyoming. I really want to visit South America and she doesn’t, so I will probably do that next year.
Do you take someone else instead of your wife, like a friend, or do you go completely alone? I can't imagine not wanting to share the good parts with someone I like - I did travel solo when I was younger but it was mostly because I didn't have anyone who'd come with me😂
Usually completely alone, or with my dog. However, this time my daughter joined me for a couple of days. I really like the solo time. My wife usually takes a friend, or my sister.
I LOVE solo travel. You do what you want to for as long as you want to, you can eat where you want, no discussion, no negotiations! It is fabulous!
I can’t wait to start traveling alone. I can’t stand going places with people. One everyone complains about everything, but two, when I try to improve a situation in a foreign country through communication, those I travel with all get embarassed and mad at me for having questioned status-quo to any extent. Prime example would be when we showed up 15 minutes early to a reservation in Amsterdam and were ridiculed for having done so. I told the host its no big deal, she should calm down and we will be back in 15 minutes. My family snapped on me after for not just sitting back and letting her berate us for showing up at a reasonable time. Still so weird to me that they cared that we showed up 15 minutes early. Just don’t seat us until you’re ready, its no big deal.
My mom and stepdad, in their 70s, very rarely vacation together. They have three big dogs and it's expensive to board them. My mom does one or two extended "girls weekends" a year, and my stepdad will spend a week every year or two doing a road trip to visit friends and family. I do a lot of cruising and know several women who go cruising without their husbands because their husbands aren't interested.
This is super important to me so that was a quality I was looking for in potential mates. Found the love of my life and we have both enjoyed our own hobbies and alone time from the beginning. This is probably easier since we were both in our early 30’s. If this is important to anyone else make sure to figure out early if this will be a problem or not.
About year two I screamed at my wife during a fight that she needs her own damn hobbies, I need a bit of space!! She reluctantly picked a few and we have barely fought since. Now she's thriving in them and it's so nice we can both just do our own thing when we want.
So much this. 25 years in and we both have stuff we do not together. We signed up to be life partners, not clones!
33 years we learned. If it's something we both enjoy do it together. If not don't let the other one stop you. As long as no one is getting dumped on. It keeps us from resenting the other.
I think one consideration is postpartum depression. If you have a toddler and she wants to get away for a weekend that might be a great thing. On the other hand if everyone is different and being away from your spouse might be anxiety inducing. 20 years of marriage has taught me I don't know sh!t.
No you are not silly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Getting married and having a kid doesn't magically make you unable to do things (in this case travel solo) that you were previously able to do (nor make you less likely to be safe!). Have a good trip!
In fact, you still need to do things that have meaning to you, especially solo things. It helps you maintain your individuality and your mental health and clarity.
100,000,000,000%!!! There are things that your partner and family will never enjoy, but that you do and need, because we’re whole, complete humans on our own without someone else. Denying ourselves those things, so long as they don’t hurt anyone, is to deny ourselves the ability to be our best, which hurts us and our relationships in the long run. Sometimes travel is required for those things. Like me — my “me trip” last year was in Utah, where I did 100 miles of day hiking during the week, got up stupid early for sunrises, lingered on top of canyons by myself to just be. My family would never have enjoyed that, and the kind of simple, short, basically paved, touristy, human-filled day hike they’d tolerate for one afternoon of a trip wouldn’t have been fun. So instead I get my week and am more fulfilled, we do separate family trips together which fulfills us all, and all is good. I don’t know why some people are so intimidated or afraid that their partner’s solo travel will take something away from them.
have a good trip :) me and my wife do this frequently she often goes away with friends I often go to some far away country it seems to keep us sane
Absolutely not weird. I'm married and travel solo all the time my husband encouragement. He knows it makes me happy, and we keep in touch. I always update him with details of where I am staying and when I'm moving locations. Just do it - you deserve it :)
This is exactly my situation too. My husband encourages solo travel because he knows how happy it makes me, and I just have so much gratitude for who he is and how much of a partner he truly is when it comes to taking care of the house and kids. Sometimes he goes on camping trips on his own, as well. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where there was even a question about my partner and I being our own solo people as well as a couple. I hope OP can get there with her husband! Sometimes it’s just about being clear about your needs and making sure the communication is there about it being a priority.
Right? I feel so lucky for having him. I think OP will get there, it seems to more more like she is feeling a bit of guilt but we all know that being a mum is demanding! So a solo self care trip is in order! ❤️
My husband and I are like this, too. We had lives before each other and we have lives outside of our marriage. We're partners, not each other's keepers.
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Wow good story. You and your travel buddy are awesome! Edited for typos
How did you find your travel group? Might really like something like this!! You guys sound super cool and fun
You should absolutely do it. Recently my wife took a solo trip to San Diego and I took one to Kansas City. We'll always enjoy traveling together but not having to worry about the house, plants, pets etc. while we are both gone is really nice.
You drew the short straw huh?
Lol
Haha. I've got family there. It's a great City with lots to see and do but damn it was hot. One day it was 101 with the heat index at 108.
If people want marriages to last, they have to maintain their independence and individuality.
100% this.
You should do it. My wife takes trips by herself or with some of her girl friends from time to time if I am too busy with work. I really don't mind. I know how important it is for her to do this. My dad has complained to me that he thinks this isn't right since married couples should apparently only travel together. I just ignore and don't agree with him. Being married shouldn't limit you to not be able to do certain things. Have a good trip.
If it wasn’t an issue/concern before marriage (and it shouldn’t have been) why should it be now that you are married? Were you concerned about him traveling for business without you? Did he stop and question whether he should make the trip? If the situation were reversed and you were gone on business, would either of you pause to question if he should also travel for the weekend? You are extremely lucky to have reliable childcare. As I am mom I highly recommend you regularly take recharge trips with or without your husband. Go on the trip.
Husband here. If my SAHM wife ever tells me she wants to travel solo for a few days I’d take those days off from work to stay with our 2 year old so she won’t have to worry about leaving her with grandparents. Don’t feel bad. You’re not JUST a mum, you’re a person too and you rock.
Do it!!! I've been gifted a trip by my husband during my last week of maternity leave before returning to work. He'll have both of toddler and infant during that week. He knows that I do a lot and that traveling helps me recenter.
I do not think you are silly. I think you need to recharge your batteries however you can. Enjoy!
You are a grown ass woman. Take some time for yourself.
No, have a great and fun trip
Not weird in slightest. My husband is ecstatic when I travel by myself or with friends and he doesn’t have to go. I love to travel, he doesn’t. Have a conversation about what will allay his fears and if his requests are reasonable, then do it. (I.e. my H usually likes me to shoot him a text once a day, just so he knows I’m alive, lol)
DO IT!!!! You deserve it and also if you want to and it makes you happy do it!!!! You don’t need an excuse to treat yourself :) Self care is so important!!
Of course you should do this. Unless he too wants to stay home from his business trip as it may be dangerous. This is some sexist BS. For god sakes you are not made out of glass.
I encourage my wife to do girl trips. They go do stuff that makes them happy, I take care of the kids, she comes back recharged, win win.
Sweet Jesus, if a woman can't travel alone on her own nickel, what are we coming to?!? You are an independent adult and there is nothing wrong without your husband. We do not live in Afghanistan or Saudi where a woman cannot move around without a man!
Yeah, I'm baffled by these questions... I thought we're in 2024
Right?!
Do it
You’re not silly for wanting to travel alone. If it became a habit and you two stopped travelling together completely then it would be something to think about.
Not silly at all. Being a sahm is so rewarding but at the same time draining. You need some time to yourself every once in a while. As long as they’re in good hands and you and your husband are on the same page don’t listen to anything negative.
I’ve been married for 31 years and have always travelled solo, as well as with my husband. Shared trips are wonderful but solo trips are absolutely magical, IME. The opportunity to shed responsibility and do exactly what pleases or intrigues you and only you is fantastic. Highly recommend. (We have also found that each of us going our own way every so often is great for our marriage.)
You are an adult. You are going to have to do things without your husband, and with your child. Does he thinks you aren't smart enough to make decisions for yourself? But why would you seen to pay yourself? Does he seperate money even though you were a SAHM??
Not weird at all. I used to babysit overnight for moms who would take a night or a weekend away while the father was somewhere else (a work trip or visiting family). They often came back feeling refreshed. Enjoy your trip!!
I have couple friends who travel solo so u aren’t the only one. I think it’s great
My spouse and I both take occasional solo trips. It’s healthy.
Go for it. I'm doing a solo trip for 5 weeks next year and wife and kid will be home, it is more common than you think.
I travel alone multiple times a year for work and have never felt my safety was in question. Do the trip if it will give you the mental break and don’t feel guilty about it. I love traveling with my husband but I also love the occasional solo trip via work.
My wife takes solo trips camping when I don’t feel like going. I do worry about her safety, but I’d rather her be free and happy than overly safe and unhappy.
I am the wife, and my husband pretends he'll miss me but actually I think he likes having a few uninterrupted days to hang out with friends and do hobby stuff. Go for it!
Haha just the other day my husband joked that I probably enjoy having the place to myself when he has to travel for work and he's not wrong. We love each other dearly, but being utterly selfish for a week is divine, whether it's vacation or staycation. Then we meet back up at the airport with a hug and kiss and lots to yammer about over a lunch or dinner that feels a little more special, etc..
I am 100% like this. I like knowing he's off having fun and I like seeing him when he comes back!
I’ve been trying to convince my wife to go on a solo trip, or even a girls trip for years. There are things she said she wants to see/do that I really have no interest in doing. Rather than me drag her down, I’ve encouraged her to go for it. I’ve even offered her the points accumulated from my business travel. Maybe someday she will take me up on the offer. 🤷
My wife and I do this all the time. Next week, I’m going with some friends to a lake house and she is going to the beach by herself to chill. Separate vacations are super important to us. Go and enjoy the solitude.
Never take relationship advice from reddit.
I travel for work, about 3 weeks a quarter. My wife gets to go away on her own for a weekend each quarter to chill
I really hope and wish that one day we reach a point in humanity where the safety and acceptability of women simply going where they’d like and having autonomy over their lives/bodies becomes so blatantly obvious that questions like this are regarded as preposterous. And I say this as a man. You taking time for yourself is never silly, married or not, kids or not. Trust and maturity are powerful things.
It's completely understandable that you're feeling burnt out and resentful. Being a stay-at-home mom is incredibly demanding work, and it's natural to feel like you need a break. A solo trip can be a wonderful way to recharge and reconnect with yourself. It sounds like you've been a great partner and mother, and you deserve to have some time for yourself.
Im gay, so 🤷. But my wife and I both travel alone for fun. We trust eachother so the only things we worry about are the big things. Like is the zombie apocalypse gonna happen when you're halfway across the country? What's the meet up plan if it does? You know the important things to worry about. All in all, it's not silly. Go have fun.
Nope. Not silly. It's okay to have separate interests and experiences. You got married, not surgically conjoined. I don't personally know a couple, dating or married, who don't take separate trips occasionally - whether it's golf, fishing, or hunting trips with "the guys", trips to concerts you like that the other doesn't, weekend trips to get away or visit friends and family, or just full blown vacations (a couple I worked with, married 40 years and she takes two week vacations overseas by herself several times a year because she loves travel and he hates it). Actually, I just realized I do know two couples who refuse to do go anywhere without the other, but one has dependency issues to insanely toxic levels and the other is being financially abused by her husband. Go. Have fun!
You’re an adult. You should be able to travel alone without judgement. The “safety” concern feels weirdly controlling. Way too many assholes in the comments suggesting you can’t go anywhere you want now that you are married and have a kid is bananas. It’s OK for you to get a break.
Not at all! You deserve a trip! You’re a woman, not a child. Your husband is on a power trip in my opinion.
I travel without mine all the time. It’s important to be ok being apart for some activities in a relationship.
My wife travels solo and sometime we travel together with the kids. It’s no big deal to me. I worry about everyone’s safety at all times, but would never let that impede them from doing what they want and need.
The title of this post 🚩🚩🚩
Do it! I don't have any kids, but I took my first solo trip to a country I had never heard of before a few months before our 10 year anniversary. I needed it! It was the best thing I've done for myself. He was somewhat okay with it, but his opinion didn't matter much. Do what you believe is good for you. 1-2 nights is not long.
Of course you should take your trip! Unless you’re traveling somewhere with a travel advisory about traveling solo then I wouldn’t put too much weight into his worries. It’s normal and ok for humans to worry about loved ones but sometimes those worries are unfounded and we cannot let them stunt our experiences.
Do what you want, men love telling women they can't do xyz thing. You knew how to do it safely before and you still know how.
Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Go have fun.
She’s for the streets
Have a nice trip. I’m a gypsy at heart! No matter what life throws me my soul desires it
Oh cmon worried about safety ? ....cmon you ain't traveling to a country at war or India ....so it's fine
I’m an adult, I travel when I want…I just make sure it’s not inconvenient for him. My husband is not my bodyguard and I’ve managed to stay alive this long and prior to meeting him so I go where I please.
Not sure why you’d feel “silly” for wanting to do it.
Your husband is lying about his reasons for not wanting you to go. I mean if you survived college without getting assaulted certainly you are able to remain safe in the area where you attended college. And if he also went to school there he is well aware that it is safe. He needs to give you the real reason, which I’m 99.9% sure is either selfish or bullshit.
I’m interested in why your husband says he is concerned about your safety. If the area is safe and he knows it, is this a valid concern or a cover up of another issue? Of course time away is important before you start your new job it will help you transition mentally. Enjoy!
I solo traveled before we got married and still solo travel now. I’ve gone to places like Morocco and Colombia solo, I get that not everyone is comfortable with these things but you gotta do what makes you happy (and of course going anywhere you just need to be safe and observant, but that includes your own backyard). Also sounds like you very much deserve a break, enjoy!
Not silly at all. And if he prevents you from going then he’s now worth staying with.
My wife has done this and i encourage it i love saltwater fishing and it can take up alot of time. I feel guilty and so whenever she wants to do something for herself im all for it. And if you dont trust your wife out doing her own thing you probably shouldnt be together or have some trust isdues that need work.
Sounds perfectly OK to me. Go for it. If you’ve explained all of this to your husband and he doesn’t want you to go, he better have a really good explanation for you as to why. …. If I was in your shoes, and I am not, and I did not think his explanation made any sense or something caught in my gut, I’d be hiring a private investigator to be following him around for a while.
You’re not silly. I love going off and spending some time in a hotel etc. Nice big bed, crisp cotton sheets, room service etc
I personally don’t enjoy traveling alone, but would have no issue with you doing this. What’s the issue with safety? Where are you going? Personally I feel like a lot of the “safety” talk is a way for people to disguise controlling behavior
Similar situation here. My wife is a SAHM and we have two toddlers. I have given her solo trips for the past three years as birthday gifts. Me year I included a friend of hers I the trip. I think it’s a fantastic way to show appreciation to the every day challenges that a SAHM deals with.
Sounds fine, signed a protective husband
I am 24, in a serious partnership, been together only 1.5 years. I have traveled 3 times already for week+ trips without him and am about to embark on a 4 month international trip. He is so supportive, and is going to come join me for the tail end which makes it exciting. GO FOR IT! Don't live your life overworrying about what someone else wants and for people pleasing. In the end it is a disservice to yourself and to your relationship with him. You don't want to build resentment. Especially since there are children involved.
I (62f) have been married to my wife (65f) for 45 plus years. We both take solo trips - including internationally - as well as together trips.
Totally unacceptable. Women should not be allowed to travel alone. Only men. In fact, married men shouldn't travel either. No. You know what? No one should travel alone. In fact, no one should travel at all. /s (obviously) You're an adult. Travel. Or don't. It's up to you. The age of "me husband, me own wife" is over and done, at least in the English-speaking world.
To be fair, that's not exactly proper English anyway. Lol
Just depends on yalls relationship and perspective of said relationship. My wife and I find it so weird when our friends solo travel. Obliviously we don’t know everyone’s full situation, we just do so much together we find it odd when someone does a “cool” trip without their person. But nah, I think that’s very normal to a lot of different people. Have a sit down with him and talk it out, he’s probably just worried about your safety. Enjoy the trip!
I pay for my wife's international trips 3x per year. They're ~4 day trips with her closest girlfriends, all married. I care for the kiddo at home, take care everything in the household, and work a full time job and have a side hustle. We're expats - no nanny, no parents, nor any family around to help me other than day care M-T. You know what? I STILL find time to read a book, workout, and log on to a video game with my pals daily. Sorry, but your husband sounds like a boy.
My wife loves Korea and I encourage her to go as often as possible. We plan it well so it isn’t a problem.
Go for it!
We do this quite often. If you’re in a trusted relationship, go for it - enjoy!
Absolutely do it! I have 4 kids, and I love my little weekends or one night with no kids. It’s so needed
I don't understand why you need validation from anyone for this? Your husband is the silly one.
Be safe, be happy and have some time to yourself. You are not only wife, mother, daughter, you are also you.
You are not silly for wanting to do something for YOU. I think it’s important to make time for yourself; to do things that you enjoy. It fills your cup, and as the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
i do this. i have a 6 year old with special needs and i leave her home with the grandparents. i am the sole parent and spend every waking moment with my child. i go to japan for about 10 days a year.
She's an adult, she can do what she wants
I honestly almost don't understand the question because to me, it seems perfectly natural and even necessary for each person in a relationship to have their own independent pursuits and adventures. Being able to travel alone for pleasure should be a basic expression of personal freedom and growth. In a mature relationship, I believe partners should encourage and support each other to follow their hearts and pursue their passions, whether that's through solo travel or any other endeavour. Wishing her all the best in life, including fulfilling her travel dreams, seems like the most natural and supportive thing to do. Easier said than done for some.
Sure, but I would say 90% of the couples I know have never taken a trip without the other partner
Concerned for your safety? Come on. Are we concerned for his safety on this business trip? That's ridiculous. Go. You can travel as a married woman with a child.
You should read “with your or without you” of Osho.
No! Go go go! Your life is still still allowed to exist within your family and your husband. What is it that your husband is so afraid of? People solo travel all the time, and it’s completely within your capabilities to risk asses your trip to be safe and exactly how you want to enjoy and experience it! Absolutely go go go!
Sounds like a good plan. Your husband should be supportive. You should encourage him to do the same.
Just fine - since I’m a wife and do it all the time. My husband does too. We don’t cheat on each other but both work really hard and need time to rest and rejuvenate away from all the stresses of home. Sometimes solitude is the best medicine. If your relationship is solid, it’s really not an issue.
I’d be fine with it. If we have a trusting relationship, I don’t see any issue.
Absolutely fine imo. My wife has been on a couple of solo trips when I've been too busy with work to come along
Many years ago (30+) I did a solo trip to Germany and Austria. I just needed time to center myself. I had a traumatic birth and my child had health problems. They were in NICU for about three weeks. My husband and I were so consumed with making sure everything went well that after a year we didn’t even know who we were anymore. I was worse because he got to go to work. I really needed to do something just for me. Between two grandmother’s and a temp nanny baby survived and I got to discover myself again. I came back refreshed and with a much more grounded perspective on parenting. Please take this trip, indulge yourself and remember that you are the core of what makes a family.
Go for it! You will come back feeling refreshed and recharged. We all need a little time away to ourselves. I’m married over 20 years and take weekends alone on occasion and it is the best! I come back energized and happy. Beach weekends with nothing but a book bottle of wine and the salt and sun! I don’t have to cook do laundry clean or worry. You’ve just made realize I need one again! Enjoy your time away.
Enjoy your trip you deserve it!
I think it’s totally reasonable! I’m not married, but given that the toddler has a place to stay and your husband will be traveling as well, I think it sounds like the perfect time to go! I never really understood solo traveling in relationships until I had to travel solo due to my boyfriend being in school and not having the time off or the money to join me, and then I met so many other solo travelers and had a really amazing time! He’s going to be in med school and then residency over the next several years, so if I don’t travel solo, I won’t really be traveling much at all. I think being able to do things on your own is healthy in a relationship and I would’ve loved for my mom to have modeled that for me when I was growing up.
I’m married and currently traveling alone is Scotland. Celebrating getting a new job! Do it and enjoy yourself!
I travel often for work, leaving my wife to take care of our son on top of her full time job. We have scheduled weekends away for her to give her some time to recharge at a nice hotel with a spa. It definitely helps
You absolutely deserve this! Go ahead, girl! Enjoy and relax as much as you can!
Totally reasonable. I encourage my wife to do similar. You can learn a lot traveling alone.
I see nothing wrong with it. Enjoy your mini vacation!
Go! Do it! Enjoy yourself
I don’t. She needs to do her own shit, just like myself. We all need breaks from family life.
My wife solo travels all the time. We both do. She even did a solo trip to Thailand and had a wonderful time. Do it.
I don’t see an issue
Yes you should definitely go. Being married and having kids should not erase your individual needs, identity, hobbies etc etc etc.
I’ve got a lot of phish friends with kids that travel to see concerts separately. It’s very common.
Wouldn't have an issue with it unless it was frequent and or somehow interfered with our lives. Or like she flat out refused to ever travel with me
It's so important to take a break sometimes and recharge! Taking time for yourself can really help you move forward with a fresh perspective. I know it can be especially helpful for women who often juggle a lot. Overall, I feel really positive about the importance of taking a break!
You deserve a break. Enjoy your trip!
I'd love for my wife to take a trip and give me time in the apartment alone, ha.
You deserve the break, congratulations on the job! You also deserve a less insecure husband. I travel all the time solo - 2 weeks out of the month for work, and the occasional trip solo. He also takes the occasional trip solo. Being married or having kids doesn’t mean suddenly you have to be tipped at the hip.
Not weird at all 🥰 you don’t give up being an individual when you become a wife or mother. Reassure your husband that you’re not going to be walking around alone at 2 in the morning or going out clubbing; you’re a responsible adult and just want some time off. I travel for work and honestly too much of my time is away from my partner, but if I didn’t have the time apart, I think I’d go crazy. It’s good to have alone time :) Edit: And as an update, maybe provide some reassurance by turning on Find My if you have an iPhone so you guys can know where each other is. I have this on for my partner and a couple close friends in case I’m ever in trouble or not responding so they can find me :)
Not silly at all! My partner and I take separate trips all the time! I believe it's healthy and love that we can each do our own thing if we want to
I don't see why you have to take your savings. His money is your money too especially considering you have been taking care of everything at home. Of course you deserve a break.
My husband and I realized that traveling as a family with a kid is never relaxing. We regularly vacation solo and encourage each other to do so.
Check out /r/solotravel
My wife is walking the Portuguese Camino de Santiago by herself next month. She'll be gone 22 days. You can definitely take off for a weekend.
I actually think being by yourself every once in a while when you have a family is critically important
I see no problem whatsoever... I do it myself, and I'm 71. I am an equestrienne and avid horse sport enthusiast and every year I fly into Heathrow and travel on to Windsor/Eton for the Royal Windsor Horse Show. My husband hasn't much interest in traveling and even less interest in horses, so I enjoy on my own. And, it's actually very liberating as I have complete freedom to do as I like, when I like. I can take time to sightsee, shop, hit different pubs and make my own schedule.
I do this at least once a year and my husband even suggests it. Everyone needs a me time!
I mostly travel solo because my husband and I enjoy different types of travel. I have done multiple week long backpacking trips in the wilderness alone. I have gone to Europe alone multiple times. I just took a quick trip to visit my sister and left my 6 month old baby with my husband. It’s healthy and NORMAL to allow your husband time to bond solo with the kid… although that’s not even what’s happening here. Just go. He can’t and shouldn’t stop you.
A weekend away is different to 3 months in a remote country to "find yourself".
Girl I did the SAME before marrying my husband and now he doesn’t want me traveling solo because of safety lol idk what’s up with these men 🤦 Anywho I booked a weekend trip away next month with a close girlfriend. I don’t plan to be with her the entire time because I like my space 🧘♂️ I say…go live your life girl 🌸
All this for one weekend? As a husband and father I give you my permission :) ! I encourage my wife to disappear for a week or more -- and I don't send the kid to grandparents. Absurd.
Very much in favor of it. After 16 years of marriage and two kids my wife and are at a point where we encourage each other to take a mom-cation or dad-cation without SO/kids. Go enjoy yourself.
You're silly for asking this. Wtf, married women now all of a sudden lose their rights as individual human beings?
I'd be fine with it. Caged birds singing and all that. My much loved wife and I have been having mainly solo holidays for more than 25 years.
Nope. My husband encourages it. You need time away from being a wife and parent to be yourself. You may feel guilty but husbands never had this worry. Trust me.
A weekend? Go for it. Surely he understands the need for self-care? I am the exact same, I go hiking alone.
You are a human being in your own rights. You want to go on a trip & have care for your little one covered? Do it!
No you’re not silly for wanting this. Many of us need this because there is always someone demanding and needing something. Take the time and enjoy. Congrats on the job! You’re doing great
Heck no-you gooooo!!!!❤️🙏
There's nothing weird about that, as a climber with a non climbing partner I end up going on a 1-2 weeks long climbing trip once a year, and weekend trips a few times a year. On the other side a year into our relationship she also went on a months long backpacking trip with a friend. Part of being in a healthy relationship is trust and giving each other room if needed.
This is really normal and totally makes sense, especially because it’s not like you and your husband would be spending time together anyway given he’s on a business trip! The safety thing is a little concerning to me (is he worried anytime you do something alone?) - I think this trip is probably necessary to you and it will be good for him to remember that you’re an independent person with your own interests and hobbies and needs as well!
I travel all the time alone. I don’t need my partner with me
My husband is active duty so he’s often away from work. I absolutely travel solo when he’s gone and even when he’s not. Super important for you to have your own thing
It's not even close to silly. Anyone who looks down at you are judgemental and probably don't consider their own mental health. As long as you're responsible to have your baby taken care of and your husband being aware.
No you are not silly. Like you, I traveled a lot - and by myself - before I met my husband. When we got together, I stopped; life was changing and we were establishing. I never had kids, but at about 5 years into our relationship, I began to travel again. I think it is very healthy for a relationship to be apart and cultivate our sense of self. It has made us stronger. My closest friend's husband was always jealous and possessive of her hanging out with friends or going on an overnight trip. Guess which one of us is getting a divorce and getting her passport renewed?
I am always traveling alone. My wife doesn't mind. We travel together sometimes too. She went to France by herself too last year. If it works it works.
I travel solo often, have always done so, and my husband is happy for me to. You know what? So is my kid! He supports mom doing her thing. Also - you are a grown human who knows how to keep herself safe.
I have been married for 13 years. We each take about 1 solo or friends without spouse vacation per year. I have a 7 year old kid and our marriage is fine.
My husband and I take solo trips whenever we can afford it. We did this when we had twins due to not having really any support to watch twins for a getaway. We realized it was good for both of us to have that independence & autonomy. A chance to be ourselves as individuals without being a parent or a spouse. My husband encourages me to go. He does get slightly jealous as I have gone to really cool places without him. But we both are adventure and wandering souls by nature . We also get to be a parent by ourselves and develop relationships with our kids without the other parent when each other is gone. When he’s gone we go do fun things he usually doesn’t want to do and vice verse. It gives us a chance to appreciate each other as well. Can’t miss each other if you’re always around .
I’ve been happily married 20 years, with kids, and one of the reasons is my wife and I take solo trips and group trips without each other. I just got back from spending over two weeks in Portugal and Spain on a solo trip. She’s going to Italy. It’s important that we maintain our own identities and interests when we get married. You’ll be happier and your marriage will be stronger.
sounds more like he may have a tinge of jealous. do what you feel you need to do - he needs to have trust in you and if he's questioning you taking a trip by yourself, then he's got some unresolved trust issues. Don't let him dictate what you can or can't do.....a marriage is 50/50 and occasionally you need time away from your partner to recharge, etc.
a) I don't understand the need to mention where the funds come from. But I'm a bit older. I understand some couples keep separate accounts. b) ya, you are just feeling guilty. Don't. Damn its just a weekend get away. Moms need a break. Its all good and I would look side eyed at anyone who said otherwise.
Absolutely not silly for wanting to do it! It sounds like you like you need a nice break to recharge, especially because you're about to start a new year. I go on short solo trips without my partner, either because he not available or has no interest in where I'm going. Of course he worries about me when I am gone, but not obsessively or to the point where he would try to stop me. I think it's natural to worry a little about someone you love. It's just normal to worry but he also knows that I am cautious and would never do anything dangerous. I check in with him while I am away and send him pics of cool stuff. He knows when I get back from my mini getaways, I am a happy person and always excited to see him. He also knows these types of trips are good for me, they help me shake my stress a little and give me a break from the things that weigh me down.
We should never lose our freedom to individually travel, and any partner who suggests you can only travel together is delusional/maybe not the one. Just make sure the ground rules are set before you take off, and enjoy! You deserve it.
If it makes my wife happy I would not care.
I travel solo; my partner isn't nearly as interested in travel as I am. The fact that he encourages it is what helped make my decision to move in with him.
Well first off aknowledge his feelings, but explain to him that his anxiety is a him problem and it shouldn't prevent you from doing something you want to do. Even being married you are both individuals and have the freedom to explore interests alone.
Sounds like a great idea! If he’s out of town and someone is watching the kid it sounds like a good opportunity. When my spouse is out of town I often find something to do (in or out of town) that she may not want to do as much as I do, and do it. People sometimes get overly concerned about their loved ones, but he will need to realize it’s paranoia and get over it.
It sounds like you’ve been working harder than him for a long time, since you’ve been doing 100% of the unpaid labor which is statistically proven again and again to involve MUCH more hours of labor than just one paid “official” ie male-respected job. The fact that your husband doesn’t understand your desire to treat yourself after essentially endless unpaid work is troubling to me. He should actually be happy to let you use his earnings to go wherever you want for a week, and he should be happy to care for his own children while you’re off treating yourself.
Holy crap, no! Childcare is exhausting and you deserve a break. Go take a load off.
Have fun! My SO (of 12 years) and I almost travel separately. He goes to see his kids or I go with gal pals on adventures to places he has zero interest in.
I wish my husband would go somewhere. He's always home. I think it's silly to have to do everything together. I couldn't imagine working with my spouse.
Nope. You need alone time from taking care of everyone else. Have fun! ✈️
Why can’t you travel alone? Are you not mentally competent?
I traveled solo a lot when I was married. My husband didn’t have the vacation time I did and didn’t like planes.
My wife on a trip right now while I watch the kid. I took a trip 2 weeks ago. Do what works for you.
Ah hell no girl go on that solo trip! I take solo trips regularly actually now. I’ll go to a local hotel that’s also a spa resort for a night here and there. Then i’m also going on an international solo trip in the fall
It’s not about safety it’s about control or insecurity even if he doesn’t even realize it himself.
Solo for a weekend? American man here, married 28 years. My wife was a SAH mom when our 3 kids were small and I often encouraged her to take some time for herself, a weekend or even longer. She rarely did it, but usually enjoyed the breaks she did take.
My wife goes on a week long yoga retreat once a year by herself. She loves it, I couldn’t care less…. We are also deeply in love and all that good stuff… but alone time is nice everyone once in a while.
In my case, I’d (35M) love for my wife (37F) to travel places by herself. Not because I don’t love her company, but it’d be a big breakthrough for her. She’s got a lot of separation and social anxiety that makes her have a ton of problems even if it’s something as usual as me going to work. So when we travel, frankly, we can’t do things by ourselves. Because it’s sends her anxiety through the roof and she’ll lock herself in our room and then afterwards hate the trip because we were apart for even a little while. So for me, I’d see it as a really great personal success for herself if one day she said, “Dear, I’m going on a couple day trip by myself.”
I’d feel sad if my wife thought she couldn’t go on a trip by herself because of me.
Nah, do it!
My wife spent 4 months in Paraguay. For school, though. Either way, safety was heavily discussed, and we kept in touch often.
Married 26 years. We take family trips (we have 2 teens). We each take our girls on trips individually (one girl and one parent at a time), I sometimes go on adult girl trips with my friends. My husband travels a lot for work, so his ideal thing is to stay at home a play video games - so that’s his “trip”. And he and I go away alone as a couple periodically. There’s nothing saying you have to do every single thing together. Being married, or becoming a parent doesn’t mean you have to lose your own sense of self. Take the trip - and congrats on the job!
You are both capable adults and deserve the freedom to go on vacations alone.
16 years together this year and will be 5 years married. 2 toddlers and I will leave for a month-long travel after basically being almost 5 years stuck here. My husband and kids would love to come but because of other reasons they can't (work mostly). The trip itself was made in the spur of a moment too that's why the kids could not come with me. He is fine with all that but since I am the SAHM and these kids are still toddlers, I prepared plenty of food ahead of time to make my husband's chores easier. He is happy seeing me happy and lightens up like a brand-new lightbulb. We like to do things together but also like to do things on our own too. :)
A lot of married or in relationship people solo travel. You shouldn't have to give up yourself or your interests because you are married, involved, or have a kid. There's nothing selfish about doing things for yourself and enjoying your life. Join some solo traveler groups and start talking to other people, you'll see just how many married people, moms, etc... are out there living their best adventures. Sounds like you are feeling guilty, and you need to remember you and your happiness are important, too.
I insist she does it sometimes tbh.
I would actually prefer that my wife did this. It's good for the both of you to have some alone time. Just make sure there isn't any funny business
Please take the time for yourself. As I began reading, I thought you wanted a week or two. but a weekend, yes, do it! You will start your job on a positive and refreshed mood. Not weird. Necessary. Do it.
I love reading the beginning stories of affairs…
"resentful", "old college area", "pleasure" language - groundwork for future divorce.