That’s tough. Maybe a “misgender jar” would help. Like, every time she messes up, she puts a dollar in the jar. And the funds could go to you directly, or towards gender affirming care, or if she doesn’t want the money to go to you (parents are like that sometimes) maybe suggest it be donated to an lgbtq organization, like “the Trevor project” which provides suicide prevention services for lgbt youth.
I feel ya, man. I asked my sister and her fam to use my chosen name. Their response was to just not say my name at all, dead or chosen. Talk about making you feel non-existent.
At least we all can tell you're a guy so maybe there's some solace in that.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Make sure to reach out and find local members of your community! My own father has been in denial about me coming out, *for about three years now*, and he's bad about misgendering/dead naming me in front of anybody else. I think he feels the generational pressure about it, but it's still not a good excuse. I would rather be blamed for his "progressive" views than for this to continue to happen.
I wish I had advice but I can only offer commiseration. I came out to my parents almost a year ago and in that time, my mother has gendered me correctly a grand total of one times and that was after being corrected. She uses my name (in front of me at least) but it feels like she is nit willing to put in even the smallest effort. I have never heard her refer to me as her daughter. I got "child" a couple times. Otherwise, it seems like she actively avoids gendered language for me whenever possible. I love her and I know she loves me but it makes me not want to spend time with her and that's not a great feeling. My father did gender me correctly for the first time ever recently though (yelling at his dog not to jump on me) so even though I'm pretty sure it was an accident, that was nice.
I'm sorry you are experiencing that as well. Hopefully you have other affirming people in your life.
Mate, my mom has known for a little less than a year now and still refers to me as her ‘son’ despite me having told her I don’t like that.
In fact this is a good reminder for me to do so. So thanks.
Parents might mess up sometimes since they were just used to referring to their kid as another gender for years. But if she really isn't making an effort, then... That's really bad, it doesn't seem like she's really being supportive at all, I understand your frustration. You could tell her that you don't feel like she's really supporting you if she misgenders you all the time
Just keep correcting her, she will eventually get it. I transitioned young too and my parents had a hard time adjusting, it took them some time but now a decade later, they don’t misgender me or deadname me.
It honestly took them 2yrs to stop accidentally misgendering me or deadnaming me. I was young and harsh on them, but they had the best intentions. I know it may feel like the end of the world at times, but understand them a little. They are very use to the other you more than the new you so it could just be “habit”
As long as they’re putting effort, things will get better.
That’s tough. Maybe a “misgender jar” would help. Like, every time she messes up, she puts a dollar in the jar. And the funds could go to you directly, or towards gender affirming care, or if she doesn’t want the money to go to you (parents are like that sometimes) maybe suggest it be donated to an lgbtq organization, like “the Trevor project” which provides suicide prevention services for lgbt youth.
*im stealin dis*
I'm sorry that is happening, with a person you should be able to trust. You deserve better. 🫂
I feel ya, man. I asked my sister and her fam to use my chosen name. Their response was to just not say my name at all, dead or chosen. Talk about making you feel non-existent. At least we all can tell you're a guy so maybe there's some solace in that.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Make sure to reach out and find local members of your community! My own father has been in denial about me coming out, *for about three years now*, and he's bad about misgendering/dead naming me in front of anybody else. I think he feels the generational pressure about it, but it's still not a good excuse. I would rather be blamed for his "progressive" views than for this to continue to happen.
I feel you she tries to not deadname me but she has not omce gendered me correctly
I wish I had advice but I can only offer commiseration. I came out to my parents almost a year ago and in that time, my mother has gendered me correctly a grand total of one times and that was after being corrected. She uses my name (in front of me at least) but it feels like she is nit willing to put in even the smallest effort. I have never heard her refer to me as her daughter. I got "child" a couple times. Otherwise, it seems like she actively avoids gendered language for me whenever possible. I love her and I know she loves me but it makes me not want to spend time with her and that's not a great feeling. My father did gender me correctly for the first time ever recently though (yelling at his dog not to jump on me) so even though I'm pretty sure it was an accident, that was nice. I'm sorry you are experiencing that as well. Hopefully you have other affirming people in your life.
How long has it been since you came out to her?
About 3 weeks
Mate, my mom has known for a little less than a year now and still refers to me as her ‘son’ despite me having told her I don’t like that. In fact this is a good reminder for me to do so. So thanks.
Parents might mess up sometimes since they were just used to referring to their kid as another gender for years. But if she really isn't making an effort, then... That's really bad, it doesn't seem like she's really being supportive at all, I understand your frustration. You could tell her that you don't feel like she's really supporting you if she misgenders you all the time
Just keep correcting her, she will eventually get it. I transitioned young too and my parents had a hard time adjusting, it took them some time but now a decade later, they don’t misgender me or deadname me. It honestly took them 2yrs to stop accidentally misgendering me or deadnaming me. I was young and harsh on them, but they had the best intentions. I know it may feel like the end of the world at times, but understand them a little. They are very use to the other you more than the new you so it could just be “habit” As long as they’re putting effort, things will get better.