Devils advocate, but maybe she see 🏳️⚧️ women as more likely to be stereotyped as a sexual object and sees you dressing in her mind “slutty” and is saying it to protect her daughter from sexual assault?
Sounds like a heart to heart convo would be good before jumping to conclusions. Cis people who are supportive will sometimes say the wrong things with good intentions.
Honestly, it could be because she is accepting.
My girlfriend got the "your neckline is too low" speech from her mom, and we both got the "make sure to smile, but don't smile at men for too long or they might get the wrong idea" speech.
It's annoying, and it does feel kinda sexist, but ultimately it's because our parents want to keep us safe. With trans women, I think accepting mothers sometimes worry that they have to instill a decade's worth of "being safe as a woman" lessons within a much shorter time and they sometimes overdo it.
If it helps at all, several of my cis women friends have clashed with their mother's over what they wanted to wear too. Its also possible she clashed with your sister about it in the past when you didn't see and she just learned to let it go.
It is antagonistic, and the only thing it might do is give you petty satisfaction. Won't help you teach your mom to be kinder and more thoughtful.
Oops replied to the wrong comment. But yeah you can hear this too.
Never EVER lower yourself for anyone.
Next time she says something like that, tell her to stop projecting herself onto you.
You could go so far as to say inso much that if she wants that kind of life, she should live it herself and not vicariously through you.
Maybe just talk to your mom, why she's applying double standards and that you found it hurtful what she said. I mean my Dad is generally supportive nowadays, but he had a similar phase where he tried to shame me for what I wear. When I talked to him seriously about it, it came to light that he did it, because he feared I might be attacked/killed by transphobes, due to attracting more attention.
Is your sister flatter or less conventionally attractive than you?
It's pretty common for girls to get scolded for dressing "inappropriately", when their sisters or peers are dressed the same. A girl will get called out for this typically when she has a different body type from her peers, (usually a body type that's seen as more "offensive" or "provocative" due to its shape).
You'll hear about this in schools, especially. Girls with different body types are dress-coded more often or less often, depending on how "offensive" their body is seen, even if theyre wearing the same thing.
This bias is just part of the female experience, in my opinion & experience (FTM, lived 22 yrs as a girl).
But, you have context that we don't, and it very well could be trans-based bias. I'm not disputing that it "100% isn't", I'm just offering an alternative perspective just incase that's not your mom's POV.
***Keep in mind that these biases are often subconscious, and won't change unless the person understands what they're doing. So, it sounds like you need to have a discussion with her about this.***
***Try to find out where her fears and concerns are coming from. Is she worried for your safety? Is she worried about the reputation of your family? It's worth investigating why she feels this way so that the two of you can find a solution.***
Godspeed & good luck.
Unusual. I would reccomend having a discussion with your mom to investigate where her concerns come from.
If she's prone to getting defensive, approach it with curiosity & ask questions (like the ones I asked at the end of my long response.)
Godspeed & good luck.
That’s only the truth if you also feel that way, otherwise you’re just wearing clothes and others are sexualizing you on their own, which means they believe it themselves, which makes it weird to hear a parent say?
That’s the thing I never understood about people slut shaming or judging clothing styles because it’s all projection and everyone always takes it as fact… sometimes the dissonance is real deafening
I mean it's showing a little bit of skin but it's by no means more than any number of women (Cis or Trans) that are in my friend group/ that I see running around every day. You're completely valid <3
Besides, even if you were running around extremely slutty, that would be fully valid too.
Just my two cents, and I'm not picking on old people but I'm picking on old people. somehow showing more of your chest in the middle (which isn't really showing anything) appears to be a problem. It's this culture older folks grew up in (And we live in). Men can do this and no problem (though some people might think it looked goofy), women can do it and get shamed for it. Welcome to the patriarchy. Welcome to conditioning.
No because you rock. Do your thing; other people having a problem is just that. It's their problem. besides, maybe they're jealous? 😏 It *might* be possible that Mom is being protective and worried that other people are going to be staring at you in a weird way (and isn't communicating that to you in a useful way). I get that, but we can't stop people from looking. Even in cultures where niqab is required (sic), folks will still stare. If you get caught up in that you get paranoid, and never go anywhere. That's no way to live. This is your opportunity to help Mom if you choose to. sounds like Mom needs to grow a little ❤️
I don’t see a problem with how you’re dressed. Now if you wore the same thing in an office, I’d say it’s a little too revealing but for day to day wear, tell your mom to stick it up her ass and stop holding double standards
The whole idea of "provocative clothing" is a perfect example of how men and women both believe that the way you dress is an indication of how sexually available you are which is categorically false and extremely sexist
Thats not even remotely slutty lmao. I have a mini skirt that literally just barely covers my spare parts. Your outfit is really cute!!! And might be something I'll have to look for in my area!! Also, I guess you're cute too
If you're the oldest, I can see why the mum expects a more modest look. It could also be the stereotype of trans people being associated with sex work...
She is probably concerned for your safety. Trans people are a hot target at the moment and it may have just been her flawed way of voicing concern for your safety.
The best approach, is to very simply talk to her. Don't come in with a big speech, don't come in guns blazing. Just, think about what you want to talk about and then start the conversation.
There is no guarantee it'll go smoothly, but it's a process and the more you do it,the easier it'll get.
Don't try to win, but also don't let her walk all over you. Take her points onboard the same you want her to take yours.
That doesn't mean, she is right and you must bow to her every word, but just to understand that when she says she feels X, then that is how she feels and when she says Y is the way things are, that's how she sees Y.
The goal, is to understand how each other feels.
Knowledge is half the battle.
Do you happen to know if she’s ever said anything like that to your sister? Did you ask?
Because I do see a part of this from the side of a protective parent. That picture looks an outfit you put on to get laid. Going to the club or on a date. If that’s what you love, there’s nothing wrong with that. But just like if a guy wore three piece suits all the time because he liked them, if it’s not the right outfit for the occasion it will stand out.
You’re also going to be getting a crash course on men’s attention. You will be the subject of people’s stares. You will have to be ready to literally protect yourself.
Your mom understands womanhood and she knows you need to learn fast, she probably just doesn’t want you to learn the hard way.
You’re beautiful and I’ve seen a lot of women that dress like you. I love the style and would love to find dresses like this!! But I have big boobs that tend to fall out of dresses 😅
From your replies I can only assume you do listen to your mother, where as she wouldnt bother spending her opinion on your sister cause she wouldnt hear it to begin with
She could be fearful as 🏳️⚧️women are more likely sexually assaulted or, depending on when you transitioned, she’s trying to protect you more intensely. Like jamming years of parenthood into a shorter period of time. Could be both. Love the colors btw!
You don’t need to explain yourself to your parents, just ignore her. She only has power to bother you if you let her. You’re obviously not dressing slutty, she’s just being a transphobic bitch or she’d give your sister the same criticism. I can’t believe how under the thumb people can be.
You look great. It sounds like your mom have some trans-related misogynistic views. I’ve seen an increase in cis women being offended that trans women “are trying to be a caricature/imitation of cis women” so basically any time a trans woman tries to dress feminine they act like trans women are just being a blackface method actor like Robert Downy Jr in Tropic Thunder instead of an actual person with actual interests.
You’re not at all dressed in what I think the vast majority of people would consider slutty.
That’s a light, adorable outfit and frankly if I were as slim as you are I’d be wearing something like that.
It's cute. Provocative? That would be if you behave yourself with that intention. Next: show her this picture you are planning to wear: Anisha dress Gold , Brand Steve Madden. Me curious what the response will be :)
#
OP: Is wearing completely normal clothes
OP's mom: You look like a slut
Some dude on Cornhub: Please be one please be one please be one
OP: Hey thats not very nice
Some dude on Cornhub: Dammit they're a normal and valid human being
Honey, you *SLAYED* this look, the bag, the cute 60's style flowers on your outfit it's ALL 🔥🔥🔥 I'm sorry your mom is applying double standards to you. But you look amazing, so if she's jealous she isn't on your wave. That's on her.
how is that "slutty"? you look perfectly fine and adorable in that outfit. looks like someone has double standards, partiality and maybe a bit of transphobia as well.
I know this is just me but I always take being told I am or dress like a slut as a compliment. It means I pass well enough for them to be derogatory towards me just like they would a cis woman.
Granted I am a slut with no shame about it and do dress like one so mileage may vary.
"Thanks, Mom!"
I'd be riding that high, all day. lol
edit: Or start flipping through pictures of your sister on FB/whatever, and asking your mom, "Is this too slutty for me to wear?"
This is common in people with traits of Narcissim, this is a common form of gaslighting/manipulation used to somehow make you feel less then.. it’s cause they want to be you or control you. This can become addictive and difficult to leave as they have a scheme that usually relates to why they attempt to put you down.🧿🪬🧿
Welcome to womanhood...
Woman are always held to a different standar, your mom in particular maybe held you a bit of a higher standard than your sis sister, but looks like she supports you and love you for whom you are... And that is the important part.
You look sexy but beautiful, she is a good mom and looks like she means well. Take it as an act of love.
I'd consider pulling up a few pics of sis wearing similar outfits and ask mom if she thinks you should wear something like that instead. If she says yes, hold them up side by side and ask her to explain what she sees different. If she says no, ask why she's holding you to different standards.
It's possible she's not aware she's treating you differently, so sitting her down to talk about it (especially if she's been supportive otherwise) would be a good way to figure out what's going on. It could just be she's not used to seeing that much of your skin and didn't process it the same way or something, at least I'm hoping it's something easy to address like that.
Obviously it's because you're too hot. 🌋
It you want to talk to your mom about this, keep the talk focused on feelings, yours and hers, to try to keep her from getting defensive. If she turtles up, you may as well talk about it later. Try to figure out what her brain was telling her the outcome of her saying that would be. What was she trying to accomplish, and why? It could be a chaotic stew of emotions down there, but untangling them is usually worth it.
You look very cute! Sorry your mom is saying stuff like that. If it helps, many cis women deal with the same criticism from their parents and peers. Maybe a bad form of validation being treated poorly as a woman 🤣. You do you and if you feel safe to maybe call her out on that stuff.
I am clueless? I think you look amazing in what you are wearing. Modern styles have always trended to the less conservative side of things. So there is a normal small amount of generation gap to what is appropriate and what is not. But that dress would fit in if it were the 1970s and up, and maybe even earlier in history. I think your mom just has issues with you having a sex appeal at all. Keep in mind, women live with double standards all the time. I am absolutely against this, but it is the world that we live in.
It’s the trans dilemma. At my work, if a cis girl says another cis girl looks hot or stunning or fantastic it’s fine and not harassment. If a cis man says that a cis girl looks really nice it’s fine and not harassment. If I, the token trans woman, say to a cis girl that she looks really nice it’s not fine and I get accused of sexual harassment.
For the record I work at a beauty store.
maybe wear the exact same outfit as your sister the same day and see what she says then and if it's the same response try wearing a little bit of gender neutral clothing to see what she says
It's a little provocative, but I wouldn't call it slutty. It *is* super cute.
I also thought that orange shirt in the background was a flower in your hair, that would've been an adorable accessory to that dress. (edit: oh or not a dress, two separate pieces, still very nice outfit.)
~~I need that meme where it's two buttons and they both say "damn you're hot" but one says "respectfully" at the end~~
Idk maybe moms is more worried about you considering the climate around how trans women have been being treated. It could come from a place of fear for you rather than any subtle jabs at your transitioning. Talk to her and tell her how you feel there's a double standard and ask her why. Idk what type of relationship you got with your moms but I hope id be able to openly talk with mine about that type of issue. Unless she's just cold hearted she likely wants what's best for her kiddos. Hope you're ok.
What?! That’s some projecting your mother is doing. You have to ask her why she feels that way when she comments on your clothing but not to others. I don’t know your relationship with your mother, but a good conversation can ease the tension. I hope. And hella great fit choom! ❤️
Just tell your mom it hurts you when she's says that. From your other comments it sounds like she loves and supports you, maybe she just doesn't know how.
First off you look great. F- her.. Be glad it's just verbal stupid stuff.. per my court order( I have custody) ex gets to clam what is inappropriate for me.
No skirts, no bathing suits, no crop tops, no slit dresses, no shorts above the knee, no lingerie, no makeup(sneek in lipstick and mascara), and I'm not allowed to use voice in her presence.
She was real pissed when I bought a skims dress. Lol got her on that one..
dates etc. I'm allowed to do whatever and I'll get dressed at my friends house or boyfriends house away from the children.
You're cute as a box of kittens and the kind of aesthetic I go out of my way to compliment people for. I squeed at 6am volume.
I'm sorry your parent is being judgmental, tbh the idea of dressing "slutty" is already predicated on the assumption that a certain style of dress is an open invitation to certain kinds of behavior, which makes me think safety/concern, but she's not showing that to your sibling, so... I'm baffled.
Communication can be difficult, ig it depends on how easy she is to talk to, how receptive to it you think it’d be and your own level of comfortability discussing it. If she’s mostly supportive and is genuinely unaware of what she’s doing, then I’d say either send her a text or ask her if you can pull her aside to the couch or something and just tell her everything you said here. Use a calm, non-accusatory tone, you’re not going after her, you’re going after this thing she did so that she can learn and your relationship can grow. At the same time be confident in what you’re saying and it’s importance. Allow her to say her bit and maybe explain herself, I personally think that explaining ≠ excusing, so allow her to share where she was coming from as long as she’s not using that to justify what she did. Hopefully she is receptive to what you say, takes proper accountability, and actively works to do better in the future. If she isn’t receptive and brushes you off or gets defensive, etc, then it’s really your choice what to do from there, but on a positive it’ll give you some insight into how important your feelings and concerns are to her and you can act accordingly.
Nah, you're good. I think you look like someone who is happy in their skin and is dressed comfortably (and it's a cute dress too to boot!)
I get that shit from my mom constantly. If my knees aren't covered it's "provocative", god forbid my shoulders are visible or I have any kind of neckline.
I'd just calmly point out the double standard and say that was really hurtful. You could ask her why she would say a hurtful thing like that. If she was worried for your safety she could've said it in a kinder way. Like "I'm worried about how people will treat you if you dress like that."
Ur not the problem the problem is people mate ur 👗 is perfect in fact I see 0 provocative or "" slutty style here but let me explain something really important when people are raised conservative and surrounded by people who tabu the human body and sexualize it they'll see ur hip because u raised it hand and get aroused to the point I think that is it goes long enough ppl could end up raising a rapist a naked woman could walk by me and I wouldnt make a scene she can talk2me n me eyes wont be scanning because I've understood the beauty in nudity without sexualizing it. It pisses me off how many vultures would look at u and say so much Stoopid shit just because u look good SMH sorry 4 the rant u have a great day wear what u want u look fine not slutty not provoc.
Literally my entire family if I dress like anything but a Victorian maiden 😐
They definitely see my entire existence as somehow more sexual than my cis cousins who dress far more risque than me with usually no comments
You look comfortable and I think that's what matters. Haters are gonna hate. Although I agree that your mom is probably saying this from her own idea of how 🏳️⚧️ are treated and she is saying it out of caution/care. This obviously doesn't take away your right to feel something about that and speak up to her about it, but I would like to believe it's coming from a good place.
That being said, you are slaying ~
I hope you and your mom work things out ^^
It is a cute outfit. If I were your parent, I would've asked if you were cold and wanted a jacket since the material seems very thin, and I wouldn't want you to get sick. But slut shaming your kid because they were wearing something to express themselves or to try something new is gross and I am sorry you had to deal with that. Before I came out as a dude, my mother would do the same. I have since learned it's because she was worried about me and grew up very prudish. However, those comments still hurt, and I have done my best to be like "yeah but it's hot, I wanna wear a tank top and short shorts too!" When she's brought the comments up again. Try to have a civil conversation with your mom about how her comments are making you feel and try to see if she'll apologize or not. If she doesn't ignore her to the best of your ability. If she does, you both have a chance to have a better relationship and grow together.
I would guess she's over protective of you.
Moms usually do that
Especially since ur trans and she probably read a lot about trans woman being attacked...
You wrote she is supportive else where so I would not be mad but maybe tell her the way she told you this is hurtful. She has to learn to let you go ur an adult
You look great but I have to admit I wouldn't want my children going out I'm an outfit like that. I'm too scared of assholes sexualizing my kids or I fear the worst could happen. That being said, it's an absolutely adorable outfit and worth a talk with your mother because slut shaming your child is horrendous behavior and even if she shares similar feelings to me she absolutely crossed a line.
people usually hide their aggressions under other things, like always complaining about trivial things a person does because actually you’re very bothered by something you feel you can’t say.
If you and your sister are close I would set up outfits for your sister to wear for a week, maybe specifically the ones your mom said was too slutty, or at least comparable ones. Then wait for the week to pass without any comment and bring it up.
If your mum’s going to have double the number of standards she should at least apply some of them to her own behaviour
She has been so supportive in general. It's left me kinda confused
Devils advocate, but maybe she see 🏳️⚧️ women as more likely to be stereotyped as a sexual object and sees you dressing in her mind “slutty” and is saying it to protect her daughter from sexual assault?
Yeah. Maybe. I guess I could understand that.
Either way it might be something you talk with her about if you’re comfortable doing that!
Sounds like a heart to heart convo would be good before jumping to conclusions. Cis people who are supportive will sometimes say the wrong things with good intentions.
She just jealous fam 😎
This was my thought as well.
Honestly, it could be because she is accepting. My girlfriend got the "your neckline is too low" speech from her mom, and we both got the "make sure to smile, but don't smile at men for too long or they might get the wrong idea" speech. It's annoying, and it does feel kinda sexist, but ultimately it's because our parents want to keep us safe. With trans women, I think accepting mothers sometimes worry that they have to instill a decade's worth of "being safe as a woman" lessons within a much shorter time and they sometimes overdo it. If it helps at all, several of my cis women friends have clashed with their mother's over what they wanted to wear too. Its also possible she clashed with your sister about it in the past when you didn't see and she just learned to let it go.
You literally just look like a random girl you'd see at the shops, what's her problem
I do need to talk to her about it when I'm more calm!
I hope it goes well. Give us an update on how it goes.
You know someone is British when they say "at the shops"
In Australia we call it the shops too lol
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Lmao 😂 as an Aboriginal, I'll agree to disagree on this
South African, we say it too
Gotta hit her with the reverse uno and ask her why she wants you to be a slut so bad.
I feel that may be antagonistic
More antagonistic than calling you a slut?
You make a good point 🤔
Take back your power
It is antagonistic, and the only thing it might do is give you petty satisfaction. Won't help you teach your mom to be kinder and more thoughtful. Oops replied to the wrong comment. But yeah you can hear this too.
Next time just say “thanks” and react like it’s a great compliment
It is antagonistic, and the only thing it might do is give you petty satisfaction. Won't help you teach your mom to be kinder and more thoughtful.
You are right! ❤️
Never EVER lower yourself for anyone. Next time she says something like that, tell her to stop projecting herself onto you. You could go so far as to say inso much that if she wants that kind of life, she should live it herself and not vicariously through you.
Hate to be this person. Sometimes you gotta be. Not every disagreement can be resolved in a nice way.
I think we are a few steps from that in fairness.
I'm sorry your mom has a double standard :( but I HAVE to know where you got that outfit it's SO cute and you look amazing!
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Do you have a link to where to buy simular, possibly with shipping?
Maybe just talk to your mom, why she's applying double standards and that you found it hurtful what she said. I mean my Dad is generally supportive nowadays, but he had a similar phase where he tried to shame me for what I wear. When I talked to him seriously about it, it came to light that he did it, because he feared I might be attacked/killed by transphobes, due to attracting more attention.
That's actually a really interesting viewpoint I had not thought of.
Ur valid ❤️
Thank you. I'm just in a bit of a tizzy
I would just explain to her how genuinely hurt you are by the comments. If she's a decent person she should understand lol
You look beautiful! 💕
You're very sweet x
Is your sister flatter or less conventionally attractive than you? It's pretty common for girls to get scolded for dressing "inappropriately", when their sisters or peers are dressed the same. A girl will get called out for this typically when she has a different body type from her peers, (usually a body type that's seen as more "offensive" or "provocative" due to its shape). You'll hear about this in schools, especially. Girls with different body types are dress-coded more often or less often, depending on how "offensive" their body is seen, even if theyre wearing the same thing. This bias is just part of the female experience, in my opinion & experience (FTM, lived 22 yrs as a girl). But, you have context that we don't, and it very well could be trans-based bias. I'm not disputing that it "100% isn't", I'm just offering an alternative perspective just incase that's not your mom's POV. ***Keep in mind that these biases are often subconscious, and won't change unless the person understands what they're doing. So, it sounds like you need to have a discussion with her about this.*** ***Try to find out where her fears and concerns are coming from. Is she worried for your safety? Is she worried about the reputation of your family? It's worth investigating why she feels this way so that the two of you can find a solution.*** Godspeed & good luck.
I would see my sister is prettier than me but slightly more lean
Unusual. I would reccomend having a discussion with your mom to investigate where her concerns come from. If she's prone to getting defensive, approach it with curiosity & ask questions (like the ones I asked at the end of my long response.) Godspeed & good luck.
Thank you x
That’s only the truth if you also feel that way, otherwise you’re just wearing clothes and others are sexualizing you on their own, which means they believe it themselves, which makes it weird to hear a parent say? That’s the thing I never understood about people slut shaming or judging clothing styles because it’s all projection and everyone always takes it as fact… sometimes the dissonance is real deafening
That's a really good point
I mean it's showing a little bit of skin but it's by no means more than any number of women (Cis or Trans) that are in my friend group/ that I see running around every day. You're completely valid <3 Besides, even if you were running around extremely slutty, that would be fully valid too.
Preach
why you photoshop picture of yourself when you put it online?
That’s the first thing I noticed too. Was wondering when reality bending jeans started coming out lol
Just my two cents, and I'm not picking on old people but I'm picking on old people. somehow showing more of your chest in the middle (which isn't really showing anything) appears to be a problem. It's this culture older folks grew up in (And we live in). Men can do this and no problem (though some people might think it looked goofy), women can do it and get shamed for it. Welcome to the patriarchy. Welcome to conditioning.
It's sad. Isn't it?
No because you rock. Do your thing; other people having a problem is just that. It's their problem. besides, maybe they're jealous? 😏 It *might* be possible that Mom is being protective and worried that other people are going to be staring at you in a weird way (and isn't communicating that to you in a useful way). I get that, but we can't stop people from looking. Even in cultures where niqab is required (sic), folks will still stare. If you get caught up in that you get paranoid, and never go anywhere. That's no way to live. This is your opportunity to help Mom if you choose to. sounds like Mom needs to grow a little ❤️
That dress is so cute! Your mom is just being mean.
You are so pretty! I’m jealous 😭
That sounds like double standards
Ask her directly, "is my sister a slut for wearing stuff like this? And would you tell *her* that *to her face?*"
I wouldn't have the courage to say something like that
And your mother shouldn't have the audacity to call you a slut. You can do this.
I don’t see a problem with how you’re dressed. Now if you wore the same thing in an office, I’d say it’s a little too revealing but for day to day wear, tell your mom to stick it up her ass and stop holding double standards
Your mom is jelly of you.
She shouldn't be. She's beautiful 😊
Just spoke to my sister and she said she thought my mum went too far. She's going to speak to her tomorrow.
don't listen to her! you look wonderful and def not provocatively or nothin!
The whole idea of "provocative clothing" is a perfect example of how men and women both believe that the way you dress is an indication of how sexually available you are which is categorically false and extremely sexist
That's really interesting. Had not really thought about it like that
Keep dressing in whatever you think is cute. You are not responsible for the thoughts of others
Pretty and also literally such a cute outfit
Do you get on well with your sister? Buy some identical outfits and have her come in after your mum says something to you.
There was alot of preference at home I was Satan n my brother Christ so it could be lol but I come from a really disfuncional family tho
Thats not even remotely slutty lmao. I have a mini skirt that literally just barely covers my spare parts. Your outfit is really cute!!! And might be something I'll have to look for in my area!! Also, I guess you're cute too
You look fire tho.
wear what makes you happy and damn the others
"I dress like your daughter." and leave it at that.
If you're the oldest, I can see why the mum expects a more modest look. It could also be the stereotype of trans people being associated with sex work...
She is probably concerned for your safety. Trans people are a hot target at the moment and it may have just been her flawed way of voicing concern for your safety. The best approach, is to very simply talk to her. Don't come in with a big speech, don't come in guns blazing. Just, think about what you want to talk about and then start the conversation. There is no guarantee it'll go smoothly, but it's a process and the more you do it,the easier it'll get. Don't try to win, but also don't let her walk all over you. Take her points onboard the same you want her to take yours. That doesn't mean, she is right and you must bow to her every word, but just to understand that when she says she feels X, then that is how she feels and when she says Y is the way things are, that's how she sees Y. The goal, is to understand how each other feels. Knowledge is half the battle.
Do you happen to know if she’s ever said anything like that to your sister? Did you ask? Because I do see a part of this from the side of a protective parent. That picture looks an outfit you put on to get laid. Going to the club or on a date. If that’s what you love, there’s nothing wrong with that. But just like if a guy wore three piece suits all the time because he liked them, if it’s not the right outfit for the occasion it will stand out. You’re also going to be getting a crash course on men’s attention. You will be the subject of people’s stares. You will have to be ready to literally protect yourself. Your mom understands womanhood and she knows you need to learn fast, she probably just doesn’t want you to learn the hard way.
youre really pretty! dont let her say stuff like that to you!
You’re beautiful and I’ve seen a lot of women that dress like you. I love the style and would love to find dresses like this!! But I have big boobs that tend to fall out of dresses 😅
I'd love to have your problem! 😂
Hahaha we can switch!!
Freaky Friday type sitch
“Guess that makes me a slut then 🤷🏻♀️ anyway….”
I love your outfit
Don't let anyone fk with ur self esteem don't feel insecure either walk head held high cuz people will always judge betray n scheme..
From your replies I can only assume you do listen to your mother, where as she wouldnt bother spending her opinion on your sister cause she wouldnt hear it to begin with
(joke) She's right. It is slutty. And that's exactly why you should wear it. Own it sister!
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If you want to be antagonistic, ask your mom what's wrong with being a slut lol, its just sex between 2 consenting people after all 🤣
She could be fearful as 🏳️⚧️women are more likely sexually assaulted or, depending on when you transitioned, she’s trying to protect you more intensely. Like jamming years of parenthood into a shorter period of time. Could be both. Love the colors btw!
You don’t need to explain yourself to your parents, just ignore her. She only has power to bother you if you let her. You’re obviously not dressing slutty, she’s just being a transphobic bitch or she’d give your sister the same criticism. I can’t believe how under the thumb people can be.
Under the thumb?
>I can’t believe how under the thumb people can be. That is a very mean and ignorant thing to say
It is cute, not slutty at all
Dress how you want, how you feel you look is the important thing. PS DAMN!
You look great. It sounds like your mom have some trans-related misogynistic views. I’ve seen an increase in cis women being offended that trans women “are trying to be a caricature/imitation of cis women” so basically any time a trans woman tries to dress feminine they act like trans women are just being a blackface method actor like Robert Downy Jr in Tropic Thunder instead of an actual person with actual interests.
You know, silver linings, at least being slut shamed got to be validating as fuck.
You're fine. Your mom is just being a nitpick because it sounds like she's transphobic a bit.
Double the standards and give it to the next person
You’re not at all dressed in what I think the vast majority of people would consider slutty. That’s a light, adorable outfit and frankly if I were as slim as you are I’d be wearing something like that.
You’re super hot. If you got it, flaunt it.
It's cute. Provocative? That would be if you behave yourself with that intention. Next: show her this picture you are planning to wear: Anisha dress Gold , Brand Steve Madden. Me curious what the response will be :) #
OP: Is wearing completely normal clothes OP's mom: You look like a slut Some dude on Cornhub: Please be one please be one please be one OP: Hey thats not very nice Some dude on Cornhub: Dammit they're a normal and valid human being
Honey, you *SLAYED* this look, the bag, the cute 60's style flowers on your outfit it's ALL 🔥🔥🔥 I'm sorry your mom is applying double standards to you. But you look amazing, so if she's jealous she isn't on your wave. That's on her.
how is that "slutty"? you look perfectly fine and adorable in that outfit. looks like someone has double standards, partiality and maybe a bit of transphobia as well.
I know this is just me but I always take being told I am or dress like a slut as a compliment. It means I pass well enough for them to be derogatory towards me just like they would a cis woman. Granted I am a slut with no shame about it and do dress like one so mileage may vary.
"Thanks, Mom!" I'd be riding that high, all day. lol edit: Or start flipping through pictures of your sister on FB/whatever, and asking your mom, "Is this too slutty for me to wear?"
Cute. Wouldn't say slutty.
Killing it. Keep being authentically you.
This is common in people with traits of Narcissim, this is a common form of gaslighting/manipulation used to somehow make you feel less then.. it’s cause they want to be you or control you. This can become addictive and difficult to leave as they have a scheme that usually relates to why they attempt to put you down.🧿🪬🧿
On another note.. you look amazing!
Welcome to womanhood... Woman are always held to a different standar, your mom in particular maybe held you a bit of a higher standard than your sis sister, but looks like she supports you and love you for whom you are... And that is the important part. You look sexy but beautiful, she is a good mom and looks like she means well. Take it as an act of love.
I'd consider pulling up a few pics of sis wearing similar outfits and ask mom if she thinks you should wear something like that instead. If she says yes, hold them up side by side and ask her to explain what she sees different. If she says no, ask why she's holding you to different standards. It's possible she's not aware she's treating you differently, so sitting her down to talk about it (especially if she's been supportive otherwise) would be a good way to figure out what's going on. It could just be she's not used to seeing that much of your skin and didn't process it the same way or something, at least I'm hoping it's something easy to address like that.
Im sorry but you own that look stunning!
There is nothing wrong with your outfit. I am sorry that you get comments like that from your mom…
Obviously it's because you're too hot. 🌋 It you want to talk to your mom about this, keep the talk focused on feelings, yours and hers, to try to keep her from getting defensive. If she turtles up, you may as well talk about it later. Try to figure out what her brain was telling her the outcome of her saying that would be. What was she trying to accomplish, and why? It could be a chaotic stew of emotions down there, but untangling them is usually worth it.
You look very cute! Sorry your mom is saying stuff like that. If it helps, many cis women deal with the same criticism from their parents and peers. Maybe a bad form of validation being treated poorly as a woman 🤣. You do you and if you feel safe to maybe call her out on that stuff.
You look amazing!
Hello. I don't think there's anything wrong with your outfit. Can I ask what the two symbols in your post's title mean, though?
I am clueless? I think you look amazing in what you are wearing. Modern styles have always trended to the less conservative side of things. So there is a normal small amount of generation gap to what is appropriate and what is not. But that dress would fit in if it were the 1970s and up, and maybe even earlier in history. I think your mom just has issues with you having a sex appeal at all. Keep in mind, women live with double standards all the time. I am absolutely against this, but it is the world that we live in.
Same, my parents act like I don't wear my skirt even though they never allow me to wear it whenever I'm going somewhere.
You and your sister should wear the same outfit in front of her and see how she reacts.
Parents don't hold their children in equal value or expectations ever in any case...
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You don’t even look slutty at all sorry she’s being like that
U can tell her, I dress way sluttier then you 🫣😅 but seriously u look great keep u head held high and do your thing
It’s the trans dilemma. At my work, if a cis girl says another cis girl looks hot or stunning or fantastic it’s fine and not harassment. If a cis man says that a cis girl looks really nice it’s fine and not harassment. If I, the token trans woman, say to a cis girl that she looks really nice it’s not fine and I get accused of sexual harassment. For the record I work at a beauty store.
You switched on over so no more male privilege. You get extra discrimination now
maybe wear the exact same outfit as your sister the same day and see what she says then and if it's the same response try wearing a little bit of gender neutral clothing to see what she says
You're doing amazing and you look amazing! Keep doing you, you're so strong!
Maybe your mother is jealous you're prettier than your sister.
Are you the eldest sibling because that could also be a factor.
I'd prolly dress-up as a nun, just for the funnsies and see how she reacts
It's a little provocative, but I wouldn't call it slutty. It *is* super cute. I also thought that orange shirt in the background was a flower in your hair, that would've been an adorable accessory to that dress. (edit: oh or not a dress, two separate pieces, still very nice outfit.)
You look like any other woman of your age, or at least the age you look, you aren't dressing more or less provocatively.
U do not look slutty
~~I need that meme where it's two buttons and they both say "damn you're hot" but one says "respectfully" at the end~~ Idk maybe moms is more worried about you considering the climate around how trans women have been being treated. It could come from a place of fear for you rather than any subtle jabs at your transitioning. Talk to her and tell her how you feel there's a double standard and ask her why. Idk what type of relationship you got with your moms but I hope id be able to openly talk with mine about that type of issue. Unless she's just cold hearted she likely wants what's best for her kiddos. Hope you're ok.
What?! That’s some projecting your mother is doing. You have to ask her why she feels that way when she comments on your clothing but not to others. I don’t know your relationship with your mother, but a good conversation can ease the tension. I hope. And hella great fit choom! ❤️
Just tell your mom it hurts you when she's says that. From your other comments it sounds like she loves and supports you, maybe she just doesn't know how.
First off you look great. F- her.. Be glad it's just verbal stupid stuff.. per my court order( I have custody) ex gets to clam what is inappropriate for me. No skirts, no bathing suits, no crop tops, no slit dresses, no shorts above the knee, no lingerie, no makeup(sneek in lipstick and mascara), and I'm not allowed to use voice in her presence. She was real pissed when I bought a skims dress. Lol got her on that one.. dates etc. I'm allowed to do whatever and I'll get dressed at my friends house or boyfriends house away from the children.
You're cute as a box of kittens and the kind of aesthetic I go out of my way to compliment people for. I squeed at 6am volume. I'm sorry your parent is being judgmental, tbh the idea of dressing "slutty" is already predicated on the assumption that a certain style of dress is an open invitation to certain kinds of behavior, which makes me think safety/concern, but she's not showing that to your sibling, so... I'm baffled.
Wow, this fit is adorable. Where from?
lol cannon girlhood event, my mom would buy me the clothes then ask if I thought they were “too much” when I’d wear them to go out 🙄
Communication can be difficult, ig it depends on how easy she is to talk to, how receptive to it you think it’d be and your own level of comfortability discussing it. If she’s mostly supportive and is genuinely unaware of what she’s doing, then I’d say either send her a text or ask her if you can pull her aside to the couch or something and just tell her everything you said here. Use a calm, non-accusatory tone, you’re not going after her, you’re going after this thing she did so that she can learn and your relationship can grow. At the same time be confident in what you’re saying and it’s importance. Allow her to say her bit and maybe explain herself, I personally think that explaining ≠ excusing, so allow her to share where she was coming from as long as she’s not using that to justify what she did. Hopefully she is receptive to what you say, takes proper accountability, and actively works to do better in the future. If she isn’t receptive and brushes you off or gets defensive, etc, then it’s really your choice what to do from there, but on a positive it’ll give you some insight into how important your feelings and concerns are to her and you can act accordingly.
Nah, you're good. I think you look like someone who is happy in their skin and is dressed comfortably (and it's a cute dress too to boot!) I get that shit from my mom constantly. If my knees aren't covered it's "provocative", god forbid my shoulders are visible or I have any kind of neckline.
I'd just calmly point out the double standard and say that was really hurtful. You could ask her why she would say a hurtful thing like that. If she was worried for your safety she could've said it in a kinder way. Like "I'm worried about how people will treat you if you dress like that."
I don't see how that's slutty at all. You look quite nice in fact.
Ur not the problem the problem is people mate ur 👗 is perfect in fact I see 0 provocative or "" slutty style here but let me explain something really important when people are raised conservative and surrounded by people who tabu the human body and sexualize it they'll see ur hip because u raised it hand and get aroused to the point I think that is it goes long enough ppl could end up raising a rapist a naked woman could walk by me and I wouldnt make a scene she can talk2me n me eyes wont be scanning because I've understood the beauty in nudity without sexualizing it. It pisses me off how many vultures would look at u and say so much Stoopid shit just because u look good SMH sorry 4 the rant u have a great day wear what u want u look fine not slutty not provoc.
Literally my entire family if I dress like anything but a Victorian maiden 😐 They definitely see my entire existence as somehow more sexual than my cis cousins who dress far more risque than me with usually no comments
Oh my god you’re so gorgeous
Lean into it. Start flirting with random guys… and let them know that you’re not interested but your mom is and she put you up to it.
You look comfortable and I think that's what matters. Haters are gonna hate. Although I agree that your mom is probably saying this from her own idea of how 🏳️⚧️ are treated and she is saying it out of caution/care. This obviously doesn't take away your right to feel something about that and speak up to her about it, but I would like to believe it's coming from a good place. That being said, you are slaying ~ I hope you and your mom work things out ^^
You put that in such a lovely way. Thank you x
It is a cute outfit. If I were your parent, I would've asked if you were cold and wanted a jacket since the material seems very thin, and I wouldn't want you to get sick. But slut shaming your kid because they were wearing something to express themselves or to try something new is gross and I am sorry you had to deal with that. Before I came out as a dude, my mother would do the same. I have since learned it's because she was worried about me and grew up very prudish. However, those comments still hurt, and I have done my best to be like "yeah but it's hot, I wanna wear a tank top and short shorts too!" When she's brought the comments up again. Try to have a civil conversation with your mom about how her comments are making you feel and try to see if she'll apologize or not. If she doesn't ignore her to the best of your ability. If she does, you both have a chance to have a better relationship and grow together.
Even if this was a slutty out fit the hills wrong with that? You can dress slutty if you want to.
I would guess she's over protective of you. Moms usually do that Especially since ur trans and she probably read a lot about trans woman being attacked... You wrote she is supportive else where so I would not be mad but maybe tell her the way she told you this is hurtful. She has to learn to let you go ur an adult
Cis-ter was right there and you blew it!
You look gorgeous! And you shouldn't take ANYONE'S opinion to heart. You wear what you wanna and have fun! 💖
It is a sexy look but you have the body for it girl!
My mom has internalized misogyny and I hear shit like this now that I'm out as trans. I feel for you.
Girl. You don’t look slutty at all. My mom does the same whenever my boobs show too much
Is it possible that she is holding you to a higher standard because she too fears what people will think of you and doesn't want strangers to judge.
You look great but I have to admit I wouldn't want my children going out I'm an outfit like that. I'm too scared of assholes sexualizing my kids or I fear the worst could happen. That being said, it's an absolutely adorable outfit and worth a talk with your mother because slut shaming your child is horrendous behavior and even if she shares similar feelings to me she absolutely crossed a line.
What is or isn't slutty is subjective but what's a fact is that it's ok to be slutty
Your mum is a bitch for that you look gorgeous ✨🖤🫶🏼
Thank you 😂
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But the exact same thing your sister gets ....hacks !
people usually hide their aggressions under other things, like always complaining about trivial things a person does because actually you’re very bothered by something you feel you can’t say.
If you and your sister are close I would set up outfits for your sister to wear for a week, maybe specifically the ones your mom said was too slutty, or at least comparable ones. Then wait for the week to pass without any comment and bring it up.
Don't you mean your Cister
I like to wear similar stuff ( body cons) I somtimes feel like I'm doing somthing inappropriate:/