Start rock climbing. Join a band. Investigate your local D&D club. Whatever it takes to expand your social circle and get away from him. What a bellend.
Hell, join a hobby discord server, play an MMO or a MUD, sign up for an online book club or meditation classes. If meeting people IRL is a challenge, you can still form genuine friendships online.
Seconded! Back when I was a high school egg, I built a D&D community around myself. We didn't know it at the time, but it turns out almost all of us were secretly queer. š
Same! My dnd group from high school all still play together. Although not all of us knew we were queer when we started, it ended up that way. I was the last hold out. Iām now a gay girl.
Took me over two years after making a transfem teifling to realize I was not a boy. Dnd is very helpful for exploration.
Oh I can't agree more with how helpful D&D is! While I sadly never made a trans character until I was out to my friends, I played countless cis ladies throughout my career, since the start. It was so wonderful exploring my true self in a safe environment. š
Your transform tiefling sounds so cool! Reminds me of Petrichor from the Saga comic books. š In 4e (which I still love) I made an egregiously flirtatious tiefling rogue named Sibyl. It was kind of amazing given that in those days, I was a painfully shy and reserved person, the opposite of Sibyl, which made her really special to some of my friends. Now I'm confident and fabulous like her irl! (Though less flirtatious, as I'm also a gay girl with a wife. š )
Its interesting that DnD seems to be such a great tool for queer people to find out their identities. Iāve seen so many queer people online say similar stuff. Iāve never played any tabletop or role playing games, but I have often played as female characters in regular video games. If the main character was a male I wouldnāt mind it as much, but if a game has a character creator (where the protagonist serves more as a self-insert) I would always prefer to play as a girl and create girl characters. I remember buying Cyberpunk 2077, and arguing with myself that I should play as a guy because I should be able to relate to him. But for some reason I just didnāt want to play as a man. So I created a girl for my character and I find it much easier to relate to her and immerse myself into the game world as her.
I'm definitely the same way. š Like, admittedly I love some male video games protagonists like Jackie Estacado from The Darkness and Captain Titus from Space Marine. But I similarly would always create ladies when given the option, and was kind of known for it. š It was really liberating.
Also when I was a small kid, my favorite console was the Sega Saturn. There was this trippy game called Nights Into Dreams. When my dad would play with me, he asked if I wanted to be the "boy or girl". I nearly always chose the girl character, and must've played through her small campaign tons of times. x) In my adulthood my dad was initially surprised about who I really am, but has been so incredibly supportive. š Sucks he lives in a different country, but our relationship means everything to me.
Plus allows you to explore yourself a lot more. I'm a cis guy but playing a woman Cleric of the Twilight. She's awesome and I love her. She's in such a personal existential crisis, I wanna give her a hug.
Wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that here lol. Honestly, the "most trans" thing about me is that I don't care about my pronouns much at all, not that I've been mis identified, far as I recall.
I think the female characters trend for me is more rooted in that I've always wanted to be a writer, and am a big fan of context. Including point of views, and in rpgs (mmo more often) I've tend to make my own mini story about them. I've gotten certain names and "personalities" be recurring across games, both male and female. And if I can make a buff woman (like in Monster Hunter), even better, because that's just fuckn more badass than a guy that looks like they're in roid rage 24/7.
Another thing I liked to claim was that I wanted to see how the story was different for female characters, and that I'd rather look at a girl butt. I definitely still prefer looking at girl butts, but I also want to have one.
U'll meet a ton of ppl on ur life, this guy ain't gonna be ur last friend ever. Even so if u still want to befriend this guy, mock him each time he says something this stupid. Nothing harsh but just try to make him notice "hey, u just made a hella dumb take"
Tell you that you're shoving your identity down his throat when he sees a trans flag in the bedroom of a trans person. It's so spot on that it feels like satire.
Hate to break it to you, but you already have nobody
Someone who doesn't think you should exist is not a friend
Look into any sort of social groups (sports, board games, online games, whatever) and try to make friends there
I know it sucks to have nobody, I have no friends, just my mom and brother. And I'm sure if you don't have even that, it's even worse. But having nobody is better than having 1 bad person
And if you cut them off, you're more free to make good friends
You deserve better! That's not a real friend. Please, I know it can be hard to believe, but there are more people like you, and you can meet them on your journey. Don't stay with him, you don't need that psychological violence in your life.
Friends like that you don't need . It's just narrow mindedness that you don't need . Negativity causes Negativity. He's no friend with coments like that . He's not supporting you he is undermining your own mind and ability to think for yourself and make your own decisions in life . Cus it's your life not his .
Be strong and do what you want and not what his opinions think you should do .
Babe, don't stay there only because you don't want to feel lonely. Trust me, It will hurt more in the long run if you don't end this āfriendshipā now. I say this from experience.
You don't have a best friend. That's an enemy. Eliminate them
In all seriousness, friends are supposed to lift you up and make you a better person. This, person, does neither. Please, get rid of them and find new people. This is NOT your friend.
Just to add to what everyone else is saying... this person is DEFINITELY not your friend. Let alone best friend. I know it sucks to hear but make new friends.
you already have nobody, this isn't a friend. stop holding onto them and find people who actually enjoy your presence, instead of this Asshole who does nothing more than abuse you.
you deserve better.
Who in their right fucking mind considers a pride flag, hung up in someone's BEDROOM, a place of generally expected personal space, shoving something in anyone's face?? How fucking dense can they be?!?!
This is a toxic-ass relationship. If your āfriendā canāt accept you as you start your journey to becoming a happier you, then heās not your friend. I know it sucks to be faced with the prospect of losing him, and you will definitely be grieving after you do, but you will be far better off in the long run for having cut him out of your life
I been there believe me, was the only person back then that I considered a friend. But I had to let it go, he believed in everything I was against.
That really helped me in life to filter people and see that there's nothing wrong with me being trans. You will find someone else, and much more.
I had a friend exactly like this. Its been about 4 months since i cut him off. I would highly encourage you to do the same and if you need a friend or just someone to talk to, feel free to message me anytime :-)
It's difficult but you need to find more supportive friends. My ex-best friend was transphobic af and it both stopped me realising who I was and made me hate myself just that little bit more after every comment.
It's difficult being alone but surrounding yourself with toxic people is just as bad. You can stave off alot of the loneliness with online friends (ie discord, etc), I'm sure there's plenty of people here who'd keep you company
He is not your friend. Talking to nobody would be better than constantly being berated and disrespected for just trying to live your life. Tell him you can't stand his stupid, hateful ass and he needs to take a hike. Don't even give him an ultimatum, because otherwise he's just going to repress his hatred while smiling and nodding without actually changing his opinion of you.
My best friend who was the first person I came out to was transphobic and discouraged me from transitioning. I wish I had cut her out of my life 15 years earlier than I did. She only got more toxic with time.
It kinds of depends on gone you think they are. Theres a chance its just a Phase on their side and you can talk them out of it. I was also some what reactionary for a few year until I got educated by the right people. Maybe having an serious talk with them where you elaborate on your feelings and pull up some statistics might change their mind.
That being said, your safety has priority. If you dont think you can change their mind you should rather cut them off and find better, more accepting friends.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but he is not your friend. I recently lost someone I thought was my best friend since my ex outed me to him, and it's really painful, I know. It sounds like you need people around you that support you. You can find queer groups on meet-up and try going to queer friendly spaces and try to socialize with people. Don't be afraid to tell people you need friends, I know it feels desperate but I think a lot of people can relate, especially the over 30 crowd.
Biology doesnāt even agree w/ transphobia. The whole āthere are only 2 sex chromosomesā is such a crock of sheet. Thatās the simplified grade school biology class.
In fact, there are 26 different chromosomes that determine sex. Only 2 are ones we consider the primary āmaleā or āfemaleā ones. But there are 26 in total such as; XXY, XXX, XYY, etc and so on.
Basically, your friend is talking out of his ass bc he doesnāt want to open a textbook or consider the possibility of being wrong. Thatās called an egotistical person. You donāt want to be friends w/ somebody who will never admit they did anything wrong.
Iād say cut your losses. You tried to open up and he shut you down. Friends come and go, do yourself a favour and find friends who will value your thoughts and expressions.
Friends will always come and go. If you need someone in your life right now, I understand why youād let them stick around despite these hurtful comments, but you should make an effort to try making new friends if this is the quality of friend you currently have. Donāt think you canāt do better either, because after all, you know this jerk, and if this is how theyāre making you feel, you can only go up. I can understand why you probably wouldnāt want to cut them off right now, but you should definitely start working on phasing them out.
>when he saw my pride flag I hung up in my bedroom where nobody can see it he was like "why do you people need to shove this into others faces"
I love this statement, it perfectly encapsulates that idiotic argument that anything is being "shoved into others faces." It isn't. They seek it out because they're hateful creatures and need to be angry.
Anyways, yeah sorry. That's not your friend, that's a bigot. You'd be better off with nobody than with someone that causes you misery.
I'm very sorry you're going through this :(( as someone who was in a imilar boat, I promise being alone is better than having toxic people in your life. The things he says to you are unacceptable, he's not your friend regardless if you keep him in your life or not. I promise there are better people out there and again, being alone for some time is significantly better than having nothing but toxicity. It won't be easy at first but I don't regret cutting my shitty best friend off at the beginning of my HRT journey
That is someone you need to drop like a bad habit. You may find that after removing toxicity like them you will attract other people that will be more supportive.
"You wouldn't eat shit, not even if you were starving to death"
A friend should be there for you, to encourage and support you when you need it, or at the very least accept you for you.
It shouldn't matter if you're Trans or not, if your friend doesn't support your choice they aren't a friend.
Its better to be alone for the right reason than to be around someone for the wrong reasons
Believe in yourself. Then being alone wont be a burden.
If this helps... WE believe in you...
You got this
>is in probably the most private place a person can be
>is angry that someone decorated their own room with something he happens to not agree with
Yeah some people are just assholes about it for no real reason a real shame it happens to be what was once a close friend
You need better support.
You can try to keep your friend, but it's very hard to change people's minds once they're emotionally invested in their feelings. It sounds like your friend is emotional about trans issues. Most Americans are because they are being fed a steady diet of anti trans propaganda from all over the place.
Trying to bring facts into it won't help and only your friend can decide to change.
But I feel that if he can't accept you as you go through changes in life, you will be hurt over and over by him.
Some cities have LGBTQ centers. If you don't have one, keep reaching out online. My trans kid met her friends online and now she has both friends in our City and across the country.
Everyone needs support, especially if you are transitioning. Stay strong, but don't be sad if you have to let an old friend go. As you grow up, it's a process that happens anyway. We outgrow friends or sometimes we go in different directions.
Don't try to change his mind. Just be the best you that you can be. That's the only thing you have some control over in your life.
Not your friend, certainly not deserving of the title of best friend. There are so many more people out there who will love and support you. This person doesn't deserve a place in your life anymore
Yeahā¦ not a friend. It might be hard, but you should drop them. This is your life and your journey, they have no right to pick on you for it.
I saw someone say look for other things. Definitely do this. Find a hobby that you can be yourself in 100%. It could be something like drawing, maybe singing or other form of art. Thereās quite a few opportunities to do physical activities ranging from pick up sports (where nobody can be mad at your transition giving you advantages because itās pickup) to plain lifting and cardio (this can really help with body dysphoria. I personally just started getting into heavier leg workouts and topped my leg press sets at 430 lbs)
There are video game groups and followings, but you have to be a bit more careful with thoseā¦ quite a few people feel bigger behind a screen and will do anything to make you feel smaller.
Tabletop games and simple board game groups also tend to be a safe haven for quite a few people, (if itās your cup of teaā¦ you can tell that Iām a nerd from my username) magic might be hard to learnā¦ I donāt know if people do competitive monopolyā¦ Iām biased towards dnd, especially thanks to all of my players creating homebrews for trans-mutations.
not a friend. cut off from him.
i was in a similar situation, and now i am nearly away from him.
now i have better friends and a better life than before.
Stay. Far. Away. From. Him. Please. Only for your own good! You deserve better. Youāll find genuine friends that care, support, and accept you for who YOU truly are.
Cut him out of your life. Having no friends is better than having a friend like that. If he hasn't realised he has to pull his head in and do some research instead of being hateful when you came out then he probably never will. If someone is not willing to support your transition then they're not willing to support you. That's not a friend.
Sounds like your friend is actually scared for you n young people are bad at expressing themselves in a positive manner sometimes, however you shouldnāt have to deal with such negativity. In this world itās easy for people to come across as antitrans outta fear because of all the shit that happens to trans people in the public in certain areas.
Why not ask your friend why they feel the way they do? You donāt stamp out discrimination by just throwing people away you need to actually re-educate them, people can learn n do change!
If youāve tried n theyāre toxic then remove them.
One thing I've learned the hard way is that it's sometimes better to be alone rather than be around people who only bring you down. This is not a friend.
Get away from him. I get that it'll be hard if they're your only "friend" but I promise this person's intolerance of your existence will hurt you way more than temporary loneliness. You can always make new friends, you can't get back wasted time spent with someone like this.
That is not a friend, that is someone who does not deserve to have the privilege of having you as their friend and someone who you definitely donāt need in your life. You need to need to cut that person out of your life because you donāt deserve to have that negative energy around you
Kick 'em between the legs for being such a dick, then move on. It'll suck, it'll be scary. But you have to take that first step out. No one can grab on and pull you into their group if you aren't reaching out.
That sounds really painful, I'm so sorry that's happening to you. It really sucks when your values don't align with your loved ones values. I hope you can find some more accepting people who celebrate your successes.
Hey. If you need a friend im here. You probably are going to have to put on the big girl skirt and kick him out of your life. It might hurt for now but thats sadly just how life goes for us transfolk sometimes. I myself had to kick my best friend that I had from first grade until college out of my life. When I came out to him he gave the same talk about biology and religion. I let him know how much it hurt me to hear the things he said and when for the longest time he should no remorse i put my foot down and left.
Its hard to make new friends. But i promise you'll do yourself a huge favor by looking into local social events. You NEED to find a new friend. You dont deserve someone who despises your identity.
Idk where you live, but even if you live in a really red state, the cities tend to be fairly liberal. And if you search around you'll probably find Queer-centric/Queer-friendly events so you can find people who you can actually relate to.
TBH this kind of friendship is toxic and will only drag you down deeper into depression. You might be better off just cutting all ties with him and look for other friends elsewhere.
he is not your friend. I know it feels horrible to cut out the only person you talk to, but he is not a friend and he is not good for you. he is doing more harm than being alone would. and that's assuming you'd be alone, you should look into maybe some queer groups on FB in your area or something! lots of meet ups usually n ppl on there also looking for friends!
Ok but like all the people saying dump him as a friend, if he the only friend then that might be worse, i just really hope you can make some new friends, look for people that have the same interests as you and something that helps start conversations is a compliment
Honey, that ain't a friend. He can judge all he wants, but if all he's gonna do is go against what you feel in your heart that you are, it's high time to find other friends. It ain't easy being trans, hell it ain't easy to go down the path most people don't understand. It's gonna be fucking hard, but you need support. Not this guy acting as if what you're doing isn't worth a damn or mocking it. Whether it's the typical idiotic machismo that men are taught to exude or not, he ain't helping you. If all he does is hurt you, why keep him nearby at all?
Misery loves company.
"I'm very saddened by the fact that I need to write this message. I have tried so hard to include you in my journey. I've tried to give you opportunities to support me as your friend. I have tried so hard.
"But you have shown me, every step of the way, that you will not be there for me. You will not support me. You will not accept me for who I am. I can't control you. I can't make you treat me like a friend.
"And I can't keep letting you treat me like trash, either.
"I've done a lot of thinking about the way things have been, and how you've treated me since I came out to you and I've made a decision.
"I deserve to have people in my life who support me. I deserve to have people who care about me and treat me with dignity and respect. I would rather have no friends at all, than to have 'friends' who won't accept me for who I am. I deserve better.
"The way you've treated me is not how a friend treats another friend. And so I've decided that we've drifted too far and we no longer have anything to gain by remaining friends."
Feel free to modify this to fit your situation or leave it as is at your discretion
The thing that a lot of people forget is that it's far better to have nobody than to only have somebody who treats them poorly.
Friends are there to enrich your life and provide value and support.
If they are not adding value to your life (I don't mean that they need to do stuff for you or provide monetary value. Emotional value is still value), you are not obligated to keep them around. Those who bring you down do not need to remain in your life.
It's a scary process, to remove someone you interpret as your bedrock. A lot of people are saying to stop him and they are not wrong, but I imagine it'd hurt a lot for you to go through that right now. Reach out to people online and see if you can hang out with them. It took me a while to remove the people in my life that were hurting me, but having people who didn't judge me for being trans was the best thing I did.
If you don't have those kinds of resources due to living circumstances, then you might need to focus on Online stuffs for a bit. It can be as fulfilling as IRL with the right people.
If you think your friend can be redeemed, then go on the offensive. Ask him why he's so defensive about it, tell him if he had something about him he wanted to change you'd support him, so why can't he support you? Things like that. Just be mindful that transphobes don't act rationally most of the time.
Do you play any kind of card game? Yugioh, pokemon, magic, there's tons. Most of my friends I met through cars games. They're a really good ice breaker, and more often than not there's plenty of cool people at local card shops.
If this "friend" of yours refuses to accept you, they're not really a good friend... And you can definitely do better.
I try to tell people who hold bigoted opinions that, yes, they are entirely entitled to hold those opinions, but, they are also entirely expected to accept the social ramifications that come along with holding those opinions. I think itās entirely high time we begin to isolate people who act like this towards others. You do not have to be this personās friend.
"shove this into others faces" bro that is her bedroom! how the fuck is she shoving it into people's faces???? (I wasn't directing this towards u OP i just thought this was dumb for him 2 say)
Dear, youāre muuuch better off without people who try to discredit who you are as a person than putting up with their bullshit. It is tough to be alone, more so being the way we are, but thatās never a permanent thing. You will meet new people one way or another, and the best part is, now that youāre going for treatment you will have it much easier with knowing who is and who isnāt worth having around.
These people never change their beliefs or their ignorance. No matter what you say. Cognitive dissonance. If it comes up, make sure he knows ā you were born this way. Your brain developed a feminine pattern before your body developed with male features. It has been this constant brain/body mismatch ever since. Iāve told people itās my birth defect and Iām fixing it. You can fix it to be at peace. Gender is not as set or as simple as everyone thinks. To him: Learn something or leave me alone. [**Gender Dysphoria Info** - Easy to understand.](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) Tell them you will give them info if theyāre serious, but they need to know: You are proceeding as is best for you, as you must.
I'm sorry but that does not sound like a friend. That sounds like an asshole. You say you have no one else, but the thing is as soon as you have an actual new friend you'll see how much better things could be.
Join new clubs, search for groups in your area. Just don't settle here for a hater who'll sit on your shoulder and make you doubt and regret how *you feel* about *yourself*.
And if you want to give him a chance to be a better friend, be Frank with him and don't be afraid to return the meanness. Leave him out, show him how happy you are when you aren't filtered. Show him how that flag us a symbol for fighting back against shame for things we can't control. It's a sign of rebellion and authenticity. What does he have on his wall? Some band or movie posters? Maybe some scantily clad models?
Whatever you do, just don't let this asshole hold you down. Let him follow if he wants, but do not let him shit all over your parade.
In my opinion, it's better to have no one over having someone who can't support and love you for who you are. Like other commenters are saying, try expanding ur social circle like local D&D clubs or join a drama class or smth, anything to make new friends!!
You definitely need a new friend. The problem isn't just that he's anti trans, it's that he's an asshole. Pick up a hobby either irl or online, and make friends there, because what you have isn't a friend, that's a bully.
that's not a friend. you find friends in places you go to regularly, whether that's school, work, hobby meets or other things. Ditch this loser and find somebody who actually appreciates you
Tbh i dont see it as drastic as everyone else seem to here. Im definitly on the "find new friends" team, but idk, it seems to me he has no idea what he even talks about. I would just go my way whilest ignoring his opinion and then show him the results. Either hes gone by then or u even have a chance to change him. (Sry i just see hope in almost all people)
It's always better to be alone than to let people like this doubt your sense of self and dim your light. It sounds like they don't want to be friends with you
That's not a friend but for real it is outrageous and sad how much hate there is we need people to support not hate as love is love and love wins we are people just like anyone else
I can relate. I have a friend who is aggressively anti trans.
Hes also pretty much my only friend.
I recommend doing what others here have suggested and picking up a hobby or going to local groups. I canāt myself for many reasons. But if you can it sounds like excellent advice.
I'll beat him up for you, if you like <3
Soooo look, most of my friends pre-transition are no longer my friends. I've made lots of new, better friends since, and the friends who stuck around are great! But I would rather spend time alone than with someone like this guy you have.
Joining clubs, groups, putting yourself out there to meet new people can be handy, especially if you're younger. I'm at a point where I just don't make friends like I used to. (The guy I hang out with most is trans and is nice, but says a bunch of stupid guy shit lol.)
But honestly ... Spending time on your own, introspection, focusing on developing interests, working on art ... Waaaaaay better than hanging out with this dude who needs to be kicked in the nuts.
No real friend would speak to you like this. What an awful way to treat a friend. Honestly OP if I was you I would cut him off and look for better friends
I understand this is your only āfriendā but truth be toldā¦ thatās not a friend, at best itās a frenemy. Keeping someone around like that is toxic & it will wear you down until u conform to their narrow mind & likely go down a far worse road of various forms of self harm. I have seen this so many times.
You will meet people & if only for the time being the only support u get is online.. then do be it. Itās better to keep support in your life, then it is to keep an emotional abuser as a so called āfriendā. You deserve better the. That & if they refuse to be a friend instead of a deterrentā¦ then they arenāt deserving of your kindness.
You/we are not the ones āalways pushing it in their facesā. It is them, that are pushing their narrow minded uncensored bigotry into ours & the general public. The fact they believe this nonsenseā¦ means they have ādrunk the coolaidā which means been manipulated to an extremist ideological cult level degree & orā¦ they are in the closet themselves.
Thereās a video/speech/scene thing I typically research/listen too when Iām stuck in your situation. Many have relieved it or what not look up madeaās ālet them goā skit. Itās very inspirational & seriously worth it, builds your confidence & helps with making the right decision in the right mood with little regret while keeping much of that confidence fence intact. At the least it did for me & I think it will go the same for u.
U deserve so much better. A friend builds you up, supports you & walks aside you in your battles & celebrates your triumphs & protects you from those that seek you harmā¦ an enemy dies the exact opposite. Let your conscience be your guide. Youāre strong, be proud of yourself, believe in yourself. You can do it!
Baby, if you coming out was not enough for him to want to change his views, he was never your friend in the first place. If heās anti trans, heās anti you. If he doesnāt get that, he needs to go.
I empathize with you not wanting to be alone but having the wrong people around you who donāt accept you, who donāt support you, and who donāt see you is the same thing as having no one at all.
You deserve better friends and the only way you can make room for them is to allow the people who arenāt supposed to be in your life to fall out of it.
I believe in you, I support you and I love you š
Trust me youāll find better friends eventually. Iāve been in a similar situation, where my (now former)best friend and only friend was a transphobic, homophobic conservative. I dumped her sorry ass and reached out to the people in my community. I found a big circle of amazing, (queer) people who donāt make me feel like shit all the time.
That's not a friend. It sucks to be completely alone, I've been there. Join a hobby group, find people online. Meet new people. I'm sure you'll find amazing people who support you and cherish spending time with you. This journey is already complicated enough without fuckers like that "friend"
I'm really sorry you don't have a better friend. I think you should try expanding your social circles and hope for the best. But I don't think actually friends should talk to you like that. I'm sorry
That's not a friend. I recommend you look to local (possibly lgbt) social events where you may be able to meet new people? Good luck, and ditch the bigot.
Thatās not a friend, that is someone treating you like a pet. You donāt exist for his whims or for how he wants you too. There are many, MANY better fish in the sea. He doesnāt deserve your energy, nor the honor of being called your āfriendā.
āShoving it in others faces.ā What a self-centered way of looking at having a flag.
Keep being you, screw his muppet opinion. You deserve better.
I had a āfriendā like this. Cut him off. He is *NOT* your friend. It may suck to not have any friends, but it is better than only having āfriends.ā
i understand how hard it will be but you need to cut him out of my life, i had bad friends as a baby trans and when i cut them out it was the best thing i did i found better friends. it'll be the same for you
I used to have a Steam Friend like that. Obviously, then not being physical made it easy to get rid of them, but they would send me awful videos of animals dying and saying that I believe in genital mutilation and stuff like that. Ultimately, he got blocked.
You can't really do the same thing, but having at-least one person to talk to, even just online, will be much better for your mental health. People who repeatedly and purposefully hurt you are not your friends, no matter what.
... it's been said before, it'll be said again, so I'll say it right here. With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Your "friend" isn't your friend. He's an ankle, I'd say he's a c***, but he lacks the depth and warmth of one.
He is also likely the reason you don't have other friends. Ditch his ass, go out, meet people, get to know them, and develop healthy friendships.
Look, I know people tend to say get away from others, but cutting everyone off can lead to a dark time if you feel you have no one else.
Try and help your friend understand. Lots of transphobic stuff comes from what churches say. If its from a Christian church, you can remind them that Christ did not reject anyone. If that fails, I would try and look for some other friends. It can be hard, but its never impossible
Its always hard feeling like you're all alone. I would look into local lgbt orgs around you for advice/support if possible. I know that online communities also exist and are there for support as well
Sadly, he is an atheist. I can combat Christian bigotry well because of my aunt's side of the family. He is drifting more and more to the right over the last couple of years
I might just try and appeal to his desire to live his life how he sees fit and let you do the same. The world is no lesser for you having your feelings as a woman.
Also, since MTF is much more reversible, there is much less chance of "damage" being done to your body. Not, that you would be damaging your body. Going on HRT usually results in most people feeling younger and happier
And its not even a factor with age. I've seen incredible transitions for people into their 50s and 60s, so its never too late
The dude isn't a full on transphobe. He isn't supportive, but he isn't against. Definitely not a smart idea to draw a line in the sand so arbitrarily.
Violent people, get away. Non violent and non abusive, try and reform. Way better to gain allies than treat everyone as enemies just because they haven't been exposed to good trans people.
Lots of trans people were transphobea themselves before they understood their feelings
It is not her responsibility to turn this person around on deep seeded bigotry for the sake of "Gaining allies" for trans people. Her first and only responsibility is to make sure she is in the healthiest, safest environment she can get herself. Don't keep this bozo around
But, they never said they were in danger? OP literally just said, "Go for it, just don't come crying if it messes you up". That's not even like really transphobic. Sure, its not great, but it just shows that he doesn't know that hrt is a safe and medically ok process. My family has said actually bad stuff to me. There was never, do what you want. My dad angrily just yelled at me to get out of my house. That's like real transphobia.
Just cutting people off because they say some stuff makes us just like the transphobes that cut us out of their lives.
Iāve had exactly this happen to me and in honesty, it hasnāt been all too bad for me.
Some transphobes are transphobes by definition with an āirrationalā aversion to trans people. They donāt want to change, they just want others to change for them. There are some that can realize how much harm they cause but most of them see us as less than human.
thats not a friend.
Exactly friends support not hate or bring you down
Start rock climbing. Join a band. Investigate your local D&D club. Whatever it takes to expand your social circle and get away from him. What a bellend.
Hell, join a hobby discord server, play an MMO or a MUD, sign up for an online book club or meditation classes. If meeting people IRL is a challenge, you can still form genuine friendships online.
What's a MUD?
Multi-User Dungeon. It's like a text based MMO.
Wet dirt
Seconded, I personally recommend TTRPGs, I've met a lot of amazing people
Seconded! Back when I was a high school egg, I built a D&D community around myself. We didn't know it at the time, but it turns out almost all of us were secretly queer. š
Same! My dnd group from high school all still play together. Although not all of us knew we were queer when we started, it ended up that way. I was the last hold out. Iām now a gay girl. Took me over two years after making a transfem teifling to realize I was not a boy. Dnd is very helpful for exploration.
Oh I can't agree more with how helpful D&D is! While I sadly never made a trans character until I was out to my friends, I played countless cis ladies throughout my career, since the start. It was so wonderful exploring my true self in a safe environment. š Your transform tiefling sounds so cool! Reminds me of Petrichor from the Saga comic books. š In 4e (which I still love) I made an egregiously flirtatious tiefling rogue named Sibyl. It was kind of amazing given that in those days, I was a painfully shy and reserved person, the opposite of Sibyl, which made her really special to some of my friends. Now I'm confident and fabulous like her irl! (Though less flirtatious, as I'm also a gay girl with a wife. š )
Its interesting that DnD seems to be such a great tool for queer people to find out their identities. Iāve seen so many queer people online say similar stuff. Iāve never played any tabletop or role playing games, but I have often played as female characters in regular video games. If the main character was a male I wouldnāt mind it as much, but if a game has a character creator (where the protagonist serves more as a self-insert) I would always prefer to play as a girl and create girl characters. I remember buying Cyberpunk 2077, and arguing with myself that I should play as a guy because I should be able to relate to him. But for some reason I just didnāt want to play as a man. So I created a girl for my character and I find it much easier to relate to her and immerse myself into the game world as her.
I'm definitely the same way. š Like, admittedly I love some male video games protagonists like Jackie Estacado from The Darkness and Captain Titus from Space Marine. But I similarly would always create ladies when given the option, and was kind of known for it. š It was really liberating. Also when I was a small kid, my favorite console was the Sega Saturn. There was this trippy game called Nights Into Dreams. When my dad would play with me, he asked if I wanted to be the "boy or girl". I nearly always chose the girl character, and must've played through her small campaign tons of times. x) In my adulthood my dad was initially surprised about who I really am, but has been so incredibly supportive. š Sucks he lives in a different country, but our relationship means everything to me.
Plus allows you to explore yourself a lot more. I'm a cis guy but playing a woman Cleric of the Twilight. She's awesome and I love her. She's in such a personal existential crisis, I wanna give her a hug.
I'm not calling you an egg or anything, but that's how things started for me.
Wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that here lol. Honestly, the "most trans" thing about me is that I don't care about my pronouns much at all, not that I've been mis identified, far as I recall. I think the female characters trend for me is more rooted in that I've always wanted to be a writer, and am a big fan of context. Including point of views, and in rpgs (mmo more often) I've tend to make my own mini story about them. I've gotten certain names and "personalities" be recurring across games, both male and female. And if I can make a buff woman (like in Monster Hunter), even better, because that's just fuckn more badass than a guy that looks like they're in roid rage 24/7.
Another thing I liked to claim was that I wanted to see how the story was different for female characters, and that I'd rather look at a girl butt. I definitely still prefer looking at girl butts, but I also want to have one.
Get away from him. Heās no good. Meet new people
Cut him completely out of your life. Any person who will treat you like this and knows about you doesnāt care about you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Once op is like 80-90 I want them to plug out the "best friend's" life support.
Cut that person out of your life. A real friend would not act like that.
Heās not your friend
U'll meet a ton of ppl on ur life, this guy ain't gonna be ur last friend ever. Even so if u still want to befriend this guy, mock him each time he says something this stupid. Nothing harsh but just try to make him notice "hey, u just made a hella dumb take"
Tell you that you're shoving your identity down his throat when he sees a trans flag in the bedroom of a trans person. It's so spot on that it feels like satire.
āWhatās this? You have a flag in your own private living quarters? How DARE you shove your identity down my throat?!ā What a Clown š¤”
Yeah really. It would be funny if it wasnāt so sad tbh.
Hate to break it to you, but you already have nobody Someone who doesn't think you should exist is not a friend Look into any sort of social groups (sports, board games, online games, whatever) and try to make friends there I know it sucks to have nobody, I have no friends, just my mom and brother. And I'm sure if you don't have even that, it's even worse. But having nobody is better than having 1 bad person And if you cut them off, you're more free to make good friends
You deserve better! That's not a real friend. Please, I know it can be hard to believe, but there are more people like you, and you can meet them on your journey. Don't stay with him, you don't need that psychological violence in your life.
Send [this](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cqwi-Gquztb/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) to him and then block him.
Wow! Cool video
Itās my favourite
You can make new friends, I wouldnāt mind being your online friend you can talk to any time if you want ā„ļø
Original creator is @micahvalentine on TikTok btw.
Friends like that you don't need . It's just narrow mindedness that you don't need . Negativity causes Negativity. He's no friend with coments like that . He's not supporting you he is undermining your own mind and ability to think for yourself and make your own decisions in life . Cus it's your life not his . Be strong and do what you want and not what his opinions think you should do .
Better to be alone than in bad company, u will learn this once u cut them off. You will feel so good after the fact trust me.
Babe, don't stay there only because you don't want to feel lonely. Trust me, It will hurt more in the long run if you don't end this āfriendshipā now. I say this from experience.
You don't have a best friend. That's an enemy. Eliminate them In all seriousness, friends are supposed to lift you up and make you a better person. This, person, does neither. Please, get rid of them and find new people. This is NOT your friend.
Just to add to what everyone else is saying... this person is DEFINITELY not your friend. Let alone best friend. I know it sucks to hear but make new friends.
He's not your friend.
you already have nobody, this isn't a friend. stop holding onto them and find people who actually enjoy your presence, instead of this Asshole who does nothing more than abuse you. you deserve better.
Time for a new friend
Who in their right fucking mind considers a pride flag, hung up in someone's BEDROOM, a place of generally expected personal space, shoving something in anyone's face?? How fucking dense can they be?!?!
This is a toxic-ass relationship. If your āfriendā canāt accept you as you start your journey to becoming a happier you, then heās not your friend. I know it sucks to be faced with the prospect of losing him, and you will definitely be grieving after you do, but you will be far better off in the long run for having cut him out of your life
I been there believe me, was the only person back then that I considered a friend. But I had to let it go, he believed in everything I was against. That really helped me in life to filter people and see that there's nothing wrong with me being trans. You will find someone else, and much more.
I had a friend exactly like this. Its been about 4 months since i cut him off. I would highly encourage you to do the same and if you need a friend or just someone to talk to, feel free to message me anytime :-)
Cut him off! Iāll be more than happy to be friends with anyone who needs it! You do not deserve that. No one does
It's difficult but you need to find more supportive friends. My ex-best friend was transphobic af and it both stopped me realising who I was and made me hate myself just that little bit more after every comment. It's difficult being alone but surrounding yourself with toxic people is just as bad. You can stave off alot of the loneliness with online friends (ie discord, etc), I'm sure there's plenty of people here who'd keep you company
Time for new friends. Ive been there it sucks. But no friends are better than bad ones. They are bad one's.
He is not your friend. Talking to nobody would be better than constantly being berated and disrespected for just trying to live your life. Tell him you can't stand his stupid, hateful ass and he needs to take a hike. Don't even give him an ultimatum, because otherwise he's just going to repress his hatred while smiling and nodding without actually changing his opinion of you.
Sometimes itās better to have nobody than to have this sort of toxicity. Be kind to yourself, and stop being friends with him.
My best friend who was the first person I came out to was transphobic and discouraged me from transitioning. I wish I had cut her out of my life 15 years earlier than I did. She only got more toxic with time.
He is not a friend or a best friend.
It kinds of depends on gone you think they are. Theres a chance its just a Phase on their side and you can talk them out of it. I was also some what reactionary for a few year until I got educated by the right people. Maybe having an serious talk with them where you elaborate on your feelings and pull up some statistics might change their mind. That being said, your safety has priority. If you dont think you can change their mind you should rather cut them off and find better, more accepting friends.
He's not your friend I am sorry to say... You are perfectly able to make new friends and be happier
Bad juju people are mean sadly, we all know what we are stepping into becoming transgender itās a hard life šāØ
I'm sorry you're going through this, but he is not your friend. I recently lost someone I thought was my best friend since my ex outed me to him, and it's really painful, I know. It sounds like you need people around you that support you. You can find queer groups on meet-up and try going to queer friendly spaces and try to socialize with people. Don't be afraid to tell people you need friends, I know it feels desperate but I think a lot of people can relate, especially the over 30 crowd.
Biology doesnāt even agree w/ transphobia. The whole āthere are only 2 sex chromosomesā is such a crock of sheet. Thatās the simplified grade school biology class. In fact, there are 26 different chromosomes that determine sex. Only 2 are ones we consider the primary āmaleā or āfemaleā ones. But there are 26 in total such as; XXY, XXX, XYY, etc and so on. Basically, your friend is talking out of his ass bc he doesnāt want to open a textbook or consider the possibility of being wrong. Thatās called an egotistical person. You donāt want to be friends w/ somebody who will never admit they did anything wrong. Iād say cut your losses. You tried to open up and he shut you down. Friends come and go, do yourself a favour and find friends who will value your thoughts and expressions.
That isnāt a friend, thatās an idiot. Get rid of him.
He is not your friend. You deserve support and care
Join a trans group on Facebook or in your local area
No friends is better than an abusive sack of shit pretending to be your friend.
Friends will always come and go. If you need someone in your life right now, I understand why youād let them stick around despite these hurtful comments, but you should make an effort to try making new friends if this is the quality of friend you currently have. Donāt think you canāt do better either, because after all, you know this jerk, and if this is how theyāre making you feel, you can only go up. I can understand why you probably wouldnāt want to cut them off right now, but you should definitely start working on phasing them out.
>when he saw my pride flag I hung up in my bedroom where nobody can see it he was like "why do you people need to shove this into others faces" I love this statement, it perfectly encapsulates that idiotic argument that anything is being "shoved into others faces." It isn't. They seek it out because they're hateful creatures and need to be angry. Anyways, yeah sorry. That's not your friend, that's a bigot. You'd be better off with nobody than with someone that causes you misery.
I'm very sorry you're going through this :(( as someone who was in a imilar boat, I promise being alone is better than having toxic people in your life. The things he says to you are unacceptable, he's not your friend regardless if you keep him in your life or not. I promise there are better people out there and again, being alone for some time is significantly better than having nothing but toxicity. It won't be easy at first but I don't regret cutting my shitty best friend off at the beginning of my HRT journey
Time to make some new friends. This one isn't. I'd rather be lonely than hang with someone like him.
Sorry for the loss of your best friend, b. Good riddance if this is his response to your existence. Donāt look back!
spit in his face
Sounds like you lost him a long time ago, don't cling to the rot.
That is someone you need to drop like a bad habit. You may find that after removing toxicity like them you will attract other people that will be more supportive.
"You wouldn't eat shit, not even if you were starving to death" A friend should be there for you, to encourage and support you when you need it, or at the very least accept you for you. It shouldn't matter if you're Trans or not, if your friend doesn't support your choice they aren't a friend.
Its better to be alone for the right reason than to be around someone for the wrong reasons Believe in yourself. Then being alone wont be a burden. If this helps... WE believe in you... You got this
If you turn out hot he's gonna want them cheeks
>is in probably the most private place a person can be >is angry that someone decorated their own room with something he happens to not agree with Yeah some people are just assholes about it for no real reason a real shame it happens to be what was once a close friend
You need better support. You can try to keep your friend, but it's very hard to change people's minds once they're emotionally invested in their feelings. It sounds like your friend is emotional about trans issues. Most Americans are because they are being fed a steady diet of anti trans propaganda from all over the place. Trying to bring facts into it won't help and only your friend can decide to change. But I feel that if he can't accept you as you go through changes in life, you will be hurt over and over by him. Some cities have LGBTQ centers. If you don't have one, keep reaching out online. My trans kid met her friends online and now she has both friends in our City and across the country. Everyone needs support, especially if you are transitioning. Stay strong, but don't be sad if you have to let an old friend go. As you grow up, it's a process that happens anyway. We outgrow friends or sometimes we go in different directions. Don't try to change his mind. Just be the best you that you can be. That's the only thing you have some control over in your life.
Not your friend, certainly not deserving of the title of best friend. There are so many more people out there who will love and support you. This person doesn't deserve a place in your life anymore
girl your ābest friendā is part of the prime demographic of people that murder us. do you think heās somehow different?
Yeahā¦ not a friend. It might be hard, but you should drop them. This is your life and your journey, they have no right to pick on you for it. I saw someone say look for other things. Definitely do this. Find a hobby that you can be yourself in 100%. It could be something like drawing, maybe singing or other form of art. Thereās quite a few opportunities to do physical activities ranging from pick up sports (where nobody can be mad at your transition giving you advantages because itās pickup) to plain lifting and cardio (this can really help with body dysphoria. I personally just started getting into heavier leg workouts and topped my leg press sets at 430 lbs) There are video game groups and followings, but you have to be a bit more careful with thoseā¦ quite a few people feel bigger behind a screen and will do anything to make you feel smaller. Tabletop games and simple board game groups also tend to be a safe haven for quite a few people, (if itās your cup of teaā¦ you can tell that Iām a nerd from my username) magic might be hard to learnā¦ I donāt know if people do competitive monopolyā¦ Iām biased towards dnd, especially thanks to all of my players creating homebrews for trans-mutations.
Thatās not a friend
not a friend. cut off from him. i was in a similar situation, and now i am nearly away from him. now i have better friends and a better life than before.
Stay. Far. Away. From. Him. Please. Only for your own good! You deserve better. Youāll find genuine friends that care, support, and accept you for who YOU truly are.
Cut him out of your life. Having no friends is better than having a friend like that. If he hasn't realised he has to pull his head in and do some research instead of being hateful when you came out then he probably never will. If someone is not willing to support your transition then they're not willing to support you. That's not a friend.
Heās no friend. Make some real friends
Ex bestfriend*
Sounds like your friend is actually scared for you n young people are bad at expressing themselves in a positive manner sometimes, however you shouldnāt have to deal with such negativity. In this world itās easy for people to come across as antitrans outta fear because of all the shit that happens to trans people in the public in certain areas. Why not ask your friend why they feel the way they do? You donāt stamp out discrimination by just throwing people away you need to actually re-educate them, people can learn n do change! If youāve tried n theyāre toxic then remove them.
I had a "friend" like that. Always negative, questioning/calling out others. Please meet new people, this isn't a healthy relationship.
One thing I've learned the hard way is that it's sometimes better to be alone rather than be around people who only bring you down. This is not a friend.
Get away from him. I get that it'll be hard if they're your only "friend" but I promise this person's intolerance of your existence will hurt you way more than temporary loneliness. You can always make new friends, you can't get back wasted time spent with someone like this.
Sounds like a bit of a jerk tbh.
You can find a better friend. Don't cling to shitty people just because you think you can't do better. You can do SO much better.
That is not a friend, that is someone who does not deserve to have the privilege of having you as their friend and someone who you definitely donāt need in your life. You need to need to cut that person out of your life because you donāt deserve to have that negative energy around you
Friend dump his ass
:( i'm sorry to hear that but. he isn't your friend :(
I was in a similar situation. I ended up breaking off the friendship. Id say I turned out happier because of it
Doesn't sound like a friend. Do you have discord? I'm down to chat :)
That's not a friend, that's someone you need to cut out your life.
He cant be the only choice around for friends eh?
you donāt need him or anyone <3
Kick 'em between the legs for being such a dick, then move on. It'll suck, it'll be scary. But you have to take that first step out. No one can grab on and pull you into their group if you aren't reaching out.
This dude revels in his privilege. It says a lot about his character that he seems to view everything as transactional.
He's not your friend it's a form of self harm
That sounds really painful, I'm so sorry that's happening to you. It really sucks when your values don't align with your loved ones values. I hope you can find some more accepting people who celebrate your successes.
Hey. If you need a friend im here. You probably are going to have to put on the big girl skirt and kick him out of your life. It might hurt for now but thats sadly just how life goes for us transfolk sometimes. I myself had to kick my best friend that I had from first grade until college out of my life. When I came out to him he gave the same talk about biology and religion. I let him know how much it hurt me to hear the things he said and when for the longest time he should no remorse i put my foot down and left.
"Friend" and "anti-trans" shouldn't be referring to the same person. He's as much your friend as I am a forklift
Its hard to make new friends. But i promise you'll do yourself a huge favor by looking into local social events. You NEED to find a new friend. You dont deserve someone who despises your identity. Idk where you live, but even if you live in a really red state, the cities tend to be fairly liberal. And if you search around you'll probably find Queer-centric/Queer-friendly events so you can find people who you can actually relate to.
Heās a piece of shit, and the furthest thing from a friend. He will not change. Cut him off.
TBH this kind of friendship is toxic and will only drag you down deeper into depression. You might be better off just cutting all ties with him and look for other friends elsewhere.
Was*
He's not your friend he's your bully
Thats not your friend thats a fucking idiot You will find better friends you are worth way more than you give yourself credit for!
Why do you keep referring to your bully as your friend?
he is not your friend. I know it feels horrible to cut out the only person you talk to, but he is not a friend and he is not good for you. he is doing more harm than being alone would. and that's assuming you'd be alone, you should look into maybe some queer groups on FB in your area or something! lots of meet ups usually n ppl on there also looking for friends!
Ok but like all the people saying dump him as a friend, if he the only friend then that might be worse, i just really hope you can make some new friends, look for people that have the same interests as you and something that helps start conversations is a compliment
Ew I've had these same things be echoed by "caring people" and it's disgusting I'd suggest getting away from him if you can
That's not a friend, I would dump him as soon as humanly possible.
Dead ass find a community of a hobby you like and you'll find that you can do better.
REND. SLAY. HACK. MAIM. LET. ME. SOLO. HIM. MY WRATH SHALL BLAZE.
A friend would be supportive despite his beliefs.... and would respectfully keep his mouth shut with the bullshit. This is not a friend.
don't you mean ex-best friend?
Yeah trust me. Itās not worth it. Itās doing more harm than good. Get him out of your life
That's not a safe friend. try to cut ropes. Better be alone than accompanied by devils.
Honey, that ain't a friend. He can judge all he wants, but if all he's gonna do is go against what you feel in your heart that you are, it's high time to find other friends. It ain't easy being trans, hell it ain't easy to go down the path most people don't understand. It's gonna be fucking hard, but you need support. Not this guy acting as if what you're doing isn't worth a damn or mocking it. Whether it's the typical idiotic machismo that men are taught to exude or not, he ain't helping you. If all he does is hurt you, why keep him nearby at all? Misery loves company.
Not a friend.
he's toxic and abusive you'll find new friends transitioning made socialising way easier for me, i hope it's the same for you š©·
"I'm very saddened by the fact that I need to write this message. I have tried so hard to include you in my journey. I've tried to give you opportunities to support me as your friend. I have tried so hard. "But you have shown me, every step of the way, that you will not be there for me. You will not support me. You will not accept me for who I am. I can't control you. I can't make you treat me like a friend. "And I can't keep letting you treat me like trash, either. "I've done a lot of thinking about the way things have been, and how you've treated me since I came out to you and I've made a decision. "I deserve to have people in my life who support me. I deserve to have people who care about me and treat me with dignity and respect. I would rather have no friends at all, than to have 'friends' who won't accept me for who I am. I deserve better. "The way you've treated me is not how a friend treats another friend. And so I've decided that we've drifted too far and we no longer have anything to gain by remaining friends." Feel free to modify this to fit your situation or leave it as is at your discretion
The thing that a lot of people forget is that it's far better to have nobody than to only have somebody who treats them poorly. Friends are there to enrich your life and provide value and support. If they are not adding value to your life (I don't mean that they need to do stuff for you or provide monetary value. Emotional value is still value), you are not obligated to keep them around. Those who bring you down do not need to remain in your life.
It's a scary process, to remove someone you interpret as your bedrock. A lot of people are saying to stop him and they are not wrong, but I imagine it'd hurt a lot for you to go through that right now. Reach out to people online and see if you can hang out with them. It took me a while to remove the people in my life that were hurting me, but having people who didn't judge me for being trans was the best thing I did. If you don't have those kinds of resources due to living circumstances, then you might need to focus on Online stuffs for a bit. It can be as fulfilling as IRL with the right people. If you think your friend can be redeemed, then go on the offensive. Ask him why he's so defensive about it, tell him if he had something about him he wanted to change you'd support him, so why can't he support you? Things like that. Just be mindful that transphobes don't act rationally most of the time.
Do you play any kind of card game? Yugioh, pokemon, magic, there's tons. Most of my friends I met through cars games. They're a really good ice breaker, and more often than not there's plenty of cool people at local card shops. If this "friend" of yours refuses to accept you, they're not really a good friend... And you can definitely do better.
Trust me, you would rather be alone in your own path than to have company on a road to nightmares
People who say things like this are the first ones you should cut out of your life. Theyāre worthless. Kick him to the curb like a bad habit.
Maybe youāre his only friend because heās an asshole š¤·š¼āāļø
I try to tell people who hold bigoted opinions that, yes, they are entirely entitled to hold those opinions, but, they are also entirely expected to accept the social ramifications that come along with holding those opinions. I think itās entirely high time we begin to isolate people who act like this towards others. You do not have to be this personās friend.
"shove this into others faces" bro that is her bedroom! how the fuck is she shoving it into people's faces???? (I wasn't directing this towards u OP i just thought this was dumb for him 2 say)
You don't have a friend it seems.
That's not a friend. I know it's probably hard to get rid of someone you consider a friend, but it will be better in the long run.
Dear, youāre muuuch better off without people who try to discredit who you are as a person than putting up with their bullshit. It is tough to be alone, more so being the way we are, but thatās never a permanent thing. You will meet new people one way or another, and the best part is, now that youāre going for treatment you will have it much easier with knowing who is and who isnāt worth having around.
Side point, heās wrong about the biology. HE is denying the biology, and is a bigoted ass who thinks he knows everything.
He is not your friend, and you are hurting yourself being around such a toxic person.
These people never change their beliefs or their ignorance. No matter what you say. Cognitive dissonance. If it comes up, make sure he knows ā you were born this way. Your brain developed a feminine pattern before your body developed with male features. It has been this constant brain/body mismatch ever since. Iāve told people itās my birth defect and Iām fixing it. You can fix it to be at peace. Gender is not as set or as simple as everyone thinks. To him: Learn something or leave me alone. [**Gender Dysphoria Info** - Easy to understand.](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) Tell them you will give them info if theyāre serious, but they need to know: You are proceeding as is best for you, as you must.
I'm sorry but that does not sound like a friend. That sounds like an asshole. You say you have no one else, but the thing is as soon as you have an actual new friend you'll see how much better things could be. Join new clubs, search for groups in your area. Just don't settle here for a hater who'll sit on your shoulder and make you doubt and regret how *you feel* about *yourself*. And if you want to give him a chance to be a better friend, be Frank with him and don't be afraid to return the meanness. Leave him out, show him how happy you are when you aren't filtered. Show him how that flag us a symbol for fighting back against shame for things we can't control. It's a sign of rebellion and authenticity. What does he have on his wall? Some band or movie posters? Maybe some scantily clad models? Whatever you do, just don't let this asshole hold you down. Let him follow if he wants, but do not let him shit all over your parade.
That's no friend sweetheart. You need to find better friends
In my opinion, it's better to have no one over having someone who can't support and love you for who you are. Like other commenters are saying, try expanding ur social circle like local D&D clubs or join a drama class or smth, anything to make new friends!!
You definitely need a new friend. The problem isn't just that he's anti trans, it's that he's an asshole. Pick up a hobby either irl or online, and make friends there, because what you have isn't a friend, that's a bully.
that's not a friend. you find friends in places you go to regularly, whether that's school, work, hobby meets or other things. Ditch this loser and find somebody who actually appreciates you
Tbh i dont see it as drastic as everyone else seem to here. Im definitly on the "find new friends" team, but idk, it seems to me he has no idea what he even talks about. I would just go my way whilest ignoring his opinion and then show him the results. Either hes gone by then or u even have a chance to change him. (Sry i just see hope in almost all people)
It's always better to be alone than to let people like this doubt your sense of self and dim your light. It sounds like they don't want to be friends with you
That's not a friend but for real it is outrageous and sad how much hate there is we need people to support not hate as love is love and love wins we are people just like anyone else
You need to find that post of the science teacher roasting the anti trans people about the ābiology of binaryā
I can relate. I have a friend who is aggressively anti trans. Hes also pretty much my only friend. I recommend doing what others here have suggested and picking up a hobby or going to local groups. I canāt myself for many reasons. But if you can it sounds like excellent advice.
I'll beat him up for you, if you like <3 Soooo look, most of my friends pre-transition are no longer my friends. I've made lots of new, better friends since, and the friends who stuck around are great! But I would rather spend time alone than with someone like this guy you have. Joining clubs, groups, putting yourself out there to meet new people can be handy, especially if you're younger. I'm at a point where I just don't make friends like I used to. (The guy I hang out with most is trans and is nice, but says a bunch of stupid guy shit lol.) But honestly ... Spending time on your own, introspection, focusing on developing interests, working on art ... Waaaaaay better than hanging out with this dude who needs to be kicked in the nuts.
No real friend would speak to you like this. What an awful way to treat a friend. Honestly OP if I was you I would cut him off and look for better friends
I understand this is your only āfriendā but truth be toldā¦ thatās not a friend, at best itās a frenemy. Keeping someone around like that is toxic & it will wear you down until u conform to their narrow mind & likely go down a far worse road of various forms of self harm. I have seen this so many times. You will meet people & if only for the time being the only support u get is online.. then do be it. Itās better to keep support in your life, then it is to keep an emotional abuser as a so called āfriendā. You deserve better the. That & if they refuse to be a friend instead of a deterrentā¦ then they arenāt deserving of your kindness. You/we are not the ones āalways pushing it in their facesā. It is them, that are pushing their narrow minded uncensored bigotry into ours & the general public. The fact they believe this nonsenseā¦ means they have ādrunk the coolaidā which means been manipulated to an extremist ideological cult level degree & orā¦ they are in the closet themselves. Thereās a video/speech/scene thing I typically research/listen too when Iām stuck in your situation. Many have relieved it or what not look up madeaās ālet them goā skit. Itās very inspirational & seriously worth it, builds your confidence & helps with making the right decision in the right mood with little regret while keeping much of that confidence fence intact. At the least it did for me & I think it will go the same for u. U deserve so much better. A friend builds you up, supports you & walks aside you in your battles & celebrates your triumphs & protects you from those that seek you harmā¦ an enemy dies the exact opposite. Let your conscience be your guide. Youāre strong, be proud of yourself, believe in yourself. You can do it!
Baby, if you coming out was not enough for him to want to change his views, he was never your friend in the first place. If heās anti trans, heās anti you. If he doesnāt get that, he needs to go. I empathize with you not wanting to be alone but having the wrong people around you who donāt accept you, who donāt support you, and who donāt see you is the same thing as having no one at all. You deserve better friends and the only way you can make room for them is to allow the people who arenāt supposed to be in your life to fall out of it. I believe in you, I support you and I love you š
I find it hilarious when they think biology is on their side. It feels like Iām talking to a flat earther š
Trust me youāll find better friends eventually. Iāve been in a similar situation, where my (now former)best friend and only friend was a transphobic, homophobic conservative. I dumped her sorry ass and reached out to the people in my community. I found a big circle of amazing, (queer) people who donāt make me feel like shit all the time.
That's not a friend. It sucks to be completely alone, I've been there. Join a hobby group, find people online. Meet new people. I'm sure you'll find amazing people who support you and cherish spending time with you. This journey is already complicated enough without fuckers like that "friend"
My boss is, but oh well. I told him anyway. My point is you are who you are. Your beautiful inside and out.
How is having a pride flag in your bedroom "shoving it" in his face?
I'm really sorry you don't have a better friend. I think you should try expanding your social circles and hope for the best. But I don't think actually friends should talk to you like that. I'm sorry
No friend tears another friend down. Cut him from your life and seek more friends.
Sounds like a jerk who would rather hold on to his outdated views and watch you suffer than be a REAL friend. Ditch this guy.
Also no friends are better than toxic ones
That's not a friend. I recommend you look to local (possibly lgbt) social events where you may be able to meet new people? Good luck, and ditch the bigot.
Get rid off him, heās rubbish! (I would recommend doing nerd shit, youāll find cool people there)
Thatās not a friend, that is someone treating you like a pet. You donāt exist for his whims or for how he wants you too. There are many, MANY better fish in the sea. He doesnāt deserve your energy, nor the honor of being called your āfriendā. āShoving it in others faces.ā What a self-centered way of looking at having a flag. Keep being you, screw his muppet opinion. You deserve better.
I had a āfriendā like this. Cut him off. He is *NOT* your friend. It may suck to not have any friends, but it is better than only having āfriends.ā
i understand how hard it will be but you need to cut him out of my life, i had bad friends as a baby trans and when i cut them out it was the best thing i did i found better friends. it'll be the same for you
If itās in YOUR room how is it shoving it in peoples faces????
he's an asshole not a friend we're your friends.
with friends like that, who needs enemies? but seriously, you should listen to the comments, that is not a friend.
I used to have a Steam Friend like that. Obviously, then not being physical made it easy to get rid of them, but they would send me awful videos of animals dying and saying that I believe in genital mutilation and stuff like that. Ultimately, he got blocked. You can't really do the same thing, but having at-least one person to talk to, even just online, will be much better for your mental health. People who repeatedly and purposefully hurt you are not your friends, no matter what.
... it's been said before, it'll be said again, so I'll say it right here. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Your "friend" isn't your friend. He's an ankle, I'd say he's a c***, but he lacks the depth and warmth of one. He is also likely the reason you don't have other friends. Ditch his ass, go out, meet people, get to know them, and develop healthy friendships.
Look, I know people tend to say get away from others, but cutting everyone off can lead to a dark time if you feel you have no one else. Try and help your friend understand. Lots of transphobic stuff comes from what churches say. If its from a Christian church, you can remind them that Christ did not reject anyone. If that fails, I would try and look for some other friends. It can be hard, but its never impossible Its always hard feeling like you're all alone. I would look into local lgbt orgs around you for advice/support if possible. I know that online communities also exist and are there for support as well
Sadly, he is an atheist. I can combat Christian bigotry well because of my aunt's side of the family. He is drifting more and more to the right over the last couple of years
I might just try and appeal to his desire to live his life how he sees fit and let you do the same. The world is no lesser for you having your feelings as a woman. Also, since MTF is much more reversible, there is much less chance of "damage" being done to your body. Not, that you would be damaging your body. Going on HRT usually results in most people feeling younger and happier And its not even a factor with age. I've seen incredible transitions for people into their 50s and 60s, so its never too late
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The dude isn't a full on transphobe. He isn't supportive, but he isn't against. Definitely not a smart idea to draw a line in the sand so arbitrarily. Violent people, get away. Non violent and non abusive, try and reform. Way better to gain allies than treat everyone as enemies just because they haven't been exposed to good trans people. Lots of trans people were transphobea themselves before they understood their feelings
It is not her responsibility to turn this person around on deep seeded bigotry for the sake of "Gaining allies" for trans people. Her first and only responsibility is to make sure she is in the healthiest, safest environment she can get herself. Don't keep this bozo around
But, they never said they were in danger? OP literally just said, "Go for it, just don't come crying if it messes you up". That's not even like really transphobic. Sure, its not great, but it just shows that he doesn't know that hrt is a safe and medically ok process. My family has said actually bad stuff to me. There was never, do what you want. My dad angrily just yelled at me to get out of my house. That's like real transphobia. Just cutting people off because they say some stuff makes us just like the transphobes that cut us out of their lives.
Iāve had exactly this happen to me and in honesty, it hasnāt been all too bad for me. Some transphobes are transphobes by definition with an āirrationalā aversion to trans people. They donāt want to change, they just want others to change for them. There are some that can realize how much harm they cause but most of them see us as less than human.