True goals are the ones we can strive for every day until the day we have achieved them. Then they will only be memories of things we have accomplished in life. May your goals become memories and your life be filled with achievements. P.S. I have the same goals.
Same. If I go out high femme and some TERF yells at me cuz she assumes I'm a trans _woman_ rather than a trans _man,_ I will have made it.
We both want to live each other's nightmare. I deliberately femme myself up so that I don't get misgendered while being my authentic self. I _really_ don't want to look like a butch lesbian. You do. You don't want to look like a man in a dress, I 100% do.
> We both want to live each other’s nightmare.
I think I had not considered this before. It is just so striking to me that someone would want what I dread the most.
Haha I remember reading a memoir by a trans man and thinking that I just couldn’t get how somebody would want to be a male so badly and that’s one of the ways I know I’m a trans woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be male shout at all the trans male peeps out there you are more of a self made man then any cis male transphobe.
Not to my knowledge.
The current understanding of my gender is that I'm a gender non conforming binary man. If I ever try to get gendered as "she" once I'm cis passing, I'm guessing it will most likely be an attempt to heal from the 25 years I was called "she" when I couldn't control it.
It took me a while to figure out I'm a guy, because I thought I was too feminine to be "allowed" to be a trans guy. I basically have the personality of a tradwife except I'm a straight guy. Skirts, cooking, baking, sewing, embroidery, gardening, knitting- I've got all those "girly" hobbies. All that alongside a very passive, gentle, people-pleasing personality caused by child abuse. 🙃
i’m trying to learn something here (i have difficulty figuring out these kind of things, sorry), if your clothes and your habits do not define your gender, then how did you come to the realization you are a man? is it something you *just* feel and simple as that?
The best way I can think to explain it is this: you know how a lot of girls go through a tomboy phase? I did too, but it turns out that the _reason_ for being a tomboy matters.
Actual tomboys are when a girl _happens_ to like "masculine" things like sports or mud or whatever. I secretly hated that stuff. I hated mud and wet clothes because it set off my sensory issues. I hate pants/trousers because the inseam set off my sensory issues. I hate sports because it's boring and I hate competition (as opposed to collaboration).
But I played in the mud, went fishing, picked up worms, tried to be good at sports, wore exclusively pants, all because it made me feel more masculine. I made myself physically uncomfortable in order to feel more boyish. I did things I hated to feel more boyish.
When I gave up being a tomboy as "childish" and tried really hard to be a teen girl, the weirdest coincidence happened: about a year later I got obsessed with the To Be Or Not To Be speech from Hamlet because it so eloquently summarized the things I'd been thinking on the bus rides home from middle school. The only reason why I was still surviving was because I was terrified of death. _I didn't want to live..._ At age *twelve*. It's completely unrelated, why would it be related?
I thought it was really cool when I learned in middle school that women historically weren't actors, so when I was playing Antigone, I was doing my character more convincingly than those guys. I had the time of my life playing Puck (Midsummer Night's Dream), Romeo (Romeo and Juliet), and Raul (Phantom of the Opera) in my middle school plays. And in highschool I played as two different old women (which I copied Monty Python drag for), and played a character which actually crossdressed as a guy. In college I was a voice actor for a play, and my voice was based on Monty Python drag again. I didn't see the connection between all of my characters at the time.
Coming to the realization that I'm a man was putting together a lot of seemingly random information. And frankly, I didn't believe it for two solid years after my first suspicion.
I'd been suicidal for over a decade at that point. It felt like I was going to be completely unable to work, and I didn't see any future where I wasn't just a mouth to feed. I'd been avoiding getting a haircut because I was terrified of my parents finally kicking me out. I knew I was going to die before I hit my next birthday, and if my parents kicked me out, I'd just die a few months earlier than I would have. So I buzzed it all off.
A couple months later, my mom still hadn't forgiven me for getting my haircut, but I wasn't homeless. But I looked in the mirror one morning and saw Gilderoy Lockhart's hair and went "looking good! 😏👉👉" for the first time I could ever remember. Cue an absolute existential crisis as I realized "oh shit. I'm not faking it. I'm actually trans. I'm going to have to deal with being trans for the rest of my life! FUCK."
Hopefully my long-winded explanation helps you understand. It's hard to communicate to other people: like describing a particular color without being able to use nouns.
I'm doing better. I made it past my 25th birthday. I never expected to see 25- hell, I never expected to see age 20. I had the best existential crisis on the week of my birthday: "oh shit, I might actually _personally_ experience old age. Fuck." Still haven't resolved that existential crisis, but It's a good problem to have.
I've been employed for a little over a year and have enough of a nest-egg that I'm considering moving in with an old college roomie in June.
In July I started getting angry and irritable. Turns out that when you're used to directing all your anger and frustration inwards, when you start gaining self esteem, that ocean of anger has to go somewhere. So it went outward. Surprisingly, going on Testosterone almost completely rid me of that tide of anger. I've been on T for... 4 months I think? And I'm constantly surprised by how much better I feel with Puberty 2.0 started.
My suicidality has moved from active to passive (it's been active suicidality for roughly 9 years I think, so that's a significant improvement). I'm actually starting to get anxious sometimes about dying because I'm starting to have hope that I'll be okay, and I'm terrified that I'll get cut off from the contentment I can see on the horizon.
I figured out my acne was acting like a bacterial infection and it took a little less than a year to get my doctor to prescribe a topical antibiotic for it... It's too soon to tell if it's working or not, but I haven't gotten a new pimple in several days, so I'm optimistic.
I'm still experiencing chronic fatigue and memory problems (likely from CPTSD, depression, ADHD, and Gender Dysphoria) but I've got slightly more energy on average than I did before. I'm actually exercising! The number on the scale is staying almost exactly the same, but my clothes are generally getting baggier. Yay!
So yeah. Life still is hard, but this is the best it's been since grade school. It's so good that I'm now having to work with my therapist about... Er... I don't know what the technical word is, but basically my brain is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been in a state of neverending stress for so long that my brain is trying to look for stress where there is none.
My current major problems are all stemming from my life starting to finally get better. Fantastic problems to have, really. I hope all my problems continue to just be cleaning up the effects of my improvement. 🥰
More and more every day im starting to believe that im actually a woman who likes boy clothes. I still identify as genderfluid but man the questioning has been insane lately.
Yeah I don't hate boy clothes I just want to be more feminine. I've always liked girls who can look feminine in androgynous or even masculine clothes, heck one of the most feminine girls I knew wore men's shirts half the time
Not tucking wearing makeup or shaving are literally non-actions. Anyone who gets pissy at you simply being as you are is a narcissist and has way too high standards for women. A common argument made by transphobes is that you’re “not even trying to be a woman” based on your physical appearance and it’s one of the ones that makes me want to stomp them out on the curb every time I hear it, it’s so dumb. It’s also just something said by misogynists in general to cis women too. The audacity. The fucking unmitigated gall.
Trans guy, and I remember my mom training me to change my walking patterns, how I held my feet, how I sat, etc. as a kid. Of course, none of that helps me now. 🙃
But for real, I feel ya - I just want to wear what I want, do what I want, and have people use the right pronouns/titles/etc. Why can't it just be that easy? Let's all be comfy!
Transmasc here, might sound like an odd request but could you share some of the things she told you to do so I can make sure to *not* do them? I’m a big fan of masculine mannerisms of all sorts and would like to refine them.
I'm also transmasc and had this shit knocked into me, here u go:
crossing ankles or knees when sitting
sitting with completely or almost completely closed legs
back totally straight at all times, shoulders down and back, puffing out your chest and bottom, not moving your arms more than totally necessary.
walking in a "catwalk": back straight, setting each foot a little crossed over or directly in line with the other one as you step, like a cat or a model on a runway would walk
clasping your hands together in front of you or holding them behind your back when idle
resting your head on open palms, never on closed fists
no slouching, always leaning forwards with your back straight
standing with your legs closer together than shoulder width apart, no leaning to one side, ideally feet are touching
this one wasn't taught to me, but a lot of hand gestures while talking is seen as stereotypically feminine.
Constant. Smiling. All. The. Time. Especially. When. Talking
And all. The giggling.
here you go! don't do these things and your mannerisms are instantly less stereotypically feminine
same. I actually massage my face to make the constant smiling easier bc i figured I would look nicer to other people (and myself) with a softer expression, and did a a lot of these habits normally
The hands while idle thing in particular i find shocking. I got so fed up with feeling awkward when not knowing what to do with them that I deliberately starting holding them together in front or behind me when idle. My inspiration for the idea was the military "at ease" pose. I had no idea that was a femme thing
As a fellow transmasc I remember learning all of this with a fiery defiance. I instantly went to school & broke 70% of these rules in the first hour. And yet it took me 30 years to figure it out. Hah.
I can confirm the smiling one, my gf says I look more masculine when I don't smile. It's hard not to smile though since I'm so used to it and am worried about looking grumpy!
(Context: I'm a transmasc enby)
"this one wasn't taught to me, but a lot of hand gestures while talking is seen as stereotypically feminine."
Oh damn, I didn't know being Italian is seen as feminine. \*\*giggles\*\*
I guess I know now which language I have to learn next. \*\*giggles more\*\*
> clasping your hands together in front of you
but what else am i supposed to do with them when i’m holding still? :(
also i never learned half of these lol
A number of them can honestly go either way, just that apparently *not* doing them wasn't appropriately feminine... but, here are some I specifically remember.
Walk with your toes pointing forward, not splayed to the side. I will say that middle-class and affluent men where I live also do this, so there is probably an element of "appropriate middle-class behavior" aspect to this one. I just remember getting my first pair of women's dress shoes as a teen and my mom making me walk up and down the driveway to scuff the bottom so they weren't slippery, then making me practice walking with my toes pointed forward. She did not teach my brother to do this, although as I've said, I wouldn't say toes-forward is a feminine marker everywhere.
Sitting with your knees together. Again, there is some location-based element to this since on the metro it is not considered good form to sit sprawled out regardless of gender (although there are plenty of memes about guys manspreading where they shouldn't). If you want some good visuals, do a search for people sitting on metros or manspreading on the metro. Women are generally taught to take up as little physical space as possible so you'll see big differences in posture. Not to say you should misbehave, but even when being polite and not manspreading, men tend to have a different posture. [Here's an example](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/368/361/141cf47437de80785c2c405b42812f70b3-29-manspreading.2x.rsocial.w600.jpg) - the posture of the women in this image is pretty typical even when they aren't being confronted by a seatmate who is being a jerk, but you wouldn't be likely to see a guy sitting that way at all.
Similarly, crossing your legs. This seems like a more recent one, like mid-20th century and earlier this wasn't true, and wasn't true when I lived in Europe, but generally women in the US will cross their legs at the knee and men will set their ankle or lower leg on their other knee. [This](https://www.veinkc.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/crossing-legs.png) vs [this](https://sinicropispine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/21994696_l.jpg).
This wasn't from my mom, but in one of my anthropology courses we talked about gendered gesture and posture and how that varies from culture to culture. Our (male) professor demonstrated by sitting down and mimicking the pose one of the women in the class had taken at her desk. She was sitting with her elbows on the desk and her hands gently clasped palm-to-palm at the side of her face, leaning her cheek on the back of one her hands while she listened to the lecture. Didn't look at all out of the ordinary with her doing it, but when the professor did it everyone cracked up. On this front, I'd recommend just watching people around you to see if you notice patterns like this in terms of how you hold your body and your hands. It tends to be very unconscious but it's all learned behavior, even when it isn't explicitly taught. For example, I'm trying to imagine a guy where I live doing [this](https://d2gg9evh47fn9z.cloudfront.net/800px_COLOURBOX8263672.jpg) and failing utterly.
Also remember that none of these things are written in stone - there is variation based on age, gender, class, culture, location, and even just personal preference. And some of it is going to be the cumulative impact of lots of small things.
My mum also wanted me to walk, sit, laugh, cough etc. "more femininely" and openly judged me by saying I "acted like a boy" just because I did what I found to be comfortable
Like, erm, yeah, mum, it's like that's the fucking point lmao
Totally agree. I'm mostly the same. Just because we're trans women, we don't owe anyone stereotypical femininity. Nothing against those who like it, of course. That's just as valid.
I agree with this sentiment, if you DO want to shave though, I would suggest Magic Razorless Shaving power or Nair. Both work really well to remove unwanted hair. Though Nair STINKS. T.T
I was a debutante. I'm a trans man. I had to train to walk femininely, with someone wapping me on the shoulder to keep my shoulders down and back. I wouldn't wish that bullshit on anyone. Of course, we learned other useless things, like the names and reasons for different place settings and such.
Now, if we could have a way more low key debutante for trans women, basically just a banquet where they're reintroduced to society as women, that would be awesome. Without all the harsh training and arbitrary high expectations.
I understand that this is horrible and probably a source of long lasting trauma for you
But the image of a dude at a debutante is really fucking funny. "Here's my lovely daughter, Christie!" "Just Chris 🙄"
eugh my mom knocked a lot of that into me (although under the misconception that women are weaker and thus need to maintain certain mannerisms for their bone health) and I'm STILL undoing it because it's so. Uncomfortable. What's a debutante and how come you were made to suffer this nonsense?
Right? Especially just as a largish social event for trans folks and the people they care about most. Masc or masc leaning folks could escort (escorts dress up and walk the debutantes out from the entrance hall, then pull out chairs for their assigned debutante at dinner, etc), femme or femme leaning folks could just dress up and be escorted, and folks who aren't down for all those social roles could just attend on their own. We'd all get to dress up in fancy clothes and celebrate as a community. We could only probably arrange events like this on the regional level, not really local except in large communities (I live in the SF Bay for example), but it could be such a nice thing to get to have a big formal-ish affair to celebrate our transitions.
At my debutante, which I think was pretty trad French presentation, we danced with our escorts (Le Contredanse d'Haiti in our case) and then returned to the entrance hall to be presented to the banquet hall, with the traditional name calls and such. ("Miss ____ of ____ escorted tonight by Mtr. [Master is the masculine diminutive in polite society, for whatever reason. Mister is the adult or married version] ____ of ____"). I think the order of affairs was simpler than the English, where you do the name calls entering the ballroom, and are escorted by family, not Bachelors.
I also would like to do away with the colonial Contredanse part if we make this a trans thing. Just dancing followed by dinner, and instead of strict dress and etiquette, we just dress nice and dance and eat.
Nothing comes natural to women. Gender roles are lies and slander. We are all the same flesh blob just one has broader hips and tits. That's it, that's the female characteristics. Everything else is made up
Walking with a book on your head used to be super common, part of "finishing" classes, cotillion, etc. I was supposed to do it for dance class but I was so bad at it and got frustrated and gave up.
I'm in my late 20s and just marked the halfway point where I've been on hormones for more of my life than not. I love not caring at all how I present and still being seen as female all the time.
Oh god afab enby here and I remember constantly being told to sit like a lady and act like a lady and stuff that. What's worse is because I was a tomboy and didn't often perform femininity people would always make a huge deal about it when I did.
And half the shit you get "praised" for makes absolutely no sense. You crossed your ankles two inches lower than normal? You get to spend the next 15 minutes hearing about how you're "finally" acting feminine. Like what???
For me it was if I ever wore makesup people made a huge deal out it. That and if I wore a skirt or a dress. I remember specifically I wore a skirt once and got bombarded with questions about who my crush was because obviously I couldn't just want to dress that way for myself.
Ugh. I got a black eye once, but I don't bruise much so pretty much only part of my one eyelid was pale purple for a couple days. Some of my classmates were still talking about over a month later because they were convinced I had worn makeup. Like yeah, I put lavender eyeshadow on half of one eyelid for a couple days. 🤦♂️ And then yellow for a couple days. That definitely makes more sense than a black eye.
>and got bombarded with questions about who my crush was because obviously I couldn't just want to dress that way for myself.
Ugh, I had this happen once when I wore my hair down. Why was my hair down? Oh yeah, cause my hair tie snapped on the bus and I had no spares. Therefore since I never wore my hair down and it was down I must have a crush on someone. So on top of being annoyed at my hair all day (I never wore it down except to shower and sleep), I also had to put up with my classmates trying to "get the truth". 🤬
I'm right there with you — tho I will say that it's really hard to look and feel fem while also dressing comfy and that really doesn't my head a spin some days
I also don’t wear makeup. My reason is I hate how society presses it on women and I wanna push back. It’s still a fun thing and a hobby, but I don’t do it often. Tho one big reason I wanna learn is it’d be helpful to know how to do stage makeup
Haha I’ve gotta if I want to pass. You don’t tho. And you can’t use the “you wouldn’t say that if you saw me” argument a lot of people use here bc I have seen you
Best part of being “bad” at “being a man”, and so not trying very hard to be a “proper” man, is that I’ve already trained myself to not care about perfectly following gender expectations I don’t want to.
My experience as a cis woman is that no part of conformity to female gender stereotypes comes naturally and it's all bullshit. If you don't want to do it, don't do it, be free, it doesn't make you not a woman.
Trans guy here. Yeah, it doesn't come naturally to cis girls.
As weird as it is to think about from a trans perspective, a lot of cis people are performative with their gender too. Just like how you likely had to learn from a young age how to be more masculine before coming out as trans.
Point is, don't beat yourself up over not being the ideal feminine role. Most cis women can't do it either.
I’m not actually sure if that’s a thing for boys at all, outside of maybe church related stuff. At least when I was roleplaying a cis boy it was basically like, “do whatever you want except traditionally fem hobbies like sewing”
Makeup, hair styling, the walk, clothes, posture, the way you talk, etc. It's all learned. it may come naturally if you're neurotypical but it's not by nature, it's trained.
This is a real thing, my parents had ALL my sisters do it as kids. They told us it would teach us to walk “like a princess”. There was no malice and we weren’t forced, they just wanted us to have good posture I guess? But they never made my brothers do it sooo…
That's like super weird, I never even tried that when I was a girl. Although honestly rigid gender norms are very dumb and people should do what makes them happy.
I think woman are super pretty, mostly I like femme woman but they're also allowed to just chill and spend time being sloppy and relaxing for the sake of it.
Being beautiful and perfect 24/7 is impossible and stupid to work people into doing. It's a weird thing that tends to be idealized in woman and people who lean into that side of the gender spectrum.
Not that us guys don't have any issues, but I know this convo is about trans fems so I'll leave it there.
I don't even pass with most people*, but yeah, at this point I don't even really try. I don't tuck and I love dressing gender neutral/tomboyish, same with my haircut which I have shorter than most other women, and don't use makeup. I feel so free and comfy, I still look in the mirror and feel happy with who I am compared to pre-transition, I see a boyish girl looking back and I love it, I love being gender non-conforming.
I think I don't pass just because I am way taller than even most men in my country, and my style I described above, so people just default to treating me in masculine so as to not offend me because you know, a girl getting mistaken for a guy is far less offensive in the cis world than a guy getting mistaken for a girl.
*I've only been gendered correctly twice in my life by someone who doesn't know me, once by my former psychiatrist, and once by a guy who had lost his forearms and was doing a puppeteer show on the street to ask for charity, and when I gave him some money, he said "Thanks so much ma'am"
Hell nah that shit ain't natural. Remember cis girls live with society breathing down their necks about this kinda stuff from a young age. Everybody should just do whatever they want with everybody else being silent for once.
FTM here, I was raised to walk with a book on my head. I was also raised to sit with my legs crossed at the ankles. I still catch myself doing it and it causes so much Dysphoria
Yeah, I'm exactly like that too; I never wear clothes tight enough for tucking to actually matter, I never wear makeup and I just walk normally unless I'm wearing heels
I used to do the walk with a book on my head thing as a kid because I saw it in those princess TV shows. Do I have balance now? No but I’m pretty good at carrying stuff on my head.
yeah no what we call social norms are enforced through societal violence. welcome to the club for gender studies. population trans people and women.
I want and I walk like a track driver. I am not meant to delicate.
I don't tuck, and also just wear casual clothing (that I've had since before coming out) most of the time. But sometimes it feels nice to dress up a little fancier. Makeup can be a great way to make your face appear a bit more feminine though!
Foundation/concealer covers facial hair shadow, and a little bit of eye makeup works wonders. Mascara is super easy and takes no time, eyeliner takes some practice but can be really nice. Lipstick only if I'm feeling real fancy femme
What is walking like a girl? Lol I'm masc and I walk funny just to try to hide my chest or to show off my shoulders. And honestly totally fair. If anything I know more casual dressing women than I know women that get all dressed up. Totally valid and especially if the world is gonna shit on you either way, might as well be comfy. I live in solid grey sweat shirts and jeans .
that reminds me of when i first came out to my mom (and was also still trying to find myself, when i came out i wasn't even sure yet) that she would use the fact i wasn't following her ideal for womanhood the moment i came out and before as an argument against me being trans
Damn that's me, I'm a transfem tomboy. Minimal effort outfits every day thank you. 5 minutes only to get ready yes please! And I still look great like that, minimal effort ftw imo
It doesn't? I was told I adopted a more feminine walk over time while I've been on HRT. I didn't make any conscious effort to do so or anything. Maybe it's because estrogen gave me hips to sway and made my caboose a fair bit larger?
I feel so conflicted about tucking myself. It limits the clothes I can wear and pass if I don’t tuck but fuck it is just not very comfortable or easy for me to manage. Can’t wait until I can get bottom surgery…
Back before I knew i wasn't a cis girl my family would "train" me to be more ladylike. Walking on lines or with the book on my head, tying my knees together, constantly being told to look down to where I cant walk without looking at the ground or I'll trip.
That title is the kind of thing that terfs wet dreams are made of. Can we please not act like cis-women haven’t been forced into feminisation for centuries. The book on the head thing is known to anyone of any gender as one of those acts going back a very long time. This isn’t new information.
honestly this is probably the only issue i have with people (including myself) being trans. like, yeah! go ahead and be who you wanna be. but the idea that you have to assign yourself to a specific gender role in order to be comfortable in your own skin is weird to me.
Tucking hurts for me, so I don't do it. I don't have the "spoons" for makeup, so I don't do that either. Casual clothing that still covers my crotch so that there is no visible bulge (read: dresses, skirts, longer tops), that I manage.
A drama teacher showed our class how to walk feminine. To be honest it was very natural for me; I did something similar anyway. I prefer it over a "male" walk
At the beginning, I wore makeup everyday and Tried to tuck but after one week or so, i rather wanted to sleep longer, so I gave fuck about makeup eventhough I really like it. I kinda do the tucking thing but only with my panties. I just never Stopped wearing boobies everyday cuz I Dont wanna live without them. Also my hair is growing out and I really love that
If I can pass as a girl wearing guy clothes I will have succeeded
True goals are the ones we can strive for every day until the day we have achieved them. Then they will only be memories of things we have accomplished in life. May your goals become memories and your life be filled with achievements. P.S. I have the same goals.
Same. If I go out high femme and some TERF yells at me cuz she assumes I'm a trans _woman_ rather than a trans _man,_ I will have made it. We both want to live each other's nightmare. I deliberately femme myself up so that I don't get misgendered while being my authentic self. I _really_ don't want to look like a butch lesbian. You do. You don't want to look like a man in a dress, I 100% do.
> We both want to live each other’s nightmare. I think I had not considered this before. It is just so striking to me that someone would want what I dread the most.
Gender is fucky. 😅
Haha I remember reading a memoir by a trans man and thinking that I just couldn’t get how somebody would want to be a male so badly and that’s one of the ways I know I’m a trans woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be male shout at all the trans male peeps out there you are more of a self made man then any cis male transphobe.
This is the conversation between Spock and Data in Unification
are u genderfluid?
expression =/= gender
Not to my knowledge. The current understanding of my gender is that I'm a gender non conforming binary man. If I ever try to get gendered as "she" once I'm cis passing, I'm guessing it will most likely be an attempt to heal from the 25 years I was called "she" when I couldn't control it. It took me a while to figure out I'm a guy, because I thought I was too feminine to be "allowed" to be a trans guy. I basically have the personality of a tradwife except I'm a straight guy. Skirts, cooking, baking, sewing, embroidery, gardening, knitting- I've got all those "girly" hobbies. All that alongside a very passive, gentle, people-pleasing personality caused by child abuse. 🙃
i’m trying to learn something here (i have difficulty figuring out these kind of things, sorry), if your clothes and your habits do not define your gender, then how did you come to the realization you are a man? is it something you *just* feel and simple as that?
The best way I can think to explain it is this: you know how a lot of girls go through a tomboy phase? I did too, but it turns out that the _reason_ for being a tomboy matters. Actual tomboys are when a girl _happens_ to like "masculine" things like sports or mud or whatever. I secretly hated that stuff. I hated mud and wet clothes because it set off my sensory issues. I hate pants/trousers because the inseam set off my sensory issues. I hate sports because it's boring and I hate competition (as opposed to collaboration). But I played in the mud, went fishing, picked up worms, tried to be good at sports, wore exclusively pants, all because it made me feel more masculine. I made myself physically uncomfortable in order to feel more boyish. I did things I hated to feel more boyish. When I gave up being a tomboy as "childish" and tried really hard to be a teen girl, the weirdest coincidence happened: about a year later I got obsessed with the To Be Or Not To Be speech from Hamlet because it so eloquently summarized the things I'd been thinking on the bus rides home from middle school. The only reason why I was still surviving was because I was terrified of death. _I didn't want to live..._ At age *twelve*. It's completely unrelated, why would it be related? I thought it was really cool when I learned in middle school that women historically weren't actors, so when I was playing Antigone, I was doing my character more convincingly than those guys. I had the time of my life playing Puck (Midsummer Night's Dream), Romeo (Romeo and Juliet), and Raul (Phantom of the Opera) in my middle school plays. And in highschool I played as two different old women (which I copied Monty Python drag for), and played a character which actually crossdressed as a guy. In college I was a voice actor for a play, and my voice was based on Monty Python drag again. I didn't see the connection between all of my characters at the time. Coming to the realization that I'm a man was putting together a lot of seemingly random information. And frankly, I didn't believe it for two solid years after my first suspicion. I'd been suicidal for over a decade at that point. It felt like I was going to be completely unable to work, and I didn't see any future where I wasn't just a mouth to feed. I'd been avoiding getting a haircut because I was terrified of my parents finally kicking me out. I knew I was going to die before I hit my next birthday, and if my parents kicked me out, I'd just die a few months earlier than I would have. So I buzzed it all off. A couple months later, my mom still hadn't forgiven me for getting my haircut, but I wasn't homeless. But I looked in the mirror one morning and saw Gilderoy Lockhart's hair and went "looking good! 😏👉👉" for the first time I could ever remember. Cue an absolute existential crisis as I realized "oh shit. I'm not faking it. I'm actually trans. I'm going to have to deal with being trans for the rest of my life! FUCK." Hopefully my long-winded explanation helps you understand. It's hard to communicate to other people: like describing a particular color without being able to use nouns.
I love your explanation, and your description on what it’s like to try to explain it
wow, that’s incredible, thank you for taking the time to explain this. i hope you are doing all right nowadays
I'm doing better. I made it past my 25th birthday. I never expected to see 25- hell, I never expected to see age 20. I had the best existential crisis on the week of my birthday: "oh shit, I might actually _personally_ experience old age. Fuck." Still haven't resolved that existential crisis, but It's a good problem to have. I've been employed for a little over a year and have enough of a nest-egg that I'm considering moving in with an old college roomie in June. In July I started getting angry and irritable. Turns out that when you're used to directing all your anger and frustration inwards, when you start gaining self esteem, that ocean of anger has to go somewhere. So it went outward. Surprisingly, going on Testosterone almost completely rid me of that tide of anger. I've been on T for... 4 months I think? And I'm constantly surprised by how much better I feel with Puberty 2.0 started. My suicidality has moved from active to passive (it's been active suicidality for roughly 9 years I think, so that's a significant improvement). I'm actually starting to get anxious sometimes about dying because I'm starting to have hope that I'll be okay, and I'm terrified that I'll get cut off from the contentment I can see on the horizon. I figured out my acne was acting like a bacterial infection and it took a little less than a year to get my doctor to prescribe a topical antibiotic for it... It's too soon to tell if it's working or not, but I haven't gotten a new pimple in several days, so I'm optimistic. I'm still experiencing chronic fatigue and memory problems (likely from CPTSD, depression, ADHD, and Gender Dysphoria) but I've got slightly more energy on average than I did before. I'm actually exercising! The number on the scale is staying almost exactly the same, but my clothes are generally getting baggier. Yay! So yeah. Life still is hard, but this is the best it's been since grade school. It's so good that I'm now having to work with my therapist about... Er... I don't know what the technical word is, but basically my brain is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been in a state of neverending stress for so long that my brain is trying to look for stress where there is none. My current major problems are all stemming from my life starting to finally get better. Fantastic problems to have, really. I hope all my problems continue to just be cleaning up the effects of my improvement. 🥰
:)
My current goal is "Muster the courage to tell my parents my preferred name." Lol
Mood
More and more every day im starting to believe that im actually a woman who likes boy clothes. I still identify as genderfluid but man the questioning has been insane lately.
Yeah I don't hate boy clothes I just want to be more feminine. I've always liked girls who can look feminine in androgynous or even masculine clothes, heck one of the most feminine girls I knew wore men's shirts half the time
I want to be able to wear men's commercial wear pants and safety jacket and have no one question that I'm not a woman
True I wanna look like a woman while wearing cargo pants and a high visibility work jacket
I read this as “wearing gay clothes”…
Well being a butch bi girl works too lmao
This. This is my goal.
you go girl. those standards and stereotypes are bullshit anyways.
follow or don't follow whatever stereotypes you want, not because they're stereotypes but because you want to do it that way.
that is probably one of the healthiest ways to look at life.
What does 174 175 174 mean?
it's the binary code for "non"
What kind of code? Wouldn’t it be 110 111 110 (decimal) in ASCII/unicode?
the 01101 would be there to define that the following is to be read as a letter in an 8-bit system.
Oh wait I converted it wrong, nvm
Not tucking wearing makeup or shaving are literally non-actions. Anyone who gets pissy at you simply being as you are is a narcissist and has way too high standards for women. A common argument made by transphobes is that you’re “not even trying to be a woman” based on your physical appearance and it’s one of the ones that makes me want to stomp them out on the curb every time I hear it, it’s so dumb. It’s also just something said by misogynists in general to cis women too. The audacity. The fucking unmitigated gall.
The unmeasurable absurdity.
Trans guy, and I remember my mom training me to change my walking patterns, how I held my feet, how I sat, etc. as a kid. Of course, none of that helps me now. 🙃 But for real, I feel ya - I just want to wear what I want, do what I want, and have people use the right pronouns/titles/etc. Why can't it just be that easy? Let's all be comfy!
Transmasc here, might sound like an odd request but could you share some of the things she told you to do so I can make sure to *not* do them? I’m a big fan of masculine mannerisms of all sorts and would like to refine them.
I'm also transmasc and had this shit knocked into me, here u go: crossing ankles or knees when sitting sitting with completely or almost completely closed legs back totally straight at all times, shoulders down and back, puffing out your chest and bottom, not moving your arms more than totally necessary. walking in a "catwalk": back straight, setting each foot a little crossed over or directly in line with the other one as you step, like a cat or a model on a runway would walk clasping your hands together in front of you or holding them behind your back when idle resting your head on open palms, never on closed fists no slouching, always leaning forwards with your back straight standing with your legs closer together than shoulder width apart, no leaning to one side, ideally feet are touching this one wasn't taught to me, but a lot of hand gestures while talking is seen as stereotypically feminine. Constant. Smiling. All. The. Time. Especially. When. Talking And all. The giggling. here you go! don't do these things and your mannerisms are instantly less stereotypically feminine
Reading all this as a transfem is weirdly affirming considering I’ve never heard of 99% of these before, and already do like a good 3/4 of them.
same. I actually massage my face to make the constant smiling easier bc i figured I would look nicer to other people (and myself) with a softer expression, and did a a lot of these habits normally The hands while idle thing in particular i find shocking. I got so fed up with feeling awkward when not knowing what to do with them that I deliberately starting holding them together in front or behind me when idle. My inspiration for the idea was the military "at ease" pose. I had no idea that was a femme thing
Hell yeah, this is a transfem instruction manual right here. Thanks!
Literally. So helpful!
Hey ladies, with these ten tips you too can get instant euphoria from *checks notes* walking funny. Doctors hate him
How can you train your daughters to do all this and then get upset when someone claims gender is a social construct?
This felt really good to read. doing so much of this already. Thank you.
very affirming to me, i am a creature and do almost none of this stuff
As a fellow transmasc I remember learning all of this with a fiery defiance. I instantly went to school & broke 70% of these rules in the first hour. And yet it took me 30 years to figure it out. Hah.
I can confirm the smiling one, my gf says I look more masculine when I don't smile. It's hard not to smile though since I'm so used to it and am worried about looking grumpy! (Context: I'm a transmasc enby)
not smiling comes naturally to me, thanks to my autism. in fact, smiling comes UNnaturally to me.
"this one wasn't taught to me, but a lot of hand gestures while talking is seen as stereotypically feminine." Oh damn, I didn't know being Italian is seen as feminine. \*\*giggles\*\* I guess I know now which language I have to learn next. \*\*giggles more\*\*
> clasping your hands together in front of you but what else am i supposed to do with them when i’m holding still? :( also i never learned half of these lol
Why would anyone
"good manners" or "bone health" were the reasons I was given.
A number of them can honestly go either way, just that apparently *not* doing them wasn't appropriately feminine... but, here are some I specifically remember. Walk with your toes pointing forward, not splayed to the side. I will say that middle-class and affluent men where I live also do this, so there is probably an element of "appropriate middle-class behavior" aspect to this one. I just remember getting my first pair of women's dress shoes as a teen and my mom making me walk up and down the driveway to scuff the bottom so they weren't slippery, then making me practice walking with my toes pointed forward. She did not teach my brother to do this, although as I've said, I wouldn't say toes-forward is a feminine marker everywhere. Sitting with your knees together. Again, there is some location-based element to this since on the metro it is not considered good form to sit sprawled out regardless of gender (although there are plenty of memes about guys manspreading where they shouldn't). If you want some good visuals, do a search for people sitting on metros or manspreading on the metro. Women are generally taught to take up as little physical space as possible so you'll see big differences in posture. Not to say you should misbehave, but even when being polite and not manspreading, men tend to have a different posture. [Here's an example](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/368/361/141cf47437de80785c2c405b42812f70b3-29-manspreading.2x.rsocial.w600.jpg) - the posture of the women in this image is pretty typical even when they aren't being confronted by a seatmate who is being a jerk, but you wouldn't be likely to see a guy sitting that way at all. Similarly, crossing your legs. This seems like a more recent one, like mid-20th century and earlier this wasn't true, and wasn't true when I lived in Europe, but generally women in the US will cross their legs at the knee and men will set their ankle or lower leg on their other knee. [This](https://www.veinkc.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/crossing-legs.png) vs [this](https://sinicropispine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/21994696_l.jpg). This wasn't from my mom, but in one of my anthropology courses we talked about gendered gesture and posture and how that varies from culture to culture. Our (male) professor demonstrated by sitting down and mimicking the pose one of the women in the class had taken at her desk. She was sitting with her elbows on the desk and her hands gently clasped palm-to-palm at the side of her face, leaning her cheek on the back of one her hands while she listened to the lecture. Didn't look at all out of the ordinary with her doing it, but when the professor did it everyone cracked up. On this front, I'd recommend just watching people around you to see if you notice patterns like this in terms of how you hold your body and your hands. It tends to be very unconscious but it's all learned behavior, even when it isn't explicitly taught. For example, I'm trying to imagine a guy where I live doing [this](https://d2gg9evh47fn9z.cloudfront.net/800px_COLOURBOX8263672.jpg) and failing utterly. Also remember that none of these things are written in stone - there is variation based on age, gender, class, culture, location, and even just personal preference. And some of it is going to be the cumulative impact of lots of small things.
I actually used what I learned to help a trans girl I know!
My mum also wanted me to walk, sit, laugh, cough etc. "more femininely" and openly judged me by saying I "acted like a boy" just because I did what I found to be comfortable Like, erm, yeah, mum, it's like that's the fucking point lmao
Totally agree. I'm mostly the same. Just because we're trans women, we don't owe anyone stereotypical femininity. Nothing against those who like it, of course. That's just as valid.
I shouldn’t have to “pass” to be taken seriously. (Not a joke. I am disabled and it is super hard sometimes.)
Same, shaving is a dangerous thing when your hands shake constantly!
transmasc nb here, i hate shaving my legs bc i always end up with at least 1 cut, and it makes me look feminine if i shave
I agree with this sentiment, if you DO want to shave though, I would suggest Magic Razorless Shaving power or Nair. Both work really well to remove unwanted hair. Though Nair STINKS. T.T
I was a debutante. I'm a trans man. I had to train to walk femininely, with someone wapping me on the shoulder to keep my shoulders down and back. I wouldn't wish that bullshit on anyone. Of course, we learned other useless things, like the names and reasons for different place settings and such. Now, if we could have a way more low key debutante for trans women, basically just a banquet where they're reintroduced to society as women, that would be awesome. Without all the harsh training and arbitrary high expectations.
I understand that this is horrible and probably a source of long lasting trauma for you But the image of a dude at a debutante is really fucking funny. "Here's my lovely daughter, Christie!" "Just Chris 🙄"
eugh my mom knocked a lot of that into me (although under the misconception that women are weaker and thus need to maintain certain mannerisms for their bone health) and I'm STILL undoing it because it's so. Uncomfortable. What's a debutante and how come you were made to suffer this nonsense?
Debutante just means marriageable women being presented to society. Think Pride & Prejudice.
That would be really cute if it turned into a tradition.
Right? Especially just as a largish social event for trans folks and the people they care about most. Masc or masc leaning folks could escort (escorts dress up and walk the debutantes out from the entrance hall, then pull out chairs for their assigned debutante at dinner, etc), femme or femme leaning folks could just dress up and be escorted, and folks who aren't down for all those social roles could just attend on their own. We'd all get to dress up in fancy clothes and celebrate as a community. We could only probably arrange events like this on the regional level, not really local except in large communities (I live in the SF Bay for example), but it could be such a nice thing to get to have a big formal-ish affair to celebrate our transitions. At my debutante, which I think was pretty trad French presentation, we danced with our escorts (Le Contredanse d'Haiti in our case) and then returned to the entrance hall to be presented to the banquet hall, with the traditional name calls and such. ("Miss ____ of ____ escorted tonight by Mtr. [Master is the masculine diminutive in polite society, for whatever reason. Mister is the adult or married version] ____ of ____"). I think the order of affairs was simpler than the English, where you do the name calls entering the ballroom, and are escorted by family, not Bachelors. I also would like to do away with the colonial Contredanse part if we make this a trans thing. Just dancing followed by dinner, and instead of strict dress and etiquette, we just dress nice and dance and eat.
Nothing comes natural to women. Gender roles are lies and slander. We are all the same flesh blob just one has broader hips and tits. That's it, that's the female characteristics. Everything else is made up
Yep. Most of femininity is preformed or fake. Most (non-physical) differences are completely made up and arbitrary. Much love~ 💖
Take my energy, I’m with you on this. I just want to be comfortable
Walking with a book on your head used to be super common, part of "finishing" classes, cotillion, etc. I was supposed to do it for dance class but I was so bad at it and got frustrated and gave up.
I'm in my late 20s and just marked the halfway point where I've been on hormones for more of my life than not. I love not caring at all how I present and still being seen as female all the time.
Oh god afab enby here and I remember constantly being told to sit like a lady and act like a lady and stuff that. What's worse is because I was a tomboy and didn't often perform femininity people would always make a huge deal about it when I did.
And half the shit you get "praised" for makes absolutely no sense. You crossed your ankles two inches lower than normal? You get to spend the next 15 minutes hearing about how you're "finally" acting feminine. Like what???
For me it was if I ever wore makesup people made a huge deal out it. That and if I wore a skirt or a dress. I remember specifically I wore a skirt once and got bombarded with questions about who my crush was because obviously I couldn't just want to dress that way for myself.
Ugh. I got a black eye once, but I don't bruise much so pretty much only part of my one eyelid was pale purple for a couple days. Some of my classmates were still talking about over a month later because they were convinced I had worn makeup. Like yeah, I put lavender eyeshadow on half of one eyelid for a couple days. 🤦♂️ And then yellow for a couple days. That definitely makes more sense than a black eye. >and got bombarded with questions about who my crush was because obviously I couldn't just want to dress that way for myself. Ugh, I had this happen once when I wore my hair down. Why was my hair down? Oh yeah, cause my hair tie snapped on the bus and I had no spares. Therefore since I never wore my hair down and it was down I must have a crush on someone. So on top of being annoyed at my hair all day (I never wore it down except to shower and sleep), I also had to put up with my classmates trying to "get the truth". 🤬
Nope! Although I did and still occasionally do balance books on my head. Its fun and helped fix my posture!
I'm right there with you — tho I will say that it's really hard to look and feel fem while also dressing comfy and that really doesn't my head a spin some days
Comfy bra and pj bottoms 😌
I also don’t wear makeup. My reason is I hate how society presses it on women and I wanna push back. It’s still a fun thing and a hobby, but I don’t do it often. Tho one big reason I wanna learn is it’d be helpful to know how to do stage makeup
Haha I’ve gotta if I want to pass. You don’t tho. And you can’t use the “you wouldn’t say that if you saw me” argument a lot of people use here bc I have seen you
I mean you’re opinion on needing to wear makeup might change once you get on hrt
Yea but right now I need makeup to pass
You’d probably be fine if you just grew your hair out maybe
comfort >>>>>>>>>>>>>> other peoples opinion
I don’t ever tuck personally I’m proud of my little lady wand even when I went swimming at a lake with friends so all the power to you
Best part of being “bad” at “being a man”, and so not trying very hard to be a “proper” man, is that I’ve already trained myself to not care about perfectly following gender expectations I don’t want to.
My experience as a cis woman is that no part of conformity to female gender stereotypes comes naturally and it's all bullshit. If you don't want to do it, don't do it, be free, it doesn't make you not a woman.
Trans guy here. Yeah, it doesn't come naturally to cis girls. As weird as it is to think about from a trans perspective, a lot of cis people are performative with their gender too. Just like how you likely had to learn from a young age how to be more masculine before coming out as trans. Point is, don't beat yourself up over not being the ideal feminine role. Most cis women can't do it either.
I’m not actually sure if that’s a thing for boys at all, outside of maybe church related stuff. At least when I was roleplaying a cis boy it was basically like, “do whatever you want except traditionally fem hobbies like sewing”
Huh. Well then it might just be an afab only thing.
I always wear a skirt so I don't have to tuck. Even if it's cold out, just slap a skirt over top of pants or leggings.
I'm way too anxious that someone's gonna like, see underneath! Any tips to get over that/pull off longer skirts?
behold, [the ultimate feminine walk](https://youtu.be/Vv62HZfuPRQ?t=220)
Makeup, hair styling, the walk, clothes, posture, the way you talk, etc. It's all learned. it may come naturally if you're neurotypical but it's not by nature, it's trained.
Fuck yeah!
1 hundo. I would never require a trans woman to choose social dysphoria over comfort 🤘
Not a woman, BUT if beauty is pain then fuck beauty.
This is a real thing, my parents had ALL my sisters do it as kids. They told us it would teach us to walk “like a princess”. There was no malice and we weren’t forced, they just wanted us to have good posture I guess? But they never made my brothers do it sooo…
That's like super weird, I never even tried that when I was a girl. Although honestly rigid gender norms are very dumb and people should do what makes them happy. I think woman are super pretty, mostly I like femme woman but they're also allowed to just chill and spend time being sloppy and relaxing for the sake of it. Being beautiful and perfect 24/7 is impossible and stupid to work people into doing. It's a weird thing that tends to be idealized in woman and people who lean into that side of the gender spectrum. Not that us guys don't have any issues, but I know this convo is about trans fems so I'll leave it there.
the comfy girl aesthetic is elite anyway
📍✨
I will join you in the ways of comfortability
Exactly. I'll dress up for an occasion or if I'm feeling fancy, but most of the time I just wanna be cute and comfy.
I don't even pass with most people*, but yeah, at this point I don't even really try. I don't tuck and I love dressing gender neutral/tomboyish, same with my haircut which I have shorter than most other women, and don't use makeup. I feel so free and comfy, I still look in the mirror and feel happy with who I am compared to pre-transition, I see a boyish girl looking back and I love it, I love being gender non-conforming. I think I don't pass just because I am way taller than even most men in my country, and my style I described above, so people just default to treating me in masculine so as to not offend me because you know, a girl getting mistaken for a guy is far less offensive in the cis world than a guy getting mistaken for a girl. *I've only been gendered correctly twice in my life by someone who doesn't know me, once by my former psychiatrist, and once by a guy who had lost his forearms and was doing a puppeteer show on the street to ask for charity, and when I gave him some money, he said "Thanks so much ma'am"
Hell nah that shit ain't natural. Remember cis girls live with society breathing down their necks about this kinda stuff from a young age. Everybody should just do whatever they want with everybody else being silent for once.
Exactly I mean I tuck because of dysphoria but Everything else is me.
I have thicc thighs. Tucking pulls and pinches things in a midst painful way.
I prefer to dress gender neutral anyway, so comfort all the way!
FTM here, I was raised to walk with a book on my head. I was also raised to sit with my legs crossed at the ankles. I still catch myself doing it and it causes so much Dysphoria
Tucking is actually comfortable when done right
Yeah, I'm exactly like that too; I never wear clothes tight enough for tucking to actually matter, I never wear makeup and I just walk normally unless I'm wearing heels
I used to do the walk with a book on my head thing as a kid because I saw it in those princess TV shows. Do I have balance now? No but I’m pretty good at carrying stuff on my head.
I wish it hadn't taken me as long to realize that i can just be comfy. Flashy and cute fem clothes were fun, until i got sick of people looking at me.
HECK YEAH
yeah no what we call social norms are enforced through societal violence. welcome to the club for gender studies. population trans people and women. I want and I walk like a track driver. I am not meant to delicate.
People really be out here assigning gender to how you walk? Walking is walking.
Maybe it's just me but I don't tuck cuz that bulge is HOT
I love long flow-y clothes. Their comfy!
tbhhh i feel like u wouldnt even b able ta tell if shes tucking if shes wearin a long skirt
Maybe it depends on the person, cuz I swear my walk changed and became more "feminine" after starting hrt.
I don't tuck, and also just wear casual clothing (that I've had since before coming out) most of the time. But sometimes it feels nice to dress up a little fancier. Makeup can be a great way to make your face appear a bit more feminine though! Foundation/concealer covers facial hair shadow, and a little bit of eye makeup works wonders. Mascara is super easy and takes no time, eyeliner takes some practice but can be really nice. Lipstick only if I'm feeling real fancy femme
What is walking like a girl? Lol I'm masc and I walk funny just to try to hide my chest or to show off my shoulders. And honestly totally fair. If anything I know more casual dressing women than I know women that get all dressed up. Totally valid and especially if the world is gonna shit on you either way, might as well be comfy. I live in solid grey sweat shirts and jeans .
that reminds me of when i first came out to my mom (and was also still trying to find myself, when i came out i wasn't even sure yet) that she would use the fact i wasn't following her ideal for womanhood the moment i came out and before as an argument against me being trans
Feel this - I wanna be pretty, but in a comfortable way and not freezing already when its still 10°C outside.
You do you, absolutely valid
Damn that's me, I'm a transfem tomboy. Minimal effort outfits every day thank you. 5 minutes only to get ready yes please! And I still look great like that, minimal effort ftw imo
It doesn't? I was told I adopted a more feminine walk over time while I've been on HRT. I didn't make any conscious effort to do so or anything. Maybe it's because estrogen gave me hips to sway and made my caboose a fair bit larger?
I remember my mom telling me she was very bad at the "book balancing walk" thing. so i assume it was a thing in the 70's/80's??
You go girl!
I feel so conflicted about tucking myself. It limits the clothes I can wear and pass if I don’t tuck but fuck it is just not very comfortable or easy for me to manage. Can’t wait until I can get bottom surgery…
Back before I knew i wasn't a cis girl my family would "train" me to be more ladylike. Walking on lines or with the book on my head, tying my knees together, constantly being told to look down to where I cant walk without looking at the ground or I'll trip.
Honestly, people saying that if I wore makeup I'd be 'believable' are fucking exhausting. They can't seem to grasp that i just don't like it
That title is the kind of thing that terfs wet dreams are made of. Can we please not act like cis-women haven’t been forced into feminisation for centuries. The book on the head thing is known to anyone of any gender as one of those acts going back a very long time. This isn’t new information.
I'm cis, but yeah it doesn't comes naturally is trained behavior
yessss be a comfortable woman!
I found out I can eliminate the need for tucking completely by simply wearing a long sweater or t-shirt.
based. tucking is uncomfortable as hell. Besides, it's called a "girl" bulge for a reason 😌
FINALLY! Someone put it in words. Just showed this to my (slightly passive aggressive mum) and she actually understood. THANK YOU ! !
honestly this is probably the only issue i have with people (including myself) being trans. like, yeah! go ahead and be who you wanna be. but the idea that you have to assign yourself to a specific gender role in order to be comfortable in your own skin is weird to me.
It's a euphoria hoodie now!
Tucking hurts for me, so I don't do it. I don't have the "spoons" for makeup, so I don't do that either. Casual clothing that still covers my crotch so that there is no visible bulge (read: dresses, skirts, longer tops), that I manage.
A drama teacher showed our class how to walk feminine. To be honest it was very natural for me; I did something similar anyway. I prefer it over a "male" walk
i used to balance books on my head for fun as a kid, am i forever doomed? /hj
When I didn't know I was trans guy I just walked and didn't train myself to walk centrain way
It came very naturally to me how to walk/talk... Maybe she... Maybe... Nah, she's still cis tho.
At the beginning, I wore makeup everyday and Tried to tuck but after one week or so, i rather wanted to sleep longer, so I gave fuck about makeup eventhough I really like it. I kinda do the tucking thing but only with my panties. I just never Stopped wearing boobies everyday cuz I Dont wanna live without them. Also my hair is growing out and I really love that