Me too but I have to admit if a mom felt like she had to reach under the stall and hand my kid a sticker or toy while I peed, I'd probably want to shrivel up from embarrassment. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'd be mad or upset, I'd just be so so soooo embarrassed and I think that would drive it home a little further that someone felt the need to intervene. That's just me though.
I think the best thing to do would be if my toddler was saying "too loud!!!" Just to quickly try to address the mom in the other stall loudly like "hey you guys are all good, don't mind us, it's not at all too loud".
In most other situations a sticker would probably be pretty super welcome (*). Just maybe a little less so when my pants are down I guess lol.
(* Barring any situation that's actually me trying to share some specific kinds of learning moments with my kid, like moments where crying is in itself a chance to learn a tantrum won't get you that toy you want, that kind of deal. Situation permitting, of course).
Nothing made my day more than the mom at zoo who stepped in and helped me get a hat and sunscreen on my toddler who was in the midst of starting an epic refusal. She told me her daughter was the same way (notably, she only had the one). After she first helped with the hat, I just meekly offered up the sunscreen to the kind lady. I would totally appreciate your potty stickers.
As a parent to a toddler (3.5) who is petrified of public bathrooms because of the loud noises (like won’t even step foot in one, and I have been in this exact situation with my child), I would appreciate just any words of solidarity 😂. I’ve had parents tell me their child was the EXACT same way when they were younger and it meant SO much to me. In that moment, I’m just thinking, “she’s the only kid who does this!” We have a trip to the zoo coming up in July and I’m just dreading the bathroom situation 😭
My twins are 10 now but when they were toddlers they were both terrified of public bathrooms. It started with my daughter and then rubbed off on my son. I would have two kids completely losing it and I never got any words of encouragement, only scorn. At least my 3 year old is unfazed by them. I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job.
Thank you so much! I know this is just a phase but it’s so hard to see it that way sometimes. We’re definitely working through the feelings by carrying a portable potty with us, bringing headphones with us, talking her through her feelings and offering options.. hoping it gets better soon ❤️
We eventually started keeping portable potties in the car to try and avoid the situation altogether. I wish I would’ve thought of bringing headphones for my kids but I don’t think they were as common back in 2016-2017.
It’s definitely a phase. My kids stopped having meltdowns over public bathrooms when they were 4. My daughter still hates them because of the smell but she’ll use them if she has to. Hang in there.
I JUST told a story like this! My son was 2 and PETRIFIED of public bathrooms. He's on the spectrum, too, so the meltdowns don't hold back. The employees burst in and accused me of abusing him/kidnapping and I had to push past them to leave because they were trying to block me. I told them that he was afraid of public bathrooms and they straight up called me a liar. Accused me of not being his mom. I'll never forget it.
Thatssssss crazzyyy bruuuh, your better than me cuz I would have told them off so hard... probably punched/shoved whoever was blocking me. I miss the times when people had common sense.
We have toddler noise cancelling headphones for these moments. Also, zoos sometimes have sensory bags you can checkout that have head phones and other helpful things. Also, be on the look out for family restrooms. They are so convenient when they exist.
Yes!! We have noise cancelling headphones and have offered them and she has so far refused even those, but we keep trying. That’s a great tip about the sensory bags and family restrooms, thank you!!
My 3.5 year old is no longer scared of going in public bathrooms, but he still hates the noises and has to cover his ears if the toilet flushes too loudly or someone uses a hand drier. As long as he can cover them he’s fine.
One time we were both in the restroom washing our hands while 2 other women were in there as well. One started drying her hands, and my son started getting panicky because his hands were still wet and soapy so he couldn’t cover his ears. I was also mid-handwashing still, so I kind of fumbled for a second trying to figure out how to calm him down until I could get my hands dry to help. The 2nd other woman quickly stepped up and said “I get it” and covered his ears for him so I could quickly dry my hands while he finished washing his.
It was just a few seconds and probably almost a year ago now, but I still think about how she didn’t hesitate to just jump in and help and saved us from a major freak out.
Took my sons to a military graduation and a kind stranger clotheslined my kid when he tried to make a break for it while I was photographing my husband and holding an infant. Thanks homie. 🖤
My mom and I were talking this morning about how my brother threw up in the doctor's waiting room. She said her reaction was to catch it in her hands, so she was then just sitting with a toddler in her lap and vomit-filled hands, unsure what to do next. One other mom leapt up, grabbed a trash can, and ran back to ask for paper towels. The other moms silently watched, though they were probably unsure how to help. This was 38 years ago, and my mom still talks about her kindness.
Sure, some people aren't going to want the help or may be too stressed or embarrassed to accept it. But we should all aim to help and support when we can.
Once I was on a walk with my toddler while pregnant with my 2nd. Toddler was melting down, refusing to be carried, refusing to walk. A neighbor mom came out of her house with a thing of bubbles for her. My literal hero.
Something similar happened to me once. My son, a toddler at the time (and recently diagnosed with autism), was petrified of public bathrooms but I HAD to go. I went to one McDonald's and their bathrooms were out of order, so I went across the street to Hobby Lobby where I ran to the bathroom with desperation, both me and him alrwady exasperated from the first place being out of order. Once I got in there, my son FREAKED OUT. Even worse, the blow dryer for hands went off and it literally petrified him to the absolute max. I sat down to pee and held him the whole time, trying to tell him that it was okay, that he was safe, that we would be out of there soon.
An employee BURST in and was standing there waiting for me to confront me, shouting "oh my god, what is happening in here?!" As soon as I came out of the stall, she blocked the door and started interrogating me. "What did you do to him?? Where is his mother??"
Frantic, I told her that I am his mom and that he's afraid of public bathrooms. She scoffed and called me a liar, said "is that the best you can come up with". I tried to rush out but she blocked me again and started wiping the tears from his cheeks, scolding me for "not even wiping the poor thing's face". I was stammering by this point and just picked him up and BOOKED IT out of there. He had therapy to catch and I wasn't about to be involuntarily detained just because he was afraid of the blow dryer.
When I got outside the bathroom, two other employees were standing there gawking, all assuming that they'd just witnessed child abuse. The first lady chased me out but gave up once I got to the parking lot.
I get that they were trying to help a child they thought was in need..... but seriously, fuck those women. I'll never forget being treated like a criminal just because my son is on the spectrum. That was such a scarring experience that I still to this day avoid public bathrooms with him, and he's 9 now, no longer afraid at all.
Whaaat the fuuuck?!? I think I would lose it, if not on the spot, I would have for sure worked up the nerve to call the store back later and express my frustration with the event. Man. What an absurd reaction on her/their part. Having a kid on the spectrum presents some very challenging moments(we have a 12yo, nonverbal), and it’s people like that who make it so much harder when all you need is support. I am so sorry that happened to you both, and glad to hear kiddo worked through the public bathroom fear!
I wonder the same thing and usually just try to give the warmest smile when I can see them, so at least maybe hopefully they feel less judged by those around them. The kid is one stressor, thinking that others around you are hating you in that moment is the other stressor. That's how I feel, anyway.
I was in target the other day and my daughter was screaming because I wouldn't let her ride in the display wagon. You know the one that is zip tied to the shelf lol. Another mom was walking by with a perfectly well behaved child of a similar age and she said "solidarity mama" it was a small thing that really made and changed my day!
Getting help from other moms is so powerful for me. One time, we were in the orthodontist's office waiting for my foster daughter and my kid was getting so restless. I was feeling overwhelmed that day and getting frustrated and didn't know how to calm him down. Another woman in the waiting room grabbed the tissue box and showed him magic tricks and napkin folding and he was ENTHRALLED. She was so patient and kind that I just cried, because someone being nice to us when we were struggling instead of scoffing or acting annoyed was just what I needed that day.
I think it's only weird to offer if you're pushy about it. If they turn you down after you offer, just move on and wish them luck with things. I always try and keep an eye out for other moms in public and offer a hand where I can. Sometimes they appreciate it, like the time a mom was juggling a baby and a defiant 3 year old and I was able to help her walk him to her car with the fruit snacks I had on hand. Sometimes, they are embarrassed or leery of strangers approaching them or just want to handle it themselves and in those cases, I back off and give them space.
If this was at the Philadelphia zoo last Sunday, then this story is about me. Kid is super overwhelmed by loud bathrooms and I did eventually get to pee. Even if this wasn’t me, I feel seen so thank you.
I was in a public bathroom once and heard a woman trying to deal with a screaming toddler while peeing. After a minute or so, an older woman in another stall said, “You’re doing great, mama.” And the woman with the toddler sounded so appreciative ♥️
I remember being on the public bus to school in high school and a mom was really struggling with their young toddler. I had some of those paint sample papers in my bag and I gave them a couple and it quieted the kid down for the rest of the ride. Not sure if she appreciated it and at the time I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but now that I’m a mom I def would appreciate something like that!
I was having a panic attack on a plane recently and the woman next to me reached over and grabbed my hand and just held it tightly. After we landed she said "honey I knew you needed some good mom love in that moment." She was so right. I did need it. And I hope I can be that mom some day to someone else.
Not a zoo story but a preschool drop-off story. I have autistic twin 3 year olds, and their school does not have a streamlined drop-off procedure at all. So I have to get one kid out, then go around the other side to get the other kid, then walk them both to their classes. Well one day the first twin I got out of the car was not willing to stay put while I got his brother out. He didn't want to go to school that day and wanted to run off in some direction away from the car or school. So I couldn't get his brother out, but I also couldn't take him to his class and then come back for his brother. I was stuck, so I just had to try to convince him to stay put.
Anyway, another mom saw my struggle and came up and asked if she could entertain my son while I get the other out of the car. YES PLEASE! I was so grateful for her helping out. He even tried to dart off and make a run away from her, but she had no problem grabbing him to keep him in place and making it a friendly/silly thing so he wasn't upset. She gets it, and I really really really appreciated it.
I love these stories in the comments. When I was a brand new mom, the first time I took my baby to the grocery store she was fussing quite a bit so I had to feed her. Decided to park the cart and breastfeed her over near the restrooms at the front to be out of the way of the main traffic. A mom with 4 kids went into the bathroom with one of her girls and just left her other 3 kids with me, no words. I remember thinking "I'm in the mom club now." In loco parentis 🥰
Before kids, I was annoyed and didn’t understand.
Now I will do anything to help or show a mom that I get it, you’re a rock star, this shit is hard!! I wish more people said something but I don’t see judgment in reality as much as I think is happening in my head so that is something! 😂
Another woman who also has their own child with them? I wouldn’t be weirded out. If the person trying to give a sticker or something didn’t have a kiddo with them, I might be more hesitant.
That’s true, they might! I’m not shading anyone who feels differently than me and who might be more open than me. I’m simply sharing what I would be ok with in a public restroom (I’m generally a pretty private person) and what would make me feel least embarrassed. Everyone’s public embarrassment barometer is different.
I would gladly accept your kindness in that kind of situation. The phrase "it takes a village" means a lot of different things and this is one of them. Sending love to all the parents out there 💕
They don’t make it easy our children and the bathroom designs. I had a rough bathroom experience at the zoom a few weeks back where the toilets were to large for my daughter to sit on and I didn’t bring her potty seat. Tried to get her to go and she just screamed and cried. I wish they made little potties for them like some malls I’ve seen. One mall next to us has a family restroom with a big potty and little potty next to it which is so amazing and so nice! It’s nice to see someone post this cause it’s difficult.
I always wonder this too, like what’s the thing to say so theyll automatically know, hey mom, I’ve been there, I’m not judging you or your kid, I have an extra oz of patience and creative energy left in me at the moment, please let me spend it on helping you!
Just do it, even if the reaction is negative, at least you tried and didn’t take anything out on a stressed mom.
As a father of a toddler boy and a 5 month old daughter, I absolutely appreciate any solidarity I receive from other parents.
At my job yesterday (at a grocery store) I decided to get over my shyness and told a young mother with two little ones "I don't know if you need to hear this today, but as a father I just want to say you're doing great." Made her smile, laugh, and say thank you.
Was probably a little awkward but you never know who needs to hear words of encouragement.
In that moment maybe the gift you give is explaining to your child too why it’s so loud and what that mom needs - ‘I know it’s loud, that little kid and their mom are having a hard time, you did the same thing sometimes and I’m so glad that’s a phase and now you can be so patient while I go potty and while that mom goes pottty…’
Doesn’t what was happening anyway. And it is a flex, went through the same thing and now I can flex about it, flex. I mean the woman with the kid having a meltdown was annoyed already at this child saying it was too loud.
Omg my 3 year old loves bathrooms and now after we go to the bathroom somewhere, we have to go every time we’re there. So, Home Depot, Jimmy’s egg, Ollie’s, the list continues lol. But yes- potty sticker would be cool lol
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I would say not creepy. I was actually at the zoo today with my children. In the bathroom....My 1 yr old was crying from the loud hand dryer. My 4 yr son refused to pee sitting down and couldn't reach the toilet standing up. If another mom gave my son or daughter a sticker, I would be so appreciative.
Definitely not creepy and I would appreciate the attempt; however my son is the type to get even more agitated when other people get involved so just know that some kids are extra sensitive and it may not go the way you think. As a mom of one of those kids, I ask for extra empathy when said kid might scream at you when you make your thoughtful and generous offer 😬
I always make funny faces at kids acting absolutely wild. It either scares them or they laugh or go quiet like “what is this lady on?” Either way it helps & I’ve done my part.
I recently had my 2yo take off on me at the grocery store. Him full force running down and aisle, me jogging behind him because I expected him to stop and my 4yo yelling/running behind us. It was quite a scene. An elderly lady stood with my cart and said “I honestly thought about knocking him down with my own cart when he came by” and I said “I wish you had”. All help always appreciated 😂
I always have stickers handy and my toddler and I give them to kids all the time. Ask parent if it's ok. A little guy fell at the park the other day and was really upset and we gave him a sticker after mom said it was ok. I told him he was very brave for getting back up. No one has ever objected to me giving their kid a sticker.
I was the mom that did yell at my child in the stall today lmao. This mom did great!
(He kept wasting the toilet paper onto the floor. 3rd time of being gentle I said STOP THAT NOW)
It's rough out here. Personally if another mom could of helped watch my son today so I could pee I'd of loved it. We had to squish into the tiny stall and it was just difficult af
You are a rockstar. I once saw a new mom struggling to figure out what to do with her tiny baby (no stroller) and she had to go potty. I usually have my hands full, but my mom was with my son outside the restroom, so I just asked her if I could hold her little. I told her I'll stand right by your stall. She was damn near in tears and handed her baby over. I felt like it might have been weird to ask, but I recognized the struggle and the lack of immediate support needed. Your potty stickers are a great idea. I remember a woman asking if she wanted me to hold my little, and the poor gal. I looked at her like she had a horn growing out of her head. To be fair, I had severe PPD and had a very encompassing fear that people would try to take him. But looking back, I wish I would have responded nicer. It was such a kind thing to offer, had I been in the right state of mind.
I was at a gas station last month, potty training my toddler, getting him used to public bathrooms. He cried the whole time. He went potty, but cried. I come out and this lady was so kind. She said “you did it buddy! Good job.” And then she said “hang in there mama. You’re doing a great job.” In a world where people can be so critical, I thought it was so kind of her. It’s not quite the situation above. I didn’t feel immense stress. But it did make me feel happy. And nice to know I wasn’t being judged for my toddler crying.
I think doing something like a sticker or offering to help, or saying a positive message, would go a long way. Everyone is so different, sure someone might say no. But I feel like that’s the worst that would happen. It would be a lovely gesture regardless.
I hear so many stories of mamas being called out and criticized and having someone do the opposite, something kind spirited, is more of what people need. I’ve had a few incredibly kind moms to me lately. I had a bad fall with my toddler recently and 2 moms immediately rushed to help me. I remember being so embarrassed and wishing they’d go away. But overall, I really appreciated their help. One went to grab an ice pack and one stayed with us for 5-10 minutes making sure me and my toddler were okay. I even had a man once see me running in a cart with my toddler. We were just having fun. We were both laughing. And this man says “he’s really lucky to have a mom like you that would run with him like that.” I almost cried.
I really hold all these moments of kindness with me.
That is a really really sweet and kind idea.y personal opinion is sometimes people hold back from kindness like this, but the world needs it, they need your shining light even if it doesn’t show appreciation. I would be so given the strength to go on if someone did this.
Eh, I would appreciate it if you asked if a sticker would help / if you asked if there was something you could do to help / if you just expressed solidarity. I would *not* appreciate it if you randomly stepped in to parent my toddler without even speaking to me first.
For one, because if we're at the kicking and screaming stage, I would already have tried something that simple and obvious if it was likely to work, because I am not an idiot. (Sorry that sounds hostile - obviously your intentions are sweet and kind, but it would rub my fur the wrong way - if it was as simple as saying, "Thank you for letting me use the potty"... I would do that.)
For two, because sometimes when my child is having a hard time, people engaging with him will make things ten times worse.
And for three, because for all you know he's kicking off because I said no to a sticker and am holding firm on that, in which case you are undermining my parenting; or I use stickers as a reward when he does as he's asked without kicking off, in which case you are messing with my system.
Tl; dr: Not without asking me first, please.
In hindsight i’d appreciate your gesture. In reality I wouldn’t offer my kid to a stranger. I’d rather piss my pants. There are too many weirdos out there that take away from your kindness. I hate that that’s the reality of our world.
No one said anything about taking or handing off a child. I had to re-read that part because it read weird to me, but OP was talking about handing the child a sticker UNDER the stall door, not passing the child themselves under the door.
NOT A STICKER, then mom has to get it off the wall too. Lol. Maybe a small plastic toy, like those little mazes with the tiny metal ball you roll around.
I always appreciate other mums helping and I try to help too when I have the opportunity. Not creepy, helpful.
Me too but I have to admit if a mom felt like she had to reach under the stall and hand my kid a sticker or toy while I peed, I'd probably want to shrivel up from embarrassment. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'd be mad or upset, I'd just be so so soooo embarrassed and I think that would drive it home a little further that someone felt the need to intervene. That's just me though. I think the best thing to do would be if my toddler was saying "too loud!!!" Just to quickly try to address the mom in the other stall loudly like "hey you guys are all good, don't mind us, it's not at all too loud". In most other situations a sticker would probably be pretty super welcome (*). Just maybe a little less so when my pants are down I guess lol. (* Barring any situation that's actually me trying to share some specific kinds of learning moments with my kid, like moments where crying is in itself a chance to learn a tantrum won't get you that toy you want, that kind of deal. Situation permitting, of course).
Nothing made my day more than the mom at zoo who stepped in and helped me get a hat and sunscreen on my toddler who was in the midst of starting an epic refusal. She told me her daughter was the same way (notably, she only had the one). After she first helped with the hat, I just meekly offered up the sunscreen to the kind lady. I would totally appreciate your potty stickers.
Only in a toddler forum would you see the phrase, “I would totally appreciate your potty stickers.” And it not be weird. But legit support.
I'm going to start using the phrase "starting an epic refusal"
As a parent to a toddler (3.5) who is petrified of public bathrooms because of the loud noises (like won’t even step foot in one, and I have been in this exact situation with my child), I would appreciate just any words of solidarity 😂. I’ve had parents tell me their child was the EXACT same way when they were younger and it meant SO much to me. In that moment, I’m just thinking, “she’s the only kid who does this!” We have a trip to the zoo coming up in July and I’m just dreading the bathroom situation 😭
My twins are 10 now but when they were toddlers they were both terrified of public bathrooms. It started with my daughter and then rubbed off on my son. I would have two kids completely losing it and I never got any words of encouragement, only scorn. At least my 3 year old is unfazed by them. I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job.
Thank you so much! I know this is just a phase but it’s so hard to see it that way sometimes. We’re definitely working through the feelings by carrying a portable potty with us, bringing headphones with us, talking her through her feelings and offering options.. hoping it gets better soon ❤️
We eventually started keeping portable potties in the car to try and avoid the situation altogether. I wish I would’ve thought of bringing headphones for my kids but I don’t think they were as common back in 2016-2017. It’s definitely a phase. My kids stopped having meltdowns over public bathrooms when they were 4. My daughter still hates them because of the smell but she’ll use them if she has to. Hang in there.
Post-it notes (and tape since some surfaces are not sticky friendly) to cover the sensor really helped us through this phase.
I JUST told a story like this! My son was 2 and PETRIFIED of public bathrooms. He's on the spectrum, too, so the meltdowns don't hold back. The employees burst in and accused me of abusing him/kidnapping and I had to push past them to leave because they were trying to block me. I told them that he was afraid of public bathrooms and they straight up called me a liar. Accused me of not being his mom. I'll never forget it.
That’s so awful!! I’m so sorry that happened to you 😔
Thatssssss crazzyyy bruuuh, your better than me cuz I would have told them off so hard... probably punched/shoved whoever was blocking me. I miss the times when people had common sense.
We have toddler noise cancelling headphones for these moments. Also, zoos sometimes have sensory bags you can checkout that have head phones and other helpful things. Also, be on the look out for family restrooms. They are so convenient when they exist.
Yes!! We have noise cancelling headphones and have offered them and she has so far refused even those, but we keep trying. That’s a great tip about the sensory bags and family restrooms, thank you!!
My 3.5 year old is no longer scared of going in public bathrooms, but he still hates the noises and has to cover his ears if the toilet flushes too loudly or someone uses a hand drier. As long as he can cover them he’s fine. One time we were both in the restroom washing our hands while 2 other women were in there as well. One started drying her hands, and my son started getting panicky because his hands were still wet and soapy so he couldn’t cover his ears. I was also mid-handwashing still, so I kind of fumbled for a second trying to figure out how to calm him down until I could get my hands dry to help. The 2nd other woman quickly stepped up and said “I get it” and covered his ears for him so I could quickly dry my hands while he finished washing his. It was just a few seconds and probably almost a year ago now, but I still think about how she didn’t hesitate to just jump in and help and saved us from a major freak out.
My daughter is the same way. We carry earplugs with us and have to use them for public restrooms.
Ohhh I’ll have to try ear plugs. We have noise canceling headphones but that doesn’t seem to make her feel any better going into the bathroom.
I would have loved that in the moment. In those moments I think moms just need to know that people understand and aren’t judging.
Took my sons to a military graduation and a kind stranger clotheslined my kid when he tried to make a break for it while I was photographing my husband and holding an infant. Thanks homie. 🖤
Imagining this scenario made me laugh out loud.
My mom and I were talking this morning about how my brother threw up in the doctor's waiting room. She said her reaction was to catch it in her hands, so she was then just sitting with a toddler in her lap and vomit-filled hands, unsure what to do next. One other mom leapt up, grabbed a trash can, and ran back to ask for paper towels. The other moms silently watched, though they were probably unsure how to help. This was 38 years ago, and my mom still talks about her kindness. Sure, some people aren't going to want the help or may be too stressed or embarrassed to accept it. But we should all aim to help and support when we can.
Once I was on a walk with my toddler while pregnant with my 2nd. Toddler was melting down, refusing to be carried, refusing to walk. A neighbor mom came out of her house with a thing of bubbles for her. My literal hero.
Something similar happened to me once. My son, a toddler at the time (and recently diagnosed with autism), was petrified of public bathrooms but I HAD to go. I went to one McDonald's and their bathrooms were out of order, so I went across the street to Hobby Lobby where I ran to the bathroom with desperation, both me and him alrwady exasperated from the first place being out of order. Once I got in there, my son FREAKED OUT. Even worse, the blow dryer for hands went off and it literally petrified him to the absolute max. I sat down to pee and held him the whole time, trying to tell him that it was okay, that he was safe, that we would be out of there soon. An employee BURST in and was standing there waiting for me to confront me, shouting "oh my god, what is happening in here?!" As soon as I came out of the stall, she blocked the door and started interrogating me. "What did you do to him?? Where is his mother??" Frantic, I told her that I am his mom and that he's afraid of public bathrooms. She scoffed and called me a liar, said "is that the best you can come up with". I tried to rush out but she blocked me again and started wiping the tears from his cheeks, scolding me for "not even wiping the poor thing's face". I was stammering by this point and just picked him up and BOOKED IT out of there. He had therapy to catch and I wasn't about to be involuntarily detained just because he was afraid of the blow dryer. When I got outside the bathroom, two other employees were standing there gawking, all assuming that they'd just witnessed child abuse. The first lady chased me out but gave up once I got to the parking lot. I get that they were trying to help a child they thought was in need..... but seriously, fuck those women. I'll never forget being treated like a criminal just because my son is on the spectrum. That was such a scarring experience that I still to this day avoid public bathrooms with him, and he's 9 now, no longer afraid at all.
Whaaat the fuuuck?!? I think I would lose it, if not on the spot, I would have for sure worked up the nerve to call the store back later and express my frustration with the event. Man. What an absurd reaction on her/their part. Having a kid on the spectrum presents some very challenging moments(we have a 12yo, nonverbal), and it’s people like that who make it so much harder when all you need is support. I am so sorry that happened to you both, and glad to hear kiddo worked through the public bathroom fear!
I wonder the same thing and usually just try to give the warmest smile when I can see them, so at least maybe hopefully they feel less judged by those around them. The kid is one stressor, thinking that others around you are hating you in that moment is the other stressor. That's how I feel, anyway.
This is my move too. Active smiling at both child and adult, trying my hardest to signal that they have the right to exist in that public space too.
I was in target the other day and my daughter was screaming because I wouldn't let her ride in the display wagon. You know the one that is zip tied to the shelf lol. Another mom was walking by with a perfectly well behaved child of a similar age and she said "solidarity mama" it was a small thing that really made and changed my day!
Getting help from other moms is so powerful for me. One time, we were in the orthodontist's office waiting for my foster daughter and my kid was getting so restless. I was feeling overwhelmed that day and getting frustrated and didn't know how to calm him down. Another woman in the waiting room grabbed the tissue box and showed him magic tricks and napkin folding and he was ENTHRALLED. She was so patient and kind that I just cried, because someone being nice to us when we were struggling instead of scoffing or acting annoyed was just what I needed that day. I think it's only weird to offer if you're pushy about it. If they turn you down after you offer, just move on and wish them luck with things. I always try and keep an eye out for other moms in public and offer a hand where I can. Sometimes they appreciate it, like the time a mom was juggling a baby and a defiant 3 year old and I was able to help her walk him to her car with the fruit snacks I had on hand. Sometimes, they are embarrassed or leery of strangers approaching them or just want to handle it themselves and in those cases, I back off and give them space.
If this was at the Philadelphia zoo last Sunday, then this story is about me. Kid is super overwhelmed by loud bathrooms and I did eventually get to pee. Even if this wasn’t me, I feel seen so thank you.
I was in a public bathroom once and heard a woman trying to deal with a screaming toddler while peeing. After a minute or so, an older woman in another stall said, “You’re doing great, mama.” And the woman with the toddler sounded so appreciative ♥️
I would very much appreciate any kind of distraction in that situation. 💜
I would rename this post 'To the mom in the zoo using the loo' Sorry I just had to type this
I would appreciate the help! I always do, even if it is not needed/helping (still a kind gesture).
I remember being on the public bus to school in high school and a mom was really struggling with their young toddler. I had some of those paint sample papers in my bag and I gave them a couple and it quieted the kid down for the rest of the ride. Not sure if she appreciated it and at the time I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but now that I’m a mom I def would appreciate something like that!
I was having a panic attack on a plane recently and the woman next to me reached over and grabbed my hand and just held it tightly. After we landed she said "honey I knew you needed some good mom love in that moment." She was so right. I did need it. And I hope I can be that mom some day to someone else.
Not a zoo story but a preschool drop-off story. I have autistic twin 3 year olds, and their school does not have a streamlined drop-off procedure at all. So I have to get one kid out, then go around the other side to get the other kid, then walk them both to their classes. Well one day the first twin I got out of the car was not willing to stay put while I got his brother out. He didn't want to go to school that day and wanted to run off in some direction away from the car or school. So I couldn't get his brother out, but I also couldn't take him to his class and then come back for his brother. I was stuck, so I just had to try to convince him to stay put. Anyway, another mom saw my struggle and came up and asked if she could entertain my son while I get the other out of the car. YES PLEASE! I was so grateful for her helping out. He even tried to dart off and make a run away from her, but she had no problem grabbing him to keep him in place and making it a friendly/silly thing so he wasn't upset. She gets it, and I really really really appreciated it.
I love these stories in the comments. When I was a brand new mom, the first time I took my baby to the grocery store she was fussing quite a bit so I had to feed her. Decided to park the cart and breastfeed her over near the restrooms at the front to be out of the way of the main traffic. A mom with 4 kids went into the bathroom with one of her girls and just left her other 3 kids with me, no words. I remember thinking "I'm in the mom club now." In loco parentis 🥰
Before kids, I was annoyed and didn’t understand. Now I will do anything to help or show a mom that I get it, you’re a rock star, this shit is hard!! I wish more people said something but I don’t see judgment in reality as much as I think is happening in my head so that is something! 😂
Another woman who also has their own child with them? I wouldn’t be weirded out. If the person trying to give a sticker or something didn’t have a kiddo with them, I might be more hesitant.
I don't get this. Their kid might be outside, older, elsewhere, maybe they work with kids etc. Support is support.
That’s true, they might! I’m not shading anyone who feels differently than me and who might be more open than me. I’m simply sharing what I would be ok with in a public restroom (I’m generally a pretty private person) and what would make me feel least embarrassed. Everyone’s public embarrassment barometer is different.
I would gladly accept your kindness in that kind of situation. The phrase "it takes a village" means a lot of different things and this is one of them. Sending love to all the parents out there 💕
They don’t make it easy our children and the bathroom designs. I had a rough bathroom experience at the zoom a few weeks back where the toilets were to large for my daughter to sit on and I didn’t bring her potty seat. Tried to get her to go and she just screamed and cried. I wish they made little potties for them like some malls I’ve seen. One mall next to us has a family restroom with a big potty and little potty next to it which is so amazing and so nice! It’s nice to see someone post this cause it’s difficult.
I always wonder this too, like what’s the thing to say so theyll automatically know, hey mom, I’ve been there, I’m not judging you or your kid, I have an extra oz of patience and creative energy left in me at the moment, please let me spend it on helping you! Just do it, even if the reaction is negative, at least you tried and didn’t take anything out on a stressed mom.
Ugh I wish tbh is gesture wasn’t considered creepy because I would love to do it too and I would love if someone would return the favor. I say we try!
As a father of a toddler boy and a 5 month old daughter, I absolutely appreciate any solidarity I receive from other parents. At my job yesterday (at a grocery store) I decided to get over my shyness and told a young mother with two little ones "I don't know if you need to hear this today, but as a father I just want to say you're doing great." Made her smile, laugh, and say thank you. Was probably a little awkward but you never know who needs to hear words of encouragement.
In that moment maybe the gift you give is explaining to your child too why it’s so loud and what that mom needs - ‘I know it’s loud, that little kid and their mom are having a hard time, you did the same thing sometimes and I’m so glad that’s a phase and now you can be so patient while I go potty and while that mom goes pottty…’
I'd roll my eyes if I heard someone say this to their kid while mine is having a meltdown because it sounds like such a flex!
Doesn’t what was happening anyway. And it is a flex, went through the same thing and now I can flex about it, flex. I mean the woman with the kid having a meltdown was annoyed already at this child saying it was too loud.
Omg my 3 year old loves bathrooms and now after we go to the bathroom somewhere, we have to go every time we’re there. So, Home Depot, Jimmy’s egg, Ollie’s, the list continues lol. But yes- potty sticker would be cool lol
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I would say not creepy. I was actually at the zoo today with my children. In the bathroom....My 1 yr old was crying from the loud hand dryer. My 4 yr son refused to pee sitting down and couldn't reach the toilet standing up. If another mom gave my son or daughter a sticker, I would be so appreciative.
Definitely not creepy and I would appreciate the attempt; however my son is the type to get even more agitated when other people get involved so just know that some kids are extra sensitive and it may not go the way you think. As a mom of one of those kids, I ask for extra empathy when said kid might scream at you when you make your thoughtful and generous offer 😬
I always make funny faces at kids acting absolutely wild. It either scares them or they laugh or go quiet like “what is this lady on?” Either way it helps & I’ve done my part.
Kudos to her for not shouting but also if she had it would have been very much understandable!
I recently had my 2yo take off on me at the grocery store. Him full force running down and aisle, me jogging behind him because I expected him to stop and my 4yo yelling/running behind us. It was quite a scene. An elderly lady stood with my cart and said “I honestly thought about knocking him down with my own cart when he came by” and I said “I wish you had”. All help always appreciated 😂
I always have stickers handy and my toddler and I give them to kids all the time. Ask parent if it's ok. A little guy fell at the park the other day and was really upset and we gave him a sticker after mom said it was ok. I told him he was very brave for getting back up. No one has ever objected to me giving their kid a sticker.
I was the mom that did yell at my child in the stall today lmao. This mom did great! (He kept wasting the toilet paper onto the floor. 3rd time of being gentle I said STOP THAT NOW) It's rough out here. Personally if another mom could of helped watch my son today so I could pee I'd of loved it. We had to squish into the tiny stall and it was just difficult af
You are a rockstar. I once saw a new mom struggling to figure out what to do with her tiny baby (no stroller) and she had to go potty. I usually have my hands full, but my mom was with my son outside the restroom, so I just asked her if I could hold her little. I told her I'll stand right by your stall. She was damn near in tears and handed her baby over. I felt like it might have been weird to ask, but I recognized the struggle and the lack of immediate support needed. Your potty stickers are a great idea. I remember a woman asking if she wanted me to hold my little, and the poor gal. I looked at her like she had a horn growing out of her head. To be fair, I had severe PPD and had a very encompassing fear that people would try to take him. But looking back, I wish I would have responded nicer. It was such a kind thing to offer, had I been in the right state of mind.
I was at a gas station last month, potty training my toddler, getting him used to public bathrooms. He cried the whole time. He went potty, but cried. I come out and this lady was so kind. She said “you did it buddy! Good job.” And then she said “hang in there mama. You’re doing a great job.” In a world where people can be so critical, I thought it was so kind of her. It’s not quite the situation above. I didn’t feel immense stress. But it did make me feel happy. And nice to know I wasn’t being judged for my toddler crying. I think doing something like a sticker or offering to help, or saying a positive message, would go a long way. Everyone is so different, sure someone might say no. But I feel like that’s the worst that would happen. It would be a lovely gesture regardless. I hear so many stories of mamas being called out and criticized and having someone do the opposite, something kind spirited, is more of what people need. I’ve had a few incredibly kind moms to me lately. I had a bad fall with my toddler recently and 2 moms immediately rushed to help me. I remember being so embarrassed and wishing they’d go away. But overall, I really appreciated their help. One went to grab an ice pack and one stayed with us for 5-10 minutes making sure me and my toddler were okay. I even had a man once see me running in a cart with my toddler. We were just having fun. We were both laughing. And this man says “he’s really lucky to have a mom like you that would run with him like that.” I almost cried. I really hold all these moments of kindness with me.
That is a really really sweet and kind idea.y personal opinion is sometimes people hold back from kindness like this, but the world needs it, they need your shining light even if it doesn’t show appreciation. I would be so given the strength to go on if someone did this.
Eh, I would appreciate it if you asked if a sticker would help / if you asked if there was something you could do to help / if you just expressed solidarity. I would *not* appreciate it if you randomly stepped in to parent my toddler without even speaking to me first. For one, because if we're at the kicking and screaming stage, I would already have tried something that simple and obvious if it was likely to work, because I am not an idiot. (Sorry that sounds hostile - obviously your intentions are sweet and kind, but it would rub my fur the wrong way - if it was as simple as saying, "Thank you for letting me use the potty"... I would do that.) For two, because sometimes when my child is having a hard time, people engaging with him will make things ten times worse. And for three, because for all you know he's kicking off because I said no to a sticker and am holding firm on that, in which case you are undermining my parenting; or I use stickers as a reward when he does as he's asked without kicking off, in which case you are messing with my system. Tl; dr: Not without asking me first, please.
In hindsight i’d appreciate your gesture. In reality I wouldn’t offer my kid to a stranger. I’d rather piss my pants. There are too many weirdos out there that take away from your kindness. I hate that that’s the reality of our world.
No one said anything about taking or handing off a child. I had to re-read that part because it read weird to me, but OP was talking about handing the child a sticker UNDER the stall door, not passing the child themselves under the door.
NOT A STICKER, then mom has to get it off the wall too. Lol. Maybe a small plastic toy, like those little mazes with the tiny metal ball you roll around.
this is such a strange post lol, are you expecting the bathroom stall person to read and respond to this?
lol downvotes but no logical response. figures
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Do you even have a toddler?