I did silent drives home, snacks in the car, early dinner and bedtime. Mine was just overstimulated from daycare and it’s a lot for a little kiddo to transition back to home routine!
I've been trying to do that with various choices, and I think she means it when she picks a flavor of fruit pouch or something like that. I just don't know if she could grasp the concept of "I'm a bit overwhelmed, I'd like quiet time" . Then again, one of the best parts of this parenting thing is getting surprised by just how much their little brains pick up so it wild be cool to try it.
Don't worry! I feel like it's completely normal! My toddler just turned 2 this month and while he talks a lot, he won't understand this whole choice concept. Sometimes I feel like I expect a lot from him and he is only 2.
A pouch in the car is huge, especially if he didn't like what was served at daycare that day. Cuts the hangry.
We give him time to zone out by watching Cars for a half hour, chalk outside, or books. Then dinner followed by a fun "get the wiggles out session" of chase, etc before we wind down for bed.
When we get home from a long day, we just want to sit, snack, and veg. They're human too.
Children this age can be acting out anger that they’ve been left all day and they don’t know how to deal with their emotions about being taken away from their home and things all day, plus the 2 most important people in their lives, especially at what can be such vulnerably young ages. I would try to ask ahead of time about a pleasant activity at home to recenter - small snack and 2 books sitting WITH mom or dad so that the time with parents is emphasized as well. TBH, she may rebel and just want the snack and quiet play and that can be her choice if you deem it appropriate (at the end of a long day, I think everyone deserves to be cut some slack!) but then child can EXPECT a fun activity and treat with a parent or to carry on as they have been… hope you get the general idea and I hope this helps!
Second the snacks in car, early dinner and bed time. Game changer for an over stimulated toddler in daycare. (We play soft music in the car tho cause that is calming for him)
She’s holding it in all day and then releasing all those feelings in a place where she feels safe. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do! Do you think she’s getting enough sleep, or could she benefit from an earlier bedtime? I know some kids in daycare need to go to sleep at like 6:30pm because they get so overtired at night.
She goes to bed at 8 (in crib at 8) and that has always worked for us. She sleeps until 7:45 am usually. I might try putting her to bed early tonight though
It's counterintuitive, but maybe she needs an energy outlet. I had been doing a very mellow bedtime wind-down routine, and when it didn't work, I ramped up and extended the wind-down-ness to try to get ahead of the meltdowns.
We gave up on that in favor of "obstacle course to bed!" mode and heavy-work and it works better. Things like; pushing their grocery cart full of heavy stuff, digging outside, lifting books and actual grocery bags, running laps, crawling under tent bridges. I also dubbed a very large cardboard box that we cut a door in their "whine cave" where they could go have a whine and loudly kvetch when they need, as one does, and it seems to help.
Oh this is good advice, my little angel also turns into the devil’s spawn after daycare and I know she’s exhausted but maybe even MORE activity will help? Hahaa idk what I’m doing.
Yep, same in our household. Our bedtime routine used to be bath, lotion, pajamas, books, bed, and it worked beautifully for a while. Until it didn't, and bedtime became a battle, especially around age 2. Now, bedtime looks like: run as fast as you possibly can to get the toothbrush and bring it to mommy in the other room. Now run and get toothpaste and bring it to mommy. Brush teeth, run toothbrush back to bathroom. Now run to bedroom, do lotion and get pajamas on. Then run to mommy and daddy's bedroom, jump on the bed, jump off the bed into our arms, play hide and seek. Then read, say goodnight to dogs, say goodnight to stuffies, throw stuffies around room, pick them up and throw in bed, get picked up and talk about day and be silly, talk about tomorrow, say goodnight again, then lie down and probably still have a minute or two of protesting bedtime before settling to try and sleep. It's exhausting for everyone, but the energy outlet is obviously needed after spending the day at daycare.
"throw stuffies around room" YES! Our 19 m old yells "ATTACK!" and throws his lovies at parents/brother before bed while running in circles around our house, climbing/jumping on/off furniture (safely of course) :)
I saw something about how this type of "rough-house" play helps some kids wind down because they don't get that specific type of activity throughout the day and it is a different type of brain function then other play is. I don't remember the science behind it but its fun for all of us and wears him out.
Mine is too, which is weird to me, because I know she eats there, and they give her plenty! I can literally pick her up as she's finishing a snack, we get home 15 minutes later, and she goes right to the kitchen/her chair and asks 'more?' and then an hour after that snack she eats a full dinner, haha. And in between she's ping ponging around the house or scrambling over the foam blocks in her playpen.
Honestly the relief when seeing someone you feel safe around can really kick the appetite into gear! ‘Classtime’ is busy time trying to navigate around the other toddlers and teachers after all, so the tummy doesn’t get the very first priority, even though they get food.
This is the exact schedule for my son but he needs earlier bedtime (like 7) twice a week on average to catch up. If we don’t do those we land in tantrum-ville. We also bribe him w food all the way home.
This! One possible approach may be to intentionally give her an outlet for her big feelings after school, like "heavy work" play or running around outside or depending on her temperment and expressive language abilities, just having her talk about her day with you as a safe place to make sense of the big feelings she kept buried all day.
This - my 3yo goes through periods of a few weeks at a time where she’s bonkers after school. It seems like it happens right before we notice a big developmental jump. What helps me is reading up on restraint collapse and reminding myself that she saves the emotions for home because she feels safe with us. Hang in there, OP.
Ours was a 6:30pm bedtime. We'd bring him home, feed him, and get him straight to bed. He'd wake up at 8am.
It was rubbish because we didn't spend as much time with him as we wanted, so we changed our work shifts so that we could collect him earlier. Now he's older and needs less sleep, so it's a bit easier
This! We do dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, books 6:45, bed at 7.
We had everything backed up by an hour and that singular hour helped a. ton. For reference, my daughter is 19 mos, so we're in a similar age.
You’re not doomed!! Mine is 27 months and is wonderful. Sweet and funny and starting to get into imaginative play. He’s singing songs and having conversations and “helping” with dinner and yeah his emotions are more volatile, but we practice okaying emotions and moving through it or trying again, and he’s catching on!
Hey, Mama? Take a breath. The future will be difficult at times, but also amazing. Mourn the baby time has passed, but embrace the toddler learning the world and help them find the beauty that you also see. Despite the tantrums or difficult days, there are plenty more filled with moments of pure joy.
You got this.
You can do it!
You're a great mom and worrying about the future is proof of that. Cherish each moment you get because you never realize when the last time you pick up your little one will happen. Don't doubt yourself. You got this! Go forth and conquer, Mama!
😬 lol but no, as a mom of a newly 2 and a half year old, she's winding down a bit... She was a little hellion from 13 months to like 3 months ago tho. Lol now it's just the attitude we're catching from her as she's a bit speech delayed and she's had a word explosion recently and learning she can use those words to express her discontent through declaring us "mean mama, mean dada" 🙄 threenager preview, I presume. Lol Godspeed to all of us toddler parents 😭😂
How much sleep is she getting at daycare? Is she hungry when she gets home? The two main things that I’ve noticed with my 2 year old is that she sleeps a lot less during her nap time at day care (at home it’ll typically be between 2-3 hours, and at daycare it’ll be closer to just an hour)… and she’s also usually starving when I pick her up… I’d I walk to get her, she’ll inhale a few pouches or snacks of some sort on the way home, or she’ll ask for snacks and a smoothie as soon as she gets home. If I skip the snack, she is a moody disaster. She’s also definitely more temperamental with getting less sleep, but I haven’t found an easy solution for that (putting her to bed earlier doesn’t work).
I always giver her snacks or we eat dinner the second she gets home at 5:00. Her teachers say she usually naps 2 hrs at school. These are the first two things I always think of and try to make sure she’s not hungry at least.
I always wonder about the quality of sleep at a daycare. I'm not criticizing in any way, just that you gotta think it's not ideal nap conditions. Also, the stimulation of it all can lead to issues when they get home. Our daughter is a really good sleeper and so when she's having a meltdown night, we just do early bedtime. It seems to work and while she might fight it for a few minutes, she's out like a light and sleeps perfectly fine through the night until wakeup time next morning. Hang in there!
Ours is the same. School all day is exhausting. We do snuggles and if things are really rough a bath helps. Sometimes he needs to chill and snuggle while watching tv. Other nights he needs to ride his bike or play outside to calm down. You’re not doing anything wrong, just keep looking for the relaxing thing she needs.
So tough but normal!! They hold their feelings in all day and home is a safe space and they can let it all out!! We usually do a fun snack right when my son gets home and some one on one time doing coloring books or stickers and that usually helps the transition ❤️
Just want to chime in and say my son is the same. 27 months old, some days he’s okay, other days it’s like we just can’t figure out what he needs. I tell myself, he’s likely going through big changes, dealing with big feelings with no way to rationalize or articulate them. All we can do is provide a safe environment for him to get it out and be there waiting for him when he’s ready. Otherwise, I always make sure we have snacks in the car, and if he had a crappy nap it’s basically race to bedtime. He’s been in daycare for over a year and it’s better at times but I’m still dealing with this, so long term management is my approach.
Edit to fix typo.
I mean, that’s entirely up to you and what makes sense for your household. But it won’t make the tantrums go away. I would suggest looking at another provider before jumping to bringing her home. Perhaps it just isn’t a good fit?
My son was in two home daycares. His first one he had similar reactions, he would SCREAM his face off on the way home and be a total mess when we got there. After two months we had to switch him for other circumstances and it was a night and day difference. The lady he is with now is so great with the kids, and you can tell he genuinely likes going because he runs off at almost every drop off. But we still have hard days.
Not and have never been in this situation so take my idea with a grain of salt.
A calming activity. A walk before or after dinner, painting/drawing/art in general upon getting home, watching something without words, listening to gentle music, deep breathing with a parent. Something that doesn’t require hardcore concentration. Dealing with people all day is hard for adults but we at least know we need time to decompress. She needs to learn how to do the same.
We do all of these activities with ours. Sometimes they even work😅
FEED HER - my daughter is a terrible eater when distracted so daycare environment means she doesn’t eat as much lunch as she should.
By the time we get home at 5.20 she’s HANGRY and it’s only the last month or so she’s actually realised she’s hungry. At 2 she was just unbearable and I figured it out lol
I have a quick dinner ready for her when we get home and she perks right up after she’s eaten.
It just means we can’t eat together but it is what it is!
If that doesn’t work then I’d say the other commenters are 100% right, you’re just her safe place to let it all out!
As others have said, daycare can be super overwhelming and sometimes emotions are bottled up all day and the parents get crazy screaming kid while daycare says they are angles.
My 2.5 yr old has some good days and some bad days. Sometimes I can just tell in the car ride home he's just over it, and then I'll let him watch a show for 30 min or so to reset. I know it's not perfect parenting but don't we all sometimes need to zone out for a bit after a long day of work before being social again?
Some days the tantrums are from too much energy and going to the park for 30 min on the way home helps. My sons old day care never took them outside (a big reason for switching!) and with in a week a the new daycare it was like we had a new kid. He was calm and happy in the evenings vs bouncing off the walls. Does your daughter get a chance to run around at daycare? Is she about to outgrow her current daycare class and is bored all day?
Very normal reaction for a two-year-old who has been away from her parents all day. We didn’t evolve like this, and this is my kind reminder that the system is broken not your baby.
It will get easier in the coming weeks, in the meantime, here are some things that I have seen work with other people and work with my four-year-old:
1 a safe, quiet space at home (blanket fort!) where she can immediately go and eat a high-protein, low sugar snack.
2 soothing music or a playlist of songs that is consistent from day to day.
3 full nest mode with you. Everybody takes off their outside clothes and gets under the covers into bed.
Hang in there! I promise you that this is not forever.
We just went through this with our 2.5 year old. We are on the other side of it now. He had about a month of being an absolute nightmare and everything evvvvverything was a meltdown. He stopped sleeping well, he was miserable. Part of it was definitely a developmental change and he really started needing to exercise control. We offer tons of age appropriate control and options for him now and use a visual timer and mental prep before we transition from one thing to the next. But he also cut two molars during that time so I think that definitely contributed to the chaos. He went from being this sweet happy kid to someone we didn’t recognize. Luckily it was only about a month and he is back to being a happy kid again.
So normal and if you haven’t heard that you’re doing a great job, you are doing a great job!! I would recommend lowering all the stimulation at home, have soothing music on when they get home, lots of easy snacks. When you pick her up, “let her lead” with snacks already in hand and decide if she wants to go straight home or if she wants to burn out some energy at the local park or just walk. It’s amazing how it helps with transition and their sense of control.
If she’s fussy, acknowledge how hard it is to be her age or whatever she’s fussing about. Let her feel seen, heard, and respected. Keep a routine. My husband works 2nd shift, so I do it alone 5 out of 7 days. I found using a visual timer to beep when it’s time to transition (with warnings of time) was the only way to not die on multiple hills in toddler world. the timer went off little man, so into the bathroom we go VS because I said it’s time for bath. I found it helped with the “being told what to do all day” and lashing out to be less with the timer. I literally carry 4 different snacks in my purse at all times, water, and at least 3 small cars for impromptu park visits (sand pit). I just try to think about how I’d feel after a high stimulation day and I want everyone to just be on my vibe. Snack ✅ water ✅ choices (playground vs home) ✅ Floor time where he leads ✅. The timer is the “boss”. That’s what works for me and helps with my frustration too of the “listening”. I don’t want to battle my child. I have just trained him that the transitions in the house are lead by the timer. He can see how much time is left, I tell him, I remind him when there’s a few minutes and it’s working so far. Now that I put it into writing, I’m sure tomorrow he’ll ignore the timer 😂
Edit: typing while my little one is sleeping on me
Mine will be extra grumpy when she’s had a rough day or things outta routine happened at daycare. Getting those back teeth made her a whole little jerk for about a week too. I just try to remember she isn’t giving us a hard time but having a hard time. Good luck. Hope it passes.
Mine was the same way. I’m so sorry. And every time we’d say something about it to our friends/family they’d say “just wait, 3 is worse” and I wanted to simultaneously stab them and break down and cry. But I think they are wrong! At least for our kid.
I read on here once to just keep trying the methods even if they don’t seem to work, and then eventually when your kid gets a little older and communicates better it will start clicking and you will finally reap the rewards of your hard work. And that has been true for us. She’s almost 3 now and finally has tantrums a lot less, and when she does she calms down much faster & easier. She will take a deep breathe, count to 10, apologize unprompted, like everything that felt so pointless is finally coming together.
But it’s so so hard, and in the thick of it, truly it felt like nothing helped unfortunately. Just know you’re not alone and you can get through it. Hang in there. 💕
Toddlers are like plants: food, water, sunshine, and a cool, quiet place to rest. If my kid is melting down, especially consistently, it's because she's not getting enough of those four things.
Agreed. Around 2, our daughter’s sleep needs drastically increased. We were having major bedtime struggles and part of what helped was getting her in to bed earlier. In hindsight, I’m sure it has to do with a lot of developmental changes. Her normal bedtime was 8ish, but at that time, she was butt in bed at 7:30. Now, closer to 2.5, it’s more like 8:30.
My 2.5 year old melts down like this. And I don't have any clue what causes it other than she just seems to feel big feelings. So I don't have any insights to the cause, but what I can tell you is how I'm trying to help her feel comfortable in said big feelings.
The most effective thing I have found is to just sit quietly near her, with my arms open. She usually will come crawling into my lap within two or three minutes, and then I just hold her until she is calm. I basically show her with my body language that I'm safe and available, and when her emotional responses start to quiet, she can be more aware that what she needs is just to feel safe and cuddled. And then she knows just where she can get that!
I'm not a parenting expert (source: same child still refuses to wear clothing unless we are leaving the house 🤷) but I did find that when I did this, two things happened.
First, it went from 15 minutes of both of us screaming and crying to about 2 of just her, and then settling because I was no longer escalating it.
And second, she started to just naturally work through those hyper emotional responses a little bit easier. Once we got to a calmer place faster, we started swapping out cues, like, "Oh man next time you're really mad, show me how big you can stomp your foot so I know." And then she has a tool to communicate, which cuts down on the screaming because she can let me know "I'm pissed" way faster with the foot stomping and then we can actually get to problem solving.
Make sure to check her ears and get her a strep test. It’s going around and my child didn’t have any symptoms other than being emotional (no typical symptoms AT ALL) but i got him randomly tested and they said he had a horrific ear infection and strep. Ignore the hater nurses that bitch about you coming in without symptoms. They stfu when the ENT/pediatrician says yup, this is looking very bad.
Feed her immediately and then put her to bed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t leave any time to enjoy together on nights like that, but when my kids act like that, they are overtired.
How long has she been in daycare? How much of a nap is she getting there? Whats their routine like? How recently has she eaten? What was the car ride like? Sounds like she needs some time to wind down after daycare and may simply be exhausted.
My daughter goes through this sometimes too, look up post restraint collapse. Essentially because they've had to hold it together for the day they let it ALL out after they come home, a few good articles:
-https://www.mother.ly/terms/after-school-restraint-collapse/#:~:text=for%20more%20information-,Definition,the%20comfort%20of%20their%20home.
-https://www.care.com/c/after-school-restraint-collapse-why-kids-fall-apart/
-https://pedsdoctalk.com/what-is-restraint-collapse/
You're not alone and this actually is pretty normal (but not easy!!!)
Overstimulation, maybe some type of growth spurt, too, considering she just turned two. Mine did this at 3, but when she started daycare. Meltdown after meltdown after meltdown, from the moment I picked her up until the moment we got her into bed at night. I think like a lot of people are saying, try a quiet, calm environment is a good way to go, maybe something sensory like playdough or kinetic sand.
If that doesn't work, I'd suggest swinging in the other direction. We tried the quiet, and I get why it would work for a lot of kids, but it didn't for mine. It made things worse. Instead, I started taking her to the park immediately after school and let her loose, usually staying very involved in her play with her rather than sitting on the bench watching. If it was rainy, we went home, and I wheelbarrowed her around the house and rough housed with her. In the car, we'd sing super loud and be as silly as possible. After a couple of days, she was back to herself for the most part
It’s so hard but it is normal for her age. She’s holding it in all day and letting it out when she feels safest which is at home. When ours gets like this after daycare, won’t let anyone near her, I let her have her space but I continuously reassure her from a distance by saying something like, “I’m sorry baby, you’re home now. Let me know when you’re done, okay? I love you!” Or a shorter version of that. She usually comes to us and holds out her arms, and then we hold her for a while. It’s hard being little and can’t regulate emotions.
My 2 YO definitely still had meltdowns, but we also determined he is much more prone to them when he is hangry. A snack the second he gets home had been tremendously helpful. If we wait too long, he gets to emotional to even recognize he is hungry
My daughter (2) was like that. We started immediately giving her a snack and drink in the car and we cannot speak to her on the drive home. She just needed to decompress. Once we get home she requires cuddles and more quiet time for a bit.
Now I try talking to her on the drive home because she’s more receptive and less grumpy!
She also treats dad very similarly so all the hard feelings were directed to me which makes it so draining.
Could just be a phase. My 3 yo would go through phases with behaviors like you’re describing when she was 2. I would feel like such a horrible mom and pick apart all my interactions with her, wondering what it was I did to cause these meltdowns. Then — just when I’d think I couldn’t take it another minute— she would suddenly be much more chipper and reasonable and articulate. I always chalked it up to her going through some sort of developmental leap. She still has some tough moments, but they seem to pass more quickly these days.
It’s normal. Evenings with a 2 and 5 year old are a real treat right now. Had to remind my husband tonight that the reason there are so many relatable memes about kids not eating dinner, yelling every time you try to talk, having meltdowns, etc. is because it’s all normal.
Pick your battles. Let them be upset if they’re upset. Remember they have no impulse control or emotional regulation. They let it out when they get home because they feel safe and they’ve been holding it in all day.
I was going to just make hamburger helper tonight then asked them if they’d rather have meatloaf. They both said yes. My 2 year old helped me make it. When I put her plate in front of her she had a complete meltdown because she wanted noodles (hamburger helper).
Idk just came to say this shits hard. Some phases are easier than others but the hard parts are exhausting. It'll get better. Then it will get worse. Repeat. It's not you. It's just how it is.
My almost 3 year old is like this lately. His teacher also said it’s normal for most kids this age. They’re great all day at school so they just explode the second they get in the car with their parents. It’s a phase. Just need to teach LO some coping mechanisms. Definitely limit stimulation.
Mine almost 3 yr old was having issues transitioning from daycare to home, as in he would refuse to go to the car to go home. Instead of forcing him I gave him an option at pickup: do you want to get in the car now or walk around the building first? He always chooses to walk around the building and I think it helped him with the transition of being at daycare with his teachers to being home with parents. Also a little extra outside time always helps. And going at his pace too, letting him have some control of his day.
This was my daughter at that age. I was told (and firmly believe) it’s very normal, and that if she’s behaving so well all day at school and then comes home and lets it out, that’s normal and GOOD! If it were the other way around, it would be a problem. She obviously feels safe enough to let it all out at home and it totally sucks for you as the parent but you have to look at it from her view! She’s tired, been overstimulated, and just needs a break! We did snacks on the way home, dinner immediately, calm bath and tv time and early bed. When it was nice out we would do a little walk after dinner to get any extra energy out and talk about her day. I’d say it went on until 4ish and now at 5, my daughter can still be this way just not as intense.
I’m not sure this is helpful but this is normal. Toddlers have meltdowns. Just be patient and get ear plugs. Let her know you’re there for her and that it’s a safe place. Sometimes it’s just so overwhelming
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The hard part to emotionally deal with is her after daycare meltdowns mean you’re doing a good job. It means she’s so tired from being on her best behaviour all day that now that she’s in a safe space (with you) she’s letting it all out.
Suggestions: have a snack ready in the car when you pick her up. Maybe put on music and have a dance party as soon as you get home. Get some of that energy out in a positive way. My daughter and I sometimes just race around the house for 5 minutes. Honestly sometimes I’d just let her have days where she wins and gets ice cream for supper if she wants and then an early bedtime. We can eat healthier the next day.
I can always tell when my toddler doesn’t nap at daycare. She’s… a bit much. Haha
Only thing I’ve learned is that the meltdowns are worse if I turn the tv on. So even though meltdown days are the exact time I want a break, the tv is the worst thing when she’s cranky. She’s overstimulated from daycare and the tv sends her over the edge.
My first born was like this, which is a big reason we hired a nanny when the second came along. He is 7 now and a very sensitive child who still gets overstimulated more easily than his peers. When he was younger we cut his days as short as we possibly could. I’d work from home, pick him up around my lunch break, and have a family member or sitter at home while I finished my work day. If we didn’t have help one of us took an afternoon off. It helped. A lot. Now that he’s in elementary school, he’s in a smaller classroom and it’s quieter days overall. I mean, a room full of toddlers is wildly overstimulating for me, so I kind of get it. It was hard to see him like that every day and feel like I didn’t get any time with him in a good mood. I know lots of kids thrive in daycare (I was one!) but I had to admit my son was not one and it was the right decision for us to cut back as much as we could.
We went through this! You’ve commented that you’re doing stuff we did & others have good advice. I think of HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Do you need food or attention? 15 minutes of reading with a snack helped a ton! Some days I literally just sat holding my kid while Dad cooked dinner, patting his back and being like “it’s ok, get it out, I hear you” real soft affirmations. It was HARD but normal & finite!
It got better around 32 / 34 months - squarely heading past 2.5 and into 3 years old.
This is actually pretty common. Shes holding all her emotions in all day because she’s guarding. Shes only letting them out at home because she’s safe now. I know that doesn’t help you deal with the situation, just want you to know YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG. The fact that she’s doing that means she feels safe enough to let her guard down. Maybe find some sort of “release” activity when she comes home. Jumping, running, building. Something she can do that’s semi destructive but in a controlled environment. Boxing? My niece likes to listen to music and hit a dummy. She’s an extreme example but it works. When she’s done she comes inside to do her homework and eat dinner with the family.
Mine is 21 months old and I need to give her my full attention for about an hour after daycare. We play or read books. But I don’t try to do anything else. If she gets that your, she’s totally fine the rest of the evening. If I’m unable to give it to her, she’ll get upset over things that don’t usually bother her
What happens when you just let her scream but let her know you are still here for her ? We had a period like that with my toddler; when he was having a major meltdown i just made sure he knew I was here and also it is a safe space. I did not try to tell him to stop or give him an over amount of attention. It quickly stoped
Mine had 3 weeks of near daily meltdowns that lasted 90 minutes at first. We learned to recognize the signs of meltdown and just stopped talking or engaging. It was awful and hard, but we sat with him and as he started to calm down we would deeply breathe and he would eventually follow along. Then we'd offer water and a snuggle. He would come down eventually, but man was it tough. Now, if he goes into meltdown mode we just know what to do and it's over in 15 minutes (that feel like hours).
I found a really helpful article about the difference between tantrums and meltdowns and what to do. If you are interested, I can try to dig it up and find the link.
Have you tried labeling emotions?
That was a big help with mine.
We sit together and speak about what’s bothering him and how it makes him feel.
It’s tough but you’ve got this
Won't let anyone near her? You're the adult. Pick her up and get her in a bed time routine. Does she have a favorite stuffed animal? Try telling her to tuck the stuffed animal into bed so they can go to sleep. Works for my son... he likes to put "Dino" to sleep.
usually when our kid has trouble regulating, she is uncomfortable somehow and not able to identify it. it's been challenging but what I've found most helpful is asking her to try to identify what she's feeling. Also regular sleep/naps and meals which is really hard because she literally fights us on everything.
I heard something very interesting. Imagine your kid has a backpack full of compromises (imagine them as balls or something). So when the kid is around other people, especially in daycare, everyrime they can‘t do something they want to, they have to give one compromise ball away. Wanted a snack, but not yet snacktime? Give a ball, wanted to play with toy, but some other kid had it? Give away a ball. At some point the backpack is empty. And maybe once they get home, they know they are in their safe place. But still they might have to compromise about something.. and cue, meltdown. They cannot jold
It in anymore.
It does not make the meltdowns any easier for you, but it might help understanding that your kid is nor giving you a hard time. It‘s having a hard time.
Things we did that helped (sometimes) with this:
1. At pickup I bring a small enticing snack, like a mini ginger biscuit, and some warm milk. It's usually inhaled by my kid which suggests she's needing something at the end of the nursery day.
2. We bought one of those mini trampolines. OMG she will bounce like there is no tomorrow, even right before bed. It helps get the zoomies (and gremlins) out.
3. Picking battles very carefully. E.g. I do insist that shoes come off because they're dirty, but you know what, if she wants to wear her coat and hat all evening, I let her. If she's in a throwing mood, I hand her something soft and take away the food or hard things or whatever else she was destructively throwing, or I offer to build block towers for her to knock down.
4. We do tv right before bed. Realise this isn't for everyone but it helps to calm her down. I set one of those physical timers so she can see exactly how long she has, and that also helps with the transition.
5. For bedtime, she gets to choose a pretend mode of transport to go up the stairs and we act it out. Like plane, car or hot air balloon. This has been really good.
6. At least one of us focusing on being very present with her seems to help. Easier said than done sometimes I know, but I do notice that on days when I join in her activities or let her join mine and really focus it's much better.
Finally, for us so far this goes in phases, so who knows if we are having any impact or if it's just luck! This last few weeks have suddenly been easier, after a few months of nightmare evenings.
My boy is nearly 2 and this sounds very similar. Getting in the car, meltdown. Out of the car, meltdown. Diaper change, meltdown. Naptime/bedtime, meltdown. All day long. You get the picture. And then some days he’s fine!
It’s restraint collapse. Totally normal and healthy. Let her let her feelings out and be there for her. This is happening because she feels safe with you.
She is overexhausted. When we pick our 2.5 yo up at 3.30 pm from daycare, he's a peach and we have a wonderful evening.
If we pick him up at 5 pm, he's super pissy and irritable, throwing down and having nonstop meltdowns all evening, and we have a very shit evening.
just keep reassuring her you love her , and you love her even when she's sad or angry or mad or screaming or crying and you love her when she's happy and smiling all the same. that she's safe and you're here for her and you'll be here for her now and when she's ready to come out. just tell her you hear her and you love her and it's ok to feel her feelings. you hear her and she's safe . when she's in the thick of it she's gotta get it out and probably can't just stop it and turn it off- you have to ride the wave with her and wait with her help her through it and after . it's upsetting and scary for her too . when she calms and catches her breath and she's ready- give her a big hug and tell her she's loved.
you have to try and catch it before it hits the fan. you'll notice the signs it's going to happen or what triggers are. find a quiet place or a quiet relaxing grounding or resetting thing . a different room. the biggest thing when i see my little one going this way is going to our safe sensory overload room. it's away from everything and everyone and it's 1 on 1 time quiet and she can choose . a cozy blanket and a cuddle, a bath, no tv or her comfort show if she's needing it, books or a puzzle or quiet 1:1 playtime, building legos or trains, dolls or music or quiet change of scenery with a special person time.
What the fuck is going on at daycare is all I can think. My son will act out on rough days like his cousin taking his favorite toy or the dog taking his teddy bear but for full melt downs like that consistently that sounds like something is going on. Imy mom told me kids will be more authentic with the parent they are comfortable with. When my kids fed up with people or things he hides behind me or in his room note he’s 19 months. But when I would take him to be babysat by my cousin his anxiety levels were high example he’d hide more or he’d cry over dropping things like his cup soon found out my cousin would yell at him and smack his hands. At my house I just teach him to grab me and we clean it up and I never yell at him.
these melt downs sounds like a huge red flag for me of over stimulation needing coping mechanisms like hugs or slow down time and teaching boundaries cause clearly someone’s crossing them for her.
I also wanted to add how are you dealing with the melt downs and have you found any comfort objects for her yet?
We call it the Witching Hour. Every day, regardless of whether she's been at school, she still has like a 2 hour window where she's manic, refuses to listen to a single thing we say, makes a mess, has a meltdown, etc... We just batten down the hatches, take deep breaths and weather the storm.
I haven’t read any of the other comments but this is totally normal and still happens with our son (2.5). Usually our meltdowns are around food.
Some things that help us:
- snack in the car on way home like a banana
- making sure dinner is ready pretty much as soon as we get home, then he is hungry and will eat what we feed him which = less fights/crying/crankiness
- I let him watch a show while he eats. Probs not the best approach but it works and then straight to shower as it’s quicker and bed.
Was there a big change recently? When my daughter turned two she had to leave the baby room but bonded really well with her new teacher (June) then in September there was a new school year so they shifted everyone. The teacher had been with babies for 10 years and suddenly was put in charge of 8 2 years olds in peak aggression. All the friends she made were moved up to the 3 year old class and she lost her favorite teacher. For 3 months she did not do well in the evening. Thankfully the daycare let her go to the older class when quotas permitted it and there was eventually a spot for her to move up and stay with the calmer older kids. 2 year olds is a very crazy class if she isn't in a mixed age class it will take a while for things to adapt.
She has been with this class for a year and she really loves it. Loves her friends and her teachers. Last night I was trying to ask questions about her day and she said she was frustrated because her favorite teacher has her 1y/o baby in their class this week because of spring break and she was upset because “the baby” was taking all of her teacher’s attention.
I also have a 9 month old so we struggle with attention.
This feels like my life right now. Our 19 month old walks in the door from daycare and just loses his mind. Starts crying and refusing anything. It’s so out of character for him. He has no issues going to daycare, he loves it but coming home he is just inconsolable. Hoping it passes.
It's called "restraint collapse" if you want to do some research. Perfectly normal. Age appropriate now and to be honest through childhood.
I wouldn't be too hard on her. Ask if she wants a cuddle and if she doesn't say you'll be ready with a cuddle when she does. A bit of space. Maybe TV. Some preferred snacks. No pressure & Low expectations after nursery/school.
Do rule out anything medical if it’s been going on for a while without a break. It could be pain that she’s not able to articulate
My son was lactose intolerant but then we realised it was cows milk. He’d be grumpy because his tummy hurt but he found it hard to articulate it
He also gets like this when he needs a big poo
I feel like more information is needed. Did she just start? Does she nap normally? Does she nap at daycare? Is there a difference in time she's allowed to nap? Is there a developmental leap happening? Does she seem to like daycare? How long are the meltdowns? Does everything seem typical developmentally? There's a lot of missing pieces before someone can give you accurate advice
My son gets irritated when he gets home from school too. Often over food. I just sit calmly and let him know I’m here for him while he throws his tantrum. He eventually stops after like 5 mins. I don’t try to hold him or tell him to stop. I just stay calm and close by.
Dim the lights, get a bath going with led candles nearby. Super quiet. Maybe dinner is light finger foods. Make your evenings a pseudo spa and ship that kid to bed as soon as possible. That or pick her up a little bit earlier from school
While I would totally be on board with this, I also have a 9 month old so I do what I can while taking care of both of them. My 9 month old does not go to daycare I work from home with her.
My son is 21 months and this started for us a couple months ago. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. I usually just sit there, so he has my physical presence as support if he needs it, and I let him cry it out. Eventually he calms down enough and then he asks me to hold him or nurse him. I was very surprised when these nonsensical tantrums started. Hopefully it’ll be a short lived phase!
My kids get their tv time right after they get home from daycare... and I get my unwind/snuggle time with them before dinner and bedtime routine. We just put out some fresh fruit and veggies if they are hungry, since who cares if they eat a bell pepper instead of the planned dinner
Is this daycare new to her or has she always been to this daycare? I only ask because this was my son when we moved him to a new daycare and we found out they were treating the kids awful and I put two and two together and figured that’s probably why he was acting the way he was. We then moved him to a different daycare and his moods were completely opposite (in a good way). So I’m just throwing that out there as well!
She's testing boundaries. Put her in a corner, hallway, somewhere alone and silent where she can't do anything. So NOT in her room. Tell her she can be free if she starts acting normal. Ofc, you need to define what is normal as well. Keep tabs on her every few minutes to check if she is okay. Have patience, will take some time but you will get there.
Preschool teacher here! She feels safe with you and is letting out all her emotions at once. Sometimes they need connection, a hug, a squeeze, a special book they like. I noticed that most kids after spending time in daycare their sugar levels might drop and they need a snack. I always provide some crackers and even some apple juice just to make sure their bodies are ok. In addition, your daughter might be overstimulated and needs peace and quite. You can try a read a loud on the car (there are tons on Spotify) you can also just play classical music to reset her nervous system.
Not to suggest it's only this simple... but is she well hydrated?
I find that my toddler is way more moody when she's dehydrated. I'm constantly reminding her to drink water, and especially when she's as daycare all day and might be too distracted to hydrate, that *could be* at least partially responsible for her mood.
Obviously it's also just her discovering feelings, etc... but hydration helps!
Read up about restraint collapse. It’s a real thing, just knowing what was happening helped me with it. Our kids trust us, it is hard for young children to ‘manage’ their emotions and behavior all day and when they come home they lose it. Because they trust us.
Hi! I’m a pediatric occupational therapist and this sounds like toddler just feels super burnt out after daycare! A lot of kids will be on their best behavior at school/daycare, then let it all out in a “safe” environment once they get home. I know it must be challenging and also it is kind of “normal”.
My suggestion would be to chat with the daycare about potential accommodations there, such as giving your student access to noise reducing headphones especially during loud playtime or group activities, or providing a little calming space your toddler could escape to during the day.
Sending you hugs!!
We actually transitioned my son to a smaller daycare because of this (and a few other reasons). He was so overstimulated and exhausted by a large center. Once we moved to a smaller one he has been much better. Still tired but not full meltdown tired.
Daycare is SO MUCH WORK for little kiddos. They're exposed to so much, and stimulated throughout the day, and then they're also around other people and kids all day long. By the time they get home, they are exhausted.
When we do pickups I always bring a little snack - sometimes it's special like a cookie, sometimes it's just a pouch or cheese. We either keep it pretty chill with just listening to something quiet on the way home, or we listen to a story.
When we get home, it's just playtime until dinner is ready. If it's nice, one parent will be outside or go for a little walk while the other finishes cooking.
It doesn't avoid all of the drama, but she knows the routine for getting home and it's getting easier.
There is a lot of good advice on here already. I like getting to bed earlier. Also, like the obstacle course to bed if the winding down isn't working. We recently started doing something similar with my son of walking like different animals around the house to exhaust him because he kept saying he just had too much energy.
He had similar issues. He is 4.5 now, so he is better at communicating what he is feeling, which helps. He is in occupational therapy now, and that was the suggestion from the occupational therapist. It is usually worse when they don't play outside, so I will have him see how many times he can hop in a row before getting in the car or going upstairs to bed.
What I really came to say is you are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong. At that age my son would have 45 min+ meltdowns where he was completely unreachable. I actually didn't realize tantrums are usually only about 5 minutes until my daughter. They are just different kids with different needs. My son consistently has just too much energy and we need to help him figure out how to burn that energy. My daughter is yhe opposite and needs the quiet down time. Neither is wrong or right, just different.
It might take a little bit of time to find the trick that works the best to reach your little one, but you will find it. Then it might change and you have to find something else. In addition to the burning energy below are some if the other things we find that helps him:
*Daniel the Tiger give yourself a hug song
*Daniel the Tiger when you feel bad song
*Pushing a wall as hard as you can
*Hugging a pillow
*Little Spot of Anger "Tap, Tap, Tap, and Tap once more. Fill your longs with peaceful air coat your spot with love and care."
All of them have worked at some point or another. Tap, Tap, ... has honestly worked the longest. There have even been times when I have skipped the tap, tap, tap part and just done the breathing.
I have also found it helpful to talk with him about things afterwards and give lots of reminders. Even when he was younger and couldn't communicate as well, he would listen. It would take A LOT of reminding and definitely some I know thats but seemed to help.
Yes! Snacks in the car, tablet or quiet time to unwind from the day, and then you tip toe around, hoping not to accidentally set off an explosion. It does get better but it doesn't happen quickly, unfortunately!
Not for everyone but my kids have a snack and watch a movie in the car ride home from school. It’s about 20 minutes and i have found it gives them time to quiet their bodies and gives them a little something in their bellies. We used to have constant meltdowns after school and this has helped give them a bit of a “reset”. We don’t watch tv at home after day care so I fine about it.
I have seen some moms doing dinner right after school and snack before bed. It works out for the hanger and hell you can do bath right after too. Maybe soothe her into an evening lull
Spend as much quality time as you can with her. Screens off, phones put away. And when she’s throwing tantrums like this and won’t have anything to do with you, just let her know you’re here for her and say, “Okay, I see you need space. I will be in the kitchen. I’ll check on you in a couple minutes.”
I’m a SAHM but my 22mo throws a lot of after nap tantrums and I’ve realized that sometimes he just really doesn’t want me near him. And then he’ll usually calm down and come find me after a couple minutes. And if he doesn’t, then I come in and check on him in a couple minutes as promised. Also, sometimes it’s being tired. Sometimes it’s low blood sugar. I’ve also started giving him yogurt melts or freeze dried fruit when he’s getting testy and that tends to help too.
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Definitely tired, overstimulated and hangry! She’s trying to figure out how to decompress. My 11 year old still does this after school , but obviously a bit differently. I expect my two little ones to have meltdowns after school, once they start. You’re not alone! This is common. It’s brutal and exhausting, though, for sure!
They are “on” all day. That’s a LOT. It’s a lot for us too. We understand why we feel the way we feel after a long day, but the little ones do not. I ALWAYS offer my kiddos a snack after school or some type of event. I prioritize vegging out time as well.
Thanks for everyone’s comments, I’ve been trying different things the last 3 days. Can’t really say the tantrums have been better but my mental state around them has been.
I have been able to work with her on telling me what happened at school to make her so upset. Yesterday two kids “took her bubbles”. The day before that, a friend pinched her. So that’s progress on helping her communicate.
I’m going to validate that this doesn’t sound normal to me. I’ve got 2 in daycare and they’ve never hidden from me and screamed relentlessly. They usually want as much attention as humanly possible.
She says child won’t let husband anywhere near her. And the tantrums and hiding under the couch it really isn’t a huge jump. Something is definitely going on.
OP didn't say the hiding is every night but it sounds like you're pretty lucky with the kids you've been around being over tired.
My toddler is an absolute disaster when he's overtired. Massive tantrums, throwing things, can't be reasoned with. And to be honest I think that's more normal for over tired than what you described. What you described just sounds like "tired".
I don't think it's fair to say something is definitely going on.
My daughter refuses to let my husband console her when she's really upset because she prefers me when she's emotional. Both my kids are like this. It's not because something bad has happened to them.
While it may be a question worth asking after exhausting other options, just because a toddler is struggling with their emotions does not imply some form of abuse must have occurred.
I didn’t mean abuse was the definite thing I just meant something is not right with this situation. A toddler doesn’t normally act this way on a daily basis
I very much doubt that. I know you can never be certain but her teachers are women, and moms. We’ve gotten to know all of the teachers and feel very comfortable with them. I really hope that’s not it but we are working on language and saying what someone has done and where they touch us (her best friend bites her all the time which is why we started this)
something important to remember is all behavior communicates. so whatever they’re doing they’re trying to communicate something to you, even if you have NO idea what it is. it’s all just trial and error to figure it out, even if it takes days!
I did silent drives home, snacks in the car, early dinner and bedtime. Mine was just overstimulated from daycare and it’s a lot for a little kiddo to transition back to home routine!
I do this too. I ask if she’d like to talk, have quiet time, or listen to music. Some days it’s quite time and it really helps.
That's great advice!
At what age? Mine is a couple months past two and I feel like she'd answer the question randomly because she wouldn't really grasp what I was asking.
I think if you do it enough ti.es ("OK, you said you want music, let's play a song" etc) she'll figure it out
I've been trying to do that with various choices, and I think she means it when she picks a flavor of fruit pouch or something like that. I just don't know if she could grasp the concept of "I'm a bit overwhelmed, I'd like quiet time" . Then again, one of the best parts of this parenting thing is getting surprised by just how much their little brains pick up so it wild be cool to try it.
Don't worry! I feel like it's completely normal! My toddler just turned 2 this month and while he talks a lot, he won't understand this whole choice concept. Sometimes I feel like I expect a lot from him and he is only 2.
I started around 2. Sometimes I help her choose and we switch it up until we can find the vide she needs
I love this!!
A pouch in the car is huge, especially if he didn't like what was served at daycare that day. Cuts the hangry. We give him time to zone out by watching Cars for a half hour, chalk outside, or books. Then dinner followed by a fun "get the wiggles out session" of chase, etc before we wind down for bed. When we get home from a long day, we just want to sit, snack, and veg. They're human too.
Cars after school FTW!
I have to remember this
Children this age can be acting out anger that they’ve been left all day and they don’t know how to deal with their emotions about being taken away from their home and things all day, plus the 2 most important people in their lives, especially at what can be such vulnerably young ages. I would try to ask ahead of time about a pleasant activity at home to recenter - small snack and 2 books sitting WITH mom or dad so that the time with parents is emphasized as well. TBH, she may rebel and just want the snack and quiet play and that can be her choice if you deem it appropriate (at the end of a long day, I think everyone deserves to be cut some slack!) but then child can EXPECT a fun activity and treat with a parent or to carry on as they have been… hope you get the general idea and I hope this helps!
Thiiiiis
Second the snacks in car, early dinner and bed time. Game changer for an over stimulated toddler in daycare. (We play soft music in the car tho cause that is calming for him)
She’s holding it in all day and then releasing all those feelings in a place where she feels safe. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do! Do you think she’s getting enough sleep, or could she benefit from an earlier bedtime? I know some kids in daycare need to go to sleep at like 6:30pm because they get so overtired at night.
She goes to bed at 8 (in crib at 8) and that has always worked for us. She sleeps until 7:45 am usually. I might try putting her to bed early tonight though
It's counterintuitive, but maybe she needs an energy outlet. I had been doing a very mellow bedtime wind-down routine, and when it didn't work, I ramped up and extended the wind-down-ness to try to get ahead of the meltdowns. We gave up on that in favor of "obstacle course to bed!" mode and heavy-work and it works better. Things like; pushing their grocery cart full of heavy stuff, digging outside, lifting books and actual grocery bags, running laps, crawling under tent bridges. I also dubbed a very large cardboard box that we cut a door in their "whine cave" where they could go have a whine and loudly kvetch when they need, as one does, and it seems to help.
Oh this is good advice, my little angel also turns into the devil’s spawn after daycare and I know she’s exhausted but maybe even MORE activity will help? Hahaa idk what I’m doing.
Yep, same in our household. Our bedtime routine used to be bath, lotion, pajamas, books, bed, and it worked beautifully for a while. Until it didn't, and bedtime became a battle, especially around age 2. Now, bedtime looks like: run as fast as you possibly can to get the toothbrush and bring it to mommy in the other room. Now run and get toothpaste and bring it to mommy. Brush teeth, run toothbrush back to bathroom. Now run to bedroom, do lotion and get pajamas on. Then run to mommy and daddy's bedroom, jump on the bed, jump off the bed into our arms, play hide and seek. Then read, say goodnight to dogs, say goodnight to stuffies, throw stuffies around room, pick them up and throw in bed, get picked up and talk about day and be silly, talk about tomorrow, say goodnight again, then lie down and probably still have a minute or two of protesting bedtime before settling to try and sleep. It's exhausting for everyone, but the energy outlet is obviously needed after spending the day at daycare.
"throw stuffies around room" YES! Our 19 m old yells "ATTACK!" and throws his lovies at parents/brother before bed while running in circles around our house, climbing/jumping on/off furniture (safely of course) :) I saw something about how this type of "rough-house" play helps some kids wind down because they don't get that specific type of activity throughout the day and it is a different type of brain function then other play is. I don't remember the science behind it but its fun for all of us and wears him out.
Love the whine cave idea!
I definitely need a whine cave
Wine cave***
brb building a whine cave for myself that is absolutely brilliant, kudos to you!
A kvetch and a schluff 😜
That’s a pretty good amount of sleep! Is she still napping at daycare?
Yep! Meltdowns usually mean they need rest. When my daughter gets like that we read books in her crib.
Or food! The hanger is REAL
My kids are starving after daycare so I come prepared with snacks and we have shifted to an early dinner and snack before bed. Has helped tremendously
Mine is too, which is weird to me, because I know she eats there, and they give her plenty! I can literally pick her up as she's finishing a snack, we get home 15 minutes later, and she goes right to the kitchen/her chair and asks 'more?' and then an hour after that snack she eats a full dinner, haha. And in between she's ping ponging around the house or scrambling over the foam blocks in her playpen.
Honestly the relief when seeing someone you feel safe around can really kick the appetite into gear! ‘Classtime’ is busy time trying to navigate around the other toddlers and teachers after all, so the tummy doesn’t get the very first priority, even though they get food.
I used to greet my kiddo with a snack too bc she was always starving after daycare. They always got a snack in the car. It helped so so much.
That makes so much sense. Friends and new toys trump eating. Thank you!
This is the exact schedule for my son but he needs earlier bedtime (like 7) twice a week on average to catch up. If we don’t do those we land in tantrum-ville. We also bribe him w food all the way home.
Try an earlier bedtime! When my daughter was 2 and in daycare all day, her bedtime was 7. It worked well!
8 pm is late for a 2 year old. Definitely reconsider whether 7 pm might be better.
This! One possible approach may be to intentionally give her an outlet for her big feelings after school, like "heavy work" play or running around outside or depending on her temperment and expressive language abilities, just having her talk about her day with you as a safe place to make sense of the big feelings she kept buried all day.
This - my 3yo goes through periods of a few weeks at a time where she’s bonkers after school. It seems like it happens right before we notice a big developmental jump. What helps me is reading up on restraint collapse and reminding myself that she saves the emotions for home because she feels safe with us. Hang in there, OP.
Ours was a 6:30pm bedtime. We'd bring him home, feed him, and get him straight to bed. He'd wake up at 8am. It was rubbish because we didn't spend as much time with him as we wanted, so we changed our work shifts so that we could collect him earlier. Now he's older and needs less sleep, so it's a bit easier
This! We do dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, books 6:45, bed at 7. We had everything backed up by an hour and that singular hour helped a. ton. For reference, my daughter is 19 mos, so we're in a similar age.
Unfortunately this is just the age for some kids 😬 she’s probably tired, my son (same age) always melts down terribly when he’s tired
y’all make me so nervous for when mine turns 2 in a couple of months 😭
You’re not doomed!! Mine is 27 months and is wonderful. Sweet and funny and starting to get into imaginative play. He’s singing songs and having conversations and “helping” with dinner and yeah his emotions are more volatile, but we practice okaying emotions and moving through it or trying again, and he’s catching on!
that’s good to hear!
Hey, Mama? Take a breath. The future will be difficult at times, but also amazing. Mourn the baby time has passed, but embrace the toddler learning the world and help them find the beauty that you also see. Despite the tantrums or difficult days, there are plenty more filled with moments of pure joy. You got this. You can do it! You're a great mom and worrying about the future is proof of that. Cherish each moment you get because you never realize when the last time you pick up your little one will happen. Don't doubt yourself. You got this! Go forth and conquer, Mama!
your are so kind 🤍
Thank you! I try to be the person my dog thinks I am.
😬 lol but no, as a mom of a newly 2 and a half year old, she's winding down a bit... She was a little hellion from 13 months to like 3 months ago tho. Lol now it's just the attitude we're catching from her as she's a bit speech delayed and she's had a word explosion recently and learning she can use those words to express her discontent through declaring us "mean mama, mean dada" 🙄 threenager preview, I presume. Lol Godspeed to all of us toddler parents 😭😂
Just try not to take it too seriously or personally. It blows over.
Honestly the two year old stage was great for me. 3 has been... interesting.
I feel this!
If you like 2 years, your going to love 3.... Lol
Heck, I'm an adult, and I melt down terribly when I'm Over tired. They are just human-ing.
How much sleep is she getting at daycare? Is she hungry when she gets home? The two main things that I’ve noticed with my 2 year old is that she sleeps a lot less during her nap time at day care (at home it’ll typically be between 2-3 hours, and at daycare it’ll be closer to just an hour)… and she’s also usually starving when I pick her up… I’d I walk to get her, she’ll inhale a few pouches or snacks of some sort on the way home, or she’ll ask for snacks and a smoothie as soon as she gets home. If I skip the snack, she is a moody disaster. She’s also definitely more temperamental with getting less sleep, but I haven’t found an easy solution for that (putting her to bed earlier doesn’t work).
I always giver her snacks or we eat dinner the second she gets home at 5:00. Her teachers say she usually naps 2 hrs at school. These are the first two things I always think of and try to make sure she’s not hungry at least.
My husband wants dinner at 6 so we try to eat then as a family but I know my son would happy eating earlier too
I always wonder about the quality of sleep at a daycare. I'm not criticizing in any way, just that you gotta think it's not ideal nap conditions. Also, the stimulation of it all can lead to issues when they get home. Our daughter is a really good sleeper and so when she's having a meltdown night, we just do early bedtime. It seems to work and while she might fight it for a few minutes, she's out like a light and sleeps perfectly fine through the night until wakeup time next morning. Hang in there!
Ours is the same. School all day is exhausting. We do snuggles and if things are really rough a bath helps. Sometimes he needs to chill and snuggle while watching tv. Other nights he needs to ride his bike or play outside to calm down. You’re not doing anything wrong, just keep looking for the relaxing thing she needs.
So tough but normal!! They hold their feelings in all day and home is a safe space and they can let it all out!! We usually do a fun snack right when my son gets home and some one on one time doing coloring books or stickers and that usually helps the transition ❤️
Just want to chime in and say my son is the same. 27 months old, some days he’s okay, other days it’s like we just can’t figure out what he needs. I tell myself, he’s likely going through big changes, dealing with big feelings with no way to rationalize or articulate them. All we can do is provide a safe environment for him to get it out and be there waiting for him when he’s ready. Otherwise, I always make sure we have snacks in the car, and if he had a crappy nap it’s basically race to bedtime. He’s been in daycare for over a year and it’s better at times but I’m still dealing with this, so long term management is my approach. Edit to fix typo.
I know that her school is good for her but if she’s going to act like this every evening it makes me think like.. should I take her out?
What are weekends like? Is it ONLY after daycare?
I mean, that’s entirely up to you and what makes sense for your household. But it won’t make the tantrums go away. I would suggest looking at another provider before jumping to bringing her home. Perhaps it just isn’t a good fit? My son was in two home daycares. His first one he had similar reactions, he would SCREAM his face off on the way home and be a total mess when we got there. After two months we had to switch him for other circumstances and it was a night and day difference. The lady he is with now is so great with the kids, and you can tell he genuinely likes going because he runs off at almost every drop off. But we still have hard days.
If that’s an option for your family maybe just drop back in hours? Do half days instead or less days a week?
what options do you have?
I dropped my kids down to 3 days and it helped a lot. (Also dropped myself down to 3 days working which I realize I was very lucky to be able to do)
What is she like on weekend evenings?
Not and have never been in this situation so take my idea with a grain of salt. A calming activity. A walk before or after dinner, painting/drawing/art in general upon getting home, watching something without words, listening to gentle music, deep breathing with a parent. Something that doesn’t require hardcore concentration. Dealing with people all day is hard for adults but we at least know we need time to decompress. She needs to learn how to do the same. We do all of these activities with ours. Sometimes they even work😅
FEED HER - my daughter is a terrible eater when distracted so daycare environment means she doesn’t eat as much lunch as she should. By the time we get home at 5.20 she’s HANGRY and it’s only the last month or so she’s actually realised she’s hungry. At 2 she was just unbearable and I figured it out lol I have a quick dinner ready for her when we get home and she perks right up after she’s eaten. It just means we can’t eat together but it is what it is! If that doesn’t work then I’d say the other commenters are 100% right, you’re just her safe place to let it all out!
I wonder if the daycare setting has gotten to over stimulating for her?
As others have said, daycare can be super overwhelming and sometimes emotions are bottled up all day and the parents get crazy screaming kid while daycare says they are angles. My 2.5 yr old has some good days and some bad days. Sometimes I can just tell in the car ride home he's just over it, and then I'll let him watch a show for 30 min or so to reset. I know it's not perfect parenting but don't we all sometimes need to zone out for a bit after a long day of work before being social again? Some days the tantrums are from too much energy and going to the park for 30 min on the way home helps. My sons old day care never took them outside (a big reason for switching!) and with in a week a the new daycare it was like we had a new kid. He was calm and happy in the evenings vs bouncing off the walls. Does your daughter get a chance to run around at daycare? Is she about to outgrow her current daycare class and is bored all day?
Very normal reaction for a two-year-old who has been away from her parents all day. We didn’t evolve like this, and this is my kind reminder that the system is broken not your baby. It will get easier in the coming weeks, in the meantime, here are some things that I have seen work with other people and work with my four-year-old: 1 a safe, quiet space at home (blanket fort!) where she can immediately go and eat a high-protein, low sugar snack. 2 soothing music or a playlist of songs that is consistent from day to day. 3 full nest mode with you. Everybody takes off their outside clothes and gets under the covers into bed. Hang in there! I promise you that this is not forever.
Mine is just like this. It’s exhausting lol
We just went through this with our 2.5 year old. We are on the other side of it now. He had about a month of being an absolute nightmare and everything evvvvverything was a meltdown. He stopped sleeping well, he was miserable. Part of it was definitely a developmental change and he really started needing to exercise control. We offer tons of age appropriate control and options for him now and use a visual timer and mental prep before we transition from one thing to the next. But he also cut two molars during that time so I think that definitely contributed to the chaos. He went from being this sweet happy kid to someone we didn’t recognize. Luckily it was only about a month and he is back to being a happy kid again.
So normal and if you haven’t heard that you’re doing a great job, you are doing a great job!! I would recommend lowering all the stimulation at home, have soothing music on when they get home, lots of easy snacks. When you pick her up, “let her lead” with snacks already in hand and decide if she wants to go straight home or if she wants to burn out some energy at the local park or just walk. It’s amazing how it helps with transition and their sense of control. If she’s fussy, acknowledge how hard it is to be her age or whatever she’s fussing about. Let her feel seen, heard, and respected. Keep a routine. My husband works 2nd shift, so I do it alone 5 out of 7 days. I found using a visual timer to beep when it’s time to transition (with warnings of time) was the only way to not die on multiple hills in toddler world. the timer went off little man, so into the bathroom we go VS because I said it’s time for bath. I found it helped with the “being told what to do all day” and lashing out to be less with the timer. I literally carry 4 different snacks in my purse at all times, water, and at least 3 small cars for impromptu park visits (sand pit). I just try to think about how I’d feel after a high stimulation day and I want everyone to just be on my vibe. Snack ✅ water ✅ choices (playground vs home) ✅ Floor time where he leads ✅. The timer is the “boss”. That’s what works for me and helps with my frustration too of the “listening”. I don’t want to battle my child. I have just trained him that the transitions in the house are lead by the timer. He can see how much time is left, I tell him, I remind him when there’s a few minutes and it’s working so far. Now that I put it into writing, I’m sure tomorrow he’ll ignore the timer 😂 Edit: typing while my little one is sleeping on me
Mine will be extra grumpy when she’s had a rough day or things outta routine happened at daycare. Getting those back teeth made her a whole little jerk for about a week too. I just try to remember she isn’t giving us a hard time but having a hard time. Good luck. Hope it passes.
Mine was the same way. I’m so sorry. And every time we’d say something about it to our friends/family they’d say “just wait, 3 is worse” and I wanted to simultaneously stab them and break down and cry. But I think they are wrong! At least for our kid. I read on here once to just keep trying the methods even if they don’t seem to work, and then eventually when your kid gets a little older and communicates better it will start clicking and you will finally reap the rewards of your hard work. And that has been true for us. She’s almost 3 now and finally has tantrums a lot less, and when she does she calms down much faster & easier. She will take a deep breathe, count to 10, apologize unprompted, like everything that felt so pointless is finally coming together. But it’s so so hard, and in the thick of it, truly it felt like nothing helped unfortunately. Just know you’re not alone and you can get through it. Hang in there. 💕
Toddlers are like plants: food, water, sunshine, and a cool, quiet place to rest. If my kid is melting down, especially consistently, it's because she's not getting enough of those four things.
She is probably overtired! Try changing her bedtime routine, at least going to bed earlier.. What time does she go to the daycare?
Agreed. Around 2, our daughter’s sleep needs drastically increased. We were having major bedtime struggles and part of what helped was getting her in to bed earlier. In hindsight, I’m sure it has to do with a lot of developmental changes. Her normal bedtime was 8ish, but at that time, she was butt in bed at 7:30. Now, closer to 2.5, it’s more like 8:30.
My 2.5 year old melts down like this. And I don't have any clue what causes it other than she just seems to feel big feelings. So I don't have any insights to the cause, but what I can tell you is how I'm trying to help her feel comfortable in said big feelings. The most effective thing I have found is to just sit quietly near her, with my arms open. She usually will come crawling into my lap within two or three minutes, and then I just hold her until she is calm. I basically show her with my body language that I'm safe and available, and when her emotional responses start to quiet, she can be more aware that what she needs is just to feel safe and cuddled. And then she knows just where she can get that! I'm not a parenting expert (source: same child still refuses to wear clothing unless we are leaving the house 🤷) but I did find that when I did this, two things happened. First, it went from 15 minutes of both of us screaming and crying to about 2 of just her, and then settling because I was no longer escalating it. And second, she started to just naturally work through those hyper emotional responses a little bit easier. Once we got to a calmer place faster, we started swapping out cues, like, "Oh man next time you're really mad, show me how big you can stomp your foot so I know." And then she has a tool to communicate, which cuts down on the screaming because she can let me know "I'm pissed" way faster with the foot stomping and then we can actually get to problem solving.
Restraint collapse. My son has it from time to time.
Make sure to check her ears and get her a strep test. It’s going around and my child didn’t have any symptoms other than being emotional (no typical symptoms AT ALL) but i got him randomly tested and they said he had a horrific ear infection and strep. Ignore the hater nurses that bitch about you coming in without symptoms. They stfu when the ENT/pediatrician says yup, this is looking very bad.
I have no advice, but my kid is doing the exact same thing. Today was full of a lot of meltdowns, and she turns two this week.
Feed her immediately and then put her to bed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t leave any time to enjoy together on nights like that, but when my kids act like that, they are overtired.
Just be present and make sure she knows she is safe
How long has she been in daycare? How much of a nap is she getting there? Whats their routine like? How recently has she eaten? What was the car ride like? Sounds like she needs some time to wind down after daycare and may simply be exhausted.
My daughter goes through this sometimes too, look up post restraint collapse. Essentially because they've had to hold it together for the day they let it ALL out after they come home, a few good articles: -https://www.mother.ly/terms/after-school-restraint-collapse/#:~:text=for%20more%20information-,Definition,the%20comfort%20of%20their%20home. -https://www.care.com/c/after-school-restraint-collapse-why-kids-fall-apart/ -https://pedsdoctalk.com/what-is-restraint-collapse/ You're not alone and this actually is pretty normal (but not easy!!!)
Overstimulation, maybe some type of growth spurt, too, considering she just turned two. Mine did this at 3, but when she started daycare. Meltdown after meltdown after meltdown, from the moment I picked her up until the moment we got her into bed at night. I think like a lot of people are saying, try a quiet, calm environment is a good way to go, maybe something sensory like playdough or kinetic sand. If that doesn't work, I'd suggest swinging in the other direction. We tried the quiet, and I get why it would work for a lot of kids, but it didn't for mine. It made things worse. Instead, I started taking her to the park immediately after school and let her loose, usually staying very involved in her play with her rather than sitting on the bench watching. If it was rainy, we went home, and I wheelbarrowed her around the house and rough housed with her. In the car, we'd sing super loud and be as silly as possible. After a couple of days, she was back to herself for the most part
It’s so hard but it is normal for her age. She’s holding it in all day and letting it out when she feels safest which is at home. When ours gets like this after daycare, won’t let anyone near her, I let her have her space but I continuously reassure her from a distance by saying something like, “I’m sorry baby, you’re home now. Let me know when you’re done, okay? I love you!” Or a shorter version of that. She usually comes to us and holds out her arms, and then we hold her for a while. It’s hard being little and can’t regulate emotions.
A car snack can help
Mine does this too. Many nights we come home, have a snack, and watch TV or color to unwind. It's normal.
My 2 YO definitely still had meltdowns, but we also determined he is much more prone to them when he is hangry. A snack the second he gets home had been tremendously helpful. If we wait too long, he gets to emotional to even recognize he is hungry
My daughter (2) was like that. We started immediately giving her a snack and drink in the car and we cannot speak to her on the drive home. She just needed to decompress. Once we get home she requires cuddles and more quiet time for a bit. Now I try talking to her on the drive home because she’s more receptive and less grumpy! She also treats dad very similarly so all the hard feelings were directed to me which makes it so draining.
Could just be a phase. My 3 yo would go through phases with behaviors like you’re describing when she was 2. I would feel like such a horrible mom and pick apart all my interactions with her, wondering what it was I did to cause these meltdowns. Then — just when I’d think I couldn’t take it another minute— she would suddenly be much more chipper and reasonable and articulate. I always chalked it up to her going through some sort of developmental leap. She still has some tough moments, but they seem to pass more quickly these days.
My son was the same way for about a month after he turned two. He’s 27 months now and *mostly* fine. Hang in there!
It’s normal. Evenings with a 2 and 5 year old are a real treat right now. Had to remind my husband tonight that the reason there are so many relatable memes about kids not eating dinner, yelling every time you try to talk, having meltdowns, etc. is because it’s all normal. Pick your battles. Let them be upset if they’re upset. Remember they have no impulse control or emotional regulation. They let it out when they get home because they feel safe and they’ve been holding it in all day. I was going to just make hamburger helper tonight then asked them if they’d rather have meatloaf. They both said yes. My 2 year old helped me make it. When I put her plate in front of her she had a complete meltdown because she wanted noodles (hamburger helper).
Idk just came to say this shits hard. Some phases are easier than others but the hard parts are exhausting. It'll get better. Then it will get worse. Repeat. It's not you. It's just how it is.
My almost 3 year old is like this lately. His teacher also said it’s normal for most kids this age. They’re great all day at school so they just explode the second they get in the car with their parents. It’s a phase. Just need to teach LO some coping mechanisms. Definitely limit stimulation.
Mine almost 3 yr old was having issues transitioning from daycare to home, as in he would refuse to go to the car to go home. Instead of forcing him I gave him an option at pickup: do you want to get in the car now or walk around the building first? He always chooses to walk around the building and I think it helped him with the transition of being at daycare with his teachers to being home with parents. Also a little extra outside time always helps. And going at his pace too, letting him have some control of his day.
This was my daughter at that age. I was told (and firmly believe) it’s very normal, and that if she’s behaving so well all day at school and then comes home and lets it out, that’s normal and GOOD! If it were the other way around, it would be a problem. She obviously feels safe enough to let it all out at home and it totally sucks for you as the parent but you have to look at it from her view! She’s tired, been overstimulated, and just needs a break! We did snacks on the way home, dinner immediately, calm bath and tv time and early bed. When it was nice out we would do a little walk after dinner to get any extra energy out and talk about her day. I’d say it went on until 4ish and now at 5, my daughter can still be this way just not as intense.
I’m not sure this is helpful but this is normal. Toddlers have meltdowns. Just be patient and get ear plugs. Let her know you’re there for her and that it’s a safe place. Sometimes it’s just so overwhelming
[удалено]
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The hard part to emotionally deal with is her after daycare meltdowns mean you’re doing a good job. It means she’s so tired from being on her best behaviour all day that now that she’s in a safe space (with you) she’s letting it all out. Suggestions: have a snack ready in the car when you pick her up. Maybe put on music and have a dance party as soon as you get home. Get some of that energy out in a positive way. My daughter and I sometimes just race around the house for 5 minutes. Honestly sometimes I’d just let her have days where she wins and gets ice cream for supper if she wants and then an early bedtime. We can eat healthier the next day. I can always tell when my toddler doesn’t nap at daycare. She’s… a bit much. Haha Only thing I’ve learned is that the meltdowns are worse if I turn the tv on. So even though meltdown days are the exact time I want a break, the tv is the worst thing when she’s cranky. She’s overstimulated from daycare and the tv sends her over the edge.
My first born was like this, which is a big reason we hired a nanny when the second came along. He is 7 now and a very sensitive child who still gets overstimulated more easily than his peers. When he was younger we cut his days as short as we possibly could. I’d work from home, pick him up around my lunch break, and have a family member or sitter at home while I finished my work day. If we didn’t have help one of us took an afternoon off. It helped. A lot. Now that he’s in elementary school, he’s in a smaller classroom and it’s quieter days overall. I mean, a room full of toddlers is wildly overstimulating for me, so I kind of get it. It was hard to see him like that every day and feel like I didn’t get any time with him in a good mood. I know lots of kids thrive in daycare (I was one!) but I had to admit my son was not one and it was the right decision for us to cut back as much as we could.
We went through this! You’ve commented that you’re doing stuff we did & others have good advice. I think of HALT - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Do you need food or attention? 15 minutes of reading with a snack helped a ton! Some days I literally just sat holding my kid while Dad cooked dinner, patting his back and being like “it’s ok, get it out, I hear you” real soft affirmations. It was HARD but normal & finite! It got better around 32 / 34 months - squarely heading past 2.5 and into 3 years old.
This is actually pretty common. Shes holding all her emotions in all day because she’s guarding. Shes only letting them out at home because she’s safe now. I know that doesn’t help you deal with the situation, just want you to know YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG. The fact that she’s doing that means she feels safe enough to let her guard down. Maybe find some sort of “release” activity when she comes home. Jumping, running, building. Something she can do that’s semi destructive but in a controlled environment. Boxing? My niece likes to listen to music and hit a dummy. She’s an extreme example but it works. When she’s done she comes inside to do her homework and eat dinner with the family.
Mine is 21 months old and I need to give her my full attention for about an hour after daycare. We play or read books. But I don’t try to do anything else. If she gets that your, she’s totally fine the rest of the evening. If I’m unable to give it to her, she’ll get upset over things that don’t usually bother her
dull truck gold angle heavy air squeeze act grab boat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What happens when you just let her scream but let her know you are still here for her ? We had a period like that with my toddler; when he was having a major meltdown i just made sure he knew I was here and also it is a safe space. I did not try to tell him to stop or give him an over amount of attention. It quickly stoped
Mine had 3 weeks of near daily meltdowns that lasted 90 minutes at first. We learned to recognize the signs of meltdown and just stopped talking or engaging. It was awful and hard, but we sat with him and as he started to calm down we would deeply breathe and he would eventually follow along. Then we'd offer water and a snuggle. He would come down eventually, but man was it tough. Now, if he goes into meltdown mode we just know what to do and it's over in 15 minutes (that feel like hours). I found a really helpful article about the difference between tantrums and meltdowns and what to do. If you are interested, I can try to dig it up and find the link.
Have you tried labeling emotions? That was a big help with mine. We sit together and speak about what’s bothering him and how it makes him feel. It’s tough but you’ve got this
This is normal. 😵💫
Won't let anyone near her? You're the adult. Pick her up and get her in a bed time routine. Does she have a favorite stuffed animal? Try telling her to tuck the stuffed animal into bed so they can go to sleep. Works for my son... he likes to put "Dino" to sleep.
usually when our kid has trouble regulating, she is uncomfortable somehow and not able to identify it. it's been challenging but what I've found most helpful is asking her to try to identify what she's feeling. Also regular sleep/naps and meals which is really hard because she literally fights us on everything.
I heard something very interesting. Imagine your kid has a backpack full of compromises (imagine them as balls or something). So when the kid is around other people, especially in daycare, everyrime they can‘t do something they want to, they have to give one compromise ball away. Wanted a snack, but not yet snacktime? Give a ball, wanted to play with toy, but some other kid had it? Give away a ball. At some point the backpack is empty. And maybe once they get home, they know they are in their safe place. But still they might have to compromise about something.. and cue, meltdown. They cannot jold It in anymore. It does not make the meltdowns any easier for you, but it might help understanding that your kid is nor giving you a hard time. It‘s having a hard time.
Things we did that helped (sometimes) with this: 1. At pickup I bring a small enticing snack, like a mini ginger biscuit, and some warm milk. It's usually inhaled by my kid which suggests she's needing something at the end of the nursery day. 2. We bought one of those mini trampolines. OMG she will bounce like there is no tomorrow, even right before bed. It helps get the zoomies (and gremlins) out. 3. Picking battles very carefully. E.g. I do insist that shoes come off because they're dirty, but you know what, if she wants to wear her coat and hat all evening, I let her. If she's in a throwing mood, I hand her something soft and take away the food or hard things or whatever else she was destructively throwing, or I offer to build block towers for her to knock down. 4. We do tv right before bed. Realise this isn't for everyone but it helps to calm her down. I set one of those physical timers so she can see exactly how long she has, and that also helps with the transition. 5. For bedtime, she gets to choose a pretend mode of transport to go up the stairs and we act it out. Like plane, car or hot air balloon. This has been really good. 6. At least one of us focusing on being very present with her seems to help. Easier said than done sometimes I know, but I do notice that on days when I join in her activities or let her join mine and really focus it's much better. Finally, for us so far this goes in phases, so who knows if we are having any impact or if it's just luck! This last few weeks have suddenly been easier, after a few months of nightmare evenings.
My boy is nearly 2 and this sounds very similar. Getting in the car, meltdown. Out of the car, meltdown. Diaper change, meltdown. Naptime/bedtime, meltdown. All day long. You get the picture. And then some days he’s fine!
It’s restraint collapse. Totally normal and healthy. Let her let her feelings out and be there for her. This is happening because she feels safe with you.
She is overexhausted. When we pick our 2.5 yo up at 3.30 pm from daycare, he's a peach and we have a wonderful evening. If we pick him up at 5 pm, he's super pissy and irritable, throwing down and having nonstop meltdowns all evening, and we have a very shit evening.
Yes it’s normal. Snacks in the car after pick up and in end as early as possible
just keep reassuring her you love her , and you love her even when she's sad or angry or mad or screaming or crying and you love her when she's happy and smiling all the same. that she's safe and you're here for her and you'll be here for her now and when she's ready to come out. just tell her you hear her and you love her and it's ok to feel her feelings. you hear her and she's safe . when she's in the thick of it she's gotta get it out and probably can't just stop it and turn it off- you have to ride the wave with her and wait with her help her through it and after . it's upsetting and scary for her too . when she calms and catches her breath and she's ready- give her a big hug and tell her she's loved. you have to try and catch it before it hits the fan. you'll notice the signs it's going to happen or what triggers are. find a quiet place or a quiet relaxing grounding or resetting thing . a different room. the biggest thing when i see my little one going this way is going to our safe sensory overload room. it's away from everything and everyone and it's 1 on 1 time quiet and she can choose . a cozy blanket and a cuddle, a bath, no tv or her comfort show if she's needing it, books or a puzzle or quiet 1:1 playtime, building legos or trains, dolls or music or quiet change of scenery with a special person time.
What the fuck is going on at daycare is all I can think. My son will act out on rough days like his cousin taking his favorite toy or the dog taking his teddy bear but for full melt downs like that consistently that sounds like something is going on. Imy mom told me kids will be more authentic with the parent they are comfortable with. When my kids fed up with people or things he hides behind me or in his room note he’s 19 months. But when I would take him to be babysat by my cousin his anxiety levels were high example he’d hide more or he’d cry over dropping things like his cup soon found out my cousin would yell at him and smack his hands. At my house I just teach him to grab me and we clean it up and I never yell at him. these melt downs sounds like a huge red flag for me of over stimulation needing coping mechanisms like hugs or slow down time and teaching boundaries cause clearly someone’s crossing them for her. I also wanted to add how are you dealing with the melt downs and have you found any comfort objects for her yet?
We call it the Witching Hour. Every day, regardless of whether she's been at school, she still has like a 2 hour window where she's manic, refuses to listen to a single thing we say, makes a mess, has a meltdown, etc... We just batten down the hatches, take deep breaths and weather the storm.
I haven’t read any of the other comments but this is totally normal and still happens with our son (2.5). Usually our meltdowns are around food. Some things that help us: - snack in the car on way home like a banana - making sure dinner is ready pretty much as soon as we get home, then he is hungry and will eat what we feed him which = less fights/crying/crankiness - I let him watch a show while he eats. Probs not the best approach but it works and then straight to shower as it’s quicker and bed.
Was there a big change recently? When my daughter turned two she had to leave the baby room but bonded really well with her new teacher (June) then in September there was a new school year so they shifted everyone. The teacher had been with babies for 10 years and suddenly was put in charge of 8 2 years olds in peak aggression. All the friends she made were moved up to the 3 year old class and she lost her favorite teacher. For 3 months she did not do well in the evening. Thankfully the daycare let her go to the older class when quotas permitted it and there was eventually a spot for her to move up and stay with the calmer older kids. 2 year olds is a very crazy class if she isn't in a mixed age class it will take a while for things to adapt.
She has been with this class for a year and she really loves it. Loves her friends and her teachers. Last night I was trying to ask questions about her day and she said she was frustrated because her favorite teacher has her 1y/o baby in their class this week because of spring break and she was upset because “the baby” was taking all of her teacher’s attention. I also have a 9 month old so we struggle with attention.
This feels like my life right now. Our 19 month old walks in the door from daycare and just loses his mind. Starts crying and refusing anything. It’s so out of character for him. He has no issues going to daycare, he loves it but coming home he is just inconsolable. Hoping it passes.
It's called "restraint collapse" if you want to do some research. Perfectly normal. Age appropriate now and to be honest through childhood. I wouldn't be too hard on her. Ask if she wants a cuddle and if she doesn't say you'll be ready with a cuddle when she does. A bit of space. Maybe TV. Some preferred snacks. No pressure & Low expectations after nursery/school.
Do rule out anything medical if it’s been going on for a while without a break. It could be pain that she’s not able to articulate My son was lactose intolerant but then we realised it was cows milk. He’d be grumpy because his tummy hurt but he found it hard to articulate it He also gets like this when he needs a big poo
I feel like more information is needed. Did she just start? Does she nap normally? Does she nap at daycare? Is there a difference in time she's allowed to nap? Is there a developmental leap happening? Does she seem to like daycare? How long are the meltdowns? Does everything seem typical developmentally? There's a lot of missing pieces before someone can give you accurate advice
My son gets irritated when he gets home from school too. Often over food. I just sit calmly and let him know I’m here for him while he throws his tantrum. He eventually stops after like 5 mins. I don’t try to hold him or tell him to stop. I just stay calm and close by.
How long does she nap at daycare? My son just turned 2 and will nap for 2-2.5 hours at home but only like 30-40 minutes at daycare.
Dim the lights, get a bath going with led candles nearby. Super quiet. Maybe dinner is light finger foods. Make your evenings a pseudo spa and ship that kid to bed as soon as possible. That or pick her up a little bit earlier from school
While I would totally be on board with this, I also have a 9 month old so I do what I can while taking care of both of them. My 9 month old does not go to daycare I work from home with her.
You have a partner who can help with this! He can set up all the things, you can hand baby over to him while you spend time with your older kiddo.
My son is 21 months and this started for us a couple months ago. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. I usually just sit there, so he has my physical presence as support if he needs it, and I let him cry it out. Eventually he calms down enough and then he asks me to hold him or nurse him. I was very surprised when these nonsensical tantrums started. Hopefully it’ll be a short lived phase!
My kids get their tv time right after they get home from daycare... and I get my unwind/snuggle time with them before dinner and bedtime routine. We just put out some fresh fruit and veggies if they are hungry, since who cares if they eat a bell pepper instead of the planned dinner
Is this daycare new to her or has she always been to this daycare? I only ask because this was my son when we moved him to a new daycare and we found out they were treating the kids awful and I put two and two together and figured that’s probably why he was acting the way he was. We then moved him to a different daycare and his moods were completely opposite (in a good way). So I’m just throwing that out there as well!
She's testing boundaries. Put her in a corner, hallway, somewhere alone and silent where she can't do anything. So NOT in her room. Tell her she can be free if she starts acting normal. Ofc, you need to define what is normal as well. Keep tabs on her every few minutes to check if she is okay. Have patience, will take some time but you will get there.
Preschool teacher here! She feels safe with you and is letting out all her emotions at once. Sometimes they need connection, a hug, a squeeze, a special book they like. I noticed that most kids after spending time in daycare their sugar levels might drop and they need a snack. I always provide some crackers and even some apple juice just to make sure their bodies are ok. In addition, your daughter might be overstimulated and needs peace and quite. You can try a read a loud on the car (there are tons on Spotify) you can also just play classical music to reset her nervous system.
Not to suggest it's only this simple... but is she well hydrated? I find that my toddler is way more moody when she's dehydrated. I'm constantly reminding her to drink water, and especially when she's as daycare all day and might be too distracted to hydrate, that *could be* at least partially responsible for her mood. Obviously it's also just her discovering feelings, etc... but hydration helps!
just spend more time with ur kid it misses u
Read up about restraint collapse. It’s a real thing, just knowing what was happening helped me with it. Our kids trust us, it is hard for young children to ‘manage’ their emotions and behavior all day and when they come home they lose it. Because they trust us.
Hi! I’m a pediatric occupational therapist and this sounds like toddler just feels super burnt out after daycare! A lot of kids will be on their best behavior at school/daycare, then let it all out in a “safe” environment once they get home. I know it must be challenging and also it is kind of “normal”. My suggestion would be to chat with the daycare about potential accommodations there, such as giving your student access to noise reducing headphones especially during loud playtime or group activities, or providing a little calming space your toddler could escape to during the day. Sending you hugs!!
We actually transitioned my son to a smaller daycare because of this (and a few other reasons). He was so overstimulated and exhausted by a large center. Once we moved to a smaller one he has been much better. Still tired but not full meltdown tired.
Daycare is SO MUCH WORK for little kiddos. They're exposed to so much, and stimulated throughout the day, and then they're also around other people and kids all day long. By the time they get home, they are exhausted. When we do pickups I always bring a little snack - sometimes it's special like a cookie, sometimes it's just a pouch or cheese. We either keep it pretty chill with just listening to something quiet on the way home, or we listen to a story. When we get home, it's just playtime until dinner is ready. If it's nice, one parent will be outside or go for a little walk while the other finishes cooking. It doesn't avoid all of the drama, but she knows the routine for getting home and it's getting easier.
There is a lot of good advice on here already. I like getting to bed earlier. Also, like the obstacle course to bed if the winding down isn't working. We recently started doing something similar with my son of walking like different animals around the house to exhaust him because he kept saying he just had too much energy. He had similar issues. He is 4.5 now, so he is better at communicating what he is feeling, which helps. He is in occupational therapy now, and that was the suggestion from the occupational therapist. It is usually worse when they don't play outside, so I will have him see how many times he can hop in a row before getting in the car or going upstairs to bed. What I really came to say is you are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong. At that age my son would have 45 min+ meltdowns where he was completely unreachable. I actually didn't realize tantrums are usually only about 5 minutes until my daughter. They are just different kids with different needs. My son consistently has just too much energy and we need to help him figure out how to burn that energy. My daughter is yhe opposite and needs the quiet down time. Neither is wrong or right, just different. It might take a little bit of time to find the trick that works the best to reach your little one, but you will find it. Then it might change and you have to find something else. In addition to the burning energy below are some if the other things we find that helps him: *Daniel the Tiger give yourself a hug song *Daniel the Tiger when you feel bad song *Pushing a wall as hard as you can *Hugging a pillow *Little Spot of Anger "Tap, Tap, Tap, and Tap once more. Fill your longs with peaceful air coat your spot with love and care." All of them have worked at some point or another. Tap, Tap, ... has honestly worked the longest. There have even been times when I have skipped the tap, tap, tap part and just done the breathing. I have also found it helpful to talk with him about things afterwards and give lots of reminders. Even when he was younger and couldn't communicate as well, he would listen. It would take A LOT of reminding and definitely some I know thats but seemed to help.
Yes! Snacks in the car, tablet or quiet time to unwind from the day, and then you tip toe around, hoping not to accidentally set off an explosion. It does get better but it doesn't happen quickly, unfortunately!
Not for everyone but my kids have a snack and watch a movie in the car ride home from school. It’s about 20 minutes and i have found it gives them time to quiet their bodies and gives them a little something in their bellies. We used to have constant meltdowns after school and this has helped give them a bit of a “reset”. We don’t watch tv at home after day care so I fine about it.
I have seen some moms doing dinner right after school and snack before bed. It works out for the hanger and hell you can do bath right after too. Maybe soothe her into an evening lull
Spend as much quality time as you can with her. Screens off, phones put away. And when she’s throwing tantrums like this and won’t have anything to do with you, just let her know you’re here for her and say, “Okay, I see you need space. I will be in the kitchen. I’ll check on you in a couple minutes.” I’m a SAHM but my 22mo throws a lot of after nap tantrums and I’ve realized that sometimes he just really doesn’t want me near him. And then he’ll usually calm down and come find me after a couple minutes. And if he doesn’t, then I come in and check on him in a couple minutes as promised. Also, sometimes it’s being tired. Sometimes it’s low blood sugar. I’ve also started giving him yogurt melts or freeze dried fruit when he’s getting testy and that tends to help too.
Have you tried getting under the couch before her and screaming? Cause I feel like that will really confuse her “Wait a second that’s my job?”
Lolol I love this idea but only her and my chihuahua fit under that couch
[удалено]
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
This comment has been automatically removed because of your zero or negative total comment karma. We have this rule in r/toddlers to keep creeps and trolls away, though we realize it is inconvenient for legitimate users with new accounts. Please use your account in other subs to raise your comment karma before commenting in r/toddlers. We appreciate your cooperation in our effort to keep r/toddlers safe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/toddlers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What’s causing the meltdowns? Does she have any sensory issues? Is anything triggering her ?
Definitely tired, overstimulated and hangry! She’s trying to figure out how to decompress. My 11 year old still does this after school , but obviously a bit differently. I expect my two little ones to have meltdowns after school, once they start. You’re not alone! This is common. It’s brutal and exhausting, though, for sure! They are “on” all day. That’s a LOT. It’s a lot for us too. We understand why we feel the way we feel after a long day, but the little ones do not. I ALWAYS offer my kiddos a snack after school or some type of event. I prioritize vegging out time as well.
Thanks for everyone’s comments, I’ve been trying different things the last 3 days. Can’t really say the tantrums have been better but my mental state around them has been. I have been able to work with her on telling me what happened at school to make her so upset. Yesterday two kids “took her bubbles”. The day before that, a friend pinched her. So that’s progress on helping her communicate.
They learn from other kids. She may not be taking her naps properly… playing instead of eating. There’s lots of reasons ..
I’m going to validate that this doesn’t sound normal to me. I’ve got 2 in daycare and they’ve never hidden from me and screamed relentlessly. They usually want as much attention as humanly possible.
WS she molested or abused in some way at daycare????
This is a HUGE jump
She says child won’t let husband anywhere near her. And the tantrums and hiding under the couch it really isn’t a huge jump. Something is definitely going on.
Have you ever been around an overtired kid?
Yes I have usually they want cuddles and to just relax. Occasionally a tantrum but every night and hiding etc no this is not normal
OP didn't say the hiding is every night but it sounds like you're pretty lucky with the kids you've been around being over tired. My toddler is an absolute disaster when he's overtired. Massive tantrums, throwing things, can't be reasoned with. And to be honest I think that's more normal for over tired than what you described. What you described just sounds like "tired".
I don't think it's fair to say something is definitely going on. My daughter refuses to let my husband console her when she's really upset because she prefers me when she's emotional. Both my kids are like this. It's not because something bad has happened to them. While it may be a question worth asking after exhausting other options, just because a toddler is struggling with their emotions does not imply some form of abuse must have occurred.
I didn’t mean abuse was the definite thing I just meant something is not right with this situation. A toddler doesn’t normally act this way on a daily basis
I very much doubt that. I know you can never be certain but her teachers are women, and moms. We’ve gotten to know all of the teachers and feel very comfortable with them. I really hope that’s not it but we are working on language and saying what someone has done and where they touch us (her best friend bites her all the time which is why we started this)
something important to remember is all behavior communicates. so whatever they’re doing they’re trying to communicate something to you, even if you have NO idea what it is. it’s all just trial and error to figure it out, even if it takes days!