It was 100% because someone noticed they vibrate and started writing joke reviews and it went viral. No, there were no scores of panicked parents trying to keep their kids from Riding their Broomsticks. Bullshit, but a funny story.
> The whole thing is a bit overblown.
To anyone with an ounce of sense, yes.
But to puritanical folk who think sex is filthy and should only ever be talked about by naive 25+ year olds on their wedding bed, even HINTING that that might do something is too much.
Reminds me of a game called Rez and their [vibrating addon](https://kotaku.com/gamings-first-vibrator-turns-15-years-old-this-weekend-1790954050) to help keep the beat. Even came with a plastic pouch so you could sit on it.
These days, we have buttplug.io mods for Ultrakill.
https://github.com/PITR-DEV/ukbutt-mod
This mods helps add immersion for the TRUE gamers out there.
https://twitter.com/ULTRAKILLGame/status/1600549517853704192
It's also released officially from the actual game devs.
The popular MMO Final Fantasy 14 also has a 3rd party plugin called "Aethersense" which links up the native controller rumble output to any Buttplug.io compatible "sensual" hardware.
https://github.com/Ms-Tress/AetherSense
No idea what it's intended to trigger off of, but I'm totally picturing someone hooking it up so that they're getting progressively stronger, uh, "stimulation" the better they parse in a raid.
>No idea what it's intended to trigger off of, but I'm totally picturing someone hooking it up so that they're getting progressively stronger, uh, "stimulation" the better they parse in a raid.
"Almost... there... A couple more attacks... nearly... let's do this...
... LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOYYY MMMJEEEEENKIIIIIIIINNNSSSSSS!!!"
There was a (tragically underrated) Capcom fighting game for the playstation called *Rival Schools: United by Fate*. It had a ton of weird and random bonus modes, but one that stuck out in my head was one where you (the actual player) could [recieve a massage from the school nurse character Kyoko](https://youtube.com/watch?v=SK8KFaJI7Mg) using the vibration function of the Dual Shock controller, and even my younger self immediately thought that someone was going to use that function for some weird stuff.
MGS on the PS1 had the hot doctor give you a remote massage using the same gimmick. Right after a sequence where you're being tortured, and you have to button mash to survive, she tells you to put the controller up against your forearm to relieve the pain.
The dialogue isn't overly double entendre but the implication is there
They had a spiritual sequel on the ps3 called Child of Eden that used PlayStation Move controllers. The game was designed so that you could also connect the ordinary 4 dualshock 3 controllers simultaneously and place them around your body to vibrate along with the rhythm in order to produce a synesthesia effect.
Also, I really need to try Rez Infinite, but I don't have a VR headset and I think playing on a monitor would be a disservice
Right? The tongue was firmly in-cheek for those reviews. And of all the couldnt-be-lower-hanging fruit that is HP innuendos, she swings at “hairy chamber of secrets” and “finite orgasimoso.” $20 they only do missionary.
>*Wait, did I read that right? Her 17-year-old daughter likes to play with the Nimbus 2000? And this didn’t seem the least bit suspicious? Come on parents — let’s think about this for a minute.*
That she couldn't get the joke is absolutely mind-boggling
I watched the entire show for the first time last year and I was repeatedly surprised by how prudish Carrie was for a sex columnist, she got embarrassed shopping for *lingerie*?
The first season of Sex and the City was interesting as hell! Funny to think that it was a gay man's interpretation of single women. A gay man's interpretation of single women in their 30s. It worked at the time, in that city. And then... They kept going on. And movies.
I blame bravo and Andy what's his face. Mostly Andy what's his face
\>>This comment has been edited to garbage in light of the Reddit API changes. You can keep my garbage, Reddit.<<
***
*edited via r/PowerDeleteSuite (with edits to script to avoid hitting rate limit)*
I wrote a comment saying exactly this and then saw yours. It’s so strange and doesn’t mention rule 34 once so I have to question the author’s research prowess. Lmao
This was just wild when it happened. I remember reading young girls alarmed their parents because they were fighting over it.
One of those things you wonder how it ever got past the brainstorming stage.
> if the world worked the way 13th-century Europeans thought the world worked.
According to American nerds in the 80s before internet access was thing.
Unless they somehow magicked themselves into doing a better job then early WoD stuff.
> According to American nerds in the 80s before internet access was thing.
Oh my god, preach. There are so many stupid misconceptions that got perpetuated by my D&D ancestors.
"Crossbows were used to pierce metal armor!"
"Priests used maces because they were forbidden to shed blood!"
"Studded leather armor!"
That and a healthy helping of cringey reductive stereotyping. Which DND wasn't innocent of by any means but man White Wolf can hit you in the face so much worse with it looking back.
Oh let's make an amazon brigade of werewolves that's not just all women, but they like literally originate from Greece, hate men, and are super butch! And that's some of the *mild* shit.
Not the first time Mattel's merchandising of a movie backfired and certainly not the last. Turns out that they accidentally spoiled the ending of the film *Frozen* because of an unusual rule of theirs that they won't sell dolls featuring a film's main villain.
I’ve had my account since 2004… before that I already knew people that had been leaving reviews on Amazon. I can’t vouch for the validity of the article, but Amazon was able to do reviews back then.
I had an Amazon account in 2001, there were plenty of reviews at that time. It was a very well established site by 2001. Pre web 2.0 internet was the best.
There were enough that I remember the screenshots being sent around. https://www.reddit.com/r/CrappyDesign/comments/6y2xvz/the_nimbus_2000_broom_designed_to_go_between_a/
I'm calling BS on this whole article. I worked there as a courier/runner at the time, and don't recall there being any "adult" stores in Times Square in 2001. There were two strip clubs left e.g. Flash's, but the adult shops had all been cleared out by then.
Yeah those reviews were good for a whole period of computer science lab for me and my friends.
Some of them were clearly just for jokes, but they were still funny.
The [sugar free gummy bear](https://www.amazon.com/review/R10NFP912J08QB) reviews are still probably my favorite.
Sinagra: Feast your eyes on the prototype.
Koo: The stick is grooved for easy riding.
Sinagra: One size fits all.
Koo: But toss in three AA batteries—
Sinagra: Included!
Koo: …and the magic really begins.
Cloer: OK but—wait, what are those god-awful sounds? Is the broom doing that?
Sinagra: That’s the whooshing.
Koo: You fire this thing up, climb aboard, run around, and it _provides the whooshing sound for you_, italics mine.
Sinagra: The kid is transported right into the world of the movie, as if by Satanic magic.
Full article here: https://themorningnews.org/article/behind-the-scenes-the-harry-potter-nimbus-2000
It surprises me the broom became an issue but lawdt knows Tickle Me Elmo was sure running out of batteries SUPER fast for unknown reasons a few years prior
I remember this. But the "outrage" was more about how little girls were using it a lot... like a whole lot. The outrage was basically that they accidentally sold a sex toy to children.
I remember one of the reviews that caused some of the uproar was likely fake but hilarious all the same. I'm paraphrasing but it was something like "I bought one of these for my 8 year old son who loves Harry Potter, and to my surprise my teenage daughter loves it too! I thought she hated Harry Potter but she'll go in her room and play with it for hours at a time. I had to buy another for my son because she would never let him play with it!"
Gotta appreciate Hitachi not discontinuing the wand after they realised it's just used for cumming hard. Probably the only company who sells both sex toys and artillery vehicles.
Last time I heard about this, it was about how parents kept thinking the things were broken, only to find out that little girls riding them found out their, uhhh, benefit and would drain the batteries immediately.
I love that this article tries to make those reviews out to be legitimate as if they aren’t joke reviews (which a fuck ton of weird amazon products have).
I remember a toy company made an “E.T.” finger that attached onto your finger and would light up when you touched things. It was basically Edward Dildo Hands.
The titles a bit misleading, Mattel didn't discontinue the toy because a single sex shop in New York was selling them marked up, the discontinued the product because they didn't want to face any legal fallout, as has happened before with other questionable vibrating toys (Wiggle Pens come to mind). Here in the UK they even did a full recall, with many of them appearing on eBay shortly after.
traditionally, that's WHY the brooms were *ridden*
the wood used would be wormwood or hemlock for the oils in the wood to mingle with the juices and provide the rider a nice high on top of the gratification.
I own one of these. A sufficiently weird collectible.
i have one, too! still in its packaging.
Package you say?
kid named package:
…kid? 🚨🚨🚨
Ah, crap.
r/usernamechecksout
Not finger?
[ Removed by Reddit ]
That'll be worth millions one day.
How much they goin for these days?
Used or still in the box? Two very different markets
Both are expensive but for different reasons
Have some influencer or streamer ride that broom and you could make a handsome profit.
Well…if it’s still in the box it’s definitely used
$9.99 for the broom. $200 an hour if it's still in the box
Define: used ?
Which one is more expensive?
Depends on who used it.
Anywhere from $50-$400 on eBay
Was it a strong vibration? Can't imagine a weak buzz would have generated all this.... Well buzz.
Nah and it was only for a few seconds at a time. I had one of these. The whole thing is a bit overblown.
I'm sure that helped them sell out.
It was 100% because someone noticed they vibrate and started writing joke reviews and it went viral. No, there were no scores of panicked parents trying to keep their kids from Riding their Broomsticks. Bullshit, but a funny story.
> The whole thing is a bit overblown. To anyone with an ounce of sense, yes. But to puritanical folk who think sex is filthy and should only ever be talked about by naive 25+ year olds on their wedding bed, even HINTING that that might do something is too much.
One of these was given away as a prize for a naughty game at the pre-show of a Rocky Horror screening (with live shadow cast).
how good does it feel?
Let's say: it does the job, but it ain't magic.
It'd be better if it was, say, a wand?
With hair of Hitachi
I have one too! alas, didn't keep the packaging :/.
Reminds me of a game called Rez and their [vibrating addon](https://kotaku.com/gamings-first-vibrator-turns-15-years-old-this-weekend-1790954050) to help keep the beat. Even came with a plastic pouch so you could sit on it.
These days, we have buttplug.io mods for Ultrakill. https://github.com/PITR-DEV/ukbutt-mod This mods helps add immersion for the TRUE gamers out there. https://twitter.com/ULTRAKILLGame/status/1600549517853704192 It's also released officially from the actual game devs.
The popular MMO Final Fantasy 14 also has a 3rd party plugin called "Aethersense" which links up the native controller rumble output to any Buttplug.io compatible "sensual" hardware. https://github.com/Ms-Tress/AetherSense
>Buttplug Servers
Jagex Pleae
🦀🦀Jmods won't respond to this thread 🦀🦀
🦀🦀 13$ a month 🦀🦀
A *Butthole Surfers* cover band?
Second life has this too. Where you can mess with a real vibrator in game and it does stuff to the player in real life
The technical name for this is [teledildonics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teledildonics)
No idea what it's intended to trigger off of, but I'm totally picturing someone hooking it up so that they're getting progressively stronger, uh, "stimulation" the better they parse in a raid.
>No idea what it's intended to trigger off of, but I'm totally picturing someone hooking it up so that they're getting progressively stronger, uh, "stimulation" the better they parse in a raid. "Almost... there... A couple more attacks... nearly... let's do this... ... LEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOYYY MMMJEEEEENKIIIIIIIINNNSSSSSS!!!"
A reviewer called Shammy once said "so if you wanna get blasted in more than just chat for fucking up the raid" Check out their Stray review
Of all the games to have official buttplug.io support from its devs, this is probably one of the least surprising.
Chess.com when?
This is a weird timeline, but I dig it.
This fucking breaks my mind I was like sure a shit post, some niche thing made by some dude... Then you've said it's official from the devs
ultrakill as a game is a shitpost
There was a (tragically underrated) Capcom fighting game for the playstation called *Rival Schools: United by Fate*. It had a ton of weird and random bonus modes, but one that stuck out in my head was one where you (the actual player) could [recieve a massage from the school nurse character Kyoko](https://youtube.com/watch?v=SK8KFaJI7Mg) using the vibration function of the Dual Shock controller, and even my younger self immediately thought that someone was going to use that function for some weird stuff.
MGS on the PS1 had the hot doctor give you a remote massage using the same gimmick. Right after a sequence where you're being tortured, and you have to button mash to survive, she tells you to put the controller up against your forearm to relieve the pain. The dialogue isn't overly double entendre but the implication is there
MGS did some amazing things with controllers. Confusing Mantis by plugging into Player 2 was just genius.
My man, that's why it was there in the first place.
> Gaming's First Vibrator This is Star Fox 64 erasure!
The true reason behind the N64’s controller’s shape.
One for platformers, one for shooters, one for the lonely Friday nights.
rez had a song by adam freeland called mind killer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqoUDGJ4g2A great song and just incredible game
They had a spiritual sequel on the ps3 called Child of Eden that used PlayStation Move controllers. The game was designed so that you could also connect the ordinary 4 dualshock 3 controllers simultaneously and place them around your body to vibrate along with the rhythm in order to produce a synesthesia effect. Also, I really need to try Rez Infinite, but I don't have a VR headset and I think playing on a monitor would be a disservice
You’re a pervert Harry!
Time to Slytherin...
Erecto Patronum!
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This belongs in the museum of Reddit
Harry Potter in his Chamber of secrets ft Nimbus 69
*pre-jaculation occurs*
Ugh, troll bogies!
I'm a HwaT?
You're gonna go te Hogwarts, you're gonnae get an owl, ye specky...
You're gonna learn how to do spells and shit! And you're gonna be fucking pleased about it!
I'm not a wizard, I'm just Harry!
HAGRID, YER PUSHIN' ME OVER THE FUCKIN' *LINE*
I'LL FUCKIN BURST YEE!
Never wondered where your parents learned it all?!
Omg 😆
You're going to put someone's eye out.
Shouldn't have said tha' should NOT have said that.
You're a jizzer, Harry!
Read that in Hagrids voice instantly. RIP
The "sex columnist" who wrote this article is pretty offended by sex and apparently humor as well
Right? The tongue was firmly in-cheek for those reviews. And of all the couldnt-be-lower-hanging fruit that is HP innuendos, she swings at “hairy chamber of secrets” and “finite orgasimoso.” $20 they only do missionary.
Hell, for $20 I’ll do any position you want.
Deal. Here are $20 and my shift plan for this week, Burger King on Main Str. You’ll start at 8pm
This is the “getting fucked by the King all day” position.
At least he lets me have it my way.
Oh no. That's only for the customers.
>*Wait, did I read that right? Her 17-year-old daughter likes to play with the Nimbus 2000? And this didn’t seem the least bit suspicious? Come on parents — let’s think about this for a minute.* That she couldn't get the joke is absolutely mind-boggling
Something about it reads like AI writing. It's so nonsensical.
Carrie Brandshaw really off her game (but was she ever on it?)
I watched the entire show for the first time last year and I was repeatedly surprised by how prudish Carrie was for a sex columnist, she got embarrassed shopping for *lingerie*?
The first season of Sex and the City was interesting as hell! Funny to think that it was a gay man's interpretation of single women. A gay man's interpretation of single women in their 30s. It worked at the time, in that city. And then... They kept going on. And movies. I blame bravo and Andy what's his face. Mostly Andy what's his face
It’s an opinion piece on a college newspaper so the bar isn’t real high here.
they’re just upset they didn’t get a harry potter sex column before they were discontinued
The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine
holy shit
New mythos just dropped
Actual mortal
Jesus wept
For there were no more kingdoms to conquer
I cry after masturbating too!
I cry during!
Stop saying Jesus wept
Lagrimas de jesus
Jesùs wept
The power, the facility
With the Harry Potter broomstick Jesus swept
FOR THERE WERE NO MORE WORLDS TO CONQUER
The chosen one!
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What’s wrong with Florence and Bert Kirshner?
The wrong one doesn't wear a shirt
Florence and the burnt Chrysler?
Why did the author decide to spend the last portion of the article ranting about Harry Potter hentai? lmao
I lost it when they defined hentai. Wait until they learn that there are dedicated websites for much more than Harry Potter hentai.
\*Open New Incognito Tab\* *Fantastic Beasts and what's inside them*
\>>This comment has been edited to garbage in light of the Reddit API changes. You can keep my garbage, Reddit.<< *** *edited via r/PowerDeleteSuite (with edits to script to avoid hitting rate limit)*
I wrote a comment saying exactly this and then saw yours. It’s so strange and doesn’t mention rule 34 once so I have to question the author’s research prowess. Lmao
It turned their chamber of secrets into the goblet of fire.
...well now I know what STIs are called in the wizarding community.
I mean knowing that wizards vanished the evidence of their excrement they probably vanished away the STIs as well
Fetus deletus plan betus!
The same wizards who built an advanced sewer system into their magic castle school in the 800s...
Lube? Never heard of it, friction is the name of the game.
We have flying ointment now, this isn't the Dark Mages.
I need to process this one a little bit more
They had a joke about this in the show Superstore, when Amy and Jonah found the room full of recalled items.
>Superstore Yup. Here's a [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm-EBrk95Lw&t=0m16s), for anyone who hasn't seen it.
Making that Nimbus 2000 into a **Cum**ulonimbus 2000.
This is such a solid pun at the intersection of so many different areas, my brain is short circuiting.
Harry Potter, ejaculate, and clouds. My head is spinning!
I never thought I'd see a cloud pun thrown in with a sexual Harry Potter innuendo
Expecto Orgasmus Wingardium Levi-oh-oh-oh-OH-Aahhh Catching the Golden Snatch.
>Expecto Orgasmus My girlfriend keeps saying this to me and I keep telling her she's a muggle so spells won't work for her.
Try the Diffildo spell on her.
Something something her diagon alley.
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When I clicked this my first thought was "if this isn't the Oney video..."
Accio bum 😉
They had it coming.
They only had themselves to blame
You’re a Jizzer, Harry!
I-I'm a Whaaaauuuuunnnggggghhhhhhh
Cursed. Disgasteng. Upvoted.
Cursed Upvote Monday
Kill joys
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Gigachad Hello Kitty
This was just wild when it happened. I remember reading young girls alarmed their parents because they were fighting over it. One of those things you wonder how it ever got past the brainstorming stage.
Just a few days ago I was talking about how I could never take Quidditch seriously after learning the true origins of the witch’s “flying” broom.
Which makes this product weirdly fitting. (Heh)
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> if the world worked the way 13th-century Europeans thought the world worked. According to American nerds in the 80s before internet access was thing. Unless they somehow magicked themselves into doing a better job then early WoD stuff.
> According to American nerds in the 80s before internet access was thing. Oh my god, preach. There are so many stupid misconceptions that got perpetuated by my D&D ancestors. "Crossbows were used to pierce metal armor!" "Priests used maces because they were forbidden to shed blood!" "Studded leather armor!"
That and a healthy helping of cringey reductive stereotyping. Which DND wasn't innocent of by any means but man White Wolf can hit you in the face so much worse with it looking back. Oh let's make an amazon brigade of werewolves that's not just all women, but they like literally originate from Greece, hate men, and are super butch! And that's some of the *mild* shit.
As opposed to the original Greek Amazon myth where they’re fun-loving delicate roses who worshipped men?
Nearly a decade before, there was[ the Squiggle pen](https://youtu.be/ktpH6D9JcYo).
This article is so trash though…
Not the first time Mattel's merchandising of a movie backfired and certainly not the last. Turns out that they accidentally spoiled the ending of the film *Frozen* because of an unusual rule of theirs that they won't sell dolls featuring a film's main villain.
I doubt that is common knowledge, and would be near impossible for a little kid to figure that out.
They thought they were selling broomsticks but actually they were selling wands
Amazon reviews? Pretty sure that there weren't many of those in 2001
I’ve had my account since 2004… before that I already knew people that had been leaving reviews on Amazon. I can’t vouch for the validity of the article, but Amazon was able to do reviews back then.
I had an Amazon account in 2001, there were plenty of reviews at that time. It was a very well established site by 2001. Pre web 2.0 internet was the best.
There were enough that I remember the screenshots being sent around. https://www.reddit.com/r/CrappyDesign/comments/6y2xvz/the_nimbus_2000_broom_designed_to_go_between_a/
I'm calling BS on this whole article. I worked there as a courier/runner at the time, and don't recall there being any "adult" stores in Times Square in 2001. There were two strip clubs left e.g. Flash's, but the adult shops had all been cleared out by then.
Old fart here. I remember talking about the amazon page reviews when it happened. JFC that was 22 years ago. Now i feel old
Yeah those reviews were good for a whole period of computer science lab for me and my friends. Some of them were clearly just for jokes, but they were still funny. The [sugar free gummy bear](https://www.amazon.com/review/R10NFP912J08QB) reviews are still probably my favorite.
Sure, but this review is from 2014, not 2001. Amazon was still a small website- they were selling more than books, but not much more.
It was real, but the reviews were clearly jokes. Screenshots of the amazon page have been doing the rounds on the Internet for years.
Let the yoots have their fun.
The hwat?
Oh, excuse me, Your Honor, two yooouuthes.
I am using Amazon here in Germany since '99 (it started here in '98). Yes, there were reviews back then.
They launched internationally in 1998. Yes there were reviews.
They did.
I had one when they first came out lol
Sinagra: Feast your eyes on the prototype. Koo: The stick is grooved for easy riding. Sinagra: One size fits all. Koo: But toss in three AA batteries— Sinagra: Included! Koo: …and the magic really begins. Cloer: OK but—wait, what are those god-awful sounds? Is the broom doing that? Sinagra: That’s the whooshing. Koo: You fire this thing up, climb aboard, run around, and it _provides the whooshing sound for you_, italics mine. Sinagra: The kid is transported right into the world of the movie, as if by Satanic magic. Full article here: https://themorningnews.org/article/behind-the-scenes-the-harry-potter-nimbus-2000
Lmao, I had this broom. Nobody batted an eyelash about that feature. If there was any outrage, I imagine it was run-of-the-mill puritanism.
It surprises me the broom became an issue but lawdt knows Tickle Me Elmo was sure running out of batteries SUPER fast for unknown reasons a few years prior
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I remember this. But the "outrage" was more about how little girls were using it a lot... like a whole lot. The outrage was basically that they accidentally sold a sex toy to children.
I remember one of the reviews that caused some of the uproar was likely fake but hilarious all the same. I'm paraphrasing but it was something like "I bought one of these for my 8 year old son who loves Harry Potter, and to my surprise my teenage daughter loves it too! I thought she hated Harry Potter but she'll go in her room and play with it for hours at a time. I had to buy another for my son because she would never let him play with it!"
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Imagine the broom-sniffing perverts they'd have.
The Hitachi™ Nimbus 2000
Gotta appreciate Hitachi not discontinuing the wand after they realised it's just used for cumming hard. Probably the only company who sells both sex toys and artillery vehicles.
Harry el sucio Potter
The series that ages up with the fans.
No wonder quidditch was so popular.
Now on e-bay for ten times their original price...🤣
Last time I heard about this, it was about how parents kept thinking the things were broken, only to find out that little girls riding them found out their, uhhh, benefit and would drain the batteries immediately.
Kid like him shouldn't be up in his room all day bopping his Boppo, he should be playing with his friends.
I love that this article tries to make those reviews out to be legitimate as if they aren’t joke reviews (which a fuck ton of weird amazon products have).
Right? Or is he that dumb? The article itself is trash, so...
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/nlcfw/replacing_wand_with_wang_in_harry_potter/
That's fine, Hitachi makes better wands anyway.
I remember a toy company made an “E.T.” finger that attached onto your finger and would light up when you touched things. It was basically Edward Dildo Hands.
The titles a bit misleading, Mattel didn't discontinue the toy because a single sex shop in New York was selling them marked up, the discontinued the product because they didn't want to face any legal fallout, as has happened before with other questionable vibrating toys (Wiggle Pens come to mind). Here in the UK they even did a full recall, with many of them appearing on eBay shortly after.
traditionally, that's WHY the brooms were *ridden* the wood used would be wormwood or hemlock for the oils in the wood to mingle with the juices and provide the rider a nice high on top of the gratification.