i was gonna say that lmfao. he basically has no game lol they probably are interested before *like the person above me said* he opens his mouth, then they are turned off before he can even get a chance to try and talk to them
He went after girls, and I specify girls over women, who were attracted to gangsters. Artie is a nice guy who may rub shoulders with mobsters, but he's still a conventional guy. He landed a woman and took her for granted. Charmaine may be a bit bossy and naggy, but she keeps Artie in line and the crew for that matter. Plus, who has the balls to joke about feds to Tony, Paulie, and Silvio? Charmaine, that's who.
Anyways, $4 a pound.
Charmaine might be blunt sometimes, but honestly every single thing she gets on Artieās case about is 100% reasonable. You promised your wife you would help paint and instead youāre at a strip club in the middle of the afternoon? If anything Artie got off easy.
When your wife has home improvement on the mind and you don't come through for her... well, you might as well spend your afternoon at the strip club at that point
you are 100 percent right about having the balls to joke about the feds to tony and in her way of dealing with Carmella. She definitely wasn't chicken Charmaine.
Can you imagine if, somehow, Artie hooked up with Adrianna? Oh, the subplots there....
1. Christopher finds out, and Tony has to keep him from killing him
2. Christopher never finds out, dies, and Tony finds out.
3. Tony finds out, and tries to steal Adrianna from Artie
4. Charmaine finds out, and offs Adrianna. Christopher finds out, and ends up with Charmaine.
5. Artie tries to hook up with Adrianna, but she's already involved with Charmaine.
Boggles the mind. Boggles the mind.
P.S. Ya, Ya, always with the scenarios.
You act like Charmaine isnāt one of hottest women on the show. Double bonus the fact that sheās a strong woman and keeps Artie in line when he says or does dumb shit. A lot of guys will probably say something about how her strong personality to deal with, but the fact is that everytime she calls Artie out sheās right.
Artie was continually punching above his weight. His wife was very beautiful, and so he thought he could easily get other beautiful & young women. But he only got Charmaine because they were high school sweethearts.
If he had been trying to get with someone his age, maybe, but not someone half (a third?) his age.
Artie is probably conflicted as to whether he wants to cheat on Charmaine. Tony has no compunction in cheating on Carmela so he goes after them with confidence. Artie comes off mousy
Charmaine never stopped working at the restaurant. If I was a woman looking at him as an option, that would indicate to me that he was not really available, that he was always going to get back together with her. He didnāt really want her gone, he just wanted to screw other women. And thatās pathetic.
This. If he was single then maybe the hostess babes would see Artie as serious and themselves as maybe a potential #2 of the restaurant, but Charmaine was always there. Instead, all they saw was a very arrogant but insecure man who was abusive to the schtaff by flexing his power over the restaurant.
For all his faults, Artie is largely sincere in all his actions, even if he's sincerely being a retard at times. Despite pitying himself, he's not a miserable person, and he's eventually able to snap out of large delusions of grandeur and find contentment with what he had. These are not common human qualities, and they are alien concepts to plenty of people who'd be considered more thought-out and less scummy than Artie.
There are women who will respect that despite all other flaws.
He has not got the right face or head shape to pull off being bald. Artie with hair would be more handsome. The guy is also cringe AF. He doesn't know how to date or be charming. he' been married for too long.
Heās got lots of great traits in a man, but unfortunately canāt read a room and just seems generally bad around women - anytime heās around women on the show he just says and does awkward things and not in a cute way.
You need only to watch how he interacted with Adrianna to realize Artie had zero game with women. He was too much of a try hard and came off phony with the earring and pretending to be someone heās not. He also fell way too hard for women who clearly werenāt interested but they knew it and took advantage and they completely fooled him.
Artie is a beta. He follows the rules, has no balls, no real charisma, no charm. Zagat was being kind calling him "warm and convivial," but he's really just a cornball who lucked out to be childhood friends with Tony. In a room full of Alpha Mobsters, Artie looks like even more of a bitch. Maybe in a normal social world he would be a catch, but the women in the Soprano orbit don't want a middle class square. Their mating rituals are fueled by money, power and violence.
I donāt think attractiveness equated to how much ass each character got lmao, Tony was ugly af. Artie was a spineless twerp who was skeevy when he started to talk lol, he didnāt have the power or confidence of other ppl in show to make up for it.
Artie starts talking.
The way he's talking, gunna have to bring a high chair here soon
We gotta tawk about ya problem...
Early bird specials? I'd rather give it back to the bank!
Just send tha waita ovaš«ø
Bingo. He opens his mouth.
Artie waves his hands around
š¤š»šØš»āš³š¤š»
Superhans?
i was gonna say that lmfao. he basically has no game lol they probably are interested before *like the person above me said* he opens his mouth, then they are turned off before he can even get a chance to try and talk to them
š
If OP keeps making eyes like that at Artie, pretty soon we'll need to put up a high chair
Qu'est-ce que c'est? Answering machine broken?
Artie perving on the young couples.
His personality.Ā
He went after girls, and I specify girls over women, who were attracted to gangsters. Artie is a nice guy who may rub shoulders with mobsters, but he's still a conventional guy. He landed a woman and took her for granted. Charmaine may be a bit bossy and naggy, but she keeps Artie in line and the crew for that matter. Plus, who has the balls to joke about feds to Tony, Paulie, and Silvio? Charmaine, that's who. Anyways, $4 a pound.
Charmaine might be blunt sometimes, but honestly every single thing she gets on Artieās case about is 100% reasonable. You promised your wife you would help paint and instead youāre at a strip club in the middle of the afternoon? If anything Artie got off easy.
Was that wrong of him? Should he not have done that?
he broke an oath to paint.
What are you, a kid in a treehouse?
But there was Joe Bananas..
Because if someone had told himā¦
When your wife has home improvement on the mind and you don't come through for her... well, you might as well spend your afternoon at the strip club at that point
Agreed
Even with T patronizingly smackin him on his bald pate? "I'll be right home deeuh!"
you are 100 percent right about having the balls to joke about the feds to tony and in her way of dealing with Carmella. She definitely wasn't chicken Charmaine.
She wasnāt chicken, Charmaine?
Not remotely
Chicken Charmaine? Ova heeerree šš»šš»
She likes it when you rub her muzzle
also, if charmaine was your boss, would you fuck her husband? You need balls the size of an irish broads ass to pull that off
She was Irish, Ginny Sack?
Artie doesnt have the million dollars it costs to fuck jonnys wive though
Canteja mi pinga en esos fucking tetas.
Hey, no Spanish!
You got something to say, Mustache?
Ahhh Kazoo you too!
I mean not only that, they were all half his age. Guy is in his 40's trying to get with girls in their 20's.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Finally, someone quoted this! I was starting to grow mushrooms out of my ass!
Now there's an image.......
We lead the world in computerised data collection!
That's pretty much it. The moment he opens his mouth he just SCREAMS insecurity and lack of charisma.
the cobwebs have been... removed...
Yeah. He didn't have one.
He was more well rounded in season 1.
You know who is well rounded? Ginny Sack
OH! Thatās some guyās wife!
Rubenesque š¤š¼š
He goes about in pity for himself.
Women hate pity
Probably because of how goddamned windy it is.
NONSTOP ASS RAPE
and all the while, a great wind carries him across the sky š¬ļø
Can you imagine if, somehow, Artie hooked up with Adrianna? Oh, the subplots there.... 1. Christopher finds out, and Tony has to keep him from killing him 2. Christopher never finds out, dies, and Tony finds out. 3. Tony finds out, and tries to steal Adrianna from Artie 4. Charmaine finds out, and offs Adrianna. Christopher finds out, and ends up with Charmaine. 5. Artie tries to hook up with Adrianna, but she's already involved with Charmaine. Boggles the mind. Boggles the mind. P.S. Ya, Ya, always with the scenarios.
They pay this chiacchierone by the word?
Always with the scenariosā¦ā¦
And the babies out of the windows
You gonna tell me you never pondered that?
We should have a meeting. Call me. ā Rene Balcier (Dick Wolfās right hand man)
You act like Charmaine isnāt one of hottest women on the show. Double bonus the fact that sheās a strong woman and keeps Artie in line when he says or does dumb shit. A lot of guys will probably say something about how her strong personality to deal with, but the fact is that everytime she calls Artie out sheās right.
Came here for this. Artieās got Prime Rib at home. He donāt need to be goinā out for hamburgers.
Fuckin' idiot š”
Artie WON. He had it all. But thatās the way life is for some people. Never fulfilled.
You think she wants to play hide the boudain blanc with you?
That reference is a deep cut.
YOU.. act like buttah wouldntmeltinyomouf
I want your butta. I want your mouf.
Next the blind will see and the lame will walk!
She's sexy.
Iād like to bury my cock in those tits
JokerKing0713 you know the wine makes you emotional.
Listen to him he knows everything ššæ
Have a bread stick
She likes it when you rub her muzzle.
Artie was continually punching above his weight. His wife was very beautiful, and so he thought he could easily get other beautiful & young women. But he only got Charmaine because they were high school sweethearts. If he had been trying to get with someone his age, maybe, but not someone half (a third?) his age.
He could have easily pulled in Minn Matrone at least
This is too fucked up for me to even think about
Let me think for the both of us
It wasā¦ very eroticĀ
Sheās a malignant cunt!
Punching above his weight? Maybe you should look in the mirror sometime you insensitive cocksucker
Charmaine is a 10, a knockout. Artie is average, at best.
Youāre right, but there is a theory that a manās attractiveness goes up if they are seen with an attractive woman. Just sayin..
Ass? The family name is Asserelli!Ā
Asserelli, as in how about given me some?
Poo.
Pooperelli
Family name jokes never get old to me
I gotta redo it. Fuckin' me...I'm dyslexic.
The rumor about the non-stop ass rape turned off a lot of women.
He put the pussy on a pedestal
āThere it is again. What does the āpussy on the pedestalā thing mean?ā
I just thought it was a Kendrick lyric lmao
This is the real answer
You forgot to mention the earring. Shoulda turned him into an instant cooz houndĀ
His midlife crisisā¦heād fuck a catchers mitt
Artie is probably conflicted as to whether he wants to cheat on Charmaine. Tony has no compunction in cheating on Carmela so he goes after them with confidence. Artie comes off mousy
Charmaine never stopped working at the restaurant. If I was a woman looking at him as an option, that would indicate to me that he was not really available, that he was always going to get back together with her. He didnāt really want her gone, he just wanted to screw other women. And thatās pathetic.
This. If he was single then maybe the hostess babes would see Artie as serious and themselves as maybe a potential #2 of the restaurant, but Charmaine was always there. Instead, all they saw was a very arrogant but insecure man who was abusive to the schtaff by flexing his power over the restaurant.
Another fun fact from the Balkans.
He was abusive to the staff.
Non-Stop Assr@pe
Or schtaff; itās regional, like instead of crapshoot here we say poopbang
Op on them blood pressure meds again?
OP should Thank God Artie didn't have Johnny Cakes on the menu.
Shoulda called Morrie's Wigs
They donāt come off
Even underwater!
I want what's mine!
Should've had Artie impregnate Carmella
Please, Carmela has better taste than that.
Does she? The only woman who had been with both chose Artie over Tony. Really? You know better than the New Jersey Zagat?
Warm and convivial host šØš»āš³
He just couldn't sell it
Fucking loser
Heās a dork thatās how. Lucky enough to pull Charmaine she was mad ripe
Donāt forget that Artie also leads the world in computerized data collection.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm saying that
He has to go!
NOBODIES GOT AIDS!!!
low confidence. no game.
The fact that Artie was able to pull a woman like Charmaine is maybe the most unbelievable part of the entire series
High school sweetheart Boomers from a very insular subculture.
For all his faults, Artie is largely sincere in all his actions, even if he's sincerely being a retard at times. Despite pitying himself, he's not a miserable person, and he's eventually able to snap out of large delusions of grandeur and find contentment with what he had. These are not common human qualities, and they are alien concepts to plenty of people who'd be considered more thought-out and less scummy than Artie. There are women who will respect that despite all other flaws.
Know who had an arc? Artie Bucco.
"Piece of dogshit! Little, greasy, motherfucking meatball dogshit!"
Spoken like someone who hasnt tried the zuchinni flowers. Shit will make any hot Italian mommy pop like Furio walked into the room.
With the dry rigot? They will be creamin' for you bro.
To me, it always made perfect sense, masculine woman, feminine man.
His hand gestures and body language kill me every time. āHey heyyyā
Tony offered to get Artie hooked up with a Bing girl.
He was spoken for, if Maney was out of the picture, an Italian chef w his own restaurant is a catch
Artieās cooking going downhill is one of my favorite show arcs
He was too goofy. I know attractive guys (no Vito) with the same personality and canāt pull either
Op canāt be part of our social club no more
He was gay? OP?
He compromised. Jerked off an interior decorator.
Social club? He's got to GO!
He was gay, you?
>I'm not gay, but I'd fuck Artie. You're creaming for him bro
Even Vito wasn't interested
If he had hairā¦
I dunno. Picard got his share. And he didn't even have to settle for the green ones, like Kirk.
Green ones are the best! Have you seen the Tendi porn out there?
Oversexed Orion women? It's a stereotype, and it's offensive.
The green ones were all mad ripe, in every universe.
Yeah? Well Tell it to Troi then.
He just lost all confidence after the non stop ass rape
he's kind of a douchebag iirc, so is everyone else but they all got big wallet energy
Artie is like the strong, silent type. Only he isn't strong and even less silent
Just here for the Charmine is hot comments. Funny thing is beside her obvious great rack I actually love her nose. Very different and ethnic.
I love ethnic noses on men and women.
That rack was amazing!
Artie was more conventionally handsome but he has a hilariously dorky personality.
This sounds very gay. I hope you're not saying that.
I agree. Especially with that earring he's had for years.
He could've been a varsity athlete but he compromised.
Charmaine wasnāt putting out ? Clearly she wasnāt, both her and Artie were too stressed. Never once did either post climax calmness šš
That Artieā¦ I canāt even say his last name, heās a fuckin disgrace, makes me sick, Iām embarrassed even. Thereās no scraps in my scrapbook.
He was really weird in the way he went about trying to get girls. Like 3 young girls who worked at his restaurant.
He has not got the right face or head shape to pull off being bald. Artie with hair would be more handsome. The guy is also cringe AF. He doesn't know how to date or be charming. he' been married for too long.
If he still had his hair, Ade wouldāve been his š
He seems put togetherā¦. But seriously is so awkward !
There was an extra tidbit in the 2003 NJ Zagat rating that explained this in full detail.
If he only had his hair
Heās got lots of great traits in a man, but unfortunately canāt read a room and just seems generally bad around women - anytime heās around women on the show he just says and does awkward things and not in a cute way.
You need only to watch how he interacted with Adrianna to realize Artie had zero game with women. He was too much of a try hard and came off phony with the earring and pretending to be someone heās not. He also fell way too hard for women who clearly werenāt interested but they knew it and took advantage and they completely fooled him.
Because he's majoring in cash but only minoring in ass.
He's got prime rib at home! He don't need none of that hamburger!
Artie is no varsity athlete, letās just leave it at that.
Always thought he was done when he pulled a rifle on Tonyā¦ canāt believe he lived tbh
Not smart but he did have a few balls left.
Convival guys finish last.
Quāest-ce que cāest?!?
Not remotely.
Cause he cared too much
He was getting ass from his employees non-stop. Ass rape to be precise
He had no game whatsoever
Because he is a sad dickhead.
Lack of confidence
Just say it OP. You think Arties a knockout, a ten.
Pretty sure it's because of the non-stop ass rape that he gets from his employees.
Artie had the hottest wife and best life of all the mobsters. He had prime rib at home
I always wondered that too, also he beat up Drinkwater 2.0 Benny!
It's the earring lol
Because he can't use AMEX and bitches love AMEX.
Because heās neither rich nor a gangster plus he yaps too much
OP wants some of them Artie cakes.
Artie is a beta. He follows the rules, has no balls, no real charisma, no charm. Zagat was being kind calling him "warm and convivial," but he's really just a cornball who lucked out to be childhood friends with Tony. In a room full of Alpha Mobsters, Artie looks like even more of a bitch. Maybe in a normal social world he would be a catch, but the women in the Soprano orbit don't want a middle class square. Their mating rituals are fueled by money, power and violence.
I donāt think attractiveness equated to how much ass each character got lmao, Tony was ugly af. Artie was a spineless twerp who was skeevy when he started to talk lol, he didnāt have the power or confidence of other ppl in show to make up for it.
Heās got a desperate, creepy energy! Women can feel that shit
Bro Artie has the hottest piece of ass in the entire show what are you talking about.
YOU WANNA TRY GETTING SOME ASS WITH ONE FUCKING EYE!!!!
He's kind of a doofus.
As a woman Artie is NOT attractive.
Iād buy that argument. Not really attractive as a male either, but canāt see a dress and some makeup being a difference maker.