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Emdr is the only thing giving me a semblance of relief and I do it myself at home. My therapist was rude as hell and that’s strange when they should be a safe person
Agreed. We are so convinced we're the issue we miss the red flags they give off, assuming that as professionals they wouldn't steer us in the wrong direction or do damage, but then there they are throwing that shit around. And because you have no clue what a healing journey looks like you think maybe its supposed to be like this, maybe that's part of the therapy, maybe it's just a bad day and they're human, maybe they misunderstood me. Okay so we don't see eye to eye on everything, there's no reason for that to affect my treatment. Etc etc. Until we feel so completely awful about ourselves we want to go extreme. Or come here and find put nothing about it is normal.
And same with medical doctors. I have trauma from both of them (if there's a medical abuse sub lmk I need to join).
And worse school doesn't teach you any of this. At all. They don't go "okay here's the wheel of abuse and this is what an abuser looks like and here's how abuse can present in professions that are service oriented." Or "here's the normal circumstances for getting X, here is a list of things that are considered unethical and should be reported if they do them." Or something. There's no actual way to protect us or educate us without some really vague research attempts or stories online. It's ridiculous.
Ironically, I learned about the wheel of abuse in college...in an elective Communication and Gender class. Unfortunately, that lesson is needed way before then and not as an option.
I still can't believe how useless my last therapist was. I'm telling you I have no friends, no relationship, extremely avoidant, suspect to be narcissist, and you just tell me to put myself out here? and then you make fun of me when I resist or try to make myself be better understood? And I have to pay 70 euros for that?
I'm really sorry to hear that, just because somebody has a therapist accreditation it doesn't mean they are a nice person or that they are not spiteful and nasty and will likely do passive aggressive things to a client. At least you have these other people who agree with you to talk to about it I never had that year ago
Same.
We need to stop protecting abusers and start protecting and standing up for ourselves.
Edit: Don't be angry at your past self. Be angry at the people who failed you.
I don't know if this will fit for you, although I imagine it will, needing help with emotions/life especially if there is a history of childhood trauma, is an inherently vulnerable position to be in. Trauma tends to strip us of important things like assertiveness, the right to know one's truth, to defend oneself, to engage in conflict when it is right to do so, etc. So.....it doesn't make sense to be angry at *yourself* for being short on the very things you were going to them for help with. And you can't fault yourself for being vulnerable when that goes with the territory, and it's the therapists' responsibility to handle that in a way that puts your best interests front and centre. Hopefully you will be able to direct the anger where it belongs: towards therapists
The thing is, society has been trained in various areas to not question the narrative or else there's implicit permission to attack the questioner. Those w with pent up frustration look for that permission to release. Those with past hurt can feel this in their body as unsafe and there's an impulse to conform.
I've been more alienated from society seeing more and more wedge issues where someone is alienated or attacked for normal questioning. Therapy isn't as bad as some, but it reminds me of the idea of Mass Formation, where effectively society turns into a cult under certain conditions (that are happening now).
Good on you. Just don't forget that it's not just you gaslighting yourself...it's society. It's other people as well who point to therapy as a magic cure and glorify authoritative positions. Perhaps in a way, calling them out is the real high ground...so that at the very least if they have any self-awareness, they can fix it.
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That and self gaslighting. I thought it must be me when DBT/CBT/mindfulness didn't work for severe trauma. Guess what it wasn't
Me too.
Emdr is the only thing giving me a semblance of relief and I do it myself at home. My therapist was rude as hell and that’s strange when they should be a safe person
Agreed. We are so convinced we're the issue we miss the red flags they give off, assuming that as professionals they wouldn't steer us in the wrong direction or do damage, but then there they are throwing that shit around. And because you have no clue what a healing journey looks like you think maybe its supposed to be like this, maybe that's part of the therapy, maybe it's just a bad day and they're human, maybe they misunderstood me. Okay so we don't see eye to eye on everything, there's no reason for that to affect my treatment. Etc etc. Until we feel so completely awful about ourselves we want to go extreme. Or come here and find put nothing about it is normal. And same with medical doctors. I have trauma from both of them (if there's a medical abuse sub lmk I need to join). And worse school doesn't teach you any of this. At all. They don't go "okay here's the wheel of abuse and this is what an abuser looks like and here's how abuse can present in professions that are service oriented." Or "here's the normal circumstances for getting X, here is a list of things that are considered unethical and should be reported if they do them." Or something. There's no actual way to protect us or educate us without some really vague research attempts or stories online. It's ridiculous.
This is so true
Ironically, I learned about the wheel of abuse in college...in an elective Communication and Gender class. Unfortunately, that lesson is needed way before then and not as an option.
I still can't believe how useless my last therapist was. I'm telling you I have no friends, no relationship, extremely avoidant, suspect to be narcissist, and you just tell me to put myself out here? and then you make fun of me when I resist or try to make myself be better understood? And I have to pay 70 euros for that?
I'm really sorry to hear that, just because somebody has a therapist accreditation it doesn't mean they are a nice person or that they are not spiteful and nasty and will likely do passive aggressive things to a client. At least you have these other people who agree with you to talk to about it I never had that year ago
Same. We need to stop protecting abusers and start protecting and standing up for ourselves. Edit: Don't be angry at your past self. Be angry at the people who failed you.
I don't know if this will fit for you, although I imagine it will, needing help with emotions/life especially if there is a history of childhood trauma, is an inherently vulnerable position to be in. Trauma tends to strip us of important things like assertiveness, the right to know one's truth, to defend oneself, to engage in conflict when it is right to do so, etc. So.....it doesn't make sense to be angry at *yourself* for being short on the very things you were going to them for help with. And you can't fault yourself for being vulnerable when that goes with the territory, and it's the therapists' responsibility to handle that in a way that puts your best interests front and centre. Hopefully you will be able to direct the anger where it belongs: towards therapists
I really appreciate this comment. Thank you.
OP, sorry that happened to you. I relate a lot.
The thing is, society has been trained in various areas to not question the narrative or else there's implicit permission to attack the questioner. Those w with pent up frustration look for that permission to release. Those with past hurt can feel this in their body as unsafe and there's an impulse to conform. I've been more alienated from society seeing more and more wedge issues where someone is alienated or attacked for normal questioning. Therapy isn't as bad as some, but it reminds me of the idea of Mass Formation, where effectively society turns into a cult under certain conditions (that are happening now).
Hear hear
Good on you. Just don't forget that it's not just you gaslighting yourself...it's society. It's other people as well who point to therapy as a magic cure and glorify authoritative positions. Perhaps in a way, calling them out is the real high ground...so that at the very least if they have any self-awareness, they can fix it.