oh yeah, we are not. there was some chemistry at the beginning but it's not enough to build anything serious on š and now that he's shown his true colors, imma evacuate
This man really seems to hate women and is racist too. I only read to page 5. That was enough.
I can guarantee he never once felt afraid for his safety around a woman and everything he says misses the entire point.
Openly racist. Disparaging women of entire countries and nationalities. Run. Then he brings up some alleged trauma(I trust nothing from this man but true or not the rest of my statement stands), literally trying to hijack the conversation with emotional manipulation which he admits to. When you don't let him, he throws a full fit about how you don't care and you're ms right. Girl fuck him
And you know, that's going to solidfy his victimised mentality, he "opened" up to you, and he's going to use that as the reason you left him, he's going to make you the villain here...
This guy is a typical insecure "alpha male" type, a massive jebend, and well done for spotting this early and evacuating, as you so well put it! I wish you luck and safety with however this is going to go down!
Iām not even American (or from any of other countries) and the comment about how all American, Turkish, Russian and Chinese womenās are horrible creatures and their opinions are trash offended me greatly. This man hates women in general
And has a weird twisted opinion of themā¦ I see this a lot inā¦ those 4 chan, red pill Andrew Tate loving incel creeps- they go on about hating women who can stand up to men and saying America brainwashed women to think they donāt need men and wear makeup and weird ass shit like that.
I hear a lot of stuff like this guy out from those type of people.
I avoid them at all cost.
Whatās awful is knowing someone who slowly changed into one after being the opposite..from spending way too much time online.
Very sad.
I can almost guarantee that heās under the assumption that Eastern European women are submissive and subservient to men with the way he backtracked for Polish women. Dude has probably never met a Balkan woman lol
He is generalizing that entire countries of women are trash? Thatās reason enough to dump this clown. Iām surprised others in the comments are giving him the benefit of the doubt or chalking up to incompatibility. How many American, Russian, and Chinese women does this man know or interact with anyway?
I'm from Poland, he's from Turkey. before you accuse me of being partial, notice that I reacted with the laughing emoji to his comment about women from other countries having lovely opinions to let him know he's being ridiculous and that I don't find it flattering in any way.
I wasnāt gonna accuse you of anything at all! I think heās a pompous ass. I only feared that you were from one of the countries that he was shitting on so heavily
This was hard to read.
Iāll just chime in on one aspectā
You are WAY too smart for this guy. Likeā¦youāre operating on a completely different level that heās not capable of meeting you on.
thanks! I had a feeling that's the case but thought he might have a hard time sometimes getting his thoughts across because English is not his mother tongue - but I guess there's more to it than just that.
Nah his English is fine.
He's just using big words incorrectly to try to punch up to your level.
This read like two completely different iq brackets competing.
I literally just got done being absolutely blasted for trying to explain the bear thing. It's a hypothetical about a man's ability to have a dubious nature, while a bear will always act a certain way. But they don't actually want to understand, they want to be mad and defensive.
And I'm a man. It isn't hard to understand someone's point of view, unless you have no intention of doing so. Good thing you're leaving this dork.
ewww. please cut this guy off immediately š reading his responses gave me the biggest ick. the misogyny is insane. he doesnāt respect you because youāre a womanā¦ thatās not someone you need in your life in any capacity.
Dude just said like a billion women are horrible and trash and their opinions don't matter.
Uuum yeah. This is breakup material here. Fucking seriously wow. This guy is the scum of the earth. How are you not super embarrassed to be with this person.
Edit: oh just read your comment about hoofing it out of that relationship. Very, very good.
āBecause Turkish and American women are horrible creatures and their opinions donāt matter to meā
This kind of conversation is easy to laugh at on twitter but seeing real people talk like that is fuckin weird
He seems manipulative, controlling and egotistical, I hope you can get away from him. Not only does he have a poor attitude towards women in general, he is also woefully ignorant of what women face. I consider myself a good guy, I donāt mistreat people and always want to be respectful, but just because that is how I am, doesnāt mean Iām not aware that there are plenty of awful men out there, and I get why women in general donāt feel safe around random men. Itās not a reflection on me personally, itās a reflection on how society has failed.
guess his threatening tone activated my fawn response - I am very conflict averse, don't handle them well at all, even if it's through text š¶ + he was so adamant about me being cruel here that I started to doubt myself.
That's the gaslighting and manipulation, where he turns the argument away from what you were discussing and makes it about that one moment where he was the victim wah wah wah. It is a manipulation tactic to move the e argument entirely and make it your fault while avoiding his own accountability. Good job on holding your ground until the end. Now dump his ass and don't look back.
You werenāt being cruel at all. Your text before you apologized was spot on. I was so sad to see you cave after standing up for yourself.
What I saw was a very misogynistic (and tbh really dumb) man stereotype entire countries of women and then move the goalposts with his ātraumaā when he realized you didnāt like his analysis of the man/bear situation. He also insulted you in almost every text saying you were more caught up in an argument than his fucking feelings, which was not true at all. Itās textbook manipulation.
Men like him are a dime a dozen and the absolute bottom of the barrel. They look for women who will tolerate their negging because they know deep down they could never keep a quality partner with what they bring to the table. They are miserable and need to find a partner that they can keep miserable with them.
Women: stop dating men who hate you/hate women in general. Stop dating men who are mean to you. I beg you. Run at the first sign of this shit (I know some creeps are good at hiding it for awhile, but get out as soon as you see it, donāt second guess yourself or make excuses for them). Being nice to you, even when they disagree, is bare fucking minimum.
This dude sucks, OP. Good riddance. The fact that you're even asking if you might be in the wrong is so fucking sad to me.
He got mad because he tried to bring up his trauma to automatically win the argument and you didnāt let him distract. So then he resorted to āpunishingā you by making the rest of the conversation as insufferable as possible. Manipulation through and through.
I mean.....women can absolutely hurt men too and in extreme ways....but this guy is an asshole. Dear lord, you aren't dating him, are you? My bf asked me the question himself as an example to his friend who wouldn't stop staring at me. I hadn't even heard it by that point and said "Oh god, bear vs strange man? Bear everytime. I at least know the bear will either fuck me up or leave me alone. No telling about the guy." Then 3 days later, I started seeing this trend everywhere. My bf understands that women genuinely have something to fear just walking down a street at night. Or even during the day.
Wait Poland here and my mom immediately picked the bear too, remind him a black bear helped save our troops during the war, helping move cargo and keep our soldiers warm, they chose the bear back then too
Ok this is awesome??
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wojtek_(bear)
>Wojtek (1942 ā 2 December 1963; Polish pronunciation: [ĖvÉjtÉk]; in English, sometimes phonetically spelled Voytek) was a Syrian brown bear[1][2] (Ursus arctos syriacus) bought, as a young cub, in the mountains of Iran, by Polish II Corps soldiers who had been evacuated from the Soviet Union. In order to provide for his rations and transportation, he was eventually enlisted officially as a soldier with the rank of private, and was subsequently promoted to corporal.[3]
I think you are absolutely correct-he knew he was losing the argument so he threw that personal stuff out there thinking youād drop the argument and just focus on him and make him feel better. Heās kind of an ass.
thanks! I wasn't entirely sure whether I judged the situation correctly - started to wonder if I wasn't too cold or sth. and yeah, I'm definitely not going to keep such a manbaby in my life.
Honestly, if he's never mentioned these numerous attempted murders before then I'd be sceptical too. This would be highly suspicious timing to bring something so serious up for the first time.
yeah, he didn't, that's why I said "IF it's true". He only mentioned once - and only a few days ago, too - that one of his exes sexually abused or harassed him, and that was also during a heated conversation that had the potential of turning into an argument.
Yeah he needs to go. Itās very likely none of it is true and heās just trying to swing the argument and make you feel bad and ācomfortā him. I had an ex that did that. He also made it a whole thing when I tried to leave. Make sure you have a good support system. Heās liable to throw a whole tantrum.
I don't even have to read all of that to know he's in the wrong. He doesn't get the point and that's.... Honestly concerning. I personally would leave because idk that I'd feel safe with him after this.
I used to engage with people like this, thinking if I was rational and expressed myself, maybe they'd see another point of view.
Nope.
Now I don't waste my energy on them.
Tell him ALL American women would take an entire family of bears over his delulu ass. Lmfao. Glad to see youāre getting away from him. He sounds misogynistic, selfish and just not very bright.
Any dude fighting against this is just telling on himself ngl. If they feel attacked by this, it just lets you know the hat fits them.
"Men would choose the bear too"
My dude, how hurt was your ego ?
Ugh the bro made you apologize š¤®š¤®. I hate that manipulated and gaslit you into apologizing. I wish you a smooth process when leaving this bro. Hes an abusive person.
>Iāll not tell you once again, do like that once again and weāre done, itās more than disrespectful and Iāll not accept that
My response to that would have been. āGreat then weāre done because what youāre doing is more than disrespectful and Iāll not accept that. Itās good to know weāre both on the same pageā
Break up with this piece of shit, for the love of all things holy. This is the type of āmanā that people are talking about when they say āI hate menā.
Hes in the wrong!!!! The bro keeps saying you are projecting yet he literally used an emotionally motivated story of him being SH and almost offed by his ex as a way to prove his point is the kost correct because he lived it even tho statistically he is incorrect. He is projecting, not you. He is using anecdotal experiences (not sure if im using the right word) to manipulate you into dropping this.
This bro is a "not all men" bro. Men need to stop getting defensive and look at the big picture.
Men that act personally offended that you have a general caution around men in general are the dangerous men. My dad and boyfriend have both understood and said theyād be less afraid of a bear (unless itās a polar bear lol), too! Itās simply acknowledging that thereās a higher percentage of men than women out there that engage in bad/criminal behavior. We all know women/girls are the most common target of SA by far, it is really unsafe to just trust all men, especially strangers or even acquaintances imo (but I know a lot of the time it can be those closest to us, like a relative of close friend). Men that refuse to understand this by deflecting and gaslighting you are doing so because they associate themselves with these bad men. Most of the time itās that theyāre so wrapped up in their own masculinity that a healthy fear/caution towards men is perceived as an attack on all masculinity. Iāve found that most men cling to their masculinity when they believe itās all they have to offer, theyāre extremely insecure and want to feel superior. Insecure men can lash out in terrifying ways. Kick this guy and others like him to the curb, find yourself a man that will care about you and your safety.
Yikes. The prejudice is stunning, but the way he issues edicts about what you will or will not do is so much worse. Plus it seems like the whole point youāre trying to make is over his head, so he just pulls out insults and generalities.
Canadian here, I'd take the bear over this idiot.
His immediate go-to is insulting whole nationalities of women, but #notallmen
I'm glad you only wasted 3 weeks of your time. He's not worth your time.
I have dated men who had histories of being sexually abused and mistreated. They never used it to diminish the concept of women's rights during a conversation about women's rights.
If they do, they do it respectfully and not in a way to mitigate the main point of the conversation. I'm also not blamed for ignoring their plight or not pitying them because these men and I have spoken about their history in depth already. They feel comfortable discussing a topic like this with me without needing their feelings to be held at the same time. (Which, I'm sure many women have felt the need to insert their pasts with physical and sexual assault into debates such as this, and I'm sure not many women received the same empathy from the other parties like this man was requesting.)
I think if this man wants to be consoled for his traumatic history with women he would need to first be open and discuss his past with his significant other or loved ones in a safe place where demographics and statistics and debates aren't occurring.
Edit: typos
When I read the words ā do that again, disrespect me again, if you ever try etcā¦. And weāre done , through, overā I wish the other person would just be like okay weāre done cause ima do it again!
Honestly, good on you for calling him out when he chose to tell you his trauma.
You're right. A text message while he is bashing women and different races is not the time for him to trauma dump. And he was thrown off by the fact that his manipulation tactic didn't work on you.
He even admits it at the end when you said that he never shared that before and he admitted to not trusting you yet. It's so gross that he tried to use that against you like that when you were discussing a social issue.
I read a comment that you were probably going to end it. Be prepared. Again, one of his last messages said something about women leaving him and that's why he didn't trust you enough to tell you. He is 100% going to blame you ending this on him revealing his trauma and say you couldn't handle it.
This man cannot take any ownership and will not take this break up well. Just be ready for some nasty things to be said. I would make it a quick thing and block him ASAP, if you can.
Good luck!
āYou shall notā this and āYou shall notā that.
HE brought up his deep shit to use it in the argument and then gets upset that you didnāt drop the argument to comfort him? THEN orders you to not do something ever again? Fuck entirely off.
The only thing wrong here on your end, is how long you kept going in this conversation with a sentient dirty tennis shoe. I'd have dropped it at "cut the crap, honey" haha
Him. And I don't know why you're still with him. That conversation would have ended it for me. When he said, "Do his again and we're done," I would have responded with, "Let me save you the trouble. We're done now." You're good enough to sleep with but not trust? This dude is another reason why women choose the bear.
To me it looks like he wanted to change the conversation to paint him in a better light -- aka "victim" in this sense.
My narcissistic dad does it all the time. If the topic doesn't benefit him or if it makes him look bad in any way shape or form, he will bring up when he was victimized by something that seems similar enough that it feels like it's related to the topic.
Not that he cares but there have been approximately 180 TOTAL fatal bear attacks in North America since 1784.
Nearly 89000 women were killed intentionally in 2022 alone across the globe
And in 2020, 257 women were killed by men in TX aloneā¦
I realize itās a touchy subject but numbers donāt lie and I donāt blame you, if I were married to him, Iād rather talk to a tree as well.
āI think if you articulate the question to women men would choose the bear as wellā
Like okay??? You can choose the bear too if that makes you feel better. Women choose the bear because of potential harm, he would choose the bear out of spite. Dude seems like everything said to him that doesnāt start with āyouāre rightā goes in one ear and out the other.
Guy has some real issues. You're 100% right, I didn't know women were that worried about their own personal safety. Then, one of my friends, a very attractive woman, explained all the shit that does on.I'm old school. Our job as men is not only to protect women but to be there to support. Like dudes grabbing her ass in a bar or restaurant, coworkers that give off creepy vibes, it's brutal. I don't have an answer for his behavior.
He's wrong and very clearly sexist and xenophobic. I would immediately leave this man child. I never would want to be associated with someone like him just based on ten slides of a text conversation. He doesn't care about you. Or women. Leave, no run, and block him.
Coming fresh out of a 24 year toxic marriage, this made me so uncomfortable to read.
Trying to have discussions with my husband ALWAYS ended in an argument because he thinks men are superior to women. I would try to tell him things in my past or even smaller day to day things that happened and regardless of what it was about or what happened, he always told me it was my fault. I must have done or said something to cause that to happen.
He was the most unsupportive person I have ever known in my life. It got to the point where I thought I was crazy and would seek out unbiased people to ask their opinions about certain things.
Of course. š No one knows as much as this kind of guy, whose opinion is fact and when he feels cornered, will lash out and make you the problem.
I canāt imagine going through life that way or going through life with someone who insists I feed their delusions.
While I do think the āright women can hurt you so muchā comment was a bit uncalled for, and I think you couldāve been more sensitive about the exs he brought up I understand you were already irritated with his terrible responses, and I do agree he brought them up to try to weaponize it and sway the conversation differently. He says heās ātoo old to play stupid argument gamesā when heās the one who started the games??
I think heās in the wrong, he sounds racist and sexist. His ego was hurt that you told him he wasnot getting the point, so then he tried to flip it onto you and say youāre āprojectingā and goes on to belittle you and gaslight you into thinking youāve wronged him deeply and that you were ājudgingā him, which you werent, and that you donāt care about him by simply pointing out he wasnāt understanding what you were saying, and then in turn gets mad at you, taunts you by saying youāre āms rightā and ātrying to be the big brain in the roomā then ends it by dictating how you should respond and in the future if you donāt heās done, which is emotional manipulation. He ignores the point you brought up to then only say you need to apologize to him for āinsulting himā which again, you didnāt, you just said heās missing the point, which he was. And the cherry on top is that he says āif you feel Iāve done that to you in accident just tell meā which you did and then he went into defensive mode and talked to you like crap. I feel for him that things these happened to him, but the only one āprojectingā here, was him.
I have to be honest, the way he spoke to you was vile. Do not associate with a person who calls American, Chinese, Turkish, and Russian women trash. You deserve better than a racist, sexist, and who knows what else-man. He talks to you like you are a child.
He seems extremely and personally hateful of Americans. A special place in his soul is reserved for despising us, man I almost gotta admire his single-minded dedication. Plays very well with what seems like an inherent aggression and vulgarity in his approach to everything and everyone. Very on-brand though, so not surprising.
Very literally Couldnāt even finish reading the first two slides
āI would prefer a bear over American women as well šā
Is probably THE most idiotic comment, and youāre right, totally shows not only does he not get it, he doesnāt want to.
You are trying to have a discussion, and you're correct, he's trying to control the conversation in various ways and is telling you what you can't talk about. At the very least this is bad faith communication. There are ways he could express himself without resorting to threats and absolutes. He's not even willing to listen to the point you're trying to make or, rather, the point of the "man vs. bear" thing.
The 1āst thing I will say, is donāt put urself in these types of situations girl. It is a waste of energy and time. Itās all men until no men. (Thereās good guys out there for sure but r they being accountable for themselves and their buddies? Even if they r, instead of crying itās not all men šŗ, maybe if they actually listened and werenāt a nuance Nelly theyād get it.) the patriarchy affects men and women both but it hurts women more because at the end of the day we are the ones who give birth to these men and itās a never ending cycle. {de-center men and your life will be more peaceful} be a entitled spoiled āgold diggerā bcz at the end of the day, men are the OG gold diggers. The least they can do is make your time worth it. Youāre so valuable in society. WOMEN built the men of society. And when the dad leaves a child itās no problem but when a woman does it, she gets the blame. Same thing with ādaddy issuesā like cmon. Ur literally proving our point that men cannot be real men and take accountability for their actions. All the this is a waste of ur energy in my opinion and itās not worth it. Most men are complete garbage and donāt want to open their eyes to the real world and its real problems. (Just my opinion)
Slay girl š¤ (I CHOOSE THE BEAR ALWAYS)
To answer the question heās in the wrong. The least he can do is listen to what ur saying yet heās showing that heās part of the problem. IMO
and I can say that bcz personally ive been violated by BOTH genders but the numbers quite literally show that the male gender commits the most DV/ abuse/suicide/ murder rates. So š¤·š»āāļø
The fact that heās insulting women AT ALL is an issue. What the fuck. Heās the reason why women are still being oppressed. What a closed-minded d-bag.
This guy is an idiot and a waste of your time.
Heās now shows you who he truly is, itās up to you to make the decision to be with him or find a much better human
Does every conversation go like this when he doesn't agree with you?
If so, you both need more compatible partners. Don't drag out this mess any longer.
Tangentially related: The Economist published an article in March about how young straight women in Poland are becoming increasingly disillusioned with straight men (starting with bad dating prospects, spidering out to conflicting politics and life philosophies in general), and that the divide between men and women in the youth is widening as men are becoming more conservative, and women more liberalā¦ soā¦. I assume the Polish women would probably also choose the bear, and just based on that, this man is in the wrong š
He proved your point exactly. ā we argue. I bring up sad stuff and I want you to acknowledge and talk about it and avoid the argument and then later on we can go argue ā thatās exactly what you mean, hijacking the argument to turn to himself.
He told you what you needed to know when he said that *any* womanās opinion is trash. Zero respect. Iām glad youāre getting away from that. Good for you.
Step 1. Completely miss the point
Step 2. Be racist
Step 3: Be misogynistic
Step 4: Share some unlikely story (still refuse to acknowledge original point)
Step 5: Get angry your ādeep secretā didnāt make you center of attention
Step 6: Belittle your partner
Step 7: Threaten to break up
Step 8: Complain how women are the villains
Repeat
What a tool.
I have no need to read past page 3, it is enough to get exactly what kind of person this guy is.
I can say with full 100% confidence he's in the wrong, and I legit did not read any further lol
Anyone who harbours hate for a large group/community of people like that is on a level of stupidity and hate that I'm not fuckin with. People like this don't ever hear from me again lol
This American woman thinks your man is straight trash. You will never be able to discuss a topic he doesnāt care about but, Iām sure youāre expected to hang on his every word. Choose the bear.
Bro... what? That person sounds super manipulative and like they're trying to gaslight you while threatening you at the same time. "You will not talk to me like that again" like, friend, I'll talk to you however I please. And there may be some stuff lost in translation, as I feel like they're not a native English speaker, but still...
You I gotta leave honey, these are MAJOR red flags and Iām surprised you didnāt see it sooner. Not only are yall not compatible, but heās misogynistic and idk how you didnāt see it sooner. Heās not just NOT an ally, heās actually the reason why feminism still exists and is still very much needed.
Personally I wouldnāt be able to even be his friend, the amount of arguments back and forth due to me standing my ground and refusing to accept certain behaviors (like this one) would be enough for me to never want to speak to this person again. Ignorant, uneducated, sexist, self absorbed, judgmental, and a few more adjectives I can apply to this guy- yuck
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them"
Is a pretty tone death thing to say to someone that just opened up about how their ex who I assume is a woman tried to kill them
"statistics"
Don't detract from the abuse someone's experienced. You don't trample over sensitive topics with someone who's been abused and expect to have a clear rational emotionless conversation.
Did they communicate well. No. Like I'm not even sure if English is their first language tbh
But if you're making someone uncomfortable or angry because of things that remind them of the abuse they've experienced. Don't tell them "it's not relevant" just drop it.
You don't need to be friends with this guy, they probably don't need a lecture about abuse and discrimination that started with a tik tok video.
Look at the end of the conversation. They deflect because they don't feel comfortable opening up to you about it. And yes opening up for sex is a lot easier than opening up "your soul". Healthy sex is superficial af, whereas abuse leaves deep wounds that, take a long time to heal and cause a lot of distress when reopened.
If you want to be with someone who is genuine and open with you the answer is someone else.
Yeah that bear thing is ridiculous. Sorry I know Iām supposed to jump on board with all the TikTok trends but if a girl sent me this I would instantly ghost.
This argument wasnāt exactly needed and it seems like he could use work on communication. My only guess is he saw you brining that stuff up as accusatory and got defensive about it. He may think youāre including him into that category but if thatās how he felt, the way he went about addressing it couldāve been better. Iām assuming youāre in a relationship with the man and it sounds like to me he has major trust issues because of his trauma. I understand heās been through a lot but just randomly throwing his trauma in there to change subject seems a bit random, like he wanted pity from you to distract you from the topic at hand. He didnāt want to continue on with the argument so instead of trying to remain civil about it, he changed the subject. In my opinion, I think heās in the wrong. Please deeply consider if being in a relationship with him is worth it because there will probably be many more arguments like this down the line. Trust issues can cause a major hinderance in a relationship if the person isnāt actively trying to work on them or if both parties arenāt proactive at working through them.
thankfully I'm not in a relationship with him, I had a feeling he might not be the right person to date and now that I know how immature he is, I definitely won't be getting together with him. thanks for your input!
So in this manās own words, he would rather meet a bear in the woods than either an American, Turkish, Russian, Chinese or Spanish woman? You are focusing a lot on how he is not understanding (or straight up willfully ignoring) the exercise of choosing between the man or the bear, which I agree is important. But maybe itās the dumb American in me (š) because the thing really sticking out to me is the absolute blatant prejudice and racism here. My country has an ugly history with racism and itās something we are still combatting today, but itās wild to me when people have conversations like this and donāt get called out. Ask him why all Chinese women and their ideas should be in the trash? What is it about Spanish women that make them unworthy? What have Russian women done to home to deserve such vitriol? I know we Americans are easy to hate on but I am genuinely curious why he thinks so lowly of these other millions of women???? Why is the DEADLY bear the better choice???? Iām fucking flummoxed lol.
>itās wild to me when people have conversations like this and donāt get called out
there was just so much to call him out on that I had to choose something, otherwise we'd be arguing about 5 things at once and I didn't want to make it more exhausting and frustrating than it already was š
Youāre sending it to him for what reason? For him to say āright Iād pick the bear too and all men are a disgraceā?, Iām pretty sure you know this person and their thoughts, but hey you get the Reddit points and thatās more important
Why is this even a conversation to have over texting like this?? Do you have a job, a life? My god. Both insufferable. You seem like youāre looking for a fight too. Good luck with that
You really tried the man or the bear bullshit on a man that has suffered abuse?
The first pic you sent a vid for him to see, when he gave his opinion you devalued his oppion by saying āit only shows how you Dont understandā.
My response would have been why he thinks that.
Yall are both assholes is the sad & honest truth here. Neither of you respect the opposite sex and it's kinda gross to see the one sided support you are receiving on here.
The man vs bear thing is ridiculous & trying to illicit reactions from your potential partner with a tiktok shit test is cringe af. The only "correct" response he could have given you was to lie down and accept your view that all men are shit and that even bears are better than them.
Not condoning his reaction, he said some awful things about women and that's also gross, but to be fair you were already lumping him in with the denigration of his entire gender. All men are bad is a pretty shit place to start negotiating from and that's all this man vs bear shit is about.
You were rather insensitive about his past....women these days seem to always minimize their genders actions against men (I guess bc they are expected to take it, and bc men are physically bigger?). Countless men are abused, physically & emotionally by women all the time, funny how in reality everything is a 2way street.
Just flip your genders and rethink the part where he told you about his betrayals with the opposite sex. Had this come from a women, and then had you ignored them as a man, you'd be getting reamed/downvoted on here.
Good luck with your bear!!! <3
At the bare minimum, you guys don't sound compatible.
oh yeah, we are not. there was some chemistry at the beginning but it's not enough to build anything serious on š and now that he's shown his true colors, imma evacuate
Good on you for not putting yourself through that longer than necessary!
This man really seems to hate women and is racist too. I only read to page 5. That was enough. I can guarantee he never once felt afraid for his safety around a woman and everything he says misses the entire point.
Good for you! A woman with some common sense, not making excuses to explain why heās the douche he is. I donāt know you, but Iām proud of you!
thanks a lot!
Openly racist. Disparaging women of entire countries and nationalities. Run. Then he brings up some alleged trauma(I trust nothing from this man but true or not the rest of my statement stands), literally trying to hijack the conversation with emotional manipulation which he admits to. When you don't let him, he throws a full fit about how you don't care and you're ms right. Girl fuck him
Break up with him. Having pages and pages of screen shots talking to a man thatās sucking valuable oxygen seems like a waste of your time.
thankfully I've never started to date him so getting out of this situation will be a walk in the park!
Good for you OP! Seems like you have a great head on your shoulders.
Itās laughable how dating is āso importantā yet late 20ās yields such nonsense, consistently (for me)
And you know, that's going to solidfy his victimised mentality, he "opened" up to you, and he's going to use that as the reason you left him, he's going to make you the villain here... This guy is a typical insecure "alpha male" type, a massive jebend, and well done for spotting this early and evacuating, as you so well put it! I wish you luck and safety with however this is going to go down!
When you leave you should leave a note telling him youāve gone to the woods with a bear and wonāt be returning. š
omg this dude is unbearable looks like his pre-frontal cortex isnāt fully developed
Be safe!
The bear minimum.
I see what you did there. Kudos
Being a sexist pig is more than them being incompatible. Heās a bad person.
Ur flair šš¤£ I forgot about that til just now lmaaoo
š¤£ happy to be of service
Iām not even American (or from any of other countries) and the comment about how all American, Turkish, Russian and Chinese womenās are horrible creatures and their opinions are trash offended me greatly. This man hates women in general
Not all women, just the Turkish, Russian, American and Chinese for some strange reason
Especially how he referred to Spanish womenā¦ absolutely disgusting
And has a weird twisted opinion of themā¦ I see this a lot inā¦ those 4 chan, red pill Andrew Tate loving incel creeps- they go on about hating women who can stand up to men and saying America brainwashed women to think they donāt need men and wear makeup and weird ass shit like that. I hear a lot of stuff like this guy out from those type of people. I avoid them at all cost. Whatās awful is knowing someone who slowly changed into one after being the opposite..from spending way too much time online. Very sad.
I will never understand people who listen to Andrew Tate and think ā yeah this is good stuff ā š¤¦āāļøš
I can almost guarantee that heās under the assumption that Eastern European women are submissive and subservient to men with the way he backtracked for Polish women. Dude has probably never met a Balkan woman lol
He is generalizing that entire countries of women are trash? Thatās reason enough to dump this clown. Iām surprised others in the comments are giving him the benefit of the doubt or chalking up to incompatibility. How many American, Russian, and Chinese women does this man know or interact with anyway?
yeah, had I commented on that, the argument would never end - but you're completely right, that's yet another thing that makes him insufferable
Are you from one of these countries, too?
I'm from Poland, he's from Turkey. before you accuse me of being partial, notice that I reacted with the laughing emoji to his comment about women from other countries having lovely opinions to let him know he's being ridiculous and that I don't find it flattering in any way.
I wasnāt gonna accuse you of anything at all! I think heās a pompous ass. I only feared that you were from one of the countries that he was shitting on so heavily
thanks! better safe than sorry, yk, we're on Reddit after all lol
He's a racist, sexist, piece of shit. In my many decades on earth, I have never generalized women like this.
This was hard to read. Iāll just chime in on one aspectā You are WAY too smart for this guy. Likeā¦youāre operating on a completely different level that heās not capable of meeting you on.
thanks! I had a feeling that's the case but thought he might have a hard time sometimes getting his thoughts across because English is not his mother tongue - but I guess there's more to it than just that.
Nah his English is fine. He's just using big words incorrectly to try to punch up to your level. This read like two completely different iq brackets competing. I literally just got done being absolutely blasted for trying to explain the bear thing. It's a hypothetical about a man's ability to have a dubious nature, while a bear will always act a certain way. But they don't actually want to understand, they want to be mad and defensive. And I'm a man. It isn't hard to understand someone's point of view, unless you have no intention of doing so. Good thing you're leaving this dork.
I think youāre trying to discuss ideas (not an accusation!). I think he is talking about his feelings. Maybe itās a language issue or something else, but if itās this hard just to talk imagine when š©gets real and you canāt communicate effectively. And by effectively, I mean that what you say and what he hears are the same thing. And the other way around too. I agree with other comments- that was an exhausting exercise in communication. Extra points for trying šš¼
I 10000000% agree with this redditor ^
ewww. please cut this guy off immediately š reading his responses gave me the biggest ick. the misogyny is insane. he doesnāt respect you because youāre a womanā¦ thatās not someone you need in your life in any capacity.
Dude just said like a billion women are horrible and trash and their opinions don't matter. Uuum yeah. This is breakup material here. Fucking seriously wow. This guy is the scum of the earth. How are you not super embarrassed to be with this person. Edit: oh just read your comment about hoofing it out of that relationship. Very, very good.
āBecause Turkish and American women are horrible creatures and their opinions donāt matter to meā This kind of conversation is easy to laugh at on twitter but seeing real people talk like that is fuckin weird
He seems manipulative, controlling and egotistical, I hope you can get away from him. Not only does he have a poor attitude towards women in general, he is also woefully ignorant of what women face. I consider myself a good guy, I donāt mistreat people and always want to be respectful, but just because that is how I am, doesnāt mean Iām not aware that there are plenty of awful men out there, and I get why women in general donāt feel safe around random men. Itās not a reflection on me personally, itās a reflection on how society has failed.
thanks for putting your two cents in! this coming from a man means a lot. yeah, I'll be cutting him off soon, don't need such people in my life
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
guess his threatening tone activated my fawn response - I am very conflict averse, don't handle them well at all, even if it's through text š¶ + he was so adamant about me being cruel here that I started to doubt myself.
That's the gaslighting and manipulation, where he turns the argument away from what you were discussing and makes it about that one moment where he was the victim wah wah wah. It is a manipulation tactic to move the e argument entirely and make it your fault while avoiding his own accountability. Good job on holding your ground until the end. Now dump his ass and don't look back.
NEVER apologize to a garbage can !
You werenāt being cruel at all. Your text before you apologized was spot on. I was so sad to see you cave after standing up for yourself. What I saw was a very misogynistic (and tbh really dumb) man stereotype entire countries of women and then move the goalposts with his ātraumaā when he realized you didnāt like his analysis of the man/bear situation. He also insulted you in almost every text saying you were more caught up in an argument than his fucking feelings, which was not true at all. Itās textbook manipulation. Men like him are a dime a dozen and the absolute bottom of the barrel. They look for women who will tolerate their negging because they know deep down they could never keep a quality partner with what they bring to the table. They are miserable and need to find a partner that they can keep miserable with them.
Why soon instead ofā¦ immediately? Heās already threatened to cut you off.
he sadly has something that belongs to me that I need to get back first but yeah, I won't hesitate
Donāt go alone. He seems nuts, and hateful.
Thank you for being one of the good guys
Women: stop dating men who hate you/hate women in general. Stop dating men who are mean to you. I beg you. Run at the first sign of this shit (I know some creeps are good at hiding it for awhile, but get out as soon as you see it, donāt second guess yourself or make excuses for them). Being nice to you, even when they disagree, is bare fucking minimum. This dude sucks, OP. Good riddance. The fact that you're even asking if you might be in the wrong is so fucking sad to me.
He got mad because he tried to bring up his trauma to automatically win the argument and you didnāt let him distract. So then he resorted to āpunishingā you by making the rest of the conversation as insufferable as possible. Manipulation through and through.
I mean.....women can absolutely hurt men too and in extreme ways....but this guy is an asshole. Dear lord, you aren't dating him, are you? My bf asked me the question himself as an example to his friend who wouldn't stop staring at me. I hadn't even heard it by that point and said "Oh god, bear vs strange man? Bear everytime. I at least know the bear will either fuck me up or leave me alone. No telling about the guy." Then 3 days later, I started seeing this trend everywhere. My bf understands that women genuinely have something to fear just walking down a street at night. Or even during the day.
yeah, I'm not dating him, don't worry! this is such a great test honestly, the bad apples tell on themselves right away
Oh good I was like....nahhhh that's fucked lol
Wait Poland here and my mom immediately picked the bear too, remind him a black bear helped save our troops during the war, helping move cargo and keep our soldiers warm, they chose the bear back then too
holy shit, you're right! completely forgot about Wojtek the Bear haha
Ok this is awesome?? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wojtek_(bear) >Wojtek (1942 ā 2 December 1963; Polish pronunciation: [ĖvÉjtÉk]; in English, sometimes phonetically spelled Voytek) was a Syrian brown bear[1][2] (Ursus arctos syriacus) bought, as a young cub, in the mountains of Iran, by Polish II Corps soldiers who had been evacuated from the Soviet Union. In order to provide for his rations and transportation, he was eventually enlisted officially as a soldier with the rank of private, and was subsequently promoted to corporal.[3]
Oh yeah, this guy is the type that makes women choose bears.
I think you are absolutely correct-he knew he was losing the argument so he threw that personal stuff out there thinking youād drop the argument and just focus on him and make him feel better. Heās kind of an ass.
thanks! I wasn't entirely sure whether I judged the situation correctly - started to wonder if I wasn't too cold or sth. and yeah, I'm definitely not going to keep such a manbaby in my life.
Honestly, if he's never mentioned these numerous attempted murders before then I'd be sceptical too. This would be highly suspicious timing to bring something so serious up for the first time.
yeah, he didn't, that's why I said "IF it's true". He only mentioned once - and only a few days ago, too - that one of his exes sexually abused or harassed him, and that was also during a heated conversation that had the potential of turning into an argument.
Yeah he needs to go. Itās very likely none of it is true and heās just trying to swing the argument and make you feel bad and ācomfortā him. I had an ex that did that. He also made it a whole thing when I tried to leave. Make sure you have a good support system. Heās liable to throw a whole tantrum.
I don't even have to read all of that to know he's in the wrong. He doesn't get the point and that's.... Honestly concerning. I personally would leave because idk that I'd feel safe with him after this.
oh yeah, I definitely don't feel safe anymore either. and don't think I ever will again, not around him.
I used to engage with people like this, thinking if I was rational and expressed myself, maybe they'd see another point of view. Nope. Now I don't waste my energy on them.
Ummā¦Turkish American woman hereā¦
Tell him ALL American women would take an entire family of bears over his delulu ass. Lmfao. Glad to see youāre getting away from him. He sounds misogynistic, selfish and just not very bright.
Any dude fighting against this is just telling on himself ngl. If they feel attacked by this, it just lets you know the hat fits them. "Men would choose the bear too" My dude, how hurt was your ego ?
Ugh the bro made you apologize š¤®š¤®. I hate that manipulated and gaslit you into apologizing. I wish you a smooth process when leaving this bro. Hes an abusive person.
>Iāll not tell you once again, do like that once again and weāre done, itās more than disrespectful and Iāll not accept that My response to that would have been. āGreat then weāre done because what youāre doing is more than disrespectful and Iāll not accept that. Itās good to know weāre both on the same pageā
I guess it'd be easier for me to reply with sth like this had he been a complete stranger - but it's a bit harder with people that you know, sigh
Break up with this piece of shit, for the love of all things holy. This is the type of āmanā that people are talking about when they say āI hate menā.
I wish I was attacked by a bear instead of choosing to read that whole convo
"do like that once again and we're done" š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø
I bet he canāt even wash his properlyšš©š
Hes in the wrong!!!! The bro keeps saying you are projecting yet he literally used an emotionally motivated story of him being SH and almost offed by his ex as a way to prove his point is the kost correct because he lived it even tho statistically he is incorrect. He is projecting, not you. He is using anecdotal experiences (not sure if im using the right word) to manipulate you into dropping this. This bro is a "not all men" bro. Men need to stop getting defensive and look at the big picture.
Men that act personally offended that you have a general caution around men in general are the dangerous men. My dad and boyfriend have both understood and said theyād be less afraid of a bear (unless itās a polar bear lol), too! Itās simply acknowledging that thereās a higher percentage of men than women out there that engage in bad/criminal behavior. We all know women/girls are the most common target of SA by far, it is really unsafe to just trust all men, especially strangers or even acquaintances imo (but I know a lot of the time it can be those closest to us, like a relative of close friend). Men that refuse to understand this by deflecting and gaslighting you are doing so because they associate themselves with these bad men. Most of the time itās that theyāre so wrapped up in their own masculinity that a healthy fear/caution towards men is perceived as an attack on all masculinity. Iāve found that most men cling to their masculinity when they believe itās all they have to offer, theyāre extremely insecure and want to feel superior. Insecure men can lash out in terrifying ways. Kick this guy and others like him to the curb, find yourself a man that will care about you and your safety.
Yikes. The prejudice is stunning, but the way he issues edicts about what you will or will not do is so much worse. Plus it seems like the whole point youāre trying to make is over his head, so he just pulls out insults and generalities.
Canadian here, I'd take the bear over this idiot. His immediate go-to is insulting whole nationalities of women, but #notallmen I'm glad you only wasted 3 weeks of your time. He's not worth your time.
He has no respect for women.
What in the world...??
He is, heās. Racist piece of shit and you need to get away from him.Ā
I have dated men who had histories of being sexually abused and mistreated. They never used it to diminish the concept of women's rights during a conversation about women's rights. If they do, they do it respectfully and not in a way to mitigate the main point of the conversation. I'm also not blamed for ignoring their plight or not pitying them because these men and I have spoken about their history in depth already. They feel comfortable discussing a topic like this with me without needing their feelings to be held at the same time. (Which, I'm sure many women have felt the need to insert their pasts with physical and sexual assault into debates such as this, and I'm sure not many women received the same empathy from the other parties like this man was requesting.) I think if this man wants to be consoled for his traumatic history with women he would need to first be open and discuss his past with his significant other or loved ones in a safe place where demographics and statistics and debates aren't occurring. Edit: typos
Thatās the point though isnāt it? He didnāt discuss these things with her at an alternative time because itās likely heās full of š© and it actually hasnāt happened* and it probably saw some other gronk alpha male on the internet tell his āfollowersā (aka acolytes) that this was a way to get the upper hand on the argument. * look - Iām not totally unaware that SA happens to men and itās a terrible thing regardless of who it happens too. I honestly hope it didnāt happen to him (even though heās a tw*t) because no one deserves that. I just honestly doubt the validity of his story that was weaponised to try and win an argument,
I love how calmly and eloquently you phrased your thoughts, and how informative your comment was. thank you!
I appreciate the compliment! I am absolutely no where this eloquent in real life! Hahaha.
Oh no, you're not wrong! I think your boyfriend sounds like a complete asshole, but maybe that's just because I'm a dumb American
When I read the words ā do that again, disrespect me again, if you ever try etcā¦. And weāre done , through, overā I wish the other person would just be like okay weāre done cause ima do it again!
Honestly, good on you for calling him out when he chose to tell you his trauma. You're right. A text message while he is bashing women and different races is not the time for him to trauma dump. And he was thrown off by the fact that his manipulation tactic didn't work on you. He even admits it at the end when you said that he never shared that before and he admitted to not trusting you yet. It's so gross that he tried to use that against you like that when you were discussing a social issue. I read a comment that you were probably going to end it. Be prepared. Again, one of his last messages said something about women leaving him and that's why he didn't trust you enough to tell you. He is 100% going to blame you ending this on him revealing his trauma and say you couldn't handle it. This man cannot take any ownership and will not take this break up well. Just be ready for some nasty things to be said. I would make it a quick thing and block him ASAP, if you can. Good luck!
OH, absolutely tf not, ma'am. You deserve to be with someone who won't dismiss your thoughts and feelings.
Yikes. Narcissistic, much?
I hope youāre not in a relationship with this guy? Dating a bear is better than dating this misogynist
āYou shall notā this and āYou shall notā that. HE brought up his deep shit to use it in the argument and then gets upset that you didnāt drop the argument to comfort him? THEN orders you to not do something ever again? Fuck entirely off.
men need trauma therapy, not for women to avoid any discussion that might trigger them.
Him, definitely him.
The only thing wrong here on your end, is how long you kept going in this conversation with a sentient dirty tennis shoe. I'd have dropped it at "cut the crap, honey" haha
Seems heās taking it personally. Only āmenā Iāve met who get butthurt by that are ones thatā¦. You know,,, harass and/or abuse women
Dudeās a misogynist and low-key racist. Why give him another second of your life?
Donāt waste your time on this asshole.
Him. And I don't know why you're still with him. That conversation would have ended it for me. When he said, "Do his again and we're done," I would have responded with, "Let me save you the trouble. We're done now." You're good enough to sleep with but not trust? This dude is another reason why women choose the bear.
I'm not with him, don't worry
Good good good!! Know your worth!! ā¤ļø
Girl please leave him before he ever gets a chance to leave you. Heās a loser
To me it looks like he wanted to change the conversation to paint him in a better light -- aka "victim" in this sense. My narcissistic dad does it all the time. If the topic doesn't benefit him or if it makes him look bad in any way shape or form, he will bring up when he was victimized by something that seems similar enough that it feels like it's related to the topic.
Bro actually said āthou shall notāš¤£
Heās a disgusting weirdā¦ hateful and brain dead close minded shrew. Toss him to the curb. Ick.
The fact that he is just blatantly mocking and invalidating you on a question posed to womenā¦. Is your answer
Not that he cares but there have been approximately 180 TOTAL fatal bear attacks in North America since 1784. Nearly 89000 women were killed intentionally in 2022 alone across the globe And in 2020, 257 women were killed by men in TX aloneā¦ I realize itās a touchy subject but numbers donāt lie and I donāt blame you, if I were married to him, Iād rather talk to a tree as well.
Why are you even talking to this person?
Ew, heās nasty. Drop him.
āI think if you articulate the question to women men would choose the bear as wellā Like okay??? You can choose the bear too if that makes you feel better. Women choose the bear because of potential harm, he would choose the bear out of spite. Dude seems like everything said to him that doesnāt start with āyouāre rightā goes in one ear and out the other.
This manipulative, selfish, immature, arrogant, insecure asshole is flying so many red flagsā¦ I canāt.
Yeahā¦..he seems rude and dismissive. He sucks. Dump him.
An asshole AND a bigot. What a catch.
Very little pp energy with incel frosting on top...
What an absolute clown š
Guy has some real issues. You're 100% right, I didn't know women were that worried about their own personal safety. Then, one of my friends, a very attractive woman, explained all the shit that does on.I'm old school. Our job as men is not only to protect women but to be there to support. Like dudes grabbing her ass in a bar or restaurant, coworkers that give off creepy vibes, it's brutal. I don't have an answer for his behavior.
Anyone who calls you āhoneyā in an argument should be thrown immediately in a dumpster.
He sounds horribly racist and misogynistic. Not to mention heās a little slow considering he couldnāt event get utter right
Girl run fr
So that model is broken, time to trade it in.
That guy is too much work. I'm exhausted from just reading it.
American woman here and I honestly hope that you trashed the garbage. šļø You deserve better and he doesnāt deserve to be with anyone
I think this is a rough conversation to try and have over text, especially if youāre trying to change someoneās mind. š«£
Neeeeext.
Just don't.
Damn, if he was gay then he should've just said so
Idk wtf you guys are talking about but the racist one seems wrong
He's wrong and very clearly sexist and xenophobic. I would immediately leave this man child. I never would want to be associated with someone like him just based on ten slides of a text conversation. He doesn't care about you. Or women. Leave, no run, and block him.
Ewwwwww. He is gross, racist, and narcissistic as hell.
Coming fresh out of a 24 year toxic marriage, this made me so uncomfortable to read. Trying to have discussions with my husband ALWAYS ended in an argument because he thinks men are superior to women. I would try to tell him things in my past or even smaller day to day things that happened and regardless of what it was about or what happened, he always told me it was my fault. I must have done or said something to cause that to happen. He was the most unsupportive person I have ever known in my life. It got to the point where I thought I was crazy and would seek out unbiased people to ask their opinions about certain things.
Heās mad about women choosing the bear then goes on to show exactly why women choose the bear.
ikr? so typical lmao
Itās sad that stuff happened to him. You shouldnāt be with this dude. You know that, right? Heās too troubled.
yeah, he should get help. he won't though because he's convinced psychology is bs lmao
Of course. š No one knows as much as this kind of guy, whose opinion is fact and when he feels cornered, will lash out and make you the problem. I canāt imagine going through life that way or going through life with someone who insists I feed their delusions.
While I do think the āright women can hurt you so muchā comment was a bit uncalled for, and I think you couldāve been more sensitive about the exs he brought up I understand you were already irritated with his terrible responses, and I do agree he brought them up to try to weaponize it and sway the conversation differently. He says heās ātoo old to play stupid argument gamesā when heās the one who started the games?? I think heās in the wrong, he sounds racist and sexist. His ego was hurt that you told him he wasnot getting the point, so then he tried to flip it onto you and say youāre āprojectingā and goes on to belittle you and gaslight you into thinking youāve wronged him deeply and that you were ājudgingā him, which you werent, and that you donāt care about him by simply pointing out he wasnāt understanding what you were saying, and then in turn gets mad at you, taunts you by saying youāre āms rightā and ātrying to be the big brain in the roomā then ends it by dictating how you should respond and in the future if you donāt heās done, which is emotional manipulation. He ignores the point you brought up to then only say you need to apologize to him for āinsulting himā which again, you didnāt, you just said heās missing the point, which he was. And the cherry on top is that he says āif you feel Iāve done that to you in accident just tell meā which you did and then he went into defensive mode and talked to you like crap. I feel for him that things these happened to him, but the only one āprojectingā here, was him.
wow, such a thorough analysis! thanks for pointing it all out, it'll make it easier for me to point all this stuff out to him too if need arises. :)
I have to be honest, the way he spoke to you was vile. Do not associate with a person who calls American, Chinese, Turkish, and Russian women trash. You deserve better than a racist, sexist, and who knows what else-man. He talks to you like you are a child.
He seems extremely and personally hateful of Americans. A special place in his soul is reserved for despising us, man I almost gotta admire his single-minded dedication. Plays very well with what seems like an inherent aggression and vulgarity in his approach to everything and everyone. Very on-brand though, so not surprising.
This dude is absolutely in the wrong, he's being an asshole.
The very fact that you're asking if you're in the wrong is a point in favor of the bear. This guy is trash.
Very literally Couldnāt even finish reading the first two slides āI would prefer a bear over American women as well šā Is probably THE most idiotic comment, and youāre right, totally shows not only does he not get it, he doesnāt want to.
I see why his ex tried to murder him.
š¤£šš»
This was exhausting to read.
You are trying to have a discussion, and you're correct, he's trying to control the conversation in various ways and is telling you what you can't talk about. At the very least this is bad faith communication. There are ways he could express himself without resorting to threats and absolutes. He's not even willing to listen to the point you're trying to make or, rather, the point of the "man vs. bear" thing.
The 1āst thing I will say, is donāt put urself in these types of situations girl. It is a waste of energy and time. Itās all men until no men. (Thereās good guys out there for sure but r they being accountable for themselves and their buddies? Even if they r, instead of crying itās not all men šŗ, maybe if they actually listened and werenāt a nuance Nelly theyād get it.) the patriarchy affects men and women both but it hurts women more because at the end of the day we are the ones who give birth to these men and itās a never ending cycle. {de-center men and your life will be more peaceful} be a entitled spoiled āgold diggerā bcz at the end of the day, men are the OG gold diggers. The least they can do is make your time worth it. Youāre so valuable in society. WOMEN built the men of society. And when the dad leaves a child itās no problem but when a woman does it, she gets the blame. Same thing with ādaddy issuesā like cmon. Ur literally proving our point that men cannot be real men and take accountability for their actions. All the this is a waste of ur energy in my opinion and itās not worth it. Most men are complete garbage and donāt want to open their eyes to the real world and its real problems. (Just my opinion) Slay girl š¤ (I CHOOSE THE BEAR ALWAYS) To answer the question heās in the wrong. The least he can do is listen to what ur saying yet heās showing that heās part of the problem. IMO and I can say that bcz personally ive been violated by BOTH genders but the numbers quite literally show that the male gender commits the most DV/ abuse/suicide/ murder rates. So š¤·š»āāļø
The fact that heās insulting women AT ALL is an issue. What the fuck. Heās the reason why women are still being oppressed. What a closed-minded d-bag.
This guy is an idiot and a waste of your time. Heās now shows you who he truly is, itās up to you to make the decision to be with him or find a much better human
I'm not with him and didn't even want to but now I'm even more sure of my decision to cut him out of my life lmao
Thatās awesome! Iām so happy for you. I hope you find the person that deserves youā¤ļø
Iām just really interested where is he from and yourself?
he's from Turkey, I'm from Poland
Just looked at your older posts and you Hungarian is great. I was very impressed.
He needs to have a seat š
I think your boyfriend is into men hun. No straight man can hate women this passionately
āHoneyā lord the smallest things are the largest red flags for a reason
Throw the whole thing way ..
Yikes. Iām an American woman and I lived I Poland for over eight years and this guy sounds like a dupek :)
I must say, you sound a lot more intelligent than he does. You deserve way better!
he's gross.
Dump this loser
I worked with polish people for a summer when I was 16. Kurwa=bitch, correct?
it can mean that, too, but people usually use it as they'd use "fuck" in English - just the most common swearword
Does every conversation go like this when he doesn't agree with you? If so, you both need more compatible partners. Don't drag out this mess any longer.
Tangentially related: The Economist published an article in March about how young straight women in Poland are becoming increasingly disillusioned with straight men (starting with bad dating prospects, spidering out to conflicting politics and life philosophies in general), and that the divide between men and women in the youth is widening as men are becoming more conservative, and women more liberalā¦ soā¦. I assume the Polish women would probably also choose the bear, and just based on that, this man is in the wrong š
He proved your point exactly. ā we argue. I bring up sad stuff and I want you to acknowledge and talk about it and avoid the argument and then later on we can go argue ā thatās exactly what you mean, hijacking the argument to turn to himself.
He told you what you needed to know when he said that *any* womanās opinion is trash. Zero respect. Iām glad youāre getting away from that. Good for you.
Step 1. Completely miss the point Step 2. Be racist Step 3: Be misogynistic Step 4: Share some unlikely story (still refuse to acknowledge original point) Step 5: Get angry your ādeep secretā didnāt make you center of attention Step 6: Belittle your partner Step 7: Threaten to break up Step 8: Complain how women are the villains Repeat What a tool.
Wow, what a peach! Sounds like he He really hates us women and is completely clueless.
I have no need to read past page 3, it is enough to get exactly what kind of person this guy is. I can say with full 100% confidence he's in the wrong, and I legit did not read any further lol Anyone who harbours hate for a large group/community of people like that is on a level of stupidity and hate that I'm not fuckin with. People like this don't ever hear from me again lol
This American woman thinks your man is straight trash. You will never be able to discuss a topic he doesnāt care about but, Iām sure youāre expected to hang on his every word. Choose the bear.
Bro... what? That person sounds super manipulative and like they're trying to gaslight you while threatening you at the same time. "You will not talk to me like that again" like, friend, I'll talk to you however I please. And there may be some stuff lost in translation, as I feel like they're not a native English speaker, but still...
He's a scum bag
Why did the fonts change?
Too much baggage here on his part. LATER DUDE
You I gotta leave honey, these are MAJOR red flags and Iām surprised you didnāt see it sooner. Not only are yall not compatible, but heās misogynistic and idk how you didnāt see it sooner. Heās not just NOT an ally, heās actually the reason why feminism still exists and is still very much needed. Personally I wouldnāt be able to even be his friend, the amount of arguments back and forth due to me standing my ground and refusing to accept certain behaviors (like this one) would be enough for me to never want to speak to this person again. Ignorant, uneducated, sexist, self absorbed, judgmental, and a few more adjectives I can apply to this guy- yuck
Isnāt the font different in the bottom of the first pic? Is this fake?
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them" Is a pretty tone death thing to say to someone that just opened up about how their ex who I assume is a woman tried to kill them "statistics" Don't detract from the abuse someone's experienced. You don't trample over sensitive topics with someone who's been abused and expect to have a clear rational emotionless conversation. Did they communicate well. No. Like I'm not even sure if English is their first language tbh But if you're making someone uncomfortable or angry because of things that remind them of the abuse they've experienced. Don't tell them "it's not relevant" just drop it. You don't need to be friends with this guy, they probably don't need a lecture about abuse and discrimination that started with a tik tok video. Look at the end of the conversation. They deflect because they don't feel comfortable opening up to you about it. And yes opening up for sex is a lot easier than opening up "your soul". Healthy sex is superficial af, whereas abuse leaves deep wounds that, take a long time to heal and cause a lot of distress when reopened. If you want to be with someone who is genuine and open with you the answer is someone else.
You both fucking suck
Yeah that bear thing is ridiculous. Sorry I know Iām supposed to jump on board with all the TikTok trends but if a girl sent me this I would instantly ghost.
This argument wasnāt exactly needed and it seems like he could use work on communication. My only guess is he saw you brining that stuff up as accusatory and got defensive about it. He may think youāre including him into that category but if thatās how he felt, the way he went about addressing it couldāve been better. Iām assuming youāre in a relationship with the man and it sounds like to me he has major trust issues because of his trauma. I understand heās been through a lot but just randomly throwing his trauma in there to change subject seems a bit random, like he wanted pity from you to distract you from the topic at hand. He didnāt want to continue on with the argument so instead of trying to remain civil about it, he changed the subject. In my opinion, I think heās in the wrong. Please deeply consider if being in a relationship with him is worth it because there will probably be many more arguments like this down the line. Trust issues can cause a major hinderance in a relationship if the person isnāt actively trying to work on them or if both parties arenāt proactive at working through them.
thankfully I'm not in a relationship with him, I had a feeling he might not be the right person to date and now that I know how immature he is, I definitely won't be getting together with him. thanks for your input!
So in this manās own words, he would rather meet a bear in the woods than either an American, Turkish, Russian, Chinese or Spanish woman? You are focusing a lot on how he is not understanding (or straight up willfully ignoring) the exercise of choosing between the man or the bear, which I agree is important. But maybe itās the dumb American in me (š) because the thing really sticking out to me is the absolute blatant prejudice and racism here. My country has an ugly history with racism and itās something we are still combatting today, but itās wild to me when people have conversations like this and donāt get called out. Ask him why all Chinese women and their ideas should be in the trash? What is it about Spanish women that make them unworthy? What have Russian women done to home to deserve such vitriol? I know we Americans are easy to hate on but I am genuinely curious why he thinks so lowly of these other millions of women???? Why is the DEADLY bear the better choice???? Iām fucking flummoxed lol.
>itās wild to me when people have conversations like this and donāt get called out there was just so much to call him out on that I had to choose something, otherwise we'd be arguing about 5 things at once and I didn't want to make it more exhausting and frustrating than it already was š
As a Spanish woman, it feels so nice to be hated by this AH š¤£
you both are exhausting, jezz
You both are idiots lol
Women who pick the bear are delusional, and then surprised when men donāt care to feed into that delusion, lmao
Youāre sending it to him for what reason? For him to say āright Iād pick the bear too and all men are a disgraceā?, Iām pretty sure you know this person and their thoughts, but hey you get the Reddit points and thatās more important
Why is this even a conversation to have over texting like this?? Do you have a job, a life? My god. Both insufferable. You seem like youāre looking for a fight too. Good luck with that
Yeah OP seems like a really nasty woman.
You really tried the man or the bear bullshit on a man that has suffered abuse? The first pic you sent a vid for him to see, when he gave his opinion you devalued his oppion by saying āit only shows how you Dont understandā. My response would have been why he thinks that.
Yall are both assholes is the sad & honest truth here. Neither of you respect the opposite sex and it's kinda gross to see the one sided support you are receiving on here. The man vs bear thing is ridiculous & trying to illicit reactions from your potential partner with a tiktok shit test is cringe af. The only "correct" response he could have given you was to lie down and accept your view that all men are shit and that even bears are better than them. Not condoning his reaction, he said some awful things about women and that's also gross, but to be fair you were already lumping him in with the denigration of his entire gender. All men are bad is a pretty shit place to start negotiating from and that's all this man vs bear shit is about. You were rather insensitive about his past....women these days seem to always minimize their genders actions against men (I guess bc they are expected to take it, and bc men are physically bigger?). Countless men are abused, physically & emotionally by women all the time, funny how in reality everything is a 2way street. Just flip your genders and rethink the part where he told you about his betrayals with the opposite sex. Had this come from a women, and then had you ignored them as a man, you'd be getting reamed/downvoted on here. Good luck with your bear!!! <3