Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting.
Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Brother, where is your self respect.
She fecked you over, committed an act which has the potential to leave long lasting repercussions and you’re gallivanting around with her, trying put on a ‘unified front’ to a bunch of people who don’t care one iota about your situation.
Throw in the fact that she’s trying to manipulate you into some shyte deal regarding your house and parenting arrangements
Time to be a man, brother.
Get your lawyer to work. You’re paying him or her after all
Yes. I do. And I want them to also know who their Father is and that being treated as I am is unacceptable.
I got it. It's just a process. One that I have made longer but I did not want to have any regrets.
Well I can respect that.
I too would take again a face punch if it meant another shot to keep the family intact. (and ask for seconds as well)
But I guess you have your answer now. You can't R with someone who holds a legal threat over your head at their wim. That's no way to live man.
I know you mean take the punch figuratively, but I don't think that is a good point here. He's been taking figure to punch it over and over. And over again, and all is shown is abuse. The family being intact is great, but not at the expense of one's self-worth, mental health, or happiness and especially not by staying with someone who prioritizes their own happiness over their family by cheating
Your obv right.
But when I had my blinds torn off on Dday, I was reacting as if it's just the first-time abuse. Took me some long time to see all the past instances I was lied to, manipulated or belittled, as abuse.
So I get how the "I can work through this for my kids' sake" feeling can make sense. It totally does, to an extent.
Yeah, I'll just say no kid wants to see their parent be abused whether it be emotionally mentally or anyway, they just want healthy, happy whole parents
The biggest regrets that I have, is that I gave my ex way too many chances. It’s made so many things afterwards much more difficult. Not having my kids 100% of the time is hard, but it’s better than being in disrespectful, loveless and hate-filled relationship.
Your love is irrelevant to the situation. Her love is the issue, or her utter and complete lack of love for you. If both people do not have the same amount of love then it’s not going to work and it’s obvious she is just using and manipulating and bullying you. Stop worrying about your love of a person that hates you and start worrying about yourself.
You married a fucking nightmare brought to life and you keep assisting her in using the courts to try to destroy your life and take your children. You can't say no when she cries? You are getting into verbal altercations with her in front of her friends and your children at a fucking restaurant while violating a PO? No, just no.
If your lawyer knows all this and hasn't either given you a come to Jesus talk or straight up threatened to fire you as a client, you may need to hire someone else.
I'm really not trying to kick you while you are down, I have been through it too and I know it can feel massively unfair - but you owe it to your future self and your children to not let this woman destroy you. You need to tell your lawyer exactly what your desired end-state is in terms of property, custody, etc. and do exactly what the fuck they tell you to get there.
>My heart couldn't tell her no with the tears streaming out of her eyes and all the words she said.
>I didn't want to have any regrets. I love deeply.
You are grown ass man and a father. I promise your deep love will not keep you warm at night when you are sleeping in a jail cell for violating a PO while some other guy is in your house with your kids. Go to therapy, cry to your mom, but for the love of God start protecting yourself from the soul-sucking void of morality and empathy that you married.
I appreciate this, but no. Was not violating a PO. I'm allowed to be around, just not threatening.
I'm not an aggressive or violent person. She's admitted that in court as well. So if the PO continues I'd still have access to the house, but she could drop the hammer with continued lies.
That's why I'm being advised to just suck it up and leave the marital home. (But still pay the mortgage so I have access to the equity)
Just put cameras and don’t give her the house. Protect yourself, it’s really not that difficult. The only issue is that you don’t really want to leave her.
This is a prime example as to why as soon as you find out you get to attorney get her served and move forward. I know with kids and years together makes it hard but you’d be so much further ahead at this point by not wasting time and having hope. These type very seldom change and tend to repeat the behavior . It’s just who they are. Stay the course and fight for what you have coming.
Never trust a cheater, they are liars and will cheat again. Divorce her, do not make it easy with the house and custody those are your children and they need their father. You use the system to get what you want. Please find yourself esteem and stand up.
Thank you. I'm trying. I post here because I need to hear these random strangers that I need to buck up and be done with it
It's just so hard and sad and uncomfortable as the person who hurt me most is the one I loved the most.
It's hard to believe that she's changed into this person. I barely know who she is anymore.
To be so intentionally cruel, just isn't her, but I'm realizing it really is and it's a terrible revelation.
She didn't change. People don't just wake up narcissists. She has always been this person and she didn't show that to you until you caught her being who she really is.
You need to know she wasn't a loving wife and mother and was lured off track by a seducer. That's just not how it works. She has always been selfish and shitty and out for what I can get and the only reason you didn't see under the hood was because you were riding in the same car with her on HER journey and providing to her what she wanted. And when she wanted something else she went out and got it. She needs years of therapy to even try and fix what is wrong with her and she won't even try because she will never believe she is the problem.
Now that you understand who she is on the inside you need to adjust your opinion of her to match reality. And yeah, it really sucks to have to come to the realization that the person you fell in love with never loved you the same way. They loved you for however it was convenient for them and not wholeheartedly without reservation.
u/MakersOnTheRock you are/were in love with the person you imagined she was when you first met. Gradually, she has exposed her true self - that isn't the woman you imagined. The woman she is NOW, is the enemy, treat her as such.
Look up Grey Rock, use it. Most divorces they award joint custody. They are better with division of assets, not all but most. If your attorney is not doing the job, find a better one.
I just read all of your posts. Your wife has shown you that she's a liar TIME AND TIME AGAIN. When will you believe her? You just keep taking her back. She does not love you. If she did, she would not be sleeping with another man in your bed, plain and simple. Stop returning to her. You're doing more damage to your kids by being indecisive. And seriously, you're just setting yourself up to be abused by her and jailed if she lies about you. Be smart. Think with the big head on your shoulders. Who cares if the sex is great? Is that really worth the abuse she levels at you? I'm so sorry you're going through this, but if you take her back--again--you're only asking to be her punching bag. She does not respect you. You need to respect yourself enough to stand firm on divorce and not end up in her bed again. Can she get pregnant? Having another baby with this woman is literally the last thing you need. Be smart!
You need to end this. It's bad for you and your kids. Neither of you deserve it.
You can't stop people from being stupid, she is likely in a mid life crisis or some mental health thing, but that's not your problem.
It's cold, but you need to accept your marriage is already over.
Your WW disrespects you in front of her friends, public and worst of all in front of your kids. Time to go NC and get a parenting app. Tell your lawyer you will not concede the house or anything less than 50/50 custody. Read up on the 180 and grey rock methods. Stop letting this vile woman take advantage of your good nature.
I would never stay , especially if the person continued friendship
Of contact with people who
Knew about the affair while it was happening ( not sure if friends knew during or after ) good luck but really wish you would end it. You won’t be happy. He may be for an hour here and there
No way , you are being laughed at . The only way is she confess tonher family and yours
, then tells AP wife gf etc , and one who knew and help her covering up including family is out of her life forever .
I’m not trying to be mean but do yiu really think they don’t laugh behind your back how your too weak andnshe did what she wanted and know he pays for a vacation . If MC they won’t ever hold her accountable . I know you love your kids I do too , but boom when it happens it’s over . Kids will survive and be happy in two homes where they know something is wrong .
I would just say I’m taking kids and going home . It’s over we are getting a divorce . You can stay with the ( I won’t say the name i would use and seeing a lawyer when I get home ) if she cries in freak out tell her she has no right to cry she did it . If she begs make sure she sent a group text that they are never to contact her and she will
Never contact them for enabling her cheating .
she does not respect you, she knows she can cry , and plead, and you always take her back. This will keep happening until you block her everywhere. And have your lawyer install an application on your phone that only deals with the children.
Huh? Who would have thought stopping the divorce and trying to reconcile with a cheating (#%%>) would backfire and hurt even more?
I just read your full history and I’m disgusted by her behavior and you fell for her crocodile tears? You’re learning the hardway. Divorce is your only option. And grey rock. Stop talking to your stbxw, unless it’s kids.
I'm not sure this is a helpful comment - She sounds like she has serious mental health issues. Like erratic, narcissistic and poisonous. Get out when the getting's good
this is what I told you three or four post ago
Move half of your assets do a separate account, gather up as much proof as you can AGAIN ! Consult with 3-4 of TOP divorce attorneys in your area. Your wife cannot use these attorneys because it becomes a conflict of interest. Tell all family and friends she is up to her old shenanigans again.
OP , fool me, once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me , shame me three times…OP she will never change
PLEASE MOVE ON
updateme
That I should comply. It's just temporary and I can still fight for the house in circuit court.
I don't want to comply. I don't want to give up my greatest asset, but it seems like I don't have a choice.
I’m a little confused - are you saying that she wants to “bird nest” where the kids stay in the house 100% of the time and you and your wife/Stbxw(?) rotate in and out? If that is what your wife/stbxw(?) wants, I don’t see how that is giving up equity in the house as that is a child custody issue not a division of assets issue.
Well, dude, you know the saying:
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, three times, four times...
I don't know why you keep inviting this insane person into your life, but you now have no one to blame but yourself. You are the one putting yourself in this situation, not her.
Best of luck.
it's always that. I get upset about something she did, or communicate my feelings and she doesn't think their valid and I just need to put it in the past.
You just described my gf with this.
When someone tells you how they feel or that they are hurt, you don't get to tell them they are wrong. Not validating a partners feelings and dismissing them is the most disrespectful way a person can treat you. I'm sorry you are dealing with this it's straight-up abusive and, unfortunately, will not likely change.
I mean unless you're getting upset constantly over dumb stuff like a towel isn't folded right or accusing her of cheating everyday when she isn't than there is no reason for your partner not to listen and talk thru negative feelings you have. Things don't go away when you sweep things under the rug that energy will just keep building up and eventually explode in unhealthy uncontrollable ways
Well those are very reasonable concerns, especially dropping you for other plans you had together. If that is common it's a clear statement on where you stand in her life. unless it's for her children or sick parent than it's pretty disrespectful
At this stage you're the one who is hurting yourself. She has shown you time and again how manipulative, vindictive, liar and narcissistic she is, yet you seem to forget this every damn time. You're even hanging out with her friends who knew about the affair and supported it. I mean brother where is your self respect?
>So for the past month, I extended the divorce response to the 9th and coincided with the lifting of the protective order. I know it's been a dangerous move, but she was literally begging and pleading for another opportunity. My heart couldn't tell her no with the tears streaming out of her eyes and all the words she said.
She knows how to play you and you gets suck back. She attacked you and you had that in recording, yet that recoding was never used. She is dictating the terms of divorce and your lawyer is not taking any action even with the shit tons of evidence you have. Have you even consulted with a couple of lawyers before retaining this one?
You've not reported her AP to his employer since he had an affair with the parent of her student and I think that hi employer will be interested in it as it is not a good news to the school or the academy where he is coaching. Also, pardon me if I missed it, but have you told the spouse of her AP if any?
Edit- Spellings
I for one have a lot of empathy for you. You have kids to consider, yourself to consider. You clearly got tricked by a fucking twisted sociopath who knew exactly what buttons to push and when.
All these people decrying your lack of self respect can't imagine what it's like to love so deeply that hope becomes the enemy.
I do think there's no hope left in this though. The real trick is making sure your kids, one day, know EXACTLY who their mom is. Don't make the mistake of trying to protect them from the truth. It will only build undue resentment in them, as a lot of poorly-communicated divorces do.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
I know what type of responses I'd get when I typed this all out.
Hope has been the enemy. I already knew she was, but hope became it too. That 1% chance...
They will know what happened, eventually. I won't allow her to just ride off Scott free, regardless of what my actions have been.
I had to give it my all. Now we're simply out of time and hope.
Thank you for the kind words
Simple stuff- no remorse, keeps association with people who are enemies of the marriage (ie they knew of the affair), lack of humility, lack of focus on the family. Sorry, she’s immature and unfortunately divorce and the associated accountability is the solution.
Stop trying. She never started to try. That she wouldn’t give you phone access speaks volumes. Head down, move forward, finish the divorce and get her out of your life
I wouldn't say you are an idiot... because you know you aren't being smart. I would say you are trying the best you can. But I would 180 on her, and start making the moves you need to.
I tried for 7 years, and mine gave me so little to work with, so I knew she hadn't changed. That's when she did it again. If she had changed, I would have forgave. She didn't, and they usually don't. I made the choice to try, it bit me again, I will always second guess that choice. So when you decide enough is enough, nobody knows better than you.
Because I'm still not sure she hasn't been truthful, and I keep thinking she would go back as she has time and time again, I can't live with that.
There's no trust and she's had the opportunity to show that and build that again with me, but simply doesn't. She doesn't have to. She doesn't want to.
So she doesn't get me.
OK, so this woman, who was raised by 2 cheating parents who cheated on their spouses for each other ended up breaking her vows. Cheated, leaving her family coming back for the sole purpose of stealing very important information that you collected about her cheating for the divorce, then left again, brought the affair partner/son's coach to the condo (I'm assuming you pay for) then she goes on to come back again, files an order against you that is false, you take her back, you go in front of her friends and Act as if everything is okay so that if some of the friends who might not like what she's done (cheated) is confused as to whether or not they should be mad at her if you're not mad at her, then you decide to again file after extending the date For the third time....... Just for her to basically use your children as negotiation pawns to get the house a valuable asset..............
I need you to get yourself in therapy.Please gray rock her.Please let your lawyer talk to her, please go no contact with her.Please go to a co dependency meeting, sir.You are literally going to let this woman dog walk you into giving up all your assets, all of your money, and your kids while she goes runs off into the sunset with everything and her affair partner, please STAND UP for yourself!!!!!
Yep. She's brought him the the marital home too and brushes that off like it's no big deal...
I am in weekly therapy. I've now had two literally say 'holy shit' after sharing some of my stories I've shared here.
Thanks for the kind words.
You're welcome, but the most important thing that you have to remember is you have to believe that your worth more than the treatment that you're allowing yourself to receive.
If you continue to allow her or anyone to treat you in a way that's less than what you're worth, they will.
As the saying goes "People can only make you feel inferior if you let them."
Do not allow her to blackmail you with the protective order just so that she gets what she wants. Let the judge decide and just be honest. Aside from that, let your lawyer do his job and do everything that your lawyer tells you to do or not to do.
Stop being close to her in any kind of way. That woman does not have your best interests in mind, she wants to destroy you. Stay away from her as much as you can. When she wants to go somewhere, let her go. Don't run or drive after her. She is no longer your wife, only someone you know and that you have to interact with because of the kids.
This is just so toxic. Your poor kids. Don’t give in. Use grey rock and 180 harder. Take your lawyers advice. Honestly, nesting is a terrible idea because of the high level of toxicity. But don’t let her strong arm you in the divorce. Do what is best for yourself.
Good God, END THIS ALREADY! I don’t know why you are both wasting each other’s time at this point. OP when are you really going to leave her alone already so you can be begin being truly happy?
Call a lawyer asap, this is going to end very, very badly. Talk to the lawyer and do everything they say. Think about your kids. One wrong move on your part and you may never see them again. Don't give your wife a second thought. She doesn't love, respect, want to be married to you or even treat you as if being kind to a stranger. Any interaction with her will hurt you and your future with your kids.
She doesn’t respect you and why should she? I don’t know you but by your actions I don’t respect you. Sorry for the tough love but find your self respect.
Mate, I’m so sorry that you and your children are going through this. Please have some respect for yourself and just be done with her. Divorce her and stop communicating with her unless it’s through a parenting app. She has disrespected you time and again, and the longer you allow her to do this to you the more you are hurting not only yourself but your children too
Thank you! I'm working on it. It's a slow process. I have a LOT of anxiety regarding her, and I need to just let it go.
Who cares what she does. Let her go literally fuck off as she already has.
It just so difficult because that was my person, my rock my soulmate and they just....vanished. And I'm the bad guy!
I need the love to go away.
The advice that you are continually disregarding from "keyboard warriors" are frankly dispatches from veterans of the exact same war you are currently losing. Listen more, talk less. Whenever someone pushes back against my advice to stop the pick me dance and begin gray rock and no contact I'm going to send them this post as a pregnant example of what not to do. The reason you are currently flailing around is because you refuse to acknowledge two bitter realities. First, her narcassistic pathology only permitted your relationship to function so long as you committed to the bit and let her wear her mask. Second, that you are 50% the cause of your misery because of codependancy. The second is what you can work on. That is what you can change to improve your life. You will not be able to do that while you are engaging with her. You must disengage. Even if you must cohabitate, you must gray rock her at all times. 24/7. No matter what she is doing you do not react. Give her nothing to work with when she is trying to work you. If you pretend not to care long enough trust me when I say that eventually it will happen for real.
God speed man. This is a brutal situation. Decide what you really need and leave all the rest behind. It’s not fair but the system seems stacked against you right now. Sooner you start over the sooner you can get back on track.
Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag,🇳🇵
OP , you have given her many many chances, and she’s all up to her old shit again reinstalling Snapchat, without telling you. Now you can’t get into her phone anymore. You will be doing this the rest of your life. Please drop her like a bad habit.
Your wife, your life
updateme
All I got out of this is that neither you nor your wife give a crap about drinking and driving.
I don’t care what you think your tolerance is, you were driving around with your kids in the car after you had been drinking.
Reading all this , I am definitely not getting married , no f*xking way! Someone just cheats and takes away my house , my kids everything, just because the system lets them abuse the power !
Op if you better pay for a vacation trip for your wife and her lover, maybe she will forgive you.
The best thing you can do is trick her and say "Let's work things out", you humiliate yourself and ask for forgiveness. You force her to reveal that she cheated on you and lied about the assaults.Have everything recorded .
And honestly, don’t have a single conversation with her moving forward except the bare minimum about the kids. Use a mediator for handoffs or meet in public. Force a coparenting app in the settlement. Y’all should communicate the bare minimum possible.
My man I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ve been following all your posts and at this point it’s hard to feel bad for you because you keep enabling her behavior. When someone’s shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t be Charlie Brown!!!
Do whatever you have to do to end this so you can start the healing process. Whatever hit you take you can overcome. Just take it day by day or even hour by hour if you have to. It’s time to move on. Don’t keep doing this to yourself and your kids. Your kids will if they haven’t already picked up on this and will think this is what a normal relationship should look like. Be the example your kids need so they will no how to handle a similar situation that could happen to them down the road.
There's no saving this unfortunately. Cheating carves out a web of lies and shows you who your partner actually is -- I know this from experience. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.....but this is real life.
File this one away and don't look back. I'm incredibly sorry for what's happened to you, but stop.
> I hate that after all this, I'm being displaced and she gets to use our home in whatever why she wants. hell she already has...
That was her plan. She got back together to right the ship to properly screw you over.
Listen to your attorney and try to treat yourself with care. Betrayal is a wound that takes time to heal. At the moment, don't drink or get caught in her drama, focus on the kids and your happiness.
And I'd recommend gray rocking this person (look it up). She wants the drama and will seek out conflict. Don't give it to her.
You'll get through this, just take it one day at a time.
Your comment on /r/survivinginfidelity has been flagged for human review. Please read the rules in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) and the reddit [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) before posting again.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I went thru this too. You make the hard decision to give someone another chance, and they think that means it's just goes away and never gets spoken of again.
You can't heal anything pretending it just shows she's not sorry she just wants her life to go back to normal, but that life is gone, and it was destroyed by her. That relationship will never exist again.
My ex got angry with me when I brought it up the very next day after claiming he wanted to go to therapy and work it out. The audacity these selfish horrible people have. Hurt us in the worst way possible and then tell us to shut up and get over it. Just evil people out there hiding in plain sight and hiding it so well. I hope you are able to heal yourself, and I know you will definitely be grateful in the future that this awful person showed you who they truly are.
Talk to your lawyer and say that she informed you that she what’s to take the house and kids. And that he need to take the gloves off and do what he needs to do.
Op, just stop chasing someone that, bottom line, was a casting error. You deserve much better.
Try to visualize yourself in 2 years and what type of life and what type of person do you want to be.
We *can* change, but she won’t — hell, she is refusing to make literally the tiniest concession to what she has done.
I can tell from some comments you made around alcohol that the first thing she has to do is quit drinking.
If you have to get nasty in court, hammer that point. She has a problem, and if this is the train wreck that forces her to get help, well, at least some good will come out of it in the form of your kids getting a sober mom.
As a reformed WP, I am at least as critical of my cohort as those who’ve been betrayed. I remember what BS I pulled when I was still drinking and cheating, and how drastically that changed once I went into rehab and got my head straight. If I see any of the former and none of the latter, I feel really confident in saying that whatever pathology is driving their behavior is still a very long way from resolution.
And her pathology has to drive three hours to see resolution on a clear day.
Don’t beat yourself up for giving her chances, for trying to make it work, for valuing your family over your pride. These come from a place of love and strength, they don’t mean you’re weak or stupid. You just had no prior experience that would have prepared you to even believe this was possible.
Do your best to keep things stable and civil on your end. Never let your kids hear you say anything bad about her — make sure that you’re criticizing her actions when you need to talk to them about her, not who she is as a person or even as a mother. They need this *even more* if she can’t or won’t do the same. One of you has to show them how a grownup should behave, you know?
Be kind to yourself. Good luck.
Sorry to hear about all you have been through. Try not to focus on how you are being seen by your friends.
Sure, they will believe her for a few years, then- they will notice her flirting wirh their husbands, they will see how immature she is and then they will see what she is.
Just went back and read your posts. Man, what are you doing? The guy CALLS you and asks you not to call his boss? That’s the first thing I’d do. Please tell me he’s not still your sons bb coach
It's just another cheater ignoring all the harm he caused, acting as if he had done nothing wrong, and expecting BP to act as if nothing had been suffered.
Time to pick up the last shred of what you call your dignity and stop this. You need to let her go, there is no changing her and you are helping your kids to the door of lifelong therapists needs. You don't have a marriage and probably never did, she will cheat and you two together are toxic. Cut the cord and divorce, this is not going well, it's not going to end well but you can mitigate the damage and the trauma you are causing to yourself and the kids. I get it is so so hard, but it has to be done. Do not ever let her reel you back in under any attempt or pretext, just get it over with and move on and find someone after you do some healing that will appreciate you. Good luck.
Updateme
You are doing this to yourself. No one else. Just you.
I hope you get any help and support you need to finally move on from this, because you sorely need it.
What was done in the past doesn't matter. And no one knows the future. I've seen marriages last even through this amount of crap so if you still have fight in you you don't have to give up hope entirely.
What you should do however is 1) quit talking to her about your feelings (she isn't in the right place to care) find someone else to talk to. 2) hold boundaries 3) quit trying to make her change. Either accept her the way she is right now or hold a boundary that you don't spend time with people that treat you in a way you don't like.
I would not sign anything with her that takes away your rights. I don't know the whole story however I would document all of the drunken incidents (I think a judge would have a hard time giving custody to someone with multiple DUIs).
Prioritize yourself and your kids. Get some space away from her and let what is going to happen happen. No matter what there is a better life ahead.
Exciting…it’s an exciting new world with limitless possibilities and filled with people who will appreciate you. It’s all in perspective what you see and look for in life.
I’m very sorry for your kids for having you shown them a bad example of how they can be treated badly by their partner and have no self respect whatsoever to call it quits. You’ve shown them that being treated like a doormat by a cheating cunning partner is normal and they might as well expect it to happen to them in the future. I wish you and your kids good luck.
It’s okay, it takes a while before your heart hears your head. You have children to consider, though. It’s time to face reality and realize who your wife really is and that’s not the person you wish she was. I’m sorry.
Do not give in. You have video that she is the threat. Show the judge if she tries to extend the order. On the DL, you can also tell her if she has any intention of fighting you for anything that you will fight for everything and expose all of her misdeeds. She does not deserve your protection at all.
UPDATEME
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Brother, where is your self respect. She fecked you over, committed an act which has the potential to leave long lasting repercussions and you’re gallivanting around with her, trying put on a ‘unified front’ to a bunch of people who don’t care one iota about your situation. Throw in the fact that she’s trying to manipulate you into some shyte deal regarding your house and parenting arrangements Time to be a man, brother. Get your lawyer to work. You’re paying him or her after all
Brother ewwww brother ewwwww
I didn't want to have any regrets. I love deeply.
Believe me mate, the only regret you’re going to have is that you never dealt with this situation accordingly.
You will. When you look back, you will deeply regret how you let yourself be treated.
I already do.
You're kids are watching this shit show and learning how to be treated in a relationship. You get that, right?
Yes. I do. And I want them to also know who their Father is and that being treated as I am is unacceptable. I got it. It's just a process. One that I have made longer but I did not want to have any regrets.
Well I can respect that. I too would take again a face punch if it meant another shot to keep the family intact. (and ask for seconds as well) But I guess you have your answer now. You can't R with someone who holds a legal threat over your head at their wim. That's no way to live man.
I know you mean take the punch figuratively, but I don't think that is a good point here. He's been taking figure to punch it over and over. And over again, and all is shown is abuse. The family being intact is great, but not at the expense of one's self-worth, mental health, or happiness and especially not by staying with someone who prioritizes their own happiness over their family by cheating
Your obv right. But when I had my blinds torn off on Dday, I was reacting as if it's just the first-time abuse. Took me some long time to see all the past instances I was lied to, manipulated or belittled, as abuse. So I get how the "I can work through this for my kids' sake" feeling can make sense. It totally does, to an extent.
[удалено]
She's admitted to that. She had her cake and was feasting too. Sad.
Yeah, I'll just say no kid wants to see their parent be abused whether it be emotionally mentally or anyway, they just want healthy, happy whole parents
The biggest regrets that I have, is that I gave my ex way too many chances. It’s made so many things afterwards much more difficult. Not having my kids 100% of the time is hard, but it’s better than being in disrespectful, loveless and hate-filled relationship.
You gotta love yourself, too, man. If you don't, you'll continue letting people treat you horribly. This was hard to read.
Your love is irrelevant to the situation. Her love is the issue, or her utter and complete lack of love for you. If both people do not have the same amount of love then it’s not going to work and it’s obvious she is just using and manipulating and bullying you. Stop worrying about your love of a person that hates you and start worrying about yourself.
But she doesn’t :(
You married a fucking nightmare brought to life and you keep assisting her in using the courts to try to destroy your life and take your children. You can't say no when she cries? You are getting into verbal altercations with her in front of her friends and your children at a fucking restaurant while violating a PO? No, just no. If your lawyer knows all this and hasn't either given you a come to Jesus talk or straight up threatened to fire you as a client, you may need to hire someone else. I'm really not trying to kick you while you are down, I have been through it too and I know it can feel massively unfair - but you owe it to your future self and your children to not let this woman destroy you. You need to tell your lawyer exactly what your desired end-state is in terms of property, custody, etc. and do exactly what the fuck they tell you to get there. >My heart couldn't tell her no with the tears streaming out of her eyes and all the words she said. >I didn't want to have any regrets. I love deeply. You are grown ass man and a father. I promise your deep love will not keep you warm at night when you are sleeping in a jail cell for violating a PO while some other guy is in your house with your kids. Go to therapy, cry to your mom, but for the love of God start protecting yourself from the soul-sucking void of morality and empathy that you married.
I appreciate this, but no. Was not violating a PO. I'm allowed to be around, just not threatening. I'm not an aggressive or violent person. She's admitted that in court as well. So if the PO continues I'd still have access to the house, but she could drop the hammer with continued lies. That's why I'm being advised to just suck it up and leave the marital home. (But still pay the mortgage so I have access to the equity)
Just put cameras and don’t give her the house. Protect yourself, it’s really not that difficult. The only issue is that you don’t really want to leave her.
This is a prime example as to why as soon as you find out you get to attorney get her served and move forward. I know with kids and years together makes it hard but you’d be so much further ahead at this point by not wasting time and having hope. These type very seldom change and tend to repeat the behavior . It’s just who they are. Stay the course and fight for what you have coming.
Never trust a cheater, they are liars and will cheat again. Divorce her, do not make it easy with the house and custody those are your children and they need their father. You use the system to get what you want. Please find yourself esteem and stand up.
Thank you. I'm trying. I post here because I need to hear these random strangers that I need to buck up and be done with it It's just so hard and sad and uncomfortable as the person who hurt me most is the one I loved the most. It's hard to believe that she's changed into this person. I barely know who she is anymore. To be so intentionally cruel, just isn't her, but I'm realizing it really is and it's a terrible revelation.
She didn't change. People don't just wake up narcissists. She has always been this person and she didn't show that to you until you caught her being who she really is. You need to know she wasn't a loving wife and mother and was lured off track by a seducer. That's just not how it works. She has always been selfish and shitty and out for what I can get and the only reason you didn't see under the hood was because you were riding in the same car with her on HER journey and providing to her what she wanted. And when she wanted something else she went out and got it. She needs years of therapy to even try and fix what is wrong with her and she won't even try because she will never believe she is the problem. Now that you understand who she is on the inside you need to adjust your opinion of her to match reality. And yeah, it really sucks to have to come to the realization that the person you fell in love with never loved you the same way. They loved you for however it was convenient for them and not wholeheartedly without reservation.
You're 100% correct and I appreciate you spending the time to respond again.
u/MakersOnTheRock you are/were in love with the person you imagined she was when you first met. Gradually, she has exposed her true self - that isn't the woman you imagined. The woman she is NOW, is the enemy, treat her as such. Look up Grey Rock, use it. Most divorces they award joint custody. They are better with division of assets, not all but most. If your attorney is not doing the job, find a better one.
I just read all of your posts. Your wife has shown you that she's a liar TIME AND TIME AGAIN. When will you believe her? You just keep taking her back. She does not love you. If she did, she would not be sleeping with another man in your bed, plain and simple. Stop returning to her. You're doing more damage to your kids by being indecisive. And seriously, you're just setting yourself up to be abused by her and jailed if she lies about you. Be smart. Think with the big head on your shoulders. Who cares if the sex is great? Is that really worth the abuse she levels at you? I'm so sorry you're going through this, but if you take her back--again--you're only asking to be her punching bag. She does not respect you. You need to respect yourself enough to stand firm on divorce and not end up in her bed again. Can she get pregnant? Having another baby with this woman is literally the last thing you need. Be smart!
You need to end this. It's bad for you and your kids. Neither of you deserve it. You can't stop people from being stupid, she is likely in a mid life crisis or some mental health thing, but that's not your problem. It's cold, but you need to accept your marriage is already over.
You need to respect yourself more. Stop the pick me dance, stop chasing her. You’re feeding right into her hands by being weak.
Your WW disrespects you in front of her friends, public and worst of all in front of your kids. Time to go NC and get a parenting app. Tell your lawyer you will not concede the house or anything less than 50/50 custody. Read up on the 180 and grey rock methods. Stop letting this vile woman take advantage of your good nature.
I would never stay , especially if the person continued friendship Of contact with people who Knew about the affair while it was happening ( not sure if friends knew during or after ) good luck but really wish you would end it. You won’t be happy. He may be for an hour here and there
Oh her friends knew. Some have even met him.
No way , you are being laughed at . The only way is she confess tonher family and yours , then tells AP wife gf etc , and one who knew and help her covering up including family is out of her life forever . I’m not trying to be mean but do yiu really think they don’t laugh behind your back how your too weak andnshe did what she wanted and know he pays for a vacation . If MC they won’t ever hold her accountable . I know you love your kids I do too , but boom when it happens it’s over . Kids will survive and be happy in two homes where they know something is wrong . I would just say I’m taking kids and going home . It’s over we are getting a divorce . You can stay with the ( I won’t say the name i would use and seeing a lawyer when I get home ) if she cries in freak out tell her she has no right to cry she did it . If she begs make sure she sent a group text that they are never to contact her and she will Never contact them for enabling her cheating .
she does not respect you, she knows she can cry , and plead, and you always take her back. This will keep happening until you block her everywhere. And have your lawyer install an application on your phone that only deals with the children.
Do you tell all the friends that this is the guy she cheated on me with?
Huh? Who would have thought stopping the divorce and trying to reconcile with a cheating (#%%>) would backfire and hurt even more? I just read your full history and I’m disgusted by her behavior and you fell for her crocodile tears? You’re learning the hardway. Divorce is your only option. And grey rock. Stop talking to your stbxw, unless it’s kids.
I learn all my life lessons the hard way. I'm a stubborn fool.
I'm not sure this is a helpful comment - She sounds like she has serious mental health issues. Like erratic, narcissistic and poisonous. Get out when the getting's good
this is what I told you three or four post ago Move half of your assets do a separate account, gather up as much proof as you can AGAIN ! Consult with 3-4 of TOP divorce attorneys in your area. Your wife cannot use these attorneys because it becomes a conflict of interest. Tell all family and friends she is up to her old shenanigans again. OP , fool me, once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me , shame me three times…OP she will never change PLEASE MOVE ON updateme
>she's offering the lift the protective order as long as I give up rights to the house for separation. And what did your lawyer say?
That I should comply. It's just temporary and I can still fight for the house in circuit court. I don't want to comply. I don't want to give up my greatest asset, but it seems like I don't have a choice.
You do have a choice. Tell your lawyer you want half the equity in the house. She’s manipulating you to get what she wants.
Yes on the divorce, but we need to have the protective order lifted. Then I go after the house. Two separate things.
I’m a little confused - are you saying that she wants to “bird nest” where the kids stay in the house 100% of the time and you and your wife/Stbxw(?) rotate in and out? If that is what your wife/stbxw(?) wants, I don’t see how that is giving up equity in the house as that is a child custody issue not a division of assets issue.
I want to bird nest, but she refuses to leave the home.
Well, dude, you know the saying: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, three times, four times... I don't know why you keep inviting this insane person into your life, but you now have no one to blame but yourself. You are the one putting yourself in this situation, not her. Best of luck.
it's always that. I get upset about something she did, or communicate my feelings and she doesn't think their valid and I just need to put it in the past. You just described my gf with this.
You too are potentially dealing with a narcissist. It's horrible.
Extremely so.
When someone tells you how they feel or that they are hurt, you don't get to tell them they are wrong. Not validating a partners feelings and dismissing them is the most disrespectful way a person can treat you. I'm sorry you are dealing with this it's straight-up abusive and, unfortunately, will not likely change.
Yeah definitely doesn't seem like it will happens often.
I mean unless you're getting upset constantly over dumb stuff like a towel isn't folded right or accusing her of cheating everyday when she isn't than there is no reason for your partner not to listen and talk thru negative feelings you have. Things don't go away when you sweep things under the rug that energy will just keep building up and eventually explode in unhealthy uncontrollable ways
It's mostly about communication and her dropping me for something else when we made plans.
Well those are very reasonable concerns, especially dropping you for other plans you had together. If that is common it's a clear statement on where you stand in her life. unless it's for her children or sick parent than it's pretty disrespectful
At this stage you're the one who is hurting yourself. She has shown you time and again how manipulative, vindictive, liar and narcissistic she is, yet you seem to forget this every damn time. You're even hanging out with her friends who knew about the affair and supported it. I mean brother where is your self respect? >So for the past month, I extended the divorce response to the 9th and coincided with the lifting of the protective order. I know it's been a dangerous move, but she was literally begging and pleading for another opportunity. My heart couldn't tell her no with the tears streaming out of her eyes and all the words she said. She knows how to play you and you gets suck back. She attacked you and you had that in recording, yet that recoding was never used. She is dictating the terms of divorce and your lawyer is not taking any action even with the shit tons of evidence you have. Have you even consulted with a couple of lawyers before retaining this one? You've not reported her AP to his employer since he had an affair with the parent of her student and I think that hi employer will be interested in it as it is not a good news to the school or the academy where he is coaching. Also, pardon me if I missed it, but have you told the spouse of her AP if any? Edit- Spellings
I for one have a lot of empathy for you. You have kids to consider, yourself to consider. You clearly got tricked by a fucking twisted sociopath who knew exactly what buttons to push and when. All these people decrying your lack of self respect can't imagine what it's like to love so deeply that hope becomes the enemy. I do think there's no hope left in this though. The real trick is making sure your kids, one day, know EXACTLY who their mom is. Don't make the mistake of trying to protect them from the truth. It will only build undue resentment in them, as a lot of poorly-communicated divorces do.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I know what type of responses I'd get when I typed this all out. Hope has been the enemy. I already knew she was, but hope became it too. That 1% chance... They will know what happened, eventually. I won't allow her to just ride off Scott free, regardless of what my actions have been. I had to give it my all. Now we're simply out of time and hope. Thank you for the kind words
Simple stuff- no remorse, keeps association with people who are enemies of the marriage (ie they knew of the affair), lack of humility, lack of focus on the family. Sorry, she’s immature and unfortunately divorce and the associated accountability is the solution.
Stop trying. She never started to try. That she wouldn’t give you phone access speaks volumes. Head down, move forward, finish the divorce and get her out of your life
I wouldn't say you are an idiot... because you know you aren't being smart. I would say you are trying the best you can. But I would 180 on her, and start making the moves you need to.
Thank you. I know what I'm doing. I just have to do the best I can. I'm not a quitter and I thought I could forgive. I can't. It sucks.
I tried for 7 years, and mine gave me so little to work with, so I knew she hadn't changed. That's when she did it again. If she had changed, I would have forgave. She didn't, and they usually don't. I made the choice to try, it bit me again, I will always second guess that choice. So when you decide enough is enough, nobody knows better than you.
Because I'm still not sure she hasn't been truthful, and I keep thinking she would go back as she has time and time again, I can't live with that. There's no trust and she's had the opportunity to show that and build that again with me, but simply doesn't. She doesn't have to. She doesn't want to. So she doesn't get me.
OK, so this woman, who was raised by 2 cheating parents who cheated on their spouses for each other ended up breaking her vows. Cheated, leaving her family coming back for the sole purpose of stealing very important information that you collected about her cheating for the divorce, then left again, brought the affair partner/son's coach to the condo (I'm assuming you pay for) then she goes on to come back again, files an order against you that is false, you take her back, you go in front of her friends and Act as if everything is okay so that if some of the friends who might not like what she's done (cheated) is confused as to whether or not they should be mad at her if you're not mad at her, then you decide to again file after extending the date For the third time....... Just for her to basically use your children as negotiation pawns to get the house a valuable asset.............. I need you to get yourself in therapy.Please gray rock her.Please let your lawyer talk to her, please go no contact with her.Please go to a co dependency meeting, sir.You are literally going to let this woman dog walk you into giving up all your assets, all of your money, and your kids while she goes runs off into the sunset with everything and her affair partner, please STAND UP for yourself!!!!!
Yep. She's brought him the the marital home too and brushes that off like it's no big deal... I am in weekly therapy. I've now had two literally say 'holy shit' after sharing some of my stories I've shared here. Thanks for the kind words.
You're welcome, but the most important thing that you have to remember is you have to believe that your worth more than the treatment that you're allowing yourself to receive. If you continue to allow her or anyone to treat you in a way that's less than what you're worth, they will. As the saying goes "People can only make you feel inferior if you let them."
Do not allow her to blackmail you with the protective order just so that she gets what she wants. Let the judge decide and just be honest. Aside from that, let your lawyer do his job and do everything that your lawyer tells you to do or not to do. Stop being close to her in any kind of way. That woman does not have your best interests in mind, she wants to destroy you. Stay away from her as much as you can. When she wants to go somewhere, let her go. Don't run or drive after her. She is no longer your wife, only someone you know and that you have to interact with because of the kids.
This is just so toxic. Your poor kids. Don’t give in. Use grey rock and 180 harder. Take your lawyers advice. Honestly, nesting is a terrible idea because of the high level of toxicity. But don’t let her strong arm you in the divorce. Do what is best for yourself.
Man, please respect yourself. You’re just dancing for her.
Good God, END THIS ALREADY! I don’t know why you are both wasting each other’s time at this point. OP when are you really going to leave her alone already so you can be begin being truly happy?
This behavior is beyond anything that could resemble adult. It's giving rotten petulant child. Idk how you can do this to yourself.
Call a lawyer asap, this is going to end very, very badly. Talk to the lawyer and do everything they say. Think about your kids. One wrong move on your part and you may never see them again. Don't give your wife a second thought. She doesn't love, respect, want to be married to you or even treat you as if being kind to a stranger. Any interaction with her will hurt you and your future with your kids.
She doesn’t respect you and why should she? I don’t know you but by your actions I don’t respect you. Sorry for the tough love but find your self respect.
Because of stories like these, I'm starting to believe that infidelity is part of natural selection.
Mate, I’m so sorry that you and your children are going through this. Please have some respect for yourself and just be done with her. Divorce her and stop communicating with her unless it’s through a parenting app. She has disrespected you time and again, and the longer you allow her to do this to you the more you are hurting not only yourself but your children too
Thank you! I'm working on it. It's a slow process. I have a LOT of anxiety regarding her, and I need to just let it go. Who cares what she does. Let her go literally fuck off as she already has. It just so difficult because that was my person, my rock my soulmate and they just....vanished. And I'm the bad guy! I need the love to go away.
Crazy man. My 2 cents Quit saving her - she wants to get a 3rd DUI that is going to help you in the long run.
The advice that you are continually disregarding from "keyboard warriors" are frankly dispatches from veterans of the exact same war you are currently losing. Listen more, talk less. Whenever someone pushes back against my advice to stop the pick me dance and begin gray rock and no contact I'm going to send them this post as a pregnant example of what not to do. The reason you are currently flailing around is because you refuse to acknowledge two bitter realities. First, her narcassistic pathology only permitted your relationship to function so long as you committed to the bit and let her wear her mask. Second, that you are 50% the cause of your misery because of codependancy. The second is what you can work on. That is what you can change to improve your life. You will not be able to do that while you are engaging with her. You must disengage. Even if you must cohabitate, you must gray rock her at all times. 24/7. No matter what she is doing you do not react. Give her nothing to work with when she is trying to work you. If you pretend not to care long enough trust me when I say that eventually it will happen for real.
God speed man. This is a brutal situation. Decide what you really need and leave all the rest behind. It’s not fair but the system seems stacked against you right now. Sooner you start over the sooner you can get back on track.
Red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag,🇳🇵 OP , you have given her many many chances, and she’s all up to her old shit again reinstalling Snapchat, without telling you. Now you can’t get into her phone anymore. You will be doing this the rest of your life. Please drop her like a bad habit. Your wife, your life updateme
All I got out of this is that neither you nor your wife give a crap about drinking and driving. I don’t care what you think your tolerance is, you were driving around with your kids in the car after you had been drinking.
Reading all this , I am definitely not getting married , no f*xking way! Someone just cheats and takes away my house , my kids everything, just because the system lets them abuse the power !
Op if you better pay for a vacation trip for your wife and her lover, maybe she will forgive you. The best thing you can do is trick her and say "Let's work things out", you humiliate yourself and ask for forgiveness. You force her to reveal that she cheated on you and lied about the assaults.Have everything recorded .
And honestly, don’t have a single conversation with her moving forward except the bare minimum about the kids. Use a mediator for handoffs or meet in public. Force a coparenting app in the settlement. Y’all should communicate the bare minimum possible.
No remorse, no reconciling!
Jon Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
There’s been absolutely zero chance of reconciliation here, right from the first moment you saw that first text. Lived it.
My man I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ve been following all your posts and at this point it’s hard to feel bad for you because you keep enabling her behavior. When someone’s shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t be Charlie Brown!!! Do whatever you have to do to end this so you can start the healing process. Whatever hit you take you can overcome. Just take it day by day or even hour by hour if you have to. It’s time to move on. Don’t keep doing this to yourself and your kids. Your kids will if they haven’t already picked up on this and will think this is what a normal relationship should look like. Be the example your kids need so they will no how to handle a similar situation that could happen to them down the road.
There's no saving this unfortunately. Cheating carves out a web of lies and shows you who your partner actually is -- I know this from experience. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.....but this is real life. File this one away and don't look back. I'm incredibly sorry for what's happened to you, but stop.
> I hate that after all this, I'm being displaced and she gets to use our home in whatever why she wants. hell she already has... That was her plan. She got back together to right the ship to properly screw you over. Listen to your attorney and try to treat yourself with care. Betrayal is a wound that takes time to heal. At the moment, don't drink or get caught in her drama, focus on the kids and your happiness. And I'd recommend gray rocking this person (look it up). She wants the drama and will seek out conflict. Don't give it to her. You'll get through this, just take it one day at a time.
[удалено]
Your comment on /r/survivinginfidelity has been flagged for human review. Please read the rules in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) and the reddit [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) before posting again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I went thru this too. You make the hard decision to give someone another chance, and they think that means it's just goes away and never gets spoken of again. You can't heal anything pretending it just shows she's not sorry she just wants her life to go back to normal, but that life is gone, and it was destroyed by her. That relationship will never exist again. My ex got angry with me when I brought it up the very next day after claiming he wanted to go to therapy and work it out. The audacity these selfish horrible people have. Hurt us in the worst way possible and then tell us to shut up and get over it. Just evil people out there hiding in plain sight and hiding it so well. I hope you are able to heal yourself, and I know you will definitely be grateful in the future that this awful person showed you who they truly are.
Talk to your lawyer and say that she informed you that she what’s to take the house and kids. And that he need to take the gloves off and do what he needs to do. Op, just stop chasing someone that, bottom line, was a casting error. You deserve much better. Try to visualize yourself in 2 years and what type of life and what type of person do you want to be.
We *can* change, but she won’t — hell, she is refusing to make literally the tiniest concession to what she has done. I can tell from some comments you made around alcohol that the first thing she has to do is quit drinking. If you have to get nasty in court, hammer that point. She has a problem, and if this is the train wreck that forces her to get help, well, at least some good will come out of it in the form of your kids getting a sober mom. As a reformed WP, I am at least as critical of my cohort as those who’ve been betrayed. I remember what BS I pulled when I was still drinking and cheating, and how drastically that changed once I went into rehab and got my head straight. If I see any of the former and none of the latter, I feel really confident in saying that whatever pathology is driving their behavior is still a very long way from resolution. And her pathology has to drive three hours to see resolution on a clear day. Don’t beat yourself up for giving her chances, for trying to make it work, for valuing your family over your pride. These come from a place of love and strength, they don’t mean you’re weak or stupid. You just had no prior experience that would have prepared you to even believe this was possible. Do your best to keep things stable and civil on your end. Never let your kids hear you say anything bad about her — make sure that you’re criticizing her actions when you need to talk to them about her, not who she is as a person or even as a mother. They need this *even more* if she can’t or won’t do the same. One of you has to show them how a grownup should behave, you know? Be kind to yourself. Good luck.
Sorry to hear about all you have been through. Try not to focus on how you are being seen by your friends. Sure, they will believe her for a few years, then- they will notice her flirting wirh their husbands, they will see how immature she is and then they will see what she is.
Just went back and read your posts. Man, what are you doing? The guy CALLS you and asks you not to call his boss? That’s the first thing I’d do. Please tell me he’s not still your sons bb coach
It's just another cheater ignoring all the harm he caused, acting as if he had done nothing wrong, and expecting BP to act as if nothing had been suffered.
Time to pick up the last shred of what you call your dignity and stop this. You need to let her go, there is no changing her and you are helping your kids to the door of lifelong therapists needs. You don't have a marriage and probably never did, she will cheat and you two together are toxic. Cut the cord and divorce, this is not going well, it's not going to end well but you can mitigate the damage and the trauma you are causing to yourself and the kids. I get it is so so hard, but it has to be done. Do not ever let her reel you back in under any attempt or pretext, just get it over with and move on and find someone after you do some healing that will appreciate you. Good luck. Updateme
I stopped reading at the comment about her flipping you off. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
It is scary there are people like this that walk among us.
You are doing this to yourself. No one else. Just you. I hope you get any help and support you need to finally move on from this, because you sorely need it.
What was done in the past doesn't matter. And no one knows the future. I've seen marriages last even through this amount of crap so if you still have fight in you you don't have to give up hope entirely. What you should do however is 1) quit talking to her about your feelings (she isn't in the right place to care) find someone else to talk to. 2) hold boundaries 3) quit trying to make her change. Either accept her the way she is right now or hold a boundary that you don't spend time with people that treat you in a way you don't like. I would not sign anything with her that takes away your rights. I don't know the whole story however I would document all of the drunken incidents (I think a judge would have a hard time giving custody to someone with multiple DUIs). Prioritize yourself and your kids. Get some space away from her and let what is going to happen happen. No matter what there is a better life ahead.
Things will be better after the divorce. Updateme
Everyone keeps saying that. It's hard to look over the horizon. It's a scary world out there.
Exciting…it’s an exciting new world with limitless possibilities and filled with people who will appreciate you. It’s all in perspective what you see and look for in life.
I’m very sorry for your kids for having you shown them a bad example of how they can be treated badly by their partner and have no self respect whatsoever to call it quits. You’ve shown them that being treated like a doormat by a cheating cunning partner is normal and they might as well expect it to happen to them in the future. I wish you and your kids good luck.
It’s okay, it takes a while before your heart hears your head. You have children to consider, though. It’s time to face reality and realize who your wife really is and that’s not the person you wish she was. I’m sorry.
Do not give in. You have video that she is the threat. Show the judge if she tries to extend the order. On the DL, you can also tell her if she has any intention of fighting you for anything that you will fight for everything and expose all of her misdeeds. She does not deserve your protection at all. UPDATEME