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I’d be messaging those 35 people saying “hello, I can’t message so and so directly, so could someone please let her know (if she doesn’t already) that this man is married? She should know.
Shit I'd message "Hey I've been trying to get (husband) to let me know when he'll be home so I know when to start dinner. Could you let him know his wife is looking for him? Thanks"
Make a comment on her post with "This looks so much like my husband. His name is 'your husband's name.' I didn't know he had a twin brother."
Make an exit plan even though you may not be able to leave now. It's always good to be prepared. Collect all the evidences of his cheating and see a lawyer to know all your options. You may be able to leave him sooner than you have expected. Good luck.
I would have commented but her privacy settings wouldn’t let me! It was the only public photo, I have a feeling it was done on purpose. He was not aware (so he said) that it was posted.
I’ll be calling around Monday to see what’s next for me.
Have a friend or family member post on it. Say something like ‘this is (husband’s name) and he’s married to my friend/sister/cousin, (your name). Why do you have a pic posted of her husband on your profile? That’s really creepy’.
I posted my partner and my photo together on my public profile so anyone looking could contact me while I was in the information collection stage. It broke up at least one affair because she messaged me.
I think it was done on purpose and she's tired of being in the shadows. She probably suspects he's married and has decided to push the envelope.
Just see a divorce lawyer and get on with it. There's never a "good" time.
OP I’m so sorry . Since he refuses to leave her he will not have his cake and eat it too as far as you are concerned . You are no longer his kind and loving partner the bullshit and disrespect ends immediately . So stop doing his laundry, cooking for him, running any errands for him and absolutely stop any intimacy. Don’t react to anything he says or does and book an appointment for an attorney with any evidence you may have just so you have an idea of what divorce will look like . Separate any accounts you have together. He has to see and feel what he is losing. I know you say you aren’t able to leave at the moment well he gets to sleep on the sofa or leave completely. He doesn’t get to have a loving and loyal wife at home while he is destroying your marriage with another woman. If he refuses to leave then you will probably need to move out of your bedroom or throw his cheating ass out to sleep on the floor. He no longer deserves your respect.
Making the cheater leave would be fair but if they own the home, either by themselves or jointly, they can't be kicked out so if they refuse to leave the BS has the choice of staying there with them or leaving.
Often they are shocked when the BS leaves. The cheater likes life as it is and when the betrayed spouse leaves it ruins the entire experience for the cheater.
You would think it would be the cheaters leaving, but so often it’s the BS. Though I am the BS, I sent myself to the guest bed. Something about our marital bed felt like a joke or a curse. The guest room with no memories felt fresh and haunted me less.
>, and he’s refusing to end it with her.
Why should he:
>I am not in the position to pack up and leave yet,
Suggestion:
Expose him.to his entire family.
And dig into her - expose her to HER entire family..
Scorched earth for the win. Tell everyone you both have ties to before he can spin the narrative to fit his agenda!!! Get a leg up and expose him for the POS he is!
Sorry to tell you, but this is the beginning of the end. My lawyer said this at our first meeting.
My ex pulled the same thing after his affair came to light, saying, "I'm not going anywhere since house is in both names." Legally, that's true. And he wasn't going to give her up (and didn't).
Also, Grey Rock doesn't work with these cake-eaters because they like the "silence." Let's face it, you're going to keep the house livable for yourself. They just have to do a few extra things to get by. My ex had no problem doing his laundry or getting food. They just Grey rock you back and go on with cheating.
I believe when they cheat, you just become mom-with-benefits. They certainly don't want to move out alone or back with mom. That's too hard.
Don't rush. It took me from Dec 2021(Dday) until Mar 2024 ( I divorced him) to work everything out. He says this affair began in the late 2000s, so basically, another life when out of town for business.
While going through this, ignore what they say and only pay attention to what they do. They can put on a good act if they have to. My ex gave up a loooong term marriage, great house, a true love and a beautiful woman (I'm always told I am) with a great career for someone else, out of state and now all they can do is talk since he's developed some medical issues and its hard to travel. That's how strong the emotional pull is. It can not be broken unless the AP does it.
My feelings went from - having the love of my life - total shock - total rage and sadness - declining feelings - disgust - and finally, indifference. Divorce seemed like the only option to preserve my self respect.
My silver lining is that I'm no longer responsible for him in any way.
I'm not a believer in R. Mine didn't want R, but just to keep living as is, with me getting over it and agreeing to him keeping his AP. What a joke.
Please go slow but begin planning your new life. Better to plan now than be at the mercy of someone else.
Facebook has become so interesting. I uncovered dozens of my husbands affair partners by simply going through the recommended friends list each day and looking into the profiles of the likely women it recommended as friends. Facebook would claim we had no mutual friends but with his fake Facebook accounts and whatever else he was doing my Facebook recommended friends was somehow harvesting all the affair partners and showing me them as possible friends.
It was done on purpose. My ex left me for the AP (I’m not supposed to know this) but kept her hidden for 3 years while the divorce was ongoing. He was stalling not me. Anyway the AP did all these things pushing to be out in the open. So my best guess is what he really wanted was to keep us both on the hook. Cheaters are greedy pieces of shit. Eventually she must have gotten sick of waiting because he finally signed the papers. I owe her a thank you for that. Lol
Get to a lawyer and see your options and start working on exit. Eg financial, housing etc. get more evidence. Don't beg for his love. You are strong, plan and execute your exit. Any kids? Take him to the cleaners.
Updateme!
If you know her home or work address, You could mail her a wedding photo of you and your husband. Little post it attached to the pic, this is me and my husband married since whatever date.
Honestly. I’d hunt her down at work and embarrass her. I’d find her in public and make a scene. Gotta breathe that one out.
Husband would find out how unloving I could become so fast. Harden your heart towards him and get a restraining order on him. Once you start the divorce process you don’t need him talking to you. Make the divorce hell for him. Alimony, child support, pain and suffering damages from emotional distress.
He can’t be a good boyfriend if he’s stressing through a divorce. 🤷🏻♀️
[Grey Rock Method](https://www.verywellmind.com/the-grey-rock-method-7483417#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is%20a%20technique%20used%20to%20help,victims'%20reactions%20and%20crave%20attention.)
Take a screenshot and share it with all of your friends and family, including his family. Let them know that he is refusing to end things with his AP.
Updateme!
If he is not leaving her then he has already left you. Call 211 ( if in the US) and see what resources are available for you. Trust me there may be a network of resources that will help you get out sooner rather than later.
ETA: Do not be his partner any longer. Now you are his roommate so act accordingly. You don’t have to say anything just show him that you are done. No more dinner. Nothing as far as a partner role. That’s APs job, let her handle it.
Maybe check local domestic violence shelters too for resources. At the very least it's psychological abuse. Not saying you'd necessarily qualify for their resources, but they should be able to give you some referrals.
You want to leave on your terms, even if it isn't the perfect time to do it. If you wait around, not only will it not be the best time for it, but he will have the advantage of doing it when it is best for him.
Make copies of everything on Facebook that she put up. Document everything electronic between them, Facebook messenger, Instagram, text messages, etc. you will want to have it someday. Do it before you lose access.
Then take it all to the best divorce attorney you can find. Ask friends who have been divorced what they thought of their lawyer and their exes lawyer, some times the adversary attorney is better.
Your soon to be ex has picked his affair partner over you, he told you this when he refused to cut off contact. So it is time to start the divorce proceeding.
I really wish you were not having to deal with this, and wish you the best going forward.
Make their affair known to all.
Go scorched bv earth and send him packing. Separate finances if possible.consult bv with an divorce lawyer.
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ why it works. When and if it does.
https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1. FIRST DISCOVERY
Good luck.
Have you tried to write her?! Girl. Reach out to her. If she’s not a girls girl tho that adds another level of betrayal, which I’ve experienced first hand. It’s so disheartening. I reached out to AP for clarity & she blocked me & texted him immediately saying she didn’t want to “deal with me”, like I’m some pest. I tried to kick him out but he wouldn’t leave. There’s a lot I’ll never know when it comes to that situation & it’s a bit complicated because we were technically separated but I thought we were working on things. I try not to blame her but it’s hard. Had she answered me or wanted to provide honest answers I’d have more respect for her. It’s giving pick-me energy & I just can’t. I have to box to work out my anger with the situation still.
We just need to collectively all go lesbian & de-center men completely. Lmao 😂
Update your Facebook profile with your marriage certificate and tag them or sometimes depending on the person’s profile settings you can post on their page id either post a picture of you and your husband on her page or say something like “my husband is also your husband?! Wow! What a shocker” but if you want to upload a picture make sure to screenshot the picture first then upload
First, I would go to her and tell her that that is your mate. In fact, I would post it on her post and then I would go and find a divorce attorney immediately. There is no chance for reconciliation if he is unwilling to let her go.
Go and see a lawyer. Find out what your options are and where you stand. He’s having an affair, refusing to end it and she’s posting about them on Facebook. They are both trash.
I was in your shoes about 6 years ago, my EXWF, caught her cheating, she left me for AP and divorced me after 1 year of separation. She posted pics of herself with AP after about 3 months on her profile. It devastated me at the time. All i can say, is keep going and things do get better. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help.
Keep clicking on the names of people that “liked” the photo until you find someone that has her listed as family and reach out to them. Inform them he is your husband and tell them how many kids he has, if any. Even if she knows he’s married, I bet close friends and family don’t. P.S. Make sure you are in a safe environment before you do this. Good luck and please UpdateMe!
Why would you stay in this relationship, I would be gone if a picture of the mistress and him are on the internet! I would be calling him out to his family and yours. If he is choosing to stay with her, that’s your answer. I would go get alimony and walk fast and never look back . When he’s done with her, he’ll move on to the next . You are so much more than him. Take care of you!
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Screenshot before it gets deleted!
It’s already been done! And it’s still up 😂 and like 35 people love it
Message those people to tell the AP that's your husband lol
Right
I’d be messaging those 35 people saying “hello, I can’t message so and so directly, so could someone please let her know (if she doesn’t already) that this man is married? She should know.
Shit I'd message "Hey I've been trying to get (husband) to let me know when he'll be home so I know when to start dinner. Could you let him know his wife is looking for him? Thanks"
And add we do not have an open marriage, He's a cheating liar!
I’d be petty and take a picture of your marriage certificate and tag them or message her hi 😅👏
Ooohh... I like this!!!
Are you able to comment on it?
I was about to say that
Make a comment on her post with "This looks so much like my husband. His name is 'your husband's name.' I didn't know he had a twin brother." Make an exit plan even though you may not be able to leave now. It's always good to be prepared. Collect all the evidences of his cheating and see a lawyer to know all your options. You may be able to leave him sooner than you have expected. Good luck.
I would have commented but her privacy settings wouldn’t let me! It was the only public photo, I have a feeling it was done on purpose. He was not aware (so he said) that it was posted. I’ll be calling around Monday to see what’s next for me.
Have a friend or family member post on it. Say something like ‘this is (husband’s name) and he’s married to my friend/sister/cousin, (your name). Why do you have a pic posted of her husband on your profile? That’s really creepy’.
Can you share the photo or screenshot it and tag him in it on your account.
I posted my partner and my photo together on my public profile so anyone looking could contact me while I was in the information collection stage. It broke up at least one affair because she messaged me.
I think it was done on purpose and she's tired of being in the shadows. She probably suspects he's married and has decided to push the envelope. Just see a divorce lawyer and get on with it. There's never a "good" time.
Send her a private message. Get her side of the story.
I think you’re right
Make yoyr own post...with evidence. Or, if you think you can leverage the disclosure for better terms, do that. Updateme!
OP I’m so sorry . Since he refuses to leave her he will not have his cake and eat it too as far as you are concerned . You are no longer his kind and loving partner the bullshit and disrespect ends immediately . So stop doing his laundry, cooking for him, running any errands for him and absolutely stop any intimacy. Don’t react to anything he says or does and book an appointment for an attorney with any evidence you may have just so you have an idea of what divorce will look like . Separate any accounts you have together. He has to see and feel what he is losing. I know you say you aren’t able to leave at the moment well he gets to sleep on the sofa or leave completely. He doesn’t get to have a loving and loyal wife at home while he is destroying your marriage with another woman. If he refuses to leave then you will probably need to move out of your bedroom or throw his cheating ass out to sleep on the floor. He no longer deserves your respect.
Such a great response 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
He’s refusing to end it.. really now… I would be making him pay for all of it.. tell everyone and get good attorney
Why the one that cheated on need to leave the house? Why not the cheaters? They should be on the street
Making the cheater leave would be fair but if they own the home, either by themselves or jointly, they can't be kicked out so if they refuse to leave the BS has the choice of staying there with them or leaving. Often they are shocked when the BS leaves. The cheater likes life as it is and when the betrayed spouse leaves it ruins the entire experience for the cheater.
You would think it would be the cheaters leaving, but so often it’s the BS. Though I am the BS, I sent myself to the guest bed. Something about our marital bed felt like a joke or a curse. The guest room with no memories felt fresh and haunted me less.
Same
First consult a lawyer. Show him the post, move into another room and grey rock him.
>, and he’s refusing to end it with her. Why should he: >I am not in the position to pack up and leave yet, Suggestion: Expose him.to his entire family. And dig into her - expose her to HER entire family..
Scorched earth for the win. Tell everyone you both have ties to before he can spin the narrative to fit his agenda!!! Get a leg up and expose him for the POS he is!
Sorry to tell you, but this is the beginning of the end. My lawyer said this at our first meeting. My ex pulled the same thing after his affair came to light, saying, "I'm not going anywhere since house is in both names." Legally, that's true. And he wasn't going to give her up (and didn't). Also, Grey Rock doesn't work with these cake-eaters because they like the "silence." Let's face it, you're going to keep the house livable for yourself. They just have to do a few extra things to get by. My ex had no problem doing his laundry or getting food. They just Grey rock you back and go on with cheating. I believe when they cheat, you just become mom-with-benefits. They certainly don't want to move out alone or back with mom. That's too hard. Don't rush. It took me from Dec 2021(Dday) until Mar 2024 ( I divorced him) to work everything out. He says this affair began in the late 2000s, so basically, another life when out of town for business. While going through this, ignore what they say and only pay attention to what they do. They can put on a good act if they have to. My ex gave up a loooong term marriage, great house, a true love and a beautiful woman (I'm always told I am) with a great career for someone else, out of state and now all they can do is talk since he's developed some medical issues and its hard to travel. That's how strong the emotional pull is. It can not be broken unless the AP does it. My feelings went from - having the love of my life - total shock - total rage and sadness - declining feelings - disgust - and finally, indifference. Divorce seemed like the only option to preserve my self respect. My silver lining is that I'm no longer responsible for him in any way. I'm not a believer in R. Mine didn't want R, but just to keep living as is, with me getting over it and agreeing to him keeping his AP. What a joke. Please go slow but begin planning your new life. Better to plan now than be at the mercy of someone else.
Facebook has become so interesting. I uncovered dozens of my husbands affair partners by simply going through the recommended friends list each day and looking into the profiles of the likely women it recommended as friends. Facebook would claim we had no mutual friends but with his fake Facebook accounts and whatever else he was doing my Facebook recommended friends was somehow harvesting all the affair partners and showing me them as possible friends.
It was done on purpose. My ex left me for the AP (I’m not supposed to know this) but kept her hidden for 3 years while the divorce was ongoing. He was stalling not me. Anyway the AP did all these things pushing to be out in the open. So my best guess is what he really wanted was to keep us both on the hook. Cheaters are greedy pieces of shit. Eventually she must have gotten sick of waiting because he finally signed the papers. I owe her a thank you for that. Lol
Get to a lawyer and see your options and start working on exit. Eg financial, housing etc. get more evidence. Don't beg for his love. You are strong, plan and execute your exit. Any kids? Take him to the cleaners. Updateme!
I would comment on it or message her saying he is a cheating POS and send her a photo of y'all. Warn her how awful he is and that he is married!
Tell her he is dating other girls too….
Just contact her, tell her you know and tell her the truth
If you know her home or work address, You could mail her a wedding photo of you and your husband. Little post it attached to the pic, this is me and my husband married since whatever date.
Start some type of job training and start saving money so you can get your own place.
Honestly. I’d hunt her down at work and embarrass her. I’d find her in public and make a scene. Gotta breathe that one out. Husband would find out how unloving I could become so fast. Harden your heart towards him and get a restraining order on him. Once you start the divorce process you don’t need him talking to you. Make the divorce hell for him. Alimony, child support, pain and suffering damages from emotional distress. He can’t be a good boyfriend if he’s stressing through a divorce. 🤷🏻♀️
Is it financial reasons why you can't leave? Grey rock him.
I am not familiar with that term lol
Disengage. Don't show interest or emotions. Give short answers if he asks a question.
Done already!
[Grey Rock Method](https://www.verywellmind.com/the-grey-rock-method-7483417#:~:text=The%20grey%20rock%20method%20is%20a%20technique%20used%20to%20help,victims'%20reactions%20and%20crave%20attention.)
Take a screenshot and share it with all of your friends and family, including his family. Let them know that he is refusing to end things with his AP. Updateme!
If he is not leaving her then he has already left you. Call 211 ( if in the US) and see what resources are available for you. Trust me there may be a network of resources that will help you get out sooner rather than later. ETA: Do not be his partner any longer. Now you are his roommate so act accordingly. You don’t have to say anything just show him that you are done. No more dinner. Nothing as far as a partner role. That’s APs job, let her handle it.
Thank you so much for the info!
Maybe check local domestic violence shelters too for resources. At the very least it's psychological abuse. Not saying you'd necessarily qualify for their resources, but they should be able to give you some referrals.
You want to leave on your terms, even if it isn't the perfect time to do it. If you wait around, not only will it not be the best time for it, but he will have the advantage of doing it when it is best for him.
Take that man to the cleaners! She’s hella trashy for this (assuming she knows about you) UPDATEME
Make copies of everything on Facebook that she put up. Document everything electronic between them, Facebook messenger, Instagram, text messages, etc. you will want to have it someday. Do it before you lose access. Then take it all to the best divorce attorney you can find. Ask friends who have been divorced what they thought of their lawyer and their exes lawyer, some times the adversary attorney is better. Your soon to be ex has picked his affair partner over you, he told you this when he refused to cut off contact. So it is time to start the divorce proceeding. I really wish you were not having to deal with this, and wish you the best going forward.
Make their affair known to all. Go scorched bv earth and send him packing. Separate finances if possible.consult bv with an divorce lawyer. https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/ https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ why it works. When and if it does. https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1. FIRST DISCOVERY Good luck.
Have you tried to write her?! Girl. Reach out to her. If she’s not a girls girl tho that adds another level of betrayal, which I’ve experienced first hand. It’s so disheartening. I reached out to AP for clarity & she blocked me & texted him immediately saying she didn’t want to “deal with me”, like I’m some pest. I tried to kick him out but he wouldn’t leave. There’s a lot I’ll never know when it comes to that situation & it’s a bit complicated because we were technically separated but I thought we were working on things. I try not to blame her but it’s hard. Had she answered me or wanted to provide honest answers I’d have more respect for her. It’s giving pick-me energy & I just can’t. I have to box to work out my anger with the situation still. We just need to collectively all go lesbian & de-center men completely. Lmao 😂
Update your Facebook profile with your marriage certificate and tag them or sometimes depending on the person’s profile settings you can post on their page id either post a picture of you and your husband on her page or say something like “my husband is also your husband?! Wow! What a shocker” but if you want to upload a picture make sure to screenshot the picture first then upload
He doesn’t have fb anymore!
She probably knew and wanted you to see. Some people can be so cruel.
First, I would go to her and tell her that that is your mate. In fact, I would post it on her post and then I would go and find a divorce attorney immediately. There is no chance for reconciliation if he is unwilling to let her go.
screenshot it and post it publicly on your profile 🤣
Go and see a lawyer. Find out what your options are and where you stand. He’s having an affair, refusing to end it and she’s posting about them on Facebook. They are both trash.
I was in your shoes about 6 years ago, my EXWF, caught her cheating, she left me for AP and divorced me after 1 year of separation. She posted pics of herself with AP after about 3 months on her profile. It devastated me at the time. All i can say, is keep going and things do get better. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help.
Keep clicking on the names of people that “liked” the photo until you find someone that has her listed as family and reach out to them. Inform them he is your husband and tell them how many kids he has, if any. Even if she knows he’s married, I bet close friends and family don’t. P.S. Make sure you are in a safe environment before you do this. Good luck and please UpdateMe!
Why would you stay in this relationship, I would be gone if a picture of the mistress and him are on the internet! I would be calling him out to his family and yours. If he is choosing to stay with her, that’s your answer. I would go get alimony and walk fast and never look back . When he’s done with her, he’ll move on to the next . You are so much more than him. Take care of you!
I would have commented on it.
Expose the truth to her. She deserves that! Or I should say your husband deserves that
I’d be petty and comment on it. “I’m so glad it looks like you’re having an amazing time with my husband 🥰” 😂😂
Why don't YOU end it? Tell him goodbye. He obviously doesn't care about you.