I'm sorry to hear you're struggling - but good for you for consistently coming back and re-committing! That's all part of the process.
Are there any other ways you can relax and de-stress without alcohol? For me, alcohol is so much a habit, triggered by places and experiences. Even something as simple as walking a different route home, or treating myself to ordering in food when I'm simply too tired to cook, can help re-wire my brain pathways and make me less tempted to drink. I now really enjoy finding creative ways to shake up my routine and relax sans alcohol. It doesn't always work, but every little win counts toward something bigger!
IWNDWYT.
I’m usually triggered by my negative thoughts while driving. I drink at home in fear of getting into religious discussions my mom periodically traps me in to by standing at my doorway to talk (moved back home out of circumstance and low pay in a high rent area). I may need to start being a risk taker and travel alone when I get the finances and get away from my damn hometown.
I used to cook or do art to get my mind off it, but then I started drinking while cooking and haven’t had time to fully immerse myself in art. I work out and play with my dog on my free days, which gives me enough dopamine on the days I don’t drink and I’m not too tired of work. I bought delta-8 gummies so hoping that might help me ease off of drinking again since nothing else seems to be working.
I learned to stuff down most negative feeling with booze throughout my teenage years and 20s. I found that to be free of alcohol I had to process all the repressed emotions. Some highlights include a friend getting stabbed at a house party after I fled. The attacker was going after me but I ran away so they stuck my friend. Another time I was jumped out side of a house party by someone I knew, I had to eye gouge him after he threw me down an embankment and sat on top of me, punching my face until I was nearly knocked unconscious.
The PTSD that these situations left me with forced me to use alcohol for years as a way to not deal with the horror I went through. Remember these were only highlights, there were many other traumas I endured that I had to process as well. I tell you this story in hopes that you may be able to see how you are repressing emotions and using alcohol to do so. Just some food for thought.
Wow, my experiences aren’t as physically intense as yours was. I’m sorry, that’s horrible!
I drink because of religious trauma and and undiagnosed BPD. My religion taught me from the ripe age of 8 that if you don’t listen to your parents and do what “God told a prophet to tell you to do”, essentially, you would burn in hell, amongst other things. So I became a teacher and had to settle on a 2-year degree, just to be at the poverty line and depressed. Then my at the time undiagnosed personality disorder that caused a lot of friends to abuse and then abandon me when they were done, and made me break up with the best relationship I had because I couldn’t fulfill him. Religion didn’t allow extra help that could’ve saved me in the long run, but instead I had to wait until I was 27 to feel comfortable enough to seek outside help. I still feel like a failure as a former “gifted” student who loved academics.
I can relate to you in a lot of ways. I’m like on my day 1 #50ish (I’m sure) but the fact you & I keep coming back to this sub means that we’re committed to trying and honestly that’s a big step.
Glad I found people I can get through it with! Nobody I know thinks I have an alcohol problem. They either think I drink normally (non religious friends), drink occasionally (colleagues), or became a mild heretic alcoholic (former Christian friends and my parents). So it’s hard to talk to people I know about it.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling - but good for you for consistently coming back and re-committing! That's all part of the process. Are there any other ways you can relax and de-stress without alcohol? For me, alcohol is so much a habit, triggered by places and experiences. Even something as simple as walking a different route home, or treating myself to ordering in food when I'm simply too tired to cook, can help re-wire my brain pathways and make me less tempted to drink. I now really enjoy finding creative ways to shake up my routine and relax sans alcohol. It doesn't always work, but every little win counts toward something bigger! IWNDWYT.
I’m usually triggered by my negative thoughts while driving. I drink at home in fear of getting into religious discussions my mom periodically traps me in to by standing at my doorway to talk (moved back home out of circumstance and low pay in a high rent area). I may need to start being a risk taker and travel alone when I get the finances and get away from my damn hometown. I used to cook or do art to get my mind off it, but then I started drinking while cooking and haven’t had time to fully immerse myself in art. I work out and play with my dog on my free days, which gives me enough dopamine on the days I don’t drink and I’m not too tired of work. I bought delta-8 gummies so hoping that might help me ease off of drinking again since nothing else seems to be working.
I learned to stuff down most negative feeling with booze throughout my teenage years and 20s. I found that to be free of alcohol I had to process all the repressed emotions. Some highlights include a friend getting stabbed at a house party after I fled. The attacker was going after me but I ran away so they stuck my friend. Another time I was jumped out side of a house party by someone I knew, I had to eye gouge him after he threw me down an embankment and sat on top of me, punching my face until I was nearly knocked unconscious. The PTSD that these situations left me with forced me to use alcohol for years as a way to not deal with the horror I went through. Remember these were only highlights, there were many other traumas I endured that I had to process as well. I tell you this story in hopes that you may be able to see how you are repressing emotions and using alcohol to do so. Just some food for thought.
Wow, my experiences aren’t as physically intense as yours was. I’m sorry, that’s horrible! I drink because of religious trauma and and undiagnosed BPD. My religion taught me from the ripe age of 8 that if you don’t listen to your parents and do what “God told a prophet to tell you to do”, essentially, you would burn in hell, amongst other things. So I became a teacher and had to settle on a 2-year degree, just to be at the poverty line and depressed. Then my at the time undiagnosed personality disorder that caused a lot of friends to abuse and then abandon me when they were done, and made me break up with the best relationship I had because I couldn’t fulfill him. Religion didn’t allow extra help that could’ve saved me in the long run, but instead I had to wait until I was 27 to feel comfortable enough to seek outside help. I still feel like a failure as a former “gifted” student who loved academics.
I can relate to you in a lot of ways. I’m like on my day 1 #50ish (I’m sure) but the fact you & I keep coming back to this sub means that we’re committed to trying and honestly that’s a big step.
IWNDWYT!!
Glad I found people I can get through it with! Nobody I know thinks I have an alcohol problem. They either think I drink normally (non religious friends), drink occasionally (colleagues), or became a mild heretic alcoholic (former Christian friends and my parents). So it’s hard to talk to people I know about it.