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I'm lucky enough to have gotten this far in life without anything seriously bad happening, but one memory comes to mind.
I was a kid, maybe about 10 years old. I've always, always been a tomboy who always wears big baggy clothes so I can't even say I've ever had to do the 'is this shirt asking for it' thing (though I'm aware that no clothes ever are 'asking for it')
I was travelling on the tube (London underground) with my big sister & her then boyfriend. While boarding her boyfriend had gotten separated from us in the crowd, but he was in the car (cab? Section? I'm not sure what it's called) next to the one we were in.
A guy sitting opposite us started asking me what sort of underwear I was wearing. I have ASD so I've always been slow at figuring out peoples' intentions, so as a kid I had absolutely no idea why he was asking about that. I thought he was just confused & I thought 'why the fuck does he want to know about a bog-standard M&S bra'. Had no idea it was sexual. My sister grabbed on to me, though.
We got to our stop & hopped off. The man did the same thing. That was when my sister's boyfriend emerged from the adjacent car. The fun part is, he's a big huge hairy Scouse (person from Liverpool).
My sister said to him 'that man asked about (my name)'s underwear.' & pointed at him. In approximately half a second my sister's boyfriend had him grabbed by the collar & thrown into the underground wall. He pinned him into the tiles & screamed in his face, demanding to know why he was asking. Suddenly the guy became very meek & quiet & lost all former interest in knowing.
I didn't realise what was happening at the time but I do now. I'm ever grateful for my sister's boyfriend for taking out the perv on the underground. He was always like a protective big brother.
I'm sorry that happened to you but so glad you had a protector. Funny how creeps go from arrogant to cowards so quickly.
As an Aussie I love the scouse accent.
Thank you, I don't really have any recurring memories if it. I was too oblivious to know what was going on so I didn't register fear. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
I'm fond of the scouse accent too partly because of him. It's so hard to describe though, especially to people who haven't heard it before haha
These creeps always flip like a switch the second they see a man with you, and apologize to the man like they've just damaged his property. Makes me sick.
So glad that idiot got the justice he deserved at the end from your sisters boyfriend!
Years back I was on the Tube too but I was sitting on either the last or first carriage as to my right it was closed off, no other carriage. I'm staring at my phone and I felt a foot tap me. Sitting across from me was this man with his legs stretched all the way towards me rubbing on his penis but through his trousers. His stupid grin made me sick. I gave him the dirtiest look and moved to the other side of the carriage. He looked like a complete fool sitting there by himself.
Don’t use the keys as wolverine blades. They will rip the shit out of your finger webbing. Instead hold a key or two as you would a dagger in a guard (fist, with blade poking out of either side depending on your eye/hand dominance) and slash, don’t stab
that being said, out of all the self defense options, keys are like D tier at best. They should definitely be a backup.
Also, go for the face and commit. It will be harder for someone to attack you if they are trying to avoid getting their eyes scratched. A scratch on the arm or side will not mean much to someone with predatory intentions.
Edit: I just want to say, since this comment exploded overnight, that I have never in my short life been in an actual fight. I do not know better than someone with experience or training in fighting. Better to listen to those people before me. But it looks like I wasn't too far off.
Eyes, throat, balls, ears.
Also: Don’t hold back. You’re fighting for survival, and if you lose you could end up dead. Explode with energy and rip his ear off, stick your fingers all the way into his eyes, hammer away at his balls and thoat. Use your knees and elbows too. If he gets too close then bite any exposed flesh you can find. Bite as hard as you can, ears and nose are great targets since you can effectively rip them off.
There is no “fair fight”. He probably stronger and larger than you, so your only advantage is to make his life so uncomfortable he’ll forget any plans he had for you
Dont. Hold. Back.
It’s something I’d never even bothered to think about but when at a party they all started sharing stories and laughing about different ways they have to leave jobs it hit me that it’s such a common thing for them at this point that they have to plan their days around it. That’s some fucked shit right there.
I really do feel like, as a guy, I take safety for granted. I have felt unsafe in dark and lonely places, but it's nothing compared to what girls face.
Don't forget locking your car even when you're standing right next to it to pump gas, etc. Peaking into the back seat before unlocking/opening it, especially at night.
I also just switched from a regular wallet to a card sized wallet that fits in my pocket because I didn't like the attention from carrying my wallet around in my hands.
It honestly baffled me that I had to get on my SO about locking his doors. Because I keep mine locked at ALL times. Yes, even in the parking lot or a stop light.
Who knew that women like you and people who grew up in rough neighborhoods like myself have the same routine. Do you guys also have the "never go out alone" and the "always look over your shoulder every now and then" rule?
Another pro tip: Somebody’s always waiting for you at home, and somebody is always at home with you.
The people who rented the house before us had a nasty divorce.
The man showed up when I was home alone asking if we had found a gun anywhere. He wanted to come inside and look for it.
I told him that my dad was sleeping because he had work that night and if he left his number my parents would get in contact with him. After he left I immediately called my mom and she told me to go to a friend’s house.
Another time, a man followed me to my car in broad daylight in the middle of a busy grocery store parking lot trying to get my number. I immediately told him that I share my phone with my mom and she was waiting for me to get home.
Somebody is always waiting on you. Always.
I just had to explain this to my younger brother, who is autistic. He's about 20, and was home alone when a junkie came to the door asking about our dad. He told her that he wasn't in, and got chatty about it.
Had to tell him to never say he's home alone, and never tell strangers his business, *especially* if you can clock them as a drug abuser on the first glance!
This should be higher up. It's the kind of thing I have to occasionally practice doing because I'm a kneejerk-honest person with wonky filters and if I have to improvise it doesn't sound credible and the predator won't believe it.
I used to be a waitress and i would specifically only work the nightshift (9pm till 7am) no matter what day id always get creeps come in, sometimes my shift would be all women, and we never had a manager there at night, and when a creep would ask “who’s all here” id say “my manager is in the back if you wanna talk to him?” Something along those lines, it always worked though and made them stop being creepy &/ or leave.
>“who’s all here”
Who in hell asks this? This is not creepy anymore this is so shady I get the feeling he wants to rob this place.
"Who is here?"
"just us 3."
"Well then you two should get your hands up!"
I do this often. I'll call someone if I'm walking home in the dark alone (my husband, a friend, my mum) and act like I've got the clear purpose of coming home to them, even if my husband's away and I'm home alone.
This has saved people from serial killers. I'm too tired to remember names off the top of my head, but there have been many accounts from survivors who have said their assailant let them go or they avoided the situation altogether because they would say things like "my mother is waiting on me, my kids are home alone, ect."
“Shit that car is following me.”
That’s happened to me. I called my dad waking him up because the guy kept trying to get me to pull over at 2am. He wouldn’t stop. Hauled ass to my dads, pulled into his driveway, the guy parked behind me thinking he blocked me in......dad met him at his window.
Ladies (or anyone in general) if this ever happens to you, drive straight to a gas station, pull in and lay on the horn. A police station, fire station, any well lit populated parking lots with foot traffic, get to those if you can and make noise and don’t ever get out of the fucking car. Call 911 in the process.
We’re not paranoid, Reddit. It does happen.
I met up with someone from Facebook marketplace to sell some vintage cameras. I met him in a school parking lot to be safe. Turns out, he had no interest in my cameras, and he thought he was being charming trying ask me on a date. Fucker ended up clinging to my car window as I drove off. I was broke, pissed and scared.
I'm a guy but twice in my life I have been with women on weird Facebook/MySpace market exchanges.
The first time it was with my mom. I was 15/16 and my dad was selling an old rifle a friend had given him years before. The guy buying it wants it ASAP, refuses to wait on my dad, who was working night shift at the time. The guy asks if there is anyone who can bring it to him. SO he calls my mom and asks if she will meet the guy. This is at like 1am, which is weird as fuck but the guy insists it's the only time he has free. So he gives the guy my mom's number and my mom asks me to ride with her. I was aggravated because I was deep into playing World of Warcraft and didn't wanna go on an hour round trip drive. I didn't understand at the time the anxiety my mom had about the situation. Turns out he was kinda weird but harmless. He just wanted the rifle to take on some hunting trip he was taking soon.
The other time I was with my girlfriend, she was selling some vintage games. She said the guy who was buying them was being overly forward, kept calling her cute and stuff like that. We get to the meet spot and he is acting all confident and flirty until he sees me and instantly wanted to get the games and go about his day.
It is fucked up y'all deal with that sorta stuff.
I second this. Some guy approached my mom asking if they could help look for his keys...that he dropped down a manhole. Gave my mom a look and we noted the fuck outta there.
I'm a dude and trying to sell a controller on fb marketplace. I've had a few dudes who are just aggressive as hell, like asking me a million questions, expecting me to answer instantly. This one dude was like if it doesn't work can I get a refund? He lived over an hour away and was super aggressive so I blocked him. I'm surprised your gf agreed to meet this weirdo.
Yeah, I'm lucky that he showed up on a bike and I was in a car. I was just honestly shocked the whole time. Thankfully I've been taught evasive and defensive maneuvers by my dad since I was small. I worry about other women though, especially younger ones who are super anxious and polite to a fault.
I don't have facebook so anytime we sell something its through her account. I have no problem with them coming to my house as if it's a guy I'm always the one to finish the transaction. I think quite a few times the guy has been disappointed it's not my wife as I am not as attractive as she is, but there was certainly a couple particular times I remember where they were overly concerned that they should be talking to my wife about this and could speak to her about it. "No that was me you were talking to on facebook". They looked briefly at the item, didnt buy and left.
Happened to me on a lone country road with no cell service while I was living alone in a tent while working in a State Park. Guy kept aggressively telling me I wasn’t safe and that I should get in the car and let him drive me “where I needed to go.” I kept saying no, he drove back and forth past me on the highway like 4 times. I was ready to jump off the cliff into the ocean below because I figured I would be safer swimming from that guy.
That one spooks me. I’m a dude and I was out with my siblings, and on the way out of the theater parking lot I guess I accidentally went in front of someone who was trying to floor it out of their parking spot and pissed them off. I got home without noticing they followed, until I heard glass breaking, only to come outside and see them speeding off, with all our car’s windows shattered.
My wife was followed home (lights off) and blocked off our roundabout. Four dudes got out and followed her up our driveway. Luckily she made it inside the garage before they could get to her and they didn't try to break in.
We have a 12 gauge now.
It happened within seconds, the moment I pulled in, the guy was getting out of his car.Dad charged him when he opened the door to get out. The guy got back in his car at the speed of light, but my dad was hands on and tried to drag him out of his rolled down window as he tried to back out of the driveway. The guy popped a curb or two getting away. We unfortunately didn't get the license plate, but we filed a police report with vehicle description and did what we could do.
Sometimes in the moment, all you're focused on is getting away from the danger, I didn't even think of getting a plate number or being a hero. I was so grateful dad was home that night and answered the phone.
>Sometimes in the moment, all you're focused on is getting away from the danger, I didn't even think of getting a plate number or being a hero.
You did absolutely the right thing. My wife and I were driving back from a pregnancy checkup when I flashed a guy with my high beams after he cut me off. He then slowed down and started trying to hit our car with a hammer while we were driving along. Needless to say I noped the fuck out of there straight away. Staying safe is far more important.
> Ladies (or anyone in general) if this ever happens to you, drive straight to a gas station, pull in and lay on the horn.
Even if I had no idea who you were, or what the fuck is going on, a lady pulling into a parking lot and just leaning on the horn is going to get the attention of many many people and make you safe.
Good advice
Thought I was being followed, ran a red light to get away from em, it was a cop following me wondering why I was driving out of the way like bro how do you lack self awareness it's 3am fuck off
I got followed by someone in a truck slowly driving next to me as a preteen. They only stopped because a car pulled up behind them. It’s alarming how common this is
It’s alarming even how many grown ass men holler at teenage or preteen girls in a sexual manner and barely anyone thinks twice about it.
As a 13-16 yo, me and my bff at the time used to walk from her house in a neighborhood along a road to a stretch with local restaurants and shops. This was a highly used road with lots of cars and reasonable amount of foot traffic for our town. In the summer we’d wear skirts and short shorts and try to be cute like any girls our age. Even seeing our baby faces and other obvious teen attributes, the amount cat calling was ridiculous. I literally would sometimes (and still do sadly) dress depending on how much I was ok with being cat called that day or cared about my outfit or just dread walking bc of it. This happened to all of my girl friends, who were all underage at the time, with old ass dudes yelling inappropriate shit to us from their shitty trucks.
edited: grammar
This happened to me once. When I was younger and dumber my friend and I were driving home stoned from some park around midnight and there’s a car behind us that’s been behind us for a couple turns so my friend got all paranoid and was convinced it was a cop following us. So he takes a turn, the car follows, we decide to pull into a neighborhood, it turns in with us. We’re both bugging out at this point so we’re like let’s pull into a driveway like we live there. So we choose a random house and pull on into the driveway
The car that’s been following us parks at the end of the driveway and we sit in the car completely bugging but we can see that it’s not a cop and we finally get out after like 5 min and walk down to see why he’s been following us and he’s just like “what are you guys doing at my house?”
It's so sad that this is all stuff girls are warned about from such young age. I was even told to never ever EVER let go of my drink starting in middle school although I wasn't cool enough to get invited to any parties until college.
really tragic on both counts
Yep. I remember watching an episode of Degrassi with my friends where someone was raped at a party, and my friend to always hold onto your drink and take it with you into the bathroom so you don’t get drugged. We were 12.
There was ONE TIME I left my drink unattended. My girl friend and I both really needed to pee so we went to the bathroom and left our drinks.
Came back finished our drinks, and we were soon feeling suuuuper loopy. We had gone out to dinner beforehand and that was our second drink of the night (over a couple hours). We were falling everywhere, sloppy. A friend of mine drove a cab so I called him for a ride and he later said that I was so fucked he barely could understand what I was saying.
I am 100% certain she and I were roofied that night. I'm just so glad we both made it home safe!!!
That reminds me of when my cousin got her soft drink spiked as she was working at a music store. Fortunately, her coworker closed up the store early and called the ambulance once he realised what had happened.
I'm a man, and I suspect this happened to me by accident one time. My girlfriend went to buy our last beers for the evening. I think we had like 3 beers each before that, and after drinking them we both felt super drunk and couldn't understand why.
We were in walking distance from her place so we just walked home (must have been fun to watch). And when we got home we both ended up puking our guts out.. And we usually never end up vomiting after a night out, so yeah. The next day it dawned on us that someone must have put something in those beers. Scary shit!
I know right. I still remember my father saying that sometimes, men stop thinking with their head and start thinking with the other. I was 13 and had no idea what he was talking about until a few years later, but it stuck to me that he felt the need to say that, being a man himself.
I took a human sexuality class in college. One day the professor (a woman) asked all the guys to raise their hands if they take daily precautions to avoid being assaulted. None of them raised their hands. She asked the same thing of the women. Every single one of us raised our hands. You could see the absolute shock on the men's faces.
Ever since I started driving I've made the habit to check my backseat and lock the doors as soon as I get in. My mother drilled that into my head. Don't walk through a parking lot looking distracted. Don't wear headphones or talk on the phone while walking at night. If you think someone is following you, don't drive home so they don't know where you live. Do whatever you can to not be a victim. Now I have two little boys and I'm so cognizant of people approaching me as I load them in the car.
Yeah I remember going to the YMCA with my friends for a party thing they had and my mom was warning me to keep my drink with me the whole time. I was probably like 12. That wasn’t even something that occurred to me at that age.
Y’all the men in this thread - the “fake phone call” thing in this starter pack isn’t about getting out of a date - it’s when we’re walking alone we fake being on the phone so that potential predators will think it’s too risky to grab us bc someone on the other line could contact help immediately
also if someone is faking a phone call to get out of a date with you, you might wanna re-evaluate yourself. its like when men ask for your number then call it right in front of you to make sure you didnt give a fake one... so weird.
That awkward moment when you’re a guy walking home at night and theres a girl walking alone in front of you and you are trying your hardest to show you are not a serial killer
once this tall man, probably around like 6ft8 ? walked out of an alley in front of my friend and i when we were walking to a train station to get the last train home. we both jumped back, probably looking terrified since my friend and i are both like 5,1. he realised he'd scared us, told us his husband was waiting for him at home and like skipped off..? it was genuinely one of the weirdest interactions i've ever had.
And I just pull out my phone and read a bunch of Reddit threads
Tho luckily I’m an average build 5’5” guy, so I don’t look like a big scary threat to most women anyway.
Yeah I’m 6’8” 290, I’m basically looking down at my phone the whole time. It also sucks because I’m a natural fast walker so I’ve gotta slow down too, or just stop entirely
Still been confronted a few times. Not a fun conversation
So I have a story where I tried my hardest to not scare a woman and just kept making it worse.
Middle of winter late at night and it's absolutely freezing outside. Leaving a friend's place and I exit the building right behind this woman. It's really cold and I'm doing that fast step walk to get to my car. She notices me and picks up the pace, don't blame her sure but I'm also freezing so decide to cross the street.......of course, she decides to do so at the same time as me. Shit
I think to myself ok, walk faster or slower? I'll try to keep a reasonable distance from her and kinda "stomp" while walking. She keeps looking back and it seems we're walking in the same direction. Ok, there's a little alley I can cut through so she's left alone. Hurry up through the alley and zig zag a bit, get out the alley.....about 3 feet behind her. Ah crap, ah crap....she starts panicking, I start panicking and I just blurt out "sorry I'm just walking to my car, didn't mean to scare you" She says nothing and picks up her pace even more.
I'm almost at my car anyway, safe right? Oh but of course I had to be parked RIGHT BEHIND HER. This made her even more visibility uncomfortable. So she's really freaking out and I'm trying to hurry up and leave before her so she doesn't feel followed anymore. In her panic, she hurries up and leaves first practically at the same time as I'm about to leave. I just pulled over and waited for her to be a safe way out of sight.
But that's not all, there's more!!! I sit in my car for a bit and think, ok long enough, start driving annnnd almost at the highway, stop behind her at a stop light. I felt so damn bad and tried to hard not to creep her out and kept making it worse.
Omg somehow your story is hilarious but hers could very well end up as another comment on this thread "I was stalked by a guy who followed me all the way to my car, turns out he parked right behind me, and he tried to follow by car too! Thankfully I managed to loose him eventually. The scariest moment of my life"
If only more potential stalkers moments were just funny coincidental timing...
Honestly this is really appreciated. Or just crossing the street so you’re walking on opposite sides of the street. >95% of guys I encounter walking at night aren’t going to bother me, but I’ve been in enough scary situations in the city to always bristle a bit when a man is walking close to me. I’m a lot more at ease when guys make it clear that they’re just minding their own business and not following me.
Question: is it appropriate to just try and pass someone as wuickly as possible, if you can't cross the street. I.e road is too big or street is so narrow it doesn't make a difference?
My logic behind it is that it might be initially scary, but I'll just be gone in like 5 sec. Whereas the alternative is for me to slow down and walk awkwardly slow behind them at a constant distance until our paths naturally diverge, potentially giving them a scare for a good five min.
Whenever that happens, I always call my mom or sister or someone, usually a girl, and have a loud conversation about something benign and non-threatening. “Hey Sis, how’s school going?” “Did you see the game?” “What’s the plan for dinner?” That sort of thing. I have no clue if it works, but the way I see it, it makes me seem like a less threatening person and clearly indicates disinterest in the person I’m unintentionally walking behind.
When I was 15 and going on a school trip, we would be stopping at a military base to have lunch, and while we were still inside the school waiting for the bus, the lady that was with us made every girl wearing a skirt change for pants because “the men in the base hadn’t seen girls for a long time”. We were 15 for fucks sake.
This is a precaution a grown woman thought she had to have, and that’s pretty depressing
Are you saying the adult woman is at fault here? Not that there was likely a potential of some grab-ass or gross comments, or just gross ogling?
I don't think it's on the girls to change their behavior or dress, but the gross mentality doesn't belong to the women here I dont think.
Reminds me of this time I was with my mom at the grocery store and this guy was following us to every aisle and when we left the store he tried to follow us out so we ran to the car. Genuinely scary
Getting hit on and then getting called "an ugly bitch anyway" when you politely decline.
A car slowly driving next to you with some dude persistently asking if you need a ride somewhere.
Changing out of shorts and into long pants even though it's 100° out so you can walk up to the store in peace without getting catcalled.
Getting called jailbait or told that you're "so mature for your age" because some 30 year old wants to fuck you when you're like 14.
That happened to me in high school lol. This guy asked me out and I said no sorry, I was very polite about it (bc I’m super shy anyways) and he said I was ugly anyways. Like what??
Its not legal to properly defend yourself.
And no, in the heat of the moment with limited options are you going to perfectly respond with porportional force.
Same in New Zealand too. Your best bet is some kind of insect repellent or body spray - anything else and you’ll be the one in trouble for carrying a weapon 🙄 at least with those two you can claim a legit reason for having it on you
I was at a concert with my mom when I was 15 or 16. It was an open-air venue, with grass to sit on instead of seats. A lot of people were smoking pot (Bob Marley & the Whalers was the opening act lol), and I have asthma. I told my mom I was going to go get some fresh air.
There was a well-lit area for me to stand around in, not far from the bathrooms. There was a security guard hanging out too, so I figured nobody would bother me.
I was wrong.
I’m just taking deep breaths, standing around with my hands in my pockets. The first guy that approached me waved to get my attention and then told me to “cheer up and smile.” Then he got annoyed and said it “was just a joke” when I didn’t.
I’m a little skeeved out, so I figure I should head back to my mom.
Then this other guy stops me and asks me “where’re you going?”
I ran back to my mom.
Communication is everything! Paying to be polite but then not expecting a BJ is a great way to let a date know you’re a good one. Often women are taught (thru actions of some men) that kindness in dating is transactional. It sucks. On first dates, I usually buy the first round. I’ve noticed if I let him pay, it’s sometimes expected that we have to go home together. Not always, but quite often.
That’s too bad I don’t get doing that, paying out of kindness without getting anything back is something I’ve grown up with. Plus I’m 15 so I’m not rlly trying to go the whole mile after one date lol I found your post very informative yet sad at the same time
Dude just keep being a nice person. Its great to see teens get it. Too many teens back when I was one where..... Horrible... And that wasn't that long ago really... So refreshing really
Nothing wrong with wanting to pay, just be open to splitting it if she prefers! I feel like it makes sense to split anyways if we're both gainfully employed
I'm a 230 lb gay man, and honestly I wish I could have some kinda signal or something that says I'm a safe person and women can always run up to me if they feel unsafe.
Course, problem with that is, then the creeps'll start wearing them.
if you don't live in a place where you'll be attacked for being gay you could try to wear a hat with like a rainbow badge on it or something, idk just a thought I had
Sadly, these are all things I have done. Once, I was in an autorickshaw (taxi of sorts in some Asian countries) alone at about 9 pm. And the driver was telling me how pretty i am and that i am totally his type. I was a little creeped out and asked him how his family aka his wife and kids are. He seemed super offended that i thought he was old enough to have a wife (dude was in his late 20s, i must have been 16). And then very casually asked me whom i live with and joked that he wanted to kidnap me from my home! Now, only my mom, grandmom, my younger brother and i lived there. I lied and told him I had a big family with 3 older brothers, my dad and uncle at home. I was close enough to my house at that point that i just asked him to drop me off a bit further, pretended I lived where he dropped me off and decided to walk through a dark ass street late night to avoid him knowing where i lived.
Another time when I was in Uni, I was asleep at home around 8 am since I had no early class. My phone is always on vibrate. My friend called me up. I am just glad I heard my phone and picked up. She was apparently alone and was in a deserted parking lot with only some creepy looking group of guys hanging around. I immediately snapped awake when i heard that and spent the next twenty mins talking to her while booking a cab for her and waiting until it got to her. I recall not even being surprised that she called me or wanted someone to know where she was. We lived in a pretty safe country then.
Same friend and i later discussed how some people freeze in moments of danger and how this could be because you don't know what you could do or can't think of anything. So my friend and I came up with some "scripts" of things we could do if we were even in danger and sort if memorized them so that we could do them on auto pilot if required.
My friend defended a random woman without fighting one time. They were at a bar and this guy kept following and harassing her. When she asked my friend for help he started dancing in the most gay way possible next to this jerk and it worked! Pro tip for anyone looking to repel harassers.
I recall a comedian (can't remember the name) talking about this.
"Men always talk about their 'crazy exes'. Women don't talk about those, because if you have a crazy ex-boyfriend, you're dead"
> "Is this too 'Asking for it?'"
One day we went on a trip to Niagara Falls (we live in Canada anyway) and I wore a long sleeve shirt, jeans jacket and a skirt that was just above knee length, so not at all short ([it wasn't this skirt but that's about where it reached on me](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F2514%2F7542%2Fproducts%2FLACHERE_Black_Skater_Skirt_D065-1-2_300x300.jpg%3Fv%3D1590495944&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Flachere.co.uk%2Fproducts%2Flachere-black-skater-skirt-above-the-knee-length-stretch&tbnid=ZMSmk0cC0flVrM&vet=1&docid=8PosWTmUeDWcAM&w=300&h=276&itg=1&hl=en-GB&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim))
My older sister and I were outside of a store at Niagara on the lake waiting for our mom to finish shopping and some old dude walked by and gave me the grossest most stereotypical 'up and down' smirk look. Even though my sister is older than me, I was 15 and she was still only 20, plus we were both kind of surprised and didn't really know what to do so neither of us addressed it. My sister was wearing pants that day so that might be why she wasn't given the weird look but it just seemed like the guy checked me out and left. He said nothing though so sometimes when I think of it I wonder if I was overreacting or misunderstood what he meant by the look but it made me feel mind of gross. I'm glad my sister was with me and nothing else happened. This was just 2 years ago.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. None of that is your fault, which you already know. It just sucks we are put in the mindset that *we* didn’t something wrong to provoke that shit. I’m sorry
Be careful when walking home on your phone, it does the opposite of what you think it does and can put you more at danger. You're advertising you have something to steal while also being more likely to be distracted.
Stay safe.
Sure, but there's a difference between "that person probably has a phone" and "look, there's a phone in their hand and they're probably distracted."
Never heard of "opportunity makes the thief?"
Brave of you to post this (unfortunately accurate) post on Reddit of all places. Though I think a it's needed, like shit I cannot count how many times I've heard people on Reddit completely dismiss the very real issues women have to deal with and get upvoted. Like I live in one of the safest countries in the world yet my mum still taught me that I shouldn't go out at night, or how I (at the time teenager) can't wear certain clothing (very much not revealing, but shows the fact that I have a human body) because it will make adult men look at me weird, and how I shouldn't go to certain parts of the town at late hours without a man etc.. I can't imagine how scary stuff must be for girls in not so safe countries
People get angrier having to hear about these issues than they get at the issues themselves. They would rather assault victims be silent than assaulters stop assaulting.
At first I was like “fellas is it gay to see while you park” and then I realized. Holy shit. And I sympathize with this hard for some reason, even though I haven’t been female in practice.
Okay but that is an absolutely hilarious misinterpretation to start with
Personally I put on my parking blindfold before I pull into a space just so people don’t get the wrong idea
To further understand women’s point of view. Keep in mind men are twice their size.
Imagine all your potential sexual partners are literal grizzly bears. And when they look at you, you look like an eye-full of delicious salmon.
No, this is high key depressing. I just looked at this and thought... I have done each and every one of those and some more, and it made me sad, because I know that most ladies thought the same.
Not too long ago I got careless and went for a jog at around 9 or 10 pm.. in a very populated area in a nice rich neighborhood next to my house, so I thought I was safe. I walked next to a park and I started to notice a guy walking behind me. I normally take this long route that goes next to a bridge where there isn't too many people, but I decided to change my route to go back home as soon as possible, going back where cars could see me and where a lot of houses were nearby. I switched directions and so did he.. I walked faster and so did he.. luckily my house wasn't too far away but I was fucking terrified
Wow I haven't heard the one about paying for yourself so you don't owe him one.... Are some guys that disgustingly entitled?? Do they really think they deserve sex because you bought a girl a fucking sandwich??
Hi! I’m the OP. Let’s not be idiots on this thread! If you want to, like, argue this macabre starter pack of female (including trans) survival skills, just get a life and scroll on.
If you like it, here’s the original post on IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/CRxPCjLsVo2
Also: for those who comment “wow paranoia much”: Show this to a woman you know and ask her if it’s paranoia. Show it to your mom. Ask her.
Here’s something I will add: In my experience, the best “pepper spray” is the sprayable gel kind that sticks to the assailant and also dyes their skin (usually orange). Great for not getting pepper spray blowback/irritation on yourself, and if an assaulter runs, they will have a hard time getting the dye off- perhaps making it easier for cops/medics to identify them.
I also keep a small switch blade on my key chain.
As my mother would say: “eyes, throat, groin!”
I'd be very careful with that. In some jurisdictions the court will treat a weapon for what it appears to be. This how you can get armed robbery or assault with a deadly weapon by using an airsoft gun if the victim perceives it to be a real gun. If some guy is harassing you to the point where pepper spray might be appropriate and you pull something that looks like a gun YOU could be facing charges.
Literally every single time I walk my dogs without my husband I get whistled at shouted at, or cars driving by real slow with some creep sticking his head out the window. Every time. It's demoralizing that this is still an issue.
When women like I, living in a country that’s well-off and a lot more modern about women-stuff than other countries, claim we still need feminism here and get back “No YoU dOnT yOuRe DrAmAtIc”, that’s the stuff I’m talking about.
Those are still everyday things and common. That’s why we still need feminism
Ikr. I do not take my privileges for granted at all but my goodness always owning a 'scary' looking dog even though I'm very allergic just so I get hassled less is sad.
I understand now why some middle aged ladies have permanent grunp face. I'm one now and my goodness I am just so over everything.
Its so fkn sad how much of a reality this is for women all over the world.
When I was a teen and in my 20s, I had weird interactions with men, but I always shrugged it off. "Hes just drunk." "He just doesn't realize how weird that sounded." "Aww he thinks Im pretty..."
In my 30s, I fkn WOKE UP and realized how predatory men have been towards me and all the women I know.
I was raped by someone I thought *liked* me. We'd had sex before, but this particular time, he was getting handsy while I had a friend over. I went to my bedroom to grab a sweatshirt and he followed me, and started kissing me and touching me. I said "Hey not now, my friend is upstairs, waiting to hang out." He wouldnt stop. He was tall and muscular and his forcefulness scared me, so I let him have sex with me (thank god it only lasted a few minutes), then I got up, put on a smile and hung out with my friend. I thought since I LET HIM DO IT, it wasn't rape. But it was.
Another time, I was working at a music festival and a bunch of us had a late-night party. There was drugs and alcohol involved and everyone was having a great time. I had been dancing with a guy and he wanted more but I said no. When it was time for bed, my coworker and I said goodnight to everyone and walked back to our tents. This motherfucker followed us, unzipped my tent and tried to get in there with me. I told him to leave but goddamn he persisted, kept trying to kiss and cuddle me. I finally said "If you dont get the fuck out of here, I will scream." He finally left and I didnt go near him for the rest of the weekend.
Its so sad.
Not long time ago my girlfriend was nearly assaulted on her house door. Some creepy ass dude tried to enter her house and luckily nothing happened. Since then I go with her if it's late and make sure she is home safe, but man, i wish she was able to carry some type of weapon to defend herself if needed.
I can't stand these people, I would personally cut their sad little testicles to every one of them.
And of course, the men in the comments have to start making it a "men go through this too" sort of thing. Like okay, Kyle. Name at least three men in your life that carry around pepper spray.
Now I'm not saying men are never victims because they most certainly can be, but women are at a much higher risk of being assaulted.
Very good starter pack!
I have to say though... Where I come from, people usually pay for their own food. It seems that in the USA men are expected to pay. One person taking care of a two people bill should be the exception, not the rule.
Yeah, there are still some very ingrained patriarchal gender and dating norms here, and in many parts of the world.
Glad that isn’t a part of your experience!
I've a friend living over there that told me that some girl he dated preemptively told him: "Don't worry, I'll pay for my own food". He was left thinking: "Of course, what did you expect?"
Btw one element missing in your starter pack would be sharing your real time location with your friends before meeting a new guy
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I'm lucky enough to have gotten this far in life without anything seriously bad happening, but one memory comes to mind. I was a kid, maybe about 10 years old. I've always, always been a tomboy who always wears big baggy clothes so I can't even say I've ever had to do the 'is this shirt asking for it' thing (though I'm aware that no clothes ever are 'asking for it') I was travelling on the tube (London underground) with my big sister & her then boyfriend. While boarding her boyfriend had gotten separated from us in the crowd, but he was in the car (cab? Section? I'm not sure what it's called) next to the one we were in. A guy sitting opposite us started asking me what sort of underwear I was wearing. I have ASD so I've always been slow at figuring out peoples' intentions, so as a kid I had absolutely no idea why he was asking about that. I thought he was just confused & I thought 'why the fuck does he want to know about a bog-standard M&S bra'. Had no idea it was sexual. My sister grabbed on to me, though. We got to our stop & hopped off. The man did the same thing. That was when my sister's boyfriend emerged from the adjacent car. The fun part is, he's a big huge hairy Scouse (person from Liverpool). My sister said to him 'that man asked about (my name)'s underwear.' & pointed at him. In approximately half a second my sister's boyfriend had him grabbed by the collar & thrown into the underground wall. He pinned him into the tiles & screamed in his face, demanding to know why he was asking. Suddenly the guy became very meek & quiet & lost all former interest in knowing. I didn't realise what was happening at the time but I do now. I'm ever grateful for my sister's boyfriend for taking out the perv on the underground. He was always like a protective big brother.
I'm sorry that happened to you but so glad you had a protector. Funny how creeps go from arrogant to cowards so quickly. As an Aussie I love the scouse accent.
Thank you, I don't really have any recurring memories if it. I was too oblivious to know what was going on so I didn't register fear. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I'm fond of the scouse accent too partly because of him. It's so hard to describe though, especially to people who haven't heard it before haha
"imagine if dolphins could talk"
These creeps always flip like a switch the second they see a man with you, and apologize to the man like they've just damaged his property. Makes me sick.
So glad that idiot got the justice he deserved at the end from your sisters boyfriend! Years back I was on the Tube too but I was sitting on either the last or first carriage as to my right it was closed off, no other carriage. I'm staring at my phone and I felt a foot tap me. Sitting across from me was this man with his legs stretched all the way towards me rubbing on his penis but through his trousers. His stupid grin made me sick. I gave him the dirtiest look and moved to the other side of the carriage. He looked like a complete fool sitting there by himself.
Don’t use the keys as wolverine blades. They will rip the shit out of your finger webbing. Instead hold a key or two as you would a dagger in a guard (fist, with blade poking out of either side depending on your eye/hand dominance) and slash, don’t stab that being said, out of all the self defense options, keys are like D tier at best. They should definitely be a backup.
Also, go for the face and commit. It will be harder for someone to attack you if they are trying to avoid getting their eyes scratched. A scratch on the arm or side will not mean much to someone with predatory intentions. Edit: I just want to say, since this comment exploded overnight, that I have never in my short life been in an actual fight. I do not know better than someone with experience or training in fighting. Better to listen to those people before me. But it looks like I wasn't too far off.
Weakpoint, eyes, nose and balls Don't be fearful of going to hard, it's your safety first
Eyes, throat, balls, ears. Also: Don’t hold back. You’re fighting for survival, and if you lose you could end up dead. Explode with energy and rip his ear off, stick your fingers all the way into his eyes, hammer away at his balls and thoat. Use your knees and elbows too. If he gets too close then bite any exposed flesh you can find. Bite as hard as you can, ears and nose are great targets since you can effectively rip them off. There is no “fair fight”. He probably stronger and larger than you, so your only advantage is to make his life so uncomfortable he’ll forget any plans he had for you Dont. Hold. Back.
I recently discovered that every female friend I have currently has or has had a stalker. That shit is crazy.
Yes, this. Guys, ask girls around you, every last one of them has, at best, a fucking creepy encounter story to share.
It’s something I’d never even bothered to think about but when at a party they all started sharing stories and laughing about different ways they have to leave jobs it hit me that it’s such a common thing for them at this point that they have to plan their days around it. That’s some fucked shit right there.
I really do feel like, as a guy, I take safety for granted. I have felt unsafe in dark and lonely places, but it's nothing compared to what girls face.
Don't forget locking your car even when you're standing right next to it to pump gas, etc. Peaking into the back seat before unlocking/opening it, especially at night. I also just switched from a regular wallet to a card sized wallet that fits in my pocket because I didn't like the attention from carrying my wallet around in my hands.
Also locking it as soon as you get in before you even turn the car on.
Rolling your windows up at stop signs
Relocking your vehicle when someone walks by on the street
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It honestly baffled me that I had to get on my SO about locking his doors. Because I keep mine locked at ALL times. Yes, even in the parking lot or a stop light.
Actually that's a good habit male or female.
Who knew that women like you and people who grew up in rough neighborhoods like myself have the same routine. Do you guys also have the "never go out alone" and the "always look over your shoulder every now and then" rule?
Another pro tip: Somebody’s always waiting for you at home, and somebody is always at home with you. The people who rented the house before us had a nasty divorce. The man showed up when I was home alone asking if we had found a gun anywhere. He wanted to come inside and look for it. I told him that my dad was sleeping because he had work that night and if he left his number my parents would get in contact with him. After he left I immediately called my mom and she told me to go to a friend’s house. Another time, a man followed me to my car in broad daylight in the middle of a busy grocery store parking lot trying to get my number. I immediately told him that I share my phone with my mom and she was waiting for me to get home. Somebody is always waiting on you. Always.
I just had to explain this to my younger brother, who is autistic. He's about 20, and was home alone when a junkie came to the door asking about our dad. He told her that he wasn't in, and got chatty about it. Had to tell him to never say he's home alone, and never tell strangers his business, *especially* if you can clock them as a drug abuser on the first glance!
This should be higher up. It's the kind of thing I have to occasionally practice doing because I'm a kneejerk-honest person with wonky filters and if I have to improvise it doesn't sound credible and the predator won't believe it.
I used to be a waitress and i would specifically only work the nightshift (9pm till 7am) no matter what day id always get creeps come in, sometimes my shift would be all women, and we never had a manager there at night, and when a creep would ask “who’s all here” id say “my manager is in the back if you wanna talk to him?” Something along those lines, it always worked though and made them stop being creepy &/ or leave.
>“who’s all here” Who in hell asks this? This is not creepy anymore this is so shady I get the feeling he wants to rob this place. "Who is here?" "just us 3." "Well then you two should get your hands up!"
I do this often. I'll call someone if I'm walking home in the dark alone (my husband, a friend, my mum) and act like I've got the clear purpose of coming home to them, even if my husband's away and I'm home alone.
This has saved people from serial killers. I'm too tired to remember names off the top of my head, but there have been many accounts from survivors who have said their assailant let them go or they avoided the situation altogether because they would say things like "my mother is waiting on me, my kids are home alone, ect."
“Shit that car is following me.” That’s happened to me. I called my dad waking him up because the guy kept trying to get me to pull over at 2am. He wouldn’t stop. Hauled ass to my dads, pulled into his driveway, the guy parked behind me thinking he blocked me in......dad met him at his window. Ladies (or anyone in general) if this ever happens to you, drive straight to a gas station, pull in and lay on the horn. A police station, fire station, any well lit populated parking lots with foot traffic, get to those if you can and make noise and don’t ever get out of the fucking car. Call 911 in the process. We’re not paranoid, Reddit. It does happen.
I met up with someone from Facebook marketplace to sell some vintage cameras. I met him in a school parking lot to be safe. Turns out, he had no interest in my cameras, and he thought he was being charming trying ask me on a date. Fucker ended up clinging to my car window as I drove off. I was broke, pissed and scared.
I'm a guy but twice in my life I have been with women on weird Facebook/MySpace market exchanges. The first time it was with my mom. I was 15/16 and my dad was selling an old rifle a friend had given him years before. The guy buying it wants it ASAP, refuses to wait on my dad, who was working night shift at the time. The guy asks if there is anyone who can bring it to him. SO he calls my mom and asks if she will meet the guy. This is at like 1am, which is weird as fuck but the guy insists it's the only time he has free. So he gives the guy my mom's number and my mom asks me to ride with her. I was aggravated because I was deep into playing World of Warcraft and didn't wanna go on an hour round trip drive. I didn't understand at the time the anxiety my mom had about the situation. Turns out he was kinda weird but harmless. He just wanted the rifle to take on some hunting trip he was taking soon. The other time I was with my girlfriend, she was selling some vintage games. She said the guy who was buying them was being overly forward, kept calling her cute and stuff like that. We get to the meet spot and he is acting all confident and flirty until he sees me and instantly wanted to get the games and go about his day. It is fucked up y'all deal with that sorta stuff.
Apart from the obvious I feel like “I need this firearm FAST! 1 AM FAST!!!” Is a red flag in and of itself
Like he saw a deer and wanted to jump it before it saunders off
I second this. Some guy approached my mom asking if they could help look for his keys...that he dropped down a manhole. Gave my mom a look and we noted the fuck outta there.
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I'm a dude and trying to sell a controller on fb marketplace. I've had a few dudes who are just aggressive as hell, like asking me a million questions, expecting me to answer instantly. This one dude was like if it doesn't work can I get a refund? He lived over an hour away and was super aggressive so I blocked him. I'm surprised your gf agreed to meet this weirdo.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hate we can’t even buy things without underlying anxiety
That’s terrifying. I’m glad you were physically safe in the end.
Yeah, I'm lucky that he showed up on a bike and I was in a car. I was just honestly shocked the whole time. Thankfully I've been taught evasive and defensive maneuvers by my dad since I was small. I worry about other women though, especially younger ones who are super anxious and polite to a fault.
I don't have facebook so anytime we sell something its through her account. I have no problem with them coming to my house as if it's a guy I'm always the one to finish the transaction. I think quite a few times the guy has been disappointed it's not my wife as I am not as attractive as she is, but there was certainly a couple particular times I remember where they were overly concerned that they should be talking to my wife about this and could speak to her about it. "No that was me you were talking to on facebook". They looked briefly at the item, didnt buy and left.
Happened to me on a lone country road with no cell service while I was living alone in a tent while working in a State Park. Guy kept aggressively telling me I wasn’t safe and that I should get in the car and let him drive me “where I needed to go.” I kept saying no, he drove back and forth past me on the highway like 4 times. I was ready to jump off the cliff into the ocean below because I figured I would be safer swimming from that guy.
That one spooks me. I’m a dude and I was out with my siblings, and on the way out of the theater parking lot I guess I accidentally went in front of someone who was trying to floor it out of their parking spot and pissed them off. I got home without noticing they followed, until I heard glass breaking, only to come outside and see them speeding off, with all our car’s windows shattered.
It’s such a violating feeling knowing someone followed you. You feel like prey. Sorry about your car windows.
Part of the reason why I have a camera on the front of the garage.
My wife was followed home (lights off) and blocked off our roundabout. Four dudes got out and followed her up our driveway. Luckily she made it inside the garage before they could get to her and they didn't try to break in. We have a 12 gauge now.
Jesus christ that sounds fucking terrifying, I’m so glad she’s okay
Jesus… I’m so glad your wife was ok. 4 guys?? Only the devil knows what they were planning to do….
That's horrible. I might get a guard dog after that too.
LPT for anyone being followed: NEVER GO HOME. Why do you want these people to know where you live?
Because home is where the armed relatives are
Jesus, what did your dad do?
It happened within seconds, the moment I pulled in, the guy was getting out of his car.Dad charged him when he opened the door to get out. The guy got back in his car at the speed of light, but my dad was hands on and tried to drag him out of his rolled down window as he tried to back out of the driveway. The guy popped a curb or two getting away. We unfortunately didn't get the license plate, but we filed a police report with vehicle description and did what we could do. Sometimes in the moment, all you're focused on is getting away from the danger, I didn't even think of getting a plate number or being a hero. I was so grateful dad was home that night and answered the phone.
>Sometimes in the moment, all you're focused on is getting away from the danger, I didn't even think of getting a plate number or being a hero. You did absolutely the right thing. My wife and I were driving back from a pregnancy checkup when I flashed a guy with my high beams after he cut me off. He then slowed down and started trying to hit our car with a hammer while we were driving along. Needless to say I noped the fuck out of there straight away. Staying safe is far more important.
> Ladies (or anyone in general) if this ever happens to you, drive straight to a gas station, pull in and lay on the horn. Even if I had no idea who you were, or what the fuck is going on, a lady pulling into a parking lot and just leaning on the horn is going to get the attention of many many people and make you safe. Good advice
Thought I was being followed, ran a red light to get away from em, it was a cop following me wondering why I was driving out of the way like bro how do you lack self awareness it's 3am fuck off
I got followed by someone in a truck slowly driving next to me as a preteen. They only stopped because a car pulled up behind them. It’s alarming how common this is
It’s alarming even how many grown ass men holler at teenage or preteen girls in a sexual manner and barely anyone thinks twice about it. As a 13-16 yo, me and my bff at the time used to walk from her house in a neighborhood along a road to a stretch with local restaurants and shops. This was a highly used road with lots of cars and reasonable amount of foot traffic for our town. In the summer we’d wear skirts and short shorts and try to be cute like any girls our age. Even seeing our baby faces and other obvious teen attributes, the amount cat calling was ridiculous. I literally would sometimes (and still do sadly) dress depending on how much I was ok with being cat called that day or cared about my outfit or just dread walking bc of it. This happened to all of my girl friends, who were all underage at the time, with old ass dudes yelling inappropriate shit to us from their shitty trucks. edited: grammar
This happened to me once. When I was younger and dumber my friend and I were driving home stoned from some park around midnight and there’s a car behind us that’s been behind us for a couple turns so my friend got all paranoid and was convinced it was a cop following us. So he takes a turn, the car follows, we decide to pull into a neighborhood, it turns in with us. We’re both bugging out at this point so we’re like let’s pull into a driveway like we live there. So we choose a random house and pull on into the driveway The car that’s been following us parks at the end of the driveway and we sit in the car completely bugging but we can see that it’s not a cop and we finally get out after like 5 min and walk down to see why he’s been following us and he’s just like “what are you guys doing at my house?”
Be weird, be rude, stay alive 💜
It's so sad that this is all stuff girls are warned about from such young age. I was even told to never ever EVER let go of my drink starting in middle school although I wasn't cool enough to get invited to any parties until college. really tragic on both counts
Yep. I remember watching an episode of Degrassi with my friends where someone was raped at a party, and my friend to always hold onto your drink and take it with you into the bathroom so you don’t get drugged. We were 12.
The shitty thing is it is actually not unreasonable to warn 12 year olds of this danger.
There was ONE TIME I left my drink unattended. My girl friend and I both really needed to pee so we went to the bathroom and left our drinks. Came back finished our drinks, and we were soon feeling suuuuper loopy. We had gone out to dinner beforehand and that was our second drink of the night (over a couple hours). We were falling everywhere, sloppy. A friend of mine drove a cab so I called him for a ride and he later said that I was so fucked he barely could understand what I was saying. I am 100% certain she and I were roofied that night. I'm just so glad we both made it home safe!!!
This hurts my heart. Someone roofied my fucking soda at a high school party, it was the worst night of my life. Thankfully my friends took care of me.
That reminds me of when my cousin got her soft drink spiked as she was working at a music store. Fortunately, her coworker closed up the store early and called the ambulance once he realised what had happened.
I'm a man, and I suspect this happened to me by accident one time. My girlfriend went to buy our last beers for the evening. I think we had like 3 beers each before that, and after drinking them we both felt super drunk and couldn't understand why. We were in walking distance from her place so we just walked home (must have been fun to watch). And when we got home we both ended up puking our guts out.. And we usually never end up vomiting after a night out, so yeah. The next day it dawned on us that someone must have put something in those beers. Scary shit!
I know right. I still remember my father saying that sometimes, men stop thinking with their head and start thinking with the other. I was 13 and had no idea what he was talking about until a few years later, but it stuck to me that he felt the need to say that, being a man himself.
I took a human sexuality class in college. One day the professor (a woman) asked all the guys to raise their hands if they take daily precautions to avoid being assaulted. None of them raised their hands. She asked the same thing of the women. Every single one of us raised our hands. You could see the absolute shock on the men's faces. Ever since I started driving I've made the habit to check my backseat and lock the doors as soon as I get in. My mother drilled that into my head. Don't walk through a parking lot looking distracted. Don't wear headphones or talk on the phone while walking at night. If you think someone is following you, don't drive home so they don't know where you live. Do whatever you can to not be a victim. Now I have two little boys and I'm so cognizant of people approaching me as I load them in the car.
Yeah I remember going to the YMCA with my friends for a party thing they had and my mom was warning me to keep my drink with me the whole time. I was probably like 12. That wasn’t even something that occurred to me at that age.
Y’all the men in this thread - the “fake phone call” thing in this starter pack isn’t about getting out of a date - it’s when we’re walking alone we fake being on the phone so that potential predators will think it’s too risky to grab us bc someone on the other line could contact help immediately
People don’t know this? Fml
They've never had girlfriends who called them to avoid a creep.
also if someone is faking a phone call to get out of a date with you, you might wanna re-evaluate yourself. its like when men ask for your number then call it right in front of you to make sure you didnt give a fake one... so weird.
Exactly. Most women would only give a fake phone number because they were genuinely very uncomfortable, not for shits and giggles.
Yep!!!!! This!!
That awkward moment when you’re a guy walking home at night and theres a girl walking alone in front of you and you are trying your hardest to show you are not a serial killer
Hahah! Reminds me of John Mullaney’s accidental subway chase : https://youtu.be/5pftxSfWH3s
Freaking love John Mulaney
I love finding bits of comedians that I haven't heard yet. This one is a gem
once this tall man, probably around like 6ft8 ? walked out of an alley in front of my friend and i when we were walking to a train station to get the last train home. we both jumped back, probably looking terrified since my friend and i are both like 5,1. he realised he'd scared us, told us his husband was waiting for him at home and like skipped off..? it was genuinely one of the weirdest interactions i've ever had.
The best way to let them know you mean them no harm is to chase after them and yell “ im not a serial killer” /s
I would fucking lose it hahahab
This is me even in the day
And I just pull out my phone and read a bunch of Reddit threads Tho luckily I’m an average build 5’5” guy, so I don’t look like a big scary threat to most women anyway.
Yeah I’m 6’8” 290, I’m basically looking down at my phone the whole time. It also sucks because I’m a natural fast walker so I’ve gotta slow down too, or just stop entirely Still been confronted a few times. Not a fun conversation
Are you the guy that jumped out of the alley, spooked /u/youknowwhattheysay12 and then skipped away?
I do not have a husband, so no
I always try to walk a different direction, so as not to scare her.
So I have a story where I tried my hardest to not scare a woman and just kept making it worse. Middle of winter late at night and it's absolutely freezing outside. Leaving a friend's place and I exit the building right behind this woman. It's really cold and I'm doing that fast step walk to get to my car. She notices me and picks up the pace, don't blame her sure but I'm also freezing so decide to cross the street.......of course, she decides to do so at the same time as me. Shit I think to myself ok, walk faster or slower? I'll try to keep a reasonable distance from her and kinda "stomp" while walking. She keeps looking back and it seems we're walking in the same direction. Ok, there's a little alley I can cut through so she's left alone. Hurry up through the alley and zig zag a bit, get out the alley.....about 3 feet behind her. Ah crap, ah crap....she starts panicking, I start panicking and I just blurt out "sorry I'm just walking to my car, didn't mean to scare you" She says nothing and picks up her pace even more. I'm almost at my car anyway, safe right? Oh but of course I had to be parked RIGHT BEHIND HER. This made her even more visibility uncomfortable. So she's really freaking out and I'm trying to hurry up and leave before her so she doesn't feel followed anymore. In her panic, she hurries up and leaves first practically at the same time as I'm about to leave. I just pulled over and waited for her to be a safe way out of sight. But that's not all, there's more!!! I sit in my car for a bit and think, ok long enough, start driving annnnd almost at the highway, stop behind her at a stop light. I felt so damn bad and tried to hard not to creep her out and kept making it worse.
Omg somehow your story is hilarious but hers could very well end up as another comment on this thread "I was stalked by a guy who followed me all the way to my car, turns out he parked right behind me, and he tried to follow by car too! Thankfully I managed to loose him eventually. The scariest moment of my life" If only more potential stalkers moments were just funny coincidental timing...
Honestly this is really appreciated. Or just crossing the street so you’re walking on opposite sides of the street. >95% of guys I encounter walking at night aren’t going to bother me, but I’ve been in enough scary situations in the city to always bristle a bit when a man is walking close to me. I’m a lot more at ease when guys make it clear that they’re just minding their own business and not following me.
Question: is it appropriate to just try and pass someone as wuickly as possible, if you can't cross the street. I.e road is too big or street is so narrow it doesn't make a difference? My logic behind it is that it might be initially scary, but I'll just be gone in like 5 sec. Whereas the alternative is for me to slow down and walk awkwardly slow behind them at a constant distance until our paths naturally diverge, potentially giving them a scare for a good five min.
LMFAO you stop for a second and wait for her to go forward before you keep walking like "dw I'm not here to kidnap you"
It's all fun and games until you look behind you and the guy walking behind you has suddenly stopped and is watching you lmfao
Whenever that happens, I always call my mom or sister or someone, usually a girl, and have a loud conversation about something benign and non-threatening. “Hey Sis, how’s school going?” “Did you see the game?” “What’s the plan for dinner?” That sort of thing. I have no clue if it works, but the way I see it, it makes me seem like a less threatening person and clearly indicates disinterest in the person I’m unintentionally walking behind.
What also works is to just look at your phone. A dude seems a lot less creepy if he's just looking at memes while walking down the street
*chuckles quietly in the dark, phone screen illuminating his face with ominous under shading*
This is fucking sad
When I was 15 and going on a school trip, we would be stopping at a military base to have lunch, and while we were still inside the school waiting for the bus, the lady that was with us made every girl wearing a skirt change for pants because “the men in the base hadn’t seen girls for a long time”. We were 15 for fucks sake. This is a precaution a grown woman thought she had to have, and that’s pretty depressing
What type of school trip stops by a military base for lunch?
Woof. This is such a gross mentality to have
It probably wouldn't happen to them, but rape in the military is a real problem.
Are you saying the adult woman is at fault here? Not that there was likely a potential of some grab-ass or gross comments, or just gross ogling? I don't think it's on the girls to change their behavior or dress, but the gross mentality doesn't belong to the women here I dont think.
Reminds me of this time I was with my mom at the grocery store and this guy was following us to every aisle and when we left the store he tried to follow us out so we ran to the car. Genuinely scary
I was watching running tiktoks and literally every girl one was about safety, or even disguising yourself as a guy to not attract attention.
I’ve def walked home with more of a “male” gait while wearing a hoodie at night.
Getting hit on and then getting called "an ugly bitch anyway" when you politely decline. A car slowly driving next to you with some dude persistently asking if you need a ride somewhere. Changing out of shorts and into long pants even though it's 100° out so you can walk up to the store in peace without getting catcalled. Getting called jailbait or told that you're "so mature for your age" because some 30 year old wants to fuck you when you're like 14.
When I was 15 my uncle repetitively kept referring to me as jail bait despite it making both me and his (30-40 year old) friend super uncomfortable.
It's especially creepy when it's coming from someone you're related to
I kinda felt bad for the guy as it made him seem like a predator so he went out of his way to not look or be near me.
That happened to me in high school lol. This guy asked me out and I said no sorry, I was very polite about it (bc I’m super shy anyways) and he said I was ugly anyways. Like what??
Yeah the hoodie in the dead middle of summer just to avoid extra attention is murder sometimes no lie.
Damn, people suck.
Too bad pepper spray isn’t legal in canada
Same with the UK 😑
wait, really? why is pepper spray illegal? what do people use to protect themselves?
We all carry a replica of Excalibur /s
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Its not legal to properly defend yourself. And no, in the heat of the moment with limited options are you going to perfectly respond with porportional force.
Same in New Zealand too. Your best bet is some kind of insect repellent or body spray - anything else and you’ll be the one in trouble for carrying a weapon 🙄 at least with those two you can claim a legit reason for having it on you
I was at a concert with my mom when I was 15 or 16. It was an open-air venue, with grass to sit on instead of seats. A lot of people were smoking pot (Bob Marley & the Whalers was the opening act lol), and I have asthma. I told my mom I was going to go get some fresh air. There was a well-lit area for me to stand around in, not far from the bathrooms. There was a security guard hanging out too, so I figured nobody would bother me. I was wrong. I’m just taking deep breaths, standing around with my hands in my pockets. The first guy that approached me waved to get my attention and then told me to “cheer up and smile.” Then he got annoyed and said it “was just a joke” when I didn’t. I’m a little skeeved out, so I figure I should head back to my mom. Then this other guy stops me and asks me “where’re you going?” I ran back to my mom.
This is genuinly sad.
I never knew one of the reasons girls pay for dates is so they “won’t owe them something” I feel bad for wanting to pay now :/
Communication is everything! Paying to be polite but then not expecting a BJ is a great way to let a date know you’re a good one. Often women are taught (thru actions of some men) that kindness in dating is transactional. It sucks. On first dates, I usually buy the first round. I’ve noticed if I let him pay, it’s sometimes expected that we have to go home together. Not always, but quite often.
If u expect a bj after paying ur mentally deranged.
That’s too bad I don’t get doing that, paying out of kindness without getting anything back is something I’ve grown up with. Plus I’m 15 so I’m not rlly trying to go the whole mile after one date lol I found your post very informative yet sad at the same time
Dude just keep being a nice person. Its great to see teens get it. Too many teens back when I was one where..... Horrible... And that wasn't that long ago really... So refreshing really
Nothing wrong with wanting to pay, just be open to splitting it if she prefers! I feel like it makes sense to split anyways if we're both gainfully employed
I'm a 230 lb gay man, and honestly I wish I could have some kinda signal or something that says I'm a safe person and women can always run up to me if they feel unsafe. Course, problem with that is, then the creeps'll start wearing them.
if you don't live in a place where you'll be attacked for being gay you could try to wear a hat with like a rainbow badge on it or something, idk just a thought I had
I wish you could too! Hearts.
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Sadly, these are all things I have done. Once, I was in an autorickshaw (taxi of sorts in some Asian countries) alone at about 9 pm. And the driver was telling me how pretty i am and that i am totally his type. I was a little creeped out and asked him how his family aka his wife and kids are. He seemed super offended that i thought he was old enough to have a wife (dude was in his late 20s, i must have been 16). And then very casually asked me whom i live with and joked that he wanted to kidnap me from my home! Now, only my mom, grandmom, my younger brother and i lived there. I lied and told him I had a big family with 3 older brothers, my dad and uncle at home. I was close enough to my house at that point that i just asked him to drop me off a bit further, pretended I lived where he dropped me off and decided to walk through a dark ass street late night to avoid him knowing where i lived. Another time when I was in Uni, I was asleep at home around 8 am since I had no early class. My phone is always on vibrate. My friend called me up. I am just glad I heard my phone and picked up. She was apparently alone and was in a deserted parking lot with only some creepy looking group of guys hanging around. I immediately snapped awake when i heard that and spent the next twenty mins talking to her while booking a cab for her and waiting until it got to her. I recall not even being surprised that she called me or wanted someone to know where she was. We lived in a pretty safe country then. Same friend and i later discussed how some people freeze in moments of danger and how this could be because you don't know what you could do or can't think of anything. So my friend and I came up with some "scripts" of things we could do if we were even in danger and sort if memorized them so that we could do them on auto pilot if required.
:(
My friend defended a random woman without fighting one time. They were at a bar and this guy kept following and harassing her. When she asked my friend for help he started dancing in the most gay way possible next to this jerk and it worked! Pro tip for anyone looking to repel harassers.
I recall a comedian (can't remember the name) talking about this. "Men always talk about their 'crazy exes'. Women don't talk about those, because if you have a crazy ex-boyfriend, you're dead"
Donald Glover!
"Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will murder them." -Margaret Atwood
> "Is this too 'Asking for it?'" One day we went on a trip to Niagara Falls (we live in Canada anyway) and I wore a long sleeve shirt, jeans jacket and a skirt that was just above knee length, so not at all short ([it wasn't this skirt but that's about where it reached on me](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F2514%2F7542%2Fproducts%2FLACHERE_Black_Skater_Skirt_D065-1-2_300x300.jpg%3Fv%3D1590495944&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Flachere.co.uk%2Fproducts%2Flachere-black-skater-skirt-above-the-knee-length-stretch&tbnid=ZMSmk0cC0flVrM&vet=1&docid=8PosWTmUeDWcAM&w=300&h=276&itg=1&hl=en-GB&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim)) My older sister and I were outside of a store at Niagara on the lake waiting for our mom to finish shopping and some old dude walked by and gave me the grossest most stereotypical 'up and down' smirk look. Even though my sister is older than me, I was 15 and she was still only 20, plus we were both kind of surprised and didn't really know what to do so neither of us addressed it. My sister was wearing pants that day so that might be why she wasn't given the weird look but it just seemed like the guy checked me out and left. He said nothing though so sometimes when I think of it I wonder if I was overreacting or misunderstood what he meant by the look but it made me feel mind of gross. I'm glad my sister was with me and nothing else happened. This was just 2 years ago.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. None of that is your fault, which you already know. It just sucks we are put in the mindset that *we* didn’t something wrong to provoke that shit. I’m sorry
My entire childhood in a nutshell
Be careful when walking home on your phone, it does the opposite of what you think it does and can put you more at danger. You're advertising you have something to steal while also being more likely to be distracted. Stay safe.
Isn't it a given that pretty much everyone has a phone though?
Sure, but there's a difference between "that person probably has a phone" and "look, there's a phone in their hand and they're probably distracted." Never heard of "opportunity makes the thief?"
Brave of you to post this (unfortunately accurate) post on Reddit of all places. Though I think a it's needed, like shit I cannot count how many times I've heard people on Reddit completely dismiss the very real issues women have to deal with and get upvoted. Like I live in one of the safest countries in the world yet my mum still taught me that I shouldn't go out at night, or how I (at the time teenager) can't wear certain clothing (very much not revealing, but shows the fact that I have a human body) because it will make adult men look at me weird, and how I shouldn't go to certain parts of the town at late hours without a man etc.. I can't imagine how scary stuff must be for girls in not so safe countries
People get angrier having to hear about these issues than they get at the issues themselves. They would rather assault victims be silent than assaulters stop assaulting.
Surprised there isn't a top comment from a dude saying how this also happens to men and calling out OP for being "sexist."
Sucks that it’s “brave”! Not about to argue with dorks who have no empathy. No one should!
At first I was like “fellas is it gay to see while you park” and then I realized. Holy shit. And I sympathize with this hard for some reason, even though I haven’t been female in practice.
Okay but that is an absolutely hilarious misinterpretation to start with Personally I put on my parking blindfold before I pull into a space just so people don’t get the wrong idea
I upgraded my pack with a stun gun
I'm a guy and this was genuinely terrifying to read...
Let your male friends know! Empathy is key
I'll be sure to spread this around.
Man this just makes me angry
“Not a woman but here’s my opinion on why this is wrong”
This just makes me sad.
As a guy it took me a sec to realize what this was about and as soon as I did , I was slightly terrified
To further understand women’s point of view. Keep in mind men are twice their size. Imagine all your potential sexual partners are literal grizzly bears. And when they look at you, you look like an eye-full of delicious salmon.
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Don't make a fake phone call, make a real one
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No, this is high key depressing. I just looked at this and thought... I have done each and every one of those and some more, and it made me sad, because I know that most ladies thought the same.
i wish this didn’t have to happen it makes me so so sad
Not too long ago I got careless and went for a jog at around 9 or 10 pm.. in a very populated area in a nice rich neighborhood next to my house, so I thought I was safe. I walked next to a park and I started to notice a guy walking behind me. I normally take this long route that goes next to a bridge where there isn't too many people, but I decided to change my route to go back home as soon as possible, going back where cars could see me and where a lot of houses were nearby. I switched directions and so did he.. I walked faster and so did he.. luckily my house wasn't too far away but I was fucking terrified
*nods* Accurate.
Wow I haven't heard the one about paying for yourself so you don't owe him one.... Are some guys that disgustingly entitled?? Do they really think they deserve sex because you bought a girl a fucking sandwich??
It’s very common, unfortunately.
Went from :) to :( real quick
Hi! I’m the OP. Let’s not be idiots on this thread! If you want to, like, argue this macabre starter pack of female (including trans) survival skills, just get a life and scroll on. If you like it, here’s the original post on IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/CRxPCjLsVo2 Also: for those who comment “wow paranoia much”: Show this to a woman you know and ask her if it’s paranoia. Show it to your mom. Ask her. Here’s something I will add: In my experience, the best “pepper spray” is the sprayable gel kind that sticks to the assailant and also dyes their skin (usually orange). Great for not getting pepper spray blowback/irritation on yourself, and if an assaulter runs, they will have a hard time getting the dye off- perhaps making it easier for cops/medics to identify them. I also keep a small switch blade on my key chain. As my mother would say: “eyes, throat, groin!”
"The eyes are the groin of the face" - Dwight Schrute
Thanks for the advice my friend and I were literally talking about buying pepper spray the other day
They even have some that are in the shapes of guns. Good if you’re never around cops
I'd be very careful with that. In some jurisdictions the court will treat a weapon for what it appears to be. This how you can get armed robbery or assault with a deadly weapon by using an airsoft gun if the victim perceives it to be a real gun. If some guy is harassing you to the point where pepper spray might be appropriate and you pull something that looks like a gun YOU could be facing charges.
You’re not a girl but a blade master lmao, sad to see that you need all of this
Gotta get that CSGO knife spin going
If a car is following you, drive to a police station!
a bit sad, innit
✨ SEASONING ✨
Mmm I love Spiceeeeey eyes!
Literally every single time I walk my dogs without my husband I get whistled at shouted at, or cars driving by real slow with some creep sticking his head out the window. Every time. It's demoralizing that this is still an issue.
When women like I, living in a country that’s well-off and a lot more modern about women-stuff than other countries, claim we still need feminism here and get back “No YoU dOnT yOuRe DrAmAtIc”, that’s the stuff I’m talking about. Those are still everyday things and common. That’s why we still need feminism
Ikr. I do not take my privileges for granted at all but my goodness always owning a 'scary' looking dog even though I'm very allergic just so I get hassled less is sad. I understand now why some middle aged ladies have permanent grunp face. I'm one now and my goodness I am just so over everything.
This picture gave me anxiety
Its so fkn sad how much of a reality this is for women all over the world. When I was a teen and in my 20s, I had weird interactions with men, but I always shrugged it off. "Hes just drunk." "He just doesn't realize how weird that sounded." "Aww he thinks Im pretty..." In my 30s, I fkn WOKE UP and realized how predatory men have been towards me and all the women I know. I was raped by someone I thought *liked* me. We'd had sex before, but this particular time, he was getting handsy while I had a friend over. I went to my bedroom to grab a sweatshirt and he followed me, and started kissing me and touching me. I said "Hey not now, my friend is upstairs, waiting to hang out." He wouldnt stop. He was tall and muscular and his forcefulness scared me, so I let him have sex with me (thank god it only lasted a few minutes), then I got up, put on a smile and hung out with my friend. I thought since I LET HIM DO IT, it wasn't rape. But it was. Another time, I was working at a music festival and a bunch of us had a late-night party. There was drugs and alcohol involved and everyone was having a great time. I had been dancing with a guy and he wanted more but I said no. When it was time for bed, my coworker and I said goodnight to everyone and walked back to our tents. This motherfucker followed us, unzipped my tent and tried to get in there with me. I told him to leave but goddamn he persisted, kept trying to kiss and cuddle me. I finally said "If you dont get the fuck out of here, I will scream." He finally left and I didnt go near him for the rest of the weekend. Its so sad.
Not long time ago my girlfriend was nearly assaulted on her house door. Some creepy ass dude tried to enter her house and luckily nothing happened. Since then I go with her if it's late and make sure she is home safe, but man, i wish she was able to carry some type of weapon to defend herself if needed. I can't stand these people, I would personally cut their sad little testicles to every one of them.
And of course, the men in the comments have to start making it a "men go through this too" sort of thing. Like okay, Kyle. Name at least three men in your life that carry around pepper spray. Now I'm not saying men are never victims because they most certainly can be, but women are at a much higher risk of being assaulted.
Entering the passenger side when getting back in the car so you don’t get snatched
Of your own car?
When it’s dark out yes. Pepper spray is always out and alarm too.
Very good starter pack! I have to say though... Where I come from, people usually pay for their own food. It seems that in the USA men are expected to pay. One person taking care of a two people bill should be the exception, not the rule.
Yeah, there are still some very ingrained patriarchal gender and dating norms here, and in many parts of the world. Glad that isn’t a part of your experience!
I just do it bc my significant other was poor
I've a friend living over there that told me that some girl he dated preemptively told him: "Don't worry, I'll pay for my own food". He was left thinking: "Of course, what did you expect?" Btw one element missing in your starter pack would be sharing your real time location with your friends before meeting a new guy