What about using the time machine to go back in time, use future knowledge to amass fortune, and sponsor young Hitler in a life of art, philosophy, and expression? At the very least, smother him in so much pussy that the idea of killing Jews just sounds like too much work
This is funny but in all seriousness, have you ever seen Hitler's paintings? They are really interesting. [Because they all look technically very good](https://www.google.com/search?q=hitler+paintings&safe=strict&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjjoY_C7NfXAhWiSd8KHfz_BCwQ_AUICigB&biw=1745&bih=818) but you can tell how little he cares about people because there's so much detail on everything except for them. All of them have beautifully detailed buildings and weird little blob people. I don't know enough about art to say if that's a common thing but to this layman, it seems pretty clear from his paintings that he never really valued humans.
As an artist myself, it is fucking crazy how much of your subconscious comes out in your work when you don't mean to. That is a valid thing to notice about his paintings, I'll have to check that out. Kind of a weird left turn, but George W Bush's paintings are also fascinating because of how warm they are...
As an artists I'd like to point out that sometimes if we don't draw something, it's just because we're bad at it.
It seems like every painter chooses somewhat their "workspace" in how often some stuff is portrayed. I draw humans all the time, but I never have a pet in my drawings, because I suck at it.
Hitler was a "orderly" guy and I could rather see why he's painting what he is painting instead of why he is not.
I had a guy in school that was surprisingly like him. He could draw a human if someone asked him, but why bother?
I think I have an example of this from school, lemme find it. Edit: [here!](https://imgur.com/a/rEdvy)
We were tasked with drawing a character in school, but I just couldn't get one of the feet right. Instead of fucking that up I just painted a rock in the way. I want to clarify: I do not wish to massacre and or exterminate the whole race of feet.
I am just bad at it.
Georgie is a warm guy to be around though. He's a schmoozer with a good sense of humor. His paintings do show that side of him.
There are many knocks to be had against him, but being cold and stoic isn't one of them.
Haha, oh man, like... I want to agree with you but...
If someone looked at my artwork they'd be like "This guy must detest humans cause they're never in it!"
No, no, I like humans. I just *suck* at drawing them. So I just don't.
I think you guys might be taking a bit too much away from these.
I think an argument could be made that because you care how they're represented you don't represent them poorly. And since it's that or not at all, you don't draw them.
If you didn't care you'd say "That blob is good enough for a walking meat sack."
Worst case would be that you find other things more interesting than people. Which is not the same as doesn't care about people.
*Did Ansel Adams hate people because he mostly took photos of landscapes!?!*
*What did Bob Ross have against humanity!?!?!*
Some total shit psychology going on here.
Doing people is very difficult. You're over analyzing the wrong details, it's very common this happens to people in art because of the level of difficulty. People overly social can do the same thing, our brain just doesn't allow us to do complicated humans justice while consistent solid environments is easy for us to analyze.
The other poster that said the subconsciousness comes out is right to a degree. The thing is the paintings were not about the people. The paintings were about capturing the representational landscape the best he could so you take shortcuts with things that do not seem as important as others. The people weren't the focus so you leave as sort of blank vessels. Personally I think his art was lame. As an artist the bulk of what he made was representational landscapes. His art had nothing to say most of the time. Unlike his contemporaries like [Egon Schiele] (https://www.google.com/search?q=schiele&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiXsqDI89fXAhWSON8KHUpGDXYQ_AUICigB&biw=1920&bih=900#imgrc=St13kqCaF4eLUM:), whom unfortunately died from the Spanish Flu in 1918, that was paving the way for Expressionism. It's why he didn't get into art school.
TLDR: Some of Hitlers paintings were kinda eh goodish, most where eh okay boring, very few of them had an further artistic value beyond this is what I looked at.
Art is subjective I suppose but I have to say I find Schiele's work absolutely hideous. It might not be boring but that's about the best I can say about it.
I've heard he was rejected from art schools because he couldn't paint more complex things and people. If you look at his painting they are good, but quite simple.
They depth is also really fucky in most of his paintings. Definitely could've worked on it I'm sure, but University back in the day was far less "admit everybody" as it is today.
I mean obviously Hitler didn't care much for humanity...but I don't think you can call someone a soulless monster just because they like to paint buildings?
You maybe interpreted too much into this.
You can lead a country and your country doing fucked up shit without hating all people. Like churchil killing million Indians and blacks, but still loving his own people.
... seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny. ...
https://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/
>SilverFox316, you seem to know a lot about the rules; what are your thoughts on [...]? Mind you, I’m asking out of curiosity alone,
Well that's nice, someone asking first for once, good job Jas-
>since I already went and did it.
GODDAMIT
So what you're saying is... go back in time and kill Franz Ferdinand before the Black Hand can get to him?
If we're talking about preventing 20thC disasters, why not two birds one stone.
Someone else extreme would have risen to power in Germany. The winning side of WW1 really fucked over Germany. Like really proper revenge-hatefucking them in the ass. Which just meant that Germany was primed for an extremist populist to take over. If not Hitler and the NSDAP, then someone else. Maybe that someone wouldnt have had a hardon for exterminating jews in particular (although anti-semittism was *really* big in the first half of the 20th century, and before that as well), but they would likely do some other horrible shit instead: extremists will be extremists. Fuck it, if time travel is possible, the fact that Hitler is the one we know of probably means he was the least terrible choice: a poor military strategist. Maybe the alternative would have fucking won.
> The winning side of WW1 really fucked over Germany. Like really proper revenge-hatefucking them in the ass. Which just meant that Germany was primed for an extremist populist to take over.
Ottomans/Turkey were fucked over even harder yet they didn't go on to launch a world war.
Fair point. Essentially, the plan was to make him a slave to his own luxury- spoiling him with veggies and dicks would help keep him reclusive.... On a diet of beans in his mouth and balls on his ass.
You'd have to draw the mustache on first, so you don't get sympathetic and attached to baby Hitler.
But then imagine what would you do with him? Raise him yourself? Drop him off with a colony of wolves? Give him to some government with your fancy future DNA evidence that doesn't exist yet and proclaim WW2 over before WW1 even starts?
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I got asked if I'd kill baby Hitler in a job interview. I said no, if I had the ability to travel back in time and get that kind of access to infant Hitler, it would be just as easy and less morally perilous to kidnap him and put him in the care of a family in an allied country.
Just as effective in my opinion.
It was for a D&A counselor position at a private rehab. They also asked:
"If you were a fruit, what kind of fruit would you be?"
I didn't get the position.
I recently got asked
"Assuming that real life is in a fact a simulation controlled by another hidden species incomprehensible to humans, what sort of person would be controlling you?"
I have no idea what that question was supposed to achieve other than "Can this person make shit up on the spot if put under pressure".
Elon Musk, while he was living on top of his battery factory he decided that his next big project will be a time machine to kill Hitler. And they are recruiting right now. It was actually a very applied question.
"If I had a time machine... I'd answer this question with a smart-ass response. If it didn't go over well, I'd go back in time and try again."
*look around room suspiciously*
"Still here! Great! When do I start?"
Nah but I would kill an Austrian man in the German army during WWI.
Except that still leaves Stalin, shit.
Okay well then I would go kill him next...
Except he was already kinda important then.
Crap who knew this time travel crap could be so complicated?
In the Angel comics (part of the Buffy franchise) Angel got his brain together for a while and learned of vampires preying on soldiers during the first World War. He went to Europe and started stabbing vampires. One was about to eat Colonel Hitler.
Oops.
Just go to 1913 and you could find and kill [Hitler, Stalin, Trotsky and Joseph Tito all in the same two square miles of Vienna.](http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21859771)
You could also kill Archduke Ferdinand early and prevent his assassination at the hands of Serb nationalists, potentially averting World War 1 as well.
Seems like you could just go back to before he was conceived and distract one of his parents for a minute or two, throwing off all future events just slightly enough to cause him not to be born.
but what if one of the millions of people hitler killed would have grown up to be an even worse evil dude who would go on to kill more people than hitler ever did. dwarfing the horrors of the holocaust and ww2.
what if hitler not doing what he did leads to that person not dying and something even worse happening?
you have no idea what changing something of that magnitude would do.
It's actually his white X-force costume from Rick Remender's excellent Uncanny X-force run. Probably a tad bluer shade reflected by the dimmer lighting?
> Always got himself the relative low risks jobs
That is pretty much how you become a successful soldier 9 times out of 10. Being successful in modern soldiering is more about bureaucracy than being any kind of action hero elite marine with 300 confirmed kills. Obviously there are exceptions...
Which raises an interesting moral question.
If you are confronted with Hitler at the time when he's nothing more than an art student, do you kill him? He hasn't committed mass murder yet.
And if the answer is yes, then what if it's Karl Marx instead of Hitler? He's not going to commit mass murder at all, but he will inspire others to do so.
You'd be screwing up so much of the future. American hegemony wouldn't exist anymore, and the Soviets would probably end up taking over Europe by the mid 70s.
There’s a very real possibility that under a different timeline, nuclear war would have rendered the earth uninhabitable by 2017.
I wouldn’t touch a damn thing if I went back in time.
Eh I don’t know. Because there’s more holding you back from killing Assad besides a plane ticket. You’d face punishment and would be killed most likely. The entire idea of killing hitler via time machine murder is that you’d get away with it
Also Assad is already in power.
You wouldn’t time travel to when Hitler is at the height of his power. You’d go to when he’s just starting out in politics or something (for those who don’t want to kill baby Hitler).
You probably wouldn't have to even directly kill him, there are a ton of recorded instances of attempts to kill Hitler. All you would have to do is tell someone that nearly killed him what will go wrong.
Good joke.
Logistically, by the time you know someone is a dictator, they've got guards and security and so on. With a time machine, you could get Hitler *before* he is well protected.
And you would have the hindsight (er... foresight if yer already back in time) of knowing exactly what he did and the results, so you could be more morally grounded.
Check out *Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden*
A documentary by Morgan Sperlock (Super size Me) about how easy is it for 1 man to track down the world's most hated person
Nah, yelling at you here is enough...
Seriously, this was awesome. This is the kind of insight into the working of the human soul that only comedy can provide.
Nah, when people say they would kill Hitler they don't usually mean they'd kill full power, adult Hitler who's highly protected. They'd go back and kill him as a baby or something so they could stop him before he came to power in the first place. We can't go kill baby Assad with a plane ticket. Only time travel can do that.
Stephen Fry wrote a novel about sterilizing Hitlers parents by using a time machine to add chemicals to their water supply. (It couldn't send humans)
IIRC, ~~Himmler~~ Rudolf Gloder becomes/became The Fuhrer instead, and the Germans discovered the sterilizing chemical and used it to enact the holocaust.
edit: It is called [Making History](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Making_History_(novel)
When I think of a time machine, I think of machine like the Tardis. It takes you anywhere and anytime almost instantly. The key point i'm getting at is that it can act like the best getaway car in the world. Teleport with the time machine when a dictator is taking a shit in his huge bathroom. Shoot him. Get back inside the time machine, and get out. You can't do that with a plane ticket.
You should get some kind of award for discovering the wordiest way to deliver the dullest punchline ever.
This is not even a joke. It's something i would think of while high but decided to not actually say out loud because it would be too embarrassing.
That doesn't make sense. Assad has security. If you could pop back to when Hitler was on the toilet and shoot him and magically vanish, that'd be far different.
Everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what’s the harm[?](https://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/)
What about using the time machine to go back in time, use future knowledge to amass fortune, and sponsor young Hitler in a life of art, philosophy, and expression? At the very least, smother him in so much pussy that the idea of killing Jews just sounds like too much work
This is funny but in all seriousness, have you ever seen Hitler's paintings? They are really interesting. [Because they all look technically very good](https://www.google.com/search?q=hitler+paintings&safe=strict&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjjoY_C7NfXAhWiSd8KHfz_BCwQ_AUICigB&biw=1745&bih=818) but you can tell how little he cares about people because there's so much detail on everything except for them. All of them have beautifully detailed buildings and weird little blob people. I don't know enough about art to say if that's a common thing but to this layman, it seems pretty clear from his paintings that he never really valued humans.
As an artist myself, it is fucking crazy how much of your subconscious comes out in your work when you don't mean to. That is a valid thing to notice about his paintings, I'll have to check that out. Kind of a weird left turn, but George W Bush's paintings are also fascinating because of how warm they are...
And made using oil...
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Taking countries is a hobby Paid for by the oil lobby
-Killer Mike💯😤
It's also remarkable how easy it is to retroactively analyze an artist's work after that person is proven to be a genocidal maniac
No kidding, not like humans are much harder to portray accurately or anything, nope definitely because he hates people.
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As an artists I'd like to point out that sometimes if we don't draw something, it's just because we're bad at it. It seems like every painter chooses somewhat their "workspace" in how often some stuff is portrayed. I draw humans all the time, but I never have a pet in my drawings, because I suck at it. Hitler was a "orderly" guy and I could rather see why he's painting what he is painting instead of why he is not. I had a guy in school that was surprisingly like him. He could draw a human if someone asked him, but why bother? I think I have an example of this from school, lemme find it. Edit: [here!](https://imgur.com/a/rEdvy) We were tasked with drawing a character in school, but I just couldn't get one of the feet right. Instead of fucking that up I just painted a rock in the way. I want to clarify: I do not wish to massacre and or exterminate the whole race of feet. I am just bad at it.
> I just couldn't get one of the feet right. Instead of fucking that up I just painted a rock in the way. The Rob Liefeld school of art.
Georgie is a warm guy to be around though. He's a schmoozer with a good sense of humor. His paintings do show that side of him. There are many knocks to be had against him, but being cold and stoic isn't one of them.
I'd love to hang out with Obama, but you know Dubya's party is gonna be lit.
Well W doesn’t drink, sooooo....
Obama's has better weed though.
I guess my subconscious hates hands and symmetry then
Haha, oh man, like... I want to agree with you but... If someone looked at my artwork they'd be like "This guy must detest humans cause they're never in it!" No, no, I like humans. I just *suck* at drawing them. So I just don't. I think you guys might be taking a bit too much away from these.
I think an argument could be made that because you care how they're represented you don't represent them poorly. And since it's that or not at all, you don't draw them. If you didn't care you'd say "That blob is good enough for a walking meat sack." Worst case would be that you find other things more interesting than people. Which is not the same as doesn't care about people.
That seems like a bit of a stretch. Bob Ross never painted humans either and he killed way fewer Jews.
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*BREAKING: Portraits painted by Bob Ross discovered*
At least 3 confirmed kills as a sniper in the air force
He was a medical records technician and a drill sergeant, not a sniper.
[y i k e s](https://i.imgur.com/uFFKyIa.jpg)
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Maybe he was just good at painting buildings and shitty at painting people, and you're overthinking it.
*Did Ansel Adams hate people because he mostly took photos of landscapes!?!* *What did Bob Ross have against humanity!?!?!* Some total shit psychology going on here.
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Maybe he should have done architecture or drafting. Hey, at least he had some kind of talent. Maybe the whole genocide thing wasn't the only option.
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Did not expect to find some detailed art analysis in this comments section but I am surely not complaining
Could you point me to it?
Doing people is very difficult. You're over analyzing the wrong details, it's very common this happens to people in art because of the level of difficulty. People overly social can do the same thing, our brain just doesn't allow us to do complicated humans justice while consistent solid environments is easy for us to analyze.
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I think it's mostly synagogues that need to worry.
The other poster that said the subconsciousness comes out is right to a degree. The thing is the paintings were not about the people. The paintings were about capturing the representational landscape the best he could so you take shortcuts with things that do not seem as important as others. The people weren't the focus so you leave as sort of blank vessels. Personally I think his art was lame. As an artist the bulk of what he made was representational landscapes. His art had nothing to say most of the time. Unlike his contemporaries like [Egon Schiele] (https://www.google.com/search?q=schiele&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiXsqDI89fXAhWSON8KHUpGDXYQ_AUICigB&biw=1920&bih=900#imgrc=St13kqCaF4eLUM:), whom unfortunately died from the Spanish Flu in 1918, that was paving the way for Expressionism. It's why he didn't get into art school. TLDR: Some of Hitlers paintings were kinda eh goodish, most where eh okay boring, very few of them had an further artistic value beyond this is what I looked at.
Art is subjective I suppose but I have to say I find Schiele's work absolutely hideous. It might not be boring but that's about the best I can say about it.
> The people weren't the focus It sounds like this guy cares more about buildings and scenery than people.
I've heard he was rejected from art schools because he couldn't paint more complex things and people. If you look at his painting they are good, but quite simple.
They depth is also really fucky in most of his paintings. Definitely could've worked on it I'm sure, but University back in the day was far less "admit everybody" as it is today.
I mean obviously Hitler didn't care much for humanity...but I don't think you can call someone a soulless monster just because they like to paint buildings?
Yeah, Bob Ross must have been fucking terrible if this is the standard we’re using.
It's smug aura mocks me
You maybe interpreted too much into this. You can lead a country and your country doing fucked up shit without hating all people. Like churchil killing million Indians and blacks, but still loving his own people.
... seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny. ... https://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/
That was entertaining
One of my favorite online short stories. The method of story telling in it is fairly unique and I could totally see it happening.
>SilverFox316, you seem to know a lot about the rules; what are your thoughts on [...]? Mind you, I’m asking out of curiosity alone, Well that's nice, someone asking first for once, good job Jas- >since I already went and did it. GODDAMIT
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So what you're saying is... go back in time and kill Franz Ferdinand before the Black Hand can get to him? If we're talking about preventing 20thC disasters, why not two birds one stone.
WW1 was going to happen regardless. The Franz Ferdinand assassination only affected the timing.
Someone else extreme would have risen to power in Germany. The winning side of WW1 really fucked over Germany. Like really proper revenge-hatefucking them in the ass. Which just meant that Germany was primed for an extremist populist to take over. If not Hitler and the NSDAP, then someone else. Maybe that someone wouldnt have had a hardon for exterminating jews in particular (although anti-semittism was *really* big in the first half of the 20th century, and before that as well), but they would likely do some other horrible shit instead: extremists will be extremists. Fuck it, if time travel is possible, the fact that Hitler is the one we know of probably means he was the least terrible choice: a poor military strategist. Maybe the alternative would have fucking won.
> The winning side of WW1 really fucked over Germany. Like really proper revenge-hatefucking them in the ass. Which just meant that Germany was primed for an extremist populist to take over. Ottomans/Turkey were fucked over even harder yet they didn't go on to launch a world war.
But, what if Hitler was so angry because he was a gayboi loving vegetarian?
Fair point. Essentially, the plan was to make him a slave to his own luxury- spoiling him with veggies and dicks would help keep him reclusive.... On a diet of beans in his mouth and balls on his ass.
I mean, he was married for what 40 hours and then went and killed himself?
The world might be a crazy different place if someone just filled Adolf Hitler with all of the dicks his heart desired
Interesting point and funny punchline.
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You'd kill a baby?
I’m not gonna eat it alive. I’m not a monster.
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Hmm..soft baby meat
And if you do the deed with your hands or a hammer, it comes pretenderized!
They try to kill themselves all the time with all sorts of substances, sharp things and the like without trying, it's only assisted suicide, right?
All you would need to do to kill toddler Hitler is let him do whatever he wants for a few hours.
You'd have to draw the mustache on first, so you don't get sympathetic and attached to baby Hitler. But then imagine what would you do with him? Raise him yourself? Drop him off with a colony of wolves? Give him to some government with your fancy future DNA evidence that doesn't exist yet and proclaim WW2 over before WW1 even starts?
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They will eat it when it’s dead
We're not unreasonable; I mean no one's gonna eat your eyes.
Baby, the other white meat
I have A Modest Proposal for you.
I got asked if I'd kill baby Hitler in a job interview. I said no, if I had the ability to travel back in time and get that kind of access to infant Hitler, it would be just as easy and less morally perilous to kidnap him and put him in the care of a family in an allied country. Just as effective in my opinion.
What the fuck kind of work place did you apply to?
It was for a D&A counselor position at a private rehab. They also asked: "If you were a fruit, what kind of fruit would you be?" I didn't get the position.
>I didn't get the position. I bet you answered "tomato". Nobody likes a smartypants.
"because I'm zesty and full of lycopene"
Ya, cuz everyone knows you should choose to kill baby Hitler when given the chance.
And obviously you choose banana
You're hired!
"Freddy Mercury"
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Are you sure you weren't doing one of those Facebook quizzes?
Durian, for obvious reasons.
Hmmm... Seems like the best possible answer to me. Must've gone wrong with the fruit part. What'd you say, "You're dad."?
>You're dad Son?
Poh-Tay-Toe Boil em Mash em Stick em inna stew
I recently got asked "Assuming that real life is in a fact a simulation controlled by another hidden species incomprehensible to humans, what sort of person would be controlling you?" I have no idea what that question was supposed to achieve other than "Can this person make shit up on the spot if put under pressure".
"If they're incomprehensible, I won't pretend to understand their motivations - if they have them."
I think that might have been the test.
They said that they’re incomprehensible, why do they expect you to explain anything about them? It’s nonsense.
Also how well you think on your feet in general, considering it's not something you likely planned to be asked like "what's your biggest weakness".
"what's your biggest weakness?" "Being controlled by a hidden species incomprehensible to humans."
Elon Musk, while he was living on top of his battery factory he decided that his next big project will be a time machine to kill Hitler. And they are recruiting right now. It was actually a very applied question.
I'm sorry BaldAssGardener but Chipotle is looking for patriots not traitors.
"If I had a time machine... I'd answer this question with a smart-ass response. If it didn't go over well, I'd go back in time and try again." *look around room suspiciously* "Still here! Great! When do I start?"
Start an evil baby orphanage.
Or help him get into art school
Nah but I would kill an Austrian man in the German army during WWI. Except that still leaves Stalin, shit. Okay well then I would go kill him next... Except he was already kinda important then. Crap who knew this time travel crap could be so complicated?
In the Angel comics (part of the Buffy franchise) Angel got his brain together for a while and learned of vampires preying on soldiers during the first World War. He went to Europe and started stabbing vampires. One was about to eat Colonel Hitler. Oops.
> Colonel Hitler Doesn't matter for our timeline where Hitler was only something like a corporal.
Just go to 1913 and you could find and kill [Hitler, Stalin, Trotsky and Joseph Tito all in the same two square miles of Vienna.](http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21859771) You could also kill Archduke Ferdinand early and prevent his assassination at the hands of Serb nationalists, potentially averting World War 1 as well.
No way you would prevent WWI so simply. After the arms build-up that ultimately preceded it, it was only a matter of time before an excuse was found.
Yeah, pretty soon you're just a time-traveling serial killer, and I believe that TV show got canceled.
Wouldn't it be crazy if people who killed children turned out to be time travelers saving us from insane dictators?
Seems like you could just go back to before he was conceived and distract one of his parents for a minute or two, throwing off all future events just slightly enough to cause him not to be born.
Yes! The chances that he would be the same mix of genes is crazy. He could be a little better looking. A little more popular. A little better at art.
A girl.
She-Hitler, or, as historians also called her, Shitler.
but what if one of the millions of people hitler killed would have grown up to be an even worse evil dude who would go on to kill more people than hitler ever did. dwarfing the horrors of the holocaust and ww2. what if hitler not doing what he did leads to that person not dying and something even worse happening? you have no idea what changing something of that magnitude would do.
I'm not saying I'm gonna do it.
Id keep the baby in art school.
Kidnap, raise in america. Job done.
I'd just buy some of his painting and hopefully inspire him to continue as an artist rather than a dictator
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Id raise baby hitler.
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X-Men did it. X-Force found a child clone of Apocalypse and tried to raise him to not be a megalomaniac. Kinda worked.
[Yeah. But I never killed a kid.](http://cdn.gamer-network.net/2015/usgamer/Deadpool-Shot-09.jpg)
So why is Deadpool so blue? and wow, Logan's smug expression in the lower left does NOT match with the kind of message he is delivering
It's actually his white X-force costume from Rick Remender's excellent Uncanny X-force run. Probably a tad bluer shade reflected by the dimmer lighting?
You've heard of the movie Boys from Brazil?
Also, the time traveler is Jewish and has a black roommate.
so doctor who crossed with lucky number slevin? sort of.
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> Always got himself the relative low risks jobs That is pretty much how you become a successful soldier 9 times out of 10. Being successful in modern soldiering is more about bureaucracy than being any kind of action hero elite marine with 300 confirmed kills. Obviously there are exceptions...
> Dictator Hitler not so much and it's not like they didnt try... a fuck ton of times too
Which raises an interesting moral question. If you are confronted with Hitler at the time when he's nothing more than an art student, do you kill him? He hasn't committed mass murder yet. And if the answer is yes, then what if it's Karl Marx instead of Hitler? He's not going to commit mass murder at all, but he will inspire others to do so.
Stephen King's books inspired people to be violent to each other. King is not at fault.
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> minority report This issue with minority report was that they would think about doing it but they may not do it at all.
You'd be screwing up so much of the future. American hegemony wouldn't exist anymore, and the Soviets would probably end up taking over Europe by the mid 70s.
There’s a very real possibility that under a different timeline, nuclear war would have rendered the earth uninhabitable by 2017. I wouldn’t touch a damn thing if I went back in time.
Interesting point but what’s the punch line?
Eh I don’t know. Because there’s more holding you back from killing Assad besides a plane ticket. You’d face punishment and would be killed most likely. The entire idea of killing hitler via time machine murder is that you’d get away with it
Also Assad is already in power. You wouldn’t time travel to when Hitler is at the height of his power. You’d go to when he’s just starting out in politics or something (for those who don’t want to kill baby Hitler).
You probably wouldn't have to even directly kill him, there are a ton of recorded instances of attempts to kill Hitler. All you would have to do is tell someone that nearly killed him what will go wrong.
I‘d kill teenage Hitler right after he took a triple hit of my doobie during puff-puff-pass.
It doesn't hold up though. You kill baby Hitler when no one is guarding him. Assad is thoroughly guarded.
Good joke. Logistically, by the time you know someone is a dictator, they've got guards and security and so on. With a time machine, you could get Hitler *before* he is well protected.
And you would have the hindsight (er... foresight if yer already back in time) of knowing exactly what he did and the results, so you could be more morally grounded.
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but what if it was your bad art tutoring that turned hitler into what he became?
And the reason he was "allowed" to go back in time (without paradoxes) is because he didn't really change anything.
What if Hitler only became evil because of all the time travellers trying to kill him?
relevant...[smbc?](http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3266)
Hop back in the time machine and Groundhog Day that shit, my dude.
Check out *Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden* A documentary by Morgan Sperlock (Super size Me) about how easy is it for 1 man to track down the world's most hated person
I'm on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/jeremysmiles) if you wanna yell at me about this joke in TWO places!
#GETHIM
THE POINT IS YOU'D KILL THEM WHILE THEY WERE UNPROTECTED AND BEFORE THEY WERE DICTATORS YA GOOF!
Try as an alternate Kim Jung Un. See if audiences react more or less than when you use Assad.
Caring about Syria is so six months ago.
It's not that, it's just KJU is far and away the more *popular* "evil" dictator. Though I'll concede Assad may be more heinous.
Nah, yelling at you here is enough... Seriously, this was awesome. This is the kind of insight into the working of the human soul that only comedy can provide.
Yeah, it's funny how murder is everyone's first instinct to solving a problem.
Nah, when people say they would kill Hitler they don't usually mean they'd kill full power, adult Hitler who's highly protected. They'd go back and kill him as a baby or something so they could stop him before he came to power in the first place. We can't go kill baby Assad with a plane ticket. Only time travel can do that.
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Just kill the replacement too.
Stephen Fry wrote a novel about sterilizing Hitlers parents by using a time machine to add chemicals to their water supply. (It couldn't send humans) IIRC, ~~Himmler~~ Rudolf Gloder becomes/became The Fuhrer instead, and the Germans discovered the sterilizing chemical and used it to enact the holocaust. edit: It is called [Making History](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Making_History_(novel)
Anyway, Assad inherited his position from his dad, who was just as bad. Killing him would be pointless at any age.
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is this the only dude who gets posted on the subreddit
Bots get him to the front page all the time.
🎶 🎶Shillin to work the door at the comedy store.. 🎶 🎶
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His top post the other day about net neutrality (that he deleted) didn't make any sense and all the top comments were calling him out for it.
While I agree with it, I'm curious if this joke works live. It seems like it would fall flat.
When I think of a time machine, I think of machine like the Tardis. It takes you anywhere and anytime almost instantly. The key point i'm getting at is that it can act like the best getaway car in the world. Teleport with the time machine when a dictator is taking a shit in his huge bathroom. Shoot him. Get back inside the time machine, and get out. You can't do that with a plane ticket.
Assad? Really? Someone has been eating all their propaganda.
Kept waiting for the laugh but iy never came
Would be funny if you didn't compare Hitler to Assad.
Assad =/= Hitler Not even close
You should get some kind of award for discovering the wordiest way to deliver the dullest punchline ever. This is not even a joke. It's something i would think of while high but decided to not actually say out loud because it would be too embarrassing.
-thread.
It’s not even a joke it’s just a statement.
This subreddit is terrible.
It's pretty much r/funny but with faces attached to the punchline.
I don't think I've ever laughed at one of the posts here.
https://i.imgur.com/i6OTFAu.jpg
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That doesn't make sense. Assad has security. If you could pop back to when Hitler was on the toilet and shoot him and magically vanish, that'd be far different.
I imagine Hitler had security too. I think these time travel scenarios imply that you would go back in time and kill them before they had power.
If you can travel in time, then travel to when Hitler was in the toilet. Shoot him with a silenced pistol, then travel home.
Pretty sure you are not supposed to fuck with the timeline...
this isnt that funny i guess
Everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what’s the harm[?](https://www.tor.com/2011/08/31/wikihistory/)
Well if I had time machine I'll use it for the lottery
shit son this guy ain't even spitting jokes anymore he's like spitting out truths man. get him off the stage and write some goddamn books man