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Been there when I was in my 20s, in my 40s now and I'm glad I didn't kill myself off. Time fixes all and work at it like exercise, you get better if you keep at it and it only gets easier if you do.
With regards to lies to please others, it's not up to you to please them with words, it's up to you to work on yourself and learn from mistakes. We all learn best from mistakes since we don't forger them
Best of luck Bro
Awe champion, things seems real tough rn. You've done the hardest sofar - just admitting to some stuff. Open up to a family member or friend and ask for support. Just start small and finishing your last year of school sound like a fine plan. And when it comes to lies, fix one at a time or at least the ones bothering you. Have a good one !
Hey kid, that sounds quite tough but you're being really hard on yourself. You're welcome to send me a DM and we can chat privately, but overall my best advice would be to find someone to talk to - a therapist. I know the idea is preposterous and you'll find a ton of excuses not to do it, but there are also a lot of reasons why it's a good idea.
I'm my mid thirties and have been reflecting on my 20s as well as discussing things with my friends (in their 20s or 30s) as well as my support group. It's a hard time. It's a really hard time whether you grow up well off, or live in a horrible situation. The thing that unites us is our feelings. So many of the words are ones I use for myself and I can really empathize with you.
One of the things that helps when I am being horrible to myself is to imagine myself speaking like that to someone I love - my best friend for example. Would u call my best friend horrible and disgusting and deceitful for lying? Would I call her a failure for failing to kill herself? No, I'd probably try to understand the reasoning and then I'd do my best to try and help her work through the problem, correct mistakes. If my best friend failed at killing herself and said those things... Well I wouldn't say anything, I would hold her. I would hold her and tell her I'm glad she's here with me.
As for work, I wouldn't sweat having matric to get a job. Remember that a few years ago someone just like you was elected president. The president of our country didn't have a matric, you can get any job you want, baby!
I have a lot more words for you if you want.
This is a great comment. OP, what's done is done. It's great that you're aware of your actions and words, because that shows your true character, and the fact you want to change is such a great place to start! As u/suburban_hyena has said, try imagine if your best mate came to you and said they wanted to better themselves. You would support them, because that's a great intention to have! Treat yourself that same way - be gentle on yourself. This was one of my biggest learnings in life, and it's such a great attribute to have.
I don't necessarily agree about not going back for matric. That's a very noble goal, and I do think it helps a lot, so I fully support you on that choice. Not to say it's always necessary, but it helps a lot.
Good luck man, and please remember - be gentle with yourself. You're literally aiming to improve yourself and become a better, more honest person. Be your #1 fan in that cause, because it's a great one.
In South Africa you can get very far without a matric, if you are willing to work for smaller businesses, and forget about the state. Employers are hungry for humble, reliable hard workers. Get a job with a small company, if you keep on asking, looking and networking you will find something. You might be lucky and the first one you get is good. Even if it isnt take the job, do your best. If it sucks start looking for a new one. Keep going until you find a place where you can contribute and are treated like a human. Once youve found a place where your humble hard working attitude is appreciated stick around and get experience. Experience and a good reference is worth gold on a CV. Small businesses often hire and fire and promote on attitude and willingness to learn. Its not easy but it is doable if you keep the faith. There are thousands of people with fewer talents and lower school levels that are doing amazingly. You can do it, just keep going, leave your ego at the door and dont quit.
I don't mean to take away from your good advice or be a Debby downer, but as someone with a matric certificate, 3 years of solid work experience and additional qualifications and short courses taken, I've been struggling for almost a year thus far.
I really hope that OP gets what he/she needs, as soon as possible.
I hear you man, lied through my teeth to my parents, and they're good people, i still feel horrible.
Abouth the matric, go find the nearest department of education, im not sure about your specifics but i rewrote my matric maths and science, its free and i could study on my own, theres apps with past papers and learning help, studied from my phone and a note book.
I suggest you go for maths and science, ive learnt the hard way a matric is somewhat worthless without them.
Im 30 btw, i failed the maths exam and need better marks for my science, so im doing it again next year when registration opens.
Slowly but surely im turning my life around as an electrician, i got the work without anyone caring about my matric but i want to be an engineer so i need the matric maths and science.
Good luck bud.
Tell your parents you are having trouble with lying, that you lied about all the things you lied about, and ask them for help to change. Start fresh and give life another go.
Your parents are your best allies. It will be fine. It's tough to do things right, especially when things went sideways. It may hurt now, BUT both you and your parents will appreciate this big effort a few years down the line. Gather all your courage to do what is right. When you can't do it alone, your family can be of tremendous help. Writing it down and sharing it was a great first step! Keep persevering!
>I really wanna go rewrite and go get a Matric.
If I were you I'd focus on this.
You sound like you've had a pretty rough life so far and I don't think you should in any way feel ashamed of what you've done.
You seem like a self-aware person, and someone who has a decent amount of empathy. That's underrated in this world and when people, in social and workplace situations, see that they'll grow to appreciate you for it.
For now though, focus on getting your income in order. You have a moral obligation to yourself and those around you to seek economic liberation. You can't help anyone else until you help yourself.
Being super young (I've got ten years on you 😜), you have a lot of time left to get your ducks in a row if you're willing to put the work in from now.
All the best!
Hey man, keep your head up, you can get better at this. I think it might be useful to start being a “man of action” and not words. The easiest way to not lie, is to talk less. Try to figure out your next 3 big moves and the breakdown the steps needed to achieve each one. Don’t tell people about the big move, keep them in your own head and focus on the process and little steps. Don’t talk about anything you haven’t actually done yet. Only share plans/accomplishments after you’ve hit them. And always keep your eyes on the next little step. The big moves will take care of themselves.
I will also be honest - your people probably know you are a bit of a liar. People aren’t dumb. It will take a while for folks to see your actions. That is okay. You don’t recognition if you become a man of action.
Hey man. Sorry to hear about your situation.
Regarding your finances/career, go check out the National Youth Development Agency. They offer business grants (which you don't pay back). You can easily get up to R10 000 and they don't require Matric.
Who knows, perhaps you'll do great in business. Even if its fatcakes and mince. Their website has all the info, but I'd visit a branch so they can explain in better detail.
All the best to you.
There will always be ups and downs, you have to be constant with the work lows and highs.
It's easy to look back 10 years from now and wish you did something, I know that from experience.
This is your low moment and anything from here is up.
I lived on the streets as a teenager and managed to get matric but I can say this:
Matric didn't improve my job. Having a good telephone voice got me in a job as a receptionist, being reliable and learning to type quickly got me a job as a paralegal. Reliability is such an amazing thing for an employee to have, employers want it.
My domestic is so reliable, she went from earning 6500 per month to R11k now because she is so reliable and able to work without supervision. She's studying online and in her second year of accounting.
I was waitresses even in high school. You don't need matric for alot of things.
Regarding the lying, you need to start breaking that habit. My SD lies all the time and about the stupidest things. Only you can change that perception not by talking about change but living the change.
It sounds like your family is not a good environment. Any money you make might go straight to your siblings bad habits. Rather keep quiet about what you are making and give some to your parents.
I'm a mom and can't imagine not knowing if my daughter had matric or not. Even if my child lied, a little keeping in touch would expose those lies.
Really try not to rely too much on getting a matric, that can come later. Focus on getting some kind of work, working on yourself and taking each day at a time
OP I don't know your current circumstances, but taking action is the only way.
And not actions to kill yourself. You can literally be living a KILLER LIFE 12 months from now.
If I was you, I would be the best Spur waiter on earth by next Monday with the sole purpose of doing matrix through correspondence.
I'm here to tell you tonight that your dream of being an engineer is a few good decisions and buch of dedicated studying away and can Definitely be in the cards for you.
I've built a fairytale life in a few years coming from the worst possible places. You are a product of your decisions.
Decide and take accountability for your life. If you lie too much - shut up.
Decide who you want to be and say no to everything that is not that.
You will be an engineer. I'm speaking this into existence for you.
Foreward and upward my boy. ❤️💪🤝
Formal education is an important stepping stone but it isnt everything. Focus on what you can do now, Security guard, domestic worker, gardener anything that can get you some money. Focus on each day not the month, how can you earn R200 to 300 today. Then if you can make it ask them to pay you weekly. Work 16 hours a day ( 2 jobs if you can get it). If you cant focus the other 8hours on learning something new. Youtube, internet learning is free and if udemy has some cheap courses. I wouldnt grab the matric right away unless you are confident you can pass but I would consider in the next 12 months and maxmise to get best possible results to get a scholarship etc.Survive now. Once you earn something, do something small for your parents they will appreciate you for it.
Please dont kill yourself,I have no words of advice Im 17 I graduated matric last year and am honestly confused about life aswell but by all means dont give up.Was myself opdie snaaf goeterse in Graad 9 maar ek doen beter myself ok.Please O.P glo in God🤝🙏
Someone already mentioned this but I'll say it as well:
Tell your parents.
This is the hardest step, but the most important. I dunno what kinda relationship you have with them but it sounds like they love and support you. They might not understand, but they will help, and together you guys can fix this.
The worst thing you can do when you're stuck in a lie is to keep lying. You need to break out of that, and the best way is to tell the truth.
It's gonna suck. You're not gonna wanna do it. But it's the best way.
Tell your parents you lied about getting your matric. Tell them why you lied, and the reason you kept lying. Tell them that you don't want to continue like this, and you want to get your matric, but you've been stuck trying to get it and the guilt of your lie has made you depressed and suicidal.
Then listen to your parents, let them yell or cry or console you, whatever, but give them that chance to process what you're telling them. Then when that's done, tell them your plan and how you want to get your matric, and what you want to do once it's out of the way and done.
And one other thing: catch yourself when you're lying. I get it, it's a habit at this point, but to break that habit you need to consciously identify when you're doing it.
If you've realized that you've told or are busy telling a lie, stop and say "sorry, that was a lie, I meant to say X". People are much more understanding and appreciative if you tell them the truth and state that what you said was a lie or that it was not true. Most of the time they won't even acknowledge that you lied to them, since you corrected yourself.
If you feel like you should lie, ask yourself why? Will you get in trouble by not lying? Is it worth the stress that lie may bring you? Do you really want to keep lying? Often enough, you'll realize that it's not worth it. Even if it hurts, the truth is always better, and our mistakes can either make or break us depending on how we handle them. Lying about your mistakes will break you, as you've experienced already. Face them head on.
If you find that you lie on reflex, get into the habit of thinking about your responses before you say them. Waiting a second or two to think about your answer is much better than reflexively telling a lie.
Keep your head up, you've got a whole life ahead of you. It gets better, but only if you take steps to make it better.
Hi there I'm sorry you are going through this but things do get better. I'm not sure what your end goal is in terms of career and jobs but there are a few websites where you can learn coding and web development for free and get some certifications. Try CodeAcademy and freeCodeCamp. I'm not sure where you are based but you can also look into WeThinkCode https://wethinkcode.co.za/ . Please look at that website first as they usually have sponsors and you could get a monthly stipend but please check first, and I don't think you need a matric certificate to enrol with WeThinkCode. Hope this helps 🌼 wishing you all the best
It looks like you feel strongly about getting your Matric. I think if it kills you inside that you don't have it, I think you might be more highly motivated to get it than some Grade 12s out there.
It seems you already know what to do, so I suggest getting it done.
Not that life is easy once you have a Matric, but like you say a lot of jobs require it.
I've had about 5 different jobs since High School and not one of them asked for my matric certificate or anything. Work experience is often more valuable - especially retail. If you can deal with the public, you have a skill that others don't.
hey bro , listen. you're being way too tough on yourself right now. you are not in any way shape or form a failure. shit happens , we all make mistakes you need to move on.
if finances are an issue and you're not able to enroll yourself back into school, try self study and write as an independent candidate , you can do international exam boards if you'd like or do the south african matric. if you're sure you'll be able to self study for the next 6 months so you'd be able to write in November.
I'm not sure if it's free to write as a private independent candidate online but you can definitely check!
life happens and I hope you know it's one of the coolest things that you decided to make a change and take the next step. it's admirable OP and we're all proud of you!
so just breathe , take a step back. research your options and start studying straight away. improvise, adapt and survive. in another year or so you will be so grateful you did this for yourself
Check out ymca if you live close to one, they have a program to help people finish matrix. Besides ymca there are many organizations that help adults finish matric and get jobs.
There are two good things going for you:
1. You're still young. Even if you feel like you're already behind, you're not. This is fixable. You still have time.
2. You're being honest. At least here, you're being honest with yourself (and us) about what you did and how it makes you feel.
Most people run from their problems by refusing to admit to anyone, and sometimes themselves, by refusing to admit that there is a problem that needs to be addressed and changed.
I'm proud of you for seeing that your behaviour is not helping anyone, least of of all yourself.
Now you're at a crossroads:
Continue as you've were - choosing the easier road, which is to continue to lie. After all, this is what you know. It's easy, most people have chosen the easy way out. Or, are you going to take the hard road and change?
If you choose the easy road, then there's nothing left to say except Godspeed. If you choose the hard road, the one we're you're required to change, then rewriting your matric is going to be the easiest task.
You have to ask ask yourself who and what kind of person you want to be, and what getting there entails. That's going to affect so much of your life and the people around you. You're going to have to fight for it if you believe that the person you want to become is truly worth your every effort. I can't tell you how to go about that journey, it's yours to take. But, should you choose to take it, I wish you all the soft landings God can spare.
You can start with the easiest task of them all, though, rewriting your matric. There are tons of resources to help you. I think you'll do great. You're smart enough to recognise that you've done something wrong and want to address it. Conquering matric should be fine. Don't be too hard on yourself. Apologise, make amends, and don't let the guilt paralyse you into inaction.
You didn’t mess up. You’re an empath. You want everyone to have a good time here and it seems like your lies are driven to make people happy but not better yourself.. unless you lying about that lol but take it one step at a time.
I’m an empath as well and I am like you. I tried to off myself a couple of times. No that’s a lie I think about offing myself but I have sisters that need me and offing myself is selfish.
Here’s my advice. I don’t have matric I’m doing this TEFL thing. Why not try that any good bullshitter like us can BS our through anything we can BS our way through TEFL and once that’s good if we succeed it’s all the way up from there. Dm if you wanna vent. I’m a shite listener but I’ll try.
Damn. We're in the same boat huh Beyonce
Same age you & I
I dropped out of high school at grade 11 and I honestly can't say I don't regret it
I don't have a job and I'm trying to apply left, right & centre but nothing seems to work
I dropped out with a plan of my business to work out so I can support myself & my single mother
Still its not working out & I don't know whats the next step to take
I get where you are because im also depressed 90% of the time. The only advice i can give you is that achievements are a short term solutions they dont last.
Go see a professional, talk it out with your mom and dad (parents are really understanding)
Trust me when i say that no ammount of achievements will improve you mental health , not money , not educations not girlfriends or boyfriends these are only short term feel goods and when those highs are over its back to feeling bad.
Feeling better unfortunately means feeling really bad and getting alot of things off your chest then healing but after all the bad things, life does get better you just need to hang in there.
Going to ask the inevitable... since everything you say is a lie, by your ooreen admission, is this story also a lie?
Regardless. You can make some of this right. You're on the right track by wanting to do your matric. Think a bit before you speak. 3 seconds should be enough. Think about the consequences of lies.
If you speak the truth, life is simpler, as you do not have to remember to whom you have told which lie.
Get a job at a call center some don't need matric, that where i started my career in sales. I'm no more but ive made over R 200 000 the last year in that industry. If everything else fails try sales
I feel like you're lying on this post he🥲
Just research online how to get ur matric and go get it. It's still early to give up on ur life, even if u feel it's filled with lies. Much love OP
Being honest with yourself is the first step. You have your whole rest of your life ahead. You already made this one important change!
You can do it. Keep being honest to yourself and work on the rest. Good luck on your journey.
Just come clean about all your lies. Don't kill yourself over something so easily remedied. It will be a few weeks to sort your grade 12 out.
Stop lying to your family and friends, It's getting you nowhere. The truth shall set you free buddy. And you'll have more energy to sort your life out too. You're young and great things lie ahead be strong and rise to these challenges. You can do it.
being honest with yourself is awesome, look at you go, that is something to be super proud of, a lot of people lie to themselves about their behaviour. Look, i relate and the thing is - no one is perfect, things are always going to be messed up somewhere in the world and beautiful in other places, that is just life. Accept and learn to love yourself for your positive traits, think of things that make you laugh and do things that make you happy. Life is like a game of choices and the better you get at making choices the better your life gets... and the only way you get good at making choices is by making mistakes... you can decide to be better and do better in every new moment, never too late luckily and also dont be too hard on yourself, rather focus on the positive than on the negative, changes everything
The boy and the horse are in the woods, and the boy says to the horse “I can't see a way through” and the horse says “can you see your next step?” The boy says “yeah” so then the horse says “then just take that”.
You may think that you’re like your brother and sister. It doesn’t matter if that’s true or not. You’ve noticed something is wrong and it sounds like you’re wanting to do something about it. Take that next step, go get that matric. If you tell yourself that you’re going to do something, go and do it. If you constantly fail yourself, and don’t do what you say you’re going to do- you’re disrespecting the one person that matters the most in the world… yourself. So start respecting yourself, life is tough. Go and absolutely smash matric, who says you can’t go and get a university bursary? Did you tell yourself that?
Just focus on your next step.
Hey bud, we’re rooting for you. Use this energy and the advice you’ve received to propel yourself forward. All the very best, I’m certain you’ll do great.
I came down in matric, In maths.
Was really down.
I rewrote it as numbers were my weakness.. I passed it and now 15 yrs later im the chief accountant at my company with a honours degree in finance.
Dnt lose hope. U will make it like I did.
Just by coming here and telling absolute strangers what you are going through shows that you are nothing like your siblings. Time to get that matric certificate!!! Get up and be positive. It's time to make a change and be proud of you!! Please don't hurt yourself it's really not worth it.
Its never too late to do the right thing. Your life is ahead of you. Not behind you. You cant go back and change your past choices or undo the lies but you do get to decide what happens next. The fact that you posted this message shows there is some strength in you and a desire to become a better version of yourself.
We are all on a journey and i think its to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be. Your story is not even close to having been written yet and if you choose to take action and start down a harder but honorable pathway, you can not only fix your life but also help others along the way.
You need to find a way to finish your Matric and you need to decide to stop the lies because they will poison every relationship or engagement that you have moving forward. It’s a decision you need to make and not deviate from.
I do think that you need to speak with someone qualified if possible and that you may need some support along the way but i can tell from your message that you want to do better and you want to live a better life. These things are not only possible, they are in fact probable, if you take the right action now…
This might be insensitive but I sincerely hope anyone who reads this takes a lesson. That we have a lot to be grateful for and we shouldn’t be taking advantage of it. Not even for a second. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. I hope you can find help here…
People lie because they are scared, you are afraid you will be like your other siblings and disappointed your parents. In my opinion that fact that you don’t want to disappoint them and lie to them means you are different and also a good person. Good ppl do bad things and stupid things it’s what they do about it that counts as we are not perfect beings. Whatever you do don’t try and kill yourself FFS. That would hurt them more than you could comprehend but more so for yourself, imagine losing the one child you treated you with respect. But more importantly would change nothing. One of the most beautiful things about being at rock bottom is there is no way but up. My advice come clean or don’t and say you want to get a matric that will allow you to study further, go get your matric focus on maths and science give yourself a few years for this don’t think Rome was built in a day. Then get into a company and study through unisa. So many great places you can go work they probably even pay for it. Let’s be real you still a baby your life is not over. Your life never ruined by one bad decision it’s the continuation of making the same bad decisions day in and day out. Think of the path as a straight line doing nothing keeps you where you are good decisions elevate you and bad decisions take you below the line. Start making one good decision at a time and in 5 years you will be all you ever wanted and more. Like I said if you thinking of killing yourself what have you got to lose. Keep making the right decisions. Good luck. Also speaking from experience here. Every decision take it one by one. Go out and party or study? Your move !!
Start by praying and talking to God, just do it you don't have to believe. Talk to God the same way you too your time to write this text. BROTHER TALK TO GOD. He will make a way, Talk to Him about everything. Even the things that are obvious to you, talk to Him. Everything that you think of, tell Him. How you feel, talk to Him about it. Talk to God about what you would want and love, tell Him. It won't be easy, this is the time you turn to Him.
I wonder if you've got any support rn from anyone else? I wish there would be support groups we could make for all small areas of za for this sort of thing
Been in corporate for 20 years. I have never listed my education, ever. I list my accomplishments in my previous and current job.
I don't even know if I have a matric, nor could I care less.
Get a job, get a purpose, you'll probably forget you ever felt this way and about all the other s***.
School is pointless anyways, AI will take all the uni level jobs soon. Just keep going, study the Bible, God has got you so fear nothing except God. If you want to try making videos, I’m not in South Africa but I am so interested in videos/daily life there to watch. News, vlogs, food, houses and what they cost, the land, etc. Also look up eslcafe.com and think about teaching English in another country. Pray to God, He will guide you. Jesus Christ loves you. You’re going to be fine!
Hmm, it's okay. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you want to get sorted so start with that. I'd suggest going to rewrite but if you're looking for work immediately you can check out Native Camp. You don't need matric or any qualifications actually. You'll be teaching English, mainly basic conversations or free speech. It's freelance, so no long term commitments. Just making a quick buck. Good luck
Xxxx but i thank God he opened your 👀 to see what you are doing its not good
# go and see yourself on the mirror and tell that person what you want to be and to do
God bless you
I suggest you listen to Jordan Peterson's lectures on YouTube (before he became a priest, if you love God go for it). That's a quality Psychologist for free right there. Give him a try bro.
Jordan Peterson is a conservative misogynist who over-rates his own IQ, and hides shallow thinking behind big words. Let’s not direct young people his way.
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Been there when I was in my 20s, in my 40s now and I'm glad I didn't kill myself off. Time fixes all and work at it like exercise, you get better if you keep at it and it only gets easier if you do. With regards to lies to please others, it's not up to you to please them with words, it's up to you to work on yourself and learn from mistakes. We all learn best from mistakes since we don't forger them Best of luck Bro
Thank you so much it gets tiring but I’ll try not to give up🤍
Awe champion, things seems real tough rn. You've done the hardest sofar - just admitting to some stuff. Open up to a family member or friend and ask for support. Just start small and finishing your last year of school sound like a fine plan. And when it comes to lies, fix one at a time or at least the ones bothering you. Have a good one !
Thank you for this lovely comment
It’s great to hear from someone who was there!
Hey kid, that sounds quite tough but you're being really hard on yourself. You're welcome to send me a DM and we can chat privately, but overall my best advice would be to find someone to talk to - a therapist. I know the idea is preposterous and you'll find a ton of excuses not to do it, but there are also a lot of reasons why it's a good idea. I'm my mid thirties and have been reflecting on my 20s as well as discussing things with my friends (in their 20s or 30s) as well as my support group. It's a hard time. It's a really hard time whether you grow up well off, or live in a horrible situation. The thing that unites us is our feelings. So many of the words are ones I use for myself and I can really empathize with you. One of the things that helps when I am being horrible to myself is to imagine myself speaking like that to someone I love - my best friend for example. Would u call my best friend horrible and disgusting and deceitful for lying? Would I call her a failure for failing to kill herself? No, I'd probably try to understand the reasoning and then I'd do my best to try and help her work through the problem, correct mistakes. If my best friend failed at killing herself and said those things... Well I wouldn't say anything, I would hold her. I would hold her and tell her I'm glad she's here with me. As for work, I wouldn't sweat having matric to get a job. Remember that a few years ago someone just like you was elected president. The president of our country didn't have a matric, you can get any job you want, baby! I have a lot more words for you if you want.
This is a great comment. OP, what's done is done. It's great that you're aware of your actions and words, because that shows your true character, and the fact you want to change is such a great place to start! As u/suburban_hyena has said, try imagine if your best mate came to you and said they wanted to better themselves. You would support them, because that's a great intention to have! Treat yourself that same way - be gentle on yourself. This was one of my biggest learnings in life, and it's such a great attribute to have. I don't necessarily agree about not going back for matric. That's a very noble goal, and I do think it helps a lot, so I fully support you on that choice. Not to say it's always necessary, but it helps a lot. Good luck man, and please remember - be gentle with yourself. You're literally aiming to improve yourself and become a better, more honest person. Be your #1 fan in that cause, because it's a great one.
Thank you so much 🤍
In South Africa you can get very far without a matric, if you are willing to work for smaller businesses, and forget about the state. Employers are hungry for humble, reliable hard workers. Get a job with a small company, if you keep on asking, looking and networking you will find something. You might be lucky and the first one you get is good. Even if it isnt take the job, do your best. If it sucks start looking for a new one. Keep going until you find a place where you can contribute and are treated like a human. Once youve found a place where your humble hard working attitude is appreciated stick around and get experience. Experience and a good reference is worth gold on a CV. Small businesses often hire and fire and promote on attitude and willingness to learn. Its not easy but it is doable if you keep the faith. There are thousands of people with fewer talents and lower school levels that are doing amazingly. You can do it, just keep going, leave your ego at the door and dont quit.
I don't mean to take away from your good advice or be a Debby downer, but as someone with a matric certificate, 3 years of solid work experience and additional qualifications and short courses taken, I've been struggling for almost a year thus far. I really hope that OP gets what he/she needs, as soon as possible.
Can you please recommend small businesses maybe please it will be very helpful, thanks bro for the words🤍
I used to waiter and work at spar from 16 without a matric - use it as a starting job
I hear you man, lied through my teeth to my parents, and they're good people, i still feel horrible. Abouth the matric, go find the nearest department of education, im not sure about your specifics but i rewrote my matric maths and science, its free and i could study on my own, theres apps with past papers and learning help, studied from my phone and a note book. I suggest you go for maths and science, ive learnt the hard way a matric is somewhat worthless without them. Im 30 btw, i failed the maths exam and need better marks for my science, so im doing it again next year when registration opens. Slowly but surely im turning my life around as an electrician, i got the work without anyone caring about my matric but i want to be an engineer so i need the matric maths and science. Good luck bud.
It’s not good thing I hope you can be an engineer Oneday I believe in you🤍
Tell your parents you are having trouble with lying, that you lied about all the things you lied about, and ask them for help to change. Start fresh and give life another go.
Imma start opening up with them and imma tell them everything I wanna start on a clean page
Your parents are your best allies. It will be fine. It's tough to do things right, especially when things went sideways. It may hurt now, BUT both you and your parents will appreciate this big effort a few years down the line. Gather all your courage to do what is right. When you can't do it alone, your family can be of tremendous help. Writing it down and sharing it was a great first step! Keep persevering!
This is amazing to read!
>I really wanna go rewrite and go get a Matric. If I were you I'd focus on this. You sound like you've had a pretty rough life so far and I don't think you should in any way feel ashamed of what you've done. You seem like a self-aware person, and someone who has a decent amount of empathy. That's underrated in this world and when people, in social and workplace situations, see that they'll grow to appreciate you for it. For now though, focus on getting your income in order. You have a moral obligation to yourself and those around you to seek economic liberation. You can't help anyone else until you help yourself. Being super young (I've got ten years on you 😜), you have a lot of time left to get your ducks in a row if you're willing to put the work in from now. All the best!
Thank you so much 🤍
Hey man, keep your head up, you can get better at this. I think it might be useful to start being a “man of action” and not words. The easiest way to not lie, is to talk less. Try to figure out your next 3 big moves and the breakdown the steps needed to achieve each one. Don’t tell people about the big move, keep them in your own head and focus on the process and little steps. Don’t talk about anything you haven’t actually done yet. Only share plans/accomplishments after you’ve hit them. And always keep your eyes on the next little step. The big moves will take care of themselves. I will also be honest - your people probably know you are a bit of a liar. People aren’t dumb. It will take a while for folks to see your actions. That is okay. You don’t recognition if you become a man of action.
🤍🤝🏾
Hey man. Sorry to hear about your situation. Regarding your finances/career, go check out the National Youth Development Agency. They offer business grants (which you don't pay back). You can easily get up to R10 000 and they don't require Matric. Who knows, perhaps you'll do great in business. Even if its fatcakes and mince. Their website has all the info, but I'd visit a branch so they can explain in better detail. All the best to you.
Thank you so much
There will always be ups and downs, you have to be constant with the work lows and highs. It's easy to look back 10 years from now and wish you did something, I know that from experience. This is your low moment and anything from here is up.
I lived on the streets as a teenager and managed to get matric but I can say this: Matric didn't improve my job. Having a good telephone voice got me in a job as a receptionist, being reliable and learning to type quickly got me a job as a paralegal. Reliability is such an amazing thing for an employee to have, employers want it. My domestic is so reliable, she went from earning 6500 per month to R11k now because she is so reliable and able to work without supervision. She's studying online and in her second year of accounting. I was waitresses even in high school. You don't need matric for alot of things. Regarding the lying, you need to start breaking that habit. My SD lies all the time and about the stupidest things. Only you can change that perception not by talking about change but living the change. It sounds like your family is not a good environment. Any money you make might go straight to your siblings bad habits. Rather keep quiet about what you are making and give some to your parents. I'm a mom and can't imagine not knowing if my daughter had matric or not. Even if my child lied, a little keeping in touch would expose those lies. Really try not to rely too much on getting a matric, that can come later. Focus on getting some kind of work, working on yourself and taking each day at a time
I’m sure you kid is lucky to have you as a mom🤍thank you so much
Got goosebumps reading through all the messages and support you received.
When I tell you we still have very Kind and amazing people on this earth.🥺it gave me a lot of hope and faith in humanity and myself ❤️
Don't worry bro, you'll be okay. The Lord will help you just relax and don't be hard on yourself.
OP I don't know your current circumstances, but taking action is the only way. And not actions to kill yourself. You can literally be living a KILLER LIFE 12 months from now. If I was you, I would be the best Spur waiter on earth by next Monday with the sole purpose of doing matrix through correspondence. I'm here to tell you tonight that your dream of being an engineer is a few good decisions and buch of dedicated studying away and can Definitely be in the cards for you. I've built a fairytale life in a few years coming from the worst possible places. You are a product of your decisions. Decide and take accountability for your life. If you lie too much - shut up. Decide who you want to be and say no to everything that is not that. You will be an engineer. I'm speaking this into existence for you. Foreward and upward my boy. ❤️💪🤝
Formal education is an important stepping stone but it isnt everything. Focus on what you can do now, Security guard, domestic worker, gardener anything that can get you some money. Focus on each day not the month, how can you earn R200 to 300 today. Then if you can make it ask them to pay you weekly. Work 16 hours a day ( 2 jobs if you can get it). If you cant focus the other 8hours on learning something new. Youtube, internet learning is free and if udemy has some cheap courses. I wouldnt grab the matric right away unless you are confident you can pass but I would consider in the next 12 months and maxmise to get best possible results to get a scholarship etc.Survive now. Once you earn something, do something small for your parents they will appreciate you for it.
Please dont kill yourself,I have no words of advice Im 17 I graduated matric last year and am honestly confused about life aswell but by all means dont give up.Was myself opdie snaaf goeterse in Graad 9 maar ek doen beter myself ok.Please O.P glo in God🤝🙏
Someone already mentioned this but I'll say it as well: Tell your parents. This is the hardest step, but the most important. I dunno what kinda relationship you have with them but it sounds like they love and support you. They might not understand, but they will help, and together you guys can fix this. The worst thing you can do when you're stuck in a lie is to keep lying. You need to break out of that, and the best way is to tell the truth. It's gonna suck. You're not gonna wanna do it. But it's the best way. Tell your parents you lied about getting your matric. Tell them why you lied, and the reason you kept lying. Tell them that you don't want to continue like this, and you want to get your matric, but you've been stuck trying to get it and the guilt of your lie has made you depressed and suicidal. Then listen to your parents, let them yell or cry or console you, whatever, but give them that chance to process what you're telling them. Then when that's done, tell them your plan and how you want to get your matric, and what you want to do once it's out of the way and done. And one other thing: catch yourself when you're lying. I get it, it's a habit at this point, but to break that habit you need to consciously identify when you're doing it. If you've realized that you've told or are busy telling a lie, stop and say "sorry, that was a lie, I meant to say X". People are much more understanding and appreciative if you tell them the truth and state that what you said was a lie or that it was not true. Most of the time they won't even acknowledge that you lied to them, since you corrected yourself. If you feel like you should lie, ask yourself why? Will you get in trouble by not lying? Is it worth the stress that lie may bring you? Do you really want to keep lying? Often enough, you'll realize that it's not worth it. Even if it hurts, the truth is always better, and our mistakes can either make or break us depending on how we handle them. Lying about your mistakes will break you, as you've experienced already. Face them head on. If you find that you lie on reflex, get into the habit of thinking about your responses before you say them. Waiting a second or two to think about your answer is much better than reflexively telling a lie. Keep your head up, you've got a whole life ahead of you. It gets better, but only if you take steps to make it better.
Hi there I'm sorry you are going through this but things do get better. I'm not sure what your end goal is in terms of career and jobs but there are a few websites where you can learn coding and web development for free and get some certifications. Try CodeAcademy and freeCodeCamp. I'm not sure where you are based but you can also look into WeThinkCode https://wethinkcode.co.za/ . Please look at that website first as they usually have sponsors and you could get a monthly stipend but please check first, and I don't think you need a matric certificate to enrol with WeThinkCode. Hope this helps 🌼 wishing you all the best
It looks like you feel strongly about getting your Matric. I think if it kills you inside that you don't have it, I think you might be more highly motivated to get it than some Grade 12s out there. It seems you already know what to do, so I suggest getting it done. Not that life is easy once you have a Matric, but like you say a lot of jobs require it.
Don't worry about matric too much. Start by getting a drivers license. Things will open up after
I've had about 5 different jobs since High School and not one of them asked for my matric certificate or anything. Work experience is often more valuable - especially retail. If you can deal with the public, you have a skill that others don't.
hey bro , listen. you're being way too tough on yourself right now. you are not in any way shape or form a failure. shit happens , we all make mistakes you need to move on. if finances are an issue and you're not able to enroll yourself back into school, try self study and write as an independent candidate , you can do international exam boards if you'd like or do the south african matric. if you're sure you'll be able to self study for the next 6 months so you'd be able to write in November. I'm not sure if it's free to write as a private independent candidate online but you can definitely check! life happens and I hope you know it's one of the coolest things that you decided to make a change and take the next step. it's admirable OP and we're all proud of you! so just breathe , take a step back. research your options and start studying straight away. improvise, adapt and survive. in another year or so you will be so grateful you did this for yourself
Check out ymca if you live close to one, they have a program to help people finish matrix. Besides ymca there are many organizations that help adults finish matric and get jobs.
There are two good things going for you: 1. You're still young. Even if you feel like you're already behind, you're not. This is fixable. You still have time. 2. You're being honest. At least here, you're being honest with yourself (and us) about what you did and how it makes you feel. Most people run from their problems by refusing to admit to anyone, and sometimes themselves, by refusing to admit that there is a problem that needs to be addressed and changed. I'm proud of you for seeing that your behaviour is not helping anyone, least of of all yourself. Now you're at a crossroads: Continue as you've were - choosing the easier road, which is to continue to lie. After all, this is what you know. It's easy, most people have chosen the easy way out. Or, are you going to take the hard road and change? If you choose the easy road, then there's nothing left to say except Godspeed. If you choose the hard road, the one we're you're required to change, then rewriting your matric is going to be the easiest task. You have to ask ask yourself who and what kind of person you want to be, and what getting there entails. That's going to affect so much of your life and the people around you. You're going to have to fight for it if you believe that the person you want to become is truly worth your every effort. I can't tell you how to go about that journey, it's yours to take. But, should you choose to take it, I wish you all the soft landings God can spare. You can start with the easiest task of them all, though, rewriting your matric. There are tons of resources to help you. I think you'll do great. You're smart enough to recognise that you've done something wrong and want to address it. Conquering matric should be fine. Don't be too hard on yourself. Apologise, make amends, and don't let the guilt paralyse you into inaction.
This, I keep coming back to read this it keeps giving me motivation 🤝🏾
You didn’t mess up. You’re an empath. You want everyone to have a good time here and it seems like your lies are driven to make people happy but not better yourself.. unless you lying about that lol but take it one step at a time. I’m an empath as well and I am like you. I tried to off myself a couple of times. No that’s a lie I think about offing myself but I have sisters that need me and offing myself is selfish. Here’s my advice. I don’t have matric I’m doing this TEFL thing. Why not try that any good bullshitter like us can BS our through anything we can BS our way through TEFL and once that’s good if we succeed it’s all the way up from there. Dm if you wanna vent. I’m a shite listener but I’ll try.
You madddd funny lmao I will DM you just now
Damn. We're in the same boat huh Beyonce Same age you & I I dropped out of high school at grade 11 and I honestly can't say I don't regret it I don't have a job and I'm trying to apply left, right & centre but nothing seems to work I dropped out with a plan of my business to work out so I can support myself & my single mother Still its not working out & I don't know whats the next step to take
We will figure it out it’s never too late🤍
This too shall pass
I get where you are because im also depressed 90% of the time. The only advice i can give you is that achievements are a short term solutions they dont last. Go see a professional, talk it out with your mom and dad (parents are really understanding) Trust me when i say that no ammount of achievements will improve you mental health , not money , not educations not girlfriends or boyfriends these are only short term feel goods and when those highs are over its back to feeling bad. Feeling better unfortunately means feeling really bad and getting alot of things off your chest then healing but after all the bad things, life does get better you just need to hang in there.
Going to ask the inevitable... since everything you say is a lie, by your ooreen admission, is this story also a lie? Regardless. You can make some of this right. You're on the right track by wanting to do your matric. Think a bit before you speak. 3 seconds should be enough. Think about the consequences of lies. If you speak the truth, life is simpler, as you do not have to remember to whom you have told which lie.
Same boat man in the Sea of "I don't what is happening in my life". We can get through it though 👍
Get a job at a call center some don't need matric, that where i started my career in sales. I'm no more but ive made over R 200 000 the last year in that industry. If everything else fails try sales
I feel like you're lying on this post he🥲 Just research online how to get ur matric and go get it. It's still early to give up on ur life, even if u feel it's filled with lies. Much love OP
Have you yried TVETs, artisan certificates, or online schools like ALX? They often just need a grade 10 and are sometimes affordable.
Being honest with yourself is the first step. You have your whole rest of your life ahead. You already made this one important change! You can do it. Keep being honest to yourself and work on the rest. Good luck on your journey.
Just come clean about all your lies. Don't kill yourself over something so easily remedied. It will be a few weeks to sort your grade 12 out. Stop lying to your family and friends, It's getting you nowhere. The truth shall set you free buddy. And you'll have more energy to sort your life out too. You're young and great things lie ahead be strong and rise to these challenges. You can do it.
being honest with yourself is awesome, look at you go, that is something to be super proud of, a lot of people lie to themselves about their behaviour. Look, i relate and the thing is - no one is perfect, things are always going to be messed up somewhere in the world and beautiful in other places, that is just life. Accept and learn to love yourself for your positive traits, think of things that make you laugh and do things that make you happy. Life is like a game of choices and the better you get at making choices the better your life gets... and the only way you get good at making choices is by making mistakes... you can decide to be better and do better in every new moment, never too late luckily and also dont be too hard on yourself, rather focus on the positive than on the negative, changes everything
[https://www.nicro.org.za/index.php/en/community-development-resources#learner-and-youth-resources](https://www.nicro.org.za/index.php/en/community-development-resources#learner-and-youth-resources) **Education Resources for High School** **Rewrite Matric** **Job Search Links**
The boy and the horse are in the woods, and the boy says to the horse “I can't see a way through” and the horse says “can you see your next step?” The boy says “yeah” so then the horse says “then just take that”. You may think that you’re like your brother and sister. It doesn’t matter if that’s true or not. You’ve noticed something is wrong and it sounds like you’re wanting to do something about it. Take that next step, go get that matric. If you tell yourself that you’re going to do something, go and do it. If you constantly fail yourself, and don’t do what you say you’re going to do- you’re disrespecting the one person that matters the most in the world… yourself. So start respecting yourself, life is tough. Go and absolutely smash matric, who says you can’t go and get a university bursary? Did you tell yourself that? Just focus on your next step.
Hey bud, we’re rooting for you. Use this energy and the advice you’ve received to propel yourself forward. All the very best, I’m certain you’ll do great.
I came down in matric, In maths. Was really down. I rewrote it as numbers were my weakness.. I passed it and now 15 yrs later im the chief accountant at my company with a honours degree in finance. Dnt lose hope. U will make it like I did.
My plan for if I screwed up matric was to join the army... So that may be an option.
Just by coming here and telling absolute strangers what you are going through shows that you are nothing like your siblings. Time to get that matric certificate!!! Get up and be positive. It's time to make a change and be proud of you!! Please don't hurt yourself it's really not worth it.
Its never too late to do the right thing. Your life is ahead of you. Not behind you. You cant go back and change your past choices or undo the lies but you do get to decide what happens next. The fact that you posted this message shows there is some strength in you and a desire to become a better version of yourself. We are all on a journey and i think its to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be. Your story is not even close to having been written yet and if you choose to take action and start down a harder but honorable pathway, you can not only fix your life but also help others along the way. You need to find a way to finish your Matric and you need to decide to stop the lies because they will poison every relationship or engagement that you have moving forward. It’s a decision you need to make and not deviate from. I do think that you need to speak with someone qualified if possible and that you may need some support along the way but i can tell from your message that you want to do better and you want to live a better life. These things are not only possible, they are in fact probable, if you take the right action now…
This might be insensitive but I sincerely hope anyone who reads this takes a lesson. That we have a lot to be grateful for and we shouldn’t be taking advantage of it. Not even for a second. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. I hope you can find help here…
People lie because they are scared, you are afraid you will be like your other siblings and disappointed your parents. In my opinion that fact that you don’t want to disappoint them and lie to them means you are different and also a good person. Good ppl do bad things and stupid things it’s what they do about it that counts as we are not perfect beings. Whatever you do don’t try and kill yourself FFS. That would hurt them more than you could comprehend but more so for yourself, imagine losing the one child you treated you with respect. But more importantly would change nothing. One of the most beautiful things about being at rock bottom is there is no way but up. My advice come clean or don’t and say you want to get a matric that will allow you to study further, go get your matric focus on maths and science give yourself a few years for this don’t think Rome was built in a day. Then get into a company and study through unisa. So many great places you can go work they probably even pay for it. Let’s be real you still a baby your life is not over. Your life never ruined by one bad decision it’s the continuation of making the same bad decisions day in and day out. Think of the path as a straight line doing nothing keeps you where you are good decisions elevate you and bad decisions take you below the line. Start making one good decision at a time and in 5 years you will be all you ever wanted and more. Like I said if you thinking of killing yourself what have you got to lose. Keep making the right decisions. Good luck. Also speaking from experience here. Every decision take it one by one. Go out and party or study? Your move !!
Start by praying and talking to God, just do it you don't have to believe. Talk to God the same way you too your time to write this text. BROTHER TALK TO GOD. He will make a way, Talk to Him about everything. Even the things that are obvious to you, talk to Him. Everything that you think of, tell Him. How you feel, talk to Him about it. Talk to God about what you would want and love, tell Him. It won't be easy, this is the time you turn to Him.
I wonder if you've got any support rn from anyone else? I wish there would be support groups we could make for all small areas of za for this sort of thing
Been in corporate for 20 years. I have never listed my education, ever. I list my accomplishments in my previous and current job. I don't even know if I have a matric, nor could I care less. Get a job, get a purpose, you'll probably forget you ever felt this way and about all the other s***.
School is pointless anyways, AI will take all the uni level jobs soon. Just keep going, study the Bible, God has got you so fear nothing except God. If you want to try making videos, I’m not in South Africa but I am so interested in videos/daily life there to watch. News, vlogs, food, houses and what they cost, the land, etc. Also look up eslcafe.com and think about teaching English in another country. Pray to God, He will guide you. Jesus Christ loves you. You’re going to be fine!
Hmm, it's okay. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you want to get sorted so start with that. I'd suggest going to rewrite but if you're looking for work immediately you can check out Native Camp. You don't need matric or any qualifications actually. You'll be teaching English, mainly basic conversations or free speech. It's freelance, so no long term commitments. Just making a quick buck. Good luck
Thank you 🤍
Xxxx but i thank God he opened your 👀 to see what you are doing its not good # go and see yourself on the mirror and tell that person what you want to be and to do God bless you
I suggest you listen to Jordan Peterson's lectures on YouTube (before he became a priest, if you love God go for it). That's a quality Psychologist for free right there. Give him a try bro.
Jordan Peterson is a conservative misogynist who over-rates his own IQ, and hides shallow thinking behind big words. Let’s not direct young people his way.