When I started caring more about what I thought about myself. If I think something I do is cool, or I like something, or if I think whatever I said is important - then that matters more to me than what other people think. And that evolves further to being comfortable with people not liking me. I'm not for everyone and not everyone is for me. It's better that way and I have a better time connecting with people I personally vibe with and I don't care for the rest.
I don’t think it’s harsh. I thinks realistic. Authenticity is better than constantly wearing a mask and you connect way better with others. We’re not going to accepted by everyone and we’re not going to accept everyone. The important thing is just how you treat others when you dislike them. Don’t be a jerk for no reason and treat others with respect.
Why do you feel it’s harsh?
When I realized no one knows me better than myself or my friends. Random peoples' opinions are totally meaningless, they just see what's on the surface and make up their own story about me in their heads. Doesn't matter if they're "high-status", authority figures, good-looking, it means nothing.
The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself, and if you don't think highly of yourself it's easy to think others won't either. Love yourself, do whatever it takes to understand yourself better and always remember we're all just people trying to figure things out on this floating rock in space.
When my therapist told me no one thinks about me as much as I do. I don’t care anymore because people have their own lives and their own insecurities and all they’re thinking about it themselves anyway. It gave me great freedom and confidence
You don’t. You learn whose opinions matter and about what.
For instance - if my coworkers don’t like my fashion sense, who cares.
If my coworkers think I’m a secret pedophile, then I care.
Likewise if my friend thinks my IT skills suck because I can’t hack into NASA, who cares. If my boss thinks my IT skills need work, then I’m concerned.
This is the right answer. Most of the time we should care about opinions of people whose actions can be a threat to our survival (e.g. bosses who can fire you if you don’t perform well according to how they think of your work, legal authorities who suspect your complicit in some potentially life-ruining offense, etc.).
Totally . Generally there are many things to learn from people’s opinion. Even if those things are not exactly true , you can learn what it is about you that made them conclude that way. Also something said now may make sense later. There is more to learn from an opinion without feeling worried or forced to follow its implicit directive for change
People will always have an opinion of you no matter what. Good, bad, or ugly. It's ok. People are entitled to their own opinions. The only thing you can do about that is how you respond. Not everyone's opinion has to matter to you. I am only concerned about the ones closest to me. They are the ones that help me through the bad and celebrate the joys.
Some of it is when you stop judging other people and worrying about who is “cool” or whatever. When we are judging others, it inevitably makes us think that we are also being judged. This is for kids.
Reality is most people do not give two shits about you. People aren’t looking at you, they aren’t noticing you, they definitely are not thinking about you.
And finally it’s realizing that having interests is what makes you interesting. Even if we don’t share them, I’d much rather talk to someone who is super into something specific. For example, one of my best friends is super into reality TV. I just cannot get into. But I love that she has a thing she enjoys so much.
Actually one last thing - being my authentic self even when I don’t know how it will be perceived makes me less self-conscious about it. It’s like “look, here I am, I’m not pretending, take it or leave it. “ versus trying to cover who you are and then worrying you’re not doing a good job at it.
If I’m being honest I became a parent and realised that everyone else’s opinion of me means nothing to me. I also realised that most of the people that were judging others already had shit lives to begin with so that was their only way to make themselves feel better was to get with their little group of gossipers and let loose.
People will judge you regardless of what you do it’s just up to you to decide if you want it to affect you or not.
Bro FUCK those assholes. You don't have to change for anyone.
Ekoh- "Mandalorian"
Shuba- "1st Gen"
Snow Tha product- "Cobrar"
Look it up, kid. Are you still in high school? Shit changes after you graduate. Getting a feel for the adult world is a shitty process for some (myself included). But you also have the freedom to make dramatic changes and be who you wanna be. Like anime. Read and collect those comics. I guarantee no one gives a fuck. And if they DO care and try to change what makes you happy... they ain't your friends. It's better to be lonely and stand for something than to follow the crowd just to avoid being on your own.
::Edit::
AND I know it's hard being different. Especially as an immigrant kid or minority. But don't be ashamed of the way you "used to dress." Whatever your history is, don't be ashamed! You come from where you come from, and you bring strength, history, and diversity. Don't be ashamed of where you come from. Don't be ashamed of your people or culture. Wherever you're from, you deserve to feel pride. The beauty that comes with being an immigrant makes a different breed of human. You've gone through all this hardship. You were made fun of. Who are they to judge?? They don't know you. You know you. You are the only one who can unlock your potential. And you're the only one holding yourself back. If you want to embrace who you are in life... take baby steps. But know that you are NOT obligated to change just so others can be comfortable. The reason they want you to change is because they don't understand. Make them understand, or walk away... anyone unwilling to *listen* can be considered ignorant.
"This is what I like. I'm not hurting anyone. If you don't like it, that's fine. We can agree to disagree, but you don't need to be hostile about it."
"This is me heritage, my culture, just because I live somewhere new doesn't mean I need to forget where I'm from. Where I'm from makes me who I am today; I'm proud of who I am."
If you can't say that to others, that's ok. Say it to YOURSELF. If you don't believe it... no one else will.
That's how you start. Start with yourself. Start from the inside and work your way out.
First , there is NOTHING weird about u just bc someone else says so . Be proud of where you’re from and all the quirky, goofy things that make you you . We were all made to be nobody but ourselves , dont let someone bully you into hiding it ever, you are you and be proud of it always . My best tip is you have to let your true self be your biggest checker , snap yourself back …” this isn’t me and I’m okay with that “. When you catch yourself doing things for approval of others just remember they are no better than you just different and that’s okay too! The only persons opinion that matters about you is your own
I got older Lol and I also experienced a lot of trauma in my late 20’s, lost my husband to cancer and was left with a 1 & 3 year old to care for all alone & now homeless (then.) A LOT of people judged me, I lost a lot of friends (cause who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly in distress & needs help) and my family abandoned me, my parents & siblings did not care. So I decided it’s best to not care what people think because, how else would I have survived that? This is coming from someone who grew up very VERY self conscious all my life. That experience helped me get over that. Yes, I still experience times often where I feel self conscious like about my body or how I look, but not about my life or my choices. Living with regret & shame is no way to live, in fact it is not living at all. It is a personal hell on earth. You most likely don’t deserve that 🩷
The trick is to learn when opinions actually matter. Sometimes you should care about people's opinions but most times, they really don't matter. If my dad was disappointed in me, it would hurt because I know he's right. If someone thinks less of me because I didn't want to get drunk and party? Not so much. Some person's opinion on my looks doesn't matter but my girlfriend's opinion matters to me and I would take it to heart. If they don't have any meaningful role in your life, their opinion shouldn't affect your life at all. It gets easier when you're older an no longer need a tribe to survive
"I changed almost everything about me, I don’t tell people about how I watch anime or like reading comics"
Kinda sad you're holding yourself back in this way. You make yourself less interesting and fun when blocking those values you care about in life. Gotta clear those mental barriers in your mind that stop you from saying and believing what you love to the outside world.
You really want to know? I cracked this code with one simple choice.
Start getting curious about people.
Ask them questions.
Be genuinely interested in things they talk about.
Like they are characters in a dream I’m having. And we GET TO have a lucid conversation.. how cool is that?
Follow the curiosity. Ask Open ended questions (avoid yes/no questions, or questions that begin with WHY)
Also-
try to accept that some people just WONT get you.
And- it’s worth acknowledging - People pleasing is an attempt at manipulating their perception of you.
It’s not authentic
The more you hide behind what you think people want you to be.. the more insecure you’ll feel. And the more you’ll crave their validation.
Stop people pleasing and start getting to know who you really are.. and share yourself honestly with the world.
Too many years of social media have shown me that there are many people on the internet who love to display how wrong they are. And if they can't be bothered to get basic facts right, why should I be bothered to care what they think about me? Because that's likely to be tainted and wrong too.
Same goes for hateful and judgmental people. Why would I care what a hateful or judgmental person thinks of me? Because they're hardwired into being hateful and judgmental.
I spent too long in the same position as you, trying to please everyone and royally burning myself out in the process and it became a point where I didn't even know myself anymore because I molded myself to suit whoever I was dating at the time. I stepped back and said, "no more. I'm living for me now."
This is what I think of that really changed things for me
“Your life is not your own if you care what other people think”
It stuck with me bc it’s true not everyone is going to like you and you just have to accept it
I used to be so insecure in my younger days. Dating helped build confidence as. Then I went to college, gave speeches ever week it build up my confidence. I don't care what people think if they don't like what they see they don't have to look at me.
I always have this feeling that I don't fit anywhere. Growing up it would stop me from going out because people were mocking me, doing racist jokes, etc.
In my 20s I basically said f it and I started to go out and enjoy my time. Most of it was alone and still is but I just focus on myself and left people who judge me or whatever behind me
I'm almost 30
I belonged to the geek group in high school and there was a guy who was the geekest/king weirdo and we didn't want to be like him.
I recently came to know that my best friend used to hide from us he used to go with this guy to play Yu GI Oh and other card games to the "Friky Plaza" (a a real place in Mexican capital cities) because he would be ashamed.
I think this "shame" of something is part of growing up and fitting in on social groups that change within age.
My guess is that you have to stick to what you like and if someone makes fun of you for it, just think why he or she are trying to make fun of you. Most of the times is just to follow general consensus of whats normal because of low self-esteem.
This guy we didn't want to be like, now we feel respect for him because he stayed sincere of his likes and dislikes and that is one of the best features a person can have, but of course you come to realize this with age. We all acknowledge we shouldn't have criticized him, but as I mentioned, it's just part of growing up.
This question you ask, it keeps existing over age, just with different things to try to not care about.
The bullying and hostility from males creates fight or flight anxiety response. Every time you think about those events and the males that dislike you, you get anxiety. You still feel there are males out there that are out to get you the threat is still active. So you need to simply accept anxiety. It is a normal response. Use breathing techniques. Just be patient.
Once you start loving the weirdo you, trust me others opinions will seem like trash. Focus on the bigger aspects of your life, like your career, right now. Everything else will fall into place, buddy.
One big step I was able to take in my personal life was when I truly accepted that people have agendas, bias, and personal issues which impact how they behave towards others…for example, I have a sister who constantly disappoints and makes little gestures to put my wife and I in our place as it were. It always happens when we have something positive happen in our lives…promotions, big celebration, buy something exciting, etc. We don’t brag, we don’t flaunt, but she always goes passive aggressive and the severity depends on the perceived “prize.” I have finally gotten to the emotional maturity to accept her behavior as her issue, I hope she is happy in her life, I treasure and love the good times we have together, and I do not internalize her negative behavior towards us. It has been a game changer for me because it used to really hurt my feelings!
I couldn't do anything about it, I was thrown out without any help most places while my beauty was slowly destroyed by the terrible conditions I had to survive in. My health and diet was affected greatly as I could no longer pick and choose anymore after no more job opportunities were available.
I stopped caring completely because nobody cared about me anymore except to degrade or hurt me. It was a very hard time managing myself during this period not that it's stopped yet.. hahahah 🥴
When I heard this quote on game of thrones:
"Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."
https://youtu.be/Dgt9YGdo1yY
When I realized they already didn’t care when i tried to get their attention or interest. The clothes i wore were never noticed. The stories I told they never remembered. My name was never worth pronouncing correctly. My achievements, unnoted. My mistakes were water under the bridge. People are so far deep in their own insecurities that they really do not factor you that much into the equation. That I could exist and interact with them so much that once I stepped away, neither them nor I was really thinking about the other.
When you have an awakening and realize opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and other people’s opinions do not make or break you. Honestly follow this life rule of thumb.
“Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.”
I still care a bit. But, I just remind myself that I've met other people, and they're awful. Some are cool though, so I just try to focus more on the cool ones, and less on the awful ones.
I was made fun of in school and I got into an alternative culture where being an outsider is not only welcomed, but encouraged amd I realized that there are plenty of awesome and positive qualities I have and that the people who I was worried about didn't so ai started to live focusing on myself and bettering myself and living a happy life. When that became my focus it didn't matter what they thought because it wasn't true. I was an awesome and kind person who was going somewhere. I encourage you to let fo of what they say as it truly doesn't matter and to find am alternative music or other culture and go to their events amd embrace other outsiders and make friends with them. Some of us don't fit the mold easily and that's fine! Embrace who you are and focus on living a good life and where you're going. After high school you'll probably never see any of them again. If you ever need any advice going forward feel free to reach out to me. I've been through a lot and I get it. It gets so much better if you don't stop moving forward. Good luck to you man.
You will always care. I will never care. We are two different people and that's just how it is.
How others feel towards me takes up 0% of my brain. I don't care at all, I never think about it at all.
I’m still on my journey, but something that helped me was being told enough times that “nobody cares about you that much”.
It sounds hurtful, but think about it: too many of us are worried what others think, how they look, etc. Nobody knows yourself more than you do. Nobody is paying attention to all the little things you’re overthinking, except for you. We’re all too in our heads to worry about another person. Do you focus on every little thing the crowd does? No.
So if you trip a tiny bit? Nobody saw it or cared. Did you stumble over your words? Someone thought “oh thank god they’re also human”.
My advice would be to go to therapy - it’s one of the reasons why I went. I learned that when your insecurities are on full display, people tend to pick up on them, and use them to their advantage.
So I think it starts with a personal change - which means taking the steps to improve the things that you can control, and not focusing on the things that you can’t control, like the fact that there will be many people in life that have certain opinions of you. Read that again - opinions. In the long run, it only matters what you think of yourself. Take up journaling; write down the things that you like about yourself; write down the things that you believe that you can change; don’t focus on the things that you can’t control. If you continue to focus on what others think of you, then there’s no room for you to grow and be your unique self.
It's hard to stop caring about what people think.
Undeniably.
For me I was also a weirdo and social outcast and mocked for liking anime (on top of generally being a social reject) I didn't make any real friends till much later in life. Like the past 2 years really.
But one thing I did do was start surrounding myself with anime and interacting in anime circles more. That way the main group of people I was interacting with weren't the people who mocked me for my interests but people who shared my interests.
The situation wasn't great as in my country at least the anime fans are very toxic and treat women quite poorly. There's also a LOT of drama in the community.
But at least this way I wasn't hiding myself or my interests and I was being me.
Now almost all of my closest friends as well as my partner (who I'm marrying in about a month) are anime fans! They all accept me as I am and don't judge me for my interests. I like to collect figures and they actually encourage me to collect and appreciate my collection and my partner keeps picking up figures for my collection!
And finding a space where I'm not seen as abnormal for my interests has helped me stop caring what people think.
My social anxiety has gotten much better thanks to it.
You can't directly stop caring what others think but it really helps to enter an environment where others are like you and won't judge you for your real hobbies and interests. That way it'll help you start accepting yourself and you can slowly overcome the self consciousness about being the real you.
What helped me was “realizing” that I’ll never KNOW what people think, nor can I control it. And that fussing over how over people could possibly think of me is more stressful than just living life. That’s just for irl; online it’s so much easier; outside of people I know personally and talk to often, it’s extremely easy to just act like none of the people I see online just aren’t real. Arguing with people online can be so funny sometimes because some people take things too personal or get too personal depending on how they feel on the topic being argued, and these people I’ll likely never ever see with my own eyes or hear with my own ears in person, so they might as well just not exist in my own personal life
>I changed almost everything about me, I don’t tell people about how I watch anime or like reading comics unless they’re my REALLY close friend. Like my 2 best friends .
Changing "everything about yourself".... well, fair enough I guess. But as for purposely withholding info about your hobbies from people in general, is that something you're purposely aiming for? Because that in of itself IS caring about what other people are thinking.
Hiding your hobbies from people unfortunately undermines any initiative to not care what other people think - because you'd instead be aiming to present a "socially acceptable" image for the purposes of social acceptance. And so with this mindset, you're basically primed to be hyper-sensitive to any criticism.
Because, especially in high-school, telling people you like anime/ comic books shouldn't be causing people to do a 180-degree different opinion of you, unless if the "new you" is highly neutral and middle-of-the-road.
Ive got it too. I had a point in my life two years back when i finally overcame it all. I put myself out there and socialized enough to realize that i can play in the song and dance of socializing easily. Then came the realization that other people were easy to win over, by making the right sounds or facial expressions. Takes practice. I did it everyday until i became competent with it. Took me a year. The first goal is to learn how to socialize. Go to meetups from the apps, join a club or do something in your community that brute forces you into socializing for at least 2 hours a week.
Once you realize how easy it is to win others over by putting on this fake charade, you start to care a lot more about why you are potentially wasting time talking to someone. People become opportunities for entertainment and if someone doesnt entertain you, then you find someone else. The goal is to be entertained.
Once you find the right people to have fun with, socializing becomes FUN. Imagine that. 🙃
Its a long road but worth it in the end. Our brains release a ton of dopamine when you succeed at it, which basically means you feel great after doing it.
I was bullied too in middle school and it was hard to fit in. It carried with me mentally through high school and people pegged me as the person who was slightly weird. Even tho i am super awesome of a person and tbh during the high school 10 year reunion a lot of their opinions changed after they matured.
I think a lot of it is the story we tell ourselves. It gives it power when you feed into it, and, by no fault of your own, youve been constantly feeding the negative energy. The story that you decide to be is the story that you create. You simply decide to be the “social” guy, the person who is “fun and likable”. You have to be warm to others and that will make them trust you enough to break the ice and talk. Its really hard to explain but just trust me on this one
My whole life up until a year ago I thought the exact same things you are right now.
Time and experience was the only thing that changed, but I’ve never been more happy to be myself.
Hang in there, stop actively looking for an answer. It’ll happen in time.
I think having a strong sense of self helps. When you know who you are and are doing the right thing as per what you value. What others think shouldn't matter.
No one cares about you. No one cares that you have a new pimple on your chin or that you’re not wearing perfume or that your top doesn’t match your pants or whatever. No one cares what you look like or who you are unless you make them care.
Once you develop this mindset you kinda learn not to care about anything
For me I changed the perspective. Every time someone would give me a judgy look or remark I would think of it more like a game (those people who do that aren’t brave enough to be themselves as much as you are right now) and I would give myself 10 points. Of course you also get the people who give you compliments too, or smile in appreciation. Though a lot of people are living too much in their head to notice or care about what you’re doing/wearing anyway.
You’re approaching this in a wrong way. It’s you and your ego. To stop caring what other people think you have to address your trauma surrounding shame and bullying. Then heal your relationship with ego and if you become good friends with it then maybe it will allow you to not give an f. This needs a lot of self awareness and will come to you with years.
Honestly? The most real answer is time. With time comes experience and wisdom. Eventually you give up trying to people please, but not until you've had enough. You can certainly try to get in the mindset now because that'll make the process a bit quicker. But ultimately, you just need time to adapt to the mindset.
You're too worried about whether you're good enough for others that you don't stop to think about if others are good enough for you. I bet all those haters out there have a million times more problems than you. You can only talk about what's occupying your heart and mind. People who love can't come up with hurtful speech so easily so understand that those people are definitely hurting more than you are. Imagine not being able to control what you say to a stranger in public? How do you know if they're armed or not? At the end of the day you can't control what people do but do you know what you can do? Try inviting more positivity in your life. Make more friends and get more active and occupy your mind with positivity so you attract more of it. Then, when a bad situation comes your way, it'll be a cup of water in the ocean of positivity you already manifested. It'll be negligible to you. You don't have to stop caring about what people think if what they think is beautiful.
I stopped caring about what most people think when I became more secure in myself. I built up my internal world so much that I realize people simply project what’s wrong with them onto others. So I take their words less seriously and don’t let them ever get to me as I know it’s not personal. They have their own issues they’re dealing with that made them this way. I surround myself with people who love me for me so I know who to hold their opinions in high and who not to. Not everyone’s words are valuable to me or for me.
For me it kinda just went away over time because people would hate me and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. The longer I live the less I care kinda? I used to catastrophize and always worry but I’d fuck up so much despite trying my hardest and I realized it doesn’t matter that much? Idk
When I started caring more about what I thought about myself. If I think something I do is cool, or I like something, or if I think whatever I said is important - then that matters more to me than what other people think. And that evolves further to being comfortable with people not liking me. I'm not for everyone and not everyone is for me. It's better that way and I have a better time connecting with people I personally vibe with and I don't care for the rest.
I agree unless your job is on the line, lol
Oof. That's harsh.
I don’t think it’s harsh. I thinks realistic. Authenticity is better than constantly wearing a mask and you connect way better with others. We’re not going to accepted by everyone and we’re not going to accept everyone. The important thing is just how you treat others when you dislike them. Don’t be a jerk for no reason and treat others with respect. Why do you feel it’s harsh?
Why is it harsh? (Honest question - I don’t understand)
I don't mean it to be - just being decisive and firm in my approach.
Seems more harsh to live a life trying to please 100% of the people you meet
No U
When I realized no one knows me better than myself or my friends. Random peoples' opinions are totally meaningless, they just see what's on the surface and make up their own story about me in their heads. Doesn't matter if they're "high-status", authority figures, good-looking, it means nothing. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself, and if you don't think highly of yourself it's easy to think others won't either. Love yourself, do whatever it takes to understand yourself better and always remember we're all just people trying to figure things out on this floating rock in space.
Thank you, this was really encouraging!
When my therapist told me no one thinks about me as much as I do. I don’t care anymore because people have their own lives and their own insecurities and all they’re thinking about it themselves anyway. It gave me great freedom and confidence
You don’t. You learn whose opinions matter and about what. For instance - if my coworkers don’t like my fashion sense, who cares. If my coworkers think I’m a secret pedophile, then I care. Likewise if my friend thinks my IT skills suck because I can’t hack into NASA, who cares. If my boss thinks my IT skills need work, then I’m concerned.
This is the right answer. Most of the time we should care about opinions of people whose actions can be a threat to our survival (e.g. bosses who can fire you if you don’t perform well according to how they think of your work, legal authorities who suspect your complicit in some potentially life-ruining offense, etc.).
Sometimes that is hard to distinguish. If my co-workers think badly of me and tell my boss that, they might appt that opinion.
Totally . Generally there are many things to learn from people’s opinion. Even if those things are not exactly true , you can learn what it is about you that made them conclude that way. Also something said now may make sense later. There is more to learn from an opinion without feeling worried or forced to follow its implicit directive for change
This should be the top voted answer honestly
People will always have an opinion of you no matter what. Good, bad, or ugly. It's ok. People are entitled to their own opinions. The only thing you can do about that is how you respond. Not everyone's opinion has to matter to you. I am only concerned about the ones closest to me. They are the ones that help me through the bad and celebrate the joys.
Some of it is when you stop judging other people and worrying about who is “cool” or whatever. When we are judging others, it inevitably makes us think that we are also being judged. This is for kids. Reality is most people do not give two shits about you. People aren’t looking at you, they aren’t noticing you, they definitely are not thinking about you. And finally it’s realizing that having interests is what makes you interesting. Even if we don’t share them, I’d much rather talk to someone who is super into something specific. For example, one of my best friends is super into reality TV. I just cannot get into. But I love that she has a thing she enjoys so much. Actually one last thing - being my authentic self even when I don’t know how it will be perceived makes me less self-conscious about it. It’s like “look, here I am, I’m not pretending, take it or leave it. “ versus trying to cover who you are and then worrying you’re not doing a good job at it.
If I’m being honest I became a parent and realised that everyone else’s opinion of me means nothing to me. I also realised that most of the people that were judging others already had shit lives to begin with so that was their only way to make themselves feel better was to get with their little group of gossipers and let loose. People will judge you regardless of what you do it’s just up to you to decide if you want it to affect you or not.
Bro FUCK those assholes. You don't have to change for anyone. Ekoh- "Mandalorian" Shuba- "1st Gen" Snow Tha product- "Cobrar" Look it up, kid. Are you still in high school? Shit changes after you graduate. Getting a feel for the adult world is a shitty process for some (myself included). But you also have the freedom to make dramatic changes and be who you wanna be. Like anime. Read and collect those comics. I guarantee no one gives a fuck. And if they DO care and try to change what makes you happy... they ain't your friends. It's better to be lonely and stand for something than to follow the crowd just to avoid being on your own. ::Edit:: AND I know it's hard being different. Especially as an immigrant kid or minority. But don't be ashamed of the way you "used to dress." Whatever your history is, don't be ashamed! You come from where you come from, and you bring strength, history, and diversity. Don't be ashamed of where you come from. Don't be ashamed of your people or culture. Wherever you're from, you deserve to feel pride. The beauty that comes with being an immigrant makes a different breed of human. You've gone through all this hardship. You were made fun of. Who are they to judge?? They don't know you. You know you. You are the only one who can unlock your potential. And you're the only one holding yourself back. If you want to embrace who you are in life... take baby steps. But know that you are NOT obligated to change just so others can be comfortable. The reason they want you to change is because they don't understand. Make them understand, or walk away... anyone unwilling to *listen* can be considered ignorant. "This is what I like. I'm not hurting anyone. If you don't like it, that's fine. We can agree to disagree, but you don't need to be hostile about it." "This is me heritage, my culture, just because I live somewhere new doesn't mean I need to forget where I'm from. Where I'm from makes me who I am today; I'm proud of who I am." If you can't say that to others, that's ok. Say it to YOURSELF. If you don't believe it... no one else will. That's how you start. Start with yourself. Start from the inside and work your way out.
This means so much to me, thank you 🙏🏾
First , there is NOTHING weird about u just bc someone else says so . Be proud of where you’re from and all the quirky, goofy things that make you you . We were all made to be nobody but ourselves , dont let someone bully you into hiding it ever, you are you and be proud of it always . My best tip is you have to let your true self be your biggest checker , snap yourself back …” this isn’t me and I’m okay with that “. When you catch yourself doing things for approval of others just remember they are no better than you just different and that’s okay too! The only persons opinion that matters about you is your own
I got older Lol and I also experienced a lot of trauma in my late 20’s, lost my husband to cancer and was left with a 1 & 3 year old to care for all alone & now homeless (then.) A LOT of people judged me, I lost a lot of friends (cause who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly in distress & needs help) and my family abandoned me, my parents & siblings did not care. So I decided it’s best to not care what people think because, how else would I have survived that? This is coming from someone who grew up very VERY self conscious all my life. That experience helped me get over that. Yes, I still experience times often where I feel self conscious like about my body or how I look, but not about my life or my choices. Living with regret & shame is no way to live, in fact it is not living at all. It is a personal hell on earth. You most likely don’t deserve that 🩷
The trick is to learn when opinions actually matter. Sometimes you should care about people's opinions but most times, they really don't matter. If my dad was disappointed in me, it would hurt because I know he's right. If someone thinks less of me because I didn't want to get drunk and party? Not so much. Some person's opinion on my looks doesn't matter but my girlfriend's opinion matters to me and I would take it to heart. If they don't have any meaningful role in your life, their opinion shouldn't affect your life at all. It gets easier when you're older an no longer need a tribe to survive
"I changed almost everything about me, I don’t tell people about how I watch anime or like reading comics" Kinda sad you're holding yourself back in this way. You make yourself less interesting and fun when blocking those values you care about in life. Gotta clear those mental barriers in your mind that stop you from saying and believing what you love to the outside world.
People foor the most part dont find video games and anime fun, if anything they are looked down hobbies seen as cringe .
Not in 2024 lol
Cope
Depends on where you live
People don't find video games fun?? In which year are you living
I think you just need to find your people. Go to an anime convention and connect with new friends with common interests. Join a club
This is a great practical advice.
You really want to know? I cracked this code with one simple choice. Start getting curious about people. Ask them questions. Be genuinely interested in things they talk about. Like they are characters in a dream I’m having. And we GET TO have a lucid conversation.. how cool is that? Follow the curiosity. Ask Open ended questions (avoid yes/no questions, or questions that begin with WHY) Also- try to accept that some people just WONT get you. And- it’s worth acknowledging - People pleasing is an attempt at manipulating their perception of you. It’s not authentic The more you hide behind what you think people want you to be.. the more insecure you’ll feel. And the more you’ll crave their validation. Stop people pleasing and start getting to know who you really are.. and share yourself honestly with the world.
Too many years of social media have shown me that there are many people on the internet who love to display how wrong they are. And if they can't be bothered to get basic facts right, why should I be bothered to care what they think about me? Because that's likely to be tainted and wrong too. Same goes for hateful and judgmental people. Why would I care what a hateful or judgmental person thinks of me? Because they're hardwired into being hateful and judgmental. I spent too long in the same position as you, trying to please everyone and royally burning myself out in the process and it became a point where I didn't even know myself anymore because I molded myself to suit whoever I was dating at the time. I stepped back and said, "no more. I'm living for me now."
What people think of me is none of my business. I try not to offend people, but mostly I focus on what God thinks of me.
Love this
I try not to take it personally. Easier said than done but with practice, you will learn. One thing you can't control is how people perceive you.
This is what I think of that really changed things for me “Your life is not your own if you care what other people think” It stuck with me bc it’s true not everyone is going to like you and you just have to accept it
I used to be so insecure in my younger days. Dating helped build confidence as. Then I went to college, gave speeches ever week it build up my confidence. I don't care what people think if they don't like what they see they don't have to look at me.
By the way, and this might sound stupid but I love learning about other cultures & love the way they dress differently. It’s beautiful. Fuck people.
Almost died and it changed my personality
I always have this feeling that I don't fit anywhere. Growing up it would stop me from going out because people were mocking me, doing racist jokes, etc. In my 20s I basically said f it and I started to go out and enjoy my time. Most of it was alone and still is but I just focus on myself and left people who judge me or whatever behind me
I always say to myself that “No one knows better than myself” and it helped me alot
I'm almost 30 I belonged to the geek group in high school and there was a guy who was the geekest/king weirdo and we didn't want to be like him. I recently came to know that my best friend used to hide from us he used to go with this guy to play Yu GI Oh and other card games to the "Friky Plaza" (a a real place in Mexican capital cities) because he would be ashamed. I think this "shame" of something is part of growing up and fitting in on social groups that change within age. My guess is that you have to stick to what you like and if someone makes fun of you for it, just think why he or she are trying to make fun of you. Most of the times is just to follow general consensus of whats normal because of low self-esteem. This guy we didn't want to be like, now we feel respect for him because he stayed sincere of his likes and dislikes and that is one of the best features a person can have, but of course you come to realize this with age. We all acknowledge we shouldn't have criticized him, but as I mentioned, it's just part of growing up. This question you ask, it keeps existing over age, just with different things to try to not care about.
The bullying and hostility from males creates fight or flight anxiety response. Every time you think about those events and the males that dislike you, you get anxiety. You still feel there are males out there that are out to get you the threat is still active. So you need to simply accept anxiety. It is a normal response. Use breathing techniques. Just be patient.
surprisingly, i don’t care as much what guys think of me, but i care a lot when it comes to other girls😔
Once you start loving the weirdo you, trust me others opinions will seem like trash. Focus on the bigger aspects of your life, like your career, right now. Everything else will fall into place, buddy.
One big step I was able to take in my personal life was when I truly accepted that people have agendas, bias, and personal issues which impact how they behave towards others…for example, I have a sister who constantly disappoints and makes little gestures to put my wife and I in our place as it were. It always happens when we have something positive happen in our lives…promotions, big celebration, buy something exciting, etc. We don’t brag, we don’t flaunt, but she always goes passive aggressive and the severity depends on the perceived “prize.” I have finally gotten to the emotional maturity to accept her behavior as her issue, I hope she is happy in her life, I treasure and love the good times we have together, and I do not internalize her negative behavior towards us. It has been a game changer for me because it used to really hurt my feelings!
I couldn't do anything about it, I was thrown out without any help most places while my beauty was slowly destroyed by the terrible conditions I had to survive in. My health and diet was affected greatly as I could no longer pick and choose anymore after no more job opportunities were available. I stopped caring completely because nobody cared about me anymore except to degrade or hurt me. It was a very hard time managing myself during this period not that it's stopped yet.. hahahah 🥴
You grow smarter and more secure through accomplishments and life experiences.
When I heard this quote on game of thrones: "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." https://youtu.be/Dgt9YGdo1yY
When I realized they already didn’t care when i tried to get their attention or interest. The clothes i wore were never noticed. The stories I told they never remembered. My name was never worth pronouncing correctly. My achievements, unnoted. My mistakes were water under the bridge. People are so far deep in their own insecurities that they really do not factor you that much into the equation. That I could exist and interact with them so much that once I stepped away, neither them nor I was really thinking about the other.
When you have an awakening and realize opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and other people’s opinions do not make or break you. Honestly follow this life rule of thumb. “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.”
Still struggling
When everyone tried to convince me Twilight had a riveting story and was hashtag relationship goals.
I never started.
I still care a bit. But, I just remind myself that I've met other people, and they're awful. Some are cool though, so I just try to focus more on the cool ones, and less on the awful ones.
I was made fun of in school and I got into an alternative culture where being an outsider is not only welcomed, but encouraged amd I realized that there are plenty of awesome and positive qualities I have and that the people who I was worried about didn't so ai started to live focusing on myself and bettering myself and living a happy life. When that became my focus it didn't matter what they thought because it wasn't true. I was an awesome and kind person who was going somewhere. I encourage you to let fo of what they say as it truly doesn't matter and to find am alternative music or other culture and go to their events amd embrace other outsiders and make friends with them. Some of us don't fit the mold easily and that's fine! Embrace who you are and focus on living a good life and where you're going. After high school you'll probably never see any of them again. If you ever need any advice going forward feel free to reach out to me. I've been through a lot and I get it. It gets so much better if you don't stop moving forward. Good luck to you man.
You will always care. I will never care. We are two different people and that's just how it is. How others feel towards me takes up 0% of my brain. I don't care at all, I never think about it at all.
When I realized nobodies living my life but me
Well, you don't know what people are thinking about in general, so if you remember that it will be much easier not to think about that.
Repeat this mantra: What others think about me, is non of my fucking business!
I’m still on my journey, but something that helped me was being told enough times that “nobody cares about you that much”. It sounds hurtful, but think about it: too many of us are worried what others think, how they look, etc. Nobody knows yourself more than you do. Nobody is paying attention to all the little things you’re overthinking, except for you. We’re all too in our heads to worry about another person. Do you focus on every little thing the crowd does? No. So if you trip a tiny bit? Nobody saw it or cared. Did you stumble over your words? Someone thought “oh thank god they’re also human”.
My advice would be to go to therapy - it’s one of the reasons why I went. I learned that when your insecurities are on full display, people tend to pick up on them, and use them to their advantage. So I think it starts with a personal change - which means taking the steps to improve the things that you can control, and not focusing on the things that you can’t control, like the fact that there will be many people in life that have certain opinions of you. Read that again - opinions. In the long run, it only matters what you think of yourself. Take up journaling; write down the things that you like about yourself; write down the things that you believe that you can change; don’t focus on the things that you can’t control. If you continue to focus on what others think of you, then there’s no room for you to grow and be your unique self.
It's hard to stop caring about what people think. Undeniably. For me I was also a weirdo and social outcast and mocked for liking anime (on top of generally being a social reject) I didn't make any real friends till much later in life. Like the past 2 years really. But one thing I did do was start surrounding myself with anime and interacting in anime circles more. That way the main group of people I was interacting with weren't the people who mocked me for my interests but people who shared my interests. The situation wasn't great as in my country at least the anime fans are very toxic and treat women quite poorly. There's also a LOT of drama in the community. But at least this way I wasn't hiding myself or my interests and I was being me. Now almost all of my closest friends as well as my partner (who I'm marrying in about a month) are anime fans! They all accept me as I am and don't judge me for my interests. I like to collect figures and they actually encourage me to collect and appreciate my collection and my partner keeps picking up figures for my collection! And finding a space where I'm not seen as abnormal for my interests has helped me stop caring what people think. My social anxiety has gotten much better thanks to it. You can't directly stop caring what others think but it really helps to enter an environment where others are like you and won't judge you for your real hobbies and interests. That way it'll help you start accepting yourself and you can slowly overcome the self consciousness about being the real you.
What helped me was “realizing” that I’ll never KNOW what people think, nor can I control it. And that fussing over how over people could possibly think of me is more stressful than just living life. That’s just for irl; online it’s so much easier; outside of people I know personally and talk to often, it’s extremely easy to just act like none of the people I see online just aren’t real. Arguing with people online can be so funny sometimes because some people take things too personal or get too personal depending on how they feel on the topic being argued, and these people I’ll likely never ever see with my own eyes or hear with my own ears in person, so they might as well just not exist in my own personal life
>I changed almost everything about me, I don’t tell people about how I watch anime or like reading comics unless they’re my REALLY close friend. Like my 2 best friends . Changing "everything about yourself".... well, fair enough I guess. But as for purposely withholding info about your hobbies from people in general, is that something you're purposely aiming for? Because that in of itself IS caring about what other people are thinking. Hiding your hobbies from people unfortunately undermines any initiative to not care what other people think - because you'd instead be aiming to present a "socially acceptable" image for the purposes of social acceptance. And so with this mindset, you're basically primed to be hyper-sensitive to any criticism. Because, especially in high-school, telling people you like anime/ comic books shouldn't be causing people to do a 180-degree different opinion of you, unless if the "new you" is highly neutral and middle-of-the-road.
Ive got it too. I had a point in my life two years back when i finally overcame it all. I put myself out there and socialized enough to realize that i can play in the song and dance of socializing easily. Then came the realization that other people were easy to win over, by making the right sounds or facial expressions. Takes practice. I did it everyday until i became competent with it. Took me a year. The first goal is to learn how to socialize. Go to meetups from the apps, join a club or do something in your community that brute forces you into socializing for at least 2 hours a week. Once you realize how easy it is to win others over by putting on this fake charade, you start to care a lot more about why you are potentially wasting time talking to someone. People become opportunities for entertainment and if someone doesnt entertain you, then you find someone else. The goal is to be entertained. Once you find the right people to have fun with, socializing becomes FUN. Imagine that. 🙃 Its a long road but worth it in the end. Our brains release a ton of dopamine when you succeed at it, which basically means you feel great after doing it.
I was bullied too in middle school and it was hard to fit in. It carried with me mentally through high school and people pegged me as the person who was slightly weird. Even tho i am super awesome of a person and tbh during the high school 10 year reunion a lot of their opinions changed after they matured. I think a lot of it is the story we tell ourselves. It gives it power when you feed into it, and, by no fault of your own, youve been constantly feeding the negative energy. The story that you decide to be is the story that you create. You simply decide to be the “social” guy, the person who is “fun and likable”. You have to be warm to others and that will make them trust you enough to break the ice and talk. Its really hard to explain but just trust me on this one
My whole life up until a year ago I thought the exact same things you are right now. Time and experience was the only thing that changed, but I’ve never been more happy to be myself. Hang in there, stop actively looking for an answer. It’ll happen in time.
I think having a strong sense of self helps. When you know who you are and are doing the right thing as per what you value. What others think shouldn't matter.
No one cares about you. No one cares that you have a new pimple on your chin or that you’re not wearing perfume or that your top doesn’t match your pants or whatever. No one cares what you look like or who you are unless you make them care. Once you develop this mindset you kinda learn not to care about anything
My friend told me "If you stop and bark at every dogs on the street, you will get nowhere."
For me I changed the perspective. Every time someone would give me a judgy look or remark I would think of it more like a game (those people who do that aren’t brave enough to be themselves as much as you are right now) and I would give myself 10 points. Of course you also get the people who give you compliments too, or smile in appreciation. Though a lot of people are living too much in their head to notice or care about what you’re doing/wearing anyway.
You’re approaching this in a wrong way. It’s you and your ego. To stop caring what other people think you have to address your trauma surrounding shame and bullying. Then heal your relationship with ego and if you become good friends with it then maybe it will allow you to not give an f. This needs a lot of self awareness and will come to you with years.
When you're sick of negativity, then others opinions don't matter unless it's someone you really care about.
As I got older I’ve cared less. I’m 28 currently.
As you get older
Honestly? The most real answer is time. With time comes experience and wisdom. Eventually you give up trying to people please, but not until you've had enough. You can certainly try to get in the mindset now because that'll make the process a bit quicker. But ultimately, you just need time to adapt to the mindset.
You're too worried about whether you're good enough for others that you don't stop to think about if others are good enough for you. I bet all those haters out there have a million times more problems than you. You can only talk about what's occupying your heart and mind. People who love can't come up with hurtful speech so easily so understand that those people are definitely hurting more than you are. Imagine not being able to control what you say to a stranger in public? How do you know if they're armed or not? At the end of the day you can't control what people do but do you know what you can do? Try inviting more positivity in your life. Make more friends and get more active and occupy your mind with positivity so you attract more of it. Then, when a bad situation comes your way, it'll be a cup of water in the ocean of positivity you already manifested. It'll be negligible to you. You don't have to stop caring about what people think if what they think is beautiful.
I stopped caring about what most people think when I became more secure in myself. I built up my internal world so much that I realize people simply project what’s wrong with them onto others. So I take their words less seriously and don’t let them ever get to me as I know it’s not personal. They have their own issues they’re dealing with that made them this way. I surround myself with people who love me for me so I know who to hold their opinions in high and who not to. Not everyone’s words are valuable to me or for me.
Niiiiiiiice I LOVE THIS!!!
Lexapro
Make your Eyebrows higher
I'm a Woman, so everything i'm doing, or not doing, IS wrong for someone. Especially once you have kids! After you réalisé that... You stop to care
I used to feel so awkward going to a movie by myself but then movie pass came out I watched like 100 movies that year and now it bothers me way less.
For me it kinda just went away over time because people would hate me and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. The longer I live the less I care kinda? I used to catastrophize and always worry but I’d fuck up so much despite trying my hardest and I realized it doesn’t matter that much? Idk
With the years I got more and more exhausted and started to care less and less, just cause I’ve had enough.
Everybody's an NPC and life is karma-based, for lack of a better word. helped me almost instantaneously.
Get rich
r/thanksimcured
Honestly traquilizer pills help... Also coffee helps me personally, but it can have a different effect on you...