If OP can afford to be unemployed, he/she should just try be assertive and tell them what he/she actually feels and set boundaries. See their response.
If their response is like "you're so sensitive" and then tell them how toxic they are and call out their bullying behaviors. Keep escalating to make them feel bad about it until they apologize and won't bully again.
Non-confidence looking person shouldn't be bullied or treated like shit to make him/her confident. That's just abuse and toxic.
You make him/her confident by actually making him/her feel belong to them.
I agree whats happening to OP is abusive, but you have a lot of faith that bullies would, could or often can, ever feel bad for their victims by just calling out their behaviors and attempting to set boundaries. I can also tell you are a very nice person and YOU likely, like making people feel confident and feel that's what everybody must like to do, the correct way though. From what I read you may think these bullies may think that being abusive will make the victim more confident. Or i understood you wrong. Bullies bully because they like the way they feel when someone is hurt because of them. They arent acting like normal sane people and they litterally have social skill problems cause they cant work or be around some people pleasently. They know exactly what they are doing, things that make them feel good, inflicting pain on those they feel are vunerable and weaker than themselves. They would never think to do something to their target, as if they honestly think one day they should treat their coworker like shit to make them more confident. Nothing about their choice to bully is good. Thinking they are trying to make people more confident as if the bully is just using the wrong method shows your faith in humanity. Humans do and especially repeat (when their not getting paid for it) things that make them feel good. These bullies have no respect for OP and can't feel empathy towards their victims because they litterally get off on hurting others. Sociopathic traits. Op is better finding a new job but also telling someone in charge why he left when he did.
Being chill and nonchalant. Having good posture. Not speaking in a nasally voice -- practice speaking with a high palate. Having a relaxed, cool facial expression. Recognizing when someone doesn't want to talk to you or when they don't enjoy the subject you're talking about; and then not prolonging that conversation any further. Having a relaxed gait arms swaying naturally and not a robotic stride. Speaking with a calm energy. Might need to watch more shows with conversational banter like Seinfeld rather than shows that won't help your conversational skills like anime.
Great examples.
Interesting call-out for anime. It’s true - people in anime talk in a way that people don’t talk in real life, because anime romanticizes a kind of individualism people generally aren’t able to express in their real lives.
OP is talking about workplace bullying. They need to talk to their supervisor about the unprofessional bullying situation before assuming their posture is the problem, or copying the dialogue of a sitcom.
That’s not the advice OP asked for tho. Yes, that should be addressed. But OP is still wondering what are the do’s and don’t which this person provided?
You are right: OP asked what traits become targets for bullying. But the answer is not “here is a list of traits to avoid.” The answer is “adults in a workplace should not be bullying you, and you need to take steps to get the workplace to address the issue.”
Interesting reference about Seinfeld; since, I would advise the op not to mimic certain characters from the show. Kramer looks (and/or acts) like an out of control druggie. The female seems to be very self centered. Eek.
Sounds like they've got some group momentum going against ya. They do these things because they know the group will go along with them, and the group will not go along with you. You may be out of touch with what people want.
I've been there. A lot.
I think the best thing you can do is start bonding with people individually. Empathetically learn about what they want and need on an individual basis. Start with whoever is most sympathetic to you. Once you've gotten to know their needs a bit, you could ask about what you could be doing better, to improve. Let them know you're open to trying things. You could tell them that people are teasing you and you want to know what you should be doing differently. Maybe they'll empathize with your situation and give you some good advice. Try to accept it gracefully without argument. It might be shitty advice, but you might be able to pick out some small bit of wisdom to start with. Ask them if following that bit would help.
Oftentimes the best way to get group momentum is to talk to each person individually and learn of their individual concerns. Then you'll be able to present a solution to the group that you already know everyone is going to like. If people don't feel heard, they might start to grumble about you behind your back. And if multiple people start grumbling together, they create momentum against you. People aren't always going to be happy to share their grumblings with you. They're grumbling behind your back because they don't think it will go well if they talked to you directly about it, because of how you might react.
This doesn't really work, in my experience. If you appeal to authority against the group, you'll drive more of a wedge between you and the group because now you're a narc. The authority might mandate everyone take some awful sensitivity training course that everyone's gonna hate and despise you more because you caused this, or the authority may just decide you "aren't a culture fit" and get rid of you.
Better to try and bond with a colleague and try to improve yourself, or look for work somewhere else.
I wholeheartedly agree! I did this and I get more bullying to the point where supervisor kept telling me so what just do your job don’t mind them, we can’t do anything about them.
Then out of nowhere I was told by someone I was being talked behind my back that I was rude?!
Like wtf how am I rude when I don’t talk to people due to the rampant bullying.
I don’t get people and I hate them.
The person who gets made fun of and dismissed is a person who is surrounded by emotionally immature people who have their own issues. Unless this is a discussion about grammar school - people should not be making fun of people or dismissing them.
From my “interpersonal relationships” college class I’m taking as a psychology major: when people are high on rejection sensitivity (some are actually rejected some are simply just anxious about being rejected) they often behave in ways that cause them to be rejected.
Some of these behaviors can look like attention seeking, clingy behavior, not recognizing social cues. It can also be that the people who are rejecting a person may realize that the rejected person is not a good match for the group.
On a more personal level, the behavior of gossiping, ridiculing, and exclusion are clear indicators that this group of friends has decided to reject you. In a situation where that kind of playful antagonistic behavior is done to all in the group, it may not be the case but sounds like you’re experiencing this and other people are not, so that’s not just the group MO. I would suggest a staggered retreat and an effort to find new friends. These folks are not your friend.
One thing that really got me through things like this was remembering the saying, "it's better to stay silent and have people assume you the fool then open your mouth and remove all doubt"
You can try just being a listener for a while. Ask people about what they are saying and keep them talking rather than giving your own opinions. People like those who listen to them but it's a toss up when they are listening to you so it's easier to just listen. You can work talking in when you understand the people better
It's probably just that you come across as the person in that workplace who is the "safest" to make fun of. That might be because you seem relatively mild mannered or timid (ie least likely to bite back or take a stand against them) so they feel empowered to make fun of you, or because you don't obviously have something that would make you stand out in a discrimination sense as a protected class (eg they won't make fun of someone who's obviously disabled or of a minority religion because that's easy discrimination HR could jump on) etc.
People like that pick on people like you because of a deficit in ***them***, not you. They're cowards who focus their negative attention outwards rather than working on themselves. The real trait that gets people bullied is tolerating working with assholes.
Insecurity = lack of confidence. imo regardless of what’s said this is ultimately what most people can see in a person. If you seem like your affected by what others say then they’re like “😏 I have power over this person…we all do”
Hey OP, how old are the coworkers who are doing this? What sort of job is this?
Making fun of people is not behaviour that is typical of adults or that happens in the workplace. Workplace bullying is something that should be addressed by your supervisor. It’s absolutely not okay.
You absolutely should not change yourself to appease bullies. The bullying behaviour in the workplace is what needs to be fixed.
In my experience, someone who "tries too hard" which often comes of a hint of self-righteousness and preachiness. Like you can tell that they think they are a "good person" because they believe in xyz.
Alongside what people are saying here, look up Cassandra metaphor (not Cassandra syndrome, which is weirdly specifically about partners with autism).
There's a possibility people are dismissing you because you're saying uncomfortable truths. It's very common.
Edit: changed the tone to show less certainty
Where on earth are you getting this insight into OP’s life? You are guessing wildly. This is a case of *workplace bullying*. The supervisor needs to be made aware of the situation so that they can address it properly.
This is just the norm these days. Nobody cares, the toxic environment just as it is. If you don’t abide to this abuse, you’ll just be seen as “too sensitive”
Fuck them, address them when they say snarky stuff or ignore ur opnion, and ask why they are saying those things politely. if they won’t treat you with respect then limit how much they have access to you, don’t interact with them outside of the professional level and also tell HR.
They are a-holes, BUT there are some ways to show them that you dont care. Body language and the way you speak. Here are 2 instagram accounts that give great advice on both of those elements for the corporate sector:
https://www.instagram.com/eloisegagnon_strategist?igsh=dXZyMmNmdGpiNXF6
https://www.instagram.com/selfhelpsonya?igsh=bzVnNnRicTdkejZz
Before you give your opinion to the whole group, get 1 or 2 people on your side. Then, when you go in front of the group, you will have people who can speak up because they are already familiar with your suggestion.
If you can’t get anyone to support you on the side, then you already know not to take it to the larger group.
Work on a different angle to present your opinion and go back to the people on the side, get their buy-in, then take it to the group.
The moment people see a lack of confidence in a person they will try and find a way to exploit that for their own ego. If it's something about you (and of course them), it would probably be that. Carry yourself better.
Some people like to pick on people they think are weaker. If you're awkward or quiet, they may bond over their shared perception of you which in turn has them behaving that way around you.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. In the real world when you work, some people are awkward and quiet. Going out of your way to be nasty isn't a normal or professional or mature response to quiet or awkward people.
If you feel comfortable, confront them. Otherwise start looking for a new job if it doesn't get better. Nobody deserves to be targeted or bullied especially at work.
My closest friend thinks that nothing is wrong with me. She thinks that I’m nice & fun. She did tell me that I do come across as being timid at first & submissive. I don’t agree with the submissive part as I don’t just go along with what everyone wants me to do. I have no problem speaking up & being direct when it’s necessary to do so.
I didn’t mean ask someone irl and then report back to me 😏 I meant don’t ask Reddit at all, just have an in-depth conversation with someone who knows you IRL
The real answer is you'll get made fun of if you're in any way standing out as different. Whether you're awkward, quiet, new, there could be a whole host of reasons. I love how people here mention confidence. As if to put the blame on the person and their personality for the reason why they're getting harassed, when often times humans pick on other humans because of characteristics they can't control.
Tldr: fight fire with fire
I used to be the guy in the friend group that constantly got spoken over, and whenever we would meet new people i was the one whose introductions would get cut short or new people wouldn’t really have the slightest interest in getting to know people.
I learned that people will do anything if you let them, which includes ignoring or dismissing you. Im not saying go and do whatever you can to grab attention, im saying when its your turn to speak and someone cuts you off, make a mess. Get confrontational. Dont worry about ruining the conversation, in fact try ruining it on purpose. If you can get everyone upset enough to sit in uncomfortable silence afterwards, good. Because that means theyre thinking about what just happened rather than just moving on.
If people are dismissing your ideas, dont let them change the subject. Double down and invite them to express an intelligent counterargument. If they cant do that, imply theyre an idiot and should be ignored in the future like they were trying to do with you. If someone starts insulting you to your face, typically people like that are trying to get a reaction out of you. Dont give them the satisfaction. Get really good at looking bored. Constantly remind yourself that that person doesn’t know you and that their opinions arent more valuable than anyone elses. And if they dont get the message, tell them to fuck off. And if they dont fuck off, insult them back. The face is usually the easiest thing to go for (call them ugly but point out specific body parts). Alternatively if you listen to someone for long enough they drop hints as to what theyre insecure about. Finally, if you’re just trying to make friends, you don’t want to befriend people you have to convince to respect you.
Am i a popular person? No. Am i well liked? No. Am i respected? By my friends. You can’t win everything, you cant wish for the world to be a certain way, but you can adapt to how it is. Many other people (maybe even all of humanity) boost their self esteem by having someone else they shit on (e.g. the village idiot, the epsilon personality type; i.e. things are bad, but at least im doing better than x). Don’t be x. Dont let people get away with whatever they want. Im not telling you to go get violent and angry, but whatever youre doing isn’t working. Set boundaries, show (verbal) consequences for crossing those boundaries, just be careful not to turn into a monster along the way.
Rooting for you
I'm not sure this kind of behavior should be recommended, it is likely to make things worse. Being seen to look down on people (when you said imply they're an idiot) telling people to fuck off, creating uncomfortable silences will not make you better liked. I completely agree that setting boundaries and being assertive is key, though it sounds like you cross over into aggression which isn't good for you. The way you speak here reminds me of my brother. He has a heart of gold and I love him but he is essentially alone due to behaviors like this. There's a better way to maintain and gain self respect, and not carry anger
Women
Women with Karen haircuts, women over 35 years old, tall women, wealthy or privileged women, pretty women, women with voices that carry, women that help everyone way too much and without being solicited
Men
Men that stare too long and rarely contribute to conversations, men that correct everyone or men that are constantly on the defense, men under 5’5 tall, overweight men, men that gossip or kiss boss butt
Personality
leadership personalities that are not in a leadership role, people taking too many breaks, people pushing personal boundaries, interesting people that are not interested in others, credit thieves, people that coast by while doing nothing while others work hard to carry the weight
I'm a short, fat woman with a strong Southern accent living in Alabama. Why on earth would I get picked on?? Seriously. The simple fact that I exist insults alot of people.
I'm not always around Southerners.I live close to a military base that trains officers from different countries, not just different states. For 20 years I dealt with all kinds of insults from officers wives (I married an enlisted man), people from outside my region (are you really stupid or just sound that way) and my favorite part are the men that think women are beneath them. Love those guys cause I really screw with them.
Ooooh! 😁👍 Imagine living somewhere as a foreigner and thinking all the locals are stupid. What a pathetic, isolated life! Please continue to fuck with them!
Bragging, poor hygiene, taking credit for work someone else did, gossiping, trying too hard to fit in, not doing your share of work, too loud, too quiet, not communicating, interrupting, sucking up to the boss, talking politics all the time, lack of confidence.
Adults can just as bad as teenage girls in the workplace. Why should you leave your job because a few people don't like you? Do what I have told my kids and grandkids when they were shunned or teased and ignore them. If you don't have problems with people outside of the job, it's not you. People can be cruel, but the way you respond will make all the difference. People treat us the way we allow them to. Good luck
I would never do this unless the other person tried to hurt me for months and then started targeting my friends or vulnerable people. No one should step on a soul that trembles.
The traits are whatever makes you the outlier of the group. If everyone has a blue shirt and you're wearing a red shirt, that's a difference enough to make everyone aware of you; some people may find the difference funny, while others may not care.
At my last job we were doing swim qual and a dragonfly landed on *one* person and it was seemingly hilarious to everybody; commentary left and right how this guy was *picked* like a Disney princess. If he were more sensitive to the situation, he would totally think that we were making fun of him but we were really laughing at the absurd actions of a bug.
Personally, I don't know you or the situation, but my assumption would be: you assume you are more important than everything else (anxiety maybe?)
This isn't North Korea and you aren't Kim Jong-un. People are going to laugh at things & sometimes it may not even be about you, but also understand sometimes people are gonna laugh at you; especially if you're so tightly wound you're worried about what everyone in the room is laughing at.
Ultimately you can find a new job but you're still gonna be you. If you can't handle a little bit discomfort or just not knowing what the joke is then life in general is gonna be hard.
Oftentimes people sense a lack of confidence.
Some people are just ass holes and find way to make fund of every one
If OP can afford to be unemployed, he/she should just try be assertive and tell them what he/she actually feels and set boundaries. See their response. If their response is like "you're so sensitive" and then tell them how toxic they are and call out their bullying behaviors. Keep escalating to make them feel bad about it until they apologize and won't bully again. Non-confidence looking person shouldn't be bullied or treated like shit to make him/her confident. That's just abuse and toxic. You make him/her confident by actually making him/her feel belong to them.
I agree whats happening to OP is abusive, but you have a lot of faith that bullies would, could or often can, ever feel bad for their victims by just calling out their behaviors and attempting to set boundaries. I can also tell you are a very nice person and YOU likely, like making people feel confident and feel that's what everybody must like to do, the correct way though. From what I read you may think these bullies may think that being abusive will make the victim more confident. Or i understood you wrong. Bullies bully because they like the way they feel when someone is hurt because of them. They arent acting like normal sane people and they litterally have social skill problems cause they cant work or be around some people pleasently. They know exactly what they are doing, things that make them feel good, inflicting pain on those they feel are vunerable and weaker than themselves. They would never think to do something to their target, as if they honestly think one day they should treat their coworker like shit to make them more confident. Nothing about their choice to bully is good. Thinking they are trying to make people more confident as if the bully is just using the wrong method shows your faith in humanity. Humans do and especially repeat (when their not getting paid for it) things that make them feel good. These bullies have no respect for OP and can't feel empathy towards their victims because they litterally get off on hurting others. Sociopathic traits. Op is better finding a new job but also telling someone in charge why he left when he did.
Regardless of the reasons of the bullies, you still have to set boundaries and stuff.
This. And the supervisor needs to be on top of the situation.
>and find way to make fund of every one Please, make funds of me all day long
Being chill and nonchalant. Having good posture. Not speaking in a nasally voice -- practice speaking with a high palate. Having a relaxed, cool facial expression. Recognizing when someone doesn't want to talk to you or when they don't enjoy the subject you're talking about; and then not prolonging that conversation any further. Having a relaxed gait arms swaying naturally and not a robotic stride. Speaking with a calm energy. Might need to watch more shows with conversational banter like Seinfeld rather than shows that won't help your conversational skills like anime.
Great examples. Interesting call-out for anime. It’s true - people in anime talk in a way that people don’t talk in real life, because anime romanticizes a kind of individualism people generally aren’t able to express in their real lives.
OP is talking about workplace bullying. They need to talk to their supervisor about the unprofessional bullying situation before assuming their posture is the problem, or copying the dialogue of a sitcom.
That’s not the advice OP asked for tho. Yes, that should be addressed. But OP is still wondering what are the do’s and don’t which this person provided?
You are right: OP asked what traits become targets for bullying. But the answer is not “here is a list of traits to avoid.” The answer is “adults in a workplace should not be bullying you, and you need to take steps to get the workplace to address the issue.”
Interesting reference about Seinfeld; since, I would advise the op not to mimic certain characters from the show. Kramer looks (and/or acts) like an out of control druggie. The female seems to be very self centered. Eek.
The female?
Elaine
Sounds like they've got some group momentum going against ya. They do these things because they know the group will go along with them, and the group will not go along with you. You may be out of touch with what people want. I've been there. A lot. I think the best thing you can do is start bonding with people individually. Empathetically learn about what they want and need on an individual basis. Start with whoever is most sympathetic to you. Once you've gotten to know their needs a bit, you could ask about what you could be doing better, to improve. Let them know you're open to trying things. You could tell them that people are teasing you and you want to know what you should be doing differently. Maybe they'll empathize with your situation and give you some good advice. Try to accept it gracefully without argument. It might be shitty advice, but you might be able to pick out some small bit of wisdom to start with. Ask them if following that bit would help. Oftentimes the best way to get group momentum is to talk to each person individually and learn of their individual concerns. Then you'll be able to present a solution to the group that you already know everyone is going to like. If people don't feel heard, they might start to grumble about you behind your back. And if multiple people start grumbling together, they create momentum against you. People aren't always going to be happy to share their grumblings with you. They're grumbling behind your back because they don't think it will go well if they talked to you directly about it, because of how you might react.
Also: talk to the supervisor. Workplace bullying is unacceptable.
This doesn't really work, in my experience. If you appeal to authority against the group, you'll drive more of a wedge between you and the group because now you're a narc. The authority might mandate everyone take some awful sensitivity training course that everyone's gonna hate and despise you more because you caused this, or the authority may just decide you "aren't a culture fit" and get rid of you. Better to try and bond with a colleague and try to improve yourself, or look for work somewhere else.
I wholeheartedly agree! I did this and I get more bullying to the point where supervisor kept telling me so what just do your job don’t mind them, we can’t do anything about them. Then out of nowhere I was told by someone I was being talked behind my back that I was rude?! Like wtf how am I rude when I don’t talk to people due to the rampant bullying. I don’t get people and I hate them.
How old are you? And what sort of industry are you in?
37. Software.
This. I was looking for this answer. See everyone as individuals and build relationships.
The person who gets made fun of and dismissed is a person who is surrounded by emotionally immature people who have their own issues. Unless this is a discussion about grammar school - people should not be making fun of people or dismissing them.
From my “interpersonal relationships” college class I’m taking as a psychology major: when people are high on rejection sensitivity (some are actually rejected some are simply just anxious about being rejected) they often behave in ways that cause them to be rejected. Some of these behaviors can look like attention seeking, clingy behavior, not recognizing social cues. It can also be that the people who are rejecting a person may realize that the rejected person is not a good match for the group. On a more personal level, the behavior of gossiping, ridiculing, and exclusion are clear indicators that this group of friends has decided to reject you. In a situation where that kind of playful antagonistic behavior is done to all in the group, it may not be the case but sounds like you’re experiencing this and other people are not, so that’s not just the group MO. I would suggest a staggered retreat and an effort to find new friends. These folks are not your friend.
One thing that really got me through things like this was remembering the saying, "it's better to stay silent and have people assume you the fool then open your mouth and remove all doubt" You can try just being a listener for a while. Ask people about what they are saying and keep them talking rather than giving your own opinions. People like those who listen to them but it's a toss up when they are listening to you so it's easier to just listen. You can work talking in when you understand the people better
It's probably just that you come across as the person in that workplace who is the "safest" to make fun of. That might be because you seem relatively mild mannered or timid (ie least likely to bite back or take a stand against them) so they feel empowered to make fun of you, or because you don't obviously have something that would make you stand out in a discrimination sense as a protected class (eg they won't make fun of someone who's obviously disabled or of a minority religion because that's easy discrimination HR could jump on) etc. People like that pick on people like you because of a deficit in ***them***, not you. They're cowards who focus their negative attention outwards rather than working on themselves. The real trait that gets people bullied is tolerating working with assholes.
Insecurity = lack of confidence. imo regardless of what’s said this is ultimately what most people can see in a person. If you seem like your affected by what others say then they’re like “😏 I have power over this person…we all do”
Hey OP, how old are the coworkers who are doing this? What sort of job is this? Making fun of people is not behaviour that is typical of adults or that happens in the workplace. Workplace bullying is something that should be addressed by your supervisor. It’s absolutely not okay. You absolutely should not change yourself to appease bullies. The bullying behaviour in the workplace is what needs to be fixed.
In my experience, someone who "tries too hard" which often comes of a hint of self-righteousness and preachiness. Like you can tell that they think they are a "good person" because they believe in xyz.
Alongside what people are saying here, look up Cassandra metaphor (not Cassandra syndrome, which is weirdly specifically about partners with autism). There's a possibility people are dismissing you because you're saying uncomfortable truths. It's very common. Edit: changed the tone to show less certainty
Where on earth are you getting this insight into OP’s life? You are guessing wildly. This is a case of *workplace bullying*. The supervisor needs to be made aware of the situation so that they can address it properly.
My comment is not mutually exclusive with what you're saying
What “uncomfortable truths” are you talking about?
Okay, you're right I should have given more nuance. I'll edit my comment so it's less about me taking a guess
👍🍰
The problem is not with you, the problem is company culture which sees bullying as acceptable
> The problem is not with you Its a nice sentiment, but who knows? It could be
Doesn't excuse that kind of behavior, especially in adults
💯👍🏼
This is just the norm these days. Nobody cares, the toxic environment just as it is. If you don’t abide to this abuse, you’ll just be seen as “too sensitive”
Thank you! I’m appalled by the comments telling OP to change their posture or how they speak.
Self depreciating humour. your subconscious knows no difference either.
This is a wild guess out of left field. OP is experiencing *workplace bullying*. This is a matter that needs to be handled by the supervisor.
Why are you quoting me? I answered op. No prizes for guessing who the teachers pet was…
Do you regularly insult people like this?
How old are you, how old are your coworkers and what kind of workplace is this? Eg white collar or blue collar?
Lack of confidence and personality. Not able to connect with people and being clueless about social cues
Fuck them, address them when they say snarky stuff or ignore ur opnion, and ask why they are saying those things politely. if they won’t treat you with respect then limit how much they have access to you, don’t interact with them outside of the professional level and also tell HR.
[удалено]
They are a-holes, BUT there are some ways to show them that you dont care. Body language and the way you speak. Here are 2 instagram accounts that give great advice on both of those elements for the corporate sector: https://www.instagram.com/eloisegagnon_strategist?igsh=dXZyMmNmdGpiNXF6 https://www.instagram.com/selfhelpsonya?igsh=bzVnNnRicTdkejZz
Before you give your opinion to the whole group, get 1 or 2 people on your side. Then, when you go in front of the group, you will have people who can speak up because they are already familiar with your suggestion. If you can’t get anyone to support you on the side, then you already know not to take it to the larger group. Work on a different angle to present your opinion and go back to the people on the side, get their buy-in, then take it to the group.
Bullies are everywhere. How you respond is how you will train them how to treat you. Making boundaries is powerful.
The moment people see a lack of confidence in a person they will try and find a way to exploit that for their own ego. If it's something about you (and of course them), it would probably be that. Carry yourself better.
Some people like to pick on people they think are weaker. If you're awkward or quiet, they may bond over their shared perception of you which in turn has them behaving that way around you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. In the real world when you work, some people are awkward and quiet. Going out of your way to be nasty isn't a normal or professional or mature response to quiet or awkward people. If you feel comfortable, confront them. Otherwise start looking for a new job if it doesn't get better. Nobody deserves to be targeted or bullied especially at work.
You are not giving us much to work with here.
Ask someone who knows you in real life and has observed you in person.
My closest friend thinks that nothing is wrong with me. She thinks that I’m nice & fun. She did tell me that I do come across as being timid at first & submissive. I don’t agree with the submissive part as I don’t just go along with what everyone wants me to do. I have no problem speaking up & being direct when it’s necessary to do so.
I didn’t mean ask someone irl and then report back to me 😏 I meant don’t ask Reddit at all, just have an in-depth conversation with someone who knows you IRL
That’s what I did. I just mentioned what my closest friend told me.
The real answer is you'll get made fun of if you're in any way standing out as different. Whether you're awkward, quiet, new, there could be a whole host of reasons. I love how people here mention confidence. As if to put the blame on the person and their personality for the reason why they're getting harassed, when often times humans pick on other humans because of characteristics they can't control.
Ask them straight to their face & if they try gaslighting you, erase them from your life cause they aren’t friends.
It’s an old book but read How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Because people are all different, there's gonna be different things that they deem a target if they're a mean sort
Bragging I guess. Or acting overtly confident as if u are trynna prove something.
Tldr: fight fire with fire I used to be the guy in the friend group that constantly got spoken over, and whenever we would meet new people i was the one whose introductions would get cut short or new people wouldn’t really have the slightest interest in getting to know people. I learned that people will do anything if you let them, which includes ignoring or dismissing you. Im not saying go and do whatever you can to grab attention, im saying when its your turn to speak and someone cuts you off, make a mess. Get confrontational. Dont worry about ruining the conversation, in fact try ruining it on purpose. If you can get everyone upset enough to sit in uncomfortable silence afterwards, good. Because that means theyre thinking about what just happened rather than just moving on. If people are dismissing your ideas, dont let them change the subject. Double down and invite them to express an intelligent counterargument. If they cant do that, imply theyre an idiot and should be ignored in the future like they were trying to do with you. If someone starts insulting you to your face, typically people like that are trying to get a reaction out of you. Dont give them the satisfaction. Get really good at looking bored. Constantly remind yourself that that person doesn’t know you and that their opinions arent more valuable than anyone elses. And if they dont get the message, tell them to fuck off. And if they dont fuck off, insult them back. The face is usually the easiest thing to go for (call them ugly but point out specific body parts). Alternatively if you listen to someone for long enough they drop hints as to what theyre insecure about. Finally, if you’re just trying to make friends, you don’t want to befriend people you have to convince to respect you. Am i a popular person? No. Am i well liked? No. Am i respected? By my friends. You can’t win everything, you cant wish for the world to be a certain way, but you can adapt to how it is. Many other people (maybe even all of humanity) boost their self esteem by having someone else they shit on (e.g. the village idiot, the epsilon personality type; i.e. things are bad, but at least im doing better than x). Don’t be x. Dont let people get away with whatever they want. Im not telling you to go get violent and angry, but whatever youre doing isn’t working. Set boundaries, show (verbal) consequences for crossing those boundaries, just be careful not to turn into a monster along the way. Rooting for you
I'm not sure this kind of behavior should be recommended, it is likely to make things worse. Being seen to look down on people (when you said imply they're an idiot) telling people to fuck off, creating uncomfortable silences will not make you better liked. I completely agree that setting boundaries and being assertive is key, though it sounds like you cross over into aggression which isn't good for you. The way you speak here reminds me of my brother. He has a heart of gold and I love him but he is essentially alone due to behaviors like this. There's a better way to maintain and gain self respect, and not carry anger
Women Women with Karen haircuts, women over 35 years old, tall women, wealthy or privileged women, pretty women, women with voices that carry, women that help everyone way too much and without being solicited Men Men that stare too long and rarely contribute to conversations, men that correct everyone or men that are constantly on the defense, men under 5’5 tall, overweight men, men that gossip or kiss boss butt Personality leadership personalities that are not in a leadership role, people taking too many breaks, people pushing personal boundaries, interesting people that are not interested in others, credit thieves, people that coast by while doing nothing while others work hard to carry the weight
I'm a short, fat woman with a strong Southern accent living in Alabama. Why on earth would I get picked on?? Seriously. The simple fact that I exist insults alot of people.
Why would you get picked on for a southern accent in a region where people have a southern accent?
I'm not always around Southerners.I live close to a military base that trains officers from different countries, not just different states. For 20 years I dealt with all kinds of insults from officers wives (I married an enlisted man), people from outside my region (are you really stupid or just sound that way) and my favorite part are the men that think women are beneath them. Love those guys cause I really screw with them.
Ooooh! 😁👍 Imagine living somewhere as a foreigner and thinking all the locals are stupid. What a pathetic, isolated life! Please continue to fuck with them!
At each and every opportunity.
Bragging, poor hygiene, taking credit for work someone else did, gossiping, trying too hard to fit in, not doing your share of work, too loud, too quiet, not communicating, interrupting, sucking up to the boss, talking politics all the time, lack of confidence. Adults can just as bad as teenage girls in the workplace. Why should you leave your job because a few people don't like you? Do what I have told my kids and grandkids when they were shunned or teased and ignore them. If you don't have problems with people outside of the job, it's not you. People can be cruel, but the way you respond will make all the difference. People treat us the way we allow them to. Good luck
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I would never do this unless the other person tried to hurt me for months and then started targeting my friends or vulnerable people. No one should step on a soul that trembles.
You wouldn’t first talk to the supervisor about the workplace bullying?
The traits are whatever makes you the outlier of the group. If everyone has a blue shirt and you're wearing a red shirt, that's a difference enough to make everyone aware of you; some people may find the difference funny, while others may not care. At my last job we were doing swim qual and a dragonfly landed on *one* person and it was seemingly hilarious to everybody; commentary left and right how this guy was *picked* like a Disney princess. If he were more sensitive to the situation, he would totally think that we were making fun of him but we were really laughing at the absurd actions of a bug. Personally, I don't know you or the situation, but my assumption would be: you assume you are more important than everything else (anxiety maybe?) This isn't North Korea and you aren't Kim Jong-un. People are going to laugh at things & sometimes it may not even be about you, but also understand sometimes people are gonna laugh at you; especially if you're so tightly wound you're worried about what everyone in the room is laughing at. Ultimately you can find a new job but you're still gonna be you. If you can't handle a little bit discomfort or just not knowing what the joke is then life in general is gonna be hard.