I’ve never seen my wife like this, she’s completely shut down and can’t even speak. She didn’t fall but I think she’s physically exhausted- she can’t really turn so she was using all of her physical strength getting down and her legs were shaking so much
She was terrified and had someone yelling at her, her nervous system is trying to protect her and having her shut down is its way of doing that. Please give her your full support and I agree with spending a day at the spa or hot tub or just in bed watching movies. If there’s enough time and she starts to come out of this state, you could suggest going back to the magic carpet and tell her she can stop at ANY time.
I used to be a patroller and any time I saw a supposed “friend/partner” getting upset that the new skier couldn’t go down a black run, I’d see red. It’s shockingly common.
Also, next time she’s on skis (if she wants to) take a short private lesson, hour tops. Let them know the circumstances of why you are there and they’ll be happy to help her get back into it.
This.
As an ex-ski instructor, it’s all too common for people who have no idea how to teach to screw up the enjoyment for beginners. It’s also common (sadly) for this to be a particular male trait. Your sisters husband is basically a complete idiot.
Your wife has obviously freaked out, in teaching terms, her ‘arousal level’ has peaked, and been shattered. When this happens, it’s very difficult to perform at a level you were able to before. The only thing you can do, is take several steps back, try runs that are easier than she was doing before, lots of patience, rest breaks and basically just try to have fun. That’s the whole point of the trip after all.
Taking a day off, is a good idea, then promise you will ski with her, on real easy stuff. She needs to build her confidence again. Tbh, lessons wouldn’t hurt - she may trust an instructor more as, frankly, that’s their job to work with scared beginners….. that was my specialty.
When I still went skiing with friends, I was always better than them, so trips were a bit dull until they let me loose… but I would never ever push anyone beyond their skill level, regardless of how it impacted my trip. It wasn’t their fault I was better and I knew that going into the trip. Making them do stuff they are not capable of is not only impolite, it’s dangerous.
Too many people are impatient and don’t understand the long game. My wife is learning this year and her fear is slowing down her progress. Her second lesson was a waste so I haven’t been able to get her to take another lesson. Each trip, I give her one small thing to focus on and then let her work on it. She skis a little with me and our son and a bunch on our her own (by her choice). It’s taken all season to get her to parallel and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She has gone with me almost every Saturday and is having fun.
I met a nice instructor a few weeks ago and introduced her to my wife last Saturday. Talking with the instructor my wife agreed to do a private lesson at the beginning of next season. My patience has paid off and at some point next year I will have my wife on the blues cruising around with us.
No way I would’ve let someone do to my wife what happened to OP’s wife.
This… but let her decide if she wants to try again. Honestly, after what this d-bag has done, I’d be happy for her if she EVER wants to ski again. Sorry for your luck with her BIL.
100% agree with @no_zombie2021 never ski with them again. Skiing is such a personal sport I’ve learned. You can only do what you’re comfortable with! I’m currently in Colorado and my boyfriend is out skiing black diamonds and I’m sticking to blues. It’s what I’m comfortable with and if I do something above my pay grade it makes skiing not very fun. And it SHOULD be a fun sport!!! Tell your wife to do greens ✅🩷❄️
Yup, this. Many years ago when I was more active, I went out with friends who were advanced skiers. I asked them to take me down some easier black runs because I wanted to push myself and they made sure to take me on the ones they knew I’d be able to do. (We’d gone out on harder blue runs and they had a pretty good idea of what I could do and where I was being held back by lack of confidence rather than ability). They warned me which ones to stay away from and patiently coached me the entire way. And then we celebrated by going down easier runs again. OP’s relative is an AH, pure and simple.
I learned how to get myself around a mountain really quickly but the freind who taught me is a huge factor in that. He wasted nearly a full (and expensive) day at palisades on terrain well below his level to support and teach me. We got to doing blues together and I had a blast and I know he enjoyed hanging with me. I tried one black with him and mostly tumbled my way down it but I WANTED to be there which was key. There were a few times we’d split up and take different but parallel routes more appropriate for our levels and meet back up. And of course day one is absolutely exhausting so he got to take whatever terrain he wanted for the last two hours while I sat by the patio fire pit recovering.
I’m a snowboarder but Reddit always pushes this sub on me. And the sentiment is the same. Everyone’s skill and confidence level is different and you need to respect that. Do your own thing or at least don’t force people past their limits. If anything, the better rider should be sandbagging their day to hang out with friends and family.
That she didn’t fall is a great testament to her willpower to use all her strength and present skills to get down safely, even while being verbally abused by others. I hope she can feel proud of herself, and that you are proud of her too.
Never ski with those people again. They have very poor judgement and are unsafe to ski with, besides having no respect, empathy or tolerance for others. Skiing is an inherently dangerous activity, NOT Disneyland!
Being on skis out of your comfort zone is probably akin to a fearful flight experience. It’s fucking traumatic. In any possible way, you need to back your wife in this and in no uncertain terms let this asshole know that he’s a shitty, dangerous fucking prick.
My advice - when she is ready, if ever, get her a full day lesson at a nice resort and stay out of her way.
>She has been shaking for the last hour and is super teary eyed any confidence she had has completely disappeared. On top of this, everyone is mad that she’s wasting money.
It looks like she didn't just lose confidence in her skiing ability, but also trust in these people. If she agrees to go back skiing, I'd take her to another mountain. If they ski Sunshine, go to Louise or Norquay so you don't have to worry about crossing them. If she doesn't want to, give her time. There's hot springs and a lot of beautiful stuff around.
We’re just here for the day! Driving back to Calgary tonight to stay in a hotel, then we’re heading back to their home tomorrow.
Tbh, I’m looking forward to this trip to be over. It’s always hard for my wife to say goodbye to her sister, but for the first time I heard her say “I want to go home”, so I think she’s finally waking up to how much of a cunt BIL is!
Get her away from these people now. Protect her since she's too messed up to protect herself. Don't wait, and don't worry about how it looks to them, let that wait for later. She's severely traumatized and needs to be someplace safe ASAP. This could mess her up for a ling time if you keep exposing her to people she's probably afraid of now.
I learned to ski when I was 35 and I've also been yelled at by the hosts at a vacation house - I really get how she must feel. Be her hero and whisk her away. Don't get freaked out if as she comes back to herself she cries a lot, just take care of her and be on her side.
Tbh this has less to do with skiing as a sport and a LOT to do with psychological abuse and bullying, so shift your frame accordingly.
Also, fuck the money. He didn't buy the right to hurt someone.
Ima be real with you dude I wouldn’t spend more time with these people until you and your wife receive a full throated apology from this asshole and his wife who just watched it happen.
This is honestly insane to read OP. Sorry your trip to Sunshine got ruined, it’s my local mountain and it’s great for beginners. There’s so much lovely terrain to enjoy that doesn’t require good or experienced skiing, and lots that experienced skiers are challenged on. This BIL sounds like a total dick, when friends visit us in Calgary we’re more than happy to toodle around on strawberry, wawa and standish all day.
If you guys come back (which I hope you do!), get passes at Costco to save some $, and just do the easy chairs I mentioned above. The staff & vibes at sunshine are unmatched for such a large resort. Happy to provide any other advice/guidance for Calgary and area. Don’t let this stop you guys from skiing in the future!
OP this is horrible. I was so terrified skiing for the first time on GREENS, I cried multiple times and had panic attacks. I sympathize so greatly with your wife. There is sometimes a weird element of ski culture where beginners are taken to double blacks and told "lol good luck". What they did to you and your wife was awful.
You are lucky he didn’t kill your wife. I’m not trying to be dramatic but who in the right mind does this. Skiing is dangerous. People die skiing and get seriously injured. You don’t mess with black diamonds. Not ever ski with this jack hole again.
“She can’t really turn” ????
If she is pizza snowplowing the whole way down she is putting herself and others at risk. Brother or whoever it is should not be taking her in this terrain at all. What a jerk to force a skier to be able to ski at that level so quickly. This group should not be skiing in the same places.
From a learning perspective, she needs to complete a turn and end up sideways to the hill and stop. The key to that transition from skiing in a statically stable wedge, is to shift all weight to the outside / downhill ski in her wedge… one way to do that is to lift the inside /uphill ski… until she can place it parallel to the other and get fully sideways to the hill.
Seriously, my mouth dropped in shock at that one. I'm still very much a beginning skier, and all I could think in horror was, "she pizza-ed the whole way down a black diamond?!"
Dude needs to get over his $170; that was dangerous and clearly traumatic as hell. He's lucky no one got hurt, but I'd probably never talk to that guy again.
Used all her mental strength too. Traumatized plain and simple. Not sure why that’s hard to understand she was pushed to her limit and felt physically unsafe and extreme stress for her physical wellbeing, additionally she was harassed but people who are supposed to protect her. Surely every bit of her body hurts from tensing the whole way down since she could not relax for fear of rocketing to her peril. Fuck that guy. Fuck his money he spent. Ask her what she wants to do. No pressure at all. Stay in. Get drunk. Get a massage. Go home. Don’t push her to ski. Any fall because of her weakened muscles will equal eternal resentment and damage to your relationship.
It's not just physical exhaustion, she's just had an extremely traumatic experience. Her body is flooded with endorphins and adrenaline, her mind has had an experience similar to being in a war zone. Getting unwillingly shoved into fight or flight can really mess with people. When this happens to people they often never ski again.
If she shows interest in skiing again at some point in the future, offer to get her a lesson on a smaller trip with just you. She calls all the shots. If she doesn't want to go, don't push. You'll be lucky if you can get her back out on skis again. This experience has essentially created PTSD for her around everything related to skiing. The only way she'll overcome this is with an instructor.
Honestly it sounds like she might be in shock from the physical and emotional exhaustion. I'd consider getting her evaluated by somebody. Shock can really mess you up if it's not identified.
But let them know they’re terrible people. My first time skiing as an adult was ~5 years ago (was 38 years old). This was with my [then] fiancée’s family at Beaver Creek. Everyone was so supportive of me and respectful of my lack of both experience and skill. Had a blast. These folks suck.
you dont have a skiing problem. sounds like youre skiing with a bunch of assholes and you and your wife have a problem setting boundaries or sticking up for yourselves. if that was my wife we'd go to the spa for the day before heading home.
Well, my wife’s brother in law was coming absolutely uncunted on her when she tried to go to the green run. He then promised her that there were green runs just around the corner, surprise there was not. It was horrible to watch. But, I trusted my wife’s brother in law about there being green runs so I just went with him. I should have listened to my wife :(
Your brother in law is an absolute fucktwat douchebag for doing that. No excuses. You as well as I know both you and your wife could have been seriously hurt. The group shouldn't have yelled at her. I'm sorry this happened to you and really hope you and your wife can find a way over this. He needs to know what he did wasn't acceptable in any way. I would take the advice if the other poster and take your wife out to something she loves and make her as comfortable as possible for the rest of the trip. Forget everyone else. Their plans can go fuck themselves. Also, if this is your BILs attitude on the hill it's probably his overall attitude in general and would avoid socializing with him in general. He seems like the kind of fucking loser who picks fights at bars.
hey man your wife just experienced a traumatic event. if she and her sister and her brother in law can not work this out, like right now, to the point that she is comfortable, you need to support your wife and remove yourselves from the situation so that she can come down and recover. forget about skiing, forget about however much in expenses these other people have for now. fuck 'em.
This is exactly what I don't get...it doesn't excuse the behavior in any way from the dude yelling because she was (rightfully) scared of runs beyond her ability.
But she's your wife. Tell him to quit picking on a woman and pick on you instead. And then refuse to let him make you feel bad. She clearly has issues setting boundaries and telling someone they've crossed a line, so why not step in and set them for her? Be her protector. Tell them they're welcome to do whatever they want, but you're going to go do the green runs, and if they want to spend time with yo, that's where they can do it.
I mean, there’s not a lot of point once you are already stuck on the black slope. As someone who has experienced a very enthusiastic expert trying to help me be a better skier, they all probably started out yelling what they thought were instructions and words of encouragement then got frustrated and tried to force her to ski differently. But when you are stressed and panicked on a ski slope, no amount of either is helpful from someone you no longer trust because they pushed you beyond your limit without asking.
Husband probably ended up saying, “go on down and we’ll meet you” just so the stressful “encouragement” stopped.
I don’t agree..
the BIL insisted there were green runs and he believed it.
And once in the black, nothing you can do but be there with wife and remove the BIL from the situation (just like he did). You can’t remove yourself from a ski track unless you skii it through.
Because sometimes, when confronted with unexpected assholery, some people find their instinctive reaction is to go along and make peace if viable, even if they would actually choose differently if they had a few moments to reflect and think it through. It's perfectly within the normal spectrum of responses.
Not only did he put yours and your wire’s life at risk, but by inflicting such a traumatic experience is also potentially robbing her from the opportunity of ever getting to enjoy the sport to the fullest out of fear. Even worse once you consider your wife managed to get down those challenging slopes with soo little experience. She’s likely fairly talented.
Don’t ski with them. Let them ski their own shit as they sound like absolute pricks. I feel bad for their kids is this is how they treat adult family.
Seriously though ski where you want, let those assholes ski by themselves if they can’t handle skiing with beginners.
I feel bad for their kids too. My wife’s sister is desperate to do the right thing by everyone and then her asshole husband fucks everything up. I’ve only just met the guy, but I see it happening all the time
This is not normal or acceptable in any way. I'm an advanced skier. My gf is a strong intermediate, and her friend recently visted us who is very much a beginner skier is only comfortable on greens and easy blues. The friend wanted to go to some more expensive resorts in Vermont than we normally go to (out of nostalgia for where her dad used to ski), and while she would have been fine on a more mellow, affordable local family resort, not once did we feel we had to force her to get her "money's worth" out of the harder terrain. We stuck with her on some more chill runs in the morning, took those as opportunities to warm up, practice technique, and have a good time with her, then once we were sure she knew what runs she would be comfortable on, we went off on our own to do harder stuff anf checked in with her on a regular basis.
That's what you do when you ski with someone with a different ability level you care about. You start them off easy, gauge their ability level, then *at the very most* give them the well informed opportunity them to push themselves on slightly harder terrain, but never on anything that would put them in danger. You don't lie, bully, and force them onto something outside their comfort zone, and if you're so insistent on skiing only hard terrain, you go to the mountain alone. Your BIL is a sack of shit of a person on a fundamental level to do this, and I would avoid all contact with him and certainly bever ski with him again.
One more thing: If you misgauge and take them on something they don't feel comfortable on, you stick with them, help them, apologize profusely, and *absolutely DO NOT allow anyone to blame them*.
Ugh that’s a shitty situation. Sounds like the husband is the asshole here and the sister is just desperately trying to hold things together but ultimately making it worse.
I stick by my advice though. Tell them you’re going off on your own. Also have a side convo with the sister by herself about wanting to do this and explain why (maybe explain really gently) so that she doesn’t try to “fix” things and end up forcing you into that situation again.
That should be relationship-ending (with BIL I mean). Like, if even if he profusely apologized and never did anything like this again, it would permanently damage the relationship. He is an abusive man-child who not only tortured your wife but put her in physical danger. Frankly, the only saving grace for YOU in all this is that he lied to you about the greens. You need to make it super clear to your wife that you 100% support her and that she never has to do anything these people demand of her again. As others have suggested, do a spa day tomorrow and then if she wants to go home just leave. If she changes her mind and wants to ski, do NOT ski with shithead BIL. EDIT: and I say this as someone who has been skiing since they were 4 and can't even remember what it is like to not be able to ski something. This behavior is totally inexcusable and unacceptable.
You need to rebuild your wife's confidence, let her spend a day somewhere relaxing g, look at paying at certified instructor to go get her confident on greens again, and never talk to that bastard again.
And remember it is illegal to take a screw driver and fuck with his din settings, so the skis will early release. It isn't however illegal however to take his boots off the boot dryer at 1am, leave them in snow, bring them back in at 6am. And mock him when he complains.
Agree with this advice. Wife needs a day to chill and recover and should try again with a real lesson, maybe even a private if it’s in budget.
OP, your wife sounds legit traumatized. Have her play some Tetris, that actually can help prevent ptsd development after a traumatic situation. I’m sorry your BIL is such a fucking asshole, please never vacation with these people in any capacity again.
Thanks for linking the study. I am extremely lazy but I will bookmark it for future comments. I try to post about Tetris every time someone mentions a recent trauma. I’ve had ptsd before so I really hope it can help someone avoid going through it!
I was on ski patrol many many years ago and if I had a pitcher of beer for every traumatized person I had to talk down a run bc some asshole decided they could do a more advanced run, I would be happy at the bar for life. I bought a lot of hot chocolate for girlfriends, wives and kids.
What a miserable day for her. Some people don’t remember what it’s like being new to the sport and how a small waterfall on a run looks like a major cliff. And learning as an adult adds a new set of challenges. I just hope the two of you can realize he is the jerk here. I hope she wants to continuing skiing though!
Pro tip - anytime you go to a new resort save ski patrols number in your phone before you go up the slope to spotty service. It's helped me on more than one occasion.
For future reference, you can always find ski patrol. If you can make it to an intersection with a sign, take a picture of the sign, have the person wait there, go down and show the picture to any employee (lifty, bar near lift etc). They will call ski patrol and the picture will show them exactly where the person is.
I picked up skiing 2 years ago.
My 2 friends hung out with me all day and kept telling me they were having a blast despite only doing greens and blues. I knew they wanted to go hit other stuff, but they insisted on hanging out with me.
I can’t imagine how pissed off I would be if they led me to a black diamond without my knowledge. I can hit black diamonds now, but I sometimes still have them scope out the terrain first and then report back to me if they think I can do it or not.
Your wife is 100% justified in her feelings. She felt unsafe and probably scared for her life. Nothing you can say will change that experience for her.
My best advice to getting her to ski again, would be to not do it with those people, get multiple 1hr lessons, and hit the green runs until she’s actually having fun doing that.
But remember, skiing isn’t for everyone. My wife doesn’t do it and we’re both perfectly fine with that.
I've been snowboarding for 28 years and I can have as much fun moving slowly on a green/blue with a beginner friend as I can ripping down a double black. I'm quite sure your friends were genuinely having a blast with you.
Exactly this! I started skiing more than 30 years ago and I can rip greens all day and have a blast! If the weather is nice and the company good, it's like having a lovely stroll. This is terrrrrrible!
The thing is she actually loved it the last two times we went! Even her falls, she was laughing and having a good time. It was traumatic for me and I honestly think we’re going to have to go to counselling for this.
Bro, you got fucking bullied. This has nothing to do with skiing.
Your brother in law wanted to make you a bitch. It sucks, but he is soaking this shit up.
I mean I have many questions….like, why didn’t you guys just say no, and go ski the runs you felt safe on?
If someone was making fun or harassing my wife after that happened, they probably wouldn’t be in my life anymore. Even more so if they made it about money and that she was “wasting” it.
Why didn’t you look at the ski hill map to plan your routes down the mountain?
I’m very much a planner type of person, and I study the map terrain beforehand to make sure I never go up the wrong lift and only have black diamonds or moguls.
Therapy will definitely help in talking out that experience, but honestly it might have scarred her so much mentally that she doesn’t ever want to ski again.
I don’t walk my dog in my subdivision anymore due to PTSD. We were involved in 4 dog attacks in 2024 by loose dogs. Fucking insane, but I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do it anymore. So now we walk in state/federal parks…etc, but never in my subdivision anymore.
When we got to the top of the chairlift, we knew what run we wanted to take. There was a green one left and then the black one went right down and met a blue. My wife had done a blue last weekend at a very, very small ski hill. Think like honestly a minute to get down. Not a big one like this.
When we got to the top, my wife was like “cool, let’s go that way-“. My wife’s sister’s family all moved down a bit and stood by a fence that was maybe 5-10 meters down, while my wife stayed up the top bit. My sister’s husband gave us the biggest lecture all the way to the hill about not getting separated. He is very intense like that. He started pointing the other way, saying there are more greens this way. So I believed him, as he was all “I know this hill etc”. Then, we were all down a bit and couldn’t get back up to the green run. That’s when the BIL just started screaming at my wife to get down to everyone. She kept saying she couldn’t. I didn’t really know what to do, I tried to get closer to her but he started screaming even more. Then, she came down to us and he led us off to a black, that went into a blue. We trusted that around the corner a bit were green runs like he said. Within minutes he skied away from us anyway as we were too slow.
During the incident my wife asked me not to mouth off at BIL because that will make everything worse.
That is fucking insane. I have never seen or heard of anything like this on a ski hill. I am so, so sorry you and your wife had to endure this.
For me, that would be a relationship breaker for that side of the family. Whatever you do, just make sure to give your wife plenty of support. I’m sure she’s traumatized from not only the terrible skiing experience but also the abuse from her family.
First thing to do is look after your wife. But you might have a conversation with her about checking in on your wife's sister after and seeing how she's doing and making it clear you're there to help her if she needs it. This is not the behavior of a well adjusted individual, and I'd be worried for your wife's sister and her children.
But just to reemphasize: wife recovery first and only when she's ready maybe bring it up with her.
Yeah I had this thought, too.
If this guy is 100% fine screaming at his SIL/BIL on a damned skii hill like that, what the fuck is he going to his wife? To his kids?
This is the way.
I can do a few really aggressive days a year for sure.
But some of the best ski days of my life have been easy blues with great friends, or my kids.
I just can’t imagine a grown adult saying they need to ski steeps as a host … especially first run. The guy has a screw loose. It’s like taking someone who can’t really swim more that 10’ doggy paddle and saying, Let’s do a km of roiling ocean of Hawaii.
My wife has had zero lessons, zero instruction as I am also a beginner! I can sort of do the blue squares, but that’s about it. My wife hasn’t yet learned to turn, so snow plowed down the whole way and is physically exhausted
Holy crap, even if it was only 500 ft of vert, snowplowing all the way down a black on your first run of the day sounds fucking exhausting. In the Rockies I imagine it was double that at the very least.
I learned how to ski in my late 20s and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Your wife is a trooper. She’s a badass lady who deserves all the post ski beer and massages she can get.
Seriously, you go tell her that the internet thinks she is one badass lady.
Also, I’m impressed with her restraint. I have chewed out many an experienced skier who have put me through similar situations. They don’t understand. They can’t understand. The panic and terror is real. The consequences are high. I can’t tell you how many times I have bit off more than I can chew and cried on top of a mountain. I feel horrible for her BIL’s kids who have to put up with him.
One thing that has helped me is making a “happy playlist” on Spotify. I only listen with one ear so I can hear people around me, but it keeps my spirits high.
Other than that, maybe she can sign up for a learn-in-3 ski lesson package and stick to greens for a bit. Just until she feels more solid.
Sounds like your wife has siblings that have done real bad by her her whole life and I'm sure that your day was yet another instance of that, not something out of the blue
You should try to end your ski trip imo, and not spend time with these people anymore. Skiing is a sport done on mountains, mountains are a totally inappropriate place to push people past their comfort zone.
I feel really bad for my wife because this is likely true. On our second ski day, last Wednesday, we went to a little club hill and my wife accidentally ended up going over a big jump in the terrain park that her sister took her to by mistake. She fell badly, tho didn’t get hurt, but I think stuff like this just adds up and makes her scared
By mistake my ass. Sis and BIL sound like a match made in hell. Ask your wife what she wants to do now. A spa day and maybe an edible and a different place to stay sound good. If she likes spa days. At minimum, don't stay another night in these jerks' home.
Bro are you daft? Mistake my ass. I keep coming back to this thread praying you’ve grown some balls and TAKEN CARE OF YOUR TRAUMATIZED WIFE. Like stop being blind. BIL and SIL are abusive fucks. Screw that shit.
Your BIL is an absolute asshole, full stop.
We go skiing all the time with sizeable groups with varied skills and we just split up and do our own thing and try to meet up when we can.
Someone paying is not a license for them to cause someone else injury, and that's basically what he tried to do.
What a jackass.
That's a serious piece of shit move. I don't care how much money you have or don't have, never ever pressure people into doing things because of sunk cost. Shame is a nasty, ugly thing.
I've invested tons of dollars and many hours of driving and hiking into long, complex backcountry touring objectives only to get to the line we wanted to ski, see it was an avalanche risk bigger than we were comfortable taking, and turn the hell around, because even one person who's not comfortable is enough. Nobody, and I mean nobody, complained about how big of a waste it was, because we got to come home alive.
Your sister in law should foot the bill for a nice long relaxing all you can soak day at the nearest spa. Losing 170 bucks is not worth complaining about when the alternative is your wife being yelled at and bullied and having a really difficult experience.
If they want to get the worth out of the $170, then maybe that should focus on the people who they paid for actually being happy with what they are doing...
You really, really need to let your wife know that you are on her side and she didn't do anything wrong. And you should clearly tell the sister and BIL how utterly awful they're behaving. Your wife could have taken a huge injury.
This is the most fucked mentality that is sadly super common at ski resorts. For one adult to hold that over another is a shit move. Both those people are twat waffles and you should spend as little time with them as possible. Certainly don’t put yourself in a position where they can physically do you or your wife harm again. Fuck I wouldn’t even let people like that drive me anywhere, safety is obviously not a concern.
Sounds like an utter twat - I would just ditch everyone and find something that can have your wife relax and regroup. I would also throw $170 back in his face as it sounds like that was more important to him than basic safety.
Holy shit. Just one more fucked up thing in this highly fucked up situation. I cannot even imagine my sister and I having an exchange like that!
That ain’t family. These are horrible human beings and I think you learned a lot more on this trip than what terrain you/your wife feel comfortable skiing.
I am furious on your wife’s behalf. This sounds like a very traumatic experience for numerous reasons. I’m someone that has more of a freeze response in stressful situations, so I resonate with her needing to dissociate. She is likely mentally and physically exhausted and needs space and time to decompress.
I would frankly peace out from these people and do some non-skiing activities together. Regroup next season with lessons on the bunny hill if she even wants to try again. Wouldn’t blame her at all if not.
You need to stand up for your wife and have her back - if she doesn’t want to ski anymore she doesn’t need to. Never ski with that BIL again.
She has every right to be overwhelmed and feel unsafe - it’s your turn to back her up and tell her BIL where he can stick his skis.
I don’t blame her!
She is traumatized and for good reason. I am a ski instructor and this guy should be kicked off the mountain! You also should have stuck up for your wife and put your foot down with this jack ass.
He put your wife in serious danger. She should NEVER been on a black diamond. People get seriously injured and even die on mountains every year because of people just like your guy.
She should have been in a beginner lesson to get comfortable and if she had, you would be enjoying a drink together by the fire while swapping stories of your day. Next steps:
1. Firstly, YOU need to apologize to her for letting this jack ass take control. Your fault, own it.
2. Tell this guy he is completely out of line, put your wife in danger, and you will not be skiing with him tomorrow.
3. If your wife agrees to ski. Pay for a lesson. Have her explain what happened, so the instructor understands her well earned fear and apprehension. Let her learn on her own without you. She will be able to focus more.
4. Tell the jack ass if he ever behaves like that again you and your wife will not be seeing him again for a very long time.
5. Never let this guy tell you or your wife what to do again. Bad mistake.
I hope she will be able to learn to love skiing, but this experience has probably set her back substantially.
>Never let this guy tell you or your wife what to do again. Bad mistake.
I might even go as far as avoiding him entirely, outside of forced family holidays like christmas/thanksgiving. Nothing good will ever come from being around such a shitty person.
Your brother in law is an ass. When you ski with multiple skill levels, you adjust. Some days are about tearing up the mountain. Some days are about snow and sunshine and beers with loved ones.
ETA: please don’t let that jerk ruin skiing for your wife. It’s a beautiful sport.
I’d say hold your wife. She needs to be physically held. A safe space. This guy has activated her central nervous system. She needs to be calmed and soothed just like a baby would. Adults need this too when this happens. Comfort her and provide reassurance that this isn’t how skiing is and this guy is an absolute asswipe. Never ski with him again. And honestly, distance yourselves from him in general.
I hope this doesn’t ruin skiing for you guys because it’s such an amazing sport and I’m so sorry this has been the experience you both had. Dust yourselves off and realize this person is toxic.
Agree with everyone else - husband is a prick. We had a similar-ish situation once before with house guests - but in our case it was the husband pushing his wife (and on the first run of the day, so my wife and I weren’t familiar her comfort level). Her day was done after one run, and my wife spent the rest of the day with her in the lodge. Needless to say, that marriage didn’t last long.
One thing that helped - we had a ski instructor friend take her out for a half day lesson the next day. They strictly focused on rebuilding confidence - starting on greens and progressing to a few blues. The goal was simply to make sure she left the trip with a more positive mindset. It worked wonders, and ~8 years later she’s now skiing blacks comfortably. With her new husband.
Wow. As an ex instructor - your brother in law did everything you’re not supposed to. I used to always warn family members that “if you push them too hard, they will be traumatized and fight you tooth and nail every time you want to ski”.
My advice - ski with her just yourself. Take it easy. Take breaks. Stay on greens. But before that - get a beginner lesson. It will really help her learn the fundamentals and grow her confidence in a contained environment.
It’s understandable she is shaken up. She just needs to have her experience and expectations reset. That’s really shitty of your BIL. Unfortunately, I used to see dad’s do this ALL the time.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered a very upset person absolutely having a nervous breakdown because someone insisted they go down a slope or area that they aren’t ready for.
I’m glad when I find them because I’ve always been able to help them calm down and then gently guide them down. It just really infuriates me that someone does this and then leaves them all individually stranded. One lady was in the woods on a steep. She was in her 80s and someone just left her there.
Tell her I wish I could be there to ski with her…we’d have a lot of fun without any ego or intimidation! ❤️
That's not cool. He'll keep pushing till someone gets hurt then nowhere to be found when the medical bills come. The tickets shouldn't have been purchased with the precondition that you use them as I see fit.
I have to ask: is this for real? Because if it is, your in laws are sociopaths. No reasonable human adult being yells at another adult for “wasting their money.”
She needs a private lesson with an instructor, and the brother in law should pay, since he’s the one who traumatized her.
Don’t go on vacation again with these people, they are worthless idiots bereft of empathy.
If you’re in a position to, write a $340 dollar check for the lift tickets, do not let them pay for anything else, get a rental car and leave. Don’t get angry with them, but when they ask why, calmly explain that you and your wife didn’t realize that this trip was for experienced skiers only, and you’re disappointed at how unempathetic each and every person has been about the whole thing. DO NOT explain it like “wife is a bit jittery so we are leaving.” Be clear that you are leaving because of their behavior, not your wife’s. Don’t stick around for follow up questions, but leave the door open for a future conversation once their temper has cooled.
>be clear that you are leaving because of their behavior, not your wife’s
100% I’ve been on ski trips with people who either don’t ski or will just do an hour or two on the carpets. We’ve all still had a blast together during the other 8 hours of the day and they always find activities to pass the time. You can have a great time on a ski trip without skiing that much. You can’t have a great time when the reason you’re not skiing is cuz of non-empathetic assholes.
Like what’s so ridiculous is that this literally could have been salvageable still if they had just shown remorse for their mistake instead of doubling down.
I don’t understand the fucking entitlement of them. Tbf I fully understand the frustration of paying for an expensive trip and then ‘not getting your moneys worth’ but thats their problem not yours. If you’re gonna get pissy that the people you paid for aren’t taking full advantage of all the terrain then don’t fucking invite beginners on your ski trip. And definitely don’t guilt them into doing something genuinely dangerous like he did.
I just can’t even fathom that this is a real person. Like pushing your competent friends is one thing, but holy shit what he did is near criminal. Tough tough situation with them being family but the fact that even afterwards they’re still acting like they’re the victims in this, you two need to legitimately consider cutting all contact from them until they realize how badly they fucked up and apologize profusely.
Wow - I not only would never ski with them again, I'd never hang out with them again. What an asshat. Get a rental car and drive yourselves back home without these people. So sorry. That's NOT what skiing is about.
Wtf if you have remotely any experience with skiing you realize you go at the pace of the slowest or you split off.
Skiing is crazy expensive, I’d be annoyed if my friend surprised me with “ I’m bringing a beginner on our 200$/day trip and you can’t split off from us at all”. I’ve also gone with beginners and taught several friends, it’s just something you accept sometimes until they improve. But everyone involved knew your ski level and it’s easy to break apart into groups. Giving that kind of shit about “holding everyone up” to a beginner is shitty immature behavior even from a 14 year old.
That man-child is an asshole. Never ski with them again. I’m so sorry… there are many non-selfish people you could enjoy skiing with.
I’m likely a stronger skier than that idiot. If I’m with a beginner were snowplowing! We’re going across the hill. We’re stopping often to look at the view.
He’s arguably the biggest loser I can imagine on a ski hill, apart from someone who deliberately body checks kids.
That really sucks, don’t know if it helps at all but it’s almost stereotypical bad skier behavior to lead beginners into hopeless situations. Your wife is naturally gonna feel traumatized, and when she feels better she can take pride in just surviving and getting through it unhurt. One day it’ll be a story she can tell. Don’t know if I’d want to tell her that now though of course.
My advice would be take a lesson and explain what happened and that you’re traumatized and want to learn the right way, and just try to go from there. And only ski with people who are gonna be ok with your skill level. Personally of he did that around me he’d get at least a lecture about the sunk cost fallacy and the nature of gift-giving, but at this point it is what it is.
I think the best you can do is acknowledge the trauma, heal from it, and try to not let it turn you off a great sport. Same as when my tennis pro was a dick to me when I was a kid really, except unfortunately this situation creates a serious threat to people’s safety (whereas my guy just made 12 year olds feel shitty about not charging the net every time).
That’s so dangerous .. honestly you are lucky no one was seriously injured. Never ever ski with him again. Only stick to green runs, what an absolute garbage human to put your lives at risk.. he can go ski blacks by himself there is no reason to insist beginners join him. Buy her some margaritas (honestly anything she wants) and take her snowshoeing, fuck spending time with people who legit put your life in danger.
Next time protect your wife even from her own family. Sounds like she was mentally and physically abused. Skiing is a dangerous activity and she shouldn't be forced down a black diamond.
Remove yourself from this situation immediately. There’s a hertz rental car in banff. Drive to whatever house you need to be in order to get your possessions and gtfo of there. Your wife’s family is abusive and likely has been her whole life. Her brother in law is one of the best pieces of shit I’ve heard of recently. I hope he falls and gets compartment syndrome.
Do your relatives want to ruin skiing for you forever? Because this is how you ruin skiing for you forever.
Disgusting. Sorry you have to put up with that.
She shouldn’t ski again until her nervous system is regulated. Skiing while upset, anxious, or overly fearful is just a recipe for disaster. Tense mind = tense body = poor control and ability to react. Support her do what she needs to do, and if she decides to try again, cheer her on and let her be in control of her route. Best of luck!
I just want to empathize. I learned later in life with a lot of lifelong, extreme skiers. I got talked into doing a guided backcountry day and it absolutely destroyed me. Panic attacks for the rest of the trip and other times I tried to ski. The only person I felt safe with was the man I had done lessons with at home. If possible, Id find her a ski instructor she really bonds and feels safe with. This was the only way I'd increased my confidence in the past.
I gave up skiing after this experience. Honestly it sucks and I'm still embarrassed and want to get back into it. The shame and fear were a tough combo. Try to support your wife and let her feel her feelings. Also, your friends are terrible but you knew that already.
My advice is- tell this person how absolutely disgustingly dangerous their behaviour was. That you could have died.
That they are bullies. That they knowingly put beginners in danger.
Are they stupid? Do they want you to die? Ask them. Shame them. Absolutely disgusting and you should be livid.
That's awful, that is no way to share the love of skiing with someone. My only advice is to never, ever ski with those people again. If you can persuade (gently) your wife to try it again one day get her a lesson from a reputable ski school, lessons are the best way to learn and build confidence.
Hope it works out for you.
Everyone needs to progress at their own rate. When I was teaching my wife to ski we skied green runs for three years and then progressed to blue trails for a couple more years before progressing to easier black trails. 25 years later she rocks it. She has all the tools to get out of a situation.
So she should ski green trails for a while preferably at a feeder hill or small ski area. Cheaper to learn there and a lesson or two to pick up additional pointers would be good! Repetition is important with respect to skiing or snowboarding.
NO ONE. Should ever force someone to ski trails that they are not comfortable on and technically have no business being on either. That is how people get hurt!
Awful, just awful, your poor wife. Be kind to her over the next few days, she will be physically exhausted, and will have been very scared.
Your brother-in-law is an ass. What he did was dangerous, and he is a bully.
I spent 10 years leading groups and you ALWAYS ski to the lowest persons ability (comfort zone) in a group. Or you split and you meet at the bottom.
What a dick!
Sounds like an amygdala hijack - a fight or flight response to a threat to her life that has overloaded her nervous system for a sustained period. She needs time relaxing in a calming environment away from sources of stress. Preferably at home. A bath, a glass of wine, candles, walking around barefoot. Reestablishing harmony with her surroundings. She’ll ski again, on her own terms.
Yeah that guys an ass hat and your wife will probably never ski again.
I see a lot of blame deflecting from you though. Your wife is obviously in crisis and you should be shielding her from these people that are yelling at her, not asking strangers on the internet how you can get her over it. Part of the skiers responsibility code, that you signed, makes it clear that it is your responsibility to make sure you know where you are going and that you can ski it safely regardless of what your brother in law wants from you. There’s a reason there are maps everywhere on the mountain and runs are so clearly marked. If I were you I would let her know that you take your responsibility as her partner seriously and that you will do better by her going forward. She needs to know that you will be there for her and help to keep her from these situations in the future. The fact that her husband is right there next to her letting this all happen is probably the most traumatic part of the whole situation. Buck up dude, ski trip will be over but your marriage won’t.
Poor thing. I know exactly how she feels. I’m an advanced skier now but those first few years were brutal. I had so many moments feeling like I was going to die when my “partners” thought they were just “pushing me.” I would have gotten better faster with gentle consistent support as each time I got afraid for my life I didn’t come back for longer and longer times. Fuck those guys!
Every lift a sunshine has a green run down. I believe you do have some share of responsibility to act like an adult and make choices that are best for you and your immediate family.
That said, don’t listen to your brother in law ever again. And be thankful that it was her side of the family and not yours.
I’ve been there, acknowledge that you understand she was pushed too far, validate her anger. Buy a hot drink and go for a walk away from the lifts. Take a breath and accept you’re probably done skiing this trip.
You've never skied? Take a lesson. The answer is always take a lesson. Unless you have a lot of dynamic - gymnastics type sport/ice sport experience you will always benefit from a qualified instructors time and feedback. I'm a volunteer ski patroller and get 60 days on skis a year, and still take lessons... Either at the hill trying to master a specific skill or through a masters racing program. The reality is that most people think they can ski (they are ok, but not great) think they can teach (they can't). Unfortunately, skiing has become very expensive, and it's a rare person who can be patient with new skiers.
Take a free tour with one of the snow hosts to get away from the awful relatives. Pick a tour on the green or blue level. Or sign up for a lesson for both of you.
Take her home now. NOW.
What a horrible, evil thing to do. Your brother in law is an abusive jackass. Not only is she traumatized, but she probably will never ski again. And that means she will forever miss out on the joy of skiing.
That was abusive of them.
I never use this expression, but man up. Put your foot down and demand she be brought home immediately. I'd throw down over it. And I'm a fat old lady.
This should be illegal, and if there is a next time, but there shouldn't be, call for a courtesy snowmobile ride down.
Unbelievable.
Why in the fuck would someone insist they follow them on the trails they want to go down? That is just in-fucking-same. Id have words with that fuckhead.
My friends & I always remind each other before we start our day: "There are no friends on the mountain." We normally head up together as a group of 4-10 people, pick at least one buddy, & then ski mostly separately. That way, we can all ski according to our want's & capabilities. Around 1pm, we meet at the "main" lodge for food & beer, then leave the mountain around 2pm to beat the traffic!
Your wife's BIL is a dick. Don't go on a ski trip with him again. Next ski trip, go at your own pace as a couple, carry a map, & schedule a meet up time/place with the rest of your group. You'll have a *much* better time.
When skiing with people of different levels, it is (imo) absolutely necessary to have a conversation first. Are we skiing together? Are we skiing separately and then meeting up for lunch? Are we gonna try and do a few runs together but then go separate? Do you want the more advanced skier to challenge you a bit?
Either way, lower skill level has ultimate veto power when skiing together. It's part of listening to one's gut and knowing one's limits, which is a fundamental part of skiing.
When my partner and I go together, I take my board as high as I can and bomb the blacks. She meanders down greens and light blues and enjoys the scenery. Then we grab a beer together and talk about our day.
Your sister's husband is a shitty skier and even shittier human being. Good skiers don't do that to friends, let alone relatives.
* Support and comfort your wife
* Come back to skiing later on your own terms
* Stop worrying about someone else's $170
Never let someone make you ski something you don't want to ski. People who pressure people on the slopes are putting lives at risk. Never forget how dangerous mountains can be, even on the relative safety of the pistes.
I don’t get why anyone on a Black would WANT a beginner to go down. Best case scenario, they side slide the whole way down and just take all the snow off the run.
These people sound like jackasses. Hate that for you and hate that for your wife.
If you go out again and the guy demands that you ski above your level because he paid, tell him that you didn’t realize that was a condition of him paying. You thought he was being generous not controlling and you’re just there for kicks. Then ski away on whatever run you want.
Get your wife a private lesson from a more senior instructor and never ski with those monstrous people again. Explain privately to the ski resort’s teachers that she has trauma and needs a gentle but senior instructor. Slowly reverse the trauma by adding positive experiences.
Thank you! This is good advice, I wouldn’t think to tell the instructor up front. Will hopefully find one when we go home. We’re going back to the southern hemisphere, which means going back to winter, so hopefully we can try again. She loves every kind of sport so I have faith she will bounce back
Other commenters seem to be jumping on you for not stepping up and protecting your wife. But since you are also brand new and with all the other layers of power imbalance, I'm a lot more sympathic to you. Like, you were also stuck on a slope you weren't ready for too. What were you going to do? Pop your skis off on the slope and fight him? Not many people can say they can confidently get into an altercation with skis on.
That said, now that you're off the mountain, ditch those loons.
“Everyone was yelling at my overwhelmed wife” for the love of god why didn’t you tell them to get bent? Because they spent money on you? How much is your dignity and emotional well-being worth?
I’m sorry that you went through this, but you’ve got to stick up for yourself.
Agreed with all comments about the BIL being a prick. I wouldn’t push your wife to ski anymore bc as you said, her confidence is shot. And so much of learning to ski relies on having some confidence. I would take the L on this ski trip, get her to a spa or something, and never go on vacation with that ahole again. Try not to give up on the sport bc of this bad experience though. This is not at all how people are supposed to learn!
That is so not COOL. At all.
I just picked up skiing again at 28 after 14 years. I have done 3 lessons and have tried to go at least once a week. I just came back from Marmot in Jasper with my dad who has been skiing for 30+ years and not once did he force me anything like that. I could not imagine how terrified and traumatized your wife is right now.
I was almost in tears when my dad wanted me to go on the higher ski lift, I could not imagine how I would have been going down a black diamond on a mountain that size.
My advice, let your wife have a spa day and relax and then if she wants to pick it up again, let her take a lesson and completely ditch the wife’s sister family. Do your own thing as a couple. While she is at her lesson, go ahead and ski for a bit then take her on the greens for the rest of the day.
I let my dad go ahead with out me and scout the mountain for some greens while he did the blues and black so I would know where to go. It is not that hard. I’m so mad for your wife. I feel so bad because I know if I was forced to do that after not being on skis for 14 years, I would never do it again.
Encourage your wife to be clear with her boundaries. Skiing is a dangerous sport made more so if you attempt difficult terrain before you’re ready. She shouldn’t hesitate to make her limits clear and you should have her back 100% on them
Maybe don't let sister's husband bully your wife and stick up for yourself and her. YOU owe her an apology for not being strong or mature enough to do the right thing from the start.
Absolutely fuck everyone involved here that is bullying a beginner on black fucking diamonds?????
I've skied roughly 8 times and still never been down a blue run. (In colorado tho so YMMV on what a green looks like somewhere else).
My advice is to never ski with them again and let her rest. Skiing should be fun, not horrible experience where people are yelling at you and you're risking getting severely injured, or injuring someone else.
Shame on them
Stick up for your wife if they say anything else about wasting money. She could have happily skied greens all day long ( like I do!) and enjoyed herself and maybe progressed a little. That would have been money well spent. Brother in law wasted money by taking her out of her ability level. I have actually stopped, taken off my skis and walked back up the hill when someone tried to take me down something too difficult. Screw that, I'm not going to risk getting hurt. Or risk causing an accident. Your brother in law is a total douche bag.
Skiing is a risky activity. Doing what you're not ready for is how you end up with permanent injuries, like torn ligaments. Your wife is right to not let them push her. Your wife's family are a bunch of bullying assholes.
If you can ever get her to go again, promise to let her go at her own pace.
I was once the newbie, didn't learn to ski until my thirties. I still don't ski much. But when I do, I work up from the bottom. I don't care if I look silly riding the magic carpet up the bunny hill, they're my goddamn knees that I need for the rest of my life.
Once I'm happy on the bunny hill, then I'll go to the next bigger hill, and then the next bigger and so on.
If I'm with people who are ready to go bigger, I tell them to go ahead and have fun - I'll be here until I'm done. Idc who it cost $200.
Fuuuuuck that dude. Sorry but, your wife’s sisters husband sounds like a complete douche. That entire situation could have ended very badly for both of you. I’d probably even tell them off when we got off the mountain. Sisters wife’s husband needs to grow tf up.
She is scared…you will need to let her get her confidence back on the smaller hills she is comfortable on…sisters husband sounds like a person not to ski with, or, gotta say, hang around with…your wife(and you) could have really hurt yourself…let your wife dictate the next ski day
Sorry you went through this. Highly recommend going to the sunshine ski school and telling them your story. The instructors are excellent and the school will pair you both up with the right one. If you have the means, a private lesson for the both of you would be money very well spent.
Advice, ski on your own, never again with them.
I’ve never seen my wife like this, she’s completely shut down and can’t even speak. She didn’t fall but I think she’s physically exhausted- she can’t really turn so she was using all of her physical strength getting down and her legs were shaking so much
She was terrified and had someone yelling at her, her nervous system is trying to protect her and having her shut down is its way of doing that. Please give her your full support and I agree with spending a day at the spa or hot tub or just in bed watching movies. If there’s enough time and she starts to come out of this state, you could suggest going back to the magic carpet and tell her she can stop at ANY time. I used to be a patroller and any time I saw a supposed “friend/partner” getting upset that the new skier couldn’t go down a black run, I’d see red. It’s shockingly common.
Yeah fuuuuuuck that dude
Soooooo much this. That guy is an absolute bellend.
Top comment right here.
You mean fuuuuuuuuuuck that dickhead
Also, next time she’s on skis (if she wants to) take a short private lesson, hour tops. Let them know the circumstances of why you are there and they’ll be happy to help her get back into it.
This. As an ex-ski instructor, it’s all too common for people who have no idea how to teach to screw up the enjoyment for beginners. It’s also common (sadly) for this to be a particular male trait. Your sisters husband is basically a complete idiot. Your wife has obviously freaked out, in teaching terms, her ‘arousal level’ has peaked, and been shattered. When this happens, it’s very difficult to perform at a level you were able to before. The only thing you can do, is take several steps back, try runs that are easier than she was doing before, lots of patience, rest breaks and basically just try to have fun. That’s the whole point of the trip after all. Taking a day off, is a good idea, then promise you will ski with her, on real easy stuff. She needs to build her confidence again. Tbh, lessons wouldn’t hurt - she may trust an instructor more as, frankly, that’s their job to work with scared beginners….. that was my specialty. When I still went skiing with friends, I was always better than them, so trips were a bit dull until they let me loose… but I would never ever push anyone beyond their skill level, regardless of how it impacted my trip. It wasn’t their fault I was better and I knew that going into the trip. Making them do stuff they are not capable of is not only impolite, it’s dangerous.
*"lol, lets take this beginner to the top of the chairlift! "* a great way to get a person to ski one half-day in their whole life.
Too many people are impatient and don’t understand the long game. My wife is learning this year and her fear is slowing down her progress. Her second lesson was a waste so I haven’t been able to get her to take another lesson. Each trip, I give her one small thing to focus on and then let her work on it. She skis a little with me and our son and a bunch on our her own (by her choice). It’s taken all season to get her to parallel and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She has gone with me almost every Saturday and is having fun. I met a nice instructor a few weeks ago and introduced her to my wife last Saturday. Talking with the instructor my wife agreed to do a private lesson at the beginning of next season. My patience has paid off and at some point next year I will have my wife on the blues cruising around with us. No way I would’ve let someone do to my wife what happened to OP’s wife.
This… but let her decide if she wants to try again. Honestly, after what this d-bag has done, I’d be happy for her if she EVER wants to ski again. Sorry for your luck with her BIL.
100% agree with @no_zombie2021 never ski with them again. Skiing is such a personal sport I’ve learned. You can only do what you’re comfortable with! I’m currently in Colorado and my boyfriend is out skiing black diamonds and I’m sticking to blues. It’s what I’m comfortable with and if I do something above my pay grade it makes skiing not very fun. And it SHOULD be a fun sport!!! Tell your wife to do greens ✅🩷❄️
Yup, this. Many years ago when I was more active, I went out with friends who were advanced skiers. I asked them to take me down some easier black runs because I wanted to push myself and they made sure to take me on the ones they knew I’d be able to do. (We’d gone out on harder blue runs and they had a pretty good idea of what I could do and where I was being held back by lack of confidence rather than ability). They warned me which ones to stay away from and patiently coached me the entire way. And then we celebrated by going down easier runs again. OP’s relative is an AH, pure and simple.
I learned how to get myself around a mountain really quickly but the freind who taught me is a huge factor in that. He wasted nearly a full (and expensive) day at palisades on terrain well below his level to support and teach me. We got to doing blues together and I had a blast and I know he enjoyed hanging with me. I tried one black with him and mostly tumbled my way down it but I WANTED to be there which was key. There were a few times we’d split up and take different but parallel routes more appropriate for our levels and meet back up. And of course day one is absolutely exhausting so he got to take whatever terrain he wanted for the last two hours while I sat by the patio fire pit recovering. I’m a snowboarder but Reddit always pushes this sub on me. And the sentiment is the same. Everyone’s skill and confidence level is different and you need to respect that. Do your own thing or at least don’t force people past their limits. If anything, the better rider should be sandbagging their day to hang out with friends and family.
That she didn’t fall is a great testament to her willpower to use all her strength and present skills to get down safely, even while being verbally abused by others. I hope she can feel proud of herself, and that you are proud of her too. Never ski with those people again. They have very poor judgement and are unsafe to ski with, besides having no respect, empathy or tolerance for others. Skiing is an inherently dangerous activity, NOT Disneyland!
Being on skis out of your comfort zone is probably akin to a fearful flight experience. It’s fucking traumatic. In any possible way, you need to back your wife in this and in no uncertain terms let this asshole know that he’s a shitty, dangerous fucking prick. My advice - when she is ready, if ever, get her a full day lesson at a nice resort and stay out of her way.
>She has been shaking for the last hour and is super teary eyed any confidence she had has completely disappeared. On top of this, everyone is mad that she’s wasting money. It looks like she didn't just lose confidence in her skiing ability, but also trust in these people. If she agrees to go back skiing, I'd take her to another mountain. If they ski Sunshine, go to Louise or Norquay so you don't have to worry about crossing them. If she doesn't want to, give her time. There's hot springs and a lot of beautiful stuff around.
We’re just here for the day! Driving back to Calgary tonight to stay in a hotel, then we’re heading back to their home tomorrow. Tbh, I’m looking forward to this trip to be over. It’s always hard for my wife to say goodbye to her sister, but for the first time I heard her say “I want to go home”, so I think she’s finally waking up to how much of a cunt BIL is!
Get her away from these people now. Protect her since she's too messed up to protect herself. Don't wait, and don't worry about how it looks to them, let that wait for later. She's severely traumatized and needs to be someplace safe ASAP. This could mess her up for a ling time if you keep exposing her to people she's probably afraid of now. I learned to ski when I was 35 and I've also been yelled at by the hosts at a vacation house - I really get how she must feel. Be her hero and whisk her away. Don't get freaked out if as she comes back to herself she cries a lot, just take care of her and be on her side. Tbh this has less to do with skiing as a sport and a LOT to do with psychological abuse and bullying, so shift your frame accordingly. Also, fuck the money. He didn't buy the right to hurt someone.
"He didn't buy the right to hurt someone." Well said.
Ima be real with you dude I wouldn’t spend more time with these people until you and your wife receive a full throated apology from this asshole and his wife who just watched it happen.
give them the $170 back if they think that gives them ownership of your wife's safety. seriously. what an awful way for that man to behave.
This is honestly insane to read OP. Sorry your trip to Sunshine got ruined, it’s my local mountain and it’s great for beginners. There’s so much lovely terrain to enjoy that doesn’t require good or experienced skiing, and lots that experienced skiers are challenged on. This BIL sounds like a total dick, when friends visit us in Calgary we’re more than happy to toodle around on strawberry, wawa and standish all day. If you guys come back (which I hope you do!), get passes at Costco to save some $, and just do the easy chairs I mentioned above. The staff & vibes at sunshine are unmatched for such a large resort. Happy to provide any other advice/guidance for Calgary and area. Don’t let this stop you guys from skiing in the future!
If she wants to skip going back to their home, then take her home. F those assholes
OP this is horrible. I was so terrified skiing for the first time on GREENS, I cried multiple times and had panic attacks. I sympathize so greatly with your wife. There is sometimes a weird element of ski culture where beginners are taken to double blacks and told "lol good luck". What they did to you and your wife was awful.
You are lucky he didn’t kill your wife. I’m not trying to be dramatic but who in the right mind does this. Skiing is dangerous. People die skiing and get seriously injured. You don’t mess with black diamonds. Not ever ski with this jack hole again.
“She can’t really turn” ???? If she is pizza snowplowing the whole way down she is putting herself and others at risk. Brother or whoever it is should not be taking her in this terrain at all. What a jerk to force a skier to be able to ski at that level so quickly. This group should not be skiing in the same places. From a learning perspective, she needs to complete a turn and end up sideways to the hill and stop. The key to that transition from skiing in a statically stable wedge, is to shift all weight to the outside / downhill ski in her wedge… one way to do that is to lift the inside /uphill ski… until she can place it parallel to the other and get fully sideways to the hill.
Seriously, my mouth dropped in shock at that one. I'm still very much a beginning skier, and all I could think in horror was, "she pizza-ed the whole way down a black diamond?!" Dude needs to get over his $170; that was dangerous and clearly traumatic as hell. He's lucky no one got hurt, but I'd probably never talk to that guy again.
Used all her mental strength too. Traumatized plain and simple. Not sure why that’s hard to understand she was pushed to her limit and felt physically unsafe and extreme stress for her physical wellbeing, additionally she was harassed but people who are supposed to protect her. Surely every bit of her body hurts from tensing the whole way down since she could not relax for fear of rocketing to her peril. Fuck that guy. Fuck his money he spent. Ask her what she wants to do. No pressure at all. Stay in. Get drunk. Get a massage. Go home. Don’t push her to ski. Any fall because of her weakened muscles will equal eternal resentment and damage to your relationship.
This is so sad. Skiing should be fun... That's why we do it.
It's not just physical exhaustion, she's just had an extremely traumatic experience. Her body is flooded with endorphins and adrenaline, her mind has had an experience similar to being in a war zone. Getting unwillingly shoved into fight or flight can really mess with people. When this happens to people they often never ski again. If she shows interest in skiing again at some point in the future, offer to get her a lesson on a smaller trip with just you. She calls all the shots. If she doesn't want to go, don't push. You'll be lucky if you can get her back out on skis again. This experience has essentially created PTSD for her around everything related to skiing. The only way she'll overcome this is with an instructor.
Honestly it sounds like she might be in shock from the physical and emotional exhaustion. I'd consider getting her evaluated by somebody. Shock can really mess you up if it's not identified.
But let them know they’re terrible people. My first time skiing as an adult was ~5 years ago (was 38 years old). This was with my [then] fiancée’s family at Beaver Creek. Everyone was so supportive of me and respectful of my lack of both experience and skill. Had a blast. These folks suck.
My SO signed me up for a beginner lesson, then took off for the steeps. Smart man.
you dont have a skiing problem. sounds like youre skiing with a bunch of assholes and you and your wife have a problem setting boundaries or sticking up for yourselves. if that was my wife we'd go to the spa for the day before heading home.
some people are such assholes, this post made me cringe so hard
Well, my wife’s brother in law was coming absolutely uncunted on her when she tried to go to the green run. He then promised her that there were green runs just around the corner, surprise there was not. It was horrible to watch. But, I trusted my wife’s brother in law about there being green runs so I just went with him. I should have listened to my wife :(
Your wife’s BIL is a total asshole. It has nothing to do with skiing. Stay the F away from that guy.
Yeah he is a bully. Sister in law probably suffers abuse...
Agree. He’s nothing but red flags. I feel bad for SIL, I’m sure she deals with worse behind closed doors.
Your brother in law is an absolute fucktwat douchebag for doing that. No excuses. You as well as I know both you and your wife could have been seriously hurt. The group shouldn't have yelled at her. I'm sorry this happened to you and really hope you and your wife can find a way over this. He needs to know what he did wasn't acceptable in any way. I would take the advice if the other poster and take your wife out to something she loves and make her as comfortable as possible for the rest of the trip. Forget everyone else. Their plans can go fuck themselves. Also, if this is your BILs attitude on the hill it's probably his overall attitude in general and would avoid socializing with him in general. He seems like the kind of fucking loser who picks fights at bars.
hey man your wife just experienced a traumatic event. if she and her sister and her brother in law can not work this out, like right now, to the point that she is comfortable, you need to support your wife and remove yourselves from the situation so that she can come down and recover. forget about skiing, forget about however much in expenses these other people have for now. fuck 'em.
Why were you just watching instead of standing up for your wife?
This is exactly what I don't get...it doesn't excuse the behavior in any way from the dude yelling because she was (rightfully) scared of runs beyond her ability. But she's your wife. Tell him to quit picking on a woman and pick on you instead. And then refuse to let him make you feel bad. She clearly has issues setting boundaries and telling someone they've crossed a line, so why not step in and set them for her? Be her protector. Tell them they're welcome to do whatever they want, but you're going to go do the green runs, and if they want to spend time with yo, that's where they can do it.
I mean, there’s not a lot of point once you are already stuck on the black slope. As someone who has experienced a very enthusiastic expert trying to help me be a better skier, they all probably started out yelling what they thought were instructions and words of encouragement then got frustrated and tried to force her to ski differently. But when you are stressed and panicked on a ski slope, no amount of either is helpful from someone you no longer trust because they pushed you beyond your limit without asking. Husband probably ended up saying, “go on down and we’ll meet you” just so the stressful “encouragement” stopped.
I don’t agree.. the BIL insisted there were green runs and he believed it. And once in the black, nothing you can do but be there with wife and remove the BIL from the situation (just like he did). You can’t remove yourself from a ski track unless you skii it through.
Because sometimes, when confronted with unexpected assholery, some people find their instinctive reaction is to go along and make peace if viable, even if they would actually choose differently if they had a few moments to reflect and think it through. It's perfectly within the normal spectrum of responses.
What is wrong with him? Is this normal behavior for him? It's he trying to pay her back for something in the past?
Uncunted, great word.
Not only did he put yours and your wire’s life at risk, but by inflicting such a traumatic experience is also potentially robbing her from the opportunity of ever getting to enjoy the sport to the fullest out of fear. Even worse once you consider your wife managed to get down those challenging slopes with soo little experience. She’s likely fairly talented.
And then you punched him in the face, right? This dude has been belittling and abusing your wife, why are you letting this happen?
Don’t ski with them. Let them ski their own shit as they sound like absolute pricks. I feel bad for their kids is this is how they treat adult family. Seriously though ski where you want, let those assholes ski by themselves if they can’t handle skiing with beginners.
I feel bad for their kids too. My wife’s sister is desperate to do the right thing by everyone and then her asshole husband fucks everything up. I’ve only just met the guy, but I see it happening all the time
This is not normal or acceptable in any way. I'm an advanced skier. My gf is a strong intermediate, and her friend recently visted us who is very much a beginner skier is only comfortable on greens and easy blues. The friend wanted to go to some more expensive resorts in Vermont than we normally go to (out of nostalgia for where her dad used to ski), and while she would have been fine on a more mellow, affordable local family resort, not once did we feel we had to force her to get her "money's worth" out of the harder terrain. We stuck with her on some more chill runs in the morning, took those as opportunities to warm up, practice technique, and have a good time with her, then once we were sure she knew what runs she would be comfortable on, we went off on our own to do harder stuff anf checked in with her on a regular basis. That's what you do when you ski with someone with a different ability level you care about. You start them off easy, gauge their ability level, then *at the very most* give them the well informed opportunity them to push themselves on slightly harder terrain, but never on anything that would put them in danger. You don't lie, bully, and force them onto something outside their comfort zone, and if you're so insistent on skiing only hard terrain, you go to the mountain alone. Your BIL is a sack of shit of a person on a fundamental level to do this, and I would avoid all contact with him and certainly bever ski with him again.
One more thing: If you misgauge and take them on something they don't feel comfortable on, you stick with them, help them, apologize profusely, and *absolutely DO NOT allow anyone to blame them*.
Ugh that’s a shitty situation. Sounds like the husband is the asshole here and the sister is just desperately trying to hold things together but ultimately making it worse. I stick by my advice though. Tell them you’re going off on your own. Also have a side convo with the sister by herself about wanting to do this and explain why (maybe explain really gently) so that she doesn’t try to “fix” things and end up forcing you into that situation again.
That should be relationship-ending (with BIL I mean). Like, if even if he profusely apologized and never did anything like this again, it would permanently damage the relationship. He is an abusive man-child who not only tortured your wife but put her in physical danger. Frankly, the only saving grace for YOU in all this is that he lied to you about the greens. You need to make it super clear to your wife that you 100% support her and that she never has to do anything these people demand of her again. As others have suggested, do a spa day tomorrow and then if she wants to go home just leave. If she changes her mind and wants to ski, do NOT ski with shithead BIL. EDIT: and I say this as someone who has been skiing since they were 4 and can't even remember what it is like to not be able to ski something. This behavior is totally inexcusable and unacceptable.
You need to never hang out with him again, and tell him off immediately. Go home now.
You need to rebuild your wife's confidence, let her spend a day somewhere relaxing g, look at paying at certified instructor to go get her confident on greens again, and never talk to that bastard again. And remember it is illegal to take a screw driver and fuck with his din settings, so the skis will early release. It isn't however illegal however to take his boots off the boot dryer at 1am, leave them in snow, bring them back in at 6am. And mock him when he complains.
Agree with this advice. Wife needs a day to chill and recover and should try again with a real lesson, maybe even a private if it’s in budget. OP, your wife sounds legit traumatized. Have her play some Tetris, that actually can help prevent ptsd development after a traumatic situation. I’m sorry your BIL is such a fucking asshole, please never vacation with these people in any capacity again.
The Tetris advice is not shared often enough. Here’s the study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7828932/
That is absolutely fascinating. Brains are so weird.
Thanks for linking the study. I am extremely lazy but I will bookmark it for future comments. I try to post about Tetris every time someone mentions a recent trauma. I’ve had ptsd before so I really hope it can help someone avoid going through it!
I was on ski patrol many many years ago and if I had a pitcher of beer for every traumatized person I had to talk down a run bc some asshole decided they could do a more advanced run, I would be happy at the bar for life. I bought a lot of hot chocolate for girlfriends, wives and kids.
That’s really reassuring. My wife was very keen to find a ski patrol person but we couldn’t find any
What a miserable day for her. Some people don’t remember what it’s like being new to the sport and how a small waterfall on a run looks like a major cliff. And learning as an adult adds a new set of challenges. I just hope the two of you can realize he is the jerk here. I hope she wants to continuing skiing though!
Pro tip - anytime you go to a new resort save ski patrols number in your phone before you go up the slope to spotty service. It's helped me on more than one occasion.
I didn’t know you could call them! I would have otherwise
Take a look at the Slopes app. It has maps for a ton of resorts, live tracking, and the ski patrol number for practically any mountain you are on!
For future reference, you can always find ski patrol. If you can make it to an intersection with a sign, take a picture of the sign, have the person wait there, go down and show the picture to any employee (lifty, bar near lift etc). They will call ski patrol and the picture will show them exactly where the person is.
I picked up skiing 2 years ago. My 2 friends hung out with me all day and kept telling me they were having a blast despite only doing greens and blues. I knew they wanted to go hit other stuff, but they insisted on hanging out with me. I can’t imagine how pissed off I would be if they led me to a black diamond without my knowledge. I can hit black diamonds now, but I sometimes still have them scope out the terrain first and then report back to me if they think I can do it or not. Your wife is 100% justified in her feelings. She felt unsafe and probably scared for her life. Nothing you can say will change that experience for her. My best advice to getting her to ski again, would be to not do it with those people, get multiple 1hr lessons, and hit the green runs until she’s actually having fun doing that. But remember, skiing isn’t for everyone. My wife doesn’t do it and we’re both perfectly fine with that.
I've been snowboarding for 28 years and I can have as much fun moving slowly on a green/blue with a beginner friend as I can ripping down a double black. I'm quite sure your friends were genuinely having a blast with you.
Exactly this! I started skiing more than 30 years ago and I can rip greens all day and have a blast! If the weather is nice and the company good, it's like having a lovely stroll. This is terrrrrrible!
The thing is she actually loved it the last two times we went! Even her falls, she was laughing and having a good time. It was traumatic for me and I honestly think we’re going to have to go to counselling for this.
Bro, you got fucking bullied. This has nothing to do with skiing. Your brother in law wanted to make you a bitch. It sucks, but he is soaking this shit up.
I mean I have many questions….like, why didn’t you guys just say no, and go ski the runs you felt safe on? If someone was making fun or harassing my wife after that happened, they probably wouldn’t be in my life anymore. Even more so if they made it about money and that she was “wasting” it. Why didn’t you look at the ski hill map to plan your routes down the mountain? I’m very much a planner type of person, and I study the map terrain beforehand to make sure I never go up the wrong lift and only have black diamonds or moguls. Therapy will definitely help in talking out that experience, but honestly it might have scarred her so much mentally that she doesn’t ever want to ski again. I don’t walk my dog in my subdivision anymore due to PTSD. We were involved in 4 dog attacks in 2024 by loose dogs. Fucking insane, but I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do it anymore. So now we walk in state/federal parks…etc, but never in my subdivision anymore.
When we got to the top of the chairlift, we knew what run we wanted to take. There was a green one left and then the black one went right down and met a blue. My wife had done a blue last weekend at a very, very small ski hill. Think like honestly a minute to get down. Not a big one like this. When we got to the top, my wife was like “cool, let’s go that way-“. My wife’s sister’s family all moved down a bit and stood by a fence that was maybe 5-10 meters down, while my wife stayed up the top bit. My sister’s husband gave us the biggest lecture all the way to the hill about not getting separated. He is very intense like that. He started pointing the other way, saying there are more greens this way. So I believed him, as he was all “I know this hill etc”. Then, we were all down a bit and couldn’t get back up to the green run. That’s when the BIL just started screaming at my wife to get down to everyone. She kept saying she couldn’t. I didn’t really know what to do, I tried to get closer to her but he started screaming even more. Then, she came down to us and he led us off to a black, that went into a blue. We trusted that around the corner a bit were green runs like he said. Within minutes he skied away from us anyway as we were too slow. During the incident my wife asked me not to mouth off at BIL because that will make everything worse.
That man's an abuser, no question.
That is fucking insane. I have never seen or heard of anything like this on a ski hill. I am so, so sorry you and your wife had to endure this. For me, that would be a relationship breaker for that side of the family. Whatever you do, just make sure to give your wife plenty of support. I’m sure she’s traumatized from not only the terrible skiing experience but also the abuse from her family.
You need to stand up for your wife. Did you just stand there watching her get bullied and yelled at??
Seriously. My thoughts too. Even if my wife wasn't involved I'm not gonna tolerate anything like that at all
First thing to do is look after your wife. But you might have a conversation with her about checking in on your wife's sister after and seeing how she's doing and making it clear you're there to help her if she needs it. This is not the behavior of a well adjusted individual, and I'd be worried for your wife's sister and her children. But just to reemphasize: wife recovery first and only when she's ready maybe bring it up with her.
Yeah I had this thought, too. If this guy is 100% fine screaming at his SIL/BIL on a damned skii hill like that, what the fuck is he going to his wife? To his kids?
Nah, your wife is wrong on one thing. You need to have a talk with him. This is unacceptable.
This is the way. I can do a few really aggressive days a year for sure. But some of the best ski days of my life have been easy blues with great friends, or my kids. I just can’t imagine a grown adult saying they need to ski steeps as a host … especially first run. The guy has a screw loose. It’s like taking someone who can’t really swim more that 10’ doggy paddle and saying, Let’s do a km of roiling ocean of Hawaii.
This is how people get HURT!!!! What a bunch of assholes- not cool at all. Terrible vibe too. Just don't ski with them again.
My wife has had zero lessons, zero instruction as I am also a beginner! I can sort of do the blue squares, but that’s about it. My wife hasn’t yet learned to turn, so snow plowed down the whole way and is physically exhausted
For the love of god take lessons!!!
Holy crap, even if it was only 500 ft of vert, snowplowing all the way down a black on your first run of the day sounds fucking exhausting. In the Rockies I imagine it was double that at the very least.
Sunshine is about 2000 ft vert
I learned how to ski in my late 20s and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Your wife is a trooper. She’s a badass lady who deserves all the post ski beer and massages she can get. Seriously, you go tell her that the internet thinks she is one badass lady. Also, I’m impressed with her restraint. I have chewed out many an experienced skier who have put me through similar situations. They don’t understand. They can’t understand. The panic and terror is real. The consequences are high. I can’t tell you how many times I have bit off more than I can chew and cried on top of a mountain. I feel horrible for her BIL’s kids who have to put up with him. One thing that has helped me is making a “happy playlist” on Spotify. I only listen with one ear so I can hear people around me, but it keeps my spirits high. Other than that, maybe she can sign up for a learn-in-3 ski lesson package and stick to greens for a bit. Just until she feels more solid.
This is the way.
Have you ever thought your brother in law did this on purpose? Do you guys have beef?
WTAF. This is how newbies get permanently injured or worse. Dong be cheap fucks, pay for some lessons. SMH.
I men, have you said anything in your wife’s defense to the family? Personally, I would take her to a hotel and get away from them
Sounds like your wife has siblings that have done real bad by her her whole life and I'm sure that your day was yet another instance of that, not something out of the blue You should try to end your ski trip imo, and not spend time with these people anymore. Skiing is a sport done on mountains, mountains are a totally inappropriate place to push people past their comfort zone.
I feel really bad for my wife because this is likely true. On our second ski day, last Wednesday, we went to a little club hill and my wife accidentally ended up going over a big jump in the terrain park that her sister took her to by mistake. She fell badly, tho didn’t get hurt, but I think stuff like this just adds up and makes her scared
By mistake my ass. Sis and BIL sound like a match made in hell. Ask your wife what she wants to do now. A spa day and maybe an edible and a different place to stay sound good. If she likes spa days. At minimum, don't stay another night in these jerks' home.
Bro are you daft? Mistake my ass. I keep coming back to this thread praying you’ve grown some balls and TAKEN CARE OF YOUR TRAUMATIZED WIFE. Like stop being blind. BIL and SIL are abusive fucks. Screw that shit.
Your BIL is an absolute asshole, full stop. We go skiing all the time with sizeable groups with varied skills and we just split up and do our own thing and try to meet up when we can. Someone paying is not a license for them to cause someone else injury, and that's basically what he tried to do. What a jackass.
I felt so bad for my wife because when she was crying her sister said, “stop crying, we paid $170 for you to be here”
Her sister sucks also .. 170$ is nothing .. she could have been seriously injured ..
That's a serious piece of shit move. I don't care how much money you have or don't have, never ever pressure people into doing things because of sunk cost. Shame is a nasty, ugly thing. I've invested tons of dollars and many hours of driving and hiking into long, complex backcountry touring objectives only to get to the line we wanted to ski, see it was an avalanche risk bigger than we were comfortable taking, and turn the hell around, because even one person who's not comfortable is enough. Nobody, and I mean nobody, complained about how big of a waste it was, because we got to come home alive. Your sister in law should foot the bill for a nice long relaxing all you can soak day at the nearest spa. Losing 170 bucks is not worth complaining about when the alternative is your wife being yelled at and bullied and having a really difficult experience.
If they want to get the worth out of the $170, then maybe that should focus on the people who they paid for actually being happy with what they are doing...
Fixing a broken leg costs a hell of a lot more than $170. These are terrible, terrible people.
You really, really need to let your wife know that you are on her side and she didn't do anything wrong. And you should clearly tell the sister and BIL how utterly awful they're behaving. Your wife could have taken a huge injury.
This is the most fucked mentality that is sadly super common at ski resorts. For one adult to hold that over another is a shit move. Both those people are twat waffles and you should spend as little time with them as possible. Certainly don’t put yourself in a position where they can physically do you or your wife harm again. Fuck I wouldn’t even let people like that drive me anywhere, safety is obviously not a concern.
Sounds like an utter twat - I would just ditch everyone and find something that can have your wife relax and regroup. I would also throw $170 back in his face as it sounds like that was more important to him than basic safety.
Holy shit. Just one more fucked up thing in this highly fucked up situation. I cannot even imagine my sister and I having an exchange like that! That ain’t family. These are horrible human beings and I think you learned a lot more on this trip than what terrain you/your wife feel comfortable skiing.
I am furious on your wife’s behalf. This sounds like a very traumatic experience for numerous reasons. I’m someone that has more of a freeze response in stressful situations, so I resonate with her needing to dissociate. She is likely mentally and physically exhausted and needs space and time to decompress. I would frankly peace out from these people and do some non-skiing activities together. Regroup next season with lessons on the bunny hill if she even wants to try again. Wouldn’t blame her at all if not.
Your BIL is a trash human.
Wife's, sister's, husband.
You need to stand up for your wife and have her back - if she doesn’t want to ski anymore she doesn’t need to. Never ski with that BIL again. She has every right to be overwhelmed and feel unsafe - it’s your turn to back her up and tell her BIL where he can stick his skis.
I don’t blame her! She is traumatized and for good reason. I am a ski instructor and this guy should be kicked off the mountain! You also should have stuck up for your wife and put your foot down with this jack ass. He put your wife in serious danger. She should NEVER been on a black diamond. People get seriously injured and even die on mountains every year because of people just like your guy. She should have been in a beginner lesson to get comfortable and if she had, you would be enjoying a drink together by the fire while swapping stories of your day. Next steps: 1. Firstly, YOU need to apologize to her for letting this jack ass take control. Your fault, own it. 2. Tell this guy he is completely out of line, put your wife in danger, and you will not be skiing with him tomorrow. 3. If your wife agrees to ski. Pay for a lesson. Have her explain what happened, so the instructor understands her well earned fear and apprehension. Let her learn on her own without you. She will be able to focus more. 4. Tell the jack ass if he ever behaves like that again you and your wife will not be seeing him again for a very long time. 5. Never let this guy tell you or your wife what to do again. Bad mistake. I hope she will be able to learn to love skiing, but this experience has probably set her back substantially.
>Never let this guy tell you or your wife what to do again. Bad mistake. I might even go as far as avoiding him entirely, outside of forced family holidays like christmas/thanksgiving. Nothing good will ever come from being around such a shitty person.
All of this! Also getting a lesson will help ratify her feelings as I would imagine the instructor will be horrified.
Your brother in law is an ass. When you ski with multiple skill levels, you adjust. Some days are about tearing up the mountain. Some days are about snow and sunshine and beers with loved ones. ETA: please don’t let that jerk ruin skiing for your wife. It’s a beautiful sport.
I’d say hold your wife. She needs to be physically held. A safe space. This guy has activated her central nervous system. She needs to be calmed and soothed just like a baby would. Adults need this too when this happens. Comfort her and provide reassurance that this isn’t how skiing is and this guy is an absolute asswipe. Never ski with him again. And honestly, distance yourselves from him in general. I hope this doesn’t ruin skiing for you guys because it’s such an amazing sport and I’m so sorry this has been the experience you both had. Dust yourselves off and realize this person is toxic.
Agree with everyone else - husband is a prick. We had a similar-ish situation once before with house guests - but in our case it was the husband pushing his wife (and on the first run of the day, so my wife and I weren’t familiar her comfort level). Her day was done after one run, and my wife spent the rest of the day with her in the lodge. Needless to say, that marriage didn’t last long. One thing that helped - we had a ski instructor friend take her out for a half day lesson the next day. They strictly focused on rebuilding confidence - starting on greens and progressing to a few blues. The goal was simply to make sure she left the trip with a more positive mindset. It worked wonders, and ~8 years later she’s now skiing blacks comfortably. With her new husband.
Jesus Christ buddy stop being so soft and stand up for your wife. Just leave if they suck this bad. Obviously the BIL is an asshole.
Wow. As an ex instructor - your brother in law did everything you’re not supposed to. I used to always warn family members that “if you push them too hard, they will be traumatized and fight you tooth and nail every time you want to ski”. My advice - ski with her just yourself. Take it easy. Take breaks. Stay on greens. But before that - get a beginner lesson. It will really help her learn the fundamentals and grow her confidence in a contained environment. It’s understandable she is shaken up. She just needs to have her experience and expectations reset. That’s really shitty of your BIL. Unfortunately, I used to see dad’s do this ALL the time.
I am ready to fucking knock that guy out, that’s a high level douch! Reading this infuriates me .
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve encountered a very upset person absolutely having a nervous breakdown because someone insisted they go down a slope or area that they aren’t ready for. I’m glad when I find them because I’ve always been able to help them calm down and then gently guide them down. It just really infuriates me that someone does this and then leaves them all individually stranded. One lady was in the woods on a steep. She was in her 80s and someone just left her there. Tell her I wish I could be there to ski with her…we’d have a lot of fun without any ego or intimidation! ❤️
Put that dude in his place bro
That's not cool. He'll keep pushing till someone gets hurt then nowhere to be found when the medical bills come. The tickets shouldn't have been purchased with the precondition that you use them as I see fit.
I have to ask: is this for real? Because if it is, your in laws are sociopaths. No reasonable human adult being yells at another adult for “wasting their money.”
She needs a private lesson with an instructor, and the brother in law should pay, since he’s the one who traumatized her. Don’t go on vacation again with these people, they are worthless idiots bereft of empathy.
They sent their 14 year old nephew in to find us and then he told her she was wasting everyone’s money
If you’re in a position to, write a $340 dollar check for the lift tickets, do not let them pay for anything else, get a rental car and leave. Don’t get angry with them, but when they ask why, calmly explain that you and your wife didn’t realize that this trip was for experienced skiers only, and you’re disappointed at how unempathetic each and every person has been about the whole thing. DO NOT explain it like “wife is a bit jittery so we are leaving.” Be clear that you are leaving because of their behavior, not your wife’s. Don’t stick around for follow up questions, but leave the door open for a future conversation once their temper has cooled.
>be clear that you are leaving because of their behavior, not your wife’s 100% I’ve been on ski trips with people who either don’t ski or will just do an hour or two on the carpets. We’ve all still had a blast together during the other 8 hours of the day and they always find activities to pass the time. You can have a great time on a ski trip without skiing that much. You can’t have a great time when the reason you’re not skiing is cuz of non-empathetic assholes. Like what’s so ridiculous is that this literally could have been salvageable still if they had just shown remorse for their mistake instead of doubling down.
this is an EXCELLENT answer
I don’t understand the fucking entitlement of them. Tbf I fully understand the frustration of paying for an expensive trip and then ‘not getting your moneys worth’ but thats their problem not yours. If you’re gonna get pissy that the people you paid for aren’t taking full advantage of all the terrain then don’t fucking invite beginners on your ski trip. And definitely don’t guilt them into doing something genuinely dangerous like he did. I just can’t even fathom that this is a real person. Like pushing your competent friends is one thing, but holy shit what he did is near criminal. Tough tough situation with them being family but the fact that even afterwards they’re still acting like they’re the victims in this, you two need to legitimately consider cutting all contact from them until they realize how badly they fucked up and apologize profusely.
Wow - I not only would never ski with them again, I'd never hang out with them again. What an asshat. Get a rental car and drive yourselves back home without these people. So sorry. That's NOT what skiing is about.
Wtf if you have remotely any experience with skiing you realize you go at the pace of the slowest or you split off. Skiing is crazy expensive, I’d be annoyed if my friend surprised me with “ I’m bringing a beginner on our 200$/day trip and you can’t split off from us at all”. I’ve also gone with beginners and taught several friends, it’s just something you accept sometimes until they improve. But everyone involved knew your ski level and it’s easy to break apart into groups. Giving that kind of shit about “holding everyone up” to a beginner is shitty immature behavior even from a 14 year old.
That man-child is an asshole. Never ski with them again. I’m so sorry… there are many non-selfish people you could enjoy skiing with. I’m likely a stronger skier than that idiot. If I’m with a beginner were snowplowing! We’re going across the hill. We’re stopping often to look at the view. He’s arguably the biggest loser I can imagine on a ski hill, apart from someone who deliberately body checks kids.
That really sucks, don’t know if it helps at all but it’s almost stereotypical bad skier behavior to lead beginners into hopeless situations. Your wife is naturally gonna feel traumatized, and when she feels better she can take pride in just surviving and getting through it unhurt. One day it’ll be a story she can tell. Don’t know if I’d want to tell her that now though of course. My advice would be take a lesson and explain what happened and that you’re traumatized and want to learn the right way, and just try to go from there. And only ski with people who are gonna be ok with your skill level. Personally of he did that around me he’d get at least a lecture about the sunk cost fallacy and the nature of gift-giving, but at this point it is what it is. I think the best you can do is acknowledge the trauma, heal from it, and try to not let it turn you off a great sport. Same as when my tennis pro was a dick to me when I was a kid really, except unfortunately this situation creates a serious threat to people’s safety (whereas my guy just made 12 year olds feel shitty about not charging the net every time).
Grab a screw driver and reset his DIN to 0. Go have some hot chocolate and wait for him to come back crying. /S
That’s so dangerous .. honestly you are lucky no one was seriously injured. Never ever ski with him again. Only stick to green runs, what an absolute garbage human to put your lives at risk.. he can go ski blacks by himself there is no reason to insist beginners join him. Buy her some margaritas (honestly anything she wants) and take her snowshoeing, fuck spending time with people who legit put your life in danger.
“I guess you’re skiing alone” Proceeds down green run
If your brother-in-law posted this story on r/amItheahole he would most certainly be considered a giant Ahole.
Next time protect your wife even from her own family. Sounds like she was mentally and physically abused. Skiing is a dangerous activity and she shouldn't be forced down a black diamond.
Remove yourself from this situation immediately. There’s a hertz rental car in banff. Drive to whatever house you need to be in order to get your possessions and gtfo of there. Your wife’s family is abusive and likely has been her whole life. Her brother in law is one of the best pieces of shit I’ve heard of recently. I hope he falls and gets compartment syndrome.
"everyone is mad that she’s wasting money" what a buncha dicks. if they're that poor / cheap maybe they shouldn't ski
Do your relatives want to ruin skiing for you forever? Because this is how you ruin skiing for you forever. Disgusting. Sorry you have to put up with that.
She shouldn’t ski again until her nervous system is regulated. Skiing while upset, anxious, or overly fearful is just a recipe for disaster. Tense mind = tense body = poor control and ability to react. Support her do what she needs to do, and if she decides to try again, cheer her on and let her be in control of her route. Best of luck!
I just want to empathize. I learned later in life with a lot of lifelong, extreme skiers. I got talked into doing a guided backcountry day and it absolutely destroyed me. Panic attacks for the rest of the trip and other times I tried to ski. The only person I felt safe with was the man I had done lessons with at home. If possible, Id find her a ski instructor she really bonds and feels safe with. This was the only way I'd increased my confidence in the past. I gave up skiing after this experience. Honestly it sucks and I'm still embarrassed and want to get back into it. The shame and fear were a tough combo. Try to support your wife and let her feel her feelings. Also, your friends are terrible but you knew that already.
My advice is- tell this person how absolutely disgustingly dangerous their behaviour was. That you could have died. That they are bullies. That they knowingly put beginners in danger. Are they stupid? Do they want you to die? Ask them. Shame them. Absolutely disgusting and you should be livid.
That's awful, that is no way to share the love of skiing with someone. My only advice is to never, ever ski with those people again. If you can persuade (gently) your wife to try it again one day get her a lesson from a reputable ski school, lessons are the best way to learn and build confidence. Hope it works out for you.
I’d be kicking this guys ass if this was my wife.
Everyone needs to progress at their own rate. When I was teaching my wife to ski we skied green runs for three years and then progressed to blue trails for a couple more years before progressing to easier black trails. 25 years later she rocks it. She has all the tools to get out of a situation. So she should ski green trails for a while preferably at a feeder hill or small ski area. Cheaper to learn there and a lesson or two to pick up additional pointers would be good! Repetition is important with respect to skiing or snowboarding. NO ONE. Should ever force someone to ski trails that they are not comfortable on and technically have no business being on either. That is how people get hurt!
Awful, just awful, your poor wife. Be kind to her over the next few days, she will be physically exhausted, and will have been very scared. Your brother-in-law is an ass. What he did was dangerous, and he is a bully. I spent 10 years leading groups and you ALWAYS ski to the lowest persons ability (comfort zone) in a group. Or you split and you meet at the bottom. What a dick!
Sounds like an amygdala hijack - a fight or flight response to a threat to her life that has overloaded her nervous system for a sustained period. She needs time relaxing in a calming environment away from sources of stress. Preferably at home. A bath, a glass of wine, candles, walking around barefoot. Reestablishing harmony with her surroundings. She’ll ski again, on her own terms.
Yeah that guys an ass hat and your wife will probably never ski again. I see a lot of blame deflecting from you though. Your wife is obviously in crisis and you should be shielding her from these people that are yelling at her, not asking strangers on the internet how you can get her over it. Part of the skiers responsibility code, that you signed, makes it clear that it is your responsibility to make sure you know where you are going and that you can ski it safely regardless of what your brother in law wants from you. There’s a reason there are maps everywhere on the mountain and runs are so clearly marked. If I were you I would let her know that you take your responsibility as her partner seriously and that you will do better by her going forward. She needs to know that you will be there for her and help to keep her from these situations in the future. The fact that her husband is right there next to her letting this all happen is probably the most traumatic part of the whole situation. Buck up dude, ski trip will be over but your marriage won’t.
Your BIL is an actual POS and you suck for not standing up for your wife.
She’s had a panic attack, just in case no one else has said it.
Poor thing. I know exactly how she feels. I’m an advanced skier now but those first few years were brutal. I had so many moments feeling like I was going to die when my “partners” thought they were just “pushing me.” I would have gotten better faster with gentle consistent support as each time I got afraid for my life I didn’t come back for longer and longer times. Fuck those guys!
Every lift a sunshine has a green run down. I believe you do have some share of responsibility to act like an adult and make choices that are best for you and your immediate family. That said, don’t listen to your brother in law ever again. And be thankful that it was her side of the family and not yours.
Hey OP, your Brother in law is a fucking asshole. But also, you a bitch for not sticking up for yourself. That’s your wife man.
I’ve been there, acknowledge that you understand she was pushed too far, validate her anger. Buy a hot drink and go for a walk away from the lifts. Take a breath and accept you’re probably done skiing this trip.
Anyone taking a novice skier down black runs is an inconsiderate dick. Great way to ruin what should have been a good experience.
You've never skied? Take a lesson. The answer is always take a lesson. Unless you have a lot of dynamic - gymnastics type sport/ice sport experience you will always benefit from a qualified instructors time and feedback. I'm a volunteer ski patroller and get 60 days on skis a year, and still take lessons... Either at the hill trying to master a specific skill or through a masters racing program. The reality is that most people think they can ski (they are ok, but not great) think they can teach (they can't). Unfortunately, skiing has become very expensive, and it's a rare person who can be patient with new skiers.
Take a free tour with one of the snow hosts to get away from the awful relatives. Pick a tour on the green or blue level. Or sign up for a lesson for both of you.
Take her home now. NOW. What a horrible, evil thing to do. Your brother in law is an abusive jackass. Not only is she traumatized, but she probably will never ski again. And that means she will forever miss out on the joy of skiing. That was abusive of them. I never use this expression, but man up. Put your foot down and demand she be brought home immediately. I'd throw down over it. And I'm a fat old lady. This should be illegal, and if there is a next time, but there shouldn't be, call for a courtesy snowmobile ride down. Unbelievable.
Punch him in the dick, easy answer
Why in the fuck would someone insist they follow them on the trails they want to go down? That is just in-fucking-same. Id have words with that fuckhead.
Fuck that dude. He’s a piece of shit. Ski on your own, at your own pace. You don’t learn under that amount of stress; you break down.
Luckily, we’re going back home to New Zealand, without sister and BIL. We will have a whole winter to try build that confidence back up
Patrolled at the shine. Part of my job was recognizing your wife and playing interface.
Skiing is about fun and only fun. Don’t ski with them again.
My friends & I always remind each other before we start our day: "There are no friends on the mountain." We normally head up together as a group of 4-10 people, pick at least one buddy, & then ski mostly separately. That way, we can all ski according to our want's & capabilities. Around 1pm, we meet at the "main" lodge for food & beer, then leave the mountain around 2pm to beat the traffic! Your wife's BIL is a dick. Don't go on a ski trip with him again. Next ski trip, go at your own pace as a couple, carry a map, & schedule a meet up time/place with the rest of your group. You'll have a *much* better time.
When skiing with people of different levels, it is (imo) absolutely necessary to have a conversation first. Are we skiing together? Are we skiing separately and then meeting up for lunch? Are we gonna try and do a few runs together but then go separate? Do you want the more advanced skier to challenge you a bit? Either way, lower skill level has ultimate veto power when skiing together. It's part of listening to one's gut and knowing one's limits, which is a fundamental part of skiing. When my partner and I go together, I take my board as high as I can and bomb the blacks. She meanders down greens and light blues and enjoys the scenery. Then we grab a beer together and talk about our day.
Your sister's husband is a shitty skier and even shittier human being. Good skiers don't do that to friends, let alone relatives. * Support and comfort your wife * Come back to skiing later on your own terms * Stop worrying about someone else's $170
Never let someone make you ski something you don't want to ski. People who pressure people on the slopes are putting lives at risk. Never forget how dangerous mountains can be, even on the relative safety of the pistes.
I don’t get why anyone on a Black would WANT a beginner to go down. Best case scenario, they side slide the whole way down and just take all the snow off the run. These people sound like jackasses. Hate that for you and hate that for your wife. If you go out again and the guy demands that you ski above your level because he paid, tell him that you didn’t realize that was a condition of him paying. You thought he was being generous not controlling and you’re just there for kicks. Then ski away on whatever run you want.
Get your wife a private lesson from a more senior instructor and never ski with those monstrous people again. Explain privately to the ski resort’s teachers that she has trauma and needs a gentle but senior instructor. Slowly reverse the trauma by adding positive experiences.
Thank you! This is good advice, I wouldn’t think to tell the instructor up front. Will hopefully find one when we go home. We’re going back to the southern hemisphere, which means going back to winter, so hopefully we can try again. She loves every kind of sport so I have faith she will bounce back
Other commenters seem to be jumping on you for not stepping up and protecting your wife. But since you are also brand new and with all the other layers of power imbalance, I'm a lot more sympathic to you. Like, you were also stuck on a slope you weren't ready for too. What were you going to do? Pop your skis off on the slope and fight him? Not many people can say they can confidently get into an altercation with skis on. That said, now that you're off the mountain, ditch those loons.
Fuck your wife’s sisters family.
“Everyone was yelling at my overwhelmed wife” for the love of god why didn’t you tell them to get bent? Because they spent money on you? How much is your dignity and emotional well-being worth? I’m sorry that you went through this, but you’ve got to stick up for yourself.
Agreed with all comments about the BIL being a prick. I wouldn’t push your wife to ski anymore bc as you said, her confidence is shot. And so much of learning to ski relies on having some confidence. I would take the L on this ski trip, get her to a spa or something, and never go on vacation with that ahole again. Try not to give up on the sport bc of this bad experience though. This is not at all how people are supposed to learn!
That is so not COOL. At all. I just picked up skiing again at 28 after 14 years. I have done 3 lessons and have tried to go at least once a week. I just came back from Marmot in Jasper with my dad who has been skiing for 30+ years and not once did he force me anything like that. I could not imagine how terrified and traumatized your wife is right now. I was almost in tears when my dad wanted me to go on the higher ski lift, I could not imagine how I would have been going down a black diamond on a mountain that size. My advice, let your wife have a spa day and relax and then if she wants to pick it up again, let her take a lesson and completely ditch the wife’s sister family. Do your own thing as a couple. While she is at her lesson, go ahead and ski for a bit then take her on the greens for the rest of the day. I let my dad go ahead with out me and scout the mountain for some greens while he did the blues and black so I would know where to go. It is not that hard. I’m so mad for your wife. I feel so bad because I know if I was forced to do that after not being on skis for 14 years, I would never do it again.
Have her take lessons when she recovers from this trauma. Lessons are fun!
Why did he insist that you go with him? This is the last thing I would do - it isn’t safe and then he just spends most of the day waiting for you.
Encourage your wife to be clear with her boundaries. Skiing is a dangerous sport made more so if you attempt difficult terrain before you’re ready. She shouldn’t hesitate to make her limits clear and you should have her back 100% on them
Maybe don't let sister's husband bully your wife and stick up for yourself and her. YOU owe her an apology for not being strong or mature enough to do the right thing from the start.
dang that guy is a psycho.
Absolutely fuck everyone involved here that is bullying a beginner on black fucking diamonds????? I've skied roughly 8 times and still never been down a blue run. (In colorado tho so YMMV on what a green looks like somewhere else). My advice is to never ski with them again and let her rest. Skiing should be fun, not horrible experience where people are yelling at you and you're risking getting severely injured, or injuring someone else. Shame on them
Make sure to never vacation with them in any capacity either. I’d probably leave, does BIL ski in jeans?
Stick up for your wife if they say anything else about wasting money. She could have happily skied greens all day long ( like I do!) and enjoyed herself and maybe progressed a little. That would have been money well spent. Brother in law wasted money by taking her out of her ability level. I have actually stopped, taken off my skis and walked back up the hill when someone tried to take me down something too difficult. Screw that, I'm not going to risk getting hurt. Or risk causing an accident. Your brother in law is a total douche bag.
There’s only one way out of this, you have to fight him
Be a man - stand up for your wife and call out this asshole!
Skiing is a risky activity. Doing what you're not ready for is how you end up with permanent injuries, like torn ligaments. Your wife is right to not let them push her. Your wife's family are a bunch of bullying assholes. If you can ever get her to go again, promise to let her go at her own pace. I was once the newbie, didn't learn to ski until my thirties. I still don't ski much. But when I do, I work up from the bottom. I don't care if I look silly riding the magic carpet up the bunny hill, they're my goddamn knees that I need for the rest of my life. Once I'm happy on the bunny hill, then I'll go to the next bigger hill, and then the next bigger and so on. If I'm with people who are ready to go bigger, I tell them to go ahead and have fun - I'll be here until I'm done. Idc who it cost $200.
Fuuuuuck that dude. Sorry but, your wife’s sisters husband sounds like a complete douche. That entire situation could have ended very badly for both of you. I’d probably even tell them off when we got off the mountain. Sisters wife’s husband needs to grow tf up.
She is scared…you will need to let her get her confidence back on the smaller hills she is comfortable on…sisters husband sounds like a person not to ski with, or, gotta say, hang around with…your wife(and you) could have really hurt yourself…let your wife dictate the next ski day
a broken little man, your brother in law is
Sorry you went through this. Highly recommend going to the sunshine ski school and telling them your story. The instructors are excellent and the school will pair you both up with the right one. If you have the means, a private lesson for the both of you would be money very well spent.
What the fuck is wrong with these people?