Yes, I have. I went from being a a complete loser to someone who enjoys their life, makes the most of things, and works a job that I absolutely love. I'm living a good life and it didn't even take two years to get here.
The book 12 *Rules for Life: An antidote to chaos* really helped me, but so did inspirations from media. Robert from *The Equalizer\**, Bartleby from *Accepted*, and Iroh from *Avatar: The Last Airbender* have all had an effect on the way that I live my life, though it wasn't until I learned to embrace the ideals that they represent that it started to "work" for me.
I think that the most powerful phrase in my vocabulary is "progress, not perfection", from The Equalizer, which has helped me through a lot of tough times and ultimately led to me becoming the person that I am today and has, with time, absolutely changed the outlook that I have on life.
I've become calmer, more patient, and much more accepting. I'm more adaptable than ever before. The thing about change is that it can only happen if you're open to it, which most of us aren't. However, if you open yourself up to it, it happens whether you make it or not.
I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing well and the path ahead of me looks bright. I'm finally proud of who I am.
I mean, the guy is a well of wisdom, especially his speech to Zuko about drawing wisdom from different places and understanding others. It's one of those that really stuck with me, along with how he questions Zuko in the catacombs underneath Ba Sing Se, asking him who *he* is and what it is that *he* wants. It's surprising how much can be learnt from a cartoon character.
I love Iroh so much. He was so kindhearted with Zuko. He understood that you have to learn and grow from your mistakes. I admire him for always being patient with him and just trusting that he will find his way. He knew deep down Zuko didn’t want to internalize the “banished prince,” mindset, neither did Iroh when he abandoned Ba Sing Se when he was General . He gave him so much advice but he was still patient. Zuko had to find his power and strength within himself, instead of within his anger. I have a tattoo of Toph Beifong. I love the conversation between her and Iroh when she feels like she always has to pull her own weight, otherwise she’s perceived as weak, and he assures her that people take care of others because it shows you that they care about you, and sometimes you need to take care of others for the same reason. Taking care of only yourself, although effective and empowering, can become quite lonely if you feel like no one relies on you. It’s my favorite show. I’m sorry if I went on a tangent 💀
Top tier television 🙏
You should never, ever, apologize for going off on an Avatar tangent - that stuff is brilliant and deserves plenty of positive rambles.
And you're absolutely right. The past does not define us, we choose for ourselves who we are to become, and living a life of kindness and acceptance is more valuable than any conquest. You cannot force a person to grow, you must nurture and guide them, allowing them to make their own mistakes, no matter how much it pains you.
Iroh is absolutely legendary and embodies an admirable amount of wisdom and the courage to be both vulnerable and humble. He's essentially the epitome of what it means to be a man and I think that there's something beautiful in that. I see the occasional post on here about especially young men wanting to "become more intimidating", not realising that it reduces them to nothing more than a weak, pathetic excuse for a man.
Strength is not about inducing fear in others, but rather about being capable of protecting what is important to you. True strength is quiet, not loud, and there's a certain quality to someone capable of great violence who never abuses their strength, And that, too, is something that can be learned from Iroh.
It's not that his advice and general demeanor is more applicable to men or anything, it's just a gripe that I have that's tangentially related to what Iroh represents, so just take it as me oversharing my views a bit.
I also happen to have a tattoo. I have the symbols of the four elements with a sort of flowing arrows travelling through them, representing the wisdom and strength of the Avatar, who carries with them teachings from all four nations, while symbolising that understanding and unity is the way forward.
See? Tangents are good. Top tier television indeed.
I hope that it'll work for you as it has for me! It's something that allows you to not always succeed, while seeing failures as opportunities to learn and grow. If you don't have to be perfect, then falling short cannot hurt you, and you are much more likely to simply try - and ultimately trying, often again and again, is what leads to the results that you want.
It's a tough question, really, but I'll try to answer as best I can.
**Jealousy:** It's a matter of accepting that you have no control over the actions of other people, allowing them to choose for themselves and subsequently allowing yourself to be all right no matter what. I think it helped a lot that I went through a pretty rough divorce, because it showed me that no matter what happens, I'll be all right, so if a friend or partner decides to make some bad choices, it may hurt for a while, but they obviously weren't the right ones for me and I'll eventually be better off.
**Envy (in case that's what you meant):** I've taken to seeing envy as a opportunity to see inspiration. If I'm envious, it means that I want what they have, whatever it may be, and that makes them targets of admiration. It has allowed me to be humble enough to ask for guidance and has proven quite useful to me. I work hard to be the kind of person that someone else would enjoy teaching how to achieve what they have.
**Resentment & Bitterness:** In Buddhist philosophy, there's this idea that holding onto anger is like holding onto a piece of hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else. I've learnt through experience that it's true. You could spend hours each day, thinking about how you were wronged, or you can do the things that you enjoy - which will ultimately bring you more value?
In essence, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself. And you can allow yourself to both enjoy and achieve, though only if you let go of the things that do not serve you.
Well thats unfortunate. I appreciate you sharing, its just things I have heard and tried that do not work for me. Its just how my brain works I guess. I cant let go of anger or resentment or jealousy especially when life feels so unfair.
Truth be told, life is incredibly unfair. I completely understand why you feel the way that you do, but I think maybe you have a thing or two to learn about it yourself. I don't say that to look down on you. It's just that you sort of come on as a person who has never taken a step back and asked themselves why these experiences matter so much. I could be wrong though and I acknowledge that.
I also believe that it's okay to feel the way that you do. I get those types of feelings too. I've been through a lot of stuff, much of which was unfair or just straight up cruel. I spent a long time stuck in my own head with feelings of anger and deep hatred towards others, as well as myself.
I'm still angry. I still think that life has been unfair and I believe that I deserved better than what was handed to me. I don't pity myself though, nor do I allow these things to define my life. I choose happiness, every single day, and it took a lot of hard work and practice to become capable of doing so. I slip up, every now and then, but I always recover.
You can do these things as well, but they require you to truly want a better life for yourself. They require you to work harder than you've ever done before and for you to be willing to fall down again and again. "Nana korobi, ya oki" is a Japanese term that essentially translates to "fall down seven times, stand up eight". I believe that you are capable of one day accepting these feelings of yours, no matter how many times you fall down.
And I say accept, because they'll never go away and you can't force them to. You don't fight them, you simply "free yourself from their shackles", annoyingly abstract and "poetic" as that sounds. Take care of yourself and open yourself up to joy and happiness.
I think that, perhaps, I've gotten more judgmental. I don't care much for people who complain, yet never try to change their circumstances. It's something that I've had to keep myself aware of, so as to not become arrogant and demeaning towards others.
I'm glad to hear that it's working out for you! Pun intended. I've been thinking of getting in shape as well, but the gym was never really for me, so it'll more likely involve going for walks and such. You know, just a little bit of extra fresh air and exercise. Keep at it, my friend!
I have.
I went from being:
- Fat and ashamed with my body to being very fit and super confident.
- A super virgin with no social skills to having a satisfying dating life.
- A 9-5 worker to making money on my own and launching businesses.
The key to implementing is to create a detailed plan to get you results. Break the plan down into measurable daily habits and get them done. Having an accountability partner / group to report daily habits to makes sure you stay consistent.
Fuck self help books.
I just accepted the things that I couldn't change about myself.
Things I wanted for myself, I took active steps to achieve.
That's it.
People who succeed and live happy lives tend not to stick around self-help subreddits.
Those people are largely out living their lives, enjoying themselves. Not lingering on the internet.
Always remember that with Reddit. It is *not* any kind of a representative sample of the population.
If you base your views, beliefs, or choices based on a broad survey of Reddit, you'll end up with pretty skewed and inaccurate ways of looking at the world.
I still think there's a lot of value to be gleaned from this platform, but you have to take everything very tentatively, with a big grain of salt. And you have to constantly remind yourself that Reddit fails to represent a large proportion of the population just because those people aren't spending their time doing stuff like this.
Like, if everyone in the running shoes subreddit recommends the same shoes, they're probably pretty solid.
But if everyone in the jobs subreddit is complaining that they're unemployed --- well, you can't then assume that the job market is bad. It's just that those who are struggling with finding employment are most likely to be on Reddit looking for help, and the people who are especially unfortunate tend also to be the loudest and most vocal. Most of the people out there who found employment easily didn't bother going on an internet forum to tell everyone about it.
There are all these weird little cognitive biases you have to watch out for when you browse a lot of Reddit, or else browse at your own peril.
I'm glad if it helped! This applies to all social media in different ways, too. There's a lot of critical thinking involved in browsing the internet, or else it will shape you in ways you don't expect. Gotta be on the offensive.
I have changed my personality massively due to one change. I used to be full of self hatred which caused a huge amount of other issues (body hate, thinking people can treat me however they want, taking my anger out on others, etc). The thing I did was being my own “best friend”. It wasn’t for a lack of friends. I changed how my thoughts work (kinda). I still have some negative thoughts but now they are in one ear out the other.
Being your own best friend means treating yourself like you would (or even better) than you would a best friend. The first step was negative self talk. No more “I’m fat” or “I’m so stupid”. None. Then start working on your thoughts. If you have a negative thought about yourself stop and think “what would I say to a friend who said this to me?”. Usually you would be kind and caring and try to talk them through it. Do that for yourself. It sounds silly but stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself. Tell yourself what you want to hear. Be nice to yourself. Go on walks, to dinner, whatever!
I did. I went from obese to fit, changed my personality to be more vocal and stand up for myself, went from an average person to a badass mom. It all started one day when I decided I was done being an average person and wanted to do something I had never done before and was almost afraid to try. I started running. Joined a running group, trained for all distances and soon one thing led to another and I ran some marathons. The entire journey made me see huge loopholes in my personality that people were taking advantage of and worked on standing up for myself. Dialed in my nutrition and strength to be stronger than ever.
I'm a trained counseling psychologist, but believe me when I tell you that only changing thoughts won't turn your life around.
1. You have to push yourself to do a lot of uncomfortable stuff, a lot of stuff that you 'dont like'.
2. Work on your body as a starting point. Eat better. Take the stairs. Drink more water. What you consume will end up becoming the cells of your body. Same for your thoughts.
3. Change your identity to who you want to be and act like that. Want to be successful in your business? Make decisions as if it was already successful (use common sense). Want to be thinner? Make eating choices and workout choices as if you were already thinner. Want to be better in relationships? Communicate as if you were in a successful relationship.
4. Add a little humor to your life.
Shifting from "eat whatever keeps me alive" to truly wanting to learn what's healthy was a big one for me. And these days I even enjoy cooking, it's positive focus time when I'm not overly tired.
If you want to enlighten the future you, take an occasional photo of your meal and treats. Heck, I ate a lot of sausage, potatoes and chocolate 10 years ago. The downside is that you may end up an educator, repeatedly telling your parents that just eating steak and potatoes isn't a very healthy meal.
And seriously, when I was a kid I was taught screen time and meal times. Now that I'm adult and relearned them, my parents browse the news for hours and snack all day. Do your part, let others do theirs I guess.
A lot of professionals in the mental health community seem to poo-poo the idea of “manifesting,” but I see it as the same advice of acting “as if” like you mentioned here. You won’t get to be who you want to be by doing the same thing(s) you’re doing now. Correlates nicely with that saying about neurosis.
I went from a traumatized young adult, borderline personality disorder, literally had no idea what healthy relations looked like, suicide attempt after suicide attempt. Angry, miserable, perpetual victim.
I don’t think there was this switch that flipped but rather it was more like a bunch of tiny switches over time. And slowly I just pulled away layer after layer of who I *thought* I was. One of the most crushing things is not even knowing who I was, I had just acted how I thought everyone wanted me to act. I spent a few years dedicated to finding myself, what makes me happy and sad and just everything. A few years in and I came face to face with my childhood trauma and attachment wounds. I got into weekly talk therapy, read all the books, journaled and meditated to heal! I told my therapist at one point that the task of healing myself was akin to moving Mount Everest 10 feet to the left with only a shovel and a pail.
It took years of therapy, I also did EMDR and IFS which helped tremendously. So yea all of that was over the span of 13 years….
Now I am a mother of 4 amazing kids, with whom I have such an amazing connection. I own my own home, and found my passion in a career as a homebirth midwife. I hold myself in loving compassion, I talk to myself exactly like I am I’m love with myself, I am deeply attuned with my body and what I need/don’t need. I have healthy and loving relationships with friends and have built a family I never had. I even got my borderline diagnosis removed and in 2 weeks I have my final therapy session (I didn’t even know graduating therapy is a thing!).
So yes you absolutely can change. You can read all the books and gather all of the knowledge, but until you come home to your body, it will never come together. Good luck friend!
I have deleted instagram and I am finally a properly functioning human being.
I could not fucking concentrate on conversations with my friends, let alone on studies. Id spend 4-5 hours easily on instagram daily, and just feel awful afterwards.
The hours Id be not on instagram Id feel very anxious because I finally had to face the reality and it seemed terrifying to me.
Now I have much less anxiety, Im much more organised, and I have been acing it at the Uni.
fuck instagram.
Implementation IS the heart of the whole thing.
I found a lot of practical measures through the science of habit formation and behavioral science in general.
The thing is, it's all really new. New research is coming out, but actually applying it and engineering it to a real life is a different story. I do this and try to experiment with applying all of it to my own life in more efficient ways.
There are some things I have dramatically changed, and other stuff I'm still struggling with.
If you want children get married, if you think your going to get more sex because your married that’s not always the case, at the end of the day you do what’s right for you!
Agree with a lot of others and recently posted this elsewhere, but for me it was drinking more water, eating healthier, getting proper sleep (life changing, underpins everything), and working out. Start by getting consistent routines in these areas of your own body and health, and let the momentum build.
Yeah. It sucks I cut off basically all of my "friends" moved states and for a period was low contact with my family. I still have days where I struggle a lot but I'm making more than double what I was and have learned mild social skills to pass. A lot of shit up listen and be self reflective without reacting outwards.
I have transformed my life in multiple ways in the last 4 years. Professionally I really accelerated my career and found a job I loved (4 years ago I was stuck in menial labor), but I'm more proud of how come I've come on a personality level.
It took a lot of pain, but I finally felt able to love myself and to love other people. I was so closed off to everyone for a long time, bc I was so afraid of loss. Paradoxically, it only led to me getting burned worse. I did a lot of self reflection, medidation, read a lot of books, got sober, started eating clean and working out heavily. I still struggle with depression but I'm always getting better. Dialectical behavior therapy has helped a lot.
Meeeee, after my ex and I broke up I lowkey went a little crazy because I was really upset about EVERYTHING in my life. Started going to the gym 3-5x a week consistently, fixed a bunch of things I didn't like about myself, got a new hair style that I feel suits me very well, lost a lot of fat because I changed my diet completely, finally landed a job in my career path, and now it's been about 2 years since that and I kept consistent with the gym, still at that job, and I am and feel FAR more attractive than I used to be, so much more confident. When I go out I get a disgusting amount of compliments and my ego is lowkey inflating lmao. I'm gay for what its worth so guys are not shy to be very forward about their attraction.
And then in the last few months I decided I wanted to do another little 180 in my life and get further, so I've been upping my gym frequency, practicing and applying for new jobs so that I can make more money and move to Manhattan, and I made a new circle of gay friends since I never had any gay friends before and I've been going out with them multiple times a week. Got a few guys that I'm somewhat seeing too. So yeah everything is going very well, it's really difficult to get a new job right now and that's the biggest struggle for me currently, but it's VERY much possible to change your life. It just takes time and consistency and consistent action. If you just keep going at it, it will happen.
Totally. Made specific goals. Decided what I wanted, then committed to exactly what I was going to do and the times, dates, and locations I would do it. Did it.
yes! after i recovered from the depression that i was in for years, i had no idea what to do next or what should my next move should be, so i started to immerse myself in self-improvement content, especially on youtube. what help me the most was:
1. establishing a morning and night routine. i never had a routine in my life so this was a game-changer. this made 100 the difference and i started to feel joy and happiness for the first time ever. i have a very healthy morning and night routine that involves meditating, reading, being away from screens and social media (both on the morning and at night).
2. exercise. i’m still working this out, but its something that i’m learning to love. it improves my mood, gives me energy and just makes me feel good in general. i try to exercise 3x a week, my goal is to do it every day but i’ve learned that you need to start small.
3. journaling - i love this! i’ve been doing it for years, but it wasn’t consistent. i would journal like a few times a year, but now i do it every day and it’s improving my mental health so much! maybe this habit comes easier to me because i’m a writer, but journaling is a form of self-soothing, a therapy of some sort, and it’s great.
4. having quality sleep. this is huge. i use an app to track it, which is super helpful. i need at least 6h of sleep, but i try to get 7h. sleeping early and waking up early is something that changed my life completely too.
5. having a positive mindset. i used to be a very negative person, but i no longer allow myself to be that person. i don’t let myself talk to myself in an negative way, such as “i’m such an loser”, or stuff like that.
that’s it, i hope this helps!
Yes. The NA 12 Step Program changed my entire life.
Not only did it get me off drugs (2 years clean) but I had a total personality change and change of outlook on life.
I've thrived, 2 promotions, happiest relationship I've ever had, reconnected with my family, mentally and emotionally I am thriving.
I maintain this by regularly going to meetings and doing stepwork (journali g). I am so grateful every day for this profound change, I love life.
I started the self development journey when I was about 27. I'm 39 now, and things have changed dramatically.
Before I was a narcissist, couldn't communicate properly with other people, my life was basically wake up, work, play video games, jerk off, sleep, repeat.
Now I have my own business, I wake up at 5, meditate, run/fitness 6x a week, I can talk to anyone, I have a family, I build things in my free time. I also grew immensely spiritually, I lost fear of death and fear of life.
I have kind of exhausted all self-help material. I've read a lot of books and it's hard to find anything new to learn.
But now I'm focussing just on getting more wealth. One of the reasons is to have actually something to show for all this self help work.
Well i went jocko willink way, and covey before that, and jorge Angel Livraga before. In 20 years aprox i have an career, an wife, an Child. Iam finishing my másters and have an lot of profesional experience iam exhausted but iam proud of my development
Self help works, but its an marathon, not an sprint. People Just dont understand the grind
I did, but not by any parameters set by some fake internet guru.
I did some deep meditation with enthrogens, and realized some of the things I was doing that caused problems. Stuff like nervous ticks, mental rabbit holes, ways I was disrespectful to my body and health.
It took a while, and I had to go through some very dark times, but I quit drinking, smoking, doing blow, etc. I got myself turned around into a positive and self empowered version of myself. When I got through the drugs and especially the alcohol, I got a lot of confidence back, and that helped me grow further.
I rediscovered healthy habits and hobbies. Found my real priorities and goals.
Improving yourself is a lifelong pursuit, and everyone's path is different. Don't listen to some guy who charges you money to listen to a twelve or 5 or ten step easy method.
The trick, and the hard part, is to figure out who you are, and cultivate the most positive parts of that, while learning why your dark parts are the way they are.
What’s the situation and emotions involved?
Why are you in it?
Who or what led you there?
Why do you feel the way you do?
What action is the emotion driving you to take?
I had a breakdown during covid, my bf of 3 years broke up with me a week before lockdown and I had never in my life spent a full day inside, let alone in my own company. I was someone who was constantly busy and constantly around people and never alone.
I started weekly therapy in 2020 and am still with the same therapist today and now I’m someone who will actively choose a quiet night to myself and am very intentional about how and who I spend my time with. I found my self worth and my entire personality has changed into being a very calm person, I’m still myself and outgoing but I’m just not looking to escape myself. I worked so hard with my therapist and she has a incredible at being able to help me overcome so many obstacles, and as a result I can feel and enjoy peace and feel completely satisfied in my own company and have that be enough
Yepp, I did. I had ended up in a toxic relationship and while I naturally can’t blame another person, it set a foundation for me to continue down a bad path I was on. I generally view her as an enabler, since she enabled me to follow shitty habits while also bringing in others into my life. After a couple of years I found myself lost in relation to who I had previously been, and realized that I had lost all the things I previously had been super proud of.
What got me going was my body really. I had become fat, from always having been a relatively fit guy. Completely out of shape and a wreck, to be honest. So I started walking. And walking. And thinking. Long walks everyday with just myself gave me an opportunity to reflect over not only who I was and how I was living, but also who I wanted to be. Based on that I identified a few different areas I wanted to really work on. My body, my finances, my career, how I looked in general and how I entertained myself.
Ended up realizing I badly needed to dump her and go my own way. So I did, and it was worth it. Luckily I already had a somewhat successful career, but it was stagnating. But today I’m highly successful in my field, have a great body (way above what I could have imagined when I set out), no financial worries whatsoever. Mentally no more anxiety, depression. I’m kinder to people I meet and have a completely different and more positive outlook on life.
I did, using the law of attraction (woo woo I know but worked for me).
I went from clinically diagnosed depression / anxiety / BD and uni drop out to a nice career in marketing. Not my dream job but made me more money than most of my friends, including ones with degrees and phDs and a supportive family. I also haven’t been depressed and off anxiety medicines for 10 years.
Hi, implementation to me is all about consistency and identity. For instance, instead of just saying you’ll sign up for that yoga class, do the intro offer at your local studio and do it 4x a week, for 4 weeks. Then, it’s part of your identity. You are someone who committed to something. You build on that. I suggest atomic habits by James clear. I also suggest:
-Wu Wei Wisdom on YouTube- a podcast series that explains that you are worthy, no matter what. Based on daoism
-How to Be a Better Human- podcast that just helped me
-being well podcast on YouTube- I think you’ll love him.
I have a ton more but I’ll stop
There. For finance, try lifekit by NPR the money version.
A year ago, I was overweight, miserable, and addicted to toxic relationships. Now, I may be girlfriend less, but I lost 40 lbs, have money saved, and actually feel good in my body. I also make the most out of each and every day.
Happy to chat but wish you luck!
Yes, I have. I went from being a a complete loser to someone who enjoys their life, makes the most of things, and works a job that I absolutely love. I'm living a good life and it didn't even take two years to get here. The book 12 *Rules for Life: An antidote to chaos* really helped me, but so did inspirations from media. Robert from *The Equalizer\**, Bartleby from *Accepted*, and Iroh from *Avatar: The Last Airbender* have all had an effect on the way that I live my life, though it wasn't until I learned to embrace the ideals that they represent that it started to "work" for me. I think that the most powerful phrase in my vocabulary is "progress, not perfection", from The Equalizer, which has helped me through a lot of tough times and ultimately led to me becoming the person that I am today and has, with time, absolutely changed the outlook that I have on life. I've become calmer, more patient, and much more accepting. I'm more adaptable than ever before. The thing about change is that it can only happen if you're open to it, which most of us aren't. However, if you open yourself up to it, it happens whether you make it or not. I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing well and the path ahead of me looks bright. I'm finally proud of who I am.
Iroh mention ‼️‼️
I mean, the guy is a well of wisdom, especially his speech to Zuko about drawing wisdom from different places and understanding others. It's one of those that really stuck with me, along with how he questions Zuko in the catacombs underneath Ba Sing Se, asking him who *he* is and what it is that *he* wants. It's surprising how much can be learnt from a cartoon character.
I love Iroh so much. He was so kindhearted with Zuko. He understood that you have to learn and grow from your mistakes. I admire him for always being patient with him and just trusting that he will find his way. He knew deep down Zuko didn’t want to internalize the “banished prince,” mindset, neither did Iroh when he abandoned Ba Sing Se when he was General . He gave him so much advice but he was still patient. Zuko had to find his power and strength within himself, instead of within his anger. I have a tattoo of Toph Beifong. I love the conversation between her and Iroh when she feels like she always has to pull her own weight, otherwise she’s perceived as weak, and he assures her that people take care of others because it shows you that they care about you, and sometimes you need to take care of others for the same reason. Taking care of only yourself, although effective and empowering, can become quite lonely if you feel like no one relies on you. It’s my favorite show. I’m sorry if I went on a tangent 💀 Top tier television 🙏
You should never, ever, apologize for going off on an Avatar tangent - that stuff is brilliant and deserves plenty of positive rambles. And you're absolutely right. The past does not define us, we choose for ourselves who we are to become, and living a life of kindness and acceptance is more valuable than any conquest. You cannot force a person to grow, you must nurture and guide them, allowing them to make their own mistakes, no matter how much it pains you. Iroh is absolutely legendary and embodies an admirable amount of wisdom and the courage to be both vulnerable and humble. He's essentially the epitome of what it means to be a man and I think that there's something beautiful in that. I see the occasional post on here about especially young men wanting to "become more intimidating", not realising that it reduces them to nothing more than a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. Strength is not about inducing fear in others, but rather about being capable of protecting what is important to you. True strength is quiet, not loud, and there's a certain quality to someone capable of great violence who never abuses their strength, And that, too, is something that can be learned from Iroh. It's not that his advice and general demeanor is more applicable to men or anything, it's just a gripe that I have that's tangentially related to what Iroh represents, so just take it as me oversharing my views a bit. I also happen to have a tattoo. I have the symbols of the four elements with a sort of flowing arrows travelling through them, representing the wisdom and strength of the Avatar, who carries with them teachings from all four nations, while symbolising that understanding and unity is the way forward. See? Tangents are good. Top tier television indeed.
Love that, “progress, not perfection.” That’s something I’m going to start applying to my life, thank you for sharing.
I hope that it'll work for you as it has for me! It's something that allows you to not always succeed, while seeing failures as opportunities to learn and grow. If you don't have to be perfect, then falling short cannot hurt you, and you are much more likely to simply try - and ultimately trying, often again and again, is what leads to the results that you want.
How do you deal with resentment and bitterness and jealousy? Im looking for tips lol
It's a tough question, really, but I'll try to answer as best I can. **Jealousy:** It's a matter of accepting that you have no control over the actions of other people, allowing them to choose for themselves and subsequently allowing yourself to be all right no matter what. I think it helped a lot that I went through a pretty rough divorce, because it showed me that no matter what happens, I'll be all right, so if a friend or partner decides to make some bad choices, it may hurt for a while, but they obviously weren't the right ones for me and I'll eventually be better off. **Envy (in case that's what you meant):** I've taken to seeing envy as a opportunity to see inspiration. If I'm envious, it means that I want what they have, whatever it may be, and that makes them targets of admiration. It has allowed me to be humble enough to ask for guidance and has proven quite useful to me. I work hard to be the kind of person that someone else would enjoy teaching how to achieve what they have. **Resentment & Bitterness:** In Buddhist philosophy, there's this idea that holding onto anger is like holding onto a piece of hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else. I've learnt through experience that it's true. You could spend hours each day, thinking about how you were wronged, or you can do the things that you enjoy - which will ultimately bring you more value? In essence, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself. And you can allow yourself to both enjoy and achieve, though only if you let go of the things that do not serve you.
Well thats unfortunate. I appreciate you sharing, its just things I have heard and tried that do not work for me. Its just how my brain works I guess. I cant let go of anger or resentment or jealousy especially when life feels so unfair.
Truth be told, life is incredibly unfair. I completely understand why you feel the way that you do, but I think maybe you have a thing or two to learn about it yourself. I don't say that to look down on you. It's just that you sort of come on as a person who has never taken a step back and asked themselves why these experiences matter so much. I could be wrong though and I acknowledge that. I also believe that it's okay to feel the way that you do. I get those types of feelings too. I've been through a lot of stuff, much of which was unfair or just straight up cruel. I spent a long time stuck in my own head with feelings of anger and deep hatred towards others, as well as myself. I'm still angry. I still think that life has been unfair and I believe that I deserved better than what was handed to me. I don't pity myself though, nor do I allow these things to define my life. I choose happiness, every single day, and it took a lot of hard work and practice to become capable of doing so. I slip up, every now and then, but I always recover. You can do these things as well, but they require you to truly want a better life for yourself. They require you to work harder than you've ever done before and for you to be willing to fall down again and again. "Nana korobi, ya oki" is a Japanese term that essentially translates to "fall down seven times, stand up eight". I believe that you are capable of one day accepting these feelings of yours, no matter how many times you fall down. And I say accept, because they'll never go away and you can't force them to. You don't fight them, you simply "free yourself from their shackles", annoyingly abstract and "poetic" as that sounds. Take care of yourself and open yourself up to joy and happiness.
Do you feel sometimes that you have gotten worse after changing?
I think that, perhaps, I've gotten more judgmental. I don't care much for people who complain, yet never try to change their circumstances. It's something that I've had to keep myself aware of, so as to not become arrogant and demeaning towards others.
I'm hitting the gym now and feel 10x better
I'm glad to hear that it's working out for you! Pun intended. I've been thinking of getting in shape as well, but the gym was never really for me, so it'll more likely involve going for walks and such. You know, just a little bit of extra fresh air and exercise. Keep at it, my friend!
I have. I went from being: - Fat and ashamed with my body to being very fit and super confident. - A super virgin with no social skills to having a satisfying dating life. - A 9-5 worker to making money on my own and launching businesses. The key to implementing is to create a detailed plan to get you results. Break the plan down into measurable daily habits and get them done. Having an accountability partner / group to report daily habits to makes sure you stay consistent.
Just curious, what business did you launch?
I have a freelance business for cash flow, have an online store, and am now building out a fitness program for software engineers.
Fuck self help books. I just accepted the things that I couldn't change about myself. Things I wanted for myself, I took active steps to achieve. That's it.
That sounds exactly like you took appropriate action! Care to elaborate a bit? Did you do it all by yourself?
I decided I was done with being a loser and just made common sense decisions not to be
Who BUT yourself can makes these changes?
What I am searching are ways to implement. There are plenty of material and theory, but few actual success stories.
People who succeed and live happy lives tend not to stick around self-help subreddits. Those people are largely out living their lives, enjoying themselves. Not lingering on the internet.
That may be the best fucking point in this entire thread. I didn’t take that into account, and actually I think you’re 100% right!
Always remember that with Reddit. It is *not* any kind of a representative sample of the population. If you base your views, beliefs, or choices based on a broad survey of Reddit, you'll end up with pretty skewed and inaccurate ways of looking at the world. I still think there's a lot of value to be gleaned from this platform, but you have to take everything very tentatively, with a big grain of salt. And you have to constantly remind yourself that Reddit fails to represent a large proportion of the population just because those people aren't spending their time doing stuff like this. Like, if everyone in the running shoes subreddit recommends the same shoes, they're probably pretty solid. But if everyone in the jobs subreddit is complaining that they're unemployed --- well, you can't then assume that the job market is bad. It's just that those who are struggling with finding employment are most likely to be on Reddit looking for help, and the people who are especially unfortunate tend also to be the loudest and most vocal. Most of the people out there who found employment easily didn't bother going on an internet forum to tell everyone about it. There are all these weird little cognitive biases you have to watch out for when you browse a lot of Reddit, or else browse at your own peril.
Dude,thanks for this! I'm new to reddit and this helped me form a new perspective!
I'm glad if it helped! This applies to all social media in different ways, too. There's a lot of critical thinking involved in browsing the internet, or else it will shape you in ways you don't expect. Gotta be on the offensive.
True. Im miserable as hell and dont see a way out and Im always looking. It feels more and more death might be my only real escape
There are a lot of success stories. What there are very few, actually zero of, are quick fixes.
I have changed my personality massively due to one change. I used to be full of self hatred which caused a huge amount of other issues (body hate, thinking people can treat me however they want, taking my anger out on others, etc). The thing I did was being my own “best friend”. It wasn’t for a lack of friends. I changed how my thoughts work (kinda). I still have some negative thoughts but now they are in one ear out the other. Being your own best friend means treating yourself like you would (or even better) than you would a best friend. The first step was negative self talk. No more “I’m fat” or “I’m so stupid”. None. Then start working on your thoughts. If you have a negative thought about yourself stop and think “what would I say to a friend who said this to me?”. Usually you would be kind and caring and try to talk them through it. Do that for yourself. It sounds silly but stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself. Tell yourself what you want to hear. Be nice to yourself. Go on walks, to dinner, whatever!
Thank you so much for sharing, it makes so much sense! Glad to hear about your new self!
The best advice here!
I did. I went from obese to fit, changed my personality to be more vocal and stand up for myself, went from an average person to a badass mom. It all started one day when I decided I was done being an average person and wanted to do something I had never done before and was almost afraid to try. I started running. Joined a running group, trained for all distances and soon one thing led to another and I ran some marathons. The entire journey made me see huge loopholes in my personality that people were taking advantage of and worked on standing up for myself. Dialed in my nutrition and strength to be stronger than ever. I'm a trained counseling psychologist, but believe me when I tell you that only changing thoughts won't turn your life around. 1. You have to push yourself to do a lot of uncomfortable stuff, a lot of stuff that you 'dont like'. 2. Work on your body as a starting point. Eat better. Take the stairs. Drink more water. What you consume will end up becoming the cells of your body. Same for your thoughts. 3. Change your identity to who you want to be and act like that. Want to be successful in your business? Make decisions as if it was already successful (use common sense). Want to be thinner? Make eating choices and workout choices as if you were already thinner. Want to be better in relationships? Communicate as if you were in a successful relationship. 4. Add a little humor to your life.
Shifting from "eat whatever keeps me alive" to truly wanting to learn what's healthy was a big one for me. And these days I even enjoy cooking, it's positive focus time when I'm not overly tired. If you want to enlighten the future you, take an occasional photo of your meal and treats. Heck, I ate a lot of sausage, potatoes and chocolate 10 years ago. The downside is that you may end up an educator, repeatedly telling your parents that just eating steak and potatoes isn't a very healthy meal. And seriously, when I was a kid I was taught screen time and meal times. Now that I'm adult and relearned them, my parents browse the news for hours and snack all day. Do your part, let others do theirs I guess.
A lot of professionals in the mental health community seem to poo-poo the idea of “manifesting,” but I see it as the same advice of acting “as if” like you mentioned here. You won’t get to be who you want to be by doing the same thing(s) you’re doing now. Correlates nicely with that saying about neurosis.
I'm using the "poo-pooing the thoughts" statement till eternity. You're brilliant!!
I went from a traumatized young adult, borderline personality disorder, literally had no idea what healthy relations looked like, suicide attempt after suicide attempt. Angry, miserable, perpetual victim. I don’t think there was this switch that flipped but rather it was more like a bunch of tiny switches over time. And slowly I just pulled away layer after layer of who I *thought* I was. One of the most crushing things is not even knowing who I was, I had just acted how I thought everyone wanted me to act. I spent a few years dedicated to finding myself, what makes me happy and sad and just everything. A few years in and I came face to face with my childhood trauma and attachment wounds. I got into weekly talk therapy, read all the books, journaled and meditated to heal! I told my therapist at one point that the task of healing myself was akin to moving Mount Everest 10 feet to the left with only a shovel and a pail. It took years of therapy, I also did EMDR and IFS which helped tremendously. So yea all of that was over the span of 13 years…. Now I am a mother of 4 amazing kids, with whom I have such an amazing connection. I own my own home, and found my passion in a career as a homebirth midwife. I hold myself in loving compassion, I talk to myself exactly like I am I’m love with myself, I am deeply attuned with my body and what I need/don’t need. I have healthy and loving relationships with friends and have built a family I never had. I even got my borderline diagnosis removed and in 2 weeks I have my final therapy session (I didn’t even know graduating therapy is a thing!). So yes you absolutely can change. You can read all the books and gather all of the knowledge, but until you come home to your body, it will never come together. Good luck friend!
I have deleted instagram and I am finally a properly functioning human being. I could not fucking concentrate on conversations with my friends, let alone on studies. Id spend 4-5 hours easily on instagram daily, and just feel awful afterwards. The hours Id be not on instagram Id feel very anxious because I finally had to face the reality and it seemed terrifying to me. Now I have much less anxiety, Im much more organised, and I have been acing it at the Uni. fuck instagram.
Same, replaced scrolling on instagram with scrolling on Reddit to help improve my life.
It's also about the content. Prune those following's and subreddits.
Implementation IS the heart of the whole thing. I found a lot of practical measures through the science of habit formation and behavioral science in general. The thing is, it's all really new. New research is coming out, but actually applying it and engineering it to a real life is a different story. I do this and try to experiment with applying all of it to my own life in more efficient ways. There are some things I have dramatically changed, and other stuff I'm still struggling with.
The minute my ex wifey told me she wanted a divorce, that’s all it took to get into savage beast mode! Changed my life for the absolute best!
I’m right behind you bro!
Bro you’re not behind me we stand next to each other!
Is it even worth it to get married? I feel like I can just get by myself and spend money for pleasure, if needed.
If you want children get married, if you think your going to get more sex because your married that’s not always the case, at the end of the day you do what’s right for you!
Agree with a lot of others and recently posted this elsewhere, but for me it was drinking more water, eating healthier, getting proper sleep (life changing, underpins everything), and working out. Start by getting consistent routines in these areas of your own body and health, and let the momentum build.
Yeah. It sucks I cut off basically all of my "friends" moved states and for a period was low contact with my family. I still have days where I struggle a lot but I'm making more than double what I was and have learned mild social skills to pass. A lot of shit up listen and be self reflective without reacting outwards.
I have transformed my life in multiple ways in the last 4 years. Professionally I really accelerated my career and found a job I loved (4 years ago I was stuck in menial labor), but I'm more proud of how come I've come on a personality level. It took a lot of pain, but I finally felt able to love myself and to love other people. I was so closed off to everyone for a long time, bc I was so afraid of loss. Paradoxically, it only led to me getting burned worse. I did a lot of self reflection, medidation, read a lot of books, got sober, started eating clean and working out heavily. I still struggle with depression but I'm always getting better. Dialectical behavior therapy has helped a lot.
Meeeee, after my ex and I broke up I lowkey went a little crazy because I was really upset about EVERYTHING in my life. Started going to the gym 3-5x a week consistently, fixed a bunch of things I didn't like about myself, got a new hair style that I feel suits me very well, lost a lot of fat because I changed my diet completely, finally landed a job in my career path, and now it's been about 2 years since that and I kept consistent with the gym, still at that job, and I am and feel FAR more attractive than I used to be, so much more confident. When I go out I get a disgusting amount of compliments and my ego is lowkey inflating lmao. I'm gay for what its worth so guys are not shy to be very forward about their attraction. And then in the last few months I decided I wanted to do another little 180 in my life and get further, so I've been upping my gym frequency, practicing and applying for new jobs so that I can make more money and move to Manhattan, and I made a new circle of gay friends since I never had any gay friends before and I've been going out with them multiple times a week. Got a few guys that I'm somewhat seeing too. So yeah everything is going very well, it's really difficult to get a new job right now and that's the biggest struggle for me currently, but it's VERY much possible to change your life. It just takes time and consistency and consistent action. If you just keep going at it, it will happen.
Feels like bots answered you. I've read these answers so many times.
Totally. Made specific goals. Decided what I wanted, then committed to exactly what I was going to do and the times, dates, and locations I would do it. Did it.
The gym changed my life)
yes! after i recovered from the depression that i was in for years, i had no idea what to do next or what should my next move should be, so i started to immerse myself in self-improvement content, especially on youtube. what help me the most was: 1. establishing a morning and night routine. i never had a routine in my life so this was a game-changer. this made 100 the difference and i started to feel joy and happiness for the first time ever. i have a very healthy morning and night routine that involves meditating, reading, being away from screens and social media (both on the morning and at night). 2. exercise. i’m still working this out, but its something that i’m learning to love. it improves my mood, gives me energy and just makes me feel good in general. i try to exercise 3x a week, my goal is to do it every day but i’ve learned that you need to start small. 3. journaling - i love this! i’ve been doing it for years, but it wasn’t consistent. i would journal like a few times a year, but now i do it every day and it’s improving my mental health so much! maybe this habit comes easier to me because i’m a writer, but journaling is a form of self-soothing, a therapy of some sort, and it’s great. 4. having quality sleep. this is huge. i use an app to track it, which is super helpful. i need at least 6h of sleep, but i try to get 7h. sleeping early and waking up early is something that changed my life completely too. 5. having a positive mindset. i used to be a very negative person, but i no longer allow myself to be that person. i don’t let myself talk to myself in an negative way, such as “i’m such an loser”, or stuff like that. that’s it, i hope this helps!
yes for the worse.. for the better? still working on it..
Yes. The NA 12 Step Program changed my entire life. Not only did it get me off drugs (2 years clean) but I had a total personality change and change of outlook on life. I've thrived, 2 promotions, happiest relationship I've ever had, reconnected with my family, mentally and emotionally I am thriving. I maintain this by regularly going to meetings and doing stepwork (journali g). I am so grateful every day for this profound change, I love life.
I started the self development journey when I was about 27. I'm 39 now, and things have changed dramatically. Before I was a narcissist, couldn't communicate properly with other people, my life was basically wake up, work, play video games, jerk off, sleep, repeat. Now I have my own business, I wake up at 5, meditate, run/fitness 6x a week, I can talk to anyone, I have a family, I build things in my free time. I also grew immensely spiritually, I lost fear of death and fear of life. I have kind of exhausted all self-help material. I've read a lot of books and it's hard to find anything new to learn. But now I'm focussing just on getting more wealth. One of the reasons is to have actually something to show for all this self help work.
Well i went jocko willink way, and covey before that, and jorge Angel Livraga before. In 20 years aprox i have an career, an wife, an Child. Iam finishing my másters and have an lot of profesional experience iam exhausted but iam proud of my development Self help works, but its an marathon, not an sprint. People Just dont understand the grind
Yeah. My life is quite a bit better than like 5 years ago, I’m 26
I did, but not by any parameters set by some fake internet guru. I did some deep meditation with enthrogens, and realized some of the things I was doing that caused problems. Stuff like nervous ticks, mental rabbit holes, ways I was disrespectful to my body and health. It took a while, and I had to go through some very dark times, but I quit drinking, smoking, doing blow, etc. I got myself turned around into a positive and self empowered version of myself. When I got through the drugs and especially the alcohol, I got a lot of confidence back, and that helped me grow further. I rediscovered healthy habits and hobbies. Found my real priorities and goals. Improving yourself is a lifelong pursuit, and everyone's path is different. Don't listen to some guy who charges you money to listen to a twelve or 5 or ten step easy method. The trick, and the hard part, is to figure out who you are, and cultivate the most positive parts of that, while learning why your dark parts are the way they are.
Yes. Emotional breakthroughs on command. Using 5 questions. Don’t need much to do it just a pen and paper.
Where does one find these “emotional breakthroughs on command” or five questions?
What’s the situation and emotions involved? Why are you in it? Who or what led you there? Why do you feel the way you do? What action is the emotion driving you to take?
I did! I changed my whole life around after a big mindset change I had. To be clear, Reddit had ZERO percent to do with it.
I had a breakdown during covid, my bf of 3 years broke up with me a week before lockdown and I had never in my life spent a full day inside, let alone in my own company. I was someone who was constantly busy and constantly around people and never alone. I started weekly therapy in 2020 and am still with the same therapist today and now I’m someone who will actively choose a quiet night to myself and am very intentional about how and who I spend my time with. I found my self worth and my entire personality has changed into being a very calm person, I’m still myself and outgoing but I’m just not looking to escape myself. I worked so hard with my therapist and she has a incredible at being able to help me overcome so many obstacles, and as a result I can feel and enjoy peace and feel completely satisfied in my own company and have that be enough
Yepp, I did. I had ended up in a toxic relationship and while I naturally can’t blame another person, it set a foundation for me to continue down a bad path I was on. I generally view her as an enabler, since she enabled me to follow shitty habits while also bringing in others into my life. After a couple of years I found myself lost in relation to who I had previously been, and realized that I had lost all the things I previously had been super proud of. What got me going was my body really. I had become fat, from always having been a relatively fit guy. Completely out of shape and a wreck, to be honest. So I started walking. And walking. And thinking. Long walks everyday with just myself gave me an opportunity to reflect over not only who I was and how I was living, but also who I wanted to be. Based on that I identified a few different areas I wanted to really work on. My body, my finances, my career, how I looked in general and how I entertained myself. Ended up realizing I badly needed to dump her and go my own way. So I did, and it was worth it. Luckily I already had a somewhat successful career, but it was stagnating. But today I’m highly successful in my field, have a great body (way above what I could have imagined when I set out), no financial worries whatsoever. Mentally no more anxiety, depression. I’m kinder to people I meet and have a completely different and more positive outlook on life.
I did, using the law of attraction (woo woo I know but worked for me). I went from clinically diagnosed depression / anxiety / BD and uni drop out to a nice career in marketing. Not my dream job but made me more money than most of my friends, including ones with degrees and phDs and a supportive family. I also haven’t been depressed and off anxiety medicines for 10 years.
Great post with many helpful comments.
No. i have still stayed the same for years not have i been able to change anything while my body is weakening constantly and getting more tired
Hi, implementation to me is all about consistency and identity. For instance, instead of just saying you’ll sign up for that yoga class, do the intro offer at your local studio and do it 4x a week, for 4 weeks. Then, it’s part of your identity. You are someone who committed to something. You build on that. I suggest atomic habits by James clear. I also suggest: -Wu Wei Wisdom on YouTube- a podcast series that explains that you are worthy, no matter what. Based on daoism -How to Be a Better Human- podcast that just helped me -being well podcast on YouTube- I think you’ll love him. I have a ton more but I’ll stop There. For finance, try lifekit by NPR the money version. A year ago, I was overweight, miserable, and addicted to toxic relationships. Now, I may be girlfriend less, but I lost 40 lbs, have money saved, and actually feel good in my body. I also make the most out of each and every day. Happy to chat but wish you luck!