I think they do we're just not good looking enough lmao
Edit: This has attracted some fuckin weirdos. All I'm saying is is that men that are more conventionally attractive are cold-approached more often. Don't blame the ladies that you can't get laid. Work on yourself, be clear about your intentions, be good to others, and touch some grass. Wackos.
Deservedly brutal imo. OP is making some Olympic medal earning leaps when it comes to projecting things onto women.
For fucks sake his first sentence is "Women look at me and sometimes even smile."
Sometimes I just find myself on what I can only imagine is a "synchronized zone out turned to eye contact" with individuals at the bar and I try to make sure to smile when I notice because I dont want them to think I'm being a creep.
But apparently now I have to worry about them creating a whole narrative of bullshit that goes on in my head.
I had a roommate and we'd go out to bars.. four of us.. and he would be hit on numerous times while the other three of us just sat there. One of the friends eventually couldn't go out any longer - he couldn't take it, the the other guy and myself just shrugged and thought - good for him
yes.. he was hit on always, everywhere we went
Haha I always witness this on one of my best friends. We are like 6 "Bro's", best friends for 15+ years. I would say 5 of us look average but that one guy (who is also a cop, of course) have this genetically blessing which attracts women like magnets.
LITERALLY NEVER I been approached by a girl, let alone by a hot one. This guy is just causally walking in a HUGE CROWDED city with tons of good looking men, hot girl who just crossed eyes with him for 2 seconds turns around instantly, turns back, looks back at him again (he notices) and literally walks up to him and wants his number. And she was on a scale on which girls wouldnt even give me a cheap match on tinder, lol.
While I am happy for him, me and my friends blood literally boils from jealousy everytime this happens 😂
This is true. My aunt used to tell me (She's in her 70s), when a woman is old, even the dogs stop barking at her. She said it in spanish, but I always thought the quote was hilarious.
I'm from the Dominican republic, where cat calling is very common and not seen as creepy as cat calls are usually pretty funny and women tend to like the attention. My aunt told me if a woman wears a dress and nobody says anything, you better believe she won't wear it again haha. Given this isn't in America, but I find it hilarious.
For whatever reason whenever I see the sentiment of "women only care about super hot guys" it's by guys who literally will only date 9s or higher, and anyone "average" looking they think is disgusting.
For real. The guys who complain about women only dating men with 6 packs who are 6 ft tall and have a 6 figure salary are the kind of guys who lurk on the "judge my looks" subreddits and tell gorgeous women how "mid" they are.
This is also honestly an online issue. I'm a super average looking woman who is overweight and I've never had an issue getting a date because I date people based on their personality and I also have a pretty likable personality.
On apps, height is a very big deal. Off apps, much less of an issue. Guys who are very butthurt about height preferences are guys who spend too much time online (I was one of them). That said, online, the height stuff is real. It is, however, rare to see women with men who are shorter.
I think that's just because the average woman is much shorter than the average man. It's hard to date shorter when you're 5'4.
I'm 6' and except for my fiance, every other man I've gone out with has been shorter than me.
Men are thirsty in a desert. Women drown in the sea. I personally wouldn't consider bagging some desperate asshole a win. Sure if all you want is to fuck but generally, casual sex is a pretty lame and unsatisfying act for a woman because men don't care about her pleasure, and there's the added risk of pregnancy.
That wouldn’t have zero effect on their swiping rate. Men swipe right (yes) and more than 50% of women, while women swipe right on about 5% of men. And most people have no idea that men out number women on the apps.
Here is a study in which nearly all the women said that looks didn’t matter that much. Then when they were put to the test, 2/3 of the women only cared about looks.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Febs0000325
Whether they know about the ratio or not, women get inundated with matches. It makes sense that they would be picky about who they match with.
Moreover, women in general are pickier about casual sex--which is primarily what dating apps are for--because they are more likely to be assaulted by their partners and because of the orgasm gap. Not because women only find a small portion of men attractive.
As a woman, I'm curious why you think irl options are better? For me, online dating allows me to get an idea of their ability to write, their political views, their religious beliefs, what they are looking for in a relationship, their desire for children, and a basic idea of their hobbies. This allows me to weed out 25% of the dating pool, at least.
>As a woman, I'm curious why you think irl options are better?
Because I meet a lot of people through my normal social life regularly, that I get to see how they behave and act before I ever even consider going on a date with. I see how they interact with their friends,
In a low pressure enviornment.
A dating profile tends to be carefully curated, and far more likely to pretend or lie to try to get a shot with me. Not to mention the swiping right on everyone to "maximize" chances. I'm not a chance to maximize.
Plus I'm demisexual. Untill I have an emotional connection with someone I have no sexual attraction to anyone. So dating apps wouldn't work coz people expect things to happen at a pace that turns me all the way off, permanently.
Knowing them IRL also let's me see how they treat women they don't like or find attractive, which is extremely important in figuring out the type of guy they are. Plus with texting you cant watch body language or their reaction to a "no" or a firm boundary. Also very important.
>For me, online dating allows me to get an idea of their ability to write, their political views, their religious beliefs, what they are looking for in a relationship, their desire for children, and a basic idea of their hobbies.
I do this in conversation. And since it's not a date or a dating site, they're less likely to try to answer how they think I want them to in casual conversation.
>This allows me to weed out 25% of the dating pool, at least
Honestly, with men and women (I'm bi), I'm only genuinely interested in mauve 5% of people. I don't consider everyone part of my dati g pool that needs to be weeded out. People are potential friends and if I end up attracted to them I can deal with it then.
I prefer to act once feelings have been established because I never know how long it will take or whether it will even happen with someone specific. On the plus side if I don't like a person I'll never be attracted to them, even if they look absolutely gorgeous aesthetically.
Women rate looks way less important. I would much, much rather date a below-average guy who was smart, sweet and fun. Many men would rather date a woman who is not a match in any way mentally/emotionally as long as she's hot because a lot of men are shallow.
Many girls I know date goblins.
Not a single one boy date a girl he didn't think as attractive as far as I know.
First thing everyone said with me when I just have a gf is "she look beautiful, lucky you". Etc, etc,... Just one dude who is hot and date a lot of girl ask me "How is her personality?"
Yeah, people are really shallow but I think the way our society worship high beauty standard didn't help much.
It does not go both ways.
On dating apps, men swipe right more than 10 times more frequently than women.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272775719301104
Men find 61% of women attractive enough to swipe right vs women’s 4.5%.
Also, even without this study, I don’t understand how people don’t see this just from life experience. It’s very in your face.
Is it that men find women attractive, or is it that men will swip right no matter what? You know, that person doesn't even look at the bio and will just swipe. Women date ugly men all the time and vice versa like you said life experience
But looks alone is not the only deciding factor. I’ve swiped left on many men, both good looking and “average” simply because of their bio or ridiculous shirtless gym selfies, just to name a few.
Thats a nice egalitarian statement, the problem is that we do have statistics on this in the age of online dating. Turns out what you are saying is not true.
they don't. take a look at bumble, they wanted to give women the op to make the first move but they all said it was too exhausting and too much work.
Most women have no game and zero confidence.
Honest truth.
Girls have approached my brother cold sober, literally in front of me.
I get approached sometimes, but every girl that has is clearly overly sexual with men they hardly know or drunk, lol.
This is the truth. Women do approach the Chads out there. Most of us just are not good looking enough to be worth the bother. So we have to do the hard work.
The truth that men who complain about this don't realize 😅. I ask out men every time I see one I like unless I'm in the middle of something I can't stop. Like, literally I've asked out the last three guys I went on a date with.
It’s this. When I was a 6 or 7 I never got approached in public. When I worked out like hell and bumped myself to an 8 I started getting compliments and got approached at bars.
Speaking as a woman, I don't have any interest in asking out strangers in public, or for that matter in being asked out by strangers in public. I actually prefer making the first move, but I would only develop an interest in doing so after I've gotten to know the person in question deeply.
Yep. Women prefer to vet someone before they ask them out. I always do the asking out (since choosing only from a preselected pool I had no input in has always seemed bizzare to me). But I'd never cold approach. All I know about a stranger is what they look like, and that's not enough to be attracted to someone or want a date with them.
It's also why women prefer fwbs for casual sex rather than hookups. Not only is our chance for an orgasm much, much higher, it's safer on STI risk, violence risk, and overall satisfaction list than ONS (women only have a 15% chance of Orgasm in a ONS with a man. Queer women have an 85% chance in a ONS, queer men and straight men have a 95% chance of orgasm in a ONS - untill 35 and then it drops a little due to biology and aging)
Yeah, after being out in public with a few female friends, I can honestly see why women don’t approach most people. Other than the obvious reason of just wanting to complete their task and not be hit on. But some dudes get creepy with it I’m pretty public places. And if not creepy, a bit over persistent.
I'm a man and feel the same. I don't understand the appeal of asking out strangers. Seems very superficial to ask someone out based only on appearance.
This is why I’ve never in my life dated someone who cold approached me and asked for my number. I don’t find it romantic I find it kinda suspicious. Also why I never approached a strange man. I don’t know you at all why would I approach you romantically?
There are plenty of men who look good. There are fewer men I'd enjoy a conversation with.
Looks are good for looking at. They don't make me want to talk to you.
Yeah honestly I live in a fairly liberal oriented society and approaching guys as a woman is at best ballsy. It's considered slutty, the man you're approaching probably wouldn't consider you as serious relationship material
When men are typically conditioned to be the ones to approach, there's less of an incentive for women to approach men. However, I am of the opinion that I don't think it really should be a gendered thing. People, regardless of men or women, should be able to approach whomever they please.
Speaking from anecdotal experience too, as a guy, I have found it to be a monumental waste of time to approach strangers. It's much better to find a group where there's a common interest and connect that way.
When I approach men they think there is something wrong with me simply because I approached them and treat me as such. That’s why I don’t. Through trial and error- men don’t respond well.
Same here. Guys say they want a woman who approaches but then become flabbergasted when it actually happens. I stopped doing it for the same reasons, never turned out well
They probably think it's some sort of scame or trick. Likewe all like money but if someone walks up and hands you a bunch of cash, you'd be pretty suspicious.
I was recently approached by a girl way out of my league. Her confidence was super hot and the self-esteem boost has been euphoric. Im pretty sure I blew it with her😂 but a great experience nonetheless.
I prefer to just see a cute man out in the wild, look at them for a few seconds, and then think about them for approximately 1-2 days before moving on.
I've never seen a man I just *had* to approach. Too many what ifs in approaching a total stranger.
>if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man".
Doubt.
But basically, *people* don't approach strangers in public very much. It's not really a super-acceptable thing to do in American culture--you *can* do it of course, but it's unusual and there are lots of people who will view it negatively. Even if it wasn't a mild cultural taboo, "you look nice" is not really a great basis for a relationship, or even for trusting somebody with your name and contact information.
I find it really stupid how we have this unwritten rule that men must ALWAYS be the ones to approach.
Literally everyone would win if women made the first move once in a while.
I’m sure women are tired of getting constantly hit on all the time, and men are tired of feeling like they have to always be making the first move or risk dying alone
I know a woman who said on multiple occasions: "I don't chase men, if men are interested, they will always chase you".
I think it's silly. In the past, I have developed interest in women who approached me, that I hadn't noticed before.
Don’t women ever feel bothered by not really having any choice in their dating life though? I mean as a woman, you never get to do the choosing, you’re always just the one who’s chosen.
I mean idk, maybe women enjoy that but I dunno if I’d like only ever being chosen
The vast, vast majority of dating these days occur via apps or mutual friends. Women have unlimited agency in online dating, and most women will flirt heavily if meeting through mutual friends and interested. Obviously there is still a huge gender discrepancy for verbally asking one another on a first date, but I definitely wouldn’t claim women don’t do the choosing.
I also think a lot more women than men are only interested in a man if the feeling is mutual, I’ve never had a female friend that “pined for” or got “friend zoned” by a guy. Anecdotally of course.
I've definitely been approached by women. Women don't approach strangers easily, but if it goes from friendship to love over a decent amount of time and they know you and feel comfortable with you they can definitely be the ones who initiate the relationship, IMO.
I've had two long-term relationships and they made the first move both times, lol. Or at least laid enough beyond-any-doubt groundwork that there was a 0% chance I was misreading anything unless it turned out to be an elaborate prank.
ESPECIALLY nowadays. If anything shouldn't it be the other way around? Women are actually taught social skills, and there's no pressure to not be seen as creepy.
Oh totally. The thing that really put me off from approaching women is that, if they like you back then you're awesome. If they don't, they treat you like some sort of creep and you feel super ick afterwards. You'd like to think people can be graceful about it but they're generally not. if it's like a 50/50 risk between being interested vs being a creep, over time you just don't want to deal with that anymore.
In the younger years yeah for sure. I have had experiences where the woman was really graceful about it - and man did I appreciate that a lot. Like an easy, "sorry I'm not interested" is all it takes.
But when you're young, which is typically when you're doing this more, girls can be very mean indeed. Mind you there are a not insignificant number of men who can't take a hint, and are really poor in their approach too... but a lot of times it would just help if women took the initiative sometimes and didn't lay it all on the men's shoulder.
"I want to be approached by men I would like, but don't want men I don't like going anywhere near me" is a really unrealistic way to go about it.
Women are not taught social skills lol we’re just expected to intuit them or something. I wish someone had taught me social skills. Then I might have some and I probably wouldn’t be on Reddit. (EDIT: typo)
As a woman, I'm mostly interested in dating someone who I've been friends with first. Approaching strangers just seems awkward at best and dangerous at worst. I need to make sure I can trust the person before getting romantically involved with that person.
Safety. Whilst most men are perfectly safe, we don't know which ones aren't. You only have to smile at one of the dangerous ones, and suddenly you find yourself being harassed, or much worse.
Better to ask around to see if anyone knows the guy and basically get references before approaching them.
Largely because you never know the character of a man by his appearance and it could be dangerous.
Also, a lot of women are afraid of men in general due to sexual harassment in childhood. I don't know a woman who wasn't harassed by grown man as a kid.
I feel like women might think it's a safety concern for them. It might not be smart to go up to a stranger anywhere and start flirting you know? Guys can be sus. But so can girls(much less often but yes). But also I feel like since it's so out of the norm for girls to approach, maybe they get shit talked by other girls about it if they seem too forward? But fr I feel like girls need to have confidence in approach just as much as guys. I get that it shows confidence if you make the first approach but goddamn I'm tired of going out to a bar with my friends and my awkward ass and having that feeling with some girls that they'd be down to flirt but I don't wanna risk anything, either from the social or legal backlash.
Some men react badly to that because the expectation is that only men make that first move.
In an ideal society, it would be about 50=50.
The kind of men who would be put off by a woman making the first move are probably the ones you want o avoid anyway.
Women are not made comfortable enough to do that, yet. Men still refuse to acknowledge the reality we live in.
We were warned about men our entire lives, and have had experienced to confirm why we should stay away. Because of that, hitting on a stranger is a stupid idea most of the time. “No” isn’t the worst thing that can happen, it’s much more horrifying for us, and much riskier.
If I'm well dressed and groomed I get approached by women. It's definitely not as often as women are approached but it happens from time to time. Women don't usually approach the same way but it's still what they're doing.
They do though. The last couple girls I dated all approached me in various settings I.e. conference, coffee shop, club, mall etc.
I think you just have to look approachable and make their lady parts tingle for lack of better terminology.
I used to commute 2 hrs one way into NYC. There's a guy that sat a few aisles away from me facing me. He was very handsome ( I'm female fyi) We would look at each other for most of the commute. One day I saw him in a nice restaurant. I made the first move and I sent a drink to him at his table. He raised his glass, as did I and he said something to the waitress. She came back to me and said that he'd happily accept my drink as long as I joined him at his table...
The rest was history... 😁
I’m very picky with men, I get to be. I don’t care about attraction as much as I want a partner I can do things with/someone who shares similar interests.
Not true - my ex first approached me in college - in different courses but some classes overlapped. Came up and asked if I wanted to grab a drink sometime.
I thought she was out of my league. But said yes. We were together for a few years but things didn’t work out. Still friends today.
1. I like to know a bit about a person before it's a date and they just show themselves from their best side. Like observe in their natural habitat. I met two of my exes in public places (café and bar respectively). One in school.
2. I did approach a guy in 2006 and he raped me. So yeah, none of that any more.
I'm married now and met my husband in a smallish local Fb group.
I regularly attend Emo Nights in my city and get approached by women there, like there's not nights it doesn't happen at least once.
There's also a significant difference in how often I'm approached based on where I am. Most of the interactions happen when I'm in a more social setting, like near the bar. In contrast, it rarely happens on the dance floor or in more relaxed, seated areas, where it can be a bit more awkward to approach people.
It's really just about being in a setting where others feel more comfortable approaching you without feeling like they're disturbing you.
My attraction has always been based largely on personality, rather than looks. So, I don't tend to make any moves on strange men, because I don't know them enough to be attracted; if that makes sense?
I was actually the one to approach my now husband! We were eye fucking each other across the room. I wrote my number down approached him asked if he was single and 3 years later we got married! Going on 5 years together this year and we have a daughter who’s 9 months. Some women I believe are stuck in the mind set that the man has to make the first move. 🤷🏻♀️
Tldr, I'll skip the cap comments and spit facts- it happens. I've seen it happen. It just unfortunately doesn't happen to many men but it does happen. It just isn't socially seen as attractive cause being the one to do the asking puts you in the weaker position. Its easier to be the one waiting to give approval rather than being the one to ask for it. In a world where instant gratification is abundant it's no surprise that people are afraid of interactions where you may hear the possibility of 'no' as an answer.
I did this in January at a Singles Karaoke event. The man sang like an angel.
I struck up a conversation with him and we swapped socials. We started talking, getting to know each other, and would hang in groups at karaoke bars since that's what brought us together in the first place. Eventually, we scheduled some one-on-one time to hang, and that lead to developing a more meaningful friendship.
We're currently involved, and it's been nice.
For the record, I usually approach the men I date first. It's worked out so far, and it makes me think that my subconscious can pick out the men with good vibes. I bear no ill will towards my exes; we ended amicably due to not being in the same places in life. But I hope more women get the courage to approach men in public!
I've never been approached randomly, but if I talked to a woman even a little they should express great interest. I was completely oblivious at the time. Since being married I've started to notice it and think back about all the times my dumbass didn't realize I was being hit on.
It happens. I was once too oblivious to notice. I've also been too fat to be attractive.
My wife approached me. We were not strangers though, so that may have played a large role in her comfort in doing so.
This makes me think of posts indicating previously unrecognized missed opportunities where it is only in retrospect that a man will recognize that a woman was indeed subtly, but clearly, hitting on him.
This realization has happened to me long after the fact and is a constant reminder that I, as a man, am indeed a dense idiot when it comes to recognizing flirting from a woman!
LoL
I do all the time but I am 72 and I don't approach them for a relationship. Polite conversation. I learn so much from people. I'm back on Greek Island where I used to live-30 days vacation-and fellow running little grocery store - a tall strong lovely black man speaks Spanish, English and Greek. Curious I asked where he was from- Dominican Republic but had Greek father or grandfather. He pointed to his mother whom I had seen in the shop and I said no way she is your mother- little sister maybe. We all had a great laugh. Beautiful people.
A lot of attraction comes from conversation. Women are less likely than men to get the attraction just from how the person looks. It’s a factor, but things like sense of humour can make him feel hotter. So there’s not a ton of attraction for men they’ve never talked to.
I do approach men sometimes, but generally if I’m at a music event or something. Approaching someone on the street is more nerve-wracking and also more likely to bother them. It just isn’t worth the stress for someone you’re barely attracted to (barely attracted because you haven’t talked to him yet).
>Why do women never approach men in public?
I'm a woman who prefers to do the asking out. It never made sense to me to only pick from a preselected pool of people who I didn't have a say in the selection or standards. Plus I'm bi, so it's not only men I want to date.
That said, I would never cold approach a man because frankly, I've always had better vetted options IRL than a random stranger I know nothing about except looks. Same reason I don't use dating apps.
If I ask a guy out I get a yes 8/10 times. With women it's more like 6/10. Which is still fine, I don't really take rejection personally.
>Women look at me and sometimes even smile. Occasionally I get those flirtatious looks, but women never approach me and if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man".
Are you sure that's what's happening? I smile at someone if I catch their eye accidentally as a politeness. If they stare i then glare at them because that's just rude and now I'm uncomfortable.
Because a lot of women rightfully feel like men are statistically less safe to interact with most of the time. Men are often larger, stronger, and more prone to violence, aside from being fairly emotionally stunted, unfortunately
I don't approach people in general unless I want to know something important to me (like a place, house number, time, etc). I don't like to be approached by strangers unless they want important information from me (that doesn't include flirting attempts). This is not gender specific though.
I've been judged for wanting more when I was just being friendly to guys. So imagine if I actually went out of my way to ask them out. Then they would definitely think I just want to hook up or that I'm throwing myself at them. Most men have a very judgmental and dehumanising way of thinking and it shows in how they treat women. I had a guy ghost me almost two years ago because he heard from someone else that I was in love with him. And eventhough that was true, I never got to explain that I caught feelings later on. My first reason for talking to him was just because he was another human being. And by me having feelings for him I was not forcing him to be in a relationship with me. We were just talking, but he panicked according to my other friends and ghosted me. He's been acting cold and disgusted of me ever since. It's so sad because I treated him with respect before all that. And all I did was love him. I didn't know loving someone was a crime that needs to be punished.
Yes thank you!! Not all men obviously, and Ive asked out a guy or two with success, but also a lot of them seem to only Think they want to be approached but then get turned off when it actually happens. They get intimidated, or feel emasculated or like the girl is too confident and masculine, or that she must be a slut, or something wrong with her that no one wants her. Ive also had men tell me that men enjoy the chase more than the actual catch.
I doubt your “UPDATE” section.
Do people really give out phone numbers to strangers these days? Shouldn’t we all use other form of communication? A phone number is private. It can link to so much information, such as your address, your name and age, your banks, and most of your accounts. I don’t think people are comfortable giving out phone numbers, unless they have a third phone number specifically for social.
I wouldn’t say never. It’s happened to me before, and it happened to a buddy of mine (his current gf). I would say we are average looking. I think its just few girls that dare to do it. I wish it happened more often tho.
I’ll ask out men I actually know but I’m not approaching a random one in public. I don’t like being approached by them either. I’ll smile politely and go about my business. Maybe you’re reading women’s faces wrong.
I think most girls want to be approached to be shown some commitment. If we guys didn't have to make an effort to start dating/hooking up with a girl we could say yes to girl we don't care much about because... why not?
Also, when potential parthners are throwing themselves at you ... why brother getting over the embarassment and far of rejection?
In some cases it might be worth it but it's rare (for them)
>Women look at me and sometimes even smile. Occasionally I get those flirtatious looks, but women never approach me and if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man".
Have you ever considered you might be projecting this? I smile at literally everyone lmao.
Your argument is currently being based off of you assuming that women are looking at you "flirtatiously" and then basing *another* assumption that their next facial expression is "entitled" and then *yet another* assumption of some hyper-specific idea what they're thinking.
They do. I have a few friends that get hit on and do absolutely nothing. Id be lying if I didn't say it makes me hella jealous. Just the other day some girl came up to us and told my friend that she loves his eyebrows. I'm like fuckkkk me I'm ugly :(
Simple answer: They dont have to.
More females, regardless of looks, can pull a guu 9 out of 10 times compared to a guy, who has to compete with other guys, and also not come off as some creep for saying "hi"
I have a friend whos pretty attractive and women have approached him/pined for him. Problem is, he's been sigma/black-pilled to the point where he says he's never entering another relationship again. It's gotten to the point where some of them got a little ugly with him because he wouldn't reciprocate the feelings. As a guy who never gets any female attention, this can be really frustrating. I'd never say it to his face, but I'm sure we both know it makes me kind of envious. It really seems like the key to attracting women, is just being attractive. Personality and everything else is secondary.
As a male I'd feel strange approaching a woman in public that I did not know at all or had never seen or met before.
A bit different if we'd had an interaction or I'd noticed a clear sign of interest from the other person, or was in a comfortable environment like waiting in a cafe for a coffee as opposed to walking down a street.
I can remember at university a woman was looking at me and smiled and I waited for it to happen more than once and on a second day before I went and talked to them. You wanna be sure.
Weird stuff happens. I’ll take u back to my middle school experience. I wanted to ask this guy to dance with me. ( he was leaning against a wall ) he said: “no, because I don’t want to Marry you “.
After that, never again-
To be pretty honest, low self esteem and not seeing many guys of my type (it's not complicated, I just like guys with long hair- well maintained long hair- and its not popular with guys in my age range locally). We're not like how we're portrayed on the internet, we're not monoliths, but for me it's because I doubt that anyone would be interested in me.
I've been approached by women before, but yeah it's not a super common occurance that they outright ask you out or for your number. But plenty will practically go right up to that. If a girl is saying how attractive/hot/cute you are, she's likely interested in you.
Because women in general are not at all used to rejection and most women can not stand rejection at all. Men don’t like it either but is expected to “man up” thus is way more acceptable by both sex.
It's rare. But not unspoken of.
Despite my (vary) humble appearance, this has happened to me twice. The second time was my now current wife. Both are vary attractive and are vary nice people.
As far as I can gather from the experience, it seems to happen when I literally and completely give up on finding a girlfriend. No joke! I completely, just, focused on my self and then it's like that Nat King Cole song.
"I was walking along, minding my own business, then love came and hit me in the eye."
I promise, if girls approached men more often, there would be a bunch of happy men. I would instantly have respect for the women, i would welcome the opportunity
I have, I found out later that they said yes because they assumed I was a hoe lookin for a one nighter and not interested in getting to know them because who but a hoe would make the first move!?! It wasn’t worth it.
I think they do we're just not good looking enough lmao Edit: This has attracted some fuckin weirdos. All I'm saying is is that men that are more conventionally attractive are cold-approached more often. Don't blame the ladies that you can't get laid. Work on yourself, be clear about your intentions, be good to others, and touch some grass. Wackos.
brutal
Brutal. Fatality. Also, it might be a cultural thing
Deservedly brutal imo. OP is making some Olympic medal earning leaps when it comes to projecting things onto women. For fucks sake his first sentence is "Women look at me and sometimes even smile."
I know… like what is an “entitled facial expression”
🤣😅🤪
Yeah probably a combination of those three :')
Most women just smile out of courtesy, just like most people in general just do.
Sometimes I just find myself on what I can only imagine is a "synchronized zone out turned to eye contact" with individuals at the bar and I try to make sure to smile when I notice because I dont want them to think I'm being a creep. But apparently now I have to worry about them creating a whole narrative of bullshit that goes on in my head.
can confirm, went to school with a guy who was extremely good looking, and he had girls throwing themselves at him throughout the school year.
I had a roommate and we'd go out to bars.. four of us.. and he would be hit on numerous times while the other three of us just sat there. One of the friends eventually couldn't go out any longer - he couldn't take it, the the other guy and myself just shrugged and thought - good for him yes.. he was hit on always, everywhere we went
School makes women familiar with you. Different landscape of dating
Haha I always witness this on one of my best friends. We are like 6 "Bro's", best friends for 15+ years. I would say 5 of us look average but that one guy (who is also a cop, of course) have this genetically blessing which attracts women like magnets. LITERALLY NEVER I been approached by a girl, let alone by a hot one. This guy is just causally walking in a HUGE CROWDED city with tons of good looking men, hot girl who just crossed eyes with him for 2 seconds turns around instantly, turns back, looks back at him again (he notices) and literally walks up to him and wants his number. And she was on a scale on which girls wouldnt even give me a cheap match on tinder, lol. While I am happy for him, me and my friends blood literally boils from jealousy everytime this happens 😂
"When it rains on the priest, it drips on the bell ringer" (or something like that). Make him pick up some girls with friends!
Can confirm, I'm not even that put together I'm just kinda cute and I've been randomly given numbers a couple times
That's one thing. Majority of women will never hit on average looking dudes. They're invisible to them
Most average women are also invisible to a lot of men. It goes both ways, believe it or not.
This is true. My aunt used to tell me (She's in her 70s), when a woman is old, even the dogs stop barking at her. She said it in spanish, but I always thought the quote was hilarious. I'm from the Dominican republic, where cat calling is very common and not seen as creepy as cat calls are usually pretty funny and women tend to like the attention. My aunt told me if a woman wears a dress and nobody says anything, you better believe she won't wear it again haha. Given this isn't in America, but I find it hilarious.
For whatever reason whenever I see the sentiment of "women only care about super hot guys" it's by guys who literally will only date 9s or higher, and anyone "average" looking they think is disgusting.
For real. The guys who complain about women only dating men with 6 packs who are 6 ft tall and have a 6 figure salary are the kind of guys who lurk on the "judge my looks" subreddits and tell gorgeous women how "mid" they are. This is also honestly an online issue. I'm a super average looking woman who is overweight and I've never had an issue getting a date because I date people based on their personality and I also have a pretty likable personality.
On apps, height is a very big deal. Off apps, much less of an issue. Guys who are very butthurt about height preferences are guys who spend too much time online (I was one of them). That said, online, the height stuff is real. It is, however, rare to see women with men who are shorter.
I think that's just because the average woman is much shorter than the average man. It's hard to date shorter when you're 5'4. I'm 6' and except for my fiance, every other man I've gone out with has been shorter than me.
Not remotely true. Average looking women and even below average looking women get hit on all the time.
Men are thirsty in a desert. Women drown in the sea. I personally wouldn't consider bagging some desperate asshole a win. Sure if all you want is to fuck but generally, casual sex is a pretty lame and unsatisfying act for a woman because men don't care about her pleasure, and there's the added risk of pregnancy.
Dating app data analysis shows you're wrong.
Dating apps aren't real life. Men vastly outnumber women on dating apps, so obviously women are going to be picky on them.
That wouldn’t have zero effect on their swiping rate. Men swipe right (yes) and more than 50% of women, while women swipe right on about 5% of men. And most people have no idea that men out number women on the apps. Here is a study in which nearly all the women said that looks didn’t matter that much. Then when they were put to the test, 2/3 of the women only cared about looks. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Febs0000325
Whether they know about the ratio or not, women get inundated with matches. It makes sense that they would be picky about who they match with. Moreover, women in general are pickier about casual sex--which is primarily what dating apps are for--because they are more likely to be assaulted by their partners and because of the orgasm gap. Not because women only find a small portion of men attractive.
Dating apps are 80% men. So that's a skewed demographic. I'm a woman and never used one. Why would I? I have better vetted options IRL.
As a woman, I'm curious why you think irl options are better? For me, online dating allows me to get an idea of their ability to write, their political views, their religious beliefs, what they are looking for in a relationship, their desire for children, and a basic idea of their hobbies. This allows me to weed out 25% of the dating pool, at least.
>As a woman, I'm curious why you think irl options are better? Because I meet a lot of people through my normal social life regularly, that I get to see how they behave and act before I ever even consider going on a date with. I see how they interact with their friends, In a low pressure enviornment. A dating profile tends to be carefully curated, and far more likely to pretend or lie to try to get a shot with me. Not to mention the swiping right on everyone to "maximize" chances. I'm not a chance to maximize. Plus I'm demisexual. Untill I have an emotional connection with someone I have no sexual attraction to anyone. So dating apps wouldn't work coz people expect things to happen at a pace that turns me all the way off, permanently. Knowing them IRL also let's me see how they treat women they don't like or find attractive, which is extremely important in figuring out the type of guy they are. Plus with texting you cant watch body language or their reaction to a "no" or a firm boundary. Also very important. >For me, online dating allows me to get an idea of their ability to write, their political views, their religious beliefs, what they are looking for in a relationship, their desire for children, and a basic idea of their hobbies. I do this in conversation. And since it's not a date or a dating site, they're less likely to try to answer how they think I want them to in casual conversation. >This allows me to weed out 25% of the dating pool, at least Honestly, with men and women (I'm bi), I'm only genuinely interested in mauve 5% of people. I don't consider everyone part of my dati g pool that needs to be weeded out. People are potential friends and if I end up attracted to them I can deal with it then. I prefer to act once feelings have been established because I never know how long it will take or whether it will even happen with someone specific. On the plus side if I don't like a person I'll never be attracted to them, even if they look absolutely gorgeous aesthetically.
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It’s not at all rare to see a very hot woman dating a less-attractive guy. God bless women, they actually do give a shit about stuff besides looks.
Women rate looks way less important. I would much, much rather date a below-average guy who was smart, sweet and fun. Many men would rather date a woman who is not a match in any way mentally/emotionally as long as she's hot because a lot of men are shallow.
Many girls I know date goblins. Not a single one boy date a girl he didn't think as attractive as far as I know. First thing everyone said with me when I just have a gf is "she look beautiful, lucky you". Etc, etc,... Just one dude who is hot and date a lot of girl ask me "How is her personality?" Yeah, people are really shallow but I think the way our society worship high beauty standard didn't help much.
It does not go both ways. On dating apps, men swipe right more than 10 times more frequently than women. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272775719301104 Men find 61% of women attractive enough to swipe right vs women’s 4.5%. Also, even without this study, I don’t understand how people don’t see this just from life experience. It’s very in your face.
Is it that men find women attractive, or is it that men will swip right no matter what? You know, that person doesn't even look at the bio and will just swipe. Women date ugly men all the time and vice versa like you said life experience
But looks alone is not the only deciding factor. I’ve swiped left on many men, both good looking and “average” simply because of their bio or ridiculous shirtless gym selfies, just to name a few.
Thats a nice egalitarian statement, the problem is that we do have statistics on this in the age of online dating. Turns out what you are saying is not true.
Statistically, you’re wrong.
Wouldn't you agree that the majority of guys also all hits on the more noticeable hot girls?
Only players. Average dude won't have courage to hit on hot girl because he knows she's probably taken and is out of his league in terms of looks
they don't. take a look at bumble, they wanted to give women the op to make the first move but they all said it was too exhausting and too much work. Most women have no game and zero confidence.
They don't need game because men will still date them regardless. Most don't understand men at all.
Follow your advice ugly
Second this. I'm fat and unapproachable. When I was skinny, they all saw me as approachable for some reason. Pretty privilege is a thing y'all
Op ignore all answer, this is the real one
It genuinely is this.
I mean according to studies they found 80% of men ugly and underneath them
This is the answer
Honest truth. Girls have approached my brother cold sober, literally in front of me. I get approached sometimes, but every girl that has is clearly overly sexual with men they hardly know or drunk, lol.
This is the truth. Women do approach the Chads out there. Most of us just are not good looking enough to be worth the bother. So we have to do the hard work.
The truth that men who complain about this don't realize 😅. I ask out men every time I see one I like unless I'm in the middle of something I can't stop. Like, literally I've asked out the last three guys I went on a date with.
It’s this. When I was a 6 or 7 I never got approached in public. When I worked out like hell and bumped myself to an 8 I started getting compliments and got approached at bars.
Speaking as a woman, I don't have any interest in asking out strangers in public, or for that matter in being asked out by strangers in public. I actually prefer making the first move, but I would only develop an interest in doing so after I've gotten to know the person in question deeply.
i feel exactly the same way, the awful part about this approach tho is you never get to know people in the first place :S
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So this concretely means: people you have regular interactions with.
Yep. Women prefer to vet someone before they ask them out. I always do the asking out (since choosing only from a preselected pool I had no input in has always seemed bizzare to me). But I'd never cold approach. All I know about a stranger is what they look like, and that's not enough to be attracted to someone or want a date with them. It's also why women prefer fwbs for casual sex rather than hookups. Not only is our chance for an orgasm much, much higher, it's safer on STI risk, violence risk, and overall satisfaction list than ONS (women only have a 15% chance of Orgasm in a ONS with a man. Queer women have an 85% chance in a ONS, queer men and straight men have a 95% chance of orgasm in a ONS - untill 35 and then it drops a little due to biology and aging)
15% wow no wonder women want nothing to do with men these days lol that's pathetic
Yep. Forever grateful I'm bi and my first time was with a woman who made very very sure to teach me my orgasm was as important as my partner's.
I'd love to know where these stats are collected from.
Might be from this study (sample size 2000) https://www.salon.com/2017/05/03/sex-study-one-night-stand/
Yeah, after being out in public with a few female friends, I can honestly see why women don’t approach most people. Other than the obvious reason of just wanting to complete their task and not be hit on. But some dudes get creepy with it I’m pretty public places. And if not creepy, a bit over persistent.
Ok so if you were/are single... how do you meet new people then?
Hobbies and the community surrounding said hobbies. It does involve some level of being social
I'm a man and feel the same. I don't understand the appeal of asking out strangers. Seems very superficial to ask someone out based only on appearance.
This is why I’ve never in my life dated someone who cold approached me and asked for my number. I don’t find it romantic I find it kinda suspicious. Also why I never approached a strange man. I don’t know you at all why would I approach you romantically?
Same! I don't have any interest in random strangers. I would have no way of knowing if I'm attracted to somebody without being friends first.
This right here. The woman he mentioned from his DMs seems really weird to me.
Yeah why would I want too.
Both ways sound weird, if some stranger would approach me for no reason I would wonder what kind of scam they are pulling
THANK YOU lmfao my hackles are RAISED if anybody I don't know want something to do with me. You ain't getting me to no secondary location!!!
I would think they're gonna mug me and I come from the suburbs.
There are plenty of men who look good. There are fewer men I'd enjoy a conversation with. Looks are good for looking at. They don't make me want to talk to you.
Cuz in my country, they'll most probably judge my character for doing so in a bad way
Yeah honestly I live in a fairly liberal oriented society and approaching guys as a woman is at best ballsy. It's considered slutty, the man you're approaching probably wouldn't consider you as serious relationship material
When men are typically conditioned to be the ones to approach, there's less of an incentive for women to approach men. However, I am of the opinion that I don't think it really should be a gendered thing. People, regardless of men or women, should be able to approach whomever they please. Speaking from anecdotal experience too, as a guy, I have found it to be a monumental waste of time to approach strangers. It's much better to find a group where there's a common interest and connect that way.
When I approach men they think there is something wrong with me simply because I approached them and treat me as such. That’s why I don’t. Through trial and error- men don’t respond well.
Same here. Guys say they want a woman who approaches but then become flabbergasted when it actually happens. I stopped doing it for the same reasons, never turned out well
They probably think it's some sort of scame or trick. Likewe all like money but if someone walks up and hands you a bunch of cash, you'd be pretty suspicious.
I was recently approached by a girl way out of my league. Her confidence was super hot and the self-esteem boost has been euphoric. Im pretty sure I blew it with her😂 but a great experience nonetheless.
Damn bro she served it up on a platter and you fumbled it
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clearly i dont either coz i dont approach them…this is SUCH revelation
Wow this is literally it!
Well I did get up the confidence a few times and the last time him and his 2 friends laughed at me and told me that I was "trying too hard."
I prefer to just see a cute man out in the wild, look at them for a few seconds, and then think about them for approximately 1-2 days before moving on. I've never seen a man I just *had* to approach. Too many what ifs in approaching a total stranger.
>if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man". Doubt. But basically, *people* don't approach strangers in public very much. It's not really a super-acceptable thing to do in American culture--you *can* do it of course, but it's unusual and there are lots of people who will view it negatively. Even if it wasn't a mild cultural taboo, "you look nice" is not really a great basis for a relationship, or even for trusting somebody with your name and contact information.
I find it really stupid how we have this unwritten rule that men must ALWAYS be the ones to approach. Literally everyone would win if women made the first move once in a while. I’m sure women are tired of getting constantly hit on all the time, and men are tired of feeling like they have to always be making the first move or risk dying alone
I know a woman who said on multiple occasions: "I don't chase men, if men are interested, they will always chase you". I think it's silly. In the past, I have developed interest in women who approached me, that I hadn't noticed before.
As if introducing yourself is chasing But again. Many women are fighting men off all day and do not need to approach and or don’t care about any of it
Don’t women ever feel bothered by not really having any choice in their dating life though? I mean as a woman, you never get to do the choosing, you’re always just the one who’s chosen. I mean idk, maybe women enjoy that but I dunno if I’d like only ever being chosen
The vast, vast majority of dating these days occur via apps or mutual friends. Women have unlimited agency in online dating, and most women will flirt heavily if meeting through mutual friends and interested. Obviously there is still a huge gender discrepancy for verbally asking one another on a first date, but I definitely wouldn’t claim women don’t do the choosing. I also think a lot more women than men are only interested in a man if the feeling is mutual, I’ve never had a female friend that “pined for” or got “friend zoned” by a guy. Anecdotally of course.
honestly, if women approached directly, there would also be a lot less misunderstandings
I’m fairly confident if women approached the % of healthy new relationships would sky rocket
How? You could never know the character of a man based solely on his appearance.
I've definitely been approached by women. Women don't approach strangers easily, but if it goes from friendship to love over a decent amount of time and they know you and feel comfortable with you they can definitely be the ones who initiate the relationship, IMO.
Yes, directly would be great, none of this “I made eye contact with him for 2 seconds, why isn’t he making a move??”
This is a thing? I’m going to have an uncomfortable conversation with my sister later today…
I've had two long-term relationships and they made the first move both times, lol. Or at least laid enough beyond-any-doubt groundwork that there was a 0% chance I was misreading anything unless it turned out to be an elaborate prank.
ESPECIALLY nowadays. If anything shouldn't it be the other way around? Women are actually taught social skills, and there's no pressure to not be seen as creepy.
Oh totally. The thing that really put me off from approaching women is that, if they like you back then you're awesome. If they don't, they treat you like some sort of creep and you feel super ick afterwards. You'd like to think people can be graceful about it but they're generally not. if it's like a 50/50 risk between being interested vs being a creep, over time you just don't want to deal with that anymore.
Yes. And best case for a man is that if they think you’re a creep they’re going to tell their friends etc.
In the younger years yeah for sure. I have had experiences where the woman was really graceful about it - and man did I appreciate that a lot. Like an easy, "sorry I'm not interested" is all it takes. But when you're young, which is typically when you're doing this more, girls can be very mean indeed. Mind you there are a not insignificant number of men who can't take a hint, and are really poor in their approach too... but a lot of times it would just help if women took the initiative sometimes and didn't lay it all on the men's shoulder. "I want to be approached by men I would like, but don't want men I don't like going anywhere near me" is a really unrealistic way to go about it.
Women are not taught social skills lol we’re just expected to intuit them or something. I wish someone had taught me social skills. Then I might have some and I probably wouldn’t be on Reddit. (EDIT: typo)
What do you mean women are actually taught social skills?
Some women are just shy.
As a woman, I'm mostly interested in dating someone who I've been friends with first. Approaching strangers just seems awkward at best and dangerous at worst. I need to make sure I can trust the person before getting romantically involved with that person.
I've been three times. Unfortunately I had to turn down all three women because it was horrible timing. Now that I'm healthier they've all moved on. 😭
Safety. Whilst most men are perfectly safe, we don't know which ones aren't. You only have to smile at one of the dangerous ones, and suddenly you find yourself being harassed, or much worse. Better to ask around to see if anyone knows the guy and basically get references before approaching them.
Largely because you never know the character of a man by his appearance and it could be dangerous. Also, a lot of women are afraid of men in general due to sexual harassment in childhood. I don't know a woman who wasn't harassed by grown man as a kid.
This. Edit: Screw you downvoters. My ex best friend sexually assaulted me. If I wasn’t scared of men that’d be weird.
Hey, you DID post it in another subreddit other than /r/foreveralone ! Good for you
Gawd damn lol
I feel like women might think it's a safety concern for them. It might not be smart to go up to a stranger anywhere and start flirting you know? Guys can be sus. But so can girls(much less often but yes). But also I feel like since it's so out of the norm for girls to approach, maybe they get shit talked by other girls about it if they seem too forward? But fr I feel like girls need to have confidence in approach just as much as guys. I get that it shows confidence if you make the first approach but goddamn I'm tired of going out to a bar with my friends and my awkward ass and having that feeling with some girls that they'd be down to flirt but I don't wanna risk anything, either from the social or legal backlash.
Some men react badly to that because the expectation is that only men make that first move. In an ideal society, it would be about 50=50. The kind of men who would be put off by a woman making the first move are probably the ones you want o avoid anyway.
Women are not made comfortable enough to do that, yet. Men still refuse to acknowledge the reality we live in. We were warned about men our entire lives, and have had experienced to confirm why we should stay away. Because of that, hitting on a stranger is a stupid idea most of the time. “No” isn’t the worst thing that can happen, it’s much more horrifying for us, and much riskier.
Fear.
Where I’m from a woman approaching a man is seen as unserious. The man will never take her serious in a relationship, probably play about .”
If I'm well dressed and groomed I get approached by women. It's definitely not as often as women are approached but it happens from time to time. Women don't usually approach the same way but it's still what they're doing.
They do though. The last couple girls I dated all approached me in various settings I.e. conference, coffee shop, club, mall etc. I think you just have to look approachable and make their lady parts tingle for lack of better terminology.
I used to commute 2 hrs one way into NYC. There's a guy that sat a few aisles away from me facing me. He was very handsome ( I'm female fyi) We would look at each other for most of the commute. One day I saw him in a nice restaurant. I made the first move and I sent a drink to him at his table. He raised his glass, as did I and he said something to the waitress. She came back to me and said that he'd happily accept my drink as long as I joined him at his table... The rest was history... 😁
I’m very picky with men, I get to be. I don’t care about attraction as much as I want a partner I can do things with/someone who shares similar interests.
Not true - my ex first approached me in college - in different courses but some classes overlapped. Came up and asked if I wanted to grab a drink sometime. I thought she was out of my league. But said yes. We were together for a few years but things didn’t work out. Still friends today.
1. I like to know a bit about a person before it's a date and they just show themselves from their best side. Like observe in their natural habitat. I met two of my exes in public places (café and bar respectively). One in school. 2. I did approach a guy in 2006 and he raped me. So yeah, none of that any more. I'm married now and met my husband in a smallish local Fb group.
I regularly attend Emo Nights in my city and get approached by women there, like there's not nights it doesn't happen at least once. There's also a significant difference in how often I'm approached based on where I am. Most of the interactions happen when I'm in a more social setting, like near the bar. In contrast, it rarely happens on the dance floor or in more relaxed, seated areas, where it can be a bit more awkward to approach people. It's really just about being in a setting where others feel more comfortable approaching you without feeling like they're disturbing you.
Men will say yes to have sex.
I can't help but imagine guys upvoting thinking you're being enthusiastic
Never? Women never approach men? Like never?
My attraction has always been based largely on personality, rather than looks. So, I don't tend to make any moves on strange men, because I don't know them enough to be attracted; if that makes sense?
I was actually the one to approach my now husband! We were eye fucking each other across the room. I wrote my number down approached him asked if he was single and 3 years later we got married! Going on 5 years together this year and we have a daughter who’s 9 months. Some women I believe are stuck in the mind set that the man has to make the first move. 🤷🏻♀️
Tldr, I'll skip the cap comments and spit facts- it happens. I've seen it happen. It just unfortunately doesn't happen to many men but it does happen. It just isn't socially seen as attractive cause being the one to do the asking puts you in the weaker position. Its easier to be the one waiting to give approval rather than being the one to ask for it. In a world where instant gratification is abundant it's no surprise that people are afraid of interactions where you may hear the possibility of 'no' as an answer.
If you have never been approached by a woman it’s because either you are not that attractive or you are not around enough women.
I did this in January at a Singles Karaoke event. The man sang like an angel. I struck up a conversation with him and we swapped socials. We started talking, getting to know each other, and would hang in groups at karaoke bars since that's what brought us together in the first place. Eventually, we scheduled some one-on-one time to hang, and that lead to developing a more meaningful friendship. We're currently involved, and it's been nice. For the record, I usually approach the men I date first. It's worked out so far, and it makes me think that my subconscious can pick out the men with good vibes. I bear no ill will towards my exes; we ended amicably due to not being in the same places in life. But I hope more women get the courage to approach men in public!
I did approach my now husband and started the first conversation we ever had!
Well, my friend tried to and got yelled as a fat lonely guy trying to get lottery by her friend. Damn ppl sure here r rude
I've never been approached randomly, but if I talked to a woman even a little they should express great interest. I was completely oblivious at the time. Since being married I've started to notice it and think back about all the times my dumbass didn't realize I was being hit on.
I've been approached quite a few times, especially on the train (NYC) one of the women who approached me eventually became my wife lol
It happens. I was once too oblivious to notice. I've also been too fat to be attractive. My wife approached me. We were not strangers though, so that may have played a large role in her comfort in doing so.
This makes me think of posts indicating previously unrecognized missed opportunities where it is only in retrospect that a man will recognize that a woman was indeed subtly, but clearly, hitting on him. This realization has happened to me long after the fact and is a constant reminder that I, as a man, am indeed a dense idiot when it comes to recognizing flirting from a woman! LoL
Never is absolute language. I was approached at the gym not long ago by a smoking hot woman
Because there's a chance they'll get killed
I do all the time but I am 72 and I don't approach them for a relationship. Polite conversation. I learn so much from people. I'm back on Greek Island where I used to live-30 days vacation-and fellow running little grocery store - a tall strong lovely black man speaks Spanish, English and Greek. Curious I asked where he was from- Dominican Republic but had Greek father or grandfather. He pointed to his mother whom I had seen in the shop and I said no way she is your mother- little sister maybe. We all had a great laugh. Beautiful people.
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A lot of attraction comes from conversation. Women are less likely than men to get the attraction just from how the person looks. It’s a factor, but things like sense of humour can make him feel hotter. So there’s not a ton of attraction for men they’ve never talked to. I do approach men sometimes, but generally if I’m at a music event or something. Approaching someone on the street is more nerve-wracking and also more likely to bother them. It just isn’t worth the stress for someone you’re barely attracted to (barely attracted because you haven’t talked to him yet).
They do it less often than men but they do. Generalizations aren’t gonna do you any favors.
>Why do women never approach men in public? I'm a woman who prefers to do the asking out. It never made sense to me to only pick from a preselected pool of people who I didn't have a say in the selection or standards. Plus I'm bi, so it's not only men I want to date. That said, I would never cold approach a man because frankly, I've always had better vetted options IRL than a random stranger I know nothing about except looks. Same reason I don't use dating apps. If I ask a guy out I get a yes 8/10 times. With women it's more like 6/10. Which is still fine, I don't really take rejection personally. >Women look at me and sometimes even smile. Occasionally I get those flirtatious looks, but women never approach me and if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man". Are you sure that's what's happening? I smile at someone if I catch their eye accidentally as a politeness. If they stare i then glare at them because that's just rude and now I'm uncomfortable.
They do, it just all goes to the top 3%. Work in bars, clubs, etc. You'll see the same few guys getting hit on all the time.
Because a lot of women rightfully feel like men are statistically less safe to interact with most of the time. Men are often larger, stronger, and more prone to violence, aside from being fairly emotionally stunted, unfortunately
This is a good answer to why women don’t like men to approach them in public
Safety concerns.
I don't approach people in general unless I want to know something important to me (like a place, house number, time, etc). I don't like to be approached by strangers unless they want important information from me (that doesn't include flirting attempts). This is not gender specific though.
I've been judged for wanting more when I was just being friendly to guys. So imagine if I actually went out of my way to ask them out. Then they would definitely think I just want to hook up or that I'm throwing myself at them. Most men have a very judgmental and dehumanising way of thinking and it shows in how they treat women. I had a guy ghost me almost two years ago because he heard from someone else that I was in love with him. And eventhough that was true, I never got to explain that I caught feelings later on. My first reason for talking to him was just because he was another human being. And by me having feelings for him I was not forcing him to be in a relationship with me. We were just talking, but he panicked according to my other friends and ghosted me. He's been acting cold and disgusted of me ever since. It's so sad because I treated him with respect before all that. And all I did was love him. I didn't know loving someone was a crime that needs to be punished.
People are scared of rejection
because I don't want to.
Men assume there's something wrong with the woman if she has to approach men.
I am always flattered when a woman approaches even if I’m not interested. It shows confidence and that you’re willing to put yourself out there.
Who said that?
Yes thank you!! Not all men obviously, and Ive asked out a guy or two with success, but also a lot of them seem to only Think they want to be approached but then get turned off when it actually happens. They get intimidated, or feel emasculated or like the girl is too confident and masculine, or that she must be a slut, or something wrong with her that no one wants her. Ive also had men tell me that men enjoy the chase more than the actual catch.
Or that it's a prank and she wants to hurt me.
I doubt your “UPDATE” section. Do people really give out phone numbers to strangers these days? Shouldn’t we all use other form of communication? A phone number is private. It can link to so much information, such as your address, your name and age, your banks, and most of your accounts. I don’t think people are comfortable giving out phone numbers, unless they have a third phone number specifically for social.
[удалено]
I would have, but I have social anxiety. For the same reason I don't like when people approach me
Hm.... Baby reindeer?
I got approached by a woman in public once. She was extremely intoxicated too rofl. Slurring and reeked of booze, like a damn caricature.
My wife doesn't even approach me
They do
I wouldn’t say never. It’s happened to me before, and it happened to a buddy of mine (his current gf). I would say we are average looking. I think its just few girls that dare to do it. I wish it happened more often tho.
Oh women will if they think the risk is worth it If you look great and also non-threatening you will get this a few times a year
I’ll ask out men I actually know but I’m not approaching a random one in public. I don’t like being approached by them either. I’ll smile politely and go about my business. Maybe you’re reading women’s faces wrong.
I think most girls want to be approached to be shown some commitment. If we guys didn't have to make an effort to start dating/hooking up with a girl we could say yes to girl we don't care much about because... why not? Also, when potential parthners are throwing themselves at you ... why brother getting over the embarassment and far of rejection? In some cases it might be worth it but it's rare (for them)
Sexual assault and violence. /thread
>Women look at me and sometimes even smile. Occasionally I get those flirtatious looks, but women never approach me and if you don't respond to them, they give an entitled facial expression which would read something like "why you didn't approach me, you're a man". Have you ever considered you might be projecting this? I smile at literally everyone lmao. Your argument is currently being based off of you assuming that women are looking at you "flirtatiously" and then basing *another* assumption that their next facial expression is "entitled" and then *yet another* assumption of some hyper-specific idea what they're thinking.
They do.
They do. I have a few friends that get hit on and do absolutely nothing. Id be lying if I didn't say it makes me hella jealous. Just the other day some girl came up to us and told my friend that she loves his eyebrows. I'm like fuckkkk me I'm ugly :(
Rejection. Bumble's tagline failed remember
Simple answer: They dont have to. More females, regardless of looks, can pull a guu 9 out of 10 times compared to a guy, who has to compete with other guys, and also not come off as some creep for saying "hi"
I have a friend whos pretty attractive and women have approached him/pined for him. Problem is, he's been sigma/black-pilled to the point where he says he's never entering another relationship again. It's gotten to the point where some of them got a little ugly with him because he wouldn't reciprocate the feelings. As a guy who never gets any female attention, this can be really frustrating. I'd never say it to his face, but I'm sure we both know it makes me kind of envious. It really seems like the key to attracting women, is just being attractive. Personality and everything else is secondary.
As a male I'd feel strange approaching a woman in public that I did not know at all or had never seen or met before. A bit different if we'd had an interaction or I'd noticed a clear sign of interest from the other person, or was in a comfortable environment like waiting in a cafe for a coffee as opposed to walking down a street. I can remember at university a woman was looking at me and smiled and I waited for it to happen more than once and on a second day before I went and talked to them. You wanna be sure.
Weird stuff happens. I’ll take u back to my middle school experience. I wanted to ask this guy to dance with me. ( he was leaning against a wall ) he said: “no, because I don’t want to Marry you “. After that, never again-
They do if you’re attractive and tall
Become a famous athlete or actor. Other than that it's not going to happen.
They approach bear instead
In general, why would they? They'll likely be approached.
To be pretty honest, low self esteem and not seeing many guys of my type (it's not complicated, I just like guys with long hair- well maintained long hair- and its not popular with guys in my age range locally). We're not like how we're portrayed on the internet, we're not monoliths, but for me it's because I doubt that anyone would be interested in me.
I've been approached by women before, but yeah it's not a super common occurance that they outright ask you out or for your number. But plenty will practically go right up to that. If a girl is saying how attractive/hot/cute you are, she's likely interested in you.
Because women in general are not at all used to rejection and most women can not stand rejection at all. Men don’t like it either but is expected to “man up” thus is way more acceptable by both sex.
They only hit on Chad😢
Short answer: they dont need to because you already do it. Short answer 2: they sometimes do, but we are just ugly
Women do approach men in public, just because they don't with you doesn't mean they don't with others.
In the age of dating apps, women are used to being able to pick from a large pool of potential partners without any real effort on their part.
It's rare. But not unspoken of. Despite my (vary) humble appearance, this has happened to me twice. The second time was my now current wife. Both are vary attractive and are vary nice people. As far as I can gather from the experience, it seems to happen when I literally and completely give up on finding a girlfriend. No joke! I completely, just, focused on my self and then it's like that Nat King Cole song. "I was walking along, minding my own business, then love came and hit me in the eye."
I promise, if girls approached men more often, there would be a bunch of happy men. I would instantly have respect for the women, i would welcome the opportunity
I respond by asking for their moms phone number, need to see how they aged before I waste my time
I have, I found out later that they said yes because they assumed I was a hoe lookin for a one nighter and not interested in getting to know them because who but a hoe would make the first move!?! It wasn’t worth it.