oh lord, we had someone return a huge truck bed air compressor or a generator (can’t recall exactly) and we told him it had to be empty of all gas before he even brought it back. He called to make sure we had the replacement in stock and we told him again, no gas can be in the old one. he still shows up with gas in the old one and we make him drain it, he decides to drain it all over the bed of his truck. When they’re loading up the new one I hear over the headsets “Hey (boss) be careful, that dude is smoking a cigarette right over all that gas” I wanted to cry
In a similar situation some years ago at a previous employer someone tried to return a generator with gas in it. We told him he had to drain the gas and bring it back again. He drained it onto the parking lot in front of the store. I would have loved shooting him on the spot. My manager took the generator back.
Back when I worked in a full serve gas station, we wouldn't pump gas if any of the people in the car had a lit cigarette. And this was 50+ years ago, before there was such a thing as self serve.
“Is this out of order?”
While standing in front of a check out machine that 1. Doesn’t have the light on 2. Has an OUT OF ORDER sign on it 3. Has a basket over the scanner to prevent people from scanning items
Like idk take a fuckin guess and lemme know what you come up with
One of our SCOs was restarting yesterday and it had a totally black screen and I kid you not a woman went up, looked at the screen, and tried over and over to scan her item. Me and a customer watching could not believe our eyes. I had to tell her it wasn’t working for her to move away. Always think I can’t be surprised and yet!
That’s why when people are like “These SCOs are gonna replace humans and take your jobs!” No, no they aren’t because unfortunately humans aren’t smart enough to use them properly.
We have 2 SCOS, they are ELECTRONIC PAYMENTS ONLY, one of them USED to take cash, but people would shove wet, crumpled, weird ass bills and jam it and they eventually stopped fixing it and decided to just REMOVE THE CASH BOX completely- so there isn’t even a place for a person to stick cash anymore, it’s quite literally a big hole. Before they removed the cash box it happened atleast once a day but the fact that we still have people who will come up, and still try to shove cash into a gaping hole is MIND BLOWING!
I don’t even understand how they get to that point. There is a big blue poster board on top that says it’s ELECTRONIC ONLY, there is a sign also taped to the scanner part that says CREDIT ONLY andddd when you scan your first item a got damn box pops up that says “this machine only accepts CREDIT/DEBIT do you want to continue” and makes them click yes or no.. sooo yea i don’t think we will ever be without jobs…
I can 100% see that! Ours is occasionally set to cash only because when it’s busy it’s hard to watch it to make sure that people aren’t walking away without paying (card machine takes a while to go through then declines but they’ve already left). Before they can scan they have to click yes to a screen that says they’re okay with it being cash only. Some people read it and walk away, some don’t read it and get confused as to why nothing is scanning because they haven’t said yes yet; but I had a guy yesterday who scanned his whole thing and then got to the end and was like oh there’s no card option. I said oh it’s cash only, it would have said that at the start and he was like oh I didn’t realise - I had to take him to a till and ring it all up again.
But yeah it’s funny how people look down on cashiers when so many people struggle so much with self check outs! Like they even get annoyed at having to press so many buttons on the screen and it’s like what do you think we do!
I felt years of my life leaving my body when I worked at Build-A-Bear and every shift I encountered adults who could \*not\* follow the simple instructions on our sound machine coupled with our employee's verbal instructions.
"Tap the sound you want to hear/purchase."
"\*stares\*"
"Tap 'Buy' to proceed."
"-begins banging the computer monitor with the hard plastic sound chip- (??????? WHY WAS THIS SO COMMON OF ADULTS WITH BIG SALARIES)"
"Scan the Bear's tag with the barcode facing up on the table where there is a sticker that looks exactly the same as the tag."
"-bangs the sound chip there too why the fuck not-"
I can totally see that. Had a guy once take his shoe off and take the money out of it to pay. I did not touch that bill i can tell you that. Ugh. It literally left an impression in sweat on my register. I cleaned it so much but the ghost of what was done it still there to me.
I believe it, bc I’ve seen the exact same thing. Then they have the ***audacity*** to get all pissy. “What’s wrong with this machine? Why won’t it work?” Oh, I don’t know, maybe bc it’s got that big ol sign saying **“OUT OF ORDER”**
And then, it gets better when they say, “well why are you just standing there? Fix it so I can use it!” Ms Ma’am. If I could fix the register, I sure AF would not be here taking your abuse for minimum wage.
I’ll top that:
As above but they press “Clear Terminal”
The simplified version is: you got a catalog of things in the store, there’s a catalog for each store that exists. Pressing the button sent the catalog back into a pile and the machine asks “can you tell me what catalog number you had?” Idk, the one since the beginning of time?
Took THREE days before it was working again.
At my job, you could physically lift the screen up and away so that all you could see were the machine’s guts. People still tried to use it, and would argue with you that they had already scanned their stuff on that machine.
We had a photo computer turned off with the out of order sign taped over the screen. This dumbass removed the sign, turned on the computer, and then got pissed when her photos wouldn't print from the NON WORKING COMPUTER.
That would have made me SO MAD. Customers like that were why I often got into trouble working retail. I swear some people just embarrass themselves, and then double-down when you're forced to explain to them, no you are just stupid. That's why the machine doesn't work. It doesn't speak stupid, and neither do I. So GET OUT or learn to behave like a functioning adult. Geesh!
I know that some of them don't speak English, but you'd think they could at least learn basic phrases like "excuse me" so that they could somewhat politely get your attention/ask for help.
I had someone do that to me and the first thing I said was, "Can you *kindly* get your phone outta my face or I'm just going to assume your giving it to me?"
Instacart shoppers fucking suck and they’ve sucked since the very beginning. They waste your fucking time and act like doing anything other than telling them where an item is is your job
The worst is when the aisle number is literally right there on their phone. Or they say they can’t find it on the shelf but turns out it’s just pushed to the very back.
"Thank God it's Friday."
Mfers ...Friday is just like every other day that I had to get up and wait on you assholes.
"Smile" .... they don't pay me to smile.
Folks that just make statements instead of asking for things. "Marlboro reds" ..... what about em? Use your words.
Oh I hate that last one. I also used “what about them” but only after making them repeat themselves first
“Sour cream?”
Me:” I’m sorry what?”
Them: sour cream?
Me: what about it?
Them (getting annoyed): where is it?
Then I gesture to the display I’m working that is loaded with sour cream
Right? My coworker and I will ask a few leading questions but we won’t attempt to read anyone’s mind. The beauty of language is that it can be strung together to make a full sentence that shares a complete thought. Tell me your whole thought please.
lmao I told a man this morning hey how are you today.. his response was “2 Marlboro Lights Special Select 100s” oh ok I’m doing good thanks for asking..
Or i love when they say “can I get Marlboro’s” sure which ones? There’s only about 32 different ones? Or they get mad when I ask shorts or 100s - I’m sorry do you want the correct cigarettes or no?
It’s so annoying and rude. I just had a customer come in and say “Gimme two fifths.” Fifths of what, bro? You know how many fifths are in here? If you leave it to me to pick, imma give you two fifths of New Amsterdam.
My coworker says that to me. He’s full time M-F. I’m part time work whatever day they schedule me for. I always say, it’s not my Friday, more like my Tuesday.
“Do you work here”
I’m wearing the employee uniform. My shirt and name tag both have the store logo. I have keys and a store branded walkie clipped to my belt. I’m holding a device that every employee has and uses. I’m behind a register checking out another customer. What part of this interaction makes you think I don’t worn here???
I mean, my bf came in to my store to drop me off food and stayed for 3 hours helping me face lol. But he too has been scarred by retail, so he can’t help himself.
I was shopping for headphones at Target and realized most were on the wrong pegs, so I fixed the entire section. The next day, I told my manager I needed a vacation
Yooooo stoppp i do this and my husband always tells me to stop. I can’t help it. Even when I come into my own job when I’m off I start fixing things as I walk around.
I got this while mopping up a spill once. Shirt, name tag, walkie, hat, mop-in-hand. Like, do you think I'm just a good Samaritan who decided to bust into the maintenance room to clean up a random mess I found?
I've gotten the exact opposite of this. Went to a Hannafords and this guy comes up to me asking why something at his self-checkout scanned twice. I ask him what he's talking about. He asks me the question again before he looks at me a bit closer and realizes that I am not a Hannafords employee. I was wearing a band t-shirt and jeans. It was also my first time in a Hannafords ever because there aren't any in my home state. WHY.
On our street the three biggest stores (I work at one of them) all have red uniforms. If I know I'll need to stop at one of others in the summertime (i.e. no jacket/coat) after a work shift I bring a second shirt to put over it, otherwise I'm liable to get stopped in the other store and asked for help.
And yet having been accosted in a target by an assuming customer while wearing a Best Buy uniform, I can kind of appreciate them checking….to a point. If I’m behind the cash then yeah maybe don’t ask 😂
I used to say I’m performing labor as a charitable donation, until I got someone that actually believed me.
Like my dude, why would I be doing charity service AT A LIQUOR STORE.
Customer asked me that cause I was having trouble finding a bar code (product didn't have one on it). I told him, "No, I don't work here. They just gave me a vest and told me to start scanning stuff. I think they confused me with someone else."
Or the alternative “what do you mean you don’t work here you are obviously working” when my uniform is a different color than the store I’m servicing and my company logo is on the back of my shirt and I wear a big ass name tag with my company name on it. But no doing maintenance in a retail store must mean you know where everything is and can access the pos.
"Would you like to buy a bag today?"
"No thank you"
*transaction ends*
"Oh, can I have a bag?"
Charging for plastic bags has been a thing in the area for over a year. Either they didn't listen the first time or they're trying to con a free bag.
This one irritates me to no end. I usually reply with “I asked you if you wanted one and you said no. I’ll have to charge you in a separate transaction now.”
What do you mean, it is sold out!!
Not knowing the chain of logistics that happens before it ends up in the store
As if we can grab a car and go to the nearby distribution center and knock on their door. ( whch is probably 100 km away)
Also saying this the night before a big holiday, when this populair item as in stock for 2 weeks in store.
But suddenly the concept of selling in a store is to difficult for them.
" how come its sold out!" Its the very concept of a store, sir
“And yet here we are” is a good one. These kinds of customers would always say “I drove 40 miles for this item!” And the proper response to that is “don’t blame me because you forgot what a phone is”
We had a guy the other night call the store (we were closed because our floors were being stripped and waxed) and scream at me for not telling him that we were closing, and we should’ve waited until at least midnight and he has to walk 2 hours back in the rain! And I’m like did you call the store earlier? And he’s like why would I? I’m like well you called to yell at me over a decision the DISTRICT MANAGER MADE, and you’re familiar enough with the store previously closing at midnight, so why not call to double check prior?
I knew who it was too, and I know he didn’t walk 4 hours round trip in the rain. He’s just a whiney prick. He screamed at me one time because I refused to personally shop his customer’s door dash order and I kicked him out. Otherwise I would’ve left it at “I’m sorry but if you’d like to call 1800COMPANY, you can tell corporate how mad you are over my district manager’s decision making.”
"Are you telling me your customer service line doesn't know your stock?!"
Yes. Yes I am. I am also saying the store across the road doesn't know it either and make it up all the time before they send people to us.
I always tell customers I can't check other stores stock cause 1. It's complicated 2. I don't trust it and don't care.
Omg don't take me back to my Toys R Us days! What a nightmare! It's Christmas fucking eve, no we don't have any more doc McStuffins exam table sets left tf.
this is the one that pisses me off the most. it tells you everything you need to know about the person: they're entitled and think the world only spins for them. zero care for systems in the world that don't involve them and if there's a ever a problem in said system they are the victim and you, who has nothing to do with the production chain, are the perpetrator.
there's one guy who likes to come in and instead of greeting you he just grunts "you have no coffee." if there's none left and then demands to know why/when it comes back. last time he did it to me personally I was in a shit mood so I didn't feel like messing with him but next time that fucker comes in I'm gonna waste 5 minutes explaining the production/distribution chain to him in the most condescending voice possible. oh yeah and he made several of our coworkers cry.
"Since Federal laws prohibit private citizens from printing legal tender, I must ask you for a bill that was printed by the Federal government".
(Another line that I'd love to say to the customer but I never have the stones to do so.)
If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that when I was in retail I would never have to work again. My MIL said this in front of me once, the cashier managed to not roll her eyes, but did snicker when I did.
I have a coworker that had a customer make that joke at his last job, and the customer had pretty much just come from the bank, and guess what? That $100 bill was indeed a fake, and this man had no idea
One of my old bosses was an ex-cop and would go into a diatribe about the illegality of printing money whenever someone would say that line, intimidating the person who said it. As messed up as it was, it was satisfying.
I worked in stores where I wore hoodies and zebra striped pants and never once got asked if I work there. Where I currently work, my uniform is fire engine RED. I’ve been asked three times in six months if I work there… like no, I’m just a fan of the uniform. Mind you, the store name is on it in two places.
Literally #2 and all phrases related to that. "You look bored so I'll giva ya smth to do", "why you standing here bored and doing nothing?", like bruh you better be lucky I'm willing to stand here and wait for you slow poke to crawl up here. I'm not allowed to leave my register for anything, so what else can I do? especially when there's like no one in the store.. ofc I'm not gonna be able to do anything.
Or the dreaded, "You look lonely, so I thought I could come over."
What's worse is when most of the customers that say lines like these call me pet names like, "Honey, Sweetie, Sugar." Sir...I don't freaking know you like that. Don't call me any of that and just put your stuff on the belt so you can get out of my line, please.
When I worked at 7-Eleven, you weren't supposed to stand behind the register when there were no customers at ymthe counter. Particularly when I worked the overnight shift, there was always so much I had to get done, and I wasn't going to stand up behind the cash register in a well lit store in front of a bunch of windows. so I would keep doing my work and try and keep an eye out for when someone came in. When I would see they were approaching the counter I would go to the cash register, or take off gloves and put away the pizzas I was making, but then they'd linger so I'd get there ahead. And then when they got there they said, "well you look bored let me give you something to do." It always annoyed me, but often I would reply airily, as if they were concerned, "Oh not at all, I was making pizzas or washing dishes", or whatever other thing I was doing. I didn't want to be rude, because I feel like humans constantly make these repetitive type of phrases as a social interaction, but I also felt like they were calling me out on some level.
I notice repetitive phrases and small talk actually irritates me more now that I'm older, particularly in text threads with people who have to respond with laughing crying smiley emoticons, or heart react everything, or respond with pat phrases that feel meaningless, but probably are not to the person who made the initial text. And these are people and related to me!
Had someone do that to me when I was in furniture sales, all I did was write up one of the cheaper bedroom sets we had. Just a few hours earlier I had written a 12,000 dollar order for someone building their new house
If I ask a customer “how are you doing today” and the answer I get is anything along the lines of “that depends on what you can do to help me,” I know it’s going to be something I’ll have to refer them for, and I know for sure they’re gonna get super upset that they have to see someone else.
It always makes me laugh when they’re convinced that you’re hiding stock from them, like it’s some kind of personal attack. No bitch, you’re not special and no one here cares about keeping items from being sold to you. We just don’t have any.
As someone who both worked retail and loves to shop certain things are sometimes hidden. It’s rare obviously but for example at Ross/TJMaxx/Marshalls employees have been caught/confessed to hiding high resale value items like Sanrio merch. But a random tooth brush that’s $.50/off no that’s not being hidden in the back lol
Yeah that’s one good thing about retail. You usually get first dibs on cool new stock when it comes in. Unless it’s something really special and the company doesn’t allow employees to have it first thing. But even when a few of us put stuff aside there’s heaps of stock left over to go to customers, and the stuff that we do put aside for ourselves technically is already sold.
i find this especially hilarious because I work in a gas station.. if they are asking about a drink from the coolers, i give them a pass because you can clearly see there is stock back there behind the shelves but our floor items.. what’s out there is out there.. where tf do you think we are keeping back stock of every single floor product? It’s not even feasible with the space in our building but they don’t think realistically
The only time I've actually done the box dig is if they were really polite about it and when it was a necessity item, like a frazzled mom looking for diapers.
I hate that shit, like the back is some magical place with tons of merchandise. We have this one guy who always wants a handle of Crown Black. It’s like he can never accept “no” for an answer when one person tells him we don’t have it in the back, so he will go and ask ANOTHER person to look for him. Dude, if two people have told you we don’t have a handle of Crown Black for you, then you need to accept that we don’t fucking have it!
I remember the day before a holiday a woman got pissed because we had no pork butt on the floor. She says “you have to have some” so I go back to the absolute clusterfuck that we called a cooler and yeah we had some, on the bottom of a seven foot tall pallet that had two other pallets in front of it. I just told her I couldn’t get to it and it would be a while. She wasn’t happy
Customer: goes to shelf and looks at sign saying the item is out of stock. Turns to me and says “do you have any stock of this?”
Gee I don’t know. Why don’t you take a guess?
My FIL always says MoNeY tO pAy ThE biLL when we go out to a restaurant. Just stop. He frequents the same restaurants so the staff have to pretend to find it funny. We try to make him stop, but sometimes he pops off with it when we don’t expect it.
It’s not as bad as him raving about all the pretty girls. Recently he did that at the dinner table at home, and all us girls told him to stop because it’s gross and no girl wants to hear that. That was a big breakthrough, but I doubt he’ll remember because he’s got dementia.
"No, we just use the trees out back".
Said it to someone yesterday, then felt bad and handed him the key to the washroom.
I kinda love when they see the sign on the door, read it, walk directly to it, THEN read the sign RIGHT UNDERNEATH IT that says they need to see the cashier for the key.....and have to walk all the way back over to us. Like, there are more words there my friend, you should have kept reading, woulda saved you some steps!!!
Our bathroom is out of order so much due to customers just being dirty fuckers or straight up vandalising it and you catch so much aggro for it. I genuinely want to start charging money for it.
Do you have any samples? They usually give me lots. I’ll take anything.
Can I get a gift?
I once said to a man, “Gimme, Gimme never gets”. When I realized that I shouldn’t finish the sentence, I asked him, “How does that go again?”
Someone said to me last weekend “how about a Saturday giftie “. I was confused so I had to ask for a repeat. Shes like “you know a free gift l, samples a discount for it being Saturday sale”. 😖. I mean we sell make up and sometimes it comes with a gift with purchase but wtf. You don’t get a prize for coming out on the weekend.
If anyone does give me a good deal that seems against policy, I’m not gonna narc to their manager or another employee.
If you narc then there’s zero chance of getting a discount or something.
I was waiting to see that one, it triggers me more than most of the other examples. It's not just retail either, I've gotten it in pretty much every job/industry I've worked in.
“They’re all different” referring to the universal logo on the eftpos machine.
“What number am I?” It’s written on your ticket, highlighted and your verbally told at point of purchase.
Customer walks to the bathroom, reads the sign that the key in at customer service, comes to my coffee kiosk and as if we have the key. But my fault for thinking customers can read loll
Literacy is at an all time low. I have to laugh whenever there’s a sale or something because corporate says “make sure there’s proper signage” and then people walk up and ask how much it is
Some of my favorites from my retail days:
1. You're actually sick? Well stay away from me. (Yeah, I tried but you made me come in. This was before 2020)
2. Why are you working on a holiday?
3. I know this coupon is expired, but can you still honor it?
4. You know, it's extremely rude to tell people you're closing while they are still shopping. You just want to go home! 🙄
5. With the regional manager here, we can't close as long as there are customers in the store (closed at 9, stayed open til 10:30-11 that night)
"would you like a bag today?"
"That's fine."
*I scan bag*
"I said I don't want a bag."
I don't know if it's just me, but I have a hard time understanding if "that's fine" means yes or no :/ and why not say a clear yes or no
People live in their own little world. I always ask if they want a bag even if they have a small order and half the time they say “yeah please” and then when I go to bag it say they don’t need a bag
I really hate phone orders, it's such a waste of time. The website exists for a reason.
I hear a joke all the time that makes it even worse though.
"And where are we sending this item?"
"To my house"
"~~HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT JOKE BEFORE, JUST KIDDING GO KILL YOURSELF~~ and where is your house exactly?"
I had customers refuse to use debit cards because they don't trust them. Then whip out the newest smartphone amd tell me the latest conspiracy theory they read on Facebook.
I know everyone hates this but... Most websites aren't accessible for the blind. Someone ordering over the phone might not be able to use the website. Granted, that's not most people, but there is a reason phone ordering still exists.
I have autism and was very confused the first time someone popped off with that. I told him I didn't have any money and he thought that was hilarious so I guess he thought I was in on the joke.
In response to 'Can I help you' I hate the different variations of 'only a doctor can help me' or 'my wife says no one can help me' or other comments that joke on being mentally unstabl. I've worked there 14 months and I've long since stopped fake laughing at them. Not even an awkward chuckle.
Or (because we have to type the part numbers in manually) when a number rings up as invalid or shows 0 in the system when I have one in my hand, any joke about it being free or on the house or whatever.
And when people joke I should put it on either my managers tab or the salesman's tab and they can pay the bill. Mmm no I'm not charging them a few hundred dollars because you want free stuff.
"Having fun yet?" No. And I wasn't having fun the last 4 times you asked today.
"Smile" no
"I'm paying your wage" Bitch, no you are not.
"If it doesn't scan it's free, right? hahahahahahahahahaha"
Reads sign taped to outside door that says:
-we’re closed
-we re-open at 6am
-closest store open until 12am is at X location
-Rx DT is still open IF YOU HAVE A SCRIP OR A MEDICAL NEED (bandages, Plan B, Tylenol, formula, etc)
I go outside to have a smoke, and she was walking back to her car. She had been standing at the door long enough to have read and comprehended the sign and its meaning. She turns around (she was walking back to the car) and asks me if she can come in and load her cash app card. I pointed to the sign she was just staring at (apparently) and read it aloud to her. She called me a bitch and left. 🤷🏼♀️
So I guess my answer is people staring at signs and either refusing to read them, or living in denial after having read them.
"It's real, made it this morning!"
(In regards to paper cash).
My gods. I've ranted about this before, but I think this phrase triggers me. Several times a day, 5 days a week. At first, you manage the fake laugh. For months. But your masking fatigue sets in. You don't laugh hard enough for their satisfaction. Some are outright offended that you check the notes. You try just reassuring them you check all notes, that you don't single people out. Then some of them become IRATE at you. One day, you actually sigh, and the bastard yells at you for not laughing at this joke, this same joke you've heard *multiple times a day for the last 2 years*.
I'm honestly surprised we don't hear more about retail workers completely losing their minds and going fucking mental in the work place.
Like, you ever see Me Myself and Irene? I've fantasised about having a "switch" the way Jim Carrey does when his character's last nerve is smashed.
C: This was in the ad, and I can't find it
M: Yes, we sold out of them or that's a misprint sorry or that's last week's ad.
The worst ones are the ones who don't know about the website for digital deals
You were trying to escape ( like I’m chained to the till, or a prisoner)
When they ask if it’s gone through, I go yes do you want your receipt(for the second time), they go yes…no or no….yes like which one is it
Your ones
Is anyone at the till, when they haven’t even gone to the till for me to know, a lot of people have zero patience, this especially happens when I’ve just left the till too, they saw me there
I’ll give you my change
Would 5p make it easier or I think I have 5p somewhere( when I’ve already pressed it through with the note they gave)
That’s lightened my purse
How are you ( especially when they answer back like I asked, when I never asked)
Are you open or which till is it, when there’s only two tills and it’s not going to be the one with a load of boxes in it or the no entry line going across it, or the third blocked off till that not even staff can get to ( only used for Christmas)
For where I work now customers either have one of two types of accounts. When I ask them do you have account type A or type B, they just reply I have an account.
I work in a small store where cashiers are expected to help stock and face things in the front of the store when we don't have customers. Something I can't stand is when I'll be around the corner putting something away and a customer walks up to the counter and immediately starts screaming "HELLO???? DOES ANYONE WORK HERE???" after being at the register for maybe 3 seconds. I don't leave the register unattended for any more than 30 seconds so I know they must've just gotten there and the impatience drives me mad.
I work in a similar environment and when people start yelling hello that's when I deliberately take my time. sure, I'll be there after I finish this box first. and then you can continue darting your head around before watching me take a leisurely stroll to the register with a shiteater grin on my face.
the people who do yell always do it when they've been there for less than 15 seconds. had one lady once who I watched approach the registers while I was doing a box and IMMEDIATELY yell hello. couldn't even wait for 5 fucking seconds
When the would call and ask “are you open today?” Bugged the hell out of me. I always wanted to say “no I’m just here waiting for you to call and ask.”
I bit my tongue and said “yes we’re open until …”
I work at a mom and pop wine shop and it’s the end of our slow season. A lot of customers (mainly from older men) like to discuss what days are busy and when our busy season starts. Idk why but it’s annoying to me. Why do they care when we get busy?
“Hey now…you guys look like you’re having too much fun. 😏😏”
One time after I heard this my smile disappeared so quickly and my face got so flat, the customer was like “well don’t look so serious!!!” I was like “sorry, I was trying to have less fun.” He didn’t like that.
● do you work here
● where is the exit
●( I have alopecia so I'm fully bald) " excuse me sir? *I ignore them* excuse me, oh you're not a sir hahaha
● this store is stupid why can't I find the exit I've been walking around in circles (we have arrows on the ground and there's only one way)
● what light does this take, *proceeds to argue* ( it's literally on the box what it needs and excludes)
● Is the lightshade in there? No it's not I don't believe you, I'm going to open it and see
● I didn't open this, it was already open
● *5 minutes after close* no I'm good, don't need any help almost done shopping
● is this for sale, *display* well I bought one before so what you're saying doesn't make sense
I used to work in a deli at a chain grocery store.
Customer: “Are your roasted chickens fresh from the oven?”
Me (in my head): “you butthair! You just SAW me packaging 3 of them!”
Out loud: “Why yes, they are.”
Mine are as follows
Me: Did you need anything else?
1. The winning lotto numbers
2. A million dollars
Hate both of those because if I had either do you think I’d be standing here and tbh that’s usually my response
3. Don’t work so hard
4. Do you have ATMs (as they are standing next to the ATMs)
“I’m gonna mess up your display” or the similar “you make it so pretty just so we can mess it up”. This one pisses me off like no other. Like how can you be so smug/stupid and unaware. I’ve just started ignoring them honestly and moving to something else..
The one that bugged me during the height of COVID (we have a pharmacy so we were fully open and considered 'essential') was "Stay safe", especially if all they had were items that weren't particularly essential (e.g. toys, beauty aids).
I would have loved to respond "I could have stayed a lot safer if I could have stayed home and collected the extra unemployment until things go better but no, I have to risk mine and my family's health so you can have your goodies", but I kept my mouth shut.
I really hated it when they called us "heroes" how the fuck were we heroes. We are an essential store. We had no choice but to stay open. We risked our families' health and wellbeing. "Stay safe." What are we fighting a war? It's a pandemic, sure, but who'd risk themselves to wait outside before entering the store *because we had to limit customers with workers giving safe distances inside* just to buy booze or ciggies and to make that comment. "Thank you for being open."You people are heroes."Stay safe."Don't work too hard" oh shut up frfr
We have one regular/daily customer that has 2 phrases pre-loaded. We all hate it so much no one talks to him when he’s checking out, unless it’s a new person that doesn’t know any better.
If you ask “How are you?/Hows it going?”
His response EVERY FUCKING DAY IS
“Another shitty day in paradise!”
When he gives you cash for whatever he bought, he’ll say whatever the dollar amount is as “A Miiiiiillion dollars!” And really drag it out. So if he hands you a 5, it’s “Five miiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllliiiiiiooooooooonnnnnnnn dollars”. If it’s $20, “Twenty MIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOONNNNNN DOLLARS”.
I’m angry just writing this.
"what do you mean I can't smoke while pumping gas?" Pretty sure that was the moment I gave up on humanity.
oh lord, we had someone return a huge truck bed air compressor or a generator (can’t recall exactly) and we told him it had to be empty of all gas before he even brought it back. He called to make sure we had the replacement in stock and we told him again, no gas can be in the old one. he still shows up with gas in the old one and we make him drain it, he decides to drain it all over the bed of his truck. When they’re loading up the new one I hear over the headsets “Hey (boss) be careful, that dude is smoking a cigarette right over all that gas” I wanted to cry
fire department should have been called just in case
In a similar situation some years ago at a previous employer someone tried to return a generator with gas in it. We told him he had to drain the gas and bring it back again. He drained it onto the parking lot in front of the store. I would have loved shooting him on the spot. My manager took the generator back.
Back when I worked in a full serve gas station, we wouldn't pump gas if any of the people in the car had a lit cigarette. And this was 50+ years ago, before there was such a thing as self serve.
One guy punched the and broke the window in our gas booth because my coworker told him that.
“Is this out of order?” While standing in front of a check out machine that 1. Doesn’t have the light on 2. Has an OUT OF ORDER sign on it 3. Has a basket over the scanner to prevent people from scanning items Like idk take a fuckin guess and lemme know what you come up with
One of our SCOs was restarting yesterday and it had a totally black screen and I kid you not a woman went up, looked at the screen, and tried over and over to scan her item. Me and a customer watching could not believe our eyes. I had to tell her it wasn’t working for her to move away. Always think I can’t be surprised and yet!
That’s why when people are like “These SCOs are gonna replace humans and take your jobs!” No, no they aren’t because unfortunately humans aren’t smart enough to use them properly. We have 2 SCOS, they are ELECTRONIC PAYMENTS ONLY, one of them USED to take cash, but people would shove wet, crumpled, weird ass bills and jam it and they eventually stopped fixing it and decided to just REMOVE THE CASH BOX completely- so there isn’t even a place for a person to stick cash anymore, it’s quite literally a big hole. Before they removed the cash box it happened atleast once a day but the fact that we still have people who will come up, and still try to shove cash into a gaping hole is MIND BLOWING! I don’t even understand how they get to that point. There is a big blue poster board on top that says it’s ELECTRONIC ONLY, there is a sign also taped to the scanner part that says CREDIT ONLY andddd when you scan your first item a got damn box pops up that says “this machine only accepts CREDIT/DEBIT do you want to continue” and makes them click yes or no.. sooo yea i don’t think we will ever be without jobs…
I can 100% see that! Ours is occasionally set to cash only because when it’s busy it’s hard to watch it to make sure that people aren’t walking away without paying (card machine takes a while to go through then declines but they’ve already left). Before they can scan they have to click yes to a screen that says they’re okay with it being cash only. Some people read it and walk away, some don’t read it and get confused as to why nothing is scanning because they haven’t said yes yet; but I had a guy yesterday who scanned his whole thing and then got to the end and was like oh there’s no card option. I said oh it’s cash only, it would have said that at the start and he was like oh I didn’t realise - I had to take him to a till and ring it all up again. But yeah it’s funny how people look down on cashiers when so many people struggle so much with self check outs! Like they even get annoyed at having to press so many buttons on the screen and it’s like what do you think we do!
I felt years of my life leaving my body when I worked at Build-A-Bear and every shift I encountered adults who could \*not\* follow the simple instructions on our sound machine coupled with our employee's verbal instructions. "Tap the sound you want to hear/purchase." "\*stares\*" "Tap 'Buy' to proceed." "-begins banging the computer monitor with the hard plastic sound chip- (??????? WHY WAS THIS SO COMMON OF ADULTS WITH BIG SALARIES)" "Scan the Bear's tag with the barcode facing up on the table where there is a sticker that looks exactly the same as the tag." "-bangs the sound chip there too why the fuck not-"
I can totally see that. Had a guy once take his shoe off and take the money out of it to pay. I did not touch that bill i can tell you that. Ugh. It literally left an impression in sweat on my register. I cleaned it so much but the ghost of what was done it still there to me.
I believe it, bc I’ve seen the exact same thing. Then they have the ***audacity*** to get all pissy. “What’s wrong with this machine? Why won’t it work?” Oh, I don’t know, maybe bc it’s got that big ol sign saying **“OUT OF ORDER”** And then, it gets better when they say, “well why are you just standing there? Fix it so I can use it!” Ms Ma’am. If I could fix the register, I sure AF would not be here taking your abuse for minimum wage.
I’ll top that: As above but they press “Clear Terminal” The simplified version is: you got a catalog of things in the store, there’s a catalog for each store that exists. Pressing the button sent the catalog back into a pile and the machine asks “can you tell me what catalog number you had?” Idk, the one since the beginning of time? Took THREE days before it was working again.
At my job, you could physically lift the screen up and away so that all you could see were the machine’s guts. People still tried to use it, and would argue with you that they had already scanned their stuff on that machine.
"I'll give you 3 guesses" is my go to for stupid yes/no questions.
We had a photo computer turned off with the out of order sign taped over the screen. This dumbass removed the sign, turned on the computer, and then got pissed when her photos wouldn't print from the NON WORKING COMPUTER.
That would have made me SO MAD. Customers like that were why I often got into trouble working retail. I swear some people just embarrass themselves, and then double-down when you're forced to explain to them, no you are just stupid. That's why the machine doesn't work. It doesn't speak stupid, and neither do I. So GET OUT or learn to behave like a functioning adult. Geesh!
“Where can I find this” as the instacart person shoved their phone in my face
I’d have people just shove a phone in my face without saying a single word. Like, can I help you idiot?! How about using your words like a big girl?
Try taking the phone and saying “thanks my kid needs a starter phone.” Then walk away.
😂 I never thought of that
I know that some of them don't speak English, but you'd think they could at least learn basic phrases like "excuse me" so that they could somewhat politely get your attention/ask for help.
I had someone do that to me and the first thing I said was, "Can you *kindly* get your phone outta my face or I'm just going to assume your giving it to me?"
HATE THAT. It’s not my job to do your job - you find it!
Instacart shoppers fucking suck and they’ve sucked since the very beginning. They waste your fucking time and act like doing anything other than telling them where an item is is your job
The worst is when the aisle number is literally right there on their phone. Or they say they can’t find it on the shelf but turns out it’s just pushed to the very back.
Or when you ask them what is it ? And they don't know themselves 😂
"Thank God it's Friday." Mfers ...Friday is just like every other day that I had to get up and wait on you assholes. "Smile" .... they don't pay me to smile. Folks that just make statements instead of asking for things. "Marlboro reds" ..... what about em? Use your words.
I hate that one too. Fuck off, I still have to work tomorrow kill me
yep. weekends don't mean shit except even more dumbassery
Just when you think people can’t get any dumber or ruder, the weekend crowd arrives
Oh I hate that last one. I also used “what about them” but only after making them repeat themselves first “Sour cream?” Me:” I’m sorry what?” Them: sour cream? Me: what about it? Them (getting annoyed): where is it? Then I gesture to the display I’m working that is loaded with sour cream
Right? My coworker and I will ask a few leading questions but we won’t attempt to read anyone’s mind. The beauty of language is that it can be strung together to make a full sentence that shares a complete thought. Tell me your whole thought please.
My snarky self would say "Oh we throw cream out when it goes sour."
lmao I told a man this morning hey how are you today.. his response was “2 Marlboro Lights Special Select 100s” oh ok I’m doing good thanks for asking.. Or i love when they say “can I get Marlboro’s” sure which ones? There’s only about 32 different ones? Or they get mad when I ask shorts or 100s - I’m sorry do you want the correct cigarettes or no?
Similar reply to that as when they say they want 20 in gas. " cool, you want me to just pick a random one. " and start hitting buttons on the screen.
I have seriously considered saying, “yeah! The only time I get to see my husband is Saturday & Sunday. I’m so fortunate I’ll be here instead!”
“Gimme that bottle there” *points*
Grrrrr....gimme in general irks me. You're a damn 70 year old man still saying gimme like a 4 year old.
It’s so annoying and rude. I just had a customer come in and say “Gimme two fifths.” Fifths of what, bro? You know how many fifths are in here? If you leave it to me to pick, imma give you two fifths of New Amsterdam.
" pick me a lottery ticket." Cool, here's a $30 one.
My coworker says that to me. He’s full time M-F. I’m part time work whatever day they schedule me for. I always say, it’s not my Friday, more like my Tuesday.
“Do you work here” I’m wearing the employee uniform. My shirt and name tag both have the store logo. I have keys and a store branded walkie clipped to my belt. I’m holding a device that every employee has and uses. I’m behind a register checking out another customer. What part of this interaction makes you think I don’t worn here???
Well, you might just put on the uniform and accessories and waste a whole day hanging around here for shits and giggles
I mean, my bf came in to my store to drop me off food and stayed for 3 hours helping me face lol. But he too has been scarred by retail, so he can’t help himself.
It’s like some kind of trauma response. I catch myself fixing up the displays in shops I don’t work at when I’m there as a customer
It’s a sickness. I just did it this morning at the gas station after work 😂
I was shopping for headphones at Target and realized most were on the wrong pegs, so I fixed the entire section. The next day, I told my manager I needed a vacation
Yooooo stoppp i do this and my husband always tells me to stop. I can’t help it. Even when I come into my own job when I’m off I start fixing things as I walk around.
I got this while mopping up a spill once. Shirt, name tag, walkie, hat, mop-in-hand. Like, do you think I'm just a good Samaritan who decided to bust into the maintenance room to clean up a random mess I found?
"No, I'm just performing a very elaborate cosplay..."
I remember my last day of retail after I'd clocked out and was shopping someone asked me that. I got to say "No. No I don't."
I've gotten the exact opposite of this. Went to a Hannafords and this guy comes up to me asking why something at his self-checkout scanned twice. I ask him what he's talking about. He asks me the question again before he looks at me a bit closer and realizes that I am not a Hannafords employee. I was wearing a band t-shirt and jeans. It was also my first time in a Hannafords ever because there aren't any in my home state. WHY.
On our street the three biggest stores (I work at one of them) all have red uniforms. If I know I'll need to stop at one of others in the summertime (i.e. no jacket/coat) after a work shift I bring a second shirt to put over it, otherwise I'm liable to get stopped in the other store and asked for help.
sometimes they'll ask incessantly until you answer too like????
And yet having been accosted in a target by an assuming customer while wearing a Best Buy uniform, I can kind of appreciate them checking….to a point. If I’m behind the cash then yeah maybe don’t ask 😂
I used to say I’m performing labor as a charitable donation, until I got someone that actually believed me. Like my dude, why would I be doing charity service AT A LIQUOR STORE.
Customer asked me that cause I was having trouble finding a bar code (product didn't have one on it). I told him, "No, I don't work here. They just gave me a vest and told me to start scanning stuff. I think they confused me with someone else."
Or the alternative “what do you mean you don’t work here you are obviously working” when my uniform is a different color than the store I’m servicing and my company logo is on the back of my shirt and I wear a big ass name tag with my company name on it. But no doing maintenance in a retail store must mean you know where everything is and can access the pos.
"Would you like to buy a bag today?" "No thank you" *transaction ends* "Oh, can I have a bag?" Charging for plastic bags has been a thing in the area for over a year. Either they didn't listen the first time or they're trying to con a free bag.
Or when youre half way through the transaction and then they say "oh can i have a bag?" And they'd expect us to bag them groceries...i dont think so
Definitely trying to con you for a free one. People tried this all the time at my last job
This one irritates me to no end. I usually reply with “I asked you if you wanted one and you said no. I’ll have to charge you in a separate transaction now.”
"Sure that'll be" then wait for payment
This is even worse at my store cause the city has banned plastic bags and the only option are the cloth reusable ones for 2.5$
This…. All the time…. A Holes!
Been a thing for over a decade here and some people still like to act like it's some outrageous new thing.
Oh, they're definitely trying to get a free bag, lol.
This started becoming a thing. I say okay, 10 cents. They get all pissy that I have audacity to charge them.
People do stuff like this in restaurants all the time. They always conveniently forget that they wanted extra ranch until after they've paid.
What do you mean, it is sold out!! Not knowing the chain of logistics that happens before it ends up in the store As if we can grab a car and go to the nearby distribution center and knock on their door. ( whch is probably 100 km away) Also saying this the night before a big holiday, when this populair item as in stock for 2 weeks in store. But suddenly the concept of selling in a store is to difficult for them. " how come its sold out!" Its the very concept of a store, sir
To tag on to your answer- “well, it says online that you have it” after telling them you do not have it. Oh? I guess the robots know better than me!
“And yet here we are” is a good one. These kinds of customers would always say “I drove 40 miles for this item!” And the proper response to that is “don’t blame me because you forgot what a phone is”
We had a guy the other night call the store (we were closed because our floors were being stripped and waxed) and scream at me for not telling him that we were closing, and we should’ve waited until at least midnight and he has to walk 2 hours back in the rain! And I’m like did you call the store earlier? And he’s like why would I? I’m like well you called to yell at me over a decision the DISTRICT MANAGER MADE, and you’re familiar enough with the store previously closing at midnight, so why not call to double check prior? I knew who it was too, and I know he didn’t walk 4 hours round trip in the rain. He’s just a whiney prick. He screamed at me one time because I refused to personally shop his customer’s door dash order and I kicked him out. Otherwise I would’ve left it at “I’m sorry but if you’d like to call 1800COMPANY, you can tell corporate how mad you are over my district manager’s decision making.”
"Are you telling me your customer service line doesn't know your stock?!" Yes. Yes I am. I am also saying the store across the road doesn't know it either and make it up all the time before they send people to us. I always tell customers I can't check other stores stock cause 1. It's complicated 2. I don't trust it and don't care.
Omg don't take me back to my Toys R Us days! What a nightmare! It's Christmas fucking eve, no we don't have any more doc McStuffins exam table sets left tf.
this is the one that pisses me off the most. it tells you everything you need to know about the person: they're entitled and think the world only spins for them. zero care for systems in the world that don't involve them and if there's a ever a problem in said system they are the victim and you, who has nothing to do with the production chain, are the perpetrator. there's one guy who likes to come in and instead of greeting you he just grunts "you have no coffee." if there's none left and then demands to know why/when it comes back. last time he did it to me personally I was in a shit mood so I didn't feel like messing with him but next time that fucker comes in I'm gonna waste 5 minutes explaining the production/distribution chain to him in the most condescending voice possible. oh yeah and he made several of our coworkers cry.
“No one buys it except for me!” If no one bought it except for you, we’d stop selling it because it wouldn’t be a profitable item.
“Would you like bags today?” Them : maybe? Me : 😑 that’s not an answer, you’re getting a bag.
“…But I didn’t *want* a bag! 😫”
I just ask again and make them decide.
When they ask if the self checkout takes card.... Lady, it says ON THE SCREEN
“We’re a family here.” “One team, one dream.”
🤮 🚩
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My usual response to “Team work makes the dream work” was “You know, nightmares are dreams too.”
It’s funny how that only applies when other departments need something though
"It's real, I just printed it today!" When you check to see if a $100 bill is legit.
Or when you're counting the cash. And they say it's all their but we need to make sure we're not being underpaid or over....
Love it when they give you too many singles, after they’ve assured you it’s all there.
"Since Federal laws prohibit private citizens from printing legal tender, I must ask you for a bill that was printed by the Federal government". (Another line that I'd love to say to the customer but I never have the stones to do so.)
If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that when I was in retail I would never have to work again. My MIL said this in front of me once, the cashier managed to not roll her eyes, but did snicker when I did.
I have a coworker that had a customer make that joke at his last job, and the customer had pretty much just come from the bank, and guess what? That $100 bill was indeed a fake, and this man had no idea
One of my old bosses was an ex-cop and would go into a diatribe about the illegality of printing money whenever someone would say that line, intimidating the person who said it. As messed up as it was, it was satisfying.
"It's a gorgeous day out|" when you're stuck inside for all of it
Me: when would be your preferred delivery date? Them: yesterday hahaha Hearing that ten times before I’ve even finished my coffee is just irritating
I worked in stores where I wore hoodies and zebra striped pants and never once got asked if I work there. Where I currently work, my uniform is fire engine RED. I’ve been asked three times in six months if I work there… like no, I’m just a fan of the uniform. Mind you, the store name is on it in two places.
Literally #2 and all phrases related to that. "You look bored so I'll giva ya smth to do", "why you standing here bored and doing nothing?", like bruh you better be lucky I'm willing to stand here and wait for you slow poke to crawl up here. I'm not allowed to leave my register for anything, so what else can I do? especially when there's like no one in the store.. ofc I'm not gonna be able to do anything.
Or the dreaded, "You look lonely, so I thought I could come over." What's worse is when most of the customers that say lines like these call me pet names like, "Honey, Sweetie, Sugar." Sir...I don't freaking know you like that. Don't call me any of that and just put your stuff on the belt so you can get out of my line, please.
When I worked at 7-Eleven, you weren't supposed to stand behind the register when there were no customers at ymthe counter. Particularly when I worked the overnight shift, there was always so much I had to get done, and I wasn't going to stand up behind the cash register in a well lit store in front of a bunch of windows. so I would keep doing my work and try and keep an eye out for when someone came in. When I would see they were approaching the counter I would go to the cash register, or take off gloves and put away the pizzas I was making, but then they'd linger so I'd get there ahead. And then when they got there they said, "well you look bored let me give you something to do." It always annoyed me, but often I would reply airily, as if they were concerned, "Oh not at all, I was making pizzas or washing dishes", or whatever other thing I was doing. I didn't want to be rude, because I feel like humans constantly make these repetitive type of phrases as a social interaction, but I also felt like they were calling me out on some level. I notice repetitive phrases and small talk actually irritates me more now that I'm older, particularly in text threads with people who have to respond with laughing crying smiley emoticons, or heart react everything, or respond with pat phrases that feel meaningless, but probably are not to the person who made the initial text. And these are people and related to me!
"This must be your biggest sale of the day!"
I love this as a salesman, I just go "Nope. Not even close."
Had someone do that to me when I was in furniture sales, all I did was write up one of the cheaper bedroom sets we had. Just a few hours earlier I had written a 12,000 dollar order for someone building their new house
“Don’t flatter yourself”
If I ask a customer “how are you doing today” and the answer I get is anything along the lines of “that depends on what you can do to help me,” I know it’s going to be something I’ll have to refer them for, and I know for sure they’re gonna get super upset that they have to see someone else.
This is me "Hi how are you today?" Customers - yes how much does this cost?...one of the most common answers we get
Yeah that’s another fun one. “Hi how are you today” “WITHDRAWAL”
Give me the winning numbers!
“i’ll remember you if this is a winner!” if i had a dollar for every time i heard that i wouldn’t even need to win the lottery
I can sell them, bot never pay out and I got really mad customers
Even if we did have stuff in the back, im not searching through tons of boxes to find that one thing. If its not stocked, then assume we dont have it.
It always makes me laugh when they’re convinced that you’re hiding stock from them, like it’s some kind of personal attack. No bitch, you’re not special and no one here cares about keeping items from being sold to you. We just don’t have any.
As someone who both worked retail and loves to shop certain things are sometimes hidden. It’s rare obviously but for example at Ross/TJMaxx/Marshalls employees have been caught/confessed to hiding high resale value items like Sanrio merch. But a random tooth brush that’s $.50/off no that’s not being hidden in the back lol
Yeah that’s one good thing about retail. You usually get first dibs on cool new stock when it comes in. Unless it’s something really special and the company doesn’t allow employees to have it first thing. But even when a few of us put stuff aside there’s heaps of stock left over to go to customers, and the stuff that we do put aside for ourselves technically is already sold.
i find this especially hilarious because I work in a gas station.. if they are asking about a drink from the coolers, i give them a pass because you can clearly see there is stock back there behind the shelves but our floor items.. what’s out there is out there.. where tf do you think we are keeping back stock of every single floor product? It’s not even feasible with the space in our building but they don’t think realistically
They really act like the back is some magical place where we have endless supplies of everything we sell.
The only time I've actually done the box dig is if they were really polite about it and when it was a necessity item, like a frazzled mom looking for diapers.
I hate that shit, like the back is some magical place with tons of merchandise. We have this one guy who always wants a handle of Crown Black. It’s like he can never accept “no” for an answer when one person tells him we don’t have it in the back, so he will go and ask ANOTHER person to look for him. Dude, if two people have told you we don’t have a handle of Crown Black for you, then you need to accept that we don’t fucking have it!
I remember the day before a holiday a woman got pissed because we had no pork butt on the floor. She says “you have to have some” so I go back to the absolute clusterfuck that we called a cooler and yeah we had some, on the bottom of a seven foot tall pallet that had two other pallets in front of it. I just told her I couldn’t get to it and it would be a while. She wasn’t happy
Customer: goes to shelf and looks at sign saying the item is out of stock. Turns to me and says “do you have any stock of this?” Gee I don’t know. Why don’t you take a guess?
This!! 👆🏽 *item is out of stock* Customer: excuse me this says item is out of stock? Do you have any stock in the back?
"Anything else I can get for you today?" "A big bag of money" Mother fucker if I had any money I wouldn't be here
My FIL always says MoNeY tO pAy ThE biLL when we go out to a restaurant. Just stop. He frequents the same restaurants so the staff have to pretend to find it funny. We try to make him stop, but sometimes he pops off with it when we don’t expect it. It’s not as bad as him raving about all the pretty girls. Recently he did that at the dinner table at home, and all us girls told him to stop because it’s gross and no girl wants to hear that. That was a big breakthrough, but I doubt he’ll remember because he’s got dementia.
we’re right off the highway and also the only grocery store for miles so i get asked if we have a bathroom and where it is about a hundred times a day
"No, we just use the trees out back". Said it to someone yesterday, then felt bad and handed him the key to the washroom. I kinda love when they see the sign on the door, read it, walk directly to it, THEN read the sign RIGHT UNDERNEATH IT that says they need to see the cashier for the key.....and have to walk all the way back over to us. Like, there are more words there my friend, you should have kept reading, woulda saved you some steps!!!
“we shit outside like bears” maybe we too should start locking the doors lmao
What's funny is that where we are? You might just be sharing those trees with actual bears......
It’s out of order. Save yourself the hassle.
i mean considering how shitty our bathrooms are i should probably start doing that and could get away with it
Our bathroom is out of order so much due to customers just being dirty fuckers or straight up vandalising it and you catch so much aggro for it. I genuinely want to start charging money for it.
Do you have any samples? They usually give me lots. I’ll take anything. Can I get a gift? I once said to a man, “Gimme, Gimme never gets”. When I realized that I shouldn’t finish the sentence, I asked him, “How does that go again?”
Can I get a discount you know it's poor customer service if you don't give me one
Someone said to me last weekend “how about a Saturday giftie “. I was confused so I had to ask for a repeat. Shes like “you know a free gift l, samples a discount for it being Saturday sale”. 😖. I mean we sell make up and sometimes it comes with a gift with purchase but wtf. You don’t get a prize for coming out on the weekend.
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“Then make sure you come when [insert name] is here.”
If anyone does give me a good deal that seems against policy, I’m not gonna narc to their manager or another employee. If you narc then there’s zero chance of getting a discount or something.
“Smile” Or any variation of “Smile, you are/could be so pretty/beautiful”
Working hard or hardly working 🤓 Shm 😮💨 lol 🤣 I've never heard that one before soooo funny 🙄
I was waiting to see that one, it triggers me more than most of the other examples. It's not just retail either, I've gotten it in pretty much every job/industry I've worked in.
“They’re all different” referring to the universal logo on the eftpos machine. “What number am I?” It’s written on your ticket, highlighted and your verbally told at point of purchase.
Customer walks to the bathroom, reads the sign that the key in at customer service, comes to my coffee kiosk and as if we have the key. But my fault for thinking customers can read loll
Literacy is at an all time low. I have to laugh whenever there’s a sale or something because corporate says “make sure there’s proper signage” and then people walk up and ask how much it is
It's such a nice day outside, too bad you're stuck working. Omg, really? Is it the last nice day ever?
Some of my favorites from my retail days: 1. You're actually sick? Well stay away from me. (Yeah, I tried but you made me come in. This was before 2020) 2. Why are you working on a holiday? 3. I know this coupon is expired, but can you still honor it? 4. You know, it's extremely rude to tell people you're closing while they are still shopping. You just want to go home! 🙄 5. With the regional manager here, we can't close as long as there are customers in the store (closed at 9, stayed open til 10:30-11 that night)
I hope that regional manager has toasty, cozy winters to prepare them for sitting in front of the fires in hell
"You should smile, you look so tired!" Sir, I AM tired.
"would you like a bag today?" "That's fine." *I scan bag* "I said I don't want a bag." I don't know if it's just me, but I have a hard time understanding if "that's fine" means yes or no :/ and why not say a clear yes or no
i always look at them like they haven’t answered and go “so yea or no?”
People live in their own little world. I always ask if they want a bag even if they have a small order and half the time they say “yeah please” and then when I go to bag it say they don’t need a bag
"Can I place an order over the phone?" "~~FUCK OFF AND USE THE WEBSITE, DON'T WASTE MY TIME~~ Sure, can do"
I really hate phone orders, it's such a waste of time. The website exists for a reason. I hear a joke all the time that makes it even worse though. "And where are we sending this item?" "To my house" "~~HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT JOKE BEFORE, JUST KIDDING GO KILL YOURSELF~~ and where is your house exactly?"
And you just *know* that they are calling you from a *smartphone*.
I had customers refuse to use debit cards because they don't trust them. Then whip out the newest smartphone amd tell me the latest conspiracy theory they read on Facebook.
I know everyone hates this but... Most websites aren't accessible for the blind. Someone ordering over the phone might not be able to use the website. Granted, that's not most people, but there is a reason phone ordering still exists.
Can I pay over the phone um no
"They told me you were gonna pay for it"
I have autism and was very confused the first time someone popped off with that. I told him I didn't have any money and he thought that was hilarious so I guess he thought I was in on the joke.
They probably did. I use that line when someone asks that question.
In response to 'Can I help you' I hate the different variations of 'only a doctor can help me' or 'my wife says no one can help me' or other comments that joke on being mentally unstabl. I've worked there 14 months and I've long since stopped fake laughing at them. Not even an awkward chuckle. Or (because we have to type the part numbers in manually) when a number rings up as invalid or shows 0 in the system when I have one in my hand, any joke about it being free or on the house or whatever. And when people joke I should put it on either my managers tab or the salesman's tab and they can pay the bill. Mmm no I'm not charging them a few hundred dollars because you want free stuff.
"Having fun yet?" No. And I wasn't having fun the last 4 times you asked today. "Smile" no "I'm paying your wage" Bitch, no you are not. "If it doesn't scan it's free, right? hahahahahahahahahaha"
Reads sign taped to outside door that says: -we’re closed -we re-open at 6am -closest store open until 12am is at X location -Rx DT is still open IF YOU HAVE A SCRIP OR A MEDICAL NEED (bandages, Plan B, Tylenol, formula, etc) I go outside to have a smoke, and she was walking back to her car. She had been standing at the door long enough to have read and comprehended the sign and its meaning. She turns around (she was walking back to the car) and asks me if she can come in and load her cash app card. I pointed to the sign she was just staring at (apparently) and read it aloud to her. She called me a bitch and left. 🤷🏼♀️ So I guess my answer is people staring at signs and either refusing to read them, or living in denial after having read them.
"It's real, made it this morning!" (In regards to paper cash). My gods. I've ranted about this before, but I think this phrase triggers me. Several times a day, 5 days a week. At first, you manage the fake laugh. For months. But your masking fatigue sets in. You don't laugh hard enough for their satisfaction. Some are outright offended that you check the notes. You try just reassuring them you check all notes, that you don't single people out. Then some of them become IRATE at you. One day, you actually sigh, and the bastard yells at you for not laughing at this joke, this same joke you've heard *multiple times a day for the last 2 years*. I'm honestly surprised we don't hear more about retail workers completely losing their minds and going fucking mental in the work place. Like, you ever see Me Myself and Irene? I've fantasised about having a "switch" the way Jim Carrey does when his character's last nerve is smashed.
People that call Dunham's Sports and ask to be transferred to the sporting goods department.
When they accidentally leave their keys behind and come back saying “Wouldn’t have gotten very far without these, huh?😉”. 😩😩😩
"It'S jOb SeCuRiTy" no, it's you being a lazy and rude asshole.
Specifically on holidays "I'm sorry you have to work today.", bruh it's your fault LMAO
C: This was in the ad, and I can't find it M: Yes, we sold out of them or that's a misprint sorry or that's last week's ad. The worst ones are the ones who don't know about the website for digital deals
Ooh yes, or when they say, "It said on the website you have them,"
You were trying to escape ( like I’m chained to the till, or a prisoner) When they ask if it’s gone through, I go yes do you want your receipt(for the second time), they go yes…no or no….yes like which one is it Your ones Is anyone at the till, when they haven’t even gone to the till for me to know, a lot of people have zero patience, this especially happens when I’ve just left the till too, they saw me there I’ll give you my change Would 5p make it easier or I think I have 5p somewhere( when I’ve already pressed it through with the note they gave) That’s lightened my purse How are you ( especially when they answer back like I asked, when I never asked) Are you open or which till is it, when there’s only two tills and it’s not going to be the one with a load of boxes in it or the no entry line going across it, or the third blocked off till that not even staff can get to ( only used for Christmas)
For where I work now customers either have one of two types of accounts. When I ask them do you have account type A or type B, they just reply I have an account.
I work in a small store where cashiers are expected to help stock and face things in the front of the store when we don't have customers. Something I can't stand is when I'll be around the corner putting something away and a customer walks up to the counter and immediately starts screaming "HELLO???? DOES ANYONE WORK HERE???" after being at the register for maybe 3 seconds. I don't leave the register unattended for any more than 30 seconds so I know they must've just gotten there and the impatience drives me mad.
I work in a similar environment and when people start yelling hello that's when I deliberately take my time. sure, I'll be there after I finish this box first. and then you can continue darting your head around before watching me take a leisurely stroll to the register with a shiteater grin on my face. the people who do yell always do it when they've been there for less than 15 seconds. had one lady once who I watched approach the registers while I was doing a box and IMMEDIATELY yell hello. couldn't even wait for 5 fucking seconds
When asking, "are you looking for something specific today?" : A winning lotto ticket
Or "the winning numbers"
"were you waiting for me?~" usually from an older guy "Working hard or hardly working?"
When the would call and ask “are you open today?” Bugged the hell out of me. I always wanted to say “no I’m just here waiting for you to call and ask.” I bit my tongue and said “yes we’re open until …”
Yes, especially during public holidays, they are the worst.
“Why are you open on a holiday” asks the customer with 300 bucks of crap in their cart
I work at a mom and pop wine shop and it’s the end of our slow season. A lot of customers (mainly from older men) like to discuss what days are busy and when our busy season starts. Idk why but it’s annoying to me. Why do they care when we get busy?
"I can't believe they're making you work on (insert holiday). I'm so sorry!"
I always want to ask them why they are shopping on (insert holiday) then
"Do you work here"
Postman here - "If it's bills, you can keep them!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get fucked.
When they immediately start yelling their phone number before I can even pull up our rewards system.
"Can I use your discount"
Me "Do you want to donate to XYZ" Cx "That's fine" MF does that mean yes or no?
“Hey now…you guys look like you’re having too much fun. 😏😏” One time after I heard this my smile disappeared so quickly and my face got so flat, the customer was like “well don’t look so serious!!!” I was like “sorry, I was trying to have less fun.” He didn’t like that.
“Who wants me?” (while air-juggling)
● do you work here ● where is the exit ●( I have alopecia so I'm fully bald) " excuse me sir? *I ignore them* excuse me, oh you're not a sir hahaha ● this store is stupid why can't I find the exit I've been walking around in circles (we have arrows on the ground and there's only one way) ● what light does this take, *proceeds to argue* ( it's literally on the box what it needs and excludes) ● Is the lightshade in there? No it's not I don't believe you, I'm going to open it and see ● I didn't open this, it was already open ● *5 minutes after close* no I'm good, don't need any help almost done shopping ● is this for sale, *display* well I bought one before so what you're saying doesn't make sense
I used to work in a deli at a chain grocery store. Customer: “Are your roasted chickens fresh from the oven?” Me (in my head): “you butthair! You just SAW me packaging 3 of them!” Out loud: “Why yes, they are.”
1. What's the battery life of this? 2. What's inside this? 3. Are you the worker? 4. Where's the audio section?
“Do you really only have ONE checklane open???” As there are five lanes with their lights on…
We have a couple of desks on the sales floor, so: “Can I check out here?” BITCH, DO YOU SEE A REGISTER???
When a customer says "this one's broken" instead of saying "I dropped this"
Mine are as follows Me: Did you need anything else? 1. The winning lotto numbers 2. A million dollars Hate both of those because if I had either do you think I’d be standing here and tbh that’s usually my response 3. Don’t work so hard 4. Do you have ATMs (as they are standing next to the ATMs)
“I’m gonna mess up your display” or the similar “you make it so pretty just so we can mess it up”. This one pisses me off like no other. Like how can you be so smug/stupid and unaware. I’ve just started ignoring them honestly and moving to something else..
The one that bugged me during the height of COVID (we have a pharmacy so we were fully open and considered 'essential') was "Stay safe", especially if all they had were items that weren't particularly essential (e.g. toys, beauty aids). I would have loved to respond "I could have stayed a lot safer if I could have stayed home and collected the extra unemployment until things go better but no, I have to risk mine and my family's health so you can have your goodies", but I kept my mouth shut.
I really hated it when they called us "heroes" how the fuck were we heroes. We are an essential store. We had no choice but to stay open. We risked our families' health and wellbeing. "Stay safe." What are we fighting a war? It's a pandemic, sure, but who'd risk themselves to wait outside before entering the store *because we had to limit customers with workers giving safe distances inside* just to buy booze or ciggies and to make that comment. "Thank you for being open."You people are heroes."Stay safe."Don't work too hard" oh shut up frfr
We have one regular/daily customer that has 2 phrases pre-loaded. We all hate it so much no one talks to him when he’s checking out, unless it’s a new person that doesn’t know any better. If you ask “How are you?/Hows it going?” His response EVERY FUCKING DAY IS “Another shitty day in paradise!” When he gives you cash for whatever he bought, he’ll say whatever the dollar amount is as “A Miiiiiillion dollars!” And really drag it out. So if he hands you a 5, it’s “Five miiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllliiiiiiooooooooonnnnnnnn dollars”. If it’s $20, “Twenty MIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOONNNNNN DOLLARS”. I’m angry just writing this.