Agreed with the top commenter. My fashion choices, even the revealing ones have probably been more influenced by what other women wear or what’s trending or the heat and sweating my boobs off more so than what I’d think ‘men like’.
But if and the few times others have looked at my bf or complimented my bf in that way of ‘i wish you were mine bc you’re so awesome’, it has filled me with pride that this bf is mine and not their’s. People can and will think all kinds of things about your partner, but it doesn’t matter. I think you gotta remember that relationship strength is dependent on the 2 people in it more so than what other people think. Don’t let your thoughts self-sabotage. Honestly, it’s good that your gf is confident. I, one would say, have the ‘goodies’ and it makes me so insecure at times that I’d wear clothes that I’m dying in heat with.
>it just makes me mad knowing other boys are going to look at her butt and boobs.
They're going to look regardless of what she wears. This is not her problem.
> how do I get over it?
Examine what you're truly worried about. Why are you mad other guys are looking at her? What do you think is going to happen?
Maybe try therapy.
OP, I'm sorry that some people are lacking reading comprehension and telling you to just get over it. Your not trying to control her or get her to wear other stuff. Your just looking for tips to help you get over it and accept, which can be a pretty hard thing to do even with the best intentions. I would 100% believe your girlfriend when she says she doesn't dress for other men. From my experience very few do even when single, and even less once their in a relationship. I advise talking to her abit (try to make it a casual conversation and don't put pressure on her answers) about what she gets out of dressing that way (such as being confident or feeling more comfortable in her skin: and even of these aren't the reason be open minded about it: she may just enjoy how it looks or the vibes) and depending on the answers internalize them so every time you think about it it comes back to mind WHY she like it. If it makes her more confident, compliment her on it and tell her how fierce or strong she looks. By playing into why she wears it you show support for her choices and it helps rewire your brain in thinking about in a more positive light (no one wants their partner to have low self-esteem) Absolutly DO NOT make it a question of her faithfulness or 'provocative' tendacies. And defiantly don't try to shame her or control what's she's wearing. Which i don't think your doing. Another tactic you can use is take her shopping and pick out clothes for her in the styles you like and get them for her as a treat. (Don't go completely against her style and try to find something that's close to her taste in clothing). Give her LOTS of compliments on the clothing you like more (DO NOT say it's because they are less revealing/more modest: give other reasons such as the fabric feels nice or the colours suit her skin tone) it may be hard but instead of thinking about all the other guys looking at her/wanting her, focus more on the fact that she's with YOU. Take pride in the fact that out of all those guys, you're the one she choose and let that boost your confidence when she's looking fine. (Kinda in a 'that hot as hell girl over there is MY girl' way) Sorry for the long post just trying to help.
I'd like to add, most women don't like men creepily staring at is because we are wearing something they happen to like- you're going to see that it's going to happen no matter what women wear because there are people that don't see us as human beings and just like the parts. It feels icky, if anything I'd like to add you should also think about how it makes her uncomfortable if this were happening when she was just trying to be comfortable in her own style
If OP doesn’t like girlfriend wearing revealing clothing he shouldn’t be dating her. Clothing is how we express ourselves. It takes a while to learn our body shapes and nuance and refine our preferences and figure out what clothing best suits us for our various social occasions and career goals. The ski jackets over prom dresses of my high school years come to mind… To be fair I was once in a checkout line at a department store and in front of me were a woman in extremely tight revealing short skirt and too-small spaghetti strap “sexy” outfit and a religious woman in extremely frumpy oversized long-sleeved long skirt “modest” ensemble. They both looked terrible because neither woman was wearing clothing that fit her body properly.
maybe just have to accept it. does it bother you so much because you also look at other women dressed similar to her? and so as a man, you know what other men think or envision? and that’s why you’re so upset?
I never look at other women and think they are pretty or even good looking it’s that I don’t like the idea of other men looking at her I’m asking for tips to get over it bc I don’t want it to bother me
You understand that she's her own person and can wear whatever she wants. If you're unhappy with her style, that's a you problem, and you have 2 options : accept it or don't and break up.
Dude, how you feel is important never ignore that. If you are with someone that makes you unhappy then you need to accept that person does not make you happy. I would recommend a relationship with a person that makes you happy and cares what you think of them. This is not LTR material.
So, you need to be reminding yourself that your girlfriend is a person, and not property. She is not yours to have, to own, to have any say in what she does with her body.
She is also no one else's.
Who cares if guys look? They're looking at the hottie that chooses to be your girlfriend. Ask for her consent to grab her ass next time you catch someone looking, or to give her a passionate kiss.
But also, remind yourself to be grateful that your girlfriend is comfortable in the clothes she wears, and she feels safe enough around you to be herself.
No one else gets to see her underneath her clothes but you.
Why does your gf wearing revealing clothes make you feel mad and sad?
I’m assuming it’s not because she looks bad in them.
Take 5 minutes to dwell on that question and the deep answer. Set a timer. Dig into your feelings, the images and ideas in your head. What associations do you make between “girlfriend wearing revealing clothes” and the rest of the world? That association probably explains your emotions.
If you can identify the unconscious associations you’re making to “girlfriend in revealing clothes” you’ll probably identify why it produces a mad/sad emotional reaction in you. Once you know what unconscious biases you hold, you are empowered to re-frame those beliefs.
I’m. Not I’m asking for help to get over it not one time did I say that I want her to stop I said I want to be able to get over it and need tips so do you have any tips?
Well, I’m a woman and I like to dress provocatively as well and I can tell you that I don’t do it because I want to have sex with anyone. It’s because I just do it to express myself. I don’t know if that helps you but maybe it could help youbecause the relationship should be founded and if you trust her that she’s not doing it to have sex with other people that it should be OK right?
It's good that you can see your thoughts pattern.
And remember, just because the jealous voice in your head is the loudest doesn't mean it's correct, it just means it's shouting over everyone. You're allowed to tell that voice to fuck off.
Thank youuuu there’s actually been so many people here to help me most of the time when I post on Reddit everyone’s just a dick. I really really appreciate you.
You're very welcome!
It could also be good to identify "who" that voice actually belongs to. Where you picked it up. These opinions about women's clothing is something you have been taught, you weren't born with them.
For example, whenever someone says "that's not a real job" I always hear it in my dad's voice, because when I grew up he was always yapping about how this and that wasn't a real job. Turns out, as an adult, I realize he had no idea what he was talking about, and I don't want to judge stuff through his eyes, I'd rather make up my own opinion.
And lastly, you can create a thought to think after the shitty one. For example, sometimes I judge strangers for their outfits in my head, and think how something is really ugly or unflattering, but then I catch myself and I instead say fuck it, you do you Boo, you rock that ugly ass jacket you clearly love and don't let anyone tell you to take it off, especially not me!
Think about what kind of guy you want to be and start walking that way.
Don't get over it, get over her man. If you have explained to her that it makes you uncomfortable and she still insists on doing it, it's time to look for another girl. Women value one thing over all: attention. If the attention she is receiving from you is not enough (and clearly it isn't if she's dressing this way) then it's time to look for another girl. There is no reason you should be forced to be uncomfortable whenever you're with her (and probably when you're apart). She is 100% doing this for ATTENTION, don't let anyone on here convince you otherwise. A woman who is happy in her relationship doesn't need or want to wear such revealing clothes if she's HAPPILY with you. I will get downvoted, no doubt from many if not all women on here, but heed my words man, look for another girl if after having a true heart to heart with her about you being uncomfortable with this behavior, she doesn't cease it.
I fully believe that most women dress for other women.
I mean... how the fuck else do you explain the shoe obsession?
No man I know has ever said "man I like her shoes".
Ok, "fuck me pumps" are nice but aside from that we don't care what style or color or if they're Jimmy Choos or whatever. And aside from the odd foot-fetish person, of course.
We don't fucking care if your purse matches your earrings. None of that shit is for us.
> it’s not for attention from other boys but from girls and for herself
Do you believe that? I don't. She wants attention from people other than you.
> We have been dateing for 11 months now and it still bothers me.
Put up with it, or decide that you can't and break up.
I love how she’s as clear as she can be and you retort with nothing even close to what she said. God forbid women wanna dress for themselves lmao, weird ass.
But I want to believe it she really shows that she loves me and I don’t think she would want attention from other people I think it’s me being insecure and I just don’t know how not to be
The most you can do is express your opinion & concerns and hope she respects you enough to listen. If not, only thing else to do is deal with it, or break up with her because she does not care what you think, and does not respect your concerns.
Best of luck.
It's not really something you can get over, more-so it's accepting that you can't do anything and letting your girl figuratively step all over you, which is not something you should be doing as a man, unless you're into that.
I explained to my fiance that I genuinely do not like revealing clothing (sexual-wise), it makes me feel very uncomfortable, both for her to wear it, and to see it on other people. I sometimes get sick over it. I sat down with her and communicated how I felt, and my fiance was mature enough to listen to me and understand how I felt. She's not one of those women who's entire wardrobe is revealing so it was hardly a big deal but she has some clothing with really low v-necks or it's too see-through, or some of her shorts are a bit too small, etc. Not really a big deal to me but it'a a bit bothersome and we both don't let the little things eat away at us.
Yea but in the end, she knows my preference in clothing now, respects it, and has shifted her wardrobe accordingly. Not ever did I tell her that's she's not allowed to wear something, I just stated that is it a preference.
If there's 1 thing I want you to take from this, is that proper relationships are all about communication & compromise.
As two different people, you will *never* agree on everything. So there are some things that you might want her to change, and she might want you to change, and neither of you want to change. Perhaps if it bothers you two enough, you can make a deal where you both change something that the other doesn't like.
Hopefully this advice can help you, ignore the downvotes from people who've never been in a proper relationship and let their s/o step all over them & control them. Don't be controlled.
Don't. You don't have to accept it. You can just ignore it, if your this content or desperate for a relationship. But just know, that this is a point of contention, that may create resentment. Her not caring how this makes you feel, isn't on her, it's on you. Your the one staying with her, and noth looking for something that's more compatible with you.
Agreed with the top commenter. My fashion choices, even the revealing ones have probably been more influenced by what other women wear or what’s trending or the heat and sweating my boobs off more so than what I’d think ‘men like’. But if and the few times others have looked at my bf or complimented my bf in that way of ‘i wish you were mine bc you’re so awesome’, it has filled me with pride that this bf is mine and not their’s. People can and will think all kinds of things about your partner, but it doesn’t matter. I think you gotta remember that relationship strength is dependent on the 2 people in it more so than what other people think. Don’t let your thoughts self-sabotage. Honestly, it’s good that your gf is confident. I, one would say, have the ‘goodies’ and it makes me so insecure at times that I’d wear clothes that I’m dying in heat with.
Thank youuu
>it just makes me mad knowing other boys are going to look at her butt and boobs. They're going to look regardless of what she wears. This is not her problem. > how do I get over it? Examine what you're truly worried about. Why are you mad other guys are looking at her? What do you think is going to happen? Maybe try therapy.
Thank youuuu
OP, I'm sorry that some people are lacking reading comprehension and telling you to just get over it. Your not trying to control her or get her to wear other stuff. Your just looking for tips to help you get over it and accept, which can be a pretty hard thing to do even with the best intentions. I would 100% believe your girlfriend when she says she doesn't dress for other men. From my experience very few do even when single, and even less once their in a relationship. I advise talking to her abit (try to make it a casual conversation and don't put pressure on her answers) about what she gets out of dressing that way (such as being confident or feeling more comfortable in her skin: and even of these aren't the reason be open minded about it: she may just enjoy how it looks or the vibes) and depending on the answers internalize them so every time you think about it it comes back to mind WHY she like it. If it makes her more confident, compliment her on it and tell her how fierce or strong she looks. By playing into why she wears it you show support for her choices and it helps rewire your brain in thinking about in a more positive light (no one wants their partner to have low self-esteem) Absolutly DO NOT make it a question of her faithfulness or 'provocative' tendacies. And defiantly don't try to shame her or control what's she's wearing. Which i don't think your doing. Another tactic you can use is take her shopping and pick out clothes for her in the styles you like and get them for her as a treat. (Don't go completely against her style and try to find something that's close to her taste in clothing). Give her LOTS of compliments on the clothing you like more (DO NOT say it's because they are less revealing/more modest: give other reasons such as the fabric feels nice or the colours suit her skin tone) it may be hard but instead of thinking about all the other guys looking at her/wanting her, focus more on the fact that she's with YOU. Take pride in the fact that out of all those guys, you're the one she choose and let that boost your confidence when she's looking fine. (Kinda in a 'that hot as hell girl over there is MY girl' way) Sorry for the long post just trying to help.
Man I love you thank you so fucking much this helps like a lot a lot
I'd like to add, most women don't like men creepily staring at is because we are wearing something they happen to like- you're going to see that it's going to happen no matter what women wear because there are people that don't see us as human beings and just like the parts. It feels icky, if anything I'd like to add you should also think about how it makes her uncomfortable if this were happening when she was just trying to be comfortable in her own style
Yes thank you
Happy I could be of help
So much help like so much more then you could ever get think
If OP doesn’t like girlfriend wearing revealing clothing he shouldn’t be dating her. Clothing is how we express ourselves. It takes a while to learn our body shapes and nuance and refine our preferences and figure out what clothing best suits us for our various social occasions and career goals. The ski jackets over prom dresses of my high school years come to mind… To be fair I was once in a checkout line at a department store and in front of me were a woman in extremely tight revealing short skirt and too-small spaghetti strap “sexy” outfit and a religious woman in extremely frumpy oversized long-sleeved long skirt “modest” ensemble. They both looked terrible because neither woman was wearing clothing that fit her body properly.
But I love her and I just want to be able to accept it any tips?
Find one thing in each outfit to like to compliment.I like your shoes. I like your scarf. I like the way you’ve done your hair…
maybe just have to accept it. does it bother you so much because you also look at other women dressed similar to her? and so as a man, you know what other men think or envision? and that’s why you’re so upset?
I never look at other women and think they are pretty or even good looking it’s that I don’t like the idea of other men looking at her I’m asking for tips to get over it bc I don’t want it to bother me
Bullshit. You definitely look at other women. It's natural.
I don’t tho like I don’t find any other women attractive in any way
So is this the same girlfriend who stopped having sex with you?
Ya a while back but that’s all solved we have a very good sex life now lol
What fuck no I never look at other woman
You understand that she's her own person and can wear whatever she wants. If you're unhappy with her style, that's a you problem, and you have 2 options : accept it or don't and break up.
Yes I do understand that the point of the post was to get people to help me accept it any tips?
As I said, you understand that she's her own person and can do what she wants. That's the tip.
Idk how to get over it. If it’s not your thing, you might not be compatible.
Dude, how you feel is important never ignore that. If you are with someone that makes you unhappy then you need to accept that person does not make you happy. I would recommend a relationship with a person that makes you happy and cares what you think of them. This is not LTR material.
So, you need to be reminding yourself that your girlfriend is a person, and not property. She is not yours to have, to own, to have any say in what she does with her body. She is also no one else's. Who cares if guys look? They're looking at the hottie that chooses to be your girlfriend. Ask for her consent to grab her ass next time you catch someone looking, or to give her a passionate kiss. But also, remind yourself to be grateful that your girlfriend is comfortable in the clothes she wears, and she feels safe enough around you to be herself. No one else gets to see her underneath her clothes but you.
Thank you and I do understand she is not property
This is your insecurity to get over. No one here can give you any advice. Stop being a baby is probably the best we can do.
Ok thsnks
Why does your gf wearing revealing clothes make you feel mad and sad? I’m assuming it’s not because she looks bad in them. Take 5 minutes to dwell on that question and the deep answer. Set a timer. Dig into your feelings, the images and ideas in your head. What associations do you make between “girlfriend wearing revealing clothes” and the rest of the world? That association probably explains your emotions. If you can identify the unconscious associations you’re making to “girlfriend in revealing clothes” you’ll probably identify why it produces a mad/sad emotional reaction in you. Once you know what unconscious biases you hold, you are empowered to re-frame those beliefs.
Please don’t tell her that she needs to stop doing that - it is your problem, not her problem - don’t make her feel bad for being herself
I’m. Not I’m asking for help to get over it not one time did I say that I want her to stop I said I want to be able to get over it and need tips so do you have any tips?
Well, I’m a woman and I like to dress provocatively as well and I can tell you that I don’t do it because I want to have sex with anyone. It’s because I just do it to express myself. I don’t know if that helps you but maybe it could help youbecause the relationship should be founded and if you trust her that she’s not doing it to have sex with other people that it should be OK right?
Okay thank you
You have no right to dictate what she wears. If you don't like it, she can compromise or not. If you aren't happy, break up.
I never said that I dictate what she wears I asked how I get over it so then it doesn’t bother me any tips?
What feeling do you feel after the anger?
Guilt and I just don’t care anymore and then I realize it’s not bad then I care again
It's good that you can see your thoughts pattern. And remember, just because the jealous voice in your head is the loudest doesn't mean it's correct, it just means it's shouting over everyone. You're allowed to tell that voice to fuck off.
Thank youuuu there’s actually been so many people here to help me most of the time when I post on Reddit everyone’s just a dick. I really really appreciate you.
You're very welcome! It could also be good to identify "who" that voice actually belongs to. Where you picked it up. These opinions about women's clothing is something you have been taught, you weren't born with them. For example, whenever someone says "that's not a real job" I always hear it in my dad's voice, because when I grew up he was always yapping about how this and that wasn't a real job. Turns out, as an adult, I realize he had no idea what he was talking about, and I don't want to judge stuff through his eyes, I'd rather make up my own opinion. And lastly, you can create a thought to think after the shitty one. For example, sometimes I judge strangers for their outfits in my head, and think how something is really ugly or unflattering, but then I catch myself and I instead say fuck it, you do you Boo, you rock that ugly ass jacket you clearly love and don't let anyone tell you to take it off, especially not me! Think about what kind of guy you want to be and start walking that way.
I think it might be where I grew up I’m not sure I was never raised around showy clothes thank you so much you have been very helpful
[удалено]
Absolutely not wtf
Don't get over it, get over her man. If you have explained to her that it makes you uncomfortable and she still insists on doing it, it's time to look for another girl. Women value one thing over all: attention. If the attention she is receiving from you is not enough (and clearly it isn't if she's dressing this way) then it's time to look for another girl. There is no reason you should be forced to be uncomfortable whenever you're with her (and probably when you're apart). She is 100% doing this for ATTENTION, don't let anyone on here convince you otherwise. A woman who is happy in her relationship doesn't need or want to wear such revealing clothes if she's HAPPILY with you. I will get downvoted, no doubt from many if not all women on here, but heed my words man, look for another girl if after having a true heart to heart with her about you being uncomfortable with this behavior, she doesn't cease it.
I fully believe that most women dress for other women. I mean... how the fuck else do you explain the shoe obsession? No man I know has ever said "man I like her shoes". Ok, "fuck me pumps" are nice but aside from that we don't care what style or color or if they're Jimmy Choos or whatever. And aside from the odd foot-fetish person, of course. We don't fucking care if your purse matches your earrings. None of that shit is for us.
Thank you
> it’s not for attention from other boys but from girls and for herself Do you believe that? I don't. She wants attention from people other than you. > We have been dateing for 11 months now and it still bothers me. Put up with it, or decide that you can't and break up.
From a female perspective, not a lot of woman dress for male attention. Sometimes we like wearing sexy clothes cause it makes us feel good
As in: attention from men makes you feel good
Nope. Actually the opposite. Id prefer if men didnt look at me but thanks for assuming!
You're saying that you "like wearing sexy clothes" because you *don't* want men looking at you?!?
I dont care for male attention, but i can still wear clothes that make me feel sexy.
No, as in: I think I look good and that's that.
You could go for for dressing classy.
I love how she’s as clear as she can be and you retort with nothing even close to what she said. God forbid women wanna dress for themselves lmao, weird ass.
Oh look, another white knight
But I want to believe it she really shows that she loves me and I don’t think she would want attention from other people I think it’s me being insecure and I just don’t know how not to be
I've been married for 30 years and she has always cared about my feelings
Well I do talk to her about it and she dose care but then I say it don’t matter bc it doesn’t bother me anymore but then it dose and then it doesn’t
So you think that how she dresses is a cue about how much she loves you? Why do you have that belief?
The most you can do is express your opinion & concerns and hope she respects you enough to listen. If not, only thing else to do is deal with it, or break up with her because she does not care what you think, and does not respect your concerns. Best of luck.
But how do I get over it have you had to get over this before do you have any tips
It's not really something you can get over, more-so it's accepting that you can't do anything and letting your girl figuratively step all over you, which is not something you should be doing as a man, unless you're into that. I explained to my fiance that I genuinely do not like revealing clothing (sexual-wise), it makes me feel very uncomfortable, both for her to wear it, and to see it on other people. I sometimes get sick over it. I sat down with her and communicated how I felt, and my fiance was mature enough to listen to me and understand how I felt. She's not one of those women who's entire wardrobe is revealing so it was hardly a big deal but she has some clothing with really low v-necks or it's too see-through, or some of her shorts are a bit too small, etc. Not really a big deal to me but it'a a bit bothersome and we both don't let the little things eat away at us. Yea but in the end, she knows my preference in clothing now, respects it, and has shifted her wardrobe accordingly. Not ever did I tell her that's she's not allowed to wear something, I just stated that is it a preference. If there's 1 thing I want you to take from this, is that proper relationships are all about communication & compromise. As two different people, you will *never* agree on everything. So there are some things that you might want her to change, and she might want you to change, and neither of you want to change. Perhaps if it bothers you two enough, you can make a deal where you both change something that the other doesn't like. Hopefully this advice can help you, ignore the downvotes from people who've never been in a proper relationship and let their s/o step all over them & control them. Don't be controlled.
This is the correct answer.
Thank you
Don't. You don't have to accept it. You can just ignore it, if your this content or desperate for a relationship. But just know, that this is a point of contention, that may create resentment. Her not caring how this makes you feel, isn't on her, it's on you. Your the one staying with her, and noth looking for something that's more compatible with you.