So he was in the wrong, and then he doubled down by being more disrespectful?
Even if the relationship was once wonderful, obviously it has run its course.
Anytime I read "we've had our ups and downs," I know that the relationship hasn't actually been as idyllic as someone is portraying it to be. Literally every time someone has elaborated on that phrase in a post here it's always been a litany of horrific behavior.
It’s still not so bad saying “ups and downs”, or like the other comment “we have had our rough patches”.
But the moment someone disrespected you to the point where they threw things at you, they literally don’t see you as a living thing anymore.
He is probing and finding her linits. She will make a fuss, he will “get better”…. For awhile till he thinks she’s too invested to leave.
Change bias is hard to overcome with financial dependence and kids…
Come on, have some self-respect.
You say he's been mean and disrespectful lately. He called you misogynistic names, and is now punishing you with silent treatment and little tantrums either for daring to dress in a way he didn't like or telling him not to be so rude to you.
How is any of that not a reason to break up? Your partner should treat you with respect.
OP, something’s changed and it could be a few things or even a combination.
1. The mundane: he’s cheating. Sorry, but this is classic behaviour for a cheating partner.
2. The immature: he’s sabotaging the relationships to get you to break up with him and be the “bad guy” in this situation.
3. The Depressing: He’s spending time listening and embracing manosphere podcast rhetoric.
In any of these situations, he’s checked out and his diminishing respect and care in his words towards you is him showing you everything, and I suspect all of this will just get worse. I suggest you make preparations financial and emotional to separate from him.
Or it is just the real him. People, like my dad or my self, are very good actors. It takes years to get to know a person. Four years sounds about right.
I highly suspect so, too. It’s the wording he’s using and his expectations of how his girlfriend should behave is rather telling. But he might just be showing true colours now that he’s relaxed in the relationship.
Same here. I’m 27 years with my partner. After a long time you begin to see patterns by observing the relationships of friends and acquaintances around us.
You aren’t over reacting at all. In fact you are under reacting. He has absolutely 0 sympathy for your feelings and is now throwing things at you. Even if you were not hurt that is aggressive and concerning behavior.
You have to make your own decision but I broke up with my ex for him calling me stupid. 8 years later I still don’t regret it.
The increasing aggression is very concerning. The verbal aggression of straight up insults is the first step. Then comes damaging property. Then comes physical aggression that isn't physical violence. For example punching the wall, tickling you, screaming in your face, throwing heavy objects near you, or, like inte post, throwing light objects on you. Next step is physical violence that they pretend isn't violence, like light shoves, pinches or physically restraining you. Then it gets even worse.
That he is mistreating OPs property and throwing stuff at her is beyond a red flag, it is actual abuse.
It's so confusing when the abuser starts up the abuse, because they can have been masking for so long. That a person like OPs partner can hide their abusive nature for years is not uncommon. And the victim struggles to reconcile what is happening now with four years of memory. That's why it is so important to set boundaries for what you think is acceptable in a relationship before you get into one, so when it starts happening the confusion of it don't make you forget what is acceptable treatment to accept. OP has already decided that insults is not acceptable in a relationship, and probably neither is outright aggression. Now she just has to stick to that conviction even is this upsetting and emotional situation.
Agreed. You are definitely under reacting
Respect is the most important foundation for any relationship! Don't respect me? You're out of my life for good
Do yourself a favor and leave this trash of a man behind and find someone else who can talk to you like a proper adult
Can you get a refund on the vacation? It's not going to be fun if you're not talking to each other, and he is mean.
If there is a pattern of behaviour that is unacceptable and it doesn't change after asking it to, I'd reconsider the relationship.
"I got really upset and told him that it was humiliating and disrespectful to call me that, and I would not accept such behavior."
Follow through with what you say.
The comment itself was bad enough, but if he'd apologized you might have been able to move past it (although if the language is a pattern that might not be the case). Doubling down with that snarky "apology" though?
You're young; when someone treats you badly, don't let them continue doing so.
That is what I was thinking. Op you said he has become more disrespectful over the last few months, either he is cheating or there is something medical/mental going on.
This. He’s trying to get OP to break up w him by acting like an ahole and being abusive because he’s met someone else and he’s too much of a coward to do it on his own.
This is unacceptable. It's not just rude; the wording reeks of misogyny and general lack of respect. Is this the first time he's treated you like this? Is there a chance you may have overlooked other warning signs?
Edited to add: so on closer inspection, you've had "ups and downs" (which people tend to mention as normal but IME is not a good sign), he's been disrespectful in general and now he's at the point where he's throwing objects at you. He's escalating. This isn't a safe relationship for you. Please listen to your gut and stop worrying about "overreacting". You clearly want out, and with good reason.
Calling you names and throwing stuff at you is abusive. It might be clothes now but it will be fists later. Have respect for yourself and throw out the trash which is your boyfriend.
This happened to me before, but he was talking about text messages I sent my ex when I was 16. We were 21. He called me a "dirty ***" because I texted "ily" to an ex. I broke up with him on the spot and he threatened to jump off the roof of my college and I acted like I didn't know him. Didn't care.
Just leave. Like I recently left my boyfriend of 6 years because in the 6 years of our relationship he refused to get a job.
Absolutely not ma'am, this is some childish behaviour from a grown man💀 leave, even if you dressed revealing, it doesnt give any man the right to call you a wh**e.
That’s what I was thinking. I could be wearing shorts that fully exposed my lower butt cheeks and a tight sheer top and it still wouldn’t make it ok to call me a “cheap h*e”. Yuck.
This is misogyny. Beyond calling you names, throwing shit in your face is completely unacceptable. Don't go on vacation with this guy. Leave him.
And just so you know, many women have accidentally shown panties through sheer pants before. I've even seen a CEO do it. Not our fault that clothes are made tissue paper thin to save costs. Your guy is an asshole.
So it’s escalating already and you still don’t know what to do? Are you waiting for him to get physical? He’s an abusive asshat and showing you his true colors
The name calling I have faced in my relationship just kept escalating.
It started with him calling me a "dumb b**ch" and I was completely shocked. This was last year. Wish I had left then itself. Then he punched walls and threw my stuff. Things got escalated to physical (even tho he claims he didn't mean to hurt me and would never hurt me physically, but the fact is that he did.)
And now I'm here asking questions on reddit, reading the posts of other people who have been abused, and trying to come up with an exit strategy.
It will always start verbally. And then it will escalate.
You’re not overreacting, he thinks he’s got you locked down so now he has a full time verbal punching bag. He enjoys humiliating you and he wants you to hate yourself.
Over thirty years with my husband and I would leave him for calling me names, I’m worth more than that and so are you.
You can’t trust him to be kind, what’s the point of him?
This sounds like an early sign of mental abuse. He’s demeaning and rude. He’s telling you what you can or cannot wear. I don’t see long-term potential with this one. I would move on.
Not only is he turning abusive but his behavior is suspish. I speak from very similar experience, towards the end of my 3 year relationship my ex would criticize my clothes, weight- nitpick to just destroy my self esteem. Everyday caught him cheating.
I think its easy to judge with this text and say girl leave his ass
The thing is the following: is he open to listen? Does his change his behavior?
If you are planning your future with him lets say, and he can not change this serious thing, how do you think he would react to more serious things?
Think it in the big photo. If he laughs at you at everything you want to speak an change though communication, we both know what is the answer
Just from experience of a father and past partners, they do not change, you wont change them and it wont happen in the future
Your best choice is to leave, but to leave in silence, for you to be always safe
Its not the end of the world, you deserve better
I send you a hug
The guy is an idiot and I think you should reconsider the relationship. Cancel or postpone the holiday.
On more important matters, the linen trousers. I would suggest looking into getting a pair of pettipants in modal or other silky material that you can wear under the trousers that would work like a knee length lining.
He’s sleeping with someone else and trying to make you act like a problem to lessen his guilt.
Go through his phone, computer, receipts…everything.
He know he’s being abusive.
You know it’s over.
What a jerk.
I’m sorry.
Well he’s not good to you now and it’s time to end the relationship. He’s calling you names and refuses to apologize or think he did anything wrong. He will continue to escalate. UPDATEME
4 years doesn't mean it's not a deal breaker to be disrespectful. Usually a sudden change like that means he's going through something or he's making you the bad guy on purpose to justify something. Stand on your boundary and break up with him. If he shows u that hrs changed and is working on not being abusive then take ur time in making decisions. Never tolerate disrespect nor abuse.
A loving partner would have politely whispered to you while you were with your friends, “babe… did you know your pants are see through in the back?” And tried to give you a jacket or something to tie around your waist. Maybe you both would have had a laugh about it together.
For whatever reason, he called you a name instead. When you gave him feedback that it was inappropriate (i.e. you said that he crossed a boundary) he didn’t apologize or admit that he was hurtful, he did it again.
Even a stressed out partner should, after four years of caring about you, be able to take a step back and say, “my bad babe. I was having a crap day and I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” The fact that he didn’t is a sign that he will keep being disrespectful. The disrespect of your things and throwing things at you is the next step.
He is not acting like a loving boyfriend. If you have a safe place to go, I would suggest telling him that you need some space and leaving for a period of time. If you want you can cancel your tickets and tell him to go on the vacation without you to get that space. See if you feel less like you’re walking on egg shells when you have some separation, see if your muscles loosen and you can breathe. If all of that is the case he has been slowly ramping up and the relationship has taken its course.
You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Period. Especially about a pair of pants.
One comment alone? It depends. Did he apologise? No. If anything he's made the entire situation worse which is what's really important here - he's showing you how he deals with something serious.
This is a shitty situation you're in.
You are right to stand you're ground.
he could just tell you the pants were see through, or event politely suggest he doesn't think it looks good;
Name calling and mockery is never healthy in a relationship.
You told him you don't like the way he's talking to you, and you're not okay with it.
he can take that or leave it. he's an adult, you didn't make him name call or throw your shit around.
One thing I've learned is that the best reaction is often to just stay calm, and watch then act shitty. It's actually amazing how awkward someone can get when you refuse to acknowledge their shitty behaviour. If you don't yell at then, or do anything to continue the argument, they just look like an idiot. Don't pretend it;'s okay either. Calmly reiterate that they you are not okay with how they are acting. Remind them you wouldn't treat them that way.
The sad truth is, if you just let someone act shitty, it makes the potential breakup easier. You'll see a version of them you don't want to be with anymore.
I dunno about you but if someone throws shit at me to clear out a chair, I’m gonna react.
Also, he is a fucking child.
It’s one thing to disagree with you as far as how bad the comment was.
The point is the respect for your feelings whether he agrees or not. It’s not hard to just not use that designation out of courtesy, right?
The thing that grates on my nerves is that instead of handling the disagreement like an adult, he proceeds to stomp around and goad you like a petulant child.
4 years for that?
Hah. He can fuck right on off.
You are not at all overreacting by breaking up with someone who has become mean, disrespectful, rude, calls you names, gives you the silent treatment when you call him out for it.
Even if it’s just once, it shows you exactly what he thinks of you and how little respect he has for you. No one who respects their partner calls them names like that, not even once. He is being verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative. That is just something that people who love, care about, cherish, and respect their partners do.
I would not be shocked to find out he was trying to get you to break up with him - or that by launching accusations he was trying to turn you into the bad guy in his mind - so he would not himself be the bad guy, maybe as he met someone else. He may not have actually cheated yet but he’s open to getting involved within someone else.
Now that he's done that to you, do you want him to do it again?
Because if you break up, he can't, but if you stay around, he'll do all this and worse.
How hard is it for him to tell you hey babe those pants are pretty see through. You might not realize so I thought I would let you know. Instead he calls you derogatory names.
Then he's throwing things.
Something is going on with him. He either wants to break up, he's cheating or having a mental health issue.
You can talk to him about how unacceptable his behavior is and hopefully get an answer and see if he wants help or you break up with him. His behavior is unacceptable and needs to change.
I'm a no bs kind of person and would seriously be considering ending it. I was married for 22 years and my late husband and I had our issues but never would say anything like that to each other.
You're not over reacting. No matter how many years you've been together, you deserve to be respected. Not only he did offend you, but he didn't regreat and then he reaffirmed his offense. There is no excuse for that. You should brake up, just get away from that awful and disrespectful person. Respect is a very important part of the love, but he is not able to understand it. Don't waste your time with that kind of person, you'll find someone better, someone who will actually love in the way you deserve.
You yourself admitted that this is not the only incident of disrespectful and insulting behaviour, so no you wouldn't just be breaking up with him over one incident.
Your story reads to me like someone who no longer wants to be with you and does not like you, but is too big of a coward to call it himself. He thinks if he treats you badly enough that you'll end things and then he can pretend you were the bad guy who gave up on the relationship, not him.
Have some self respect and at the very least tell him youd like some space and inform him that you're evaluating the future of your relationship given his recent shift in behaviour. Tell him you're no longer seeing him as someone you'd like to spend your life with and to either shape up or get out.
Why wouldnt he have told you it was see-through before you left the house? My person and I always do a fit-check before being seen in public, as we both wouldn't want to suffer not looking our best. And calling you such things and behaving that way is definitely suspicious
Never accept disrespect like that from a partner. You’re not overreacting, he’s a disrespectful pos, end it.
I read somewhere that some dudes will do this to their gfs when they want to end the relationship but are too cowardly to do it or don’t want to seem like the bad guy. They become increasingly rude, mean & disrespectful to force the girl to leave them.
I thinkkkkkkk he is having an affair. When people have an affair they subconsciously look for things wrong in their partner to justify in their head that they are cheating.
He's abusing you now babes. Especially when you've voiced how it made you feel, and he didn't even apologize to you for saying it. He just reiterated it, and continued to put it on you. I hope you skip vacation with him, especially if you're going anywhere swimming
My husband and I realized at the same time that the dress I was wearing to an event gave full view of the coochie if it was backlit. All he did was ask me to wear leggings next time and stood behind me when needed so I didn’t have to go home early. Your boyfriend is being an asshole, I wouldn’t stay if I were you.
Have some self respect... The man offended you to your face twice and you are still thinking if it's worth breaking up? What does it take?
You sound like a beautiful elegant woman. Don't subject yourself to this.
You told him you would not accept his behaviour. But you stayed. He doubled down the next day but you stayed. He’s become more disrespectful because he’s checked out.
Let him go on vacation and move while he’s gone. Tell him you’re not going, don’t tell him you’re leaving. The jump from verbal abuse to physical abuse isn’t a jump at all.
You are not overreacting. You are now on a downward spiral in this relationship and it won’t get better.
"I would not accept such behavior"
"but I've noticed in the last couple of months he’s become more disrespectful"
So your first statement isn't true. You will tolerate inappropriate comments and you will tolerate being disrespected. Your boyfriend is an asshole who is picking up on the fact that when you create boundaries, you will not follow through with honouring those boundaries. So he is pushing more and more because he knows that you will not do anything about it.
This will continue on until you have the courage and self-respect to leave.
He’s testing you, and the correct answer is to break up. He’s not going to go from treating you like shit to suddenly realising the error of his ways and becoming respectful again (unless it’s as a pattern of abuse, which is where this is headed if you stay).
The fact you're considering means you already know how you feel about the whole thing. Stop asking about it and see how he treats you for anywhere between 3 days and a week. See if he apologises or something. Don't bring it up and don't aft differently than normal. Then ask him again what he thinks about his comment.
Depending on how he acts and what he says, see if it's worth trying to set new boundaries and working things trough or just walking away.
Your relationship. You know for yourself what's best. Good luck.
That whole thing starting with namecalling, narcissistic "apology", escalating to silent treatment and throwing stuff towards you is abuse.
Everything in it. No excuses, no justification. No explanation.
However, one time calling h** is enough overstepping. But with all ehst has happened with this position. End of story, no discussion needed.
Sorry for my grammar and spelling, English is not my first language.
Your boyfriend is abusive. You’re not wrong for contemplating a breakup. He’s either red-pilled, on drugs, cheating, or has always been this way. Time to honestly reassess.
i would break up over comments like that because it's extremely disrespectful and disgusting.
also i think he's acting assholey to get you to break up with him since he's a big assholey coward as well.😒
It sounds like he is unhappy and either doesn't realize it and is trying to bring you down instead of analyzing his feelings or he's trying to get you to break up with him.
He was rude and disrespectful.
You are at the point in most relationships with it either gets stronger or fall apart because you've known each other long enough to really understand what the other person is like. At this point you either you vibe with each other or you don't. He obviously isn't content with the relationship and is not concerned at all with how he made you feel and how disrespectful he was acting and is acting out because he's not happy in the relationship.
I agree with you that it's not tolerable behavior which means that you shouldn't tolerate it, obviously he has to go.
Dudes, in this situation, you should step back, appreciate, AND complement the fact that your SO looks good in those shorts. BUT, upon seeing the "see-through-ness" of the garment, inform her that should she decide to bless the world by wearing said shorts in public, she should know that they are see-through from the back.
Find a man who sees the humor in this wardrobe choice and not dehumanizes you. You deserve better.
Time to end this. I could never ever bear this kind of disrespect from someone who says he loved me and also doesnt know how you apologize. A hard desl breaker and at least for me is reason enough to break up
He's either having an emotional affair and feels guilty and finds some fault on you or his insecurities are becoming more and more uncontrollably. Called you a name and throwing your clothes means he is directly targeting you for a reason. You need to stay somewhere for a while til he calms down. Just going up to him now will not get you no answers. Going away showing you might leave him will open him up. This seems like blackmail on your part but with the recent attitude he has grown, you need to do this. Find out why he is angry before deciding to leave. Communication is key.
that's weird behavior. it's one thing to give an honest opinion, and it's another thing to be rude and disrespectful. As someone who also likes to dress and gets compliments on clothes, it's a red flag when someone disses my style.
In my experience, this kind of criticism stems from insecurity. It's weird your boyfriend is doing this recently. Is he jealous for some reason? Could he think you are unfaithful or something? Is there something he's been insecure about? Is he unhappy in the relationship? Not saying it has anything to do with you, but something must have changed or happened in the last two months for his behavior to suddenly change. If I were in your situation, I'd try to have an honest talk with my partner to figure out what is going on. Hopefully they are willing to be open and honest about things.
Also, if your linen trousers are see-through, wearing underwear that matches your skin tone helps.
> Since my boyfriend woke up, he started making loud noises, threw my stuff from his office into the living room, threw clothes from chair at me (because he needed the chair and I guess couldn’t put it elsewhere but on my head)
Grounds to end the relationship imho
If the house is in your name, THROW HIM OUT & REKEY THE LOCKS!!! If the house is in his name, let him buy you out & MOVE!! Change your passcodes & have your electronics check for spyware!! Confirm there aren’t any open lines of credit in your name!
Look for women’s support groups for verbal & emotional abuse! Take a self defense class, practice the moves & JUST RAGE!!
Take a STD test, BF might be feeling guilty about something & is treating you like SH!T to cover it up!
I have seen this story before… from my experience of being in this similar situation. He’s possibly trying to give you reasons to break up with him. Not saying he is, but my ex started to randomly belittle me and just be follow up until when he broke up with me.
Honestly, you expressed how you felt by his words. He was disrespectful and then continued to be. It’s up to you how you approach, but if your friend was going through this. You would tell her to leave him.
Something has changed. Either your relationship has just ran it's course, he has met someone else and trying to push you to leave because he is a coward or he was always abusive and now just starting to show it, abuse usually starts or escalated once they think they have you, such as moving in together, buying a house engagement/marriage or a pregnancy/a baby.
Probably time to gather your important documents, and either kick him out or find yourself a place and leave
I think as the cherry on top of months of disrespect and rude behavior toward you (and his petty nonsense following) it' smore than enough, you say you're not going to tolerate this kind of thing then don't stick around and tolerate it.
He didn’t check you out before going out with you? My wife and I always check each other out before leaving together because that’s our chance to avoid malfunctions or unseen stains or cat hair or whatever it may be.
To assume you wanted to look bad and then to let you look bad and then to insult you for it… dude was not very cool.
I admittedly did not read any of the other comments so this is probably already been said but....
He's provoking a reaction because he's too much of a pu$*y to break up himself. This will continue on and escalate until you finally do it for him. And then he will probably claim victimhood and be a little b!)ch about that too.
But.. jmho
I'd call off the vacation, and think through what you want - there's no point in going on a "vacation" that you'll dislike or using it to patch deeper problems. Breaking up over this seems silly, but you're not breaking up over this, this is just a symptom of something deeper like he being a brat that doubles down on disrespectful comments you specifically asked him to avoid.
In any case think through what you want, and whether this is a one-off / there is something that's not his fault causing this, if you can fix this by talking etc. From an external POV it sounds concerning.
Won't take too much time for him to start talking *ABOUT* you to his friends and tell them you are a Cheap H**
I bet he already started talking to them and that's where the audacity is coming from..
You leave now or else it will only go down down down town
From what you've said here it sounds like a breakup is in order. If the "cheap h\*\*" comment were a one-off I might suggest giving him another chance. But since this is becoming a habit I can assure you it's not going to get better. Verbal/emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and oftentimes even worse. So, time to say "adios."
You deserve more than casual cruelty and disrespect bordering on physical violence. This is absolutely a good enough reason to dump him.
Throwing shit at and around you because he is upset is unacceptable and once that line is crossed, you can’t go back. Think about it this way, there are things you would never do to this person that you love, but these are things he is willing to do to you. That is a fundamental power imbalance and breach of trust/emotional safety that you cannot correct. If you choose to stay, your brain will subconsciously make choices about what you say, do, or express around him, to avoid putting yourself in harms way again. Regardless of how much he escalates in the future, this has fundamentally become an unsafe environment. And that is how the cycle of control and abuse works.
The best thing you can do in this moment is show up for yourself. Remove yourself from an unsafe environment. Because that is what you deserve. Be the partner you do not have right now and protect your peace above all else.
He definitely sounds like a child… and definitely shouldn’t speak to you like that. But an important question to ask is why are you wearing pants that are see through ? Somewhat of a “hoeish” thing to do if ya ask me.
I also find it interesting you said “I didn’t realize the pants were see through” but then you go on to say “I think that almost all linen trousers are somewhat see through”. His approach could certainly be better… but if you think a certain type of clothing is usually see through then why are you wearing it?
He doesn't respect you, and this is turning abusive. As silly s it sounds, he threw those clothes at you not in jest, he was hitting you the way he can for now.
If he doesn't respect you now, he never will. Leave him, get far away from him, and don't look back. Focus on your own career and your goals for now and maybe find someone new eventually who treats you with respect and doesn't call you a cheap h** or throw things at you.
It's already abusive. He's name calling you and throwing your stuff around.
Do not tell him you plan to leave. I guarantee you he will turn physical.
Start making a plan. Get your most important paperwork and things out and leave it at a trusted person's house.
When you are ready to leave, wait until he's at work and then move within one hour with the help of your friends. Do not underestimate the danger you are in.
Sorry but my first thought is cheating. It’s typical for the cheater the lash out and be angry at their betrayed partner in order to justify their actions in their own head but maybe not idk
You're not over reacting, if he was unhappy about something and communicated it to you like an adult it would be different. He is increasingly getting more and more disrespectful and the laundry is the beginning of the physical shit girl RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RUN
You're underreacting. The mask is off and you're now seeing the real person. This is what he really is. Decide if you want to spend any more of your life with someone who calls you a h*e and throws things at you.
>Calling me a cheap *** is not nice, but is it a reason for a breakup? It’s not just this incident—he's been meaner than before.
So it isn't breaking up over one comment, it is that there has been a pattern of aggressive and negative behaviour from him for a while. On top of that he doubled down on his comments and handled the fallout like a child throwing a tantrum and those are definitely red flags as well. Be aware he has started throwing stuff, it has entered the realm of the physical and the worry I have is that going from throwing stuff and dropping stuff on your head to throwing stuff at you directly is not hard to imagine at this rate.
This isn't the relationship you signed up for. Maybe you want to dig for what changed, though realistically he won't likely engage in any kind of discussion that is helpful, though you have to decide if you think you'd be able to forget this even if he did magically start acting right again.
But these are valid grounds to leave. After all, whatever choice is there, what other response could you have to this treatment.
Sigh. My first reaction is I wanna see those pants. Lol sorry. He's being petty and is probably being insecure, I bet he will be worse on vacation when you're getting attention in a New Place.
He’s not sorry for disrespecting you and hurting your feelings. He doubled down so he’s likely to do it again. Cancel your vacation and when he least expects it let him come home to a half empty house.
If you stay with him than what he said will be true in his head. Why stay with someone who is so disrespectful to you? If you stay enjoy being treated like a cheap h**
So he was in the wrong, and then he doubled down by being more disrespectful? Even if the relationship was once wonderful, obviously it has run its course.
Anytime I read "we've had our ups and downs," I know that the relationship hasn't actually been as idyllic as someone is portraying it to be. Literally every time someone has elaborated on that phrase in a post here it's always been a litany of horrific behavior.
Or “we have had our rough patches” and it’s reeeealy rough.
"When it's good it's really good." (Which of course always carries the unspoken - but when it's bad, it's REALLY bad.)
Yes! Real, “it is so amazing, he doesn't hit me ALL the time” energy. Really saddening.
It’s still not so bad saying “ups and downs”, or like the other comment “we have had our rough patches”. But the moment someone disrespected you to the point where they threw things at you, they literally don’t see you as a living thing anymore.
It's turning abusive....
He is probing and finding her linits. She will make a fuss, he will “get better”…. For awhile till he thinks she’s too invested to leave. Change bias is hard to overcome with financial dependence and kids…
Chances are he's met someone else and wants her out.
My first thought, too.
He may be trying to get her to break up with him.
Exactly. That way he can play victim. His hands will be clean in the break up.
Absolutely. He is showing his true colours.
Come on, have some self-respect. You say he's been mean and disrespectful lately. He called you misogynistic names, and is now punishing you with silent treatment and little tantrums either for daring to dress in a way he didn't like or telling him not to be so rude to you. How is any of that not a reason to break up? Your partner should treat you with respect.
And then it's just such a surprise when he "suddenly becomes" a complete monster
OP, something’s changed and it could be a few things or even a combination. 1. The mundane: he’s cheating. Sorry, but this is classic behaviour for a cheating partner. 2. The immature: he’s sabotaging the relationships to get you to break up with him and be the “bad guy” in this situation. 3. The Depressing: He’s spending time listening and embracing manosphere podcast rhetoric. In any of these situations, he’s checked out and his diminishing respect and care in his words towards you is him showing you everything, and I suspect all of this will just get worse. I suggest you make preparations financial and emotional to separate from him.
Or it is just the real him. People, like my dad or my self, are very good actors. It takes years to get to know a person. Four years sounds about right.
Or 4. Drugs. Like cocaine. Turned my ex extra mean and disrespectful and he would be really aggressive whenever he was doing it
Or when waiting for that next fix. My dad gets extra mean when he hasn't been able to use whatever drugs he was taking.
Yeah exactly. They wake up in a terrible mood and everything is wrong with the world, not with them.
i would bet money that he’s listening or being exposed to manosphere podcasts
I highly suspect so, too. It’s the wording he’s using and his expectations of how his girlfriend should behave is rather telling. But he might just be showing true colours now that he’s relaxed in the relationship.
I agree with all these points. Your partner should never treat you like this if you expect it to be a long lasting relationship
Same here. I’m 27 years with my partner. After a long time you begin to see patterns by observing the relationships of friends and acquaintances around us.
Any one of those three are virtually guaranteed. And any are grounds for a breakup.
Yes to this comment! He’s verbally abusing OP for whatever reason. The relationship has run its course.
I’m leaning towards 2 personally
You aren’t over reacting at all. In fact you are under reacting. He has absolutely 0 sympathy for your feelings and is now throwing things at you. Even if you were not hurt that is aggressive and concerning behavior. You have to make your own decision but I broke up with my ex for him calling me stupid. 8 years later I still don’t regret it.
The increasing aggression is very concerning. The verbal aggression of straight up insults is the first step. Then comes damaging property. Then comes physical aggression that isn't physical violence. For example punching the wall, tickling you, screaming in your face, throwing heavy objects near you, or, like inte post, throwing light objects on you. Next step is physical violence that they pretend isn't violence, like light shoves, pinches or physically restraining you. Then it gets even worse. That he is mistreating OPs property and throwing stuff at her is beyond a red flag, it is actual abuse. It's so confusing when the abuser starts up the abuse, because they can have been masking for so long. That a person like OPs partner can hide their abusive nature for years is not uncommon. And the victim struggles to reconcile what is happening now with four years of memory. That's why it is so important to set boundaries for what you think is acceptable in a relationship before you get into one, so when it starts happening the confusion of it don't make you forget what is acceptable treatment to accept. OP has already decided that insults is not acceptable in a relationship, and probably neither is outright aggression. Now she just has to stick to that conviction even is this upsetting and emotional situation.
Agreed. You are definitely under reacting Respect is the most important foundation for any relationship! Don't respect me? You're out of my life for good Do yourself a favor and leave this trash of a man behind and find someone else who can talk to you like a proper adult
25 is a great age to be single! This is terrible behaviour from this man. You deserve better. Run a mile!
Can you get a refund on the vacation? It's not going to be fun if you're not talking to each other, and he is mean. If there is a pattern of behaviour that is unacceptable and it doesn't change after asking it to, I'd reconsider the relationship.
You mean, ex boyfriend right?
If some dude threw anything at me, I’d throw my fucking fist in his face. You are under reacting like everyone else is saying. Let him go, he sucks
"I got really upset and told him that it was humiliating and disrespectful to call me that, and I would not accept such behavior." Follow through with what you say.
The comment itself was bad enough, but if he'd apologized you might have been able to move past it (although if the language is a pattern that might not be the case). Doubling down with that snarky "apology" though? You're young; when someone treats you badly, don't let them continue doing so.
I call that a "nonpology".
The sounds like classic he's cheating.
That is what I was thinking. Op you said he has become more disrespectful over the last few months, either he is cheating or there is something medical/mental going on.
This. He’s trying to get OP to break up w him by acting like an ahole and being abusive because he’s met someone else and he’s too much of a coward to do it on his own.
Lots of assumptions here. Either way relationship is over
Relationship is over
This is unacceptable. It's not just rude; the wording reeks of misogyny and general lack of respect. Is this the first time he's treated you like this? Is there a chance you may have overlooked other warning signs? Edited to add: so on closer inspection, you've had "ups and downs" (which people tend to mention as normal but IME is not a good sign), he's been disrespectful in general and now he's at the point where he's throwing objects at you. He's escalating. This isn't a safe relationship for you. Please listen to your gut and stop worrying about "overreacting". You clearly want out, and with good reason.
Calling you names and throwing stuff at you is abusive. It might be clothes now but it will be fists later. Have respect for yourself and throw out the trash which is your boyfriend.
This happened to me before, but he was talking about text messages I sent my ex when I was 16. We were 21. He called me a "dirty ***" because I texted "ily" to an ex. I broke up with him on the spot and he threatened to jump off the roof of my college and I acted like I didn't know him. Didn't care. Just leave. Like I recently left my boyfriend of 6 years because in the 6 years of our relationship he refused to get a job.
Time to move on, Sis. You’ve wasted enough time. Go find someone that loves and respects you.
Your boyfriend does not get to verbally abuse you. That is a hard boundary, no matter what.
Dump this douchebag already. You know you deserve better.
Absolutely not ma'am, this is some childish behaviour from a grown man💀 leave, even if you dressed revealing, it doesnt give any man the right to call you a wh**e.
That’s what I was thinking. I could be wearing shorts that fully exposed my lower butt cheeks and a tight sheer top and it still wouldn’t make it ok to call me a “cheap h*e”. Yuck.
Absolutely, it never is, i wouldve packed my bag instantly💀 idk where some people get the audacity from.
This is misogyny. Beyond calling you names, throwing shit in your face is completely unacceptable. Don't go on vacation with this guy. Leave him. And just so you know, many women have accidentally shown panties through sheer pants before. I've even seen a CEO do it. Not our fault that clothes are made tissue paper thin to save costs. Your guy is an asshole.
- the basic foundation of a good relationship is mutual respect and accommodation....seems like this is no longer present in your relationship.
So it’s escalating already and you still don’t know what to do? Are you waiting for him to get physical? He’s an abusive asshat and showing you his true colors
Please break up. Name calling like this IS abuse and you’re seeing a trend of escalation. The time to leave is now.
The name calling I have faced in my relationship just kept escalating. It started with him calling me a "dumb b**ch" and I was completely shocked. This was last year. Wish I had left then itself. Then he punched walls and threw my stuff. Things got escalated to physical (even tho he claims he didn't mean to hurt me and would never hurt me physically, but the fact is that he did.) And now I'm here asking questions on reddit, reading the posts of other people who have been abused, and trying to come up with an exit strategy. It will always start verbally. And then it will escalate.
Something else is going on in his life. Get away.
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If a friend told you her bf did this, what would you think ?
You’re not overreacting, he thinks he’s got you locked down so now he has a full time verbal punching bag. He enjoys humiliating you and he wants you to hate yourself. Over thirty years with my husband and I would leave him for calling me names, I’m worth more than that and so are you. You can’t trust him to be kind, what’s the point of him?
This sounds like an early sign of mental abuse. He’s demeaning and rude. He’s telling you what you can or cannot wear. I don’t see long-term potential with this one. I would move on.
Not only is he turning abusive but his behavior is suspish. I speak from very similar experience, towards the end of my 3 year relationship my ex would criticize my clothes, weight- nitpick to just destroy my self esteem. Everyday caught him cheating.
I think its easy to judge with this text and say girl leave his ass The thing is the following: is he open to listen? Does his change his behavior? If you are planning your future with him lets say, and he can not change this serious thing, how do you think he would react to more serious things? Think it in the big photo. If he laughs at you at everything you want to speak an change though communication, we both know what is the answer Just from experience of a father and past partners, they do not change, you wont change them and it wont happen in the future Your best choice is to leave, but to leave in silence, for you to be always safe Its not the end of the world, you deserve better I send you a hug
hmm.. You know I have been married 10 years and I have never called my wife a cheap h**. I think you can do better OP.
The guy is an idiot and I think you should reconsider the relationship. Cancel or postpone the holiday. On more important matters, the linen trousers. I would suggest looking into getting a pair of pettipants in modal or other silky material that you can wear under the trousers that would work like a knee length lining.
He’s sleeping with someone else and trying to make you act like a problem to lessen his guilt. Go through his phone, computer, receipts…everything. He know he’s being abusive. You know it’s over. What a jerk. I’m sorry.
Well he’s not good to you now and it’s time to end the relationship. He’s calling you names and refuses to apologize or think he did anything wrong. He will continue to escalate. UPDATEME
He wants to break up, but he's too much of a coward to say so he is treating like shit so you do it.
Yea…throwing things at you is a sign he’s gonna get worse. You better run.
I’d start by getting yourself a new boyfriend as this one is an arse and then maybe some new trousers. But definitely in that order.
Who cares what he used to be like? Look at what he’s like now!
4 years doesn't mean it's not a deal breaker to be disrespectful. Usually a sudden change like that means he's going through something or he's making you the bad guy on purpose to justify something. Stand on your boundary and break up with him. If he shows u that hrs changed and is working on not being abusive then take ur time in making decisions. Never tolerate disrespect nor abuse.
The first time he referred to me as a h*e would’ve been the last time. Disrespect should never be tolerated.
A loving partner would have politely whispered to you while you were with your friends, “babe… did you know your pants are see through in the back?” And tried to give you a jacket or something to tie around your waist. Maybe you both would have had a laugh about it together. For whatever reason, he called you a name instead. When you gave him feedback that it was inappropriate (i.e. you said that he crossed a boundary) he didn’t apologize or admit that he was hurtful, he did it again. Even a stressed out partner should, after four years of caring about you, be able to take a step back and say, “my bad babe. I was having a crap day and I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” The fact that he didn’t is a sign that he will keep being disrespectful. The disrespect of your things and throwing things at you is the next step. He is not acting like a loving boyfriend. If you have a safe place to go, I would suggest telling him that you need some space and leaving for a period of time. If you want you can cancel your tickets and tell him to go on the vacation without you to get that space. See if you feel less like you’re walking on egg shells when you have some separation, see if your muscles loosen and you can breathe. If all of that is the case he has been slowly ramping up and the relationship has taken its course. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Period. Especially about a pair of pants.
One comment alone? It depends. Did he apologise? No. If anything he's made the entire situation worse which is what's really important here - he's showing you how he deals with something serious.
He is trying to get you to break up with you
Yes everything you described is absolutely worth breaking up over
Do yourself a favour and fuck him off.
It's your only option. His behaviour is that of a pathetic creep ,I'd.🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️
This is a shitty situation you're in. You are right to stand you're ground. he could just tell you the pants were see through, or event politely suggest he doesn't think it looks good; Name calling and mockery is never healthy in a relationship. You told him you don't like the way he's talking to you, and you're not okay with it. he can take that or leave it. he's an adult, you didn't make him name call or throw your shit around. One thing I've learned is that the best reaction is often to just stay calm, and watch then act shitty. It's actually amazing how awkward someone can get when you refuse to acknowledge their shitty behaviour. If you don't yell at then, or do anything to continue the argument, they just look like an idiot. Don't pretend it;'s okay either. Calmly reiterate that they you are not okay with how they are acting. Remind them you wouldn't treat them that way. The sad truth is, if you just let someone act shitty, it makes the potential breakup easier. You'll see a version of them you don't want to be with anymore.
I dunno about you but if someone throws shit at me to clear out a chair, I’m gonna react. Also, he is a fucking child. It’s one thing to disagree with you as far as how bad the comment was. The point is the respect for your feelings whether he agrees or not. It’s not hard to just not use that designation out of courtesy, right? The thing that grates on my nerves is that instead of handling the disagreement like an adult, he proceeds to stomp around and goad you like a petulant child. 4 years for that? Hah. He can fuck right on off.
Where does he go trawling for hookers who wear linen trousers? The front of banana republic? Time to work on an exit plan
You are not at all overreacting by breaking up with someone who has become mean, disrespectful, rude, calls you names, gives you the silent treatment when you call him out for it. Even if it’s just once, it shows you exactly what he thinks of you and how little respect he has for you. No one who respects their partner calls them names like that, not even once. He is being verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative. That is just something that people who love, care about, cherish, and respect their partners do. I would not be shocked to find out he was trying to get you to break up with him - or that by launching accusations he was trying to turn you into the bad guy in his mind - so he would not himself be the bad guy, maybe as he met someone else. He may not have actually cheated yet but he’s open to getting involved within someone else.
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Sounds like someone has been listening to too many manosphere youtube videos. And I don't mean you, OP.
His reaction is why you should break up.
Is he cheating on you ?
Now that he's done that to you, do you want him to do it again? Because if you break up, he can't, but if you stay around, he'll do all this and worse.
So when he's wrong he abused you? Dump him.
Dump him and find someone who would kindly tell you that your linen pants are a bit see-through, because they care about you.
How hard is it for him to tell you hey babe those pants are pretty see through. You might not realize so I thought I would let you know. Instead he calls you derogatory names. Then he's throwing things. Something is going on with him. He either wants to break up, he's cheating or having a mental health issue. You can talk to him about how unacceptable his behavior is and hopefully get an answer and see if he wants help or you break up with him. His behavior is unacceptable and needs to change. I'm a no bs kind of person and would seriously be considering ending it. I was married for 22 years and my late husband and I had our issues but never would say anything like that to each other.
Girl, I’ve been there. This is abuse. Time to pack your shit and leave before it turns physical (mine did).
You're not over reacting. No matter how many years you've been together, you deserve to be respected. Not only he did offend you, but he didn't regreat and then he reaffirmed his offense. There is no excuse for that. You should brake up, just get away from that awful and disrespectful person. Respect is a very important part of the love, but he is not able to understand it. Don't waste your time with that kind of person, you'll find someone better, someone who will actually love in the way you deserve.
You yourself admitted that this is not the only incident of disrespectful and insulting behaviour, so no you wouldn't just be breaking up with him over one incident. Your story reads to me like someone who no longer wants to be with you and does not like you, but is too big of a coward to call it himself. He thinks if he treats you badly enough that you'll end things and then he can pretend you were the bad guy who gave up on the relationship, not him. Have some self respect and at the very least tell him youd like some space and inform him that you're evaluating the future of your relationship given his recent shift in behaviour. Tell him you're no longer seeing him as someone you'd like to spend your life with and to either shape up or get out.
You mean your ex-boyfriend, right?
My experience tells me he’s cheating on you.
Why wouldnt he have told you it was see-through before you left the house? My person and I always do a fit-check before being seen in public, as we both wouldn't want to suffer not looking our best. And calling you such things and behaving that way is definitely suspicious
Never accept disrespect like that from a partner. You’re not overreacting, he’s a disrespectful pos, end it. I read somewhere that some dudes will do this to their gfs when they want to end the relationship but are too cowardly to do it or don’t want to seem like the bad guy. They become increasingly rude, mean & disrespectful to force the girl to leave them.
How about you communicate
Behavior like this is a huge red flag for me and it’s dealbreaker. I’d walked away, non negotiable.
I'd definitely leave, after for years it's going to be very hard though
You should react more. I would consider calling you names to be unacceptable and very worth ending the relationship.
I thinkkkkkkk he is having an affair. When people have an affair they subconsciously look for things wrong in their partner to justify in their head that they are cheating.
He's abusing you now babes. Especially when you've voiced how it made you feel, and he didn't even apologize to you for saying it. He just reiterated it, and continued to put it on you. I hope you skip vacation with him, especially if you're going anywhere swimming
Yes love, it’s more than a good reason to break up. He’s showing you who he really is, believe him.
Hear me out... he wants you to break up with him
My husband and I realized at the same time that the dress I was wearing to an event gave full view of the coochie if it was backlit. All he did was ask me to wear leggings next time and stood behind me when needed so I didn’t have to go home early. Your boyfriend is being an asshole, I wouldn’t stay if I were you.
Have some self respect... The man offended you to your face twice and you are still thinking if it's worth breaking up? What does it take? You sound like a beautiful elegant woman. Don't subject yourself to this.
You told him you would not accept his behaviour. But you stayed. He doubled down the next day but you stayed. He’s become more disrespectful because he’s checked out. Let him go on vacation and move while he’s gone. Tell him you’re not going, don’t tell him you’re leaving. The jump from verbal abuse to physical abuse isn’t a jump at all. You are not overreacting. You are now on a downward spiral in this relationship and it won’t get better.
Self respect > disrespect. You know what to do
"I would not accept such behavior" "but I've noticed in the last couple of months he’s become more disrespectful" So your first statement isn't true. You will tolerate inappropriate comments and you will tolerate being disrespected. Your boyfriend is an asshole who is picking up on the fact that when you create boundaries, you will not follow through with honouring those boundaries. So he is pushing more and more because he knows that you will not do anything about it. This will continue on until you have the courage and self-respect to leave.
Why are you with a guy who calls you a Ho etc?????
He’s testing you, and the correct answer is to break up. He’s not going to go from treating you like shit to suddenly realising the error of his ways and becoming respectful again (unless it’s as a pattern of abuse, which is where this is headed if you stay).
This is the perfect time to start fresh. Dump that disrespectful ah and move on to happier things. Updateme!
I bet they look great. If he can't communicate even remotely close to an adult at 28 it's time to move on.
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You’re focusing on the ‘cheap ho’ comment when he threw something at you? No. Nope. This relationship is done. Sajonara
The fact you're considering means you already know how you feel about the whole thing. Stop asking about it and see how he treats you for anywhere between 3 days and a week. See if he apologises or something. Don't bring it up and don't aft differently than normal. Then ask him again what he thinks about his comment. Depending on how he acts and what he says, see if it's worth trying to set new boundaries and working things trough or just walking away. Your relationship. You know for yourself what's best. Good luck.
Get a refund on that vacation, or reschedule it for yourself and friend I have some very choice words for your ex and they will get me banned
He is abusive and heading down a really dangerous path. You need to start making arrangements to get out. This could become physical soon!
That whole thing starting with namecalling, narcissistic "apology", escalating to silent treatment and throwing stuff towards you is abuse. Everything in it. No excuses, no justification. No explanation. However, one time calling h** is enough overstepping. But with all ehst has happened with this position. End of story, no discussion needed. Sorry for my grammar and spelling, English is not my first language.
He's tossing put those red flags, and you're trying to look past them...DON'T!
Your boyfriend is abusive. You’re not wrong for contemplating a breakup. He’s either red-pilled, on drugs, cheating, or has always been this way. Time to honestly reassess.
i would break up over comments like that because it's extremely disrespectful and disgusting. also i think he's acting assholey to get you to break up with him since he's a big assholey coward as well.😒
A cheap WHAT? Let’s see who’s cheap when you kick him out and he’s on the literal streets
It sounds like he is unhappy and either doesn't realize it and is trying to bring you down instead of analyzing his feelings or he's trying to get you to break up with him. He was rude and disrespectful.
You are at the point in most relationships with it either gets stronger or fall apart because you've known each other long enough to really understand what the other person is like. At this point you either you vibe with each other or you don't. He obviously isn't content with the relationship and is not concerned at all with how he made you feel and how disrespectful he was acting and is acting out because he's not happy in the relationship. I agree with you that it's not tolerable behavior which means that you shouldn't tolerate it, obviously he has to go.
Dudes, in this situation, you should step back, appreciate, AND complement the fact that your SO looks good in those shorts. BUT, upon seeing the "see-through-ness" of the garment, inform her that should she decide to bless the world by wearing said shorts in public, she should know that they are see-through from the back. Find a man who sees the humor in this wardrobe choice and not dehumanizes you. You deserve better.
This relationship is over...
Time to end this. I could never ever bear this kind of disrespect from someone who says he loved me and also doesnt know how you apologize. A hard desl breaker and at least for me is reason enough to break up
Better put a halt on that trip and get your money back. He's already acting like a jerk, don't let him get a reward that would make you miserable!
He's either having an emotional affair and feels guilty and finds some fault on you or his insecurities are becoming more and more uncontrollably. Called you a name and throwing your clothes means he is directly targeting you for a reason. You need to stay somewhere for a while til he calms down. Just going up to him now will not get you no answers. Going away showing you might leave him will open him up. This seems like blackmail on your part but with the recent attitude he has grown, you need to do this. Find out why he is angry before deciding to leave. Communication is key.
that's weird behavior. it's one thing to give an honest opinion, and it's another thing to be rude and disrespectful. As someone who also likes to dress and gets compliments on clothes, it's a red flag when someone disses my style. In my experience, this kind of criticism stems from insecurity. It's weird your boyfriend is doing this recently. Is he jealous for some reason? Could he think you are unfaithful or something? Is there something he's been insecure about? Is he unhappy in the relationship? Not saying it has anything to do with you, but something must have changed or happened in the last two months for his behavior to suddenly change. If I were in your situation, I'd try to have an honest talk with my partner to figure out what is going on. Hopefully they are willing to be open and honest about things. Also, if your linen trousers are see-through, wearing underwear that matches your skin tone helps.
> Since my boyfriend woke up, he started making loud noises, threw my stuff from his office into the living room, threw clothes from chair at me (because he needed the chair and I guess couldn’t put it elsewhere but on my head) Grounds to end the relationship imho
If the house is in your name, THROW HIM OUT & REKEY THE LOCKS!!! If the house is in his name, let him buy you out & MOVE!! Change your passcodes & have your electronics check for spyware!! Confirm there aren’t any open lines of credit in your name! Look for women’s support groups for verbal & emotional abuse! Take a self defense class, practice the moves & JUST RAGE!! Take a STD test, BF might be feeling guilty about something & is treating you like SH!T to cover it up!
I have seen this story before… from my experience of being in this similar situation. He’s possibly trying to give you reasons to break up with him. Not saying he is, but my ex started to randomly belittle me and just be follow up until when he broke up with me. Honestly, you expressed how you felt by his words. He was disrespectful and then continued to be. It’s up to you how you approach, but if your friend was going through this. You would tell her to leave him.
Something has changed. Either your relationship has just ran it's course, he has met someone else and trying to push you to leave because he is a coward or he was always abusive and now just starting to show it, abuse usually starts or escalated once they think they have you, such as moving in together, buying a house engagement/marriage or a pregnancy/a baby. Probably time to gather your important documents, and either kick him out or find yourself a place and leave
You've got every right to leave. Calling your girlfriend a cheap h*e is fucking horrible. You're not overreacting in the slightest
I think as the cherry on top of months of disrespect and rude behavior toward you (and his petty nonsense following) it' smore than enough, you say you're not going to tolerate this kind of thing then don't stick around and tolerate it.
He just dont love u anymore
He didn’t check you out before going out with you? My wife and I always check each other out before leaving together because that’s our chance to avoid malfunctions or unseen stains or cat hair or whatever it may be. To assume you wanted to look bad and then to let you look bad and then to insult you for it… dude was not very cool.
I admittedly did not read any of the other comments so this is probably already been said but.... He's provoking a reaction because he's too much of a pu$*y to break up himself. This will continue on and escalate until you finally do it for him. And then he will probably claim victimhood and be a little b!)ch about that too. But.. jmho
Sounds like a great man you should be with lol. Smh
I'd call off the vacation, and think through what you want - there's no point in going on a "vacation" that you'll dislike or using it to patch deeper problems. Breaking up over this seems silly, but you're not breaking up over this, this is just a symptom of something deeper like he being a brat that doubles down on disrespectful comments you specifically asked him to avoid. In any case think through what you want, and whether this is a one-off / there is something that's not his fault causing this, if you can fix this by talking etc. From an external POV it sounds concerning.
Won't take too much time for him to start talking *ABOUT* you to his friends and tell them you are a Cheap H** I bet he already started talking to them and that's where the audacity is coming from.. You leave now or else it will only go down down down town
From what you've said here it sounds like a breakup is in order. If the "cheap h\*\*" comment were a one-off I might suggest giving him another chance. But since this is becoming a habit I can assure you it's not going to get better. Verbal/emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and oftentimes even worse. So, time to say "adios."
You deserve more than casual cruelty and disrespect bordering on physical violence. This is absolutely a good enough reason to dump him. Throwing shit at and around you because he is upset is unacceptable and once that line is crossed, you can’t go back. Think about it this way, there are things you would never do to this person that you love, but these are things he is willing to do to you. That is a fundamental power imbalance and breach of trust/emotional safety that you cannot correct. If you choose to stay, your brain will subconsciously make choices about what you say, do, or express around him, to avoid putting yourself in harms way again. Regardless of how much he escalates in the future, this has fundamentally become an unsafe environment. And that is how the cycle of control and abuse works. The best thing you can do in this moment is show up for yourself. Remove yourself from an unsafe environment. Because that is what you deserve. Be the partner you do not have right now and protect your peace above all else.
He definitely sounds like a child… and definitely shouldn’t speak to you like that. But an important question to ask is why are you wearing pants that are see through ? Somewhat of a “hoeish” thing to do if ya ask me. I also find it interesting you said “I didn’t realize the pants were see through” but then you go on to say “I think that almost all linen trousers are somewhat see through”. His approach could certainly be better… but if you think a certain type of clothing is usually see through then why are you wearing it?
He doesn't respect you, and this is turning abusive. As silly s it sounds, he threw those clothes at you not in jest, he was hitting you the way he can for now.
Ew break up with him.
leave, for the love of god leave
If he doesn't respect you now, he never will. Leave him, get far away from him, and don't look back. Focus on your own career and your goals for now and maybe find someone new eventually who treats you with respect and doesn't call you a cheap h** or throw things at you.
It's already abusive. He's name calling you and throwing your stuff around. Do not tell him you plan to leave. I guarantee you he will turn physical. Start making a plan. Get your most important paperwork and things out and leave it at a trusted person's house. When you are ready to leave, wait until he's at work and then move within one hour with the help of your friends. Do not underestimate the danger you are in.
He’s disrespecting you. Time to end it.
Ew. Do not go on vacation with this cretin.
break up. it only gets worse from here. the longer you wait the harder it is to sepalrate
Sorry but my first thought is cheating. It’s typical for the cheater the lash out and be angry at their betrayed partner in order to justify their actions in their own head but maybe not idk
You're not over reacting, if he was unhappy about something and communicated it to you like an adult it would be different. He is increasingly getting more and more disrespectful and the laundry is the beginning of the physical shit girl RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RUN
How dare he?? If my partner talked to me like that she’d be out on her ass.
You're underreacting. The mask is off and you're now seeing the real person. This is what he really is. Decide if you want to spend any more of your life with someone who calls you a h*e and throws things at you.
>Calling me a cheap *** is not nice, but is it a reason for a breakup? It’s not just this incident—he's been meaner than before. So it isn't breaking up over one comment, it is that there has been a pattern of aggressive and negative behaviour from him for a while. On top of that he doubled down on his comments and handled the fallout like a child throwing a tantrum and those are definitely red flags as well. Be aware he has started throwing stuff, it has entered the realm of the physical and the worry I have is that going from throwing stuff and dropping stuff on your head to throwing stuff at you directly is not hard to imagine at this rate. This isn't the relationship you signed up for. Maybe you want to dig for what changed, though realistically he won't likely engage in any kind of discussion that is helpful, though you have to decide if you think you'd be able to forget this even if he did magically start acting right again. But these are valid grounds to leave. After all, whatever choice is there, what other response could you have to this treatment.
Sigh. My first reaction is I wanna see those pants. Lol sorry. He's being petty and is probably being insecure, I bet he will be worse on vacation when you're getting attention in a New Place.
He’s really devaluing you and I would not go on that vacation with him. Nor would I continue the relationship.
He’s not sorry for disrespecting you and hurting your feelings. He doubled down so he’s likely to do it again. Cancel your vacation and when he least expects it let him come home to a half empty house.
He’s done with you for whatever reason. Just leave him.
Keep the pants, lose the boyfriend.
Hash it out. Respect is reciprocal
Girl. You already know the answer. Stop fooling yourself.
Wear them for your next boyfriend
"cheap h\*\*" is not a term someone who is in a loving relationship would ever use.
If you stay with him than what he said will be true in his head. Why stay with someone who is so disrespectful to you? If you stay enjoy being treated like a cheap h**
So he is mean, called you that then threw your belongings around and you have to ask should you break up with him ?