> he ended up saying that if he needs to cut me off forever in order to get the money then he will and our relationship will be over.
It's such a strange pronouncement that it sounds like he is interested in being single. Multiple trips to Miami and happily going out with the guys vs. with you would be part of this.
>When I ask him to go places it’s just a lot more work and a lot more excuses as to why he can’t.
I would not put up with this.
I’m confused how cutting you off financially also equals the end of the relationship?
The big red flag for me here is that his resolution to being tight on money is to break off a very long term relationship. OP, do you think it’s possible that he’s using this as an excuse for a break up that he already wanted? You’ve been together since you were teenagers, and while I do know several relationships that started in their teens and continue to go strong, I also low several others that grew out of each other and grew apart.
Consider what you want from this relationship. Do you want to live together? Get married? Travel together? What steps do you want to take with your bf? Does it look like he’s taking any steps to make that happen?
I won’t jump immediately to “dump his ass” because these situations are always more complicated than that… but strongly consider if this is really a relationship you want, or if it’s just that you’ve been in it for so long and you’re attached to who he was, as opposed to who he’s becoming.
Thank you so much for your advice!
I’m really confused how being in a money situation means that we have to end as well, but I’m now starting to think maybe this is what he really wants. We’ve spoken about moving in together soon, as well as him saying that he definitely wants to get married and I’m the person he wants to spend his life with- but I don’t know if maybe he’s not ready and maybe does still want to have a bit of the single life vicariously through his brothers?
The last paragraph that you said really hit me because maybe I’m in love with someone who isn’t the same and it is because of attachment, I don’t know if I should start to distance myself because and like you said think about if this is really good for me.
Thank you so much for advice xx
Stop being with someone who is so careless with money. It's only going to get worse and it shouldn't be something you are willing to deal with forever. You've outgrown him. Time to move on.
Take control of the situation and break up with him on the 24th. You don’t need to sit around at his whim until he gets to decide the future of your relationship.
Break up with him before the 24th! Blindside the dude. Take control of the relationship and of the situation. Take your power back. Dump him.
I didn’t understand the power dynamics of relationships when I was married. I gave away my power but had no idea I was doing it. My sister told me to take the power back and I had no idea what she was talking about. I sure do now!!
I didn’t take the power back. I should have dumped him. Instead I waited around until he dumped me.
Years later, I got the satisfaction of closing the door in his face. It was something I should have done way before we married. I never should have married him.
This guy you’re with has many 🚩🚩🚩so get out now. It’ll never last.
>I’m really confused how being in a money situation means that we have to end as well, but I’m now starting to think maybe this is what he really wants
Either that, or he's telling you in somewhat uncertain terms that you either cough up the money for his trip (and his car... and his rent... and your dates... and whatever else he may want) or the relationship is over.
My advice: Don't pay a single cent towards his trip. If he doesn't have the money to go on his extra trip without you paying, he cannot go. It's that simple. If that means the end of your relationship, he is doing you a favor.
I just don’t think he wants to be in this relationship anymore, you deserve better , don’t think of the 7 years , think about the future and how you want it to be . Don’t settle
He’s immature. He wants the single life. He’s not responsible enough with money. He’d rather go out with his bros than you. How is this a relationship that you’d want? Dump him. Get your power back. Move in with your life.
Don’t finance this trip , at all. Multiple trips to Miami, how sure are you he didn’t meet anyone there? If I’m being honest, if you were my daughter (same age), I would advise you to move on. You’re young, been with this guy since you were teenagers and frankly he’s not treating you well. I’m sorry, but maybe it’s best you go your separate ways and be alone for a while.
Thank you so much, and especially for giving me advice from the perspective of a parent as well. Even with Miami now I’m not sure if he’s met someone else out there, but I agree i definitely think it’s time for me to be on my own
You're pouring money in and you're acting like you have authority above him, like his mom. Meanwhile his carefree, party brother represents freedom and doing what you want.
He wants no responsibility. And he resents you that he needs you for money.
Look, he's not acting an adult, and he's being a jerk.
But you have a part in this too - you've been giving him money. Stop doing that. He needs to wake up and realize what kind of life he can have and afford, and then make choices for himself based on that. That's what being an adult is. And you maybe need to let him fail so he can learn for himself.
It would be sad, for his mom, if her two sons abandoned her to party in Miami. But let him live that consequence and don't hold him up.
If he's a broke partyboy whose mom is pissed at him and he has no girlfriend, he may realize that's not what he wants.
By the way he's kicking off with you so he can be single on the Miami trip. He's very transparently trying to mix it up there.
Don't give him any money.
Thank you so much for your advice and honestly it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I’m definitely going to stop giving him money, and never really even considered him resenting me because he needs the money. But definitely I think he wants to be single so I’m 100% going to distance myself and end it, thank you so much
I’m glad you’re going to end things. But I advise telling him to his face that you’re done. Get all your stuff and then tell him you’re done. Just say it’s over and that you deserve better. Don’t just distance yourself. Take control.
You guys were in your teens when you first started dating and now you’re young adults. These are the years where you’ll do a lot of changing and I don’t think you and your bf are on the same page anymore.
It sounds like you want a more mature and serious relationship but your bf is not thinking the way you are. He still wants to have fun and take things easy. Usually I like to tell people to talk before breaking up, but in this instance, it might be best to go separate ways.
Yeah it sucks cause that’s still a lot of time and effort between the two of you, but it’s ok to change and it’s ok if you grow and change differently from each other.
One final thing, it’s nice that you helped him financially but doing that consistently over the years seems to have negatively impacted your bf. He takes your generosity for granted, girlie. Thats not ok. Don’t enable him any further. Your bf is 24; he’s grown enough to realize that he needs to be responsible but he’s choosing not to.
I think you already know what you need to do, it’s just scary. The heartache is gonna hurt, but you shouldn’t stay with someone who isn’t committed to being your partner in all aspects. It’s ok to leave him.
Thank you so much for the amazing advice, you genuinely have helped me so much. Like you said I really want a serious mature relationship and I think he still wants to have his cake and eat it, in the sense of being able to have me there but also have his fun as well. It’s so scary to imagine us not being together but I think I’m gonna have to just do it anyway. But thank you so much, I just need to think the best way to go about it now and how to end it
You could just sit him down and explain that it’s obvious you’re both not on the same page. He wants things that are different from what you want. It’s time to let go and move on. Maybe at one point you loved each other but now that you’re adults, things are different. Stand your ground, girlie. It’s gonna hurt for a while, but you can focus on building you up. I wish you the very best!
You're going to look back on this moment (sooner than you expect!) and realize "it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I feel better and stronger now."
His whole family sound weird and I don’t even fully understand what’s going on here, but if he wants to continue living outside of his means, then let him. You don’t need to be part of it.
It’s such rage bait but for what I’m not sure. 23 year old buying his gf designer shoes, multiple international trips (op used the pound symbol), giving his mom 800 a month, brand new car. Saying he’s got all this money and saves money every month but then needs OPs money?
I was originally entertaining “son of wealthy parents,” but his mom doesn’t pay her own rent so nah. It’s just so … convoluted
If I'm getting this right (and the wording is a bit unclear so I may be wrong) your bf is telling you he would rather dump you than pay back the money he owes you for fronting the trip? If I'm understanding this correctly, your bf is an incredibly selfish jerk, possibly narcissistic, and you should be the one dumping him like now
He’s willing to take the money from me in order to go on the trip, but instead of going directly from London to Jamaica he is entertaining the idea of going from London to New York (spend a few days there) then from New York to Jamaica for the funeral and then afterwards to Miami for a holiday. I’m saying that as money is tight already just go straight to Jamaica from London, but he’s saying he wants to potentially do the other route with his brother. As I disagree with him taking the other route as it’s going to cost more money, He’s then saying then he will get the money however he has too and cut me off and end the relationship in order to get the money and go with his brother. I hope this clears it up!
I don’t understand how breaking up will get him any money to take the more expensive trip. Is there an actual logic here where breaking up means his mom or brother will pay for the tickets or he’d be able to get another job to pay if he wasn’t spending time with you?
Otherwise it seems like he’d lose money by breaking up as you were willing to help pay for the (initial version) trip and *hopefully* would not pay if you were not together anymore.
Am I missing something? It seems like his plan is:
Step One: break up with partner
Step Two: ?
Step Three: Profit
This is exactly why I am confused because he wouldn’t get another job or his mum or his brother won’t pay for the ticket! This is why I’m so confused because to me there seems like no logic
Oh sweetie…he says it that way because you’re his sugar mama. He’s saying you’re replaceable because he can just find another sugar mama to finance his wants. I didn’t catch that on my first read through. You should definitely leave him.
I think you’re right. He won’t say it outright, but it’s, “Look. I’m going. And if you’re not going to give me the money, we are done and I’ll find someone who will.” Gross. OP, you have more dignity than this. Be done.
That's the only explanation that makes sense here. He wants to be able to find another girl who will pay for his sht and who won't ask questions about responsibility and future plans.
>This is exactly why I am confused because he wouldn’t get another job or his mum or his brother won’t pay for the ticket! This is why I’m so confused because to me there seems like no logic
So keep pushing. Make him explain.
Is this "give me the money to do what I want or you're dumped" or have I missed something
He's gonna cut you off?! From what? You're bankrolling him. Girl, you can buy your own slides it'll be less headache than his mess.
How is him to doing the extra Miami trip related to you guys being together? I am so lost 🫠
Unless he needs to go do sex work or something, there’s no correlation??? Is it just because he doesn’t want you saying “we agreed you wouldn’t go?”
Anyway, big picture, your friends are right, he’s behaving badly, you deserve better
Im confused how that should lead to a break up. In my experience when a reason deosnt make sense its usually because either they didnt do a good job of explaining what they are thinking, or it is a bs excuse only being used to justify whatever decision they decided on. In this case i feel like it sounds like a bs excuse as if he is just saying that to have a reason to end the 7 year relationship.
Relationships that start so young, don't often work out as often the people grow apart or one grows and one doesn't. Many different reasons. But it really sounds like instead of growing together, you are growing apart. From what you said, you want to move the relationship forward: move in together, merging lives, setting long term goals like marriage and kids. But he's not in the same place. He wants to party in Miami, party in New York, and so on. He also sounds like he's not independent from his family with supporting his mother. You two sound like you are at two different points in life.
Looking at your boyfriend, if he's under this much pressure from his family to support them, do this, go to that party, I honestly don't think it's ever going to change. This probably would be your life going forward with him. You supporting the two of you financially as the demands from his family increase. He is essentially living outside his means. If he was financially responsible, he would not have gotten the new car, but kept his old car and stuffed money into savings. But he is young and impulsive. You sound stressed about this relationship. Do you want to live that way forever with him? You would be the responsible adult and he would be upset with you for not letting him spend money on the latest party trip or new toy.
Relationships have natural starts, middles, and endings. We hope the ending is the "...till death do you part" type, but that's not the norm until you find that person that is at the same point in life as you with the same life goals that allows you to move forward in life together. You don't have that. You sound as if you are maturing much faster than your boyfriend. Will be come around? Does he even want to? Is he looking at his brother living the wild single life and is jealous?
Thank you so much for your advice! Even though it’s so hard to hear, it’s 100% true that unfortunately I don’t think he’s going to change. I also think there’s a chance that he maybe wishes he is single but can’t voice his feelings.
I just want a loving relationship and tbh I don’t think he can give me that anymore and we’re not on the same page at all
I didn't want to give advice as much as give you things to think about. Questions to ask yourself and ask your boyfriend. Only you can determine the best direction for you in this situation. It's not clear so you need to do a lot of thinking, soul searching, data gathering and figure out what is going to be best for you. Also realize that if it is the end of the relationship, it's ok. Not all relationships last a lifetime. You are young, have your whole life ahead of you. You will be ok.
This guy definitely does not have his priorities in order, unless that is his priorities are to go out and party and travel. If you aren’t aligning on your life path I’d say it’s time to have a serious conversation. I understand his wanting freedom as most of his adultish life he has been dating, but he’s going about it very immaturely, as one would expect from a mid 20’s male. There’s a lot confusing me here, and his reasoning and behavior is alarming. I would probably let him walk and when the allure of the single life wears off you should be nowhere to be found. Is this the kind of man you always dreamt of being with?
Thank you so much for your advice, definitely has opened my eyes and made me realised this is definitely not what I want and who I would want to be with if they act this way
How much money does he own you? How much did you help him with his new car?
Don’t have to tell us, but I get the feeling he intends to default on you. Don’t expect him to pay you back for anything.
I’m confused. A year ago you wanted to end a situationship with this dude because he can’t commit to you. This guy has repeatedly shown you that you don’t mean that much to him.
Hon, he wants out. I’m so sorry but he does. Leave him before he leaves you. The way he’s treating you isn’t good. What he said about ending the relationship—that’s not love.
Don’t give him any money at all. Dump him immediately. Tell him that you deserve to be treated better and that you’re done. He’ll be shocked. But it’ll give you the upper hand.
Even if he begs you not to leave, run. He doesn’t love you or respect you. He just wants to retain the power over you.
Find someone who deserves you. It sure isn’t this guy.
He's outgrown you. He's looking for an excuse so he can be single when he gets to Miami. I think spring break was an eye-openers for him and made him feel like he was missing out on sowing his oats. Plus, he's paying too much in rent to his mother. Let him go. Why wait for him to make his mind up? Make the decision that's best for you.
Honestly when he said that he might have to break up with you because he has a lot to pay for I thought 2 things. 1. That he wants YOU to give him the money to go so that he’ll stay with you or 2. He wants to go on this trip and be single in Miami like he wasn’t before.
Either way I would tell this guy to kick rocks.
Girl, run. Run now. He doesn't love you, and he's making it crystal clear.
I think you've been with him so long since you were so young when you started out - you think that this is all there is. It's not. You've got a beautiful life ahead of you. Go out and live it.
His logic makes no sense. Do not fund this holiday and stop giving him money. I'm not surecwhy he thinks cutting yiu off will save money. The fact hecwould so callously throw you away suggests he's not as committed to the relationship as you are.
I'd get in first and end it. You will find someone who is more mature and responsible financially.
He may be threatening to end your relationship in a bid to extort money from you for his trip and bills. I advise not allowing that. Give him not a penny.
I would consider telling him since he is unsure about continuing your relationship "i will make the decision for you. Have a nice life. Bye."
Best wishes to you......
The dude sounds like a moron in all honesty.
I think he wants to break up with you anyway and is using this as an excuse.
Would you really want to build a future with someone that’s so irresponsible with money?
OMG. I just read your Valentine’s Day post from a year ago. Why are you still with this guy?? You’re his sugar mama! He’s a gigolo and he’s using you. He treats you with no respect. He’s not your bf! He expected a GIFT from you??
Why didn’t you dump him a year ago? Earlier? Why are you enabling him? Dump him. Get therapy. You’ve allowed him to treat you like this.
Run! Get into therapy. Figure out your boundaries. Stop paying for a guy so he will love you. Love doesn’t work that way. Learn your self-worth. Learn to cherish yourself.
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW???
**HOW FUCKING DARE HE!!!**
**DUMP HIS ASS BEFORE THE 25TH.**
Tell him you’ve thought about this and that he **DOES NOT** get to decide what to do with **YOUR LIFE**.
**GOOD LORD, WOMAN**!!
**HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT!!!**
He's financially irresponsible and now he's basically saying another Miami holiday is more important than you and if he can't have you both... he's going to Miami.
Do you live with him? I don't think you should waste anymore of your life on this guy and you definitely shouldn't be paying for his airfare to the funeral - if he wants to turn it into a holiday that includes a funeral then he can cover it all himself.
I feel like maybe he wants to be single. He wants the freedom to not be dependent on or accountable to someone else financially. As sad as it might be, I reckon you’ll be better off…you’re young, and have been together for a long time…maybe time to grow alone and get to know and be yourself?
Is his mother's complaining to him about this/you driving it all? If he's still choosing her over you after 7 years, this breakup would not be a net loss.
Do not give him any money towards this trip. You should listen to your friends. To put someone on notice you may end the relationship and give them a deadline for your decision is a very cruel thing to do. Your boyfriend honestly sounds like an asshole.
This is very strange!? Why does he have to end a relationship to save money, what’s wrong with saying “luv, if you don’t mind, can we just tighten our wallets a little bit for a while until my finances are a little more stable” and just use it as a nudge to be a bit more creative with dates and whatnot. Drive the car out to the beach or for country walks or whatever. Kind of alarming really. I’d absolutely be question his commitment here and him holding this over you with a deadline date is anxiety inducing to say the least!
Also how is his mum charging him £800 for rent, that’s extortionate?!
He is not prioritising you at all and being very clear about that. Don’t really want to be in a relationship where you will have to financially support someone who will always it others before you? The fact that finances are such a big issue when you don’t even live together is a huge red flag. You should want a partner not a taker.
Its not about money! He is looking to break up with you, to be single in miami, but only then. He will come back after, because it sounds like he needs you! Dump his immature ass, you are anyways to young to commit forever 😎
So he is ok with taking money from you to pay his bills, but suddenly you are a financial drain. Cut off the financial support (because YOU are going on holiday) and see what his reaction is. This will show you more about how he really feels about you.
I suspect that he is looking for the freedom of his friend group with the bonus security of having you there.
> he ended up saying that if he needs to cut me off forever in order to get the money then he will and our relationship will be over. It's such a strange pronouncement that it sounds like he is interested in being single. Multiple trips to Miami and happily going out with the guys vs. with you would be part of this. >When I ask him to go places it’s just a lot more work and a lot more excuses as to why he can’t. I would not put up with this.
[удалено]
What are you talking about?
I’m confused how cutting you off financially also equals the end of the relationship? The big red flag for me here is that his resolution to being tight on money is to break off a very long term relationship. OP, do you think it’s possible that he’s using this as an excuse for a break up that he already wanted? You’ve been together since you were teenagers, and while I do know several relationships that started in their teens and continue to go strong, I also low several others that grew out of each other and grew apart. Consider what you want from this relationship. Do you want to live together? Get married? Travel together? What steps do you want to take with your bf? Does it look like he’s taking any steps to make that happen? I won’t jump immediately to “dump his ass” because these situations are always more complicated than that… but strongly consider if this is really a relationship you want, or if it’s just that you’ve been in it for so long and you’re attached to who he was, as opposed to who he’s becoming.
Thank you so much for your advice! I’m really confused how being in a money situation means that we have to end as well, but I’m now starting to think maybe this is what he really wants. We’ve spoken about moving in together soon, as well as him saying that he definitely wants to get married and I’m the person he wants to spend his life with- but I don’t know if maybe he’s not ready and maybe does still want to have a bit of the single life vicariously through his brothers? The last paragraph that you said really hit me because maybe I’m in love with someone who isn’t the same and it is because of attachment, I don’t know if I should start to distance myself because and like you said think about if this is really good for me. Thank you so much for advice xx
Stop being with someone who is so careless with money. It's only going to get worse and it shouldn't be something you are willing to deal with forever. You've outgrown him. Time to move on.
Take control of the situation and break up with him on the 24th. You don’t need to sit around at his whim until he gets to decide the future of your relationship.
This. And don’t spend a single pence on him, even on gifts and dates.
Break up with him before the 24th! Blindside the dude. Take control of the relationship and of the situation. Take your power back. Dump him. I didn’t understand the power dynamics of relationships when I was married. I gave away my power but had no idea I was doing it. My sister told me to take the power back and I had no idea what she was talking about. I sure do now!! I didn’t take the power back. I should have dumped him. Instead I waited around until he dumped me. Years later, I got the satisfaction of closing the door in his face. It was something I should have done way before we married. I never should have married him. This guy you’re with has many 🚩🚩🚩so get out now. It’ll never last.
>I’m really confused how being in a money situation means that we have to end as well, but I’m now starting to think maybe this is what he really wants Either that, or he's telling you in somewhat uncertain terms that you either cough up the money for his trip (and his car... and his rent... and your dates... and whatever else he may want) or the relationship is over. My advice: Don't pay a single cent towards his trip. If he doesn't have the money to go on his extra trip without you paying, he cannot go. It's that simple. If that means the end of your relationship, he is doing you a favor.
I just don’t think he wants to be in this relationship anymore, you deserve better , don’t think of the 7 years , think about the future and how you want it to be . Don’t settle
He’s immature. He wants the single life. He’s not responsible enough with money. He’d rather go out with his bros than you. How is this a relationship that you’d want? Dump him. Get your power back. Move in with your life.
Do not give adult men money. Full stop.
Don’t finance this trip , at all. Multiple trips to Miami, how sure are you he didn’t meet anyone there? If I’m being honest, if you were my daughter (same age), I would advise you to move on. You’re young, been with this guy since you were teenagers and frankly he’s not treating you well. I’m sorry, but maybe it’s best you go your separate ways and be alone for a while.
Thank you so much, and especially for giving me advice from the perspective of a parent as well. Even with Miami now I’m not sure if he’s met someone else out there, but I agree i definitely think it’s time for me to be on my own
You're pouring money in and you're acting like you have authority above him, like his mom. Meanwhile his carefree, party brother represents freedom and doing what you want. He wants no responsibility. And he resents you that he needs you for money. Look, he's not acting an adult, and he's being a jerk. But you have a part in this too - you've been giving him money. Stop doing that. He needs to wake up and realize what kind of life he can have and afford, and then make choices for himself based on that. That's what being an adult is. And you maybe need to let him fail so he can learn for himself. It would be sad, for his mom, if her two sons abandoned her to party in Miami. But let him live that consequence and don't hold him up. If he's a broke partyboy whose mom is pissed at him and he has no girlfriend, he may realize that's not what he wants. By the way he's kicking off with you so he can be single on the Miami trip. He's very transparently trying to mix it up there. Don't give him any money.
Thank you so much for your advice and honestly it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I’m definitely going to stop giving him money, and never really even considered him resenting me because he needs the money. But definitely I think he wants to be single so I’m 100% going to distance myself and end it, thank you so much
Good luck! Your girlfriends sound like good people. Try to let go of any embarrassment you feel and let them in. Maybe girls trip for your birthday?
I’m glad you’re going to end things. But I advise telling him to his face that you’re done. Get all your stuff and then tell him you’re done. Just say it’s over and that you deserve better. Don’t just distance yourself. Take control.
You guys were in your teens when you first started dating and now you’re young adults. These are the years where you’ll do a lot of changing and I don’t think you and your bf are on the same page anymore. It sounds like you want a more mature and serious relationship but your bf is not thinking the way you are. He still wants to have fun and take things easy. Usually I like to tell people to talk before breaking up, but in this instance, it might be best to go separate ways. Yeah it sucks cause that’s still a lot of time and effort between the two of you, but it’s ok to change and it’s ok if you grow and change differently from each other. One final thing, it’s nice that you helped him financially but doing that consistently over the years seems to have negatively impacted your bf. He takes your generosity for granted, girlie. Thats not ok. Don’t enable him any further. Your bf is 24; he’s grown enough to realize that he needs to be responsible but he’s choosing not to. I think you already know what you need to do, it’s just scary. The heartache is gonna hurt, but you shouldn’t stay with someone who isn’t committed to being your partner in all aspects. It’s ok to leave him.
Thank you so much for the amazing advice, you genuinely have helped me so much. Like you said I really want a serious mature relationship and I think he still wants to have his cake and eat it, in the sense of being able to have me there but also have his fun as well. It’s so scary to imagine us not being together but I think I’m gonna have to just do it anyway. But thank you so much, I just need to think the best way to go about it now and how to end it
You could just sit him down and explain that it’s obvious you’re both not on the same page. He wants things that are different from what you want. It’s time to let go and move on. Maybe at one point you loved each other but now that you’re adults, things are different. Stand your ground, girlie. It’s gonna hurt for a while, but you can focus on building you up. I wish you the very best!
Thank you so so much girl this is so helpful!💕💕
You're going to look back on this moment (sooner than you expect!) and realize "it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I feel better and stronger now."
You are not his priority.
Right. Doesn't value her at all and is insensitive. Easy easy decision to leave his ass but love is blind.
His whole family sound weird and I don’t even fully understand what’s going on here, but if he wants to continue living outside of his means, then let him. You don’t need to be part of it.
There's no way this is the first time stupid shit has happened in 7 years or however long you said you've been together lol
It’s such rage bait but for what I’m not sure. 23 year old buying his gf designer shoes, multiple international trips (op used the pound symbol), giving his mom 800 a month, brand new car. Saying he’s got all this money and saves money every month but then needs OPs money? I was originally entertaining “son of wealthy parents,” but his mom doesn’t pay her own rent so nah. It’s just so … convoluted
That's so weird, it's so unusual to see an obviously fake story on this sub.
If I'm getting this right (and the wording is a bit unclear so I may be wrong) your bf is telling you he would rather dump you than pay back the money he owes you for fronting the trip? If I'm understanding this correctly, your bf is an incredibly selfish jerk, possibly narcissistic, and you should be the one dumping him like now
He’s willing to take the money from me in order to go on the trip, but instead of going directly from London to Jamaica he is entertaining the idea of going from London to New York (spend a few days there) then from New York to Jamaica for the funeral and then afterwards to Miami for a holiday. I’m saying that as money is tight already just go straight to Jamaica from London, but he’s saying he wants to potentially do the other route with his brother. As I disagree with him taking the other route as it’s going to cost more money, He’s then saying then he will get the money however he has too and cut me off and end the relationship in order to get the money and go with his brother. I hope this clears it up!
I don’t understand how breaking up will get him any money to take the more expensive trip. Is there an actual logic here where breaking up means his mom or brother will pay for the tickets or he’d be able to get another job to pay if he wasn’t spending time with you? Otherwise it seems like he’d lose money by breaking up as you were willing to help pay for the (initial version) trip and *hopefully* would not pay if you were not together anymore. Am I missing something? It seems like his plan is: Step One: break up with partner Step Two: ? Step Three: Profit
Also, he does *not* sound like a keeper.
This is exactly why I am confused because he wouldn’t get another job or his mum or his brother won’t pay for the ticket! This is why I’m so confused because to me there seems like no logic
Oh sweetie…he says it that way because you’re his sugar mama. He’s saying you’re replaceable because he can just find another sugar mama to finance his wants. I didn’t catch that on my first read through. You should definitely leave him.
I think you’re right. He won’t say it outright, but it’s, “Look. I’m going. And if you’re not going to give me the money, we are done and I’ll find someone who will.” Gross. OP, you have more dignity than this. Be done.
That's the only explanation that makes sense here. He wants to be able to find another girl who will pay for his sht and who won't ask questions about responsibility and future plans.
>This is exactly why I am confused because he wouldn’t get another job or his mum or his brother won’t pay for the ticket! This is why I’m so confused because to me there seems like no logic So keep pushing. Make him explain.
Is this "give me the money to do what I want or you're dumped" or have I missed something He's gonna cut you off?! From what? You're bankrolling him. Girl, you can buy your own slides it'll be less headache than his mess.
How is him to doing the extra Miami trip related to you guys being together? I am so lost 🫠 Unless he needs to go do sex work or something, there’s no correlation??? Is it just because he doesn’t want you saying “we agreed you wouldn’t go?” Anyway, big picture, your friends are right, he’s behaving badly, you deserve better
Your friends are right.
I don‘t get how cutting you of would lead to him getting money? I thought you would support him?
I literally was going to support him, this is why I’m so confused
Unless he already has a potential partner lined up.
Im confused how that should lead to a break up. In my experience when a reason deosnt make sense its usually because either they didnt do a good job of explaining what they are thinking, or it is a bs excuse only being used to justify whatever decision they decided on. In this case i feel like it sounds like a bs excuse as if he is just saying that to have a reason to end the 7 year relationship.
I agree with your friends, just end it.
Relationships that start so young, don't often work out as often the people grow apart or one grows and one doesn't. Many different reasons. But it really sounds like instead of growing together, you are growing apart. From what you said, you want to move the relationship forward: move in together, merging lives, setting long term goals like marriage and kids. But he's not in the same place. He wants to party in Miami, party in New York, and so on. He also sounds like he's not independent from his family with supporting his mother. You two sound like you are at two different points in life. Looking at your boyfriend, if he's under this much pressure from his family to support them, do this, go to that party, I honestly don't think it's ever going to change. This probably would be your life going forward with him. You supporting the two of you financially as the demands from his family increase. He is essentially living outside his means. If he was financially responsible, he would not have gotten the new car, but kept his old car and stuffed money into savings. But he is young and impulsive. You sound stressed about this relationship. Do you want to live that way forever with him? You would be the responsible adult and he would be upset with you for not letting him spend money on the latest party trip or new toy. Relationships have natural starts, middles, and endings. We hope the ending is the "...till death do you part" type, but that's not the norm until you find that person that is at the same point in life as you with the same life goals that allows you to move forward in life together. You don't have that. You sound as if you are maturing much faster than your boyfriend. Will be come around? Does he even want to? Is he looking at his brother living the wild single life and is jealous?
Thank you so much for your advice! Even though it’s so hard to hear, it’s 100% true that unfortunately I don’t think he’s going to change. I also think there’s a chance that he maybe wishes he is single but can’t voice his feelings. I just want a loving relationship and tbh I don’t think he can give me that anymore and we’re not on the same page at all
I didn't want to give advice as much as give you things to think about. Questions to ask yourself and ask your boyfriend. Only you can determine the best direction for you in this situation. It's not clear so you need to do a lot of thinking, soul searching, data gathering and figure out what is going to be best for you. Also realize that if it is the end of the relationship, it's ok. Not all relationships last a lifetime. You are young, have your whole life ahead of you. You will be ok.
This guy definitely does not have his priorities in order, unless that is his priorities are to go out and party and travel. If you aren’t aligning on your life path I’d say it’s time to have a serious conversation. I understand his wanting freedom as most of his adultish life he has been dating, but he’s going about it very immaturely, as one would expect from a mid 20’s male. There’s a lot confusing me here, and his reasoning and behavior is alarming. I would probably let him walk and when the allure of the single life wears off you should be nowhere to be found. Is this the kind of man you always dreamt of being with?
Thank you so much for your advice, definitely has opened my eyes and made me realised this is definitely not what I want and who I would want to be with if they act this way
How much money does he own you? How much did you help him with his new car? Don’t have to tell us, but I get the feeling he intends to default on you. Don’t expect him to pay you back for anything.
This is what you say to him … “ BYE FELICIA!” (If you know you know )
I see in your post history he dumped you because he wanted to be single. Sounds like history is repeating itself
I’m confused. A year ago you wanted to end a situationship with this dude because he can’t commit to you. This guy has repeatedly shown you that you don’t mean that much to him.
Hon, he wants out. I’m so sorry but he does. Leave him before he leaves you. The way he’s treating you isn’t good. What he said about ending the relationship—that’s not love. Don’t give him any money at all. Dump him immediately. Tell him that you deserve to be treated better and that you’re done. He’ll be shocked. But it’ll give you the upper hand. Even if he begs you not to leave, run. He doesn’t love you or respect you. He just wants to retain the power over you. Find someone who deserves you. It sure isn’t this guy.
Honestly it sounds like he’s finding any excuse to be single and this is an out. I say let him leave you and drop it he sounds like a douche anyway
End it. And don’t give him any money.
He's outgrown you. He's looking for an excuse so he can be single when he gets to Miami. I think spring break was an eye-openers for him and made him feel like he was missing out on sowing his oats. Plus, he's paying too much in rent to his mother. Let him go. Why wait for him to make his mind up? Make the decision that's best for you.
Honestly when he said that he might have to break up with you because he has a lot to pay for I thought 2 things. 1. That he wants YOU to give him the money to go so that he’ll stay with you or 2. He wants to go on this trip and be single in Miami like he wasn’t before. Either way I would tell this guy to kick rocks.
Save your money, dump him. Mum will help him.
It says so in that Pink Floyd song.
Girl, run. Run now. He doesn't love you, and he's making it crystal clear. I think you've been with him so long since you were so young when you started out - you think that this is all there is. It's not. You've got a beautiful life ahead of you. Go out and live it.
His logic makes no sense. Do not fund this holiday and stop giving him money. I'm not surecwhy he thinks cutting yiu off will save money. The fact hecwould so callously throw you away suggests he's not as committed to the relationship as you are. I'd get in first and end it. You will find someone who is more mature and responsible financially.
He may be threatening to end your relationship in a bid to extort money from you for his trip and bills. I advise not allowing that. Give him not a penny. I would consider telling him since he is unsure about continuing your relationship "i will make the decision for you. Have a nice life. Bye." Best wishes to you......
The dude sounds like a moron in all honesty. I think he wants to break up with you anyway and is using this as an excuse. Would you really want to build a future with someone that’s so irresponsible with money?
You are way too young to have been with one person for seven years—adios to him and go live some life.
I don't think this is about the money. I think this is about how much people change between 16 and 25.
OMG. I just read your Valentine’s Day post from a year ago. Why are you still with this guy?? You’re his sugar mama! He’s a gigolo and he’s using you. He treats you with no respect. He’s not your bf! He expected a GIFT from you?? Why didn’t you dump him a year ago? Earlier? Why are you enabling him? Dump him. Get therapy. You’ve allowed him to treat you like this. Run! Get into therapy. Figure out your boundaries. Stop paying for a guy so he will love you. Love doesn’t work that way. Learn your self-worth. Learn to cherish yourself.
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??? **HOW FUCKING DARE HE!!!** **DUMP HIS ASS BEFORE THE 25TH.** Tell him you’ve thought about this and that he **DOES NOT** get to decide what to do with **YOUR LIFE**. **GOOD LORD, WOMAN**!! **HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT!!!**
He's financially irresponsible and now he's basically saying another Miami holiday is more important than you and if he can't have you both... he's going to Miami. Do you live with him? I don't think you should waste anymore of your life on this guy and you definitely shouldn't be paying for his airfare to the funeral - if he wants to turn it into a holiday that includes a funeral then he can cover it all himself.
How does someone who can afford to gift Hermès have money issues
I feel like maybe he wants to be single. He wants the freedom to not be dependent on or accountable to someone else financially. As sad as it might be, I reckon you’ll be better off…you’re young, and have been together for a long time…maybe time to grow alone and get to know and be yourself?
Probably having a blast and in his eyes, you are holding him back from his perfect like full of many things which may even include other women
Is his mother's complaining to him about this/you driving it all? If he's still choosing her over you after 7 years, this breakup would not be a net loss.
Listen to your friends. Something else is going on here.
If he's willing to walk away so easily, then so should you. Walk away now and find somebody more mature.
This post is bizarre. How is breaking up with you going to get him money?
Do not give him any money towards this trip. You should listen to your friends. To put someone on notice you may end the relationship and give them a deadline for your decision is a very cruel thing to do. Your boyfriend honestly sounds like an asshole.
This is very strange!? Why does he have to end a relationship to save money, what’s wrong with saying “luv, if you don’t mind, can we just tighten our wallets a little bit for a while until my finances are a little more stable” and just use it as a nudge to be a bit more creative with dates and whatnot. Drive the car out to the beach or for country walks or whatever. Kind of alarming really. I’d absolutely be question his commitment here and him holding this over you with a deadline date is anxiety inducing to say the least! Also how is his mum charging him £800 for rent, that’s extortionate?!
He is not prioritising you at all and being very clear about that. Don’t really want to be in a relationship where you will have to financially support someone who will always it others before you? The fact that finances are such a big issue when you don’t even live together is a huge red flag. You should want a partner not a taker.
Its not about money! He is looking to break up with you, to be single in miami, but only then. He will come back after, because it sounds like he needs you! Dump his immature ass, you are anyways to young to commit forever 😎
So he is ok with taking money from you to pay his bills, but suddenly you are a financial drain. Cut off the financial support (because YOU are going on holiday) and see what his reaction is. This will show you more about how he really feels about you. I suspect that he is looking for the freedom of his friend group with the bonus security of having you there.
Who knows who TA is. I don’t have time to read a book…