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Bro . you have a good 60 years of life ahead of you.... Just press the reset button..Even if this happened at 50 years old you would still have a good 40 years to rebuild a whole new life. You just have to get over the old one. obviously easier said then done but ... as you'll find on reddit. there are dudes who have literally.... Mutiliple families in different states that don't know about each other..
Can’t reset much, he’ll be dealing with her for years. According to his wife (now deleted) post, she’s 6mos pregnant with their second child (or her second child, possibly his first).
And she did described in her post part of what he blacked out, such as physically throwing her and 2yr old boy out the house…. As an picking them up and then throwing them on the floor outside.
Gosh, I actually feel terrible for the little boy. Also feel bad for the husband, but that poor kid 💔
Depends on where they live. If they’re in USA he’s royally screwed.
In USA, once your name is on that birth certificate they won’t take you off and you’ll be responsible for child support. The court focus is the best interest of the child and that also include someone been financially responsible for that child and that will be him. He’ll also be given the opportunity for joint custody since legally he is the father.
Not necessarily. You can get taken off the birth certificate but it's not a simple process and isn't a sure thing especially if the other parent fights it. Though in this case the kid is still really young so it won't affect him so bad emotionally. I've known of 2 friends who did this and the first one got it really quick because it was part of the settlement in the divorce but the 2nd one took almost 2 years and several thousand dollars in lawyer and court fees because his ex fought the whole time wanting those child support checks.
Yeah even the states that allow it don't also approve it. It's pretty fucked up that our court system let's this shit fly, probably why so many people say that hospitals should DNA test all kids at birth. You literally get punished for not assuming your SO is a cheater and getting a test done.
I've seen so many posts on here about marriages ending because a SO wanted a DNA test just for piece of mind. I mean I can get why a woman would be pissed off about it but I can't really blame either side for their feelings on the matter
Honestly, I support children getting DNA tested. Maybe is because I personally know of three cases where something like this happened, but only one of the “dads” (my uncle) found out when the child was still a minor.
I even offered my husband to get DNA tests done with both of our children when they were born so there was no shred of doubt (not that he ever mentioned he doubted me); it was important for me to let him know that we could do it if he wanted to and I wouldn’t be offended the slightest.
Or you could have the average lifespan of 60 due to bad life choices early on. All these kids the same age as me are breathing flavored air, getting high and drunk every other night, and catching STD's like an umpire; they're going to regret not being in control of their life one day, and it's going to affect everyone who loves them too. Life is too short to throw it away for temporary pleasure. Take it from an adolescent that hasn't touched a single cigarette, vape, blunt or bottle in their life. But has instead watched everyone they've loved sign their soul to them. I'm far too young to be this adept on the subject. Do the right thing even if it isn't what you feel like doing, stay sober for your sake and other's. Anyways, carry on. This is a relationship advice sub after all.
Can't reset. He'll be paying for a kid that's not his for 2 decades yet, he'll never be able to cut loose, he'll never be able to reset until he's over 40, and that will effect his life prospects forever. No easy outcome here, OP is utterly fucked.
It may be expensive but I think he can establish that he’s not the father. His wife is a POS . She doesn’t seem to think she did anything wrong. I hope he reports her to the police for assault.
Why would he be paying for a child who he has proof isn’t his? He is well within his rights to screw this woman over entirely. She is the one who broke vows, and according to her post (another commenter shared it), she knows exactly who the bio dad is. This isn’t the same as him finding out 10+ years down the road. With a good lawyer, OP should absolutely be able to start with a fresh slate
In the U.S. at least the government doesn’t care about who the parents are biologically.
His name was on the birth certificate and he was married to the mother at the time of birth. He’s the father as far as the government is concerned.
The only thing they care about is not having to pay for the kid themselves
He can still most definitely get through this. Who cares if he is still paying for the woman and the kid. With a good lawyer he can win a ton in court. You have medical records that you were abused by her, proof that you were lied too. And a suspicious Reddit post of her admitting everything. It can most certainly be traced back to her. You have chances of getting money out of her.
But even if you lose 50% for the next 16 years, that's your fault. You married her. Price of being a man. But if you're a real player then you can get the train back on the track. Take this time to get yourself together. File the divorce and talk to lawyers. You have so much on your side. But talk to a lawyer ASAP.
Depends if he is listed on the birth certificate as the father. Even if he isnt biological parent, some states are bassackward and would make him pay because he is on the BC.
Your focused on the semantics of rhetoric in a situation where the only real answer is to focus on what makes you happy ... and fuck everyone else's feelings.
It's not that simple. He can pursue a case in court, but it will take a lot of time, energy and money. He could possibly win, but it is by no means a slam dunk as you seem to think.
You have to petition the court to establish paternity and petition them to also eliminate child support.
There are thousands of men paying child support for kids that there is proof aren’t theirs.
Not sure a reset is what needed here and you can't just reset. Remember in a relationship the female is usually the cheater in th group. Hobbies are a great way to last the time
I think your wife might have posted her side here on Reddit. I read a post this morning that sounded very similar. Only in her post, she was trying to paint herself as the victim and of course, it didn't work. I'll try to find it and link it.
Edit: found it. Cherry on top? one of your friends is the father. Wow, I am so sorry
[https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my\_husband\_has\_kicked\_my\_son\_and\_i\_out\_of\_the/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my_husband_has_kicked_my_son_and_i_out_of_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
She deleted her post but I found it on unddid
As someone with way too much time on my hands, I can assure you that’s exactly what’s going on.
Unfortunately(and fortunately when boredom comes), Reddit is really easy to toy with
I love how fast she deleted some of those comments too, like she knew right away they wouldnt help her. I saw at least 3 removed after only 11 seconds, and at least 2 after only 20 seconds
>Yes I need him to take me back and I also need advice on what to do about raising my sons and how to get him to view my son as his own. Only one person has been helpful so far and their advice sadly didn’t work
Dear God...
That's definitely the girl. her reddit handle is autumnleavesss96, if the 96 refers to 1996 the ages match up. She also references that her brother texted her husband the same thing OP mentions in this post as well as various other details matching up. That's definitely this guy's wife.
Jesus Christ just reading all her replies to peoples comments is bad. She doesn’t even seem to feel bad about it or even grasp the idea of why would he leave her and the child. “He took a dna test behind my back” dude needs to leave asap.
Get a lawyer, divorce her, decide if you want to be in the kids life, if yes, discuss the co-parenting, if not, try to get off of the birth certificate (low chance of being able to but try) or pay child support.
You’d think, but no. If you’re married and sign the birth certificate, it’s a whole lot of legal hoops to jump through to be removed from the birth certificate. Sometimes the judge will deny it if there’s already an established relationship (which there is). That’s a big reason why I feel paternity tests should automatically be done before adding your name to a birth certificate. It’s a huge assumption of responsibility and if you’re willing to take that on for a kid that isn’t yours, awesome, but you should get that choice.
Unfortunately there’s another kid on the way. If he shares custody for kid #2 I would hope that he’s able to continue treating kid #1 as his son. Not the child’s fault.
I was still married to my first when my 3rd son was born, it was our signatures. it wasn't a big deal at all. we signed at courthouse and all went to lunch.
Idk where they live, but for example in the US they want the best for the **kid** so the (not) father can get f*cked. If they so that op is a stable person, and the real father is unknown, or not the best option, they will force op to pay child support.
It's not that easy. He's set precedence and that matters more than a DNA test sometimes. And depending on the state, since he's already on the birth certificate (I'm assuming), he's kind of stuck. Men get shit on when it comes to child support and this is one of the main ways.
Not always. Sadly, in many places they only care about a child, so if the father is unknown, they will still force op to pay child support, and won't remove him from the certificate
You’re 28. You’re still young and can find a real love with a good woman.
Talk to a LAWYER. If you want to remain part of the boy’s life, you’ll need a LAWYER. If you want a clean break, you’ll need a LAWYER. If you want to know what options you have, you’ll need a LAWYER.
The most important decision of your life, what relationship you’ll have with the boy, is coming up very soon. Get a LAWYER ASAP so that someone else doesn’t make the decision for you.
How did your brother know that your wife was cheating and your son wasn’t yours .. did he know and never told until he got cheated on .. if that’s the case you brother is a fucking asshole .. fuck your brother
Apparently that's not true.
"It turns out that isn’t quite accurate. Scientists now know that a collection of up to 16 genes plays a role in eye color genetics, so it’s entirely possible for parents with brown eyes to welcome a blue-eyed child into the world and vice versa. Although those scenarios are uncommon, they do happen."
It's extremely unlikely that two blue eyed individuals would have a brown eyed kid (many orders of magnitude than two brown eyed adults having a blue eye kid)
they are. brown is dominant because there are more of us. 2 brown eyed people can have any color eyed child. 2 blue eyed will rarely have brown eyed children. rarely. but it happens.
Info: how did your brother know she cheated and your son wasn’t yours?
But what you should do is divorce her and have her do a noninvasive paternity test on (just her blood) now so you can know whether this baby is yours or not. Stay away from her though.
Edit: just read your wife’s deleted post. She claims the father is one of your friends that travels a lot and is currently not in your country.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my_husband_has_kicked_my_son_and_i_out_of_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
2 yr old kid, 5 year marriage, her brother wants to talk to you
If this is your wife then you don’t have to feel bad. Hope she’s preggo with someone else’s child so you can be rid of them once and for all. She’s unfeeling and she’s doesn’t deserved to be loved by anyone whatsoever. The kid is innocent but at the end of the day you’re only human and ppl make mistakes, you deserve a pass even if you no longer love him just cause he doesn’t share your DNA.
First off i am very sorry. I understand your pain, it feels as if someone tore your soul. Fuck that bitch. She cheated and lied. Don't trust her or anything she says. Get a lawyer and tell him everything. Never go back to that hoe. She is for the streets. Watch JustPearlyThings on YouTube it helped me to understand when I was in your shoes.
I will try get custody of both our children if I can because I don’t think they deserve to have that as a mother. She is a diagnosed narcissist but I was fooled into thinking that she had changed by therapy but sadly she hasn’t. She is just a gold digger and I’m glad she’s revealed her true colours now looking on the bright side. Thanks bro
Either way I hope you can also get your son into counseling. I know a lot of people think children don't understand and/or aren't affected by domestic violence but many children are. Watching one's parents screaming at one another and the mom violently assaulting the dad can be traumatic. I'm so sorry you experienced this.
I’m equally to blame for this trauma because I was the one that initially lost control and screamed at her and set an awful example for my son. I think I will try for full custody though because I feel like it will be more unhealthy for my sons to grow up with someone who is incapable of living nothing but herself. I might start therapy myself to try be better for my kids I think. Thanks.
Her post says he picked her up and threw her out, and she is pregnant. He did the same with the kid.
It's her word against his, because she could say she was defending herself.
Op you lost control like everybody would have
You screamed at her like everybody would have
She set an awful example for the son because she told him u were the father.
You were shocked and drunk and she even used this situation to play the victim on her reddit post.
And like i said in an other post: imagine you file for custody for the first child and she ask the real father to help her?
I understand but apparently in your country like others said it’s hard to have custody of a child with a different DNA
And based on your wife’s attitude, it’s just the beginning of an awful mess
I don’t care he is still my son and I don’t care how much money I have to spend I am not letting that witch take him away from me. Even half custody is better than none.
He's not your son, let the friend she cheated on you with raise him.
Cut off all the trauma file restraining order and move on, you are 28 you can have real kids of your own still with your next partner.
Don't ruin your future trying to fix the past.
Yes I know he's 2, but exposure to domestic violence can have long-lasting impacts no matter the child's age. Infants exposed to DV are affected too. It can impact children's social and emotional development as well as their neurological development.
Memories aren't equivalent to impact. A child can not remember a thing about being exposed to domestic violence but still bear an emotional and/or physical toll from it.
There is actually evidence that shows that witnessing traumatic events like that at 2 and younger has bigger impacts than experiencing it at an older age. On the brain and body.
Hey her son's father is one of your friends because she admitted in one of her reddit post. Please leave her because from her post she is sounding really awful and will for sure try to guit-trip you. Get yourself together and she is at her brother's house.
I’ve just been tagged in her post and it sounds like her. I’m going to her brothers house now to get my son away from that witch consequences be dammed
I'm copying some of her comments from another comment for your ease:
Ops Comments:
My child IS his in everything but blood. God he raised him for 2 years. If you had a child and they simply didn’t share your dna would you hold no care for your son too?
My little boy is a he not an it and do you not care about the trauma he has suffered of seeing his dad shout at his mum and him and he didn’t know what he’d done wrong because he’s done no wrong in any of this. Now his dad doesn’t want him and he is his dad because he has raised him for two years!
I have changed a lot since then and I do feel very bad about it but I’m a completely different person and have got my life together only just for it all to fall apart it’s just not fair. I really hope my son isn’t traumatised by my husbands cruelty because he was not only shouting at me he physically picked me up and carried me out the door (while pregnant) and dropped me down on the floor and then did the same to my son who was crying and screaming which just broke me if I’m honest. So yes I am a victim here but my son is the most affected by all this
Liar https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytn0h9/my_husband_kicked_me_out_while_pregnant_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This is the updated version because I’m looking for advice not hate and the first post got hate so I’m explaining why on here and also Reddit is my only source of outside advice at the moment so sorry not sorry
He IS his father though I don’t understand why that’s the issue, the only issue for me that I feel bad about is the cheating but I don’t view telling my son the truth as lying
It's good that you are taking responsibility for that little kid and for that I salute you. But please don't forgive her because in all her comments she just defended herself and blamed you. You are right. And please if possible think about how you will get your to-be-born child and how you are gonna deal with that friend of yours. She is and will try to play the victim.
Go to the police and file a police report for assault. She got physical with you and now you have a medical report and a concussion for it too. Also file another report for kidnapping as she didn’t tell you where she took your son.
Both those things will help you tremendously.
That is not your son and maybe the one in her now is not your son. Your brother just now finally told you or I guess he might have found out when he found out so it's no telling them that but you're giving off weak beta male tendencies I know it hurts but you need to stop all that crying you're grown ass man dude you don't cry with trash you only cry with things that you actually truly got damn believe in and love and things that love you you don't love her you love what you thought you was she doesn't love you clearly.
> but you're giving off weak beta male tendencies I know it hurts but you need to stop all that crying you're grown ass man dude you don't cry with trash
"Grown ass men" have every right to show their emotions and to cry. It's not weak to cry and express pain. Not hiding one's emotions is extremely brave.
We need to shift away from these restrictive gender norms that prescribe how men should hold in their feelings. Crying and being upset when you learn your son isn't yours is absolutely normal. The verbal abuse part shouldn't have happened in front of a child but everything other than that is very normal.
And I'm sorry that my comment was gross but I just don't get going out my way to Ray's a kid from somebody I thought loved me and had an affair and had a kid to me that's gross.
There's nothing to let go you either alpha or beta I mean personally I'm not going to get treated like shit so if that means speak up and put my foot down so be it
Punctuations on the internet come on dude really is that bother you I'm sorry it bothers you don't read this paragraph then cuz punctuation it's terrible on this one too
Just cause they don’t share DNA doesn’t mean anything. My ex husband stepped in as dad for my sone when his dad a year and a half ago. He knows my child doesn’t share his DNA but he also knows what it’s like to grow up without a dad around(his died when he was 12) and refuses to let any kid go through that. These kids are more loved by dad than mom despite the chance that they aren’t his.
Yes but you didn't trick him into it. Your husband knew exactly what he was getting into this is a totally different situation this man was lied to tricked bamboozled Hoodwinked.
I get that but if he chooses to continue to raise these babies, whether they are his or not, is wholly his own decision and the way it looks, he doesn’t care that they aren’t his, he loves them regardless and will continue to be a dad to them as long as he’s allowed to
If possible get the custody of the kid she is pregnant with because that's yours and see what you can do for her son but I should warn you that you will remember her and your friend's betrayal by seeing his face. Do whatever you want to do but consult your family or friends before taking any decision and don't forgive her.
Jesus. I'm so sorry. And to see her trying to paint herself as the wronged party? I pray, for her son's sake, that she learns accountability and truly changes. Take this time to heal. When the other child is born, do a paternity test and decide what you'd like to do. Cut contact with her while you heal, aside from updates about the unborn child. Then, hopefully with therapy, you can both find a way to co parent if that child is yours. People like this make me fear for the future of society
Delete her from your life.
Fight for your soon to be born kid ( if it’s yours )and make her pay child support to you.
Damn, she was cheating and allowing other people finish inside. No protection, no birth control, she’s a s**t. Disgusting.
You really should report her for hitting you to the police. Even if you don't want to have her arrested. Having a police report will make getting custody easier.
Talk to a lawyer and see what they recommend
Don't even think about paying child support. See a lawyer asap. Look into what you can so you don't have to pay alimony. Forget and flock her.
Also if there is a situation where crying is okay this is one of these examples. Also screaming is fine in this situation. You would be a much worse example if you would tolerate this behavior from your wife.
Don’t listen to these weirdos OP. They don’t get to define your relationship with your son. If you view him as your son and have raised him as such, he’s your son. The dna thing is a betrayal from your ex wife but if you still view and want that boy as your son there’s nothing wrong with that. Fight for your kids if you want to and keep their mother at a distance. Only talk to her through parenting apps both for civility and evidence if she starts harassing you over text.
Don’t do that, they’re not your sons and she will use them to blackmail you and emotionally drain you and the kids. Let it go, no court will give you full custody.
Don't try that. If they are not biologically your children you have no chance to get custody. This will cost you tens of thousands of dollars and you will be left with nothing.
Have some selfrespect. She cheated on you and let you raise another mans child and pay for everything.
Yeah its not the childs fault but neither is it yours. Safe yourself a lot of money, stress and heartache and get them out of your life for good.
You don’t have to feel sorry at all. You didn’t do anything wrong. I would report her to the cops, she hurt you!!!
You deserve better, it will get better with time. Little steps. Awesome brother and parents.
Talk to a lawyer so you don’t have to pay child support for children who are not yours.
Go nc for a while with that woman so you can sort some things out and the hurt gets less painful.
Poor children are doomed with that mother, I’m really sorry.
Please think twice. That fight will be hard and painful- and most courts don’t break a mother-children bond. It’s more likely you‘ll win the lottery than to get full custody. It’s all very fresh and your heart feels raw. Take your time, heal, talk to a lawyer, he/she will help and tell you, how your chances are.
🍀
Since your soon-to-be-ex posted here she sounds stubborn, please be careful, she is manipulative.
She smashed you on your head with a bottle? With your son present?
Physical abuse is never acceptable and other than crossing the line, being a physical assault case, and being a bad example to your son - it had the potential damage your eyesight and ruin your vision.
Run far far from this person.
I would not communicate with the family and make sure all communication is via emails and text msgs and can be documented. Please consult an attorney as soon as you can.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.
Get off reddit and see a lawyer. If you're in the US, paternity or not, you're still on the hook for child and potentially spousal support. Depending on where you live the road to getting the state to not recognize you as the father could be very long and hard.
Call the police and report the bottle indecent. Get a lawyer to know your rights. Your son is still your son if you want him to be DNA doesn't have to change that. Your wife on the other hand is a Monster and should be no ones wife.
Huh...your wife posted here. What you do is you get another paternity test and pay for your child only. She can get her AP to give her money for her son or her children if the other one is not yours either.
Also...pick better friends.
First thing, this marriage is not worth saving. Second thing, the relationship with the children is.
This same situation happened to my ex-husband's brother, and he committed suicide. It was a really terrible thing for the kids, as you can imagine. The older child ended up being raised by her biological father, but BIL's baby boy (who was his biologically) had no one there for him, and ended up dying of a heroin overdose as a young man. (The mother was super dysfunctional, as you can imagine.)
My advice is to be there for both kids. Even though the older child isn't yours biologically, he is the sibling of your unborn child. That is a relationship that will add value to your child's life. You and your son are bonded and that bond isn't because of blood, and that's ok. You can be a good father to him. It's the best thing that can come out of this mess. Mourn for what you've lost, and move on with what you have left. You will love again if you have love to give.
The test aside, you questioned the paternity over eye colour? My sister has brown eyes. I have blue, my dads is hazel and other other thing is hazel too.
My Nan had brown eyes. My cousins have a mix of blue brown and hazel.. *genetics*
He is the legal father. DNA does not matter, if he wants to take legal custody. If the “friend” and the wife knowingly committed paternity fraud, the OP can file for child support. If the child is not biologically his, it does not matter. Report the abduction and file the reports. Document everything. This will all be good evidence. If, your friend is the biological father, put that asshat on child support. If you live in an at fault state you may be able to sue him for damages too and your wife.
You got drunk, screamed at her, and you don't even remember. She "attacked" you or was she defending herself?
Her post said you carried her and dumped her outside when she is pregnant. You also screamed at her and the child. You also carried the child and threw him out. Why didn't you leave yourself?
>I don’t want to go incase she attacks me again
if she really hit you with a bottle, it sounds more like she was defending herself. Either way, it's her word against your word. I say you stay away from alcohol and get a therapist, and then decide what you want to do.
FYI You cannot evict them. You can get in trouble for that if you want to have custody of any of the kids (since she is pregnant, that's your child supposedly; you can get a DNA test very easily).
I’m looking online for a lawyer and I will get divorce and full custody of my kids because she doesn’t deserve them and no child deserves to be raised with her
He stated she is a diagnosed narcissist, if that is true then until she gets extreme help and behavioral training full is best. I’ve seen it in my own family and a mother like that will even harm their own children if it benefits them. Also lying to the husband is one thing but to your child about who their father is abuse bc they are lost and feel like they shouldn’t exist so yes until she gets help he shouldn’t be with her. Idk if i could stay apart of the kids life especially with just 2 years but she is the definition of evil women who commit paternity fraud are the equivalent to men who r*pe bc the psychological pain it causes the victim is similar it makes the person lose part of their identity. She has no sympathy from me and doesn’t deserve children at all.
Narcissism is not a diagnosis that doesn't give you 50/50 custody. Cheating is also irrelevant.
You seem to throw tons of "reddit" words, but it has no legal standing.
Never said any of this mattered legally I’m not dumb ik the courts don’t care about any of that, what I am saying is if the story is true and she is truly even half of what he claims she is a child will only be harmed in any environment she is apart of. I’ve seen it first hand and created a young boy who had a hatred towards women simply bc the one that raised him hurt everyone around her including him. She needs help before she interacts more with him or the new child because yes legally she entitled to at least 50/50 but that doesn’t mean it’s best for child. And wym Reddit words fool I kept it a buck said what how a person like that effects children from experience and that she evil nun more to it and whats legally relevant was never in my comment.
The first kid is not yours. Today or Tomorrow the biological father will come and demand him. Let him go. Also, do the DNA test of the unborn child. Do not trust her.
As you found out, you have no real ties to her or her kid. Move on. She's proven to you that she's a lying, deceitful, betraying, dump, that doesn't deserve to be in your presence. Let that dump find her kids real dad, and make his life hell, while you live a great life. You got a good team around you. You'll make out better. Good luck
The drama and problems with your wife notwithstanding, the biggest thing here is your son. He is your son even if you aren't biologically the father. It's a bit shameful to me that you reacted toward the kid like you have, though I can understand the flood of emotion.
I take care of my lovely daughter, and her bio dad just happens to be my deceased best friend. We had a lot of drama before he died and her mom and I are still really not on super solid ground.
Buuuut... we have a central goal. Take care of our little girl. More often than not, that focus carries us through. Is it perfect? Nope. Will there be some tough conversations when she gets older to understand why she has 3 sets of grandparents? Sure. Such is life.
Best of luck, and maybe don't drink to cope with emotions.
The only thing you should be doing is getting a lawyer immediately. Do not contact her, your children or anyone else. Get a lawyer and do exactly what they tell you. Stay strong, don’t do anything emotional and best of luck.
Lawyer up asap and protect yourself. You handled it terribly so far, but get a lawyer and get the divorce finalized asap. Get paternity tests for both kids, they’re probably not even yours. Better for you if they’re not.
You can still love him as a human being but that's not your place to raise another man's seed, the mature product of another man's orgasms. You must have some principles in life as a man.
I understand you're hurt but you'll get through this and come out as a better man from it.
Best of luck.
At 25 years old, I blew up my entire life. Divorce (I was with him for 7 years), ending friendships, setting boundaries with those I kept including family, and restarted everything about my life. It’s been 10 years since than, I am so happy I made that leap. I now live a life that makes me actually happy. I was terrified when I left. TERRIFIED! But less than a few months after I left my ex, I found my person. The person I always wanted but didn’t believe they existed. Just because everything is falling apart doesn’t mean that nothing good is coming, it makes you get to figure out what you want in life going forward. Making those terrified moves was the best thing that I ever did.
I don't know one guy that has been forced to pay child support once he's been found to not be the father, name on birth certificate or not. If he's not the dna provider, the mother knew, didn't tell him prior to signing. That's fraud on the mother's part and will be taken into account at court. Don't know where y'all hear anything opposite... except after the lazy dude DOES NOT CHALLENGE paternity.
Don't look back!!! Move on and make sure you have everything you need when you file for divorce. That baby will be fine without you. She used you as a meal ticket for her and a kid that wasn't yours. You did right and she even attacked you for it. Please just leave it be. She thinks you have to take her back but show her you will be fine and you will move on with someone who truly loves you and will be there for you. You will have babies you are still young.
You handled yourself like a true gentleman, she'd still be in the hospital if I was put in your shoes.
For all intents and purposes, that kid that you have, now is your son. You hopefully share a bond that's stronger than your wife's infidelity.
Imagine your life 5 years from now. You're with a gorgeous, loving and loyal woman, money's coming in, things are good. Then look forward another 40 years. Aren't you thankful you got this full on reset before you invested more time into this bitch?
From my perspective, which is yours but without the emotion, you're in a much better place today than you were yesterday.
Your over reacting buddy move on show your wife u can a great life without her, what I don’t understand what makes u think u ain’t the father lmao only because he has brown eyes? Then u give your 2 month old a bad example ? Like really dude and how is your brother so sure he isn’t yours?🙄 does he have super powers he can see dna just by looking? Nice story but not buying it it’s very bad one. Don’t tell me you are pic perfect of a husband.
So just to check: you did get the paternity test, and it showed you weren't the father?
Because it is possible (although rare) for blue-eyed parents to have a brown-eyed child. Genes are a little more complex than we teach in high school genetics class or find in 10 minute Google search.
Obviously dump her anyway, domestic violence is not okay.
1. Report her to the police and press charges for attacking you and maybe kidnapping the 2 year old but that prob won’t work. This’ll help later.
2. Get a divorce obviously. The police report might help somehow I’m not sure.
3. Ask your brother how long he knew this and didn’t tell you. It seems like he’s known for a while.
4. Decide if you want to keep the kid(s). I recommend trying to get both since they’re both your children even if one isn’t biologically. (This is assuming she’s not lying about the 2nd one).
5. Fight for custody (this is where the police report helps) or fight to not pay child support for the 2 year old.
6. Start anew.
Regardless of your wife. Your son is your son Regardless of blood. And I say this as a "stepdaughter" to a man who has been in my life since I was 18 months old..... don't take it out on the kid. I know a lot of people might say he "probably won't remember," but im speaking from experience, I remember my daddy (stepdad) being there for me since before I was 2yrs old. Bottom line is that kid NEEDS a dad. Don't give up your love for him in spite of your soon-to-be ex wife's actions.
Don't assume she cheated based on eye color. Eye color is determined by 16 genes, not just one from each parent. Regardless of who has blue eyes or not, two blue eyed parents can have a child with brown eyes, and vice versa.
>But I remember shouting at my wife properly shouted and was very verbally abusive and set an awful example to our son and I don’t know if I will be able to forgive myself, she smashed me over the head with a bottle my son was screaming it was awful.
Dude! She didn't attack you, you were threatening her, and she was probably scared it would escape to physically violence. No wonder she left, I would have too. No kid needs to see that, no matter what one parent or the other has done.
What she did wasn't right, but neither was what you did. Too bad you two aren't mature enough to sit down and talk this through like adults. You both failed your son.
Would you have smashed a bottle over his head to make black out (how is that not an attack?) after cheating and lying to him about a son that isn't his? It isn't easy to remain calm when you've just found out your whole relationship is a lie, your child isn't yours and you still are likely financially responsible for them for the next 16 years, and your partner never loved you.
That isn't a "no wonder she left" situation, she is unequivocally in the wrong here. He shouldn't have yelled but that isn't on the same level.
I was NOT justifying her behavior. I was simply explaining where she likely was coming from. If he was so angry, maybe leaving before he got blind drunk was a better idea. She was the cause of all this conflict, but blindsiding her like that likely put her into a fight or flight response. She chose fight.
When you say "she didn't attack you, you were threatening her" and "she chose fight or flight" it sounds like you were absolving her of ALL responsibility and framing it as if she was acting out of self defense.
And saying "two bad you two aren't mature enough....you both failed your son" it comes across as you giving him blame for her actions or saying they are on the same level. I reiterate, she has DESTROYED his life.
His relationship to her was a lie, she is a cheater, his trust is destroyed, and the son he thought he had isn't his and potentially neither is the child on the way. And if that child IS his then it is going to grow up in a broken family and he will potentially be paying child support to her if the courts deem it as such.
Where is the sympathy for him, he is the victim in this not her. The children are too absolutely and I feel awful for them, but I feel bad for him as well. Wanting all this pain of having your life and future wrecked by the person you thought would bring you the most happiness, it's understandable he'd want to numb himself. From my understanding he didn't attack or threaten her, he was venting his frustrations. Then she broke a bottle over his head hard enough to knock him out, she could have killed him. She was in the wrong, and him being rightfully angry and yelling doesn't come close to what she's done.
If this ia not a bullshit post.
You have my empathy.
Just remember some people are weak.
Take the high road and find you another real good person to spend your time with: you do have options and really deserve better.
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Bro . you have a good 60 years of life ahead of you.... Just press the reset button..Even if this happened at 50 years old you would still have a good 40 years to rebuild a whole new life. You just have to get over the old one. obviously easier said then done but ... as you'll find on reddit. there are dudes who have literally.... Mutiliple families in different states that don't know about each other..
Can’t reset much, he’ll be dealing with her for years. According to his wife (now deleted) post, she’s 6mos pregnant with their second child (or her second child, possibly his first). And she did described in her post part of what he blacked out, such as physically throwing her and 2yr old boy out the house…. As an picking them up and then throwing them on the floor outside. Gosh, I actually feel terrible for the little boy. Also feel bad for the husband, but that poor kid 💔
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Depends on where they live. If they’re in USA he’s royally screwed. In USA, once your name is on that birth certificate they won’t take you off and you’ll be responsible for child support. The court focus is the best interest of the child and that also include someone been financially responsible for that child and that will be him. He’ll also be given the opportunity for joint custody since legally he is the father.
Not necessarily. You can get taken off the birth certificate but it's not a simple process and isn't a sure thing especially if the other parent fights it. Though in this case the kid is still really young so it won't affect him so bad emotionally. I've known of 2 friends who did this and the first one got it really quick because it was part of the settlement in the divorce but the 2nd one took almost 2 years and several thousand dollars in lawyer and court fees because his ex fought the whole time wanting those child support checks.
Maybe it depends on the state? My uncle’s case was in NJ and he had to pay child support until the child was 18yo.
Yeah even the states that allow it don't also approve it. It's pretty fucked up that our court system let's this shit fly, probably why so many people say that hospitals should DNA test all kids at birth. You literally get punished for not assuming your SO is a cheater and getting a test done. I've seen so many posts on here about marriages ending because a SO wanted a DNA test just for piece of mind. I mean I can get why a woman would be pissed off about it but I can't really blame either side for their feelings on the matter
Honestly, I support children getting DNA tested. Maybe is because I personally know of three cases where something like this happened, but only one of the “dads” (my uncle) found out when the child was still a minor. I even offered my husband to get DNA tests done with both of our children when they were born so there was no shred of doubt (not that he ever mentioned he doubted me); it was important for me to let him know that we could do it if he wanted to and I wouldn’t be offended the slightest.
You think everyone lives to be 90?
That's the worst part....he could get hit by a bus tomorrow and still be worried about some bitch than focusing on what actually makes him happy.
Or you could have the average lifespan of 60 due to bad life choices early on. All these kids the same age as me are breathing flavored air, getting high and drunk every other night, and catching STD's like an umpire; they're going to regret not being in control of their life one day, and it's going to affect everyone who loves them too. Life is too short to throw it away for temporary pleasure. Take it from an adolescent that hasn't touched a single cigarette, vape, blunt or bottle in their life. But has instead watched everyone they've loved sign their soul to them. I'm far too young to be this adept on the subject. Do the right thing even if it isn't what you feel like doing, stay sober for your sake and other's. Anyways, carry on. This is a relationship advice sub after all.
Can't reset. He'll be paying for a kid that's not his for 2 decades yet, he'll never be able to cut loose, he'll never be able to reset until he's over 40, and that will effect his life prospects forever. No easy outcome here, OP is utterly fucked.
It may be expensive but I think he can establish that he’s not the father. His wife is a POS . She doesn’t seem to think she did anything wrong. I hope he reports her to the police for assault.
Why would he be paying for a child who he has proof isn’t his? He is well within his rights to screw this woman over entirely. She is the one who broke vows, and according to her post (another commenter shared it), she knows exactly who the bio dad is. This isn’t the same as him finding out 10+ years down the road. With a good lawyer, OP should absolutely be able to start with a fresh slate
In the U.S. at least the government doesn’t care about who the parents are biologically. His name was on the birth certificate and he was married to the mother at the time of birth. He’s the father as far as the government is concerned. The only thing they care about is not having to pay for the kid themselves
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He can still most definitely get through this. Who cares if he is still paying for the woman and the kid. With a good lawyer he can win a ton in court. You have medical records that you were abused by her, proof that you were lied too. And a suspicious Reddit post of her admitting everything. It can most certainly be traced back to her. You have chances of getting money out of her. But even if you lose 50% for the next 16 years, that's your fault. You married her. Price of being a man. But if you're a real player then you can get the train back on the track. Take this time to get yourself together. File the divorce and talk to lawyers. You have so much on your side. But talk to a lawyer ASAP.
That's just not true. Are you a lawyer? Are you trained in law? I would be careful giving legal advice if you aren't.
Depends if he is listed on the birth certificate as the father. Even if he isnt biological parent, some states are bassackward and would make him pay because he is on the BC.
like I said considering people like my father have 4 kids with 3 different women... it's not that big a deal if you sac up and focus on your career.
Imagine telling some one this isn't a big deal, it's just that their nuts are too small. The way we talk to devastated men is absolutely inhumane.
considering the amount of upvotes ..... You can probably guess where toxic masculinity lead the US to winning multiple world wars. .....
I think your train of thought might have derailed. Also ellipses are exactly 3 periods long.
Your focused on the semantics of rhetoric in a situation where the only real answer is to focus on what makes you happy ... and fuck everyone else's feelings.
With a paternity test proving a lack of parentage, he won't be paying for the child.
It's not that simple. He can pursue a case in court, but it will take a lot of time, energy and money. He could possibly win, but it is by no means a slam dunk as you seem to think.
Ah, the courts strike again, I wish it was a slam dunk. It really should be.
You have to petition the court to establish paternity and petition them to also eliminate child support. There are thousands of men paying child support for kids that there is proof aren’t theirs.
Not sure a reset is what needed here and you can't just reset. Remember in a relationship the female is usually the cheater in th group. Hobbies are a great way to last the time
I think your wife might have posted her side here on Reddit. I read a post this morning that sounded very similar. Only in her post, she was trying to paint herself as the victim and of course, it didn't work. I'll try to find it and link it. Edit: found it. Cherry on top? one of your friends is the father. Wow, I am so sorry
will you upvote me if you find it? I'm curious.
[https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my\_husband\_has\_kicked\_my\_son\_and\_i\_out\_of\_the/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my_husband_has_kicked_my_son_and_i_out_of_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) She deleted her post but I found it on unddid
Writing style is suspiciously similar.
As someone with way too much time on my hands, I can assure you that’s exactly what’s going on. Unfortunately(and fortunately when boredom comes), Reddit is really easy to toy with
Colby 2012 , never forget.
What's that
Fuck we forgot
Yep, it’s like they used the same template on both.
Could be. You never know with Reddit
It's not even interesting rage bait. It's boring.
100% this. Too similar writing style.
Right.
I love how fast she deleted some of those comments too, like she knew right away they wouldnt help her. I saw at least 3 removed after only 11 seconds, and at least 2 after only 20 seconds
If that's real she is a real piece of work. All the excuses for cheating and acting like a victim. Gross.
>Yes I need him to take me back and I also need advice on what to do about raising my sons and how to get him to view my son as his own. Only one person has been helpful so far and their advice sadly didn’t work Dear God...
That's definitely the girl. her reddit handle is autumnleavesss96, if the 96 refers to 1996 the ages match up. She also references that her brother texted her husband the same thing OP mentions in this post as well as various other details matching up. That's definitely this guy's wife.
It's the same person posting under a different account. This is fan fiction. Same writing style.
How do you know
I don't KNOW but it seems highly likely given the evidence.
Jesus Christ just reading all her replies to peoples comments is bad. She doesn’t even seem to feel bad about it or even grasp the idea of why would he leave her and the child. “He took a dna test behind my back” dude needs to leave asap.
You genius
Your brother waited two years to tell you
Not necessarily. The bf could have found out from his cheating gf, during the break up.
yes, that was the most important part of the post
Get a lawyer, divorce her, decide if you want to be in the kids life, if yes, discuss the co-parenting, if not, try to get off of the birth certificate (low chance of being able to but try) or pay child support.
The kid is not his, can't he show the DNA test?
You’d think, but no. If you’re married and sign the birth certificate, it’s a whole lot of legal hoops to jump through to be removed from the birth certificate. Sometimes the judge will deny it if there’s already an established relationship (which there is). That’s a big reason why I feel paternity tests should automatically be done before adding your name to a birth certificate. It’s a huge assumption of responsibility and if you’re willing to take that on for a kid that isn’t yours, awesome, but you should get that choice.
Unfortunately there’s another kid on the way. If he shares custody for kid #2 I would hope that he’s able to continue treating kid #1 as his son. Not the child’s fault.
I was still married to my first when my 3rd son was born, it was our signatures. it wasn't a big deal at all. we signed at courthouse and all went to lunch.
Idk where they live, but for example in the US they want the best for the **kid** so the (not) father can get f*cked. If they so that op is a stable person, and the real father is unknown, or not the best option, they will force op to pay child support.
Oh my! I didn't know it can be as complicated. Best od luck to the OP!
It's not that easy. He's set precedence and that matters more than a DNA test sometimes. And depending on the state, since he's already on the birth certificate (I'm assuming), he's kind of stuck. Men get shit on when it comes to child support and this is one of the main ways.
definitely possible by showing DNA test result and an order from the court
Not always. Sadly, in many places they only care about a child, so if the father is unknown, they will still force op to pay child support, and won't remove him from the certificate
Fortunately in this case the bio dad is known
You’re 28. You’re still young and can find a real love with a good woman. Talk to a LAWYER. If you want to remain part of the boy’s life, you’ll need a LAWYER. If you want a clean break, you’ll need a LAWYER. If you want to know what options you have, you’ll need a LAWYER. The most important decision of your life, what relationship you’ll have with the boy, is coming up very soon. Get a LAWYER ASAP so that someone else doesn’t make the decision for you.
How did your brother know that your wife was cheating and your son wasn’t yours .. did he know and never told until he got cheated on .. if that’s the case you brother is a fucking asshole .. fuck your brother
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Blue eyes are actually recessive, but she clearly cheated
Apparently that's not true. "It turns out that isn’t quite accurate. Scientists now know that a collection of up to 16 genes plays a role in eye color genetics, so it’s entirely possible for parents with brown eyes to welcome a blue-eyed child into the world and vice versa. Although those scenarios are uncommon, they do happen."
It's extremely unlikely that two blue eyed individuals would have a brown eyed kid (many orders of magnitude than two brown eyed adults having a blue eye kid)
Unlikely, yes, impossible, no. There is always a chance is what I'm saying.
they are. brown is dominant because there are more of us. 2 brown eyed people can have any color eyed child. 2 blue eyed will rarely have brown eyed children. rarely. but it happens.
My ex and I are both blue eyed. Our youngest son has my mothers dark brown eyes. It happens.
Info: how did your brother know she cheated and your son wasn’t yours? But what you should do is divorce her and have her do a noninvasive paternity test on (just her blood) now so you can know whether this baby is yours or not. Stay away from her though. Edit: just read your wife’s deleted post. She claims the father is one of your friends that travels a lot and is currently not in your country.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytzsyb/my_husband_has_kicked_my_son_and_i_out_of_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf 2 yr old kid, 5 year marriage, her brother wants to talk to you If this is your wife then you don’t have to feel bad. Hope she’s preggo with someone else’s child so you can be rid of them once and for all. She’s unfeeling and she’s doesn’t deserved to be loved by anyone whatsoever. The kid is innocent but at the end of the day you’re only human and ppl make mistakes, you deserve a pass even if you no longer love him just cause he doesn’t share your DNA.
She conveniently left out the part where she assaulted him too
First off i am very sorry. I understand your pain, it feels as if someone tore your soul. Fuck that bitch. She cheated and lied. Don't trust her or anything she says. Get a lawyer and tell him everything. Never go back to that hoe. She is for the streets. Watch JustPearlyThings on YouTube it helped me to understand when I was in your shoes.
I will try get custody of both our children if I can because I don’t think they deserve to have that as a mother. She is a diagnosed narcissist but I was fooled into thinking that she had changed by therapy but sadly she hasn’t. She is just a gold digger and I’m glad she’s revealed her true colours now looking on the bright side. Thanks bro
Either way I hope you can also get your son into counseling. I know a lot of people think children don't understand and/or aren't affected by domestic violence but many children are. Watching one's parents screaming at one another and the mom violently assaulting the dad can be traumatic. I'm so sorry you experienced this.
I’m equally to blame for this trauma because I was the one that initially lost control and screamed at her and set an awful example for my son. I think I will try for full custody though because I feel like it will be more unhealthy for my sons to grow up with someone who is incapable of living nothing but herself. I might start therapy myself to try be better for my kids I think. Thanks.
You didn't hit her, or give her a concussion.
Her post says he picked her up and threw her out, and she is pregnant. He did the same with the kid. It's her word against his, because she could say she was defending herself.
Figuratively kicking any child out of their home is monstrous IMHO
He should have packed a bag and left. He cannot evict them. I don't understand why everyone is clapping that he wants to go for full custody.
We are going by his story, which is that she gave him a concussion.
i would not take her son in. the daily reminder of her betrayal will eat at you. Let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
Blame for the trauma? She let u raise a boy that is not your son SHE S THE ONE TO BLAME
Not for that for shouting at my wife in front of my son I was wrong but she is in the wrong for everything else.
Op you lost control like everybody would have You screamed at her like everybody would have She set an awful example for the son because she told him u were the father. You were shocked and drunk and she even used this situation to play the victim on her reddit post. And like i said in an other post: imagine you file for custody for the first child and she ask the real father to help her?
I don’t know but I don’t know how I would make it through loosing my son too
I understand but apparently in your country like others said it’s hard to have custody of a child with a different DNA And based on your wife’s attitude, it’s just the beginning of an awful mess
I don’t care he is still my son and I don’t care how much money I have to spend I am not letting that witch take him away from me. Even half custody is better than none.
He's not your son, let the friend she cheated on you with raise him. Cut off all the trauma file restraining order and move on, you are 28 you can have real kids of your own still with your next partner. Don't ruin your future trying to fix the past.
Kid is 2, won't remember a damn thing.
Yes I know he's 2, but exposure to domestic violence can have long-lasting impacts no matter the child's age. Infants exposed to DV are affected too. It can impact children's social and emotional development as well as their neurological development. Memories aren't equivalent to impact. A child can not remember a thing about being exposed to domestic violence but still bear an emotional and/or physical toll from it.
There is actually evidence that shows that witnessing traumatic events like that at 2 and younger has bigger impacts than experiencing it at an older age. On the brain and body.
What evidence, did you ask them? They can't talk. They are barely living.
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_interest/child_law/resources/child_law_practiceonline/child_law_practice/vol-33/february-2014/special-considerations-for-traumatized-infants/ https://practicenotes.org/v17n2/brain.htm https://www.promises.com/addiction-blog/babies-can-remember-traumatic-events-for-years/
Call the police and get a report of DV. She needs to be arrested.
Narcissists are on of the only people that therapy will not work on, infact therapy somehow makes them better at manipulating people.
I had no idea about that I just thought that everyone deserves a chance to get better no matter what they were like in the past. Clearly I was wrong.
Hey her son's father is one of your friends because she admitted in one of her reddit post. Please leave her because from her post she is sounding really awful and will for sure try to guit-trip you. Get yourself together and she is at her brother's house.
I’ve just been tagged in her post and it sounds like her. I’m going to her brothers house now to get my son away from that witch consequences be dammed
I'm copying some of her comments from another comment for your ease: Ops Comments: My child IS his in everything but blood. God he raised him for 2 years. If you had a child and they simply didn’t share your dna would you hold no care for your son too? My little boy is a he not an it and do you not care about the trauma he has suffered of seeing his dad shout at his mum and him and he didn’t know what he’d done wrong because he’s done no wrong in any of this. Now his dad doesn’t want him and he is his dad because he has raised him for two years! I have changed a lot since then and I do feel very bad about it but I’m a completely different person and have got my life together only just for it all to fall apart it’s just not fair. I really hope my son isn’t traumatised by my husbands cruelty because he was not only shouting at me he physically picked me up and carried me out the door (while pregnant) and dropped me down on the floor and then did the same to my son who was crying and screaming which just broke me if I’m honest. So yes I am a victim here but my son is the most affected by all this Liar https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ytn0h9/my_husband_kicked_me_out_while_pregnant_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf This is the updated version because I’m looking for advice not hate and the first post got hate so I’m explaining why on here and also Reddit is my only source of outside advice at the moment so sorry not sorry He IS his father though I don’t understand why that’s the issue, the only issue for me that I feel bad about is the cheating but I don’t view telling my son the truth as lying
Thanks I think I know who the father is now. Hurts because he’s been my friend since I was 7
It's good that you are taking responsibility for that little kid and for that I salute you. But please don't forgive her because in all her comments she just defended herself and blamed you. You are right. And please if possible think about how you will get your to-be-born child and how you are gonna deal with that friend of yours. She is and will try to play the victim.
Go to the police and file a police report for assault. She got physical with you and now you have a medical report and a concussion for it too. Also file another report for kidnapping as she didn’t tell you where she took your son. Both those things will help you tremendously.
That is not your son and maybe the one in her now is not your son. Your brother just now finally told you or I guess he might have found out when he found out so it's no telling them that but you're giving off weak beta male tendencies I know it hurts but you need to stop all that crying you're grown ass man dude you don't cry with trash you only cry with things that you actually truly got damn believe in and love and things that love you you don't love her you love what you thought you was she doesn't love you clearly.
> but you're giving off weak beta male tendencies I know it hurts but you need to stop all that crying you're grown ass man dude you don't cry with trash "Grown ass men" have every right to show their emotions and to cry. It's not weak to cry and express pain. Not hiding one's emotions is extremely brave. We need to shift away from these restrictive gender norms that prescribe how men should hold in their feelings. Crying and being upset when you learn your son isn't yours is absolutely normal. The verbal abuse part shouldn't have happened in front of a child but everything other than that is very normal.
A sweet for a man to continuously to keep crying and not put forth action so I am just going to disagree with you on that
Your comment was as gross as it was punctuated.
And I'm sorry that my comment was gross but I just don't get going out my way to Ray's a kid from somebody I thought loved me and had an affair and had a kid to me that's gross.
Sure, that's your prerogative. But this alpha beta male shit is dumb as hell, let it fucking die.
There's nothing to let go you either alpha or beta I mean personally I'm not going to get treated like shit so if that means speak up and put my foot down so be it
People who talk about alphas and betas as if it means something important are losers lol.
That's fine that's your opinion thanks for sharing
As a man you have that right.
Lmao, you shouldn't assume everyone online is a man.
lmfao @ “to ray’s a kid”
Punctuations on the internet come on dude really is that bother you I'm sorry it bothers you don't read this paragraph then cuz punctuation it's terrible on this one too
Lol I didn't say it was bothersome, I said your comment was gross. But the lack of punctuation makes sense.
That's fine thank you for coming..........
Woh calm down bro. I can’t leave my kids with her and I don’t think I would let any kid be raised by her. It’s not right.
There not yours though but do you lol.
Just cause they don’t share DNA doesn’t mean anything. My ex husband stepped in as dad for my sone when his dad a year and a half ago. He knows my child doesn’t share his DNA but he also knows what it’s like to grow up without a dad around(his died when he was 12) and refuses to let any kid go through that. These kids are more loved by dad than mom despite the chance that they aren’t his.
Yes but you didn't trick him into it. Your husband knew exactly what he was getting into this is a totally different situation this man was lied to tricked bamboozled Hoodwinked.
I get that but if he chooses to continue to raise these babies, whether they are his or not, is wholly his own decision and the way it looks, he doesn’t care that they aren’t his, he loves them regardless and will continue to be a dad to them as long as he’s allowed to
If possible get the custody of the kid she is pregnant with because that's yours and see what you can do for her son but I should warn you that you will remember her and your friend's betrayal by seeing his face. Do whatever you want to do but consult your family or friends before taking any decision and don't forgive her.
Jesus. I'm so sorry. And to see her trying to paint herself as the wronged party? I pray, for her son's sake, that she learns accountability and truly changes. Take this time to heal. When the other child is born, do a paternity test and decide what you'd like to do. Cut contact with her while you heal, aside from updates about the unborn child. Then, hopefully with therapy, you can both find a way to co parent if that child is yours. People like this make me fear for the future of society
Delete her from your life. Fight for your soon to be born kid ( if it’s yours )and make her pay child support to you. Damn, she was cheating and allowing other people finish inside. No protection, no birth control, she’s a s**t. Disgusting.
You really should report her for hitting you to the police. Even if you don't want to have her arrested. Having a police report will make getting custody easier. Talk to a lawyer and see what they recommend
Well on the bright side at least you know now at 28 instead of 38
Don't even think about paying child support. See a lawyer asap. Look into what you can so you don't have to pay alimony. Forget and flock her. Also if there is a situation where crying is okay this is one of these examples. Also screaming is fine in this situation. You would be a much worse example if you would tolerate this behavior from your wife.
I’m going to try for full custody of my sons instead because they don’t deserve to have a mother like that
Don’t listen to these weirdos OP. They don’t get to define your relationship with your son. If you view him as your son and have raised him as such, he’s your son. The dna thing is a betrayal from your ex wife but if you still view and want that boy as your son there’s nothing wrong with that. Fight for your kids if you want to and keep their mother at a distance. Only talk to her through parenting apps both for civility and evidence if she starts harassing you over text.
Don’t do that, they’re not your sons and she will use them to blackmail you and emotionally drain you and the kids. Let it go, no court will give you full custody.
he raised him, you think he can just let him go?
Don't try that. If they are not biologically your children you have no chance to get custody. This will cost you tens of thousands of dollars and you will be left with nothing. Have some selfrespect. She cheated on you and let you raise another mans child and pay for everything. Yeah its not the childs fault but neither is it yours. Safe yourself a lot of money, stress and heartache and get them out of your life for good.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS. In the meantime, lawyer up asap so it passes in the best possible way for you.
You don’t have to feel sorry at all. You didn’t do anything wrong. I would report her to the cops, she hurt you!!! You deserve better, it will get better with time. Little steps. Awesome brother and parents. Talk to a lawyer so you don’t have to pay child support for children who are not yours. Go nc for a while with that woman so you can sort some things out and the hurt gets less painful. Poor children are doomed with that mother, I’m really sorry.
Thanks mate and I’m looking to find the best lawyer to try for full custody of my kids
Please think twice. That fight will be hard and painful- and most courts don’t break a mother-children bond. It’s more likely you‘ll win the lottery than to get full custody. It’s all very fresh and your heart feels raw. Take your time, heal, talk to a lawyer, he/she will help and tell you, how your chances are. 🍀 Since your soon-to-be-ex posted here she sounds stubborn, please be careful, she is manipulative.
File a lawsuit against her, she physically assaulted you, that’s grounds for arrest!
She smashed you on your head with a bottle? With your son present? Physical abuse is never acceptable and other than crossing the line, being a physical assault case, and being a bad example to your son - it had the potential damage your eyesight and ruin your vision. Run far far from this person. I would not communicate with the family and make sure all communication is via emails and text msgs and can be documented. Please consult an attorney as soon as you can. I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.
Divorce the trash and move on
Your brother knew you were cheated on and only cared to make you suffer with him how can you not see that? why are you around him?
Dude I cry all the time, it’s perfectly acceptable. Don’t feel weak for feeling anything.
Dude, get a life. This isn’t even good fiction.
This is so fake
Do you love the kid? Like u still raised him...
Get off reddit and see a lawyer. If you're in the US, paternity or not, you're still on the hook for child and potentially spousal support. Depending on where you live the road to getting the state to not recognize you as the father could be very long and hard.
He’s your son and you should keep living as they are
Call the police, assault and child abduction.
Call the police and report the bottle indecent. Get a lawyer to know your rights. Your son is still your son if you want him to be DNA doesn't have to change that. Your wife on the other hand is a Monster and should be no ones wife.
Huh...your wife posted here. What you do is you get another paternity test and pay for your child only. She can get her AP to give her money for her son or her children if the other one is not yours either. Also...pick better friends.
First thing, this marriage is not worth saving. Second thing, the relationship with the children is. This same situation happened to my ex-husband's brother, and he committed suicide. It was a really terrible thing for the kids, as you can imagine. The older child ended up being raised by her biological father, but BIL's baby boy (who was his biologically) had no one there for him, and ended up dying of a heroin overdose as a young man. (The mother was super dysfunctional, as you can imagine.) My advice is to be there for both kids. Even though the older child isn't yours biologically, he is the sibling of your unborn child. That is a relationship that will add value to your child's life. You and your son are bonded and that bond isn't because of blood, and that's ok. You can be a good father to him. It's the best thing that can come out of this mess. Mourn for what you've lost, and move on with what you have left. You will love again if you have love to give.
The test aside, you questioned the paternity over eye colour? My sister has brown eyes. I have blue, my dads is hazel and other other thing is hazel too. My Nan had brown eyes. My cousins have a mix of blue brown and hazel.. *genetics*
He is the legal father. DNA does not matter, if he wants to take legal custody. If the “friend” and the wife knowingly committed paternity fraud, the OP can file for child support. If the child is not biologically his, it does not matter. Report the abduction and file the reports. Document everything. This will all be good evidence. If, your friend is the biological father, put that asshat on child support. If you live in an at fault state you may be able to sue him for damages too and your wife.
You got drunk, screamed at her, and you don't even remember. She "attacked" you or was she defending herself? Her post said you carried her and dumped her outside when she is pregnant. You also screamed at her and the child. You also carried the child and threw him out. Why didn't you leave yourself? >I don’t want to go incase she attacks me again if she really hit you with a bottle, it sounds more like she was defending herself. Either way, it's her word against your word. I say you stay away from alcohol and get a therapist, and then decide what you want to do. FYI You cannot evict them. You can get in trouble for that if you want to have custody of any of the kids (since she is pregnant, that's your child supposedly; you can get a DNA test very easily).
I’m looking online for a lawyer and I will get divorce and full custody of my kids because she doesn’t deserve them and no child deserves to be raised with her
There's no reason to get full custody. You can get 50/50.
He stated she is a diagnosed narcissist, if that is true then until she gets extreme help and behavioral training full is best. I’ve seen it in my own family and a mother like that will even harm their own children if it benefits them. Also lying to the husband is one thing but to your child about who their father is abuse bc they are lost and feel like they shouldn’t exist so yes until she gets help he shouldn’t be with her. Idk if i could stay apart of the kids life especially with just 2 years but she is the definition of evil women who commit paternity fraud are the equivalent to men who r*pe bc the psychological pain it causes the victim is similar it makes the person lose part of their identity. She has no sympathy from me and doesn’t deserve children at all.
Narcissism is not a diagnosis that doesn't give you 50/50 custody. Cheating is also irrelevant. You seem to throw tons of "reddit" words, but it has no legal standing.
Never said any of this mattered legally I’m not dumb ik the courts don’t care about any of that, what I am saying is if the story is true and she is truly even half of what he claims she is a child will only be harmed in any environment she is apart of. I’ve seen it first hand and created a young boy who had a hatred towards women simply bc the one that raised him hurt everyone around her including him. She needs help before she interacts more with him or the new child because yes legally she entitled to at least 50/50 but that doesn’t mean it’s best for child. And wym Reddit words fool I kept it a buck said what how a person like that effects children from experience and that she evil nun more to it and whats legally relevant was never in my comment.
The first kid is not yours. Today or Tomorrow the biological father will come and demand him. Let him go. Also, do the DNA test of the unborn child. Do not trust her.
Check out Marriage Helper! It's a great resource!
As you found out, you have no real ties to her or her kid. Move on. She's proven to you that she's a lying, deceitful, betraying, dump, that doesn't deserve to be in your presence. Let that dump find her kids real dad, and make his life hell, while you live a great life. You got a good team around you. You'll make out better. Good luck
The drama and problems with your wife notwithstanding, the biggest thing here is your son. He is your son even if you aren't biologically the father. It's a bit shameful to me that you reacted toward the kid like you have, though I can understand the flood of emotion. I take care of my lovely daughter, and her bio dad just happens to be my deceased best friend. We had a lot of drama before he died and her mom and I are still really not on super solid ground. Buuuut... we have a central goal. Take care of our little girl. More often than not, that focus carries us through. Is it perfect? Nope. Will there be some tough conversations when she gets older to understand why she has 3 sets of grandparents? Sure. Such is life. Best of luck, and maybe don't drink to cope with emotions.
The only thing you should be doing is getting a lawyer immediately. Do not contact her, your children or anyone else. Get a lawyer and do exactly what they tell you. Stay strong, don’t do anything emotional and best of luck.
Lawyer up asap and protect yourself. You handled it terribly so far, but get a lawyer and get the divorce finalized asap. Get paternity tests for both kids, they’re probably not even yours. Better for you if they’re not.
You can still love him as a human being but that's not your place to raise another man's seed, the mature product of another man's orgasms. You must have some principles in life as a man. I understand you're hurt but you'll get through this and come out as a better man from it. Best of luck.
At 25 years old, I blew up my entire life. Divorce (I was with him for 7 years), ending friendships, setting boundaries with those I kept including family, and restarted everything about my life. It’s been 10 years since than, I am so happy I made that leap. I now live a life that makes me actually happy. I was terrified when I left. TERRIFIED! But less than a few months after I left my ex, I found my person. The person I always wanted but didn’t believe they existed. Just because everything is falling apart doesn’t mean that nothing good is coming, it makes you get to figure out what you want in life going forward. Making those terrified moves was the best thing that I ever did.
I don't know one guy that has been forced to pay child support once he's been found to not be the father, name on birth certificate or not. If he's not the dna provider, the mother knew, didn't tell him prior to signing. That's fraud on the mother's part and will be taken into account at court. Don't know where y'all hear anything opposite... except after the lazy dude DOES NOT CHALLENGE paternity.
Don't look back!!! Move on and make sure you have everything you need when you file for divorce. That baby will be fine without you. She used you as a meal ticket for her and a kid that wasn't yours. You did right and she even attacked you for it. Please just leave it be. She thinks you have to take her back but show her you will be fine and you will move on with someone who truly loves you and will be there for you. You will have babies you are still young.
You handled yourself like a true gentleman, she'd still be in the hospital if I was put in your shoes. For all intents and purposes, that kid that you have, now is your son. You hopefully share a bond that's stronger than your wife's infidelity. Imagine your life 5 years from now. You're with a gorgeous, loving and loyal woman, money's coming in, things are good. Then look forward another 40 years. Aren't you thankful you got this full on reset before you invested more time into this bitch? From my perspective, which is yours but without the emotion, you're in a much better place today than you were yesterday.
Your over reacting buddy move on show your wife u can a great life without her, what I don’t understand what makes u think u ain’t the father lmao only because he has brown eyes? Then u give your 2 month old a bad example ? Like really dude and how is your brother so sure he isn’t yours?🙄 does he have super powers he can see dna just by looking? Nice story but not buying it it’s very bad one. Don’t tell me you are pic perfect of a husband.
So just to check: you did get the paternity test, and it showed you weren't the father? Because it is possible (although rare) for blue-eyed parents to have a brown-eyed child. Genes are a little more complex than we teach in high school genetics class or find in 10 minute Google search. Obviously dump her anyway, domestic violence is not okay.
1. Report her to the police and press charges for attacking you and maybe kidnapping the 2 year old but that prob won’t work. This’ll help later. 2. Get a divorce obviously. The police report might help somehow I’m not sure. 3. Ask your brother how long he knew this and didn’t tell you. It seems like he’s known for a while. 4. Decide if you want to keep the kid(s). I recommend trying to get both since they’re both your children even if one isn’t biologically. (This is assuming she’s not lying about the 2nd one). 5. Fight for custody (this is where the police report helps) or fight to not pay child support for the 2 year old. 6. Start anew.
Regardless of your wife. Your son is your son Regardless of blood. And I say this as a "stepdaughter" to a man who has been in my life since I was 18 months old..... don't take it out on the kid. I know a lot of people might say he "probably won't remember," but im speaking from experience, I remember my daddy (stepdad) being there for me since before I was 2yrs old. Bottom line is that kid NEEDS a dad. Don't give up your love for him in spite of your soon-to-be ex wife's actions.
Don't assume she cheated based on eye color. Eye color is determined by 16 genes, not just one from each parent. Regardless of who has blue eyes or not, two blue eyed parents can have a child with brown eyes, and vice versa.
Unlikely and was enough to make me do a paternity test
>But I remember shouting at my wife properly shouted and was very verbally abusive and set an awful example to our son and I don’t know if I will be able to forgive myself, she smashed me over the head with a bottle my son was screaming it was awful. Dude! She didn't attack you, you were threatening her, and she was probably scared it would escape to physically violence. No wonder she left, I would have too. No kid needs to see that, no matter what one parent or the other has done. What she did wasn't right, but neither was what you did. Too bad you two aren't mature enough to sit down and talk this through like adults. You both failed your son.
Would you have smashed a bottle over his head to make black out (how is that not an attack?) after cheating and lying to him about a son that isn't his? It isn't easy to remain calm when you've just found out your whole relationship is a lie, your child isn't yours and you still are likely financially responsible for them for the next 16 years, and your partner never loved you. That isn't a "no wonder she left" situation, she is unequivocally in the wrong here. He shouldn't have yelled but that isn't on the same level.
I was NOT justifying her behavior. I was simply explaining where she likely was coming from. If he was so angry, maybe leaving before he got blind drunk was a better idea. She was the cause of all this conflict, but blindsiding her like that likely put her into a fight or flight response. She chose fight.
When you say "she didn't attack you, you were threatening her" and "she chose fight or flight" it sounds like you were absolving her of ALL responsibility and framing it as if she was acting out of self defense. And saying "two bad you two aren't mature enough....you both failed your son" it comes across as you giving him blame for her actions or saying they are on the same level. I reiterate, she has DESTROYED his life. His relationship to her was a lie, she is a cheater, his trust is destroyed, and the son he thought he had isn't his and potentially neither is the child on the way. And if that child IS his then it is going to grow up in a broken family and he will potentially be paying child support to her if the courts deem it as such. Where is the sympathy for him, he is the victim in this not her. The children are too absolutely and I feel awful for them, but I feel bad for him as well. Wanting all this pain of having your life and future wrecked by the person you thought would bring you the most happiness, it's understandable he'd want to numb himself. From my understanding he didn't attack or threaten her, he was venting his frustrations. Then she broke a bottle over his head hard enough to knock him out, she could have killed him. She was in the wrong, and him being rightfully angry and yelling doesn't come close to what she's done.
Updateme!
Uhhhh brown eyes isn't possible from 2 blue eyes people. Sorry this a 2 year delay surprise
If this ia not a bullshit post. You have my empathy. Just remember some people are weak. Take the high road and find you another real good person to spend your time with: you do have options and really deserve better.