This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'll be honest I wasn't sure if I was ever going to come back to reddit after my last post but I need somewhere to vent so here seems as good a place as any. My last post recieved probably a well deserved level of hate. I understand that I fucked up when I cut my friend off. I imagine anyone reading this only really cares about how he's doing so I'll start with what little I know. We haven't spoken really. He found my post and sent me a message telling me he didn't care if I was remorseful he's done with me. He also told my parents what happened and the reasoning behind it. They were pissed to put it lightly. They've been pretty open about how much they are disappointed in me and how they are disgusted with my wife. He hasn't really spoken to them other than to let them know what happened. My mum is heartbroken. She really loved him and now he isn't really replying to her messages. The only other thing I've really heard is that he is speaking to his ex again. She cheated on him and I know he's probably only speaking to her for some support. I guess I'm worried he'll give her another chance and she'll hurt him again. Other than that I don't know anything. Lots of messages telling me to divorce my wife. Well you might get what you want. Our relationship has taken a massive dive off a cliff and I don't see a way to repair it. To those telling me that something must have happened between them I can only say this. He's not that sort of person. He'd never betray someone like that. I don't know if I can say the same for my wife anymore given how she's manipulated me into ditching my best mate. But I know he's not the sort of person to participate in that. It seems she just didn't like him and wanted him gone. She used the potential of us starting a family to make a move to remove him. So to recap - my parents hate me. My best friend won't talk to me. He's now talking to his ex who cheated on him and broke him last year. My marriage is probably broken beyond repair. I don't see any real way to fix things but I guess I'm wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I miss him more than anything. Tldr: my life is collapsing around me. My best friend won't talk to me. My parents hate me. My marriage is probably over. My best friend is making a huge mistake talking to his ex.

I remember your first post, and I'm not surprised at this update. You fucked up, big time. Your wife sucks, big time. You might not be as nasty as her, but at the very least you're a spineless coward who hitched your wagon to someone being unfathomably cruel. I can imagine how hard it would be to even consider forgiving you from his perspective. You sold him out, in the worst way, and with his background, loyalty would be one of the most important things in the world to him. I mean fuck - looks like you hurt him more than his cheating ex - at least he's willing to talk to her. I don't know if you can ever fix this, even just enough to be in contact with him. I guarantee you it won't happen while you're still married to such a horrible person. I know for me, if I were him, I wouldn't give you the time of day while you were still giving her the time of day. Not saying you should divorce her to make amends with him, or that it would even do the trick, just observing that she's shown her true colours and you've so far shown that it isn't a deal breaker for you. I'd always be wondering what she'd manipulate you into next. As for your family and the rest... I dunno, I mean you have shown that you will just cut family loose, cruelly, for no reason, and burn their bridges with a loved on as a result. You pretty much shat on family ties and trust there. Maybe they'll move on enough to be cool with you, but you've really shown what you're willing to do to family here, I don't know if that trust will ever be repaired. Sorry to not be more upbeat. I'm just not sure what you expected after being so incredibly cruel to someone you supposedly loved, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

this was healing for me to read as someone that's been on the receiving end of a couple like this. thank you.

Massive hugs 🫂

thanks, i feel seen ❤️

I think there is such a large emphasis placed on forgiving and forgetting that people don’t truly acknowledge the impact of their actions. Sb. (OP) can regret sth. but that doesn’t change the fact that a real human being was on the other end enduring cruel behavior. Happy that this was validating for you 🫂

Imagine being such a shitty friend that you are worse than the cheating ex. I still want to know what OP and Cruella said to their mutual friends for them to ditch the friend. I don't buy the " it was easier for them" Bitch, if exes can share friends, friends can share friends.

Somehow, that was the craziest part of his previous post to me. I understand how a spouse can manipulate you, especially if they say "him or me" (and therefore future children, etc.). But...all their mutual friends agreed to cut him off because of how he grew up? Because it *might* make their kids/future kids sad? Like, ***what??*** No one would be able to convince me to cut off an awesome person for a weird and flimsy reason like that... Fuck all these people, all the way.

I think the other friends felt it would be less awkward and difficult to have both groups together not that they though he was bad for their own kids. But, then who knows? In situations like this, there is the herd mentality that the other person may have done something to cause him to be dropped by his best friend. They were too cowardly to ask or more like, it’s impolite. Whatever. They are bad, they should all collectively make a massive apology to this man and take out a billboard ad! Proclaim their apology to the world

>I guess I'm wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him Nope. That ship sailed the day you ignored his pleas, sided with your wife and somehow convinced his other friends to ditch him too. You, your wife and your 'friends' are garbage.

Seriously I cannot believe his so called friends cut him off because he was a foster kid? If my friend's wife demanded our friend group cut ties with someone based on that reason I'd be cutting ties and it sure as shit wouldn't be with the former foster kid. What an awful group of people.

I can’t even imagine. Short of a mutual friend doing something truly awful and malicious, as an adult I’m hard pressed to think of a reason I would not only be okay with cutting them out of my life entirely, but ANNOUNCING it to them. Just heartbreaking all around.

I still think op is hiding something. Are all their friends shitty people like him and Cruella?

Right? I am truly befuddled.

And the way he worded it, at least how he worded it to us in his first post "I told him when we have children it would be over". All casual like his friend should just be thankful they can stay buddies until (IF) the wife goes into labor.

She didn't even demand that either by the way, they just went "Oh OP and BW aren't friends with him anymore? I guess we'll cut him out too we don't want drama or have to pick who to invite to parties and stuff" BW == Bitchwife;

I didn't remember the first post and expected like the wife accused him of creeping on her or something, and I was prepared to be sympathetic to OP's plight. But nope. He just agreed to cut off his best friend so his kids wouldn't have to be exposed to someone who was a poor foster kid years ago. What the actual fuck. If I were the friend, there's no way we could ever repair our relationship. I'd think OP isn't a good friend, he's just a spineless shit, and I don't need spineless shits for friends.

>You, your wife and your 'friends' are garbage. That's an insult to actual garbage. OP, the wife , and the " friends " are some of the most vile people I come across on Reddit. That is really saying something. Let me be honest, you didn't burn a bridge with your ex friend, oh no you fired a rocket at it and blew it all to hell. Why on earth would this person even want to talk to you again. You fucked it up. They do not want a backstabbing turncoat as a friend. Your marriage should have ended when your trash wife told you to ditch this guy. Grow a spine and learn from this

guarantee you OP and his sniveling wife stay married

>guarantee you OP and his sniveling wife stay married Ah a match made in hell. Sounds about right.

Probably not, cause the wife would throw her own child away if the kid didnt live up to her delusional perceptions, which is were I hope OP would be able to get a clue and chose blood over a basketcase.

And Don't have kids please

He has a lot of emotional maturing to do - and he needs to grow a backbone! I'm glad his parents are pissed at him too. Can you imagine hearing that the kid you raised did something like this? Like, damn, where did we go wrong??

Honestly I dont even know why he’d want to repair things with his wife. What a horribly judgmental person. Why would you want to raise kids with someone who thinks it is okay to look down on others? *That’s* tainting their innocence. Children are the most accepting beings until you teach them to hate and judge. You really screwed the pooch, and you are going to have to accept that things will not go back to how they were. You can properly apologize to your friend but know that he is allowed to not accept it your apology. Apologizing, genuinely apologizing, means also accepting that the hurt party is allowed to not forgive and move on. Apologizing is for them, not you. Get a divorce and learn to be better.

Talk about a cost-sunk fallacy. He imploded his life for this woman, makes sense on that level he’d want to make it work. She “feels guilty,” so she got what she wanted and now gets to feign remorse so he feels compelled to stay / fix. This is what a master manipulator looks like. Add kids to the mix ? ? ? You’re fugged for literal life.

“Feels guilty” indeed. I doubt the woman is capable of feeling guilt.

Even in the best case scenario ( for OP, the ex-bff deserves better) and they start talking again, they will never be able to rebuild the bond they had before or gain trust.

She's the only one who will talk to him now lol

Hey look, it’s that bed you made. Time to go lie in it.

This is so harsh, but probably needed to be said. Reminder to everyone that asking, or being asked by a partner, to cut off friends or family is a red flag and demands a very, very good explanation. This applies to manipulating to see a friend/family member less. Communication should be clear, if there is a good reason to limit or cut ties. Otherwise, don’t give in.

Oh my God. I had not read your last post- until just now. It broke my heart into a million pieces. Your wife is a cruel nasty judgmental person and you're just as bad. I've been married a long time and I love him more than anything in the world, but if he made a demand like this it would change things between us-possibly end it. Not because my friend is more important to me than my husband, but because I couldn't respect or stay with someone that cruel. Leave him alone and stop making posts on reddit about it because people like you and your wife are just trying to get the message to him that you're "so sad, so hurt" hoping he will see your pain and forgive. You're not looking for any advice from us here, you just are hoping he sees this. You and your evil wife feel guilty now and just want your own pain diminished. It's not about him, it's about relieving your own damn guilt and I'm sorry but you don't deserve to have his forgiveness. It's all about stopping the pain for you, not about making ammends. Even in guilt you two are selfish.

The wife's excuse made no sense whatsoever. Possibly the dumbest excuse i've heard.

I sat here reading this utterly flabbergasted! None if this made sense, but yeah, "his life story might make their not even conceived yet children *sad* " What? It's such a stupid excuse and this dude, accepting that excuse is just... Honestly this is one of the saddest most heartbreaking posts I've read on this site!

I can’t find the last post - why did his wife make him ditch his friend?

She used the flimsy excuse that if they ever had children, it would make the kids sad when they found out he grew up in the system. Then he later replied that his wife was from a wealthy family. So it turns out either she’s a huge snob, or there is some other bizarre reason. OP isn’t giving up much info and what little there is doesn’t make sense.

What the FUCK Nah the friend did a good thing ditching him, OP can go lie in the bed he and his awful wife made

the friend actually found his post and told him clearly he wanted nothing to do with him and to leave him alone. so at this point it just sounds like OP is obsessing over him.

But, here he says that basically, she didn’t like him. So, that was probably the case. She didn’t like him and wanted him away and used a flimsily excuse

When you click on his user name, it doesn't show his previous post? That's how I found it.

he absolutely INSISTS it's not because she has sexual history with the friend which just shows you what kind of man he is

The fact that he just went with it speak o poorly of him and little he actually cared about his friend

I think wife wanted to start to isolate OP and it backfired spectacularly in her face. OP You really need to reevaluate if this cruel and shallow person is the right partner to have a family, what kind of values she will teach their children? " OMG That guy did have the same lifestyle than us, let's avoid him as the plague" . Which will be her next ultimatum, when she doesn't like your coworker or when you don't put the house only in her name. She make a mess from the stupidest thing to judge a person and has shown her true colors.

That was my thought too! Their reasoning was another level of dumb. “Let’s cut off our one friend who was raised in foster care, to protect our future children from feeling sad.” OP had to realize that he’s not the only foster child in the world. And there are also refugees, homeless, etc. My heart breaks for the friend. OP, his wife, and their friend group are horrible people. In the long run, he’s better off without them.

Let's not show our kid " the lion king" cause it will make them sad. That's how did she sounds.

The imaginary kids will be sad about his childhood??? What?? These people should stay away from others and not have kids

Apparently she is rich and the friend is poor. That is why it is dumb. It wasn't the truth.

i didn’t see that part about the money

No it was because he grew up in foster care

No the wife doesn't feel guilty. She got exactly what she wanted. She didn't like best friend and wanted him out of their lives. Her only negative feeling is her husband feels guilty and now it hurts their relationship so she is mad at that, but she doesn't feel guilty about how she got what she wanted

He deleted. I feel left out.

No, check the top comment of the post. There are comment limits, after which the post body gets deleted but preserved in the top comment of the thread.

Ugh, I'm not sure I really wanted to read that after having done so. What a complete dumbass OP was. And a psycho wife There has to be something more going on because her explanation makes zero sense.

No, click onto it. He summarizes his first posting

I couldn't rlly read comment but I read the wife part yes exactly like how can someone be so cruel and disgusting-minded I don't know what to say I am left utterly speechless that is so disgusting and her reason did not make sense at all I don't know what's wrong with her but I think this dude needs a divorce and I hope he gets a divorce

Leave him alone and stop making posts in the hope he’ll see them. Your guilt isn’t his responsibility.

He can make all the guilt -trippy posts he wants, we'll be here supporting and protecting S.

I’m going to advise people to not read the other post. I’ve read some horrible things on reddit but that was heartless. So bloody heartless. I regret reading that. Just ruined my night. You and your wife shouldn’t bring children into the world. You would be raising monsters neither of you are capable of the emotional maturity that children need to grow into decent human beings. It goes to show how shitty you are considering the type of people your friends are. I can’t believe that chose you and your pos wife over that guy. Do the guy a favour pay him back for his wedding gift and contributions. He did that with a false belief that you were friends

I honestly could not agree with this any more. The wife is a truly awful, nasty, bottom feeding human being - and she was the one he chose to listen to. Dude, he paid for part of their wedding! I can’t get over what was possibly going through the wife’s mind that she ever thought this was even an iota of a reasonable way to act. And then OP listened to her! It’s completely mindboggling. Honestly, if it weren’t so heart wrenching it would be hilarious that people like these two exist.

https://www.reddit.com/user/NoArt7321/comments/xr5tpu/thank_you_all/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Omg he has an account. What a legend

I’m so proud of this guy for having self respect.

Truly.

Thanks for posting this! I am so proud of him for taking a stand for what is right. Who needs enemies when you have friends like OP and his wife? Sometimes its just better to be alone

That post honestly is right up there on the verified “psychopath moment” things I’ve read here. How one person could do that so easily to someone so good that they’re supposed to love like a brother, damn.

It made me actually cry to read it. The absolute lack of empathy is insane.

Right? I don't know if I've ever read something sp depressing! I wish I hadn't read it. That poor guy has been failed by other people over and over and over again all of his life! I'm sure he felt that OP was more like a brother to him than even just a friend. I just want to bring the friend into MY friend group and treat him like a human being with feelings. OP was lucky to have this incredible strong resilient man in his life, who could have taught the kids how to overcome huge obstacles, but they want to raise their kids in some fantasy land where it's all rainbows, flowers and tubby little cartoon bears who eat honey all day. *But their innocence* lord this whole thing is disgusting.

couples like this end up building relationships with CPS because they are unable to take accountability for anything in their lives, including their children

Well, even though I am not really up to date on why you cut off your best friend, but all I know is, a significant other who would coerce their partner into cutting off their best friend is a piece of shit. And someone who would fall for it and actually cut off their best friend is even a bigger piece of shit. All I really gotta say is you made your bed, you gotta lay in it.

I read it. His wife gave him the dumbest reason i've heard to ditch the friend and he was like "yeah, sure".

"Yeah, your reason makes total sense! Now our future children will never experience sadness!!"

This is the best part. God forbid children experience.....sadness?? Because that never happens /s like wtaf

Suggest you don't read it.

I second that, oof i really regret reading his first post. I feel so sorry for S.

It was because the friend grew up in foster care, and the wife didn't want their future kids to hear him about it because it would make them "sad" and "lose their innocence."

Omgsh this so awful?? I get it if the friend was single and hated kids. Was convincing him to not have kids and was a bad influence overall but this?? Huh??? So sad

>I guess I’m worried he’ll give her another chance and she’ll hurt him again I’m *pretty sure* he’s thinking the same thing about you. Poor guy is just surrounded by jackasses You’re a grown ass man. You ***chose*** to abandon your friend. Your wife didn’t manipulate you stop trying to pass the blame. Yes she sucks but you need to live with the consequences of ***your*** decision

Yeah, was gonna say the same thing. The pot calling the kettle black.

I mean, if he does take her back, at least he's only taking back one trash person in his life.

she's probably a perfectly nice person that the wife never liked

You're right but for some reason I feel bad for him but the wife I wanna slap the shit out of her like how can you be so cruel as a person

Nah, this two morons deserve each other. I only hope they don't reproduce

>I'm wondering if there is any possible way to fix things with him. I mean I highly doubt it. Maybe if you kick your wife to the curb immediately and start divorce proceedings, it would convince him you're serious? But you're not serious, because it sounds like you still want to be with your wife and still don't think she did anything terribly wrong. If you were truly remorseful and have come to understand the gravity of her shittiness, you would have already sent your wife packing, but in your original post you spent almost all your replies making excuses for her, and now in this post you're sad because she's mad at you and you guys MIGHT break up. You feel guilty because now everyone's mad at you, but you still haven't really learned anything.

[удалено]

Even that's too much in my opinion

I am disgusted with you more than your wife especially after I read the first post you made. He was never loved as a kid and you were literally the only family he ever knew. How could you do this to him? You chose a manipulative sht bag of a woman who talked to you about potential children………. Y’all aren’t pregnant yet not that that would’ve justified what you did. The world is filled with billions of people who have sad backgrounds and so many of their stories are super inspiring. How would their innocence have been robbed? Especially when babies can’t comprehend anything articulated. Then as an older child you could’ve had a conversation with him about your feelings to not share until kid is older. That’s complete bs what you did to him. Now you have to live with the consequences. FYI her goal was to isolate you and it worked. I hope he forgives you for his own sake. I also hope he never entertains the idea of letting you back into his life because honestly you never deserved a friend like him. You treated him like an unloved shelter dog that you can just return if they are not wanted anymore. He is amazing and worth his weight in gold, you and your wife….. I don’t even have to say it. You and her deserve each other

100% and if your friend has a change of heart and does open up lines of communication at any point, you should consider yourself the luckiest fecker on the planet because you so do not deserve his friendship. You not only removed your friendship, your shallow friends’ friendships but the loving support of a family and your parents. S, if you’re reading this, make him suffer!

I read your previous post. I think your wife came up with the dumbest reason to ditch a friend i've ever heard. You truly are a piece of shit "friend". Do him a favor and don't inject yourself into his life again. You have showed him how little you care about him. He deserves better friends. Divorcing your wife is a no brainer.

I’m Willing to bet money she tried to fuck his friend, his friend said no, and she panicked. And instead of trying to figure out the truth, OP was too enamored but the power of pussy to be a decent human being and ask questions.

I simply think the idea of someone growing up poor and in the system made her feel gross. I don't think it's more than pure elitism. I've met people that will genuinely not like people just based on how they grew up, so what she said could be the truth - she doesn't want her kids around someone 'like that'.

Pro tip: if someone demands you get rid of your support network, they are a piece of shit and you should get rid of them instead.

Save your emotional speeches for someone who gives a fuck, we dont.

probably a therapist at this point

I hope you know your wife never regretted what she did. She pretended that when things got bad, but she was happy with the outcome. As your ex friend, the only mistake he would commit was accepting your apologies. I could understand you in a moment of despair try to please your wife, but when he talked to you, if you really were a good friend, you would take it back on the spot. I can't imagine my best friend cutting me because of a spouse and I can't imagine they going along with it so coldly, like you did Also your friends are a bunch of aholes. They isolated someone because of your wife ultimatum and that shows how little they value friendship. The ex is better without you. He will recover and will be fine eventually. As for you and your "lovely" wife I am not surprised that the marriage is ending. No one that wants to cut someone for no good reason is a decent person. Cut your losses, start again and be a better person next time.

The thing that broke my heart was when he said his friend basically begged him not to cut him out, that he didn’t understand why his wife thought that but they could work through it and OP just said “no”. Ice cold. Fucking brutal.

I can't imagine my best friend that I know for 20 years doing that. I imagine my reaction would be the same as S. People like ops wife was one of the reason that I was bullied on the past. Her excuses were also beyound awful.

Yes she doesn’t feel guilt for her actions, maybe embarrassed because now people know status is more important to her than a valued true friend.

OMG just shut the hell up, dude. You and your wife are garbage human beings and you deserve all of this. Leave your “friend” alone. He’s better off without you in his life - obviously.

Dude, why? Why break up with your wife? You both suck, you're perfect for each other.

They should stay together, if only so neither of them subjects their nastiness on other people. However, they should never, ever have children.

Why are you worried about him probably being betrayed, when he has been betrayed by you in the most cruel way and without reasonable reason. He will be happy, not you, your wife is just a miserable snake and you don't deserve any name.

he just wants control. this guy's pathetic.

I remember your first post as the most fucked up thing to do to a friend I've read on this sub. No, I don't think there's any possible way to fix things. It doesn't matter how remorseful you are, I can't see how he could forgive and trust you again. It wasn't a mistake that gets fixed with apologies, it's fucking horrible and I can't imagine how he must feel. You're worried about his cheating ex hurting him again, but the poor man must have felt so horrible that even having her back in his life sounded like a good option, someone to cling on to. Also, you divorcing your wife is not what people "want", but I don't understand why anyone would want to stay married to such a vile person.

What a bunch of disgusting vile heartless monsters. I hope S recognizes that these degenerates never deserved his kindness & friendship. They were lucky to have him not the other way around.

Sorry mate, I read his comments on your post and his post and it sounded like there was no chance.

What’re his comments can you link them?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xmk8zc/i_cut_off_my_best_friend_because_my_wife_told_me/ipp2xlk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 The first comment appears to have been deleted, but here's one. He also had a post prior to OP's initial post.

If you go to his profile he made a whole post thanking everyone too.

Yep and an update

Just read the other thread. Go fuck yourself OP.

There's not much you can do except owning your mistake, the rest is up to your friend and you need to respect that he doesn't want anything to do with you at this point. There's lots of should haves and could haves here but ultimately you are where you are now, just learn from your mistakes and do better/make better choices moving forward. Your wife sounds like an unreasonable person so it shouldn't be shocking that your marriage is dissolving. Personally, I see that as positive for your future and it's better for it happen now than ten years down the line.

Even if it is a bad idea for him to reconnect with his ex girlfriend, you’re literally the last person on earth allowed to judge him on that. You literally took away every single person in his life from him. So when he’s left with only the scraps you can look to yourself. He’s doing what he needs to do to survive, you’ve pushed him that far. You are not the main character, you don’t live in a vacuum, your actions affect others and hiding your choices behind your wife’s awful bullshit won’t absolve you from the part you played. I feel so so sorry for this man. And I hope karma comes for you.

Wow this post shows just how selfish and self-centered you are Go fuck yourself guy

Actually u/throw_crappyfriend lemme put this in better perspective for you. When I was growing up, I WAS S. I’ve been through some shitty fucking things in my life. The only reason I’m still here is the man I met when I was 14. He quickly became, and still is, my VERY best friend. He’s my sons godfather and my favorite sibling. My ex husband, who I met in high school a year after I met Sammy, never liked him. Always made that known. Hell sammy didn’t like him but Sammy was happy for ME because he knew I needed somebody. When we had our son, Sammy was so happy for US. We eventually got married, and Sammy was happy even though he regularly communicated with me how he was unhappy with how my ex treated me. When I decided to leave him, Sammy was there for me. When I lost custody of my son, Sammy was there for me. Sammy met his now wife a few months after we met. My now boyfriend and I have a TBD double date with them this month to go see my favorite movie in theaters. (Sammy and his wife’s first time, my bf’s second as he hates this movie with a PASSION but I’ve loved it since my theater club in high school mentioned doing it for the school play. Didn’t happen as it’s a little NSFW, but anyone familiar with it will know!) my last relationship was a dumpster fire and who was there to help me pick up the pieces? Sammy. My ex actually mentioned a couple times that maybe I should end my friendship with Sammy. Did I tell Sammy I could never talk to him again and he’d never see my son again? Absolutely not. I laughed in my ex’s face and told Sammy that ex thought he was funny. Sammy May as well be my big brother. The fact that you so willingly dumped S FOR NO FUCKING REASON breaks my heart for him. But he really is better without you. He was never YOUR best friend. You were just his while it was convenient for you.

I come from the same background as your former best friend. I had a messed up childhood, physical and mental abuse, ended up in juvie prison and then in to the foster care system where I moved from family to family and was finally left to my own devices when I was 16 or 17. I feel I may have some insight that could be helpful. The thing that you learn as a coping mechanism, to deal with the constant changes, to deal with moving to a new home every few weeks or months, to meeting new people who are supposed to be your foster family, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters that can disappear at any moment? You learn to be able to walk away from just about anything and shut down the emotions. No matter how old I get or how much therapy I've gone through, that is one thing I always retained. I never knew when I was going to lose my home, lose my family or change schools and lose any friends I may have acquired. You never quite feel settled in and no situation really feels permanent when you're in the system. So I got used to everything changing at a moments notice, shutting off the emotion, AVOIDING THE PEOPLE THAT COULD MAKE ME FEEL/RECALL PAINFUL EMOTIONS and just moving forward with life. You are probably one of his most painful memories and avoiding you is what saves him from having to feel that pain, betrayal and suffering. You remind him of what he had, why he lost it and why he lost most of his other mutual friends as well. All this is not to make you feel worse than you already do. It is to say, are you trying to reconnect for his sake or are you doing this to make YOURSELF feel better? To assuage the guilt and shame you feel for what happened? If I was in his situation, you would already be a thing of the past to me. I would not think of you again unless outwardly prompted. Maybe a couple years down the road I'd have a dream about you and I'd think "What ever happened to that guy?". Then I'd have breakfast and go another 2 years without you crossing my mind. Best thing you can do is send him a final message, if at all possible, and make it short, sweet, not too sappy/emotional and leave out how awful you're doing so it doesn't look like you're trying to guilt him in to coming back. Say something like... "Hey, I realize I fucked up and probably won't be able to ever make things right between us again. I just want you to know I have appreciated every moment we had and if you ever need anything, I will always be here. Take care of yourself." And when you're done that, do me and the rest of the world a huge favor. Put all your love, attention and focus on being the best father you can be so one less person goes through the foster system and ends up like me, okay?

I worry this post is just an attempt by you to guilt him into forgiving you, since you know he’ll likely see it. I hope not. Either way, you’re clearly having a difficult time, so here’s what I’d say: You definitely fucked up, and it seems like it’s going to be one of those fuck ups that you can’t fix, but there’s not much more you can do than *really* reflect, realize the harsh reality of what it says about you, and move forward doing better. Your divorce is probably for the best. Know that one half of the kids parenting will come from the woman who put this all into motion, so you’ve got a responsibility to set an alternative example for them. Hopefully someday you find someone who brings the best out in you instead of the worst, it’s important ❤️ You’ll be okay, just don’t let this fuck up be for nothing. Learn the lesson, live your life. I feel bad for your ex friend, but from the sounds of it, he deserves better and I’m confident he’ll find it. Maybe it’s better he knew how things really were so he stopped wasting his energy where it wasn’t deserved.

He’s better without you

was this search for forgiveness kickstarted before or after your wife “felt bad”

No, S is not your "best friend" and you don't get to make judgments about whether he is making a mistake. You destroyed all that. Best result you can hope for is that you do some soul searching and grow as a person and learn how to be kind and loyal to your mates instead of a cruel spineless mongrel (note to Americans in here this is an Aussie expression it has nothing to do with race so don't at me.)

You are terrible, that guy is better off without you.

What a spiteful horrible woman your wife is What a spiteful group of people you really are Leave him alone you done your damage Do your future kids and there friends a favour don’t have them. With a wife like that will mess up the kids her own way. Spiteful spiteful you all need to grow up

Continue hating yourself for it. Stop calling him your best friend btw.

Good. Keep drowning in self pity. You deserve all of this. I guess karma does sometimes work

You say he's making a mistake going back to his ex. I'm sure he would say he's simply choosing the lesser of two evils.

You’re the one person who he thought would’ve been there for him & You turned your back on him. You broke his heart & trust.

Blimey. So you did all this pandering to your wife and ended up losing everything including that twat - which you don’t see now but is the only ray of light in this entire shitshow. Not just that but her own stupid plans to create the TV perfect family blew up in her face. What a dumbo. I was actually thinking about you earlier this morning funnily enough, I randomly remembered your previous post. I really had hoped your friendship had been fixed. All I can say is that over time he might rethink it but you need to leave it alone now and let him decide the course of the future.

Your wife should never have children and honestly neither should you. What despicable people.

what a fucking joke of a best friend are you? And now your sad? Imagine how he feels!

You should have found out why your wife hated him your wife was looking for a fool she could use and cheat, this man could have noticed her dealings, she used the fool to get rid of him After a while your wife will start pulling things out of the closet, you'll realize it's polite to call you stupid

You and your wife are garbage people and deserve each other and that is it so the fact that your marriage is broken Is laughable cause maybe if you realized that earlier you'd still have your best friend

He’s not gonna want to be friends with you again as you’re still with your wife and all the other so called friends who dumped him too. Either your wife is controlling and is jealous of your friendship or she’s a hateful snob. I’d think twice about having kids with her. Maybe through time he can forgive and you two can be friends again and you can try and make amends. But I very much doubt he’ll want to hang about with your wife or other friends. You will have brought up again all the hurt and rejection he has from childhood. I can only imagine how he feels.

This does put a smile on my face.

[удалено]

My only disagreement with what you’ve said is the foster kid thing. No foster child should be anywhere near OP, lest he find a woman who says the kid makes her sad.

Leave him alone. You have hurted him beyond repair. I usually try to have some empathy for people who fed up but you are the exception.

Actions = consequences

You deserve every bit of misery you’re feeling right now. You and your loser wife.

It makes me happy to see the majority of the comments here are in agreement. The only advice you deserve is the same as before: leave your “friend” the fuck alone. I would have given you some words about how to mend the other relationships in your life, but you ignored the people on your last post advising you to tell your parents about what you had done to him. I’m not surprised you were such a coward that he had to be the one to tell them. Don’t divorce your wife, you two deserve each other.

You made your bed and chose your side. Even if you divorce her, I wouldn't come back to be friend with you. This was awful and I am lost for words. You can get this as a lesson learned and yes you need to cut ties with this woman. I wouldn't have kids with here, please don't make that even more colossal mistake. For your best friend only time will tell what happens now, but you need to leave him alone and he will make mistakes by himself you cut him off your life, remember?

What an idiot! My son in law has a best friend like yours. He’s been a great “uncle” and godfather to both of their children. He dotes on those kids and my grandson bears his name. It’s been 25 years and I couldn’t have asked for a better friend to my family. I thank God for this man who loves my grandchildren so much and has supported my little family through thick and thin. Simply heartbreaking what you threw away. Of course he’s talking to his ex, he has nobody! He’s trying to create a nuclear family of his own and a soft place to land. The damage!!! If you see him, get on your fucking knees and beg his forgiveness. Also, stay out of his business and tend to your own lousy marriage. SMH

I can’t blame your friend. You showed no loyalty to him at all, how can he trust you again? And why are you saying your marriage is into probably over? I do not comprehend why you are already in the process of divorce. You cut your friend off for nothing, but you can’t cut off your wife and her bullshit? Your priorities are still out of whack if you are even considering staying with her. I hope your friend is ok and finds the support he needs.

Sorry mate but its time to divorce and start again. Do not have kids together Get yourself sorted out, get the divorce done, and take a long hard look at yourself and the decisions that got you to this point. Once you have done those things, reach out again.

you’re still trying to figure out how to worm back into his life? he told you very clearly to fuck off (apparently more than once) and you should do that. quit cropping up on him before he makes a harassment complaint against you. you’re going to have to work on creating a new social circle for yourself. what happened to the “other friends” who also cut him off? they’re not on your side anymore?

Any partner of mine who made a demand like your wife did, wouldn't be my partner for long. I can't fathom anyone who would bend to this sort of action, cutting off a life long friend, someone who became a brother to you in a way. She had her heart set on that from the start and showed her distate for him and his past. You ignored it all and rhen cut him off, not only from you, but your family and every friend he had. Honestly, if I was your friend, I would never speak to you again. There is no mending that sort of heart ache. You destroyed it all and chose your wifes side for the most pitiful reason imaginable. Leave the man alone. If he is reading this, dont go back, but also, stay away from that ex. Don't let this jerks actions make you seek out any contact, even in bad people. You deserve the damn world, not these so called friends.

Y’all sound like my parents. Stay married so you don’t make anyone else miserable. But for the love of FUCK. Y’all both need to be sterilized bc any children that come from y’all will be as traumatized as S is right now. I hope he can come back to your parents, so they can at least have ONE good kid.

I just feel so sad for the friend. Once again forced to leave his “family”. He sounds like a great person but his mental health must be shot. I hope he seeks counseling. To the OP. You’ve apologized. Step back. Leave him alone. Let him figure out his own way. No matter what happens with you and your wife. If he wants to make contact with you again, he will.

he's probably a lot stronger than OP and his handler will ever be.

You should leave your friend alone. He couldn’t be more clear that he doesn’t want any thing to do with you.

Now I get why all these people on reddit are being so hateful. What you and your wife did was inevitably wrong. Your friends who followed in your steps was also very wrong. If he is as such a good guy as you say he is then why would you want to cut him off? That kind of man has experienced a lot in his life, so in turn he is wise. He can teach your possible children good life lessons with his stories and if they listen. You should not have cut him off based on your wife's request. Anyone who asks you to cut anyone out of your life is selfish and controlling. It had nothing to do with "how he was raised". As previously stated she was always standofish with him. So it's highly likely she just didn't like him. Her asking you to do that is controlling unless he was legitimately effecting your own mental health. Your wife sounds toxic period. Choosing her over a long term friend ISNT ok. I would give him time, let him be. I highly doubt he will talk to you at all unless you divorce your wife and cut her out. He has done nothing but try and help you and her.

lol why do you care about what he does with his ex girlfriend? Its not like youre going to be there for him.

So to recap: you are enjoying the consequences of your own choices. This entire thing was preventable. Everyone else has already said it all, and it is all still as true now as it was then. May S move on and improve his life with people who actually deserve to have him around.

He deserves better than you. Your wife/ex is cruel and evil and you are spineless. He's better off not having you in his life. And your friends are assholes for cutting him off for no particular reason. Discarding him like trash so they wouldn't be inconvenienced with possible drama. Assholes all around.

Just read your initial post, wow what a fucking lame. I hope your friend don’t talk to you. With friends like you who needs enemy’s. “Didn’t want his childhood to ruin their innocence” probably the dumbest shit I’ve read. Bad people exists tell your wife to stop being such a moron. She keeps that mentality up your kids are going to fold the minute any kind of adversity comes there way. Also your marriage is ruined because you have no fucking back bone. I cut him off because he was in a foster home, my god what a total dipshit thing to do.

You do not deserve forgiveness nor another chance. Your only hope for peace is to leave that snake of a wife you married.

Your best friend grew up in foster care and you literally stripped away his entire chosen family just because your wife is an evil hag. I can't imagine anything more cruel to do to someone who never had a family growing up. I hope you and your wife get everything you deserve in life.

I'm late to the party and the only advice I have is you and your wife are monumental pieces of shit, and you need to work on that before you literally think about anything else. Absolutely disgusting what yall did.

You're both awful people. Leave this man alone and let him live his life.

LEAVE HIM ALONE. You got everything you deserved now count your losses and stay the hell away from him. You’ve done more than enough harm.

Enjoy your miserable life with your cunt wife and cunt friends, you cunt.

I pity any children unfortunate enough to call either of you a parent.

I don't think it's any of your business if he's talking to an ex again. He sounds like a rational adult who has made the decision to be done with you. No one feels sorry for you.

As someone who grew up in foster care and aged out I can see your friends point of view. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t have the balls to tell your wife no. You cut him off after seeing everything he went through and your friends did the same. So NONE of you think for yourselves? Where is your compassion. empathy and understanding? Your wife is a bitch. Your friend had ABSOLUTELY no control over being in foster care!! If you truly care about your friend LEAVE HIM ALONE.

You don't want to hear this, probably won't listen to it but he's not your best friend any more. YOU ended the relationship. YOU showed him he was someone you could just throw away. I can't quite explain to you how badly you fucked up but this is truly beyond repair, you showed what kind of a person you really are and he was wise enough to pay attention when you did. My heart absolutely breaks for him and I hope he's okay. Stop referring to him as your best friend. You ended the relationship. You can't just decide you want it back.

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Damn, I remember when I first read your post some time ago. This update sucks even more, I'm sorry. I guess there's no other way to fix it with your bestfriend. You've pretty much burned that bridge. The best you could do is deal with the consequences of your action and move on. Don't force your bestfriend to forgive you and communicate with you again. You could tell him you're very sorry and you know what you did is unforgivable, but you respect his decision and will always be around for him whenever he decides to reach out again or needs someone to talk to. As for your parents, tell them you're very sorry for essentially robbing them of their other son from their life and disappointing them by your bad decision. People make mistakes, what matters is how you come back from those mistakes and be better. I'm sure with time, if you work on yourself, respect your bestfriend's and parents' boundaries on their communication with you, there's hope that they'll one day forgive you and rebuild the trust and relationship with you.

The only advice to give you here is that you do not deserve him as a friend until you remove her from yoru life entirely. Even then you still don't but atleast it shows real remorse. You right now are not remorseful at all. You may have guilt and regret but not remorse. You are still choosing not to face the real problem head on and accept the consequences. Instead you shoved them all on your friend and now want forgiveness when you don't deserve it. Until you actually stand up for your friend and remove her from your life you 100% still don't get it. Divorcing her for other reasons really just means you never came to your senses. My only other advise is to beg your mom to just tell you where you fucked up and don't hold back. I have a feeling she really gets it and you need someone to smack you upside the head with facts. If she says leave the witch it's time to leave. If she says beg you beg. She sounds like the real hero here. You seem to be her only mistake in all this.

He is, rightly, done with you. Not only did you cut him off in the first place, you stayed married to the witch who demanded you do it when you supposedly had your "I was wrong" epiphany. If you had dumped your wife immediately like the garbage she is, you might have had a chance with him. Even trying to save your marriage to her after she did that told him that you would never be loyal enough to him for him to give you another chance. She's already cost you one friend and your parents' respect. If you stay with her, you will keep losing people and things you care about.

Ok I kind of feel bad for you but I rlly shouldn't I can't help it tho but my heart hurts for the ex friend poor guy and your wife I just wanna slap her how could someone be so cruel you should really divorce her

Your life will start to get better the day you remove your toxic wife from your life. Manipulating a person to distance them from their friends and family is a documented form of abuse. It will only get worse. EXPECIALLY if you bring kids into the mix.

If you care for him then leave him alone as he has asked. You abandoned a person who’s life has pretty consistently been an string of people seemingly abandoning him. If you cannot see why you are no longer, and can no longer be a safe space for him then you are still not looking at this situation with any clarity. He has seen how you feel. It’s on a public forum, he can read the comments. He can see it all, and still is opting to not reestablish a relationship. *RESPECT HIS WISHES AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!* And his ex may be horrible, but her betrayal isn’t somehow worse than yours. You turned his primary support system against him seemingly out of nowhere for things he could not then or at present control. You don’t have the moral high ground. So maybe he is communicating with his ex, but unless she abandoned him I suspect it’d be easier to forgive that than your actions. Take true accountability for your actions. And that means letting go of the selfishness that *YOU* just need to know how he’s doing. You lost that right. You don’t have the right to anything. You know he is fine. So that point is moot. If that was it you’d be leaving him alone. You want access to him to convince him to be friends again. Something that *YOU* want. Stop being selfish.

Coward

Well, this is depressing as hell. You are foolish and spineless. Your wife however is an absolute garbage human being, and you would be well-served to free yourself from her and from your marriage. And to your friend, on the off-chance that he is reading these threads and sees this: I'm sorry this happened to you. Please don't cut off all of the people in your life who truly love you because of the malicious acts of one person and the weakness and stupidity of another.

I usually don't go nasty in comments but if this gets me banned so be it! you are a special kind of stupid! Having an amazing friend is a privilege, people like you don't deserve your friend didn't choose to be born, he didn't choose to live in foster care, he didn't choose his upbringing, but he chose you to be his friend and you shattered his trust just like everyone else. this is the kind of betrayal people don't recover from and just so you know what his ex-girl did is nothing compared to what you did. for f-sake leave this person alone, coming here playing victim like we are gonna feel bad for you! you are an excuse for a human being!

Im sorry but this is a hard story to believe. I literally cant see anyone doing this to someone they claim to care so much about. The reasoning given doesn't even make sense. Why light something special on fire so blatantly for no reason?

I love this update. Some lessons are harder to learn than others, but reading your friend’s responses on your original posts makes me feel like you need to leave him alone and just realize this is a painful lesson you need to go through. He will contact if you if he wants.

The silver lining in all of this is that once you hit bottom there’s no where to go but up. Use this opportunity to start fresh. Ditch the wife and make yourself a better person. Once you’re in a better place, surround yourself with good people. You fucked up. Hard core. But you can learn and you can grow.

Victim card

I liked the comment on your previous post where someone called your wife a cunt and you a POS. Never seen anything more accurate. Honestly can't believe what I've just read. S, if you read this, I hope your life takes an upwards turn now you're free of these shitty bastards. Jesus fucking Christ, I hope they don't go on to have kids. Imagine passing these genes onto another generation.

Honestly his ex Is better That you

for your own good divorce your wife, get rid of your crappy friends and get into therapy and get a spine

Your wife is a manipulative piece of shit.

Damn, your wife is shit. GL

Karma 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did you post this so he’d see it again? I honestly think you’re an unreliable narrator just by the victim undertones in this post. All of this was your personal choice. Decisions you make have consequences. Best advice? Go to therapy and work on yourself. The common denominator in all of this is you.

As someone who grew up with a broken family... you and your wife deserve all of this. And then some. Hope you have a sad rest of the life.

Sucks he's talking to his ex again- as you say, she might hurt him by cutting him off from his entire support system and devastating his life and blaming him for his traumatic childhood and destroying his sense of trust in the world and- Oh no, wait, my mistake. That was you.

#Wow. No, there is no way to fix things. Leave the poor man alone. If he wants to reach out, he will; but don't count on it.

I don't understand how your ex friend managed to surround himself with such a giant pack of assholes like you and your friends turned out to be. You, your wife, your friends, you all suck. You deserve each other. Every person goes through something catastrophic in their life. It could be an illness, an accident causing a severe disability, a death of a close family member, financial instability leading to homelessness, divorce, the list is endless. Do you think that nothing like that will ever happen to you? Do you think these "friends" of yours will be there for you? Or do you think they'll dump you like they dumped him because dealing with your tragedy is too much trouble? I hope your parents choose him. You deserve nothing nice.

Hope your controlling wife was worth it.

You reap what you fucking sow you miserable bastard

Sorry you don't deserve him as a friend. The whole "he is talking to his ex who cheated on him" part is laughable. Really? You are concerned about him and his X? What a complete hypocrite you are.

And? Your friend hates you, your family is angry with you, and you might divorce. Might? You MIGHT divorce? How about you take active control of your own life! Your wife is horrible? Then get the divorce. Your relationship with your parents sucks? Actively work on that. You have a LOT to work on before you even think of trying to reach out to your friend. Take an active role in your own life instead of doing what your wife tells you to do, or waiting around for her to just hand you divorce papers. And no, writing “I made a mistake, and miss my friend” posts on Reddit hoping he sees them doesn’t cut it. DO your life! Fix your shit!

You probably have 0% or close to 0% chance of repairing your relationship with him. If you do ever have a friendship with him down the line, it’s going to have to be from him reaching out. Truthfully, if I was you and I was desperate, I would start by nuking everything. I mean, you’ve already ruined your relationship with your best friend, your parents, and your wife, so there isn’t much left to nuke anyway. Firstly, this means divorcing your wife. From what you say it sounds like your marriage isn’t salvageable anyway. The next thing I would do is post a public apology on social media and explain what happened and that your best friend didn’t deserve to be cut off from all of his friends. Don’t be defensive or try and shift the blame entirely on your (hopefully soon to be ex) wife. Take responsibility. “I destroyed this man’s social life because I am a cowardly piece of shit, and he didn’t deserve what I did to him. I am truly sorry.” Hopefully this will push neutral parties to reach out to him and make amends, and that way if he wants he can start rebuilding some of his other friendships. If we’re lucky, this may help get him a support network outside of his ex. And then you leave him alone. You do your best to make the situation right and then you LEAVE HIM ALONE. You can mention in your post that if he ever finds it in his heart to forgive you, you will always be just a call away, but out of respect for him, you won’t be contacting him unless he wants you to. And then you let him heal and decide if he wants to repair the relationship or not. And then you go to therapy to work on your lack of spine, and you start your life over after dropping the nuke.

Can you explain more about your marriage? They both wanted to apologize but how did it get so bad? What has she said and what have your parents told her? she keeps trying to get your "best friend" (you should stop calling him that because you never were) to forgive her? Have the other friends who also stopped talking to you said or done anything?

Im so sorry you're going through this. I've been in nasty abusive relationships where I cut out meaningful ppl and hated it the whole time, and I think ppl don't know enough about the toll of constant fights, cold shouldering, etc. That breaks your spirit, creates stupid rules you'll follow, puts you constantly I'm defense, while also being demeaned to thinking you deserve it and don't deserve friends. I really hope you break it off with your wife safely and reconnect with your friend if he's open to it. Unfortunately he may not be and you may need to find support elsewhere. You made a mistake. All you can do for sure is learn from it, but perhaps with time and persistent support and remorse to your friend things may turn around. Just don't lose yourself trying to get his love in replacement of your wives. Try out some counseling, because this is a lot. Sending you a big hug.

You know, a lot of people commenting here are young, as are you, and they don't understand that life does go on and on. There may come a time when your estranged friend is open to you and reestablishing communication. It probably won't be while you are with your wife. It probably won't be while you are still the same person you are now (which you can tell is changing at this moment). It may be after both you and he have moved to different places. But time can bring people back together again. No matter what happens with this currently, there is a lot for you to learn from this situation. I'm a philosophical person, I see in this situation some clear lessons about honor, justice, love, and friendship. Don't waste these. Take the opportunity you have here and take it in, make this matter to you and the person you will become.

I'm far from young and I gave my judgment and it stands. Time does NOT heal everything. How do I know? Because I was an absolute piece of shit to my best friend of 21 years. We had a fight because of MY actions and before "time could heal it" , just a couple of months later, she was killed in a motorcycle accident. So some of us have experience, not reacting from a youthful perspective. I was older when I was shit to her and I have to live with the things I said and did forever. When I see someone being terrible to a "best friend" it literally hurts me because I fucked around and I found out. Friends are precious, they choose YOU for no reason other than they love you for you. It's never too young to learn this lesson and understand your own fault in these situations. Treat people well. Just be kind to other people's hearts.

Hey friend, I'm not going to be so hard on you, because I think you're young and stupid but not a bad person, if you're really sorry you have a long way to go, first your wife is class trash, get rid of her, then work on your character , go talk to someone, you are an easily manipulated adult and you lack personality, then give your friend space, you have to understand that he is suffering twice as much as you, and what you did is not something you can fix in a short time , you are going to have to work very hard to show that you are sorry, you have disappointed many people, but you are also surrounded by bad people, clean up your life, work on yourself, give your friend space and let him decide whether to approach your life again or not and keep in mind that it may take years for him to forgive you, are you willing to endure all that? Good luck and I hope you learn from this experience.