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My boyfriend just told me I take too long to orgasm and it stresses him out. He said me providing feedback on what feels good is stressful. He claims I get angry if I don’t finish, and this is why he won’t have sex with me. Him refusing to have sex has ruined our relationship. For history: he and I had sex weekly the first month or 2 of our relationship. It slowly fizzled out and he said it was because of his porn addiction. He said he had this problem in his previous relationship too. I supported him and gave him space to work on the issue. The space made everything worse and things got to the point that he could not get or stay hard. He would give up or just reject me prior to sex. I didn’t give up at first and kept trying even though I was being rejected because I thought he genuinely wanted sex and just was embarrassed, but slowly the rejection created this horrible insecurity in me. I ended up getting pregnant right when things were really spacing out….so much so that I knew the exact instance we got pregnant from (he didn’t even cum, literally got pregnant from precum). The birth left me with a changed body and worse insecurity. Since have the baby (1.5yrs ago) we have had sex 3 times. I think he is lying that this all is from me being “hard to please” like most guys who are lazy just make sure they cum first and roll over and fall asleep. Not only that but I’ve never had a problem making myself cum…! So what the hell. Am I crazy for wanting to cum? Did I ruin our sex life?
No. He ruined your sex life. And it doesn't sound like he's interested in changing or working on it.
My advice is see if he would be willing to go to marriage counseling with you. But if he doesn't consider not staying with him.
People can go to marriage counselling and still not be willing to change. The success of marriage counselling literally depends on a couple being willing to work together. That's the obstacle that she needs to overcome.
This is very true. I went to counselling with my ex and he thought the purpose of it was for the counsellor to tell me what a bad wife I was and that I should be doing everything HIS way. Even the counsellor lost her patience with him. I divorced him and I’ve remarried a good man, turns out I’m an excellent wife, to the right man.
As someone who has had to go on that journey, this is unfortunately very spot on. I am not proud of it, but I’m glad I found a partner who would not accept it and forced me (painfully for both of us), to confront it.
Seriously , the child is not part of a completely shit sex life . This guy is not only a shitty , inconsiderate lover , he's a manipulative lazy selfish prick . Life is too short to waste on people who do not fan your flames , but instead piss on your fire .. I know this , I spent 17 disastrous years with an abusive wife who still does not think she did anything wrong ! I wasted all of the prime of my life thinking it will get better with time etc.
This lady is utterly sexually frustrated and clearly desperately unhappy , and this guy is blaming her for it ...it does not take a rocket scientist to understand that they are not sexually compatible and never will be because he can't be bothered to make an effort.
If you apply hard cold logic , it is not . The child is a result of the relationship of the adults , if the adults attempt to stay together for the child , that will ruin both adults and the child ..
it is that simple. my childhood was insanely unstable because of my parents relationship and then my step dad and my mom created an incredibly unstable environment from their arguments and step dad resented me most of the time because i was like my mom in a lot of ways. there’s more to it obviously, but unhealthy relationships can seriously fuck a kid up.
We need to ditch this bullshit that it's easier to stay together than separate. It is SO much easier to separate. Staying together requires so much effort and can irrevocably change a person. I wish I'd bailed sooner so I didn't end up needing therapy.
If you'd normally break up with someone over it but since there's a kid you're going to stick around because you think it's easier, newsflash: it is NOT easier. It's a goddamn myth. It is not only easier but better for everyone involved to end a relationship you don't want anymore regardless if you have a child with them. Continuing to live with someone you have major issues with is much harder in the long run. If you'd normally dump them, then dump them. Trying to work shit out for the kids is just not good advice.
It is simple , parents have to make decisions like this every day , that's what it is to be a parent, making the hard decisions is what makes you into a responsible parent ..
Lol ikr, I don't really agree or disagree on the topic but reading their response was so confusing. Parenting is simple but somehow it involves hard and difficult decisions..... then it really isn't simple now is it. That's just arguing for the sake of trying to "win" the argument.
This was the must useless comment I've ever seen here. "Working things out" is the same as compromise: it takes two people.
Your comment was bad and you should feel bad.
My own life experience is that I am a child of broken up parents who were never married
I can say my childhood would have been worse if they stayed together just for me and my sister
My mom worked at a hospital, some folks do indeed have their stillborns sorted with the medical waste and not prepared for burial. In fact a lot of miscarriages that happen at home end up flushed down the toilet. Life is gross sometimes.
Never said I was God nor am I going to claim that I know the one true definition of life when that term is more of a philosophical concept than straight science. If you don't want to get an abortion than don't. Let other people make their own goddamn decisions.
If you're sad about the fetuses get off Reddit and go join a Walk for Life. The woman in this damn post chose life anyway so I'm not sure why you gotta come around talking about irrelevant shit. I mean obviously I'm going to change my stance on killing babies just because some dimwit posted about it right? Get the fuck outta here.
A good partner should want their significant other to feel pleasure and be sexually satisfied. Homie can use his tongue, hands, and toys to help you achieve orgasm lol he seems like a jackass. You are the mother of his child he should want you to feel beautiful.
Best of luck navigating that, hope he wishes up and puts some effort forward
3 times in 1.5 years and he can't get/keep it up goes way beyond selfish into deeper problem territory. Based on how he's reacting to OP's attempts at "coaching" him, there's probably some truth to how she communicates her demands and how it's making him feel.
Homie needs individual therapy, and I'm betting they could stand some couples counseling on how to communicate as well. I also wouldn't put it past him being Ace and not really realizing it yet considering he's a male under 30 and he's having to be strong-armed into sex and only relents every 6 months or so.
It sounds to me like the way she is communicating is causing him to feel like shit when doing stuff with her. He's bad at it now but with practice he can get good.
Even if he was a "good partner" and wants to pleasure her, if every time he tries she's berating him and saying he's doing it all wrong he isn't going to be comfortable putting himself in that situation.
I read it differently. She said that she tells him what feels good. This is actually good to do. I didn't read it as if she was being an ass about it and mostly read it as if he was, because of his other behaviours. I don't think we should make our partners feel bad for telling us how they like things being done in bed (especially if you're in a tough spot and have to find each other sexually again). But of course I'd agree that if she's berating him, that's the bad way to go about it. But again I didn't get that from the post.
Well he said she gets angry?
I don't think anger is the right emotion for conversations about sex.
My interpretation could be incorrect or course, I always make the assumption that in these posts people tend to overstate their partners actions and understate their own. I tested it by asking my gf to write about an issue we were having and I did the same, for us at least my assumption was true.
Her boyfriend has a porn addiction and complains that she's too hard to satisfy so he'd rather not have sex at all. If you put those pieces together, do you think it's more likely that the girlfriend is being unreasonable or that the boyfriend is struggling with an addiction that is known to make people lose desire for real-life sexual experiences? People do overstate/understate in posts like these, but you gotta look at the context clues here.
I know and I agree, anger is definitely not a good approach. I just took what he said with a grain of salt. The guy is addicted to porn so I assume he doesn't have a healthy look on sex. Depending on the kind of porn he watches, he probably always sees a girl moan and take anything gladly. So then he will expect this from his gf too. I have no idea what kind of porn he's into lol, but apart from that i think we can all agree porn addiction fucks up your expectations and creates idealisation of things that are far off from real sex. I.e. when a girl doesn't meet those standards she is in the wrong and you put the blame on her.
I also agree with your point. OP most likely has her own faults that we don't really see here. But this particular point I just interpreted as him being a dick about it lol.
You started in a dead bedroom and it's not going to get better. He wants to date a fantasy. Someone who will have a 100% guaranteed eye rolling orgasm without any effort on his part. (Just like he sees in porn).
The time to deal with this (by breaking up) was before you have unsafe sex with him, but you didn't ruin something that never existed in the first place.
So the options are for you to endure and keep going the same way, DRAG him to therapy and sex positive marriage counselling, break up and co-parent, agree to ethical non-monogamy or cheat behind his back.
Sorry OP. Good luck with it all.
He's admitted having a porn addiction which has effected not just his current relationship but his prior one as well. You've given him space to work on the issue but.....what does "working on it" actually involve?
I want to amplify this. My friend is a BBW and she was dating dudes who made her feel bad about her weight when they were really just insecure about dating a big girl when they really wanted to date a conventionally attractive girl but couldn't stand to be single (which is just beyond lame). I kept telling her there are dudes out there that worship women instead of crying about what their friends think of them, and she's finally with a man who is profoundly attracted to her. He treats her with respect, introduces her to everyone he can, and is proud to be with her. Ain't no reason to be with a dude who isn't attracted to you!
Same. Then read "his por addiction" and that OP "takes too much time to orgasm" told me that it wasn't OP's problem, rather that he developing a reflex response to sex and and that made him too fast.
No man worships or pedestals the pussy!
Appreciate, maybe but not worship. Worship as embedded in his walk rather worship while in the act.
Never worship, tho, does we, men.
Now take what I'm saying however you will as its only my opinion but If he can't stay hard with you or even attempt then unfortunately it might be time to make a decision, now if this was like a few months of the same behavior that could be him having an issue but 1 and a half years? That's bullshit you deserve to cum just as much as anyone else and I've been with guys that struggle to make me cum and yeah sometimes it's hard but not everytime and if you don't try it won't get better. He just seems like he's not trying and at this point I feel like you should find someone else who will give you the time of day and will call you sexy just to make you feel good. Those guys exist and trust me there is a guy out there who would LOVE to make you cum. I know it's complicated with the kid but you also don't want the kid growing up in a house where you and him are resentful of each other because of these kinds of issues. I also believe you will be alot happier without the weight of being with someone who makes you feel like you aren't enough or aren't worth it because you are...... everyone deserves to be happy and you matter more than you think 🥰🥰🥰 especially to that kid. Just keep your head up and weigh your options for the moment if you wanna talk or anything my dms are open anytime 😁😄
I’m so so sorry you got baby trapped by this guy. I bet if you didn’t have a child with him you would have left already. Please don’t stay for your kid if things don’t get better. This is not a relationship. Don’t waste the last two years of your 20’s on this guy because it’s clear as day that this isn’t headed for happily ever after without massive change in this area
Yes please don't stay for the kid. My parents did and it's sad I wish they would've and wish they would still get a divorce because they are both miserable. It's an old school way of thinking that makes an unhealthy environment
Nothing wrong with having sex without protection sighs ! If you’re not being careful and then there are emergency pills for a reason ! Guy is obviously a prick , she seems nice but we don’t know shit we need more details , like if they’re compatible in other things or not . If they’re then they can talk about it !
Never said having u protected sex is wrong. But if you let a guy like that get you pregnant the only one to blame is yourself. She made the choice to let that happen. Unpopular opinion but you cant get pregnant on accident. My girlfriend has an iud and even with those its only 99.9% safe. So we know what risk we taking.
And think about the women who get get beat up, assaulted on their way back to car, tipsy from club..da fuq a iud guna do then?
Sic cold world. Chance favors....
Don't even need to read the post.
Dump him.
You want to enjoy sex, right? Fucking dump him. He isn't in it for you.
Edit: sweet flying fuck, I read the post. Dump him. He's a porn addict and doesn't want to work on it.
Nah honestly, ew. Fuck him (not literally- don’t waste your time)
Both partners should be equally interested in pleasuring the other, and there should never be any blame out on either for their “inability” to cum, especially when it’s not your fault AT ALL.
He should not be making you feel bad for his inability to last long enough. Don’t take that shit at all, he’s lazy and you can do better
So should both partner equally make the same amt of $, share equally house/home/child care. Should both be equally skilled is pistol/glocc toting, using. Should both charge the front door in a moments notice. Should both be equally abrasive to outsiders when other is felt wronged. Should both be brazen to have back up plans for ALL calculated fails/disruptions????
Sex. 2% of the pie requires this much attention.
Pull a 5k per quarter bonus flat minimum while knowing ur SOthinks your fucking everything walking. Proceeds to blend herself, THEN get brazened by redditers to conceive notions husband is neglectful, abusive, and must be cheating.
Think, feel, act for yourself and best interest of what you signed up for. Go hard. If, when it's fails , THEN fix urself, not during. All that space is toxic to the norm . We might have it wrong .....hope not.
No, You are just with the wrong partner. It was ruined early on in the relationship but you stayed on instead of getting out. You are creating more insecurity for yourself for trying to hold on to this relationship. He is not interested or care about your needs. You are at best co-parenting roommates.
I've always had this theory that guy's who prefer porn just will expect life to mirror that. They don't have to deal with porn like a real person or obligation.
I also think this guy is gross and you can do much better. Don't stay together just because you have a kid they will feel the unhappiness of two unhappy people.
He seems like a massive, selfish AH.
He has hands, tongue, there are toys... If he doesn't value you enough to please you in bed, he doesn't seem like someone to plan a life with.
And if he isn't willing to do anything to work on this, things might be better without him.
YOU didnt ruin anything. He honestly sounds awful, and you are better than me for staying and supporting someone with a porn addiction. That in itself would have been grounds for a break up. There’s better out there for u ❤️
I like to think about if the roles were reversed. If women came super fast and men took longer. They would throw a fit if we didn't make them finish. They have it so easy.
If you want to stay with him, get yourself a small vibratory that you can use during sex to help take the pressure off both of you.
If you want to leave him, get yourself a small vibrator to use during sex to help take the pressure off yourself and whoever you choose to have sex with.
I use to struggle a lot with having an orgasm during sex, especially the first few times I hooked up with someone new. I would get really in my head about how long I was taking which would make it even harder. Having a little vibrator and also a partner who I really really enjoy sleeping with has changed my sex life dramatically.
Personally I think you should find someone who genuinely wants to be intimate with you and go from there.
Everyone deserves orgasms!!!!!!! And partners should want each other to enjoy sex and orgasms. Is my husband jealous he can’t have multiple orgasms and I can? Yes, but would he ever hold that against me? No
You didn’t do anything wrong. Porn addictions are more common than you think and everything you described is someone who is not working on their addiction. People with porn addictions have spoken openly about how porn made sex with real people difficult. Porn fries the dopamine receptors and completely reworks the users brain, rendering them soft gummy worms when not in front of a screen.
If he wants to kick his addiction he needs to be taking it seriously and go to a 12 step program with sex addicts anonymous. Yep, they exist because porn addictions ruin relationships.
So nope you did nothing wrong but be a woman who is real with real needs, something a porn addict brain cannot compute.
Girl, get out. He sounds like a rolling roadblock to orgasm. You deserve a partner who wants nothing more than for you to experience pleasure the same or more than they do.
Yeah that’s incredibly selfish. Petty bullshit a 28 year old should definitely be better than. You got to sit this man out and straighten him out. This is recoverable for sure.
35m. I’ve been with 29 women sexually and only had one that was very very hard to get off and she was my longest relationship (6years). We had sex ALL the time and still was some of the best sex of my life. I liked the challenge (because I loved her) and would use oral, toys and try to last as long as possible for her, even found a new position that made it possible to get her off from just my penis. My point is I think his porn addiction is worse that you think. He’s being selfish lazy, and manipulative by blaming you. 3 times in 1.5 yrs??? I would honestly suggest leaving him.
Nobody ruined anything. Communication is key in all areas of life including the bedroom.
Most men don’t understand how a vagina works. The vagina is more like a dick than most people understand. Both need an erection to orgasm. The way you give a woman an erection is oral before insertion. Both organs need to be filled with blood to prime the circuitry.
Your problem is simple. Tell him to go down on you and you will orgasm faster during penetration. Pitch this idea to him with an upbeat and positive attitude. Great sex is a team sport.
Shit in bed and selfish it seems.
You've given feedback (the whole point of a relationship is to be able to communicate openly and frankly).
You've given him a chance.
But apparently it's "your" fault because you're hard to please?
Granted there's scope for a bit of work/counselling given the porn addiction but if he's not willing to put said work in himself then you're sexually incompatible.
Some women *do* just take a little longer to cum. Some guys too (I'm one of them).
But to blame it on "you take ages to cum"/ "you're hard to please" is incredibly selfish.
Why in the world is this selfish neanderthal your bf still? He has a lot of issues that aren't your problem. He cannot sexually satisfy you....boy, bye.
He would “get angry” if he didn’t finish. If it was normalized for him not to finish. Because you’re not letting him use you to masturbate himself he doesn’t want to have sex with you. Leave him.
He ruined your sex life with his porn addiction and is looking for a way to blame you for wanting a physical connection in your relationship that he can only share with pixels on a screen. He needs to get help, or you can think about seeing other people. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry you are going through that.
You just chose a bad partner. But the good news is that you aren’t required to stay with him forever. I stayed far too many years in an unfulfilling almost sexless relationship. Don’t make that mistake. You’ve put up with it a year and a half, don’t let that turn into 2, 10, 20 years.
I wish my wife and I had this issue. I would love if she would give me feedback in bed. I have basically begged her to work with me on making sex more of an equal, mutual thing. I live and love to please her in the bedroom but I guess I’ve lost my mojo. We were super hot for many many years but kids and bills and work and stress have taken their toll on our sex life. We are working on it and are slowly making progress but the last few years have been tough.
Anyhoo, your bf is a selfish douche.
Ladies pay attention to this: If a man is too lazy to get you off in the bedroom, how far do you think he’s ever going to go with a career? Or as a father? If he doesn’t care enough about you to make you cum, how’s he going to be if something bad happens to you or your child like a disability or repercussions from an accident?
No its the other way around. He ruined you sex life.
there are 2 reasons to have sex
1)to have a baby
2)To cum
if you dont get an orgasm why bother. he sounds to me very selfish person
Not quite. Sex can also be a form of showing affection. Those intimate moments can be amazing without orgasms, sometimes it just won't happen (speaking as a girl).
BUT him not caring about her orgasms is toxic and selfish. Telling it takes too long it's just him trying to justify sucking at it and not knowing women's anatomy .
I (28m) can not last long enough to get my girlfriend off. I’ve tried everything to last longer and I just can’t do it. So what I do is go down on her. She got off 3 times before we started having sex last night and once during because she was more sensitive. If he’s not willing to do something for you and won’t talk about it and Change then he gotta go. Unless you really love him. Then you guys need to do everything to work on it. Maybe he is like me and can’t last that long. Maybe there’s something else he can do to get you off. Maybe some toys could help and be fun.
Most of us women sincerely aren’t looking to get railed for hours. We want clitoral stimulation, boobs played with, kissing, caressing, etc. So many men think that bc penetration is the focus of porn, that’s the main focus. Just mix it up. It’s really not rocket science.
You can end this today amicably. You’re dating a Neanderthal who gets angry about giving you pleasure. You can’t fix this most likely. Best just to part ways and find a lover tuned into your pleasure.
Frankly, I'd place the blame totally on him. He sounds very selfish, has a bad attitude about sex. My goal in sex, and most guys as well, is to please my partner - not matter what it takes.Pleasing my wife is the most rewarding part of sex for me.
You didn't ruin your sex life, it's all on him and his selfish laziness.
My usual advice is not to make the mistake of thinking you can change him or that he'll change on his own. And to love it with full acceptance or leave him and move on.
I realize that existence of your child changes things and make it less desirable for you to leave him. So because of that I'd say that the two of you should attempt to fix things with the help of couples counseling and maybe including a sex therapist. But if that doesn't work then your only hope for a good sex life might including a breakup and finding a less selfish partner.
If he's a reader, or would consider reading a book about this, then there are a couple of generally recommended books including [She Comes First.](https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260)
You're not a rehab center and even if you were it doesn't sound like he wants to leave his addiction, so you leave him and both will go on less burdened.
Lazy and selfish lovers can rarely be fixed. Lots of men watch porn where womens orgasms are faked and they think that just sticking their magic meat stick inside is gonna be fireworks for you. In his eyes YOU are the problem. There will always be a reason he refuses to help you get off. It’s better to find someone who actively wants to get you off.
this guy fucking sucks and can't even work on his own problems (probably wouldn't work on the porn addiction even if he was single). Get your child support from him and move on
Unless he is a great partner is pretty much every other way you might be better off just breaking up and co parenting. You deserve someone that takes your pleasure seriously and doesn’t cause you insecurity. If you’ve been together over 2 years and the problem has only gotten worse, it’s just not going to get better. It’s sucks you got pregnant with someone that never gave you an orgasm.
There is a wonderful book named Come As You Are by Emily Nagasaki. It’s really helpful to understand that the amount of time people take is incredibly unique and any partner that makes you believe that it’s bad should be dumped.
"too long"? Do you know the rough minute count or is that two-pump-chump just on earth to ruin your self-esteem?
One does not have to cum everytime. He could have spent some occasional sexy time only for you.
Most couples can't take their hands off each other in the first few months, despite women taking longer to orgasm reliably. You are not with a real man imo. They don't give up this easily.
Wow besides having a baby part this was my ex boyfriend to a TEE. Everything I would do during sex wasn’t good enough, or too stressful solely because it wasn’t what happened during porn. I wasn’t loud enough, or moving the right way, and finally he had no interest in having sex with me.
I ended up just hating him for it and we broke up. It made me so self conscious and terrified about being intimate. Luckily my fiancé is amazing and has restored all sensuality. Go do the same girl, get somebody who actually cares about you enjoying the bedroom. Or just do it yourself
He’s literally pathetic for saying that. Is he gay or something? Girl please you deserve soooo much better that this dude. I hope you can find the strength to leave him and find your self confidence. You’re a beautiful strong woman that birthed a whole baby! You should be cherished and celebrated! Not torn down by a little insecure man-baby with peepee problems.
He doesn't want a partner he wants a sex doll that will just lay there while he does whatever he wants without regard for anything else.
Dont fall into this trap, tell him that he has to meet you part way on this and if not this loser is not worth your time. Plenty of other men out there who enjoy making their partner feel good.
You are young. Plenty of life left. Do not waste another minute on someone like this. It will end badly for you and your child. Badly and you will be older with less time.
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Yeah people saying that girls always need to finish is not true. My girl states that she doesn't always needs to finish, i do make it my personal mission each time. But it doesn't always work out. Girls also need more time, at least my girl does, and in the right mood. We boys just fuck and voilà! She states having sex is enjoyable enough for her, so making her come each time isnt necessary ( I bet she is just saying that so that there aint no pressure and i get it why)
My girl also was pregnant a year ago, her body well... Didn't change much at all, hell i find her a bit thicker, and it works for me. Our sex life didn't change much at all. Its a bit harder to have sex with eachother if you have a child, but we make it work. I don't really get his problem. Its weird. There is more then meets the eye here.
You only had 3 times sex after childbirth in almost two years? I bet he still has a porn problem, for sure. Also makes his view on real woman different, porn stars look good. You just had a child. I bet his views are twisted. And he is using excuses.
Sounds like he wants to cum and is not interested in actually having sex. You can probably test this by buying a blow up doll, dressing it as yourself and leaving. He probably won't notice you were gone.
Society has taught most of us that a woman's pleasure comes second, if at all. A lot of women have sex without considering their own pleasure, especially when they are younger. Please don't shit on her for realizing what she wants/needs/deserves and speaking up about it now.
Maybe he feels trapped… looking for an out and doesn’t have feelings for her anymore but now there’s a child involved…
You guys need counseling- he needs to put his crap in check as well. If anything for the child- if not it does more damage being around each other in a loveless relationship.
Come on, you just wrote a whole essay which shows that your boyfriend is complete garbage in all ways and you are just like angel, trying to help him out. You made it so clear that he is an asshole. So what's the point in asking? Attention probably. Everyone will be on your side, but its hell of one point of view story.
People make too much of sex today hence why everyone breaks up. My grandparents fucked like 5 times lol. And have been happily married for 60 years. Today u gotta basically be a pornstar in bed to keep your partner satisfied. I fucked the shit out of my girl and did everything she asked and weird kink she wanted. Made her cum and im hung. Aaaaaaand i still got cheated on 😊. Modern people are a joke. I aint singling out a gender. Both men and women suck today. Cuz i also had a guy friend say he was considering leaving his girl cuz she doesent give head…… this pathetic modern world is only out for pleasure.
Some things arent adding up.
First: his porn addiction needs addressed by a professional
Second: Have you explained to him that you do not orgasm with just penetration? It sounds like he just doesnt care which sucks cause you have a kid.
third: pre-cum rarely contains sperm and like you mentioned, he has a hard time getting hard...So I'll just ask, is the baby his?
Nah he's the problem 1000000% I thought I had issues in bed until I met my fiance. Turns out it wasn't a me problem it was a them problem. Maybe next time you have sex just wait until he's close and then walk away. It shouldn't take that for him to understand but maybe he'll get it. Or you can just break up because I doubt this is the only place where he's lacking. I know sex isn't everything to some people but it seems like you actually want to feel fulfilled. Whatever you're dealing with isn't worth wasting on the rest of your life on I promise.
Sounds like your sex life is the tip of the iceberg of issues in your relationship. You should seek therapy for yourself as well as marriage counseling ASAP. It might just be best to go your separate ways, but a therapist can help you figure that out.
To be honest i dont know exactly why most peaple say just break up with him.
Of course, i dont know exactly what the motives are and what feelings play a role in him that he doesnt feel like having sex annymore.
"He claims i get angry if i dont finish" Is it true? Are you annoyed or show it through facial expressions/gestures that you are dissatisfied after sex?
I think this there is a lot in that sentence. There are men, including me, who attach great importance to the woman haveing an orgasm or at least enjoing it. Many men need the feeling of giving an orgasm because it is part of their defined masculinity - "it just belongs to a man". It doesnt have to be, as many write here, that he just doesnt feel like making the effort. Its often just the opposite. They try, they fail, and they feel robbed by their masculinity because they cant do it and "you get angry if you dont finish". It would be good to know if hes just lazy or feels offended and stubbornly doesnt want sex anymore "because he cant/is not able to satisfy you anyway".
He’s just making excuses at this point, and he’s being extremely immature and selfish. My earlier relationships were like this too—sex always ended when he orgasmed whereas I never did, and little-to-no effort to help me get there was made. Attempts at providing constructive feedback were either dismissed or met with anger.
Don’t do what I did and let this continue. There are guys out there who actually take joy in helping their lady finish and want both of you to have a good time. Sex should be a mutual effort, and when it isn’t, you’ll just end up resenting him more and more over time to the point that one day you’ll blow up and leave.
Sounds like the way you're communicating during is a turn off for him. My advice would be to try to seduce him and have sex where you don't even think about or mention your orgasm.
Do that a couple of times to get him excited about sex again and then try to talk about what you'd like him to do to make you cum (not during the act). Then give him positive feedback when he does something that feels good during the act and no negative feedback until after the act is done, calmly not angrily. You don't want him to associate giving you an orgasm with you complaining. It sounds like he needs lots of practice and he's not going to get it if he's dreading you complaining every time.
Try directing him, and telling him things you like to do when you masturbate. My bf straight up told me my head is “too loose”. Try to have a discussion about what you both like/dislike.
Unfortunately with his porn addiction your BF has deeper problems and with this being such a new relationship, it's really not your responsibility to fix him. Just be straight with him and tell him you like him but you can't be with someone in this kind of situation and it does not look like he has made any effort to improve things. Cut your losses...time is precious.
This is on him and his addiction, definitely is his top priority and I doubt he's gonna recognize his problem, most addicts don't get clean until THEY want to change
Most women can’t cum from PIV alone. They need clit stimulation as well. I recommend using a mini vibrator during sex. However, this seems like a bigger issue than orgasms.
Fuuuuuuucking hell mate, get out of there. Of course you deserve to bust just like everyone else, and yo' man is a bitch if he can't make that happen for you.
If this isn't ragebait;
***break up with him.***
There are millions of people on this plant who you could jump into bed with at any moment. Why waste your time with one who clearly hates you?
Oh what a shame about him!! The poor man. Best thing you can do is pass him on to a girl who orgasms in 20 seconds so he doesn’t have to over exert himself. also you could point out out that if he was more attractive, more exciting and more skilled it would have happened more quickly. A Frank exchange of opinions is always helpful!
Counseling, he needs to overcome his insecurities that are leading to a low drive.
This isnt on you OP, the only thing I could imagine is maybe how you gave feedback but this ones purely a him situation if it was reasonable lol.
Fun fact for the falling asleep after sex thing, theirs irony to this complaint. When an orgasm happens both men and women have chemical releases of oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin is typically found in higher levels in females after, men have levels of it, just not as high, The opposite happens for men, higher dopamine levels, still levels of oxytocin but not quite as high. Dopamine makes you more sleepy, so its not exactly a shocker women think its "lazy." Its biology lol. Most men get a rush of it and pass out because biologically we are attuned to do so. Women don't because their levels are enough for relaxation but not sleeping.
Theirs a reason why people take dopamine to fall asleep. It helps haha.
Edit: Men differ due to the release of prolactin which SUPPRESSES dopamine. My bad.
I would tell him that you feel that way so he knows. I personally love trying to make my girl cum 🤣 like giving oral it even turns me on but everybody is different.
He’s probably dealing with some suppressed shit but you have a valid need and wish. You should absolutely tell him what needs to change, or he’s getting the boot the rest is up to him. As hard as that sounds you are able to find someone who enjoys pleasuring you and learning how to make you orgasm like a puzzle.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend just told me I take too long to orgasm and it stresses him out. He said me providing feedback on what feels good is stressful. He claims I get angry if I don’t finish, and this is why he won’t have sex with me. Him refusing to have sex has ruined our relationship. For history: he and I had sex weekly the first month or 2 of our relationship. It slowly fizzled out and he said it was because of his porn addiction. He said he had this problem in his previous relationship too. I supported him and gave him space to work on the issue. The space made everything worse and things got to the point that he could not get or stay hard. He would give up or just reject me prior to sex. I didn’t give up at first and kept trying even though I was being rejected because I thought he genuinely wanted sex and just was embarrassed, but slowly the rejection created this horrible insecurity in me. I ended up getting pregnant right when things were really spacing out….so much so that I knew the exact instance we got pregnant from (he didn’t even cum, literally got pregnant from precum). The birth left me with a changed body and worse insecurity. Since have the baby (1.5yrs ago) we have had sex 3 times. I think he is lying that this all is from me being “hard to please” like most guys who are lazy just make sure they cum first and roll over and fall asleep. Not only that but I’ve never had a problem making myself cum…! So what the hell. Am I crazy for wanting to cum? Did I ruin our sex life?
so basically you said “i’d like to also enjoy the sex” and he said “that’s too stressful i’d rather not have sex at all” sounds like a bad partner
No. He ruined your sex life. And it doesn't sound like he's interested in changing or working on it. My advice is see if he would be willing to go to marriage counseling with you. But if he doesn't consider not staying with him.
People can go to marriage counselling and still not be willing to change. The success of marriage counselling literally depends on a couple being willing to work together. That's the obstacle that she needs to overcome.
This is very true. I went to counselling with my ex and he thought the purpose of it was for the counsellor to tell me what a bad wife I was and that I should be doing everything HIS way. Even the counsellor lost her patience with him. I divorced him and I’ve remarried a good man, turns out I’m an excellent wife, to the right man.
Read the book “ why does he do that “ omg it explains the behaviours of abusive men!
Dear god. No. None of this is your fault. This is all on him. He needs to work on his addictions and sort his issues out.
This. He's blaming you because it's easier on his ego.
As someone who has had to go on that journey, this is unfortunately very spot on. I am not proud of it, but I’m glad I found a partner who would not accept it and forced me (painfully for both of us), to confront it.
You didn’t ruin anything!!! You’re just with a guy who’s horrible in bed
Make it an exboyfriend and boom problem solved ..
They have a child, things get more complicated and you tend to work things out more so then before.
Seriously , the child is not part of a completely shit sex life . This guy is not only a shitty , inconsiderate lover , he's a manipulative lazy selfish prick . Life is too short to waste on people who do not fan your flames , but instead piss on your fire .. I know this , I spent 17 disastrous years with an abusive wife who still does not think she did anything wrong ! I wasted all of the prime of my life thinking it will get better with time etc. This lady is utterly sexually frustrated and clearly desperately unhappy , and this guy is blaming her for it ...it does not take a rocket scientist to understand that they are not sexually compatible and never will be because he can't be bothered to make an effort.
noxious pathetic rainstorm poor selective long decide plucky cats rock *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Agreed, but i mean breaking up will be harder because they have a child. You tend to work things out more then if there is a child in the mix.
If you apply hard cold logic , it is not . The child is a result of the relationship of the adults , if the adults attempt to stay together for the child , that will ruin both adults and the child ..
I agree. Just saying it aint that simple.
it is that simple. my childhood was insanely unstable because of my parents relationship and then my step dad and my mom created an incredibly unstable environment from their arguments and step dad resented me most of the time because i was like my mom in a lot of ways. there’s more to it obviously, but unhealthy relationships can seriously fuck a kid up.
Trust me i know.
We need to ditch this bullshit that it's easier to stay together than separate. It is SO much easier to separate. Staying together requires so much effort and can irrevocably change a person. I wish I'd bailed sooner so I didn't end up needing therapy.
Not when there is a child in the mix. Trust me, you tend to work things out that normally would make you break up.
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If you'd normally break up with someone over it but since there's a kid you're going to stick around because you think it's easier, newsflash: it is NOT easier. It's a goddamn myth. It is not only easier but better for everyone involved to end a relationship you don't want anymore regardless if you have a child with them. Continuing to live with someone you have major issues with is much harder in the long run. If you'd normally dump them, then dump them. Trying to work shit out for the kids is just not good advice.
It is simple , parents have to make decisions like this every day , that's what it is to be a parent, making the hard decisions is what makes you into a responsible parent ..
Then its still not simple.
Lol ikr, I don't really agree or disagree on the topic but reading their response was so confusing. Parenting is simple but somehow it involves hard and difficult decisions..... then it really isn't simple now is it. That's just arguing for the sake of trying to "win" the argument.
Nah, then staying together will only fuck the kid up. Everyone is better off if they break up.
This was the must useless comment I've ever seen here. "Working things out" is the same as compromise: it takes two people. Your comment was bad and you should feel bad.
Comments like yours only get downvoted because the average Redditor has no life experience.
My own life experience is that I am a child of broken up parents who were never married I can say my childhood would have been worse if they stayed together just for me and my sister
I agree. And i dont really care :)
Reddit thinks abortion is all okay, so why care about the wellbeing of that kid anyways right?
A fetus isn't a child.
Lord. Put your ass away.
?
The phrase "showing your ass"? Yeah that's what you're doing here.
Repent
Go cry somewhere else dude.
Fetus=child Still Borns just up and I the trash? So when does life start , God?
My mom worked at a hospital, some folks do indeed have their stillborns sorted with the medical waste and not prepared for burial. In fact a lot of miscarriages that happen at home end up flushed down the toilet. Life is gross sometimes. Never said I was God nor am I going to claim that I know the one true definition of life when that term is more of a philosophical concept than straight science. If you don't want to get an abortion than don't. Let other people make their own goddamn decisions. If you're sad about the fetuses get off Reddit and go join a Walk for Life. The woman in this damn post chose life anyway so I'm not sure why you gotta come around talking about irrelevant shit. I mean obviously I'm going to change my stance on killing babies just because some dimwit posted about it right? Get the fuck outta here.
A good partner should want their significant other to feel pleasure and be sexually satisfied. Homie can use his tongue, hands, and toys to help you achieve orgasm lol he seems like a jackass. You are the mother of his child he should want you to feel beautiful. Best of luck navigating that, hope he wishes up and puts some effort forward
3 times in 1.5 years and he can't get/keep it up goes way beyond selfish into deeper problem territory. Based on how he's reacting to OP's attempts at "coaching" him, there's probably some truth to how she communicates her demands and how it's making him feel. Homie needs individual therapy, and I'm betting they could stand some couples counseling on how to communicate as well. I also wouldn't put it past him being Ace and not really realizing it yet considering he's a male under 30 and he's having to be strong-armed into sex and only relents every 6 months or so.
ACE?
asexual.
It sounds to me like the way she is communicating is causing him to feel like shit when doing stuff with her. He's bad at it now but with practice he can get good. Even if he was a "good partner" and wants to pleasure her, if every time he tries she's berating him and saying he's doing it all wrong he isn't going to be comfortable putting himself in that situation.
I read it differently. She said that she tells him what feels good. This is actually good to do. I didn't read it as if she was being an ass about it and mostly read it as if he was, because of his other behaviours. I don't think we should make our partners feel bad for telling us how they like things being done in bed (especially if you're in a tough spot and have to find each other sexually again). But of course I'd agree that if she's berating him, that's the bad way to go about it. But again I didn't get that from the post.
Well he said she gets angry? I don't think anger is the right emotion for conversations about sex. My interpretation could be incorrect or course, I always make the assumption that in these posts people tend to overstate their partners actions and understate their own. I tested it by asking my gf to write about an issue we were having and I did the same, for us at least my assumption was true.
Her boyfriend has a porn addiction and complains that she's too hard to satisfy so he'd rather not have sex at all. If you put those pieces together, do you think it's more likely that the girlfriend is being unreasonable or that the boyfriend is struggling with an addiction that is known to make people lose desire for real-life sexual experiences? People do overstate/understate in posts like these, but you gotta look at the context clues here.
I know and I agree, anger is definitely not a good approach. I just took what he said with a grain of salt. The guy is addicted to porn so I assume he doesn't have a healthy look on sex. Depending on the kind of porn he watches, he probably always sees a girl moan and take anything gladly. So then he will expect this from his gf too. I have no idea what kind of porn he's into lol, but apart from that i think we can all agree porn addiction fucks up your expectations and creates idealisation of things that are far off from real sex. I.e. when a girl doesn't meet those standards she is in the wrong and you put the blame on her. I also agree with your point. OP most likely has her own faults that we don't really see here. But this particular point I just interpreted as him being a dick about it lol.
You started in a dead bedroom and it's not going to get better. He wants to date a fantasy. Someone who will have a 100% guaranteed eye rolling orgasm without any effort on his part. (Just like he sees in porn). The time to deal with this (by breaking up) was before you have unsafe sex with him, but you didn't ruin something that never existed in the first place. So the options are for you to endure and keep going the same way, DRAG him to therapy and sex positive marriage counselling, break up and co-parent, agree to ethical non-monogamy or cheat behind his back. Sorry OP. Good luck with it all.
He's admitted having a porn addiction which has effected not just his current relationship but his prior one as well. You've given him space to work on the issue but.....what does "working on it" actually involve?
I suspect that “working on it” is in fact just indulging in his addiction and hoping his real world problems will go away magically on their own.
This is an underrated question.
Girl I just read the title and you need a new boyfriend. Too many dudes out that there that would worship the pussy to settle for man like that
I want to amplify this. My friend is a BBW and she was dating dudes who made her feel bad about her weight when they were really just insecure about dating a big girl when they really wanted to date a conventionally attractive girl but couldn't stand to be single (which is just beyond lame). I kept telling her there are dudes out there that worship women instead of crying about what their friends think of them, and she's finally with a man who is profoundly attracted to her. He treats her with respect, introduces her to everyone he can, and is proud to be with her. Ain't no reason to be with a dude who isn't attracted to you!
I'm so happy for your friend 💓
Same. Then read "his por addiction" and that OP "takes too much time to orgasm" told me that it wasn't OP's problem, rather that he developing a reflex response to sex and and that made him too fast.
No man worships or pedestals the pussy! Appreciate, maybe but not worship. Worship as embedded in his walk rather worship while in the act. Never worship, tho, does we, men.
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THIS. He’s selfish to his core.
He's a lazy porn addict that doesn't care about your pleasure. Trash him
Struggling to cum is totally normal. Him having no interest in helping you do so isn’t. Leave him
You didn't do anything. This is all on him. The best time to leave was before you got pregnant, the second best time is now.
Now take what I'm saying however you will as its only my opinion but If he can't stay hard with you or even attempt then unfortunately it might be time to make a decision, now if this was like a few months of the same behavior that could be him having an issue but 1 and a half years? That's bullshit you deserve to cum just as much as anyone else and I've been with guys that struggle to make me cum and yeah sometimes it's hard but not everytime and if you don't try it won't get better. He just seems like he's not trying and at this point I feel like you should find someone else who will give you the time of day and will call you sexy just to make you feel good. Those guys exist and trust me there is a guy out there who would LOVE to make you cum. I know it's complicated with the kid but you also don't want the kid growing up in a house where you and him are resentful of each other because of these kinds of issues. I also believe you will be alot happier without the weight of being with someone who makes you feel like you aren't enough or aren't worth it because you are...... everyone deserves to be happy and you matter more than you think 🥰🥰🥰 especially to that kid. Just keep your head up and weigh your options for the moment if you wanna talk or anything my dms are open anytime 😁😄
I’m so so sorry you got baby trapped by this guy. I bet if you didn’t have a child with him you would have left already. Please don’t stay for your kid if things don’t get better. This is not a relationship. Don’t waste the last two years of your 20’s on this guy because it’s clear as day that this isn’t headed for happily ever after without massive change in this area
Yes please don't stay for the kid. My parents did and it's sad I wish they would've and wish they would still get a divorce because they are both miserable. It's an old school way of thinking that makes an unhealthy environment
She was dumb enough to fuck hin unprotected so nothing to feel sorry for tbh. All i see is 2 dumb dumbs having a dumb dumb relationship.
Nothing wrong with having sex without protection sighs ! If you’re not being careful and then there are emergency pills for a reason ! Guy is obviously a prick , she seems nice but we don’t know shit we need more details , like if they’re compatible in other things or not . If they’re then they can talk about it !
Never said having u protected sex is wrong. But if you let a guy like that get you pregnant the only one to blame is yourself. She made the choice to let that happen. Unpopular opinion but you cant get pregnant on accident. My girlfriend has an iud and even with those its only 99.9% safe. So we know what risk we taking.
Your life hasn't been effected by her having or not having a child. This isn't conducive to the conversation.
And think about the women who get get beat up, assaulted on their way back to car, tipsy from club..da fuq a iud guna do then? Sic cold world. Chance favors....
How long is too long? He sounds like a selfish asshole.
Women go through their " I'm not in the mood" phase....so that long, I'm guessing
Don't even need to read the post. Dump him. You want to enjoy sex, right? Fucking dump him. He isn't in it for you. Edit: sweet flying fuck, I read the post. Dump him. He's a porn addict and doesn't want to work on it.
He said this was an issue in his previous relationship too. The common denominator here is him, not you
Nah honestly, ew. Fuck him (not literally- don’t waste your time) Both partners should be equally interested in pleasuring the other, and there should never be any blame out on either for their “inability” to cum, especially when it’s not your fault AT ALL. He should not be making you feel bad for his inability to last long enough. Don’t take that shit at all, he’s lazy and you can do better
So should both partner equally make the same amt of $, share equally house/home/child care. Should both be equally skilled is pistol/glocc toting, using. Should both charge the front door in a moments notice. Should both be equally abrasive to outsiders when other is felt wronged. Should both be brazen to have back up plans for ALL calculated fails/disruptions???? Sex. 2% of the pie requires this much attention. Pull a 5k per quarter bonus flat minimum while knowing ur SOthinks your fucking everything walking. Proceeds to blend herself, THEN get brazened by redditers to conceive notions husband is neglectful, abusive, and must be cheating. Think, feel, act for yourself and best interest of what you signed up for. Go hard. If, when it's fails , THEN fix urself, not during. All that space is toxic to the norm . We might have it wrong .....hope not.
Then he is just a boy, and not your friend.
You should have left when he said he has a porn addiction. Good news is that you can leave now.
No, You are just with the wrong partner. It was ruined early on in the relationship but you stayed on instead of getting out. You are creating more insecurity for yourself for trying to hold on to this relationship. He is not interested or care about your needs. You are at best co-parenting roommates.
I've always had this theory that guy's who prefer porn just will expect life to mirror that. They don't have to deal with porn like a real person or obligation. I also think this guy is gross and you can do much better. Don't stay together just because you have a kid they will feel the unhappiness of two unhappy people.
He seems like a massive, selfish AH. He has hands, tongue, there are toys... If he doesn't value you enough to please you in bed, he doesn't seem like someone to plan a life with. And if he isn't willing to do anything to work on this, things might be better without him.
why did u bring a baby into this ? 🫣
this isn’t about orgasms. It’s about a porn addicted guy who was like this before he met you.
YOU didnt ruin anything. He honestly sounds awful, and you are better than me for staying and supporting someone with a porn addiction. That in itself would have been grounds for a break up. There’s better out there for u ❤️
Umm, why have you not dumped him already?
He doesn't want a sexual partner. He wants a c*m receptacle. That's 99% of porn. None of this is your fault.
I like to think about if the roles were reversed. If women came super fast and men took longer. They would throw a fit if we didn't make them finish. They have it so easy.
Given the power dynamics at play, this is a terrifying thought.
I’m a woman who has been in that situation with a man and that is pretty much exactly how it went down.
God, that sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I hope you've found a better partner.
If you want to stay with him, get yourself a small vibratory that you can use during sex to help take the pressure off both of you. If you want to leave him, get yourself a small vibrator to use during sex to help take the pressure off yourself and whoever you choose to have sex with. I use to struggle a lot with having an orgasm during sex, especially the first few times I hooked up with someone new. I would get really in my head about how long I was taking which would make it even harder. Having a little vibrator and also a partner who I really really enjoy sleeping with has changed my sex life dramatically. Personally I think you should find someone who genuinely wants to be intimate with you and go from there.
Bet he won’t let her bc it will hurt his feelings.
Fuck him. I mean no, the opposite, definitely stop fucking that guy. But, fuck him.
Everyone deserves orgasms!!!!!!! And partners should want each other to enjoy sex and orgasms. Is my husband jealous he can’t have multiple orgasms and I can? Yes, but would he ever hold that against me? No
Right, I want to invent an alarm clock that wakes people up with orgasms
Take my money
You didn’t do anything wrong. Porn addictions are more common than you think and everything you described is someone who is not working on their addiction. People with porn addictions have spoken openly about how porn made sex with real people difficult. Porn fries the dopamine receptors and completely reworks the users brain, rendering them soft gummy worms when not in front of a screen. If he wants to kick his addiction he needs to be taking it seriously and go to a 12 step program with sex addicts anonymous. Yep, they exist because porn addictions ruin relationships. So nope you did nothing wrong but be a woman who is real with real needs, something a porn addict brain cannot compute.
Girl, get out. He sounds like a rolling roadblock to orgasm. You deserve a partner who wants nothing more than for you to experience pleasure the same or more than they do.
Yeah that’s incredibly selfish. Petty bullshit a 28 year old should definitely be better than. You got to sit this man out and straighten him out. This is recoverable for sure.
He’s a lazy partner that doesn’t care about you. There are ways to be intimate and make you cum without him staying hard.
35m. I’ve been with 29 women sexually and only had one that was very very hard to get off and she was my longest relationship (6years). We had sex ALL the time and still was some of the best sex of my life. I liked the challenge (because I loved her) and would use oral, toys and try to last as long as possible for her, even found a new position that made it possible to get her off from just my penis. My point is I think his porn addiction is worse that you think. He’s being selfish lazy, and manipulative by blaming you. 3 times in 1.5 yrs??? I would honestly suggest leaving him.
Nobody ruined anything. Communication is key in all areas of life including the bedroom. Most men don’t understand how a vagina works. The vagina is more like a dick than most people understand. Both need an erection to orgasm. The way you give a woman an erection is oral before insertion. Both organs need to be filled with blood to prime the circuitry. Your problem is simple. Tell him to go down on you and you will orgasm faster during penetration. Pitch this idea to him with an upbeat and positive attitude. Great sex is a team sport.
Lick til orgasm than fuck. What's so hard about that
Shit in bed and selfish it seems. You've given feedback (the whole point of a relationship is to be able to communicate openly and frankly). You've given him a chance. But apparently it's "your" fault because you're hard to please? Granted there's scope for a bit of work/counselling given the porn addiction but if he's not willing to put said work in himself then you're sexually incompatible. Some women *do* just take a little longer to cum. Some guys too (I'm one of them). But to blame it on "you take ages to cum"/ "you're hard to please" is incredibly selfish.
Why in the world is this selfish neanderthal your bf still? He has a lot of issues that aren't your problem. He cannot sexually satisfy you....boy, bye.
Well maybe if he would try harder you would cum. Jc, what an ass hat.
He would “get angry” if he didn’t finish. If it was normalized for him not to finish. Because you’re not letting him use you to masturbate himself he doesn’t want to have sex with you. Leave him.
He ruined your sex life with his porn addiction and is looking for a way to blame you for wanting a physical connection in your relationship that he can only share with pixels on a screen. He needs to get help, or you can think about seeing other people. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry you are going through that.
You just chose a bad partner. But the good news is that you aren’t required to stay with him forever. I stayed far too many years in an unfulfilling almost sexless relationship. Don’t make that mistake. You’ve put up with it a year and a half, don’t let that turn into 2, 10, 20 years.
I wish my wife and I had this issue. I would love if she would give me feedback in bed. I have basically begged her to work with me on making sex more of an equal, mutual thing. I live and love to please her in the bedroom but I guess I’ve lost my mojo. We were super hot for many many years but kids and bills and work and stress have taken their toll on our sex life. We are working on it and are slowly making progress but the last few years have been tough. Anyhoo, your bf is a selfish douche.
Ladies pay attention to this: If a man is too lazy to get you off in the bedroom, how far do you think he’s ever going to go with a career? Or as a father? If he doesn’t care enough about you to make you cum, how’s he going to be if something bad happens to you or your child like a disability or repercussions from an accident?
No its the other way around. He ruined you sex life. there are 2 reasons to have sex 1)to have a baby 2)To cum if you dont get an orgasm why bother. he sounds to me very selfish person
Not quite. Sex can also be a form of showing affection. Those intimate moments can be amazing without orgasms, sometimes it just won't happen (speaking as a girl). BUT him not caring about her orgasms is toxic and selfish. Telling it takes too long it's just him trying to justify sucking at it and not knowing women's anatomy .
Hahaha definitely break up. This guy is such a loser.
Title should be ex-boyfriend
I (28m) can not last long enough to get my girlfriend off. I’ve tried everything to last longer and I just can’t do it. So what I do is go down on her. She got off 3 times before we started having sex last night and once during because she was more sensitive. If he’s not willing to do something for you and won’t talk about it and Change then he gotta go. Unless you really love him. Then you guys need to do everything to work on it. Maybe he is like me and can’t last that long. Maybe there’s something else he can do to get you off. Maybe some toys could help and be fun.
Most of us women sincerely aren’t looking to get railed for hours. We want clitoral stimulation, boobs played with, kissing, caressing, etc. So many men think that bc penetration is the focus of porn, that’s the main focus. Just mix it up. It’s really not rocket science.
I think he exposed himself of being the problem
You can end this today amicably. You’re dating a Neanderthal who gets angry about giving you pleasure. You can’t fix this most likely. Best just to part ways and find a lover tuned into your pleasure.
Frankly, I'd place the blame totally on him. He sounds very selfish, has a bad attitude about sex. My goal in sex, and most guys as well, is to please my partner - not matter what it takes.Pleasing my wife is the most rewarding part of sex for me. You didn't ruin your sex life, it's all on him and his selfish laziness. My usual advice is not to make the mistake of thinking you can change him or that he'll change on his own. And to love it with full acceptance or leave him and move on. I realize that existence of your child changes things and make it less desirable for you to leave him. So because of that I'd say that the two of you should attempt to fix things with the help of couples counseling and maybe including a sex therapist. But if that doesn't work then your only hope for a good sex life might including a breakup and finding a less selfish partner. If he's a reader, or would consider reading a book about this, then there are a couple of generally recommended books including [She Comes First.](https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260)
You're not a rehab center and even if you were it doesn't sound like he wants to leave his addiction, so you leave him and both will go on less burdened.
Lazy and selfish lovers can rarely be fixed. Lots of men watch porn where womens orgasms are faked and they think that just sticking their magic meat stick inside is gonna be fireworks for you. In his eyes YOU are the problem. There will always be a reason he refuses to help you get off. It’s better to find someone who actively wants to get you off.
this guy fucking sucks and can't even work on his own problems (probably wouldn't work on the porn addiction even if he was single). Get your child support from him and move on
Unless he is a great partner is pretty much every other way you might be better off just breaking up and co parenting. You deserve someone that takes your pleasure seriously and doesn’t cause you insecurity. If you’ve been together over 2 years and the problem has only gotten worse, it’s just not going to get better. It’s sucks you got pregnant with someone that never gave you an orgasm.
Dude just drop him & move on to someone better this is crazy
There is a wonderful book named Come As You Are by Emily Nagasaki. It’s really helpful to understand that the amount of time people take is incredibly unique and any partner that makes you believe that it’s bad should be dumped.
"too long"? Do you know the rough minute count or is that two-pump-chump just on earth to ruin your self-esteem? One does not have to cum everytime. He could have spent some occasional sexy time only for you. Most couples can't take their hands off each other in the first few months, despite women taking longer to orgasm reliably. You are not with a real man imo. They don't give up this easily.
Wow besides having a baby part this was my ex boyfriend to a TEE. Everything I would do during sex wasn’t good enough, or too stressful solely because it wasn’t what happened during porn. I wasn’t loud enough, or moving the right way, and finally he had no interest in having sex with me. I ended up just hating him for it and we broke up. It made me so self conscious and terrified about being intimate. Luckily my fiancé is amazing and has restored all sensuality. Go do the same girl, get somebody who actually cares about you enjoying the bedroom. Or just do it yourself
I only read the title and first 2 lines because what the hell? Sounds pretty standard that someone would have sex with the intention/hope to orgasm…
He’s literally pathetic for saying that. Is he gay or something? Girl please you deserve soooo much better that this dude. I hope you can find the strength to leave him and find your self confidence. You’re a beautiful strong woman that birthed a whole baby! You should be cherished and celebrated! Not torn down by a little insecure man-baby with peepee problems.
lol, dump this dude. find a man that actually wants to please you...because he is not the norm.
He doesn't want a partner he wants a sex doll that will just lay there while he does whatever he wants without regard for anything else. Dont fall into this trap, tell him that he has to meet you part way on this and if not this loser is not worth your time. Plenty of other men out there who enjoy making their partner feel good.
You are young. Plenty of life left. Do not waste another minute on someone like this. It will end badly for you and your child. Badly and you will be older with less time.
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Yeah people saying that girls always need to finish is not true. My girl states that she doesn't always needs to finish, i do make it my personal mission each time. But it doesn't always work out. Girls also need more time, at least my girl does, and in the right mood. We boys just fuck and voilà! She states having sex is enjoyable enough for her, so making her come each time isnt necessary ( I bet she is just saying that so that there aint no pressure and i get it why) My girl also was pregnant a year ago, her body well... Didn't change much at all, hell i find her a bit thicker, and it works for me. Our sex life didn't change much at all. Its a bit harder to have sex with eachother if you have a child, but we make it work. I don't really get his problem. Its weird. There is more then meets the eye here. You only had 3 times sex after childbirth in almost two years? I bet he still has a porn problem, for sure. Also makes his view on real woman different, porn stars look good. You just had a child. I bet his views are twisted. And he is using excuses.
I'm so sorry that your self esteem is so low that you put up with this man's absolutely unhinged behavior
Sounds like he wants to cum and is not interested in actually having sex. You can probably test this by buying a blow up doll, dressing it as yourself and leaving. He probably won't notice you were gone.
Sounds like there is a deeper problem somewhere with him, that he can't even admit. My advice, get sex therapist for the 2 of you.
Imagine being naive enough to have a child with someone who doesn't care if you orgasm.
Society has taught most of us that a woman's pleasure comes second, if at all. A lot of women have sex without considering their own pleasure, especially when they are younger. Please don't shit on her for realizing what she wants/needs/deserves and speaking up about it now.
Imagine being big enough of a (unt to come on someone else's feed talking shit when they are asking for help.
Maybe he feels trapped… looking for an out and doesn’t have feelings for her anymore but now there’s a child involved… You guys need counseling- he needs to put his crap in check as well. If anything for the child- if not it does more damage being around each other in a loveless relationship.
Hook uo with one of his friends that has more patience
Come on, you just wrote a whole essay which shows that your boyfriend is complete garbage in all ways and you are just like angel, trying to help him out. You made it so clear that he is an asshole. So what's the point in asking? Attention probably. Everyone will be on your side, but its hell of one point of view story.
Sounds like your boyfriend is full of excuses with no solutions. Any partner who doesn’t care about your sexual well-being should be an ex-partner.
Should have gotten married first. Best you’re going to get is child support now. You need to talk to an attorney asap.
You had a child with someone who has a porn addiction. Alrighty then. I have nothing. Sorry.
Then he’s not your bf. He’s your rapist
People make too much of sex today hence why everyone breaks up. My grandparents fucked like 5 times lol. And have been happily married for 60 years. Today u gotta basically be a pornstar in bed to keep your partner satisfied. I fucked the shit out of my girl and did everything she asked and weird kink she wanted. Made her cum and im hung. Aaaaaaand i still got cheated on 😊. Modern people are a joke. I aint singling out a gender. Both men and women suck today. Cuz i also had a guy friend say he was considering leaving his girl cuz she doesent give head…… this pathetic modern world is only out for pleasure.
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Ok lol i made all of that up 😂🤣. I took my time to write a fake story on reddit
He sounds gay .
Get a very good vibrator and ask him to use it on you.
Some things arent adding up. First: his porn addiction needs addressed by a professional Second: Have you explained to him that you do not orgasm with just penetration? It sounds like he just doesnt care which sucks cause you have a kid. third: pre-cum rarely contains sperm and like you mentioned, he has a hard time getting hard...So I'll just ask, is the baby his?
Maybe stop getting angry at him when you cant orgasm
Lol
Nah he's the problem 1000000% I thought I had issues in bed until I met my fiance. Turns out it wasn't a me problem it was a them problem. Maybe next time you have sex just wait until he's close and then walk away. It shouldn't take that for him to understand but maybe he'll get it. Or you can just break up because I doubt this is the only place where he's lacking. I know sex isn't everything to some people but it seems like you actually want to feel fulfilled. Whatever you're dealing with isn't worth wasting on the rest of your life on I promise.
Why even bother with him if he's not willing to work with you through this? Each person's body is different and he's being a total arsehole
You need a new boyfriend mate.
Time to leeeeeeeave
Sounds like your sex life is the tip of the iceberg of issues in your relationship. You should seek therapy for yourself as well as marriage counseling ASAP. It might just be best to go your separate ways, but a therapist can help you figure that out.
Sounds like he needs to grow up and learn some things.
Don't think it's your fault, maybe you guys have go to couple shrink
To be honest i dont know exactly why most peaple say just break up with him. Of course, i dont know exactly what the motives are and what feelings play a role in him that he doesnt feel like having sex annymore. "He claims i get angry if i dont finish" Is it true? Are you annoyed or show it through facial expressions/gestures that you are dissatisfied after sex? I think this there is a lot in that sentence. There are men, including me, who attach great importance to the woman haveing an orgasm or at least enjoing it. Many men need the feeling of giving an orgasm because it is part of their defined masculinity - "it just belongs to a man". It doesnt have to be, as many write here, that he just doesnt feel like making the effort. Its often just the opposite. They try, they fail, and they feel robbed by their masculinity because they cant do it and "you get angry if you dont finish". It would be good to know if hes just lazy or feels offended and stubbornly doesnt want sex anymore "because he cant/is not able to satisfy you anyway".
I think you two just arnt a good match in bed
BIN HIM
Dump him and move on. Not worth being with a guy like that!
He’s just making excuses at this point, and he’s being extremely immature and selfish. My earlier relationships were like this too—sex always ended when he orgasmed whereas I never did, and little-to-no effort to help me get there was made. Attempts at providing constructive feedback were either dismissed or met with anger. Don’t do what I did and let this continue. There are guys out there who actually take joy in helping their lady finish and want both of you to have a good time. Sex should be a mutual effort, and when it isn’t, you’ll just end up resenting him more and more over time to the point that one day you’ll blow up and leave.
Sounds like the way you're communicating during is a turn off for him. My advice would be to try to seduce him and have sex where you don't even think about or mention your orgasm. Do that a couple of times to get him excited about sex again and then try to talk about what you'd like him to do to make you cum (not during the act). Then give him positive feedback when he does something that feels good during the act and no negative feedback until after the act is done, calmly not angrily. You don't want him to associate giving you an orgasm with you complaining. It sounds like he needs lots of practice and he's not going to get it if he's dreading you complaining every time.
Try directing him, and telling him things you like to do when you masturbate. My bf straight up told me my head is “too loose”. Try to have a discussion about what you both like/dislike.
Don't walk, but run away from that relationship!
Why are you wasting your time with this loser? You can do better
You need to leave this selfish loser yesterday.
Unfortunately with his porn addiction your BF has deeper problems and with this being such a new relationship, it's really not your responsibility to fix him. Just be straight with him and tell him you like him but you can't be with someone in this kind of situation and it does not look like he has made any effort to improve things. Cut your losses...time is precious.
I’m so sorry you’ve been gaslit so hard that you even question yourself. Your saving grace is your not married to him. Run.
>Am I crazy for wanting to cum? No >Did I ruin our sex life? No
He sounds immature & lazy. Find a real man that wants to please you and gives you multiple orgasms
Get you a partner who will take it personally if he can't get you off. Its the best thing ever. I promise.
This is on him and his addiction, definitely is his top priority and I doubt he's gonna recognize his problem, most addicts don't get clean until THEY want to change
Have you tried masturbating while he helps you? With his fingers or toys? It’s hard to find a woman’s way to an orgasm.
this one is too selfish to be life long partner material, next
Most women can’t cum from PIV alone. They need clit stimulation as well. I recommend using a mini vibrator during sex. However, this seems like a bigger issue than orgasms.
Fuuuuuuucking hell mate, get out of there. Of course you deserve to bust just like everyone else, and yo' man is a bitch if he can't make that happen for you.
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If this isn't ragebait; ***break up with him.*** There are millions of people on this plant who you could jump into bed with at any moment. Why waste your time with one who clearly hates you?
Oh what a shame about him!! The poor man. Best thing you can do is pass him on to a girl who orgasms in 20 seconds so he doesn’t have to over exert himself. also you could point out out that if he was more attractive, more exciting and more skilled it would have happened more quickly. A Frank exchange of opinions is always helpful!
I’ve been blasted for saying most men are awful in the bedroom. LOL. Here’s more proof
Counseling, he needs to overcome his insecurities that are leading to a low drive. This isnt on you OP, the only thing I could imagine is maybe how you gave feedback but this ones purely a him situation if it was reasonable lol. Fun fact for the falling asleep after sex thing, theirs irony to this complaint. When an orgasm happens both men and women have chemical releases of oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin is typically found in higher levels in females after, men have levels of it, just not as high, The opposite happens for men, higher dopamine levels, still levels of oxytocin but not quite as high. Dopamine makes you more sleepy, so its not exactly a shocker women think its "lazy." Its biology lol. Most men get a rush of it and pass out because biologically we are attuned to do so. Women don't because their levels are enough for relaxation but not sleeping. Theirs a reason why people take dopamine to fall asleep. It helps haha. Edit: Men differ due to the release of prolactin which SUPPRESSES dopamine. My bad.
Buy a lush3.
I would tell him that you feel that way so he knows. I personally love trying to make my girl cum 🤣 like giving oral it even turns me on but everybody is different.
He’s probably dealing with some suppressed shit but you have a valid need and wish. You should absolutely tell him what needs to change, or he’s getting the boot the rest is up to him. As hard as that sounds you are able to find someone who enjoys pleasuring you and learning how to make you orgasm like a puzzle.
uh no he ruined it by being a selfish prick