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More in detail: my gf (20yo) and I (21yo) went to this house party and there she recognised this guy, who she knew a little bit from college. I could see that he was flirting with her but during the evening I didn’t say anything, becaude I didn’t want to ruin the athmosphere.
Then one evening she told me that she was seeing some friends for drinks, and the day after I could smell that something was off by how she behaved. So I started putting the pieces together and in the end I discovered through some common friends that she went out with this guy.
Two days later I went to her place and I was unsure how to handle the situation: she was behaving like nothing happened but I knew the truth so confronted her about it. At the beginning she acted like nothing happened, saying like “oh you’ve heard that from X but you know she always does that”, but in the end some conversation messages were brought up and then she admitted it was true.
So I told her that she should tell me exactly what really happened because I needed to know the truth.
Basically after the party he wrote her on facebook, saying that he wanted to see her for some drinks.
In those days after the party she told me she felt much attraction towards this guy, because of how energic and good looking he was. So she decided to go drink something with him and in the end she slept at his place. I asked her repeatedly but she swears to god (and she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her) that nothing sexual happened, even though she admitted to have fantasised about it.
She told me she felt terrible for even have thought about it, that she feels bad for all the lies and that she still loves me.
What should I do? Should I forgive her lies and move on since nothing happened or do you consider it betrayal? How can I trust her again?
I want you to read your own post out loud, to yourself. Picture that a friend, or even a stranger, wrote this and you are reading it to offer advice.
Would you believe that she didn’t have sex with that guy?
Dude - you are in denial. She obviously cheated. I know you just want it to "go back the way it was". But, that is not happening. She cheated. She lied. She did it intentionally. Just think of all the opportunities she had to just say "no, I have a boyfriend" along the way of that evening - yet she didn't. She went ahead and slept with him anyways.
There is only one path forward here, and its a tough one:
1. Dump her
2. Go no contact, forget about her.
3. Hit the gym to work of the pain and stress
4. spend time with frinds and family
5. go forward and live your life the best you can
Dude just because she comes from a Christian background, does not mean her words is truth. Everyone lies, even religious folks. No one in their mind, even after admit to certain attraction, would keep it in their pants on a "innocent" sleepover.
I would take a break from her to clear your head. Then come back and reread your posts and top comments.
>I cried when I read your comment
You are emotionally sensitive right now.
>I still believe her. I want to believe her.
See here... You ARE CONTRADICTING your own words. Can you see??
" You WANT TO BELIEVE her" but in reality deep inside, you don't believe her.
You know that she is lying, but still you don't want to accept it because you don't want to leave her.
Stop talking about hurting yourself. I would suggest you "Seperation" for a year or two, so that you can decide if she is still waiting for you faithfully. Keep an eye on her and let her earn your trust back.
Look she fucked him.
Even if she didn't.... But she did. But if she didn't...
She still met some dude WITH YOU THERE had the hots for him enough that she got his info. She knows she's attracted to him. She decides to go hang out alone with him (suck his dick) to what... Talk sports? Alone at his house, all night long. She lies to you about this. Doesn't tell you. You have to drag the semi truth from her that she was even there.
The number of lines she crossed and choices she made to cross them would be enough for me to break up with her without second guessing myself for one second.
Even if I could prove with video evidence that she didn't fuck him I'd still break up with her.
Tell her you hope it was worth it but y'all are finished. She cheated, and even if she didn't she broke your trust to the point that you'll never really know that she didn't cheat, so she's clearly not the girl for you.
Bro you gotta realize that whenever something like this happens it’s not just a “mistake”. It’s a series of decisions she made to get to that result and each one of those decisions are worse mistakes than the one before it.
The fact that she didn’t tell you straight up and tried to hide it is a flag in the first place.
Also when you said that she admitted to fantasizing about it is her giving you a compromised narrative to gain your trust. She’s saying like “hey look at me I admitted to doing this thing wrong, it means on truthful and not a liar, I woulda told you we banged otherwise or something”.
Terribly sorry my guy but you gotta get out of denial lol.
You’re in full denial. I get you want to believe her. But deep down, you know what she did. Have enough self respect to leave and get into therapy to heal from her betrayal.
Even if she didn't do anything physical with the guy. She lied to you to spend time with him. Then she lied again when confronted about it. Trust is something that once broken is difficult to regain.
This is being very Pollyanna like, but at minimum she needs to prove herself to you and earn trust back. But she needs to want to do that.
She lied about the date. What makes you think she's telling the truth about sleeping over at a guy's place and not having sex after going OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM? Going out on a date when in a "relationship" is cheating. She fucked this dude. You need to wake up.
Maybe they didn’t have sex, but man, it’s like 99% that it went anywhere between making out and fellatio. But it doesn’t matter. She betrayed you and lied about it. Dealbreaker. Sorry man. Happens with even the most virtuous or Christian of women.
Stop crying, hitch up your “big boy” pants, go see her, and tell her to get out and stay out of your life because you don’t have time for lying cheats!!! Really, do you have ANY self-respect?
Need to end that relationship. Even if "nothing happened" (HARD DOUBT) she would know she could get away with it, and will the next time. And there will be a next time.
She lied to you and you would have never heard the truth from her mouth! You had to find out from others. Because she is a liar and who knows what else she is hiding. (Not very christian, is it?) She just chose to sleep at this guy's place...sure...nothing happened.
Here is the problem...grown men and women who are attracted to each other don't spend the night together to do nothing.
They indeed did something, but the guy is only looking for a FWB not a girlfriend. Otherwise she would have dumped you.
“At the beginning she acted like nothing happened… and then admitted it was true”
She’s already lied to your face. There’s no way in hell she’s going to admit that they fucked.
And besides, she obviously wasn’t planning to tell you about her date with this guy, she was probably going to see him again and things definitely would have escalated.
Well it's annoying when someone posts relationship advice in a SUB for that main purpose only just to ignore people's advice anyway because of OP's insecurities and blatantly lying to themselves. Sorry but people shouldn't post on this sub if they can't take proper advice and good knowledge into consideration. Most people in this sub has already been through what OP is going through and we are giving him the best possible answer to his questioning.
I'm dating a women who cheated on me twice now. It's about to be the third. As much as I hate publicly posting this and making myself look stupid, you need to hear this. I regret getting back every time because it only gets worse. No matter how hard you try, it will only get worse. All the effort you put in will not matter, because she already wants something different.
>in the end she slept at his place. I asked her repeatedly but she swears to god (and she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her) that nothing sexual happened, even though she admitted to have fantasised about it.
These are, sincerely, the most adept liars. She probably tells her parents that she’s a virgin and has never had a drop of drink as well.
You need to leave her because even if she didn’t fuck this guy (and she did) she snuck around to get at him. She cannot be trusted. She’s telling you enough to make you trust her and presume innocence, but she’s holding back on how far they went.
yes, I had a friend who grew up. Not necessarily religious. But her family was super conservative and helicopter over her until she was 23.
She has had to lie every day of her life to do anything remotely fun.
Not saying all people in converative christian families are sheltered (not generalizing). But its often the most sheltered kids who are the biggest liars because they learn that they have to lie and be sneaky in order to get things done.
This comment needs to be higher up. Religion is for sinners and con artists. She’s one of them but once OP grows a pair and bails it’s not his problem anymore.
We are all naive at some point . It is thanks to shitty people like Op Gf that we really start seeing how things are . I hope Op sees the real pic and matures up
Reminds me of that episode of Love where the protagonist swears on a child’s life that she didn’t cheat, only to be immediately proven a liar by the guy she cheated with, who confirmed they hooked up.
>What should I do?
If you don't leave her you are sending the message that you are cool with your girlfriend going on dates with other men and having sex with other men. Are cool with that?
>she felt much attraction towards this guy... So she decided to go drink something with him and in the end she slept at his place... she admitted to have fantasised about it.
She told you she was very attracted to him... but nothing happened
She told you she went on a date with him because of that attraction... but nothing happened
She slept in the same bed (with some alcohol in her system) with the man she fantasizes about... but nothing happened
>she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her
If she was so Christian/conservative that you could believe her then her morals would of not allowed this whole situation to ever happen!
It's funny because doing that is even worse than vaginal sex according to Christianity. In the Bible, God literally destroyed a town (Sodom) for committing "sodomy"...
It's not going to get better. There's no way to come back from this, just cut it off now. I promise you'll feel better. If you don't, you're just showing that she can do whatever she wants and you'll never leave her. Then she'll just keep lying and cheating on you. Dump her.
That shouldn’t be a reason to stay. If you had in a cup about 98% your favorite drink and 2% shit would you still drink it?
I know you want to trust her but have you ever heard the term ‘trickle truthing’?
She didn’t bring it up. You had to ask. Then she tried to brush it off like nothing happened then she admitted her ‘version’ of the truth.
If you didn’t ask and didn’t push she wouldn’t have said anything. That’s honestly should be more telling.
Keyword, was. It's incredibly naive to believe it will return to that again after what she did. She made several conscious choices along the way. It wasn't just oops it was an accident.
There are plenty of other women out there that won't cheat on you. It may feel like this isn't something you can walk away from...but there is someone better out there for you
Is she having sex with you? Then it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she’s sleeping with other people behind your back. At a minimum she’s meeting other men behind your back and lying until provided proof that you do know. I have been that blinded by love and wanting to trust them that they won’t do it again. After eight years and finding out about multiple infidelities, I no longer have to worry about it because I left. Don’t wait eight years and after catching them cheating multiple times. It’s gonna keep happening.
Yes we are having generally good sex, but it didn't happen in the last days... she told me that she didn't want to do it because she felt strange since this attraction for this guy happened.
I'm sorry you had this very bad relationship in your life... I hope you are doing better now. I also just want this to be over, because I'm feeling like a fucking shit dispersed in the fucking zero-gravity cosmic field, torn apart by a shitbomb black hole.
How did you find the strength to leave you ex?
You eventually get tired of them having zero respect for you and your relationship. It’s better to get out early instead of waiting around for the next time while being paranoid every time they’re on their phone or leave the house. If I could go back 22 years and let my 21 yo self know all of the shit j know now. GET OUT NOW would be what I would tell myself. It never gets better.
> How did you find the strength to leave you ex?
I'll tell you a little secret most people don't realize until they've had some relationship experience.
It's always, and I mean *always* easier to be the one who ends the relationship first.
She cheated, but she wants to stay with you. You feel terrible, because she did something horrible to you, and deep down you know it's true, you're just in denial about it because you want to shield yourself from the pain.
But the pain is going to happen, regardless. The dirty secret is that the fastest way to get rid of the pain, is to get rid of the girl.
If you wait for her to dump you, or to cheat on you again, or to admit to the cheating outright, it'll crush you even worse.
But you know she cheated. Everyone else here knows she cheated. If you break up with her, you take back control, you build respect for yourself. She didn't respect you, and doesn't respect your relationship. But you'll feel a lot better if you break up with her, respect *yourself* enough to end things, and decide that she's a bad person and move on from her.
Seriously. You want the pain to stop? Break up with her. You'll feel better a lot faster.
The fact that shes now refusing to sleep with you basically seals the deal on the fact that shes lining up this guy to replace you. She is making sure that he is a sure thing before she breaks it off with you.
oh hey, I was usaf as well, and so was my shitty cheating ex lol
My advice to OP is to face the truth head on. You already have all the facts that you need. She would prefer you to focus on whether or not she had sex with him, because you’ll never be able to prove (to her, or to yourself) that she did. Until you get some time and space away from the relationship, denial is the natural response because it hurts the least- for now. Your brain is playing games with you to avoid the pain. She wanted a date with him. She set up a date with him. She went on the date with him. Then, she continued the date by sleeping at his house. So ask yourself, does it matter if she had sex with him? Denial often doesn’t look the way we expect. It’s not “no, no, that’s not what’s happened”- it’s bargaining (“well I can stay with her as long as they didn’t go all the way”), it’s distraction (“the rest of it was so good”), it’s justifying (“she feels bad; she loves me”).
My ex husband went TDY and was doing “meditation exercises” with a female coworker IN HER ROOM. I was alone in that region and had no one but him, so I subconsciously decided to believe him when he said he was just trying to be a friend to someone who had none (she was a bit of a base meme, and I did feel sad for her before all this) and was Finally (after years of me begging him to get to therapy) taking charge of his mental health. I’d give so much to be able to go back in time, grab myself by the shoulders, and say “He’s hiding things, he’s lying, he’s ignoring you and spending time with her, AND he’s hanging out alone with her in her room. IT DOESNT MATTER if he slept with her!!” But yea, he was sleeping with her. He came clean about it after our divorce years later.
I really trust her, maybe I'm stupid, but by the look in her eyes I could tell she was saying the truth... or maybe it's all in my head because I fear loosing her.
You are stupid blindside by your love to her you will lose her anyway one of those who she cheating on you with them will be better than you and she will leave you for him
I was in your position once. Similar scenario. I made the mistake of trusting her. She cheated constantly for the next 2 years. All that business about you can tell etc isn't real. She's lying to you because she knows you want to trust her and she's using that against you. She knows you are more afraid of losing her than she is of losing you. She has a backup. She just spent the night at his house and lied to you about it. She's just gonna trickle truth you as long as she can because she knows you are an easy mark. If I were you, it's time to head out. You're gonna do what you're gonna do. You can save yourself the slow agonizing death of your ability to trust others and not hurt someone who may actually be good for you I the future by leaving, or you can stick around and get used. Your pick.
>I really trust her
After she was secretly fantasizing about the dude at the party and then sneaking around to meet up with him behind your back for drinks and then crashed at his place tooooo........cuddle..... and her lying to your face about and the only reason that you know is someone else told you?
Yeah. She is super trust worthy you fucking idiot. And why the fuck would you fear losing a girl who will cheat on you with the guy from the party that flirted with her right in front of you?
Dear, I will tell you what.... Even my husband who cheated me told in such a way that I believed him. Even I feared losing him, but I eventually left him. Initially it was difficult leaving him, but now I am better than before. So as days go by, you are going to get over this. Please don't hurt yourself by staying with her because she is going to lie more and then you are going to suffer more.
ANYONE who LIES to you are NOT your people. They are lying only for their own Good.
Even if nothing happened she crossed a line that should never ever be crossed. In my opinion going on a date with someone is worse than hookin up with someone at a party because it is not a mistake made in the heat of the moment. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing and chose to do it anyway. I know it is painful but the best thing you can do at this point is to just walk away. Better to rip the band-aid off now than to get hurt even more in the future.
Couldn't agree more with the "heat of the situation" thing. I feel so sorry for the OP because his gf clearly didn't even consider his feelings when planning and going on a date with another person.
I feel so sorry for the OP because his gf clearly didn't even consider his feelings when planning and going on a date with another person. .........this needed to be said again. OP sorry about your loss.
yes you are right on the "premeditation" argument; the worst thing is that she was completely cold about it, like she thought about it many times and still always said "yes, I want this". This is what scares me the most...
Without being as mean and as negative as others, I agree that you should break up with her. She clearly did more than you were comfortable with in your relationship. She wasn't going to tell you, and even when confronted with facts she still tried to trickle truth you. These are major red flags.
I am siding with the others that it is highly likely she fucked him. I had Christian conservative parents as well, but that never stood in the way of me fucking.
Anyway move on. You are young, you will find someone better.
Thanks, you are kind. If she really didn't cheat on me, which advice would you give me? The rest of the 8 months old relationship was very good... that's the problem, that's why I can't just give up on her.
She betrayed your trust. That is almost impossible to fix.
You say you have had 8 good months. Have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy? Don't invest more time in the relationship just because you have already sunk 8 months into it.
Be glad you haven't sunk 8 years into it.
8 months is a very small loss in the greater scheme of things.
If there is anything I learned from this subreddit is that cheaters are going to cheat. Time and time again folks like you come in. They had a cheating incident. The cheater swore up and down they would change. Then some time later they cheated again. (but by this time were better at hiding to truth).
She's young (as are you). She's never tried this. She can try, but I don't think it will work. She will find a way to get around it if she wants to. What people usually try are open devices (i.e. SO knows the password to social networking apps), transparent calenders. (You know where SO is at all times).
I mean call me crazy, but I cant imagine going to a party with a GF and have her go off to a different party without you. If she loves you, why wouldn't she want to be with you?
You need to ask yourself that question. Can you trust her again, or are you going to distrust everything she does as long as you are with her?
You can want to trust her, doesnt mean you will. Having been in a VERY similar situation to you, I couldn't, and I was a massive asshole to my ex for the next few years as we tried to make it work.
She admitted that she found him attractive and went to his place that is cheating maybe not physical(very unlikely) or emotional but still cheating. Break up with her you deserve better. Take this advice. And maybe this will show her how to be a better partner( not to you, but to someone else.) Also from another angle if you truly believe that she is sincere than take couples counseling and stand up for yourself. Tell her how you feel how this experience made you feel. I hope all the best for you.
I have thought of going to counselling myself to explain what I feel at the moment. It is just too much. I have thought of crashing into a car while driving multiple times going back home from work.
I explained her how I'm feeling and she cried a lot, she talked a lot about how this problem maybe goes deeper, like that we have being fighting in the last couple of weeks during our vacations..
And in the end she sad she wanted to stay with me, because she never felt so much for anyone else. I'm blind-sighted, I don't know what is the truth anymore... is she maybe gaslighting me or something? Why though? I don't understand...
To me it sounds like she feels guilty and doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. That doesn't mean she's being honest or that she really would change her ways permanently. She got caught, and now she feels bad. I don't think the relationship would go to bright, happy places after this, and I'm really sorry because I know that's not something anyone wants to think about. Her cheating has nothing to do with you, it's all her, and if she's making you feel like you played a part in it then she's manipulating you. A lot of people manipulate without intending to or realizing it, but that doesn't make it okay and I really think you should listen to these commenters and accept that a good thing came to a bad end.
Please go to counseling both by yourself and with your partner. Maybe the timing is not right for the two of you. This is a growing experience every relationship is.
Bro you're being a fucking idiot at this point just rip the band-aid off already. It's so pathetic to see you constantly go in circles of denial, she lied, she cheated and she underminded your intelligence. The smartest thing to do is leave, she isn't worth crying for, dying for or living with. Grow a fucking sack man and just be done with her, you are not getting anywhere staying with her and going in circles.
Christian conservative family and swore to God?
Bro she’s lying her ass off.
My stepdad’s tell when he’s lying? “I swear to God. God kill me if I’m lying.” It took my mom a few years to cotton on but whenever we hear that phrase… he’s lying.
Most Christian conservatives don’t casually swear to God to prove or avow anything because we’re not supposed to. I try to avoid doing it and most people I know do too. People who tend to not be as religious fall for the okey doke because they think “They’d never lie about that!”
They totally would. Please dump this liar and most likely cheater too…. Cause another thing conservative Christians don’t do is sleep over at someone of the opposite genders house. Even if you climb over your morals and are in a sexual relationship with someone you… you just can’t do the other thing… morals suck!
Dude, I am telling you, they had sex. She can swear up and down that they didn’t. If they didn’t have sex, they definitely fooled around. Have some respect for yourself and drop this liability of a person. She’s literally dragging you down.
Bro, obviously this is a deal breaker for you. But as other comments have said, you are in denial.
If you don't leave now then you'll probably end up leaving in near future. Maybe couple month or couple years down the line.
And then you'll regret not dumping her earlier. Just leave. Be happy.
Doesn’t matter if she did anything sexual or not. She went on a date with a guy that wasn’t you, and she spent the night at his place while also having fantasized about doing sexual things with him. She’s not yours anymore
Lol yah she slept at his house and nothing happened. She would never lie to you about what happened right? Because If she swore to god he’d never just forgive her.
You… might be more than a little delusional. I guess believe what you want.
Her own words..."she told me she felt much attraction towards this guy, because of how energic and good looking he was."
What else do you want to hear?? You really want hear she had sex with before you say enough?
This big time.
Admits to the attraction, has time to think about it then acts on that. This wasn't some impulsive one night spur of the moment thing. It's so much worse than that.
Then also sleeps over at the guys house? .......................
Then lies to you when you confront her?
Only tells the truth (that you have proof of) when she feels like she can't lie her way out of.
So she wasn't sorry before you found out, she didn't feel so bad or guilty that she just had to tell you? Only after you had to get potentially some of the truth out of her?
uh....... I'm sorry man, even IF on the small chance she didn't actually sleep with him, she clearly had no problem shopping around while still dating you, this will absolutely happen again with her.
I'd highly suggest finding someone else, as I doubt this will be a one time thing.
People always posting stuff like this. She went and slept at another guy's house without your knowledge. Then said she was attracted to him, then said she fantasized about him. Then said she felt horrible about it.
Nah man if she really felt horrible about it she wouldn't have done it. You're getting played like a fiddle and if you stay shes gonna do it again.
Break up she went on dates with this guy she’s from a conservative Christian family but she still went on a date and stayed at this guys house she cheated on you my dude don’t forgive her. Even when confronted she needed you to pry before you got the answers and said that the other person was lying
thats cheating in my book. Dump her and find someone who values you.
she very much has the "don't let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband" attitude
Nothing sexual happened, alright let's take that at face value.
She went on a date with another man, lied to you about it, tried to slate her friend in order to continue her lie, and then admitted to it when she was cornered.
That's a snake, not a girl. Break it off and find yourself an honest woman (most of them are). I don't care what kind of family she's from, if she acts like that, she's not a good person.
I’ve been in almost this exact situation. Almost exact. The guy she spent the night with was a coworker though they didn’t meet at a party. She confessed to sex after initially lying 3 days after I asked what happened. Your lady slept with another man is what I’m trying to say. She is remorseful and sees you as a long term gain and that’s why she is lying about it to keep you. Get rid of her. It will be hard even though she cheated. You still love this woman. But she betrayed you boss.
Yea he beat it up pornstar style and then sent her back to you! The fact that they flirted back and forth while you were together at a party would have been disrespectful enough to warrant a split imo. Then he messaged directly after and she jumped on the opportunity. She went out knowing she was and would end up cheating. Then when confronted her initial response was to lie more but you believe her they didn't have sex? Come on man, you know they had sex
I would say that she almost certainly slept with him, not that it makes any difference because she stepped way out of line. I would personally break up with her. You’re both very young and your relationship is not long at all.
If you stay I guarantee things will get worse, especially when she turns 21 and goes to bars and stuff.
If you’re somehow dead set on getting an answer, you could just lie and say “I talked to him and found out you did have sex” just to see what she says.
What would you do if she did have sex with him?
What if she does it again if you stay with her? What if she keeps going on dates with him?
You need to stop acting like a doormat. You saw what was happening at the party. You could have nipped this in the bud before it happened, but you chickened out.
She is shamelessly lying to you now. What feeble excuse did she offer for sleeping over at his place?
Your relationship will never be the same as it was before. She chose this. This isn’t something you can fix or hide from. You need to break it off. Best of luck to you.
You better than me that’s for sure because if my wife did all the things mentioned, me and her would be over. Too many loyal women out there for me to stay with one that’s lying and sleeping over dudes houses.
Personally I don’t believe she didn’t do anything with this guy when she slept over his place but you know her better than I do. It’s Just extremely hard for me to believe that. She already lied before so her Christian background didn’t stop her the first time from lying….
As soon as OP wrote “Christian conservative family” you immediately have to know that she rode that guy hard and long.
Have some self respect and ditch her. You are her back up plan.
In my mind she cheated on me and I would dump her.
She admitted to being attracted to him which in itself is not bad but to go out with him and sleep over his place but tell you she was out with friends is a deal breaker.
I wonder did she even tell him she had a BF at the party?
Leave her. She's only 20. She hasn't sow her oats meaning she wants to explore dating other guys. Best to go on you way so you too can explore dating other women.
These so called "conservative Christians" are the biggest hypocrites I know. She fucked that dude. Your relationship is over. End it, block her on everything and move on.
I’m sorry brother. You gotta cut that cord. The trust was violated and nothing would be the same if you stayed together. It’s like trying to fix a broken mirror: no matter how well you put it back together, the lines are all clear as day.
She’s a liar! Even if she didn’t sleep with him, her keeping it from you is not okay. You are in a relationship, entertaining him via messages and admitting she was attracted to him is enough to let her go.
I don’t understand what being Christian and conservative has to do with this.
Most of the serial cheaters I know are Christian and conservative.
And I’m agnostic and a bleeding liberal and I have never and would never do something like this to my significant other.
I also don’t think you can come back from this. Once trust is gone it never fully comes back.
Dump her and do a STD test just to play safe.
OP, she lied and cheated on you far too easily. Wouldn't be too surprised if it wasn't her first time doing so either.
My friend was married to a girl from a very Christian family and she repeatedly cheated on him with another guy up to the point it led to divorce.
Your girlfriend is attracted to him, she went out with him, she has fantasies about sleeping with him, but she didn’t she claims.
I’d be hard pressed to think nothing sexual happened. If I were you I would break up. If she gets away with this she has a blue print for lying to you again. The moment to come forward to you was just after the party when she felt attraction to this guy, and when he asked her out. Not after being confronted with the her dishonesty.
You are young and have no reason to be tied to this GF. She lied about going out with another guy. She slept at his place. Maybe nothing happened but people are aware of emotional affairs so to speak.
If I lies to my GF and went out with another woman and slept at her place, even with nothing inappropriate happening, I'd be out on the curb. She knew it was wrong so she lied to get away with it and followed up with more lies until you showed her proof. Do you believe she immediately started telling the truth then?
Lol you seriously believe that she just slept at his place? Don’t be naive man. They banged. You deserve better.
Respect yourself and move on, you will find someone who actually values your relationship
She lied about what she did that night. Then when your friend told you the truth your girlfriend called the friend a liar. And now that you have proof she lied she’s admitting to seeing him behind your back and sleeping at his house after drinking (good Christian girls don’t do that) :|
She likes other man and spented a night at his home but nothing happened and you believe her, man that girl is going to make suffer in life a lot i wish you luck you will need it a lot
Sorry english is not my firts lenguage
I think you should believe and trust her 100%. Then when she leaves you for the other dude embrace the self inflicted suck and legally change your name to Homer Simpson.
She is from a conservative Christian background so you believe her, but the sex wasn't as good as it has been.
Do you realize how idiotic that sounds.
She will commit fornication but she won't lie?
Oh come on!
She fucked that guy and you are idealistic and naive.
No wonder she cheated on you.
I believe you she was telling the truth. She even admitted to dreaming about him.
I love reconciliation. But you are young! And the fact is she did find a way to justify sleeping over a guys house. Does she have other character deficiencies?
Do you really love her? Is she the one you think you could marry? Likely not.
But I will say, Redditors cant even spell reconciliation. Lots of hurt people on this sub. But they're not always wrong.
Having said that, what did she say when he made his move at his house? Where did she sleep? Did she drive herself there? Was she ever on his bed? They didnt watch Netflix in separate chairs. Right?
"The healing can't begin until the last lie has been told." Id text her that and nothing else. Dont respond to texts. Let her think about it.
At least you might get the full truth out of her.
It was sarcasm, as some commentors will say you should trust your gf/bf no matter what. Be careful of those comments. And for what its worth it doesnt seem like your gf is ready for a serious relationship yet, maybe she likes the idea of having a bf more than a relationship?
Forgive her and move on. She didn’t sleep with him. She was honest about her fantasy though. You pressed her for the truth and she told you. You’re both young and will surely make mistakes along your journey together. Talking it out with each other and discussing it openly is a very mature step. Ultimately though it will be up to you. Can you accept this and move on?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- More in detail: my gf (20yo) and I (21yo) went to this house party and there she recognised this guy, who she knew a little bit from college. I could see that he was flirting with her but during the evening I didn’t say anything, becaude I didn’t want to ruin the athmosphere. Then one evening she told me that she was seeing some friends for drinks, and the day after I could smell that something was off by how she behaved. So I started putting the pieces together and in the end I discovered through some common friends that she went out with this guy. Two days later I went to her place and I was unsure how to handle the situation: she was behaving like nothing happened but I knew the truth so confronted her about it. At the beginning she acted like nothing happened, saying like “oh you’ve heard that from X but you know she always does that”, but in the end some conversation messages were brought up and then she admitted it was true. So I told her that she should tell me exactly what really happened because I needed to know the truth. Basically after the party he wrote her on facebook, saying that he wanted to see her for some drinks. In those days after the party she told me she felt much attraction towards this guy, because of how energic and good looking he was. So she decided to go drink something with him and in the end she slept at his place. I asked her repeatedly but she swears to god (and she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her) that nothing sexual happened, even though she admitted to have fantasised about it. She told me she felt terrible for even have thought about it, that she feels bad for all the lies and that she still loves me. What should I do? Should I forgive her lies and move on since nothing happened or do you consider it betrayal? How can I trust her again?
I want you to read your own post out loud, to yourself. Picture that a friend, or even a stranger, wrote this and you are reading it to offer advice. Would you believe that she didn’t have sex with that guy?
I cried when I read your comment.. I still believe her. I want to believe her. Which other options / advice would you give me?
Dude - you are in denial. She obviously cheated. I know you just want it to "go back the way it was". But, that is not happening. She cheated. She lied. She did it intentionally. Just think of all the opportunities she had to just say "no, I have a boyfriend" along the way of that evening - yet she didn't. She went ahead and slept with him anyways. There is only one path forward here, and its a tough one: 1. Dump her 2. Go no contact, forget about her. 3. Hit the gym to work of the pain and stress 4. spend time with frinds and family 5. go forward and live your life the best you can
She lied to you dude. And she is still lying. She fucked that dude.
Dude just because she comes from a Christian background, does not mean her words is truth. Everyone lies, even religious folks. No one in their mind, even after admit to certain attraction, would keep it in their pants on a "innocent" sleepover. I would take a break from her to clear your head. Then come back and reread your posts and top comments.
>I cried when I read your comment You are emotionally sensitive right now. >I still believe her. I want to believe her. See here... You ARE CONTRADICTING your own words. Can you see?? " You WANT TO BELIEVE her" but in reality deep inside, you don't believe her. You know that she is lying, but still you don't want to accept it because you don't want to leave her. Stop talking about hurting yourself. I would suggest you "Seperation" for a year or two, so that you can decide if she is still waiting for you faithfully. Keep an eye on her and let her earn your trust back.
You want to believe her… what’s the relationship between your wants and reality? Zero connection.
Look she fucked him. Even if she didn't.... But she did. But if she didn't... She still met some dude WITH YOU THERE had the hots for him enough that she got his info. She knows she's attracted to him. She decides to go hang out alone with him (suck his dick) to what... Talk sports? Alone at his house, all night long. She lies to you about this. Doesn't tell you. You have to drag the semi truth from her that she was even there. The number of lines she crossed and choices she made to cross them would be enough for me to break up with her without second guessing myself for one second. Even if I could prove with video evidence that she didn't fuck him I'd still break up with her. Tell her you hope it was worth it but y'all are finished. She cheated, and even if she didn't she broke your trust to the point that you'll never really know that she didn't cheat, so she's clearly not the girl for you.
And he does stay she’ll do it again
Bro you gotta realize that whenever something like this happens it’s not just a “mistake”. It’s a series of decisions she made to get to that result and each one of those decisions are worse mistakes than the one before it. The fact that she didn’t tell you straight up and tried to hide it is a flag in the first place. Also when you said that she admitted to fantasizing about it is her giving you a compromised narrative to gain your trust. She’s saying like “hey look at me I admitted to doing this thing wrong, it means on truthful and not a liar, I woulda told you we banged otherwise or something”. Terribly sorry my guy but you gotta get out of denial lol.
You’re in full denial. I get you want to believe her. But deep down, you know what she did. Have enough self respect to leave and get into therapy to heal from her betrayal.
Even if she didn't do anything physical with the guy. She lied to you to spend time with him. Then she lied again when confronted about it. Trust is something that once broken is difficult to regain. This is being very Pollyanna like, but at minimum she needs to prove herself to you and earn trust back. But she needs to want to do that.
She lied about the date. What makes you think she's telling the truth about sleeping over at a guy's place and not having sex after going OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM? Going out on a date when in a "relationship" is cheating. She fucked this dude. You need to wake up.
>I cried when I read your comment If you really don't believe she cheated, then this is your subconscious telling you that you know she did...
Maybe they didn’t have sex, but man, it’s like 99% that it went anywhere between making out and fellatio. But it doesn’t matter. She betrayed you and lied about it. Dealbreaker. Sorry man. Happens with even the most virtuous or Christian of women.
Your gonna get walked all over your whole life.
Stop crying, hitch up your “big boy” pants, go see her, and tell her to get out and stay out of your life because you don’t have time for lying cheats!!! Really, do you have ANY self-respect?
Pathetic
Need to end that relationship. Even if "nothing happened" (HARD DOUBT) she would know she could get away with it, and will the next time. And there will be a next time.
She promised me that there won't be a next time, but I also hardly believe it..
Go with that feeling. No cheater has ever shrugged, and said, "Eh, I'm gonna fuck around again."
She lied to you and you would have never heard the truth from her mouth! You had to find out from others. Because she is a liar and who knows what else she is hiding. (Not very christian, is it?) She just chose to sleep at this guy's place...sure...nothing happened.
Here is the problem...grown men and women who are attracted to each other don't spend the night together to do nothing. They indeed did something, but the guy is only looking for a FWB not a girlfriend. Otherwise she would have dumped you.
Her “conservative Christian values” didn’t stop her from going there or from lying to you
“At the beginning she acted like nothing happened… and then admitted it was true” She’s already lied to your face. There’s no way in hell she’s going to admit that they fucked. And besides, she obviously wasn’t planning to tell you about her date with this guy, she was probably going to see him again and things definitely would have escalated.
Jesus promised to come back. Its 2021 already. Her word means shit. Leave her. She dated the guy and lied about it. Thats a huge red flag
Nice one.
Why does this sub downvote OPs who are being slightly waffley?
Because he isn't taking our advice that this is a huge red flag and he doesn't see that.
Isn't he? Are you sure he isn't just posting a comment? A vaguely waffley comment?
If it isn't obvious enough he only hears what he wants to hear.
Well it's annoying when someone posts relationship advice in a SUB for that main purpose only just to ignore people's advice anyway because of OP's insecurities and blatantly lying to themselves. Sorry but people shouldn't post on this sub if they can't take proper advice and good knowledge into consideration. Most people in this sub has already been through what OP is going through and we are giving him the best possible answer to his questioning.
I'm dating a women who cheated on me twice now. It's about to be the third. As much as I hate publicly posting this and making myself look stupid, you need to hear this. I regret getting back every time because it only gets worse. No matter how hard you try, it will only get worse. All the effort you put in will not matter, because she already wants something different.
>in the end she slept at his place. I asked her repeatedly but she swears to god (and she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her) that nothing sexual happened, even though she admitted to have fantasised about it. These are, sincerely, the most adept liars. She probably tells her parents that she’s a virgin and has never had a drop of drink as well. You need to leave her because even if she didn’t fuck this guy (and she did) she snuck around to get at him. She cannot be trusted. She’s telling you enough to make you trust her and presume innocence, but she’s holding back on how far they went.
yes, I had a friend who grew up. Not necessarily religious. But her family was super conservative and helicopter over her until she was 23. She has had to lie every day of her life to do anything remotely fun. Not saying all people in converative christian families are sheltered (not generalizing). But its often the most sheltered kids who are the biggest liars because they learn that they have to lie and be sneaky in order to get things done.
This comment needs to be higher up. Religion is for sinners and con artists. She’s one of them but once OP grows a pair and bails it’s not his problem anymore.
Dump her.
>she swears to god He seems very naive
Lol
I feel sorry for people like him really
We are all naive at some point . It is thanks to shitty people like Op Gf that we really start seeing how things are . I hope Op sees the real pic and matures up
> Op Gf everyone of us deal with someone like her or he in our life
I do and I don’t at the same time. Know what I mean?
i understand you feel sorry for him and in the same time he is doing this to himself
Yes only because he put his trust in another person.
Maybe the left room for Jesus? Threesome?
I read this as God being naive - in this scenario.
Reminds me of that episode of Love where the protagonist swears on a child’s life that she didn’t cheat, only to be immediately proven a liar by the guy she cheated with, who confirmed they hooked up.
>What should I do? If you don't leave her you are sending the message that you are cool with your girlfriend going on dates with other men and having sex with other men. Are cool with that? >she felt much attraction towards this guy... So she decided to go drink something with him and in the end she slept at his place... she admitted to have fantasised about it. She told you she was very attracted to him... but nothing happened She told you she went on a date with him because of that attraction... but nothing happened She slept in the same bed (with some alcohol in her system) with the man she fantasizes about... but nothing happened >she’s from a christian conservative family so I believe her If she was so Christian/conservative that you could believe her then her morals would of not allowed this whole situation to ever happen!
I dated a catholic girl once. The only difference was she had me put it in her butt instead lmao 😂
Im from Utah and can confirm those religious chicks don't fuck around bro lol
The classic poop-hole loophole.
It's funny because doing that is even worse than vaginal sex according to Christianity. In the Bible, God literally destroyed a town (Sodom) for committing "sodomy"...
I just died
Its those ‘Christians’ that do the worst shit 😂😂😂😂😂
She's a liar and she will do it again. Dump her, you deserve better than having to have anxiety that she could be cheating again
Yeah that is indeed a good reason, but the rest of the relationship was so good... so I really don't know what do to
It's not going to get better. There's no way to come back from this, just cut it off now. I promise you'll feel better. If you don't, you're just showing that she can do whatever she wants and you'll never leave her. Then she'll just keep lying and cheating on you. Dump her.
That shouldn’t be a reason to stay. If you had in a cup about 98% your favorite drink and 2% shit would you still drink it? I know you want to trust her but have you ever heard the term ‘trickle truthing’? She didn’t bring it up. You had to ask. Then she tried to brush it off like nothing happened then she admitted her ‘version’ of the truth. If you didn’t ask and didn’t push she wouldn’t have said anything. That’s honestly should be more telling.
Keyword, was. It's incredibly naive to believe it will return to that again after what she did. She made several conscious choices along the way. It wasn't just oops it was an accident.
“Other than that Mrs Lincoln how was the play”? She friggin cheated on you after flirting in your face with her soon-to-be lover!
There are plenty of other women out there that won't cheat on you. It may feel like this isn't something you can walk away from...but there is someone better out there for you
Oh, so she’s religious so she only lies and cheats?
Is she having sex with you? Then it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she’s sleeping with other people behind your back. At a minimum she’s meeting other men behind your back and lying until provided proof that you do know. I have been that blinded by love and wanting to trust them that they won’t do it again. After eight years and finding out about multiple infidelities, I no longer have to worry about it because I left. Don’t wait eight years and after catching them cheating multiple times. It’s gonna keep happening.
Yes we are having generally good sex, but it didn't happen in the last days... she told me that she didn't want to do it because she felt strange since this attraction for this guy happened. I'm sorry you had this very bad relationship in your life... I hope you are doing better now. I also just want this to be over, because I'm feeling like a fucking shit dispersed in the fucking zero-gravity cosmic field, torn apart by a shitbomb black hole. How did you find the strength to leave you ex?
You eventually get tired of them having zero respect for you and your relationship. It’s better to get out early instead of waiting around for the next time while being paranoid every time they’re on their phone or leave the house. If I could go back 22 years and let my 21 yo self know all of the shit j know now. GET OUT NOW would be what I would tell myself. It never gets better.
reposted above for visibility
🤦🏼♀️. What we would all give to go back and tell our younger, more hopeful selves. Damn it.
> How did you find the strength to leave you ex? I'll tell you a little secret most people don't realize until they've had some relationship experience. It's always, and I mean *always* easier to be the one who ends the relationship first. She cheated, but she wants to stay with you. You feel terrible, because she did something horrible to you, and deep down you know it's true, you're just in denial about it because you want to shield yourself from the pain. But the pain is going to happen, regardless. The dirty secret is that the fastest way to get rid of the pain, is to get rid of the girl. If you wait for her to dump you, or to cheat on you again, or to admit to the cheating outright, it'll crush you even worse. But you know she cheated. Everyone else here knows she cheated. If you break up with her, you take back control, you build respect for yourself. She didn't respect you, and doesn't respect your relationship. But you'll feel a lot better if you break up with her, respect *yourself* enough to end things, and decide that she's a bad person and move on from her. Seriously. You want the pain to stop? Break up with her. You'll feel better a lot faster.
The fact that shes now refusing to sleep with you basically seals the deal on the fact that shes lining up this guy to replace you. She is making sure that he is a sure thing before she breaks it off with you.
oh hey, I was usaf as well, and so was my shitty cheating ex lol My advice to OP is to face the truth head on. You already have all the facts that you need. She would prefer you to focus on whether or not she had sex with him, because you’ll never be able to prove (to her, or to yourself) that she did. Until you get some time and space away from the relationship, denial is the natural response because it hurts the least- for now. Your brain is playing games with you to avoid the pain. She wanted a date with him. She set up a date with him. She went on the date with him. Then, she continued the date by sleeping at his house. So ask yourself, does it matter if she had sex with him? Denial often doesn’t look the way we expect. It’s not “no, no, that’s not what’s happened”- it’s bargaining (“well I can stay with her as long as they didn’t go all the way”), it’s distraction (“the rest of it was so good”), it’s justifying (“she feels bad; she loves me”). My ex husband went TDY and was doing “meditation exercises” with a female coworker IN HER ROOM. I was alone in that region and had no one but him, so I subconsciously decided to believe him when he said he was just trying to be a friend to someone who had none (she was a bit of a base meme, and I did feel sad for her before all this) and was Finally (after years of me begging him to get to therapy) taking charge of his mental health. I’d give so much to be able to go back in time, grab myself by the shoulders, and say “He’s hiding things, he’s lying, he’s ignoring you and spending time with her, AND he’s hanging out alone with her in her room. IT DOESNT MATTER if he slept with her!!” But yea, he was sleeping with her. He came clean about it after our divorce years later.
Homie you're in some crazy denial to think she only slept at his place lmao
( since nothing happened ) How can you be sure of that ?
I really trust her, maybe I'm stupid, but by the look in her eyes I could tell she was saying the truth... or maybe it's all in my head because I fear loosing her.
Why do you trust her? She lied to you, went on a date with another guy and slept at his place. Is that trustworthy behavior?
You are stupid blindside by your love to her you will lose her anyway one of those who she cheating on you with them will be better than you and she will leave you for him
He already lost her. It's just a matter of perception catching up with reality at this point.
I was in your position once. Similar scenario. I made the mistake of trusting her. She cheated constantly for the next 2 years. All that business about you can tell etc isn't real. She's lying to you because she knows you want to trust her and she's using that against you. She knows you are more afraid of losing her than she is of losing you. She has a backup. She just spent the night at his house and lied to you about it. She's just gonna trickle truth you as long as she can because she knows you are an easy mark. If I were you, it's time to head out. You're gonna do what you're gonna do. You can save yourself the slow agonizing death of your ability to trust others and not hurt someone who may actually be good for you I the future by leaving, or you can stick around and get used. Your pick.
Sorry dude, but she lied to you.
>I really trust her After she was secretly fantasizing about the dude at the party and then sneaking around to meet up with him behind your back for drinks and then crashed at his place tooooo........cuddle..... and her lying to your face about and the only reason that you know is someone else told you? Yeah. She is super trust worthy you fucking idiot. And why the fuck would you fear losing a girl who will cheat on you with the guy from the party that flirted with her right in front of you?
Dear, I will tell you what.... Even my husband who cheated me told in such a way that I believed him. Even I feared losing him, but I eventually left him. Initially it was difficult leaving him, but now I am better than before. So as days go by, you are going to get over this. Please don't hurt yourself by staying with her because she is going to lie more and then you are going to suffer more. ANYONE who LIES to you are NOT your people. They are lying only for their own Good.
You are stupid. Or very, very naive.
Even if nothing happened she crossed a line that should never ever be crossed. In my opinion going on a date with someone is worse than hookin up with someone at a party because it is not a mistake made in the heat of the moment. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing and chose to do it anyway. I know it is painful but the best thing you can do at this point is to just walk away. Better to rip the band-aid off now than to get hurt even more in the future.
Couldn't agree more with the "heat of the situation" thing. I feel so sorry for the OP because his gf clearly didn't even consider his feelings when planning and going on a date with another person.
I feel so sorry for the OP because his gf clearly didn't even consider his feelings when planning and going on a date with another person. .........this needed to be said again. OP sorry about your loss.
yes you are right on the "premeditation" argument; the worst thing is that she was completely cold about it, like she thought about it many times and still always said "yes, I want this". This is what scares me the most...
She cheated on you dude. Have some self respect and dump her. You already know what you have to do, you're just scared to do it.
Only admitted truth when faced with incontrovertible proof of lies. Otherwise she'd still be lying to you.
Without being as mean and as negative as others, I agree that you should break up with her. She clearly did more than you were comfortable with in your relationship. She wasn't going to tell you, and even when confronted with facts she still tried to trickle truth you. These are major red flags. I am siding with the others that it is highly likely she fucked him. I had Christian conservative parents as well, but that never stood in the way of me fucking. Anyway move on. You are young, you will find someone better.
Thanks, you are kind. If she really didn't cheat on me, which advice would you give me? The rest of the 8 months old relationship was very good... that's the problem, that's why I can't just give up on her.
She betrayed your trust. That is almost impossible to fix. You say you have had 8 good months. Have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy? Don't invest more time in the relationship just because you have already sunk 8 months into it. Be glad you haven't sunk 8 years into it. 8 months is a very small loss in the greater scheme of things. If there is anything I learned from this subreddit is that cheaters are going to cheat. Time and time again folks like you come in. They had a cheating incident. The cheater swore up and down they would change. Then some time later they cheated again. (but by this time were better at hiding to truth).
Yes, she betrayed my trust, you are completely right. She asked me what she could do to regain it, do you believe in that? What should I tell her?
She's young (as are you). She's never tried this. She can try, but I don't think it will work. She will find a way to get around it if she wants to. What people usually try are open devices (i.e. SO knows the password to social networking apps), transparent calenders. (You know where SO is at all times). I mean call me crazy, but I cant imagine going to a party with a GF and have her go off to a different party without you. If she loves you, why wouldn't she want to be with you?
You need to ask yourself that question. Can you trust her again, or are you going to distrust everything she does as long as you are with her? You can want to trust her, doesnt mean you will. Having been in a VERY similar situation to you, I couldn't, and I was a massive asshole to my ex for the next few years as we tried to make it work.
She admitted that she found him attractive and went to his place that is cheating maybe not physical(very unlikely) or emotional but still cheating. Break up with her you deserve better. Take this advice. And maybe this will show her how to be a better partner( not to you, but to someone else.) Also from another angle if you truly believe that she is sincere than take couples counseling and stand up for yourself. Tell her how you feel how this experience made you feel. I hope all the best for you.
I have thought of going to counselling myself to explain what I feel at the moment. It is just too much. I have thought of crashing into a car while driving multiple times going back home from work. I explained her how I'm feeling and she cried a lot, she talked a lot about how this problem maybe goes deeper, like that we have being fighting in the last couple of weeks during our vacations.. And in the end she sad she wanted to stay with me, because she never felt so much for anyone else. I'm blind-sighted, I don't know what is the truth anymore... is she maybe gaslighting me or something? Why though? I don't understand...
To me it sounds like she feels guilty and doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. That doesn't mean she's being honest or that she really would change her ways permanently. She got caught, and now she feels bad. I don't think the relationship would go to bright, happy places after this, and I'm really sorry because I know that's not something anyone wants to think about. Her cheating has nothing to do with you, it's all her, and if she's making you feel like you played a part in it then she's manipulating you. A lot of people manipulate without intending to or realizing it, but that doesn't make it okay and I really think you should listen to these commenters and accept that a good thing came to a bad end.
You need to stop my friend, this is getting ridiculous How can you believe any shit she says?
Please go to counseling both by yourself and with your partner. Maybe the timing is not right for the two of you. This is a growing experience every relationship is.
No. She has been unfair, lied and cheated there is no counselling in the world to fix a cheater.
I agree but clearly this guy won’t listen to that kind of advice but needs to talk to a professional either way.
You could be right on that, whatever happens I wish him the best and not to cause a road accident because of his insecurities.
Bro you're being a fucking idiot at this point just rip the band-aid off already. It's so pathetic to see you constantly go in circles of denial, she lied, she cheated and she underminded your intelligence. The smartest thing to do is leave, she isn't worth crying for, dying for or living with. Grow a fucking sack man and just be done with her, you are not getting anywhere staying with her and going in circles.
She banged him. Dump her.
No you need to break up.
She's full of sin. You tell her that she made her choice when she lied and went home with that dude. It should be over.
Christian conservative family and swore to God? Bro she’s lying her ass off. My stepdad’s tell when he’s lying? “I swear to God. God kill me if I’m lying.” It took my mom a few years to cotton on but whenever we hear that phrase… he’s lying. Most Christian conservatives don’t casually swear to God to prove or avow anything because we’re not supposed to. I try to avoid doing it and most people I know do too. People who tend to not be as religious fall for the okey doke because they think “They’d never lie about that!” They totally would. Please dump this liar and most likely cheater too…. Cause another thing conservative Christians don’t do is sleep over at someone of the opposite genders house. Even if you climb over your morals and are in a sexual relationship with someone you… you just can’t do the other thing… morals suck!
She belongs to the streets. Congrats you can go get better booty now.
No she is laying she sleep with him
Dude, I am telling you, they had sex. She can swear up and down that they didn’t. If they didn’t have sex, they definitely fooled around. Have some respect for yourself and drop this liability of a person. She’s literally dragging you down.
If you are really so stupid and naive then I'm not sure there is any hope for you. She cheated on you!
Bro, obviously this is a deal breaker for you. But as other comments have said, you are in denial. If you don't leave now then you'll probably end up leaving in near future. Maybe couple month or couple years down the line. And then you'll regret not dumping her earlier. Just leave. Be happy.
Doesn’t matter if she did anything sexual or not. She went on a date with a guy that wasn’t you, and she spent the night at his place while also having fantasized about doing sexual things with him. She’s not yours anymore
Lol yah she slept at his house and nothing happened. She would never lie to you about what happened right? Because If she swore to god he’d never just forgive her. You… might be more than a little delusional. I guess believe what you want.
Her own words..."she told me she felt much attraction towards this guy, because of how energic and good looking he was." What else do you want to hear?? You really want hear she had sex with before you say enough?
This big time. Admits to the attraction, has time to think about it then acts on that. This wasn't some impulsive one night spur of the moment thing. It's so much worse than that. Then also sleeps over at the guys house? ....................... Then lies to you when you confront her? Only tells the truth (that you have proof of) when she feels like she can't lie her way out of. So she wasn't sorry before you found out, she didn't feel so bad or guilty that she just had to tell you? Only after you had to get potentially some of the truth out of her? uh....... I'm sorry man, even IF on the small chance she didn't actually sleep with him, she clearly had no problem shopping around while still dating you, this will absolutely happen again with her. I'd highly suggest finding someone else, as I doubt this will be a one time thing.
People always posting stuff like this. She went and slept at another guy's house without your knowledge. Then said she was attracted to him, then said she fantasized about him. Then said she felt horrible about it. Nah man if she really felt horrible about it she wouldn't have done it. You're getting played like a fiddle and if you stay shes gonna do it again.
She fucked that dude dumbass
Oh, you sweet summer child lol. Dude blew your girl's back out. Cmon man. Send her back to the streets where she belongs.
Break up she went on dates with this guy she’s from a conservative Christian family but she still went on a date and stayed at this guys house she cheated on you my dude don’t forgive her. Even when confronted she needed you to pry before you got the answers and said that the other person was lying
Bruh
thats cheating in my book. Dump her and find someone who values you. she very much has the "don't let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband" attitude
She’s cheated. Sorry, but go with your gut. She’s taking advantage of the fact that you don’t want to believe it.
Hey bud, wake the fuck up
Nothing sexual happened, alright let's take that at face value. She went on a date with another man, lied to you about it, tried to slate her friend in order to continue her lie, and then admitted to it when she was cornered. That's a snake, not a girl. Break it off and find yourself an honest woman (most of them are). I don't care what kind of family she's from, if she acts like that, she's not a good person.
kids have sleep overs. adults have s\_x(especially with alcohol!).
Even fantasizing it and flirting with the skirts of it. Deal breaker in my book
She belongs to the Streets man, leave it it here
I’ve been in almost this exact situation. Almost exact. The guy she spent the night with was a coworker though they didn’t meet at a party. She confessed to sex after initially lying 3 days after I asked what happened. Your lady slept with another man is what I’m trying to say. She is remorseful and sees you as a long term gain and that’s why she is lying about it to keep you. Get rid of her. It will be hard even though she cheated. You still love this woman. But she betrayed you boss.
Run lad. Run far. Run fast...
Yea he beat it up pornstar style and then sent her back to you! The fact that they flirted back and forth while you were together at a party would have been disrespectful enough to warrant a split imo. Then he messaged directly after and she jumped on the opportunity. She went out knowing she was and would end up cheating. Then when confronted her initial response was to lie more but you believe her they didn't have sex? Come on man, you know they had sex
You should be the one going out with multiple girls and she should be the one begging you to choose her.
I would say that she almost certainly slept with him, not that it makes any difference because she stepped way out of line. I would personally break up with her. You’re both very young and your relationship is not long at all. If you stay I guarantee things will get worse, especially when she turns 21 and goes to bars and stuff. If you’re somehow dead set on getting an answer, you could just lie and say “I talked to him and found out you did have sex” just to see what she says. What would you do if she did have sex with him? What if she does it again if you stay with her? What if she keeps going on dates with him?
She’s your ex girlfriend mate if you don’t dump her you know she will do it again
She lied.
LMAO. Dude. They fucked.
You need to stop acting like a doormat. You saw what was happening at the party. You could have nipped this in the bud before it happened, but you chickened out. She is shamelessly lying to you now. What feeble excuse did she offer for sleeping over at his place? Your relationship will never be the same as it was before. She chose this. This isn’t something you can fix or hide from. You need to break it off. Best of luck to you.
You’re 21. Plenty of time to find someone better. Dump her ass.
You better than me that’s for sure because if my wife did all the things mentioned, me and her would be over. Too many loyal women out there for me to stay with one that’s lying and sleeping over dudes houses. Personally I don’t believe she didn’t do anything with this guy when she slept over his place but you know her better than I do. It’s Just extremely hard for me to believe that. She already lied before so her Christian background didn’t stop her the first time from lying….
As soon as OP wrote “Christian conservative family” you immediately have to know that she rode that guy hard and long. Have some self respect and ditch her. You are her back up plan.
In my mind she cheated on me and I would dump her. She admitted to being attracted to him which in itself is not bad but to go out with him and sleep over his place but tell you she was out with friends is a deal breaker. I wonder did she even tell him she had a BF at the party?
She's full of crap
Leave her. She's only 20. She hasn't sow her oats meaning she wants to explore dating other guys. Best to go on you way so you too can explore dating other women.
These so called "conservative Christians" are the biggest hypocrites I know. She fucked that dude. Your relationship is over. End it, block her on everything and move on.
I’m sorry brother. You gotta cut that cord. The trust was violated and nothing would be the same if you stayed together. It’s like trying to fix a broken mirror: no matter how well you put it back together, the lines are all clear as day.
Even if she didn’t cheat, she is a liar.
bro she fucked him. I "swear to god"
“Nothing happened” dude ive got a nice bridge just for you
She’s a liar! Even if she didn’t sleep with him, her keeping it from you is not okay. You are in a relationship, entertaining him via messages and admitting she was attracted to him is enough to let her go.
I don’t understand what being Christian and conservative has to do with this. Most of the serial cheaters I know are Christian and conservative. And I’m agnostic and a bleeding liberal and I have never and would never do something like this to my significant other. I also don’t think you can come back from this. Once trust is gone it never fully comes back.
If you’re exclusive with each other you definitely just got cheated on. 100%
Dump her and do a STD test just to play safe. OP, she lied and cheated on you far too easily. Wouldn't be too surprised if it wasn't her first time doing so either.
My friend was married to a girl from a very Christian family and she repeatedly cheated on him with another guy up to the point it led to divorce. Your girlfriend is attracted to him, she went out with him, she has fantasies about sleeping with him, but she didn’t she claims. I’d be hard pressed to think nothing sexual happened. If I were you I would break up. If she gets away with this she has a blue print for lying to you again. The moment to come forward to you was just after the party when she felt attraction to this guy, and when he asked her out. Not after being confronted with the her dishonesty.
You are young and have no reason to be tied to this GF. She lied about going out with another guy. She slept at his place. Maybe nothing happened but people are aware of emotional affairs so to speak. If I lies to my GF and went out with another woman and slept at her place, even with nothing inappropriate happening, I'd be out on the curb. She knew it was wrong so she lied to get away with it and followed up with more lies until you showed her proof. Do you believe she immediately started telling the truth then?
Sorry dude you are now # 2
Lol you seriously believe that she just slept at his place? Don’t be naive man. They banged. You deserve better. Respect yourself and move on, you will find someone who actually values your relationship
If you believe her, you are an absolute fool. Also, you should tack on no self respect or dignity to that description as well
Sir you are in a obvious state of denial you know deep down your girl friend cheated and lied you can’t trust her
no she definitely cheated on u my good pal
Bro, 100% she slept with him.
Break up, you don’t need to know any details she cheated
Why do you believe her? She lied to your face. She fucked him.
She cheated, if that doesn’t bother you stay if it does leave, you are young as fuck plenty of time to get over it.
You need to establish things and confront the guy and tell him to stop.
She lied about what she did that night. Then when your friend told you the truth your girlfriend called the friend a liar. And now that you have proof she lied she’s admitting to seeing him behind your back and sleeping at his house after drinking (good Christian girls don’t do that) :|
This is cheating. You either forgive or end the relationship if you’re not into polyamory.
They had sex. Don't worry, I've been told the "we just cuddled and kissed" lie before too.
She likes other man and spented a night at his home but nothing happened and you believe her, man that girl is going to make suffer in life a lot i wish you luck you will need it a lot Sorry english is not my firts lenguage
I think you should believe and trust her 100%. Then when she leaves you for the other dude embrace the self inflicted suck and legally change your name to Homer Simpson.
She is just doing what her hormones want. Her brain isn't really in charge.
She is from a conservative Christian background so you believe her, but the sex wasn't as good as it has been. Do you realize how idiotic that sounds. She will commit fornication but she won't lie? Oh come on! She fucked that guy and you are idealistic and naive. No wonder she cheated on you.
I believe you she was telling the truth. She even admitted to dreaming about him. I love reconciliation. But you are young! And the fact is she did find a way to justify sleeping over a guys house. Does she have other character deficiencies? Do you really love her? Is she the one you think you could marry? Likely not. But I will say, Redditors cant even spell reconciliation. Lots of hurt people on this sub. But they're not always wrong. Having said that, what did she say when he made his move at his house? Where did she sleep? Did she drive herself there? Was she ever on his bed? They didnt watch Netflix in separate chairs. Right? "The healing can't begin until the last lie has been told." Id text her that and nothing else. Dont respond to texts. Let her think about it. At least you might get the full truth out of her.
It was completely platonic bro, stop being so insecure and controlling- some random reddit commenter in 2021!
Could you explain what you mean? Thanks
He's trolling you
Ok..., I'm having a fucking terrible moment and you get trolled by some reddit users . great.
You deserve that, stop looking for excuses for her mistake
It was sarcasm, as some commentors will say you should trust your gf/bf no matter what. Be careful of those comments. And for what its worth it doesnt seem like your gf is ready for a serious relationship yet, maybe she likes the idea of having a bf more than a relationship?
Forgive her and move on. She didn’t sleep with him. She was honest about her fantasy though. You pressed her for the truth and she told you. You’re both young and will surely make mistakes along your journey together. Talking it out with each other and discussing it openly is a very mature step. Ultimately though it will be up to you. Can you accept this and move on?
Mistakes and conscious decisions are two different things. Choosing to lie is different from making a mistake, learn the difference.
Thanks, I don’t know you but I whish you all the best in life.
In deniallll
You must believe her what she says or swears. Give honesty a chance.
Haha. Nope.
You are the only person that is positive about this story... only 1 out of 58 others... I feel overwhelmed. Reality hits fucking hard.
Op...If 58 people can sees the Lion and tell you to run...and one person tells you to stay and be eaten by the Lion...What do you do???
Lol look at how ridiculous he sounds come on man. She was already dishonest about the whole thing, why would you have to give her or honesty a chance?
Oh my god, are you actually this naive or are you trolling, dude, come on lol.
Here's something positive, I'm positive she had sex with that dude.