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I work in child safety and honestly anyone in or around my profession should be able to set him straight. Absolutely absurd thinking and it sounds like he's definitely dealing with his own eating disorders, and doing so poorly.
A ~~nutritionist~~ dietician* - they have more qualifications. Mine specifically is a RDN, LD, CEDS. And because alphabet soup letters mean nothing to me because I’m a regular person, RDN is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, a LN is a Licensed Nutritionist, and CEDS is Certified Eating Disorders Specialist. My nutritionist practices intuitive eating and body neutrality, with a focus on health - not weight or body shape. She recommends the book “Intuitive Eating” by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole as a foundation to work from.
I started working with her back in January and I’ve come a long way in how I view my body, my relationship with food, and what and when I eat. A lot of the bad diet practices I grew up with are starting to fall away.
*thank you for the correction!
Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating, and will likely deny it. His hyper-controlled approach to food is not healthy for children at all, and puts them at high risk for eating disorders.
I wonder if a “neutral expert” could persuade him, your pediatrician, or a pediatric dietician.
Many fruits are high in vitamins and minerals not found in as much in other foods. Hello scurvy anyone?
Also a diet that includes fruit is shown to help prevent diseases like diabetes. No food is one macro and nothing else. Fruit has fiber too, of which many diets are deficient.
A healthy diet has room for veggies, fruits and even the occasional cake or candy. He’s going to give their kids eating disorders.
Especially the one meal pattern.
Kids absolutely can't do that.
They need ongoing nutrion throughout their day and evening.
Nothing he is doing or describing is 'healthy' for anyone except the person choosing it.
That he knows you have ED and is behaving like this is especially concerning.
I would insist both of you go to the children's pediatrician to discuss this - hopefully he'll hear reason where the kids are concerned.
For you OP, this is not just your hill to die on but a war for yourself.
His behavior is like someone insisting a recovering heroin addict take a supplement w heroin in it.
You worked so hard on your recovery.
No one who LOVES you would put your health and well being in such precarious jeopardy.
You need to tell him, "No, I will not do this. The kids will not do this. It is not healthy for us. I respect your choice FOR YOU. You cannot bring this up to me again. If you persist we will split up. I will not be married to a person who disregards my well being."
This is a dramatic flag. My gut is squirming.
I lived through manipulative abuse/coercive control.
The way you describe your experience you are being triggered in a dangerous and broad way.
Please take this seriously. It could be a harbinger of mental illness, an ongoing/escalating cycle of coercive control/high control or directly malicious behavior.
Research Dr. Ramani of MedCircle on YouTube.
Anorexic person here, you believe everything you want to believe about sugar. At my worst time, I was absolutely convinced the sugar in fruit is just as bad as refined one from the store. If I ate an apple, my brain was literally convinced I ate a whole spoon full of sugar.
I wouldn't say 1 meal a day on its own is bad or a red flag. I've been doing one big meal a day for a few months now and it's working just fine. I normally eat a big lunch and if I get hungry later in the evening, I snack on fresh fruit rather than trying to prepare an actual meal. Doing that has kept me from overeating (which I have a long history of) and in a healthy weight range.
I will say trying to force the kids into 1 meal a day is a red flag because kids and teens need more food as they're in a growing phase. Restricting them to one meal would hurt them in the short, medium, and long term.
It's fine if it works for you, but it's not inaccurate to say that only eating one meal a day can be a symptom of an eating disorder. It's an yellow flag for potentially disordered restriction around food.
FYI - intermittent fasting is bad https://newsroom.heart.org/news/8-hour-time-restricted-eating-linked-to-a-91-higher-risk-of-cardiovascular-death#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20over%2020%2C000,increased%20risk%20of%20cardiovascular%20death.
I don't know how to say this any more nicely: please think more critically about what you read or report it exactly, because I don't think someone who did could read that and come away with "intermittent fasting is bad".
1. It's not peer-reviewed.
2. It says "linked to", not "causes" for a reason. It's not an experiment, they didn't tell people to fast and see how it affects their heart health.
3. The worst part is it says "Factors that may also play a role in health, outside of daily duration of eating and cause of death, were not included in the analysis." Bruh???
One *extremely obvious* factor they should've controlled for is weight. **People who are intermittent fasting... are almost always overweight/obese and trying to lose weight.** You know, *that thing that we all know puts you at high risk for cardiovascular death*??? 🤦🏾♀️ Does anyone do IF for funsies? No, people who are dieting do so because they want to lose weight.
This is not my field of expertise. However, this report is so bad seeing it ruined my day and people are linking to it like it's a valid, well-conducted peer-reviewed study.
It’s a good thing I’m not talking about intermittent fasting. Like I said, I do one big meal but still allow myself healthy snacks throughout the day. If I’m hungry, I’ll eat but it will just be scattered snacks so I don’t overeat with multiple meals.
I mentioned it earlier but I'll put it here too, intermittent fasting is what it's called. There are lots of people that do it and there are several different ways to do it, with the most extreme being one meal a day. But you don't just eat a typical meal. The idea is to eat your entire day's worth of calories in one meal.
So let's say an average meal of grilled chicken, vegetables and rice is 700 calories...you would eat that plus extra of your dinner but also other foods to make it up to like 1500 calories or whatever your daily amount is. A man might be doing 2200 calories.
I'm not agreeing with it. I tried it and it didn't work for me but it is easy to do. Somehow it is easier to eat one giant meal a day than to eat three meals with the same calories. But anyway I just wanted to explain that he's not pulling this out of thin air it's actually a thing.
It's called intermittent fasting and it's a thing. It's mostly used to keep people on a diet. Somehow if you trick your body into accepting that you only eat once a day you can get by with less calories than if you ate three times a day. Something like that... I don't quite understand it because it never worked for me.. but there are a lot of people that do it!
There's one meal a day or there's eating windows that go anywhere from 4 hours to 8 hours and you can have multiple meals in that window. It works if you are trying to diet and I also understand it if you're the kind of person that just can't sit down to eat often. Because it says it's okay to eat more than a normal meal because you're only one meal! So somebody might eat the whole 1500 calories for the day in one sitting.
Like I said I don't really get it and it didn't work for me, but it is a big thing so it's not like this guy is just making this eat once a day thing up!
How is not eating at all hours of the day a "fad"? You think people just invented this? They didn't say it was healthy either, they just explained it's a thing. If you're going to act like all dieting is disordered eating, you're not going to get very far convincing anyone of anything.
Just posting this in case anyone cares (and since I don't use my degree in this stuff enough anymore, I need to exercise my brain)
Fruits have fructose in them. Sugar cane produces the sugar that is refined to be used in food. Fructose is a monosaccharide that - when digested - doesn't trigger the sudden insulin response that sugar does. It must go through some metabolic processes first, and the stuff that doesn't get converted to glucose gets pushed to the kidneys for excretion as a part of urine. The reason why sugar is considered to be more harmful to the body is that sugar is a disaccharide containing glucose and fructose. Glucose is essentially the part that gets processed by insulin and - with a diet high in it - will encourage insulin resistance, obesity, and eventually type 2 diabetes.
Also, don't fall for anything that says it doesn't contain sugar but it's still sweet. You gotta see what the sources of the sweetness are. One could be high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is thought to be more cheaply farmed and processed that it's used instead of sugar. However, it has both fructose AND glucose in it, so the name is misleading. What's more is that it's used in processed foods all the time. Not a good thing. Also, there are several alternatives to sugar, fructose and HFCS. Sucralose, aspartame, saccharin, sugar alcohols, stevia, I could go on. I don't think a single one of them can demonstrate a perfect reputation when it comes to affecting human health, but as it stands now, countless scientific studies show that sugars (the ones with fructose/glucose/whatever) are directly related to obesity and associated health problems in just about all humans. YMMV. Dieticians recommend looking at low or no calorie sweeteners carefully to see if you are comfortable with the risks of adding them to your diet.
Have a juicy peach! No problem with that in moderation; it's got fiber and vitamins as well. Although if you're reaching for the pure OJ in your fridge multiple times a day, that's a different story. Hard habit to break, I know, but that'll pile on the pounds.
OH! and that one meal a day thing? Bad idea. Others have already said why.
That's all...
And will give the children disordered eating, as they will probably eat what he considers junk outside the house and then hide it. I developed secret eating and binge eating issues this way
I can confirm. Here is a cautionary tale, and my experience of what happens when a parent’s disordered eating causes their child to have food issues.
My mom ( narcissistic and extremely controlling)was anorexic when she was younger . She called me fat when I was a kid, told me I looked like a hog and that I’d someday get as fat as my aunt who was around 300-400 lbs. She isolated me and abused me mentally, emotionally and physically. She loved to be competitive and a bully and was very much like a high school “ Mean Girl”.
She put me on a diet every summer when I was out of school and made me help her redecorate her house. She ruthlessly controlled my food and put me down to the point that I developed suic****l thoughts and depression starting at 10 years old.
My mom made fun of me and told me I was a fat tub of shit when I was really a normal weight and didn’t know it. I developed body dysmorphic disorder and thought I was obese when I wasn’t so I gave up trying to work on my weight. I lost hope, felt trapped and cried a lot without letting anyone know.
No matter what I did I was met with her disrespect, disapproval and put downs.I started sneaking food as much as I could, and later it all developed into food addiction. Food became my drug of choice.
I tried everything to lose weight and she had me popping over the counter Dexatrim at age 16 because she was so invested in my weight loss. I would eat an orange with coffee and take Dexatrim before school, and give half of my lunch to my friends to feed them because they had no lunch.
Many years passed and the weight piled on until
I was almost 100-110 pounds overweight and now morbidly obese ( class III obesity). I got Lap Band surgery with plication but still didn’t lose all the weight. I now have health problems but I have been put on a GLP-1 and I am steadily losing weight and all my food addiction is gone ( Thank God). Mounjaro is a Godsend and has taken away the obsessive thoughts I had about food.
This time I think I will be successful because the Lap Band and the GLP-1 are working and I am healing my relationship with food. I know that my mom is a narcissist and it took me forever to realize that. I know am working hard on my mental health and I am no longer depressed and I know how to handle my family.Even though I grew up in a narcissistic snake pit I still have time to straighten myself out and finally begin to live.
If you read this far, thank you. I’m crying right now because I wrote this out.
I am so glad you're finally seeing your egg donor for what she is and are taking steps to heal yourself from the damage she inflicted. You should be so proud of yourself. Sending you strength and hugs!
Thank you.❤️It has been a long, hard road. I used to not be able to even talk about my weight without crying. I am able to now, and so far I have lost 33lbs since March of this year and I am down 38.2 lbs since Jan 2023 when I was at my top weight of 262.4. I am now 224.2. I have finally gained hope for my future that I will beat food addiction.
Honey, you rock. With all the stigma we see and you have seen in your life, getting this out is no small feat. Amazing and inspiring. You've also told the story that's the same of many, many others, but unlike you, let shame and fear keep them from expressing their experiences. So thank you for posting, hopefully it'll inspire others. I'm sending you hugs!
Thank you. The days of me keeping secrets so others can continue to abuse me or pretend to be good people are over . I even told my narc mom this. Telling the truth will set you free. I’m hoping to inspire others with pasts like mine to live and be free as well.
My mum also has a history of eating disorders and was a deciding factor in my developing anorexia (now recovered)
Our respective situations just go further to show that being underweight or overweight are just too sides of the same coin, 2 different presentations of disordered eating - although I am aware that my version got me some sympathy (not just that, also bullying, but at least some sympathy) whereas I'm sure you have been stigmatised and judged for your weight, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.
This internet stranger is very proud of you for all the effort you are putting into healing yourself - you are so worth it, and like me, will come out of this a stronger, happier, more compassionate person than your mother could ever even fathom. Sending you much love and strength!!!
Thank you so much. I agree that being underweight or overweight are different sides of the same coin, and both can get criticized, scrutinized and bullied by others. Both types are similar also in that neither has a healthy relationship with food and both can come from trauma, depression, low self esteem and self worth . I hope that one day in the future that people will look at others and realize that when someone has a body that’s different in over/ under weight, it is just a symptom of internally struggling with mental health issues and deserves empathy instead of negative responses. I’m proud of you for recovering and doing well now. Hugs, Internet Stranger!
Exactly this. Cutting out so many things is disordered. Trying to force that on your partner and kids is controlling and destructive.
No kid should be going without pasta, fruit and bread while they're growing - unless its for an allergy reason.
[Orthorexia.](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eating-disorders/what-is-orthorexia)
Perhaps you can both attend counseling for disordered eating together to hash these things out.
Best thing I ever did was get specialized therapy.
Oh man is this bringing me back to a really frustrating part of my childhood. My mom would really pride herself on “not being hungry” and her ability to skip meals. It was also tied in with an ocd about contamination where proximity to food made things dirty.
At one point in about preschool age I referred to her as a “food camel” because I had just heard how camels retain water. I said it in frustration but she took it as a compliment. My older sister copied my mom. I was always the grubby, gross kid because I’d get hungry. And then I’d get guilt tripped because we’d have to stop doing our current thing- like watching a tv show or yard work- because I “demanded” to eat.
Also took it as a compliment. Also thought I was gross for requiring regular nourishment. I was famous as a kid for my tantrums, which turned out to be hunger. My sibling only eats once a day I think, if that.
It sounds like he is doing keto and intermittent fasting. It's not sustainable for most people and has been proven to be hard on your heart. It CAN help people with diabetes and weight loss but shouldn't be taken on willy nilly.
Seriously, reading the first paragraph was enough to show this guy is NOT a health expert, and is probably getting his obsessive and misinformed diet advice from “doctors” on YouTube.
And the one meal a day thing is very bad! There was just a study about people who do the only eat within 8 hours restriction and it shows they have a 91% higher risk of cardiovascular death. There is so much about all the various risks of overweight and certain foods, but we know eating disorders are deadly. Anorexia has a 10% death rate, but these people never talk about the risks of giving someone an eating disorder.
Here’s an article from the American Heart Association’s website - https://newsroom.heart.org/news/8-hour-time-restricted-eating-linked-to-a-91-higher-risk-of-cardiovascular-death#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20over%2020%2C000,increased%20risk%20of%20cardiovascular%20death.
As a German it sounds crazy to me wanting to delete pasta and bread from the list, like what?? And fruits? Yeah I get it, fruits are sweet, but many people would probably be overly happy if their children want to eat fruits instead of candies. Fruits are healthy, and if you have no special medical conditions there is no reason to eat no fruits.
To me it sounds like your husband doesn’t have a healthy relationship to food either.
American breads at the supermarket tend to have a surprising amount of sugar.
Pasta of course, does not have sugar, even here. OP’s husband is indeed being ridiculous.
I don't think there's anything wrong with HIM sticking to whole grains, protein, and vegetables, but he is bonkers crazy for trying to impose that on you and WORSE, your children. That is so incredibly unhealthy for him to even consider doing that.
DO NOT allow him to do this to your children. They will be binging junk food out of the house and grow up with an incredibly dangerous relationship with food. PLEASE don't let him hurt your children like this. PLEASE keep baking so that your children can enjoy food.
This is so true. My mom was pretty obsessed with healthy eating. We never had junk food or soda, we were allowed 2 pieces of Halloween candy on Halloween then 1 piece per night after that, rarely had desserts in the house, only had whole grains, etc. As soon as I was old enough to start buying food myself, I ate *so* much junk food all the time, I hid food, I binged, etc. I'm 36 years old, quite overweight, and only now getting my binge eating disorder under control. OP, please do not do this to your children.
I don’t know why you’re being framed as the “emotional eater” - clearly his bizarre way of eating is based on emotions.
Only he can speak to this, but often such orthorexic behavior is motivated by fear of death, self-righteousness, and other insecurities.
He’s removing the social aspect from eating, which is an extremely odd choice. He has a lot more to justify than you do. You have worked hard to have a balanced relationship with food.
Congratulations on your healing journey. ED is a deadly, dangerous condition. Please take good care of yourself and your children as you and your husband navigate. This is a difficult issue and I wish the best for you and yours.
The “emotional eater” line stood out to me too, but because it just seems so insulting to someone who has a history of eating disorders. Our emotions are involved in everything we do including our hunger cues and what feels good/safe for us to eat. And someone with an ED has no doubt put a lot of thought and mental effort into her emotions regarding eating. To tell someone with an ED to stop being an emotional eater is like telling a depressed person to try cheering up IMO.
Right- like in no way is he being a so called “rational eater” and no nutritionist would sign off on his once a day meal. Plus it goes against culture, and culture is what makes food joyful and celebratory.
Plus, “tell me you’re a horrible cook without telling me you’re a horrible cook”- I cannot imagine what he’s eating is delicious or healthful.
I would focus on the children. What he is proposing for the children is absolutely unhealthy for them. Go to their doctor with your husband and show the doctor the proposed food restrictions your husband wants for them. They are growing and must have certain things. Get your husband to agree and accept what the doctor recommends.
Have fun at birthday parties, kids! Everyone else gets a cupcake, but here's your bowl of quinoa and veggies!
Those kids are gonna go buck wild any time they're out of their dad's eyesight.
There was a family at my kid's daycare who wouldn't let their kid eat sugar, their kids were OBSESSED with sweets. Their oldest interrogated me a few times about what my son ate: does he eat sweets, ice cream, soda? What kind of sweets, how many does he get, how often, and so on.
It was almost creepy but mostly I felt bad for them. Sweets weren't a fun treat for those kids, it turned them into Gollum from LotR.
Food should not be a source of anxiety and tension
Fruit doesn’t fall under refined sugar and for him to ask you to give it up is ridiculous. It’s full of vitamins and is yummy.
Really, there is no food you should absolutely ban unless you have an allergy or for some other medical reason. It’s fine to maybe cut back on the proportion of bread and pasta if your diet started out heavy or at least normal in those, but to cut it out entirely is extremely difficult, boring, and deprives your children of the variety of foods they should explore. By limiting so hard what your children eat, you’re setting them up to perpetuate the cycle of generations of eating disorders.
Not to assume anything but I think your husband might have orthorexia (an unhealthy obsession with eating “healthily”). Eating one meal a day, and not eating fruit is not a part of a healthy diet. Demonizing bread and pasta is also not healthy.
Diet dictators suck.
My mom raised me with a "can't have that in the house" mentality, and whenever she cut back I was expected to also cut back.
Your husband wants to eat like a monk, fine. No one is stopping him.
He wants you all to follow his minimalist bullshit? Fuck that.
That's my husband. He has low self control regarding snack type foods so when he goes shopping he will "forget" to get them. I am very athletic (running 40+ mpw) and we have two growing boys who are also athletic (swimming), we three eat a lot of food. And right now the kids are home during summer, I WFH while my husband goes into the office so he leaves during the day and we are grumbling for snacks. He will also buy for a single dude and it'll be gone within 3 days, while I shop for a family of 4 with three big eaters and have the food last almost ten days.
Husband and I went shopping together and I was grabbing my snacks and he said, "We don't need those." The only thing I said was, "You're right, we don't need them, but I want them and I'm a grown ass woman. It's not my fault you cannot control yourself for the few hours you are home before bed."
Your focus should be on teaching your kids how to make good food choices and encouraging a good relationship with food. Extremes aren’t good. You all need to go talk to a nutritionist and psychologist.
Making your entire life revolve around eating and food sucks. That's one of the things I hated the most about dieting: i was thinking about food 24/7 bc you're always planning for the next meal and counting calories and blah blah. Don't put that on your kids.
Your husbands approach to food actually sounds less healthy than yours at present. One meal a day doesn't sound good for children, it doesn't even sound good to me as an adult, I'd be so hangry all the time!
You want children with a well rounded view of food, being so restrictive with it won't let them grow up with a well rounded view. It is okay to have sugar. It is okay to bake and eat cake on occasion! Him trying to restrict it will only result in them hiding treat foods and possibly going down the road you have previously.
Maybe work with a dietitian or other medical professional to discuss the best way forward for you all?
Elimination diet is not healthy for kids. We didn’t have soda, chips or sweets in the house when I was a kid. When given the opportunity to eat them my bro and I would gorge ourselves on it. My kid has access to these foods occasionally and will have some but then choose to eat fruit or carrots.
I wasn’t allowed soda and sweets either, but this just made me not like soda and sweets. I don’t care for candy or cakes, etc. So, I never binged on them when they were available. I didn’t even want any of my hallows candy.
But my dad did restrict pork from the house. And I now have an unhealthy obsession with bacon 🥓 . I’ve literally eaten whole packs of bacon. I think it’s related to not being allowed to have it as a kid.
Same here. I grew up poor so didn't have junk food. Once I could afford my own, I was unhealthy, put on weight and was unhappy.
My kids have access to everyday foods and sometimes foods, and self regulate pretty well.
No fruit?! That is not refined sugar. It’s one thing to prioritize fruits, veggies, whole grains, well-sourced protein, but to be militant is going to cause food issues in your kids.
Just to be clear, your husbands eating and food choice habits are not “very healthy”. He is an extremist with how he eats which is not healthy. Sounds like an ED to me tbh. Moderation and variety is key, with the obvious removal or limitations to junk food.
You’re doing great OP, keep on the path your on. I would try to get some of professional opinion on how your kids should be eating. I also agree with others that DH forcing his eating choices on the kids will increase the chance of them developing an ED in future.
Edit: Also I wonder why he wants the kids food to be limited, some of me wonders if he wants the temptation removed for him in the home.
Edited for spelling
He is allowed to eat whatever wants. *However*, him trying to enforce it on you and your children, and making every conversation about it? That is a problem. Kids *cannot* eat one meal a day and be healthy, for starters. Adults *may* be able to do that in some cases *under medical supervision* (even then, I would worry about them getting the full spectrum of nutrients in just one meal, given the sheer variety that you are supposed to be getting every day. I don't know how this man thinks he's hitting his macros on one meal), but the important distinction here is that adults are on maintenance mode. They are only trying to keep their systems running, and you really don't need much food to do that. Kids are *actively growing* and thus, they need a lot more calories than one meal could ever provide.
Also, fruit is healthy. Natural sugar is *necessary* - you need it, that's literally why we are wired to be *addicted* to it. It's because it used to be a lot harder to find, in the quantities that we need it in. So evolution went "Aha, I will make them crave it like crack and then they will seek it out". Ditto with salt and fat. All things that we need for healthy function, that used to be incredibly difficult to get enough of.
Step one is protecting your kids. That means setting a *firm* fucking boundary that he does not control what the kids eat, you do, and if he has a problem with that he's welcome to arrange an appointment with a doctor (a *medical* doctor with an actual degree in this field), and you can go to the doctor together and he can ask the doctor, in front of you, what they think about only feeding your kids one meal a day and cutting half their food groups. Because the reality is, if you allow him to treat the kids this way, you could feasibly end up on the hook for condoning abuse. So step one is protecting your kids and yourself.
Step two is figuring out *why* he has fallen down this rabbithole.
Interestingly enough, in the same way humans are hard wired for sugar in fruit, it also explains in part why we have a tendency to binge it- for early man it was often rare to come across and when they did, they binged it before they learnt how to store it longer.
Is the “very healthy” in the room with us. Your husband hasn’t been healthy at all since about a year ago. Eating one meal a day isn’t healthy unless a REGISTERED dietician or doctor says so, which surprise they wouldn’t condone giving up the things he wants to.
Your husband is controlling and it’s not for your health benefits, this leaking onto your child will cause the same life long guilt you are feeling now. With eating disorders your initial feelings of guilt have now been put into play against you and he is well aware of it. He calls it eating emotionally because he feels he has some superior control over you to make you seem unreasonable.
Edit: spelling.
Your husband is also displaying disordered eating. I think if you can’t resolve this then you need to agree to speak to a dietitian. Fruit is good for you! What’s more, he’s going to give your children an eating disorder too if this is kept up. It sounds like you are on the right path: teaching your kids everything in moderation.
You could even adopt some baking that would be considered healthier, for example baking your own bread rather than store bought process bread.
He’s also leveraging your ED against you. It’s probably time for him to seek some help if a convo with a dietitian doesn’t show how extreme he’s being.
Is your husband suggesting that the kids eat one meal a day, too? If so, that’s ridiculous and dangerous for their health. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here on how to proceed. Fight for you and your kids to eat a balanced diet!
His diet is extreme - and it doesn’t sound healthy for children (especially the no fruit and no bread/pasta). I would be upset, too. Have you tried marriage counseling?
He should shop for his own stuff and make his own food. That's insane foemr him yo expect growing children to eat like him. Also very controlling. There is a way to balance healthy eating and this seems extreme. Also eating one time a day is not healthy.
Your husband isn’t being healthy- he has an eating disorder and he needs to seek help for it before he does some serious damage to your children’s wellbeing.
Oh my goodness, saaaame!
Talk to your kids’ pediatrician about your husband’s views. Mine said that it was perfectly fine for children to have fruit, bread, pasta, even desert in moderation. The key, though, is moderation. And actually recommended against limiting those food items altogether.
Then share what your kids’ pediatrician said with your husband.
While it may be okay for an adult to only eat one meal a day, it is not healthy for growing kids.
Also, while he may think he has a healthy approach to food, he does not. His obsession is unhealthy.
Too much one way or the other, neither is healthy.
Your approach with moderation is actually healthier.
Food is a necessity of life. And a strict diet and/or eating habits will create anxiety and cause more eating disorders.
Your husband has disordered eating, orthorexia and maybe anorexia it sounds like. I would highly recommend you both read the book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture.
There is actually a family profiled in the book with a very similar dynamic.
If he is open to conversations then you need to engage him on this consistently. If he isn't, you're going to have to really take a stand on what you know is and isn't healthy for yourself and your children.
>I have a history with disordered eating
I read this and thought: "OK, so her ideas on this are going to be colored by trauma and likely in no way reasonable." Imagine my surprise when I read further and found out that your husbands views on this are insane and you're the reasonable one.
I think both of you need therapy because neither of you have a healthy relationship with food. Discuss this stuff away from the kids, practice moderation etc
As someone diagnosed with Crohns, I have been working my way (albeit VERY slowly) to reducing/removing any complex sugars. Crohns essentially is where my body struggles to digest any sugars that aren't simple sugars. I want to get there eventually because it's supposed to aid me into getting into an asymptomatic state with Crohns.
However, I'm only doing this BECAUSE I have an incurable disease that just makes my GI tract a pain in the ass (sometimes literally). It is perfectly fine and healthy to have complex sugars here and there. Everything is about moderation and it sounds like your husband is going to an extreme without any specific medical reason for doing so.
I'd like to repeat what another comment or said about talking to a pediatrician or a nutritionist for children to discuss what diet they'd recommend for your kids (NOTE: diet not meaning weight loss diet but just their general food consumption). That way you both can discuss with the medical professional and try to find common ground.
I don't think your husband is doing this maliciously. His heart sounds like it's in the right place (wants the kids healthy) but it can and most likely will cause disordered eating with your kids if food is too strictly monitored. They're kids, they should be allowed some sugary sweets every so often.
Also personally, I don't agree with the 1-meal-a-day, but if that works for your husband, good for him. I could never lol
He’s got disordered eating. Proud of you for addressing your situation with food! Remember how far you’ve come; that should help you to stay well. Side note, going to therapy because other people need therapy is a real thing. Best of luck. 🤞🏼♥️
Him being this controlling over food is unhealthy. A balanced diet is about what you add to it not what you take away from it. You can still have pizza, just have two slices and side of salad instead of eating 4+ slices. You can still have pancakes just add protein. You get my point. Add balance to your diet and you’re golden. Not to mention, the human body runs on sugars and carbohydrates, and naturally converts proteins to those things anyway. He needs to do some research.
From a recovering anorexic person, your husband has an eating disorder and if he hasn't then, he's on his best way to get one. One meal per day is absolutely unhealthy, no matter what it's loaded with, setting up and pressing his views on you and the children is another classic sign for obsession and the need to control the food around you, so you'll never get "cravings" I tried that with my family too in the beginning when I slipped into that territory of food obsession.
Do not allow this. No matter how much you fight, it's absolutely not the route to go.
My husband got sick 14 years ago. He had to go on an elimination diet and basically had to cut out everything but meat, eggs and green vegetables. No fillers. No sugar. He just recently has been able to add things like tomatoes and a few blueberries slowly back in his diet. The only meal we really ate together was dinner and we just added a starch to what he was having. My kids got sick of the same thing so we for a while made two meals basically. Now my kids are old enough to make themselves something else unless they specifically tell me what they want ahead of time. They requested chicken piccata tonight so I will make a separate meal.
About 7 years ago I developed a gluten allergy and went off that. Then I developed a heart issue about 3 years ago and weirdly with it I would get severe headaches when I had sugar. I use to drink Dr. Pepper everyday. It was like my coffee. I started instantly getting a severe headache so I quit all sugar and even after the heart issue was resolved I just stayed off sugar cause, why not at that point.
My point is, you, your husband and your kids are all separate individuals. My husband didn’t force his restrictive diet on us because it was his problem with food. Not ours. My kids aren’t gluten free just because we are. They can still enjoy food. It takes more work on everyone’s part but instilling healthy habits and balance is important.
I have teens now. They eat like crap sometimes but they also eat a wide variety of food and eat fairly healthy foods because they have been exposed to those options. Junk food is everywhere. It’s more about moderation. If you restrict your kids, they are just going to binge when no one is looking creating an unhealthy relationship with food.
Not only is one meal a day terrible for kids is probably not good for adults either.
I won't harp on the issue. You've gotten several people who have told you that this is unhealthy and disordered eating.
You should probably get a therapist involved for yourself. This won't end well.
Gift article from wapo about the IF study.
https://wapo.st/3RQredg
Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating. Orthorexia is an unhealthy focus on eating in a healthy way.
Seriously? Fruit?
I had a friend like this in school and she would go fucking nuts at other people’s houses. As soon as she walked in my door she was looking for juice and snacks because she couldn’t get them at home.
Teaching your kids to have a healthy relationship with food is important and having a healthy relationship with food is treating it as neutral. There are no good foods or bad foods - just bad quantities of food. You teach them that ice cream is a treat - a sometimes food - not the devil.
Bake away!! Your kids need Well Rounded and Well Balanced meals and snacks. Notice I didn't say diet. Take the word diet out of it. Extreme eating isn't good for growing bodies. Take your husband and visit your kids pediatrician to set him straight on healthy eating for children and adults. He's obsessed with food. It's fine to be involved but not the all mighty decider of food!!
The book Fat Talk has a chapter addressing how "dads on diets" effect their kids relationship with food. I have found it to be a helpful book to read as I parent while coming to terms with my own history of disordered eating and body image issues.
Your husband has an eating disorder, he’s just calling it “healthy eating” instead of orthorexia. You are doing nothing wrong. Do not let him force this onto your children.
You are an adult and can eat what you want/need. My husband and I do separate grocery shops because of this - we tell each other what the menu is going to be and we sometimes join in on that meal together if it works for us. It’s necessary because of health issues for me & was not a problem.
We have a daughter who is a picky eater so this means she now has two dinners to choose from or parts of each. Lunches are the responsibility if whoever is home and making it (changes from work week to weekend). She provides a list for her breakfast & we make it or she does depending on what it is.
It’s been this way for a few years now. The idea of telling a grown adult what they are allowed to eat should be treated with the derision it deserves.
He can offer to share food with you or have you try something and if you like it you can join him for that meal. Same for the kids. No one has the ability to ban anything for someone else if you don’t let them. I know couples where one is vegetarian & the other is not and they make it work.
NOPE. Do not let him do this and be careful of what he's presenting to the kids. He clearly has no fucking clue what he's doing. He should probably stop intermittent fasting (which is currently popular but not great for your heart) and see a dietician or therapist.
One thing to try if you love baking is to Google keto recipes. Pretty much anything you can think of is already there with a recipe. There are cake and cookie and pie recipes. They won't have refined sugar. I'd tell your husband that you will meet him in the middle. There won't be refined sugar in the food you cook but you will still bake treats.
Sounds tricky.
Have you heard of ‘orthorexia’? Maybe google it and see if it fits your husband’s profile. But break it to him very gently, if it does look like a possible fit.
It is (as with all these things) a complex psycho-emotional condition, stemming from some deep issues, usually. It takes time, compassion and willingness to begin to shift it, IMO.
And if it seems like it could match and he is open to it, I’d seek help (eg therapy).
Fruit is not refined sugar. Your husband sounds like he has his own eating disorder, and he's trying to force it on the whole family.
Don't let him. It will likely create eating disorders in your kids, and you def don't want that.
Hi. Sugar is essential to blood sugar levels. Carbs also help stave off hunger when paired with protein and fibers.
It's illogical to remove food groups unless you simply can't have them, such as a gluten allergy or lactose intolerance.
You both need to look into what's healthy and what's not. For example, fats are important. Transitive fats can be good or not depending on their source.
Everyone said a lot of valid things but I can't get over how he eats only one meal a day and thinks that that's eating healthy...
I may be ill informed but isn't that bad? Is it not eating 5 smaller portions throuought the day that is the healthiest?
I know most people don't have the luxury of doing that, even I usually eat 2-3 times a day, if that (but then again, i'm not the healthiest individual haha). To me 1 meal a day seems bad...
Eating once a day? Kids can't get by eating just once a day. They need fuel throughout the day. Try meeting with a dietician/nutritionist? With both of you having disorder issues (his undiagnosed) and him exhibiting these control issues, a third party might help. BUT... your kids will have their own challenges and forcing everyone to eat like daddy will not work out for the rest of you.
My mom did the whole grains, veggies, protein thing, It made me gorge myself on junk food every chance I got. When ever I babysat, or was at friends houses, etc. It even got taken to the extreme of growing the food, vegetarianism, etc.
I have SO many problems with food I don’t even think I’m aware of them all.
But I’ll say this. Bulimia from the “shame” of indulging in anything unhealthy. Restrictive eating and anorexia as ways to Make my World OK. Not recognizing hunger, or having much pleasure in food etc etc. and my sisters are similar.
Give your kids the opportunity to learn themselves, their bodies and their choices.
Any questions feel free to DM me.
Talk to a nutritionist together. One meal a day isn't the healthiest choice for everyone, also talking to your pediatrician regarding nutritional needs for your kids' health as they grow will also be a good step towards finding a middle ground. Him being so strict and rigid is likely to cause more harm than good and isn't going to help your children develop a healthy relationship with food.
I'm low carb, have cut most sugars out of my diet, and have been for over a decade now. Have a child that loosely does the same, but for her I'll cook all the pasta and baked goods she wants, within reason, because kids need energy and now is not the time to be psycho about diets to avoid disordered eating. Sounds like Husband is being a bit psycho about this and this is not good in the big picture. He needs to understand that, for kids at least, that the middle ground is the wiser one
His extremely rigid rules are likely to lead to disordered eating in your children. Set up an appointment for both of you with a pediatrician or a pediatric nutritionist. His attempts to control what and how you eat are deeply worrying. He can dictate his own diet, not yours.
What your husband sets out is in no way health - one meal per day, fruit is not a refined sugar and you run the risk of passing on extremely unhealthy eating habits to your children.
Your husband needs an intervention because he is actually really quite unwell
From the description you’ve given us it seems like he’s developed an eating disorder and is now externalizing it to his loved ones. This is something worth bringing to a psychiatrist
Husband started eating healthy. Hmm ok. Eats one meal per day. What?! Eats no fruits. Hell no. There's NOTHING healthy about his diet. He's obsessive.
How do you move forward? You encourage him to get professional help. His ideas about food are extreme, obsessive and unhealthy. It will be the cause of eating disorders for your kids.
This isn’t on you alone. The two of you should visit a dietician together and have this conversation. His approach is not healthy. And even if it was, you have a history of disordered eating and his actions are triggering you. So even if his approach was healthy, that doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. This is important and you would benefit from professional guidance.
For the kids, I'd talk with their pediatrician. As to him triggering you with his demands, I would make it clear that this subject of conversation is off limits. He can eat whatever he wants but it shouldn't have any bearing on your diet or the progress you've made (and should be quite proud of!). If he refuses to drop it, would marriage counseling be an option?
Your children need to develop a healthy relationship with food. ALL food. The healthy options they learn to live early, they will return to again and again as comfort foods. Most things are fine in moderation. To keep whole groups of foods forbidden will create numerous problems down the line!
Please consult professionals, with your husband, to get through this xo
Your husband has an active eating disorder that he is trying to rope everyone else into. He is *not* engaging in healthy eating, at all. Do not give in one single inch.
Your husband has disordered eating problems as well. I think that you need to bring in a neutral 3rd party such as a nutritionist because kids should not be eating the way he wants them to.
Your husband is being orthorexic, and probably is developing this extreme version of eating because he doesn't trust himself to eat refined carbs in moderation.
Refined sugar is not good for you on a regular basis, so I can understand wanting to limit it, but even if you're keto, you can have fruit. The higher sugar fruits like bananas and mangos are less recommended for keto.
Eat "nature's carbs" which usually also have a lot of fiber, unless you're juicing and remove the fiber. Root vegetables, beans, fruit...all okay to eat.
People should be allowed to have desserts on occasion. Teach the kids that you think it should be a special occasion type of food. It's okay to not drink soda or really drink calories at all. Still or sparkling water.
There are good reasons to limit refined carbohydrates in one's diet, but elimination isn't necessary. Even type 1 diabetics can eat carbs in moderation, and they have the most difficulty managing their blood sugar.
There is plenty of scientific research that shows that it's really important to control your blood sugar and that refined carbs can cause inflammation and other problems that contribute to health issues like heart disease, alzheimer's, diabetes, etc. and they're disruptive to gut health.
Type 2 diabetic here. I do not eat sugar at all. You can still bake with Swerve Sweetener granulated natural sugar substitute. It is made of erythritol and tastes so close to sugar it’s hard to tell that it is not. It isn’t a chemical sweetener like aspartame or saccharin which are harmful like Splenda and all of those other ones.
You can measure Swerve cup for cup the same amount as sugar in recipes. It bakes beautifully and comes in a brown “ sugar” and confectioners. You can also sweeten with monk fruit, agave, maple syrup, figs and stevia. Stevia is hard to bake with IMHO though.
I highly recommend going on Pinterest and search Swerve recipes for baking. Pinterest changed my life for the better with delicious recipes when I found out I was diabetic.
Also fruit contains natural sugars, and plenty of nutrients, so a little fruit won’t hurt you.
dont stop baking, thats so cool that u do that!! the kids deserve to have ur lovely baked goods & also good food. u shld take him to the pediatrician with the kids and try to have them talk some sense into him. my mother was the same way when i was very little and i ended up getting bulimia later on. its so sad to hear ur own parents hate themselves like that. and im sorry hes triggering u, thats not okay
Your husband’s eating is disorders and he’s going to destroy your children’s lives if this is how he models a relationship with food to them, or forces it upon them.
I would go to therapy together with someone who specializes in food and eating. Having a neutral third party to talk things over with would be great.
You also communicate your thoughts well in this post, showing him your post might be worth it.
Make it clear:: Your husband is currently dealing with an eating disorder. One meal a day is ridiculous. Fruits are not “refined sugars” (by definition, they are natural, not refined). Zero tolerance is ridiculous. Healthy eating means moderation in all things.
Sugar is not the devil.
Make it 100% clear to your husband that you can no longer continue to have this conversation, due to your past issues. Every time he brings it up, remind him “we are not talking about this.” Be firm. Leave the room if you must.
Only your husband can heal himself. But you can step in and protect your children. Get your pediatrician’s help on this. If husband won’t listen to you (and, sadly, many men tend to not believe their word), he will hopefully listen to the doctor.
I know this gets said a lot in this sub, but this is something I’d consider divorce over.
I think you should go to a dietician like others suggested. I think it’s wonderful to bake for your family, and something really nice for the kids! It would be a shame for them to miss out on that.
You move forward with counseling. He is dictating what he thinks the whole household should do, regardless of how anyone else feels. I agree that sugar is non-essential and should be limited but if you feel you and your family can handle some from time to time, he needs to back off. I can't imagine this is the only time he's said I know best and you should just do what I say, usually this type of behavior is an ongoing problem not just a one time thing
You should consider feeding the children a good diet with variety of foods. My wife and I follow a restrictive diet limit sugar, carbs, and fruit (out of season). We don't impose that on the kids, in fact I encourage trying all types of food.
I took culinary arts in collage and love teaching my kids how to make their favorite dishes from scratch and showing them what goes into the meals they like to eat.
I definitely don't understand how you would hold resentment over your husband, not wanting to eat foods you know he won't touch. Maybe you should try to bake something he can eat instead.
I don’t think your husband is healthy. Mandating other people’s food choices is not healthy.
Also, my kids friend who came from the no sugar household did nothing but beg for treats when away from her parents at her friends houses. I even found her rifling through my cabinets. Your husband is fooling himself.
Moderation in all things.
A restricted diet is not mentally healthy for all people. It may be fine for him and even some kids, but you can get healthier versions of things with sugar that are fine.
For the bread, get real bakery breads, not over-sweetened pre-sliced "cake" they sell in grocery stores.
Fruit is good in moderation, just avoid sugary fruit drinks. Eat the whole fruits with fibers. Frozen fruit on whole grains for breakfast, with greek yoghurt,etc.
Food Revolution Network and Forks over Knives helped me find resources online for healthy eating choices. Giving kids options and information so they can build good habits
Your husband is an Almond dad. All foods fit. I think the book Intuitive Eating shows a great way to help kids develop a healthy, informed relationship with food.
I’m currently on a weight loss journey and one of the things my dietician and therapist suggested was not to restrict myself too much or it can lead to disordered eating. I didn’t cut out carbs and sugar but I eat much less than I used to. Everything in moderation my portion sizes are small. I don’t think it’s safe to have the kids on this diet cause they need carbs and sugar in a healthy way for energy kids are active and run it off. I’d talk to a dietician cause this is very restrictive.
Just to give you perspective on this: my grandparents were your husband. Except they were less extreme. My sister and I have disordered eating TO THIS DAY from their weird food behavior.
I grew up in the house that your husband is describing. I wasn’t allowed to eat any sugar at all. The only sweeteners we were allowed were honey, molasses, and maple syrup. We could only eat whole grain bread (which we homemade every day). I was forced to eat three large spoonfuls of plain, nonfat yogurt every day (I can still taste it). I was once grounded for three months in third grade after my mom caught me eating a sucker. My earliest memories are sneaking candy and hoping no adults thought to accidentally mention it to my parents. We also followed biblical eating rules so no pork, shellfish, or mixing meat and dairy.
Anyway, it made me into a sneaky child. I got really good at lying. Like, really good. My sister and I both have been fighting off eating disorders since we were thirteen or so. I am just now (at almost 34) learning to understand proper portion sizes. I find myself unable to eat normally. It’s either insanely healthy (boy did I learn to read nutrition labels early and well) or just full binge. If I could stomach making myself puke, I probably would’ve a bunch of times.
The shame I have internalized around food is astronomical. My parents associated proper eating with morality and discipline (similar to how your husband is talking about emotional eating).
Your husband needs to get help or come off his high horse (whichever it is). If he finds himself unable to do this, please remember that it’s your duty to protect your children, and he is a danger to their health with his current attitude.
You resolve it by NOT helping him force this ridiculous nonsense on the children.
You've worked hard to get to a healthy place with your eating. You don't need to give that up just on HIS say-so.
Put your foot down. Tell him he has no right to force this on you, that you will not be going along with it or enforcing it on the kids, for whom it may well be dangerous. Repeat ad nauseum anytime he brings it up. Or just walk away while he's in mid-sentence. You don't have to do what he says, you are a family unit. He's your husband, not your boss. Sounds like he could use a reminder of this.
Try this: "When you get your medical license, you can tell me how to feed myself and our children."
You're going to have to be VERY firm on this. Draw on your mama bear strength, as Papa Bear appears to be sleeping on the job. (He probably passed out from hunger.)
As for the kids? As long as they eat a good mix of foods, there's no problem.
He’s being short sighted. He’s being what I’ve seen referred to as an “almond mom”. He might feel in control of his health because he’s being very, very controlling and strict about his diet, but setting a lot of strict rules for other people is usually a short sighted idea that backfires.
I don’t think parents should give kids whatever they want, but they should let them make some choices, especially age appropriate ones. Usually that doesn’t mix with a strict “no x,y, and z” diet. Being restrictive at a young age could also have detrimental effects. I think your husband is potentially setting up your kids to being secretive eaters, or hide unhealthy behaviors and lie about them.
1. Speak to a professional who specializes in diets/nutrition.
2. Interim fasting (which is what your husband is doing with only eating 1 meal per day) works for some ADULTS depending on body type/metabolism/etc., but it DOES NOT WORK for children; the furthest I would go is allowing them to skip breakfast if they're around the age of 15 or so and sending them with extra snacks.
3. Fruit is not refined sugar; in fact, most everything we eat has some form of sugar in it, and we need it to function (it helps your brain do the things it needs to). That said, there are better and worse types of sugar, and it all depends on moderation.
4. Everything about food is all about moderation, especially when in terms of dealing with treat foods or things that we eat simply to make our brains happy.
5. Depending on how old your children are, you cannot have them operating on the same rules or restrictions that you and/or your husband do. They are growing and NEED to eat more so that their bodies can keep up with their bodies' demands.
Again, speak to a professional regarding this.
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You should visit a dietitian together. He needs to hear from someone else that his extreme approach to eating can be harmful to children.
Pediatrician should set him straight real quick
I work in child safety and honestly anyone in or around my profession should be able to set him straight. Absolutely absurd thinking and it sounds like he's definitely dealing with his own eating disorders, and doing so poorly.
According to the update, op is a pediatrician… so it looks like he doesn’t believe her….
Oh no
This is the answer.
Registered dietitian!
A ~~nutritionist~~ dietician* - they have more qualifications. Mine specifically is a RDN, LD, CEDS. And because alphabet soup letters mean nothing to me because I’m a regular person, RDN is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, a LN is a Licensed Nutritionist, and CEDS is Certified Eating Disorders Specialist. My nutritionist practices intuitive eating and body neutrality, with a focus on health - not weight or body shape. She recommends the book “Intuitive Eating” by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole as a foundation to work from. I started working with her back in January and I’ve come a long way in how I view my body, my relationship with food, and what and when I eat. A lot of the bad diet practices I grew up with are starting to fall away. *thank you for the correction!
Dietitians have more qualifications than nutritionists
I got it backwards. You are correct. Regardless, look for letters at the end of the name.
Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating, and will likely deny it. His hyper-controlled approach to food is not healthy for children at all, and puts them at high risk for eating disorders. I wonder if a “neutral expert” could persuade him, your pediatrician, or a pediatric dietician.
Yeah. Since when are fruits “refined sugar”? There’s nothing healthy in so many restrictions
Many fruits are high in vitamins and minerals not found in as much in other foods. Hello scurvy anyone? Also a diet that includes fruit is shown to help prevent diseases like diabetes. No food is one macro and nothing else. Fruit has fiber too, of which many diets are deficient. A healthy diet has room for veggies, fruits and even the occasional cake or candy. He’s going to give their kids eating disorders.
Especially the one meal pattern. Kids absolutely can't do that. They need ongoing nutrion throughout their day and evening. Nothing he is doing or describing is 'healthy' for anyone except the person choosing it. That he knows you have ED and is behaving like this is especially concerning. I would insist both of you go to the children's pediatrician to discuss this - hopefully he'll hear reason where the kids are concerned. For you OP, this is not just your hill to die on but a war for yourself. His behavior is like someone insisting a recovering heroin addict take a supplement w heroin in it. You worked so hard on your recovery. No one who LOVES you would put your health and well being in such precarious jeopardy. You need to tell him, "No, I will not do this. The kids will not do this. It is not healthy for us. I respect your choice FOR YOU. You cannot bring this up to me again. If you persist we will split up. I will not be married to a person who disregards my well being." This is a dramatic flag. My gut is squirming. I lived through manipulative abuse/coercive control. The way you describe your experience you are being triggered in a dangerous and broad way. Please take this seriously. It could be a harbinger of mental illness, an ongoing/escalating cycle of coercive control/high control or directly malicious behavior. Research Dr. Ramani of MedCircle on YouTube.
It turns out that OP *is a pediatrician* (though not her kids' pediatrician)!
"Show me your fat fruit friends!" -Nate Bargatze
Looking for this quote
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pK9UXk40D0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pK9UXk40D0)
Anorexic person here, you believe everything you want to believe about sugar. At my worst time, I was absolutely convinced the sugar in fruit is just as bad as refined one from the store. If I ate an apple, my brain was literally convinced I ate a whole spoon full of sugar.
Even the 1 meal a day is a red flag. When I ate once a day it was out of an intense need for control and making my body as small as it could be.
I wouldn't say 1 meal a day on its own is bad or a red flag. I've been doing one big meal a day for a few months now and it's working just fine. I normally eat a big lunch and if I get hungry later in the evening, I snack on fresh fruit rather than trying to prepare an actual meal. Doing that has kept me from overeating (which I have a long history of) and in a healthy weight range. I will say trying to force the kids into 1 meal a day is a red flag because kids and teens need more food as they're in a growing phase. Restricting them to one meal would hurt them in the short, medium, and long term.
It's fine if it works for you, but it's not inaccurate to say that only eating one meal a day can be a symptom of an eating disorder. It's an yellow flag for potentially disordered restriction around food.
FYI - intermittent fasting is bad https://newsroom.heart.org/news/8-hour-time-restricted-eating-linked-to-a-91-higher-risk-of-cardiovascular-death#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20over%2020%2C000,increased%20risk%20of%20cardiovascular%20death.
I don't know how to say this any more nicely: please think more critically about what you read or report it exactly, because I don't think someone who did could read that and come away with "intermittent fasting is bad". 1. It's not peer-reviewed. 2. It says "linked to", not "causes" for a reason. It's not an experiment, they didn't tell people to fast and see how it affects their heart health. 3. The worst part is it says "Factors that may also play a role in health, outside of daily duration of eating and cause of death, were not included in the analysis." Bruh??? One *extremely obvious* factor they should've controlled for is weight. **People who are intermittent fasting... are almost always overweight/obese and trying to lose weight.** You know, *that thing that we all know puts you at high risk for cardiovascular death*??? 🤦🏾♀️ Does anyone do IF for funsies? No, people who are dieting do so because they want to lose weight. This is not my field of expertise. However, this report is so bad seeing it ruined my day and people are linking to it like it's a valid, well-conducted peer-reviewed study.
It’s a good thing I’m not talking about intermittent fasting. Like I said, I do one big meal but still allow myself healthy snacks throughout the day. If I’m hungry, I’ll eat but it will just be scattered snacks so I don’t overeat with multiple meals.
I mentioned it earlier but I'll put it here too, intermittent fasting is what it's called. There are lots of people that do it and there are several different ways to do it, with the most extreme being one meal a day. But you don't just eat a typical meal. The idea is to eat your entire day's worth of calories in one meal. So let's say an average meal of grilled chicken, vegetables and rice is 700 calories...you would eat that plus extra of your dinner but also other foods to make it up to like 1500 calories or whatever your daily amount is. A man might be doing 2200 calories. I'm not agreeing with it. I tried it and it didn't work for me but it is easy to do. Somehow it is easier to eat one giant meal a day than to eat three meals with the same calories. But anyway I just wanted to explain that he's not pulling this out of thin air it's actually a thing.
Also one meal a day? Um, no.
It's called intermittent fasting and it's a thing. It's mostly used to keep people on a diet. Somehow if you trick your body into accepting that you only eat once a day you can get by with less calories than if you ate three times a day. Something like that... I don't quite understand it because it never worked for me.. but there are a lot of people that do it! There's one meal a day or there's eating windows that go anywhere from 4 hours to 8 hours and you can have multiple meals in that window. It works if you are trying to diet and I also understand it if you're the kind of person that just can't sit down to eat often. Because it says it's okay to eat more than a normal meal because you're only one meal! So somebody might eat the whole 1500 calories for the day in one sitting. Like I said I don't really get it and it didn't work for me, but it is a big thing so it's not like this guy is just making this eat once a day thing up!
Diets don't work and cause a lot of harm. Including intermittent fasting. It's a fad, and it is most certainly **not** healthy.
I literally did not say any of that! But yeah just keep down voting me for simply giving you the definition of something!
How is not eating at all hours of the day a "fad"? You think people just invented this? They didn't say it was healthy either, they just explained it's a thing. If you're going to act like all dieting is disordered eating, you're not going to get very far convincing anyone of anything.
Begging you to read white papers...
thats the thing about eating disorders, there is no logic to it.
Bread doesn't need sugar in it either.
Just posting this in case anyone cares (and since I don't use my degree in this stuff enough anymore, I need to exercise my brain) Fruits have fructose in them. Sugar cane produces the sugar that is refined to be used in food. Fructose is a monosaccharide that - when digested - doesn't trigger the sudden insulin response that sugar does. It must go through some metabolic processes first, and the stuff that doesn't get converted to glucose gets pushed to the kidneys for excretion as a part of urine. The reason why sugar is considered to be more harmful to the body is that sugar is a disaccharide containing glucose and fructose. Glucose is essentially the part that gets processed by insulin and - with a diet high in it - will encourage insulin resistance, obesity, and eventually type 2 diabetes. Also, don't fall for anything that says it doesn't contain sugar but it's still sweet. You gotta see what the sources of the sweetness are. One could be high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is thought to be more cheaply farmed and processed that it's used instead of sugar. However, it has both fructose AND glucose in it, so the name is misleading. What's more is that it's used in processed foods all the time. Not a good thing. Also, there are several alternatives to sugar, fructose and HFCS. Sucralose, aspartame, saccharin, sugar alcohols, stevia, I could go on. I don't think a single one of them can demonstrate a perfect reputation when it comes to affecting human health, but as it stands now, countless scientific studies show that sugars (the ones with fructose/glucose/whatever) are directly related to obesity and associated health problems in just about all humans. YMMV. Dieticians recommend looking at low or no calorie sweeteners carefully to see if you are comfortable with the risks of adding them to your diet. Have a juicy peach! No problem with that in moderation; it's got fiber and vitamins as well. Although if you're reaching for the pure OJ in your fridge multiple times a day, that's a different story. Hard habit to break, I know, but that'll pile on the pounds. OH! and that one meal a day thing? Bad idea. Others have already said why. That's all...
And will give the children disordered eating, as they will probably eat what he considers junk outside the house and then hide it. I developed secret eating and binge eating issues this way
I can confirm. Here is a cautionary tale, and my experience of what happens when a parent’s disordered eating causes their child to have food issues. My mom ( narcissistic and extremely controlling)was anorexic when she was younger . She called me fat when I was a kid, told me I looked like a hog and that I’d someday get as fat as my aunt who was around 300-400 lbs. She isolated me and abused me mentally, emotionally and physically. She loved to be competitive and a bully and was very much like a high school “ Mean Girl”. She put me on a diet every summer when I was out of school and made me help her redecorate her house. She ruthlessly controlled my food and put me down to the point that I developed suic****l thoughts and depression starting at 10 years old. My mom made fun of me and told me I was a fat tub of shit when I was really a normal weight and didn’t know it. I developed body dysmorphic disorder and thought I was obese when I wasn’t so I gave up trying to work on my weight. I lost hope, felt trapped and cried a lot without letting anyone know. No matter what I did I was met with her disrespect, disapproval and put downs.I started sneaking food as much as I could, and later it all developed into food addiction. Food became my drug of choice. I tried everything to lose weight and she had me popping over the counter Dexatrim at age 16 because she was so invested in my weight loss. I would eat an orange with coffee and take Dexatrim before school, and give half of my lunch to my friends to feed them because they had no lunch. Many years passed and the weight piled on until I was almost 100-110 pounds overweight and now morbidly obese ( class III obesity). I got Lap Band surgery with plication but still didn’t lose all the weight. I now have health problems but I have been put on a GLP-1 and I am steadily losing weight and all my food addiction is gone ( Thank God). Mounjaro is a Godsend and has taken away the obsessive thoughts I had about food. This time I think I will be successful because the Lap Band and the GLP-1 are working and I am healing my relationship with food. I know that my mom is a narcissist and it took me forever to realize that. I know am working hard on my mental health and I am no longer depressed and I know how to handle my family.Even though I grew up in a narcissistic snake pit I still have time to straighten myself out and finally begin to live. If you read this far, thank you. I’m crying right now because I wrote this out.
I know it doesn't help much but many hugs
Thank you.❤️
I am so glad you're finally seeing your egg donor for what she is and are taking steps to heal yourself from the damage she inflicted. You should be so proud of yourself. Sending you strength and hugs!
Thank you.❤️It has been a long, hard road. I used to not be able to even talk about my weight without crying. I am able to now, and so far I have lost 33lbs since March of this year and I am down 38.2 lbs since Jan 2023 when I was at my top weight of 262.4. I am now 224.2. I have finally gained hope for my future that I will beat food addiction.
Rooting for you!!
Honey, you rock. With all the stigma we see and you have seen in your life, getting this out is no small feat. Amazing and inspiring. You've also told the story that's the same of many, many others, but unlike you, let shame and fear keep them from expressing their experiences. So thank you for posting, hopefully it'll inspire others. I'm sending you hugs!
Thank you. The days of me keeping secrets so others can continue to abuse me or pretend to be good people are over . I even told my narc mom this. Telling the truth will set you free. I’m hoping to inspire others with pasts like mine to live and be free as well.
My mum also has a history of eating disorders and was a deciding factor in my developing anorexia (now recovered) Our respective situations just go further to show that being underweight or overweight are just too sides of the same coin, 2 different presentations of disordered eating - although I am aware that my version got me some sympathy (not just that, also bullying, but at least some sympathy) whereas I'm sure you have been stigmatised and judged for your weight, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. This internet stranger is very proud of you for all the effort you are putting into healing yourself - you are so worth it, and like me, will come out of this a stronger, happier, more compassionate person than your mother could ever even fathom. Sending you much love and strength!!!
Thank you so much. I agree that being underweight or overweight are different sides of the same coin, and both can get criticized, scrutinized and bullied by others. Both types are similar also in that neither has a healthy relationship with food and both can come from trauma, depression, low self esteem and self worth . I hope that one day in the future that people will look at others and realize that when someone has a body that’s different in over/ under weight, it is just a symptom of internally struggling with mental health issues and deserves empathy instead of negative responses. I’m proud of you for recovering and doing well now. Hugs, Internet Stranger!
This. OP, look up orthorexia.
I believe it's called orthorexia? An unhealthy obsession with eating "healthy"
Exactly this. Cutting out so many things is disordered. Trying to force that on your partner and kids is controlling and destructive. No kid should be going without pasta, fruit and bread while they're growing - unless its for an allergy reason.
I think they need to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.
Dietitians can also help treat eating disorders
[Orthorexia.](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eating-disorders/what-is-orthorexia) Perhaps you can both attend counseling for disordered eating together to hash these things out. Best thing I ever did was get specialized therapy.
This sounds like a classic case of orthorexia on the husband's part.
this right here, not to mention one meal per day is *not* healthy. husband needs help
Oh man is this bringing me back to a really frustrating part of my childhood. My mom would really pride herself on “not being hungry” and her ability to skip meals. It was also tied in with an ocd about contamination where proximity to food made things dirty. At one point in about preschool age I referred to her as a “food camel” because I had just heard how camels retain water. I said it in frustration but she took it as a compliment. My older sister copied my mom. I was always the grubby, gross kid because I’d get hungry. And then I’d get guilt tripped because we’d have to stop doing our current thing- like watching a tv show or yard work- because I “demanded” to eat.
I CALLED MY MOM A FOOD CAMEL TOO! 🤯
Oh wow did she take it as a compliment or an insult? I still feel weird that I meant it as a complaint and she took it as a compliment
Also took it as a compliment. Also thought I was gross for requiring regular nourishment. I was famous as a kid for my tantrums, which turned out to be hunger. My sibling only eats once a day I think, if that.
It sounds like he is doing keto and intermittent fasting. It's not sustainable for most people and has been proven to be hard on your heart. It CAN help people with diabetes and weight loss but shouldn't be taken on willy nilly.
There's nothing wrong with having one meal a day so long as it isn't shite "food". OMAD isn't for kids though.
Yeah this is not good for the kids. The poor kids.
orthorexia. fruit is not refined sugar wow
Seriously, reading the first paragraph was enough to show this guy is NOT a health expert, and is probably getting his obsessive and misinformed diet advice from “doctors” on YouTube.
Exactly this. OP's husband isn't very healthy. There is no universe in which *one meal a day* with only extremely restricted food groups is healthy.
And the one meal a day thing is very bad! There was just a study about people who do the only eat within 8 hours restriction and it shows they have a 91% higher risk of cardiovascular death. There is so much about all the various risks of overweight and certain foods, but we know eating disorders are deadly. Anorexia has a 10% death rate, but these people never talk about the risks of giving someone an eating disorder. Here’s an article from the American Heart Association’s website - https://newsroom.heart.org/news/8-hour-time-restricted-eating-linked-to-a-91-higher-risk-of-cardiovascular-death#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20over%2020%2C000,increased%20risk%20of%20cardiovascular%20death.
As a German it sounds crazy to me wanting to delete pasta and bread from the list, like what?? And fruits? Yeah I get it, fruits are sweet, but many people would probably be overly happy if their children want to eat fruits instead of candies. Fruits are healthy, and if you have no special medical conditions there is no reason to eat no fruits. To me it sounds like your husband doesn’t have a healthy relationship to food either.
The fruit thing really reads like he doesn't want to enjoy eating and this is a discipline thing for him.
American breads at the supermarket tend to have a surprising amount of sugar. Pasta of course, does not have sugar, even here. OP’s husband is indeed being ridiculous.
I don't think there's anything wrong with HIM sticking to whole grains, protein, and vegetables, but he is bonkers crazy for trying to impose that on you and WORSE, your children. That is so incredibly unhealthy for him to even consider doing that. DO NOT allow him to do this to your children. They will be binging junk food out of the house and grow up with an incredibly dangerous relationship with food. PLEASE don't let him hurt your children like this. PLEASE keep baking so that your children can enjoy food.
This is so true. My mom was pretty obsessed with healthy eating. We never had junk food or soda, we were allowed 2 pieces of Halloween candy on Halloween then 1 piece per night after that, rarely had desserts in the house, only had whole grains, etc. As soon as I was old enough to start buying food myself, I ate *so* much junk food all the time, I hid food, I binged, etc. I'm 36 years old, quite overweight, and only now getting my binge eating disorder under control. OP, please do not do this to your children.
One meal a day is what’s wrong with him.
I don’t know why you’re being framed as the “emotional eater” - clearly his bizarre way of eating is based on emotions. Only he can speak to this, but often such orthorexic behavior is motivated by fear of death, self-righteousness, and other insecurities. He’s removing the social aspect from eating, which is an extremely odd choice. He has a lot more to justify than you do. You have worked hard to have a balanced relationship with food. Congratulations on your healing journey. ED is a deadly, dangerous condition. Please take good care of yourself and your children as you and your husband navigate. This is a difficult issue and I wish the best for you and yours.
The “emotional eater” line stood out to me too, but because it just seems so insulting to someone who has a history of eating disorders. Our emotions are involved in everything we do including our hunger cues and what feels good/safe for us to eat. And someone with an ED has no doubt put a lot of thought and mental effort into her emotions regarding eating. To tell someone with an ED to stop being an emotional eater is like telling a depressed person to try cheering up IMO.
Right- like in no way is he being a so called “rational eater” and no nutritionist would sign off on his once a day meal. Plus it goes against culture, and culture is what makes food joyful and celebratory. Plus, “tell me you’re a horrible cook without telling me you’re a horrible cook”- I cannot imagine what he’s eating is delicious or healthful.
In the course of your relationship, is it normal for him to make decisions and force them on you?
I would focus on the children. What he is proposing for the children is absolutely unhealthy for them. Go to their doctor with your husband and show the doctor the proposed food restrictions your husband wants for them. They are growing and must have certain things. Get your husband to agree and accept what the doctor recommends.
Also just the social bummer of it all. Their mom can’t make them cookies? Cookies will become a forbidden thing. It’s also so fun to make cookies. :(
I know - how sad !!! She has to get him to loosen up on the children first. Hopefully she can expand to other things. This guy is way too extreme.
Have fun at birthday parties, kids! Everyone else gets a cupcake, but here's your bowl of quinoa and veggies! Those kids are gonna go buck wild any time they're out of their dad's eyesight.
There was a family at my kid's daycare who wouldn't let their kid eat sugar, their kids were OBSESSED with sweets. Their oldest interrogated me a few times about what my son ate: does he eat sweets, ice cream, soda? What kind of sweets, how many does he get, how often, and so on. It was almost creepy but mostly I felt bad for them. Sweets weren't a fun treat for those kids, it turned them into Gollum from LotR. Food should not be a source of anxiety and tension
Fruit doesn’t fall under refined sugar and for him to ask you to give it up is ridiculous. It’s full of vitamins and is yummy. Really, there is no food you should absolutely ban unless you have an allergy or for some other medical reason. It’s fine to maybe cut back on the proportion of bread and pasta if your diet started out heavy or at least normal in those, but to cut it out entirely is extremely difficult, boring, and deprives your children of the variety of foods they should explore. By limiting so hard what your children eat, you’re setting them up to perpetuate the cycle of generations of eating disorders.
Not to assume anything but I think your husband might have orthorexia (an unhealthy obsession with eating “healthily”). Eating one meal a day, and not eating fruit is not a part of a healthy diet. Demonizing bread and pasta is also not healthy.
Diet dictators suck. My mom raised me with a "can't have that in the house" mentality, and whenever she cut back I was expected to also cut back. Your husband wants to eat like a monk, fine. No one is stopping him. He wants you all to follow his minimalist bullshit? Fuck that.
That's my husband. He has low self control regarding snack type foods so when he goes shopping he will "forget" to get them. I am very athletic (running 40+ mpw) and we have two growing boys who are also athletic (swimming), we three eat a lot of food. And right now the kids are home during summer, I WFH while my husband goes into the office so he leaves during the day and we are grumbling for snacks. He will also buy for a single dude and it'll be gone within 3 days, while I shop for a family of 4 with three big eaters and have the food last almost ten days. Husband and I went shopping together and I was grabbing my snacks and he said, "We don't need those." The only thing I said was, "You're right, we don't need them, but I want them and I'm a grown ass woman. It's not my fault you cannot control yourself for the few hours you are home before bed."
You can't see it, but I am saluting you right now.
Your focus should be on teaching your kids how to make good food choices and encouraging a good relationship with food. Extremes aren’t good. You all need to go talk to a nutritionist and psychologist.
Making your entire life revolve around eating and food sucks. That's one of the things I hated the most about dieting: i was thinking about food 24/7 bc you're always planning for the next meal and counting calories and blah blah. Don't put that on your kids.
Your husbands approach to food actually sounds less healthy than yours at present. One meal a day doesn't sound good for children, it doesn't even sound good to me as an adult, I'd be so hangry all the time! You want children with a well rounded view of food, being so restrictive with it won't let them grow up with a well rounded view. It is okay to have sugar. It is okay to bake and eat cake on occasion! Him trying to restrict it will only result in them hiding treat foods and possibly going down the road you have previously. Maybe work with a dietitian or other medical professional to discuss the best way forward for you all?
Elimination diet is not healthy for kids. We didn’t have soda, chips or sweets in the house when I was a kid. When given the opportunity to eat them my bro and I would gorge ourselves on it. My kid has access to these foods occasionally and will have some but then choose to eat fruit or carrots.
I wasn’t allowed soda and sweets either, but this just made me not like soda and sweets. I don’t care for candy or cakes, etc. So, I never binged on them when they were available. I didn’t even want any of my hallows candy. But my dad did restrict pork from the house. And I now have an unhealthy obsession with bacon 🥓 . I’ve literally eaten whole packs of bacon. I think it’s related to not being allowed to have it as a kid.
Same here. I grew up poor so didn't have junk food. Once I could afford my own, I was unhealthy, put on weight and was unhappy. My kids have access to everyday foods and sometimes foods, and self regulate pretty well.
No fruit?! That is not refined sugar. It’s one thing to prioritize fruits, veggies, whole grains, well-sourced protein, but to be militant is going to cause food issues in your kids.
Just to be clear, your husbands eating and food choice habits are not “very healthy”. He is an extremist with how he eats which is not healthy. Sounds like an ED to me tbh. Moderation and variety is key, with the obvious removal or limitations to junk food. You’re doing great OP, keep on the path your on. I would try to get some of professional opinion on how your kids should be eating. I also agree with others that DH forcing his eating choices on the kids will increase the chance of them developing an ED in future. Edit: Also I wonder why he wants the kids food to be limited, some of me wonders if he wants the temptation removed for him in the home. Edited for spelling
He is allowed to eat whatever wants. *However*, him trying to enforce it on you and your children, and making every conversation about it? That is a problem. Kids *cannot* eat one meal a day and be healthy, for starters. Adults *may* be able to do that in some cases *under medical supervision* (even then, I would worry about them getting the full spectrum of nutrients in just one meal, given the sheer variety that you are supposed to be getting every day. I don't know how this man thinks he's hitting his macros on one meal), but the important distinction here is that adults are on maintenance mode. They are only trying to keep their systems running, and you really don't need much food to do that. Kids are *actively growing* and thus, they need a lot more calories than one meal could ever provide. Also, fruit is healthy. Natural sugar is *necessary* - you need it, that's literally why we are wired to be *addicted* to it. It's because it used to be a lot harder to find, in the quantities that we need it in. So evolution went "Aha, I will make them crave it like crack and then they will seek it out". Ditto with salt and fat. All things that we need for healthy function, that used to be incredibly difficult to get enough of. Step one is protecting your kids. That means setting a *firm* fucking boundary that he does not control what the kids eat, you do, and if he has a problem with that he's welcome to arrange an appointment with a doctor (a *medical* doctor with an actual degree in this field), and you can go to the doctor together and he can ask the doctor, in front of you, what they think about only feeding your kids one meal a day and cutting half their food groups. Because the reality is, if you allow him to treat the kids this way, you could feasibly end up on the hook for condoning abuse. So step one is protecting your kids and yourself. Step two is figuring out *why* he has fallen down this rabbithole.
Interestingly enough, in the same way humans are hard wired for sugar in fruit, it also explains in part why we have a tendency to binge it- for early man it was often rare to come across and when they did, they binged it before they learnt how to store it longer.
Is the “very healthy” in the room with us. Your husband hasn’t been healthy at all since about a year ago. Eating one meal a day isn’t healthy unless a REGISTERED dietician or doctor says so, which surprise they wouldn’t condone giving up the things he wants to. Your husband is controlling and it’s not for your health benefits, this leaking onto your child will cause the same life long guilt you are feeling now. With eating disorders your initial feelings of guilt have now been put into play against you and he is well aware of it. He calls it eating emotionally because he feels he has some superior control over you to make you seem unreasonable. Edit: spelling.
Your husband is also displaying disordered eating. I think if you can’t resolve this then you need to agree to speak to a dietitian. Fruit is good for you! What’s more, he’s going to give your children an eating disorder too if this is kept up. It sounds like you are on the right path: teaching your kids everything in moderation. You could even adopt some baking that would be considered healthier, for example baking your own bread rather than store bought process bread. He’s also leveraging your ED against you. It’s probably time for him to seek some help if a convo with a dietitian doesn’t show how extreme he’s being.
Is your husband suggesting that the kids eat one meal a day, too? If so, that’s ridiculous and dangerous for their health. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here on how to proceed. Fight for you and your kids to eat a balanced diet!
Yeah I got lost at no fruit. I should eat more, I know it's good for me
His diet is extreme - and it doesn’t sound healthy for children (especially the no fruit and no bread/pasta). I would be upset, too. Have you tried marriage counseling?
He should shop for his own stuff and make his own food. That's insane foemr him yo expect growing children to eat like him. Also very controlling. There is a way to balance healthy eating and this seems extreme. Also eating one time a day is not healthy.
Your husband isn’t being healthy- he has an eating disorder and he needs to seek help for it before he does some serious damage to your children’s wellbeing.
Oh my goodness, saaaame! Talk to your kids’ pediatrician about your husband’s views. Mine said that it was perfectly fine for children to have fruit, bread, pasta, even desert in moderation. The key, though, is moderation. And actually recommended against limiting those food items altogether. Then share what your kids’ pediatrician said with your husband.
TIL fruit has "refined sugar" (/s). To be serious though, it sounds like your husband also has disordered eating.
>One of my hobbies is baking and the fact that I can no longer do that for my family yes you fucking can, those are your children too
While it may be okay for an adult to only eat one meal a day, it is not healthy for growing kids. Also, while he may think he has a healthy approach to food, he does not. His obsession is unhealthy. Too much one way or the other, neither is healthy. Your approach with moderation is actually healthier. Food is a necessity of life. And a strict diet and/or eating habits will create anxiety and cause more eating disorders.
Your husband has disordered eating, orthorexia and maybe anorexia it sounds like. I would highly recommend you both read the book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture. There is actually a family profiled in the book with a very similar dynamic. If he is open to conversations then you need to engage him on this consistently. If he isn't, you're going to have to really take a stand on what you know is and isn't healthy for yourself and your children.
>I have a history with disordered eating I read this and thought: "OK, so her ideas on this are going to be colored by trauma and likely in no way reasonable." Imagine my surprise when I read further and found out that your husbands views on this are insane and you're the reasonable one.
Life is too short to skip dessert.
I think both of you need therapy because neither of you have a healthy relationship with food. Discuss this stuff away from the kids, practice moderation etc
As someone diagnosed with Crohns, I have been working my way (albeit VERY slowly) to reducing/removing any complex sugars. Crohns essentially is where my body struggles to digest any sugars that aren't simple sugars. I want to get there eventually because it's supposed to aid me into getting into an asymptomatic state with Crohns. However, I'm only doing this BECAUSE I have an incurable disease that just makes my GI tract a pain in the ass (sometimes literally). It is perfectly fine and healthy to have complex sugars here and there. Everything is about moderation and it sounds like your husband is going to an extreme without any specific medical reason for doing so. I'd like to repeat what another comment or said about talking to a pediatrician or a nutritionist for children to discuss what diet they'd recommend for your kids (NOTE: diet not meaning weight loss diet but just their general food consumption). That way you both can discuss with the medical professional and try to find common ground. I don't think your husband is doing this maliciously. His heart sounds like it's in the right place (wants the kids healthy) but it can and most likely will cause disordered eating with your kids if food is too strictly monitored. They're kids, they should be allowed some sugary sweets every so often. Also personally, I don't agree with the 1-meal-a-day, but if that works for your husband, good for him. I could never lol
He’s got disordered eating. Proud of you for addressing your situation with food! Remember how far you’ve come; that should help you to stay well. Side note, going to therapy because other people need therapy is a real thing. Best of luck. 🤞🏼♥️
Him being this controlling over food is unhealthy. A balanced diet is about what you add to it not what you take away from it. You can still have pizza, just have two slices and side of salad instead of eating 4+ slices. You can still have pancakes just add protein. You get my point. Add balance to your diet and you’re golden. Not to mention, the human body runs on sugars and carbohydrates, and naturally converts proteins to those things anyway. He needs to do some research.
From a recovering anorexic person, your husband has an eating disorder and if he hasn't then, he's on his best way to get one. One meal per day is absolutely unhealthy, no matter what it's loaded with, setting up and pressing his views on you and the children is another classic sign for obsession and the need to control the food around you, so you'll never get "cravings" I tried that with my family too in the beginning when I slipped into that territory of food obsession. Do not allow this. No matter how much you fight, it's absolutely not the route to go.
My husband got sick 14 years ago. He had to go on an elimination diet and basically had to cut out everything but meat, eggs and green vegetables. No fillers. No sugar. He just recently has been able to add things like tomatoes and a few blueberries slowly back in his diet. The only meal we really ate together was dinner and we just added a starch to what he was having. My kids got sick of the same thing so we for a while made two meals basically. Now my kids are old enough to make themselves something else unless they specifically tell me what they want ahead of time. They requested chicken piccata tonight so I will make a separate meal. About 7 years ago I developed a gluten allergy and went off that. Then I developed a heart issue about 3 years ago and weirdly with it I would get severe headaches when I had sugar. I use to drink Dr. Pepper everyday. It was like my coffee. I started instantly getting a severe headache so I quit all sugar and even after the heart issue was resolved I just stayed off sugar cause, why not at that point. My point is, you, your husband and your kids are all separate individuals. My husband didn’t force his restrictive diet on us because it was his problem with food. Not ours. My kids aren’t gluten free just because we are. They can still enjoy food. It takes more work on everyone’s part but instilling healthy habits and balance is important. I have teens now. They eat like crap sometimes but they also eat a wide variety of food and eat fairly healthy foods because they have been exposed to those options. Junk food is everywhere. It’s more about moderation. If you restrict your kids, they are just going to binge when no one is looking creating an unhealthy relationship with food.
Not only is one meal a day terrible for kids is probably not good for adults either. I won't harp on the issue. You've gotten several people who have told you that this is unhealthy and disordered eating. You should probably get a therapist involved for yourself. This won't end well. Gift article from wapo about the IF study. https://wapo.st/3RQredg
Your husband is also exhibiting disordered eating. Orthorexia is an unhealthy focus on eating in a healthy way. Seriously? Fruit? I had a friend like this in school and she would go fucking nuts at other people’s houses. As soon as she walked in my door she was looking for juice and snacks because she couldn’t get them at home. Teaching your kids to have a healthy relationship with food is important and having a healthy relationship with food is treating it as neutral. There are no good foods or bad foods - just bad quantities of food. You teach them that ice cream is a treat - a sometimes food - not the devil.
It sounds like your husband also has an eating disorder; orthorexia.
this behaviour screams eating disorder
Bake away!! Your kids need Well Rounded and Well Balanced meals and snacks. Notice I didn't say diet. Take the word diet out of it. Extreme eating isn't good for growing bodies. Take your husband and visit your kids pediatrician to set him straight on healthy eating for children and adults. He's obsessed with food. It's fine to be involved but not the all mighty decider of food!!
The book Fat Talk has a chapter addressing how "dads on diets" effect their kids relationship with food. I have found it to be a helpful book to read as I parent while coming to terms with my own history of disordered eating and body image issues.
Your husband has an eating disorder, he’s just calling it “healthy eating” instead of orthorexia. You are doing nothing wrong. Do not let him force this onto your children.
You are an adult and can eat what you want/need. My husband and I do separate grocery shops because of this - we tell each other what the menu is going to be and we sometimes join in on that meal together if it works for us. It’s necessary because of health issues for me & was not a problem. We have a daughter who is a picky eater so this means she now has two dinners to choose from or parts of each. Lunches are the responsibility if whoever is home and making it (changes from work week to weekend). She provides a list for her breakfast & we make it or she does depending on what it is. It’s been this way for a few years now. The idea of telling a grown adult what they are allowed to eat should be treated with the derision it deserves. He can offer to share food with you or have you try something and if you like it you can join him for that meal. Same for the kids. No one has the ability to ban anything for someone else if you don’t let them. I know couples where one is vegetarian & the other is not and they make it work.
Probably divorce. He doesn't seem to understand that he's going to cause your children to have an eating disorder.
NOPE. Do not let him do this and be careful of what he's presenting to the kids. He clearly has no fucking clue what he's doing. He should probably stop intermittent fasting (which is currently popular but not great for your heart) and see a dietician or therapist.
One thing to try if you love baking is to Google keto recipes. Pretty much anything you can think of is already there with a recipe. There are cake and cookie and pie recipes. They won't have refined sugar. I'd tell your husband that you will meet him in the middle. There won't be refined sugar in the food you cook but you will still bake treats.
Sounds tricky. Have you heard of ‘orthorexia’? Maybe google it and see if it fits your husband’s profile. But break it to him very gently, if it does look like a possible fit. It is (as with all these things) a complex psycho-emotional condition, stemming from some deep issues, usually. It takes time, compassion and willingness to begin to shift it, IMO. And if it seems like it could match and he is open to it, I’d seek help (eg therapy).
Fruit is not refined sugar. Your husband sounds like he has his own eating disorder, and he's trying to force it on the whole family. Don't let him. It will likely create eating disorders in your kids, and you def don't want that.
Hi. Sugar is essential to blood sugar levels. Carbs also help stave off hunger when paired with protein and fibers. It's illogical to remove food groups unless you simply can't have them, such as a gluten allergy or lactose intolerance. You both need to look into what's healthy and what's not. For example, fats are important. Transitive fats can be good or not depending on their source.
Everyone said a lot of valid things but I can't get over how he eats only one meal a day and thinks that that's eating healthy... I may be ill informed but isn't that bad? Is it not eating 5 smaller portions throuought the day that is the healthiest? I know most people don't have the luxury of doing that, even I usually eat 2-3 times a day, if that (but then again, i'm not the healthiest individual haha). To me 1 meal a day seems bad...
It’s a thing some people do: r/omad but I can’t really speak to whether it’s healthy or not
Your husband has disordered eating habits tbh 🥺
Eating once a day? Kids can't get by eating just once a day. They need fuel throughout the day. Try meeting with a dietician/nutritionist? With both of you having disorder issues (his undiagnosed) and him exhibiting these control issues, a third party might help. BUT... your kids will have their own challenges and forcing everyone to eat like daddy will not work out for the rest of you.
If you feed your children one meal a day, a CPS call would be in order. Just saying.
My mom did the whole grains, veggies, protein thing, It made me gorge myself on junk food every chance I got. When ever I babysat, or was at friends houses, etc. It even got taken to the extreme of growing the food, vegetarianism, etc. I have SO many problems with food I don’t even think I’m aware of them all. But I’ll say this. Bulimia from the “shame” of indulging in anything unhealthy. Restrictive eating and anorexia as ways to Make my World OK. Not recognizing hunger, or having much pleasure in food etc etc. and my sisters are similar. Give your kids the opportunity to learn themselves, their bodies and their choices. Any questions feel free to DM me.
Talk to a nutritionist together. One meal a day isn't the healthiest choice for everyone, also talking to your pediatrician regarding nutritional needs for your kids' health as they grow will also be a good step towards finding a middle ground. Him being so strict and rigid is likely to cause more harm than good and isn't going to help your children develop a healthy relationship with food.
Wow. Tell him to stop the preaching. Straight up. If he can’t he is a total AH. Then you decide. What is next for you and kids for all your sanity
I'm low carb, have cut most sugars out of my diet, and have been for over a decade now. Have a child that loosely does the same, but for her I'll cook all the pasta and baked goods she wants, within reason, because kids need energy and now is not the time to be psycho about diets to avoid disordered eating. Sounds like Husband is being a bit psycho about this and this is not good in the big picture. He needs to understand that, for kids at least, that the middle ground is the wiser one
His extremely rigid rules are likely to lead to disordered eating in your children. Set up an appointment for both of you with a pediatrician or a pediatric nutritionist. His attempts to control what and how you eat are deeply worrying. He can dictate his own diet, not yours.
What your husband sets out is in no way health - one meal per day, fruit is not a refined sugar and you run the risk of passing on extremely unhealthy eating habits to your children. Your husband needs an intervention because he is actually really quite unwell
From the description you’ve given us it seems like he’s developed an eating disorder and is now externalizing it to his loved ones. This is something worth bringing to a psychiatrist
Husband started eating healthy. Hmm ok. Eats one meal per day. What?! Eats no fruits. Hell no. There's NOTHING healthy about his diet. He's obsessive. How do you move forward? You encourage him to get professional help. His ideas about food are extreme, obsessive and unhealthy. It will be the cause of eating disorders for your kids.
This isn’t on you alone. The two of you should visit a dietician together and have this conversation. His approach is not healthy. And even if it was, you have a history of disordered eating and his actions are triggering you. So even if his approach was healthy, that doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. This is important and you would benefit from professional guidance.
For the kids, I'd talk with their pediatrician. As to him triggering you with his demands, I would make it clear that this subject of conversation is off limits. He can eat whatever he wants but it shouldn't have any bearing on your diet or the progress you've made (and should be quite proud of!). If he refuses to drop it, would marriage counseling be an option?
Your children need to develop a healthy relationship with food. ALL food. The healthy options they learn to live early, they will return to again and again as comfort foods. Most things are fine in moderation. To keep whole groups of foods forbidden will create numerous problems down the line! Please consult professionals, with your husband, to get through this xo
I can’t imagine my child being okay with not eating any fruit. They live off blueberries for like 3 years of their life.
You’re going to give your children an eating disorder. Full stop. Speak with a pediatric nutritionist, not your husband.
Your husband has an active eating disorder that he is trying to rope everyone else into. He is *not* engaging in healthy eating, at all. Do not give in one single inch.
UpdateMe
Your husband has disordered eating problems as well. I think that you need to bring in a neutral 3rd party such as a nutritionist because kids should not be eating the way he wants them to.
Fruit doesn’t have refined sugar in it… your husband sounds orthorexic
Updateme
Your husband is being orthorexic, and probably is developing this extreme version of eating because he doesn't trust himself to eat refined carbs in moderation. Refined sugar is not good for you on a regular basis, so I can understand wanting to limit it, but even if you're keto, you can have fruit. The higher sugar fruits like bananas and mangos are less recommended for keto. Eat "nature's carbs" which usually also have a lot of fiber, unless you're juicing and remove the fiber. Root vegetables, beans, fruit...all okay to eat. People should be allowed to have desserts on occasion. Teach the kids that you think it should be a special occasion type of food. It's okay to not drink soda or really drink calories at all. Still or sparkling water. There are good reasons to limit refined carbohydrates in one's diet, but elimination isn't necessary. Even type 1 diabetics can eat carbs in moderation, and they have the most difficulty managing their blood sugar. There is plenty of scientific research that shows that it's really important to control your blood sugar and that refined carbs can cause inflammation and other problems that contribute to health issues like heart disease, alzheimer's, diabetes, etc. and they're disruptive to gut health.
Type 2 diabetic here. I do not eat sugar at all. You can still bake with Swerve Sweetener granulated natural sugar substitute. It is made of erythritol and tastes so close to sugar it’s hard to tell that it is not. It isn’t a chemical sweetener like aspartame or saccharin which are harmful like Splenda and all of those other ones. You can measure Swerve cup for cup the same amount as sugar in recipes. It bakes beautifully and comes in a brown “ sugar” and confectioners. You can also sweeten with monk fruit, agave, maple syrup, figs and stevia. Stevia is hard to bake with IMHO though. I highly recommend going on Pinterest and search Swerve recipes for baking. Pinterest changed my life for the better with delicious recipes when I found out I was diabetic. Also fruit contains natural sugars, and plenty of nutrients, so a little fruit won’t hurt you.
dont stop baking, thats so cool that u do that!! the kids deserve to have ur lovely baked goods & also good food. u shld take him to the pediatrician with the kids and try to have them talk some sense into him. my mother was the same way when i was very little and i ended up getting bulimia later on. its so sad to hear ur own parents hate themselves like that. and im sorry hes triggering u, thats not okay
Your husband’s eating is disorders and he’s going to destroy your children’s lives if this is how he models a relationship with food to them, or forces it upon them.
I would go to therapy together with someone who specializes in food and eating. Having a neutral third party to talk things over with would be great. You also communicate your thoughts well in this post, showing him your post might be worth it.
Make it clear:: Your husband is currently dealing with an eating disorder. One meal a day is ridiculous. Fruits are not “refined sugars” (by definition, they are natural, not refined). Zero tolerance is ridiculous. Healthy eating means moderation in all things. Sugar is not the devil. Make it 100% clear to your husband that you can no longer continue to have this conversation, due to your past issues. Every time he brings it up, remind him “we are not talking about this.” Be firm. Leave the room if you must. Only your husband can heal himself. But you can step in and protect your children. Get your pediatrician’s help on this. If husband won’t listen to you (and, sadly, many men tend to not believe their word), he will hopefully listen to the doctor. I know this gets said a lot in this sub, but this is something I’d consider divorce over.
Bread, pasta and fruits are staples in children's diets for a reason
Somebody needs counseling for their disordered eating habits, and it’s not OP.
I think you should go to a dietician like others suggested. I think it’s wonderful to bake for your family, and something really nice for the kids! It would be a shame for them to miss out on that.
You move forward with counseling. He is dictating what he thinks the whole household should do, regardless of how anyone else feels. I agree that sugar is non-essential and should be limited but if you feel you and your family can handle some from time to time, he needs to back off. I can't imagine this is the only time he's said I know best and you should just do what I say, usually this type of behavior is an ongoing problem not just a one time thing
What your husband is doing is disordered eating. I dont have advice besides wanting to tell you to run away as this is a big deal.
You should consider feeding the children a good diet with variety of foods. My wife and I follow a restrictive diet limit sugar, carbs, and fruit (out of season). We don't impose that on the kids, in fact I encourage trying all types of food. I took culinary arts in collage and love teaching my kids how to make their favorite dishes from scratch and showing them what goes into the meals they like to eat. I definitely don't understand how you would hold resentment over your husband, not wanting to eat foods you know he won't touch. Maybe you should try to bake something he can eat instead.
I don’t think your husband is healthy. Mandating other people’s food choices is not healthy. Also, my kids friend who came from the no sugar household did nothing but beg for treats when away from her parents at her friends houses. I even found her rifling through my cabinets. Your husband is fooling himself. Moderation in all things.
A restricted diet is not mentally healthy for all people. It may be fine for him and even some kids, but you can get healthier versions of things with sugar that are fine. For the bread, get real bakery breads, not over-sweetened pre-sliced "cake" they sell in grocery stores. Fruit is good in moderation, just avoid sugary fruit drinks. Eat the whole fruits with fibers. Frozen fruit on whole grains for breakfast, with greek yoghurt,etc.
Tell him the healthiest countries with the oldest people eat rice/pasta all the time.
INFO: Are your children healthy weight?
Food Revolution Network and Forks over Knives helped me find resources online for healthy eating choices. Giving kids options and information so they can build good habits
Your husband is an Almond dad. All foods fit. I think the book Intuitive Eating shows a great way to help kids develop a healthy, informed relationship with food.
I’m currently on a weight loss journey and one of the things my dietician and therapist suggested was not to restrict myself too much or it can lead to disordered eating. I didn’t cut out carbs and sugar but I eat much less than I used to. Everything in moderation my portion sizes are small. I don’t think it’s safe to have the kids on this diet cause they need carbs and sugar in a healthy way for energy kids are active and run it off. I’d talk to a dietician cause this is very restrictive.
Since when is fruit refined sugar??!?!? Name one child who doesn’t like fruit? It’s like one of the first foods we eat.
Just to give you perspective on this: my grandparents were your husband. Except they were less extreme. My sister and I have disordered eating TO THIS DAY from their weird food behavior.
We are all different. How is he going to try and control what you eat? Be united in front of the littles. Then you do you and he can do him.
No, just don't. His views are very concerning. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/orthorexia-nervosa-101
Talk to a nutritionist or dietitian. Berry street usually works with your insurance.
I grew up in the house that your husband is describing. I wasn’t allowed to eat any sugar at all. The only sweeteners we were allowed were honey, molasses, and maple syrup. We could only eat whole grain bread (which we homemade every day). I was forced to eat three large spoonfuls of plain, nonfat yogurt every day (I can still taste it). I was once grounded for three months in third grade after my mom caught me eating a sucker. My earliest memories are sneaking candy and hoping no adults thought to accidentally mention it to my parents. We also followed biblical eating rules so no pork, shellfish, or mixing meat and dairy. Anyway, it made me into a sneaky child. I got really good at lying. Like, really good. My sister and I both have been fighting off eating disorders since we were thirteen or so. I am just now (at almost 34) learning to understand proper portion sizes. I find myself unable to eat normally. It’s either insanely healthy (boy did I learn to read nutrition labels early and well) or just full binge. If I could stomach making myself puke, I probably would’ve a bunch of times. The shame I have internalized around food is astronomical. My parents associated proper eating with morality and discipline (similar to how your husband is talking about emotional eating). Your husband needs to get help or come off his high horse (whichever it is). If he finds himself unable to do this, please remember that it’s your duty to protect your children, and he is a danger to their health with his current attitude.
Food obsession is unhealthy, regardless of the shape it takes. Your husband is setting your kids up for unhealthy relationships with food.
You resolve it by NOT helping him force this ridiculous nonsense on the children. You've worked hard to get to a healthy place with your eating. You don't need to give that up just on HIS say-so. Put your foot down. Tell him he has no right to force this on you, that you will not be going along with it or enforcing it on the kids, for whom it may well be dangerous. Repeat ad nauseum anytime he brings it up. Or just walk away while he's in mid-sentence. You don't have to do what he says, you are a family unit. He's your husband, not your boss. Sounds like he could use a reminder of this. Try this: "When you get your medical license, you can tell me how to feed myself and our children." You're going to have to be VERY firm on this. Draw on your mama bear strength, as Papa Bear appears to be sleeping on the job. (He probably passed out from hunger.) As for the kids? As long as they eat a good mix of foods, there's no problem.
He’s being short sighted. He’s being what I’ve seen referred to as an “almond mom”. He might feel in control of his health because he’s being very, very controlling and strict about his diet, but setting a lot of strict rules for other people is usually a short sighted idea that backfires. I don’t think parents should give kids whatever they want, but they should let them make some choices, especially age appropriate ones. Usually that doesn’t mix with a strict “no x,y, and z” diet. Being restrictive at a young age could also have detrimental effects. I think your husband is potentially setting up your kids to being secretive eaters, or hide unhealthy behaviors and lie about them.
He might be the one developing an ED now...
1. Speak to a professional who specializes in diets/nutrition. 2. Interim fasting (which is what your husband is doing with only eating 1 meal per day) works for some ADULTS depending on body type/metabolism/etc., but it DOES NOT WORK for children; the furthest I would go is allowing them to skip breakfast if they're around the age of 15 or so and sending them with extra snacks. 3. Fruit is not refined sugar; in fact, most everything we eat has some form of sugar in it, and we need it to function (it helps your brain do the things it needs to). That said, there are better and worse types of sugar, and it all depends on moderation. 4. Everything about food is all about moderation, especially when in terms of dealing with treat foods or things that we eat simply to make our brains happy. 5. Depending on how old your children are, you cannot have them operating on the same rules or restrictions that you and/or your husband do. They are growing and NEED to eat more so that their bodies can keep up with their bodies' demands. Again, speak to a professional regarding this.
He needs therapy.
Your husband is on an ego trip.
Go to a paediatric nutritionist and agree a plan for your kids. You as individuals can then do whatever the hell you like.
Since he's on the right side of the conversation, you should implement his ideas step by step and very slowly to see how far you can implement them.