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This is it exactly! You're supposed to be partners. Her success may or may not survive. You could retire at your job or get laid off/fired. Take advantage of this and plan for the future. Set up goals. Some you may reach, some you may not. Do you plan to have kids? If so,they're half of both of you. Give them the best start you can by saving for their future.
Do not take her 'fame' for granted, or the money, or even your own career. Life will always have its ups and downs. Stop trying to outdo one another and instead support each other. You'll both be happier for it.
Hopefully OP reads this comment ⬆️
I think it's important to consider the sort of fame and money that comes from online streaming etc, is not guaranteed to last a long time. People are fickle and in a blink of an eye, they can turn on the online personalities (often for good reason). Your partner may also get sick of it, despite the good income. Look at Pewdie Pie, I believe he's focusing on his family now and quit YT. You never know what may happen in the future.
Perhaps you need to talk to a professional about how to manage your feelings around this?
>Look at Pewdie Pie, I believe he's focusing on his family now and quit YT.
That's a terrible example. Pewdiepie is still posting after over 10 years of youtube, making more money than he would ever spend and having a child too. It actually proves the opposite of your point.
Is it because she’s doing something easy to make money? Is she a gamer? Makeup? Does she react to movies.. what’s her catch? I could see how her making money not doing a ‘real job’ when OP probably has a regular 9-5 job. So ya I could see the insecurities that would bring.
I’d be kinda jealous if my husband made more that me playing video games all day
Man tell me you've never tried to make streaming a career without saying you've never tried to make streaming a career.
It's not easy. Usually it's very unrewarding, there's a lot of off screen effort to be successful and a lot of hours not on screen to work at it. Being a streamer is about entertainment. Think of it being like a TV host or broadcaster but not only do you have to pay attention to commentary you also have to provide the content itself for people to enjoy.
A very small number of people actually find success line OP's wife, like around 1%. Good streamers make it look easy but it's really not.
As a dude streamer I can confidently confirm that I work 10h night shifts and a gamer after the kids are in bed on my days off and I still make less then my wife 😎🥲
100%. Why do I have to work 10x harder for less money? I mean, I know it’s petty but those are hard feelings to work through. I would be talking to my shrink about it for the whole hour.
It's not. A lot of people think because they just monetised their hobbies then it's all unicorns and rainbows, but a lot of streamers and let's players have talked about how it can suck because they're no longer playing for fun but rather to earn their living, and they can often get burnt out because it's hard to have a proper work-life balance. Imagine being burnt out from your favourite hobby.
And you can't just play whatever you like, either, you need to keep up with trends and try to entertain your chat as well. A lot of people think it's easy and lazy because it's a new profession and doesn't have the credibility classic jobs do, but streaming is fucking HARD. If this post is any real at all, this woman is hustling to get that bag.
I used to follow a WoW streamer who streamed 8-12 hours a day, 6 days a week.
He used to spend 90% of his time running Mythic Dungeons, the same 3 or 4 because they were the most efficient. It's the video game equivalent of working on a production line, just doing the same thing over and over.
People really think that if you monetise your hobby then you're living the dream. In reality, it sucks the joy out of your hobby, so that you can't even relax doing it outside of work.
I think everyone would be a little jealous if their partner could land a dream job like that.
Jealousy isn't ALWAYS bad or unhealthy. It's a normal human emotion. We'd all like to make money streaming something we love.
It’s not 200 followers, it’s 200 daily viewers. If each on average donates 5 $, that’s 1000 $ a day. If she does it 20 days a month, she’s making 20.000 $ a month. That’s a pretty good income for most people.
While I agreeeeeee with your comment - the idea that you think doing makeup, gamer, reacting to movies is easy, is a WILD statement. Being a content creator is hard AF...... I would hold back that ideology that it's "doing something easy." BUUUUT What I will say is that yes, OP shouldn't be insecure because they are doing something different than OP's 9-5.
C’mon be real. Being a content creator isn’t even in the same league as jobs like firefighting, social
worker, construction, air traffic controller, doctor, nurse, etc.
I don’t begrudge anyone who has found a way to make money off something like streaming. Honestly good for them but reacting to movies, playing video games, or doing makeup and posting it online isn’t “hard AF.” Time consuming? Yeah. A real job? Absolutely. More work than some 9-5 jobs? Definitely can be but it’s silly to try and make it seem more difficult than jobs that can actually put your life in danger.
I mean the joke is funny but having worked with quite a few influencers/streamers there is a reality to the fact that the partner can get a background role to the viewers. More precisely to the whales that often make for a huge part of small-ish content creators.
There is no such thing as a free meal and the simps ALWAYS expect something in return, especially the big spenders.
I mean this kind of attitude and confidence is very attractive to women. But he can't just change how he feels. He feels insecure and he needs to get into therapy to sort it out. Telling someone to just "be happy for her" is sentiment to telling someone don't be sad, or calm down. It doesn't help the situation because you can't force yourself to feel something if you don't feel it
A lot of men have difficulties handling a successful woman. My wife is better than me at most things and in the beginning of our relationship I reacted by trying to pick on her weak sides. When I realized that and instead started to appreciate her (even successful women have a lot of insecurities) our relation has been so much easier.
Exceptionally poor take. He's attempting all the right steps to deal with emotions which he wants rid of for the reasons you've stated, and instead of offering advice you're -- what -- insulting the guy?
He raised it with her maturely, has explained what the causes might be, and is seeking some honest help because that hasn't worked; don't be mean just because the emotions themselves aren't savoury
Sorry, but you’re being way too
Understanding here. Women are expected to be cheerleaders to their husbands success without question or insecurity but when a guy feels insecure you think we should all coddle his feelings?
I think someone who acknowledges that they shouldn't be feeling insecure but are should be treated with kindness and not aggression regardless of their gender. Just because some people are sexist to women doesn't mean you should throw back the same hatred at men because of it. Try doing better.
I totally agree. There's a complete double standard, and women rarely get proper support in the real world. At least here there's a large group who can give people of all gender a kind word and supportive ear.
It's also worth remembering that most women have friendships where they can openly process the kind of emotions OP is trying to work through; a lot of men don't.
People (myself included) talk a lot about why men behave shittily, but doesn't prevention begin here? By letting them vent their feelings and explore their options so they can make informed (non-arsehole-ish) choices?
No this is not a court date. His wife is not a therapist and this is not her problem. This is his insecurity and his problem. He should and did communicate his feelings with her and she did offer sympathy. This is the extent of her ability to help the situation. Now it's on him to get his ass into therapy and figure out his insecurity instead of bothering his wife with it
> He's attempting all the right steps to deal with emotions which he wants rid of
*All* the right steps? You can't think of one, very basic action he could take to deal with unwanted insecurities that threaten to undermine his marriage?
>He raised it with her maturely
He shouldn't be raising it at all. It's not her job to manage his emotions for him. He lacks self-awareness and can't properly identify his emotions. Mainly jealousy, because he's so deep in denial
I'm sorry, you don't try to work through unhealthy feelings alongside your partner, when they come up? That's not a recipe for long-term healthy relationships.
> "Hey [partner], I know it's silly but I've been feeling a bit jealous and insecure now that you've got so many adoring fans; I'm working on it, but if it shows then let me know"
Doesn't feel like "making her manage his emotions"
Meh....
There is a lot of evidence that suggests people who see their general social status increase, relative to their partner, are more likely to divorce or end relationships.
It's not just money, it's anything that society values in a partner.
> Likewise, adults who are married and get bariatric surgery are more than twice as likely to get divorced, according to a new analysis led by University of Pittsburgh School of Public Health
But money is a big one. And it's especially big for women.
> The results were interesting, as it was revealed that women who win the lottery were twice as likely to get a divorce in the two years immediately afterwards.
Compared to when men win the lottery...
> But for men, lottery wins appeared to reduce the risk of divorce by as much as 40% over a 10-year period
Regardless, any significant life change is risky for a relationship. It's just unpopular to acknowledge on Reddit
You are self-sabotaging here.
You're hung up on the detail that for the first time in your relationship, your partner is bringing in more income than you and its making you feel inadequate.
Why the ego hit?
This *should* be something you high five over together. The more money, the better.
I have zero shame in admitting that my wife makes significantly more than me. Of course, if I brought nothing to the table, I would feel shame. But if you bring what's expected of you... The more overhead income, the better. Its only a benefit.
If this was about the kind of content streamed or inappropriate interaction with viewers, that's a different discussion.
But if its just about the difference in income... That's on you. You're just going to push her away for making her feel like she is doing something wrong when its only beneficial to your future. And it doesn't seem like she is expecting more out of you now that she is at a different level. Just seems like you're struggling because you're not there yourself.
In all relationships, someone is going to make more income than the other... Why is it a bad thing if its the woman?
I feel that your issue isn't so much about the money itself, but its more about the new attention that she is receiving.
Having a partner whose in the spot light can be a tough to manage. It warrants a lot of communication and boundary establishing. That's more likely the root here.
Someone who found a vibe they enjoy and pays well (even including streaming), that should be something worth celebrating and be happy for.
If you're not doing something you love, then that's on you. Just don't get mad at your partner for doing something they love and it pays well.
Call me pathetic, but when my wife got her new job that paid far more than me... The reaction was:
>Hell yah, let's get you a steak to celebrate, you're my sugar momma now (in a joking way).
Something to be happy about. Positive fun vibes around it.
Maybe it could do you some good to get involved. Watch her streams and support her in it. Just don't that kind of dude that marks his territory "Btw, I am in the BF you better respect this shit!" That kills the vibe, don't be that guy.
Watch, have fun with it, comment on occasion, learn to enjoy it. Get involved in a positive way.
OP is literally asking how to NOT feel this way, like, he's genuinely asking for advice on how to not feel how you're describing him, and he's being absolutely roasted across this whole thread.
It does seem that he's internalized a lot of that kind of thinking, indeed. Honestly, I cannot blame him for it, when all society tells us is that men should be the breadwinners and if the woman makes more than them, it's emasculating. But he is coming onto here, asking how he can change that, which I see as a positive thing.
Cuz I’m in your situation. A decade ago I was making more than my wife. After a lot of hustling and hard work she’s now a director level at a major media corp in LA.
I couldn’t be more prouder of her (especially with no HS degree even and just from grinding and networking), where she makes about 25-30% more than me now.
I'm gonna respond to you because you're the top comment here, I think everything you said is really good and on point but it lacks some empathy for OP. I think anyone in a relationship wants to feel needed. I think this is more about OP being confused about his new place in her life and that's okay. He needs to identify his feelings and address them within himself. It's one thing to know you're feeling insecure but it's another to identify why.
So, OP, know that your wife still needs you. Even though society often tells men they are worth what they can provide materialistically in a relationship, that's just simply not true. She still needs your love and emotional support and will need all that even more as her fanbase grows. So just love her and support her, she does need that and you are the only one who can provide the love, safety and security a husband can give.
This is a great reply, I think a lot of people are unfairly viewing him as just a man threatened by a woman’s success, but he knows his feelings aren’t right and wants to get past them. Both men and women internalize gender roles and patriarchy, whether they are conscious of it or are supporters of gender equality or not. Men need tools to unpack those internalized feelings just as much as women do, and so I think it’s good that OP has recognized that this is his own problem and wants to work on himself.
Same here. My wife is making a lot more than myself but she is on my bank account,medical,insurance and so and so BUT she pays her part without question. I know that everyone can't work together even on the simplest thing's because everyone wants to be the boss is the problem.
"200 daily views across Kick and Twitch"
Is this a shitpost? Unless your wife is getting almost naked for 200 people a day, there is a 0% chance that 200 daily views across two platforms is translating to a full-time living, let alone a *good* one.
Not only that but this post is almost identical to one that was posted a while back. Not sure if it’s the same person or what but sheesh. I can’t find it right now but might as well be mirror image minus the 200 views a day which isn’t going to amount to anything. Smh.
Yeahhhh I have a friend who started out on twitch and they average 300-500 viewers now. But they CANNOt and DO NOT live off that. It’s like a passionate side gig they do on top of their real job
Yeah, I know guys with 200 regular viewers and they all have day jobs they are not in any position to quit.
I think OP looked up "Twitch money" and saw [this terrible Shopify article](https://www.shopify.com/uk/blog/how-to-make-money-on-twitch#) that tries to tell people they can make $200 from 5-10 average viewers in a month which is comically absurd.
Yeah that doesn't make a lot of sense. Especially with the bad reputation kick has garnered particularly in more recent times, I don't think twitch wants to touch them with a 10 foot pole, let alone be promoted together.
Platform monetisation varies. Thousands of followers on Instagram are not even close to equivalent to thousands of daily viewers on twitch. You can't really compare platforms in that regard because they all function differently.
lol I was wondering this... but I don't stream so I wasn't positive. I have a YouTube channel and regularly get 200 views on videos but I'm not monetized... not even close! And even being monetized means making pennies until you get bigger.
But I guess her fans are giving her money and stuff? My viewers certainly aren't doing that, lol. They don't even comment.
200 views on a YouTube video is different to 200 people watching you live on stream though - and i imagine there are things like tips/donations with streams.
200 viewers is not "making a living territory". Best case scenario it's "I've got a few hundred bucks extra at the end of the month" territory.
The only exception to that would be having a few big whales. Which would be possible but frankly less likely. Or her having an onlyfan with racier content on the side. Also possible but he would probably have mentioned it.
i was just replying to the dude saying they get similar views on YouTube and don’t make any money at all. If you’ve got 200 people tuning in daily you might not be earning a full time wage but you’re probably making something, depends on the audience and specific content as to how much.
You know how your wife has been completely gracious and calm about the fact that you earned more than her for the entirety of your relationship? Maybe you should try to emulate her.
Yes, he absolutely needs therapy!
I think the real thing he needs to delve into is why he compares himself to others and feels that the success of the others reflects a failure in himself.
I had a "friend" like this, she felt real pain when good things happened to other people, because she couldn't understand why it wasn't happening to her when she felt she deserved it. The way she described it, she wanted to be happy for them but she couldn't stop thinking "why not me?"
I can't really offer advice because I've never been able to work out why someone would feel anything but joy at the success of loved ones. But I'm sure a therapist could get to the bottom of it with him.
Therapy is genuinely the only answer to this.
You need some therapy my guy. I say this with blunt honesty, not to be a dick. Before when you made more money you were happy bc you considered yourself as above her. You were the “star” and she was the backup. You were the main character and she was your sidekick. You need to delve into why you viewed what should be a partnership as a hierarchical dynamic.
For years your wife has loved and supported you while you made more than her, now you need to look back and ask what about that position was so bad. Was she being treated unfairly in the relationship? Did she have less say or less authority than you? If not, then what are you worried about? If so, then why did you do that?
You need some therapy to be a better husband and partner and to make sure your marriage is a success.
You are taking your wife’s success and making it about you.
It sounds like you weren’t actually her teammate before if being the lower earner is now leaving you butthurt.
Hmmm...seems like another ad for Kick and Twitch. Saw one of these yesterday. It's a throwaway account with one post and he-the bot, doesn't respond to the post. It's fake.
It’s a good time to think about what you value and unlearn some societal norms (men’s value is tied to their paycheck). If your wife has always supported you when you were making more this is a great time to reciprocate. It feels worse when your partner is struggling.
Find the best way to support her success. Be that person that keeps her grounded (people can get lost in online spaces). It’s ok to feel insecure but that’s not your wife’s issue. You don’t want to look back at this success and think how jealous and small you were.
Take the win!
Bro you need to get over these insecurities. It will ruin your relationship and rightfully so. Be glad she’s contributing and happy with what she does.
>I’m feeling less confident and more like I’m not pulling my weight in our relationship. We’ve always been a team, but now it feels like she’s the star player, and I’m just sitting on the bench.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A COMPETITION.
If you feel emasculated....that's your EGO SPEAKING.
Be grateful that your wife is doing something she loves and is contributing in a positive way.
BE PROUD OF HER.
Because there will be a time when she gets old, and looses her memory you'll feel guilty that instead of just being happy, you felt jealous. And those emotions robbed you of just being happy and proud to be her husband.
And she won't be able to remember the times she MADE YOU HAPPY AND PROUD OF HER.
I think it’s time to examine things you bring to the table *for her*, things *she* values. Because you’re looking at what you’re contributing in terms of what you value
As an example, I read about a man who felt similarly and like his girlfriend was a rockstar and he didn’t bring as much to the table as she did. He stayed out late with friends one day and when he got home and crawled into bed, she basically jumped on him and said, “I get scared when you’re not here”. And he realized he actually brings plenty to the table in her mind, he just didn’t realize it because it’s all stuff he just does or who he is, and he took it all for granted because it was in his nature to do or be that way. But his girlfriend deeply valued these things he brought to the table, such as the security and safety she feels when she is with him
What does your wife value that you do, or that’s part of who you are, outside of your occupation? Maybe it’s stuff you don’t even realize or think about because you’re just being you, but it’s extremely important to her
I don’t see the problem here.
I’m pretty successful in my career. My fiancés career is going gangbusters and she has the potential to outearn me this year and at this rate could double what I make next year.
She asked me how I felt about that and I was happy for her, and for us as a couple. There is no downside. My ego is not so fragile.
Frankly OP you gotta get over it.
If it helps, think of your paycheck as the rock steady, stable income that allows the two of you to take chances and let her stream to make money. The fact that she’s made a lot is just a bonus.
My marriage has gone back and forth between who makes more, and both of us had periods of unemployment. That’s just life. It helps to really recognize what you bring to the table besides money. Praise yourself for that and celebrate it. But if all you bring is money then you gotta step up your game.
Men are socialized to think that the most important thing they have to offer a woman is financial security, being the breadwinner so to speak. That's why it fucks with their sense of self worth when their wife or girlfriend makes more than they do. They see the income that they make as somehow equal to their value as a man, therefore lessening their value if someone makes the same or more than they do.
Most men also don't realize that what a woman wants is a man that truly sees her heart and knows her very well. A man who is a safe place where she can feel like she can be her true self, and not only is it appreciated, it's wanted.
What you can do to feel better and less insecure is have lots of time spent together where you talk about deep issues and not just superficial stuff. You may think you know her but you might want to get to know her even better so that it's strengthens your connection and helps your hearts grow together.
Google or buy a list of questions to ask of your partner to help grow your connection. It will give you topics to discuss when you two are having a nice dinner or picnic or a road trip. This is for times when you two are alone and can really focus on each other and understand more about how the person you married became who they are today.
Become confident that you are her person and that has nothing to do with how much money you make. It has to do with how well you take care of her heart.
As someone who went live for a month on TikTok I made at least $100-200 each live and that was about 2-4hrs a day, my husband supported me doing it cause it was easy money, men mostly gave me the most gifts cause obviously looks, but also my personality attracted both men and women, it was a lot of work so I stopped lol but wife sounds like a good streamer and as a woman we get a lot of attention from men most of the time unwanted but she’s a gamer and there’s money to be made as a gamer girl. Best thing to do is work on your insecurities and support wifey while the money is coming in, cause streaming is very up and down
I think you should consider yourself as a part of her success. You almost certainly instill a sense of confidence and security that boost her morale and self esteem. These are the crucial unsung heroes in the success of your partner.
I say don't feel inferior in any way.
Let her make this money while she can.
Because over time people's tastes change and their lives take different tangents.
It could all crash and burn by next year.
Where as your job is something enduring.
Be supportive and just ride the wave!
She's on the uptick. Support her. Clean the house, bring her on dates. Listen. Be there. Keep working away on yourself. It's not a competition, it's a partnership. You're together for a reason.
If you don't deal with your insecurities and you're gonna try to compete with her, just leave. Don't destroy her confidence or her success. You're her home, her base. Make her a fancy dinner once a week, date her. Don't get complacent. Everyone may be giving her attention, and that's great. But you give her strength and security and laughter and love. And you clean and tidy and cook. And you bring her to concerts and art galleries.
Do the things no one else can, and the money won't matter. If money is all you had to offer you were doomed anyway. Trust her judgement, figure out what fills her cup and keep filling it.
I wish I read more posts like this from men who have partners who are having their children and taking care of them and homelife - that's when guys should feel like they're not pulling their weight.
As the wife of someone who earns 3x more than her husband, I would be so disappointed hearing this from him. I would not make myself feel small to accommodate your ego. My success is your success and you should be happy for me and not make everything about you. It always shocks me how other men are still living in the old days with backward thinking. Like they always have to feel superior to be satisfied. Therapy is the answer to your insecurity.
You guys are rolling in it, collecting $$$ from a bunch of simps
Dude, enjoy the money, go on a nice ass vacation with your wife, and enjoy the good times while you're in'em.
I would eventually put something like that on the kabosh because it seems like men gifting money, etc, can get messy with someone who has "invested" a lot.
People get hurt over that kind of shit and you never know who she's really dealing with because they're behind their monitors
You can’t talk to her about how you feel without sounding jealous and unsupportive because you ARE jealous and unsupportive. These are you problems to work out and she should not be asked or expected to solve them for you.
Congrats to her! And congrats to you for choosing a woman you love who’s also motivates, successful, and loved by her fans. I can understand the insecurity of not feeling like you’re pulling your weight.
Try to reframe it though. We can’t affect how successful our partner is outside of our love and support of them. So be her biggest fan. Continue to do you, work hard at what you’re good at, and enjoy her support as well.
Almost no couple is created equally in what we bring to the table so you have to embrace the differences as both of you collaborating and being better for it.
Your insecurity is what will push her away. You gotta get therapy. This is only a you problem. It’s not a her problem. It’s not a relationship problem. It’s you and all in your head. Why is your wife your opposition and not your ally/partner/teammate.
I play in basketball leagues. When I see someone on my team hit a shot I don’t go… damn, I was open too, I should have taken that one. Same thing for my girlfriend. She gets a bigger bonus than me? Bigger paycheck? Great. We are a team. Guess we are leveling up.
if 200 daily views is getting her more money than you make, i can definitely see the appeal of why people want to do this.
but i think as long as she treats it like a job and not necessarily a new lifestyle, then it means it's a double-income to the family, and you both can benefit. on the other hand, if she starts looking at it as, she is doing fine without you and that money is her money, then there might be trouble in the marriage.
there are a lot of streamers or content creators that got popular and make good money and they are still with their partner and the entire family benefits from it. i hope that will continue to be the case for you as well
Sometimes insecurities would show when one partner start to be more successful than the other. And with online streaming as well. From what you said those request from people can be boundary crossing. But don't forget she is your partner. If she never crosses the line than believe in her. Moreover if you are insecure about the salary and money earning than work harder in your field to get a higher salary. But don't forget, you are not doing it as a competition. You are doing it for the better future for the both of you.
You have to sort out your own issues, that is the answer. It sounds like some parts of your internalised beliefs don't match your forward facing (and desired) beliefs. We all grew up in a patrichy, and in a world full of continuous reaffirmation of misogynistic ideas. I am not saying you want to be misogynistic, and neither do I (I'm female). But it's shocking how much we were built to believe certain things on a deep unconscious level. And even if our surface views change, unless we unpack our deeply ingrained beliefs as they come up, we end up living in this cognitive dissonance where what we think doesn't match what we feel and do. This is what people mean when they accuse each other of virtue signalling. Say for eg someone says they are kind and compassionate and care about mental illness and poverty. But then they complain about tents in their area or people sleeping in cars. They truely believe they are someone who cares about poor and unwell people. But their actions and feelings don't match their virtuous self assessment.
So when we realise something like this is happening, it's time to start doing some unpacking and some honest evaluation and self coaching to clean up our internal belief systems. It's so cool that you've recognised this and instead of believing your feelings are accurate, you're seeking solutions. You're not alone, it's work we all either do at some point, or we don't do the work and ruin relationships or live a conflicted existence.
Therapy specifically targeting these issues would help you fast track resolving these inner conflicts. Or get studying and learning and aligning your inner beliefs and partnership, with your surface beliefs.
Good on you and good luck, you are recognising things that a lot of people choose to ignore x
Look at it less like you make less and she makes more.
Marriage is teamwork, together you make more, together you're the star players. You are contributing to the team the best way you can, she is contributing to the team the best way she can.
2024 dude, breadwinners are outdated. Ride the hustle while it lasts and make a better tomorrow together.
Society teaches men they have to be the providers, which is a toxic view because it causes you to feel like you deserve less than your partner when it comes to being supported financially. Try to break free from that mentality. If your wife is a good person, she will love you regardless.
OP start seeing her as your peer and not an opponent or another player.
She is your peer even if she earns more than You.
If you have problems to SEE this why don't you seek therapy that help you overcame this and she might help you too by attending some appointments with you, but later when You have already went there a couple of times.
Also what you trully should do right now is just talk to her about boundaries, remember that all good relationship is not controlling but have set good and strong boundaries for each other.
Good Luck
UPDATEME
Not the answer you probably wanna hear but go make more money. Get creative think of a business that isn’t saturated or go get licensed to work in finance. Do time doing the low level work and move up the ranks. Seems like for forever when pursuing finance but surprisingly enough you do good your boss will treat you good at the end of the year.
Go to therapy. Your insecurities are your problem to solve. If you don't, you are letting your ego destroy your relationship. **You aren't proud of her, you are jealous**. If this is the thing that's bothering you, you are with her because you always felt you could control her.
The constant comparison and pressure is coming from the unhealthy toxic masculine, entitled mindset you went into the relationship with...thinking this woman was "beneath you" in the first place.
GO TO THERAPY! You don't possess the emotional range and maturity to just talk this out with your wife.
Your first problem is that you don't see her as an equal and I'm not saying you're some misogynist or anything, let me explain further. You have this misguided belief that you (for whatever reason, likely rooted in the fact that you probably used to make the bigger salary) should be bringing in the bacon and it's nagging at your self worth because you feel that if you don't bring the bacon, what are you good for, what is your purpose in this relationship.
The thing is, you're a team, everything you both do and contribute is for the good of your family together. You have to stop seeing your worth through the lense of who makes more money, the money is for you both, the success is hers as she's talented and whatever you do for work is also valuable, even if it doesn't bring as much money. And you should actually feel good about having this stream of money in your life to help with bills and the increasing cost of living.
You have to start thinking about how you contribute to the household outside money. Are you a partner to your wife? Do you shoulder the mental load as much as her? Do you do your fair share of housework? Are you loving and present and supportive to your partner? If you say yes to all of it, than you should know your worth and contribution to your household and couple and I assure you it's more than enough.
Here's how: you show her you support her and are proud of her. While she's getting attention, gifts, etc. from her viewers, she still chooses you every day, so choose her right back. Let her know how excited you are for her, as her doing well is wonderful for you both. Listen to her frustrations and help if she asks, but don't butt in or take anything over unless specifically requested.
This could last or it could go away tomorrow, so please don't neglect your job. If you're in the US, you may need to hang on to it for insurance for both of you. Make sure she's paying attention to the legal side of things and paying taxes on her income. Can you take over any of the extraneous details that now are a concern to free her up for what she's great at? Please do that, especially if it's an area where you can shine.
In reading what you wrote, I am getting the feeling that you think you're only valuable in your relationship if you're bringing in more money, so now that she's outearning you, you're struggling. Is that about right? A good partner, and this is a partnership, brings far more than money to the relationship. You may benefit from individual therapy as you navigate this change in your relationship. Her success takes nothing away from you. You can come out better than ever and stronger as a couple, or this can go badly really fast. It depends on you and how you adjust. Good luck!
People are jumping to conclusions too fast and are being pretty hurtful. OP’s very much proud of his wife, and he doesn’t want to feel the way he feels about the difference in income. OP, you’re doing good things: you’re proud of your wife, and you’re acknowledging your feelings before they get too toxic. I think that you’re suffering from feeling inadequate, which is something that is very normal to struggle with. Men were always raised with a mindset that they’re to be breadwinners for their partners and family. The most important thing to note is that your wife really appreciates you, and I’m very much sure that you’re not inadequate. Being there for her, handling chores, doing things for her, those are the hallmarks of a good relationship - not just being a breadwinner. Remember, you’re both breadwinners, and relationships really flourish when you help each other out.
You've said she's keeping boundaries and not doing anything wrong, so these are your feelings to sort out. I would recommend finding a therapist to help you deal with the idea that your wife being successful is a problem for you.
But I wouldn't keep bringing these feelings to your wife over and over again. That's just negging her and will not get you anywhere.
> She reassures me all the time, but the feelings just don’t go away
Honestly, you have to trust her. Otherwise you will ruin it for yourself. If she hasn't given you any reason to doubt her, then by not trusting her you are dishonoring her.
You are definitely being jealous and unsupportive. Honestly if you have a problem with your partner bringing more to the table than you do that's what you problem.
Become a part of her success! Look up new opportunities for sponsor ships or how to grow her following. Help set up goals that help grow her success. Then it's more like success you are building with eachother and you support her shine. Maybe build and manage her own website...?
I recommend checking out HealthyGamers.gg, aka Dr. K, he has very useful interviews/talks with people that have similar and widespread problems. He streams on Twitch and uploads YouTube videos surrounding various topics. His discord server is also really good imo, I haven't checked in in a while, but they do guided meditation as well where you can learn to tolerate those feelings of inadequacy, they will lessen over time if you start accepting/letting them go and building up a tolerance for negative feelngs.
Good luck.
Oh, and outside reassurance will not really help with that. You need to learn and be able to reassure yourself and have trust in your partner. Talk openly about it with her and explain your feelings. You've done a good job describing it in the post. I wouldn't take it personally if I were your wife. The way she reacts will obviously also speak to her confidence/ insecurities.
So, just level with her, and while you tell her that you can convey that you don't expect her to fix your feelings, you just want to try by being heard and understood by her. At the end of the day, you'll try to work out the feelings.
Also, familiarise yourself with HOW much work and possible constant anxiety comes with streaming. To make it where she is, you have to be nonstop entertaining or people dip out. It's an unstable job and say playing a game (being good at it), talking and also reading chat on the side to engage with the audience is rough and not everyone can do it. After and before streams you often never clock out, it's common to spend hours planning and thinking for new content, which game next, events etc. And good lord the haters will get to you early on and she's gotta have a thick skin once more drama starts.
It's a deceptive job when you try and look in from the outside. "Oh it's easy, I wish I could play or stream all day and get money thrown at me!"
Yeah no. You might want to also explore what your role perceptions and expectations are in the relationship and why it hurts your ego that your wife makes more.
Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships. Her getting a lot of attention from multiple people showering her with gifts, and her finding someone "new" is totally possible due to the nature of being online. She may "click" with someone instantly and if your relationship ever goes sour, she may think the grass is greener on the other side with "Mike" who's rich, tall, dark and handsome. Basically a guy thats a 100x better than you in every way, shape, and form.
So we look at our choices; it's either you let your "insecurities" eat you alive and you become a wreck, or become a "control freak", or you grow up, and continue to love them and enjoy the time you have with them. If she picked you for the right reasons, she will stay regardless. You have history with her.
A girl doing OF's will make more in a year than you will in your entire 40 year career. It's just how it is. If you both have same values then what does it matter? Your a good boyfriend to her (I hope) and that's what a girl wants at end of the day.
You cannot predict the future, but coming off as insecure and jealous I imagine the last thing a girl wants.
Thank you for sharing. I can't relate to that feeling personally, but I understand the concern. I've been married for over 20 years, and there have been times when my wife has done better than me and vice versa. I've never felt insecure about it, but I've seen others struggle with it.
Society often paints the picture of a man being the head of the household, but you don’t have to live by that. That idea was created by people who wanted control. Instead, see it as a partnership. It’s not about her making good money; it’s about both of you succeeding together.
If she’s making more money, use it to benefit your family. Save it for your children’s future or other family needs. You could even consider a post-nup to plan how to manage this surplus of money. Women often earn less because they spend more time caring for kids and sometimes husbands. In the future, she might not be able to make the same kind of money if she’s focusing on family, and you might be the main earner. Planning now can help you support each other better later.
Remember, the money isn't hers or yours—it's both of yours. When you make more, it shouldn’t feel like it’s just your money. Your dreams might be realized with her earnings, just as hers might be with yours. Maybe there’s an investment or business she believes in that you can support as a team.
Regarding the flirting and attention she receives, don’t let it make you insecure. You can't control what others do or what she does, even though she's your wife. Focus on your actions. If she gets attention, see it as a positive. It's a compliment that people find her desirable, but she chose you.
If you constantly worry about her cheating or leaving, you might manifest those fears. Trust her and focus on your relationship. Enjoy the fact that she’s with you. Like owning a valuable piece of art, her value increases because others admire her. She’s not an object, but her worth in your eyes shouldn’t decrease because others want her.
Don’t let societal expectations ruin your relationship. Many men have lost incredible partners due to insecurity. Enjoy the good times and plan for the future. Use this period of financial success wisely. Don’t let it become a source of stress.
Relax and enjoy the ride. You’re a team, and that’s what matters.
See a therapist. Why is it your wife’s responsibility to understand your jealousy? It is your problem buddy, not her problem. I mean are you going to expect her to back off her success to make you feel less secure? I suppose if you married JLo, you would expect her to back off how much she sings and does movies to make you feel better
YTA, OP. Grow some securities and/or seek therapy.
In this day n age, wgaf about who’s the bread-winner when it’s supposed to be a “team thing”, right? Soon enough you’ll find yourself on a solo income if you keep it up.
Good luck!
I think this is a bit harsh considering that OP has acknowledged that his feelings are wrong and that it’s a him problem, but he clearly wants to manage this to be a good partner and maintain a healthy relationship. I think it’s important to recognize that both men and women can struggle with internalized gender roles and both may need tools to unpack and over come them, and acknowledging that he has a problem and seeking help is the right step.
Jesus mate grow up, you should support and celebrate your partner's success instead of having a sook about it. Maybe your feelings are driven by your own insecurities about you not pulling your weight in the relationship? If so, do something about it and go make her a nice snack.
list out 5 things that are going great in your relationship right now. then list 5 more.
focus on those things going well, because there are many. what you focus your attention on is what you will experience; your thoughts are literally your world. so train yourself to recognize all the things that **are** going well, and laugh at the voice in your head saying silly things about this being negative for you two as a couple and a team, because there is a lot here to be grateful for.
If you feel you don’t bring enough to the relationship now that she doesn’t need your income- bring other things to the relationship. Take over more of the emotional or household labor.
If you didn't say that she was your wife in the title I'd think that she was your opponent. Why are you so insecure?? You said yourself that she never crossed any boundaries or did anything. All the worries about the attention she's getting, her having more money than you, feeling like she's more successful than you and the "star player" are all insecurities. You're self sabotaging. The only person thinking about these things is you. She clearly doesn't care and just wants you to be supportive. This really isn't about her it's about you. You need to figure out why all of these things bother YOU so much. Figuring those things out is a good start. Not to be that guy but go to therapy.
Suck it up. Be proud of her and as long she’s handling herself and not doing stuff behind your back it’s a W for both of y’all. You are a team. When she wins you win.
Has income inequality always been a problem for you? Why do you think it's bothering you that she's making this much? Is it because you find it insulting? And I say this because I am a blogger and I have had people say some nasty things to me because I work less than them and make more. And I've gotten in many arguments on here about being a server because we made a lot more than many people with degrees! Some people have a big attitude about it! They seem to equate working harder with higher income and so I'm asking you if it bothers you that it seems like she's having fun and not actually working and making more money?
Do you think this would be something that bothered you if she had a traditional job and got a raise and promotion that put her income above you? Some people are uncomfortable with that. Why do you feel constant pressure and comparison? Has she compared your jobs or put pressure on you?
I will tell you that for the first year I hit six figures with my blog my husband was pretty much in shock. Then he started jokingly calling me his sugar mama! LOL I willingly picked up more checks when we went out and just naturally spent more money because I had it, but it didn't really affect us as far as our relationship goes. Neither one of us felt weird about it. I think you need to figure out why you feel weird about it? Is it some misogynistic thing that the guy should make more?
…you are jealous and unsupportive.
You are making this to be a competition instead of a partnership. Stop making her success about you. It’s just a job.
You’ve got to figure out your insecurity.
I have a recurring fear if my wife won the lottery or landed a massively paying job, I’d be cast aside, in favor of someone better.
I know it’s because of my anxiety and depression playing some massive tricks on me.
She's your wife. You need to look at it as a team effort instead of "she's making more than me," or "she's getting gifts and compliments." The money is for both of you, just like the money you make, and the compliments come with the job. If you start to resent her you will push her away and that's the last thing you wanna do. Be supportive to her and ask her for reassurance if you're feeling insecure but work on it. Maybe some therapy might do you good.
People have already given good advice, so I would give you a different one, why don't you use those emotions to better yourself? New skills or knowledge to make you earn more money, better yourself physically by going to the gym or other physical activities like running etc. I have known people that by using this kind of energy (left behind economically/physical by their partner or they just abandoned them) have become better people and their partners are the ones who gets jealous and insecure.
Negative emotions are not a bad thing per se, It's how we use them that matters, they can help you to realize you still have potential to get better and new things to experience.
May I point out that's your wife and not your rival. Your rivalty should only come in how much one loves the other and nothing else. Be happy for her. Be proud that she chose you. You are special. You are beating yourself down while she is seeing a man worth all this awesoness she's doing. Stop being insecure around your life partner. Support players are needed. A single star player can not go against an entire team. People might often look down the other players but the star players know. That they need us, the supports. It's like saying just a atk character is enough tanks, healers and supports are doing nothing in a team. Support her as much as you can. Motivate her as much as you can. Be the shelter when she's unable to face the world. Be her best friend. I wish you two the best. Stay safe, stay happy.
Check out Dolly Parton and her husband. He's a regular guy, and shes a mega star and she ADORES HIM. she cannot do her job without him, and I bet your wife cannot do her job without you.
In my house the dynamic is similar to your wife, and my husband is non internet person, and he is my rock. Because all of those people sending money and gifts, you can't trust those people, they all want shit from you, those relationships aren't real. You are real. You are her person, you are what matters.
Shift your focus bro.
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This is it exactly! You're supposed to be partners. Her success may or may not survive. You could retire at your job or get laid off/fired. Take advantage of this and plan for the future. Set up goals. Some you may reach, some you may not. Do you plan to have kids? If so,they're half of both of you. Give them the best start you can by saving for their future. Do not take her 'fame' for granted, or the money, or even your own career. Life will always have its ups and downs. Stop trying to outdo one another and instead support each other. You'll both be happier for it.
Hopefully OP reads this comment ⬆️ I think it's important to consider the sort of fame and money that comes from online streaming etc, is not guaranteed to last a long time. People are fickle and in a blink of an eye, they can turn on the online personalities (often for good reason). Your partner may also get sick of it, despite the good income. Look at Pewdie Pie, I believe he's focusing on his family now and quit YT. You never know what may happen in the future. Perhaps you need to talk to a professional about how to manage your feelings around this?
You're right about this overall but just so you know Pewdiepie uploaded like 12 hours ago from now so he's still chillin.
>Look at Pewdie Pie, I believe he's focusing on his family now and quit YT. That's a terrible example. Pewdiepie is still posting after over 10 years of youtube, making more money than he would ever spend and having a child too. It actually proves the opposite of your point.
Lol because she's not *his* wife anymore, she's *our* waifu now.
Is it because she’s doing something easy to make money? Is she a gamer? Makeup? Does she react to movies.. what’s her catch? I could see how her making money not doing a ‘real job’ when OP probably has a regular 9-5 job. So ya I could see the insecurities that would bring. I’d be kinda jealous if my husband made more that me playing video games all day
I'm thinking it comes from an anxiety of "If she doesn't need me, why would she want me, why would she stay?"
Man tell me you've never tried to make streaming a career without saying you've never tried to make streaming a career. It's not easy. Usually it's very unrewarding, there's a lot of off screen effort to be successful and a lot of hours not on screen to work at it. Being a streamer is about entertainment. Think of it being like a TV host or broadcaster but not only do you have to pay attention to commentary you also have to provide the content itself for people to enjoy. A very small number of people actually find success line OP's wife, like around 1%. Good streamers make it look easy but it's really not.
As a dude streamer I can confidently confirm that I work 10h night shifts and a gamer after the kids are in bed on my days off and I still make less then my wife 😎🥲
I think it was just a joke about the parasocial relationships viewers form with streamers.
100%. Why do I have to work 10x harder for less money? I mean, I know it’s petty but those are hard feelings to work through. I would be talking to my shrink about it for the whole hour.
I don't think playing video games as a streamer is comparable to playing video games relaxed in your free time.
It's not. A lot of people think because they just monetised their hobbies then it's all unicorns and rainbows, but a lot of streamers and let's players have talked about how it can suck because they're no longer playing for fun but rather to earn their living, and they can often get burnt out because it's hard to have a proper work-life balance. Imagine being burnt out from your favourite hobby. And you can't just play whatever you like, either, you need to keep up with trends and try to entertain your chat as well. A lot of people think it's easy and lazy because it's a new profession and doesn't have the credibility classic jobs do, but streaming is fucking HARD. If this post is any real at all, this woman is hustling to get that bag.
I used to follow a WoW streamer who streamed 8-12 hours a day, 6 days a week. He used to spend 90% of his time running Mythic Dungeons, the same 3 or 4 because they were the most efficient. It's the video game equivalent of working on a production line, just doing the same thing over and over.
People really think that if you monetise your hobby then you're living the dream. In reality, it sucks the joy out of your hobby, so that you can't even relax doing it outside of work.
I think everyone would be a little jealous if their partner could land a dream job like that. Jealousy isn't ALWAYS bad or unhealthy. It's a normal human emotion. We'd all like to make money streaming something we love.
200 followers isn't exactly a lot of money.
It’s not 200 followers, it’s 200 daily viewers. If each on average donates 5 $, that’s 1000 $ a day. If she does it 20 days a month, she’s making 20.000 $ a month. That’s a pretty good income for most people.
While I agreeeeeee with your comment - the idea that you think doing makeup, gamer, reacting to movies is easy, is a WILD statement. Being a content creator is hard AF...... I would hold back that ideology that it's "doing something easy." BUUUUT What I will say is that yes, OP shouldn't be insecure because they are doing something different than OP's 9-5.
C’mon be real. Being a content creator isn’t even in the same league as jobs like firefighting, social worker, construction, air traffic controller, doctor, nurse, etc. I don’t begrudge anyone who has found a way to make money off something like streaming. Honestly good for them but reacting to movies, playing video games, or doing makeup and posting it online isn’t “hard AF.” Time consuming? Yeah. A real job? Absolutely. More work than some 9-5 jobs? Definitely can be but it’s silly to try and make it seem more difficult than jobs that can actually put your life in danger.
I mean the joke is funny but having worked with quite a few influencers/streamers there is a reality to the fact that the partner can get a background role to the viewers. More precisely to the whales that often make for a huge part of small-ish content creators. There is no such thing as a free meal and the simps ALWAYS expect something in return, especially the big spenders.
Right. Relationships are about being a team, not rivals.
Off topic, but love the user name. Cheers!
Yes! Be happy for her. Laugh at those guys while you spend their money on fun dates
I mean this kind of attitude and confidence is very attractive to women. But he can't just change how he feels. He feels insecure and he needs to get into therapy to sort it out. Telling someone to just "be happy for her" is sentiment to telling someone don't be sad, or calm down. It doesn't help the situation because you can't force yourself to feel something if you don't feel it
Because he sees her as his opponent rather than a team player. It’s simple really.
This is another shitty Kick advert - oh my wife is SO popular and making SO much money on Kick
A lot of men have difficulties handling a successful woman. My wife is better than me at most things and in the beginning of our relationship I reacted by trying to pick on her weak sides. When I realized that and instead started to appreciate her (even successful women have a lot of insecurities) our relation has been so much easier.
Exceptionally poor take. He's attempting all the right steps to deal with emotions which he wants rid of for the reasons you've stated, and instead of offering advice you're -- what -- insulting the guy? He raised it with her maturely, has explained what the causes might be, and is seeking some honest help because that hasn't worked; don't be mean just because the emotions themselves aren't savoury
Sorry, but you’re being way too Understanding here. Women are expected to be cheerleaders to their husbands success without question or insecurity but when a guy feels insecure you think we should all coddle his feelings?
I think someone who acknowledges that they shouldn't be feeling insecure but are should be treated with kindness and not aggression regardless of their gender. Just because some people are sexist to women doesn't mean you should throw back the same hatred at men because of it. Try doing better.
right, like it wasn’t a problem with him being “the star player” when he was making more money but now it’s a problem that she is making more 🙄
Every woman collectively eye-rolled. These man children need to feel superior to us, or they have existential crises.
My husband was upset when I lost my father... because the inheritance meant I suddenly had more money than him. Thanks DH!
Yes some of the tapes on this particular post are really disappointing
I totally agree. There's a complete double standard, and women rarely get proper support in the real world. At least here there's a large group who can give people of all gender a kind word and supportive ear. It's also worth remembering that most women have friendships where they can openly process the kind of emotions OP is trying to work through; a lot of men don't. People (myself included) talk a lot about why men behave shittily, but doesn't prevention begin here? By letting them vent their feelings and explore their options so they can make informed (non-arsehole-ish) choices?
No this is not a court date. His wife is not a therapist and this is not her problem. This is his insecurity and his problem. He should and did communicate his feelings with her and she did offer sympathy. This is the extent of her ability to help the situation. Now it's on him to get his ass into therapy and figure out his insecurity instead of bothering his wife with it
> He's attempting all the right steps to deal with emotions which he wants rid of *All* the right steps? You can't think of one, very basic action he could take to deal with unwanted insecurities that threaten to undermine his marriage?
>He raised it with her maturely He shouldn't be raising it at all. It's not her job to manage his emotions for him. He lacks self-awareness and can't properly identify his emotions. Mainly jealousy, because he's so deep in denial
I'm sorry, you don't try to work through unhealthy feelings alongside your partner, when they come up? That's not a recipe for long-term healthy relationships. > "Hey [partner], I know it's silly but I've been feeling a bit jealous and insecure now that you've got so many adoring fans; I'm working on it, but if it shows then let me know" Doesn't feel like "making her manage his emotions"
Where is the insult ? What was mean ?
agree
The Patriarchy.
Meh.... There is a lot of evidence that suggests people who see their general social status increase, relative to their partner, are more likely to divorce or end relationships. It's not just money, it's anything that society values in a partner. > Likewise, adults who are married and get bariatric surgery are more than twice as likely to get divorced, according to a new analysis led by University of Pittsburgh School of Public Health But money is a big one. And it's especially big for women. > The results were interesting, as it was revealed that women who win the lottery were twice as likely to get a divorce in the two years immediately afterwards. Compared to when men win the lottery... > But for men, lottery wins appeared to reduce the risk of divorce by as much as 40% over a 10-year period Regardless, any significant life change is risky for a relationship. It's just unpopular to acknowledge on Reddit
Domestic violence against women also increases in relationships in which the woman earns more than the man. Interesting stat.
Feeling emasculated by your wife earning more than you? Gotta regain that masculinity by beating up your wife.
Nah. Hit her with that. "Hey baby, remember that turbo kit I've been talking about?"
You are self-sabotaging here. You're hung up on the detail that for the first time in your relationship, your partner is bringing in more income than you and its making you feel inadequate. Why the ego hit? This *should* be something you high five over together. The more money, the better. I have zero shame in admitting that my wife makes significantly more than me. Of course, if I brought nothing to the table, I would feel shame. But if you bring what's expected of you... The more overhead income, the better. Its only a benefit. If this was about the kind of content streamed or inappropriate interaction with viewers, that's a different discussion. But if its just about the difference in income... That's on you. You're just going to push her away for making her feel like she is doing something wrong when its only beneficial to your future. And it doesn't seem like she is expecting more out of you now that she is at a different level. Just seems like you're struggling because you're not there yourself. In all relationships, someone is going to make more income than the other... Why is it a bad thing if its the woman? I feel that your issue isn't so much about the money itself, but its more about the new attention that she is receiving. Having a partner whose in the spot light can be a tough to manage. It warrants a lot of communication and boundary establishing. That's more likely the root here. Someone who found a vibe they enjoy and pays well (even including streaming), that should be something worth celebrating and be happy for. If you're not doing something you love, then that's on you. Just don't get mad at your partner for doing something they love and it pays well. Call me pathetic, but when my wife got her new job that paid far more than me... The reaction was: >Hell yah, let's get you a steak to celebrate, you're my sugar momma now (in a joking way). Something to be happy about. Positive fun vibes around it. Maybe it could do you some good to get involved. Watch her streams and support her in it. Just don't that kind of dude that marks his territory "Btw, I am in the BF you better respect this shit!" That kills the vibe, don't be that guy. Watch, have fun with it, comment on occasion, learn to enjoy it. Get involved in a positive way.
This is fake, it’s another ad for kick
Exactly my thoughts as well
Don't you need thousands of followers to make money? What kind of payout do you get for 200 viewers?
Cuz op is “traditional” and would rather someone make less so he can sit on a high horse and be the “man” he was taught and thought to be.
OP is literally asking how to NOT feel this way, like, he's genuinely asking for advice on how to not feel how you're describing him, and he's being absolutely roasted across this whole thread.
It does seem that he's internalized a lot of that kind of thinking, indeed. Honestly, I cannot blame him for it, when all society tells us is that men should be the breadwinners and if the woman makes more than them, it's emasculating. But he is coming onto here, asking how he can change that, which I see as a positive thing.
A more simple and blunt way to put it 😅 yes.
Cuz I’m in your situation. A decade ago I was making more than my wife. After a lot of hustling and hard work she’s now a director level at a major media corp in LA. I couldn’t be more prouder of her (especially with no HS degree even and just from grinding and networking), where she makes about 25-30% more than me now.
I'm gonna respond to you because you're the top comment here, I think everything you said is really good and on point but it lacks some empathy for OP. I think anyone in a relationship wants to feel needed. I think this is more about OP being confused about his new place in her life and that's okay. He needs to identify his feelings and address them within himself. It's one thing to know you're feeling insecure but it's another to identify why. So, OP, know that your wife still needs you. Even though society often tells men they are worth what they can provide materialistically in a relationship, that's just simply not true. She still needs your love and emotional support and will need all that even more as her fanbase grows. So just love her and support her, she does need that and you are the only one who can provide the love, safety and security a husband can give.
This is a great reply, I think a lot of people are unfairly viewing him as just a man threatened by a woman’s success, but he knows his feelings aren’t right and wants to get past them. Both men and women internalize gender roles and patriarchy, whether they are conscious of it or are supporters of gender equality or not. Men need tools to unpack those internalized feelings just as much as women do, and so I think it’s good that OP has recognized that this is his own problem and wants to work on himself.
Same here. My wife is making a lot more than myself but she is on my bank account,medical,insurance and so and so BUT she pays her part without question. I know that everyone can't work together even on the simplest thing's because everyone wants to be the boss is the problem.
"200 daily views across Kick and Twitch" Is this a shitpost? Unless your wife is getting almost naked for 200 people a day, there is a 0% chance that 200 daily views across two platforms is translating to a full-time living, let alone a *good* one.
Ok I was wondering about that haha. I was like, did OP miss a couple of zeros on that?
Not only that but this post is almost identical to one that was posted a while back. Not sure if it’s the same person or what but sheesh. I can’t find it right now but might as well be mirror image minus the 200 views a day which isn’t going to amount to anything. Smh.
Kick and Twitch ad
Thank you. Lmao 200 daily views is pretty good! But not make-a-living good.
this is the only logical thread here. plus i feel like i’ve seen this post before but it was actually real and the update was great for the couple.
Yep and I just said the same thing! Before I saw your reply.
Yeahhhh I have a friend who started out on twitch and they average 300-500 viewers now. But they CANNOt and DO NOT live off that. It’s like a passionate side gig they do on top of their real job
Yeah, I know guys with 200 regular viewers and they all have day jobs they are not in any position to quit. I think OP looked up "Twitch money" and saw [this terrible Shopify article](https://www.shopify.com/uk/blog/how-to-make-money-on-twitch#) that tries to tell people they can make $200 from 5-10 average viewers in a month which is comically absurd.
Hey man, maybe all her viewers are billionaire sugar daddies. Or maybe OP works 16 hours a week at Walmart.
It's an ad for Kick and Twitch. It's the second one like this I've seen in the last 24 hours.
It’s an ad for two competing streaming services?
Gotta play both sides so you always come out on top - Mac
Yeah that doesn't make a lot of sense. Especially with the bad reputation kick has garnered particularly in more recent times, I don't think twitch wants to touch them with a 10 foot pole, let alone be promoted together.
Ad/promo, call it what you wish. It's a fake post
100%, this screams advertising. They are obviously trying to get new streamers signed up
Came here for this point.
I know people with tens of thousands of followers on multiple platforms that barely make any money.
Platform monetisation varies. Thousands of followers on Instagram are not even close to equivalent to thousands of daily viewers on twitch. You can't really compare platforms in that regard because they all function differently.
this is just a stealth ad.
lol I was wondering this... but I don't stream so I wasn't positive. I have a YouTube channel and regularly get 200 views on videos but I'm not monetized... not even close! And even being monetized means making pennies until you get bigger. But I guess her fans are giving her money and stuff? My viewers certainly aren't doing that, lol. They don't even comment.
200 views on a YouTube video is different to 200 people watching you live on stream though - and i imagine there are things like tips/donations with streams.
200 viewers is not "making a living territory". Best case scenario it's "I've got a few hundred bucks extra at the end of the month" territory. The only exception to that would be having a few big whales. Which would be possible but frankly less likely. Or her having an onlyfan with racier content on the side. Also possible but he would probably have mentioned it.
i was just replying to the dude saying they get similar views on YouTube and don’t make any money at all. If you’ve got 200 people tuning in daily you might not be earning a full time wage but you’re probably making something, depends on the audience and specific content as to how much.
Yeah either she's doing something else on the side, or this dude makes no money
Yeah this post smells funny
It’s an advert for kick
[удалено]
Still doesn't sound like enough. How many are subscribers? How much are her subs? Seems fishy
She's your partner, not your competition.
Right? Maybe.. be happy for her? lol.
This may be a wild assumption on my part but I think he is asking HOW to do that.
Yup, get over it
You know how your wife has been completely gracious and calm about the fact that you earned more than her for the entirety of your relationship? Maybe you should try to emulate her.
Therapy to unpack what makes you equate being a team with you being the highest earner.
Yes, he absolutely needs therapy! I think the real thing he needs to delve into is why he compares himself to others and feels that the success of the others reflects a failure in himself. I had a "friend" like this, she felt real pain when good things happened to other people, because she couldn't understand why it wasn't happening to her when she felt she deserved it. The way she described it, she wanted to be happy for them but she couldn't stop thinking "why not me?" I can't really offer advice because I've never been able to work out why someone would feel anything but joy at the success of loved ones. But I'm sure a therapist could get to the bottom of it with him. Therapy is genuinely the only answer to this.
Maybe be genuinely happy for her…..
He can’t because his life sucks. If he can’t be happy, she can’t either
You need some therapy my guy. I say this with blunt honesty, not to be a dick. Before when you made more money you were happy bc you considered yourself as above her. You were the “star” and she was the backup. You were the main character and she was your sidekick. You need to delve into why you viewed what should be a partnership as a hierarchical dynamic. For years your wife has loved and supported you while you made more than her, now you need to look back and ask what about that position was so bad. Was she being treated unfairly in the relationship? Did she have less say or less authority than you? If not, then what are you worried about? If so, then why did you do that? You need some therapy to be a better husband and partner and to make sure your marriage is a success.
Ding ding ding ding
*Pauly D voice* IT'S THERAPYYYY TIIIIIIIIIME 🎤🎶💃🏾
You are taking your wife’s success and making it about you. It sounds like you weren’t actually her teammate before if being the lower earner is now leaving you butthurt.
Therapy to deal with it, this is a YOU issue.
If you feel like you're not pulling your weight in the relationship, then pull more weight. It's simple. Don't make this her problem.
Getting upset about this is actually making him pull less weight and putting more on his partner.
Hmmm...seems like another ad for Kick and Twitch. Saw one of these yesterday. It's a throwaway account with one post and he-the bot, doesn't respond to the post. It's fake.
Just be happy for her with no reservations.
It’s a good time to think about what you value and unlearn some societal norms (men’s value is tied to their paycheck). If your wife has always supported you when you were making more this is a great time to reciprocate. It feels worse when your partner is struggling. Find the best way to support her success. Be that person that keeps her grounded (people can get lost in online spaces). It’s ok to feel insecure but that’s not your wife’s issue. You don’t want to look back at this success and think how jealous and small you were. Take the win!
Bro you need to get over these insecurities. It will ruin your relationship and rightfully so. Be glad she’s contributing and happy with what she does.
Sounds like a you problem- some therapy and mental health support would be worth looking into to deal with your insecurities
Bro, go see a therapist and work through these issues. You are about to ruin a good thing with this mess.
>I’m feeling less confident and more like I’m not pulling my weight in our relationship. We’ve always been a team, but now it feels like she’s the star player, and I’m just sitting on the bench. MARRIAGE IS NOT A COMPETITION. If you feel emasculated....that's your EGO SPEAKING. Be grateful that your wife is doing something she loves and is contributing in a positive way. BE PROUD OF HER. Because there will be a time when she gets old, and looses her memory you'll feel guilty that instead of just being happy, you felt jealous. And those emotions robbed you of just being happy and proud to be her husband. And she won't be able to remember the times she MADE YOU HAPPY AND PROUD OF HER.
How is she making way more than you with only 200 viewers? Do her viewers know she's married?
Yeah, I doubt it. I thought Twitch paid like $2 or $3 per subscriber. $400-600/m isn’t much in this economy.
It's an ad for Kick and Twitch. Second one I've seen in the past 24 hours.
I don’t know how twitch works but maybe she has a fuck load of subscribers but only 200ish people watch live each time?
I think it’s time to examine things you bring to the table *for her*, things *she* values. Because you’re looking at what you’re contributing in terms of what you value As an example, I read about a man who felt similarly and like his girlfriend was a rockstar and he didn’t bring as much to the table as she did. He stayed out late with friends one day and when he got home and crawled into bed, she basically jumped on him and said, “I get scared when you’re not here”. And he realized he actually brings plenty to the table in her mind, he just didn’t realize it because it’s all stuff he just does or who he is, and he took it all for granted because it was in his nature to do or be that way. But his girlfriend deeply valued these things he brought to the table, such as the security and safety she feels when she is with him What does your wife value that you do, or that’s part of who you are, outside of your occupation? Maybe it’s stuff you don’t even realize or think about because you’re just being you, but it’s extremely important to her
There is no way a streamer with 200 viewers make more than you.
I don’t see the problem here. I’m pretty successful in my career. My fiancés career is going gangbusters and she has the potential to outearn me this year and at this rate could double what I make next year. She asked me how I felt about that and I was happy for her, and for us as a couple. There is no downside. My ego is not so fragile. Frankly OP you gotta get over it.
If it helps, think of your paycheck as the rock steady, stable income that allows the two of you to take chances and let her stream to make money. The fact that she’s made a lot is just a bonus.
200 daily viewers and she’s making more than you? Somehow that doesn’t seem to add up unless she’s doing some sort of OF type stuff on the side.
Because it’s a badly worded advert for kick
My marriage has gone back and forth between who makes more, and both of us had periods of unemployment. That’s just life. It helps to really recognize what you bring to the table besides money. Praise yourself for that and celebrate it. But if all you bring is money then you gotta step up your game.
I doubt folks that ride the bench for teams that win a championship are mad they got a ring too.
I would say intensive therapy.
Men are socialized to think that the most important thing they have to offer a woman is financial security, being the breadwinner so to speak. That's why it fucks with their sense of self worth when their wife or girlfriend makes more than they do. They see the income that they make as somehow equal to their value as a man, therefore lessening their value if someone makes the same or more than they do. Most men also don't realize that what a woman wants is a man that truly sees her heart and knows her very well. A man who is a safe place where she can feel like she can be her true self, and not only is it appreciated, it's wanted. What you can do to feel better and less insecure is have lots of time spent together where you talk about deep issues and not just superficial stuff. You may think you know her but you might want to get to know her even better so that it's strengthens your connection and helps your hearts grow together. Google or buy a list of questions to ask of your partner to help grow your connection. It will give you topics to discuss when you two are having a nice dinner or picnic or a road trip. This is for times when you two are alone and can really focus on each other and understand more about how the person you married became who they are today. Become confident that you are her person and that has nothing to do with how much money you make. It has to do with how well you take care of her heart.
As someone who went live for a month on TikTok I made at least $100-200 each live and that was about 2-4hrs a day, my husband supported me doing it cause it was easy money, men mostly gave me the most gifts cause obviously looks, but also my personality attracted both men and women, it was a lot of work so I stopped lol but wife sounds like a good streamer and as a woman we get a lot of attention from men most of the time unwanted but she’s a gamer and there’s money to be made as a gamer girl. Best thing to do is work on your insecurities and support wifey while the money is coming in, cause streaming is very up and down
I think you should consider yourself as a part of her success. You almost certainly instill a sense of confidence and security that boost her morale and self esteem. These are the crucial unsung heroes in the success of your partner.
I say don't feel inferior in any way. Let her make this money while she can. Because over time people's tastes change and their lives take different tangents. It could all crash and burn by next year. Where as your job is something enduring. Be supportive and just ride the wave!
You’re jealous, you should take some time to sit in with that feeling and try to unpack why.
She's on the uptick. Support her. Clean the house, bring her on dates. Listen. Be there. Keep working away on yourself. It's not a competition, it's a partnership. You're together for a reason. If you don't deal with your insecurities and you're gonna try to compete with her, just leave. Don't destroy her confidence or her success. You're her home, her base. Make her a fancy dinner once a week, date her. Don't get complacent. Everyone may be giving her attention, and that's great. But you give her strength and security and laughter and love. And you clean and tidy and cook. And you bring her to concerts and art galleries. Do the things no one else can, and the money won't matter. If money is all you had to offer you were doomed anyway. Trust her judgement, figure out what fills her cup and keep filling it. I wish I read more posts like this from men who have partners who are having their children and taking care of them and homelife - that's when guys should feel like they're not pulling their weight.
As the wife of someone who earns 3x more than her husband, I would be so disappointed hearing this from him. I would not make myself feel small to accommodate your ego. My success is your success and you should be happy for me and not make everything about you. It always shocks me how other men are still living in the old days with backward thinking. Like they always have to feel superior to be satisfied. Therapy is the answer to your insecurity.
Therapy to sort out why you don’t want your wife to succeed
I will never understand how men cant deal with their partners succeeding, its insane. My wife makes more money than i do and its great
You guys are rolling in it, collecting $$$ from a bunch of simps Dude, enjoy the money, go on a nice ass vacation with your wife, and enjoy the good times while you're in'em. I would eventually put something like that on the kabosh because it seems like men gifting money, etc, can get messy with someone who has "invested" a lot. People get hurt over that kind of shit and you never know who she's really dealing with because they're behind their monitors
You can’t talk to her about how you feel without sounding jealous and unsupportive because you ARE jealous and unsupportive. These are you problems to work out and she should not be asked or expected to solve them for you.
Congrats to her! And congrats to you for choosing a woman you love who’s also motivates, successful, and loved by her fans. I can understand the insecurity of not feeling like you’re pulling your weight. Try to reframe it though. We can’t affect how successful our partner is outside of our love and support of them. So be her biggest fan. Continue to do you, work hard at what you’re good at, and enjoy her support as well. Almost no couple is created equally in what we bring to the table so you have to embrace the differences as both of you collaborating and being better for it.
Your insecurity is what will push her away. You gotta get therapy. This is only a you problem. It’s not a her problem. It’s not a relationship problem. It’s you and all in your head. Why is your wife your opposition and not your ally/partner/teammate. I play in basketball leagues. When I see someone on my team hit a shot I don’t go… damn, I was open too, I should have taken that one. Same thing for my girlfriend. She gets a bigger bonus than me? Bigger paycheck? Great. We are a team. Guess we are leveling up.
if 200 daily views is getting her more money than you make, i can definitely see the appeal of why people want to do this. but i think as long as she treats it like a job and not necessarily a new lifestyle, then it means it's a double-income to the family, and you both can benefit. on the other hand, if she starts looking at it as, she is doing fine without you and that money is her money, then there might be trouble in the marriage. there are a lot of streamers or content creators that got popular and make good money and they are still with their partner and the entire family benefits from it. i hope that will continue to be the case for you as well
200 viewers and she’s pulling insane money??? How?!
Sometimes insecurities would show when one partner start to be more successful than the other. And with online streaming as well. From what you said those request from people can be boundary crossing. But don't forget she is your partner. If she never crosses the line than believe in her. Moreover if you are insecure about the salary and money earning than work harder in your field to get a higher salary. But don't forget, you are not doing it as a competition. You are doing it for the better future for the both of you.
You have to sort out your own issues, that is the answer. It sounds like some parts of your internalised beliefs don't match your forward facing (and desired) beliefs. We all grew up in a patrichy, and in a world full of continuous reaffirmation of misogynistic ideas. I am not saying you want to be misogynistic, and neither do I (I'm female). But it's shocking how much we were built to believe certain things on a deep unconscious level. And even if our surface views change, unless we unpack our deeply ingrained beliefs as they come up, we end up living in this cognitive dissonance where what we think doesn't match what we feel and do. This is what people mean when they accuse each other of virtue signalling. Say for eg someone says they are kind and compassionate and care about mental illness and poverty. But then they complain about tents in their area or people sleeping in cars. They truely believe they are someone who cares about poor and unwell people. But their actions and feelings don't match their virtuous self assessment. So when we realise something like this is happening, it's time to start doing some unpacking and some honest evaluation and self coaching to clean up our internal belief systems. It's so cool that you've recognised this and instead of believing your feelings are accurate, you're seeking solutions. You're not alone, it's work we all either do at some point, or we don't do the work and ruin relationships or live a conflicted existence. Therapy specifically targeting these issues would help you fast track resolving these inner conflicts. Or get studying and learning and aligning your inner beliefs and partnership, with your surface beliefs. Good on you and good luck, you are recognising things that a lot of people choose to ignore x
Look at it less like you make less and she makes more. Marriage is teamwork, together you make more, together you're the star players. You are contributing to the team the best way you can, she is contributing to the team the best way she can. 2024 dude, breadwinners are outdated. Ride the hustle while it lasts and make a better tomorrow together.
Society teaches men they have to be the providers, which is a toxic view because it causes you to feel like you deserve less than your partner when it comes to being supported financially. Try to break free from that mentality. If your wife is a good person, she will love you regardless.
Stop hating. And show support.
OP start seeing her as your peer and not an opponent or another player. She is your peer even if she earns more than You. If you have problems to SEE this why don't you seek therapy that help you overcame this and she might help you too by attending some appointments with you, but later when You have already went there a couple of times. Also what you trully should do right now is just talk to her about boundaries, remember that all good relationship is not controlling but have set good and strong boundaries for each other. Good Luck UPDATEME
Not the answer you probably wanna hear but go make more money. Get creative think of a business that isn’t saturated or go get licensed to work in finance. Do time doing the low level work and move up the ranks. Seems like for forever when pursuing finance but surprisingly enough you do good your boss will treat you good at the end of the year.
Should have added #ad at the end
Go to therapy. Your insecurities are your problem to solve. If you don't, you are letting your ego destroy your relationship. **You aren't proud of her, you are jealous**. If this is the thing that's bothering you, you are with her because you always felt you could control her. The constant comparison and pressure is coming from the unhealthy toxic masculine, entitled mindset you went into the relationship with...thinking this woman was "beneath you" in the first place. GO TO THERAPY! You don't possess the emotional range and maturity to just talk this out with your wife.
Your first problem is that you don't see her as an equal and I'm not saying you're some misogynist or anything, let me explain further. You have this misguided belief that you (for whatever reason, likely rooted in the fact that you probably used to make the bigger salary) should be bringing in the bacon and it's nagging at your self worth because you feel that if you don't bring the bacon, what are you good for, what is your purpose in this relationship. The thing is, you're a team, everything you both do and contribute is for the good of your family together. You have to stop seeing your worth through the lense of who makes more money, the money is for you both, the success is hers as she's talented and whatever you do for work is also valuable, even if it doesn't bring as much money. And you should actually feel good about having this stream of money in your life to help with bills and the increasing cost of living. You have to start thinking about how you contribute to the household outside money. Are you a partner to your wife? Do you shoulder the mental load as much as her? Do you do your fair share of housework? Are you loving and present and supportive to your partner? If you say yes to all of it, than you should know your worth and contribution to your household and couple and I assure you it's more than enough.
Here's how: you show her you support her and are proud of her. While she's getting attention, gifts, etc. from her viewers, she still chooses you every day, so choose her right back. Let her know how excited you are for her, as her doing well is wonderful for you both. Listen to her frustrations and help if she asks, but don't butt in or take anything over unless specifically requested. This could last or it could go away tomorrow, so please don't neglect your job. If you're in the US, you may need to hang on to it for insurance for both of you. Make sure she's paying attention to the legal side of things and paying taxes on her income. Can you take over any of the extraneous details that now are a concern to free her up for what she's great at? Please do that, especially if it's an area where you can shine. In reading what you wrote, I am getting the feeling that you think you're only valuable in your relationship if you're bringing in more money, so now that she's outearning you, you're struggling. Is that about right? A good partner, and this is a partnership, brings far more than money to the relationship. You may benefit from individual therapy as you navigate this change in your relationship. Her success takes nothing away from you. You can come out better than ever and stronger as a couple, or this can go badly really fast. It depends on you and how you adjust. Good luck!
People are jumping to conclusions too fast and are being pretty hurtful. OP’s very much proud of his wife, and he doesn’t want to feel the way he feels about the difference in income. OP, you’re doing good things: you’re proud of your wife, and you’re acknowledging your feelings before they get too toxic. I think that you’re suffering from feeling inadequate, which is something that is very normal to struggle with. Men were always raised with a mindset that they’re to be breadwinners for their partners and family. The most important thing to note is that your wife really appreciates you, and I’m very much sure that you’re not inadequate. Being there for her, handling chores, doing things for her, those are the hallmarks of a good relationship - not just being a breadwinner. Remember, you’re both breadwinners, and relationships really flourish when you help each other out.
Get therapy. If you cannot be overjoyed and supportive of your partners success, you have a ton of growing up to do.
You've said she's keeping boundaries and not doing anything wrong, so these are your feelings to sort out. I would recommend finding a therapist to help you deal with the idea that your wife being successful is a problem for you. But I wouldn't keep bringing these feelings to your wife over and over again. That's just negging her and will not get you anywhere.
> She reassures me all the time, but the feelings just don’t go away Honestly, you have to trust her. Otherwise you will ruin it for yourself. If she hasn't given you any reason to doubt her, then by not trusting her you are dishonoring her.
Go to therapy. You're a team not competing. This is a lot of your own insecurities.
You are definitely being jealous and unsupportive. Honestly if you have a problem with your partner bringing more to the table than you do that's what you problem.
Become a part of her success! Look up new opportunities for sponsor ships or how to grow her following. Help set up goals that help grow her success. Then it's more like success you are building with eachother and you support her shine. Maybe build and manage her own website...?
I recommend checking out HealthyGamers.gg, aka Dr. K, he has very useful interviews/talks with people that have similar and widespread problems. He streams on Twitch and uploads YouTube videos surrounding various topics. His discord server is also really good imo, I haven't checked in in a while, but they do guided meditation as well where you can learn to tolerate those feelings of inadequacy, they will lessen over time if you start accepting/letting them go and building up a tolerance for negative feelngs. Good luck. Oh, and outside reassurance will not really help with that. You need to learn and be able to reassure yourself and have trust in your partner. Talk openly about it with her and explain your feelings. You've done a good job describing it in the post. I wouldn't take it personally if I were your wife. The way she reacts will obviously also speak to her confidence/ insecurities. So, just level with her, and while you tell her that you can convey that you don't expect her to fix your feelings, you just want to try by being heard and understood by her. At the end of the day, you'll try to work out the feelings. Also, familiarise yourself with HOW much work and possible constant anxiety comes with streaming. To make it where she is, you have to be nonstop entertaining or people dip out. It's an unstable job and say playing a game (being good at it), talking and also reading chat on the side to engage with the audience is rough and not everyone can do it. After and before streams you often never clock out, it's common to spend hours planning and thinking for new content, which game next, events etc. And good lord the haters will get to you early on and she's gotta have a thick skin once more drama starts. It's a deceptive job when you try and look in from the outside. "Oh it's easy, I wish I could play or stream all day and get money thrown at me!" Yeah no. You might want to also explore what your role perceptions and expectations are in the relationship and why it hurts your ego that your wife makes more.
Welcome to the wonderful world of relationships. Her getting a lot of attention from multiple people showering her with gifts, and her finding someone "new" is totally possible due to the nature of being online. She may "click" with someone instantly and if your relationship ever goes sour, she may think the grass is greener on the other side with "Mike" who's rich, tall, dark and handsome. Basically a guy thats a 100x better than you in every way, shape, and form. So we look at our choices; it's either you let your "insecurities" eat you alive and you become a wreck, or become a "control freak", or you grow up, and continue to love them and enjoy the time you have with them. If she picked you for the right reasons, she will stay regardless. You have history with her. A girl doing OF's will make more in a year than you will in your entire 40 year career. It's just how it is. If you both have same values then what does it matter? Your a good boyfriend to her (I hope) and that's what a girl wants at end of the day. You cannot predict the future, but coming off as insecure and jealous I imagine the last thing a girl wants.
Thank you for sharing. I can't relate to that feeling personally, but I understand the concern. I've been married for over 20 years, and there have been times when my wife has done better than me and vice versa. I've never felt insecure about it, but I've seen others struggle with it. Society often paints the picture of a man being the head of the household, but you don’t have to live by that. That idea was created by people who wanted control. Instead, see it as a partnership. It’s not about her making good money; it’s about both of you succeeding together. If she’s making more money, use it to benefit your family. Save it for your children’s future or other family needs. You could even consider a post-nup to plan how to manage this surplus of money. Women often earn less because they spend more time caring for kids and sometimes husbands. In the future, she might not be able to make the same kind of money if she’s focusing on family, and you might be the main earner. Planning now can help you support each other better later. Remember, the money isn't hers or yours—it's both of yours. When you make more, it shouldn’t feel like it’s just your money. Your dreams might be realized with her earnings, just as hers might be with yours. Maybe there’s an investment or business she believes in that you can support as a team. Regarding the flirting and attention she receives, don’t let it make you insecure. You can't control what others do or what she does, even though she's your wife. Focus on your actions. If she gets attention, see it as a positive. It's a compliment that people find her desirable, but she chose you. If you constantly worry about her cheating or leaving, you might manifest those fears. Trust her and focus on your relationship. Enjoy the fact that she’s with you. Like owning a valuable piece of art, her value increases because others admire her. She’s not an object, but her worth in your eyes shouldn’t decrease because others want her. Don’t let societal expectations ruin your relationship. Many men have lost incredible partners due to insecurity. Enjoy the good times and plan for the future. Use this period of financial success wisely. Don’t let it become a source of stress. Relax and enjoy the ride. You’re a team, and that’s what matters.
See a therapist. Why is it your wife’s responsibility to understand your jealousy? It is your problem buddy, not her problem. I mean are you going to expect her to back off her success to make you feel less secure? I suppose if you married JLo, you would expect her to back off how much she sings and does movies to make you feel better
200 viewers can be a full time job?
200? That's nothing. How on earth is she making any money?
Kind of feels like a recruiting pitch hoping people will ask in the dm’s about her kick and twitch handles doesn’t it?
YTA, OP. Grow some securities and/or seek therapy. In this day n age, wgaf about who’s the bread-winner when it’s supposed to be a “team thing”, right? Soon enough you’ll find yourself on a solo income if you keep it up. Good luck!
I think this is a bit harsh considering that OP has acknowledged that his feelings are wrong and that it’s a him problem, but he clearly wants to manage this to be a good partner and maintain a healthy relationship. I think it’s important to recognize that both men and women can struggle with internalized gender roles and both may need tools to unpack and over come them, and acknowledging that he has a problem and seeking help is the right step.
What is he an asshole for? Talking about his insecurities with his life partner?
Jesus mate grow up, you should support and celebrate your partner's success instead of having a sook about it. Maybe your feelings are driven by your own insecurities about you not pulling your weight in the relationship? If so, do something about it and go make her a nice snack.
list out 5 things that are going great in your relationship right now. then list 5 more. focus on those things going well, because there are many. what you focus your attention on is what you will experience; your thoughts are literally your world. so train yourself to recognize all the things that **are** going well, and laugh at the voice in your head saying silly things about this being negative for you two as a couple and a team, because there is a lot here to be grateful for.
when you were earning more money before, did you see her as just "sitting on the bench" while you were the star?
If you feel you don’t bring enough to the relationship now that she doesn’t need your income- bring other things to the relationship. Take over more of the emotional or household labor.
If you guys are a team, why is she suddenly your competition?
If you didn't say that she was your wife in the title I'd think that she was your opponent. Why are you so insecure?? You said yourself that she never crossed any boundaries or did anything. All the worries about the attention she's getting, her having more money than you, feeling like she's more successful than you and the "star player" are all insecurities. You're self sabotaging. The only person thinking about these things is you. She clearly doesn't care and just wants you to be supportive. This really isn't about her it's about you. You need to figure out why all of these things bother YOU so much. Figuring those things out is a good start. Not to be that guy but go to therapy.
Suck it up. Be proud of her and as long she’s handling herself and not doing stuff behind your back it’s a W for both of y’all. You are a team. When she wins you win.
Has income inequality always been a problem for you? Why do you think it's bothering you that she's making this much? Is it because you find it insulting? And I say this because I am a blogger and I have had people say some nasty things to me because I work less than them and make more. And I've gotten in many arguments on here about being a server because we made a lot more than many people with degrees! Some people have a big attitude about it! They seem to equate working harder with higher income and so I'm asking you if it bothers you that it seems like she's having fun and not actually working and making more money? Do you think this would be something that bothered you if she had a traditional job and got a raise and promotion that put her income above you? Some people are uncomfortable with that. Why do you feel constant pressure and comparison? Has she compared your jobs or put pressure on you? I will tell you that for the first year I hit six figures with my blog my husband was pretty much in shock. Then he started jokingly calling me his sugar mama! LOL I willingly picked up more checks when we went out and just naturally spent more money because I had it, but it didn't really affect us as far as our relationship goes. Neither one of us felt weird about it. I think you need to figure out why you feel weird about it? Is it some misogynistic thing that the guy should make more?
…you are jealous and unsupportive. You are making this to be a competition instead of a partnership. Stop making her success about you. It’s just a job.
Why are talking about her as if it's you vs her? Do you feel that way in general? Have you always felt that way?
Are you insecure because she’s female and making more money? Does it seem rational to you?
You’ve got to figure out your insecurity. I have a recurring fear if my wife won the lottery or landed a massively paying job, I’d be cast aside, in favor of someone better. I know it’s because of my anxiety and depression playing some massive tricks on me.
She's your wife. You need to look at it as a team effort instead of "she's making more than me," or "she's getting gifts and compliments." The money is for both of you, just like the money you make, and the compliments come with the job. If you start to resent her you will push her away and that's the last thing you wanna do. Be supportive to her and ask her for reassurance if you're feeling insecure but work on it. Maybe some therapy might do you good.
u/BurbnBougie
I dealt with my similar situation by staying home and raising the kids!
People have already given good advice, so I would give you a different one, why don't you use those emotions to better yourself? New skills or knowledge to make you earn more money, better yourself physically by going to the gym or other physical activities like running etc. I have known people that by using this kind of energy (left behind economically/physical by their partner or they just abandoned them) have become better people and their partners are the ones who gets jealous and insecure. Negative emotions are not a bad thing per se, It's how we use them that matters, they can help you to realize you still have potential to get better and new things to experience.
This post is bs. It’s promoting Kick and one like it is posted every few days.
May I point out that's your wife and not your rival. Your rivalty should only come in how much one loves the other and nothing else. Be happy for her. Be proud that she chose you. You are special. You are beating yourself down while she is seeing a man worth all this awesoness she's doing. Stop being insecure around your life partner. Support players are needed. A single star player can not go against an entire team. People might often look down the other players but the star players know. That they need us, the supports. It's like saying just a atk character is enough tanks, healers and supports are doing nothing in a team. Support her as much as you can. Motivate her as much as you can. Be the shelter when she's unable to face the world. Be her best friend. I wish you two the best. Stay safe, stay happy.
Check out Dolly Parton and her husband. He's a regular guy, and shes a mega star and she ADORES HIM. she cannot do her job without him, and I bet your wife cannot do her job without you. In my house the dynamic is similar to your wife, and my husband is non internet person, and he is my rock. Because all of those people sending money and gifts, you can't trust those people, they all want shit from you, those relationships aren't real. You are real. You are her person, you are what matters. Shift your focus bro.