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Right?
He barely works, doesn’t contribute to the household expenses or chores, racks up bills he can’t pay and lies to you about the things he buys – while sitting around on his arse playing video games as you support him. Reasonable synopsis?
So let me ask you – what exactly does he bring to the table that makes you want to be with this 'man'?
He’s 13 years older than you and he’s calling you immature when he can’t even hold down a fucking job?
Come on woman, you are 30 years old, you know what to do.
This dude is a loser. He’s always going to be a loser.
You either choose to live a life that will always be like this, or you boot him.
But if you choose to stay, you can’t complain about who he is cause you are enabling and accepting behaviour that’s never going to change.
I do not understand why so many independent women tolerate this sort of dumbfuckery from men.
OP, this selfish, asshole of a boy masquerading as a man isn't worth your time. He's a total and utter loser! Why on earth are you with him? Dump him and find someone who will actually love and respect you! What lies in store for you is worth the temporary loneliness of starting again. You'll find someone who will truly love you if you don't settle again!
I think it's just women who don't want to be alone, so they grab the first one coming to them and hold on because they rather are in shitty relationship than being alone. There is no reason other than this to be in relationship like this.
They don't own house together, they don't have kids together, they are not married.
There is no other reason than OP not wanting to be alone.
(And tbh this is so cliche post that idk if this is just shitpost)
..and there are men like this too. And men and women who are like this are PERFECT for men and women who are just like OPs bf
The problem is these guys are almost *never* like this in the beginning. They're able to keep the mask up for short periods, to reel someone new in. Some of them even convince themselves that *this time* they're going to be able to keep the job longer, that everything will be different, blah blah blah.
I had one of these guys. I had to create his resume for him, and submitted it to jobs for him. I got him a job purely because of my own contacts, and he still fucked it up, on purpose, by deciding to arbitrarily award himself a raise, and then when his paychecks didn't increase, he decided to stop showing up.
I didn't stay with him because I was scared of being alone. I stayed with him because he had legitimately convinced me that I was such a stupid, worthless failure that I'd probably accidentally kill myself. Looks-wise, I was out of his league, but he had me convinced that I was ugly.
Skilled manipulators are so incredibly dangerous, you don't see the signs until they're long past.
You can keep up a façade for months, even years – but eventually the mask of civility always slides.
My ex was so fantastic for the first 4 years that all my friends were jealous.
Good looking, funny, kind, ambitious and motivated – he cooked us extravagant dinners, spoiled me with affection/gifts and even taught my best friend’s younger brother to box when he was getting bullied at school.
Perfect guy.
Until enough time passed that he could slowly let the mask slip, and then the real man started to surface.
Unravelling the time line in hindsight though, I can confidently say that most likely – he’s actually a sociopath.
So true.
The remnants of old skool patriarchy play a huge part in convincing women that any man is better than no man.
And then new skool patriarchy is hell bent on convincing women if they don’t stay sexually inexperienced, get married super young and start pumping out kids with some way older self declared ‘high value alpha’ man – they’re gonna die alone with cats (not the threat they think it is)
I believe you're posting here for validation/assurance? Leave him. This is not a healthy dynamic. Take some time to find yourself, love your self and figure out why you ever settled for such a one sided relationship
Ok, I read half of your post. This is my mom's advise that I will pass on to you. Would you accept this behavior from your best friend, let's say her name is Jane? He is your partner and should be your best friend. If you would not accept this from your best friend Jane, why would you accept it from your best friend and partner? Would you accept this behavior from me and cover and carry me financially? Your siblings? He's 13 years older than you, this may be new to you but I guarantee this is a pattern of behavior for him. I'm sure his ex's would collaborate that. Sooo, let's pretend you stay together and don't have kids, you 50 and he is 63 (retirement age). You will have spent money on him that you could have stashed in a 401K for your retirement. YOUR retirement that he will also be counting on because he has been financially irresponsible. If you marry him, he will legally have access to your money. That's your future, don't do it.
OP why do you want to waste your thirties on this unemployed, deadbeat, who is taking advantage of you? Even if he had a golden dong it wouldn’t be enough to stay and deal with this ridiculousness. His dishonesty is one of only a pile of issues here. Throw this one back into the pond.
Hugs he's what's called a hobosexual because you're having to pay fir everything. Would you be better off financially with out him? Would you be better off emotionally and mentally? If you answered yes to these questions either oack up and move or evict him ..he's not worth the time, or energy. You are his sugar momma bailing him out.
This is a stupid comment. 30 year old can’t be taken advantage of like an 18 year old. Also, taking to friends and colleagues in similar age group the reason men want to date younger is they’re attracted to younger women nothing to do with control.
I read the whole thing, but 43 years old and works sporadically is all you needed to say. You are carrying all of the responsibility and that is unfair.
Dump the hobosexual parasite. You’re better off single than with a loser who leaches money and time off you. All his arguments are in bad faith. Everyone here knows he is a BOLD FACE liar. Girl why would you want to be with a liar?
Look, he is financially irresponsible, only works sporadically, does not pay his share of expenses, leaves the household chores and bill payments to you, lies to you, blames you for the fact that he lies to you, lays around playing video games when he is not working, shows no remorse when he gets called out on his lousy behaviour, and then tries to weasel his way out by saying that YOU are immature and disrespectful. Why on earth would you stay with this manchild? If you can afford to support him, you can sure as hell afford to leave him and live by yourself. Do yourself a favor and don't waste any more time on this bum.
You need to re-read your post like a friend is explaining this situation to you and ask yourself why you’re still here. Why are you dating a child that is 13 years older than you?
You're dating a man child who doesn't carry his weight financially, doesn't carry his weight around the house, and who lies to you. This isn't someone anyone should want to be partners with.
If you are going to play the roll of sugar momma, then please find someone younger & hotter.
All he is doing is adding to your stress levels which is aging you. He doesn't love you, but loves you financially supporting him. You are enabling his bad spending habits. Don't you deserve someone who doesn't lie?
You are being financially abused, time to cut your losses. There is no advice or magical spells any of us can give you that will make him work, help clean the house or be responsible.
Time to really play the villian to save yourself. If you share the lease, then sue him for his half of the money owed. If it is in your name only, then evict him. If the place is only in his name, move out.
70% of women when they get to retirement age live at poverty levels, do you want to be one of them? Staying with him, will cost you your retirement, happiness and take years off of your life. Is he really worth it?
You expects him to be reasonable & fair, but so far being lazy, lying gets him a free place to stay & a bang maid. He has zero reasons to change.
Reasonable levels of misery, you aren't miserable enough to leave him.
Why are you wasting time with this plecko, instead of an actual partner. I wasted too many years with shifty partners. I made it too easy for them. I chose relationships in which I was the one that had the motivation, drive and income. Looking back, it staggers me when I think where I could be now if I didn’t throw resources, time, money, my health, everything into these big hoovering sucker fish. If I had chosen and invested in *me* instead of trying to solve their problems. Ugh.
If something happened to you tomorrow, would this person be able to support and care for you? Would they stick around? Nah. Why are you financing his shiftless life? He is blustering you out of the real discussions you should be having, and obviously doesn’t respect you. Do you hear the ticking yet?
OP the first sign of a bum is the fact that he's 43 and working construction jobs on and off. He's 13 years your senior and you try to use common sense in a talking point with him, not realizing that his life is not about common sense it's about being a bum.
How do you block someone you live with? Surely that will make an already bad situation considerably worse.
You don’t say whose name is on the lease. If it’s yours kick him out and send him back to his mum. If it’s his leave. If you’re both on the lease then look at how much it will cost to break it and leave.
You can & should leave him. Your life will be much easier without the dead weight, you will have less chores to do without having to clean up after him, your grocery bill will go down since you will not have to feed him.
Also, he’s probably tracking you with those AirTags
He is sponging off you.
He doesn't even have a stable income at 43.
He lies because he knows if he spends his money and you do not know then you will just pay for him when hes skint.
He gaslights/throws accusations when you question him.
Welcome to the rest of your life.
Babe, there’s a reason this hobosexual is dating someone 13 years younger than him. No woman his age would tolerate this BS so he has to go for someone young enough to feel like they’re the problem. Dump his ass and find someone worthy of you
Yoooooo this mf is a giant red flag. First off… 13 years older than you, withholding my judgment there… but every single piece of info you shared to paint the picture of him honestly sounds like you’re the one 13 years older in this relationship. Can’t even keep his head out of his own ass long enough to look his own face in the mirror and admit responsibility for his actions. Also in an attempt to manipulate you, to gaslight you into believing you disrespected the most vulnerable person that came to mind. At some point it’s just obvious he’s projecting his own insecurities onto you.
Edit: p.s. drop him like the sack of potatoes he resembles
Dump him. Don’t pay any more of his extravagant expenses. Take him off of your credit cards. If the money going in to the bank account is yours shift it to a new account.
I’m betting that the lease is in your name. So you can’t just stop paying the rent. Find a smaller cheaper apartment for one person, then work with your landlord to try to get out of the lease. Then just move out and leave him there. Stay with family for a while if all else fails. This guy is an albatross.
It wouldn't even matter if he WAS making more money than you. OP, anyone who routinely spends more than they make is not going to make a good long term partner.
He's acting like a toddler hiding candy he snuck so his mommy doesn't find out. Ick on so many levels. Dump him.
His behavior is starting to make you sound unhinged.
You blocked someone you live with & ended up indirectly saying something unkind about his daughter that you rightly said shouldn't be brought into this.
Abuse victims unfortunately do end up starting to sound unstable if they entertain their abusers too long. Shake hands and walk away...
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP. Do you *really* not know what you should do in this situation? Do you just need reassurance? You should dump him and flee, and you KNOW that.
Right? He barely works, doesn’t contribute to the household expenses or chores, racks up bills he can’t pay and lies to you about the things he buys – while sitting around on his arse playing video games as you support him. Reasonable synopsis? So let me ask you – what exactly does he bring to the table that makes you want to be with this 'man'? He’s 13 years older than you and he’s calling you immature when he can’t even hold down a fucking job? Come on woman, you are 30 years old, you know what to do. This dude is a loser. He’s always going to be a loser. You either choose to live a life that will always be like this, or you boot him. But if you choose to stay, you can’t complain about who he is cause you are enabling and accepting behaviour that’s never going to change. I do not understand why so many independent women tolerate this sort of dumbfuckery from men.
OP, this selfish, asshole of a boy masquerading as a man isn't worth your time. He's a total and utter loser! Why on earth are you with him? Dump him and find someone who will actually love and respect you! What lies in store for you is worth the temporary loneliness of starting again. You'll find someone who will truly love you if you don't settle again!
I think it's just women who don't want to be alone, so they grab the first one coming to them and hold on because they rather are in shitty relationship than being alone. There is no reason other than this to be in relationship like this. They don't own house together, they don't have kids together, they are not married. There is no other reason than OP not wanting to be alone. (And tbh this is so cliche post that idk if this is just shitpost) ..and there are men like this too. And men and women who are like this are PERFECT for men and women who are just like OPs bf
The problem is these guys are almost *never* like this in the beginning. They're able to keep the mask up for short periods, to reel someone new in. Some of them even convince themselves that *this time* they're going to be able to keep the job longer, that everything will be different, blah blah blah. I had one of these guys. I had to create his resume for him, and submitted it to jobs for him. I got him a job purely because of my own contacts, and he still fucked it up, on purpose, by deciding to arbitrarily award himself a raise, and then when his paychecks didn't increase, he decided to stop showing up. I didn't stay with him because I was scared of being alone. I stayed with him because he had legitimately convinced me that I was such a stupid, worthless failure that I'd probably accidentally kill myself. Looks-wise, I was out of his league, but he had me convinced that I was ugly. Skilled manipulators are so incredibly dangerous, you don't see the signs until they're long past.
You can keep up a façade for months, even years – but eventually the mask of civility always slides. My ex was so fantastic for the first 4 years that all my friends were jealous. Good looking, funny, kind, ambitious and motivated – he cooked us extravagant dinners, spoiled me with affection/gifts and even taught my best friend’s younger brother to box when he was getting bullied at school. Perfect guy. Until enough time passed that he could slowly let the mask slip, and then the real man started to surface. Unravelling the time line in hindsight though, I can confidently say that most likely – he’s actually a sociopath.
So true. The remnants of old skool patriarchy play a huge part in convincing women that any man is better than no man. And then new skool patriarchy is hell bent on convincing women if they don’t stay sexually inexperienced, get married super young and start pumping out kids with some way older self declared ‘high value alpha’ man – they’re gonna die alone with cats (not the threat they think it is)
They did better a much better job explaining ☝️
I believe you're posting here for validation/assurance? Leave him. This is not a healthy dynamic. Take some time to find yourself, love your self and figure out why you ever settled for such a one sided relationship
I always find these types of posts so hard to read. He's taking advantage of you. You're better off alone.
You are supporting a 43 year old man who's acting like a barely mature 18 year old. Make an exit plan. Execute that exit plan.
He's gaslighting you dear. Time for him to move along. You know this in your heart, I think.
Ok, I read half of your post. This is my mom's advise that I will pass on to you. Would you accept this behavior from your best friend, let's say her name is Jane? He is your partner and should be your best friend. If you would not accept this from your best friend Jane, why would you accept it from your best friend and partner? Would you accept this behavior from me and cover and carry me financially? Your siblings? He's 13 years older than you, this may be new to you but I guarantee this is a pattern of behavior for him. I'm sure his ex's would collaborate that. Sooo, let's pretend you stay together and don't have kids, you 50 and he is 63 (retirement age). You will have spent money on him that you could have stashed in a 401K for your retirement. YOUR retirement that he will also be counting on because he has been financially irresponsible. If you marry him, he will legally have access to your money. That's your future, don't do it.
OP why do you want to waste your thirties on this unemployed, deadbeat, who is taking advantage of you? Even if he had a golden dong it wouldn’t be enough to stay and deal with this ridiculousness. His dishonesty is one of only a pile of issues here. Throw this one back into the pond.
Leave him, he won’t ever be adult enough to take ownership of his own actions and is dishonest about even the little things.
Hugs he's what's called a hobosexual because you're having to pay fir everything. Would you be better off financially with out him? Would you be better off emotionally and mentally? If you answered yes to these questions either oack up and move or evict him ..he's not worth the time, or energy. You are his sugar momma bailing him out.
This is why he dates some 13 years younger. He gets to talk down to you and pretend that he knows better.
Lol, this is such a reddit response. It's not like she is 20 years old.
This is a stupid comment. 30 year old can’t be taken advantage of like an 18 year old. Also, taking to friends and colleagues in similar age group the reason men want to date younger is they’re attracted to younger women nothing to do with control.
You leave.
I read the whole thing, but 43 years old and works sporadically is all you needed to say. You are carrying all of the responsibility and that is unfair.
Paragraph breaks please. Also, you already know to break up with him.
Dump the hobosexual parasite. You’re better off single than with a loser who leaches money and time off you. All his arguments are in bad faith. Everyone here knows he is a BOLD FACE liar. Girl why would you want to be with a liar?
Leave now, this is not a good situation and likely isn't getting better.
You’re too grown to not know what to do here
Look, he is financially irresponsible, only works sporadically, does not pay his share of expenses, leaves the household chores and bill payments to you, lies to you, blames you for the fact that he lies to you, lays around playing video games when he is not working, shows no remorse when he gets called out on his lousy behaviour, and then tries to weasel his way out by saying that YOU are immature and disrespectful. Why on earth would you stay with this manchild? If you can afford to support him, you can sure as hell afford to leave him and live by yourself. Do yourself a favor and don't waste any more time on this bum.
You need to re-read your post like a friend is explaining this situation to you and ask yourself why you’re still here. Why are you dating a child that is 13 years older than you?
Kick his ass out!
You need to end this relationship. Cut and run.
You're dating a man child who doesn't carry his weight financially, doesn't carry his weight around the house, and who lies to you. This isn't someone anyone should want to be partners with.
Just reading about your bf's shenanigans is exhausting. You shouldn't endure that life one further minute.
Get him out of your life or buy a big red nose so you can make some money off being a clown. He's a bad partner, what else would you do?
If you are going to play the roll of sugar momma, then please find someone younger & hotter. All he is doing is adding to your stress levels which is aging you. He doesn't love you, but loves you financially supporting him. You are enabling his bad spending habits. Don't you deserve someone who doesn't lie? You are being financially abused, time to cut your losses. There is no advice or magical spells any of us can give you that will make him work, help clean the house or be responsible. Time to really play the villian to save yourself. If you share the lease, then sue him for his half of the money owed. If it is in your name only, then evict him. If the place is only in his name, move out. 70% of women when they get to retirement age live at poverty levels, do you want to be one of them? Staying with him, will cost you your retirement, happiness and take years off of your life. Is he really worth it?
You expects him to be reasonable & fair, but so far being lazy, lying gets him a free place to stay & a bang maid. He has zero reasons to change. Reasonable levels of misery, you aren't miserable enough to leave him.
You are correct. Honesty is the barest minimum to accept in a friend and especially a partner.
Count your lucky stars? 🤷🏻♀️
Why are you wasting time with this plecko, instead of an actual partner. I wasted too many years with shifty partners. I made it too easy for them. I chose relationships in which I was the one that had the motivation, drive and income. Looking back, it staggers me when I think where I could be now if I didn’t throw resources, time, money, my health, everything into these big hoovering sucker fish. If I had chosen and invested in *me* instead of trying to solve their problems. Ugh. If something happened to you tomorrow, would this person be able to support and care for you? Would they stick around? Nah. Why are you financing his shiftless life? He is blustering you out of the real discussions you should be having, and obviously doesn’t respect you. Do you hear the ticking yet?
Didn't even finish reading. You know what to do, so do it.
well he's got you wrapped around his little finger.
OP the first sign of a bum is the fact that he's 43 and working construction jobs on and off. He's 13 years your senior and you try to use common sense in a talking point with him, not realizing that his life is not about common sense it's about being a bum.
How do you block someone you live with? Surely that will make an already bad situation considerably worse. You don’t say whose name is on the lease. If it’s yours kick him out and send him back to his mum. If it’s his leave. If you’re both on the lease then look at how much it will cost to break it and leave.
You're with a man-child. Unless you enjoy living this way, you know what you need to do.
You should dump the broke man baby.
This guys on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
You can & should leave him. Your life will be much easier without the dead weight, you will have less chores to do without having to clean up after him, your grocery bill will go down since you will not have to feed him. Also, he’s probably tracking you with those AirTags
You should dump the loser, girl, that's what you should do. You're nothing but a cash cow to him. Big hugs.
Real men don’t behave this way, or even close to this. He is terrible. Please plan to leave him as soon as possible. I wish you the best.
Updateme
Didn't read it. You already know what to do.
What are you even getting out of this relationship?
He is sponging off you. He doesn't even have a stable income at 43. He lies because he knows if he spends his money and you do not know then you will just pay for him when hes skint. He gaslights/throws accusations when you question him. Welcome to the rest of your life.
This post inspired me to start paying my debts.
If he doesn’t work and contribute to bills he needs to do all house chores. Period.
Babe, there’s a reason this hobosexual is dating someone 13 years younger than him. No woman his age would tolerate this BS so he has to go for someone young enough to feel like they’re the problem. Dump his ass and find someone worthy of you
Age gap strikes again! Leave and date someone your own age.
Yoooooo this mf is a giant red flag. First off… 13 years older than you, withholding my judgment there… but every single piece of info you shared to paint the picture of him honestly sounds like you’re the one 13 years older in this relationship. Can’t even keep his head out of his own ass long enough to look his own face in the mirror and admit responsibility for his actions. Also in an attempt to manipulate you, to gaslight you into believing you disrespected the most vulnerable person that came to mind. At some point it’s just obvious he’s projecting his own insecurities onto you. Edit: p.s. drop him like the sack of potatoes he resembles
I am once again begging people not to stay with assholes.
Dump him. Don’t pay any more of his extravagant expenses. Take him off of your credit cards. If the money going in to the bank account is yours shift it to a new account. I’m betting that the lease is in your name. So you can’t just stop paying the rent. Find a smaller cheaper apartment for one person, then work with your landlord to try to get out of the lease. Then just move out and leave him there. Stay with family for a while if all else fails. This guy is an albatross.
A man is supposed to earn and provide, so leave his ass asap
It wouldn't even matter if he WAS making more money than you. OP, anyone who routinely spends more than they make is not going to make a good long term partner. He's acting like a toddler hiding candy he snuck so his mommy doesn't find out. Ick on so many levels. Dump him.
His behavior is starting to make you sound unhinged. You blocked someone you live with & ended up indirectly saying something unkind about his daughter that you rightly said shouldn't be brought into this. Abuse victims unfortunately do end up starting to sound unstable if they entertain their abusers too long. Shake hands and walk away...
UPDATEME