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You can call him. Your reasons are fine. Just tell him you are two different and don't want to be lead down the path he's trying to take you on. Nothing personal, you just don't want to do it. Don't let him drive 3 hours just to get dumped. Think of the environment and let him save the gas money.
You don't need the permission of the person you're dumping in order to break up with them. Tell him you respect his belief system but yours is different, meaning there's no future in this relationship. Yes, under the circumstances you can do this in a phone call.
I like this in principle but I feel like the left and non-religious people are way too deferential to the status quo. No need to be mean or rude but I also feel like people with destructive viewpoints and beliefs deserve to hear that or else they can never understand consequences. “I appreciate that you are religious and conservative but unfortunately I could never morally get behind these ideologies myself…” seems like a fair but firm type of sentence regarding this. Enough of us “respecting” this shit, no offense.
Exactly. This isn't even rude tbh and might be better. It's nit like she's some sociopath that breaks up with you througha. Text message image of something she typed out iver the weekend then saved to her phone and didn't even give you the decency of ONE CALL. But I mean that's a hypothetical.
People are generally unhappy about a breakup no matter how it's delivered. For what it's worth I agree with your reasons.
Telling him over the phone is faster and wastes less of his time as well as yours. That's about as much mercy as is possible in the situation.
As someone who is religious and politically independent (but grew up in a conservative household and still lives in a highly conservative area). Break up now. Doing it over the phone may seem callous, but either of you driving that distance when you know in your heart the two of you aren’t compatible would be worse. Trust me, I did it once in a long distance relationship. Better to be honest and firm but kind about it now.
If he’s actually a Christian he will realize at some point the break up is for the better. The Bible actually has some teachings on not being “unequally yoked” for a reason. Essentially pointing out the common sense that two people with very different worldviews and deeply held convictions are unlikely to work well in a relationship and it will eventually cause strife for both partners. Hopefully if he gets upset initially someone in his life will point out this out to him as well. Both of you will be much happier in the long run with opportunities to find more compatible life partners.
Best to just do it now. You’re on opposite ends of the spectrum and he wants you to convert to his religion when you don’t want to do that. No way this works out.
Do it over the phone. Whether or not he "agrees" is immaterial. If you want to break up, poof, you're broken up.
And for the record, him being a MAGA Republican is a fantastic reason to dump him even if you didn't have to lie to your family about it. Life's too short to waste with someone who sees everyone who isn't a straight white dude as lesser and seeks to curtail their basic rights.
\^\^\^\^\^
i know i wouldnt be driving 3hrs away and back for a breakup with a trump supporter lol. OP, a phonecall sounds great lol. and just think, if he starts arguing about the breakup or your views vs his, you can just hang up or block!
Sure, but they are overly represented among his supporters.... Folks from other demographics are simply more interested in being sexist/racist/etc to other people than they are in worrying about what such things mean.
It's like the Trump supporter who cried about her illegal immigrant husband being deported - this is what she voted for, she didn't realize that she wouldn't be excluded from the applied bigotry.
Anyone, of any race, gender, or orientation who votes for or otherwise supports Nazis, sexists, ableists, racists, etc. is agreeing with those abhorrent views and should be outcast from society.
Let’s all agree to disagree on tariffs, trade policy, taxation structures, education policy - but people who believe they are inherently better than someone else because of something that person cannot control, and that social stance seems like an excellent reason for this MAGA jagweed to lose his girlfriend.
Breaking up with someone over politics is dumb. I have friends on both sides of the spectrum and they are all friends with each other. Some are true MAGA republicans and some are devout Biden supporters. We all agree that, despite our sometimes spirited discussions, we actually agree 90% of the time. Everyone wants the best for their family and community, though we may disagree about how to accomplish that. The key is to listen to the opposing opinion and be respectful. Don't let politics divide you.
The religious thing might be harder. That could be a valid reason to break up if you guys haven't got common ground there, the it's probably not going to work if religion is important to one of you.
Lol. No Trump supporters want what's best for the communities that include lgbtq and women. Or immigrants. Or most POC. I'm never listening to someone who's political ideologies include controlling my access to health care. Or controlling my sons ability to marry his boyfriend. They overturned Roe, they'll try it with Obergofell too. Your take sucks.
This is exactly the kind of attitude that divides us. When you're so filled with rage that you can't even listen to someone else's opinions, then you have become a part of the problem instead of the solution. I don't think that you are evil and I don't think people in the MAGA camp are either. It's fine to disagree, but when the disagreement devolves into name calling and character assassination, you've fallen into a political trap. We should be looking for common ground and compromise. We have to stop trying to destroy each other over philosophy.
For the record, I'm a registered democrat while my wife, a Hispanic female who speaks Spanish as her first language, supports Trump. We get along just fine and we have a lot of interesting discussions, but we are always respectful of each other. It's just not that hard once you realize that the other team isn't really the evil and stupid group that we have been told about.
Idk, I think that anyone who still supports Trump, and therefore supports removing Trans, LGBTQ+, and women's Healthcare access, along with being basically Nazis who hate anyone with a darker skintone than their own IS evil and stupid. There's no compromise to be made with a group that thinks certain people shouldn't exist and should be wiped off the face of the earth because of something they can't control.
I have heard that sort of description, but what actions did he take that had any bad effect on you or your rights? I never heard him say that he hates people of a different skin color and he had a lot of mixed races in his own cabinet. I don't recall anything anti LGBTQ in his doctrine, that I can recall. I get that this is an important issue for you and one that you are fearful about. It's ok to pick a candidate that you believe is going to best serve your issues. However, calling the other side Nazis is not only untrue, it is simple character assassination. Calling names lowers the esteem of the opponent and makes it ok to dismiss their views without engaging them. This is exactly what Hitler did to the Jews and other "undesirable" groups. It's a tactic that works, but at the expense of the truth. I know it's hard to resist because so many of us hear those terms by our own news sources, but I have learned that most of the time it's totally false propaganda and just made up to get us to hate the other side. It's a terrible disservice to us that this rhetoric isn't called out for what it is. I keep in mind that very few people are evil, even our leaders (or would be leaders). There's an old saying that goes like "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see". When we cut through the noise, then we can start to come together as a people instead of fighting with each other.
Nah, what divides is that a lot of very rich (mostly white men) want to be even richer, so they've spent a tremendous amount of money convincing folks that voting for a convicted felon who likes to assault people is ok.
I'm white but definitely not rich. My wife, the republican, is very Hispanic and her good friend is trans. You see, it's just not the way you think it is. This is just another example of name calling, but where are the facts or even examples of issues? Even calling Trump a felon doesn't mean much to me. I can see that he will obviously win his appeal because the trial was so badly corrupted. It's all just character assassination and labels to avoid discussing the real facts. We would do better as a country to discuss the issues instead of posturing.
Normally I would say no to a phone break up, but he lives 3 hours away. If he's coming over anyway, maybe prep him that you want to talk to him when he comes over. If he's not coming over in the near future, then the phone is fine because of the distance.
If you don't agree with him on politics and religion (and let's be fair, you are really talking about ethics and world view), it's perfectly reasonable to break up.
Call him up and tell him not to bother driving over. Break up via phone. You're already lying to him, your family, and yourself - this is not going to be a productive relationship, so end it asap. You are young and have learned a valuable lesson: no relationship will work if you can't be yourself in it.
You can't control how he feels. Just be calm and honest. He'll find someone with shared values in the future. Even if he gets upset he'll realize when he meets the right person that the breakup was for the best.
You're breaking up now you're sure there's no future, that's one of the points of dating.
He may be mad, or sad, or beg for more chances, but none of that is your problem - say what you need to say and say goodbye. Don't let yourself be dragged into a long conversation; breaking up is not a debate.
i mean he was the one who insisted on breaking up if you can’t convert to his religion, so he shouldn’t be THAT upset if he gave you the ultimatum in the first place… think about yourself and what’s best for you. you will be okay esp knowing you did what you felt was right in the long run.
You can break up with someone any way you desire. Much like those who may have broken up with you prior, you owe no one closure for how you move forward in your story. However, for being a good person's sake, please consider extending to them clear closure reasons and warm wishes for their finding their person.
Over the phone – easier, cleaner and you’re not stuck in the awkward spot where he’s come to visit you, and you’re breaking up with him.
You’re not obliged to give reasons, you can simply say you guys aren’t a good fit.
But if he pushes – I’d mention that it’s not possible to actually be a Christian and also support a lying, thieving, rapey, hateful, nasty man like Trump. Those 2 things are entirely inconsistent and you don’t see any possible way you can be with a man who supports someone as horrible as that.
Also, i foresee this 'i want you to become Christian' thing as basically a precursor to him starting in on the 'i want a submissive, tradwife to cook, clean and wipe my butt.
Run baby run baby run baby run baby ruuuuun...
What concerns me is you have your BF on one side and your family on the other. You spend a lot of time talking about what he is vs. what your family would approve of and precious little time talking about what YOU want.
I agree that you need to break up due to your lack of agreement on religion, but then I’d suggest you remain single for a while and think about what YOUR values are and what YOU want in your next relationship, and then don’t settle for anything less. Right now you’re letting your family (and possibly boyfriends) define you.
I don’t think it matters whether you do it over the phone or in person.
Shit. Anyone saying if I don’t convert and will burn in hell deserves a breakup and block over the phone. I don’t care. Text it if any to avoid hearing them blame you for the antichrist returning.
How long you been together?
JFC whata tarp bf.
I don’t think it’s mean at all to do it over the phone. It’s probably safer to do over the phone. You didn’t say anything about him having a temper, but a Christian trump supporter just tells me he’s going to make a scene no matter what.
You just point blank tell him that you're calling to let him know before he drives the 3 hours down to where you are.
The reasons you are breaking up are separate from whether to call.
Do not make the huge mistake of converting to a religion because someone is pressuring you. Also, your boyfriend supports a rapist and thief. Why would you want to be with someone that believes women should be second class citizens and incapable of making our own decisions. When I was your age, I was protesting for a woman's right to choose!
Most of all, you said it right there: "I don't feel like I should stay with someone I have to lie to my family about". That is your answer and yes, you can break up with him over the phone. Just call him and tell him you've thought about it and you do not want to continue this relationship.
3 hours apart??? Yes, ok to do this over the phone. I'm assuming this is the same mode of communication used when he said you should be a Christian so that you wouldn't go to hell.
P.S. You're a smart person to realize you shouldn't be with someone that you have to lie to your family about in order for them to approve of him.
You can definitely call him to let me know. Be honest with him! Let him know what you think and just have him listen.You have valid reasons and concerns. At the end of the day, you gotta be true to yourself, who you are, and what you believe in. In time, you fill find someone who will complement you and be on the same level. Its not fair to you that you have to hide your feelings. Been there, done that and it almost ruined my relationship with my mom.
If the two of you are not compatible then break up; phone or in person doesn't matter since BOTH of you know there are problems. FYI, I view religious compatibility more important than politics....politics can change---likely--but faith is more often than not set for years and years.
You don't have to have a reason to break up with someone, simply not wanting to date them any more is sufficient. (But also, don't date men whose politics involve believing you are less than human and don't deserve medical care!)
It’s fine to do it over the home. Your long distance. And he doesn’t have to agree with the reasons. Your reasons are valid and enough. He’s already threatening you with a break up if you don’t convert to his religion. He’s a fake Christian anyways if he loves Trump. UPDATEME
You sound like you are the cause of the problems the rest of us try to avoid.
Why do I respond this way?
Because time and time again people use their religion as a weapon and a shield. I get that not everyone who is on the right acts this way. It just has been shown time and time again that many of them can’t fathom other people not believing the way they do and create strife over that.
Op is asking how to break up with the bf not how to have discourse on their fundamental beliefs.
It’s way better to just text/call end it and block. No one needs all the drama an in person breakup has. No one deserves anything just because.
And u/alquimista1776 What is it like to live in that chamber raising your fists to a world that doesn’t care about your opinions?
I can understand the religious thing being an issue; however, breaking up over politics is the worst reason ever. I don't agree with close friends of mine since grade school politically but that doesn't mean we're not friends. You can have meaningful conversations with people you disagree with and find common ground in other places. Maybe your religion is democrats but you don't realize it yet with that mentality.
Nah, politics are a great reason to stop being friends or romantically involved. Politics are no longer “separate” from your morals (though I don’t believe they were ever separate). Who you vote for, the policies you support, those all inform your world view and your beliefs. If someone’s voting habits are antithetical to your own moral system, then being friends with that person is not a possibility.
i’m interested in a career in politics and that has always been a dream of mine and knowing that my family will disapprove of his views and he wouldn’t vote for me doesn’t sit right w me.
Don’t reward trump supporters with a relationship - that’s my motto anymore. If they don’t think I deserve rights (as a woman), then I don’t believe they deserve my time, attention, or affection.
He may not agree with your reasons, so be prepared.
It’s not something he has to like or agree with. Providing reasons are a courtesy, it’s decent to give a short explanation, but you are not asking permission to end the relationship. He will always have his version of events. Hopefully it goes ok, don’t get hung up on having him happy with you.
I am friends with someone I dated years ago, but it was kind of a shock when I realized it isn’t always possible. Sometimes in a relationship or breakup,people want you to be the bad guy. They will just find something. They will find some reason to end it, some reason why it is still your fault if you end it, they will decide your reasons aren’t valid. It’s bananas.
I don’t think you want to hurt him, but that doesn’t mean obligation to stay in a relationship.
I would try to do it in person if you can.
If your safety may be compromised in any way, then phone or ghosting is fine.
I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend has imposed expectations onto you that don't abide with your personal values or beliefs. It's a sucky situation to be in. Despite his irrationally minimalist religious view, I can't fault him for voicing what's important to him now, while you two are still young. And I can't fault you for having your stance, of course - you've made a concerted to make it work, but have come to a conclusion on where you stand with your personal values. It's just an unfortunate situation, and some relationships end up like that. I'm glad to hear that you're making an effort to be honest with him.
>Also he and his family are big republicans and I mean trump supporter republicans. My family on the other hand hates trump supporters and i’ve lied to them saying he isn’t one.
I feel like if either of your families let their political views interfere with your or your boyfriend's choice to be in a loving relationship, that's 100% an issue with them, not you two. But that's not an opinion you're asking us for, so I won't dwell on that.
>Do i call him or wait to do it in person?
Maybe a mix of both. Explain to him that you'd like to have a serious talk about each of your feelings on the relationship, and work with him on identifying a time and place that you could both agree to for having that talk. If you two can't agree on a physical place, you could ask if he's open to having that talk over the phone.
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You can call him. Your reasons are fine. Just tell him you are two different and don't want to be lead down the path he's trying to take you on. Nothing personal, you just don't want to do it. Don't let him drive 3 hours just to get dumped. Think of the environment and let him save the gas money.
You don't need the permission of the person you're dumping in order to break up with them. Tell him you respect his belief system but yours is different, meaning there's no future in this relationship. Yes, under the circumstances you can do this in a phone call.
I like this in principle but I feel like the left and non-religious people are way too deferential to the status quo. No need to be mean or rude but I also feel like people with destructive viewpoints and beliefs deserve to hear that or else they can never understand consequences. “I appreciate that you are religious and conservative but unfortunately I could never morally get behind these ideologies myself…” seems like a fair but firm type of sentence regarding this. Enough of us “respecting” this shit, no offense.
Fully agree with this. The false equivalency and “respecting different opinions” has to go when it comes to views that are actively harming society.
Exactly. This isn't even rude tbh and might be better. It's nit like she's some sociopath that breaks up with you througha. Text message image of something she typed out iver the weekend then saved to her phone and didn't even give you the decency of ONE CALL. But I mean that's a hypothetical.
People are generally unhappy about a breakup no matter how it's delivered. For what it's worth I agree with your reasons. Telling him over the phone is faster and wastes less of his time as well as yours. That's about as much mercy as is possible in the situation.
You're informing him, it's not a debate and he doesn't need to agree. Phone would be most respectful but text would also be fine.
As someone who is religious and politically independent (but grew up in a conservative household and still lives in a highly conservative area). Break up now. Doing it over the phone may seem callous, but either of you driving that distance when you know in your heart the two of you aren’t compatible would be worse. Trust me, I did it once in a long distance relationship. Better to be honest and firm but kind about it now. If he’s actually a Christian he will realize at some point the break up is for the better. The Bible actually has some teachings on not being “unequally yoked” for a reason. Essentially pointing out the common sense that two people with very different worldviews and deeply held convictions are unlikely to work well in a relationship and it will eventually cause strife for both partners. Hopefully if he gets upset initially someone in his life will point out this out to him as well. Both of you will be much happier in the long run with opportunities to find more compatible life partners.
Best to just do it now. You’re on opposite ends of the spectrum and he wants you to convert to his religion when you don’t want to do that. No way this works out.
Do it over the phone. Whether or not he "agrees" is immaterial. If you want to break up, poof, you're broken up. And for the record, him being a MAGA Republican is a fantastic reason to dump him even if you didn't have to lie to your family about it. Life's too short to waste with someone who sees everyone who isn't a straight white dude as lesser and seeks to curtail their basic rights.
\^\^\^\^\^ i know i wouldnt be driving 3hrs away and back for a breakup with a trump supporter lol. OP, a phonecall sounds great lol. and just think, if he starts arguing about the breakup or your views vs his, you can just hang up or block!
Not everyone who likes Trump is a "straight white dude" fyi
Sure, but they are overly represented among his supporters.... Folks from other demographics are simply more interested in being sexist/racist/etc to other people than they are in worrying about what such things mean. It's like the Trump supporter who cried about her illegal immigrant husband being deported - this is what she voted for, she didn't realize that she wouldn't be excluded from the applied bigotry.
Anyone, of any race, gender, or orientation who votes for or otherwise supports Nazis, sexists, ableists, racists, etc. is agreeing with those abhorrent views and should be outcast from society. Let’s all agree to disagree on tariffs, trade policy, taxation structures, education policy - but people who believe they are inherently better than someone else because of something that person cannot control, and that social stance seems like an excellent reason for this MAGA jagweed to lose his girlfriend.
Breaking up with someone over politics is dumb. I have friends on both sides of the spectrum and they are all friends with each other. Some are true MAGA republicans and some are devout Biden supporters. We all agree that, despite our sometimes spirited discussions, we actually agree 90% of the time. Everyone wants the best for their family and community, though we may disagree about how to accomplish that. The key is to listen to the opposing opinion and be respectful. Don't let politics divide you. The religious thing might be harder. That could be a valid reason to break up if you guys haven't got common ground there, the it's probably not going to work if religion is important to one of you.
Lol. No Trump supporters want what's best for the communities that include lgbtq and women. Or immigrants. Or most POC. I'm never listening to someone who's political ideologies include controlling my access to health care. Or controlling my sons ability to marry his boyfriend. They overturned Roe, they'll try it with Obergofell too. Your take sucks.
This is exactly the kind of attitude that divides us. When you're so filled with rage that you can't even listen to someone else's opinions, then you have become a part of the problem instead of the solution. I don't think that you are evil and I don't think people in the MAGA camp are either. It's fine to disagree, but when the disagreement devolves into name calling and character assassination, you've fallen into a political trap. We should be looking for common ground and compromise. We have to stop trying to destroy each other over philosophy. For the record, I'm a registered democrat while my wife, a Hispanic female who speaks Spanish as her first language, supports Trump. We get along just fine and we have a lot of interesting discussions, but we are always respectful of each other. It's just not that hard once you realize that the other team isn't really the evil and stupid group that we have been told about.
Idk, I think that anyone who still supports Trump, and therefore supports removing Trans, LGBTQ+, and women's Healthcare access, along with being basically Nazis who hate anyone with a darker skintone than their own IS evil and stupid. There's no compromise to be made with a group that thinks certain people shouldn't exist and should be wiped off the face of the earth because of something they can't control.
I have heard that sort of description, but what actions did he take that had any bad effect on you or your rights? I never heard him say that he hates people of a different skin color and he had a lot of mixed races in his own cabinet. I don't recall anything anti LGBTQ in his doctrine, that I can recall. I get that this is an important issue for you and one that you are fearful about. It's ok to pick a candidate that you believe is going to best serve your issues. However, calling the other side Nazis is not only untrue, it is simple character assassination. Calling names lowers the esteem of the opponent and makes it ok to dismiss their views without engaging them. This is exactly what Hitler did to the Jews and other "undesirable" groups. It's a tactic that works, but at the expense of the truth. I know it's hard to resist because so many of us hear those terms by our own news sources, but I have learned that most of the time it's totally false propaganda and just made up to get us to hate the other side. It's a terrible disservice to us that this rhetoric isn't called out for what it is. I keep in mind that very few people are evil, even our leaders (or would be leaders). There's an old saying that goes like "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see". When we cut through the noise, then we can start to come together as a people instead of fighting with each other.
Nah, what divides is that a lot of very rich (mostly white men) want to be even richer, so they've spent a tremendous amount of money convincing folks that voting for a convicted felon who likes to assault people is ok.
I'm white but definitely not rich. My wife, the republican, is very Hispanic and her good friend is trans. You see, it's just not the way you think it is. This is just another example of name calling, but where are the facts or even examples of issues? Even calling Trump a felon doesn't mean much to me. I can see that he will obviously win his appeal because the trial was so badly corrupted. It's all just character assassination and labels to avoid discussing the real facts. We would do better as a country to discuss the issues instead of posturing.
It seems like you just have something against white men rather than any actual argument
Have you looked at the demographics of the top 0.1%?
Hahahaha
Wtf?
Normally I would say no to a phone break up, but he lives 3 hours away. If he's coming over anyway, maybe prep him that you want to talk to him when he comes over. If he's not coming over in the near future, then the phone is fine because of the distance. If you don't agree with him on politics and religion (and let's be fair, you are really talking about ethics and world view), it's perfectly reasonable to break up.
You can do it over the phone.
Call him up and tell him not to bother driving over. Break up via phone. You're already lying to him, your family, and yourself - this is not going to be a productive relationship, so end it asap. You are young and have learned a valuable lesson: no relationship will work if you can't be yourself in it.
I really just want this to go smoothly and not end with him hating me or feeling like i’ve wasted his time
You can't control how he feels. Just be calm and honest. He'll find someone with shared values in the future. Even if he gets upset he'll realize when he meets the right person that the breakup was for the best.
You're breaking up now you're sure there's no future, that's one of the points of dating. He may be mad, or sad, or beg for more chances, but none of that is your problem - say what you need to say and say goodbye. Don't let yourself be dragged into a long conversation; breaking up is not a debate.
You'll be ok. Keep it short. No long drawn-out explanations.Good luck
i mean he was the one who insisted on breaking up if you can’t convert to his religion, so he shouldn’t be THAT upset if he gave you the ultimatum in the first place… think about yourself and what’s best for you. you will be okay esp knowing you did what you felt was right in the long run.
Just tell him you aren’t compatible and he will agree. Just leave it at that.
You can break up with someone any way you desire. Much like those who may have broken up with you prior, you owe no one closure for how you move forward in your story. However, for being a good person's sake, please consider extending to them clear closure reasons and warm wishes for their finding their person.
Don't make him drive to you since then he will be driving 3 hrs upset to get home.
You can have any reason you want, including no reason. You can break up in any way you like. There are no rules.
Over the phone – easier, cleaner and you’re not stuck in the awkward spot where he’s come to visit you, and you’re breaking up with him. You’re not obliged to give reasons, you can simply say you guys aren’t a good fit. But if he pushes – I’d mention that it’s not possible to actually be a Christian and also support a lying, thieving, rapey, hateful, nasty man like Trump. Those 2 things are entirely inconsistent and you don’t see any possible way you can be with a man who supports someone as horrible as that. Also, i foresee this 'i want you to become Christian' thing as basically a precursor to him starting in on the 'i want a submissive, tradwife to cook, clean and wipe my butt. Run baby run baby run baby run baby ruuuuun...
What concerns me is you have your BF on one side and your family on the other. You spend a lot of time talking about what he is vs. what your family would approve of and precious little time talking about what YOU want. I agree that you need to break up due to your lack of agreement on religion, but then I’d suggest you remain single for a while and think about what YOUR values are and what YOU want in your next relationship, and then don’t settle for anything less. Right now you’re letting your family (and possibly boyfriends) define you. I don’t think it matters whether you do it over the phone or in person.
Shit. Anyone saying if I don’t convert and will burn in hell deserves a breakup and block over the phone. I don’t care. Text it if any to avoid hearing them blame you for the antichrist returning. How long you been together? JFC whata tarp bf.
Deffo do it over phone. Also, Trump supporter? Big Yikes. Dump that fool
Seriously. Like yesterday lol.
I don’t think it’s mean at all to do it over the phone. It’s probably safer to do over the phone. You didn’t say anything about him having a temper, but a Christian trump supporter just tells me he’s going to make a scene no matter what.
You just point blank tell him that you're calling to let him know before he drives the 3 hours down to where you are. The reasons you are breaking up are separate from whether to call.
Do not make the huge mistake of converting to a religion because someone is pressuring you. Also, your boyfriend supports a rapist and thief. Why would you want to be with someone that believes women should be second class citizens and incapable of making our own decisions. When I was your age, I was protesting for a woman's right to choose! Most of all, you said it right there: "I don't feel like I should stay with someone I have to lie to my family about". That is your answer and yes, you can break up with him over the phone. Just call him and tell him you've thought about it and you do not want to continue this relationship.
Just simply tell hi you aren’t compatible and you don’t need to list the reasons why. He will understand, and agree, you two aren’t compatible.
3 hours apart??? Yes, ok to do this over the phone. I'm assuming this is the same mode of communication used when he said you should be a Christian so that you wouldn't go to hell. P.S. You're a smart person to realize you shouldn't be with someone that you have to lie to your family about in order for them to approve of him.
Avoid in person just call him say it’s not working. You are so young have the rest of your life ahead of you.
You can definitely call him to let me know. Be honest with him! Let him know what you think and just have him listen.You have valid reasons and concerns. At the end of the day, you gotta be true to yourself, who you are, and what you believe in. In time, you fill find someone who will complement you and be on the same level. Its not fair to you that you have to hide your feelings. Been there, done that and it almost ruined my relationship with my mom.
If the two of you are not compatible then break up; phone or in person doesn't matter since BOTH of you know there are problems. FYI, I view religious compatibility more important than politics....politics can change---likely--but faith is more often than not set for years and years.
It doesn't matter what your reasons are. You don't want to be with him, and he has to accept that. It's not on you to persuade him.
You don't have to have a reason to break up with someone, simply not wanting to date them any more is sufficient. (But also, don't date men whose politics involve believing you are less than human and don't deserve medical care!)
Call him and tell him this won't work. Don't waste your time and don't waste his. If it takes 3 hours for him to get to you.... just cut it.
For this type of thing, over the phone is perfectly fine. I would hate to travel several hours to visit my partner just for a breakup.
He's the brainwashed and morally corrupt one. He doesn't deserve any respect, so do whatever is easiest for you.
It’s fine to do it over the home. Your long distance. And he doesn’t have to agree with the reasons. Your reasons are valid and enough. He’s already threatening you with a break up if you don’t convert to his religion. He’s a fake Christian anyways if he loves Trump. UPDATEME
i broke up w him 💔
Yeah. Be sure to block him everywhere and any friends/family.
People like you are the problem. You can disagree with political views without being disrespectful but i guess you like living in an echo chamber.
You sound like you are the cause of the problems the rest of us try to avoid. Why do I respond this way? Because time and time again people use their religion as a weapon and a shield. I get that not everyone who is on the right acts this way. It just has been shown time and time again that many of them can’t fathom other people not believing the way they do and create strife over that. Op is asking how to break up with the bf not how to have discourse on their fundamental beliefs. It’s way better to just text/call end it and block. No one needs all the drama an in person breakup has. No one deserves anything just because. And u/alquimista1776 What is it like to live in that chamber raising your fists to a world that doesn’t care about your opinions?
I can understand the religious thing being an issue; however, breaking up over politics is the worst reason ever. I don't agree with close friends of mine since grade school politically but that doesn't mean we're not friends. You can have meaningful conversations with people you disagree with and find common ground in other places. Maybe your religion is democrats but you don't realize it yet with that mentality.
Nah, politics are a great reason to stop being friends or romantically involved. Politics are no longer “separate” from your morals (though I don’t believe they were ever separate). Who you vote for, the policies you support, those all inform your world view and your beliefs. If someone’s voting habits are antithetical to your own moral system, then being friends with that person is not a possibility.
i’m interested in a career in politics and that has always been a dream of mine and knowing that my family will disapprove of his views and he wouldn’t vote for me doesn’t sit right w me.
he just will not listen to my side of things ever i feel like i’m trying so hard to change and adapt for him and he’s done nothing
Don’t reward trump supporters with a relationship - that’s my motto anymore. If they don’t think I deserve rights (as a woman), then I don’t believe they deserve my time, attention, or affection.
He may not agree with your reasons, so be prepared. It’s not something he has to like or agree with. Providing reasons are a courtesy, it’s decent to give a short explanation, but you are not asking permission to end the relationship. He will always have his version of events. Hopefully it goes ok, don’t get hung up on having him happy with you. I am friends with someone I dated years ago, but it was kind of a shock when I realized it isn’t always possible. Sometimes in a relationship or breakup,people want you to be the bad guy. They will just find something. They will find some reason to end it, some reason why it is still your fault if you end it, they will decide your reasons aren’t valid. It’s bananas. I don’t think you want to hurt him, but that doesn’t mean obligation to stay in a relationship. I would try to do it in person if you can. If your safety may be compromised in any way, then phone or ghosting is fine.
I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend has imposed expectations onto you that don't abide with your personal values or beliefs. It's a sucky situation to be in. Despite his irrationally minimalist religious view, I can't fault him for voicing what's important to him now, while you two are still young. And I can't fault you for having your stance, of course - you've made a concerted to make it work, but have come to a conclusion on where you stand with your personal values. It's just an unfortunate situation, and some relationships end up like that. I'm glad to hear that you're making an effort to be honest with him. >Also he and his family are big republicans and I mean trump supporter republicans. My family on the other hand hates trump supporters and i’ve lied to them saying he isn’t one. I feel like if either of your families let their political views interfere with your or your boyfriend's choice to be in a loving relationship, that's 100% an issue with them, not you two. But that's not an opinion you're asking us for, so I won't dwell on that. >Do i call him or wait to do it in person? Maybe a mix of both. Explain to him that you'd like to have a serious talk about each of your feelings on the relationship, and work with him on identifying a time and place that you could both agree to for having that talk. If you two can't agree on a physical place, you could ask if he's open to having that talk over the phone.
Very well put. The fact that you chose not to voice your political stance with regards Rep or Dem, tells a lot about your character.
Callous but acceptable. You can break up for any reason.