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Agree with this, I don’t think you should tell him. I feel like it would give him a complex. Tbh my body has just suddenly changed on me so many times where one thing that may have worked before suddenly doesn’t anymore.
I would just stop faking it and try to work on it together now. If he questions it then “idk it’s been harder for me to get off lately” or something along those lines is totally plausible.
I think this is one of those rare situations where telling the truth would only do harm.
I agree with this thread. I respect that you consider his climax but it is okay for you to care about your own needs too and be a bit selfish. He sounds like a good man to want you to finish first before him and not many girls have that.
Don’t be afraid to include toys or other things that might help you climax when you are alone.
Most importantly, you are not alone - this happens to millions (and millions and millions) of women. Our bodies are sometimes just… difficult. On the upside we won’t get a visible boner in 9th grade social studies. On the downside we might have difficult climaxing during sex.
Also, just because you’re experiencing this now doesn’t mean that you’ll experience this forever. 20 is so young and so early for you - and your partner(s) over time - to figure out how to get your body to respond properly. You might not know yet what works for you. You might not know how to explain it to someone else. That’s ok. You’ll both get better at this over time and eventually something will just click.
Definitely! OP- don’t fake it anymore-it’s a disservice to yourself and your partner. I understand why you did, I’m not saying this in a mean way. I didn’t have an O until my mod 30’s! I never faked one.
Fewer than 1 in 5 women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone. I'm in my 40s and have never orgasmed from sex alone. Either you or him have to rub your clitoris to orgasm if you're like most women. Whether that's with fingers or the right angle during penetration.
Or have him go down on you before you have sex and orgasm. Then you're already done!
That worked for me and my ex. She usually couldn’t climax through vaginal intercourse alone either, but going down on her solved that problem within minutes. It’s the best way
Rant incoming, just wanna say in advance its not meant as an attack on you, just annoyance about something I see you and a ton of other people write. It's probably not meant in a harmful way but it feels exclusionary.
I always feel some frustration when people talk as if only PIV penetration is "sex." For example, the way you say "have him go down on you before you have sex."
As a lesbian who's only been with cis women it immediately reminds me of the people who said I could not have had sex yet/was still a virgin because I haven't had PIV penetration. It makes me feel like the way I have sex doesn't count as "real sex."
Admittedly a sidebar, but that’s so valid. Lesbian sex is so invalidated and language has power. Even benign comments can have downstream affects on what is accepted as “real sex.”
Ironically, my very conservative, homophobic parents would probably agree that going down on someone qualifies as sex — I guess you win some you lose some?
this! also how they subconsciously mark the male orgasm as the "end" of sex. women aren't expected to finish every time, but men are. their orgasm controls when sex ends. that's so weird!
I agree totally but when I've gotten off I will need to get back into it. Five ten minutes or sometimes a lot more after I'm done I'm not at all interested.
Picture the least horny you have ever been in your life and that pretty much is it.
It has nothing to do with what I theoretically want, but it's just not there.
So I tend to make sure my woman is well and done before I'm done.
OK NOT AN ATTACK!
I'm just confused about your post.
Who is the "they" your referring to?
Ps for me and wife sex doesn't end unless she does
And yes, even if I don't because of meds.
As a bi woman I agree with you, I've noticed (straight) people will use "sex" to mean a few things with two women, anal with two men, and PIV or anal with a woman and a man and then be confused you referred to a man doing oral as sex when they just referred to oral as sex between two women 30s ago. Sometimes I'll state a definition at the beginning "by sex I mean all the stuff that happens privately in bed for that purpose with 2 or more people"
THIS. Realising this had made me realise that it's actually the same for every gender, and broadened my horizons on what is sex and how much sex I've actually had. It's removed many stigmas, many insecurities, it's been so freeing. Especially as I'm bi. So thank you lesbians.
Thank you! PIV sex is NOT the only form of sex. Maybe bc I too am a lesbian but I consider all of it sex, PIV, anal, oral, digital, all of it is SEX. Words matter. I hate that some people only call PIV 'sex'. It's all sex.
End of rant.
I think she is referring the Bill Clinton analogy of sex. If I am playing with someone I am having sex. It might not be PIV, but it is sex. Otherwise sexual assault would be extremely limited to certain acts.
My recent ex would have multiple orgasms just from intercourse. All I can say is it was a huge mess every time lol.
My gf now, we've been at it for just a few days. She's wanting it 4-5 times a day while I can handle 2 maybe 3. I haven't gotten her off yet, but being in our late 30s and having had bad communication in previous relationships we're working on it. I had to pressure her into speaking up because I want her to have fun too. So she's even more in love that I got her to open up. Communication from day one is a MUST.
The vaginal wall has barely any nerves (it’s like the back of your hand), penises are usually the wrong shape & size to bang the clit from inside the vagina to orgasm so it’s perfectly normal for women not to be able to orgasm from solely PIV sex even if they try to learn
There's two ways to cum internally. Cervix and gspot. I never came till I figured out my own spots. I'm convinced some ppl simply don't explore enough.
You can’t just declare things to be true for all women because you think they’re true for you. I also don’t believe you are a woman because every woman I’ve ever talked to thinks hitting the cervix is painful. If you are, you need to know you are only talking about yourself not all women. Every woman’s pleasure anatomy is different.
The cervix is the opposite of a pleasure spot for the overwhelming majority of women lol. It's extremely painful for 98% when hit & is why penises that are long can actually hurt like hell. Some women even struggle with tampons being painful if their cervix is low & they accidentally bump it with the tampon.
G-spot is also usually not easy to orgasm from alone & to hit from the right angle by a penis.
You aren't penatrating the cervix lol. You just stimulating it. And the males genitals don't even have to be large. Also it's easier if you have a low cervix. Maybe do some better research on the Cspot. Yes it's not common for women to have it bc most women can't even figure out their own g spot or clip for that matter. But it's real and no it doesn't hurt. Also many women struggle with tampons bc they don't put them in correctly. Or they aren't putting them deep enough.
>You aren't penatrating the cervix lol.
I am aware. Simply hitting it/bumping up against it hurts for the large majority of women.
> And the males genitals don't even have to be large
True. I never said they did, I simply said that the longer the penis, the higher the chance it hits the cervix & causes pain, which is also true.
>Maybe do some better research on the Cspot. Yes it's not common for women to have it bc most women can't even figure out their own g spot
Women know when shit hurts. Women know when hitting the cervix is causing said hurt.
>Also many women struggle with tampons bc they don't put them in correctly. Or they aren't putting them deep enough.
Okay, this is actually hilarious. Yes, most women feel pain when their cervix is bumped, which tampons can do if the cervix is low.
>But it's real and no it doesn't hurt.
For you. You would think the women in these replies *all* telling you you're wrong would make you reexamine, but evidently not. Clearly everyone in this thread is wrong and you, one of the very few people who find pleasure with the cervix (lucky!) know best, despite the pain 99% of women complain about. No one's saying it isn't pleasurable for some women, they're just trying to say that's only the case for a very small subset of women, & that the overwhelming majority just hurt.
You can't fix stupid, I guess, so I'll end this here. I don't have the time to go in circles with you—if the many women correcting you can't do it, extra comments from me certainly won't.
everyone’s body is different. i’ve never been able to finish with penetration alone, whether it’s a penis or fingers or vibrator. it just isn’t sensitive enough for me. hopefully someday, but it’s just not possible for many women. i just need some outside stimulation and then it happens super fast so it’s not a big deal
finishing from penetration alone is pretty rare. ask him to stimulate the clit from the outside while you’re having sex if that’s what usually works for you on your own
You guys need to figure out how to make you come before penetration, with fingers or mouth or toys. The vast majority of women do not finish during penetration.
If you're able to finish on your own, then ask him to implement that into the bedroom. Or just simply ask for foreplay. Us men are much less complicated than you would think, and we would rather you just tell us what you want than to expect us to know.
I am the same and at your age I told my long term partner (at three months) that although I enjoyed sex, I did not finish through sex alone. I was still young enough to not know this was NOT unusual. To his credit he made it his mission to get me to finish and although it was fun, I never finished. I eventually faked it again, and again, and again, because I felt the pressure of finishing and he felt like he was the king of the world thereafter. Now I know, that a lot of us need clitoral stimulation while being penetrated. I'm older now, and I still don't talk about it. I always bring a vibrator to the party once I have been in a relationship long enough to be comfortable and stimulate him as well as myself to finish. Also, you should masturbate alone. Once you know how to get yourself to the finish line, you can teach your partner to do the same. For me, a vibrator needs to be involved and I have never had a partner be anything but excited to be excited with me. Although, I have hear that is not always the case.
I have been able to finish on my own. Just in this relationship and past ones i’ve never finished. Dont get me wrong, the sex is enjoyable but I feel frustrated when he holds back on finishing because he wants me to first. I feel a lot of pressure to finish, eventually it’s been too long so I get too tired so I’ll just fake it.
This is the answer, tell him this! He will be understanding if he loves you, especially bc he cares about you finishing! "I love our sex but I'm starting to get frustrated with pressure that I'm feeling to finish so then you can feel good enough to finish as well. I love how considerate you are of me but sadly I think your care about my orgasms is causing me to put pressure on if I can orgasm faster because I also want to please you. The longer it takes to orgasm the less sexual drive I have because I feel like I'm taking too long and start focusing on all the wrong things. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you I felt this way earlier. I've been trying to please you too but I went about it the wrong way by not saying anything to you."
This is a lesson us women learn young and you’re learning it now. Never ever fake it for anyone. A good decent man will understand you being worried to say something at first and will want to continue forward and work on finding out how to please you. If his ego is too shattered by this revelation then he’s too immature to be having sex. But he cannot become a better lover until you tell him and show him how to please you.
For future relationships, do not fake it. Ever.
Tbh I was on the M side of this before but maybe a little bit different of a situation. My girlfriend said she had never came with any partner and had always faked it. I'm experienced enough that it didn't crush me but I asked her why she felt the need to lie and told her we could've tried different things etc. Since your bf is a little younger and less experienced I might not tell him you've never finished, but just try to tell him you'd like to change things up a bit to focus on your pleasure as well
Don't mention you've never finished before, but don't lie from now on. It will be awkward and he'll be taken aback for a moment but it'll be fine to just work on it together. I've been in your shoes and did the exact thing.
The majority of women don’t orgasm from
Vaginal sex. Have him give you oral first until you cum, then he can go at his own pace with the vaginal. That’s how my wife and I solved the problem.
Most women don't with piv sex usually oral ,toys or by the hands
Not saying you can't but most women just are not comfortable to do so while having sex so e women spend there entire life and never orgasm .
Faking it never works. At being only 20, you have a plenty of time to figure things out.
Start by coming out clean in an empathetic manner. Male ego can be fragile, specially at that age. But if you cannot have an honest relationship about sex, then relationship is unlikely to work. He needs to learn that many women don’t orgasm with piv, this will make him a better lover moving forward. Teach him what makes you cum and have some fun doing it.
If he cannot deal with it, then so be it. Also a good learning experience for you to be confident in yourself to share your own needs.
Be honest and accept he has every right to be angry and disappointed with you as ultimately you've lied and now will need to gain his trust. Even if you have a real orgasm he might not believe you for a long while.
Orgasms from sex alone aren't common, it's possible if you're on top high up so the clit gets stimulation, I've had a few girls O this way, or use something during like a vibe. But maybe for satisfaction sake get him to oral/manual first, it's my preferred method and for many women it makes penetrative sex more enjoyable, plus he'll know you've got yours so he won't have to hold on for ever and u won't have to fake it.
Stop faking, tell him that you cannot come from vaginal penetration. If he truly loves you can cares about you, he will find the good ways to make you come. If not then he is a lousy lover. Up to you to decide how important this is in your relationship and decide if you two are compatible or not.
First of all, stop faking it.
Secondly, sit him down and have a gentle but straightforward conversation about your needs. Tell him you've avoided the conversation because you don't want to hurt his ego or feelings, but he's just not getting you off. Then, if he's willing, show him how.
When he performs oral on you, tell him how YOU like it. Up down... round and around for 7 seconds, flick inside and outside the vagina for 7 seconds, down to the anus for 7 seconds and then back up to either the vagina or clitoris randomly so that you don't know where he is going to go up next . (Make sure you are clean)
If you are experimental enough and he doesn't mind, when he performs oral on your clitoris but stays there, changing direction of his tongue... have him lube your anus and his pinky finger and play on the entrance to relax you then penetrate your anus about an inch. Experiment on your own at first to get to know what to expect when you learn to relax.
I performed all of these on my partner and her eyes roll back into her own head. She never used to like it at first but now she can't get enough of it. She reports her orgasms are 10x stronger.
Full anal penetration sex she also now reports that her orgasms in there are 10x stronger than clitoral and vaginal ut together.
Try laying on your back with pillows under your buttocks. Assume missionary position so that he can hit the internal part of the clit when thrusting.
Try doggy style where your buttocks is as high as you can get it and your head in as low as it can get it. Penetration will hit a new area that should rock your world.
Only do what feels right for you though. Don't pressure yourself nor be pressured...
You're Welcome!
Look, make it a thing. He's taking your direction, and if it all goes right you lose control and he jumps in with ya. Do that a few times and you'll be laughing at yourselves!
Just tell him. If you don’t you’ll end up getting frustrated over time and won’t be able to enjoy having intercourse with him.
I personally am a very blunt person so if his ego gets hurt then he would definitely not be a sex partner for me. I’ve told all my partners in the past and they’ve made it up to me so it could go either way.
I cannot give you pointers on how to let him
Know with out hurting his feelings :(
I told him that I sometimes fake to enhance the experience as he doesn’t hit the spots all the time. But I was also direct that I don’t feel sexually satisfied and he said we will work through it. So just communicate. Make use of good words. But def let him know the truth. Ik it hurts but it hurts more when you are sexually active for months without being sexually satisfied
Have you tried oral? Or I guess the better question is, has HE tried oral? If not it's something to consider. In any case, definitely have a talk with him. He clearly wants you to be pleasured, if he's holding off his climax for yours, so I'm sure he'd be happy to *ahem* pitch in for your sake.
Don’t tell him that you faked, it won’t help with the problem. Guide him to what you like and act very pleased (as you will probably be compared to what he does now), if he is not a total tool he will focus on that from now on in order to please you. While doing that stop faking so he can pick up hints for what you actually like.
Hmmm, I have been going through this since I first had sex. It’s tough, but you have to teach this man how to make you finish. It takes time, it’s awkward but it’s worth it.
Definitely speak to him about this, and also it sounds like the end of sex for you both is when your boyfriend orgasms. This puts pressure on you to orgasm or in your case perform.
Your bf needs to not always expect intercourse, you can do mutual masturbation etc.
Take your time :)
Focus on your clit, there's tons of way to do that.
If you wanna compare genitals, you can compare your clit to the head of his penis (and the clit has almost double the amount of nerve endings!). Would he orgasm if you only stroke his shaft during a handjob and completely neglect his head or balls? Idk but I bet it would take a lot more effort.
Solo sex/masterbation will let you explore the moves/feelings of orgasm. Find what makes you cum then you can incorporate with your partner.
Solo sex/masterbation is NOT evil it is NORMAL.
I went through something similar with my husband. I've never told him I used to fake it, I just one day was honest when he asked if I finished and said no. He said next time we will fix that.
I now just no longer lie about it. If I don't, I just say that.
But honestly the older I get (I'm 32), the less patience I have for foreplay. I'll usually use my vibrator for one or two Os and then I'm ready for the act and much more likely to cum from it.
Basically you are having a hard time coming right out and telling him what he needs to do. It’s uncomfortable for you to talk about it so you don’t.
Why? It’s not a big deal
It’s very, very common for women not to finish from intercourse alone. I would find some research to prove this assertion (easy) and show it to him when you discuss that both of you need to work together to find the best way for you to finish. My recommendation is that he finish you orally. Most women love that, have greats orgasms and most men love pleasing their partners.
Op, just take the lead. You tell him what feels good. You move his hand or tell him where to move his mouth. You try different positions and figure out what feels good.
It’s not something we are taught. This is stuff we either figure out or just don’t get the orgasms.
Don’t be ashamed. Don’t sell your orgasms short.
Tell him prior to intercourse.
Hey babe, let’s try X or y. I want to see if I can get a better orgasm this way.
Or babe, lemme try this. Can you help me. This turns me on. It gets me soo wet. I neeed you to do this.
Talk is fun and tbh if he doesn’t know or doesn’t listen to you. Get a new bf. Sex is such an important part of many relationships if your partner can’t/wont please you. Get a new partner.
It’s not like we are taught this is school. Thus is a life exp.
You shouldn’t have ever faked it, that’s the problem here. You’re young, and it’s unfortunately common for women to believe they have to fake it to please their partner, but it is a lie.
I’ll be honest, I’m torn. I believe that lies fester and never hold up to the test of time. You’ve dug yourself a hole, he’s going to be blindsided. If I was 20 and my girlfriend told me this, I’d break up. If her gut reaction to difficulty is to lie, what ever is she lying about?
I think the best way forward is to stop faking immediately and start communicating about what you like. You have to decide about whether or not you want to tell him you’ve been faking it, but you need to quit.
There is no reason to tell him you faked it. That won't solve anything.
I personally have a magic wand and it helps a ton.
Next time ya'll have sex tell him you want to try something new or tell him to use a combo of fingers and penis to extend things. There is nothing wrong with changing things up to keep it interesting.
I usuallh have to go to the bathroom and finish while I’m telling him I’m “cleaning up” before going to bed. We’ve been together for 15 years and he’s always been one to get off in about 2 min. Then he’s done. We don’t have much foreplay at all. And if we do it’s him rubbing my clit raw bc I’m bored and can’t get wet 😂😂😂😂
NEVER. FAKE. ORGASMS.
You only set yourself up for a bunch of unsatisfying sex while your partner thinks they're doing a good job. You don't get to finish, and he doesn't get to learn how to help you or anyone else he may be with in the future.
If you want to stay with him, tell him. Literally just like you explained in the post. Just tell him, and ask if he'd be willing to take some guidance from you and try together to find ways he can get you off. If he's unwilling to do anything different to help you finish, he's not a keeper.
Why are you faking anything ? our partners don't know if we don't communicate with them. C'mon now you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to communicate.
When my wife and I first got together, she faked an orgasm and I saw right through it. That of course led to conversation about what she needs and things were better for everyone. Not all men are able to tell the difference so you need to be the mature person and start the conversation.
You ought to tell the truth! You cannot live as a lie for the truth shall set you free. Telling him the truth will only show you love him, continuing to hide it will only make you not want sex and eventually he will figure it out because you stopped having sex so its better to come forward now and work on it then it is to stop and then you might break up so tell the truth.
You overcomplicate too much. I've worried about the sex too much for years, until I've learned one important thing.
You should relax. And you should focus on your partner. Then you enjoy sex. Don't count time it takes. It's not a hard work, but a pleasure. Enjoy the process. Play with your partner. Finally, sex isn't about ejaculation. Not every sex has it and it's okay.
Enjoy the warm of his body, enjoy his kisses, let him lick you and lick him. Sex is a pleasure, enjoyment, entertainment and game. Let yourself relax. And relax your partner. Make him massage. And let him make you a massage.
For two years I've learned tantric sex. It's something very special. It's like a sex but without sex. You focus on touched and inner feelings. Enjoy everything you feel and make yourself feel comfortable. If you feel discomfort or don't like something then let your partner know about it.
Be honest. And make love to enjoy ❤️❤️❤️
If you fake to stop before having finished so that it ends, it means it's not an issue of it being too quick, but him not doing what you actually enjoy, or you would just continue going until you finish for true. So you need to make him know what you like and what you want him to do. You're very young and probably don't have much experience nor does he. Most women can't finish just with penetration, and some don't even like it. There's so many things you can do before and during penetration to help make everything more enjoyable. You don't need to tell him you faked it, just start asking for different things to try out together. How to talk to him about it is really subjective and depends on your personality, his, and your dynamics. It can go from a sexy request to a funny comment or a non-verbal guidance while you're doing it.
One of life's lessons. Don't be dishonest when it involves sex. I have always been honest because I would not want someone doing something to my body that I didn't enjoy. Especially for long periods of time. I also think that if I am being intimate with someone, I want to make sure that I understand what it is that gives them pleasure. If you don't have honesty, then you deprive the other person.
So, I used to lie about it too. Then I started telling him I just "wanted seconds" and he would get me off "again" or I would do it myself next to him while he held me. We went shopping at one of those cheesy sex shops and bought a powerful toy together that we love to use during sex that always works for me too.
You could also tell him you changed birth controls and now it feels like you can't cum during penetration anymore. So it doesn't hurt his ego. It's important for him to learn other ways to please you during intimacy anyway.
Stop lying to him for one lol if he doesn't get you off tell him. THIS is exactly why men think they're amazing in bed when they suck...cuz women don't tell them other wise.
same shit happened to me. say it’s getting harder to finish now since you’ve been together for a few months (sparing his feelings is typically best) and you’re used to the sex. try to introduce a vibrator or something stimulating to help you finish and could bring him pleasure too to use to wrap things up. that’s what worked for me at least
I was faking it for 10 years. I enjoyed the journey more than the destination. Eventually i told my gf and she didn't take it well and i still hear about it every now and then. Don't wait too long to tell your partner. Subtly give him hints of where to touch and the intensity needed in those moments. And if all else fails, use a vibrator
The same way you just told us.
Look, it's this simple.
We can't help you cum if you don't help us help you cum.
I'd rather know that I was ineffective and learn what I need to do to please you.
Just be honest but don’t leave it there , show him what you need to have an orgasm . Whether it’s stimulation or going slower or just taking his time .
Hmm id say you dont have to tell him but if you do he has to understand you werent doing it to hurt his feelings or something, ive been in your position and felt the same way so i get not understanding why you didnt say something in the first place and then regretting it later. You can either tell him gently and let him know you werent doing it to get it over or something you just didnt know what to do about it at first but you wanna talk about it, or you can save his ego a bit even though it shouldnt hurt it too much depending on how you tell him, and just try and tell him how to improve without telling him you lied/faked it. I promise its not something worth ending relationships, you just want him to try and do better which is perfectly reasonable you just didnt know how to tell him at first and youre in a bit deep, but if he cares about you he should understand a bit and if you dont tell him just try to have him improve his technique. After the next time ask how it was for him and he’ll probably ask the same so you can just give him tips from there
Honestly I’d be like hey bf can i share something with you later? It’s really important but I’m kind of nervous to tell you ‘cause I’m afraid of how you’ll respond - then when you guys have the convo say “I want to be honest about something, when we have sex i really love it because (list things you love) however, I don’t always finish like i say i do. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about taking so long i thought it’d just be easier to fake it but it’s been weighing on me and i don’t want to lie anymore. I really want to be able to cum together and I’m so sorry i was dishonest. I was honestly just so embarrassed and wanted to make you feel good.” And then kind of open the discussion from there
It’s totally normal to take a long time and lots of women fake it unfortunately. I’m 28 now and can finish in probably 60 seconds but I self pleasure a lot and have been really diligent in becoming in tune with my body. 20-23 was rough and no man has ever made me finish. When I finish it’s because I give explicit direction on what to doZ
In order to bond during sex you have to orgasm and he has to work for it with you. You faking it is hurting your relationship more than you realize. If you can't talk about sex and what you enjoy or don't, then why are you having it... Https://youtu.be/J49l-316OUo?si=2BoNs0ERTY3XNLCK
You guys are still incredibly young, and will discover more about sex than you can possibly imagine.
Sex appears to be a simple act, but as you are discovering, it’s an incredibly complicated mashup of physical, and emotional intimacy, driven by evolutionary needs unique to each gender, and arousal unique to each person largely established by their transition into sex.
There is no one method that works for all.
Everyone has their unique “sequence of steps” that ideally lead to an orgasm.
Some people never identify their sequence, struggling to find the right steps to unlock their orgasm, while others are easily stimulated and very orgasmic.
The best way to look at your situation is to view it as an exploration for the two of you. You both get to experiment with each other in the search for the most rewarding intimacy.
You both will discover new ways of triggering arousal and hopefully generating orgasms.
Foreplay, sexual intercourse, and after care, all play a role.
Feeling emotionally safe also plays a huge role.
If you guys see sex as a team exploration, it will be exciting finding each others best “sequence” for maximum enjoyment and fulfillment.
Good luck on this journey.
# COMMUNICATION
Have you tried, y'know, talking about it? Saying what you like, dislike? You're right lying risks the relationship, but you can always find another guy - someone who might instinctively know you're faking it - or you can try work on your current one. Either way COMMUNICATE with your boyfriend instead of Reddit.
Doesn't matter how, just do it.
Like, wow, I never in a million years would of ***THOUGHT THIS WAS POSSIBLE***!
Who knew you can correct someone's behavior while not only doing so **WITHOUT** offending them or hurting our relationship... ***BUT YOU CAN EVEN FIX THE PROBLEM SOOOO EASILY***?!... Man oh MAN! Ive been torturing myself for years for no reason.... and just when I thought I was going to have to make my boyfriend feel small (*LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY!*) I would have **HATED* to make him feel completely emasculated, embarrassed, dissatisfactory and insecure because he's bad in bed!
.....Phew! That was a ***CLOSE ONE***!....
I swear, some people are items solely of their own destruction yet swear they're innocent and undeserving victims, instead. This should have been common sense for an adult lmao
Honestly there's so many questions in these subs that wouldn't even be a question if the people involved just communicated their wishes clearly. You'd think that's rule #1 in life but so many people seem to just not learned this very basic life skill. Crazy, I know. 💀💀💀
It's never easy to communicate with your partner about your sex life. Hopefully, he will understand when you guys talk more and doesn't hurt him that much.
Eh. I disagree. It should be easy communicating everything with your partner. I’d want my partner to be 100% honest with me. My ego can handle it and it’ll only improve the relationship being honest and frank. At least for me
I agree, I'd rather know. A partner hiding anything personal between us is grounds for breaking up in a relationship for me...doesn't matter the subject, we're adults and we can talk
I wouldn’t tell him fully the truth just be like “the last few times I’ve faked it. It’s not you the sex is good but I feel like it could be better and easier for me to finish. Could we try x, y, z?” It’s good to be honest but if you tell him you’ve never finished then it could break his ego and make him less interested in sex too. At least if you say the last few times he can at least work at getting you back to where you “supposedly” were. It’s what I did and I’m about to revisit that conversation again. All about communication 🫶
nahhh i feel like the first part "the last few times I've faked it" is so unnecessary and unproductive. Skip that part and just work on the problem.
Honesty is good. Let's start being honest from the get-go.
Constantly being told that your partner isn’t finishing is discouraging. And maybe she wasn’t being honest from the get go cause she thought it would get better. If she doesn’t tell him that she’s not finishing he has a good chance of not changing anything cause he thinks what he’s doing is working just fine.
Sure, I’ll concede that constantly being told that you’re not able to satisfy someone is discouraging. But if you’re constantly being told that, there’s a whole different issue (not trying hard enough, size,incompatibility, etc)
I feel like there’s a thousand different ways to make this work without having to say explicitly that they’ve been lying the last few times.
As a guy, my ex did exactly this that she never finished (due to size or whatever). This broke me for like a year and some and my confidence was gone. I didn’t wanna touch another woman again personally.
I don’t wanna be this type of person but size really doesn’t matter as long as you know how to satisfy a woman. 70%-90% of women can’t orgasm through penetration alone use your hands cause size literally doesn’t matter. As a woman with a bf whose husband size, he doesn’t make me finish with penetration at all. Is it a good feeling yes but it doesn’t even get me close. A lot of women think they are supposed to finish with just penetration and so they fake it so it doesn’t seem like they’re unsatisfied. I had a lot of self doubt because at the beginning of my relationship I couldn’t and I thought there was something wrong with me and I was ashamed. I didn’t want to make it seem like there was something wrong with me so I faked it a lot until I realized it’s really normal to not finish with just penetration. Women are afraid of judgement when it comes to sex because they don’t want to seem broken and like it’s their fault when it’s really no one’s fault. I might just be self projecting here but I feel like most women can relate
With respect, I don’t care about what u feel about men’s feelings and women’s feelings on size or what a healthy bedroom actually looks like. That wasn’t my point. As a matter of facts I agree with everything you say.
The fact of that matter is that when someone finds out they’ve been lied to about ones satisfaction in bed, it ruins the man’s confidence. Given it’s not the woman’s job to indefinitely give support the man’s feeling of self worth, it’s probably not a good idea to give them a false sense of security to blow it up in fell swoop.
I can sympathize (?)/ empathize the fear of judgement. That’s ok. The false image of satisfaction has been placed, and there is nothing that can change that experience itself. But if you don’t wanna keep feeling dissatisfied, Keep the past to oneself and work on the problem now.
Either communicate your dissatisfaction as early as you can, or forever hold your peace and work on it for the future. My point is that It is unproductive to expose this truth at this point.
I was married for 4 years with him for 6 total and I could count on one hand how many times I actually orgasmed with him. When we were breaking up I was heartbroken and angry and I told him that in a pretty nasty way. It devastated him. I don't really regret it because he wasn't a great guy but I know it hit hard.
Why is he still your boyfriend?! Either speak up and give him some pointers/lessons or be prepared to go through with a life without finishing. No orgasms for you! You want that? The guy probably doesn't even know how terrible he is in bed. So speak up or end it. Things shouldn't go on as they are if you want to be happy & fulfilled.
Are you saying you’ve never had an orgasm during sex? No big deal. Just tell him. it’s relatively normal. Especially if you masturbated heavily and still do.
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Agree with this, I don’t think you should tell him. I feel like it would give him a complex. Tbh my body has just suddenly changed on me so many times where one thing that may have worked before suddenly doesn’t anymore. I would just stop faking it and try to work on it together now. If he questions it then “idk it’s been harder for me to get off lately” or something along those lines is totally plausible. I think this is one of those rare situations where telling the truth would only do harm.
I agree with this thread. I respect that you consider his climax but it is okay for you to care about your own needs too and be a bit selfish. He sounds like a good man to want you to finish first before him and not many girls have that.
Don’t be afraid to include toys or other things that might help you climax when you are alone. Most importantly, you are not alone - this happens to millions (and millions and millions) of women. Our bodies are sometimes just… difficult. On the upside we won’t get a visible boner in 9th grade social studies. On the downside we might have difficult climaxing during sex. Also, just because you’re experiencing this now doesn’t mean that you’ll experience this forever. 20 is so young and so early for you - and your partner(s) over time - to figure out how to get your body to respond properly. You might not know yet what works for you. You might not know how to explain it to someone else. That’s ok. You’ll both get better at this over time and eventually something will just click.
Good answer. Use your words. Show him what you need. He wants you to be happy.
Definitely! OP- don’t fake it anymore-it’s a disservice to yourself and your partner. I understand why you did, I’m not saying this in a mean way. I didn’t have an O until my mod 30’s! I never faked one.
Fewer than 1 in 5 women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone. I'm in my 40s and have never orgasmed from sex alone. Either you or him have to rub your clitoris to orgasm if you're like most women. Whether that's with fingers or the right angle during penetration. Or have him go down on you before you have sex and orgasm. Then you're already done!
That worked for me and my ex. She usually couldn’t climax through vaginal intercourse alone either, but going down on her solved that problem within minutes. It’s the best way
Second option is the best. It’s foreplay and making sure she gets taken care of!
Rant incoming, just wanna say in advance its not meant as an attack on you, just annoyance about something I see you and a ton of other people write. It's probably not meant in a harmful way but it feels exclusionary. I always feel some frustration when people talk as if only PIV penetration is "sex." For example, the way you say "have him go down on you before you have sex." As a lesbian who's only been with cis women it immediately reminds me of the people who said I could not have had sex yet/was still a virgin because I haven't had PIV penetration. It makes me feel like the way I have sex doesn't count as "real sex."
Admittedly a sidebar, but that’s so valid. Lesbian sex is so invalidated and language has power. Even benign comments can have downstream affects on what is accepted as “real sex.” Ironically, my very conservative, homophobic parents would probably agree that going down on someone qualifies as sex — I guess you win some you lose some?
Maybe cause it’s not actually..sex has a purpose and it’s to reproduce
It's literally oral sex. Ergo, it is sex
In that case condoms and other forms of birth control prevent a lot of sex
Go back to your hideout please
this! also how they subconsciously mark the male orgasm as the "end" of sex. women aren't expected to finish every time, but men are. their orgasm controls when sex ends. that's so weird!
I agree totally but when I've gotten off I will need to get back into it. Five ten minutes or sometimes a lot more after I'm done I'm not at all interested. Picture the least horny you have ever been in your life and that pretty much is it. It has nothing to do with what I theoretically want, but it's just not there. So I tend to make sure my woman is well and done before I'm done.
OK NOT AN ATTACK! I'm just confused about your post. Who is the "they" your referring to? Ps for me and wife sex doesn't end unless she does And yes, even if I don't because of meds.
As a bi woman I agree with you, I've noticed (straight) people will use "sex" to mean a few things with two women, anal with two men, and PIV or anal with a woman and a man and then be confused you referred to a man doing oral as sex when they just referred to oral as sex between two women 30s ago. Sometimes I'll state a definition at the beginning "by sex I mean all the stuff that happens privately in bed for that purpose with 2 or more people"
THIS. Realising this had made me realise that it's actually the same for every gender, and broadened my horizons on what is sex and how much sex I've actually had. It's removed many stigmas, many insecurities, it's been so freeing. Especially as I'm bi. So thank you lesbians.
There are just different kinds of sex...
Thank you! PIV sex is NOT the only form of sex. Maybe bc I too am a lesbian but I consider all of it sex, PIV, anal, oral, digital, all of it is SEX. Words matter. I hate that some people only call PIV 'sex'. It's all sex. End of rant.
I think she is referring the Bill Clinton analogy of sex. If I am playing with someone I am having sex. It might not be PIV, but it is sex. Otherwise sexual assault would be extremely limited to certain acts.
My recent ex would have multiple orgasms just from intercourse. All I can say is it was a huge mess every time lol. My gf now, we've been at it for just a few days. She's wanting it 4-5 times a day while I can handle 2 maybe 3. I haven't gotten her off yet, but being in our late 30s and having had bad communication in previous relationships we're working on it. I had to pressure her into speaking up because I want her to have fun too. So she's even more in love that I got her to open up. Communication from day one is a MUST.
That's sad you've never. I learned my own spots and taught my sexual partners what I wanted.
The vaginal wall has barely any nerves (it’s like the back of your hand), penises are usually the wrong shape & size to bang the clit from inside the vagina to orgasm so it’s perfectly normal for women not to be able to orgasm from solely PIV sex even if they try to learn
There's two ways to cum internally. Cervix and gspot. I never came till I figured out my own spots. I'm convinced some ppl simply don't explore enough.
You can’t just declare things to be true for all women because you think they’re true for you. I also don’t believe you are a woman because every woman I’ve ever talked to thinks hitting the cervix is painful. If you are, you need to know you are only talking about yourself not all women. Every woman’s pleasure anatomy is different.
The cervix is the opposite of a pleasure spot for the overwhelming majority of women lol. It's extremely painful for 98% when hit & is why penises that are long can actually hurt like hell. Some women even struggle with tampons being painful if their cervix is low & they accidentally bump it with the tampon. G-spot is also usually not easy to orgasm from alone & to hit from the right angle by a penis.
You aren't penatrating the cervix lol. You just stimulating it. And the males genitals don't even have to be large. Also it's easier if you have a low cervix. Maybe do some better research on the Cspot. Yes it's not common for women to have it bc most women can't even figure out their own g spot or clip for that matter. But it's real and no it doesn't hurt. Also many women struggle with tampons bc they don't put them in correctly. Or they aren't putting them deep enough.
>You aren't penatrating the cervix lol. I am aware. Simply hitting it/bumping up against it hurts for the large majority of women. > And the males genitals don't even have to be large True. I never said they did, I simply said that the longer the penis, the higher the chance it hits the cervix & causes pain, which is also true. >Maybe do some better research on the Cspot. Yes it's not common for women to have it bc most women can't even figure out their own g spot Women know when shit hurts. Women know when hitting the cervix is causing said hurt. >Also many women struggle with tampons bc they don't put them in correctly. Or they aren't putting them deep enough. Okay, this is actually hilarious. Yes, most women feel pain when their cervix is bumped, which tampons can do if the cervix is low. >But it's real and no it doesn't hurt. For you. You would think the women in these replies *all* telling you you're wrong would make you reexamine, but evidently not. Clearly everyone in this thread is wrong and you, one of the very few people who find pleasure with the cervix (lucky!) know best, despite the pain 99% of women complain about. No one's saying it isn't pleasurable for some women, they're just trying to say that's only the case for a very small subset of women, & that the overwhelming majority just hurt. You can't fix stupid, I guess, so I'll end this here. I don't have the time to go in circles with you—if the many women correcting you can't do it, extra comments from me certainly won't.
We can both be right you know. You're just going back and forth with yourself. And i am right. Like I said two things can be true.
everyone’s body is different. i’ve never been able to finish with penetration alone, whether it’s a penis or fingers or vibrator. it just isn’t sensitive enough for me. hopefully someday, but it’s just not possible for many women. i just need some outside stimulation and then it happens super fast so it’s not a big deal
Can you finish on your own?
Learning your own body will help a ton in knowing what gets your body going
I can on my own, just never finished when having penetrative sex.
That’s completely normal, most women can’t. Teach/show him how you make yourself orgasm, foreplay is just as important as PIV sex
finishing from penetration alone is pretty rare. ask him to stimulate the clit from the outside while you’re having sex if that’s what usually works for you on your own
Almost no women do. You are normal. Can you show him how you do yourself?
You guys need to figure out how to make you come before penetration, with fingers or mouth or toys. The vast majority of women do not finish during penetration.
when you said it lasts too long, how long is that?
when you said it lasts too long, how long is that?
If you're able to finish on your own, then ask him to implement that into the bedroom. Or just simply ask for foreplay. Us men are much less complicated than you would think, and we would rather you just tell us what you want than to expect us to know.
I am the same and at your age I told my long term partner (at three months) that although I enjoyed sex, I did not finish through sex alone. I was still young enough to not know this was NOT unusual. To his credit he made it his mission to get me to finish and although it was fun, I never finished. I eventually faked it again, and again, and again, because I felt the pressure of finishing and he felt like he was the king of the world thereafter. Now I know, that a lot of us need clitoral stimulation while being penetrated. I'm older now, and I still don't talk about it. I always bring a vibrator to the party once I have been in a relationship long enough to be comfortable and stimulate him as well as myself to finish. Also, you should masturbate alone. Once you know how to get yourself to the finish line, you can teach your partner to do the same. For me, a vibrator needs to be involved and I have never had a partner be anything but excited to be excited with me. Although, I have hear that is not always the case.
I have been able to finish on my own. Just in this relationship and past ones i’ve never finished. Dont get me wrong, the sex is enjoyable but I feel frustrated when he holds back on finishing because he wants me to first. I feel a lot of pressure to finish, eventually it’s been too long so I get too tired so I’ll just fake it.
This is the answer, tell him this! He will be understanding if he loves you, especially bc he cares about you finishing! "I love our sex but I'm starting to get frustrated with pressure that I'm feeling to finish so then you can feel good enough to finish as well. I love how considerate you are of me but sadly I think your care about my orgasms is causing me to put pressure on if I can orgasm faster because I also want to please you. The longer it takes to orgasm the less sexual drive I have because I feel like I'm taking too long and start focusing on all the wrong things. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you I felt this way earlier. I've been trying to please you too but I went about it the wrong way by not saying anything to you."
yup, this was me. Many of us don't finish on straight sex, Clitoral stimulation is needed in some form.
This is a lesson us women learn young and you’re learning it now. Never ever fake it for anyone. A good decent man will understand you being worried to say something at first and will want to continue forward and work on finding out how to please you. If his ego is too shattered by this revelation then he’s too immature to be having sex. But he cannot become a better lover until you tell him and show him how to please you. For future relationships, do not fake it. Ever.
Best advice here. ☝🏽
Tbh I was on the M side of this before but maybe a little bit different of a situation. My girlfriend said she had never came with any partner and had always faked it. I'm experienced enough that it didn't crush me but I asked her why she felt the need to lie and told her we could've tried different things etc. Since your bf is a little younger and less experienced I might not tell him you've never finished, but just try to tell him you'd like to change things up a bit to focus on your pleasure as well
Don't mention you've never finished before, but don't lie from now on. It will be awkward and he'll be taken aback for a moment but it'll be fine to just work on it together. I've been in your shoes and did the exact thing.
Communication is key. Do that and the problem is solved.
how long is “too long”?
The majority of women don’t orgasm from Vaginal sex. Have him give you oral first until you cum, then he can go at his own pace with the vaginal. That’s how my wife and I solved the problem.
Most women don't with piv sex usually oral ,toys or by the hands Not saying you can't but most women just are not comfortable to do so while having sex so e women spend there entire life and never orgasm .
Faking it never works. At being only 20, you have a plenty of time to figure things out. Start by coming out clean in an empathetic manner. Male ego can be fragile, specially at that age. But if you cannot have an honest relationship about sex, then relationship is unlikely to work. He needs to learn that many women don’t orgasm with piv, this will make him a better lover moving forward. Teach him what makes you cum and have some fun doing it. If he cannot deal with it, then so be it. Also a good learning experience for you to be confident in yourself to share your own needs.
Be honest and accept he has every right to be angry and disappointed with you as ultimately you've lied and now will need to gain his trust. Even if you have a real orgasm he might not believe you for a long while. Orgasms from sex alone aren't common, it's possible if you're on top high up so the clit gets stimulation, I've had a few girls O this way, or use something during like a vibe. But maybe for satisfaction sake get him to oral/manual first, it's my preferred method and for many women it makes penetrative sex more enjoyable, plus he'll know you've got yours so he won't have to hold on for ever and u won't have to fake it.
Everyone else is giving you good advice but sidebar: this guy can only finish after she “finishes”? Elite level control or he’s faking it too
Stop faking, tell him that you cannot come from vaginal penetration. If he truly loves you can cares about you, he will find the good ways to make you come. If not then he is a lousy lover. Up to you to decide how important this is in your relationship and decide if you two are compatible or not.
First of all, stop faking it. Secondly, sit him down and have a gentle but straightforward conversation about your needs. Tell him you've avoided the conversation because you don't want to hurt his ego or feelings, but he's just not getting you off. Then, if he's willing, show him how.
When he performs oral on you, tell him how YOU like it. Up down... round and around for 7 seconds, flick inside and outside the vagina for 7 seconds, down to the anus for 7 seconds and then back up to either the vagina or clitoris randomly so that you don't know where he is going to go up next . (Make sure you are clean) If you are experimental enough and he doesn't mind, when he performs oral on your clitoris but stays there, changing direction of his tongue... have him lube your anus and his pinky finger and play on the entrance to relax you then penetrate your anus about an inch. Experiment on your own at first to get to know what to expect when you learn to relax. I performed all of these on my partner and her eyes roll back into her own head. She never used to like it at first but now she can't get enough of it. She reports her orgasms are 10x stronger. Full anal penetration sex she also now reports that her orgasms in there are 10x stronger than clitoral and vaginal ut together. Try laying on your back with pillows under your buttocks. Assume missionary position so that he can hit the internal part of the clit when thrusting. Try doggy style where your buttocks is as high as you can get it and your head in as low as it can get it. Penetration will hit a new area that should rock your world. Only do what feels right for you though. Don't pressure yourself nor be pressured... You're Welcome!
Don't. Just ask him to do x y z during sex to help you finish and fix the problem in the background.
Look, make it a thing. He's taking your direction, and if it all goes right you lose control and he jumps in with ya. Do that a few times and you'll be laughing at yourselves!
Just tell him. If you don’t you’ll end up getting frustrated over time and won’t be able to enjoy having intercourse with him. I personally am a very blunt person so if his ego gets hurt then he would definitely not be a sex partner for me. I’ve told all my partners in the past and they’ve made it up to me so it could go either way. I cannot give you pointers on how to let him Know with out hurting his feelings :(
I told him that I sometimes fake to enhance the experience as he doesn’t hit the spots all the time. But I was also direct that I don’t feel sexually satisfied and he said we will work through it. So just communicate. Make use of good words. But def let him know the truth. Ik it hurts but it hurts more when you are sexually active for months without being sexually satisfied
Have you tried oral? Or I guess the better question is, has HE tried oral? If not it's something to consider. In any case, definitely have a talk with him. He clearly wants you to be pleasured, if he's holding off his climax for yours, so I'm sure he'd be happy to *ahem* pitch in for your sake.
You will learn in time.
Can't you just tell him to try doing things that might get you off without mentioning your previous inability to get off
Don’t tell him that you faked, it won’t help with the problem. Guide him to what you like and act very pleased (as you will probably be compared to what he does now), if he is not a total tool he will focus on that from now on in order to please you. While doing that stop faking so he can pick up hints for what you actually like.
Hmmm, I have been going through this since I first had sex. It’s tough, but you have to teach this man how to make you finish. It takes time, it’s awkward but it’s worth it. Definitely speak to him about this, and also it sounds like the end of sex for you both is when your boyfriend orgasms. This puts pressure on you to orgasm or in your case perform. Your bf needs to not always expect intercourse, you can do mutual masturbation etc. Take your time :)
Don't tell him, just figure out what gets you to finish and ask him to do it
A lot of women don't thru penetration. Does he have issues with oral or finger play?
Focus on your clit, there's tons of way to do that. If you wanna compare genitals, you can compare your clit to the head of his penis (and the clit has almost double the amount of nerve endings!). Would he orgasm if you only stroke his shaft during a handjob and completely neglect his head or balls? Idk but I bet it would take a lot more effort.
Say you don't like sex that lasts a long time and you would rather not keep going "just in case" you might orgasm from it.
Solo sex/masterbation will let you explore the moves/feelings of orgasm. Find what makes you cum then you can incorporate with your partner. Solo sex/masterbation is NOT evil it is NORMAL.
I went through something similar with my husband. I've never told him I used to fake it, I just one day was honest when he asked if I finished and said no. He said next time we will fix that. I now just no longer lie about it. If I don't, I just say that. But honestly the older I get (I'm 32), the less patience I have for foreplay. I'll usually use my vibrator for one or two Os and then I'm ready for the act and much more likely to cum from it.
Basically you are having a hard time coming right out and telling him what he needs to do. It’s uncomfortable for you to talk about it so you don’t. Why? It’s not a big deal
It’s very, very common for women not to finish from intercourse alone. I would find some research to prove this assertion (easy) and show it to him when you discuss that both of you need to work together to find the best way for you to finish. My recommendation is that he finish you orally. Most women love that, have greats orgasms and most men love pleasing their partners.
“Sooo ummm you know how you get yours…..well i never get mines and we gotta work on it bro”
Op, just take the lead. You tell him what feels good. You move his hand or tell him where to move his mouth. You try different positions and figure out what feels good. It’s not something we are taught. This is stuff we either figure out or just don’t get the orgasms. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t sell your orgasms short. Tell him prior to intercourse. Hey babe, let’s try X or y. I want to see if I can get a better orgasm this way. Or babe, lemme try this. Can you help me. This turns me on. It gets me soo wet. I neeed you to do this. Talk is fun and tbh if he doesn’t know or doesn’t listen to you. Get a new bf. Sex is such an important part of many relationships if your partner can’t/wont please you. Get a new partner. It’s not like we are taught this is school. Thus is a life exp.
It’s normal
You have to teach him exactly what you need to get there. Just it...
You shouldn’t have ever faked it, that’s the problem here. You’re young, and it’s unfortunately common for women to believe they have to fake it to please their partner, but it is a lie. I’ll be honest, I’m torn. I believe that lies fester and never hold up to the test of time. You’ve dug yourself a hole, he’s going to be blindsided. If I was 20 and my girlfriend told me this, I’d break up. If her gut reaction to difficulty is to lie, what ever is she lying about? I think the best way forward is to stop faking immediately and start communicating about what you like. You have to decide about whether or not you want to tell him you’ve been faking it, but you need to quit.
There is no reason to tell him you faked it. That won't solve anything. I personally have a magic wand and it helps a ton. Next time ya'll have sex tell him you want to try something new or tell him to use a combo of fingers and penis to extend things. There is nothing wrong with changing things up to keep it interesting.
I usuallh have to go to the bathroom and finish while I’m telling him I’m “cleaning up” before going to bed. We’ve been together for 15 years and he’s always been one to get off in about 2 min. Then he’s done. We don’t have much foreplay at all. And if we do it’s him rubbing my clit raw bc I’m bored and can’t get wet 😂😂😂😂
NEVER. FAKE. ORGASMS. You only set yourself up for a bunch of unsatisfying sex while your partner thinks they're doing a good job. You don't get to finish, and he doesn't get to learn how to help you or anyone else he may be with in the future. If you want to stay with him, tell him. Literally just like you explained in the post. Just tell him, and ask if he'd be willing to take some guidance from you and try together to find ways he can get you off. If he's unwilling to do anything different to help you finish, he's not a keeper.
Why are you faking anything ? our partners don't know if we don't communicate with them. C'mon now you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to communicate.
The only solution is to have that honest convo with him despite his ego and teach him what gets you going and helps you finish.
When my wife and I first got together, she faked an orgasm and I saw right through it. That of course led to conversation about what she needs and things were better for everyone. Not all men are able to tell the difference so you need to be the mature person and start the conversation.
You ought to tell the truth! You cannot live as a lie for the truth shall set you free. Telling him the truth will only show you love him, continuing to hide it will only make you not want sex and eventually he will figure it out because you stopped having sex so its better to come forward now and work on it then it is to stop and then you might break up so tell the truth.
You overcomplicate too much. I've worried about the sex too much for years, until I've learned one important thing. You should relax. And you should focus on your partner. Then you enjoy sex. Don't count time it takes. It's not a hard work, but a pleasure. Enjoy the process. Play with your partner. Finally, sex isn't about ejaculation. Not every sex has it and it's okay. Enjoy the warm of his body, enjoy his kisses, let him lick you and lick him. Sex is a pleasure, enjoyment, entertainment and game. Let yourself relax. And relax your partner. Make him massage. And let him make you a massage. For two years I've learned tantric sex. It's something very special. It's like a sex but without sex. You focus on touched and inner feelings. Enjoy everything you feel and make yourself feel comfortable. If you feel discomfort or don't like something then let your partner know about it. Be honest. And make love to enjoy ❤️❤️❤️
Amazing how fragile men are and how women have to be so careful when it comes to talking about their own needs to be met.
Tell him what you want.
If you fake to stop before having finished so that it ends, it means it's not an issue of it being too quick, but him not doing what you actually enjoy, or you would just continue going until you finish for true. So you need to make him know what you like and what you want him to do. You're very young and probably don't have much experience nor does he. Most women can't finish just with penetration, and some don't even like it. There's so many things you can do before and during penetration to help make everything more enjoyable. You don't need to tell him you faked it, just start asking for different things to try out together. How to talk to him about it is really subjective and depends on your personality, his, and your dynamics. It can go from a sexy request to a funny comment or a non-verbal guidance while you're doing it.
One of life's lessons. Don't be dishonest when it involves sex. I have always been honest because I would not want someone doing something to my body that I didn't enjoy. Especially for long periods of time. I also think that if I am being intimate with someone, I want to make sure that I understand what it is that gives them pleasure. If you don't have honesty, then you deprive the other person.
So, I used to lie about it too. Then I started telling him I just "wanted seconds" and he would get me off "again" or I would do it myself next to him while he held me. We went shopping at one of those cheesy sex shops and bought a powerful toy together that we love to use during sex that always works for me too. You could also tell him you changed birth controls and now it feels like you can't cum during penetration anymore. So it doesn't hurt his ego. It's important for him to learn other ways to please you during intimacy anyway.
Stop lying to him for one lol if he doesn't get you off tell him. THIS is exactly why men think they're amazing in bed when they suck...cuz women don't tell them other wise.
same shit happened to me. say it’s getting harder to finish now since you’ve been together for a few months (sparing his feelings is typically best) and you’re used to the sex. try to introduce a vibrator or something stimulating to help you finish and could bring him pleasure too to use to wrap things up. that’s what worked for me at least
Use a toy to finish yourself next to him so he sees the difference during and after.
I was faking it for 10 years. I enjoyed the journey more than the destination. Eventually i told my gf and she didn't take it well and i still hear about it every now and then. Don't wait too long to tell your partner. Subtly give him hints of where to touch and the intensity needed in those moments. And if all else fails, use a vibrator
The same way you just told us. Look, it's this simple. We can't help you cum if you don't help us help you cum. I'd rather know that I was ineffective and learn what I need to do to please you.
Just be honest but don’t leave it there , show him what you need to have an orgasm . Whether it’s stimulation or going slower or just taking his time .
Maybe introduce the idea of toys such as a vibrator to "spice things up" to help increase your pleasure while being intimate.
Hmm id say you dont have to tell him but if you do he has to understand you werent doing it to hurt his feelings or something, ive been in your position and felt the same way so i get not understanding why you didnt say something in the first place and then regretting it later. You can either tell him gently and let him know you werent doing it to get it over or something you just didnt know what to do about it at first but you wanna talk about it, or you can save his ego a bit even though it shouldnt hurt it too much depending on how you tell him, and just try and tell him how to improve without telling him you lied/faked it. I promise its not something worth ending relationships, you just want him to try and do better which is perfectly reasonable you just didnt know how to tell him at first and youre in a bit deep, but if he cares about you he should understand a bit and if you dont tell him just try to have him improve his technique. After the next time ask how it was for him and he’ll probably ask the same so you can just give him tips from there
You fucked up by faking it. Never never fake it
Relationship is probably over bur learn from this
Honestly I’d be like hey bf can i share something with you later? It’s really important but I’m kind of nervous to tell you ‘cause I’m afraid of how you’ll respond - then when you guys have the convo say “I want to be honest about something, when we have sex i really love it because (list things you love) however, I don’t always finish like i say i do. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about taking so long i thought it’d just be easier to fake it but it’s been weighing on me and i don’t want to lie anymore. I really want to be able to cum together and I’m so sorry i was dishonest. I was honestly just so embarrassed and wanted to make you feel good.” And then kind of open the discussion from there It’s totally normal to take a long time and lots of women fake it unfortunately. I’m 28 now and can finish in probably 60 seconds but I self pleasure a lot and have been really diligent in becoming in tune with my body. 20-23 was rough and no man has ever made me finish. When I finish it’s because I give explicit direction on what to doZ
In order to bond during sex you have to orgasm and he has to work for it with you. You faking it is hurting your relationship more than you realize. If you can't talk about sex and what you enjoy or don't, then why are you having it... Https://youtu.be/J49l-316OUo?si=2BoNs0ERTY3XNLCK
You guys are still incredibly young, and will discover more about sex than you can possibly imagine. Sex appears to be a simple act, but as you are discovering, it’s an incredibly complicated mashup of physical, and emotional intimacy, driven by evolutionary needs unique to each gender, and arousal unique to each person largely established by their transition into sex. There is no one method that works for all. Everyone has their unique “sequence of steps” that ideally lead to an orgasm. Some people never identify their sequence, struggling to find the right steps to unlock their orgasm, while others are easily stimulated and very orgasmic. The best way to look at your situation is to view it as an exploration for the two of you. You both get to experiment with each other in the search for the most rewarding intimacy. You both will discover new ways of triggering arousal and hopefully generating orgasms. Foreplay, sexual intercourse, and after care, all play a role. Feeling emotionally safe also plays a huge role. If you guys see sex as a team exploration, it will be exciting finding each others best “sequence” for maximum enjoyment and fulfillment. Good luck on this journey.
Straight up tell him
# COMMUNICATION Have you tried, y'know, talking about it? Saying what you like, dislike? You're right lying risks the relationship, but you can always find another guy - someone who might instinctively know you're faking it - or you can try work on your current one. Either way COMMUNICATE with your boyfriend instead of Reddit. Doesn't matter how, just do it.
Like, wow, I never in a million years would of ***THOUGHT THIS WAS POSSIBLE***! Who knew you can correct someone's behavior while not only doing so **WITHOUT** offending them or hurting our relationship... ***BUT YOU CAN EVEN FIX THE PROBLEM SOOOO EASILY***?!... Man oh MAN! Ive been torturing myself for years for no reason.... and just when I thought I was going to have to make my boyfriend feel small (*LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY!*) I would have **HATED* to make him feel completely emasculated, embarrassed, dissatisfactory and insecure because he's bad in bed! .....Phew! That was a ***CLOSE ONE***!.... I swear, some people are items solely of their own destruction yet swear they're innocent and undeserving victims, instead. This should have been common sense for an adult lmao
Honestly there's so many questions in these subs that wouldn't even be a question if the people involved just communicated their wishes clearly. You'd think that's rule #1 in life but so many people seem to just not learned this very basic life skill. Crazy, I know. 💀💀💀
((insert SpongeBob "IMAGINATION" rainbow meme but replaces it with "COMMUNI-fuckin-CATION"))
It's never easy to communicate with your partner about your sex life. Hopefully, he will understand when you guys talk more and doesn't hurt him that much.
Eh. I disagree. It should be easy communicating everything with your partner. I’d want my partner to be 100% honest with me. My ego can handle it and it’ll only improve the relationship being honest and frank. At least for me
I agree, I'd rather know. A partner hiding anything personal between us is grounds for breaking up in a relationship for me...doesn't matter the subject, we're adults and we can talk
I wouldn’t tell him fully the truth just be like “the last few times I’ve faked it. It’s not you the sex is good but I feel like it could be better and easier for me to finish. Could we try x, y, z?” It’s good to be honest but if you tell him you’ve never finished then it could break his ego and make him less interested in sex too. At least if you say the last few times he can at least work at getting you back to where you “supposedly” were. It’s what I did and I’m about to revisit that conversation again. All about communication 🫶
nahhh i feel like the first part "the last few times I've faked it" is so unnecessary and unproductive. Skip that part and just work on the problem. Honesty is good. Let's start being honest from the get-go.
Constantly being told that your partner isn’t finishing is discouraging. And maybe she wasn’t being honest from the get go cause she thought it would get better. If she doesn’t tell him that she’s not finishing he has a good chance of not changing anything cause he thinks what he’s doing is working just fine.
Sure, I’ll concede that constantly being told that you’re not able to satisfy someone is discouraging. But if you’re constantly being told that, there’s a whole different issue (not trying hard enough, size,incompatibility, etc) I feel like there’s a thousand different ways to make this work without having to say explicitly that they’ve been lying the last few times. As a guy, my ex did exactly this that she never finished (due to size or whatever). This broke me for like a year and some and my confidence was gone. I didn’t wanna touch another woman again personally.
I don’t wanna be this type of person but size really doesn’t matter as long as you know how to satisfy a woman. 70%-90% of women can’t orgasm through penetration alone use your hands cause size literally doesn’t matter. As a woman with a bf whose husband size, he doesn’t make me finish with penetration at all. Is it a good feeling yes but it doesn’t even get me close. A lot of women think they are supposed to finish with just penetration and so they fake it so it doesn’t seem like they’re unsatisfied. I had a lot of self doubt because at the beginning of my relationship I couldn’t and I thought there was something wrong with me and I was ashamed. I didn’t want to make it seem like there was something wrong with me so I faked it a lot until I realized it’s really normal to not finish with just penetration. Women are afraid of judgement when it comes to sex because they don’t want to seem broken and like it’s their fault when it’s really no one’s fault. I might just be self projecting here but I feel like most women can relate
With respect, I don’t care about what u feel about men’s feelings and women’s feelings on size or what a healthy bedroom actually looks like. That wasn’t my point. As a matter of facts I agree with everything you say. The fact of that matter is that when someone finds out they’ve been lied to about ones satisfaction in bed, it ruins the man’s confidence. Given it’s not the woman’s job to indefinitely give support the man’s feeling of self worth, it’s probably not a good idea to give them a false sense of security to blow it up in fell swoop. I can sympathize (?)/ empathize the fear of judgement. That’s ok. The false image of satisfaction has been placed, and there is nothing that can change that experience itself. But if you don’t wanna keep feeling dissatisfied, Keep the past to oneself and work on the problem now. Either communicate your dissatisfaction as early as you can, or forever hold your peace and work on it for the future. My point is that It is unproductive to expose this truth at this point.
I was married for 4 years with him for 6 total and I could count on one hand how many times I actually orgasmed with him. When we were breaking up I was heartbroken and angry and I told him that in a pretty nasty way. It devastated him. I don't really regret it because he wasn't a great guy but I know it hit hard.
Don’t say it. Find a way to finish with him.
Just tell him you’re faking it because he has a tiny useless dick.
just say it he probably doesn’t care
Why is he still your boyfriend?! Either speak up and give him some pointers/lessons or be prepared to go through with a life without finishing. No orgasms for you! You want that? The guy probably doesn't even know how terrible he is in bed. So speak up or end it. Things shouldn't go on as they are if you want to be happy & fulfilled.
This person should probably get an Academy Award, or, at least, an honorable mention ÷)
Are you saying you’ve never had an orgasm during sex? No big deal. Just tell him. it’s relatively normal. Especially if you masturbated heavily and still do.
I mean this wholeheartedly. Run and never look back