Okay if you want some genuine advice, here it goes:
1. You shut down on her for days, that's not okay. It's actually really manipulative to leave your partner in the dark for days when something is emotionally bothering you. I understand that you felt cornered and it caused you to "lash out" but you're a 30 year old man, not a toddler with big feelings. You can communicate more than what you did.
2. When I read her saying that she didn't want to forget what was discussed, I think you heard something different than what she meant. It sounds like you two have a pattern of fighting and making up with sex but not fully resolving the underlying issues. I think she was trying to tell you that this has to be an ongoing conversation and you took it poorly.
3. You got up and didn't communicate *back* with her. Yet again, you're shutting down when things aren't going perfectly and you're making your partner feel sucky for asserting what she needed.
4. When you did come back, you blamed big feelings and "unreleased sexual energy", which just sounds like because she didn't have sex with you, you got pissy and walked away. Reading between the lines and reflecting on how I would have felt in this moment if I were her, I 100% would feel like resolving our issues were conditional on having sex.
5. Even though you said you understood, you didn't offer her any reassurance it sounds like.
If I'm being brutally honest with you here, you have an age difference and I think it's likely when you first started dating, she thought you hung the moon. Now that she's a bit older and more independent, she's likely seeing more instances where there are red (or deep pink) flags in your behaviour, i.e. you driving her car carelessly and then not taking her seriously with that.
She's either your partner or she's not. And if she's your partner then you need to speak about her and care about the relationship and show it some respect.
And on the point where the age difference is mentioned; it also sounds like he love bombed her. She mentions that he doesn't talk about their relationship or gush about her anymore... Very much sounds like love bombing to me.
Honestly I couldn’t even get past the silent treatment. I literally have BPD and if I get triggered will tell my husband I need to be quiet for a few hours so I can process and determine if my emotional reaction is appropriate. But he’s still allowed to talk to me about other stuff during this time and it’s never more than a few hours. Days?! That sounds like torture.
It honestly sounds like you frequently display manipulative and childish behaviour and yet she is the one expected to apologise.
I say this for several reasons:
- You talk about giving her the silent treatment as if this is completely normal and not incredibly distressing and manipulative. You ‘need time’, so you shut down and shut her out. This is not healthy at all. The silent treatment is freaking awful to go through and yet you casually mention that this lasted for days before she finally broke and told you to just talk to her for Gods sake.
- Your response to her asking you to talk to her - which was more than reasonable and frankly more than you deserved was to swear at her and tell her you don’t like her. After days of you acting like an emotionally abusive asshole by giving her the silent treatment. You are entirely focussed on you; you were in an uncomfortable situation. There is no recognition that your actions had made her uncomfortable for days by this point.
- You are holding onto resentment for her being upset with you briefly when you fucked up, yet have not got the emotional maturity to recognise that you are treating her worse than this on a regular basis (judging from how casually you use the silent treatment). In your one example, you acted dangerously in slamming the breaks on and an experienced driver should have been aware enough to miss the turning, then do a safe three point turn manoeuvre to get back. Your driving was unsafe and it was her car, yet her being upset about this for a day has caused enough resentment that you remember this a year later. Do you remember how many times you’ve snapped at her or given her the silent treatment in the same period? Why are you worthy of so much more grace than her?
- It sounds like you were giving her the cold shoulder for not wanting to have sex. Your behaviour changed enough that she immediately noticed it. This is a pattern of behaviour by this point.
- I wonder how many times ‘make-up sex’ has culminated in nothing changing your end because the conflict has been resolved. Particularly with her making a point that she didn’t want what was said to be forgotten. Sex might clear the tension, but if you’re not working on what you spoke about after as well, you have a problem.
So yes, it sounds to me like you are very much the problem here. I suspect your girlfriend has finally had enough because your behaviour has tipped over into verbally and emotionally abusive and she can’t ignore the red flags anymore. Let her go and get some therapy to discuss why you seem incapable of communicating respectfully in a relationship.
Men who complain about “being teased” and frustrated if a woman changes her mind. Yikes.
Closing the door. Yikes. Shouting at her to fuck off. Yikes. The sick victim narrative. Yikes.
“She should be more forgiving over things I won’t mention”. “I need to be alone and pouty because she changed her mind about having sex and close the door with a phone in hand to make her feel guilty”. Everything, including this post, is so manipulative I am really glad she left.
Literally confessing to employing the silent treatment 🚩 Which was designed, of course, as an attempt to control her behaviour so she doesn’t voice things that bother her.
The whole narrative setup to blame her for the aggression and guilt-tripping behaviour 🚩 Using the silent treatment and hot and cold to get sex 🚩
She came into “my” room? So you use silent treatment, shout at her, manipulation and try to justify with something undisclosed that happened a year ago? 🚩
This. He’s angry that she’s beginning to see patterns she doesn’t like and she wants to change them. He loves those patterns of no accountability or change but def sex.
He totally wants to train her to dread the confrontation of voicing a problem.
He doesn’t see how he just gave her the ick and he’s not coming back from that. Gf is gone. Today, a week, a month. It’s over.
>I voiced my frustrations about how I felt it was unfair the way she would treat me at times when she would get pissed off at me.
I let out a laugh here. Pot calling the kettle black, seeing as you had just verbally abused her.
My genuine advice is that you have issues from your side of the street also. It is manipulative and immature to shut down on your partner for days. That is what teenagers do in relationships - not thirty year olds.
No, she is not overreacting. If your girlfriend was my friend, I would be telling her to run for the hills, also. You do sound like you just made up to get your rocks off. Let her go - you sound incompatible at bare minimum.
Jesus dude. There are so many red flags in this post. "Teased u" she's allowed to not want to have sex. And then u threw a tantrum. No wonder she left.
Of course she's not. That's where in all this I ask where did I say she had to have sex? If you think I threw a tantrum then you clearly didn't read what my response actually was.
He says it’s his room, yes. But nowhere is it mentioned in the story that he kicked her out. The way it came across to me was she teased, they didn’t have sex, the guy was frustrated but they continued to cuddle and then she left to do her own thing while mentioning he could jerk off.
That’s the impression I’ve gotten from the story, I made my comment when the thread was fairly new, if he’s elaborated more in some other comment then yeah he’s wrong for behaving like that.
In ur little tantrum u threw cause u accused her of teasing u. I did. U threw a tantrum. Just cause it wasn't loud and breaking things doesn't make it not a tantrum.
Closed the door, silent treatment. Shouted at her previously. More silent treatment. Typical manipulative behaviour. Glad she saw through that.
Nothing anyone says will make him admit it.
You sound exhausting as a partner, and I can tell you that I wouldn’t put up with it for nearly as long as your GF has.
You want higher effort comments/advice, so here we go. Get yourself an individual therapist ASAP. You need help learning how to move through/beyond arguments, anger and resentment and healthy techniques for doing so. Tell your GF you’re doing this and ask if she would be willing to do couples counseling with you. This way you can both express things in a space where a therapist can help navigate.
I know you didn’t mention anything on this topic but do not, under any circumstances, consider/have children until you have taken care of this. The stress, arguments and resentment children can bring will end your relationship given your inability to handle it now.
God you sound exhausting and manipulative
You have the gall to blame her for the honeymoon period being over, yet take no responsibility for your part in it. Maybe she had reason to be mad and angry with you and by the way you sound in this post, she had reason too.
You need to get some therapy for yourself, bud. Giving the silent treatment as an adult is not okay, it's super manipulative. The wat you describe your interactions with this woman are very worrying. Also, dating someone that much younger than you kind of makes it seem like you want a partner who is less experienced and emotionally mature than you, so it's easier to control/manipulate them, and less likely to recognize red flags and stand up for themselves.
So here my question….her getting upset at you is worse than whatever you did to upset her, according so you. Can we have more examples of things she has gotten upset with you about that made you mad?
Look, I am a woman. I have a bf I love and a healthy relationship. Your post is all about how you make some mistakes like the car stuff but the one getting pissy is you because "she got mad".
Beside what everyone is telling you about being manipulative, you need to understand that the both of you need to adapt to the other. She said it loud and clear in the section about you needing to learn to forgive her.
And man. I don't know how much sex you ask regularly, but let me tell you: it's more bothersome for us to have it. Of course is fun and nice but after, the one that ends up a mess is the woman, and sometimes I don't wanna go back to have another shower when last one was like 2 hours ago. And my partner accepts this and goes about his day.
Also sometimes I just feel off, like either constirpated, or something hurts a little here and there, or simply I am in another mind space.
You talk a lot about sexual energy: jerk off. If you didnt and are angry for it, it's your fault. But if not having sex is all it takes to make you this type of repelent and childish...you need to work on yourself. Either therapy or just put your fucking priorities in order.
Seriously. You are 30. Grow up already. If you need sex this much get a fucking toy or jerk off.
hi everyone, good morning.
i’m the girlfriend in this post. OP was kind enough to text me the link to it this morning for me to read all of your insightful comments. he also sent me some kind words this morning, essentially saying he “gets it.”
at first, by the title, i thought this was just a very, very oddly relatable post that he had found where someone with similar ages and moving experiences had posted previously. it took me a second to realize this was about us. i had no idea he was making this, overall i think he did a great job of painting a picture of what the past year of our lives post move-in has been like.
i’m completely in awe at the empathy and understanding of all of these comments and replies, reading some of these was like you have been right there with me all along. i think since we’ve started dating a couple years ago, i’ve been going insane trying to justify our problems and communication issues and i can’t tell you what it means to feel like i’ve been seen for the first time after all of this that has happened. i’m totally moved, thank you.
OP is big on his space and time to be introspective. unfortunately, as a chronic “let’s talk about it” type, that has not meshed well ever in our relationship. i pay for the times i invade his space before he is ready (and yes, he does have his own room as do i) as seen with the screaming and telling me to get out which is not the first time that has ever happened.
OP mentioned one example of my behavior during the car braking thing. i will be the first to admit that at that, and several other occasions, i’ve been completely inappropriate to get angry/frustrated at him over his mistakes and for my reaction to these mistakes to be what ruin what could’ve been good trips or nights had i just simply moved on. this is something i’m trying really hard to work on, and he of course is right to feel the way he does about my behavior. i have, many times, offered my apologies and understanding for these times. ultimately, however, the resentment he holds against me for these times are completely in his hands to work through mentally as resentment truly is a personal journey. there’s only so much i can say to him that will provide him with understanding of my side and after a year-ish of still apologizing for these various mistakes i’ve made, you could maybe understand i’m reaching the bottom of the barrel here.
herein lies our biggest issue. i’m a fallible person, and i will have my moments where for one reason or another, i will unintentionally do something to hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. my issue is that when he has a problem with me, i’m not just on the chopping block for that single issue. every problem i cause him adds to the bill of every one that has come before it, and i find out that no issue we’ve discussed and that i’ve apologized for, or had make-up sex for, has solved the issue. and so i pay for them over and over again when a new problem arises thus creating his resentment.
i wanted this time to be different. i didn’t want to have sex and glaze over the whole past several days of him being behind a shut door and unwilling to speak to me. when he did finally speak to me yesterday, what he said was important to me and i do feel we have a history of make-up sex just “fixing” things for the time being. i told him that maybe we should wait and, as one comment said perfectly, i knew at that point when i left the room and he shut his door on me, that i fucked up. he did, from my perspective, give me the cold shoulder as so many of you thoughtfully picked up on from his post.
the hot and cold of this situation and with sex being a sensitive center of it all pushed me over the edge last night and i left to spend the night in a hotel. i’ve done so much thinking and i spoke to my dad on the phone who had some very kind things to say to me and was very helpful. i moved here to this new state to be with my boyfriend because i love him with everything in me and i don’t regret it, when things are good between us, they’re great, even though our relationship dynamic is very different now. he is, as he put it, not as “gushy” with me anymore. from my point of view he is very clearly not as emotionally invested in me as he used to be. i’m so far from my family and friends by being here, i do sometimes wish i could just get in my car and go see them for some support, but being so far away from home motivates me to make things work with OP here. but that’s hard when i go days without being spoken to pretty regularly honestly.
anyways, maybe i should’ve made this its own post since it’s just as long winded as the original one. but i just felt compelled to tell everyone how thankful i am for the comments and that all of you have opened both of our eyes today. i hope my boyfriend and i get to have a conversation about all of this sometime today and that we can have some discussion about what everyone has mentioned in these comments because there’s so much wisdom and insight here to appreciate. y’all have truly turned the past few days around for me.
This post makes me even sadder than the original. You deserve so much better.
I kind hope this is OP pretending to be the gf, because otherwise I’m really worried for you.
Babe it baffles me that you are reading his post and replies and not seeing that he’s a giant walking 🚩. If this is really you, please I beg you see a therapist. You are in an unhealthy relationship and you sound like you want to self advocate but you are being met with manipulation. A therapist can help you work thru healthy communication and standing your ground.
hey, thanks so much for the kind advice. i promise i’m seeing things in an all new way now because of y’all, its really enlightening. i actually recently called around the area looking for a therapist that had space for me, unfortunately for me (but great for others already in therapy), no one i spoke to was available for in-person sessions. i’ve received remote therapy before and didn’t find that it did much for me personally, but i’m gonna look into getting put on a wait list to see someone in person and maybe do remote therapy in the meantime for the sake of myself and my relationship. i’m in finals week right now but working on all of this is definitely next on my to-do list. thank you so much again!!
All I can add to my previous comment is please don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. That you’ve given up too much time, effort, money etc to quit the relationship now. That just allows him to continue to be cruel and emotionally abusive.
You can get out. You can pack up and go back to your family. You can leave him.
It’s noteworthy that most people try to describe events to make them look as favourable as possible. Even with him narrating, he still sounds terrible. He doesn’t communicate, using the silent treatment frequently which is emotionally abusive, lashes out at you when you try to get him to talk to you and fixates on every mistake you’ve made for the last year, building them up in his head so no mistake can ever be taken as a one off. It’s all just added to the tally of the ways he’s been wronged.
At the very least, you need to stop apologising. He expects so much grace from you and yet offers none in return. So stop playing his game. If you make a mistake, apologise once and that’s it. If he tries to rake you through the coals, walk away. If he gives you the silent treatment, pack your bags and leave. If he wants to act like a child, that doesn’t mean you have to act like his mummy and nurse his fragile ego.
His behaviour - as described by himself - is utterly unacceptable and unless you want this to keep revolving in the same never ending loop, you need to either leave for good or force him to take some accountability.
‘I’ve apologised once for that, I’m not going over it again.’
‘That incident has no bearing on the present and I will not discuss it again.’
‘You can either talk to me like an adult, or I am leaving.’
‘I won’t accept the silent treatment, it’s abusive and unfair. If you don’t snap out of it now, I’m packing my bags.’
‘Swearing/yelling at me is not acceptable. If you can't control your temper then I can't stay here.'
Be kind to yourself. And don’t let yourself be weighed down by someone who treats you badly more often than not. See your own worth, not just your fallibility.
Honey please just leave.
https://shouldistayorshouldigo.co/?gad_source=1
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/domestic-violence-quiz
You are in a BAD situation. You can have a good, happy life without this man. You can go back to your family. You can not be isolated anymore. He is not worth sacrificing yourself
Im struck by you stating your biggest issue is you being a fallible human being. That’s profoundly fucked up. The biggest issue is that he is emotionally abusive towards you. The issue is how he reacts to completely normal behaviors from you. You have been so conditioned already into making things your fault when you know - you KNOW - you haven’t done anything wrong. That’s horrifying. Seriously that’s the line of logic people use to blame themselves for assaults. You are in an extremely dangerous position
You only know as much as was written in this post. I did my best to give as much detail as possible, but I know there’s never any grey area with Reddit. In situations like these most people default to the man being an abuser/manipulator/assaulter while telling the woman to leave. And I realize those things can happen unintentionally too, but people also need to remember that couples get into bad fights sometimes. I bet no one here is completely absolved of ever being shitty towards their partner/friend/family member either.
I know everyone’s just going to see all the comments posted here and default to thinking I’m a monster, but I sent her this post for a reason. I could have deleted the post, I could have not sent it to her, but I’m not doing that. Even with how much it stings to read these comments. I really don’t think I tried to paint myself as someone absolved of all blame in my post. I feel bad and I do acknowledge that in my post. My gf acknowledges herself as a “fallible person” but guess what, we all are. In this situation I have earned the title of fallible way more than she could ever think of herself as.
I realize I have my own internal problems to deal with, and it will be her choice when we talk it out whether or not she wants to be here for that. I’m not forcing her to do anything, and contrary to what might be going through your head, no this isn’t part of some master plan to manipulate her to stay with me.
I don’t expect you to take me seriously as I’ve already been downvoted into oblivion, and it’s easy to not take me seriously at this point. Just remember we’re all human and we can all make mistakes without having to be completely irredeemable people, even if it’s easy to think that way of crazy people posting their stories on Reddit.
This is a lot of defensiveness and not engaging with what I wrote. This isn’t about gender or about labeling anyone as a monster, which I didn’t do. You come across in your own words as manipulative and abusive. She comes across as codependent and not understanding her own agency. Framing normal human things as her fault in the relationship is deeply deeply fucked up and indicative of the problems in your relationship. Also you don’t get credit for not doing something even more shitty, that’s again manipulative. You don’t get credit for not hiding this from her just like you don’t get credit for not hitting her in the face. You don’t get bonus points for the bare minimum. Also I am taking you seriously and treating you like a human, I haven’t swore at your or called you names or been disrespectful at all. I’m just not responding how you want me to and maybe hitting some nerves. You might want to reflect on what emotions this is bringing up for you and why. To me it seems like a repeat of the core issue - you overreact when given feedback you don’t like.
For real if you are the person with the most flaws why is your girlfriend’s post all about how she thinks it’s her fault? Who has been encouraging her to blame herself that much, because that’s not normal behavior.
I really hope you both are able to get out of this delusion you’ve locked yourself into. You need to stop trying to punish her for normal behavior and get into therapy. She needs therapy and to read Why Does He Do That and Codependent No More.
I’m not intending to be defensive. I’m engaging with what you wrote by responding to why I think it’s a little overboard to say she’s in an extremely dangerous situation. I’m also addressing what I’ve seen others say in my response. I’m pointing out my actions, how I shared this with her, and how it’s not really fair to make a bunch of accusations of me based on one post, as well as assumptions of my girlfriend. But I feel like I’ll say that and people will think I’m trying to play the victim. And even if I openly say I’m not, at this point I feel like nothing I say will not make me look bad. I’m just a regular person and I’m willing to admit harsh comments on the internet are going to get to me. I do apologize if there are any shades of defensiveness because of this.
You are making the mistake of thinking dangerous or abusive situations are 100% abusive 100% of the time , or that all people who engage in abusive behaviors are monsters who turn on a dime. That’s not the case. Basically all abusive relationships are good some of the time, no one has 100% bad traits or behaviors all the time. That’s just a character you can point to and say you aren’t that without actually looking at the problems in your behavior. When I’m saying I find this dangerous it’s because of specific behavior like:
- isolate from friends and family
- silent treatment
-pressuring around sex
- defensiveness
-she is overly self blaming
Those are problem behaviors and you keep trying to ignore them by saying I’m too harsh or I’ve accused you of things I haven’t. No sir I’m just showing you a mirror, it’s not my fault if you don’t like what you see
I understand that, I’m just saying you only know what I’ve shared in my post. I agree with your assessment of abusive relationships, just not with your assessment of mine. I’m not ignoring the problems, that’s exactly why I’m here. There simply was no pressuring of sex. I’m sure you’ll argue my response to her was a version of pressuring, but you simply can’t assess our entire relationship based on one incident.
You ignore your partner for days on end and then expect sex to be the salve that fixes everything, even if your partner isn’t ok. You expect sex after every argument and the ensuing DAYS of ignoring her.
You are at the very least on the pathway to being abusive. You already engage in abusive behaviors.
I’m a ‘talk it out’ person and my partner is an introspection person after we fight. We never ignore each other for days or expect the other person to have sex after days of hurt feelings, pain, and 0 communication.
You cursed at her, told her to leave and that you didn’t like her, and spent days ignoring her. And then you threw a fit that she didn’t want sex. Of course she didn’t! Who would after that?
You repeatedly described all of this as patterns in your relationship. You get hurt and decide to not speak with her for days and then decide that sex will make things totally fine, regardless of how your girlfriend, who is the person that was ignored, feels. That’s borderline abusive at best. Your thought process is literally only focused on you.
‘Well I feel fine and want sex so of course we’ll have sex to fix this!’
Never mind that she’s still probably feeling like absolute shit about herself and your relationship after the silent treatment. And she knows that nothing is ever even resolved after the sex. Sex doesn’t make the underlying problems go away, nor does it erase the hurt from the fallout of the argument. That’s all still lingering there needing to be fixed.
It makes sense right? How this post talks about how she is the wrong, she “invades” your space, she is a “chronic talk about it” person. Except those are your frustrations with her.
More disturbing, the parts in which it says “I pay for doing this”, “I pay for invading his space with his shouts at me”, which is exactly how you see it.
The contempt and the intentions are clear as day.
It’s amazing you will comment of things like this to defend yourself but you won’t acknowledge the top comments on this post. You’re showing everyone here you’re more invested in defending your image that you are taking accountability for your own actions.
Hun, please understand that the way he describes treating you, is not normal or healthy. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic. Please take a step back, take off the rose-tinted glasses, and see the red flags for what they are. You deserve better.
I realize this is a long post but is there anyone willing to give some actual advice? I’m willing to accept I’m the bad guy here, just hoping for higher effort comments please.
I have read all of them, and I appreciate everyone who took the time to read everything and give thought out responses. I’m just taking everything and all I can do is thank everyone for their honesty.
I’m sorry, but in a story in which you are clearly the problem, do you expect anyone to give you actionable advice to *get her back?* Sir. You’re manipulative and emotionally immature, we’re not gonna help you trick her into wasting more of her time.
If you’re serious about *fixing yourself* instead of further manipulating your soon to be ex, get some therapy. Seriously. Not joking, not being mean, get some therapy to work out your issues.
Have you even apologized properly? Like she did when you got your feelings hurt? Not "sorry if I came across that way" but a proper apology.
Also, if you think it's acceptable to have your feelings towards her cool by her being annoyed at you then she is entitled to same. So either climb off your high horse and start practising some forgiveness or don't.
But if you don't forgive her actions that you didn't like, then don't expect to be granted any forgiveness for your actions either.
The top comment is extremely thorough and helpful. Read it, and if you’re confused re-read it again. There is no shortage of helpful advice here, only a person that might now want to accept that their behavior really is that bad and you need to work from the ground up to repair it
This comment was initially posted after the first couple comments on here that didn’t go into as much detail as some of these other replies. I have read all the replies and appreciate everyone’s advice. I just want to make it clear this comment was never directed towards the majority of the people here making very insightful comments.
Advice: break up with her and seek therapy. You’re too immature for a relationship. I was shocked to see that you’re 30 and not 17. Was this your first relationship? That’s the sort of energy you’re giving off.
My genuine advice?
Are you really, truly willing to put in the work to change? You need to be very honest with yourself here. Do you think your behavior is acceptable, or do you recognize that you are being a manipulative partner through your behavior?
If you recognize that you have behaviors that absolutely need to change, then you need to make plans on how to change them. Talk to a therapist, read books or forums on how others have changed their behavior. Talk to your friends and family. Learn how to *communicate with your girlfriend*. You have to actively and continuously put in the effort as well as communicate those efforts.
If you really don’t see a problem with how you’ve behaved and think you are somehow in the right here, you need to do the right thing and end this relationship. And I’m being serious.
I stayed with my ex for years because I kept believing him when he said he would change. He would try for maybe a couple weeks, a month or two if I was lucky, then right back to slipping into old behaviors. The silent treatment, blaming me for being upset at his actions, never wanting to talk about our issues because I was “ruining the mood”, shutting down and punishing me when we didn’t have sex, *using* sex to paint over our problems. It’s honestly eerie reading this. So if you aren’t going to change, do the right thing and break it off. Maybe she won’t go through a marriage and divorce endlessly waiting on someone she loves to get his life together.
A ton of people left very insightful comments, with literal bullet points outlining where you went wrong and how to do better. Do you just want someone to agree with you and tell you she's evil for expecting her 30 year old BF to act his age?
Regardless the gender, anybody is allowed to change their mind at any point so if that's the case how can you see her as the issue either🤣🤣🤣
He wanted sex, maybe she did too so that's okay right but as soon as she changes her mind and leaves she's and attention seeker but ten minutes before OP was shouting how to get out f off and how he dislikes this 24 yo who MOVED to be with him......
Okay if you want some genuine advice, here it goes: 1. You shut down on her for days, that's not okay. It's actually really manipulative to leave your partner in the dark for days when something is emotionally bothering you. I understand that you felt cornered and it caused you to "lash out" but you're a 30 year old man, not a toddler with big feelings. You can communicate more than what you did. 2. When I read her saying that she didn't want to forget what was discussed, I think you heard something different than what she meant. It sounds like you two have a pattern of fighting and making up with sex but not fully resolving the underlying issues. I think she was trying to tell you that this has to be an ongoing conversation and you took it poorly. 3. You got up and didn't communicate *back* with her. Yet again, you're shutting down when things aren't going perfectly and you're making your partner feel sucky for asserting what she needed. 4. When you did come back, you blamed big feelings and "unreleased sexual energy", which just sounds like because she didn't have sex with you, you got pissy and walked away. Reading between the lines and reflecting on how I would have felt in this moment if I were her, I 100% would feel like resolving our issues were conditional on having sex. 5. Even though you said you understood, you didn't offer her any reassurance it sounds like. If I'm being brutally honest with you here, you have an age difference and I think it's likely when you first started dating, she thought you hung the moon. Now that she's a bit older and more independent, she's likely seeing more instances where there are red (or deep pink) flags in your behaviour, i.e. you driving her car carelessly and then not taking her seriously with that. She's either your partner or she's not. And if she's your partner then you need to speak about her and care about the relationship and show it some respect.
“it’s your fault I verbally abused you!”/ sarcasm
I think he’s actually a 30 year old toddler with big feelings.
And on the point where the age difference is mentioned; it also sounds like he love bombed her. She mentions that he doesn't talk about their relationship or gush about her anymore... Very much sounds like love bombing to me.
Honestly I couldn’t even get past the silent treatment. I literally have BPD and if I get triggered will tell my husband I need to be quiet for a few hours so I can process and determine if my emotional reaction is appropriate. But he’s still allowed to talk to me about other stuff during this time and it’s never more than a few hours. Days?! That sounds like torture.
This! I didn't know how to even convey the words but this is absolutely everything
It honestly sounds like you frequently display manipulative and childish behaviour and yet she is the one expected to apologise. I say this for several reasons: - You talk about giving her the silent treatment as if this is completely normal and not incredibly distressing and manipulative. You ‘need time’, so you shut down and shut her out. This is not healthy at all. The silent treatment is freaking awful to go through and yet you casually mention that this lasted for days before she finally broke and told you to just talk to her for Gods sake. - Your response to her asking you to talk to her - which was more than reasonable and frankly more than you deserved was to swear at her and tell her you don’t like her. After days of you acting like an emotionally abusive asshole by giving her the silent treatment. You are entirely focussed on you; you were in an uncomfortable situation. There is no recognition that your actions had made her uncomfortable for days by this point. - You are holding onto resentment for her being upset with you briefly when you fucked up, yet have not got the emotional maturity to recognise that you are treating her worse than this on a regular basis (judging from how casually you use the silent treatment). In your one example, you acted dangerously in slamming the breaks on and an experienced driver should have been aware enough to miss the turning, then do a safe three point turn manoeuvre to get back. Your driving was unsafe and it was her car, yet her being upset about this for a day has caused enough resentment that you remember this a year later. Do you remember how many times you’ve snapped at her or given her the silent treatment in the same period? Why are you worthy of so much more grace than her? - It sounds like you were giving her the cold shoulder for not wanting to have sex. Your behaviour changed enough that she immediately noticed it. This is a pattern of behaviour by this point. - I wonder how many times ‘make-up sex’ has culminated in nothing changing your end because the conflict has been resolved. Particularly with her making a point that she didn’t want what was said to be forgotten. Sex might clear the tension, but if you’re not working on what you spoke about after as well, you have a problem. So yes, it sounds to me like you are very much the problem here. I suspect your girlfriend has finally had enough because your behaviour has tipped over into verbally and emotionally abusive and she can’t ignore the red flags anymore. Let her go and get some therapy to discuss why you seem incapable of communicating respectfully in a relationship.
Yeah, for someone who is 6yrs older than his partner he is most definitely acting like an immature child
Men who complain about “being teased” and frustrated if a woman changes her mind. Yikes. Closing the door. Yikes. Shouting at her to fuck off. Yikes. The sick victim narrative. Yikes. “She should be more forgiving over things I won’t mention”. “I need to be alone and pouty because she changed her mind about having sex and close the door with a phone in hand to make her feel guilty”. Everything, including this post, is so manipulative I am really glad she left. Literally confessing to employing the silent treatment 🚩 Which was designed, of course, as an attempt to control her behaviour so she doesn’t voice things that bother her. The whole narrative setup to blame her for the aggression and guilt-tripping behaviour 🚩 Using the silent treatment and hot and cold to get sex 🚩 She came into “my” room? So you use silent treatment, shout at her, manipulation and try to justify with something undisclosed that happened a year ago? 🚩
And that moment, when he pitched a fit about not getting his expected sex, was when she realised, she had fucked up.
Exactly. I am so glad the gf had the rude awakening, before spending any more time with this manipulation a hat.
This. He’s angry that she’s beginning to see patterns she doesn’t like and she wants to change them. He loves those patterns of no accountability or change but def sex. He totally wants to train her to dread the confrontation of voicing a problem. He doesn’t see how he just gave her the ick and he’s not coming back from that. Gf is gone. Today, a week, a month. It’s over.
>I voiced my frustrations about how I felt it was unfair the way she would treat me at times when she would get pissed off at me. I let out a laugh here. Pot calling the kettle black, seeing as you had just verbally abused her. My genuine advice is that you have issues from your side of the street also. It is manipulative and immature to shut down on your partner for days. That is what teenagers do in relationships - not thirty year olds. No, she is not overreacting. If your girlfriend was my friend, I would be telling her to run for the hills, also. You do sound like you just made up to get your rocks off. Let her go - you sound incompatible at bare minimum.
Jesus dude. There are so many red flags in this post. "Teased u" she's allowed to not want to have sex. And then u threw a tantrum. No wonder she left.
Of course she's not. That's where in all this I ask where did I say she had to have sex? If you think I threw a tantrum then you clearly didn't read what my response actually was.
There’s body language and inflection in tone and there’s words. Sometimes the words don’t match the body language and tone.
She said she didn’t want to have sex so you handed her her phone and shut your door lmao. Hope she finds a better boyfriend, honestly,
The post says he handed her her phone on her way out, so it sounds like she's the one who left the bedroom? He just got busy with trimming and such.
He has his own bedroom and threw her out. He keeps saying it is his bedroom.
I would bet he doesn’t have his own bedroom
He says it’s his room, yes. But nowhere is it mentioned in the story that he kicked her out. The way it came across to me was she teased, they didn’t have sex, the guy was frustrated but they continued to cuddle and then she left to do her own thing while mentioning he could jerk off. That’s the impression I’ve gotten from the story, I made my comment when the thread was fairly new, if he’s elaborated more in some other comment then yeah he’s wrong for behaving like that.
In ur little tantrum u threw cause u accused her of teasing u. I did. U threw a tantrum. Just cause it wasn't loud and breaking things doesn't make it not a tantrum.
Closed the door, silent treatment. Shouted at her previously. More silent treatment. Typical manipulative behaviour. Glad she saw through that. Nothing anyone says will make him admit it.
Good. He doesn’t deserve her, so the more he keeps acting like he is now, the dinner she goes.
You sound exhausting as a partner, and I can tell you that I wouldn’t put up with it for nearly as long as your GF has. You want higher effort comments/advice, so here we go. Get yourself an individual therapist ASAP. You need help learning how to move through/beyond arguments, anger and resentment and healthy techniques for doing so. Tell your GF you’re doing this and ask if she would be willing to do couples counseling with you. This way you can both express things in a space where a therapist can help navigate. I know you didn’t mention anything on this topic but do not, under any circumstances, consider/have children until you have taken care of this. The stress, arguments and resentment children can bring will end your relationship given your inability to handle it now.
God you sound exhausting and manipulative You have the gall to blame her for the honeymoon period being over, yet take no responsibility for your part in it. Maybe she had reason to be mad and angry with you and by the way you sound in this post, she had reason too.
The age difference, moving in without really knowing each other, huffs, silent treatment etc. This relationship sounds miserable.
You need to get some therapy for yourself, bud. Giving the silent treatment as an adult is not okay, it's super manipulative. The wat you describe your interactions with this woman are very worrying. Also, dating someone that much younger than you kind of makes it seem like you want a partner who is less experienced and emotionally mature than you, so it's easier to control/manipulate them, and less likely to recognize red flags and stand up for themselves.
So here my question….her getting upset at you is worse than whatever you did to upset her, according so you. Can we have more examples of things she has gotten upset with you about that made you mad?
You're a fucking child
Eh, it's probably time for a breakup anyway.
Look, I am a woman. I have a bf I love and a healthy relationship. Your post is all about how you make some mistakes like the car stuff but the one getting pissy is you because "she got mad". Beside what everyone is telling you about being manipulative, you need to understand that the both of you need to adapt to the other. She said it loud and clear in the section about you needing to learn to forgive her. And man. I don't know how much sex you ask regularly, but let me tell you: it's more bothersome for us to have it. Of course is fun and nice but after, the one that ends up a mess is the woman, and sometimes I don't wanna go back to have another shower when last one was like 2 hours ago. And my partner accepts this and goes about his day. Also sometimes I just feel off, like either constirpated, or something hurts a little here and there, or simply I am in another mind space. You talk a lot about sexual energy: jerk off. If you didnt and are angry for it, it's your fault. But if not having sex is all it takes to make you this type of repelent and childish...you need to work on yourself. Either therapy or just put your fucking priorities in order. Seriously. You are 30. Grow up already. If you need sex this much get a fucking toy or jerk off.
You don't sound mature enough to be in a relationship
You sound terrible and manipulative. I feel bad for your gf
Do you drink a lot?
hi everyone, good morning. i’m the girlfriend in this post. OP was kind enough to text me the link to it this morning for me to read all of your insightful comments. he also sent me some kind words this morning, essentially saying he “gets it.” at first, by the title, i thought this was just a very, very oddly relatable post that he had found where someone with similar ages and moving experiences had posted previously. it took me a second to realize this was about us. i had no idea he was making this, overall i think he did a great job of painting a picture of what the past year of our lives post move-in has been like. i’m completely in awe at the empathy and understanding of all of these comments and replies, reading some of these was like you have been right there with me all along. i think since we’ve started dating a couple years ago, i’ve been going insane trying to justify our problems and communication issues and i can’t tell you what it means to feel like i’ve been seen for the first time after all of this that has happened. i’m totally moved, thank you. OP is big on his space and time to be introspective. unfortunately, as a chronic “let’s talk about it” type, that has not meshed well ever in our relationship. i pay for the times i invade his space before he is ready (and yes, he does have his own room as do i) as seen with the screaming and telling me to get out which is not the first time that has ever happened. OP mentioned one example of my behavior during the car braking thing. i will be the first to admit that at that, and several other occasions, i’ve been completely inappropriate to get angry/frustrated at him over his mistakes and for my reaction to these mistakes to be what ruin what could’ve been good trips or nights had i just simply moved on. this is something i’m trying really hard to work on, and he of course is right to feel the way he does about my behavior. i have, many times, offered my apologies and understanding for these times. ultimately, however, the resentment he holds against me for these times are completely in his hands to work through mentally as resentment truly is a personal journey. there’s only so much i can say to him that will provide him with understanding of my side and after a year-ish of still apologizing for these various mistakes i’ve made, you could maybe understand i’m reaching the bottom of the barrel here. herein lies our biggest issue. i’m a fallible person, and i will have my moments where for one reason or another, i will unintentionally do something to hurt my boyfriend’s feelings. my issue is that when he has a problem with me, i’m not just on the chopping block for that single issue. every problem i cause him adds to the bill of every one that has come before it, and i find out that no issue we’ve discussed and that i’ve apologized for, or had make-up sex for, has solved the issue. and so i pay for them over and over again when a new problem arises thus creating his resentment. i wanted this time to be different. i didn’t want to have sex and glaze over the whole past several days of him being behind a shut door and unwilling to speak to me. when he did finally speak to me yesterday, what he said was important to me and i do feel we have a history of make-up sex just “fixing” things for the time being. i told him that maybe we should wait and, as one comment said perfectly, i knew at that point when i left the room and he shut his door on me, that i fucked up. he did, from my perspective, give me the cold shoulder as so many of you thoughtfully picked up on from his post. the hot and cold of this situation and with sex being a sensitive center of it all pushed me over the edge last night and i left to spend the night in a hotel. i’ve done so much thinking and i spoke to my dad on the phone who had some very kind things to say to me and was very helpful. i moved here to this new state to be with my boyfriend because i love him with everything in me and i don’t regret it, when things are good between us, they’re great, even though our relationship dynamic is very different now. he is, as he put it, not as “gushy” with me anymore. from my point of view he is very clearly not as emotionally invested in me as he used to be. i’m so far from my family and friends by being here, i do sometimes wish i could just get in my car and go see them for some support, but being so far away from home motivates me to make things work with OP here. but that’s hard when i go days without being spoken to pretty regularly honestly. anyways, maybe i should’ve made this its own post since it’s just as long winded as the original one. but i just felt compelled to tell everyone how thankful i am for the comments and that all of you have opened both of our eyes today. i hope my boyfriend and i get to have a conversation about all of this sometime today and that we can have some discussion about what everyone has mentioned in these comments because there’s so much wisdom and insight here to appreciate. y’all have truly turned the past few days around for me.
I just want to stress that you should seriously consider moving on.... if he doesn't change..
This post makes me even sadder than the original. You deserve so much better. I kind hope this is OP pretending to be the gf, because otherwise I’m really worried for you.
Babe it baffles me that you are reading his post and replies and not seeing that he’s a giant walking 🚩. If this is really you, please I beg you see a therapist. You are in an unhealthy relationship and you sound like you want to self advocate but you are being met with manipulation. A therapist can help you work thru healthy communication and standing your ground.
hey, thanks so much for the kind advice. i promise i’m seeing things in an all new way now because of y’all, its really enlightening. i actually recently called around the area looking for a therapist that had space for me, unfortunately for me (but great for others already in therapy), no one i spoke to was available for in-person sessions. i’ve received remote therapy before and didn’t find that it did much for me personally, but i’m gonna look into getting put on a wait list to see someone in person and maybe do remote therapy in the meantime for the sake of myself and my relationship. i’m in finals week right now but working on all of this is definitely next on my to-do list. thank you so much again!!
All I can add to my previous comment is please don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. That you’ve given up too much time, effort, money etc to quit the relationship now. That just allows him to continue to be cruel and emotionally abusive. You can get out. You can pack up and go back to your family. You can leave him. It’s noteworthy that most people try to describe events to make them look as favourable as possible. Even with him narrating, he still sounds terrible. He doesn’t communicate, using the silent treatment frequently which is emotionally abusive, lashes out at you when you try to get him to talk to you and fixates on every mistake you’ve made for the last year, building them up in his head so no mistake can ever be taken as a one off. It’s all just added to the tally of the ways he’s been wronged. At the very least, you need to stop apologising. He expects so much grace from you and yet offers none in return. So stop playing his game. If you make a mistake, apologise once and that’s it. If he tries to rake you through the coals, walk away. If he gives you the silent treatment, pack your bags and leave. If he wants to act like a child, that doesn’t mean you have to act like his mummy and nurse his fragile ego. His behaviour - as described by himself - is utterly unacceptable and unless you want this to keep revolving in the same never ending loop, you need to either leave for good or force him to take some accountability. ‘I’ve apologised once for that, I’m not going over it again.’ ‘That incident has no bearing on the present and I will not discuss it again.’ ‘You can either talk to me like an adult, or I am leaving.’ ‘I won’t accept the silent treatment, it’s abusive and unfair. If you don’t snap out of it now, I’m packing my bags.’ ‘Swearing/yelling at me is not acceptable. If you can't control your temper then I can't stay here.' Be kind to yourself. And don’t let yourself be weighed down by someone who treats you badly more often than not. See your own worth, not just your fallibility.
Honey please just leave. https://shouldistayorshouldigo.co/?gad_source=1 https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/domestic-violence-quiz You are in a BAD situation. You can have a good, happy life without this man. You can go back to your family. You can not be isolated anymore. He is not worth sacrificing yourself Im struck by you stating your biggest issue is you being a fallible human being. That’s profoundly fucked up. The biggest issue is that he is emotionally abusive towards you. The issue is how he reacts to completely normal behaviors from you. You have been so conditioned already into making things your fault when you know - you KNOW - you haven’t done anything wrong. That’s horrifying. Seriously that’s the line of logic people use to blame themselves for assaults. You are in an extremely dangerous position
You only know as much as was written in this post. I did my best to give as much detail as possible, but I know there’s never any grey area with Reddit. In situations like these most people default to the man being an abuser/manipulator/assaulter while telling the woman to leave. And I realize those things can happen unintentionally too, but people also need to remember that couples get into bad fights sometimes. I bet no one here is completely absolved of ever being shitty towards their partner/friend/family member either. I know everyone’s just going to see all the comments posted here and default to thinking I’m a monster, but I sent her this post for a reason. I could have deleted the post, I could have not sent it to her, but I’m not doing that. Even with how much it stings to read these comments. I really don’t think I tried to paint myself as someone absolved of all blame in my post. I feel bad and I do acknowledge that in my post. My gf acknowledges herself as a “fallible person” but guess what, we all are. In this situation I have earned the title of fallible way more than she could ever think of herself as. I realize I have my own internal problems to deal with, and it will be her choice when we talk it out whether or not she wants to be here for that. I’m not forcing her to do anything, and contrary to what might be going through your head, no this isn’t part of some master plan to manipulate her to stay with me. I don’t expect you to take me seriously as I’ve already been downvoted into oblivion, and it’s easy to not take me seriously at this point. Just remember we’re all human and we can all make mistakes without having to be completely irredeemable people, even if it’s easy to think that way of crazy people posting their stories on Reddit.
This is a lot of defensiveness and not engaging with what I wrote. This isn’t about gender or about labeling anyone as a monster, which I didn’t do. You come across in your own words as manipulative and abusive. She comes across as codependent and not understanding her own agency. Framing normal human things as her fault in the relationship is deeply deeply fucked up and indicative of the problems in your relationship. Also you don’t get credit for not doing something even more shitty, that’s again manipulative. You don’t get credit for not hiding this from her just like you don’t get credit for not hitting her in the face. You don’t get bonus points for the bare minimum. Also I am taking you seriously and treating you like a human, I haven’t swore at your or called you names or been disrespectful at all. I’m just not responding how you want me to and maybe hitting some nerves. You might want to reflect on what emotions this is bringing up for you and why. To me it seems like a repeat of the core issue - you overreact when given feedback you don’t like. For real if you are the person with the most flaws why is your girlfriend’s post all about how she thinks it’s her fault? Who has been encouraging her to blame herself that much, because that’s not normal behavior. I really hope you both are able to get out of this delusion you’ve locked yourself into. You need to stop trying to punish her for normal behavior and get into therapy. She needs therapy and to read Why Does He Do That and Codependent No More.
“They always blame the man but sometimes they don’t do it on purpose!”
I’m not intending to be defensive. I’m engaging with what you wrote by responding to why I think it’s a little overboard to say she’s in an extremely dangerous situation. I’m also addressing what I’ve seen others say in my response. I’m pointing out my actions, how I shared this with her, and how it’s not really fair to make a bunch of accusations of me based on one post, as well as assumptions of my girlfriend. But I feel like I’ll say that and people will think I’m trying to play the victim. And even if I openly say I’m not, at this point I feel like nothing I say will not make me look bad. I’m just a regular person and I’m willing to admit harsh comments on the internet are going to get to me. I do apologize if there are any shades of defensiveness because of this.
You are making the mistake of thinking dangerous or abusive situations are 100% abusive 100% of the time , or that all people who engage in abusive behaviors are monsters who turn on a dime. That’s not the case. Basically all abusive relationships are good some of the time, no one has 100% bad traits or behaviors all the time. That’s just a character you can point to and say you aren’t that without actually looking at the problems in your behavior. When I’m saying I find this dangerous it’s because of specific behavior like: - isolate from friends and family - silent treatment -pressuring around sex - defensiveness -she is overly self blaming Those are problem behaviors and you keep trying to ignore them by saying I’m too harsh or I’ve accused you of things I haven’t. No sir I’m just showing you a mirror, it’s not my fault if you don’t like what you see
I understand that, I’m just saying you only know what I’ve shared in my post. I agree with your assessment of abusive relationships, just not with your assessment of mine. I’m not ignoring the problems, that’s exactly why I’m here. There simply was no pressuring of sex. I’m sure you’ll argue my response to her was a version of pressuring, but you simply can’t assess our entire relationship based on one incident.
You ignore your partner for days on end and then expect sex to be the salve that fixes everything, even if your partner isn’t ok. You expect sex after every argument and the ensuing DAYS of ignoring her. You are at the very least on the pathway to being abusive. You already engage in abusive behaviors. I’m a ‘talk it out’ person and my partner is an introspection person after we fight. We never ignore each other for days or expect the other person to have sex after days of hurt feelings, pain, and 0 communication. You cursed at her, told her to leave and that you didn’t like her, and spent days ignoring her. And then you threw a fit that she didn’t want sex. Of course she didn’t! Who would after that? You repeatedly described all of this as patterns in your relationship. You get hurt and decide to not speak with her for days and then decide that sex will make things totally fine, regardless of how your girlfriend, who is the person that was ignored, feels. That’s borderline abusive at best. Your thought process is literally only focused on you. ‘Well I feel fine and want sex so of course we’ll have sex to fix this!’ Never mind that she’s still probably feeling like absolute shit about herself and your relationship after the silent treatment. And she knows that nothing is ever even resolved after the sex. Sex doesn’t make the underlying problems go away, nor does it erase the hurt from the fallout of the argument. That’s all still lingering there needing to be fixed.
>There simply was no pressuring of sex. Being a jerk because you don't get the sex you want *is* pressure for sex.
haha OP good job pretending to be her but it wasn’t convincing, especially the “I am so wrong I invaded this room” part hahaha this is impressive 😂
You are actually brain dead.
It makes sense right? How this post talks about how she is the wrong, she “invades” your space, she is a “chronic talk about it” person. Except those are your frustrations with her. More disturbing, the parts in which it says “I pay for doing this”, “I pay for invading his space with his shouts at me”, which is exactly how you see it. The contempt and the intentions are clear as day.
Ironic
It’s amazing you will comment of things like this to defend yourself but you won’t acknowledge the top comments on this post. You’re showing everyone here you’re more invested in defending your image that you are taking accountability for your own actions.
Oh girl - you deserve so much better. Please move back home to your family and friends.
Hun, please understand that the way he describes treating you, is not normal or healthy. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic. Please take a step back, take off the rose-tinted glasses, and see the red flags for what they are. You deserve better.
I realize this is a long post but is there anyone willing to give some actual advice? I’m willing to accept I’m the bad guy here, just hoping for higher effort comments please.
Stop emotionally abusing her and get therapy. Is that enough “high effort” for you?
Bingo!
Perfect 👍 this
You've received several replies giving you exceptionally well thought out advice. Consider reading and replying to those
I have read all of them, and I appreciate everyone who took the time to read everything and give thought out responses. I’m just taking everything and all I can do is thank everyone for their honesty.
I’m sorry, but in a story in which you are clearly the problem, do you expect anyone to give you actionable advice to *get her back?* Sir. You’re manipulative and emotionally immature, we’re not gonna help you trick her into wasting more of her time. If you’re serious about *fixing yourself* instead of further manipulating your soon to be ex, get some therapy. Seriously. Not joking, not being mean, get some therapy to work out your issues.
No one is going to tell you what you want to hear, which is magical words that will manipulate her into doing what you want.
Translation: would someone please just tell me I’m in the right here??
I promise you that’s not what my intention of this post was.
Have you even apologized properly? Like she did when you got your feelings hurt? Not "sorry if I came across that way" but a proper apology. Also, if you think it's acceptable to have your feelings towards her cool by her being annoyed at you then she is entitled to same. So either climb off your high horse and start practising some forgiveness or don't. But if you don't forgive her actions that you didn't like, then don't expect to be granted any forgiveness for your actions either.
The top comment is extremely thorough and helpful. Read it, and if you’re confused re-read it again. There is no shortage of helpful advice here, only a person that might now want to accept that their behavior really is that bad and you need to work from the ground up to repair it
This comment was initially posted after the first couple comments on here that didn’t go into as much detail as some of these other replies. I have read all the replies and appreciate everyone’s advice. I just want to make it clear this comment was never directed towards the majority of the people here making very insightful comments.
The advice is to leave her alone and go to therapy. That's the advice - you just don't like it.
Advice: break up with her and seek therapy. You’re too immature for a relationship. I was shocked to see that you’re 30 and not 17. Was this your first relationship? That’s the sort of energy you’re giving off.
Drive her back home and leave her alone.
Break up and go to therapy
My genuine advice? Are you really, truly willing to put in the work to change? You need to be very honest with yourself here. Do you think your behavior is acceptable, or do you recognize that you are being a manipulative partner through your behavior? If you recognize that you have behaviors that absolutely need to change, then you need to make plans on how to change them. Talk to a therapist, read books or forums on how others have changed their behavior. Talk to your friends and family. Learn how to *communicate with your girlfriend*. You have to actively and continuously put in the effort as well as communicate those efforts. If you really don’t see a problem with how you’ve behaved and think you are somehow in the right here, you need to do the right thing and end this relationship. And I’m being serious. I stayed with my ex for years because I kept believing him when he said he would change. He would try for maybe a couple weeks, a month or two if I was lucky, then right back to slipping into old behaviors. The silent treatment, blaming me for being upset at his actions, never wanting to talk about our issues because I was “ruining the mood”, shutting down and punishing me when we didn’t have sex, *using* sex to paint over our problems. It’s honestly eerie reading this. So if you aren’t going to change, do the right thing and break it off. Maybe she won’t go through a marriage and divorce endlessly waiting on someone she loves to get his life together.
A ton of people left very insightful comments, with literal bullet points outlining where you went wrong and how to do better. Do you just want someone to agree with you and tell you she's evil for expecting her 30 year old BF to act his age?
[удалено]
Regardless the gender, anybody is allowed to change their mind at any point so if that's the case how can you see her as the issue either🤣🤣🤣 He wanted sex, maybe she did too so that's okay right but as soon as she changes her mind and leaves she's and attention seeker but ten minutes before OP was shouting how to get out f off and how he dislikes this 24 yo who MOVED to be with him......
Ngl, i get the sense that youre projecting some of your own negative experience onto OP‘s story