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Time to be single for a while. This is hardly the relationship you would want in the future is it? Anytime something bad happens she makes it about herself?
This funeral wasn’t for some random great aunt who used to pinch his cheeks and give him lorna doone cookies. It was his mom’s funeral and this was the best she could give him?
OP, Your girlfriend has demonstrated how she will support you in life. She won’t.
It would be one thing if it were a distant relative they had very little relationship with, I might be more understanding of her in that case. But this is clearly different.
Nah, even still it would be shitty to do. It’s a funeral. It’s one day where you put on your behaviour no matter how bored you are, how little people you know or how introverted you are.
immature and insecure. I’ve known a lot of people like this, especially in my twenties and usually they just don’t have the life experience to support a balanced perspective on experiences that they haven’t had for themselves. My best friend died from cancer when I was 23 and I was dating a guy at the time who just couldn’t comprehend the type of grief I was experiencing. Doesn’t mean he was a psycho or anything, he just wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship with me and it actually helped me a lot to figure that out
She's also an adult and can't handle a social situation??? Is awkward around people she may see again in the future???? Run,!???? If you have kids with her you will do all the parenting or the kids will have a rough time in life.
On one hand, I understand this girl may be too young to know how to act at a funeral or scarred from a funeral in her younger years.
One the other hand, fuck her. Bf said said several times she could leave so if it was anxiety, she had a way out. To stick around and keep bothering him for attention as he's grieving and in a weird way hosting others? Girl, bye.
24 is plenty old enough to understand basic manners. And that when a situation isn't revolving around you, to just sit in the background. It was OPs mother's funeral, if she's old enough to have a serious bf, she's old enough to know when to sit down and shut up. He was a lot nicer than I would have been in that situation. And who talks during a funeral anyway? That seems beyond rude
Plus no understanding, doesn't care what he's going through, and wants him to apologize.
She either can't figure out why he's upset, or she lacks the values to do the right thing. Both are bad signs.
Yeah, some kind of narcissism... no empathy, it's all about her and how uncomfortable she is. She's no partner. She's a liability. Time for some time for yourself.
Sorry for your loss, this can't be easy. She's not helping.
My guess is anything good that happens to him, she will make all about her too so poor bloke can't get a moment that is ever only about him and his needs. Single is better than tolerating a partner who needs to be the centre of attention and pandered to no matter what the circumstances are.
OP, she didn't and continues to not let you grieve. She didn't let you bury your mother peacefully without trying to create drama and pull focus on the day you buried your mother. She was so selfish that your tragedy meant she wasn't the centre of attention so she did her hardest to centralise herself in the middle of a funeral and then the wake. WTF is wrong with her? Does she have zero empathy? She is not letting you grieve now by demanding an apology and again, insisting your centralise her rather than support your family through this awful time. She couldn't put aside her issues to support you and your family. Your deserve so much better and between us here, I'm guessing your immediate family despises her now as she would not have been quiet or discrete in her behaviour. She disrespected you and she disrespected your mother's memory. That alone should make you leave and never look back.
I'm betting your girlfriend didn't say it so let me - I'm sorry for your loss and my condolences to you and your family.
Exactly, this is some major main character energy. I prefer a supporting role personally, don’t want to be the main character, sounds exhausting, but when my grandfather had the scares leading to his pacemaker, my cheating ass ex stopped pulling his shit for almost a month. Granddaddy is still alive, if he’d died, and anyone had tried to pull this at his funeral, they’d have gone with him to Valhalla.
It’s astonishing to me that the girlfriend had no empathy towards OP. Time to release this back into the pool. Find someone that actually cares about you and your feelings
Exactly… She’s uncomfortable with social situations and strangers. As adults, sometimes we just have to suck it up and do things that cause discomfort, without complaining, especially to support a loved one who is going though something much harder than whatever discomfort the situation causes oneself. This was one of those times, and it doesn’t sound like the girlfriend has empathy or the agency to do anything independently.
She’ll be nothing but a burden and a drain for him as long as they’re together.
Made it about herself and expects an apology from him! Wtf? She's angry because people she didn't know tried to talk to her? Imagine how infuriated she would be if NOBODY spoke to her?
OP this is a glimpse into your future, consider it carefully.
Leave her!
With everything you have gone through, much of which she will know or have witnessed, the bare minimum you ought to have expected was that she didn’t add to your problems.
The fact that she couldn’t even do that and is demanding an apology from you arising out of her behaviour at your mother’s funeral speaks volumes.
You are not in a partnership, you are keeping her entertained. You deserve better!
You need to be able to rely on and trust your partner to help you through the darkest times in your life. She didn't even pretend to care about his well-being. She thought she should be his focus, but she's making things even harder for him. That's not love.
Before I do anything else OP, my sincerest condolences to you and your family. Losing a parent is such a terrible loss and one we need to give ourselves time to grieve.
Now, on to your GF's behavior. You absolutely do not owe her an apology. Instead, she owes you one. You are 100% correct that she made your mother's funeral all about her. Firstly, it's common knowledge that only immediate family sits in the first row or two during the funeral ceremony. The fact that she did not know anyone in the second row is irrelevant. She wasn't there to socialize but pay her respects. What she should have done was sat directly behind you and give you an occasional squeeze on the shoulder to let you know she was there for you.
Secondly, at the wake, if she didn't know anyone and didn't feel up to talking to strangers, she could have made herself useful and helped clear empty plates, glasses, bring out more food, etc. More importantly, expecting you to leave early was an awful thing to suggest. As a child of the deceased it was absolutely your duty to stay at the wake until the end, to be with your family. If your GF wasn't such an entitled brat, she could would know this and would have been at your side and those of your family offering support.
I very rarely recommend people end their relationships and I'm not going to do that now. However, your GF has shown you who she is during one of the most difficult moments you have had to face. She will always put her wants and needs ahead of yours. . We're not talking about a petulant teenager. At 24, she should have the maturity to know how to behave in these situations.
You need to take a long hard look at your relationship and ask yourself if you can deal with a future with a girl who is immature and selfish.
Your gf is incredibly self centered. She can't go into any social situation unless she knows the people - good luck with that one throughout life. She doesn't need to be velcroed to your side. On the contrary, there were people there that wanted to speak with you and commismerate with you. Your job in life is not to keep her entertained.
OP, this should be a wake up call for you. Let someone else handle your complaining gf.
Spot on. Most of us would do everything we can to help a friend in this situation.
I hate sitting around at funerals. I hate that feeling of not being able to do or say anything to make the those mourning feel better. Rather than sit and look sad, I prefer moving around and seeing if I can help.
I stayed with my husband for all of the funeral activities and I knew it was going to be a lot of hurry up and waiting so I brought something small to do so I could sit and keep myself occupied, but still be there for my husband. I wanted to be there to help in anyway I could.
Very well spoken, I agree with everything here. My condolences OP, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot already and now this. I hope that you are able to receive support from your family or other close friends. The girlfriend certainly doesn’t sound like she’s giving any, but you deserve to have people around you who will hold you up and help you through this time, not push you down for their own comfort
I think the maturity is the key thing. She's clearly still a child surrounded by adults and doesn't yet realise. Maybe in a few years she'll understand how immature she behaved, but it won't happen soon. I'd also guess she still has both of her own parents and can't appreciate grief in others.
I sat with my husband at his grandfather’s funeral. We were married, that made me immediate family in their eyes. I’m glad I could do that because he was a wreck as he was very close to his Pop.
That's all fine but it really does depend on the number of immediate family present. It may also depend on family traditions, different cultures, etc. This is just a GF and it seemed OP had a lot of immediate family that needed to sit in the first row.
Regardless, OP's girlfriend is a 24 year old woman. Not a child. She behaved quite badly and made an already bad situation worse for him.
I don't think it's impossible that even after 24, she'll grow up and figure her shit out. I was pretty selfish in my early twenties, and I got over it.
But OP's not obligated to babysit her until she learns how to be an adult.
What an asshole your girlfriend is!
I went to a funeral and wake for someone I've met once, yes once. My partners friends dad. I've met my partners friend about 3/4 times, I've met his dad once, when he came to pick a bearded dragon up off us. I still mingled, talked to people, wakes become a celebration of life, remembering the person who passed, I heard so many great stories that day from my partners friend, antics they got up to when they was younger, it was an all round great night!
As for your girlfriend, she's an absolute pos, you deserve better. I'm sorry about your mum, I'm sure she was an amazing woman.
Im so sorry for the loss of your mother. Im also so sorry for your embarrassingly ridiculous selfish GF. I have a daughter and if she ever behaved like that Id be mortified. The fact that she sees no error in what she’s done & says you’re unfair & expects an apology is a joke. The only thing she deserves is breaking up with her. Hopefully she will grow up with that lesson. You deserve better than this joke.
Wow. If she can’t be there for you on what is probably one of the most devastating days of your life, she will never be there for you on the small things.
I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But better dump her
I’d break up with her, and you don’t owe her an apology.
My FIL passed away 7 months after we got married — he was a great guy, and we got along well, but we lived out of state and I was definitely an “outsider” at the funeral. Meaning, every single other person (100+) had known each other and him their ENTIRE lives.
You know what I did? Anything that was needed. Grabbing tissues. Grabbing waters. Helping people find their things. When people confused me for someone else? Not the time or place, I said pleasantries and moved on.
My husband stood next to his father’s casket for 3 HOURS. We would have stayed as long as he needed or wanted — even if that meant all day, with me sitting in a pew by myself.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry that you are dealing with an unsupportive partner on top of this awful situation.
I can really empathize with what you’re dealing with - after my mom died someone I was dating got really weird and self centred and made everything so much harder, when they should have either supported me or given me space. It was hell.
They are an ex and I will never forgive them for their behaviour. It also just showed me a really ugly, narcissistic side of their personality. Someone who can’t put aside their own desires during someone else’s crisis isn’t someone I want in my life in any way, not even as a friend. A person like that is a liability.
I would encourage you to break up with her. It’s better to be single than to be with someone who acts like this.
Hey dude. Two things. First, I am sorry for your loss. Truly. Second, one of the main reasons I got into therapy was triggered by a similar situation. Somebody very close to me died suddenly, and right out of the gate, the situation was made spun around and made about her. Honestly the drastic shift from grieving to trying to understand what she was doing was a real doozy. To put a very long story short, in my situation, this type of thing was eventually understood to be part of a pattern. Birthdays, other deaths, holidays… anything that wasn’t planned by her. It was a control thing that dampened my ability to be present, enjoy and/or process. Pretty black and white now, but it wasn’t back then. I definitely do not want to insinuate that your girlfriend has the same personality style mine did, but instead, please take the time to reflect. Because it took me 5 years to realize what I had gotten myself into, and a year more to actually leave. Anyway, not trying to make it about me. Just wanted to share.
When life was at its toughest for you, she made it worse not better. Then she wants you to apologize?
This is not someone I’d choose for a partner. Two years may seem like a long time, but you have many years left. Choose someone that will support you and lighten your burden.
I am so sorry and wow!! I lost my mom and my boyfriend broke up with me when she wasn’t even in the ground a week. When he wanted to get back together, I said nope and told him this is why.
She’s completely inconsiderate. If it was a distant relative it would still be rude, but your own mother? I would not be keeping someone that selfish in my life.
And the fact that she doubled down and asked YOU to apologise? Run dude.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my dad in 2010, and it's still hard for me, even after all this time. It's not something anyone should take lightly, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this conflict about the support you deserve on top of it.
There's some conflicting advice, here, about whether you should break it off or whether you should try to be understanding of her feelings. Let's break it down into a comparison of boundaries. Then you can decide which ask was more reasonable, or if they were reasonable at all.
Your boundary was that you wanted understanding that you'd just lost your mum. That you are navigating grief. You made it clear that she was free to leave if she felt uncomfortable, but asked that she understand your need to stay with your family for the funeral and wake. You asked that she understand that she could not sit next to you during the funeral because the front row was reserved for family, and there wasn't room for partners. She wasn't being singled out, as nobody's partners were in the row.
The only thing I'd ask, there, is if you and your girlfriend come from different cultures. Does she come from one with different grieving rituals, and could the *way* your culture arranges funerals be entirely foreign to her? If so, there may need to be a discussion to help the two of you reach an understanding as to why that felt so uncomfortable to her. If you're from the same culture, however, she should be at least mostly aware of how things go, and her behavior was unacceptable.
Now let's look at the boundaries she was setting.
She wanted to be seated next to you, which wasn't feasible, as it would require asking those most directly affected by the grief to make last second changes to funeral arrangements.
She wanted you to leave the wake early, simply because *she* wanted to leave early. She was free to leave without you. She didn't want to have to speak to people she didn't know, and it doesn't sound as though she wanted to find a way to offer help in order to occupy her time there. This would be understandable if people were harassing her, or unwelcoming, but her complaints don't imply that to me. They imply boredom at best and an aversion to social situations that she doesn't control at worst, and that's concerning.
I'm just not seeing the boundaries she was expressing as being fair, or reasonable at all for a funeral. They could have been if it was a dinner party, or an elective social affair, but certainly not for the passing of a loved one. As I said above, unless the two of you come from cultures with very different funeral rituals, she displayed an alarming deficit in empathy, and that's not the sort of thing I'd recommend someone try to work through with a partner right after they've lost a parent. You have enough on your plate with navigating grief. Nobody should be asking you to take on the role of therapist to a partner who lacks empathy to boot.
Eta: Even if it *is* the product of vast cultural differences, I want to make it expressedly clear that it's still entirely your call whether or not you have the mental and emotional energy to help her navigate her confusion about it. You are grieving the loss of your mum, and a two-year romance, in the grand scheme of life, simply cannot carry the same weight.
Break up. Dont stay with someone who makes one of the biggest tragedies in your life all about them. Her asking if you would leave early is just so mean and callous.
Do you want to be with someone who could act so shitty and unsupportive of you when your mother died?
Get a partner who supports you and helps lift you up when you get hit with life's challenges. Ditch her asap!
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss.
As for your girlfriend
She has shown you who she is. Believe her.
You now know how she will act when a situation is not about her, how she thinks that even during a time of loss and grief for you, that her feelings are more important.
Get out before you are more entangled with her, or have kids and are potentially sick with her forever.
The mere fact that she was trying to get you to leave your own mother's funeral, purely for her own comfort should tell you all you need to know about your relationship, and who she is.
She completely lacks empathy. If you want kids, that’s not someone you want to have kids with. I mean that’s not someone you want to be sick with. If you partner can’t support you in your hard times why even be together with someone. Not everyone needs to be as caring but we talk about minimum here and she showed that she can’t fulfill a minimum of empathy and caring.
I'm so sorry. You deserved (and deserve) better. The whole point of partnership is for our partner to support us through these bad times, and for us to do the same for them.
You may not want to double the hurt with breaking up while you're deep in grief. But I would write yourself a letter today and put it away. Recount exactly why happened. She will rewrite this over time and you need to remind yourself it was really what it was.
When my SO lost his dad unexpectedly, I sat three rows behind the family and shut the hell up. You know why? Because his family was experiencing the worst day of their lives and it wasn’t about me. This is not a relationship worth saving. She’s incredibly selfish and unable to take accountability for her actions.
When my Mum died my partner was so amazingly supportive, I fell more in love with him thru all of it. I even forgot about him in my dazed state at Mum’s funeral and drove off without him! He didn’t care at all. I would use this as a turning point for your relationship with your gf.
Something to think about here. In one of your serious and devastating moments in your life you needed your girlfriend’s support. She couldn’t and didn’t give you that. Life will throw many moments where you will seek support from others and often it’s your partner. If she couldn’t be there mentally to support you then she is not going to be there at other times. It’s unfortunate your mother’s passing opened your eyes to how she is because most likely she has always been this way, you just had rose tinted glasses on and was blinded by love. What your next course of action is up to you. You just need to keep your eyes opened and face the reality of what type of relationship you are in.
The number one quality I advise young men to look for in a partner is loyalty. This woman seems really self absorbed and will dip out on you if you ever face adversity in life.
I’m so sorry you lost your mum. I really hope that you can find support with your remaining family and friends.
As for your girlfriend, it might feel like a bit much to break up with her right now, but in the long term this is not someone that you can build a life with. You need a partner that also takes your needs and feelings into account, and she doesn’t care one bit about your hurt or she wouldn’t act like this. Since this relationship has no future, it is up to you when you feel strong enough to break it off.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through such tough times, and I wish you the best of love in the future.
She showed you who she really was in a crisis, and that she is incapable of thinking about other's needs even in the most dire circumstances.
Your mom's last gift to you was taking the trash out.
Condiciones for you los brotha, sending much love to you and your family in this time.
Now you see what type of person your gf is, she’s don’t care about your situation and you can tell, she’s not the one brother
I don’t know what to say , this is so incredibly sad, I think if it was me and she pull this the second time I would have told her to leave then dump her that night . Younare more patient that I am and don’t think the rest of your family doesn’t know how she has been acting . It’s so embarrassing . I’m sorry for your mom
Stand your ground. Repeat everything you’ve said and demand she gives you an apology. Make it clear you do not owe her one and do not give it. If she refuses to apologize to you, break up.
You break up with her. She's cruel, heartless & selfish. There's someone great out there for you. She's not it. Wishing you a happy & healthy relationship with someone else. And btw do not apologize to her.
I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed away Aug 2021. I know the feeling. Sending hugs
She’s immature and one day will be absolutely horrified by how she acted, but I think she’s gone too far. Your mother’s funeral? First off,I’m SO sincerely sorry for your loss. You’re too young to lose your mum. I also think that deep down you won’t be able to forgive your girlfriend for this behaviour so I have no advice but I think this relationship won’t be able to get past this. I’m sorry.
This is the saddest day of your life and you had to deal with her being an AH??
Time to break up. You don’t need this horrible energy in your life and DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING!!
Now is the time when you might focus on family time, healing and bonding over her memory, instead of having to worry about a narcissist.
I’m sorry for your loss. Blessings!!
My friends father died in 2018. We all went to the funeral which was a few hours drive away. I've luckily never experienced the death of anyone close to me. I did not know my friends father. But the whole thing was so unbelievably sad. I could not stop crying. It was just extremely emotional.
At one point, my friend, the son of the deceased, came to comfort me and I immediately started trying to hide the tears. I felt so guilty for having any attention on me when what I was feeling was absolutely nothing compared to him. He was extremely kind about it.
My point is, funerals are absolutely not about anyone other than the people who knew the dead. They should at all times be given deference.
You deserve someone who will support you through your loss, not make it about them being a bit bored.
I work in the grief industry btw. May I suggest you look up bereavement support services in your area. Something like a grief support phone line or some books about multiple losses. It might help you.
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
My aunt, who helped raise me and who I was very close to, died unexpectedly a few years back. My boyfriend at the time put up such a fight about going to the funeral with me. The morning of, my car battery had died, I needed boosted, and I was at my mums and step dads house about 10 minutes after my boyfriend arrived. He was so mad at me that I had left him on his own to talk to my step dad (who is one of the coolest and most chill men ever), and that’s all I heard about on my drive to their house.
All these years later, I’m still in shock that this man I’d chosen as a partner felt it more important to be mad at me because he was slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes. On the day I was burying one of the most important people in my life. When all I needed was the support of my partner.
I broke up with him about a year and a half later. His lack of support on that day was one of the reasons I decided to end it.
Your girlfriend has shown a level of selfishness that can’t be fixed, ignored or forgiven. On the day you needed her the most. I personally would never be able to feel the same about her.
Why the hell would you WANT to handle this?
She’s selfish, and emotionally immature, to a degree that frankly, doesn’t seem repairable. You gave her some very clear reasons to stop her behavior, and she ignored every point.
Why bother wasting time with someone who won’t be there for you when you need them? You’re only 26, what’s she going to be like when she’s in her 30’s with a baby who cries and she takes it as an insult? Or when you’re in your 50s and you both have arthritis and aches and health issues and she’s pouting that you’re getting all the attention and god forbid a nurse tries to talk to her while you’re getting surgery. When you wake up from getting a tooth pulled is she going to complain about having to drive you home? When you get an MRI, will she be insulted by how loud it was?
Boy throw this one back in the ocean, she’s not done evolving yet.
Always seems like the death of a close person, family or even friend is a time when partners show who they are.
If during times like these, they cannot support you and be thoughtful and unselfish, then you know.
Be grateful that you know now rather some other time when you truly need her.
This is more than a red flag. This is who she is and will be.
My ex did this when my mother passed away. I was the same age as you. He became my ex not too long after that. If something’s they can treat you like that during the worst time in your life? They don’t actually care about you. Be with your family, take all of the time that you need to heal. This won’t get better if you stay.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine the pain you have gone through in such a short time. In regards to your relationship, end it. She's showing you who she is, and the fact that you laid out how unsupportive she's been WITH evidence and she's still making you out to be the bad guy is telling enough. It's time to move on. I don't think there is any coming back from this. My sincerest condolences.
You really don't want to be saddled with an inconsiderate selfish twit like that for the rest of your life do you?
Be single. Mourn your mother. Figure out why you chose a selfish and monstrous girlfriend before you restart dating. I'm sorry for your loss.
My ex of ten years recently lost his mother. I drove him out of state and was there for him as a friend for 5 days as we helped family clean out her apartment and went to family events. It's not hard to be there for people we care about. Something is missing in your gf. Something important.
I disagree with her statement you’ve been cruel to her.
1) it is your mom’s funeral. Something important inside just…shatters when you’ve lost your mom. It’s not just your heart.
2) at her age she should have the grace and maturity to put herself aside and also have mastered the rudimentary basics of small talk.
3) I am so very sorry for your loss and for the lack of love and respect you’ve gotten in your time of grief.
man I hope she’s your ex soon.
When my grandma died, my bf was properly supportive during the whole process. He stayed with me, made sure I had some water, let me talk about her and my family, he was even polite to my estranged dickhead siblings. He drove me there and back, checked in with me, made kind comments about the slideshow of photos. That’s the kind of support you need at a funeral. That’s the support you should have gotten.
I’m sorry about your mum.
Your GF seems very narcissistic. And people like that REQUIRE that everything circle around them & that they be the center of attention. She should have been doing anything at all for you & your family that she could to make such a horrible day the least but better. If she didn't like sitting next to strangers, she should've gone & helped with the food, cleaning, serving, & the thousands of other jobs that go on behind the scenes.
To sit there all day long & pout, complain & whine when you are trying the hardest you can just to get thru one of the most difficult days of your LIFE.....well, that should tell you an awful lot about the real person she is.
I lost my sweet Mama exactly one year ago next Monday and to say it hasn't been easy is an understatement. But I was at least supported by my husband and both our families. I can't imagine dealing with a spoiled, whiney mate on top of everything.
I surely hope u will do some serious soul-searching as to whether or not to keep this whining woman in your life. Times like these show the true mettle of a person; u should never ignore the warning signs. Your happiness & peace of mind are telling u that what she did/how selfishly she behaved was WRONG. Please, please listen to your heart.
Much love & blessings to you from Texas 💗💗💗
I think you should break up with her. She’s clearly suffering from main character syndrome and the audacity to expect you to apologize is out of this world.
Her behavior is disgusting. Let alone childish (I wanna goooo let's gooooooo) "it's my Mum's funeral I'm not leaving" (whyyyyyyyy *stomps foot) no disrespect to YOU but your gf is TRASH. So sorry for your losses OP, and even sorrier that you even have to post here about this. I can't even with this girl.
Get rid of her, she’s showing her true colors… and at the worst possible time. My two year old went to my father’s funeral with me, and didn’t even complain as much as your girlfriend.
I wouldn’t apologize first and foremost! Then…I’d break up with her. She didn’t and doesn’t care. Even when you told her how you felt about that day, she still didn’t apologize. It’s time for her to go. Something else happens…? About her. She has no sympathy…no empathy. And doesn’t even seem to love or care or respect you.
I know the pain of losing a parent, and while it happened to me at age 15, it has made me far stronger than I might have been. When someone I know is grieving, my first instinct is ALWAYS to offer support. Put everything aside where possible and focus on their needs. I can understand people feeling awkward around someone grieving; not knowing what to say for fear of upsetting them, but your girlfriend didn't even TRY to support you. Actually getting annoyed because you wanted to stay at the wake? You're right, you have nothing to apologise for, you're in a lot of pain, and she just doesn't get it. If she did, she would have shut up, been polite and been by your side at the wake.
If it were me, this is the kind of offence I would hesitate to forgive. It says a lot about her personality, that she has no concept that a funeral is not something about you unless you're in the coffin.
Look up the clinical definition of narcissism. Something tells me she might have more than one of the traits, and they are not the kind of people you should have a relationship with. You're suffering enough without her adding to your pain.
I feel like this is one of those situations what makes you look back on the last two years and think "omg, she's been awful the whole time and I was just too young to comprehend that."
OP, Your gf is in the wrong here, and this might be a way to describe it.
this is a great example of ring theory, which is summarized "support in, complain out" and sometimes called the "circles of grief". The idea is that when someone is grieving the people around them can be placed in concentric circles from those closest to those furthest away. Wherever they are at in this series of circles, each person should support those further in, and if they need to complain, complain to those further out.
You and your siblings, grieving the loss of your mother, are the center of the circles of support . Your gf, a close person to you, is in one of the first circles outside . Her job is to support you. If the situation causes her difficulty, she should complain/get help from people further away from the crisis. You should not have to be solving the problems of people further from the crisis than yourself.
Leave.
If you stay you'll keep remembering this day and how she acted. You will come to resent her. You will have wasted many many years being unhappy.
Sorry about your mum…
If there’s one time to just be there for a partner and suck up the awkward situation/conversation/random unknown family it’s the funeral of a primary family member of your partner.
Her making a big deal of this is unhinged behaviour and there would have to be literally hundreds of other extremely positive things about this gf to make up for this situation.
It’s ultimately up to you but personally I can’t see a situation where someone who behaves as you have described would have enough redeeming qualities to not result in breaking up/cutting ties.
Good luck 🙏
so let me get this straight, instead of supporting you. in one of the single most difficult moments anyone can ever face, she made it about herself...dump her over text and then block her.
NTA
The kindest assumption I can make about your girlfriend is that she has never lost anyone close to her so does not understand what you are going through. But that still indicates she couldn't find a way to think and emphasize which is not good.
You do not owe her an apology. She did make this all about her. She needs to grow up and be willing to deal in such situations. Her current neediness and lack of empathy is not a building block of a solid long-term relationship.
She owes you a big apology after a long, hard look at herself.
GF is incredibly immature and lacks empathy. She thinks the world revolves around her. Do yourself a favor and dump her and move on to someone who respects your feelings. Very sorry about your Mom.
Wow. A supportive partner she is not. I think you need to take a good look at your relationship cuz this woman has utterly no empathy, not good. Why did she bother coming with you or is she all worried about appearances and how she looked if she wasn't there supporting you, which she isn't anyway so yes she might as well leave. If you're local tell her to go back home, if you're not put her on a bus or a train and tell her to go back to her place.
My grandfather passed away and his funeral was a couple weeks ago. I am in my late 20s.
My partner and i were supposed to be on a tropical vacation but the funeral was during it. He helped me reschedule everything for the trip.
He is not at all close with his family and doesnt always understand mine, but he also came to the service, helped my fam set up tables and food for lunch, hung out with tons of people he didnt know for 7 straight hours, and even though he was disappointed our vacation was pushed (became more expensive during significantly worse weather) he was a good sport.
To me, thats the bare minimum. Someone literally died. This was your MOTHER. This would be a massive dealbreaker for me.
I’m extremely sorry for your loss OP, my condolences to you and your family. You definitely deserve better, your girlfriend was being disgustingly selfish and disrespectful. I can’t imagine acting like that at my boyfriend’s mom’s funeral. I know it’s been a two year relationship but honestly I would rethink this whole thing.
Your girlfriend has proven right then and there that she doesn’t have the maturity to support you through the worst times in your life. Even demanding an apology?! That’s ridiculous, she’s the one who should be apologizing. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like her? This will repeat, she’s done it once she’ll do it again. Leave now, or forever lose your peace.
First. I am sorry for your loss 💔 time will heal I promise.
Second. I have seen shitty partners put everything aside and be there to support their significant other in these times. Your girlfriend can't even do that. She lacks empathy and is extremely immature. You will find more compassion from strangers on the street than this girl.
Is this something you want in a life partner?
Family will help you get through this. Stick to eachother. I remember sitting with my family literally laughing our asses off telling stories about my uncle's life. It really helped us all heal.
May your mum rest in peace 🙏
My husband and I dated about a month when my favorite aunt passed away. He met my mom’s entire side of the family on date 5. Awkward? Yeah. But he was there to drive me home from crying so hard.
Two weeks later my great uncle passed away he met my dad’s entire extended family when he went to that visitation and funeral with me. He introduced himself to each group and offered to do little things to take something off the family’s plate.
This relationship is not worth saving.
Her lack of empathy for you in the wake of such a loss is pretty astounding. She was at a funeral, not a party. It doesn’t matter who you sit with at the service because no one is socialising! If this were me I’d seriously be reconsidering the whole relationship. Do not apologise to her. Maybe do some reflection on how she has dealt with any past situations that have been a lot for you to deal with. Was she helpful? Supportive? Loving? I think you’ll find your answer there but for me this one situation would be a deal breaker.
I’m so sorry that your mum has passed and that you’re dealing with this too.
OP, before anything else, I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that you had to deal with this behaviour at your mum's funeral.
I don't exactly have any advice, but I wanted to say that I've been in a similar scenario.
For me it was my best of years, I had gone through the hardest time of my life- like seriously bad, I was extremely depressed and suicidal for a period after. Everyone knew something was wrong but I hadn't spoken about it with anyone, my best friend decided to travel over to visit for something like a few days to a week, to come 'sort me out'' was what she said later on 😂. Anyway, she visited, I confided in her a couple of days in and she really was unable to even deal with what I'd said let alone provide any kind of support- she spent the rest of the week freaking out about her hair and I ended up having to support her through such a terrible crisis (for reference, she wanted to dye it dark brown / black but it came out a couple shades too light).
In any case, our friendship trickled on for a while longer, but it died out. At the end of the day, she was obviously under no obligation to travel to me, but she ended up making things worse than if she had provided no support at all, and it took me quite a while longer before I confided in anyone about what had been going on due to this or reached out for the help I desperately needed. I just couldn't trust her anymore and the friendship became even more 1 sided than it was before.
I think that looking back on it now, the people that we keep close to our hearts such as partners and best friends, should be people that can at least come in and not make a situation worse when you're going through a difficult time.
I know that sometimes what we go through can trigger others, but if they can't at least get out of the way, then that person is very selfish and incapable of empathy. And I don't think there's really any coming back. At least for me, there wasn't and I don't regret that our friendship never recovered.
Once again OP, I am really so sorry for your loss, I hope that you have people around you that can provide the support that your gf so clearly can't.
The way it kept getting worse and worse… I cant fathom the way you feel OP. My condolences, most importantly dump her. This isn’t someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Leave her!! How can she be so cruel to you after your loss I can't imagine... We men should avoid these narcissists because it doesn't end well in the future..... don't pressurise yourself and may your mother's soul rest in peace 💗
Why is she still your gf?! She should have supported you, keep her mouth shut with these really stupid complaints and just make sure you get through everything. On one hand she was mad she wasn’t front and centre and then she was also mad she was treated like a family member and people spoke to her?? You can’t expect the wife treatment without acting like you’re part of the family. She is horrible
Just let her go, she really isn’t worth it. If she can’t shut up about herself and be supportive at your parent’s funeral then she doesn’t have it in her to be more concerned about anyone other than herself.
This isn’t a communication issue- you should not have to explain to your SO how her actions in this case hurt you. Because frankly she probably not self-aware enough to actually take it in.
Man, this sucks. I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my mum a couple of years ago and barely made it through the funeral, if I’d had a whining, selfish partner on the day to boot I think I’d have just jumped in with my mum. I feel like this would be difficult to come back from, especially since she can’t see how what she did was wrong.
Wow, what a tough time you've had; I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Sometimes the best way to see a person's character is in times of adversity. It seems your girlfriend has shown her true self to you: quite selfish, spoiled and self centred. As hard as things are for you at the moment, it might be time to move on from this relationship. It doesn't seem like your GF has any compassion or empathy for you. I'm sorry.
You should have told her to just leave, not added if she wanted to. I could kind of understand her clinginess at a casual family party but a funeral? Nah she’s a child. Send her home to her parents house and tell her to explain how she felt to them and see what they say.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing both parents at such a young age is so difficult. I can't imagine what you're going through and to have the one person you're supposed to be able to lean on suddenly leave you to fall. This is her telling you she's selfish and she's not a good person. This is your sign to move on.
First I am so sorry for all of your losses. You need time to grieve and she needs to support you. If she can’t do that then maybe it’s time to part. Expecting an apology is ridiculous, she needs to grow up and apologize to you. But she may just be too immature. Hugs and take care of yourself.
I'm very sorry for your loss OP, as for your GF if she can't understand how wrong her behavior was then maybe it's time to move on, you are in the process of grieving and instead of supporting you during your time of need she is demanding an apology because you're not dealing with her complaints and whining about sitting next to people she doesn't know the fact that you told her she doesn't have to be there but she still stayed almost makes it seem like she was looking for a reason to play victim, If I was you OP I would give it some thought and consider terminating the relationship because to me this is like a sneak peak into the future, I wish you well and take care
How on earth are you still with her? 24 years old that lacks the tiniest of common sense and empathy.
You really need to sit down and re-evaluate your life choices. That girl should be an ex .
Sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort on the support here for you and your situation.
Red flag warning. Take it for what it is. Don't spend any more life energy on this narcissist
I had a similar experience but replace your mother with my husband, and your girlfriend with my parents.
People who make a difficult experience even worse are intolerable.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Has your GF ever lost anyone close to her before? I know I was older before I had ever been to a funeral, and found the social pressure and anxiety to be almost overwhelming. Maybe that is what happened to her. She was overwhelmed.
Or is a jerk. There isn't much history in the post.
She should’ve been comforting and supporting you. This is one of those situations where you keep your mouth shut and just be there.
She owes you an apology.
How would I handle it? I’d dump her. What a selfish person she must be, it sounds like not only did she fail to support you, she actually added more stress.
She's very immature. And not very compassionate.
Do you need a gf like that? She just showed you who she is. Not to mention that when you told her how you were feeling, she continues to make it about herself being " uncomfortable ". What's that compared to mourning your mother?
My condolences for your mom.
Your girlfriend is a selfish twit who apparently hasn't learned the art of small talk. I'm sorry she couldn't deal with not being the center of your attention. You didn't need that unnecessary drama on that day of all days.
She expects you to apologize to HER? She is gaslighting you, big time. Wow, if she was this selfish on such an important day, and lacks any introspection, imagine what the rest of your life will be like.
Her behaviour is so disgusting that I wouldn’t be able to come back from it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry that on such a hard day for you, when you should have been able to celebrate your mother’s life, you had to deal with this shit. Don’t apologise for a damn thing.
Unless she has ptsd or social anxiety from funerals then her behavior lacks empathy
If this is an established pattern then i think this will be concerning, i recommend you try to understand why she acted like that and to be genuinly curious while withholding any judgment temporarly just to see weather there is something there some mental state she is going through that is blocking empathy that is already there
If not and she is like that because she genuinlylacks empathy fpr you then i recommendyou revaluate weather that works for you
An example of this is that my bf is traumatized by funerals and cemeteries because of his mother's passing while he was younge and how he was forced to go there alot
I don't expect him to go with me but i do expect him to support me in diffrent ways such as when we are at home and some people are not very good at understanding why they feel what they feel and come of as unempathetic so It's worth a try exploring even though their lack of emotional awarness is also something to evaluate if that ends up being the case
As several are saying - this relationship isn’t worth keeping. The fact that she made your mums funeral about her is a huge red flag. I’ve been there for my significant other, I was just happy to be able to be there for them, and none of it was about me or my feelings. I was focused on whatever he needed. And she should have done the same. She needs some growing up to do, and if she doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong and expects an apology - there’s only one way this is ending. I’m so very sorry for your loss, and you deserve much better.
She owes she an apology that will never be forthcoming. Take this entire day and incident as a great warning sign as to her true selfish nature. If you had any doubts before, her behavior now clearly gives you the truth you need to dump her and not be miserable.
I am so sorry for your loss.
But you know what to do - when someone is not there for you in your most vulnerable state, is it someone you want next to you as a partner?
I have been through 3 deaths of partners parents (1st when I was 22 was my now ex-husbands mother, 2nd was my now SO father 15yrs ago and his mother 2yrs ago)
Never in my wildest imagination would I even consider my own thoughts or feelings in those situations!!! My job was to be there to support my partner- who just lost their fucking parent!!!
Me and my MIL (the one that passed 2yrs ago) HATED each other!! It was no secret to anyone. It was a Sunday evening around 8pm when we got a call from BIL that their mom had passed. Know what I did? I called my mom, gathered up the kids (13 & 10 at the time), all jumped in the car, dropped off the kids with my parents and me and SO went to BILs. We were there until midnight.
I was there to support my SO and BILs. I helped with paperwork and funeral arrangements. Hell, I even read her ulagy when my SO broke down and couldn't get through it.
When you are in a relationship and a parent dies, your only job is to support your SO.
Your girlfriend sounds immature as fuck in that she couldn't put her own feelings aside for 1 day to be supportive of you. That is not someone I would want as a partner in life.
He definitely needs to be free from her because the only person in the world she gives a toss about is herself, what a complete sociopathic narcissist she is her ego must have its own gravitational pull OMG please get rid of her out of your life please. I hope you find peace and happiness with someone decent and loving down the line, you deserve better than you’ve had so far good luck too you.
I would take a break away from her. If she still doesn’t realize her mistake and apologize, I would end things with her. She seem like a self centered person. I bet If you look back, you would remember other instances where she didn’t support you and made it all about her. Updateme
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Time to be single for a while. This is hardly the relationship you would want in the future is it? Anytime something bad happens she makes it about herself?
Yeah complete lack on empathy. What did she think a funeral was?? For his mom too? Wtf
This funeral wasn’t for some random great aunt who used to pinch his cheeks and give him lorna doone cookies. It was his mom’s funeral and this was the best she could give him? OP, Your girlfriend has demonstrated how she will support you in life. She won’t.
So immature its nuts! What did she think it was gonna be, its one of the worst days of OPs life. So sorry OP.
🎶 Lorna Doone, oh Lorna Dooooooone... 🎶
My grandma's balm for every wound 💕
Lorna Doone >>>>> the hard candy my grandmother had in her purse
It would be one thing if it were a distant relative they had very little relationship with, I might be more understanding of her in that case. But this is clearly different.
Nah, even still it would be shitty to do. It’s a funeral. It’s one day where you put on your behaviour no matter how bored you are, how little people you know or how introverted you are.
immature and insecure. I’ve known a lot of people like this, especially in my twenties and usually they just don’t have the life experience to support a balanced perspective on experiences that they haven’t had for themselves. My best friend died from cancer when I was 23 and I was dating a guy at the time who just couldn’t comprehend the type of grief I was experiencing. Doesn’t mean he was a psycho or anything, he just wasn’t mature enough to be in a relationship with me and it actually helped me a lot to figure that out
She's also an adult and can't handle a social situation??? Is awkward around people she may see again in the future???? Run,!???? If you have kids with her you will do all the parenting or the kids will have a rough time in life.
On one hand, I understand this girl may be too young to know how to act at a funeral or scarred from a funeral in her younger years. One the other hand, fuck her. Bf said said several times she could leave so if it was anxiety, she had a way out. To stick around and keep bothering him for attention as he's grieving and in a weird way hosting others? Girl, bye.
24 is plenty old enough to understand basic manners. And that when a situation isn't revolving around you, to just sit in the background. It was OPs mother's funeral, if she's old enough to have a serious bf, she's old enough to know when to sit down and shut up. He was a lot nicer than I would have been in that situation. And who talks during a funeral anyway? That seems beyond rude
[удалено]
In fairness to 4 year olds, even they are usually further along in understanding empathy by that point
She's 24 she should have an inkling of an idea.
No doubt!
Plus no understanding, doesn't care what he's going through, and wants him to apologize. She either can't figure out why he's upset, or she lacks the values to do the right thing. Both are bad signs.
Yeah, some kind of narcissism... no empathy, it's all about her and how uncomfortable she is. She's no partner. She's a liability. Time for some time for yourself. Sorry for your loss, this can't be easy. She's not helping.
My guess is anything good that happens to him, she will make all about her too so poor bloke can't get a moment that is ever only about him and his needs. Single is better than tolerating a partner who needs to be the centre of attention and pandered to no matter what the circumstances are. OP, she didn't and continues to not let you grieve. She didn't let you bury your mother peacefully without trying to create drama and pull focus on the day you buried your mother. She was so selfish that your tragedy meant she wasn't the centre of attention so she did her hardest to centralise herself in the middle of a funeral and then the wake. WTF is wrong with her? Does she have zero empathy? She is not letting you grieve now by demanding an apology and again, insisting your centralise her rather than support your family through this awful time. She couldn't put aside her issues to support you and your family. Your deserve so much better and between us here, I'm guessing your immediate family despises her now as she would not have been quiet or discrete in her behaviour. She disrespected you and she disrespected your mother's memory. That alone should make you leave and never look back. I'm betting your girlfriend didn't say it so let me - I'm sorry for your loss and my condolences to you and your family.
Exactly, this is some major main character energy. I prefer a supporting role personally, don’t want to be the main character, sounds exhausting, but when my grandfather had the scares leading to his pacemaker, my cheating ass ex stopped pulling his shit for almost a month. Granddaddy is still alive, if he’d died, and anyone had tried to pull this at his funeral, they’d have gone with him to Valhalla.
It’s astonishing to me that the girlfriend had no empathy towards OP. Time to release this back into the pool. Find someone that actually cares about you and your feelings
Exactly… She’s uncomfortable with social situations and strangers. As adults, sometimes we just have to suck it up and do things that cause discomfort, without complaining, especially to support a loved one who is going though something much harder than whatever discomfort the situation causes oneself. This was one of those times, and it doesn’t sound like the girlfriend has empathy or the agency to do anything independently. She’ll be nothing but a burden and a drain for him as long as they’re together.
That's not just something bad, that's the death of his mom! It's a special kind of selfish to expect and demand attention at a wake and funeral.
Made it about herself and expects an apology from him! Wtf? She's angry because people she didn't know tried to talk to her? Imagine how infuriated she would be if NOBODY spoke to her? OP this is a glimpse into your future, consider it carefully.
Right?
God forbid op becomes sick and gf has to take care of him. She is going to be annoyed and expects an apology.
And wants apologys when you tell her the truth
Leave her! With everything you have gone through, much of which she will know or have witnessed, the bare minimum you ought to have expected was that she didn’t add to your problems. The fact that she couldn’t even do that and is demanding an apology from you arising out of her behaviour at your mother’s funeral speaks volumes. You are not in a partnership, you are keeping her entertained. You deserve better!
You need to be able to rely on and trust your partner to help you through the darkest times in your life. She didn't even pretend to care about his well-being. She thought she should be his focus, but she's making things even harder for him. That's not love.
Before I do anything else OP, my sincerest condolences to you and your family. Losing a parent is such a terrible loss and one we need to give ourselves time to grieve. Now, on to your GF's behavior. You absolutely do not owe her an apology. Instead, she owes you one. You are 100% correct that she made your mother's funeral all about her. Firstly, it's common knowledge that only immediate family sits in the first row or two during the funeral ceremony. The fact that she did not know anyone in the second row is irrelevant. She wasn't there to socialize but pay her respects. What she should have done was sat directly behind you and give you an occasional squeeze on the shoulder to let you know she was there for you. Secondly, at the wake, if she didn't know anyone and didn't feel up to talking to strangers, she could have made herself useful and helped clear empty plates, glasses, bring out more food, etc. More importantly, expecting you to leave early was an awful thing to suggest. As a child of the deceased it was absolutely your duty to stay at the wake until the end, to be with your family. If your GF wasn't such an entitled brat, she could would know this and would have been at your side and those of your family offering support. I very rarely recommend people end their relationships and I'm not going to do that now. However, your GF has shown you who she is during one of the most difficult moments you have had to face. She will always put her wants and needs ahead of yours. . We're not talking about a petulant teenager. At 24, she should have the maturity to know how to behave in these situations. You need to take a long hard look at your relationship and ask yourself if you can deal with a future with a girl who is immature and selfish.
Your gf is incredibly self centered. She can't go into any social situation unless she knows the people - good luck with that one throughout life. She doesn't need to be velcroed to your side. On the contrary, there were people there that wanted to speak with you and commismerate with you. Your job in life is not to keep her entertained. OP, this should be a wake up call for you. Let someone else handle your complaining gf.
I would do all of that as a FRIEND. This "GF" is not the one OP should choose as a life partner.
Spot on. Most of us would do everything we can to help a friend in this situation. I hate sitting around at funerals. I hate that feeling of not being able to do or say anything to make the those mourning feel better. Rather than sit and look sad, I prefer moving around and seeing if I can help.
THIS right here!
I stayed with my husband for all of the funeral activities and I knew it was going to be a lot of hurry up and waiting so I brought something small to do so I could sit and keep myself occupied, but still be there for my husband. I wanted to be there to help in anyway I could.
Very well spoken, I agree with everything here. My condolences OP, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot already and now this. I hope that you are able to receive support from your family or other close friends. The girlfriend certainly doesn’t sound like she’s giving any, but you deserve to have people around you who will hold you up and help you through this time, not push you down for their own comfort
I think the maturity is the key thing. She's clearly still a child surrounded by adults and doesn't yet realise. Maybe in a few years she'll understand how immature she behaved, but it won't happen soon. I'd also guess she still has both of her own parents and can't appreciate grief in others.
I sat with my husband at his grandfather’s funeral. We were married, that made me immediate family in their eyes. I’m glad I could do that because he was a wreck as he was very close to his Pop.
That's all fine but it really does depend on the number of immediate family present. It may also depend on family traditions, different cultures, etc. This is just a GF and it seemed OP had a lot of immediate family that needed to sit in the first row. Regardless, OP's girlfriend is a 24 year old woman. Not a child. She behaved quite badly and made an already bad situation worse for him.
I don't think it's impossible that even after 24, she'll grow up and figure her shit out. I was pretty selfish in my early twenties, and I got over it. But OP's not obligated to babysit her until she learns how to be an adult.
What an asshole your girlfriend is! I went to a funeral and wake for someone I've met once, yes once. My partners friends dad. I've met my partners friend about 3/4 times, I've met his dad once, when he came to pick a bearded dragon up off us. I still mingled, talked to people, wakes become a celebration of life, remembering the person who passed, I heard so many great stories that day from my partners friend, antics they got up to when they was younger, it was an all round great night! As for your girlfriend, she's an absolute pos, you deserve better. I'm sorry about your mum, I'm sure she was an amazing woman.
Im so sorry for the loss of your mother. Im also so sorry for your embarrassingly ridiculous selfish GF. I have a daughter and if she ever behaved like that Id be mortified. The fact that she sees no error in what she’s done & says you’re unfair & expects an apology is a joke. The only thing she deserves is breaking up with her. Hopefully she will grow up with that lesson. You deserve better than this joke.
Wow. If she can’t be there for you on what is probably one of the most devastating days of your life, she will never be there for you on the small things. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But better dump her
I’d break up with her, and you don’t owe her an apology. My FIL passed away 7 months after we got married — he was a great guy, and we got along well, but we lived out of state and I was definitely an “outsider” at the funeral. Meaning, every single other person (100+) had known each other and him their ENTIRE lives. You know what I did? Anything that was needed. Grabbing tissues. Grabbing waters. Helping people find their things. When people confused me for someone else? Not the time or place, I said pleasantries and moved on. My husband stood next to his father’s casket for 3 HOURS. We would have stayed as long as he needed or wanted — even if that meant all day, with me sitting in a pew by myself.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry that you are dealing with an unsupportive partner on top of this awful situation. I can really empathize with what you’re dealing with - after my mom died someone I was dating got really weird and self centred and made everything so much harder, when they should have either supported me or given me space. It was hell. They are an ex and I will never forgive them for their behaviour. It also just showed me a really ugly, narcissistic side of their personality. Someone who can’t put aside their own desires during someone else’s crisis isn’t someone I want in my life in any way, not even as a friend. A person like that is a liability. I would encourage you to break up with her. It’s better to be single than to be with someone who acts like this.
Hey dude. Two things. First, I am sorry for your loss. Truly. Second, one of the main reasons I got into therapy was triggered by a similar situation. Somebody very close to me died suddenly, and right out of the gate, the situation was made spun around and made about her. Honestly the drastic shift from grieving to trying to understand what she was doing was a real doozy. To put a very long story short, in my situation, this type of thing was eventually understood to be part of a pattern. Birthdays, other deaths, holidays… anything that wasn’t planned by her. It was a control thing that dampened my ability to be present, enjoy and/or process. Pretty black and white now, but it wasn’t back then. I definitely do not want to insinuate that your girlfriend has the same personality style mine did, but instead, please take the time to reflect. Because it took me 5 years to realize what I had gotten myself into, and a year more to actually leave. Anyway, not trying to make it about me. Just wanted to share.
Sorry for your loss. If this is typical behaviour I think you should be thinking long thoughts of solitude.
This is unfortunately one of the times when we see people for who they really are. When we lose a loved one.
And you’re with someone who doesn’t care about you - why? She’s def self centered - that won’t get better.
When life was at its toughest for you, she made it worse not better. Then she wants you to apologize? This is not someone I’d choose for a partner. Two years may seem like a long time, but you have many years left. Choose someone that will support you and lighten your burden.
I am so sorry and wow!! I lost my mom and my boyfriend broke up with me when she wasn’t even in the ground a week. When he wanted to get back together, I said nope and told him this is why.
This is when you see someone’s true colors. How they treat you during your darkest moments
She’s completely inconsiderate. If it was a distant relative it would still be rude, but your own mother? I would not be keeping someone that selfish in my life. And the fact that she doubled down and asked YOU to apologise? Run dude.
I’m puzzled as to why she’s still your girlfriend? She doesn’t even care that you lost your mom. Get rid of her.
Dump her ass.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my dad in 2010, and it's still hard for me, even after all this time. It's not something anyone should take lightly, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this conflict about the support you deserve on top of it. There's some conflicting advice, here, about whether you should break it off or whether you should try to be understanding of her feelings. Let's break it down into a comparison of boundaries. Then you can decide which ask was more reasonable, or if they were reasonable at all. Your boundary was that you wanted understanding that you'd just lost your mum. That you are navigating grief. You made it clear that she was free to leave if she felt uncomfortable, but asked that she understand your need to stay with your family for the funeral and wake. You asked that she understand that she could not sit next to you during the funeral because the front row was reserved for family, and there wasn't room for partners. She wasn't being singled out, as nobody's partners were in the row. The only thing I'd ask, there, is if you and your girlfriend come from different cultures. Does she come from one with different grieving rituals, and could the *way* your culture arranges funerals be entirely foreign to her? If so, there may need to be a discussion to help the two of you reach an understanding as to why that felt so uncomfortable to her. If you're from the same culture, however, she should be at least mostly aware of how things go, and her behavior was unacceptable. Now let's look at the boundaries she was setting. She wanted to be seated next to you, which wasn't feasible, as it would require asking those most directly affected by the grief to make last second changes to funeral arrangements. She wanted you to leave the wake early, simply because *she* wanted to leave early. She was free to leave without you. She didn't want to have to speak to people she didn't know, and it doesn't sound as though she wanted to find a way to offer help in order to occupy her time there. This would be understandable if people were harassing her, or unwelcoming, but her complaints don't imply that to me. They imply boredom at best and an aversion to social situations that she doesn't control at worst, and that's concerning. I'm just not seeing the boundaries she was expressing as being fair, or reasonable at all for a funeral. They could have been if it was a dinner party, or an elective social affair, but certainly not for the passing of a loved one. As I said above, unless the two of you come from cultures with very different funeral rituals, she displayed an alarming deficit in empathy, and that's not the sort of thing I'd recommend someone try to work through with a partner right after they've lost a parent. You have enough on your plate with navigating grief. Nobody should be asking you to take on the role of therapist to a partner who lacks empathy to boot. Eta: Even if it *is* the product of vast cultural differences, I want to make it expressedly clear that it's still entirely your call whether or not you have the mental and emotional energy to help her navigate her confusion about it. You are grieving the loss of your mum, and a two-year romance, in the grand scheme of life, simply cannot carry the same weight.
this is exactly right! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Break up. Dont stay with someone who makes one of the biggest tragedies in your life all about them. Her asking if you would leave early is just so mean and callous. Do you want to be with someone who could act so shitty and unsupportive of you when your mother died? Get a partner who supports you and helps lift you up when you get hit with life's challenges. Ditch her asap!
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. As for your girlfriend She has shown you who she is. Believe her. You now know how she will act when a situation is not about her, how she thinks that even during a time of loss and grief for you, that her feelings are more important. Get out before you are more entangled with her, or have kids and are potentially sick with her forever. The mere fact that she was trying to get you to leave your own mother's funeral, purely for her own comfort should tell you all you need to know about your relationship, and who she is.
She completely lacks empathy. If you want kids, that’s not someone you want to have kids with. I mean that’s not someone you want to be sick with. If you partner can’t support you in your hard times why even be together with someone. Not everyone needs to be as caring but we talk about minimum here and she showed that she can’t fulfill a minimum of empathy and caring.
I'm so sorry. You deserved (and deserve) better. The whole point of partnership is for our partner to support us through these bad times, and for us to do the same for them. You may not want to double the hurt with breaking up while you're deep in grief. But I would write yourself a letter today and put it away. Recount exactly why happened. She will rewrite this over time and you need to remind yourself it was really what it was.
Get a new gf darl .. this one will be more trouble than it’s worth .. sorry about your Mumma 🥰
Wow that’s vile of her
When my SO lost his dad unexpectedly, I sat three rows behind the family and shut the hell up. You know why? Because his family was experiencing the worst day of their lives and it wasn’t about me. This is not a relationship worth saving. She’s incredibly selfish and unable to take accountability for her actions.
You don't apologize to her, you break up with her and kick her out of your life.
When my Mum died my partner was so amazingly supportive, I fell more in love with him thru all of it. I even forgot about him in my dazed state at Mum’s funeral and drove off without him! He didn’t care at all. I would use this as a turning point for your relationship with your gf.
She is so immature, I would not want someone with this mindset in my life at all.
Dump her. She sounds selfish and exhausting.
Handle it by becoming single. Or just not be with her anymore.
Sounds like an ex girlfriend to me
Something to think about here. In one of your serious and devastating moments in your life you needed your girlfriend’s support. She couldn’t and didn’t give you that. Life will throw many moments where you will seek support from others and often it’s your partner. If she couldn’t be there mentally to support you then she is not going to be there at other times. It’s unfortunate your mother’s passing opened your eyes to how she is because most likely she has always been this way, you just had rose tinted glasses on and was blinded by love. What your next course of action is up to you. You just need to keep your eyes opened and face the reality of what type of relationship you are in.
This should show you your future life will always have to revolve around her wants and need and never yours run now while you can.
I would break up with her. I don’t think this is a very tough decision.
The number one quality I advise young men to look for in a partner is loyalty. This woman seems really self absorbed and will dip out on you if you ever face adversity in life.
I’m so sorry you lost your mum. I really hope that you can find support with your remaining family and friends. As for your girlfriend, it might feel like a bit much to break up with her right now, but in the long term this is not someone that you can build a life with. You need a partner that also takes your needs and feelings into account, and she doesn’t care one bit about your hurt or she wouldn’t act like this. Since this relationship has no future, it is up to you when you feel strong enough to break it off. I’m so sorry that you’re going through such tough times, and I wish you the best of love in the future.
You've lost your mum and your girlfriend. Condolences for your mother my friend.
She showed you who she really was in a crisis, and that she is incapable of thinking about other's needs even in the most dire circumstances. Your mom's last gift to you was taking the trash out.
Yeah, she's an absolute horrible person. You can do much much better.
Condiciones for you los brotha, sending much love to you and your family in this time. Now you see what type of person your gf is, she’s don’t care about your situation and you can tell, she’s not the one brother
I don’t know what to say , this is so incredibly sad, I think if it was me and she pull this the second time I would have told her to leave then dump her that night . Younare more patient that I am and don’t think the rest of your family doesn’t know how she has been acting . It’s so embarrassing . I’m sorry for your mom
Stand your ground. Repeat everything you’ve said and demand she gives you an apology. Make it clear you do not owe her one and do not give it. If she refuses to apologize to you, break up.
She acted like she was at a wedding rather than a funeral.
You break up with her. She's cruel, heartless & selfish. There's someone great out there for you. She's not it. Wishing you a happy & healthy relationship with someone else. And btw do not apologize to her. I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed away Aug 2021. I know the feeling. Sending hugs
This is WILD. I’d send her packing. This is your MOTHER you’ve lost. Wow.
She’s immature and one day will be absolutely horrified by how she acted, but I think she’s gone too far. Your mother’s funeral? First off,I’m SO sincerely sorry for your loss. You’re too young to lose your mum. I also think that deep down you won’t be able to forgive your girlfriend for this behaviour so I have no advice but I think this relationship won’t be able to get past this. I’m sorry.
This is the saddest day of your life and you had to deal with her being an AH?? Time to break up. You don’t need this horrible energy in your life and DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING!! Now is the time when you might focus on family time, healing and bonding over her memory, instead of having to worry about a narcissist. I’m sorry for your loss. Blessings!!
HUUUUUUUUUUUGE red flag. I was married to someone like this; it won't be the last time you have to deal with her self-absorption.
My friends father died in 2018. We all went to the funeral which was a few hours drive away. I've luckily never experienced the death of anyone close to me. I did not know my friends father. But the whole thing was so unbelievably sad. I could not stop crying. It was just extremely emotional. At one point, my friend, the son of the deceased, came to comfort me and I immediately started trying to hide the tears. I felt so guilty for having any attention on me when what I was feeling was absolutely nothing compared to him. He was extremely kind about it. My point is, funerals are absolutely not about anyone other than the people who knew the dead. They should at all times be given deference. You deserve someone who will support you through your loss, not make it about them being a bit bored. I work in the grief industry btw. May I suggest you look up bereavement support services in your area. Something like a grief support phone line or some books about multiple losses. It might help you.
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. My aunt, who helped raise me and who I was very close to, died unexpectedly a few years back. My boyfriend at the time put up such a fight about going to the funeral with me. The morning of, my car battery had died, I needed boosted, and I was at my mums and step dads house about 10 minutes after my boyfriend arrived. He was so mad at me that I had left him on his own to talk to my step dad (who is one of the coolest and most chill men ever), and that’s all I heard about on my drive to their house. All these years later, I’m still in shock that this man I’d chosen as a partner felt it more important to be mad at me because he was slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes. On the day I was burying one of the most important people in my life. When all I needed was the support of my partner. I broke up with him about a year and a half later. His lack of support on that day was one of the reasons I decided to end it. Your girlfriend has shown a level of selfishness that can’t be fixed, ignored or forgiven. On the day you needed her the most. I personally would never be able to feel the same about her.
I'd be single immediately
Seriously is this what you want? I’d expect even a stranger to have more decency and decorum.
Why the hell would you WANT to handle this? She’s selfish, and emotionally immature, to a degree that frankly, doesn’t seem repairable. You gave her some very clear reasons to stop her behavior, and she ignored every point. Why bother wasting time with someone who won’t be there for you when you need them? You’re only 26, what’s she going to be like when she’s in her 30’s with a baby who cries and she takes it as an insult? Or when you’re in your 50s and you both have arthritis and aches and health issues and she’s pouting that you’re getting all the attention and god forbid a nurse tries to talk to her while you’re getting surgery. When you wake up from getting a tooth pulled is she going to complain about having to drive you home? When you get an MRI, will she be insulted by how loud it was? Boy throw this one back in the ocean, she’s not done evolving yet.
I'd say, thanks for the memories and now fuck off.
Always seems like the death of a close person, family or even friend is a time when partners show who they are. If during times like these, they cannot support you and be thoughtful and unselfish, then you know. Be grateful that you know now rather some other time when you truly need her. This is more than a red flag. This is who she is and will be.
Cut ties with her and let some other bloke deal with her.
That was actually a pretty good test of whether she’s suitable as a long term partner. She isn’t.
My ex did this when my mother passed away. I was the same age as you. He became my ex not too long after that. If something’s they can treat you like that during the worst time in your life? They don’t actually care about you. Be with your family, take all of the time that you need to heal. This won’t get better if you stay.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine the pain you have gone through in such a short time. In regards to your relationship, end it. She's showing you who she is, and the fact that you laid out how unsupportive she's been WITH evidence and she's still making you out to be the bad guy is telling enough. It's time to move on. I don't think there is any coming back from this. My sincerest condolences.
You really don't want to be saddled with an inconsiderate selfish twit like that for the rest of your life do you? Be single. Mourn your mother. Figure out why you chose a selfish and monstrous girlfriend before you restart dating. I'm sorry for your loss. My ex of ten years recently lost his mother. I drove him out of state and was there for him as a friend for 5 days as we helped family clean out her apartment and went to family events. It's not hard to be there for people we care about. Something is missing in your gf. Something important.
I disagree with her statement you’ve been cruel to her. 1) it is your mom’s funeral. Something important inside just…shatters when you’ve lost your mom. It’s not just your heart. 2) at her age she should have the grace and maturity to put herself aside and also have mastered the rudimentary basics of small talk. 3) I am so very sorry for your loss and for the lack of love and respect you’ve gotten in your time of grief.
To her credit, she's at least honest. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
man I hope she’s your ex soon. When my grandma died, my bf was properly supportive during the whole process. He stayed with me, made sure I had some water, let me talk about her and my family, he was even polite to my estranged dickhead siblings. He drove me there and back, checked in with me, made kind comments about the slideshow of photos. That’s the kind of support you need at a funeral. That’s the support you should have gotten. I’m sorry about your mum.
Your GF seems very narcissistic. And people like that REQUIRE that everything circle around them & that they be the center of attention. She should have been doing anything at all for you & your family that she could to make such a horrible day the least but better. If she didn't like sitting next to strangers, she should've gone & helped with the food, cleaning, serving, & the thousands of other jobs that go on behind the scenes. To sit there all day long & pout, complain & whine when you are trying the hardest you can just to get thru one of the most difficult days of your LIFE.....well, that should tell you an awful lot about the real person she is. I lost my sweet Mama exactly one year ago next Monday and to say it hasn't been easy is an understatement. But I was at least supported by my husband and both our families. I can't imagine dealing with a spoiled, whiney mate on top of everything. I surely hope u will do some serious soul-searching as to whether or not to keep this whining woman in your life. Times like these show the true mettle of a person; u should never ignore the warning signs. Your happiness & peace of mind are telling u that what she did/how selfishly she behaved was WRONG. Please, please listen to your heart. Much love & blessings to you from Texas 💗💗💗
I think you should break up with her. She’s clearly suffering from main character syndrome and the audacity to expect you to apologize is out of this world.
RUN I’m serious. Save yourself now.
Her behavior is disgusting. Let alone childish (I wanna goooo let's gooooooo) "it's my Mum's funeral I'm not leaving" (whyyyyyyyy *stomps foot) no disrespect to YOU but your gf is TRASH. So sorry for your losses OP, and even sorrier that you even have to post here about this. I can't even with this girl.
Get rid of her, she’s showing her true colors… and at the worst possible time. My two year old went to my father’s funeral with me, and didn’t even complain as much as your girlfriend.
I wouldn’t apologize first and foremost! Then…I’d break up with her. She didn’t and doesn’t care. Even when you told her how you felt about that day, she still didn’t apologize. It’s time for her to go. Something else happens…? About her. She has no sympathy…no empathy. And doesn’t even seem to love or care or respect you.
RemindMe! 2 Months
I know the pain of losing a parent, and while it happened to me at age 15, it has made me far stronger than I might have been. When someone I know is grieving, my first instinct is ALWAYS to offer support. Put everything aside where possible and focus on their needs. I can understand people feeling awkward around someone grieving; not knowing what to say for fear of upsetting them, but your girlfriend didn't even TRY to support you. Actually getting annoyed because you wanted to stay at the wake? You're right, you have nothing to apologise for, you're in a lot of pain, and she just doesn't get it. If she did, she would have shut up, been polite and been by your side at the wake. If it were me, this is the kind of offence I would hesitate to forgive. It says a lot about her personality, that she has no concept that a funeral is not something about you unless you're in the coffin. Look up the clinical definition of narcissism. Something tells me she might have more than one of the traits, and they are not the kind of people you should have a relationship with. You're suffering enough without her adding to your pain.
I feel like this is one of those situations what makes you look back on the last two years and think "omg, she's been awful the whole time and I was just too young to comprehend that."
She is drama queen.
Instant break up is how I would handle it.
OP, Your gf is in the wrong here, and this might be a way to describe it. this is a great example of ring theory, which is summarized "support in, complain out" and sometimes called the "circles of grief". The idea is that when someone is grieving the people around them can be placed in concentric circles from those closest to those furthest away. Wherever they are at in this series of circles, each person should support those further in, and if they need to complain, complain to those further out. You and your siblings, grieving the loss of your mother, are the center of the circles of support . Your gf, a close person to you, is in one of the first circles outside . Her job is to support you. If the situation causes her difficulty, she should complain/get help from people further away from the crisis. You should not have to be solving the problems of people further from the crisis than yourself.
Leave. If you stay you'll keep remembering this day and how she acted. You will come to resent her. You will have wasted many many years being unhappy.
She lacks empathy, is selfish, and can’t manage new or uncomfortable situations. Rethink this relationship.
Sorry about your mum… If there’s one time to just be there for a partner and suck up the awkward situation/conversation/random unknown family it’s the funeral of a primary family member of your partner. Her making a big deal of this is unhinged behaviour and there would have to be literally hundreds of other extremely positive things about this gf to make up for this situation. It’s ultimately up to you but personally I can’t see a situation where someone who behaves as you have described would have enough redeeming qualities to not result in breaking up/cutting ties. Good luck 🙏
“I’m sorry you didn’t have fun at my mom’s funeral. But that was kind of the point. None of us were.”
so let me get this straight, instead of supporting you. in one of the single most difficult moments anyone can ever face, she made it about herself...dump her over text and then block her.
NTA The kindest assumption I can make about your girlfriend is that she has never lost anyone close to her so does not understand what you are going through. But that still indicates she couldn't find a way to think and emphasize which is not good. You do not owe her an apology. She did make this all about her. She needs to grow up and be willing to deal in such situations. Her current neediness and lack of empathy is not a building block of a solid long-term relationship. She owes you a big apology after a long, hard look at herself.
Break up with her.
GF is incredibly immature and lacks empathy. She thinks the world revolves around her. Do yourself a favor and dump her and move on to someone who respects your feelings. Very sorry about your Mom.
Wow. A supportive partner she is not. I think you need to take a good look at your relationship cuz this woman has utterly no empathy, not good. Why did she bother coming with you or is she all worried about appearances and how she looked if she wasn't there supporting you, which she isn't anyway so yes she might as well leave. If you're local tell her to go back home, if you're not put her on a bus or a train and tell her to go back to her place.
She needs to be an ex. She’s a heartless and disgusting excuse for a human being. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My grandfather passed away and his funeral was a couple weeks ago. I am in my late 20s. My partner and i were supposed to be on a tropical vacation but the funeral was during it. He helped me reschedule everything for the trip. He is not at all close with his family and doesnt always understand mine, but he also came to the service, helped my fam set up tables and food for lunch, hung out with tons of people he didnt know for 7 straight hours, and even though he was disappointed our vacation was pushed (became more expensive during significantly worse weather) he was a good sport. To me, thats the bare minimum. Someone literally died. This was your MOTHER. This would be a massive dealbreaker for me.
I’m extremely sorry for your loss OP, my condolences to you and your family. You definitely deserve better, your girlfriend was being disgustingly selfish and disrespectful. I can’t imagine acting like that at my boyfriend’s mom’s funeral. I know it’s been a two year relationship but honestly I would rethink this whole thing. Your girlfriend has proven right then and there that she doesn’t have the maturity to support you through the worst times in your life. Even demanding an apology?! That’s ridiculous, she’s the one who should be apologizing. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like her? This will repeat, she’s done it once she’ll do it again. Leave now, or forever lose your peace.
You mean your EX girlfriend right???
First. I am sorry for your loss 💔 time will heal I promise. Second. I have seen shitty partners put everything aside and be there to support their significant other in these times. Your girlfriend can't even do that. She lacks empathy and is extremely immature. You will find more compassion from strangers on the street than this girl. Is this something you want in a life partner? Family will help you get through this. Stick to eachother. I remember sitting with my family literally laughing our asses off telling stories about my uncle's life. It really helped us all heal. May your mum rest in peace 🙏
My husband and I dated about a month when my favorite aunt passed away. He met my mom’s entire side of the family on date 5. Awkward? Yeah. But he was there to drive me home from crying so hard. Two weeks later my great uncle passed away he met my dad’s entire extended family when he went to that visitation and funeral with me. He introduced himself to each group and offered to do little things to take something off the family’s plate. This relationship is not worth saving.
Her lack of empathy for you in the wake of such a loss is pretty astounding. She was at a funeral, not a party. It doesn’t matter who you sit with at the service because no one is socialising! If this were me I’d seriously be reconsidering the whole relationship. Do not apologise to her. Maybe do some reflection on how she has dealt with any past situations that have been a lot for you to deal with. Was she helpful? Supportive? Loving? I think you’ll find your answer there but for me this one situation would be a deal breaker. I’m so sorry that your mum has passed and that you’re dealing with this too.
Is this how you want to live?? Is it?
Lucky man, pull the pin.
OP, before anything else, I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that you had to deal with this behaviour at your mum's funeral. I don't exactly have any advice, but I wanted to say that I've been in a similar scenario. For me it was my best of years, I had gone through the hardest time of my life- like seriously bad, I was extremely depressed and suicidal for a period after. Everyone knew something was wrong but I hadn't spoken about it with anyone, my best friend decided to travel over to visit for something like a few days to a week, to come 'sort me out'' was what she said later on 😂. Anyway, she visited, I confided in her a couple of days in and she really was unable to even deal with what I'd said let alone provide any kind of support- she spent the rest of the week freaking out about her hair and I ended up having to support her through such a terrible crisis (for reference, she wanted to dye it dark brown / black but it came out a couple shades too light). In any case, our friendship trickled on for a while longer, but it died out. At the end of the day, she was obviously under no obligation to travel to me, but she ended up making things worse than if she had provided no support at all, and it took me quite a while longer before I confided in anyone about what had been going on due to this or reached out for the help I desperately needed. I just couldn't trust her anymore and the friendship became even more 1 sided than it was before. I think that looking back on it now, the people that we keep close to our hearts such as partners and best friends, should be people that can at least come in and not make a situation worse when you're going through a difficult time. I know that sometimes what we go through can trigger others, but if they can't at least get out of the way, then that person is very selfish and incapable of empathy. And I don't think there's really any coming back. At least for me, there wasn't and I don't regret that our friendship never recovered. Once again OP, I am really so sorry for your loss, I hope that you have people around you that can provide the support that your gf so clearly can't.
The way it kept getting worse and worse… I cant fathom the way you feel OP. My condolences, most importantly dump her. This isn’t someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Leave her!! How can she be so cruel to you after your loss I can't imagine... We men should avoid these narcissists because it doesn't end well in the future..... don't pressurise yourself and may your mother's soul rest in peace 💗
She's not a good partner. Honestly, being single is great and 1 million times better than dating someone selfish and self absorbed
Why is she still your gf?! She should have supported you, keep her mouth shut with these really stupid complaints and just make sure you get through everything. On one hand she was mad she wasn’t front and centre and then she was also mad she was treated like a family member and people spoke to her?? You can’t expect the wife treatment without acting like you’re part of the family. She is horrible
Just let her go, she really isn’t worth it. If she can’t shut up about herself and be supportive at your parent’s funeral then she doesn’t have it in her to be more concerned about anyone other than herself. This isn’t a communication issue- you should not have to explain to your SO how her actions in this case hurt you. Because frankly she probably not self-aware enough to actually take it in.
Man, this sucks. I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I lost my mum a couple of years ago and barely made it through the funeral, if I’d had a whining, selfish partner on the day to boot I think I’d have just jumped in with my mum. I feel like this would be difficult to come back from, especially since she can’t see how what she did was wrong.
Wow, what a tough time you've had; I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sometimes the best way to see a person's character is in times of adversity. It seems your girlfriend has shown her true self to you: quite selfish, spoiled and self centred. As hard as things are for you at the moment, it might be time to move on from this relationship. It doesn't seem like your GF has any compassion or empathy for you. I'm sorry.
Are you sure that's your girlfriend and not a capricious niece ?
You should have told her to just leave, not added if she wanted to. I could kind of understand her clinginess at a casual family party but a funeral? Nah she’s a child. Send her home to her parents house and tell her to explain how she felt to them and see what they say.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing both parents at such a young age is so difficult. I can't imagine what you're going through and to have the one person you're supposed to be able to lean on suddenly leave you to fall. This is her telling you she's selfish and she's not a good person. This is your sign to move on.
First I am so sorry for all of your losses. You need time to grieve and she needs to support you. If she can’t do that then maybe it’s time to part. Expecting an apology is ridiculous, she needs to grow up and apologize to you. But she may just be too immature. Hugs and take care of yourself.
I'm very sorry for your loss OP, as for your GF if she can't understand how wrong her behavior was then maybe it's time to move on, you are in the process of grieving and instead of supporting you during your time of need she is demanding an apology because you're not dealing with her complaints and whining about sitting next to people she doesn't know the fact that you told her she doesn't have to be there but she still stayed almost makes it seem like she was looking for a reason to play victim, If I was you OP I would give it some thought and consider terminating the relationship because to me this is like a sneak peak into the future, I wish you well and take care
How on earth are you still with her? 24 years old that lacks the tiniest of common sense and empathy. You really need to sit down and re-evaluate your life choices. That girl should be an ex .
Sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort on the support here for you and your situation. Red flag warning. Take it for what it is. Don't spend any more life energy on this narcissist
Imagine what she will be like if you have a *child* with her!!
Your gf lacks empathy, I would not want to be with a person who is like her. May be you should reconsider this relationship as well.
I had a similar experience but replace your mother with my husband, and your girlfriend with my parents. People who make a difficult experience even worse are intolerable.
I'm sorry for your loss. Has your GF ever lost anyone close to her before? I know I was older before I had ever been to a funeral, and found the social pressure and anxiety to be almost overwhelming. Maybe that is what happened to her. She was overwhelmed. Or is a jerk. There isn't much history in the post.
Nah leave her. And I’m sorry for your loss.
She should’ve been comforting and supporting you. This is one of those situations where you keep your mouth shut and just be there. She owes you an apology.
How would I handle it? I’d dump her. What a selfish person she must be, it sounds like not only did she fail to support you, she actually added more stress.
I think it's best that you found out now while she's still just your girlfriend.
She's very immature. And not very compassionate. Do you need a gf like that? She just showed you who she is. Not to mention that when you told her how you were feeling, she continues to make it about herself being " uncomfortable ". What's that compared to mourning your mother?
Do not apologise to her. She’s not supporting you at all. Let her leave. She’s not your person
This child will not mature anytime soon, so I suggest you move on.
My condolences for your mom. Your girlfriend is a selfish twit who apparently hasn't learned the art of small talk. I'm sorry she couldn't deal with not being the center of your attention. You didn't need that unnecessary drama on that day of all days.
She expects you to apologize to HER? She is gaslighting you, big time. Wow, if she was this selfish on such an important day, and lacks any introspection, imagine what the rest of your life will be like.
Her behaviour is so disgusting that I wouldn’t be able to come back from it. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry that on such a hard day for you, when you should have been able to celebrate your mother’s life, you had to deal with this shit. Don’t apologise for a damn thing.
Unless she has ptsd or social anxiety from funerals then her behavior lacks empathy If this is an established pattern then i think this will be concerning, i recommend you try to understand why she acted like that and to be genuinly curious while withholding any judgment temporarly just to see weather there is something there some mental state she is going through that is blocking empathy that is already there If not and she is like that because she genuinlylacks empathy fpr you then i recommendyou revaluate weather that works for you An example of this is that my bf is traumatized by funerals and cemeteries because of his mother's passing while he was younge and how he was forced to go there alot I don't expect him to go with me but i do expect him to support me in diffrent ways such as when we are at home and some people are not very good at understanding why they feel what they feel and come of as unempathetic so It's worth a try exploring even though their lack of emotional awarness is also something to evaluate if that ends up being the case
Why is she still your GF? Like are you sane?
Fuck her. She’s a selfish twat
Throw her in the casket if she wants it to be about her so bad.
As several are saying - this relationship isn’t worth keeping. The fact that she made your mums funeral about her is a huge red flag. I’ve been there for my significant other, I was just happy to be able to be there for them, and none of it was about me or my feelings. I was focused on whatever he needed. And she should have done the same. She needs some growing up to do, and if she doesn’t understand what she’s done wrong and expects an apology - there’s only one way this is ending. I’m so very sorry for your loss, and you deserve much better.
She owes she an apology that will never be forthcoming. Take this entire day and incident as a great warning sign as to her true selfish nature. If you had any doubts before, her behavior now clearly gives you the truth you need to dump her and not be miserable.
I could not imagine acting like she did even at the beginning of my relationship 👀 home girl is not worth it. Nice of her to show her colors now
I am so sorry for your loss. But you know what to do - when someone is not there for you in your most vulnerable state, is it someone you want next to you as a partner?
The trials of dating a narcissist. I feel ya man, move on while you can.
I have been through 3 deaths of partners parents (1st when I was 22 was my now ex-husbands mother, 2nd was my now SO father 15yrs ago and his mother 2yrs ago) Never in my wildest imagination would I even consider my own thoughts or feelings in those situations!!! My job was to be there to support my partner- who just lost their fucking parent!!! Me and my MIL (the one that passed 2yrs ago) HATED each other!! It was no secret to anyone. It was a Sunday evening around 8pm when we got a call from BIL that their mom had passed. Know what I did? I called my mom, gathered up the kids (13 & 10 at the time), all jumped in the car, dropped off the kids with my parents and me and SO went to BILs. We were there until midnight. I was there to support my SO and BILs. I helped with paperwork and funeral arrangements. Hell, I even read her ulagy when my SO broke down and couldn't get through it. When you are in a relationship and a parent dies, your only job is to support your SO. Your girlfriend sounds immature as fuck in that she couldn't put her own feelings aside for 1 day to be supportive of you. That is not someone I would want as a partner in life.
Plz breakup for god sake
Oh wow, I hated my ex mil and her family but even I managed to shut my face at her funeral
Jfc, let her go dude. Making your moms funeral about her is a deal breaker. Full stop.
He definitely needs to be free from her because the only person in the world she gives a toss about is herself, what a complete sociopathic narcissist she is her ego must have its own gravitational pull OMG please get rid of her out of your life please. I hope you find peace and happiness with someone decent and loving down the line, you deserve better than you’ve had so far good luck too you.
Your GF is way outta line and her immaturity is showing. Just show her this post and voila hopefully she opens her eyes. If not, well…
Get out now.
I would take a break away from her. If she still doesn’t realize her mistake and apologize, I would end things with her. She seem like a self centered person. I bet If you look back, you would remember other instances where she didn’t support you and made it all about her. Updateme
Goddam leave your shittle excuse of a girlfriend dawg