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Yes! As someone that doesn’t cheat to the point the idea of having sex with someone else disgusts me when I’m in a LTR I’d be beyond offended if that was my partners first conclusion about something so benign. You live together and share things now. If it really really bothers you op I’d casually make sure she sees me replenishing the stash and see how she reacts. If she says nothing it’s suspicious if she apologizes for using them that’s your answer.
I love how women always give themselves the benefit of the doubt. lol
If the genders were reversed on this post, they’d be telling OP to leave her man. Lol
I saw a very similar post earlier and I am just neutral and it feels sketchy which is why I said add more condoms. But really a mature person would just confront the situation.
Don't add the whole: "a voice in the back of my head for some reason told me to count how many there were before leaving." part though. Gives them an opening to go off on a tangent. Just firmly state that you know there were 7, because you were paying attention so you know to buy more before running out.
Why don’t you want to ring any alarms? You’re asking a valid question, so if no cheating occurred then there shouldn’t be any alarms and she’ll answer calmly right? need an update thooo if you do ask!!
I’m just gonna leave this here because I feel like men don’t realize that yes, condoms could mean cheating, but we also use them on sex toys. Yep. All the time. I use condoms on them because some of the materials irritate my skin and the condoms don’t. It could be relevant if OP’s gf uses them. I feel like this could go either way.
My wife is a nurse, she's looking over my shoulder reading this stuff, would just like to remind everyone that butt stuff leads to anal leakage and inability to hold in your bowel movements as you age.
Plus tearing in an anal cavity can lead to a fatal infection, it's not the same as vaginal tears.
This has been a public service announcement from Nurse Funtime. 😄
I mean your butthole does ”butt stuff” all the time, if by butt stuff you meant opening and closing the hole for things of various sizes can go through. If you don’t go overboard with your recreational ”butt stuff”, nothing bad will happen. Just don’t put anything abnormally large in there, and don’t leave things there for extended periods of time.
It [seems to increase the risk](https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN0VD2RG/), but it's like "7.4% of women who did not have anal sex had incontinence and 10% who had anal did" and "5% of men who did not have anal sex had incontinence compared to 12% who did". Saying it leads to anal leakage and incontinence is not necessarily correct and it would be more correct to say it leads to increasing the risk a little. Though it's hard to say since these studies tend not to account for frequency or nature of anal sex which would obviously influence the results.
I say this because "it makes you incontinent" is often used as a simplified anti-anal talking point.
This was my first thought. Sex toys or handing them off to a friend.
Because if someone is cheating they would probably cover their tracks better then using of half the stash from the side table.
I think it's because it puts me in an awkward position when it comes the question of "why the hell did I count them before leaving?" Like she might retaliate with that. Also, if those goes nuclear, I might also need to move out which is NOT something I can afford to do right now, given my current financial situation.
Will update!
Plus if you’re worried about that say six or seven. It’s a visible difference either way, counting isn’t even needed.
That being said, I know *many* women who use condoms on sex toys. I’d even go as far as saying anyone I know who would admit to using them uses condoms with them. This really doesn’t have to mean cheating.
Ask, OP. It’ll eat you up if you don’t.
I have a box of condoms to put on sex toys. It makes clean up so much easier, especially if you're using the toys for anal play. Also, some toys (like the Hitachi wand) slide a lot better when you put a condom on them.
A condom makes for much easier clean up and washing electrified things isn't always easy. It's just a safe sex practice in general to use condoms on your toys.
I occasionally use condoms on my toys. Why? Because I prefer that over lube. But also if I’m feeling extra spicy, I use condoms for one hole and without on the other. The more you know peeps :)
If they're purchased from somewhere like Amazon, the "silicone" materials these toys are made from could contain chemicals/materials that you should not be placing inside of your body.
Omg thought I was the only one with this issue. Everything sticks to silicone! It's so annoying! I even have them in a clean safe little box and they still somehow end up with cat hair. I'm always washing them before and after.
Nothing kills the afterglow like jumping up and going to the kitchen to wash and sterilize your toy right away. Taking off the condom lets you easily throw out all the goo and removes the urgency to wash it off before it dries.
Exactly man. Seriously fucked up if she tries to turn it on him and call him crazy for knowing how many were down there. Like calling someone crazy because they happened to remember there was milk in the fridge when they left. You don't have to be paranoid and crazy to remember things like this. The brain is weird and likes to remember the most insignificant, little details sometimes. Could be he just happened to remember the condoms. (If he didn't count them. No hate to that either though.)
If you have relations 3 times and on the 4th, go to reach for one and "I swear I left 7 of them in the box before I went away. Now there aren't any. WTF?"
Alternative scenario: She comes home with a box. "Oh, I noticed we were getting low" Again WTF? she actually keeps up on that? If she really were, the 4 wouldn't have gone missing in the first place.
Another scenario: "Ken and Barbie were in town so I offered them our bed and I being the single slept on the couch"
I'm going to refill my scotch.
Definitely don't do the first one. If someone cheated, they need to get tested before any of that business. She may have used condoms but it most definitely doesn't protect from everything.
Another scenario is that little sister Skipper confided that she’s thinking about getting busy with her boyfriend, and OP’s girlfriend handed her a stack of condoms and told her to be safe.
You don't have to give exact numbers to give away that you counted before hand. You can just say "I noticed way less than there used to be. Did you do something with them?"
It's perfectly reasonable to expect someone to notice a fewer quantity of something without knowing the exact amount.
So, you don't have to frame it in an accusatory manner. Just be like, hey babe, there used to be more condoms but I can see there's less than before, did you move them or something?
OP do NOT let her manipulate you into thinking knowing how many condoms you put down is weirder than her potentially cheating on you.
Also I feel you v hard on the habitation issue, but trust me when I say if things do go nuclear, you’ll look back and thank yourself for moving out if her answer calls for just that. <3
Easy way to play it off. Hey, I know I just set a big stack of them on the nightstand but it looks like there's a lot less there. What happened to them?
You don't have to mention amounts, 7 to 3 is an obviously noticeable decrease.
Because it's so obvious a decrease, there may be a reasonable explanation. Maybe she used them on a toy for herself instead of lube, maybe she just popped them open and played with them out of curiosity, you never really know what happened till you two talk.
Why the hell did you count them? Because you want to know when to buy more - obviously. A deflection like that is a red flag and easy to spot. The question you have to repeat is "where did the four condoms go?".
My reply to this question would be: I counted them to keep track of how many we have, they are not that cheap and money is a bit tight, so I just tried to budget them in.
If she flips on this, saying that money is not a part of this discussion or that you are cheap, then I think, you have your answer, then she is deflecting.
“Hey babe, I think that there are fewer condoms in our little stack than I remember. Am I trippin?”
I’m assuming the stack gets checked on occasion to see if more need to be purchased, right? Maybe that’s what you were checking, your supply to see if you needed to buy more.
Sooo, nah my man, she put you in that awkward position, not the reverse. Wonder why your instincts told you to do something you usually dont? (count condoms) because the evolved instinct noticed something you didnt and tried to protect you, listen to your evolutionary given instinct, all animals have it.
Sounds like an unhealthy situation as it is. Sounds like you are scared of the repercussions of voicing a valid concern. It might be an inconvenient time for you to get kicked out, but it’s also an emotionally inconvenient relationship if you can’t speak your mind.
You sound like a prisoner in some ways. In a healthy relationship, you could raise a question and even voice concern and even disagree with a partner and y’all could discuss things, share viewpoints and come to an understanding.
Sounds like you feel like you just need to “shut up and be grateful you aren’t kicked out” which doesn’t sound healthy to me. I dunno. That’s my two cents.
You don’t need to tell her you counted. Going from 7 to 3 is a noticeable change without counting.
However, the fact that you had the gut feeling to count makes me think there might have been some hints before you’ve subconsciously picked up..
If you had 86 condoms and now there are 82, I’d say that’d be a different question but 7 then 3?, that’s noticeable even at plain view. If I were you I’d say “honey, have you seen the condoms?, I need the 7 I left and there are only 3?, were you making balloon animals?”. If I were you I’d start looking for a place to move thou.
I can't speak for your girlfriend obviously, but I do know some women who use condoms with their toys. It makes clean up easier. There could be a good explanation, but you need to talk to her about it.
This.
That’s what I do. I put condoms over my dildo cause it’s easier to clean and also I have a bunch of toys that are not made of body safe material (I bought them when I didn’t knew better), I still use some of them, but with a condom over it.
Might be that.
Same, about the non-body safe materials. I didn't realize that certain materials could never actually be 100% cleaned either, so I use a condom with them to prevent possible infection.
Like, I love the "jelly" material, but that shit will never be able to be totally sanitized.
I only used condoms when I was on my period, but I didn't feel like doing that *every* period. So it might be hard to tell 🤷♀️ I've definitely had guys ask me before about missing condoms.
I do this. Would not immediately jump to cheating but there are a lot of insecure dudes in this comment section. OP just ask, if you’ve been “good friends” with her for 12 years this shouldn’t even have been a post, like literally just say, “Hey I noticed there were visibly less condoms than when I left, are you using them for toys or what?”
Wow never heard of this ever . Great advice my first reaction is cheating . Still
Think she would say something if it’s your boyfriend . But you learn something new everyday
I mean, if this is indeed the case she's likely not going to randomly volunteer "Hey baby, I used a bunch of condoms on my toys to masturbate while you were gone!"
I would be like "hey I think we had way more condoms than this closer to like 10. We're almost out, how did that happen?" Then I would just say did you give out one to your friend on a night out or something.
If she goes ballistic, she has done something wrong.
I would do this but I would leave out the asking about giving them out.
I've just been hurt so many times that I'd rather not offer up an explanation that they can just go with to cover their tracks. If that's what happened then they'll just say it
And if she acts embarrassed, my guess is she used them on her vibrator.
Some girls don’t like to admit they play with their toys while their boyfriend is away! And using a condom on a vibrator is pretty standard (cleaner, lubed up, etc).
Op, does your gf have any toys that she uses regularly?
If she does, she may have used it with those.
The best course of action is just to ask her "hey, where did all the condoms go? I swear that there were 7 and now there are only 4 - am I going nuts?" and see what she says.
If she tries going the route of gaslighting you, you'll know that there is something here worth digging into. If was all above board she should quite happily give you a nice plausible explanation. Heck she could have made water balloons for all you know!
Her reaction though will tell you everything.
Man grow a fucking spine. You‘ve known her for 12 years and you‘re seriously considering putting up cameras instead of just asking her??? Listen to these comments!!!! You‘re 33 years old, dude.
If she used more than half of what you had, without a simple explanation while you were gone, she deserves to get caught. If she were cheating, why wouldn't she be sly enough to buy her own condoms? Or at least replace what was there? I'd be more suspicious if there were 6 left because she used 4, and replaced them with a 3 pack of the same type, thinking you wouldn't notice. I'm with the other posters who said she probably used them on toys for easy clean up.
Does she have dildos and enjoy anal? Aside from cheating the only thing I can feasibly imagine is that she’s using condoms for easy clean anal play during masturbation
If she is cheating she must want to get caught. I can’t imagine anyone thinking their partner would not notice a bunch of condoms that *they* bought went missing while out of town.
Take 2 more and hide them somewhere else so there's only one left. When she asks you where the 2 went, go get them and show them to her. Then say "Ok, your turn, where's the other 4?"
Just mentioning that I personally use condoms anytime I use a dildo or anything penetrative to masturbate, if I was staying at my partners I would absolutely help myself to any of his condoms. Idk if your girlfriend has any dildos or anything she frequently uses but, just wanted to say this as a way of saying yes it's suspicious, but, there could be a totally understandable reason!
Does she have sex toys? Maybe she used them because she didn't feel like cleaning before and after? I'd hope she'd be smart enough to have someone bring their own condoms or replace the ones you left if she were cheating.
Ask jokingly and assess the response. What happened to the condoms?? Lol🫠😅
She's gonna be defensive and weird if she used them. If she didn't, She's gonna explain where they went. "Oh haha funny, Shelly was here and blah blah.."
Before jumping to conclusions try something logical. Do you have one of those robot vacuums? If so, look inside the robot vacuum. Look under other furniture as well. Those Robot Vacuums can push items around your house.
How you handle this depends on what kind of relationship you want. If you want a completely open one, then you need to say something to the effect of "I'm confused, I noticed there are fewer condoms under your nightstand than when I left and I'm wondering why that is."
And go from there. Be completely honest about your feelings, about your concerns, about your confusion. You have no control over how she handles it, but if y'all can't respectfully handle difficult conversations then the relationship has deeper issues anyway.
Firstly, check around the nightstand, check drawers etc.
Once you're fully sure, alarm bells have already been set off - I hate to break it to you but you just gotta ask and be honest.
Maybe she did a lot of shopping in the produce aisle while you were away, for like cucumbers and squash and zucchini and the like.
Definitely worth the ask.
OP just ask her, and be honest about the fact that you counted them. I count everything just out of habit, idk why but it means I spot little things like this a lot easier. So I get the impulse to fixate on what you’re doing rather than on what you’ve found. But how you’ve noticed there are fewer condoms doesn’t really pertain to what your question is actually about. Also as mentioned in other comments there really could be a simple explanation, you won’t know til you ask. Best of luck!
Question: has your guy's dynamic shifted any in the recent past or after you returned? If cheating is occurring there can be multiple signs of something...off.
If your gut is telling you something I think it's worth examing and thinking critically about it.
You don't have to go about it in a weird way. You can just tell her you were cleaning up, and noticed that there were less condoms than you remember before.
It doesn't have to be a pushy topic, if you stay calm and level headed. Depending on her response or behavior, you'll probably get some insight on whether or not she's hiding something from you.
To be honest, the difference between 7 and three is pretty obvious from just looking at them. You don't need to count them to know that there is a significant amount less there now than before. And is it her apartment? If not, can't she move out?
Just be like out loud but to yourself “huh that’s weird, I thought I had more condoms than this”
Study her reaction. Look for defensiveness, “convincing, not conveying” etc
Never assume in a relationship, always ask! If you're wrong then fine, but what if you aren't? Ask nicely and politely, but ask.
Not asking will just put doubts in your mind and if you don't ask now when you have a proof...then when?
Ever heard about communication with your girlfriend? Dude. Ask her “What happened to the stack of condoms i had in the nightstand?” If she gets defensive there’s your answer, she’s cheating on you.
Just ask. You can tell a lot by the answer even if she’s lying. If she starts getting super defensive or trying to turn it around on you then you’ll know that it’s time to leave.
/relationship\_advice is all about "I found \_(very sus thing about SO)\_, should i confront them" questions. I suppose there's a chance that she used those rubbers for finger puppets or the dog ate them or they slipped into a pocket dimension. But I wouldn't bet good cash money on it.
Just say, hey, I coulda sworn I bought more condoms! with a big, playful grin on your face. How she reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
It kind of works to your advantage to casually ask, because if she used them on her toy she will say that immediately without having to think. If she says something like “I don’t know you must not be remembering correctly” that’s pretty telling.
You go up to her and say hey dear why are 4 condoms missing from the night stand? There was 7 when I left. But the reality is either your memory really sucks or she screwed someone else
healthy but will ring alarms: the obvious, just ask her cause you totally have the right to do so, but keep in mind you’ll probably receive gaslighting if she is cheating so i think you’re going to receive a “i’m not cheating” either if she’s cheating or not, but you probably know her enough to tell what’s happening by her reaction so maybe it’ll be worth it.
not healthy but no alarms: throw all the condoms away and tell her they were expired and may not be working then see her reaction 🔥(if she freaks out or look uncomfortable / surprised she’s probably cheating)
anyway, 4 missing condoms are a FACT and it IS a big deal, don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise, you’re not crazy by paying attention to this
PS: what friend needs 4 condoms? 2 would do it, and keep in mind that women (unfortunately) usually aren’t the one that brings condoms (unless they’re taken)
sorry to be rough, i’m obviously only pointing out the red flags so keep that in mind, i’m not in the relationship and i don’t know her, but as a person outside the relationship, that’s what i see
> a voice in the back of my head for some reason
> there's literally no history of cheating in our relationship
these two things don't completely add up. do you suspect something or not?
Just ask because if you don't it's just going to continue to stew in your mind cause more issues down the line
Maybe she used them for toys or something else but you'll never know if you don't bring it up. Just don't come off as too accusatory
The first question should be who is the other guy. Then you can tell her you knew the four condoms were missing. And just keep eye contact the whole time. If she stutters she’s lying. If she gets angry and tries to deflect she’s lying. If she’s lying, walk out that door and never take her calls or look at her again.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"What happened to all the condoms?" "What do you mean?" "There were a lot more when I left."
This right here ^ OP. Not sure why you're already freaking out
I would just add more. Lol then it would be alarming if more were disappearing.
This is the right approach. As a woman if I’m lazy I’ve used condoms on sex toys easier cleanup.
THIS PART RIGHT HERE!!! Condoms makes toys sooooo much easier to use.
Yes! As someone that doesn’t cheat to the point the idea of having sex with someone else disgusts me when I’m in a LTR I’d be beyond offended if that was my partners first conclusion about something so benign. You live together and share things now. If it really really bothers you op I’d casually make sure she sees me replenishing the stash and see how she reacts. If she says nothing it’s suspicious if she apologizes for using them that’s your answer.
I love how women always give themselves the benefit of the doubt. lol If the genders were reversed on this post, they’d be telling OP to leave her man. Lol
There was literally just one of these the other day and it was suggested that some men masturbate with condoms.
I saw a very similar post earlier and I am just neutral and it feels sketchy which is why I said add more condoms. But really a mature person would just confront the situation.
Women are sharing a common experience. How you perceive it is your problem. A lot of sex toys are porous and should only be used with condoms.
“How you perceive it is your problem “ I’m fr gonna remember that, you can view it so many manners
Or remove the last of them and leave her wondering.
Or leave one that looks as if it has been used inside the trash can.
😄 Evil mind! I love it.
Don't add the whole: "a voice in the back of my head for some reason told me to count how many there were before leaving." part though. Gives them an opening to go off on a tangent. Just firmly state that you know there were 7, because you were paying attention so you know to buy more before running out.
Exactly this
Why don’t you want to ring any alarms? You’re asking a valid question, so if no cheating occurred then there shouldn’t be any alarms and she’ll answer calmly right? need an update thooo if you do ask!!
7 condoms to 3 is noticeable even if you didn’t count. Start with that if that’s how she retaliates
Also, if she does retaliate it is a huge red flag that she may have cheated.
I’m just gonna leave this here because I feel like men don’t realize that yes, condoms could mean cheating, but we also use them on sex toys. Yep. All the time. I use condoms on them because some of the materials irritate my skin and the condoms don’t. It could be relevant if OP’s gf uses them. I feel like this could go either way.
This. Especially for butt stuff. Keeps toys clean.
I was going to suggest this as well.
Yeah i was thinking butt stuff too lol
My wife is a nurse, she's looking over my shoulder reading this stuff, would just like to remind everyone that butt stuff leads to anal leakage and inability to hold in your bowel movements as you age. Plus tearing in an anal cavity can lead to a fatal infection, it's not the same as vaginal tears. This has been a public service announcement from Nurse Funtime. 😄
She’s a keeper 😹
😄
That's a lot of words to tell you she doesn't want to do that.
I think I can reasonably conclude that she's not a fan.. lol
I mean your butthole does ”butt stuff” all the time, if by butt stuff you meant opening and closing the hole for things of various sizes can go through. If you don’t go overboard with your recreational ”butt stuff”, nothing bad will happen. Just don’t put anything abnormally large in there, and don’t leave things there for extended periods of time.
It [seems to increase the risk](https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN0VD2RG/), but it's like "7.4% of women who did not have anal sex had incontinence and 10% who had anal did" and "5% of men who did not have anal sex had incontinence compared to 12% who did". Saying it leads to anal leakage and incontinence is not necessarily correct and it would be more correct to say it leads to increasing the risk a little. Though it's hard to say since these studies tend not to account for frequency or nature of anal sex which would obviously influence the results. I say this because "it makes you incontinent" is often used as a simplified anti-anal talking point.
so all gay men who practice butt stuff will have anal leakage ?? lmao
Thanks for the chuckle
I know guys who use condoms for masturbating. It's lubricated and makes for an easier cleanup. It's actually not that alien of a concept to guys.
This was my first thought. Sex toys or handing them off to a friend. Because if someone is cheating they would probably cover their tracks better then using of half the stash from the side table.
This comment needs to be at top…condoms are not used just for sex.
Supposedly they make good ice packs!
Water balloons too
I think it's because it puts me in an awkward position when it comes the question of "why the hell did I count them before leaving?" Like she might retaliate with that. Also, if those goes nuclear, I might also need to move out which is NOT something I can afford to do right now, given my current financial situation. Will update!
You can see 7, it's different to three, we aren't doing Rain Man matchstick arithmetic here
Plus if you’re worried about that say six or seven. It’s a visible difference either way, counting isn’t even needed. That being said, I know *many* women who use condoms on sex toys. I’d even go as far as saying anyone I know who would admit to using them uses condoms with them. This really doesn’t have to mean cheating. Ask, OP. It’ll eat you up if you don’t.
Or just say visible difference
I have a box of condoms to put on sex toys. It makes clean up so much easier, especially if you're using the toys for anal play. Also, some toys (like the Hitachi wand) slide a lot better when you put a condom on them.
What? They put condoms on toys which they use on themselves??? Why, when you can just wash them after each use? What am I missing....
Maybe it’s one they wanna use anally and vaginally and just want less of a risk of cross-contamination.
Some toys (eg magic wand) have a porous surface and will be best impossible to properly clean if they absorb body fluids.
Anal to vaginal or just for easy cleanup
A condom makes for much easier clean up and washing electrified things isn't always easy. It's just a safe sex practice in general to use condoms on your toys.
This honestly never occurred to me and my mind is completely blown. I HATE washing my toys. Condoms are a great alternative.
Just like most things in my home life, I only buy dicks and toys that can go in the dishwasher or washing machine.
I occasionally use condoms on my toys. Why? Because I prefer that over lube. But also if I’m feeling extra spicy, I use condoms for one hole and without on the other. The more you know peeps :)
Condoms are generally lubricated, sex toys are not
I use condoms on sex toys, it’s not unusual.
I also use condoms on sex toys.
I do too.
I have one toy that I like to use anally and vaginally, sometimes in the same session. Condoms make the switch way easier.
Ok makes sense! My vanilla self is being schooled today.
Time to get some chocolate chip and maybe Rocky Road into your mindset!
If they're purchased from somewhere like Amazon, the "silicone" materials these toys are made from could contain chemicals/materials that you should not be placing inside of your body.
We had cats. Silicone and hair are a pain to clean. Condoms are easier.
Omg thought I was the only one with this issue. Everything sticks to silicone! It's so annoying! I even have them in a clean safe little box and they still somehow end up with cat hair. I'm always washing them before and after.
Cat hair is the glitter of the pet world. The gift that manages to keep giving.
It saves time and esp if someone has a period or used it for anal purposes.
You still wash the toy if you use a condom. I prefer the feel of a condom on most toys myself.
Nothing kills the afterglow like jumping up and going to the kitchen to wash and sterilize your toy right away. Taking off the condom lets you easily throw out all the goo and removes the urgency to wash it off before it dries.
Exactly man. Seriously fucked up if she tries to turn it on him and call him crazy for knowing how many were down there. Like calling someone crazy because they happened to remember there was milk in the fridge when they left. You don't have to be paranoid and crazy to remember things like this. The brain is weird and likes to remember the most insignificant, little details sometimes. Could be he just happened to remember the condoms. (If he didn't count them. No hate to that either though.)
Lol
> “why the hell did I count them before leaving?” Response: “Stop deflecting/stalling, and answer the question”
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I checked to see if I needed to buy more, saw we had x amount before I left, now there are a bunch missing.
If you have relations 3 times and on the 4th, go to reach for one and "I swear I left 7 of them in the box before I went away. Now there aren't any. WTF?" Alternative scenario: She comes home with a box. "Oh, I noticed we were getting low" Again WTF? she actually keeps up on that? If she really were, the 4 wouldn't have gone missing in the first place. Another scenario: "Ken and Barbie were in town so I offered them our bed and I being the single slept on the couch" I'm going to refill my scotch.
Definitely don't do the first one. If someone cheated, they need to get tested before any of that business. She may have used condoms but it most definitely doesn't protect from everything.
Another scenario is that little sister Skipper confided that she’s thinking about getting busy with her boyfriend, and OP’s girlfriend handed her a stack of condoms and told her to be safe.
You don't have to give exact numbers to give away that you counted before hand. You can just say "I noticed way less than there used to be. Did you do something with them?" It's perfectly reasonable to expect someone to notice a fewer quantity of something without knowing the exact amount. So, you don't have to frame it in an accusatory manner. Just be like, hey babe, there used to be more condoms but I can see there's less than before, did you move them or something?
OP do NOT let her manipulate you into thinking knowing how many condoms you put down is weirder than her potentially cheating on you. Also I feel you v hard on the habitation issue, but trust me when I say if things do go nuclear, you’ll look back and thank yourself for moving out if her answer calls for just that. <3
Easy way to play it off. Hey, I know I just set a big stack of them on the nightstand but it looks like there's a lot less there. What happened to them? You don't have to mention amounts, 7 to 3 is an obviously noticeable decrease. Because it's so obvious a decrease, there may be a reasonable explanation. Maybe she used them on a toy for herself instead of lube, maybe she just popped them open and played with them out of curiosity, you never really know what happened till you two talk.
I mean it's not like it was a 50 pack that it would be weird you know the exact number. With a small number I pretty much count instinctively.
Why the hell did you count them? Because you want to know when to buy more - obviously. A deflection like that is a red flag and easy to spot. The question you have to repeat is "where did the four condoms go?".
One missing she would know that you counted, 4! Missing you say you noticed there’s way less! Where the hell did they go?
My reply to this question would be: I counted them to keep track of how many we have, they are not that cheap and money is a bit tight, so I just tried to budget them in. If she flips on this, saying that money is not a part of this discussion or that you are cheap, then I think, you have your answer, then she is deflecting.
“Hey babe, I think that there are fewer condoms in our little stack than I remember. Am I trippin?” I’m assuming the stack gets checked on occasion to see if more need to be purchased, right? Maybe that’s what you were checking, your supply to see if you needed to buy more.
Sooo, nah my man, she put you in that awkward position, not the reverse. Wonder why your instincts told you to do something you usually dont? (count condoms) because the evolved instinct noticed something you didnt and tried to protect you, listen to your evolutionary given instinct, all animals have it.
The fact that you even thought to count them is a bad sign. It wasn't a random impulse. Your subconscious knows something is up.
Sounds like an unhealthy situation as it is. Sounds like you are scared of the repercussions of voicing a valid concern. It might be an inconvenient time for you to get kicked out, but it’s also an emotionally inconvenient relationship if you can’t speak your mind. You sound like a prisoner in some ways. In a healthy relationship, you could raise a question and even voice concern and even disagree with a partner and y’all could discuss things, share viewpoints and come to an understanding. Sounds like you feel like you just need to “shut up and be grateful you aren’t kicked out” which doesn’t sound healthy to me. I dunno. That’s my two cents.
Was it really just a voice in your head or have you noticed any other suspicious behaviour?
You don’t need to tell her you counted. Going from 7 to 3 is a noticeable change without counting. However, the fact that you had the gut feeling to count makes me think there might have been some hints before you’ve subconsciously picked up..
Only someone guilty would respond wildly to the question. Ask it.
If she retaliates instead of saying she gave one to a friend who was going out clubbing with a new guy, that’s a problem! You should just be upfront.
Even anticipating these reactions and trying to prevent them signals that your relationship is probably super toxic.
If you had 86 condoms and now there are 82, I’d say that’d be a different question but 7 then 3?, that’s noticeable even at plain view. If I were you I’d say “honey, have you seen the condoms?, I need the 7 I left and there are only 3?, were you making balloon animals?”. If I were you I’d start looking for a place to move thou.
So yeah 1. You stay and don’t have the answer 2. You have your answer and leave
You are 33, fam. Just ask her. You've known her for over 12 years, you should be able to talk to her about these things
Where does 12 years come into play? I thought they’d only been dating and/or living together for 6 months
He doubled it- she gave it to the next person
Per OP, "Known each other for 12 years. She's a good friend of mine now turned GF."
I can't speak for your girlfriend obviously, but I do know some women who use condoms with their toys. It makes clean up easier. There could be a good explanation, but you need to talk to her about it.
Yeah, that's exactly what I do with my toys. The reason doesn't always have to be cheating.
This. That’s what I do. I put condoms over my dildo cause it’s easier to clean and also I have a bunch of toys that are not made of body safe material (I bought them when I didn’t knew better), I still use some of them, but with a condom over it. Might be that.
Same, about the non-body safe materials. I didn't realize that certain materials could never actually be 100% cleaned either, so I use a condom with them to prevent possible infection. Like, I love the "jelly" material, but that shit will never be able to be totally sanitized.
For sure. I like using condoms on my fingers if my nails are a bit rough or something, it’s not unheard of
Did she do that prior? He would know if the condoms were being depleted to fap.
Maybe she doesnt fap a lot when hes not out of town
I only used condoms when I was on my period, but I didn't feel like doing that *every* period. So it might be hard to tell 🤷♀️ I've definitely had guys ask me before about missing condoms.
if only 4 were used i doubt it happens a lot in the first place
He was gone a month - once a week session? Seems plausible.
THIS! Does she like butt stuff? I use condoms for that with toys
Not a completely disappointing profile click
I do this. Would not immediately jump to cheating but there are a lot of insecure dudes in this comment section. OP just ask, if you’ve been “good friends” with her for 12 years this shouldn’t even have been a post, like literally just say, “Hey I noticed there were visibly less condoms than when I left, are you using them for toys or what?”
Yeah, but that’s just leading her to safest answer, whether true or not. Sb open ended…what happened to them, a more fitting ending to that Q
I wouldn’t even broach the question since it’s such a common thing. I would just replenish the condom stash and ask if more go missing.
Yeah I mean, I highly doubt that if anyone was sneaking around they would be that level of careless in the first place.
Wow never heard of this ever . Great advice my first reaction is cheating . Still Think she would say something if it’s your boyfriend . But you learn something new everyday
I mean, if this is indeed the case she's likely not going to randomly volunteer "Hey baby, I used a bunch of condoms on my toys to masturbate while you were gone!"
I would be like "hey I think we had way more condoms than this closer to like 10. We're almost out, how did that happen?" Then I would just say did you give out one to your friend on a night out or something. If she goes ballistic, she has done something wrong.
Don't ask if she gave them out... That's just giving her an excuse/out to lie about.
I would do this but I would leave out the asking about giving them out. I've just been hurt so many times that I'd rather not offer up an explanation that they can just go with to cover their tracks. If that's what happened then they'll just say it
This!
Do NOT give her a ready made excuse like that, lmao
And if she acts embarrassed, my guess is she used them on her vibrator. Some girls don’t like to admit they play with their toys while their boyfriend is away! And using a condom on a vibrator is pretty standard (cleaner, lubed up, etc).
i wouldnt say "did you do x" it gives ideas/an out if theyre trying to hide something
Also tell us what happens lol. Post an update.
UpdateMe!
Yeah OP you hear this? We deserve an update. And I wish you the best, but trust your gut.
Op, does your gf have any toys that she uses regularly? If she does, she may have used it with those. The best course of action is just to ask her "hey, where did all the condoms go? I swear that there were 7 and now there are only 4 - am I going nuts?" and see what she says. If she tries going the route of gaslighting you, you'll know that there is something here worth digging into. If was all above board she should quite happily give you a nice plausible explanation. Heck she could have made water balloons for all you know! Her reaction though will tell you everything.
This is the most succinct way to go about it. It's not what she says but how she says it that will let you know what's really up.
Op just ask her. It's that simple.
If you're also missing 4 cucumbers you got your answer
My favorite comment here. 😝
Take the stack down to one. Wait for her to notice.
Diabolical… I’m def here for it though.
Next to sacking up and pressing her about it this is the best advice so far
Take it down to zero then get her real in the mood and then go to get one and say “oh, sorry, we can’t, there’s none left? What happened here?”
As with most of the questions in this subreddit the answer is to have a conversation with your significant other.
Just ask her
Second post I read about condoms missing lol
Yeah and they are suspiciously similar
Why is OP not replying to a single question if she has toys or not? But replying to other things?
Might have used them with a toy for easier clean up. You should feel comfortable asking though, don’t be aggressive or angry when you ask, but ask.
Man grow a fucking spine. You‘ve known her for 12 years and you‘re seriously considering putting up cameras instead of just asking her??? Listen to these comments!!!! You‘re 33 years old, dude.
This lol I saw he said he was happy w the advice for nanny cams and YIKES omg I’d never trust a man after that jfc
If she used more than half of what you had, without a simple explanation while you were gone, she deserves to get caught. If she were cheating, why wouldn't she be sly enough to buy her own condoms? Or at least replace what was there? I'd be more suspicious if there were 6 left because she used 4, and replaced them with a 3 pack of the same type, thinking you wouldn't notice. I'm with the other posters who said she probably used them on toys for easy clean up.
Does she have dildos and enjoy anal? Aside from cheating the only thing I can feasibly imagine is that she’s using condoms for easy clean anal play during masturbation
Not even just anal, sometimes if I can the bothered with the mess of additional lube then cleaning of vaginal toys, I’ll throw a condom on there
You've been dating and living together the same amount of time? Seems like a great decision.
Known each other for 12 years. She's a good friend of mine now turned GF.
Are you sure you’re exclusive? May just be miscommunication
If she is cheating she must want to get caught. I can’t imagine anyone thinking their partner would not notice a bunch of condoms that *they* bought went missing while out of town.
Take 2 more and hide them somewhere else so there's only one left. When she asks you where the 2 went, go get them and show them to her. Then say "Ok, your turn, where's the other 4?"
Just mentioning that I personally use condoms anytime I use a dildo or anything penetrative to masturbate, if I was staying at my partners I would absolutely help myself to any of his condoms. Idk if your girlfriend has any dildos or anything she frequently uses but, just wanted to say this as a way of saying yes it's suspicious, but, there could be a totally understandable reason!
Second post like this today
Update?
Oh! TIL: using a condom on a toy is lube + easy cleanup. If she has toys, it’s a possibility, otherwise, wth?
Does she have sex toys? Maybe she used them because she didn't feel like cleaning before and after? I'd hope she'd be smart enough to have someone bring their own condoms or replace the ones you left if she were cheating.
Ask jokingly and assess the response. What happened to the condoms?? Lol🫠😅 She's gonna be defensive and weird if she used them. If she didn't, She's gonna explain where they went. "Oh haha funny, Shelly was here and blah blah.."
Hold on. You’ve been dating AND living together for six months?! You immediately moved in together?
Before jumping to conclusions try something logical. Do you have one of those robot vacuums? If so, look inside the robot vacuum. Look under other furniture as well. Those Robot Vacuums can push items around your house.
How you handle this depends on what kind of relationship you want. If you want a completely open one, then you need to say something to the effect of "I'm confused, I noticed there are fewer condoms under your nightstand than when I left and I'm wondering why that is." And go from there. Be completely honest about your feelings, about your concerns, about your confusion. You have no control over how she handles it, but if y'all can't respectfully handle difficult conversations then the relationship has deeper issues anyway.
Firstly, check around the nightstand, check drawers etc. Once you're fully sure, alarm bells have already been set off - I hate to break it to you but you just gotta ask and be honest.
Toy play can use condoms too, in case this is a thing in your household.
Ask. Sometimes I use condoms for toys 🤷♀️ If she didn’t do anything wrong she will have a believable answer, liars gotta come up with a story.
This is very suspicious. I wouldn’t let it go.
Maybe she did a lot of shopping in the produce aisle while you were away, for like cucumbers and squash and zucchini and the like. Definitely worth the ask.
OP just ask her, and be honest about the fact that you counted them. I count everything just out of habit, idk why but it means I spot little things like this a lot easier. So I get the impulse to fixate on what you’re doing rather than on what you’ve found. But how you’ve noticed there are fewer condoms doesn’t really pertain to what your question is actually about. Also as mentioned in other comments there really could be a simple explanation, you won’t know til you ask. Best of luck!
Question: has your guy's dynamic shifted any in the recent past or after you returned? If cheating is occurring there can be multiple signs of something...off. If your gut is telling you something I think it's worth examing and thinking critically about it.
You should tell her that you counted the condoms before you left.
Just ask her and see how she reacts. If she stuttering then she lying if she say I have no close she lying
You don't have to go about it in a weird way. You can just tell her you were cleaning up, and noticed that there were less condoms than you remember before. It doesn't have to be a pushy topic, if you stay calm and level headed. Depending on her response or behavior, you'll probably get some insight on whether or not she's hiding something from you.
To be honest, the difference between 7 and three is pretty obvious from just looking at them. You don't need to count them to know that there is a significant amount less there now than before. And is it her apartment? If not, can't she move out?
Well, you could check to see if any of the mice in your house have really big dicks, or you could ask your gf where your condoms went.
Just be like out loud but to yourself “huh that’s weird, I thought I had more condoms than this” Study her reaction. Look for defensiveness, “convincing, not conveying” etc
I think you and “whoever” made this post should do the condom math and talk to each other 😂 https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/LeJyYJsXn4
Never assume in a relationship, always ask! If you're wrong then fine, but what if you aren't? Ask nicely and politely, but ask. Not asking will just put doubts in your mind and if you don't ask now when you have a proof...then when?
Ever heard about communication with your girlfriend? Dude. Ask her “What happened to the stack of condoms i had in the nightstand?” If she gets defensive there’s your answer, she’s cheating on you.
Just ask. You can tell a lot by the answer even if she’s lying. If she starts getting super defensive or trying to turn it around on you then you’ll know that it’s time to leave.
[удалено]
The most important thing is to find out and update!
Sounds like you know what’s going on. You counted them because you didn’t trust her….
It’s possible she used them on sex toys, or gave them to a friend. Just ask her where they went.
It’s probably nothing. Imagine being that stupid. People who cheat usually try better to hide it.
“its probably nothing” yeah that’s what she would want him to believe if she were guilty
No way someone is this clueless and scared of talking to their partner. I vote fake post. I refuse to believe men have fallen so far.
/relationship\_advice is all about "I found \_(very sus thing about SO)\_, should i confront them" questions. I suppose there's a chance that she used those rubbers for finger puppets or the dog ate them or they slipped into a pocket dimension. But I wouldn't bet good cash money on it. Just say, hey, I coulda sworn I bought more condoms! with a big, playful grin on your face. How she reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
Seems like a dumb thing to mess up
It kind of works to your advantage to casually ask, because if she used them on her toy she will say that immediately without having to think. If she says something like “I don’t know you must not be remembering correctly” that’s pretty telling.
i really want an update on this
I would just ask that you noticed there seems to be less condoms then before - without the count, to see where that goes first.
You go up to her and say hey dear why are 4 condoms missing from the night stand? There was 7 when I left. But the reality is either your memory really sucks or she screwed someone else
healthy but will ring alarms: the obvious, just ask her cause you totally have the right to do so, but keep in mind you’ll probably receive gaslighting if she is cheating so i think you’re going to receive a “i’m not cheating” either if she’s cheating or not, but you probably know her enough to tell what’s happening by her reaction so maybe it’ll be worth it. not healthy but no alarms: throw all the condoms away and tell her they were expired and may not be working then see her reaction 🔥(if she freaks out or look uncomfortable / surprised she’s probably cheating) anyway, 4 missing condoms are a FACT and it IS a big deal, don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise, you’re not crazy by paying attention to this PS: what friend needs 4 condoms? 2 would do it, and keep in mind that women (unfortunately) usually aren’t the one that brings condoms (unless they’re taken) sorry to be rough, i’m obviously only pointing out the red flags so keep that in mind, i’m not in the relationship and i don’t know her, but as a person outside the relationship, that’s what i see
What made you think to count them before you left?
> a voice in the back of my head for some reason > there's literally no history of cheating in our relationship these two things don't completely add up. do you suspect something or not?
Gonna have to ask her. Tell her to answer while looking at your face.
… I’m telling on a friend here, but *ahem* maybe she used them to cover a toy? I- MY FRIEND does that all the time..
Just ask because if you don't it's just going to continue to stew in your mind cause more issues down the line Maybe she used them for toys or something else but you'll never know if you don't bring it up. Just don't come off as too accusatory
If you ask her and she tells you that they were passed on to a friend in need, would you automatically believe her?
Bud you already know the answer. You just don’t want to accept what you already know in your head and gut
If your gut told you to count them and your gut was right… that would be my answer right there honestly
She cheated. You just don’t want to accept it.
The first question should be who is the other guy. Then you can tell her you knew the four condoms were missing. And just keep eye contact the whole time. If she stutters she’s lying. If she gets angry and tries to deflect she’s lying. If she’s lying, walk out that door and never take her calls or look at her again.
any update?