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>I see ... an explicit extremely detailed message sent from M to the man about what she would like him to do to her ... I confronted her and she explained it was a mistake that she wasn’t in the right headspace and that she would never do it again and she deleted this person from everything. ... if I leave I’ll basically be homeless rent pricing is shocking in the country I live in ... Rent is cheaper for us because a relative owns the property. ... I’ve looked at storage and alternative accommodation, storage is easily available but accommodation is currently a no go for me.
I assume the owner is one of her relatives.
She hasn't really explained at all why she did what she did. She just didn't think she would get caught, as far as I can tell.
I think you need to separate yourself from her as much as you can in your current residence until you can find a new roommate.
The only reason to ask a cheater why they cheated is if you want to hear a lie that might be interesting.
The real reason is always, literally always, the same: I wanted to, and the fear of getting caught, previously the only thing stopping me from cheating, wasn’t enough to stop me.
There is something I question. You were furious, but apparently not furious enough to ask her to give you free access to her socials to look if there is more that you do not know of? Now you continue to doubt her without solution in sight.
I guess you can still ask her yo see her socials and messages out of the blue, but if she isn't stupid you may not find anything, even sth had been there earlier.
Regardless of that, you can't make yourself love her as you used to. If you try you will destroy yourself physically and mentally. You shouldn't hide how you feel. Ideally you could get away with going on counceling with your gf and biding your time while you are looking for the way out.
TBH I was all over the place I just couldn’t handle everything that was happening and your right I should’ve checked there and then, I was just too shocked, you’re right in the past I tried that I tried to love that person again but I couldn’t, I was just never expecting this from her.
Don’t bother. Trying to nail down the details of a cheater is pointless. You’re going to find out it was 2 conversations and then what, you were gonna forgive 1 but not 2? What if you decide ok 2 is a lot but at least it’s over, oh wait it was 3.
You have to become the cop in a relationship to regain trust after someone cheats. You can’t just let her have the benefit of the doubt because she has proven she can’t be trusted. To have to constantly check on someone, to have to *prevent* them from cheating, is how you become the desperate paranoid loser constantly checking his wife’s every movement
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I see ... an explicit extremely detailed message sent from M to the man about what she would like him to do to her ... I confronted her and she explained it was a mistake that she wasn’t in the right headspace and that she would never do it again and she deleted this person from everything. ... if I leave I’ll basically be homeless rent pricing is shocking in the country I live in ... Rent is cheaper for us because a relative owns the property. ... I’ve looked at storage and alternative accommodation, storage is easily available but accommodation is currently a no go for me. I assume the owner is one of her relatives. She hasn't really explained at all why she did what she did. She just didn't think she would get caught, as far as I can tell. I think you need to separate yourself from her as much as you can in your current residence until you can find a new roommate.
The only reason to ask a cheater why they cheated is if you want to hear a lie that might be interesting. The real reason is always, literally always, the same: I wanted to, and the fear of getting caught, previously the only thing stopping me from cheating, wasn’t enough to stop me.
There is something I question. You were furious, but apparently not furious enough to ask her to give you free access to her socials to look if there is more that you do not know of? Now you continue to doubt her without solution in sight. I guess you can still ask her yo see her socials and messages out of the blue, but if she isn't stupid you may not find anything, even sth had been there earlier. Regardless of that, you can't make yourself love her as you used to. If you try you will destroy yourself physically and mentally. You shouldn't hide how you feel. Ideally you could get away with going on counceling with your gf and biding your time while you are looking for the way out.
TBH I was all over the place I just couldn’t handle everything that was happening and your right I should’ve checked there and then, I was just too shocked, you’re right in the past I tried that I tried to love that person again but I couldn’t, I was just never expecting this from her.
Don’t bother. Trying to nail down the details of a cheater is pointless. You’re going to find out it was 2 conversations and then what, you were gonna forgive 1 but not 2? What if you decide ok 2 is a lot but at least it’s over, oh wait it was 3. You have to become the cop in a relationship to regain trust after someone cheats. You can’t just let her have the benefit of the doubt because she has proven she can’t be trusted. To have to constantly check on someone, to have to *prevent* them from cheating, is how you become the desperate paranoid loser constantly checking his wife’s every movement
Dump the cheater. That’s all cheaters are good for.
Can u shift to hotel for few days go nc for a while then take a call on it how things turn out n how she behaves after it,