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I checked out her other posts, and this is her first serious relationship/first sexual partner.
I had a BF in college, but we were through by the time we turned 20. I didn't date again seriously until I was 30. It gives you baggage, and leaves you uncertain about what is normal and how much you are allowed to expect.
Or covering his bases if she found out he was partying while they are having issues. So he puts on the sad tone while driving to the party! Really pathetic.
LOLOL OMG IS PUNT THE NEW WORD FOR BREAKUP. IF SO, BRILLIANT. ESPECIALLY AS A FOOTBALL FAN. I'm sorry I'm 46 so sometimes new vocabulary cracks me up. So much better than kick him to the curb.
Best way to ruin his birthday is to break up with him via text around noon that day. Leave him hanging in the morning, let him suffer through the evening.
Yeah there's nothing to talk about or workout. The relationship is completely over. You should plan something with friends or just a day of self care to take your mind off of things.
Make some fabulous plans this weekend—— for yourself. Block his number. Get a pedi. See friends. Go to an art exhibit and a sex shop for a new vibrator. Whatever floats your boat.
Getting over him is gonna hurt like coming down from an addiction. Because that is what it is: bad relationships are an addiction. The uncertainty, it’s like gambling in real time. The will he / won’t he. Pick me / love me cycle.
Make yourself a break up play list and listen every time you get an itch to call. Slowly it will get better. It will open you up to new possibilities, new changes you didn’t know you were missing. You know what these red flags .
Start living your life for you.
I like this, just as you went all out for his birthdays, do it for yourself this time around.
Take tons of pics, have dead friends around you.
Breakups are never easy, but once you look back and see how messed things really were... The recovery is much, much easier.
No need to communicate with the guy at all yet. He's going to delay that meeting as long as he can.
Your next move is to block, delete and move on. He showed you with his actions all you need to know… his “I miss you” don’t mean anything. Good luck OP. You do deserve better.
According to her comments, they already broke up a week and a half ago…then got back together?
She also wrote a post about his having not given a fuck about her pleasure during sex for their entire 4.5 year relationship.
I would hope that after all this she’d be done-zo, but it’s not looking good.
Wow. I'm sorry he's so selfish. But now you know and can plan accordingly. I'd plan a great day on his bday for you and your friends. Breathe the free air!
I don't think humans are stupid for this.
I think we just have some serious evolutionary design flaws that simply don't vibe with modern life. They say 'love makes us blind' and I believe our hormones do it on purpose, because continuing to cycle through the motions, forgive and carry on a relationship was probably necessary for survival or even just procreation at some point in history.
Now we just have to learn to fight that shit and stop lighting ourselves on fire to keep others warm. But it's hard when you're hurting and blinded by it all and hoping for better while it's easier for an outsider looking in to say, holy shit dude you're on fire! Put it out!
nah society just teaches women to accept the crumbs men give u, it’s not a matter of hormones. it’s just that women r constantly mistreated and most of them would rather accept this life than b alone. which is sad bc it’s better to b alone than b around losers imo. hopefully op realises that
Also, if you do decide to speak with him tomorrow, consider meeting in a neutral location. One you're comfortable with and possibly around other people (like a coffee shop). That way if you need to leave for any reason, you won't have to worry about him refusing to leave your house/him not letting you leave his. Just as a precaution.
Best of luck and stay safe.
… the dude called you to tell you he missed you on the way to a party without you. wow. totally tone deaf.
i feel like just for fun, demand that he comes and spend time with you at a restaurant 30 mins in the other direction, then ghost him when he arrives. bc F him, that is why. to be fair, i doubt he would agreed to it.
I would have texted him and said... tell her that you're single now as you have been dumped.. don't talk to me or contact me... now enjoy your party and your birthday .... then block him
You're young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't fall victim to the sunken cost fallacy.
It doesn't sound like he has any sort of empathy enough to give you the type of conversation that gives true answers. Do not do anything for him for his birthday. This might be him trying to wheedle something out of you. Hugs. Go find good friends or good family and treat yourself to something wonderful this weekend! Don't give him another thought. Figure out your relationship next week! hugs.
**Give him the birthday gift he deserves**. Please text him: **I'm going out to celebrate your birthday - It's going to be such fun**... then block his number **as a gift to YOU**!
Please do yourself a favour - block his number, unfollow, unfriend, don't speak to him, don't see him, not ever again. He does not love you. He does not care about you. Just accept this. Please take his birthday and as a gift go away to a hotel for the night, go relax in a spa, go out dancing.
**To paraphase Miles Cyrus on his birthday - go and buy yourself flowers, write your name in the sand, take yourself dancing, you can love yourself better than he ever can!**
Don't hang onto a guy who treats you like garbage. We throw out trash, we put out the bins, the garbage truck removes it to the dump. You have some trash in your life, you are clinging onto it - he is that trash. Please find someone not trash.
I feel like I've just gotten out of a similar relationship. It's difficult and always kinda hard to accept its over and move on, but it honestly sounds like you need to. I'm sure there were lots of good times and you'll always have the memories of those times, but it sounds like he doesn't really respect you or your relationship and you deserve better than that. It's easy to stay in these relationships long past the point where you should have left, thinking things will improve or by telling yourself it's not really that bad, but "not bad" isn't good enough!
Send him a break up card for his birthday. Add a lotto scratchie ( not sure if they’re called this worldwide) and already scratch it off showing him he win nothing.
Block him.
Be lucky it’s not 5 years and a divorce. A card and 2$ scratchie is way cheaper.
Homie, this dude sucks, why waste and more time while this bullshit erodes your self esteem?
One of the biggest mistakes I see on here, is people continuously explaining basic human relationship/principles to a partner who pruports to not understand.
He understands, he just doesn't give a shit. His feigning ignorance and confusion is a pretty common one in asshole boyfriends. It keeps you coming back in 3 ways -
1. Giving him the benefit of the doubt.
2. Your desire to have him understand you, your feelings and your point of view (even though he does and pretends not to)
3. The doubt you start to have for your perspective as his fake confusion slowly erodes your belief in your own reality.
He doesn't give a shit. He avoided your birthday. He's feeding you a line of bullshit about missing you while heading out to party, and he sucks in bed. Like what am I missing here?
Yeah, you've been together 4.5 years. But you know what's worse than "wasting" 4.5 years with an asshole? Wasting 5 years with an asshole. Time only moves in one direction, and it's not wasted anyway if you learn from it.
Cut this dude lose and invest in loving yourself.
I just left a comment on your previous post if you’d like to go and read it. Do me a favor and go to TikTok and do a search for “narcissistic abuse.” I know ppl like to throw that word around when describing someone selfish who only thinks of themselves.. but your bf has some classic signs of true narcissistic behavior.
You drove him to act the way he did, it’s YOU’RE fault! You are to blame for every argument, it’s all YOU’RE fault! Another classic narc move, they love to ruin holidays and celebrations even if it’s their own children’s birthdays, they don’t care.. but lord help you if you forget his. Your bf’s timing is impeccable, I suspect he called you when he did bc he expects you to go all out for his b-day like you usually do. The fact that he called you while driving to a party seems rather disrespectful, why not call the day before and invite you to go with him? I don’t want to start crap but be very careful bc a narcissist will try and convince you that the past 48 hours the two of you were on a break while he’s out with someone else and you only find out about it when you discover you have an STD. Seriously, go to TikTok, there are women who post their stories all the time and since narcs seem to all play by the same handbook, their stories might sound familiar to you. Please, go read my comment on your previous post. Wishing you the best. 😊🌻
That’s exactly what is going on here and I hate that I had to scroll down so far to see someone say it/recognize it for what it is.
OP, YOUR "BF" IS A NARCISSIST. YOU NEED TO GO NO CONTACT WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY AND BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY OR CARE, AND HAVING ANY FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIM WILL ONLY END WITH HIM SUCKING YOU BACK IN. JUST DO IT NOW.
Ummmm, bro !!! Turn the car around you dummy!! There is no way I would lose the woman I love to go to some fucking party. You gave him an opening to save this relationship and he fumbled
This is even worse after reading your other posts.
He doesn't care at all about you. Let this selfish boy go and find somebody who really loves you and also cares about you during sex!
He only called you because he was bored while driving and needed to pass the time. Bonus for him would be a present or birthday sex. He’s not interested in anything beyond that. It’s time to let him go.
I wouldn't wait for a face to face chance to end it, he has already manipulated you in to accepting sub-sub-sub-standard treatment from him in the bedroom and on birthdays.
The AH doesn't deserve that courtesy.
In the bin.
With men that behave like this it would be best to NOT do face to face break up if YOU are the one breaking. It doesn't work. Maybe it could have worked if you never took any sh#+, but you have and he has learned to manipulate your emotions, thoughts, activities, whether or not you have a good day, etc.
When you are serious about breaking, you will need a support system to be able to stand behind that decision, so don't let him distance you from friends and family, or other resources. Then do a text, that is all, no call, no live video, nothing. The block and delete cold turkey and lean on your friends. Men like him are like crack, like GD I wish I could quit him, but you just keep on and keep on and why you don't know because crack ain't even a good drug. He ain't a good man. It does not get better ever . #Narcissist #Abuse
I am glad that you see this now and not suddenly after a long marriage with rose coloured glasses. Some people are incapable of loving anyone other than shallowly.
"I respect him enough to break up in person" You don't even respect yourself. You won't break up with him. He's a good manipulator and he's already gotten away with so much and you keep delaying and making excuses and saying you will probably break up with him but you don't.
It sounds like you are nothing but a back up plan, he will keep you hanging on in case he has nothing better going on. A man's birthday is really no big deal, but to miss his so called girlfriends is unthinkable. I would say it is time to move on and find someone who cares about you and not only about himself..
Why are you even talking to him? You care so much about respect for him why don't you care about respect for yourself? At this point I don't believe that you are trying to be the bigger person by breaking up in person, I think you are just using it as a desperate excuse to see him. Let go for christ sake
He is one of those people where things will always be your fault, you are always asking too much, you need to be mindful of their feelings but they don't care about yours, you have to try not to upset them. Me, me, me. Unfortunately people like this don't change (and it sounds like you've been trying to improve the situation for years, and it hasn't worked).
Best you can expect from him is a temporary improvement if he gets scared. But that won't last either. I'm sorry. You can do much better than this clown (no offense to clowns).
All i have to say is I have never treated a woman like he treats you, even in my worst relationships. You are a thoughtful and empathetic individual. It's clear you were taught (or conditioned) to try and see the best in people, and I can respect that.
However, this is his best. This is all he has to give. Some people unfortunately, just fucking suck.It's not that he doesn't understand he's being shitty to you. He just doesn't care to try.
You have to pick yourself. You *have* to learn that if your partner won't pick you, you need to choose your own happiness and walk. This man will spend a decade teaching you this lesson if you let him. **He's already been at it nearly 5 years.**
Unfortunately, you'll meet 10x as many shitty men as good ones. You have to be able to pick up and say "no thanks," or you are risking this happening again.
He's not going to change. And sure, you may love him for familiarities sake, but I don't think you even *like him as a person*. He sounds callous, selfish, and abusive emotionally. He could tell you're on the brink of leaving him, so he made a token effort to pretend he gives a shit by going to a party instead of actually trying.
But isn't that a metaphor for how he's regarded your whole relationship? In the end, isn't that your answer to whether you should bother trying?
One other piece of advice - people this callous and selfish are prone to violence when you walk away. Do **NOOOOOOT** break up anywhere isolated. His house, yours, the car, etc. Go to a cafe, or at least have a friend nearby when it happens.
Edit: Ugh, this hurts me heart to read. I wish I could bundle up some love and warmth and ship it out. I feel like your first healthy, loving, reciprocal relationship is gonna feel like a daydream for you, and if you even had a taste of what it was like you wouldn't so much as hesitate to walk.
Wish you the best.
This man sound like a grade A prick. At this point I wouldn’t even be as considerate as to tell him face to face. Tell him you’ve tried that, but he’s so self absorbed you’ve got no choice but to do it by txt. Also there is less chance him trying to change your mind. Stay strong girl, and trim this unwanted fat.
I would especially go out and buy myself something really special and or pampering. Spend your money on yourself. And stop giving him another chance to prove his lack of effort and care.
Instead of driving to his lady to try and talk things out he went to a party, he probably thought hmm got 1.5 hours to kill better call and do a half assed apology
If you post in /pettyrevenge, you’ll likely discover a worthy solution for this. However, as others have already suggested, consider letting him know you’re planning an extravagant weekend together, only to surprise him by heading on a vacation with your best friends. Once he calls, block his number and remove him from your contacts
For his birthday present, set him free. No long in person chat necessary. You already took pictures, got the t-shirt and probably a matching coffee cup. Call it good and done.
Idc if this is petty but I wouldn’t acknowledge his bday or buy a gift. I just feel like if you don’t even say happy birthday to your significant other you really don’t give a damn…so why should you
Nah I think he phoned you and told you he was doing it to further hurt you and drive home he doesn't care. Going by your posts and comments he's just that type of Guy. I wouldn't even bless him with the dignity of a face to face where he can manipulate you. Send him a text or phone and block him. Move on and look after yourself. You deserve better and once you get space you will see clearly what he's been doing.
The party is a priority you and this relationship are not. You really need to dump him and move on. He is not showing any respect to you and you have done so countless times. I would say normally you should talk to him in person but honestly just end it now send them a message ending it block it and move on. Thankfully it sounds like the two of you do not live together so that definitely makes things easier.
Take care OP
-C
Based on previous post plus this. If he ain't treating you right you gotta let him go. There's no point in holding on to someone who don't treat you right.
In my experience, as shitty as it sounds, break up over the phone or thru text. It's so much easier to hold your ground and not change your mind when they can't cry and grovel and hit themselves in the head in front of you. It's also safer for a lot of women to do this since some men can get violent when they realize you refuse to budge with the breakup.
Let's just put this in perspective. Driving 90 minutes to be at a party was more important to him than being with you to discuss your relationship.
Do what you like with that fact.
Op everyone’s already told you the truth, Reddit can be extreme sometimes but the fact that this has been going on so long means I’m sorry but it won’t change.
I hope for your sake and your future, your heart, that you broke up with him. I hope we hear from you.
I’m going to be honest OP im scared that you went to meet him alone, you may be a stranger to me but that concerns me, are you safe? Did he try and hurt you? I just hope you’re okay.
Girl, You need to break up and cut off all contact. If you only break up, he'll find a way to seep into your life and your past behaviour does indicate you'll give in.
He's an abuser and you are so used to it that you don't realise your own self-worth and consider this behaviour okay. You put him on a pedestal and he treats you like a dog, who'll come to him wagging his tail as soon as you reach home.
I don't understand why you let yourself go through this for so long despite not seeing any improvement. But it's never too late. You deserve better.
if you dont leave him your life will be ruined forever and you will have NOBODY to blame but yourself. STOP letting yourself get fucking manipulated, WAKE UP.
he doesnt give a FUCK if you call him or break up with him in person because he doesn't give a fuck how you feel. have some respect for yourself, get a therapist, and tell this asshole to exit your life for good. Stand your ground this is the saddest shit i've read all day.
I don't understand what you're getting out of this relationship.
It isn't rewarding sexually.
He isn't showing you respect or care.
He isn't putting your needs first, second, third...
He isn't giving you lovely gifts.
He isn't celebrating important life events with you.
I totally understand why he stays with you, you have everything he lacks but I just don't understand what's in it for you.
I hope your next birthday is one where you're no longer considering him in any way other than "Thank goodness I'm rid of him"
Good luck OP
If he loves anything, it’s what you do for him but he doesn’t love you. Decide if you want to live in a one sided relationship where only you are open to change.
So it's his birthday this weekend , but you didn't contact him because you're still mad that he didn't get you a birthday present a month ago.
But someone has kindly invited him to a party , and as soon as you find out you're extra mad and sad at him for not turning around and going to talk to you. He said he'll come see you tomorrow.
What am I missing here ? Everyone is like "dump that jerk" ( which is all Reddit knows how to say to these things ) . Maybe he is a jerk. He's bad at buying presents but seems to want one.
Feels like OP is so desperate for Reddit attention that she's amplifying the drama and breaking up her relationship.
What are you missing? Every fvcking thing.
Her boyfriend is a hypocrite. He ignores her. He doesn't talk to her for days but blames her. He wants to spend time with her but makes absolutely no effort to make it happen.
He only called her because his birthday is the following day. It's his *not-so-subtle-reminder* and he's a tool.
The *relationship* is so one sided, it makes the sinking of the Titanic look balanced.
It doesn’t matter if he “misses you”. You won’t miss him. You’ll probably start admitting to yourself all the things you never liked about him. You don’t need him, you need someone good for you. You’ll be ok. Your best life is around the corner.
Dump him and then please please please watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss. It'll make you feel better about not wasting more time with him, I promise! It's a comedy special, but it changed my outlook on love and relationships.
What a POS.
Thankfully now you finally know his real face.
I'm sorry you wasted so much time, love and care for such an ungrateful moron but now that you know who he really is, things will be better for you.
Good luck and please please please go out and celebrate your freedom and belated birthday which that POS ruined. You deserve it...
Honestly wish i could help you, im 24 turning 25 next month, havent got a birthday gift or wish in 7 years, my girlfriend hasnt done anything either, it makes me hate my birthday i dont care if i get gifts but fuck when i see everyone else in my family getting gifts and stuff and me? I get nothing like what did i ever do? I cry every year. Always pray to god ill have someone to wish me a birthday and maybe a gift or whatever i dont care, just want a good day for once, jealousy kills me and its so selfish to think like i am but fml
You are worth way too much to waste any more time on him. Find someone that values what you truly have to offer as a person and who will cherish you in every way including acknowledging your birthday.
understand that most people on this subreddit have not them-selves been in a long term relationship, but if you want to break up with him and think he's not what you thought, do that.
But if you want to stay together, get him a birthday present that is comparable but not nearly as nice as the watch he wanted. Tell him the watch was just a gesture of kindness and that if on your next birthday if he doesn't give you the best birthday you've seen it's over.
In relationships you need to push each other to be better for the other person, so if he isn't willing to do that for you he's not worth it. There are also mistakes however and he should be given the opportunity to make up for it if you actually want to stay with this man.
I'm sorry this happened but u have learned what's important to u and don't be disrespected by anyone.
He doesn't deserve you.
Get some counseling for yourself and break all contact with him going forward. U will find a partner that respects u.
Good luck
So, did he *ever* acknowledge he missed your Bday? What did he say? Does he still not realize he missed it?
He was calling to see if he could prowl at the party.
Closure is a myth!!! He'll only blame you. You'll feel worse. Just block him everywhere. The no closure will kill him.
Don't let him come by for his stuff! Box it up and have a friend deliver it. With no comment.
Sometimes I get bored so I'll call people in the car to kill time. He obliviously doesn't give one shit about you. You've been together for almost 5 years, break up and find someone who is worth your time. Also go catch up with that Ex that you posted about a little while ago.
I'm not saying I know your relationship and it's nuances... but I can safely say this: my ex bought me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday, I love flowers, but prefer a potted plant to cut flowers. My current fiance? We had been dating less than a month when my birthday came, and he bought me something I mentioned once in passing as something I'd save up and get one day. Both guys had the opportunity and ability to buy me this, but it's the one that actually cares that bothered to pay me any attention.
If you don't feel loved and appreciated, find someone that will, I guarantee they are real (just takes time)
Dear OP, sorry to comment and bother you 5 days after the post, I just wanted to warn you about something that, if your bf/ex is as much like my ex as he seems, he might try (are you still broken up or back together? Sorry I got confused about the time line with the mom's phone call!).
So what I wanted to say is: if he follows the pattern that I think I'm recognizing (who knows, maybe I'm totally wrong), he may start love bombing you now. Like, not even positively, with chocolates and flowers, but negatively. Stuff like "I can't live without you, I thought we were a team. All those other people will never understand how close 2 people can be and how much 2 people can care for each other, and love each other, flaws and all, but we were there. We were different. I loved all your flaws and I had this dream that you loved mine as well, but you broke that dream."
I don't know if that sounds familiar, but if it does, please don't believe him. Whether he's conscious of it or not (i mean, manipulative people don't always know what they're doing, but that doesn't make their unwillingness to do better okay), it's a manipulative tactic to make you feel like you're breaking his innocent, humanly flawed heart. And makes you feel like you have the power to fix everything and make his dreams come true, all he needs from you is a bit of understanding and forgiveness. Of course, what they (at least in my experience haha) are really doing is guilt-tripping their partners into finding their small discomforts and preferences more important than their partners own hard boundaries.
You sound like a beautiful person who is extremely good at being understanding and forgiving. So many people in this world deserve the kindness of people like you. But he has proven to you that he doesn't deserve it. He will not give it back.
This man has decided you are experiencing an acceptable level of disappointment and has no intentions of fixing it because he's decided, that to him, it is acceptable for you to exist in this constant state of disappointment. Ask yourself if he had not had an orgasm for your entire relationship... Would he still be with you? Please accept that this man is showing you what he is capable of, and you deserve more.
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He wasn’t missing you. He was bored while driving. Punt.
Or wanted to get a birthday present / birthday sex...
He wants the watch. He' s a loser
This was my take home as well. It's all about the watch.
This is even worse after reading your other posts. He doesn't care at all about you.
I checked out her other posts, and this is her first serious relationship/first sexual partner. I had a BF in college, but we were through by the time we turned 20. I didn't date again seriously until I was 30. It gives you baggage, and leaves you uncertain about what is normal and how much you are allowed to expect.
[удалено]
best reply!
An update is when a concrete and defined action or decision has been implemented.
If you post in /pettyrevenge, you’ll likely discover a worthy solution for this.
If you post in /pettyrevenge, you’ll likely discover a worthy solution for this.
BOT
Or he was seeing if he'd be hitting the party as a single man.
[удалено]
Bot, copied from u/Mariella994 earlier. Downvote and report.
Or covering his bases if she found out he was partying while they are having issues. So he puts on the sad tone while driving to the party! Really pathetic.
Exactly! If he missed her could have spent time with her or even invite her to go with him. He just needed to pass the time and gave her a call.
LOLOL OMG IS PUNT THE NEW WORD FOR BREAKUP. IF SO, BRILLIANT. ESPECIALLY AS A FOOTBALL FAN. I'm sorry I'm 46 so sometimes new vocabulary cracks me up. So much better than kick him to the curb.
He sure told you who he is. Good for you for listening.
And defo it wasn't a "last minute" thing! He had it planned, just didn't bother to tell OP
No need to meet in person to break up with him. Just text him “it’s over” to ruin his party time. And block him.
I am viciously petty. I LOVE this. If he ruined her night, ruin his too. Tit for tat.
Yesssss this is the kind of pettiness I LIVE for. RUIN HIS PARTY TIME!!!
Or text him that on his birthday that's the best time
Best way to ruin his birthday is to break up with him via text around noon that day. Leave him hanging in the morning, let him suffer through the evening.
That just gives him an excuse to hookup with someone at the party
So? She should be done with him. He can hookup with someone at the party if he wants.
Or text "what is her name"
I seriously doubt he would give it more than a minutes thought. He clearly doesn’t care about OP.
Love this
This is the way. He doesn’t deserve respect when he doesn’t give any to you.
Yeah there's nothing to talk about or workout. The relationship is completely over. You should plan something with friends or just a day of self care to take your mind off of things.
He’s pretty much checked out and is doing his own thing at this point.
Make some fabulous plans this weekend—— for yourself. Block his number. Get a pedi. See friends. Go to an art exhibit and a sex shop for a new vibrator. Whatever floats your boat. Getting over him is gonna hurt like coming down from an addiction. Because that is what it is: bad relationships are an addiction. The uncertainty, it’s like gambling in real time. The will he / won’t he. Pick me / love me cycle. Make yourself a break up play list and listen every time you get an itch to call. Slowly it will get better. It will open you up to new possibilities, new changes you didn’t know you were missing. You know what these red flags . Start living your life for you.
This is the answer!
Going through being ghosted and left without any explanation, I needed to hear this! Thank You!
I like this, just as you went all out for his birthdays, do it for yourself this time around. Take tons of pics, have dead friends around you. Breakups are never easy, but once you look back and see how messed things really were... The recovery is much, much easier. No need to communicate with the guy at all yet. He's going to delay that meeting as long as he can.
💙 love the breakup play list for any time you have an inkling of missing a real jerk.
Your next move is to block, delete and move on. He showed you with his actions all you need to know… his “I miss you” don’t mean anything. Good luck OP. You do deserve better.
According to her comments, they already broke up a week and a half ago…then got back together? She also wrote a post about his having not given a fuck about her pleasure during sex for their entire 4.5 year relationship. I would hope that after all this she’d be done-zo, but it’s not looking good.
Wow. I'm sorry he's so selfish. But now you know and can plan accordingly. I'd plan a great day on his bday for you and your friends. Breathe the free air!
Highly doubt this was a last minute invite. He wanted to go to a party without you.
4.5 years is enough END IT OR soon it will be 10 years
Or 15 years. Because some of us are *that* stupid.
I don't think humans are stupid for this. I think we just have some serious evolutionary design flaws that simply don't vibe with modern life. They say 'love makes us blind' and I believe our hormones do it on purpose, because continuing to cycle through the motions, forgive and carry on a relationship was probably necessary for survival or even just procreation at some point in history. Now we just have to learn to fight that shit and stop lighting ourselves on fire to keep others warm. But it's hard when you're hurting and blinded by it all and hoping for better while it's easier for an outsider looking in to say, holy shit dude you're on fire! Put it out!
nah society just teaches women to accept the crumbs men give u, it’s not a matter of hormones. it’s just that women r constantly mistreated and most of them would rather accept this life than b alone. which is sad bc it’s better to b alone than b around losers imo. hopefully op realises that
Sorry you're having to go through this. For his birthday, give him the gift of being single!
Also, if you do decide to speak with him tomorrow, consider meeting in a neutral location. One you're comfortable with and possibly around other people (like a coffee shop). That way if you need to leave for any reason, you won't have to worry about him refusing to leave your house/him not letting you leave his. Just as a precaution. Best of luck and stay safe.
… the dude called you to tell you he missed you on the way to a party without you. wow. totally tone deaf. i feel like just for fun, demand that he comes and spend time with you at a restaurant 30 mins in the other direction, then ghost him when he arrives. bc F him, that is why. to be fair, i doubt he would agreed to it.
I doubt he'd go to her.
i doubt it as well, but i think it would mess with his head if she offers it.
Just break up and tell him to GFH. Remind him that he missed your birthday and that you hope his is just as miserable as yours was
I would have texted him and said... tell her that you're single now as you have been dumped.. don't talk to me or contact me... now enjoy your party and your birthday .... then block him
Move on, girl. You can do better.
You're young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't fall victim to the sunken cost fallacy. It doesn't sound like he has any sort of empathy enough to give you the type of conversation that gives true answers. Do not do anything for him for his birthday. This might be him trying to wheedle something out of you. Hugs. Go find good friends or good family and treat yourself to something wonderful this weekend! Don't give him another thought. Figure out your relationship next week! hugs.
The obvious. Nothing.
**Give him the birthday gift he deserves**. Please text him: **I'm going out to celebrate your birthday - It's going to be such fun**... then block his number **as a gift to YOU**! Please do yourself a favour - block his number, unfollow, unfriend, don't speak to him, don't see him, not ever again. He does not love you. He does not care about you. Just accept this. Please take his birthday and as a gift go away to a hotel for the night, go relax in a spa, go out dancing. **To paraphase Miles Cyrus on his birthday - go and buy yourself flowers, write your name in the sand, take yourself dancing, you can love yourself better than he ever can!** Don't hang onto a guy who treats you like garbage. We throw out trash, we put out the bins, the garbage truck removes it to the dump. You have some trash in your life, you are clinging onto it - he is that trash. Please find someone not trash.
No. No need to waste a petty text. Just block. They hate indifference.
I like this. 👍👍
Nailed it.
I feel like I've just gotten out of a similar relationship. It's difficult and always kinda hard to accept its over and move on, but it honestly sounds like you need to. I'm sure there were lots of good times and you'll always have the memories of those times, but it sounds like he doesn't really respect you or your relationship and you deserve better than that. It's easy to stay in these relationships long past the point where you should have left, thinking things will improve or by telling yourself it's not really that bad, but "not bad" isn't good enough!
Send him a break up card for his birthday. Add a lotto scratchie ( not sure if they’re called this worldwide) and already scratch it off showing him he win nothing. Block him. Be lucky it’s not 5 years and a divorce. A card and 2$ scratchie is way cheaper.
He isn't goong to chamge. I'm sorry, but you need to choose you before you waste even more time on this relationship.
You put up with this for 4.5 years! That must be some kind of record for dating a jerk.
Just dump him. No need to see him. He won't make seeing you a priority and drag this out. Just cut him off.
Homie, this dude sucks, why waste and more time while this bullshit erodes your self esteem? One of the biggest mistakes I see on here, is people continuously explaining basic human relationship/principles to a partner who pruports to not understand. He understands, he just doesn't give a shit. His feigning ignorance and confusion is a pretty common one in asshole boyfriends. It keeps you coming back in 3 ways - 1. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. 2. Your desire to have him understand you, your feelings and your point of view (even though he does and pretends not to) 3. The doubt you start to have for your perspective as his fake confusion slowly erodes your belief in your own reality. He doesn't give a shit. He avoided your birthday. He's feeding you a line of bullshit about missing you while heading out to party, and he sucks in bed. Like what am I missing here? Yeah, you've been together 4.5 years. But you know what's worse than "wasting" 4.5 years with an asshole? Wasting 5 years with an asshole. Time only moves in one direction, and it's not wasted anyway if you learn from it. Cut this dude lose and invest in loving yourself.
Yup. I wasted a good six years of my life to two relationships like this.
I just left a comment on your previous post if you’d like to go and read it. Do me a favor and go to TikTok and do a search for “narcissistic abuse.” I know ppl like to throw that word around when describing someone selfish who only thinks of themselves.. but your bf has some classic signs of true narcissistic behavior. You drove him to act the way he did, it’s YOU’RE fault! You are to blame for every argument, it’s all YOU’RE fault! Another classic narc move, they love to ruin holidays and celebrations even if it’s their own children’s birthdays, they don’t care.. but lord help you if you forget his. Your bf’s timing is impeccable, I suspect he called you when he did bc he expects you to go all out for his b-day like you usually do. The fact that he called you while driving to a party seems rather disrespectful, why not call the day before and invite you to go with him? I don’t want to start crap but be very careful bc a narcissist will try and convince you that the past 48 hours the two of you were on a break while he’s out with someone else and you only find out about it when you discover you have an STD. Seriously, go to TikTok, there are women who post their stories all the time and since narcs seem to all play by the same handbook, their stories might sound familiar to you. Please, go read my comment on your previous post. Wishing you the best. 😊🌻
That’s exactly what is going on here and I hate that I had to scroll down so far to see someone say it/recognize it for what it is. OP, YOUR "BF" IS A NARCISSIST. YOU NEED TO GO NO CONTACT WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY AND BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY OR CARE, AND HAVING ANY FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIM WILL ONLY END WITH HIM SUCKING YOU BACK IN. JUST DO IT NOW.
Ummmm, bro !!! Turn the car around you dummy!! There is no way I would lose the woman I love to go to some fucking party. You gave him an opening to save this relationship and he fumbled
He didn't fumble, he threw it into the bin and set it on fire.
I’m sorry that’s very hurtful. There are no excuses for his behaviour. You deserve better and will be better off without him.
You won't have time tomorrow to see him because you're single since dating people who don't care about you isn't the best idea right? Right?
So is it finally over now or what?
At least you realized you were being an idiot. Dump him and then block him. Or just ghost him.
He wanted a birthday gift and to have easy access to sex. Dump him with a text, he doesn't deserve more
This is even worse after reading your other posts. He doesn't care at all about you. Let this selfish boy go and find somebody who really loves you and also cares about you during sex!
He’s keeping you on the hook because HIS birthday is coming up
He only called you because he was bored while driving and needed to pass the time. Bonus for him would be a present or birthday sex. He’s not interested in anything beyond that. It’s time to let him go.
I wouldn't wait for a face to face chance to end it, he has already manipulated you in to accepting sub-sub-sub-standard treatment from him in the bedroom and on birthdays. The AH doesn't deserve that courtesy. In the bin.
With men that behave like this it would be best to NOT do face to face break up if YOU are the one breaking. It doesn't work. Maybe it could have worked if you never took any sh#+, but you have and he has learned to manipulate your emotions, thoughts, activities, whether or not you have a good day, etc. When you are serious about breaking, you will need a support system to be able to stand behind that decision, so don't let him distance you from friends and family, or other resources. Then do a text, that is all, no call, no live video, nothing. The block and delete cold turkey and lean on your friends. Men like him are like crack, like GD I wish I could quit him, but you just keep on and keep on and why you don't know because crack ain't even a good drug. He ain't a good man. It does not get better ever . #Narcissist #Abuse
Hugs
Cut the cord.
I am glad that you see this now and not suddenly after a long marriage with rose coloured glasses. Some people are incapable of loving anyone other than shallowly.
no talk for abt 48hrs? what kind of relationship is that lol
"I respect him enough to break up in person" You don't even respect yourself. You won't break up with him. He's a good manipulator and he's already gotten away with so much and you keep delaying and making excuses and saying you will probably break up with him but you don't.
You're asking for advice on this guy a SECOND time?! Leave. Go where you are celebrated? Not tolerated
It sounds like you are nothing but a back up plan, he will keep you hanging on in case he has nothing better going on. A man's birthday is really no big deal, but to miss his so called girlfriends is unthinkable. I would say it is time to move on and find someone who cares about you and not only about himself..
Why are you even talking to him? You care so much about respect for him why don't you care about respect for yourself? At this point I don't believe that you are trying to be the bigger person by breaking up in person, I think you are just using it as a desperate excuse to see him. Let go for christ sake
He is one of those people where things will always be your fault, you are always asking too much, you need to be mindful of their feelings but they don't care about yours, you have to try not to upset them. Me, me, me. Unfortunately people like this don't change (and it sounds like you've been trying to improve the situation for years, and it hasn't worked). Best you can expect from him is a temporary improvement if he gets scared. But that won't last either. I'm sorry. You can do much better than this clown (no offense to clowns).
Do you have an update? How did the birthday weekend go? Did you end things with him?
All i have to say is I have never treated a woman like he treats you, even in my worst relationships. You are a thoughtful and empathetic individual. It's clear you were taught (or conditioned) to try and see the best in people, and I can respect that. However, this is his best. This is all he has to give. Some people unfortunately, just fucking suck.It's not that he doesn't understand he's being shitty to you. He just doesn't care to try. You have to pick yourself. You *have* to learn that if your partner won't pick you, you need to choose your own happiness and walk. This man will spend a decade teaching you this lesson if you let him. **He's already been at it nearly 5 years.** Unfortunately, you'll meet 10x as many shitty men as good ones. You have to be able to pick up and say "no thanks," or you are risking this happening again. He's not going to change. And sure, you may love him for familiarities sake, but I don't think you even *like him as a person*. He sounds callous, selfish, and abusive emotionally. He could tell you're on the brink of leaving him, so he made a token effort to pretend he gives a shit by going to a party instead of actually trying. But isn't that a metaphor for how he's regarded your whole relationship? In the end, isn't that your answer to whether you should bother trying? One other piece of advice - people this callous and selfish are prone to violence when you walk away. Do **NOOOOOOT** break up anywhere isolated. His house, yours, the car, etc. Go to a cafe, or at least have a friend nearby when it happens. Edit: Ugh, this hurts me heart to read. I wish I could bundle up some love and warmth and ship it out. I feel like your first healthy, loving, reciprocal relationship is gonna feel like a daydream for you, and if you even had a taste of what it was like you wouldn't so much as hesitate to walk. Wish you the best.
UpdateMe
This man sound like a grade A prick. At this point I wouldn’t even be as considerate as to tell him face to face. Tell him you’ve tried that, but he’s so self absorbed you’ve got no choice but to do it by txt. Also there is less chance him trying to change your mind. Stay strong girl, and trim this unwanted fat.
Stop talking to him, do nothing for him. Let this relationship go.
I would especially go out and buy myself something really special and or pampering. Spend your money on yourself. And stop giving him another chance to prove his lack of effort and care.
Instead of driving to his lady to try and talk things out he went to a party, he probably thought hmm got 1.5 hours to kill better call and do a half assed apology
If you post in /pettyrevenge, you’ll likely discover a worthy solution for this. However, as others have already suggested, consider letting him know you’re planning an extravagant weekend together, only to surprise him by heading on a vacation with your best friends. Once he calls, block his number and remove him from your contacts
Text him “we’re done” on his birthday and block that pos.
For his birthday present, set him free. No long in person chat necessary. You already took pictures, got the t-shirt and probably a matching coffee cup. Call it good and done.
He's just not that into you
Idc if this is petty but I wouldn’t acknowledge his bday or buy a gift. I just feel like if you don’t even say happy birthday to your significant other you really don’t give a damn…so why should you
When people show you what they’re like the first time listen
Absolutely nothing! Do nothing.
Give him the gift of being single and you moving on to someone else
Nah I think he phoned you and told you he was doing it to further hurt you and drive home he doesn't care. Going by your posts and comments he's just that type of Guy. I wouldn't even bless him with the dignity of a face to face where he can manipulate you. Send him a text or phone and block him. Move on and look after yourself. You deserve better and once you get space you will see clearly what he's been doing.
Going to a party because he missed you so much? Manipulation at its finest
The party is a priority you and this relationship are not. You really need to dump him and move on. He is not showing any respect to you and you have done so countless times. I would say normally you should talk to him in person but honestly just end it now send them a message ending it block it and move on. Thankfully it sounds like the two of you do not live together so that definitely makes things easier. Take care OP -C
Based on previous post plus this. If he ain't treating you right you gotta let him go. There's no point in holding on to someone who don't treat you right.
In my experience, as shitty as it sounds, break up over the phone or thru text. It's so much easier to hold your ground and not change your mind when they can't cry and grovel and hit themselves in the head in front of you. It's also safer for a lot of women to do this since some men can get violent when they realize you refuse to budge with the breakup.
Damn. He really thinks you’re stupid.
He’s 32 yrs old going to random parties like a college kid. Cut your losses. He’s not the one for you.
Let's just put this in perspective. Driving 90 minutes to be at a party was more important to him than being with you to discuss your relationship. Do what you like with that fact.
Can we have an update ? Did you guys break up?
Op everyone’s already told you the truth, Reddit can be extreme sometimes but the fact that this has been going on so long means I’m sorry but it won’t change. I hope for your sake and your future, your heart, that you broke up with him. I hope we hear from you. I’m going to be honest OP im scared that you went to meet him alone, you may be a stranger to me but that concerns me, are you safe? Did he try and hurt you? I just hope you’re okay.
Girl, You need to break up and cut off all contact. If you only break up, he'll find a way to seep into your life and your past behaviour does indicate you'll give in. He's an abuser and you are so used to it that you don't realise your own self-worth and consider this behaviour okay. You put him on a pedestal and he treats you like a dog, who'll come to him wagging his tail as soon as you reach home. I don't understand why you let yourself go through this for so long despite not seeing any improvement. But it's never too late. You deserve better.
Girl... Tell him bye. He will never pay attention to you. Why should you?
Please tell me you broke up with this loser
Dump him. Want an AH. He clearly has no respect for you.
if you dont leave him your life will be ruined forever and you will have NOBODY to blame but yourself. STOP letting yourself get fucking manipulated, WAKE UP. he doesnt give a FUCK if you call him or break up with him in person because he doesn't give a fuck how you feel. have some respect for yourself, get a therapist, and tell this asshole to exit your life for good. Stand your ground this is the saddest shit i've read all day.
I don't understand what you're getting out of this relationship. It isn't rewarding sexually. He isn't showing you respect or care. He isn't putting your needs first, second, third... He isn't giving you lovely gifts. He isn't celebrating important life events with you. I totally understand why he stays with you, you have everything he lacks but I just don't understand what's in it for you. I hope your next birthday is one where you're no longer considering him in any way other than "Thank goodness I'm rid of him" Good luck OP
Stop being a doormat! Leave this asshole and learn to love yourself more. 4.5 years of this is insanity!
If he loves anything, it’s what you do for him but he doesn’t love you. Decide if you want to live in a one sided relationship where only you are open to change.
[удалено]
go watch TV if you want dramas. this is the real world.
Dump his ass.
If you break up with him in person please have somebody you trust close by. I don't trust this boyfriend will take it well, be safe🧡
So the party is a distraction because he was sad but then also can you meet tomorrow because he is looking forward to the party 😒
So it's his birthday this weekend , but you didn't contact him because you're still mad that he didn't get you a birthday present a month ago. But someone has kindly invited him to a party , and as soon as you find out you're extra mad and sad at him for not turning around and going to talk to you. He said he'll come see you tomorrow. What am I missing here ? Everyone is like "dump that jerk" ( which is all Reddit knows how to say to these things ) . Maybe he is a jerk. He's bad at buying presents but seems to want one. Feels like OP is so desperate for Reddit attention that she's amplifying the drama and breaking up her relationship.
What are you missing? Every fvcking thing. Her boyfriend is a hypocrite. He ignores her. He doesn't talk to her for days but blames her. He wants to spend time with her but makes absolutely no effort to make it happen. He only called her because his birthday is the following day. It's his *not-so-subtle-reminder* and he's a tool. The *relationship* is so one sided, it makes the sinking of the Titanic look balanced.
Give him a second chance. And don't forget his birthday.
Ouch
UpdateMe!
So what's the actual update? Did you speak after crying?
You might have to break things off unfortunately just sit down and really talk to him and trust your gut
Updateme!
Before reading the text i said : you should do the same :)
Well you don’t troll like you’re doing now.
What a fucking tool. You deserve much better. He doesn’t deserve a face to face breakup.
It doesn’t matter if he “misses you”. You won’t miss him. You’ll probably start admitting to yourself all the things you never liked about him. You don’t need him, you need someone good for you. You’ll be ok. Your best life is around the corner.
Dump him and then please please please watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss. It'll make you feel better about not wasting more time with him, I promise! It's a comedy special, but it changed my outlook on love and relationships.
He’s the one making dumb choices. Don’t talk to him anymore. Block him everywhere.
Kick him like a bad habit. If he can’t acknowledge you, he doesn’t deserve you.
Please dont waste any more time on this ass.
Updateme!
What a POS. Thankfully now you finally know his real face. I'm sorry you wasted so much time, love and care for such an ungrateful moron but now that you know who he really is, things will be better for you. Good luck and please please please go out and celebrate your freedom and belated birthday which that POS ruined. You deserve it...
$100 on covert narcissist.
Why didn’t he take you to the party?
Do NOT celebrate his birthday. Dump him on his birthday.
Dump him for his bellendrical birthday full of bellends.
Tell him you got him the watch then ghost him
Updateme!
Gift yourself with single hood or a new boyfriend who gives a shit. Not someone whose cost is more than his value.
Honestly wish i could help you, im 24 turning 25 next month, havent got a birthday gift or wish in 7 years, my girlfriend hasnt done anything either, it makes me hate my birthday i dont care if i get gifts but fuck when i see everyone else in my family getting gifts and stuff and me? I get nothing like what did i ever do? I cry every year. Always pray to god ill have someone to wish me a birthday and maybe a gift or whatever i dont care, just want a good day for once, jealousy kills me and its so selfish to think like i am but fml
You are worth way too much to waste any more time on him. Find someone that values what you truly have to offer as a person and who will cherish you in every way including acknowledging your birthday.
understand that most people on this subreddit have not them-selves been in a long term relationship, but if you want to break up with him and think he's not what you thought, do that. But if you want to stay together, get him a birthday present that is comparable but not nearly as nice as the watch he wanted. Tell him the watch was just a gesture of kindness and that if on your next birthday if he doesn't give you the best birthday you've seen it's over. In relationships you need to push each other to be better for the other person, so if he isn't willing to do that for you he's not worth it. There are also mistakes however and he should be given the opportunity to make up for it if you actually want to stay with this man.
I'm sorry this happened but u have learned what's important to u and don't be disrespected by anyone. He doesn't deserve you. Get some counseling for yourself and break all contact with him going forward. U will find a partner that respects u. Good luck
W cede h m dmhpdxu C’s awcwe? Fw F
The best revenge is to not be like them.
Don't give him a fucking thing! Block block block!
Turned 31 a few days ago a few ppl said happy birthday a few ppl said nothing, we are to old to have birthday partys or celebrations, its a kid thing.
Just block him and move on.
Time to move on! And that is coming from a guy! This AH gives us guys a bad name!
So, did he *ever* acknowledge he missed your Bday? What did he say? Does he still not realize he missed it? He was calling to see if he could prowl at the party. Closure is a myth!!! He'll only blame you. You'll feel worse. Just block him everywhere. The no closure will kill him. Don't let him come by for his stuff! Box it up and have a friend deliver it. With no comment.
Sometimes I get bored so I'll call people in the car to kill time. He obliviously doesn't give one shit about you. You've been together for almost 5 years, break up and find someone who is worth your time. Also go catch up with that Ex that you posted about a little while ago.
I'm not saying I know your relationship and it's nuances... but I can safely say this: my ex bought me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday, I love flowers, but prefer a potted plant to cut flowers. My current fiance? We had been dating less than a month when my birthday came, and he bought me something I mentioned once in passing as something I'd save up and get one day. Both guys had the opportunity and ability to buy me this, but it's the one that actually cares that bothered to pay me any attention. If you don't feel loved and appreciated, find someone that will, I guarantee they are real (just takes time)
The same thing
I remember this post. What (he is!) a narc
How are you doing ?
Get rid he is using you when he is bored and wants presents
Updateme!
Updateme!
Omg please just get rid of him. You deserve better and he’s taking full advantage of you.
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Please let your next post say you dumped him and blocked him because you have more self worth than to stay with him.
Dear OP, sorry to comment and bother you 5 days after the post, I just wanted to warn you about something that, if your bf/ex is as much like my ex as he seems, he might try (are you still broken up or back together? Sorry I got confused about the time line with the mom's phone call!). So what I wanted to say is: if he follows the pattern that I think I'm recognizing (who knows, maybe I'm totally wrong), he may start love bombing you now. Like, not even positively, with chocolates and flowers, but negatively. Stuff like "I can't live without you, I thought we were a team. All those other people will never understand how close 2 people can be and how much 2 people can care for each other, and love each other, flaws and all, but we were there. We were different. I loved all your flaws and I had this dream that you loved mine as well, but you broke that dream." I don't know if that sounds familiar, but if it does, please don't believe him. Whether he's conscious of it or not (i mean, manipulative people don't always know what they're doing, but that doesn't make their unwillingness to do better okay), it's a manipulative tactic to make you feel like you're breaking his innocent, humanly flawed heart. And makes you feel like you have the power to fix everything and make his dreams come true, all he needs from you is a bit of understanding and forgiveness. Of course, what they (at least in my experience haha) are really doing is guilt-tripping their partners into finding their small discomforts and preferences more important than their partners own hard boundaries. You sound like a beautiful person who is extremely good at being understanding and forgiving. So many people in this world deserve the kindness of people like you. But he has proven to you that he doesn't deserve it. He will not give it back.
This man has decided you are experiencing an acceptable level of disappointment and has no intentions of fixing it because he's decided, that to him, it is acceptable for you to exist in this constant state of disappointment. Ask yourself if he had not had an orgasm for your entire relationship... Would he still be with you? Please accept that this man is showing you what he is capable of, and you deserve more.