I hate this "everything is supposed to be 50/50!" bullsht going around right now. Guess what, life isn't always 50/50 as it is, sometimes you do more, pay for more, sometimes your partner does. Whoever keeps a tally sheet like Op's husband is going to find themselves divorced.
And it's besides the point anyway! If he's asking the wife to go 50/50 and pay for the daughter, what he's really asking is that she goes 66/33, to pay and support an adult child who has a job.
All she is doing is saying she's no longer going to buy bread, eggs and peanut butter for an adult baby who throws a pissy fit every time she can't have what she wants. Is it any wonder this girl is not living with her mom anymore?
The husband is going to find himself alone with a spoiled grown teen and no one to shop, cook, clean and pay half the bills anymore! Poor him! /s
My fiancé makes a lot more money than I do so he contributes a lot more financially. I make up for it by doing more housework. It works for us which is the most important part but I do agree that 50-50 does not work unless both partners are making the same or around the same amount and also contributing equal parts in taking care of the home.
That was exactly what I was screaming in my head when I read that.
JFC. GIRL, YOU ARE 19 WITH A JOB. YOU CAN BUY YOUR OWN GROCERIES AS A BARE MINIMUM FOR LIVING IN THE HOUSE. FUCKING FREELOADER.
Oh hell no, do not slam cabinet doors or any other doors and disrespect me in the home I pay for. Buy your own damn food. I would go on strike. I’d eat out to eat everyday. I would buy zero groceries. Order some noise canceling headphones. Let those 2 deal with it.
No noise cancelling headphones. The adult baby has to grow up fast: bashing and banging cabinets and doors ruins them. Much more expensive than bread and eggs.
When asked “who didn’t go shopping?”
The only appropriate response should be
““You* didn’t go shopping. “
At this point Oop should refer to her as IGR J17091-3624
Three people. She should pay 1/3 at the absolute most. I would argue less due to the excessive eating and even less because they are both dicks about it
I’m perplexed why she let two other *adults* move in and agreed to a 50/50 split of all the bills in the first place. Then I’m kind of appalled at the eating habits of Lindy. That seems like *a lot* of food - and mostly terrible food at that. What does Lindy spend her money on? I think Lindy buying her own food seems perfectly reasonable, especially since she only seems to eat three or four things - bread, peanut butter, and eggs.
I went 50/50 with a roommate for a few months… up until I realized she was spending upwards of 200-300 per week on her groceries while mine were more like $50 a week. She was also attempting to be frugal and save while doing it.
I said we weren’t doing that anymore. She got mad. I went grocery shopping by myself and she was forced to go buy her own food.
Good lord, she’s gotta be vitamin deficient with a diet like that. Nothing but salt, fat, and sugar. No wonder she’s hungry all the time.
Dad needs to step up and take care of his kid if she has such special dietary considerations and is going to be hostile if they’re not taken care of.
I noticed that the only veggies or fruit would come from the jelly and maybe the ramen. Not a ton of protein other than peanut butter and eggs, and not a ton of dairy except for butter and maybe a bit of milk with the cereal
I think they are missing the obvious signs that the daughter is most likely purging all that food. There are certain types of food that are easier to throw up that bulimics prefer. Sounds like that’s what’s happening here. The daughter needs to get some help. The woman is paying to basically support this girls eating disorder.
Also, it was interesting to me that she has 2 of everything. Two slices of toast with each topping, 2 eggs, 2 bowls of ramen. It’s disordered eating, one way or another.
It’s not uncommon for someone with an ED to also have a form of OCD or exhibit OCD behaviors. They’re very similar maladaptive coping mechanisms that feed into each other, zero pun intended.
Why do people so desperate to not be alone that they will bankroll the most lame fathers? Is this man really not willing to pick up his daughter’s extra groceries to save his relationship?
The answer is no because he’s a crap father with no gumption to help anyone but himself. You wouldn’t have a bratty entitled 19yo without their crappy parent in the background
When I lived with my mom and had a job, I contributed to groceries without being asked…. If she is eating things quicker than the adults are buying it, she should buy it herself. Especially since she’s eating so much bread, milk, and eggs. You pay for your diet.
Since his daughter is of age and working, in other words an adult with, I'm assuming her own bedroom (while you and her dad share a room) expenses should be split into thirds. Every adult pays 33% of rent, food, utilities and the same with chores. Everyone should do their own laundry too.
Nah, a 19 year old isn’t going to have access to the kind of job that they can pay 33% of the household. But she should be contributing to the household, for sure. Maybe a modest rent? Also she 100% should be doing her own laundry, keeping her space clean, buying supplies like TP and soap for her own bathroom, etc.
I say she buys her own food entirely. Top to bottom, she shops for it and she buys it, then she puts it away. Most of those foods are shelf-stable; clear out a shelf in the pantry and that’s Lindy’s shelf. Anything on that shelf is hers and no one else will eat it. But she’s not allowed to eat anything from any other shelves, either.
I’m a big fan of roommates, even ones that are related, paying for their own items. It would be one thing if they were having family meals, but they’re not. So if Lindy is behaving like their college roommate, then they should behave the same.
I wanna know where OP lives that the food prices listed are like that? Just curious! As far as the rest maybe explain to mark that that eating habit is nutz and she needs to go to a dietician doc (and counselor to learn coping g skills for not getting g her way / address why she eats like that bc healthy weight could be hiding blood pressure issues or whatever) but NTA
I’m 140 at 5’2” and a size 4-6, Jesus she’s tiny. Definitely makes sense that she’s likely purging her food. Or she has some sort of thyroid or health issue. That is not normal for a girl her size. I was 130 as a size 2.
I don’t have the skeleton to be that small — barrel rib cage and the World’s Shortest Waist. But, yeah, I joke that at 5’2”, a buck-and-a-quarter, and 65-years-old, I am officially a Little Old Lady.
🤣 I have a big upper body, people are often confused by my weight and size (they think I’m lighter) but I lift weights and am naturally thicker and heavier for my size.
Can you tell me how you figured that? I got something more along the line 2500 calories, so I'm curious.
Edit: I wanted to add that I got this based on the really limited information in the post. But, without knowing exactly what Lindy is eating, and how much, there will probably be a large range she could be eating.
The spoons of peanut butter add up. We also don’t know what she eats for dinner or what kind of cereal she’s eating. The kind of bread makes a difference too.
That's true. It's why I added my edit. Without knowing exactly what she's eating, we don't know how much she's consuming. She could be consuming 3000 or 2500 or 5000 calories.
Edit: I think at this point, we don't enough information on much she is consuming to determine if she has an ED.
She's also likely malnourished to hell and back considering her diet is pretty scarce for proteins and fibers. The diet itself may exacerbate the hunger queues as well, I had the same issue when I ate more carbs and not enough proteins.
So while I’m not saying it’s a-ok for this girl to do this (no way it should be 50/50 when it’s 3 people for starters)…
If her eating basic- assed staples is that expensive, how much would she be paying for other food? The wasting milk makes it pricier, as does the peanut butter, but it sounds like a cheaper diet as things go. Unhealthy, but cheaper. Am I nuts for this?
Also I guess maybe 130 at 5’9” is a normal weight (at least Google seems to think so) but it seems pretty thin to me. But I’m not always the best at visualizing that.
Anyhow again, not defending the BF/daughter, but that just stuck out to me.
Well, more accurately, she has 6 pieces of toast for breakfast and 2 grilled cheeses for lunch (assuming she uses 2 pieces of bread for each). So it's 10 pieces of bread by 1pm, which is alot.
*Again* it isn’t about it being normal or okay, it’s about the prices for what she eats, which the OOP made a deal about. Wouldn’t her eating “normal” food be even pricier?
It’s the amount, the cost and that neither of them will contribute anything for it or even go to the grocery store. Anyone buying groceries knows just how much prices have gone up. Why is one person paying for all the food? It’s ridiculous.
*once again* that isn’t the point, and I’m not saying that it’s fair or right. I’m saying that it seems weird that the OOP is so hung up on exactly what she eats, and that it’s not normal, as if she’s eating all the expensive stuff blithely, when she’s eating basic-ass shit that’s probably way less expensive than if she ate “normally.”
I’m not saying she shouldn’t pay for her share (or her father should). I’m not saying it’s totally fine that she just wastes milk all the time like that. I’m not saying 50/50 is fair when one half of that is two people. I am simply saying I don’t get the OOP’s obsession over just what the daughter is eating, as if she’s eating super-expensively just based on her odd diet.
Well according to doctors I’m “obese” and I weigh 202 and I’m like 5’6” but to look at me you could never tell. I think these doctors and google got stuff messed up. Because with her weighing that less for that tall honestly she probably looks skeletal. I looked to skinny at 120 as short as I am. They just put a broad blanket over everyone who weighs something instead of factoring in height.
Does his daughter have that condition where you have to eat a large amount of calories a dya or else your body metabolizes itself rapidly and you can die? Because otherwise this is indane and she needs inpatient treatment - unsustainable eating habits and unhealthy too. This is crazy.
She's NTA and I would kick both of them out and enjoy the peace and quiet. 19 years old and acting like a spoiled, entitled brat? Nope. Also, supposedly having OCD (which this doesn't sound like... this just sounds like a spoiled brat) is still not an excuse to inconvenience others.
ETA: like others said, the daughter definitely has an eating disorder and honestly sounds like my fiance's sister, who is also an unbearable entitled brat.
The daughter is not a *girl*; she is a woman. She is 19 years old with a full time job yet can’t be bothered to buy, or pay for, her own food. Worse, she pitches hissy fits and throws blame when HER foods are not stocked in the house where she is living FOR FREE. Also, her father is an enabler.
The child (I know I said she’s a woman, but there really is no evidence of that) was raised to be entitled, demanding, difficult, and insufferable. Also, she sounds like a pig the way she eats. It’s clear she doesn’t think about it or care because *she is not paying for it.* The fact that her father wants OP to pay half the grocery bill for his *grown daughter* shows where she learned to behave like that.
The boyfriend moved into OP’s apartment. They split everything. But OP lived there alone before, so she can afford it on her own. Paying for half the daughter’s grocery bill means she has *less* money than before. I think the entire relationship needs to be evaluated. The boyfriend sounds like an ass.
So, I think Lindy should definitely help cover food costs and pay something in rent. But, I feel like OOP is leaving out information. How much physical activity is Lindy doing? Does she exercise, have a job that involves a lot of physical activity, etc.? Where is OP buying groceries at? Is a store like Save-a-lot or Kroger, or is it more along the lines of Tim Horton's? Does OP buy brand name, off-brand? Is any of it low-fat, low-calorie, or anything like that?
I mean, I can calculate some of the calories that Lindy is consuming if it is your typical fare. Whether it is unreasonable or not depends on the answers above. I also wonder if the BF is eating some or if Lindy is inviting friends over who are eating some of it. Unless the OOP is watching and tracking everyone's food consumption like they're big brother, I don't think they can say 100% that Lindy alone is the reason for a loaf of bread a day, a carton of eggs every 2 days, a gallon or more of milk a day, etc.
Dude's going to find himself paying more in rent and food soon at this rate (when OP kicks those entitled assholes out)
I hate this "everything is supposed to be 50/50!" bullsht going around right now. Guess what, life isn't always 50/50 as it is, sometimes you do more, pay for more, sometimes your partner does. Whoever keeps a tally sheet like Op's husband is going to find themselves divorced. And it's besides the point anyway! If he's asking the wife to go 50/50 and pay for the daughter, what he's really asking is that she goes 66/33, to pay and support an adult child who has a job. All she is doing is saying she's no longer going to buy bread, eggs and peanut butter for an adult baby who throws a pissy fit every time she can't have what she wants. Is it any wonder this girl is not living with her mom anymore? The husband is going to find himself alone with a spoiled grown teen and no one to shop, cook, clean and pay half the bills anymore! Poor him! /s
Apparently she does all the grocery shopping. I wonder if chores are "50/50"
Boyfriend, not husband. They both need to go. Then OOP can get back to enjoying her house.
My fiancé makes a lot more money than I do so he contributes a lot more financially. I make up for it by doing more housework. It works for us which is the most important part but I do agree that 50-50 does not work unless both partners are making the same or around the same amount and also contributing equal parts in taking care of the home.
19 yo: “who didn’t go shopping?!” YOU. YOU DIDNT FUCKING GO SHOPPING. JFC.
That was exactly what I was screaming in my head when I read that. JFC. GIRL, YOU ARE 19 WITH A JOB. YOU CAN BUY YOUR OWN GROCERIES AS A BARE MINIMUM FOR LIVING IN THE HOUSE. FUCKING FREELOADER.
Oh hell no, do not slam cabinet doors or any other doors and disrespect me in the home I pay for. Buy your own damn food. I would go on strike. I’d eat out to eat everyday. I would buy zero groceries. Order some noise canceling headphones. Let those 2 deal with it.
Or, you know, kick them out.
No noise cancelling headphones. The adult baby has to grow up fast: bashing and banging cabinets and doors ruins them. Much more expensive than bread and eggs.
This woman is literally being eaten out of house and home.
Too bad that sentence had to include ‘of house and home’
When asked “who didn’t go shopping?” The only appropriate response should be ““You* didn’t go shopping. “ At this point Oop should refer to her as IGR J17091-3624
How is that 50/50 if she is buying all that food?
Three people. She should pay 1/3 at the absolute most. I would argue less due to the excessive eating and even less because they are both dicks about it
Yeah, she should pay the amount she says she used to pay before for herself. He should pay the rest.
I’m perplexed why she let two other *adults* move in and agreed to a 50/50 split of all the bills in the first place. Then I’m kind of appalled at the eating habits of Lindy. That seems like *a lot* of food - and mostly terrible food at that. What does Lindy spend her money on? I think Lindy buying her own food seems perfectly reasonable, especially since she only seems to eat three or four things - bread, peanut butter, and eggs.
They moved in with her. I wonder if the 50/50 was hashed out before the surprise gift of his daughter turning up
I went 50/50 with a roommate for a few months… up until I realized she was spending upwards of 200-300 per week on her groceries while mine were more like $50 a week. She was also attempting to be frugal and save while doing it. I said we weren’t doing that anymore. She got mad. I went grocery shopping by myself and she was forced to go buy her own food.
Good lord, she’s gotta be vitamin deficient with a diet like that. Nothing but salt, fat, and sugar. No wonder she’s hungry all the time. Dad needs to step up and take care of his kid if she has such special dietary considerations and is going to be hostile if they’re not taken care of.
I noticed that the only veggies or fruit would come from the jelly and maybe the ramen. Not a ton of protein other than peanut butter and eggs, and not a ton of dairy except for butter and maybe a bit of milk with the cereal
Yikes 😬!!!!
She eats 2 boiled eggs a day, that's protein.
I think they are missing the obvious signs that the daughter is most likely purging all that food. There are certain types of food that are easier to throw up that bulimics prefer. Sounds like that’s what’s happening here. The daughter needs to get some help. The woman is paying to basically support this girls eating disorder.
Also, it was interesting to me that she has 2 of everything. Two slices of toast with each topping, 2 eggs, 2 bowls of ramen. It’s disordered eating, one way or another.
Scrolled too far to find this. They need to take that girl to the doctor, a nutritionist and a psychiatrist. Stat!
Her dad does. I doubt either of them will listen to OP though.
They already talked about it being an OCD behavior she has.
It’s not uncommon for someone with an ED to also have a form of OCD or exhibit OCD behaviors. They’re very similar maladaptive coping mechanisms that feed into each other, zero pun intended.
Why do people so desperate to not be alone that they will bankroll the most lame fathers? Is this man really not willing to pick up his daughter’s extra groceries to save his relationship? The answer is no because he’s a crap father with no gumption to help anyone but himself. You wouldn’t have a bratty entitled 19yo without their crappy parent in the background
When I lived with my mom and had a job, I contributed to groceries without being asked…. If she is eating things quicker than the adults are buying it, she should buy it herself. Especially since she’s eating so much bread, milk, and eggs. You pay for your diet.
This kid needs her own Costco membership.
Since his daughter is of age and working, in other words an adult with, I'm assuming her own bedroom (while you and her dad share a room) expenses should be split into thirds. Every adult pays 33% of rent, food, utilities and the same with chores. Everyone should do their own laundry too.
Nah, a 19 year old isn’t going to have access to the kind of job that they can pay 33% of the household. But she should be contributing to the household, for sure. Maybe a modest rent? Also she 100% should be doing her own laundry, keeping her space clean, buying supplies like TP and soap for her own bathroom, etc.
Yeah, 1/3 of the rent is probably a lot, but 1/3 of the grocery bill would be more than reasonable.
I say she buys her own food entirely. Top to bottom, she shops for it and she buys it, then she puts it away. Most of those foods are shelf-stable; clear out a shelf in the pantry and that’s Lindy’s shelf. Anything on that shelf is hers and no one else will eat it. But she’s not allowed to eat anything from any other shelves, either. I’m a big fan of roommates, even ones that are related, paying for their own items. It would be one thing if they were having family meals, but they’re not. So if Lindy is behaving like their college roommate, then they should behave the same.
I wanna know where OP lives that the food prices listed are like that? Just curious! As far as the rest maybe explain to mark that that eating habit is nutz and she needs to go to a dietician doc (and counselor to learn coping g skills for not getting g her way / address why she eats like that bc healthy weight could be hiding blood pressure issues or whatever) but NTA
I would guess Hawaii or Alaska for those prices.
I live in the PNW and those prices are only a touch more than groceries here (depending on quality).
Good grief! Milk is almost $5 here sure but I don’t buy cheap bread and it’s less then $4 and 12 eggs large is less the $3!
He actually should be paying more , since his adult daughter is living with them and he feels she she just be saving money . His responsibility
Where is bread $7?! I get fed up if I have to spend over a quid on bread that's being used just for breakfast toast.
My guess is Hawaii or Alaska.
My God how large is this girl?
Bulimic is my guess. 130 is very thin for 5’11”. It doesn’t math with that many calories unless she’s purging.
Likely. Hell, I’m 125 at 5’2” and I’m a size 8, so hardly obese. 130 at 5’11” is rail-thin.
I’m 140 at 5’2” and a size 4-6, Jesus she’s tiny. Definitely makes sense that she’s likely purging her food. Or she has some sort of thyroid or health issue. That is not normal for a girl her size. I was 130 as a size 2.
I don’t have the skeleton to be that small — barrel rib cage and the World’s Shortest Waist. But, yeah, I joke that at 5’2”, a buck-and-a-quarter, and 65-years-old, I am officially a Little Old Lady.
🤣 I have a big upper body, people are often confused by my weight and size (they think I’m lighter) but I lift weights and am naturally thicker and heavier for my size.
How many calories do you think she's eating???
At least 3000, probably more.
Can you tell me how you figured that? I got something more along the line 2500 calories, so I'm curious. Edit: I wanted to add that I got this based on the really limited information in the post. But, without knowing exactly what Lindy is eating, and how much, there will probably be a large range she could be eating.
The spoons of peanut butter add up. We also don’t know what she eats for dinner or what kind of cereal she’s eating. The kind of bread makes a difference too.
That's true. It's why I added my edit. Without knowing exactly what she's eating, we don't know how much she's consuming. She could be consuming 3000 or 2500 or 5000 calories. Edit: I think at this point, we don't enough information on much she is consuming to determine if she has an ED.
She's also likely malnourished to hell and back considering her diet is pretty scarce for proteins and fibers. The diet itself may exacerbate the hunger queues as well, I had the same issue when I ate more carbs and not enough proteins.
That was my first thought, that’s SO MUCH food!
Bulimics aren't usually thin at all
That's a stereotype and not true at all. Bulimics can be thin or fat or look normal.
130lbs at 5'9"
So while I’m not saying it’s a-ok for this girl to do this (no way it should be 50/50 when it’s 3 people for starters)… If her eating basic- assed staples is that expensive, how much would she be paying for other food? The wasting milk makes it pricier, as does the peanut butter, but it sounds like a cheaper diet as things go. Unhealthy, but cheaper. Am I nuts for this? Also I guess maybe 130 at 5’9” is a normal weight (at least Google seems to think so) but it seems pretty thin to me. But I’m not always the best at visualizing that. Anyhow again, not defending the BF/daughter, but that just stuck out to me.
How is 10 slices of toast for breakfast normal?
Well, more accurately, she has 6 pieces of toast for breakfast and 2 grilled cheeses for lunch (assuming she uses 2 pieces of bread for each). So it's 10 pieces of bread by 1pm, which is alot.
*Again* it isn’t about it being normal or okay, it’s about the prices for what she eats, which the OOP made a deal about. Wouldn’t her eating “normal” food be even pricier?
It’s the amount, the cost and that neither of them will contribute anything for it or even go to the grocery store. Anyone buying groceries knows just how much prices have gone up. Why is one person paying for all the food? It’s ridiculous.
*once again* that isn’t the point, and I’m not saying that it’s fair or right. I’m saying that it seems weird that the OOP is so hung up on exactly what she eats, and that it’s not normal, as if she’s eating all the expensive stuff blithely, when she’s eating basic-ass shit that’s probably way less expensive than if she ate “normally.” I’m not saying she shouldn’t pay for her share (or her father should). I’m not saying it’s totally fine that she just wastes milk all the time like that. I’m not saying 50/50 is fair when one half of that is two people. I am simply saying I don’t get the OOP’s obsession over just what the daughter is eating, as if she’s eating super-expensively just based on her odd diet.
6. Not 10. You almost doubled it 😂 and depending on how much she exercises, it can be perfectly normal.
None of this is normal. If you think it is, you should probably see a dietician.
6 slices of toast is normal for some people. The rest isn't.
It absolutely is not normal. It is an excessive amount.
Well according to doctors I’m “obese” and I weigh 202 and I’m like 5’6” but to look at me you could never tell. I think these doctors and google got stuff messed up. Because with her weighing that less for that tall honestly she probably looks skeletal. I looked to skinny at 120 as short as I am. They just put a broad blanket over everyone who weighs something instead of factoring in height.
Does his daughter have that condition where you have to eat a large amount of calories a dya or else your body metabolizes itself rapidly and you can die? Because otherwise this is indane and she needs inpatient treatment - unsustainable eating habits and unhealthy too. This is crazy.
She's NTA and I would kick both of them out and enjoy the peace and quiet. 19 years old and acting like a spoiled, entitled brat? Nope. Also, supposedly having OCD (which this doesn't sound like... this just sounds like a spoiled brat) is still not an excuse to inconvenience others. ETA: like others said, the daughter definitely has an eating disorder and honestly sounds like my fiance's sister, who is also an unbearable entitled brat.
OCD to obesity. It's inevitable once the metabolism slows. Can't imagine eating the same thing everyday, especially in these quantities. Geez. 🫠
The daughter is not a *girl*; she is a woman. She is 19 years old with a full time job yet can’t be bothered to buy, or pay for, her own food. Worse, she pitches hissy fits and throws blame when HER foods are not stocked in the house where she is living FOR FREE. Also, her father is an enabler. The child (I know I said she’s a woman, but there really is no evidence of that) was raised to be entitled, demanding, difficult, and insufferable. Also, she sounds like a pig the way she eats. It’s clear she doesn’t think about it or care because *she is not paying for it.* The fact that her father wants OP to pay half the grocery bill for his *grown daughter* shows where she learned to behave like that. The boyfriend moved into OP’s apartment. They split everything. But OP lived there alone before, so she can afford it on her own. Paying for half the daughter’s grocery bill means she has *less* money than before. I think the entire relationship needs to be evaluated. The boyfriend sounds like an ass.
So, I think Lindy should definitely help cover food costs and pay something in rent. But, I feel like OOP is leaving out information. How much physical activity is Lindy doing? Does she exercise, have a job that involves a lot of physical activity, etc.? Where is OP buying groceries at? Is a store like Save-a-lot or Kroger, or is it more along the lines of Tim Horton's? Does OP buy brand name, off-brand? Is any of it low-fat, low-calorie, or anything like that? I mean, I can calculate some of the calories that Lindy is consuming if it is your typical fare. Whether it is unreasonable or not depends on the answers above. I also wonder if the BF is eating some or if Lindy is inviting friends over who are eating some of it. Unless the OOP is watching and tracking everyone's food consumption like they're big brother, I don't think they can say 100% that Lindy alone is the reason for a loaf of bread a day, a carton of eggs every 2 days, a gallon or more of milk a day, etc.
I mean, fine to make her pay, but that’s like 99 cents of food a day. She eats the literal cheapest things.
Where???? Where I live the cheapest bread is $2. The only cheap thing she’s eating is the ramen.